Should You Date Someone You Don't Want to Marry?

If you want partnership and someone to do stuff with and have sex with and all of that and you're in your 20s and they're not perfect, who cares? This podcast is a dear media production. Hi guys. Hi guys. Welcome back to their episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. We're together. We're together. I have no member. So you will have heard the snack episode a couple days ago, which obviously like we were together too, but we're recording this first, and I haven't seen you in seven weeks now. I think the last time I saw you was September 6th. What? Where were we? We were in the Hamptons for a Labor Day. That's the last time I saw you. Yeah, dude. I brought this up the other day and you were like, you know, we chocked all the time. And I was like, dude, this is like months and months. And we are just like, no, it's not. It's not. It is. Okay. So it was just nice. I like picked you up at your house this morning and I like got to do your house the first time and then we're going to finish recording and like go into your house and I'll see you shot. And I'll see you shot. I forgot his name. That's all long. That's all long. Well, it is again November 2nd that we are recording this. So that means a couple things. And I have been married for a year, so we'll talk about it next week. I'll share my feelings on being married for one year. Stay tuned to see if she liked it. Stay tuned to see if I'm still married. I'm just kidding. But I have a lot to say, but I will just hold it next week today. We have a lot really to talk about. And we are going to see you guys this week in New York this Sunday. So the eighth, we have a show at the Stand West, formerly Chelsea Music Hall for the New York Comedy Fest and we're so excited. So we'll see you guys there on Sunday evening. Yes. Okay. We'll thank our partners and we'll get into the episode. You guys take you to scams shop our favorite lounge room pajamas at skims.com and article. Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. And thank you to Columbia. Get your hands on an amazed puff jacket at Columbia.com. And thank you to Storyworth. Get up to $20 off at Storyworth.com/gge. Newtrophil get $15 off your first month subscription and free shipping at newtrophil.com with code gge 15. Okay. Where to even start. I feel like you just feel like you're okay. I feel like my body is like returning to like regular quarters all levels. Like, you guys I landed in LA yesterday and I have had like spreadsheets on spreadsheets and I was like, it's like one thing is out of place. So I sold my house. I'm really excited. I wanted to ask her this morning and the owners take the keys tomorrow morning. I've had a lot of furniture at the house. So because I was coming back here to stay. It's a sort of a long story. I thought I'd rent it furnished. It was a crazy idea. So I got to be five in the morning. I flew here. I had junk removal coming yesterday to pack up everything in the house again. And then the movers came this morning and you and I have four episodes over two days. Four. And I still wanted to like enjoy my time here. I haven't seen you in two months. Yeah. I wanted to like enjoy this. And so I've just been like, I mean, I'm a partner. So I do this by myself and I just have like lists on lists on lists. And like you have had so many times in your life where you were like getting married. You're in Tori from your special and like you didn't let me down with the podcast. You didn't say like, I can't edit this episode. So I was like, I can't let work slip. And it's just been like a lot. I've also had to sell my car and it's just been like a lot. So now the movers have come. They have taken everything and gotten it out of my house. And it's just like a huge way it off. And it's just so nice to like sit here in the deer meat studio with like you and Carolina and just like, oh, record this episode. I'm so glad. I mean, we've just both really been in the trenches with the moves and all these things. Like there was a point where I was like a peak, the peak was October 15th. I'll talk about it, but where I was in a really stressful time. And I was like, I want to help you, but I can't like my own shit going on. You know, because I feel like you and I are usually like I need support and help. Can you help me with this? Like I was like, I want to help with planning Vegas. I literally can't. I'm so like underwater too, you know, and so we have obviously recording and doing the podcast is our priority. That's our job. But there's just been times where I'm like, I can't offer her my services. This morning, you like made me burst into tears and like I just was like, I have to leave the house before the movers are finished and like, I can't find anybody last minute to come over here. Like our friends have jobs, kids like nobody can just pop over Monday at noon to sign off for the movers. I don't know what to do. And like, I need to sell my car and the car title didn't come and you like, there's something like a five minute voice that was just some advice and it was like simple advice. You really can close out them, the lock the house up for you and like we just decided together that I'm going to get a parking space and I'm going to come back here a lot, but I like burst into tears. I was like, to have like a person just be like, do this. I was just like, I have just like, shoulder this by myself for so long I've been so stressed about it. I got planning Vegas and the last show with the tour and like you and I have 20 friends coming with us and I don't want to let us down and to have somebody just be like, do this thing. It like, I don't know. Maybe so emotional to be like, oh, I have like a support system in the world that like that I trust. Like, I wouldn't even thought like I could close out with the movers and then leave. Well, yeah, you were just like, I don't know what to do. I have to be there. I was like, you don't have to be on the person to ask because I did this days ago, dull close out whatever you want and you got to hope they finish the job, but you know that they would. They've been wonderful. There's nothing in the house for them to take, you know, just tell them to close the door and they leave. That's it. And it was just, it's nice that people in your life who's like opinions, you trust and respect. And people on that like do stuff. That feeling when you're like, I the answer. Like one song. Because right now, I really hate lean on each other a lot for a device. Like real life, I need your help with this. I need you to help me decide what I want to do, help me navigate this. And I, most of the time, do feel like I have something to offer and hopefully vice versa. But that feeling when you're like, I know I got this one. I actually know this answer and you're going to do what I'm saying you're going to do. It's like, I'm going to tell you what you're going to do it. It feels so good. It was like our friend and the voice met us about a narcissistic family member and I was like, oh, I got you. I'm like, I really need to finish this voice note, fucking master class over here. But it was a, it's been a wild month and both of us in tandem dealing with these like home situations and yours has been a fucking nightmare. Mine's been a little more run of the mill, but we're, we're through it. Sitting here, we are really through it. I mean, it's over. You and I are going to, we're going to lock the house up and then go watch nobody wants this. Oh, yeah. We recorded about last week, yes. Yeah. So I told you guys, I would share about my move and I'm going to share what happened on moving day. What has led up to it is it has just been a nightmare from the start. So from the moment that we were told we had to move, it has been super rocky. We didn't want to move. We actually didn't really legally have to. We did anyway. I'm kind of dealing with some stuff from the landlord from the realtor. It really was a month of me feeling so stressed, so pissed, so bullied, so taken advantage of. And I'm still kind of dealing with it and deciding what ultimately I'm going to do. And that's why I don't really want to talk about everything right now. I'll share all these details eventually because I want you guys to hear the fucking story. But at the end of the day, we moved. It's all good. We're in our new house, but it was really rough. And I have had these moments again from December 15th to October 15th, where I was just like, I can't believe this is happening in the way these people are making me feel like we have to leave this house. We never planned. We planned our life around this. And then the original house, I told you guys about, I was