Side Stories: Cannibal Cats & Dubious Dogs

There's no place to escape to, and this is the last top cast on the left. Side stories? That's one of the cannibalism started. Side stories? Yes. Yeah, we had a nice collective outing last night. We both enjoyed ourselves and went and saw the Mandalorian and Grogo movie. Oh, wow. So you went on a date. That's really nice. We went to Kusados and we got our tacos. I love Kusados. Thank God. Also, I want to say thank you so much for supporting like small IPs, people just making stuff out there that are just trying to make it because he's so tiny. Peace. All right. It was adorable. You would actually really like this movie. I was, you know, no spoilers, but I was surprised on how graphic it was. What do you mean? He like, he like, he like tries to like suck his own dick. Are you serious? Yeah. Grogo. Are you fucking serious? Yeah. Grogo fucking tries to blow himself. Is that real? Halfway through the movie. Yeah. Yeah. You got to go see it. You got to get up. It's not going to have the spoiler out. You can't look that up. It's true. You have to go to AMC road. Actually, no. I think you should go to an independent theater. Tries. Go to the Lambo. Yeah. You know, it's okay because he's not a child. Did you know that? No, we know that we covered this. Yeah. He's 50. No, we know we cover the suck his own dick if he wants to. Says no. That is not true. I'll come on. AI is fucking champ. 60% wrong. It says. It misses the proof. It says right here. It says. The proof is in his own pudding. According to Google AI, it says no. That it's not true. What is Google AI really said? It says no. That it's not true. Grogo often referred to as baby Yoda from the Mandalorian. It does not exhibit any such behavior. He's an infant character in the Star Wars universe whose actions are strictly limited to innocent childlike behaviors, like using the force, napping, and eating things. He's not an innocent childlike behavior. That's according to Google AI. He's not an innocent child like that. You could fucking kill. He rips things the shreds. And he claims or memes suggesting otherwise are entirely fabricated by internet users. So what did I watch? I think you watched straight up gay pornography. I think everyone should go to rush to the theater. Before they cut this out. Oh yeah, because that's the thing, because this is the censors. This wasn't this the what's his name. This is the able for our cut. We just know what's his name. Who did blue is the warmest color? I feel like it didn't he get it. Is it he doing a Star Wars movie? Isn't the guy from blue is the warmest color isn't he gonna do something with Chubaka? Were they have open vaginas? My wrong rub. I don't think so. What's the buzz on that? Imagine they just shaved Chubaka and he's got a huge fucking tits. Nothing. Oh my imagine. And nothing would make me happy. How would Chubaka be with tits? A cute score? Oh my god. All the way up. Cute score. All the way up. By Slave Laya. You got caught. I like free ass big titted naked Shorn Chubaka. Welcome to side stories. I'm really glad that he did the bit and he said I have this bit. You always go first. I do. And I'm happy. I want to talk about Grogu. So I was like, God, this is a lot. Yes. Especially buried in there. And they're like four minutes into the self-fuel ratio and it gets entertaining. Why? He's like on a slippery surface. At first you're looking around. You're like, oh, why are they doing this? Why are they doing this? This is fucked up. And then you're like, this is artistic. He did grow up as a choice. Yeah. Yeah. He really grew up quite a bit. I'm sitting here with curious Star Wars fan Ed Larson. You ever try to blow yourself in your kid? No, because I don't believe that for a second. No, because I've never, this is, we've covered this on, on round table. We've covered this. I don't remember round table. I'm just saying. All over the, for the years, I've never been compelled to want to suck my own penis because I've never wanted to suck a penis. Okay. I feel it's your own. Especially if it's my own. I never tried because I know I'm not flexible. I'm like, can't touch my toes even as a child. No, I know it's like a fruitless recipe. No, in order for me to suck me off to the point where I like it, I would have to like it. I'd have to separate me sucking me off from the suck itself. Could you, but yeah, it's here's the thing. Can you separate the pain of your mouth to the joy of your God? No. Actually, I'll give you straight answer. No, I can't. What it would do to my back would hurt and that would all hurt and the sucking of it would not be that fun. Honestly, I feel like the sucking of it would be my, the, the lack of pleasure I would have in sucking it would make me not happy. The me sucking the penis in general would make me not jazz. Now, the last thing you want, I'd get gizzed if I did it right, which I won't, you, I don't think yeah, because you don't want to like after you gizz be like, I wish I didn't do that. You know, you don't want that. I mean, I do, I do that. But that's different. That's a loan. That's more of a sad. Damn. Sucking your own dicks alone. No, but that's, but it's, you, you, it's. That's too much. All right. It's called post nut clarity. Oh, sure. Yes. That's what I've heard. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-A-G-M-L.com. I would love to hear one actual story and I think this is just like snuff films. Yeah. I don't think anybody's ever sucked their own dick till they came inside their mouth. And I'd love to, if you know a single person, you send me a picture of their driver's license. That's what I wanted. I want you to ask your friend that says, oh, I definitely sucked penis and my own penis and came into my own mouth. And I want you to send a picture of the, there's the picture from the driver's license to me. And then what did we send them in return? Nothing. Nothing. No, I read it on the story. You get to embarrass your friend on the show. And that's what you get. And then it's a huge, huge get. Yeah. Well, we have a light episode today in terms of just like, not material, in just in terms of its nice, it's a little bit less than 10 classic side stories episodes today. So we got a couple of updates. Number one, the single most American man. You've ever met, you've never met. You can't meet him. If you do meet him, it might slap you in the face, but that's just because you better not talk mess about his favorite tube meat. He might be one of the few people I'd pay for a meat and greet with. Maybe. I might. Yes, I might. Just because it would be nice about paying to see Joey Chestnut, is that he then he would take it as a job because if he takes it as a job, he's going to nail it. But it seems that his one-on-one fan interaction might not be all that great. But we have really, really good news. In the single most American headline of all time, Joey Chestnut has been cleared to defend hot dog eating title at the nation's 250th birthday celebration despite being on probation for battery. I think that the reason why he's even going, I mean, it's, it is of the time to have somebody on probation. I think most of the people at the 250th will be on probation. I hope so. You know, like, but I think, well, yeah, if they have an escape from jail, they will be there because they, I feel like 250th celebration this year will be the most ankle monitors we've ever seen on the White House lawn. Like, this is going to be the most on parole outing. Wasn't the point of the ankle monitors so you can't leave or they, they don't have to be at the White House. You'd have to be at the White House. You'd have to be there. And then hopefully participating in the games, but this, I guess they are doing this for the 250th year for July 4th, Joey Chestnut, he's being released conditionally from his jail in Indiana, which is hilarious to come to New York City. He's actually in jail. He was, he's, he's, he now is another, he has 180 days of probation. He's not supposed to leave Indiana. Oh, right. So that's supposed to leave the state in, well, well, could you not do a hot dog? Eating, could championship in, in anapolis? Yeah. If you don't want to make fucking money and then he's sausage there. Do you want to go to, you obviously, Joey Chestnut really wanted to be champion. He'd go to the Sun Punching Competition that happens in Gary. Do you see that one where you punch it, a lineup