Side Stories: Death Pool 2026

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left. Side stories? That's when the cannonball some started. Side stories? Yes. This is the problem. Can you spell the fucking name? Jumericoy. Okay. I mean, so what is he? It's got a queue in it. I know that. We're recording it. We've begun the episode already. Is that first episode on Netflix? Is that how we're going to begin? Sure. Great. Jumericoy. Is Jumericoy Native American? No. [LAUGHTER] He seems like that. Jumericoy would seem to be like a wise Native Americans name. I feel like Jumericoy is like, if the UK had Native Americans, he'd be part of them. But we got some. [LAUGHTER] I think he's British. I'm British. Your Jumericoy is British. What is that? I'm not a Native American. No, he's not Native American. We know he's not Native American. Oh, I just feel like that. That's all you're giving us if it's Native American. Oh, he's British. What is he? I would like him to be Native American. It's like, you know, if you Google me, it's not going to say not Asian. You know, I mean, I mean, I'm not. I'm going to British. I know he was British. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's there. Whoa, what a weird haircut in that picture. Yeah. Why does he look like that? Because he's Jumericoy. I don't know how everyone wants. He looks like his hair is being made out of like a fancy dog. It's like someone shaved a fancy dog and put a hair on the top of Jumericoy's head. Who did that to him? I don't know. It certainly explains the hat. Maybe it was Netflix. Welcome to Side Stories. Hello. Here. On Netflix. My name is Henry Zabrowski. That's Ed Larson. I'm big. We're also on podcasts for free. Yes. So please just keep listening to us. How you always listen to us. But if you're on Netflix, how you doing? What's going on? How you doing? I'm so fat. I am. I'm so fat. He is. This is me skinny. You're actually, yeah, you're looking okay. How sad is that? It's not that sad. Oh, yeah, Ed is. I either I picked out my, um, man, I try to put my wedding suit on the other day. What happened? I got. Was it too big or too small? I out iced it. Oh, too fat. Too fat for my wedding suit. Guys, it's first of all, I want to apologize for the way that we look. We talked about this again, Eddie just did and I'm going to reiterate that apology because yes, it's true right now. Ice, immigrant and customs enforcement. They are out there murdering nurses. Just wholesale and just kind of murdering people. We don't need nurses. I was like, no, they're the last 20 minutes. Nurses, sir, expendable is hell. You know what I mean? Is an empathetic man. One less. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So we know that and I think that, you know, obviously Minneapolis is being torn apart right now. They're Lord Farquad has recently been demoted because you got ferd. You got ferd for Mr. Moly. They set them back to California. Thank God. We love him. Yes, they love him. Yes. So we just want to apologize to the fact that we look like men who would apply for ice. Yes. But and that's just our burden. There's nothing in a nut. We can really, it's not our burden. It's our lives. Well, that's, it's currently their burden. Yes. We, I wish that we look, what's her name? Laricia on that. I'm not sure about that. Natalie. What's the name of the fake woman that they made for the Marty Supreme movie? Liseon. Oh, yeah, yeah. They build her. Oh, Nessa. They built her out of a, oh, Dessa. They built her out of like a like a petri dish or something. Oh, she's cool. Yeah, sure. Yeah, but I'm just saying we can't be like that. All right. For the Hollywood gene editing programs that were put out there to create these incredible mixtures of people Odessa was azeon. I think her name is your mom is who famous actress. No way. Let's her name Pamela Adlon. Who the hell's that very famous actress? You created a move. The several shows for FX producer. Very powerful. Is that Netflix? I don't give a shit. Poor shit. Because we only like shows that are on fucking Netflix. Put it on next to the Melania movie. That's what I said. You know what? Netflix. Melania's looking good these days. Yeah, you never know. Are we not going to we're not going to white washer? Come on guys. Come on Netflix. Let's white washer. If she was on Netflix, I bet she'd show them. Oh, I imagine that. I mean, if she if Melania showed her dits in this movie, do you know what the fucking box office would be? I'd buy tickets. I'd buy tickets. Not even go. I'd buy tickets to give it to children on outside. No, yeah. Go look at the first lady's tits. You ever seen the first lady's tits before? I got Google. Yeah, get in. I'm in there, man. The only thing that could really double it. And again, we want to think the people, the wonderful benefactors here at Netflix, as I think that with Melania on Netflix, she could show open hole. No, yeah. Do they do open hole on Netflix? No, Netflix. I feel like they do a little less nudie than I would like to be honest with them. How do they do that? It's for certain. Yeah, there should be more nudie. Yeah, HBO is the nudity place. Not even anymore. Now that you're in there even fighting on that. Yeah, what happened to that? There's a lot of penises, which I don't mind. I'll see the penises, but I want to see the same amount of penises and boobies. You figure once discovery bought you, there'd be more like nature tits at least. You. You really shouldn't be jerking off at nature videos. I mean, they do. They had this show called Skins where this woman had a butthole for a mouth. Oh, well, that's cool. That's art. That's cool. I like that. That's hard to talk. But we are going to talk about, obviously, we would talk more about what's going on in Minneapolis, but it's a bit intense. And so we kind of want to give it its credence. Go look it up. Just know for a fact that ice is currently running around attacking children at a baseball field, you know, stuff like where it's really where the criminals are. Yes. So they're really out there working, but we. They're doing great. They're capturing the five year olds and they're bringing them to concentration camps in Texas that we can all allow them to go in. So don't worry. Or there's riots at the concentration camp and the child was all weekend. Good. No one's talking about that. They wouldn't let Chris Murphy in all weekend. No, no, it's bad over there. It's bad over there. They're going to try to send ice agents to the winter Olympics, but just understand which is where foreigners go. Yes. So literally where they'd be, but they, you know, it's a whole thing. So I just want you to know we're against it, but we're sorry we look like them. Yeah. Yeah. Because I wish we've talked about this. We talked about this last episode. There should be more people out there going up the works. Absolutely. You many apples doing a good job. You have yes, Minneapolis, apparently the roll out against what the current, the protest scene, what is happening. Minneapolis is so beautiful and in lockstep and getting bigger and bigger every day. And it's beginning to work. So I want to say good work out there, but I also want to reach out to the other fat bodied white dudes out there just like us. Yeah. Go buy a gator, go buy a gator, get a vest every season on it. All of their bullshit is completely purchasable on Amazon, Amazon, Army Navy stores. There's so much you could buy you use your own car, apparently. It's the easiest shit in the world to be ice, go be one. And then when I say is mix it up in there, get them real confused, steal some stuff, step off some fucking flares. The goal is to create generalized fun chaos from within ice and the only people that can do it is other fat white men. Yeah. And I want to say like if you want to turn to ice, it's a nice, the Midwest is a great place to do it. Yeah. You know, if there's one group of people that can make these guys turn around and if not, you know, we'll just put them all in prison in a couple years. Yeah, absolutely. We're going to be round enough every one of them. Don't worry. If we have anything to do with it and also give up to the gifts of money over to the Minnesota Freedom Fund, I did a bit of research about the idea of where money should go during a time like this. And one of the thing they said was bond funds for people getting out of jail. Yeah. And if you got friends that are on the ground, make sure you hit them up. They all know different places that you can send them to like different food kitchens and shit like that. Where's Jamera? Where is Jamera? He's oddly silent. This is what is happening right now in this country is virtual insanity. And the fact that it's not out there in the streets right now, how hard it would be for them to get him while he's side moving, slept back and forth. Oh, Jamera quest coming back with another tour in Europe, South America and potentially North America. He ain't coming here. No one's done ever come in here anymore. He's also just like, don't come. I already said that Eddie right before this. No new Jamera, why fans? I just think that it's okay. If I want to start liking Jamera, I like the virtual insanity. I like dancing on furniture upside down. It's, it's, we had Lionel Richie. Yeah. Eddie, I love it. We had Lionel Richie. He's still alive. He's very much alive. We have fingers crossed. We'll see. Oh, okay. Well, oh, real quick before we move on too far, I was just like, googlin