like, I'm moving this house in this dream house. I found it when it's not the house we live in. That's a totally different story. A whole different long story, but another house we had found another house. So this one is great. We love it. The location is incredible, right? It's all this morning. She is inching towards me and I left. Yeah, I got closer to you. I think you have this morning. You are the four-minute drive for my house. Oh, I know. But anyway, so what I mentioned, it wasn't that one. But we love it. It's fine. So in the midst of all this, in the midst of all this drama, Leonardo Viltro, me just legal stuff, right? We're going to move. October 15th is today. We had hired a moving company to do a partial pack. We packed our own kitchen. We packed a lot of our stuff boxes all over the house. I mean, threw so much out, sold stuff, hauling stuff to the trash, junk removal, like so much just physical labor. It feels good to purge. I will say, but we didn't want to do this. So we're like resentful also, totally, you know. And so we're doing all that. We did a lot, but we still have the movers coming. So October 15th, they're going to come. That's the day we everybody agreed on. They're going to do the move that day. It's a Thursday. I wish it would have been a weekend. It wasn't. I don't want to get into it. Shashank had to work. Up in the morning, 8 a.m., moving day, let's go right to be in the new house, whatever. Power goes out. No power. I'm like, please God, let this be the neighborhood, the building, not just our fucking house. Because we're transferring our power. Nope. Instead of transferring the power, Connor, turn it off. Whoopsie. You saw me that. That's the lights off. What are, that's not even a thing you're supposed to do, by the way. It's supposed to just transfer. You're not supposed to turn people's power off. People have like medications and like, you're good. You're not supposed to. I don't know you could. And also, you see, you saw me in that text and I was like, this is the worst thing I've ever heard. I can't believe the movers are coming and she, huh? shower, doesn't have power, like I, but okay, it's fine, LA is bright and sunny. It's fine. The sun is shining. Get through it. We have business managers. They're so wonderful, so lovely. They call Khan Ed. What the fuck you guys doing? Whoopsie. We cut her power off. It'll be back on an hour. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So this is it. Shout out. It takes the cold shower. Cold shower and moving day. And the movers are supposed to come between nine and 10. The Wi-Fi is supposed to be at the new house to set that up after 10. So I'm like, I can meet the movers that I'm going to run over there. It's like a mile apart. I can do all this, not ideal. In the past, I've had like tests that has helped with that situation where you're like, you got to be with the movers, but the Wi-Fi, this and that, whatever. So done in a bunch. Yeah. The Wi-Fi, we're here. We're at the new house. I'm like, I can't leave because I'm waiting on the movers. Ha, ha, ha. So it should go over to the new house to meet the Wi-Fi guy. Frontier fiber guys can't recommend enough. People, I will never get spectrum, but I can recommend Frontier for your internet. So he has to go to work late. He calls them. He's like, I'm coming in late. I got to deal with the stuff. And so the movers are supposed to show between nine and 10. I'm in the dark. No power. And 10 o'clock rolls around. I'm like, that's weird. I haven't heard from anybody. So weird. You usually hear from the dispatch in the morning, maybe the day before. So I book this through my guy in New York, a big nationwide moving company, you guys. Huge. Some would say one of the top five. Big three. Yeah. So, ha, ha, ha, ha. So I text him. And I'm like, what, it's weird that they're not here yet. It's 10 o'clock. He's like, I'm into it. He calls me. And I'm like, oh, no. He calls me. He's like, Ashley, I can't even believe what I'm about to say to you. I'm going to short and say, we'll call him G. G. Just say it. He said, they're not coming in. What? I almost fell to the floor. What do you mean they're not coming? I said, how can this happen? Who's this ever happened to in the history? This isn't Craigslist Movers who rented a truck. This is a huge company. Actually, are you texting me? I was just going to kill her. No, I was like, and the no power, no Wi-Fi. My head is spinning. Our shit's ready to go. And I'm not in the situation to ask the landlord to stay another day. No, you weren't. So they're saying, like, it's booked for tomorrow. They got the day wrong. That's the story I hear in the morning. And I'm like, okay, I said, gee, they're coming tomorrow and it's going to be free. This is crazy. This is absolutely crazy. This is happening right now. And I've worked with you guys so many times. I've spent so many thousands of dollars. They've done all my moves for years now in New York, in LA. A lot for me too. Yeah. And so I was like, I need the highest person up at this company. And I'm speaking nicely to him, like, you know, whatever. I was like, I need the highest person in the company to call me and tell me that they're coming tomorrow and it's going to be, I'm not paying a dime. I got a call from this woman. She is based in LA. She is not apologetic. She said, yeah, sorry, we're going to refund you. We can't do the move today. And we can't do the move tomorrow. And the soonest week, you probably get this move is going to be next week. So you're probably need to find somebody else. Rosa, what are you saying? Do you have something to throw up? I was like, she's not going to make it. Like, she's not. I'm really also just like, didn't know. No power. And no Wi-Fi. And I don't really have strong 5G at the house. So I couldn't get really the hotspot wasn't working. And so I'm like, I don't even know how to navigate this. And I just want to jump in and say, like, I'm not going to name the moving company. If you want to DM me, I'll tell you who it is. You want to go back to 2019 and see what I collabed with them. And there's picture of Dewey in the box. You can see who it is. I really have a nice personal relationship with the guy in New York. I could recommend them to move you in New York. I could absolutely not recommend them to move you in LA. Also, you're probably like, Ashley, doesn't your brother have a moving company? Yes. He does. He runs the branch of black tie moving in Delaware. They do moves all over the country, but they're really only based in their certain hubs. They have like 10, they're based out of Nashville. If I was moving all the way across the country to Nashville to Delaware, he would do it. But they don't do local LA moves. But if you guys are in a city that black tie services, black tie moving is going to be your go-to. So I want to recommend them. So again, so back to this woman. She's just like, yeah, fuck you by. So truly the most shocking and horrific customer experience. I've ever, I was like, do you know me? Like, is this personal? I felt like it was personal. I felt like she was like, I don't like you and I canceled your move. That's how the tone was on the phone. And it's not just like, go ahead and do it tomorrow. Like, when I think about, because I've been doing every year, the amount that goes into moving and how much you've like built up to this moment, you're like, finally, all the work I've done is culminating today and we're done. But also like, legally, you have to be out of this place. Like, of course, what has this happened in New York where someone's moving in the next day, most likely. I mean, so does you got to paint and stuff. But like, you got to turn it around. I moved out today. My people are taking the house tonight. Tonight. They take the house. Yes. That's the thing. When my movies were an hour late, this morning, they're phenomenal. By the way, I could not recommend them enough. But I was like, I'm not going to be able to handle this. So I'm on the phone with G again. And I'm he was like, I'm beside myself. He was like, you and I have a relationship. I can't believe this is happening. I was like, I can't believe the way she spoke to me. He was like, I don't even understand what's happening in LA. Like, shit's going wrong. And I can't really explain it. He was like, I'm going to try to connect you with another company to see if we can work this out. So I'm like, I need to go over to the other house to get the Wi-Fi to be in the light. You know, so I go out to my car. And then I was reminded that I put my car out on the street at 8 a.m. to save space for the movers to like block off a couple spaces for them, like with my car parking ticket. You didn't