song, yes. And one father tries to punch as many songs as he can until his hand breaks. He does it to his hand breaks and then, but this year we're hoping to get to a Baker's dozen kids. Yeah. And a new record, but Joey Chestnut was in a bar in Indiana getting pretty fucking hammered as he does. He says, Joe Chestnut does not remember the incident. Wow. So he's black out. He got fully black out. And according to him, or according to a video he saw after the fact, I don't know if I miss getting black out drunk or not. I really don't miss getting black out drunk. I don't miss wondering or feeling deeply embarrassed. Yeah, just waking up and be like, oh, fuck, who do I got to call? Well, thankfully, I never black. But like, thankfully or not, thankfully, I never book at black out. I would definitely feel as if I was driving from the back seat, but I definitely wasn't blacked out. You think back in the day when we were going hard and murder fist, you never blacked out? Tallahassee. It was more like that, but not in New York. No. I can never drink enough. And stay awake. Yeah. Well, I worked at too many sports bars. There was nothing I could do about that. Thank God. I got out of that business. You saved my life. Hey, welcome. Hey, welcome to this. Incredible world of jokes. business. Now Joey Chestnut, he's in Joe business and apparently he did this thing, which we've all done. Yeah. Probably in less observed times where if person came up to him to shake his hand and it seems they got into like a funny little tussle thing. According to Joey Chestnut when he watched the video after the fact, but then he took it a bit too far when I guess he started slapping him in the face. Now Joey Chestnut. The guy started slapping Joey. No. Joey started slapping the fan. Okay. We don't know what he did. We don't know whether or not this was a situation. Was it a fun slap? I don't the video is not released. No. Joey Chestnut saying he thinks he can tirely admits fault and says, I'm sorry. I'm black. I was blacked out. I got to figure out what I'm what's going on in my life. He did say that. But he's like, it did seem like I was having fun whenever it was that I was doing, but I heard the man while I was having fun. We didn't know. Joey Chestnut's kind of a big boy. Six full one. Yeah. He's six full one two ten between two two and two thirty. Right. Yeah. He is. He's big boy. And so it seems they got into a little like what would have been a funny tussle, but then he was really intoxicated. And then he might have really hurt this man and he slapped him a bunch in the face. Now we don't know whether or not the man who came up to him was saying stuff like, oh, Mr. Hutdog, man. I mean, it's definitely what happened. You're at a bar in Indiana. Joey Chestnut wasn't oh, you want some us. I got it in my fucking most distributed. You know, like, and then he's having to go like, he listened. I'm off the clock. Okay. Yeah. Not today way. Bring it to Nathan. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, when you see me out there at comments, we can talk. Yeah. You don't see 40 pounds of S. Cargo in front of me. Do he see some at work, right? And normally I'm eating 15 double pounders, right? But now I'm here drinking B. L's because that's my real life, right? And so then the guy probably who knows it, then you can be like, I can eat my hot dog thing. You I got big. I got big ass. I'm a champion. I bet you fucking like pigs in a blanket. Yeah. And it's just fucking this crack. It's fucking cracks in the fucking mouth. All right. So I ran into Michael Moore at a bar, not Michael Moore, the fat documentary. He's like, because I bet he could eat a lot of hot dog. I bet he could do well. No, Michael Moore, the boxer, the guy who knocked out and won the title from a foreman, or did he lose the foreman? Can we look that up real quick? Yeah. Can we have a straight man fact? Yeah. But anyway, so I recognize Michael Moore. I was at a bar. This is years ago. This is before I even knew you. And I saw him in a bar. We're all drinking, getting black out. And I close the door. I'm like, Michael Moore. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we just talking and drinking. We like had a nice night. You called champ. Yeah. Of course. I got to call I got to call Frazier champ once no one recognized him. And he was walking around at the it was the the roast of Tarantino. And he was walking around. And I was like, what's up, champ? And he's stopped and shook my hand. It was very cool. But so I see Michael Moore and at the bar. And I recognize him immediately. He's got a very distinct face. And I was like, we're just talking to ask him. I was like, do people like try to fight you? And he's like, man, all the goddamn time. He's like, people always try to fight me. That's the last person you want to fight. Sorry. It's a yes. He beat a vendor. Holy. He beat Holly. But he lost the foreman is what it was when foreman came back with that thing. That was the one to the slow two punch. Yeah. Which people said it was a fix. But if you really watch that dude, he's got his arms are both like a hundred pounds. Like he's that fucking. He knows what to do. He's one of the hardest with the punching boxers ever in all of history. Yeah. So remember he's saying the pew. Yeah. That's so this happens to these people. Of course. And Joey Chestnut. He pled guilty to Mr. Mena battery. So that is kind of cool. He pled guilty. He acknowledged what he's doing. So he got a hundred and if you slap somebody, then if you punch somebody, no, I don't think so. I think it should be. No, it's all salt. It should be like heavy assault. Here is there is levels, depending on what you do to the person, but you can't get it. Once you get to those world off a hat, it's assault. That shouldn't be the same as fucking punching you in the face a times. It's all about severity and the cops going to call it as they see it. Launchly, they're going to call it as they see it. But normally as soon as there's physical contact, it's assault, especially in a domestic violence situation. And then just depending on the state, they might have to do something. So if they, if any physical contact happens, which I agree with, I think that's how it goes. If we are getting to the point where we're calling the police, then obviously something is going on when we're shoulder check. Shoulder check should be allowed. You couldn't do that no matter what. I feel like a shoulder check is plausible deniability. I mean, we all have done it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We've all done it and everybody's challenged somebody else. Yeah. Get out of the way. I'm trying to get off the subway. Of course. You got to do it. Right. But the thing is, is that because of his indiscretion, Joey Chestnut was, of course, in danger of not being able to perform this year. And this is a crucial fucking year for hot dogs. It is a big year for hot dogs. Big ass year products, fuck whatever's happening. And on the White House, I don't give a fucking shit. But for the hot dog eating competition, yeah, this is a very big year, 250. I bet they're going to have to like block off the streets more than usual down there. Dude, you know what else is performed while on probation? Who? That was interesting. Mike Tyson, Michael Vick, Tiger Woods, Hope Solo. Okay. Who you met? I met Hope Solo, very attractive lady. Oh, yes. She was very nice. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She didn't try to hit me or nothing. Wow. You see, that's again. And that's because you are a habitual fucking line stepper. And you're not. Now, we do know that he was not allowed. Joey Chestnut, he says that he was not allowed. Remember, 24 famously, he had taken his impossible foods, the fake meat company, taken an advertising deal from that he got a worse deal for eating vegan food. He didn't, but he did for slapping the human being. He's getting arrested. He really did. He got way more punished for it. But just true. Because he said, and then Chestnut then said inside of putting together some other thing, he did an impromptu separate event in 2024 where he competed against four army soldiers in five minute hot dog eating contest. He ate 57 dogs in five minutes. Okay. You guys eight 49 combined. Oh, you know, he was just relaxing because we just got to do it fast for Nathan's. He's like 70, I think. Oh, dude, because then the Patrick. Yeah. Patrick Burle led, Bertle leddie who won the national Nathan's that year because he was still there, right? He obviously he got the goal just because the fucking champion wasn't around. He got 58 dogs in 10 minutes. So when 2025, when Joey Chestnut went back, he fucking put down a staggering 70 and a half hot dogs and he won, but he was still five short of his record. And he is still very, very upset because he wants to come back because according to Joey Chestnut, the sport isn't a body eating. It's about drive or drug occasion of the day hot dog eating challenges both my body and my mind. Hey, he fucking right before he's to defend the title in 2014. He, um, he did engage. He was, he got engaged with his girlfriend, but they broke up a year later because she couldn't handle lead. Yeah. How many hot dogs could you guys do in 10 minutes? You think in 10 minutes? Yeah. Oh, man, probably like if I had to, yeah, five, maybe six. I'm not a, I'm not a speed eater. Yeah. Also, I don't, I want to enjoy it. They don't put like condiments on it. You know, it's just dip in it and water. It just seems gross to me. You know what? I feel like I could like go toe to toe with people. Trim. Yo, no, I was about to say same God in scallops. I bet I could go. I bet I can go hard on sky. But I think I can eat solid 200 shrimp. I have, I have an unending belly for shrimp. I can eat shrimp. Yeah. I throw up. I can eat shrimp to I pass out. There is something about it and crawl. What's the most shrimp? Yeah. Yeah. I'm looking it up right now. Yeah. Oh, Joey Chess nut has done some stuff. Oh, I bet 21 pounds of shrimp. Oh, two hundred shrimp man in eight minutes. That's a lot. 21 pounds. That's a lot of shrimp. You think you could handle that? No, I get 21 pounds enough enough. Yeah, I like eating it. Oh, and he used horse radish sauce. Oh my god. What a man. He's the real man. I wonder if he had to peel it. No. I mean, well, you know, 10. That's kind of what I like about it. It's like taking my time. Peeling it. It's being out of speed. It's going to speed. You can't just be. I like to relax with my shrimp piece. I like sucking them out. I suck them out of the tail. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Look at that. Yeah. Fuck yeah. He's eating all that shrimp. Oh my god. He's just eating shrimp by the fucking handful. Oh my god. That is truly truly vile. This is like that is not how that is not if there's a god that is not how god intended for shrimp to be eaten. I mean, that is how it trip is entitled to be eaten. It's great. Sorry. Hey, right. Holy fuck you. You're right. It's handfuls of fucking shrimp. It's just some about eating a handful of shrimp. Like it's an apple that he's just not good for you. It can't be good. These are like these are like the enhanced games, whereas like I know it's wrong, but I'm so morbidly curious. All right. So I watched some of the enhanced games talking to the enhanced games. I watched some of them just because I was curious. And they were saying according to they brought that vampire a millionaire guy on for some reason. The guy that's like 42, but looks Stirred. 39. Yeah, I mean, he keeps replacing his fucking blood over and over again with his son's blood. Is that the guy with the big butt? What? Is the guy with BBLs that does pranks all the time. I just figured it was him like he fucking talking about you know about the guy with BBLs that does it does pranks all the time. I'm looking at what I'm talking about. I'm looking at what I'm looking at. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the enhanced games, um, we legitimately are nowhere near. They thought they were going to break all these records by having all of these guys in a legal equipment using every single form of PED. They've got one world record, they've got one lady swimming and it's really got a lot to do with the suits. What they're saying is it's like high tech suits they were wearing, they were saying that some of the swimmers were so loaded on PEDs that were literally sinking into the water. The, uh, the mountain, the guy from Game of Thrones, yeah, he fell a full 30 pound short of his record. Dude, he's old. 30 KGs. His mountain. Game of Thrones was like 10 years ago. He killed Pedro Pascal the first time any of us saw Pedro Pascal. No, I'm saying he had set this up. The guy who played the mountain, he's been a very high level strong man competitor for a long time. But that is technically premium. That's prime time for strong men. Do you think so? Yes. Oh no. I know so. Your bones start going. No, dude, because the thing is, is that your mobility starts going the worst part is that like the thing about the strongest man in the world is that they can't like walk up stairs, but they can do so many other things like a big carry, a big rock, they can throw a tag and do stuff like that, but they can't move fast and they can't and they're going to die early. But before they do that, they're very strong and the mountain was really, he was prepping for this. This was a big deal because he was all juiced up to the fucking tits to get it over. I mean, they all live, I feel like that's a triumph in the enhanced games and none of them died while, but no, they were all, there's a lot of doctors there. A lot of guys and lab coats, a lot of doctors, you know, like the X games, we're not X games. What was it the, when they did a NFL, the XFL, they brought that back and they'd have like a fake doctor and let the players date the cheerleaders, I remember that. That was fun. But he hurt me. He was fun. Oh, yeah. He ate me, but it seems it seems that the enhanced games were largely failure. Fred Curly ran the 100 meters in 9.97 seconds, which is insane. Yeah. That's insane. But it's not the record. No, it's not. He did not beat Usain Bolt, who ran it in 9.58 seconds and he did it normal. Yeah, he did it normal. Yeah. So he did it Usain Bolt. Yes. We got the enhanced games. We're not there yet. Hopefully what I'm hoping in the further broke one versions. I got the one. I got the one. Christiane Guggenleave. They got that American. Yeah. How American these days are. He went and he got, he was a man. Sorry. I misspoke. It was not lady swimming. It was men swimming. He won. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't count because he was on steroids. So again, this is, I think we're just the beginning of this enhanced games. Everything I want, giant cages, I want them in mech suits with lepens, fighting each other. This is next. I feel it, but that's like 10, 15 years off. Yeah. Hopefully. No, we're gonna have to do enhanced games at least like eight times before we get to fight into the death. I just want fighting. It doesn't even have to be the death. It is the fighting to the, to the, your crippled. Yeah. That's what I prefer. If we're doing enhanced games, I want them to seem really doing enhanced things. I want them on sort of like a giant spinning, like mountain climbing wall that they'll fall off of into like a bunch of water filled with piranhas, but real, like you actually can die in it. I know they have it in Vegas, and it's a good place for it, but I feel like the best spot would be like Moscow. Oh, that's if we really want to do it. No, do buy. Do buy. Yeah. Just so that men can die legally, so that we can all be happy and really be entertained. Yeah. We do it and actually just kill people, and it doesn't matter. Do buy. Do buy. Gary and Yanna. I'd say either one of those anywhere where you can do a competition to death in 2026. No, no. Not in this economy. Oh, yeah. All right. So we got a couple. One more update. One more update. One more update. This guy, the, so last week we briefly talked about the billionaire who fell to his death back in 2024, and his son is currently being accused of pushing him off, and we weren't sure about it. A lot of things going on. Obviously, the story is still developing. When we first thought, I thought it was like a boy. Yeah. I thought it was like a 17-year-old just like, fuck you, dad. Yeah, you do. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. You all, let me have Toppas in nighttime. Yeah. But Jonathan Andick is a straight-up man who he works for the company, Mango Fashion, and he had to quit after he got arrested. And so now he's not even a part of the, of the mango company anymore. What I love is that he seems that he went and they're like, yes, they're like, oh, he wanted the money. Right. He wanted the money. He was trying to kill his father for money. But it's just such a funny idea of being like, ah-ha, yes. I will push my father into the canyon, and no one will be the wiser. Because every man who goes along the canyon, he does a risk and they do it. Yeah. I believe, you know, I was like, you know, it makes sense. Like an old man could easily fall to his death. I mean, he does this. Yeah. And there's definitely, it's not like it's covered in CCTVs, and it's not a very popular path. And it's not a thing that they do every day, and it's not like he's, you know, his wear amounts would be heavily questioned about where he was even missing for an hour, you know. Well, I think that it wasn't like he went missing. He was like, he's like, oh, no. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went that I took my father and the next thing, you know, he slipped on a plane. But the problem is, oh, there's so much football, so much slippery, but the main issue with it is he visited the site three times prior. He wanted to make sure that he was scouted it, but now I know what you're saying. He scouted it. What's the big deal? I go to places more than once. I've been to running in canyon 10 times, you know, like, you know, like, it's like so. I mean, they're always going to leave. They think you're there to handle the ghosts. You know, usually you're thinking about that, you're like, oh, so there's still like a little bit of plausible deniability. But then he, um, they his WhatsApp got leaked. Oh, no. Yeah. No. His WhatsApp got leaked. And that's really what's leading to the premeditated, premeditated role here. And he asked certain things like, uh, a judge's writ said that the relationship between the father and son had been deteriorating, owning that Jonathan Arctic's obsession with money. And his WhatsApp messages had expressed feelings of hatred, resentment and thoughts of death and blaming his father for his situation. My father will not let me go. Yeah. He will not let me go to the board fight. Yeah. Yeah. He said, uh, we should many cherished loving memories together. Of course he did. Yeah. Sure. Like when he first gave a money, when he secondly gave him money, when he did, oh, billionaire sons, they definitely are filled with I guess empathy. I don't know if that's true, but it does show that there is a cost of being a billionaire. There really is. And sometimes what that cost is your family hates you. Yeah. Family hates you. And they're going to try and kill you and sell your money. But everything in here knows it. Everything of it. Every single billionaire knows that. Yeah. We saw the movie. You ever see the movie greedy? But yeah. But that's the reason why love the movie greedy. Greedy is great. Love that movie. We Kirk Douglas. Oh, yeah. What it is, that's the problem with billionaires, right? Is that they're always like, ugh, I'm a billionaire. Everybody wants to kill me. Now I have to fucking punish the world because everybody wants to kill me. Yeah. They don't really understand. If you would just go down to like $999 million, we wouldn't want to fucking kill you anymore. So maybe you just got to think about just giving up money away to society where we won't want to fucking kill you anymore. Yeah. Oh, and also a mango company is like on Russia's side in the Ukraine war. Oh, sure. They're doing great. Yeah. What are you doing for the fashion industry over there? I don't think the man's a nice man. No, probably not. No. Well, good riddance. Good riddance. Good riddance. And I hope they're all punished one by one because everybody hates, I cannot believe you're wearing that silver jacket. I know there's a good chance I'm completely wrong here, but I feel like if our we're going to prison for us in my life, I don't want to do it in Spain. Oh, of course. Get naps. Oh, speak about shrimp. I know it's half of it. Shrimp probably. And you get all the coke and the red wine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So many. I love to go to prison in Spain. Yeah. I'm going to get so many. We're going to get so many. We're just side stories. LPLGmail.com. What's prison in Spain like? Yeah. Do you like it? How are you doing? Are you watching this on Netflix? It's in prison in Spain. Is that how nice it is? All right. Here we go. All right. We got a great story here. It's extremely important. It's a lot of times. I know we've covered rather like, you know, between the Ronnie and Revolution. And Jeffrey Epstein. Yes. And layer alligator alcatress. Really funny stuff. This is one of the more serious stories because you just never know your pets. Mm-hmm. You never really know them. They are mysterious. And honestly, this is another example of why I'm glad we don't have cats. Yeah. This is a Reddit article. This is not a Reddit post asking for help, I guess. I'm not again. This is not anti-cat. No. Well, I'm fine with cats. We're not anti-cat. This is just a specific because I will counter this with the dog story. Just understand. Mm-hmm. This comes from a user. - He's our named. - Eldritch Pussy maggots. - So yeah. - Yep. - So yeah, so. - Remember that when you hear the story. - So I'm just gonna read this real quick. This comes from Reddit, everybody's favorite place. Not really looking for a fix, just looking for information. My cat, seven years old, male, neutered, has already been to two behaviorists when my parents had him, both were confused according to my parents. This is a known issue. But it doesn't cause any problems because he's not allowed to interact with other cats, whatsoever. - Okay. - Definitely not an issue at all. He's very sweet to people. Not very small children. Reddit, he gets overwhelmed by kids, right? He isn't trying killing them. - Yeah. - But he seems to react to other cats the same way he would do a squirrel or to a rabbit as in just pure predation. No recognition that they are in the same species. He doesn't display any territorial aggression to other cats, none of its dominance behavior. Ears don't go back, fur never puffs out. He never growls or hisses, nothing. He's just hunting, never seen anything like it. The shelter was hesitant to adopt him out of all of this due to his history, but they did so because one of the other shelter workers personally knew my stepmother and was interested in weird cats. - Is cat weird? - Fine, thank God. - Yeah, let me see, let me see, let me see. - It's called a weird, he's got backwards in. - Hey lady, got a weird pussy? - Yeah, yeah, we're a pussy. - We're talking about cats, but I like to use that word to freak out. - Yeah, I do that just to kind of make people uncomfortable. - Which are we pussy at all, I got nine. - They were considering Euthanasia because he was returned multiple times. But they wanted it, but we still wanted to give them a chance due to just how friendly two people, he was, and smart of you. - Sure. - He's well fed, he's always been well fed, killing and eating other cats, which belonged to a previous owner, was not something he did at a separate desperation. Judging by what I know about the event and what behavior I've seen, I'm entirely sure it was predation. He's injured to cat, my parents were pet-setting to the point of needing an emergency vet visit and extensive reconstruction of its neck. The cats were separated, but a child left the door open for a minute, my cat ran downstairs, caught the smaller cat, went for the throat, immobilized, and attempted to drag him underneath the furniture. They were separated before he could kill the cat. My parents have had him since 2023, and I recently, September 2025, took him when I moved somewhere that allows cats. I'm set on keeping him. - Cool. - No, he's no longer around other cats. - Great, period. - Done. - And at one, more details. He did eat a cat owned by one of the previous people who adopted him. - I don't think we mentioned this. - Actually, it's a cannibal cat. - Yep. - In addition to two previous surrenders for similar behavioral issues, which I don't know much about. From what I know, he's had a good introduction to a smaller female cat with no territorial behavior, was left alone for a day when the owner came back. It was a giant, bloody mess. The shelter was sure that he did kill the female cat and was eating the body. That's the reason why they were considering euthanasia until he was offered to my stepmother. Further clarification, he does not hate cats. He likes them, just like how he