like a bunch of different stuff about like ice because I went down this fucking horrible hole like we all did in this country last couple days. Yeah, sure. And I was just like, yeah, who's this Greg Bovino guy? You know, because you see his Nazi little face around and stuff like that. I like this long jacket. Yes, this is long jacket. It's good for hiding your nude body in the park. You know, it's actually a normal jacket. He's just that tiny. Haha, any. But, uh, well, look at that. Poetic walk anime men suit cosplay uniform. You could just buy a uniform. Yeah, that looks just like what he was wearing. And that literally is Greg Bovino's entire outfit. You can buy it on Amazon for $50. So I found this fun rumor. I don't think it's true. Might not be true. He's looking up Greg Bovino rumors and my deep searches. And I found a fun one. He went to Watuga high school in North Carolina. And apparently some of the people who were his classmates were saying that he was forced to eat a limp biscuit. Now for those of you who don't know, limp biscuit, the band was named after a funny thing. Limp biscuit is what and some terms, I believe you could also refer to as an oki cookie cookie cookie. It's an old game that boys used to play to make each other homosexual. Where they would play a game where they would all masturbate upon a cookie of some type, a piece of bread or an English muffin, depending on what time of day it is. I don't know when it's whatever is ready in the kitchen. Yeah. And they all whoever they all jerk off onto it. And then I believe it's one way is I've heard the competitive style. Yes. I who comes last eats the cookie. That is one the way I've heard it. Another way to hurt it is just somebody just hands you a cookie with come on it. And you're like, oh, it's frosted. Yeah. Yeah, it's a salt. That's a salt. It is a salt. But guess what's a salty as well. But I guess either way, I'm just happy they tried to make Greg Bavino's mouth pregnant. Yeah. Because he deserved every fucking minute of it. Enjoy. I think he went back to El Centro. Yeah. El Centro, California. He's coming back to our part of the. Yes. Enjoy. No, he's, you know, his dad killed a girl. Really? Yes. Dad and a DUI and he killed a killed someone in a drunk driving accident. Wow, that's more legitimate than when I said this weekend. I would also say the, I do find interesting is that also Eddie noted that after all of the recent murderings that ice is done in cold blood, they have recently changed their website to show it in memoriam of ice soldiers on their thing to show like how, how much endanger they are at all times, the wall of honor to honor everyone who's died. I started looking up and like, first off, they like took it all the way back to 1915, which isn't even as long as they've been a company or whatever. The account doesn't matter then. But most of them have died more than 50% died of COVID. Yeah. Of course, because they are built to die of COVID, those that we haters don't work. They don't stop working. They don't know where I'm real mass. You fucking idiots. You fucking morons. Everyone knows this doesn't work. We all know your stupid face skaters do nothing but hide in like a collect COVID. So just know that those brave soldiers out there dying of a cough and they haven't lost once since October 19th, 2024. Oh, they're so safe out there. Yes. Only two of them were killed by, I guess, what you want to say immigrants, but you can't really say that because one of them was killed in Mexico. Yeah. So he went, they went there and they went there and he was killed in Mexico. So you can't even say an immigrant killed it because he wasn't, he was a Mexican. I don't know what they were doing, but either way, sounds like it went well. We have a bunch. We have one update. Oh, one big update, which is our guy, L. F.A. We were excited about this guy Ryan Wedding, former Canadian snowboarding Olympian turned cartel, Kingpin. I, you know, I don't, I've still have never seen much proof on this. We don't know anything. He was a recently arrested and that's what sad is that's the entire update is that we wanted more. We covered this in a previous episode. This fucking awesome giant Canadian that won the hearts of the Los Anoa cartel that he went out there and they just saw that he had something plucky and they liked work with them. He was already running drugs for them while he was working like just after the Olympics. He was like, you know, he's a real go getter. He loves snow, but he seems he really did it. But he seems that he got, I guess he got read it out. Is that what I know? No, I have no idea. There's very little details. We just know that he got arrested. He got arrested in Mexico and they're bringing him back to America. He's a Canadian snowboarder. Maybe, maybe we're going to put him on our Olympic team. They were like, we're like, I guess what? You want to commute his sentence? Fucking strap on a snowboard and go fucking go go to the Olympics in the next week. If he wins the gold. Exonerated right? If he goes all the way prison, fuck nothing. That's the movie right there. That's the fucking movie. That would be amazing. I'd love to see that. Let me ask you one thing. How would you like to win the Olympics? It sounds really hard. Yeah. Exactly. I'm not playing. Also, we have another small update, the suicide pods that are based out of Europe. The guy who made the suicide. Paws thinks that AI should be in charge of them. So I'm not using it. That doesn't you know what he's doing? I ain't using the suicide pod. I'm going to do it the old fashioned way by police officer jumping in front of a training all hundred and I run towards. Funny because say what you will about me. Right? Obviously, rat and problems with AI already were like in terms of just sucking up the water between this rock and making child porn because they, you know, do what you love and stuff like that. But the thing is, what do I trust even less? European AI. Yeah. I didn't know why. Like, I obviously don't trust American AI, but there's something about European AI that for me feels a little too like, I feel like it's cuter somehow. It's too easy breezy. Yeah. I feel like I could just see an AI smoking a cigarette like breastfeeding a child out of a sack of wine. Like I could see it doing what Europeans do. Yeah, I think it's fine. You know, Bush hair. Yeah, we're AI Netflix knows. Yeah, that's why we're here. Yeah, yeah. It's easier. What's awesome about this show right now is that you think we're doing it. But we're not. These are avatars. This is literally, I'm eating a Philly cheese steak right now. Yeah, I'm fucking a homemade pig shaped fuck toy right now in a fucking shed, the oink or a boink or yeah, in O'Calla. I'm in Florida right now. I'm not working. I'm expressing my sexual deviance. That's right. Thank you, Netflix. Thank you very much, Netflix. I'm tied the drawstring around my sweatpants to my shoelaces so it stays down and I never stop masturbating. Wow. That's a real fucking father. I wonder if my mother and mom's going to watch this. Yeah, you know, I should figure it out. People are going to watch this. Even my mom is like, she can't, they don't know. They know how to get to us. We definitely need to. We're still well hidden on the app. Oh, yeah. No, I couldn't find us for like days. Yeah, yeah. We're well hidden. You type in last LAST. LAST. Are we the first thing that comes up or just for you? We're one of the things. One of them. What else comes up? There's some things. Yeah, there's some good stuff. Yeah, there's some stuff. All right. I mean, I saw the new Batman, Ben Affleck movie. Oh, they know on the rip. The rip. I like it because I like all Florida movies. Yeah, sure. It's not very good. Oh, yeah. We're starting good on Netflix. We'll see what they are. Sensor. Personal opinion. No, they're allowed. It's a personal opinion. If they shut us off for personal opinions, we're going to start the revolution right fucking now. I love how like I said all these horrible things about like Greg Bavino eating a come covered cookie, but I'm really worried about getting canceled from Netflix because I don't like the rip. I mean, I think it's actually a more valid thing to worry about anticipating notes about this part for. Yeah. There's going to be more valid to worry about. But you know what I'll say. They're Murnox series. It's the best of all. No. Great thing about them. All the true crime. That's why I never got rid of it. No, it's great. How to keep it. So let's go do some of these other stories. Do you want to start with a couple of fun ones? First of all, this one just got floated to me and I wanted to just talk about this because someone randomly sent me this and I haven't thought about this person in a very long time and I had no idea how it all played out. Oh, this is your boy. Let's talk about it. All right. So if anybody remembers the Galaankee guy, I never heard of him, but I'm enthralled now. All right. The Galaankee guy. Are we allowed to show this video? No, we're going to show the video. Yes, I've already asked. Okay. Cool. So play this interview right here. So this is Kyle Brown. Otherwise known as the Galaankee guy. He did this funny viral interview six years ago. Now he's not the guy asking questions. He's the guy. He's the guy that says the words I'm feeling pretty Galaankee right now. What's up? What's up? What's up? How you feeling, man? - I'm pretty lucky. - Say