tell me that. Park parking ticket in the midst of all those. To save the space for the movers that ever came. I was like, I'm going to laugh or scream. So I just laughed. So I went over to the new house, all hands on deck, the possibility that G hooked me up with our business managers. Everybody is like, trying to figure this out. You were like, work, roadway got back to me. Like everybody really was like, trying, I was like, I have to move tomorrow. Like, if I can't move today, it has to be tomorrow. We can't keep extending this. This is actually so crazy. Like our bedding was put away. Like, we're even going to sleep tonight. Like, we don't have power. No power. Also, I told you to go stay at my house and I'm, you didn't, right? No. Okay. No, no, no. I fucked all over that bed. Like the night before. I was like, she can't be in the bed. In the midst of this, I get the most insane email from my landlord that would make you guys just die. And when I share this story, you will lose your mind. When I tell this story, people gasp, this part of the story, the email that she sends me in the midst of all this before I had another move booked will make you will lose your breath. It will take your breath. He said, no. This was, I feel like my head's going to explode. It felt like my head, like I could feel a headache, like all over my head. In that moment, I was like, October 15, 2026. We'll go down. It's like the one of the worst days of my entire life. So the moving company recommended by G finally does come through. And they're called move happy. I can recommend them. In LA, they've been around since the 90s. They were available the next day. The power did not come back until 3 p.m. So I just want to say that. So supposed to be 10 a.m. didn't come back until 3 p.m. The neighbor gave us their Wi-Fi. Things were like, okay, we can survive in the house another night. We brought our bedding out of the box. It was then put our sheets back on the bed and we did sleep there that night. And they did move us the next day. And everything went smoothly. And we did it. And they were wonderful. Again, move happy. I can recommend them enough. If you want to hear the other company, you can damn me. I'll let you know. And then black time moving. Of course, right. We'll talk about roadways. These are moving racks. But I will say one of the craziest things is I had an event that was on the 16th. Again, the day that we did move at Alison Olivia. I had been to the store earlier in the week. They styled me for it. I bought an outfit. Paris Hilton was hosting it. All these people were going to be there. You know, I love his Alison Olivia. I'd like have an outfit for it. It was our friend Taylor's 40th birthday. I was like, I'm not missing this event. So when I thought I was moving on the 15th, I was like, I will make an event on the 16th. It feels a little crazy, but I can do it. So I was like, I'm not missing this event. And like, this is just like why I love Shashank so much too. Like, he was like, I don't want you to miss either. Even though like, that's a crazy thing to try to do. So the span of the hour from 4 to 5 p.m. This event starts at 5. We're going to be there a little bit late from 4 to 5 p.m. The movers are in the new house. They have an hour or two to go. They're putting beds together. They're still in the house. Shashank Atomit 4. I was like, one of us has to go over to the old house. My outfit is still there. My makeup is still there. I left some stuff there. I just need to grab it. I was like, do you want to do it? He's like, I'm going to go do it. I'm like, okay. So he goes to the house. The movers are still in the house. I'm directing them everywhere to go. Like, I'm the one that kind of needs to stay the new house. So he goes over. He gets my stuff. He gets back at 4.45. We're supposed to leave it at 5. Tailors at the house. I take a cold shower hot water. Something was wrong with that. So I take an ice cold shower. I could wash my hair, slip back greasy ponytail, put on this thousand dollar fucking outfit. And I get ready to go. And as the moving truck pulls away at 5.20pm, the Uber pulls up to go to this event and we made it to the event. And I was like, I'm the baddest bitch on the planet. I should be president. I should run the world. I can't believe what I have been able to accomplish over these last two days. And like, I'm going to go to a fancy event and I deserve it. And that was that. And then, you know, the next couple days we got things settled. And we're feeling finally very settled. And again, it's one of these things of all the people that kind of step up in the moment and like support you and everything from our neighbor, giving us the Wi-Fi passwords, like our business managers, like Ruby who like cleats our house, just being there, being like, whatever you need. I got you. She's helping me get everything set up in the new house. Like, those people mean the world when you get let down by other people. I can't believe what you went through. I truly can't believe it. I just never felt so exhausted. to my life, just everything that goes into a move. I mean, even when you have movers that are gonna pack some of your stuff for you, we could have never done the whole house on our own, but we did a lot and it was just was so exhausting on top of all the stress and the canceling and all the power and the parking ticket. It just, I was like, what did I do to serve? I don't know, I've moved every year for five years and this is the most nightmare scenario I've ever heard of my life. I mean, it's stressful and I do it over and over again, but like, it's nothing like this. Canceling, a huge company that I've spent so much money. Like, I'm like, I am not the one. This is crazy. So, anyway, you know, these things happen and they make for a good story. Let me know if this has ever happened to you guys in the comments, you've ever had movers cancel on you. I said, gee, how often does this happen? You was like, it does not happen in New York, but it happens in other cities, like one in a thousand. Maybe I'm like, I'm so lucky, so lucky. I wonder if you feel like this too. The last two days, I've had these moments where I'm like, I don't know how I'm gonna handle this. I am smart, I've worked really hard my whole life. I have plenty of money, I can handle it. I'm really capable. I'm one of the most high-functioning people I know and I do this all by myself and I'm pretty proud of me and I've been like, I'm not gonna survive this. You tell yourself, I can do this. I'm high-functioning. I've handled a harder shit, worse shit on my own, but in the moment, you're like, I don't know where the light at the end of the tunnel is. Yeah, I can't handle this. And I was a little hungover on October 15th, because of the nobody wants this premiere party that I before. So I went to a party that I before, because I didn't wanna miss that either. When I was telling people at the party, I was moving the next day. They were like, what are you doing? Also hot, I didn't move the next day. You actually are stronger than I am in those senses. You also flew back from Paris that day and went to a barbecue. I just would never. Just don't wanna miss out. You have, I mean, you're just stronger, I couldn't do it. Like, I got back from my tour on Friday morning and our friend and publicist had planned all this stuff. I was gonna go to the second time for Entrepreneur and Page Six, and I was like, I can't get out of bed. If I feel actually sick, that's one thing, but I have realized about myself, I knew this before, but especially over the last couple of weeks, that I really do feel like a body emotion stays in motion. Like, once it gets rolling, it is just like, you just keep going until your body physically gives out and you will crash eventually and you will get sick. But like, I was like, I can just keep going and like stay in motion and just like not stop. And I like to live my life that way too. I don't like to sit around and like be bored, but I will say, you have these moments. And I had this moment on the 15th where I was like, I have to go eat something. So I walked over to the Whole Foods. I walked over to get a tuna cato. And I see this girl I know, and I know her dog, and her dog and his will get along. And she was with this other girl who had her dog and the three of them, it's a picture that I posted on my Instagram. And I don't know, I was like, you guys don't understand but having the worst day and they were just so nice. And then we just sat there on the ground, three women in our dogs. And I just felt like so emotional. And I was like, you don't know what this like, this is like one nice moment I've had today. And just women and dogs. And you have like healed me in this like five minutes. And I texted her afterwards and I'm like, Tracy, I'm sorry, like unloading you and your friend at the park. But I just like really need at this moment of like lightness for what I've been dealing with. No, you do, you need it. And like, I was just like, thank God I'm in LA while this is happening. 