likes birds. - I mean, you really can't tell. - It's just like, did Jeffrey Dahmer like dies? - Yeah. - Predation and so. - He jailed a lot too much. Predation and territorial behavior are not different things. If you can't tell the difference, you shouldn't be giving input on this post. He is not stressed by other cats. He is not anxious and does not feel threatened by other cats. He doesn't need anxiety medication. Anxiety medication doesn't stop cats from having a prey drive. He does that hiss or growl or try to look intimidating. He has no other behavioral problems. He doesn't yowl or anything when he attacks. He finds cover, stalks, ears up, eyes big, completely silent. He gets very curious and excited when he sees other cats. He's seen my friend's cat separated by a ceiling height gate and supervised by two people. He seems extremely inquisitive, sniffing, ears forward, no sound. My cat did not respond whatsoever to my friend's cat's hissing, hissing, growling or puffing up. He just seemed curious. And so he was trying to see if it could stick his head around the side of the gate and pulling through the bars. They started looking back at me and meowing and rubbing on my legs. - No, edit number three. No, he is not going to be euthanized. I did not make this post asking for advice. I made it asking for information about why he's fucked up. Stop telling me to put him down. Stop applying human morals to animals. He behaves like any other small predatory mammal. Only he does not have the ability to recognize member of his own species. I've already had him by myself since September of last year. And before that, I was around him at my parents' house since 2023, okay? He's literally fine by himself. He's my cat and I love him. All right, he's probably healthy and affectionate. I'm the smartest cat I've ever owned. And a hundred plus people telling me to kill my pet and bothers me to where it bothers you. Seriously, fuck off. Just don't let me fuck off. - It isn't open for him. - And it for changing the format to the events where in chronological order and clarify some big tennises. (laughs) - But anyway, I will not. You're not just a cat. I don't care what you say. - It is a cute cat. Sorry, that's my reddit lady voice. Yeah, no, that's great. Go to the bottom of this and click on the next one there. There you go, that red, the follow-up post, up, up, up. Yeah, there you go, click on that. Here we go, there's the cat. - Oh yeah, the cat's really cute. - Sure. - She's really cute. - Cat's really cute. I thought Jeffrey Dahmer was a really, to be honest, really attractive teenager. - Did you read the follow-up by any chance? - No, it did not read the follow-up. - Do you want to try and guess what the cat's name is? Name it. - Casey Anthony. - Baby Jesus. - That is the funniest fucking, what? (laughs) The cat's name is Baby Jesus. - The cat's name is Baby Jesus. - I, and it's a cannibal. - This is just unbelievable. - Jesus feeds himself to the Catholics. - Oh, every day. - The Catholics eat the Catholics. - The Catholics are cannibals. - Yeah, they are cannibals, yeah, so. - Can I ask Eddie, we were talking about this right before the show. - I unfortunately believe. - I'm gonna say this nicely, I love you all. - I feel that the cat is unsavable. - And if the cat, I don't think I need to save it. It's killing other animals. But I do get it, if it's living alone with this man, then you don't have to worry about it. Lots of cats kill other animals, tigers, lions, it's probably reincarnated. - You know, I guess, you know, in the end, if this is what this person wants to do, I just find it interesting that they really spend such a long time defending the cat when you just know, 'cause like it's obviously, I don't know. - I mean, I don't know what he was expecting people to say. - Yeah, I don't know. - I don't know how you can make this post and save my cats a cannibal. And then people tell you to kill it. And then, you know, like, what the fuck? This is, or this is a handsome kitty. This is from what is the Reddit comment. - This is a handsome kitty. Glad to see that you're giving them the best life. (laughs) - Eldridge pussy magnets. (laughs) - That is the man's name. Eldridge pussy magnets. Loves this cat. - Magnets, I keep saying magnets, magnets. (laughs) - He takes them out on a harness, and a leash, which I think is irresponsible. - I need the cat if you're gonna keep it, needs to stay in the house. - My parents are, so this is when they update. My parents also kept him with a very large man, Koon. And he didn't seem to understand an enlarger cat's attempt to communicate. Baby Jesus would ignore the hissing, growling. God is as handy to him when you sat there and he didn't back off. And it says here, it would try to eat a chihuahua. - Yeah. - That's what it's saying. - Yeah. - It would try to eat a fucking chihuahua. - I'd say anything, it's size or smaller. - He does play rough. That's what he says. Yeah, he plays rough. It's a fucking murderer. It's a murderer. - Yeah. - It's a fucking murderer. - And we all know dogs play rough. - Well, you know, when you're speaking their language. (laughs) He doesn't like string toys. He just looks at his hand. It's just the way they brought up all of this without anybody saying anything about the cat, killing and eating other cats. And then everyone teaches me like, I can't prevent that you guys have an opinion on this thing. I'll post it out for an opinion. I made an opinion post asking for opinions, and then you gave me all your opinions, and you're fucking wrong. - Oh, he's answering my question. - My tits are caught in my belt. (laughs) My tits are caught in my belt. I got stuck in the, I got to the OBGYN. Kick me out today 'cause I ain't, they found a snake in there. (laughs) Apparently, there is, they found the cat had killed other cats before. - Yes, it's killed multiple cats. - Yes, and yes, it's like, oh, it's not around other cats. Is that what we do with a psychopath murder? - Yeah. - You take them away from society, and you lock them up, and you put them away. - But yeah, but then he's not really gonna get to stay away. Like, he doesn't get treats and stuff. Like, when a cat gets puts in prison-- - His lane Maxwell gets treats. - She has a great time. Anytime someone talks about her, they get in trouble, they get moved. (laughs) - Wow, you got me. - We need a mental facility for pets. - Yeah, I've been thinking about this. I'm actually gonna start one. I'm gonna start my, my-- - Zach Baggins. - Zach Baggins should buy this cat and have it go around the fucking museum. - And the fog game museum. - Have you killed other cats? - Yes. - That's a great idea. - He should put them up for that. - You hear that? You hear that eldritch pussy maggots? - I know you're great. - Zach Baggins. - Well, there's gonna have to dovetail. So, honestly, there was big money there. - Bye from your place. - Maybe we can figure out what's wrong. If we use this, like, so in China, they've been doing this AI, like weird animal translator thing, that people are like falling in love. with saying that it can recognize what a dog is saying and I'm going to put all these things out. My problem is that, as soon as I saw the words AI, I'm like, "Oh, that's fucking stupid." But yeah, yeah. Because there's the thing. Can I ask everyone does want to talk to their pets? We all do. We all want to know. You don't really want to know what they're saying. I actually was like, I read a very interesting article this weekend about dogs and you see this thing with the communication pads with the buttons that they can say words. Yeah, bitch. Fuck you. Yeah, it's always bitch. Bitch. Kill the president. Kill the president. Kill the president. I was like, why, where do you learn that? And I, um, but this, the thing about AI, the dog, yeah, obviously. But this AI, like, I feel like it's saying it's using this AI's now a buzzword. They're throwing AI on things. They try to sell me at the store the other day. My dryer broke. I was like, I just want a dryer. I want one of those dryers. I'm like, my mother has where you just replace the one part. She's had the same driver fucking 35 years. He says it doesn't exist anymore. You can get this other dryer or it's like, what is it? He's like, the thing is you're going to want to buy this dryer. You're going to have to buy the washer machine with it. I'm like, what are you fucking talking about? He's