what? - I'm fine, no. - I'm three. - What? - I mean, I'm good. - How are you? - I'm good. - Can you finish these very short quick? - Okay. - Back home again. - Apparently I forgot back home right again. - Back again? - Very good. - Like front of backers? - Like, I don't know if I know this whole. - Who's looking? - Back home again, back home again. In, in, in, in, in. I'm like, I'm sorry. - It looks like a culking that lives in a bomb. (laughing) His name is Kyle Brown. And that day, this street interviewer around him, he seemed to be, I think he was probably on a couple of hits that acid he was really enjoying himself. He was really, he was really, he was acid. - I think so, probably some form of a losing jam. - I just saw him as like a stoner that just gets more stoned than everyone else. - That's kind of what they were saying. They thought he maybe did, but he turns out he stabbed his mother nearly to death. - So that's Glocky. - Three years after that Kyle Brown stabbed his mother hard. - Right, stabbed her up and down, back and forth and he left the knife inside of her skull. - Left the knife in her skull? - Left the knife in her skull to the point where the neighbors came over her screaming. Right, which is sad. Kyle Brown, this is another member of my sinister six. The Glocky guy is right next to the piggyback bandit. He's right next to the silent man. - That's right, next to the burping butt sniffer. - I wanna build this crew. I wanna take this crew on a job. I wanna go to death. I wanna kill the Ayatollah. (laughing) - I think the goal is to take these guys. We're gonna kill the Ayatollah. The goal is to go over her around fix up this fucking situation, right? Kyle Brown, the Glocky guy. He then also goes out to his, he stabbed his mother. He's very bad, right? The neighbors all came out. She was screaming, ah! (laughing) - I have to see. - The neighbor came and they said that he was holding the knife into her own skull 'cause they had to keep the knife in her skull by just like - Yeah, as you've taken out things. - So he was just like gently holding the knife in her skull. She lived. - Great lives. - Kyle Brown goes on to then beat the shit out of his public defender. - Yes. - Because let's just say Kyle Brown didn't have to scratch for the guy that, what's his name? Nick Reiner was gonna get. (laughing) I mean, haven't quite the scratch for that. - Nick Reiner got fired. - That guy got fired, yeah. - Oh, the guy got fired. I thought he fired Reiner. He fired Reiner. He's trying to still say, oh, you know, Reiner's definitely not guilty. Yeah, no, he's just trying to give another job. Yeah, but yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't, I also Kyle Brown, I don't think it beat the shit out of his good, he landed four punches. That's a lot on a public defender. Most of them know how to fight. - But, you know, face, head and arm. So there's like, we could say two of them probably went to the arm. - But either way, it is really thrown off his trial. He's still, but he's been in bars, he's been behind bars ever since. He's not going anywhere. He hasn't gotten his trial yet. He really, he's literally just sitting there. But I will say if you wanna, you can go check out his mom wrote a book. - Oh. - She wrote a book, which is seems-- - I got my New Year's resolution as to return books this year. - I feel like this one you can maybe skip only this 'cause it just seems like it might need to be fully in there. But she wrote a book called, I saw, it was in what I, when I saw God's hand, it's the book that she wrote all about what it was like when she almost died when her son stabbed her. - She looks so happy. - She is the happiest woman to have her son almost murder her that I've ever seen. - It barely looks like she was stabbed in the head. - You can bear, you can bear, you know what it is? It's the bangs. This is where a lot of bangs come into play, you know? 'Cause it can cover that puncture wound. She's very sweet, she's alive. I don't like the fact that immediately was all about how God saved her when it was her neighbors. And I think your neighbor saved you, lady. They are the ones, not God, God had nothing to do with it. God created your son, God created the miracle of birth that created the murderer that was supposed to fucking kill you, okay? So she hasn't forgiven her son, just and talked to her son, not quite Christlike in my imagination. - She sells the book at Farmer's Marseille. - She does. - Seems like. - Go and check out when I saw God's hand. - And it was the laugh one. - I think it's a book fair. - He hit her with a pen. - God got that big backhand. I love God. He let her have it. - That's why I'm a haven't gets. - I just wanted to cover this whole thing so you could remember that sometimes your memes, your memes are people. And when memes are people, they sometimes don't just stay within the meme. Sometimes they go to a bunch of other bad stuff. - So beautiful words. - I'm feeling pretty glonky right now. (laughing) - I didn't even get bad sign. I think it's a fucking bad sign, buddy. I'm feeling pretty fucking glonky right now. (laughing) - All right, so just know that anytime that glonky feeling comes up, you just want to push it down. - Oh man. - Well, I got a story I want to share with you, which is my favorite story of the week. And that is New York City, mom Donmes. New York City is changing. Rob, you're gonna be so proud of this man. (laughing) Cop under investigation after fatally shooting raccoon. - Nearly, police officers are gonna have to use yarn to arrest people. (laughing) When we lived in New York, they were straight up killing children and no one cared. - I remember when they strangled the guy from the bodega. You remember what that guy strangled him? - Oh yeah, 'cause he was just selling cigarettes. - He's Lucy's, yeah, I remember that. Yeah, I remember the old days when he was like, you used to go down to the L train, you see two guys with the salt rifles just going like, what kind of wider you? What kind of wider you? Like that kind of shit? Like it's kind of crazy, man. Wow, you're gonna be different. - Yeah, New York police officers are fatally shot at raccoon at the beach. - Piece of shit. - You know, honestly, but I will say, it's record shouldn't be on the beach. So apparently the police officer said, they were trying to usher the raccoon to a safe location when the animal suddenly charged a group of people and an aggressive man there. So he just pulled out his gun and said, "Papa, papa, yeah, shot up, it's a shot at in front of a bunch of people." First off, what's everyone doing at the beach? Just cold out. - Yeah, I mean, no, it's not, you know, people do that in Coney Island for some reason. I never understood. - Yeah, so anyway, they're looking at the body cam footage and where he was shouting, "Auntably sighed after the gun shot." (laughing) - Man, I think always he's just like, "God damn, I'm gonna write me up for this shit, aren't they?" - Do I have to tell anybody? - Yeah, do I, is this a crime? - Do you just-- - Have I done a crime? - When you kill a raccoon, you just put it back on the trash. - I just think it's 'cause everybody saw it. - The chalk outline was the hardest part. - Oh, that was it, it's so cute. It's so cute and small. We'll talk about again. Did it have a phone on it? (laughing) Did the raccoon had a phone on it? You might wanna blow its brains out. Because you can't allow them to fucking film. You God knows it. It's not like you have body cams as it is. - Yeah, I think this is a good time for it to remind everybody how often cops kill animals. - Yes. - Do you know that on average, everyone's gonna hate this? - Yep, the saddest part of the episode are. - On average, cops kill. - Are you ready for this? 25 to 30 dogs a day. (laughing) - He's fucking Christ any. (laughing) - I was saying, it's not a hard statistic. - No, no, no. - But it's an average of 10,000 a year. - God, fucking damn. - Personally, when I was arrested, they shot the dog. - At least they would have it. - Yeah, that's right, I know they shot the dog. - My dog lived, though. - Yeah, that was one of my dogs, my friend's dog. - But that dog lived, but they didn't do that. - But they didn't do that. - So, just to remember, keep your dogs away from cops. - Yeah, yeah, lock 'em up. Which is also, most cops do say, keep put the dogs away. - Yeah. - So these do. So when you're calling in a cops over, to tell them about how you know for a fact that Katie Perry is planning to assassinate your dentist, - Right. - Put the dogs away. - Yeah. It's really a sad search on the old internet when you start looking at the videos. 