'Cause like, I'm staying in a hotel 'cause I can't stay at my house 'cause it's a mess. And there's nothing there. I'm just like, it's scary. And I like pulled up to the hotel yesterday and I was like, can somebody just like watch my cars? I can put my stuff in the room and then I'll move the car. And someone was like, I got you. Like the front desk girl was like, I got you, I'll stand out front. I'm making sure the valley guys don't like get upset about the being there. And like this morning at Air One, the girl that made my coffee was just like, I love your outfit and enjoy your coffee. And she looked at my brush. She was like, this looks so good. And I was like, thank God for women and people in LA being so nice. And people want to help. When people can help, they want to help. And so I think it's always just a good reminder. And I obviously like felt so supported by you like from afar, but also by Shashank. And like also I know this sounds like it's a shitty thing that happened, but I just have to remind you as like what I was dealing with on the other side. Like with like landlord, all that stuff on top of it was just like made it so much worse and I'm kind of still dealing with that. So it's just been really rough. And like we're gonna get through it and we have like resources and people around us. And I feel really grateful for all of that. I don't want to sit here and complain about my life. It's more just like sharing a funny, crazy story. - Well, it's just like, I don't want to do this. - Yeah. - Because I don't want to be in this position. I wasn't trying to move. This was not my dream. - Yeah. - So anyway, that's what happened. - Well, I'm glad to be here with you and I'm glad that we're like through this. And this has been like really rough. And I'm like, the end of this day is so funny to me 'cause like I'm gonna drive back to my house with you. I'm gonna lock it up for the last time. And then I'm gonna drive to your house. And I'm gonna go inside for the first time and see Shashank and I just like this day is like the perfect ending to like all of this. Well, how are you feeling? - I feel sad and I feel glad, you know? I mean, that house was, I mean, I bought it. I like closed on it. - Oh my gosh, like closed on November 2nd. - Oh yeah. - It was this week exactly two years ago at the day after the election after Trump won. I went and signed the paperwork for my house. Me and the lady at the office were sobbing together at the office. - Oh right. - And Tessa came over really crying in my house. But yeah, I mean, this house was like my dream and I put everything into it and I was so proud of it. And I don't know, I changed my mind. And I had a new dream, but like I feel really positive about the future. There's like this family that's moving in there and they have little kids and I'm excited they have like a beautiful home to live in and I feel excited about my, I mean, I couldn't be happier in New York every day. I walk around and like I can't believe I get to live here as an amazing. And my decision to like come back here all the time. Like I was like thinking about the Super Bowl and I'm gonna come out for that. And then like I'm just gonna stay for a few weeks. And like I'm gonna really enjoy like this actually being a little more by coastal. And I feel, you know, it's the end of a era for me, but like I feel like it was the right decision. So ultimately, I feel good. Okay, how do you feel? - I'm glad to hear you say that you wanna come back here more and you're happy here. I mean, this is a great place to live. I don't know, I don't know what the future holds for us. We were just, with all my college friends, I'll talk about that next week. Some crazy shit happened on that trip too. And we were in Atlanta seeing those friends and like everybody wants to know what the plan is and they know we were talking about moving back to New York and we just don't know what we're just hanging now. We have a new house, we're gonna enjoy it. We're gonna fully decorated and make it our own. There's really no other way I'd wanna do it. I don't wanna treat it like it's temporary. I wanna feel like it's lived in and there's part of me that's like, what do we do? You know, I'm gonna buy all this stuff for this house. We're really only gonna be here a year but I'm like, we probably won't. We don't know. - No, I know better. But yeah, I'm just, I'm glad you're gonna be through it with your house and you'll come back and you'll figure out where you wanna stay. And I think you and I navigated this really well the past few months, but I think we know what it looks like going forward. And I just think we're gonna be in both New York and LA a lot. - Yeah, so I feel good about it. That's on that. - That's the story, guys. - Okay, well, I'm feeling a little chilly. - Are you? - I think we might work a job, it's hot. - So if you guys are watching, these are our Columbia Amaze puff jackets. We are both in the long ones, of course. They have them in short, medium and long. I'm in the Sedona Sage color, rain is in the black. - The black, it's just, you know, sometimes I look at puppy coats and I'm like, they're so un-stylish. And like this one, it's just like the perfect amount of puff. You know what I mean? Sometimes you like the Michelin man. And this one is like the perfect amount of puff. It's still look stylish, even though it's like functional. - So yeah, really finding the right puffer. This is how to do it. We love these. We talked about them last year as well. And I had the dark stone color, which is kind of like an off-white ivory color that I wore an Eagles game that was so freezing that just kept me so warm and feeling cute. And this is the jacket I'm going to wear. I guess I'm going on Eagles game this year. I don't know, I feel less excited than ever. But I guess I will be wearing this and it does have a little Eagles green to it. It's got that like grayish color. - Of course. - Yes, this is perfect. So go birds. And we just love it. You don't have to choose between a puffer that looks good and one that actually keeps you warm. So it has 650 fill-down insulation, which is the same warmth and more as those overpriced ones. Again, the prices are really affordable for what you get. You can layer underneath. So I recommend getting your regular size if you want to wear sweaters and whatnot under it and have a more roomier fit. But this is actually a size smaller than my one last year. So I went with the extra small and it has a little more snug fit. You can really do both, depending on the fit that you want. So we just really love them. I love the cropped ones too. I love the medium length, but we really love these long ones. - Also, I've been thinking like, so every day in New York, I take my walks like through the West Village, I walk like six miles a day and I've been like getting a little anxious like as it gets colder, like what am I going to do? And like now I have a coat. Like it's just, I've been like, it's just too cold and I can't do it, but now I have a coat to do. - And they're so warm, but they're not too big where you can bring in a restaurant. Like you know when you show up in New York to dinner and you have a puffer, and they're like, where are you going to click that? Also, I'm packing this. Like I'm putting this in a suitcase. - A hundred percent. - And it will fit in a suitcase unlike stuff that you have to like vacuum seal to get it into your suitcase. - I have a down jacket. I've finally since given it away 'cause I've kept it for years, never wore it. It's got to be 30 pounds. Could never have packed it. Could never brought it into a restaurant. - Yeah, but it's like still the right thickness that you want and for the look, but it does like fold up easily. And so we just love it. We love the performance aspect. It has thumb holes and all kinds of pockets. And again, we're just really, really obsessed with it. So you guys don't really need a different puffer for every version of winner. You just need one that looks great and does this job. One puffer, all season, the Columbia Amaze puff. So you can visit clumbia.com to get your hands on an Amaze puff jacket. 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Yet, again, that is the vegan formula I mentioned. You can see thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months. Now, neutrophil is often our listeners. $15 off your first month subscription and free shipping. When you visit neutrophil.com and enter promo code GGE15, that's neutrophil.