like, it's got AI in it. And the AI talks to the washer. And they talk back and forth. AI, I hate. I wanted to die and it's destroying the planet. These data centers need to be closed down. But AI, if it's going to do anything, it should be doing our laundry. But you're talking about, no, no, no, it's just, but it's just a buzzword first. You mean software. It's just software. It is not a little, your washer's not thinking. It's not sitting on, I hope that these panties aren't full enough. These panties are all full of blood. I guess you must be the latest. Like, it's not what it's thinking. It's not thinking anything. They're just connected together. It's stupid. AI is a buzzword that means fucking nothing. But with this term, like, this idea of using dog translation app is that with dogs and animals, they more so develop tailor-made to you. So they were talking with dogs on the, on the talk pads. They would learn a couple of things. They say that they could talk, they could teach a dog up to like 40 or 50 words. Yeah. And you choose the word. Yes. And you can, and they say that sometimes dogs can really put together in a string certain words. And they figured out certain things. Oh, yeah. The AI thing just saying, mom, I love you. Yeah. Of course, everyone's going to love it. If it just says, mom, I love you, but it didn't say that. No, it's Chinese. Yeah. It's saying I want to kill the cat next door. It's saying I want to kill Odia. I want to kill the, I want to kill your son. I want to kill the children. Yeah. But if you listen to the dog people that are training the dogs, they find that the dog really understands things obviously around food treats. Yeah. But the word now, like dogs love the word now. And then if you could figure out the very impatient, you put the word later in. And it's just this funny thing. People talk about ending in this like long, like argument with the dog where they're just going like, treat, treat. And you're like, no, later. And it goes now. And it's like later now, later now. Yeah. And it's kind of funny. But it's, it's only communicating because it's learning you. I don't think it understands the concept of later. I think it understands the concept. I think they think later is no. Well, that is, it is. It's just in our mind. We believe we're creating really nuanced conversation with the animal when we're really just sort of gamifying it's already, it's, it's natural ability to completely understand all of your verbal cues and physical cues. It's watching everything. It's watching every move that you make. You want to see an example of a negotiation with a cat. Sure. It's saying Pippi doesn't want you near here because Pippi's trying to eat. Okay. But that's, I mean, that's interesting. Yeah. I mean, I don't care. I don't think it's real. I don't think it's, I don't think the AI part of it is real. No, Julie wants to go to a pet psychic. Can I give me the money? I'll do it. Let me do it. If she's going to pay money to talk to a pet psychic, I'll do it. You, but you got to dress like a psychic. Oh, yeah. I'll do blackface and everything. She'll have no idea. She'll have no idea to me. I need lots of necklaces. Yes. Some fingertips. Oh, yeah. I'm coming in a full thing. Oh, yeah. She won't have any idea. He was like, here we go. I mean, I, here it's, it's, it's mistress Wanda. Yeah, she's like, we should go. We should see what Tutsi's thinking. I'm like, baby, I really don't want to go. And like, she's like, Tutsi's thinking. Yeah. Let me die. Oh, man, Tutsi, I was thought, I thought it was the end. And then she's like, she pop back up again. And she's just walking around eating a bunch of cookies and shit. I haven't a great time. Unbelievable. Once, once I started getting carbs down her, she fucking turned a new leaf. Tell me about it. Yeah. Oh my gosh. She fell down the ramp, though. And she tumbled all like all real slow. It was very, it was actually the cutest fall that was very dangerous that I've ever seen. She has no idea. She's alive. She's no idea. She's alive. But I love her. But you know what dog does know, this dog in Nebraska that shot a woman with a shotgun. What happens when police in Nebraska, where is possible? Oh, you didn't read this one yet. No, they were responding to her shooting. They arrived to the scene to find an unusual culprit. The incident took place in the Scottsbluff town of Nebraska, this is according to mirror. Shots were fired in a parking lot of a local convenience store. Police arrived at the scene. They found a truck with its doors damaged in a woman who been struck on the arm by a shotgun pellet. Well, the investigation in the matter showed that the woman had a loaded shotgun in the backseat of the car, which was inadvertently fired by her dog as it moved around the seats, the shot ended up damaging the car and even struck a female passerby. It doesn't really know how does that happen? Because they had the shotgun sitting on the fucking chair and the dog jumped on it and it went off. How does it pull the trigger with its ball? It depends on how big the ball is, you know, it gets in there and it gets stuck and it freaks out because it's foot is stuck in the goddamn trigger. You don't arrest the dog though, right? No, you will arrest the owner and you take the guns away, hopefully. No, that can't be. There's no way they're taking the guns away. I feel like in the end, I love the article to show the dog's ball. Just to be like, and this, this is the hands of a murderer, the hands of a terrorist. This guy, I mean, this guy should be talk about someone that should be put down as a dog's owner. Yeah, it's a lady. She's just driving around with a shotgun, loosen her backseat. Yeah, with the dog, well, that's dog shotgun. You at least, yes, I didn't realize you got it. How else is it going to go duck hunting? I can't, I mean, you know, you don't want it to become a murderer. You know, that's one of the worst things it could be. Is that why they call it riding shotgun? Oh, it was in the backseat. Yeah, why do they call it riding shotgun? So you can get up there and shoot out the window. Hopefully. Yeah, I think so. I think that's the whole thing. Here, you've got a shot. Give us a story, Eddie. All right, here's this one I'm loving and it's been developing over a couple of weeks. And I kind of had it in my pocket and didn't bring it up yet, but this one I fucking love. All right. So Mount Everest stoop at the climb. All right. Well, now it's definitely like, you can just pay money to climb. There's a line, but you have to like stand in line when you go to Mount Everest and slowly walk up behind a bunch of people and because there's a small weather window and once you can get to the very peak of it, right? And there's a certain season you have to go in. I know there's so many people doing it that they have now created this like log jam at the fucking top that just sits there. Yeah, which is insane to me. Also, there's other mountains. At Mount Everest isn't the only mountain. You can go to other mountains. There's other mountains. There's totally other mountains. Yeah, well, what about no one does Titi Kaka no more? No one does Titi Kaka no more. Well, I think that's a link. But Nepalese authorities have charged 32 Sherpas. And in the alleged fake rescue and insurance fraud screen scheme up in Nepal, taking high altitude trekking industry, including routes associated with Everest tourism. They've want they've gotten over 20 million dollars from people. Well, they've learned from 2022 to 2025. Well, this is a thing that's so funny because the Sherpas, they lead them to places they can't get down from. And then they're like, Oh, you need to be rescued. And they call their boy. You want a helicopter. Yeah. And then they come get them. Like, do you want to come get you want to get got? And then they have to like, fucking put down the ladder and they charge them out the fucking ass. This is how I believe this is what I believe. This is the true Satanist part of me. And sadly, the capitalist part of me that says, if you want to pay big time money to go to the top of Mount Everest and you can't properly research the team that you should take. And this happens to you. You fucking deserve it. I think that if you're because guess what they're also doing. They're not leaving you to die. They could definitely just kill you and take all your things if they wanted to. Thes an extended scam