'Cause, you know what, the dogs aren't always big. - No, they're not, no, no. - A lot of times they're very small like your dogs. - I can actually see Carmie getting herself in quite a bit of trouble with the police officer. - Yeah. - I can really see Carmie doing that. - I know, yeah, and that's why I've talked about it with Natalie. If someone breaks into the house, I've said this, where I pick up Carmie, throw Carmie at the guy coming and then, "I didn't find it!" And she's like, "You're gonna sacrifice the dog." I was like, "Carmie has been wanting to do that." - Yeah. - I'm a person coming in this house since we got her. That's fulfilling her dream. - Yeah, man. - I think of a cop shot tootsie her last words would be like, "Thank you." - Yeah. (laughing) - Can't die. - It's where you shoot her and she's dead. And she just, you're like all morning and stuff and then tootsie each other. - T1000. - Get the dog back in the house. (laughing) - What the fuck? You got a killer, no, you're a stavana. - Yeah, man. - Sorry, great. - Do we want to do a story? Do we want to begin our death pool conversation? - Well, just real quick, I think it's worth mentioning one more animal tech. - Look great. - This woman was a-- - Oh, this one is great. - This one's fun. - This one's the person got attacked. - Yes, a skiing tourist in China was taking a selfie with a snow leopard and it straight up bitter face off. (laughing) - Don't do it. What is people? People have so much confidence when it comes to jungle cats. I don't understand. We never see snow leopard. So I can understand like what did you get a picture of it? - Of a far away. - You don't have to be in the picture. If you have a picture of snow leopard, I'm gonna believe you. - Take a picture of yourself separate. - Oh my God, you just see this lady being carried. Oh my fucking God clearing her face onto her face. (laughing) Literally the snow leopard is just sitting there just like, what do you want from me? Like a lot of them like, I did nothing to do with it. It's sitting there. - I did not consent to this photograph. - I got nothing to do. I don't know who this bitch is. I don't know what this situation is. I was hanging out. She put her face in my face. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. They said her fucking nose off. - She got closer than 10 feet and then a fucking attack there. - And it should have. Never get close to a snow leopard. 'Cause guess what people are always trying to do to snow leopards. Murder it. - Yeah. - It's a reason why it's endangered is because people murdered it for it's coat over and over again. So it probably even has some sort of like memory or understanding that humans are bad. - It don't like us. - No. - And it shouldn't. - I don't like us. - Because they just, they know it'll give us a lot of, that snow leopard is for its own sake, saving itself from us. - Yes. - That's why it's doing it. So I think this lady is a candidate for our pool, but not gonna make it. - No, 'cause she lived. - She lived. - She's just gonna be, she's just gonna be probably be taking a heck of a lot less selfies when you have a face transplant. - So Henry and I were talking about this and we know it is. - It's just because people, I'm not even saying, we've seen some of these face transplant for a while. - For a while. - Yes. - And we've seen some of the other things I'm gonna like. - That's the stuff happens to be fun. (laughing) - Don't have to be the fun when you're able to not hear the screens. - It's so nice to be able to leave my house. I'm not here to kill the screens. - I'm a desk, you know, but they're brave and we have to like them. - I think she'll be okay. - I don't care. - I don't care if she's okay. I think it's stupid. I blame her entirely. - I mean, of course you blame her entirely. An Appendor. Either way. Henry and I had a long talk about doing a death pool this year. And we know that it is morally reprehensible. - I think it is a good way to put it. - That's what some people say. - Yeah. - But we figured out how to make our death pool decent amongst humanity. - What we have decided to do is that we're gonna, I think 'cause we all have fun. People love the bet. We love the bet. We never get to do it. - I hate sports and I hate all this stuff. You don't like gambling. - Well, I don't bet. - Yeah. - But losing gambling, right? This is fun. So the goal here is that we're losing the money no matter what. - We, any night make no money. - We make nothing. - That is how this is okay. We make no money. How, we're gonna pick three people that we know we're gonna die. - We think people that we're certain that we're gonna die a fourth person we consider to be an outlier. - Yes. - Right? All of those three people, if one of them dies this year in the year of 2026, we will give $100 for each person that dies to the way that they died. We will give to the cause. - So if it's lung cancer, we're gonna give to the cancer. - It's lung cancer. - If it's old age, I'm just gonna give money to a baby. - Yeah, or a nursing home or something. - Something like that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Then we're gonna do something like that, right? And then the goal is that if our fourth person dies if the outlier dies. - The odd person that we're just picking random people. - We will give them that to that charity, $1,000. - Right? - So you might wanna hope that one of the outliers dies. - Yes. - Now I know what you're thinking. What happens if you're three definitely gonna die, people don't die. Well, we thought of that. And what we're gonna do is if Henry's people all, if he picks three people and they all live at the end of the year, he's gonna give $300 to the charity of my choice. - Yes. - Yep. - And then the vice versa of the same way around. - So that's what we're gonna do. - We're gonna do that. - And then if he's one of them dies, we give them all out. - We're gonna pay all the money. - Yeah, that's how we're doing it. And now let's get to the fun part is who's gonna die. - Oh, and Trump and Biden don't count. - We decided no Trump, no Biden. And we also basically decided if it's extremely political, technically we should have it be even. Only for the sake of fun. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Because honestly, I'd wipe them all out if I could. (laughing) - And I literally blow up the white house if I was allowed to. (laughing) - You can only, you only have to be president to do that. - I know. - Yeah. (laughing) - God, all right. - So he's old jealous and he got to rip the whole wall off. - So I got three definitely gonna dies this year. - Yes. - On my death list. And the first one I think probably could die by the time this comes out. And that's Gary Ridgeway. - Sure. - All right. - Oh wow Eddie. - Gary Ridgeway is number one on my death pool. - Okay. - Because he is actively dying in prison now. - We know that he's dying. - Yeah. - You know that he's dying. - People have sent us messages. It's been in the news. - Yes. - You know, he is dying. - He is actively dying in prison. What's his sickness Rob? What's he dying? - He's got a cancer. - He's got a cancer, okay. So I think like this is like a lock. - Yes. - I feel like I'm gonna give $100 a cancer pretty soon. Gary Ridgeway is gonna die. He's like a part of our show. - Yes. - I think it makes a heck of a lot of sense. - And you're like, I did one of those Buzzfeed things years ago where it's like, you know, find out which serial killer you are. And I was the Green River Killer. - Thanks. - So I feel like I have this connection to Gary Ridgeway. - You're just like him. - Yes. - Yeah. Barely agreed. - Love. - Strangling stuff. - Strangling stuff. - He refused to read. - Gary Ridgeway though actually was, he would probably develop me, probably developmentally handicapped, but we'll get to it. - All right. - I think, 'cause now you're said that Gary Ridgeway is yours. I will also just show my lock. - That's your lock. - Yeah. - My lock for this year? - Yeah. - Unfortunately, Buzz Aldrin. - You think so. - Yes. - That's my lock for this year is Buzz Aldrin. - Yeah. - Because I think that originally was gonna be Mel Brooks, but I can't do it. I also think now he's gonna live out of spite. - Mel Brooks is gonna keep going for a while. - I think Dan Dick Van Dyke is gonna live this year. - I think Dick Van Dyke's gonna make it. So Buzz Aldrin is my, you think, definitely how do you think he's gonna die? Is he sick? - I think massive heart attack. - Massive heart attack for Buzz Aldrin? - Yeah, I think it is sleep. - Well, he did punch that reporter, right? - He gets angry. - He gets angry. - All right, so I put him on there. I put his butt. - It was just his birthday. - Yes, he was still 96. - 96 years old, reportedly facing declining health and increasing isolation, following the death of his wife. - Yes. - They always die right after the wife. - I'm just gonna say, I'm only for the pool. - I think I'm going to die. - I don't want him to really not, but it's the pool. - Yeah, I know that. Like I said, we're donating, you know, where is this going back to the people? Is this going back to the people? All right, my next person who I think is close to a lock, but not a lock, William Schattener. - Yeah, sure. - I think we're losing the chat man this year. - He's old. - He's been in the news recently. - I think he's gonna boldly go. - Yeah, I could possibly see that. He's not looking great. He does get, again, he's been angry. - Is it not Hollywood Hills? I know that he owns a bunch of Domer-Bid Pinterest. - Yeah, hey, you live locked by his house. - Oh, well. - That's what they've marked very, very loudly. - Go to this, they should. - That would be OP train them to attack. - But yeah, William Schattener, I mean, I'm surprised he's still alive. He's always looked very unhealthy to me. - He's an alcoholc, but that's probably not anymore. - Who knows? - I don't think you could be that long. - I mean, you'd be surprised, man. - Yeah, what does it mean? - Oh, yeah, he'd serial while he's driving. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He could be a car accident. - What if it's a car accident? - To be honest, he'd serial while driving. Bring him the bowl out. - That's a baller move. - Honestly, I'm kind of rethinking everything I'm saying right now. - I mean, that's kind of-- - If he's out eating cereal in the streets. - He might be pretty capable. - He might be fine. - The fact that he could have a bottle of liquid in his lap and drive, I kind of speak, so he might have a little bit more control over his faculty. - He'd think he would. - Oh, yeah, that's a bit, is that flex? - Yeah, it's flex. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - He's gonna stay in regular. - Yeah, he really has to. - He gotta stay regular at home though. Don't do it on the move. - Dude, I fucking take whatever I can. I am so full of fiber, I will shit your pants. - Yeah, they don't comb the shat man for nothing. - Yeah, I am fucking filled with lagoons. (laughing) - All right, yeah, so there's that one, okay, my next one. Sad. I think this is gonna be close to a lock. - Okay. - Jack Nicholson. - You think so. - I think this might be-- - He's not even on the official list. He's not even on it. - I think this is the year. - I feel like he's healthier than ever. - I feel like he could have died four or five years ago, but now I feel like he's on an uptick. - Apparently his dementia is, it is accelerating. - Well you know what we say about that? - Dimension it. - Dimension it. (laughing) - Come on, y'all. Come on, y'all. I don't know, man. He's been going to Lakers Games lately. He's been in public more. I feel like Jack's gonna be around for a little bit longer. Who knows? Look at how he's signing autographs. - This is how he's at the good time. - 2016 buddy, that was nine years ago. - Oh god, he looks awful. - That was 10 years ago, man. - Oh, fuck. - That was a long time ago. - Yeah, it really was. - Uh-oh. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, he's very old. - I love how you chose him over Roman Polanski. - You know what it is, just stuff about your pain life. They live better. They live better life. They live a higher quality of life. They get better food. They're more relaxed. He now wrote, Roman Polanski doesn't have to do anything. - Yeah. - That's the best part of being canceled in Europe. They love when you're canceled in Europe. If you're an old rapist in Europe, they put you in the government. (laughing) It's just like we do. They use you with the old guys. Well, they took the prints out, you know? - Yeah, barely. - Fucking Andrew formerly known as barely got fired from being a prince. - It doesn't come with a huge package that he's just fucking gets to live off of forever. - Another castle. He just gets to do nothing now. - Bye from North Laid. - All right, my guy, this one's also very sad. He's currently experiencing age-related health challenges. But, you know, he is a hundred. So, I think that is part of it. And I think we're gonna lose, unfortunately, we're gonna lose David Attenborough. - Yeah, I could see him finally being sick of talking about angler fish. And I could see him finally just saying, you know what? - Fuck this blue earth. (laughing) I am sick and tired of this blue dam birth. All I wish to do is be consumed by the lions. And I see, I'll, on Hugh Deepen to the Saturn Gatti. - I was watching one of his shows recently. And he does this thing in one of the shows where they like, take him and they, they literally put him in the middle of the jungle. And he can't walk and he's just kinda status there. But, we are in the great episodes. (laughing) - The fun and the cool thing, the wonderful thing. This is the dead middle of the Amazon. And now I am here surrounded by spiders. - I'm walking the language, I wanna play my death. - So I really feel like he could die out in the wild. Which would be the, - It's amazing. - And that would be amazing death for David Attenborough. I would, I hope he gets ripped apart by gorillas. - Yeah, I can give money to gorillas. - I would rather him get ripped apart by animals and like shit himself to death of some fucking horrific virus out there. - I'd tell you what, after 80? - Yes. - For me too. Like I'd much rather, I don't wanna get ripped apart by animals beforehand, but after 80, that's rock. - Okay, let's fucking do this. - Yeah, I got it, 'cause then it's just like, give me something new. - Yeah. - Give me something new, everything's boring. - No one I like about this show is I've predicted my death in every single way. So that whenever I do die, - Covers definitely have a clip. - Yeah, anytime it's out there. (laughing) - Making content. - Are you here to go? Here's my third. - I'm gonna fall into a Thresher machine, I think. - Yeah. (laughing) - My tits ripped off by a Thresher machine. - Matt, it's incredible. (laughing) - What we need to do is put these up on the wall behind this stuff for the rest of the year too. - Oh yeah, so that we can put X's over their faces. - Oh yeah. - So my third. - Early so for the rest. (laughing) - I've got a little tube soaps. My third is, he's under a lot of stress right now. And I think that it's gonna really affect him, 'cause he looks like absolute fucking shit, Noam Chomsky. - Oh yeah, Noam Chomsky, I feel like that's a lot. - Noam Chomsky's a lot. - Yeah, yeah. - So I think he's going down this year. I think that he's got nothing left to say. I think the final words that he will say that will be, that will be forever uttered across the world is bringing back this old guy and put on our own. - My penis. (laughing) - Hi, it's a better final. - Is he? - Probably. - Oh, I don't know. I thought he was a decent guy. - I don't really know much about him. - Noam Chomsky's one of Epstein's best friends. He's a part of one of Epstein's Gal pals. - Oh, okay. - He was at all the pictures. - Oh. - He loved each other. - Oh, okay, well, see you later, Noam. - Maybe this would be the year that you have for Epstein finally dies too. - Yes. (laughing) - We're gonna find him. - Oh yeah, there he is. Just hanging on the plane, having a great time. - All right, sure thing he has to say. - Let's now, let's go through our options now. - While he's dying, we're gonna have to change his name to Moan Chomsky. - That's if he doesn't lose his tongue and dead throat. (laughing) I hope he doesn't get Iber did. - All right. - I was the worst part about him because he loved ice cream. (laughing) - God, Iber must've been so sad when he couldn't lick anymore. - Yeah, where did the popcorn go? - I don't know, I think he just got off. - Yeah, he just shoved it in that little bandana. (laughing) - Oh, we're gonna be over five. - All right. Here, I got five, but I'm gonna pick, I just wanted to talk to you about my five. - Yeah, 'cause three that I think I would have. - 'Cause I'm gonna pick one of these five. - Yes. - And if one of these five, I mean, for my own brain, I should probably pick the one I think is gonna live, 'cause I don't wanna pay the grant. But, I mean, you said, I'm gonna, but now I'm going to pick like, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna take one of these guys away. I think it's gonna die, but I really need your opinion because I think a lot of these guys are close. A lot of these guys are random. Like, I think, first one on my, my maybe list, Andy Dick. - Okay. - I feel like Andy Dick, you know. - He's probably close to even just a regular deathpool. - You know, he is, the thing is, Andy Dick is like in rehab right now. So it could work and I could be wrong. - Or not, or he commits a crime and he finally gets murdered the way he needs to be. - Yes, that's very true. - 'Cause it's very possible. - It's very true. - When I do my alternates, my thing with my, like the kind of, I chose those girls because, - No, no one wants to watch a woman die. - When you think of a young woman dying, it's always murder. - Yeah. - Right, it's never something that we can even joke about, you know. So I think the first one that I was talking about, we joke about people getting murdered every day. - That's our job. - We can say so. - That's what we got hired for. (laughing) My number one choice for the outliers. - Okay. - Finn Wolfhardt. - Really? - Yeah, from that time. - What? - Yeah. - Whoa. - He's an outlier. - Is he just hosted SNL? - No, it's because he's an outlier. - He's an outlier. - Oh, okay. - Oh yeah, he did great. - I'm sure he was fine. - I'm just saying, that's mine. - That's your outlier. - That's why it's $1,000. I pick people who I think are gonna die. Andy Dick, all right, next one, Bill O'Reilly. - Wow. - I didn't even realize he was still fucking alive. - He's 75, 76, and we gotta remember, dude, it's huge. - He's got cancer. - He's guy, he's sick. - Is he sick? - He's always got something. He's all full of hate. - He's gigantic. - Yeah, he's a big man. - He really is fucking, I was standing next to him once when he was still employed over at Fox News, and I had no idea how huge and heavy breathing he was, and that was a long time ago. - Yeah, he's a big fucking piece of shit. - Yeah, so I think-- - He didn't make a great dead guy. - But those evil people they live forever-- - I know. - Dick Cheney, that kind of stuff. - Absolutely. - And so I really feel like, but I'm saying Bill O'Reilly's very high on my list. - Got it. - He's like 20 pound years. - You know, that's gotta be weighing down his neck. - No, it's killing him. - He's not-- - His ears are now at the point where they're growing and depending on the rest of his body. - Bill O'Reilly reveals mystery health battle. - Ooh. - Yeah, if he stands back from work, that's what I was saying. He's not feeling good. - All right, he's leading my outlier list right now. - Second one. - Deforevent. - Deforevent. - So I'm choosing you for-- - You think he's gonna do it himself. - I think he's gonna kill himself. - Does that count? - Fucking right. - Yes. - I mean, suicide outline needs a thousand dollars. - That absolutely does. - That'd be great if you sent it to them. - They're gonna try to offer him a deal. - It seems like it because they also got his other buddy arrested recently. His friend got arrested. We don't really know what the hell's going on with this case. We don't really-- We know that he's supposed to be charged with the crime. - But an incinerator. - But I do believe Deforevent is gonna be not for the long for this world. - Yeah. - That's my view. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. Well, Deforevent, I really don't want Henry to win this. I don't mind it. Just think about it. - If you got to. - If you got to. - Or don't. - Makes the money. - All right, so I got a couple. So I'm gonna burn through like two of them right now. - Yeah. - I'm just gonna go my other three and then I'm gonna pick one after you go. - Yeah, sure, sure, sure. - Chris Christie. Okay. Easily, I mean, huge man, definitely, but putting a lot of Taylor Hammond to that heart. - Go ahead. - A lot of pork rolls going in there, dude. - Oh, yes. - And I'm not sure how much of it's actually coming out. So I think Chris Christie easily could die this year. I think he's been fat for his whole life. I think that can take him out. David Ike. - Oh, David Ike could go. - David Ike could go. - This could be the year that we lose him. - Yeah, and then John Voit. - Yes, you know, the role of John Voit looks really bad. - He really does. - He looks really, really bad. - These are, or any of these outliers. I feel like a lot of these are guys. - Well, they're not much, they're not on the actual list. - Ah, that's what you're that. - That's what I consider an outlier. - And that's what they get on the actual list. - The big is that pool. - Yeah. - Think, see, 'cause my third outlier, Pope Leo. - Pope Leo? - Yeah. - Whoa. - I think we're gonna deal with this motherfucker for like 20 years. - I think we got a 20 year post. - I think he can die any day. - No. - You never know. - How old is he? How old's Pope Leo? - He's in my outliers. - Yeah, Pope Leo age 70. We could have Pope Leo for 20 years. - Who knows? - I think they keep these guys alive. - Depends on what crimes they do. - Benedicto stood down. - Yes. - Remember Benedicto said no more. - Yeah, they're not, see, Pope. - Yep. - And he died too. - Yeah. - All right. - All right, okay, these are good. - I will choose Pope Leo. - Pope Leo. - You're choosing Pope Leo. - Yes. - All right, okay. And I am out of my guys, John Void, David I. Chris Christie, Andy Dick and Bill O'Reilly. - I think most likely Bill's gonna go. - I think, well, that's the most likely. - That's why I feel like it's not an outlier. I feel like you need to choose one that's a little bit more iffy. I think Andy Dick is a good one. - Andy Dick's a good one. Only 'cause he grabbed my dick one time. - I think you're an outlier. - And I actually just don't like it. - Oh shit. - For my pick. - Rob's pick is. - Bill Cosby. - How does Cosby not on the list? - That's the F*cks to bullies. He's up in there because nobody cares. Because nobody wants, nobody cares if he lives or not. - Here's the thing is he isn't doing anything. - No, he's just sitting around chilling. He could do that for a while. - My uncle's threatening to go on tour. My uncle Albi spent, he died at like, I wanna say almost 90. And he lied in a hospital bed in his dining room for 10 years. You never know how long these people could just stick around in their own home. - Oh, I know. We're going to watch our current president is going to stagger through the next three years. We're going to watch it. We're gonna watch every day as he melts further and further into his f*cking shoes. We're going to see that pedophile die on his feet until he's not going to die. His body is going to live. I'm gonna say Trump's gonna live another 10, 15 years. - I mean, they're keeping him alive on some kind of shit. - He's gonna be a vegetable. - I mean, we saw how quickly his ear healed. - Oh, I mean, they're really taking care of him. - Yeah, he's like Wolverine. - Yeah. - Yeah, absolutely. We're gonna see him die in the next, I could say he'll be dead at that point, but he's gonna, I'm saying 10, 15 years. - All right, my official list of people definitely gonna go. David Attenborough, William Shatton or Gary Ridgeway. Okay, and my outlier is gonna be Andy Dick. - Yep, both Andy. - Andy Dick. - Mine is Buzz Aldrin. - Okay. Jack Nicholson, Jack Nicholson. - The third was the Nome Chopsky. - Nome Chopsky. - And my outlier is Pope Leo. - Pope Leo, all right. Okay, I like this. - I like this. - I don't feel like the Pope's gonna be fine. I think you're safe with your grand. - But it's just more just like, if you wanna be a big shocker, - Yeah. - It's all about big, what's a big shocker? That's what I thought. It's not really like. - That's the thing Andy Dick isn't like a shocker. - No, like it's more like, what could completely come out of nowhere? And so I was trying to choose something that would also maybe not involve murder. - Yes, yeah, yeah. - Right, and he wanted, he's like, you know, they like, "Fid Wolf Hard, I thought of my head, household accident." - Oh, I could see it. - You think it's like a ladder thing? - Yeah. - Falls, falls out, falls in the night. - He doesn't climb any ladder. - Yeah, he doesn't do anything. - He doesn't even do his laundry. - I love Dr. Wolf Hard. I like him as an, I think the good kid, he's a good actor. - Finn, I think you should come on the show and show Henry how healthy you are. - I would, I'm not trying to say, I'm saying, I was trying to choose a my head. - His last name is Wolf Hard. - It was like literally like the stay puffed marshmallow, man, I was trying to think, who's the healthiest person you're, like, who's not gonna die? - Yeah. - That was the first thought of my head. It was like Finn Wolf Hard. - Finn Wolf Hard's gonna die. - All right, I see that. - Yeah, that's why I put him on the list. It's that because he's healthy, fun, he doesn't do any dumb shit. It's obviously, it's gonna be doing hard drugs as well as having a good time. Having a good time, having a good life, having a positive time, his whole life is ahead of him. What a great tragedy that would lead towards a big, you know, pay out to a charity. - Mm-hmm. (laughing) - But that's not what happened. I don't want that to happen. So I want the tragedy to happen to the Pope. - Yes. - That's where I'm doing this. - Now. (laughing) - Do you have to give the money to the Catholic church? - No. (laughing) - No. - Because he's murdered by a bunch of bishops. (laughing) - Then I would. - If no, it's more than if he dies, and Joe's then God doesn't help. (laughing) - Anybody. - If he dies early, he proves that God doesn't exist. - It's true. - So I don't have to fucking pay any. - It does help. - It does help. (laughing) - All right. - Oh, we're gonna get in trouble or whatever. - I mean, no, I mean, this is what this is. - We're giving it a charity. - We're giving it the charity. - This is satire. - This is sat, well, I mean, they're really gonna give the charity though. - But that part's not satire. - That's not satire. - Yeah, yeah. - The rest of it's just an expression. - Yeah. - No, that's not, I think it's good to talk about death. - I think that part of the reason why I even want to do it is because the last year, truly, between losing my dad, talking to a bunch of people about death. Like as you talked, you've been through how many people come up to a constantly? - Oh man. - To talk to my dad. - The messages almost every day about people who lose their parents. - And so I lost both of mine. - I think that it really is such a, in America, we don't like talking about it. It is a thing that we push down. And I think that it's okay to laugh a little bit about all the fucked up shit because we have to. And I also think that it's the, it's coming for us no matter what. - Absolutely. - And so we're all gonna be preoccupied with it. And we push it away. And we don't talk about the death process because it scares all of us. And it means we're not working. And I think that in America, we're very much like this idea that, you know, we still even, even a lot of us don't, this romantic idea of, we don't retire. We work until the moment that we fucking die our last breath and all this shit. You just like, no, there's no time. It's like no one takes any time at their end of their life literally to die properly. - You know who took time and I think it was good that they did Jean Hackman. - Yes. - He took like over 10 years, he chilled out the end of his life, you know, and he's just like hung out in his house and he just, I mean, he died very sadly. - He did, but still, I think, you know, thank God he had those years to just chill. He doesn't need to yell on camera until he dies. - It doesn't matter. - How do you die? - Oh, death is sad. Like he was gonna happen either way. Is it, is, yeah, it was fucked up the way that he died, but dying like as in the fetal, you know, hospital bed is just as, as sucks and all. - I, in that age in your own home, we should all be so lucky. - Yes. And so I think that's why people get all icky, icky about it, but I think that we-- - We're all gonna die. - We're all gonna die. So fuck it. As long as it's not brutally by the police, - Okay, that's, that's the man. (laughing) - Can't take it with you. - So we're right, so we, here we got something, do we get to, you got to listen to a male? - I have plenty of listen to a male. - Let's do one of those like, 'cause last week we were talking about the guy who died in the do mixer. - I forgot, I forgot also, your buddies from Portland, they're the ones who sent in this awesome singer for listener email, let's play it again. - Okay, cool. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Are you ready, Eddie? - Yeah. - Yes. - Are you horny, Henry? - Yes, sure. (laughing) ♪ Now it's time for listener email ♪ - That's awesome. - Thank you. - That's really great, awesome. - That's where will. - Yeah, oh, where will. - Where will, where will. So we got so many fucked up messages. - Yeah, side stories LPLGmail.com, if anyone wants to send us some good old new email. - Yeah, please, please just tell us what bastards we are. It's fun, I don't read it. And so this one, everybody sent in messages. Last week we covered, it's kind of like, talked about this, this story of a woman got stuck in this baking machine, immediately murdered, fucked up like horrific story. So we got, because a lot of our listeners work in the restaurant industry. - Yeah, we're kitchen people. - We have a lot of kitchen people, a lot of bakery industry. And so we got a lot of stories. - And I love you, by the way. - We do. There's nothing I love more. There's nothing I cherish more, or would protect with my very life in a chef and a waiter. - That's right. - I love chefs and waiters and people that run restaurants more than any civil servant, more than any nurse, more than anything else. I think you are the best people of us. - I like chefs more than waiters, but a lot of waiters more than managers. (laughing) - I was listening to your story about the woman who died in a bread mixer and reminded me of a cautionary tale that I've been told is a coffee roaster for a small independent company. Spring Hill Jack coffee, that's not them, but reach out, what's going on bro? Fire coffee, it's still out there. The best majority of coffee roasters use a drum roaster, most of which have a large try on the front of the machine with an arm inside that spins relatively slowly, but with a huge amount of torque. This is to stir the coffee after it finishes roasting while a fan beneath the tray pulls air through it to cool the coffee as quickly as possible. When I started the job, I wore a Chaco brand strap style bracelet that is common in the outdoor community. My boss saw it, a warming that I should probably not wear to work because a coffee roaster, I believe in either Colorado or California, had gotten her arm ripped off by the stirrer. She was wearing the same style bracelet while she was roasting when I got hooked on the steering arm and she proceeded to get pulled around the tray and up against the body of the roaster where the stirrer was able to break, then remove her arm from about the mid forearm down. From what I understand, she lived and they were able to reattach her arm with very little long-term problems. Wow! Quartan the legend she had a tattoo on her forearm that they were able to piece back together with only a small scar running through the middle. Oh, something to remember. It's fucking cool, right? It's beautiful. Yeah, those coffee roasters are big, dude. Nothing dangly. Yeah, there's another one. Well, I was in the Navy. We were briefed on the dangers of rotating machinery. Machines do not care if there is squishy human bits in the way. It is, it is strong enough to overcome the friction of human bones and sinew being in the way it will. I remember very distinctly a story and picture video they shared of a young woman. We got a job at a shop that used lades and other big equipment to make things out of metal. The operator on duty had sent her to go start a machine and when she took longer than expected to come back, he went to investigate. He found was left of her wrapped around a large metal rod about a foot in diameter recognized only by the scraps of fabric that made up her clothes. She was a mass of pulped meat and crushed bones squeezed tight by the clothing wrapped around the rod. Rotating machinery, scary shit. It is fucking terrifying. And this is the last, this one's really fucked. I mean, there's no way they're gonna be nice. Here we go. This is a longer one. It's really fucked. I was so excited to hear you guys talk about the poor baker who died after getting caught in a do mixer. I guess he's gonna like this episode. Dump because they celebrate death. But because I too have been caught in a do mixer, obviously I didn't die, but I have some gnarly photos. My first job out of college was in a ramen shop. One of the things that made this ramen shop stand out from the other shops in the area was the fact that we handmade all of our own noodles. We made a thinner, drier, wheat noodle and a thicker, doier, chewier egg noodle. Okay. We used this very fancy machine imported from Japan. This machine had all the features. It would not only roll and cut the dough precisely, but it also had a built in do mixer. I know exactly the machine. It costs a lot of money. I just saw it on culinary class war season two. Yeah. If you got to change out the thing, I'm plug it. Culinary class war on Netflix. It's the best things I got in there. I want to be on, I want to be on that fucking channel. On culinary class war. Have you seen culinary class war? Are you pitching yourself for Netflix shows? I can't get on that show. If you have to be Korean, it would be good. That's really good. The mixer consists of a basin with a long rod welded inside. Attached to the long rod were smaller dull spikes that rotated on the rod to mix the dough. On the bottom of the basin was a removable plate that slipped out to move the dough from the mixing basin to a container that could then be removed in place on the conveyor belt to the dough press. The mixer was turned on and off by a lever on the side, and also adjusted the speed of the mixing. When I started working there, I begged and pleated to be out on the noodle duty. I was fully trained. I'm not a noodle duty, Daddy. No, no. No, no, no, no, no. I was fully trained on how to make the wheat noodles. And on the day I was scheduled to make the egg noodles for the first time, my coworker pointed to a sign in the wall that said, there's the instructions, have fun. The egg noodle dough was a completely different consistency from the wheat noodles. The dough was stickier, thicker, a little harder to work with. OK. I mixed all the ingredients, and then I transferred my dough to the mixer to start mixing. When the dough was all mixed, I set the mixer to the lowest possible speed, remove the plate to the bottom of the basin. And then I did it. I stuck my hand into the mixer while it was running. No! To help push the sticky dough into the container on the bottom. Don't even put a stick in there, man. No. I am not a smart woman. She wrote this. She wrote that. The whole thing happened in slow motion. I don't know if I wasn't fast enough to remove my arm in time, but I watched and detached wonder. One of the spikes moved closer and closer to my right arm until it started touching the skin. Then it kept going. And going. I remember thinking, wow, that's going to be a huge bruise. Only to suddenly realize that no, this wasn't a bruise. Despite was legitimately impaling my arm, the first thing I did was stop the machine. Then I started screaming. I honestly didn't feel any pain at the time. I was so shocked by what was happening. The problem with the mixer is that none of the parts except the bottom plate was detachable. So it was completely welded unit. I was essentially pinned in this machine and absolutely could not be freed without assistance. Anyway, emergency surfaces were called. They wound up shutting down the whole block while the firefighters stood around looking at me with equal parts, amazement and judgment. Because on one hand, this machine is unique. None of them have seen it before. And none of the other, what kind of dumbass sticks there arm in a moving machine? Me apparently. It's okay. It's okay. It's a mistake. Don't beat yourself up. They wound up breaking out what I think was a circular saw to cut me out of the machine while I begged them not to because I didn't want to be fired. I did not get fired. But good on your boss. - I don't know if that's good. I think the boss had a case to let her go. - I think the boss might have had his hands held to concerned if he might have been difficult. - It wound up breaking out what I think was a circular saw, right? The whole operation took 45 minutes. I wound up having a wound so deep they couldn't stitch its shut. I had to pack the wound twice a day with wet gauze and then bandage the whole arm until it healed. That is gross when you have to stick the gauze into the wound. - That's so much fun. - I don't really understand how much we are just meat. Yeah. Good news. I am more or less completely unscathed. My arm is fine except for a sweet scar. I have no permanent damage. I got so lucky. The day before my accident, a man in the international district of my city lost his arm in a similar incident at a fortune cookie