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L. com promo code GGE15 for $15 off. Be sure to use our code to support our show. So we're talking about entry-level boyfriends today. Do you like entry-level boyfriend or starter boyfriend better? Obviously, like starter boyfriend. I like entry-level was so funny. Well, it threw me because I was like, what does that mean? Yeah, so there was an article by Sadie Cargman in the cut that has since taken off. And it was titled the case for the entry-level boyfriend. Gen Z women are skipping a crucial step learning how to actually be in a relationship. And she's basically talking about younger women who don't want to date somebody. They don't see as husband material. So they're not dating at all. She interviewed someone that said, it's easier for me to turn people over faster and figure out logistically what I want. I'm more into being single until I can find someone that I'd actually consider marrying, which is not wrong. Also, there's so much to be said for being single. I've been single much more often than I've been in a relationship and I can't stress enough before we start this conversation that you do not need to be in a relationship. I've had a few boyfriends in my life and I'm married now. Like I was always the single girl, but I was in enough relationships and date enough people to know how to be in one. This is on my mind a lot the way that we date today. And how we evaluate a first date and what we go on a second date and how you and I have contributed to this messaging of saying to women, like if you don't see a future with somebody, don't go out again. But I think about my 20s and my early 30s and the quote unquote starter relationships that I had where I didn't necessarily see a future with somebody, but I gave it a chance. And one of the quotes from this article was, "While previous generations may have had a series of relationships from serious to casual, Gen Z only wants to commit if a guy checks every box on our future husband wish list." And I think there's a lot of rhetoric, including from us, it says like, does this person possess the qualities that you want to move forward? And I guess it depends on what your goals are. Mine are different than other people. I don't want children. So I have a different, I have no time clock. So I have the freedom to do things that necessarily other people don't. My goals in my 20s were different. I wanted children, I thought back then. But I did have a series of dating situations, situationships and casual relationships that I was in, and I never thought to myself in the beginning like, is this husband material? Do they check every box? I think I was just able to more so be like, I enjoy this experience when I do it again. But there was so much less information out there that said like, this is a red flag, this is a deal breaking, draw this boundary, that language didn't exist for us. I didn't think about those things. I didn't even know that language. So it wouldn't have crossed my mind. Right. I mean, I just think in your 20s, stop even caring about if someone checks all your husband boxes. Just date, being a relationship, have fun. Like, it's a time to figure out what you want and what you don't want, how to manage conflict, how to compromise, figure out what you want in bed. You know, this is a practice makes perfect type of thing. I mean, like she is a quote that says, after all, we live in tiny apartments before our dream home. We take an assistant position in our first step to the corporate ladder when it comes to dating. And we also need to practice to make perfect. In terms of just like, you can't compare human relationships to jobs or homes, but it's all part of life and building your quote unquote, perfect life. So it does compare in that way. Like, you do need to figure out what you want, what you don't want, who you are. And she writes about the strategy of just really trying to find some of the checks all the boxes that it's not really serving us. She said, I've watched my friend cycle through situations that gave them no experience in communicating, compromising, fighting, and apologizing and showing up, and ultimately left them no closer to their soulmate. They're skipping a crucial step in their dating lives, learning how to actually be in a relationship. And that's the thing too, when you just briefly date somebody or just meet somebody and then discard them, you're not really getting any of the relationship experience. There's so many things that I thought about myself and my conflict management and my skills communicating that are so different when you get into a relationship. Friends are not the same, your parents are not the same, business partners are not the same. Like, you think certain things about yourself and how you're going to handle yourself, and you give other people advice about how to handle themselves. And all of that goes out the window when it's a person that you have handed like your heart over to. And I have seen some of my worst qualities come out in relationships we all have that we are more stubborn with that person than we ever have been, we're more intolerant than we never have been. Like, we have different stipulations for them that we have for anybody else, and even with like, you're the closest person in the world to me, but I have different standards for you that I do a romantic partner. And without ever getting into a relationship, you don't actually know how you're going to navigate those things and those landmines. 'Cause I have learned things about myself in romantic relationships that I was just like, I didn't even know I was like that. Like, I can stonewall with friends where like, somebody will upset me and hurt me and I won't say anything, but like, I will stonewall so bad in a romantic relationship. And that can be sort of fine with your friends here and there that they're like, I think someone's kind of going on, but like, I'll give it a week or two and she'll be fine. Like, you can't really do that with your romantic partner. You actually have to find a way to like, talk to them and push through. And I just think you learn so much more about yourself. You do. I mean, again, as someone who has been single most of her life really thinks it's important to be single, find yourself, be independent, find your career, your friends, build the life. It's never been a person that's always in a relationship. Next, like, jumps from relationship to relationship. You do learn so much about yourself in romantic relationships. There is so much growth and to your point, you are totally different. And so if you never learn those things and quote unquote, work on some things maybe you need to. 'Cause again, a lot of your trauma and your insecurities can come up only in romantic relationships. You don't know how you are based on how you might be with your friends and family. So then this person comes along that could be a really good match for you and you're not ready. Because you haven't really known how you are. And I think about this woman who she was on love is blind, UK, Yasmin, who never had a boyfriend. She was the one of the Vidaligo, the skin. And I think that played into her confidence too. I bring that up just because I think she felt like maybe she was insecure about it. And so she had never had a boyfriend. I think those two were tied in. But I was like, this is a crime to put her on this show. Never had a boyfriend and now she's engaged on television and even just outside of being on television. It doesn't matter. I think she was like 30, 32. It doesn't matter if you've never had a boyfriend in your 30s. That's okay. You got to get one before you get engaged. It just made me sad for that. For no other reason that she was like, all of a sudden she's going to, again, it's a TV show. Like, be engaged, think she's going to get married, never having been in a relationship. You've got to go through it. You just, you think so many things about yourself I did. About how I handle conflict and how I can compromise with somebody and what I'm willing to do and not do. And you give so much advice. And then like, you're in a relationship with another person that you, you can't control them. This is like a, this is not a control group. I mean, this is just like another person that has free agency and you're like, I have to find a way to meld my life with you. I have to find a way to get along with your friends and your family and like, this is a totally different experience. And sure, you can have your first boyfriend and