that I actually think is kind of funny. The alleged scheme has affected 4782 international climbers. It's very stupid. That is a lot of fucking people. It's a lot of people because look at the line. That is the crew. So right now Rob is showing a video of a line of at least 40 to 50 people. Dude, that's 150. Dude, waiting to go to the top to get their little fucking picture, right? It's like the rise of resistance line. Yeah. It's not. It's on Everest. Oh, yeah. And they wait like this so they can all get their little picture. And then sometimes the problem is is that while they're standing and waiting, the weather can change so rapidly that they all have to run for emergency cover. Yeah, this is just getting out of control. It's getting the idea of this as a money making scheme and a cloud chasing exercise is kind of getting that. many mountains for you to go to, you don't need to go to Everest. But also here's the other developing part of the story. The Sherpas they're finding were poisoning people. They were like poisoning their food that they were making. They were putting a bunch of baking soda in it. And it was making them feel like they had food poisoning and stuff like that and get it or like because it mimics altitude sickness. Yes. And so they thought that they were getting altitude sickness when they were up there, but they weren't and they were just, they just had a bunch of baking soda in their bellies and then they would have to get rescued. And here's the other thing they were doing. I think this is actually how they got caught was they would do a helicopter rescue. And like, you know, your dad gets sick and he needs to be rescued. You're sticking around with him, right? Of course. And then you have the whole family with you. So the whole family needs to get in the helicopter. Oh, yeah. And that's called, and that's money for fuel. But what they were doing was they were charging each person in the helicopter for chartering the helicopter. Of course. Rather than just a ride in a chartered helicopter, no, they fucked everybody, but they get made you buy a ticket. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it was like, they're really going after 171 out of 1,248 rescues. They seemed appear to be fake. And so they've just been ripping people off, dude. And they got caught in fraud that came out to 19.69 million is what they're expecting. And now they're getting sued by the Nepalese government for 1.5 billion in restitution. God damn. I mean, like, this is just one of those where if you want to go and do this thing in order to get your fucking picture and do all it's like, I don't know what to tell you. You should research your Sherpa company better. Yeah, man. Or you just calf man. Don't do it. I'm just a cow man. One more story that I really liked and we'll get out of here after that. Elder abuse is I hate when people take advantage of the elderly and steal their money. It makes me insane. Yeah. If you're going to do something to the elderly, make sure you make them vote first. Oh, no, I gunpoint. Yeah. So an elderly California couple. This is out in Riverside. This woman, she fell for an elder, an elder scam, which is hard to do. I mean, well, this is the thing. Is that like, I had to sell someone money this week because there was like a death. And, is that was a hit man fee or yeah, it was a hit man fee. And but the sell made me like promise that I knew this person like four times before they sent the money. Honestly, as they should, I was very impressed by Zell. But this lady, she was on Facebook and someone impersonating Tom Selick kept hitting her up for money. First, it was 80 bucks and it was 800 bucks. And then we mentioned Tom Selick asking you personally for $80. That dude's got so much thinking money. He is in the way. Also, if you knew anything about his lifestyle, a new that Tom Selick has created, he has this incredible life in which he rolls into his job and which he makes multiple million dollars. And he fucking goes into, he sits, he's like a two day a week where he just, he doesn't stand in any of the scenes. He literally sits in every scene. Dude, it was good. Don't see in high and in 101 and crime 101. I seen the first time I saw him. I whispered to Julie. I was like, I bet he doesn't stand the entire movie. And he did. No, because that's a part of it. He's like, I sit now. That's what I do. I fucking sit. And so Tom Selick then going onto Instagram, which also then funny. And then also him hitting you up and then itting you asking you for $80. Does seem to be insane. And he was the first time and then it got up to 800. And then it was like a charity event. And then his like managers, like sunday, apparently. And so she keeps, like, she falls completely victim to it. She's like, they starts to get like little sexy the messages. Oh, yeah. It's a third. It's a third a little bit. It got to the point of how Tom Selick lies in throwing now. Yeah. So our husband cuts her off completely. Not like he doesn't kick her out of the house or anything, but like he cuts her off completely. We find that she gave us something like a hundred grand or something like a insane amount of money. It wasn't a hundred grand, but it was a lot of money. And it was obviously fake. And she was obviously getting taken for a ride. But she believed it wholeheartedly. So he took away her credit cards, took away this, took away that. And then she starts asking her friends for money to give to Tom Selick. And so her friends are like, hey, listen, just want to let you know what she's doing. So the guy he had it up to here, murder suicide. Jesus fucking Christ. He like did it. Yeah. Oh, for some reason, I thought it was the lady who did it. No, the husband murders. He was embarrassed. And he was sick of losing, because when you're old, you have no income anymore. No, if you're just give, that's why it was gone. It's so bad because like it's all the money these people are going to have for the rest of the world. Oh, yeah. The money is stealing and they're stealing the still. So the guy like lost his fucking mind. And then she started asking his friends. And that was the final straw because he was embarrassed on top of being broke. And so we just fucking off to her and kill themselves. Yeah. No idea. It was him. Well, you know, in the end, it is super embarrassed to be cooked by fake Tom Selick. It's very embarrassing. Yeah. I mean, it's not like, because Tom Selick, even he ain't what he used to be. I mean, obviously my mom, my mom is still God. That's the one. I think that it's got the open invitation to fuck her. Oh, my mom would have done anything for Tom Selick. My mom, I think, would become a dirty evil fucking gross horror for Tom Selick. Oh, yeah. I mean, like, I think that she'd become like one of the like she'd become like a that like a fucking grimy fucking street woman for Tom Selick is a famous detective. He should solve this crime and find out who's doing this. Can we email Tom Selick? Yeah, Tom Selick. I feel like if anyone comes to like, God, you got hot. He is in that picture. He was very hot. God, look at that fucking cock. That's a little thighs. Jesus Christ. Yes. He was a real man. Yeah. He's a real man. That's a real fucking man. All right. Wow. That's a real man. Tom Selick. Tom Selick. He was like 28 in that picture blowing away. Yeah. I know. He's the guy is Ed's feeling gay. He's where he loves it. He feels it. I get it. Tom Selick would break Timothy Shamilay's arms off. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a Magnum P.I. Magnum P.I. He's got a magnum. Yeah. He's having him having sex with Timothy Shamilay. I wish he would have fucked my mom. Yeah. That would have been great. I really would have. Would you fuck my mom, Tom Selick? Tom Selick. Are you listening to this? Are you on Facebook? How busy are you? Yeah. Can you email me? Can you? You are in NYPD Blue. You probably have the call sheet still? Blue butts. Oh, blue bloods. That's right. Blue. Yeah. His email to you. That's Tom. It's Tom. Yeah. He's got. Yeah. Tom Selick won a Gmail. What was that movie? He was in that I love Mr. Baseball. I love Mr. Baseball. Do you think Tom Selick would be happy? You're like almost in a way that he still got this much juice that every time he's still like he exists. He pops right back in the news and in fact mustache don't quit. If you told him just being like if you killed him for me, you're like, wow, that was all for me. That's one of the coolest things I've ever heard. Still got it. Yeah. Of course. Of course she wants Tom. Everybody does. Right? Everybody does. Of course he was jealous all hell. He was jealous, even just fake me. Yeah. That's got to be the thing. He was jealous of fake Tom Selick. Yeah. If it was real Tom Selick, he would have bombed the neighborhood. Yeah. And that's it. Tom Selick actually was trying to fuck his wife. What was that thing? Oh, Jesse Stone. That was the character he played all the time. Now I'm just obsessed with his career. Three minutes of the baby. Yeah. No, he's a very good. He was also supposed to be fucking in the end of Jones. Yeah. He was. He would have been a good indie. And that takes a lot for me to say. He would have been a great indie. But no, but no. No. He's not the same. He's not the same. He did Dr. Quinn medicine woman. Now we're just going through his hour. We're just naming things fucking Tom Selick. The daughters of Satan. Yeah. I bet you starring Tom Selick. Yeah. You know, what it's probably not fucking bad. Wow. All right. So I got a couple of the like here. Let's do this. I get a list of e-mail. There's a list of e-mail. Stinger. You want to hear something? Oh, yeah. Are you ready? Yes. Are you holding in, Rick? Yes. Sure. Yeah. Not bad. Yeah, it's where we've heard that one. I know. I like it. Yeah, I like it too. It's a song. You can hear a song more than once. You okay? No. Let's read this. Let's do this. I'm so fucking lovely. Not everything's a fucking travesty. My body's dying. You got to see Mandalorian Grogu. Oh, yeah. So I can really finally jerk off on a theater again. That's what I need to see. Honestly, yeah, because there's nothing I love better than a little Gremlin. Common in his own mouth. Here he is. He does. Yeah. A guy. Orbs. Back in 2012, my college roommate and I went to Halifax for Jenny to visit my parents and hang out. For the weekend. My dad changed smoke in the house. So me and my buddies spent most of our time outside. We toss a football around for a while in the backyard and really never went at all in. Except to grab me and be couple of my stepdad's buds from the fridge. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. My friend Chad mentioned now a remote of a place we were in and how cool it would be. This is some of the awful wall shit out in the country. I agreed. We focused on seeing some for a minute and laughed it off. I will say I have to do some classes in transcendental meditation for a couple of semesters by then. It will be complete unique and relaxed feeling as we did that and really did feel very connected afterwards. Anyways, one of our friends was having a shindig across the county that night, so we stopped drinking brews early, so we could be two legit 20-year-olds driving across Halifax County, not wanting to be pulled over. And this is where it starts. The campfire where we were hanging out by died. We were considering leaving. We were talking to my boy when I saw a white light illuminate his face. I turned around and there was a white orb glowing in the woods, but in parents' house, but 50 yards away. We looked at each other, scared out of our minds, and motioned back towards the light, and it suddenly exploded. It almost looked like a transformer exploding. We treated glances back and forth like what the fuck was that? I don't know. It's my orb. My orb. It's my orb. Then we heard slow deliberate footsteps from the direction of the orb. Something tall was walking through the tree branches and my dogs woke up and ran towards the sound. When they went, we ran to the house and climbed over six foot car park walls to get in. We immediately locked all the doors and closed the blinds. I went to my parents' room to grab their pistol under the mattress. Whoa. Meanwhile, my dog sounded like they were attacking something and made their way around to the front of the house. My mom woke up, ear plugs in, blinders on, as I was digging my arm under a mattress, and hearing the dogs going from barking a whale in the front of the house, and as soon as she was up, the dogs were quiet. She walked to the front doors. We begged her not to, and all three of the dogs were asleep in the back of the golf cart, and we had to drive around the farm. They never did anything ever before or after. I don't know. Spirit ship. Why did you get a gun? It's an orb. Yeah, but you shoot light. But they was walking in the track and the fucking forest. So we thought he might have to shoot something, come to the forest, or at least then have a reason to finally kill something. You know what I noticed? A lot of my pictures of the Grand Canyon had orbs in them. Yeah. Yeah. Look at this one. That's the sun. No, that's the sun. Oh, no, that's a reflection of the sun on your face. But there's, but it's in a lot of different ones. Yeah. I mean, it might be. It just depends on how the camera. Do I just have a bad camera? Yes. Do everyone just have a bad camera? Maybe. It's possible when you'll have to find out on our Patreon. Patreon.com/lastpodcast on the left. And you could watch our shows. Liz Dorgsville's ad free feature on our picture. No, go take a look at it. All right, make sure you live every day. Wondering if today's the day I'm going to see something weird and watch an orb explode in front of me. And then you can laugh when it doesn't happen because it's just inside of the film of your camera. And you can love the fact that you might need to go get a new camera. That's right. Also, we're going to be hitting the road this weekend. We're going to be in Rochester. It's sold out. Very excited, bro. I am excited. Radio social sounds awesome. Have you ever been talking about how great they're so excited to just give us food? This is like the first time the venue like keeps reaching out to like make sure that like we're happy and okay. No, I've never had that before. It's very nice. It's very, very nice. We're very excited to come to Rochester. But the day before on May 29th, we're going to be in Pittsburgh. Come and see us in Pittsburgh. There's only four JK Ultras left. We got Pittsburgh this Friday. Grand Rapids on June 27th. Tulsa, Oklahoma on July 17th and Oklahoma City on July 18th. Also, you and I are going to be doing a side stories in London, Ontario on June 28th. And I have to be the murder capital of Canada. Really? Yeah. So what they have like one last decade. We'll find out. Yeah. And so we're going to be going there. I'm very excited about that. And then side stories doesn't have anything on the books until crimeway. Oh, no, yeah. And then we will find out. We will definitely have the show. We're going to put some stuff. Yeah, definitely going to put some stuff in there. Oh, yeah. But yeah, we're as of right now. But please come see my stand up. Go to all dates. Are going to be any tunes.com. But on June 7th, I'm going to be in Phoenix at the Desert Ridge improv. That's going to be a lot of fun. I'm bringing Amber and Julie to that one. And then on July 10th, Bethlehem PA, a salute to Bethlehem. That's going to be July 12th, Newark, July 13th, NYC city winery. That's going to be with Kiersten Michelle Sills. And then July 19th, Plano, Texas and July 26th. The comedy store here in LA. My first headline at the comedy store. Yeah, you might see Henry there. And then August 1st, I'm going to be in Chicago at the Lincoln mod. Lots of more dates. Go to 82s.com to see me. I'm coming to a bunch of cities in October. I'm fucking booking it up. I'm very excited about this. That's how it's fucking great. Yeah, you all fucking be good. You take care of yourselves. And thank you to the person who sent us the DeForven sign vinyl. Yeah, the person who sent me the DeForven sign vinyl. Thank you. The notes right up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we have someone mailed us the vinyl of DeForven. Signed by him. Do we know if it's really signed by him? It is. It's really signed by him. Yeah. Well, because we also thank you, Richie. Richie, thank you for giving DeForven money for this. I think he already had it. And then he was like, I need to get this out of my house. Either way, I appreciate you, Richie. Thank you for the terrible album. This is the perfect home for that exact thing. Yep. And we don't worry. He'll never be played. Don't worry. Goodbye, everyone. How should we say? Uh, Hale Ryan Porter again. I miss him. Yeah. All right. Peace out, everybody.