factory. - No, no! - I was just making this up. I got a free coffee out of the situation. Approximately $30 of miswages plus a blurb in the local paper. My boss got a hefty fine from OSHA and I was never allowed to make noodles again. - Wow! (laughing) - That is fucking crazy, dude. - Oh man. - How does fucking crazy, man? That is very, very scary. There's so many. I've got three more. I can't even do it. I can't even go to the restroom. I got three more of them. - By the way, I know I just dropped the email. We're not doing ripped apart by machines at the end of every episode. So send us an email about something else. - I will do more though if you have some that are really, really good. - Also, I will say, when we did our reporting on the piggyback bandit as well, I got a lot of messages people saying, it happened to me too. - Really? - Piggyback bandit. - He was out there. - 12 years. - It was a long time. - He was doing this activity for 12 years over five states. Think about them. - I wonder how many people are gonna write in and say Andy Dick grabbed my penis. - And it's gonna be, it's a Los Angeles. - Well, he's got in the road and you got beat up on the road. - Of course, you got beat up on the road, but imagine what he did in town. - I know. - You know how many fucking, I know. I already know like three or four people that were like molested by him. I mean, he grabbed one out of the three dicks in this room. - Yeah. - I just five dicks in this room. (laughing) - The severed wall over there. (laughing) - He got a damn door. - That's our jam. - Yeah, with jam. Yeah, that's four. - Oh, good boy. - That's five, well. That also, when it give a shout out to Haddon Clark, thank you so much for the art you sent in the mail. - Oh, fuck him. - I just, you know, I got rid of it. - He sent a picture of us. I had a Clark the Cyril Killer. - We talked about it in the last episode. We don't need to give this guy any fucking plug. - I just wanna say thank you here. - Die already. - We've been thinking about it. - Kill Gary Richway and then die yourself. - We actually have, we are donating our picture to the Murder Museum here. - The Museum of Death. - The Museum of Death here in Los Angeles. - Yeah. - You can go see that. - Yeah, I already talked to Eric over there. What's up, bro? - What's going on, bro? - Yeah, thanks. - It's gonna stoke. - You slipper it out. I was like, you and me are probably like, we're almost coworkers. - Yeah, own a way. - Yeah, yeah. - And I'm feeling pretty glunky about it. - Yeah. - You know, I knew, do you remember my buddy, I know we're trying to end the show, but I remember my buddy, like Crosside Jim, who I used to work with. - Wait, was he, I thought we called him Crazy John. - No, no, no, it was Crosside Jim. Because he had Crosside, he was very cross-hired. - I remember, he used to wanna have the axe to bury him in his head. - Yeah. - He worked on a crab fisherman's boat back in the day out in Alaska, 'cause he wanted to forget about life. - I remember that. - And then he was telling me a story all one day. He wasn't paying attention, and he totally eliminated some dudes' hands. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they had to go back to fucking land, and he got fired. - I'll always remember, I guess it was Crosside Jim. I think I remember him as Crazy Jim, but Crosside Jim, I remember him telling me the story about how he was like, one time, I was driving a whole truckload of bays, and I was doing it for a summer job, and I was driving a big, all truckload of bays, but I was on about four hits of acid, and you can't even imagine the sound, the thousands of bays make on four hits of acid. And I was like, thanks buddy, we wish we'd cheesed it. - I loved bringing him around. It was my favorite. He was so much fun to hang out with. - He also was like, he, I remember him-- - I would love to find him. - We gotta figure out where he is, 'cause he also used to have that weird relationship with Marcus, because he was all into the same noise stuff. So he would make weird noise stuff. - All the math rock he used to make me listen to. - All that weird noise rock, because he was brain was destroyed by a fluidarily being cleft by an accident of years of acid. - He would wear headphones at the movies and listen to his own music. - It's a really weird guy. - Oh, so fucking weird. - Oh, here we go. So remember, here we go, a couple of things. First of all, lastpodcastinlauff.com. Go buy your, go see your live shows. - Yes, we got lots of shows coming up. We got side stories is pumpin, dude. - Yeah, no. - We got Anchorage, Alaska on February 20th. - Hold out somehow. - Yeah, we were sold out in Anchorage. We were not sold out in Fairbanks. We need people to come out there. - Yeah, come, we're coming regardless. - Well, if you got tickets, we're coming. But, you know, 'cause I wanna see Fairbanks, I wanna see the Northern Lights can't fucking wait. - We're gonna put on a hell of a show with Billy Wayne Davis. So that's gonna be on February 21st. Make sure you come to that if you're in Fairbanks. If you're not in Fairbanks, I don't think you should come up there. It's gonna be pretty cool. - It's pretty fun, cool. - March 14th or Banna Illinois. - Got a lot of great Illinois. - We got a lot of great people reaching out about places going around. - Lots of people, yeah, yeah. Then we got Lexington, Kentucky on April 26th. - I can't fucking wait. - Honestly, these are all places. I'm just, I don't know what it is. I'm excited to go to Lexington. - Well, Lexington, we gotta go to all the different whiskey places. - Yeah, I wonder if that's gonna be like the first time we perform drunk. - I will find out. - Oh, and listen, I said, we're doing Netflix as a joke. - Oh, no way. - Yeah, we're doing Netflix as a joke. May 7th and LA at the Avalon. - We got 945. We got the late show coming to see us there. That's gonna be a blast. - We're seriously gonna have a lot of fun. I imagine we might have a special guest. I'm not quite certain yet. - I wanna say, fuck the night of too many stars. (laughing) - Yeah, don't go to the fucking night of too many stars. - Come to side stories where we have half a star. - Man, you could see right from 20 feet away and then it probably hang out with us afterwards. - Yes, that is how it goes. May 30th, Rochester, New York, June 28th, London, Ontario. And then I'm also doing stand up. If you wanna come see me personally on the road on February 18th, it's a Wednesday. I'm gonna be at the punchline in San Francisco on April 3rd. I'm gonna be here in LA at the Lyric Hyperion with Amber Nelson. - Ooh. - We're doing a split thing. - I told you, yeah, 'cause she's gonna run her like hour, right? - I love that. - Yeah, so I'm gonna open for Amber and she's, we're both gonna do like a half hour and then she's gonna do an hour down the road. - That's awesome. - And then this is a big one. April 12th. - I am gonna be a ViStar Park. That's right. The Jacksonville Jumbo shrimp. - We are the Jumbo shrimp here to play a game. - Whitch. - I'm coming for your fucking asses. April 12th, tickets are available on edithoods.com. Come see me and I'm bringing Holden. - Sorry. - For some reason. - I'm bringing Holden. - Well, his wife is from Jacksonville. - He's a real banger, yeah. So she gets a free trip to Jacksonville. - Basically, that's why I'm doing it. If I'm bringing Holden. But you know, I love Holden. I can't wait to perform with him at the Jacksonville Stadium. He is the true author of the song. So that'd be great. And also the great Danny Bedrojan will be joining me as well. - That's gonna be so much fun. Just to remind you, give over to our Patreon. Nothing changes about the stream, the live live. You can go see last stream on the left live. Every Tuesday, 6 p.m. PS Dave, you give over to the Patreon. We have ad free episodes of the podcast on there. Also, remember, we are now doing last podcast on the left after hours. We're doing this new thing. - Last stream on the left. - Last stream on the left after hours. We'll be doing a whole thing. It's on the Patreon. It's all explained on there. Go check it out. But first of all, I want to say, live every day, acting like Alex Pretty. And we're in A Good. Go out there. I love on the fact that this is the United. God damn states of America. And we have the right to protest. And we have the right to fucking talk about whatever the fuck it is we want to talk about. We have the right to fucking technically bear arms, guys. Against the government that is trying to fuck us up. Right? So then you can know that you can laugh, knowing that you lived your life like a real American. And not like these fake fuckers that want to bend over to anybody that is just anybody with a fucking badge and all this kind of shit that just want to be this idea that we got to make room for them to fuck us up. Now thank you. - Yeah. Eat fucking shit. Fuck us, support them. Actually nah, let's put them in prison. - Yeah. - Someday. - We're coming for you. - Someday, you know that. If you're an ice agent, we're gonna not stop. - Do you need me? - Once the administration changes, we're coming for you. - Well, hopefully what it is is that hopefully a note of you that have murdered will get flipped on by your gutless counterparts and which we will finally root out every one of you. That's done something horrific. Okay? - You're all going to prison. - Yes, we'll see. - Bye. (laughing) - Bye, bye. - Bye. - Bye. - Bye.