marry that person. My brother and sister-in-law did. Do I know? Yeah. They thankfully grew in the same direction and grew up together. And I think you meet somebody in your late 20s, you have no idea what that person is going to turn out to be like. But like, I am so glad for all those experiences because nothing has ever taught me more about myself and how impossible I can be or I mean, I think you think I'm really easy going and I am with my friends, but a romantic partner, I just, I mean, I think I'm a great partner, but I'd show up differently. Yeah, you do. Yeah. But you've had to kind of figure out where that comes from and why you do that and how you can correct it and catch it before it happens and the way you learn those things is to be in the relationships. And I also think just if you don't want to be bothered, don't be bothered, but if you want partnership and someone to do stuff with and have sex with and all of that and you're in your 20s and they're not perfect, who cares. This is not a case for being a relationship out of chemistry. I'm single and I really enjoy it currently, but this is a case for like, just give some things a chance, give a lighter stuff a chance, give the easier stuff a chance, situationships are not relationships, you're not in a relationship, like see where things go and I'm curious to like unpack this to like the difference between dating intentionally and demanding certainty in the beginning. Yeah. I think we all want to go into relationships saying like, these are my, these are my boundaries. This is what I want. I want to kid my serenade, be married by serenade, but like, we don't really give people any more of the chance to like become who they're going to be and how many of us can look back on experiences with current partners and say, well, after the first date, I never want to go out with them again. But you did and like, you saw a different side of that person. And if you completely cut people off all the time after the first or second experience with them, like you could be missing out, I guess. And this is also not a case for continuing to date somebody that you're a lukewarm on or leading somebody off. For sure. But also to your point, how many times have you looked back at someone you dated at 25, 35, whatever and be like, oh my god, who was she? I can't believe I reacted like that or overreacted like that or I can't believe I let them get away with that and treat me like that. Both things. I can't believe how irrational and crazy I was or I can't believe I was such a pushover. Whatever it is, whatever end of the spectrum. So I just, I mean, my personal experience, I feel like the guys I dated in my 20s with the exception of one, marrying them really wasn't on my radar. I just think of these guys, I wasn't even really thinking like that. I don't know. I was like, worried about my career and yeah, maybe it was on my mind because I thought I wanted to get married then and as it turns out, I did actually want to you and I, I think both were not raised by mothers that were like, you got to get the husband, but like I have girlfriends who were raised by people like that that at 22 or 23 years were like, I would never date somebody that doesn't have this income level, didn't have a degree from this college, doesn't like live in this city and have these goals. No one raised you where I had to be like that and I'm, I'm grateful for it because I wouldn't be sitting here today like all these crazy and bad and good experiences I had in my 20s and 30s like made me exactly who I am today and I'm like so grateful for that and I think about my sister-in-law's life all the time and how she, how my brother in love her life in this perfect relationship at 21, 22 years old and she never had to go through all the stuff I had to go through and I think all the time like what I trade that, I mean I'm happy for her and the experience she's had and what a great life, but I am happy with my experience and all the heartbreak maybe why I am today all the funny stories made us comedians. I mean, where would we be without all the dog shit in our 20s? The heartbreak too, I mean I think that there really are exceptions to every role and everybody's built differently and I think of my brother in sister-in-law as well and she is younger than him and got married younger and your brother in sister-in-law and it's just I do think it can work it does work when people get married young but I also feel like you shouldn't legally be allowed to get married under the age of 27. And I would say 30 but you guys are going to push back on that, I want to say 30 but you as I'll push back so I'm going to go with 27, you're too young, you don't know what you want, your Saturn has a return jet and so I think before 27 just date to date it's up thinking about this and then after you turn 27 you can start bringing your list out. I just I wonder how our lives would have been if we were raised by mothers that were just like get the guy, get the husband, get your MRS degree in college like find that guy. We just were raised by such different people. I mean our moms both were like letter-cook. Like for me it was like find a career, live in the city you want to have the experiences you want to have and like this will come later and I had like plenty of relationships that were really painful and ended and I still look back on that I'm happy for those experiences and this article touches on that a little bit like if a relationship ends was it not worthwhile, was this a worthless experience and I think so many of us are like I don't want to be in this situation it was a failure but like I was with somebody through my 20s who I was engaged to and then ended up breaking up with he broke up with me just to be clear and I learned so much from that relationship I learned how to be treated well out of the end he treated me real bad yeah but I learned how to accept love and kindness and commitment and somebody who was going to like support me and I learned so much about like what I want what I don't want and that was that's a huge success to me even though in the end it was so terrible and that's probably you know what we're optimizing for is to not get into those situations where you're like on the first date I got to make sure if I'm going to marry this guy or not otherwise I'm out and it's like but you could have a really lovely three or four years with somebody and like that's not worthless not at all not at all it's like part of the process same with jobs again there's differences here and a bad bad relationship a toxic relationship can be abusive and you know worst case scenario you know you won't survive it whatever like that goes without saying but like outside of that outside of real abuse it's not that different than having a job you don't love that brought you to the job you do love and again the shitty apartment they brought you to the the dream home you live in or will eventually live in like these things are building blocks and build character and help you figure out who you are like if he was crazy to only date marriage material in your 20s and it's still you find some treats you well you know what you never know someone you think isn't could be but I don't know I think of this friend of ours I remember she dated this guy and remember he was a waiter at Carbone and he was like hot and they had fun together and she knew he was never going to be her husband not just because he was a waiter Carbone he made great money they just didn't have it in at Carbone same type of he didn't have a passport you know like she wants to travel the world like they the way they went to live their lives weren't the same but they had a relationship they dated they had fun they went out they've spent all their time like in New York City and it was worthwhile to her I'm sure she learned things about herself and what she wants what she doesn't want all those things I just we all have examples like that and again there's on the other side of like would you want someone to be thinking about you this way would you want someone to think of you as a starter girlfriend or an entry-level girlfriend no but I wrote this down that I don't think we need to think about it like that I feel I know when it was to be like this is my starter boyfriend this is my entry-level boyfriend like I think over all this article the notion is good it's stop writing people off who don't check everything on your list especially when you're in your 20s because by the time you're 30 you should legally be allowed to get engaged that list will change I actually find the substance of the article on the title to be sort of mismatched yeah because the idea of a starter boyfriend is that you're just practicing on this person and you're gonna throw them out and that's actually not the content of the the article exactly it's a little click baby the article to me is like give people a chance and yeah I would want to be evaluated like that I would want to go on a date with somebody and like they would say okay my idea of somebody is maybe not that she was this age or the this profession that she's gonna get on stage and talk about me, but I'm gonna give her a chance. I'm the best, it's over you. But I wouldn't want somebody to write me off for one little thing on a first date. I don't have the perfect relation with my family, and I would hate for somebody to go on a date with me and say I have this idea of somebody's family, and this is the only thing I'm willing to accept. I would hate for somebody to write me off, 'cause of that. So yeah, I would wanna be a starter girlfriend in that sense. Yeah, I think that's not the way we wanna think about people that were in romantic relationships about and to your point, like again, that's why the title's like a little bit misleading. I'm sure people just wrote the title and went into the comments section and didn't actually read the article, which is a sign of the literacy crisis for one. But if you really feel like you're with somebody that you know you're probably not gonna marry and you know they don't feel the same and you know they wanna marry you and you feel that. I mean, then you have to assess that when it happens. 'Cause I do think there could be a woman, maybe that's like triggered by this. She's like, "I don't want someone to treat me like this." And it's like, "Well, you would hope that if you really made it clear to someone you were dating that you wanted to be committed to them and you really saw a future with them and they didn't feel the same that they would break it off, you would hope." Well, that's a situation ship, which is not a relationship and those are really painful and they feel like relationships. But I don't know, I mean like you're actually, you're actually in the relationship. You just are like, maybe this isn't my husband or my wife. I do wanna give people a little grace. I feel like I evaluate this very differently in my 20s and 30s. That's what he's saying. 30s is a woman, especially if you want children. I do think it's more important and imperative and timely to be like, "Could I have any future with this person?" And also in your 20s, you meet people and like, "I don't want my ex fiance." He was 23, like there was no reason to think at that age. He wasn't gonna grow and become a totally different person and flourish and be more successful and become just a more actualized adult. That is different at 35. You meet somebody at 35, they are pretty close to what they are gonna be as a person. So I think you can evaluate people a little quicker. Yeah, but do it or don't, in your 30s too. You just dated somebody that you knew that was not gonna be your husband and you had a nice time and you let yourself have fun and be treated well and have good sex and have some companionship and then you did realize that you weren't aligned and he wanted more out of it and you ended it. But I don't know, whether you wanna get married or not, I'm not sure. Like you are 40 and you did just date somebody that you knew wasn't husband material and that's okay too. And like we do that in our, it's again, it's whatever you wanna do, but it's like, you also don't have to turn 30 and start only dating marriage material too to our point. Well, when I met him, I thought he was and I thought, I mean, this person makes all the sense in the world to me. He's such a wonderful person. And then I just, I got to the point where I felt like our personalities were compatible and I wanted to treat him the way that I would wanna be treated which was that I was honest with him. But again, I mean, I can't say it enough. I don't want kids on my different timeline. I don't know if I wanna get married. If I met somebody and they were wonderful and they wanted to get married, I get married, sure. In the meantime, I'm single, I like being single, but I like companionship and this week has been really hard. And you have been so wonderful and helpful, but you're not living in the house with me and the bed with me. And to have somebody today deal with the car would have been nice. To have somebody a place to put my car and deal with them. Movers, that would have been really nice. Companion ship is really important to me. It's great. But yeah, I can evaluate things a little more differently. But I remember when I was 28, whenever my ex and I broke up and I said to my mom, I said, I'm really sad that nobody that I'm with will ever get to see me grow up again. He saw me grow up. Like he saw me through my 20s go from working in restaurants to having this like really, I felt an important job and a big corporate company. And I said to her like, I'm just sad nobody will ever know me that way again. And I remember my mom said that like dating in your 30s is nice because people are more actualized and they argue on up and you can make better, quicker decisions. And I thought that was like good advice, but in your 20s, man. I don't rip, just try on different hats, try different people. Yeah, you never know. Yeah. And this is not the exact topic. But if you're on this like intentional, checks the boxes only, husband, material, track in your 30s, you can also divert from it. I mean, I slept with the 23 year old two weeks before I got together with Shashank. You know, this is my special like and I was on like I'm finding my husband this year and I did and I still fucked around and found out. And you can just you can get off the path and come back on. You know, I think this is part of the tick-tockification of everything. Stay the course. Write people off so quickly don't do this. Like don't you know, keep the blinders on. You find your person and you just don't have to. You can date an entry-level boyfriend, have starter boyfriend. You can fuck a 23 year old and you're 39 trying to find your husband. You can do whatever and it doesn't mean that it's all for nothing. And it's like when you're on a diet and you're like, ah, I had one giant slice of cake. I blew it. I guess I'll just throw the whole diet out the window. You don't have to. I mean, at the beginning of the year, I was sleeping with one of the worst people I've ever met in my whole life. Yeah. And that was some of the best sex I've ever had. And I am not sad for that experience. Yeah. You know, I learned some crazy things in the bedroom that I communicate with me and to my nose. Yeah. Yeah. Eat ruined your life for a period of time, but at least now you know how to tie someone up. At least I have those videos of I'm jerking off. If I ever want to ruin his life, no, I would never. Those are just for me. Yeah. I mean, you just, you'll get back on the track. You know, and don't beat yourself up. That's just kind of an aside, you know, because I feel like sometimes women are like, what am I doing? I'm trying to find a husband. And why I just like do this thing with this guy, you know, like I have this friend of mine. And she is like around our age and she wants to find somebody. And she recently was just like going on days with this 23 year old and now they're not anymore. But it was like, you know, probably a few weeks a month over time and she's like, clean the pipes out. Yeah. Right. She was like, he took me on some fun days. We had fun. Yeah. Also, I do think sometimes it is practicing. I think sometimes, like, yes, we're like, well, I want to find my partner, but I haven't been out there for a long time. And it's like, okay, to actually have starter relation, not relationship, starter dates in the beginning here. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's just talk about our remaining partners. And then we will wrap up this topic with you guys. I am telling you about story worth. I was like, what time of year is it? We're coming into the holidays. You know, we talk about story worth around like Mother's Day, Father's Day, holiday season. Because it is the actual best gift for a family member, a loved one, a parent, a grandparent, if you still have those lucky you, I mean, whatever you want to get this for, it's incredible. Brandon, I've done it for our parents. And what you do is you are going to purchase story worth and then they are going to send the family member, let's just say it's your mom questions each week that spark memories. They may not have thought of and they can do it via email or text. They make it super easy for them, whatever format they want to do. It might be like, what was your favorite choice as a child? What are you most proud of? What was your first job? How did you spend your 30th birthday? Your engagement like things about having children and stories about you, stories you may not know. And again, like I mentioned the emails and texts, but there are four ways for them to tell their stories, including many over the phone. So they can write their answer back over email. This is what my parents did. I think for the most part they used the email or they can call it in over the phone. Story worth can even ask follow up questions and turn the conversation into a story or you can join them on a family call to share memory together. This is crazy. This is a way to make your, you know, member feel like they're famous. You're being interviewed, you have to call in and give your answers like what a fun experience that they do with that way now and that that's kind of newer. So more ways, it doesn't mean it's more complicated. Every method is super easy for storytellers of any age with no apps or passwords. So it can't stress it enough. Like if you're hearing this, you're like my grandparents are going to be a handle that. They can. We promise you it's super super easy. And then after a year story worth is going to compile your loved ones stories and photos into a beautiful keepsake hardcover book. This book is incredible. It's not like your photo book you may have seen before. It's really a beautiful book that you're going to want to keep. You can make copies for everyone in the family. It is a treasure. Your family will keep for generations and you can create a custom collaborative celebration book for a big milestone, give yourself a chance to reflect with journals or stay connected all year with a monthly family newsletter. So they really have so many offerings to really keep the family together and share these stories. We love it. They printed over a million books. They have more than 50,000 five star reviews and were just obsessed with this. It's such an amazing gift. So you can give your loved ones a unique keepsake. You'll all cherish for years story worth right now save up to $20 during story worth holiday sale when you go to story worth.com/GG that's story worth.com/GG to save up to $20 on your order. Okay. And speaking of one of my favorite things, scams, pajamas, I live my life in them. The soft lounge sleeps that I have in four colors. I love it. So much. I look like cuter on the house, you guys, and it's just like cold out in New York, and it's nice. It's cozy season. These are the softest pajamas. I love the set. I just think it looks like so nice and it's held up for years. I wash them. They've really held up and the quality is fantastic and you wash them. I wash them. You guys. And you know, right, it does not care about her laundry. So you're just washing them high spin cycle, roughing them up. I don't wash them. I go hard on them with your bedding and your towels. It's hard as possible. Yes. Oh my god. Of course, they're just the soft. And they're very soft. But I love all their loungewear and their sleepwear. I love the sets. They have robes. And they have stuff if you want for holiday. this is my favorite gift. My favorite gift is always robes and pajamas for people. If you don't know what to get somebody, get somebody something cozy, they have all these different holiday patterns and colors, and they have stuff that's good for women, men, kids, and pets. I mean, pet gifts. So check out Skims. I just love their loungewear so much. Shop our favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. And after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. It's like podcasts at the survey and be sure to select our show and the drop down many of the follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims' holiday shop is now open at Skims'.com. Okay. So we were back into it. And you wrote something on this outline that I really loved. And it's about treating marriages the only outcome that validates a relationship. And I think that that's kind of what we've been getting at. But there's all these other things that come out of relationship, like companionship, great sex, feeling loved, having fun, sharing a meaningful year or two of your life. Like, I don't know. I look back on even like my most toxic relationship. And I was like, I still had really great memories. I still had a person to share these things with. It was still meaningful and valuable. And top of all the lessons I learned about myself. And I love the end of this article where she writes, here's my challenge to my fellow young women. Call him your boyfriend. Don't banish a man who doesn't check all your boxes and to booty call land. Date someone you like, commit to getting to know him and give yourself permission to have the hard conversations if it doesn't work out. The point of dating isn't just to find your soulmate, but to learn what it takes to build a relationship worth keeping. That's the beauty of an entry-level boyfriend there. Never going to become your husband. But hopefully they can teach you how to recognize him. And I think that's the thing too. We talk about this with dating. I think we talked about this Eli Rallo so many years ago. And it's like, if you go on 10 dates and the 10th person is your partner, all those nine people before were leading you to your partner because he wasn't going to be the first one. I try to never let something that made me happy, make me feel regretful. And even if it ended to me, that is not a failure because I learned so much about myself. And in relationships, even the fights I've had with partners, I've heard things about myself. I've learned things about myself that have made me a better friend, a better business partner, a better daughter. And there are things that other people won't say to you about who you are and the way that you are. To have had years of love, companionship, happiness, sex, trips, great memories, like those things are important. And so many of us, yes, evaluate a relationship success over like, did you get married? But marriage is not the finish line. Marriage can be really hard. And there's many years we live a long time. So just getting married does not mean it's over. It just means you found the person you want to have hard times and good times work on things with. But yeah, I've never obviously been married. But my relationships, I'm so happy for them. I've been with so many men that I'm like, man, I've learned a lot from you about myself. But yeah, I also think it's really tough to have a husband checklist for a man in his 20s. That's what I'm saying. Who the fuck are they? And I think it takes the pressure off when you're dating too. And I am going to safely assume that plenty of people have had this, this is not my husband approach and dated someone with that pressure off and not evaluating every single thing that they do and every dollar in their bank account and every situation they react to and everything they plan or don't plan by the husband standards. And they relax a little and they marry that person. You could very well marry this person because you're not holding them to these standards. I think being a millennial is like the best thing in the world. But like the amount of information that we have today is the double-edged sword because yes, we have so much information about how we should be treated and language that we should use that do make our better communicators and better people. And I think that's really important. I think it's important the women have been taught how to have standards and how to have the language to communicate that. That's the most important thing. But it was just an easier time back in the day because I didn't have everybody on TikTok yelling at me to like break up with him and draw a boundary and I could just date with like a little lower, like less information. It just made it a little easier. Yeah and times easier. In terms of has dating intentionally made us demand that certainty too early. I think that's the main question. Someone being intentional to me is that they like you. They are putting in effort. You aren't confused. You know, you're gonna see them again. You know, you can count on them to show up. And that's really it. I mean, so what else are we really looking for? Like, why does it have to be every single box on the husband list, I guess? Like our friend in particular that you're time out dating the waiter, like if she said to me, I want to have kids tomorrow and I want to get married. She isn't a different country every month. She isn't just like I love to travel. She's like, I'm actually for work also in a different country every month. It would be unrealistic to date a person that didn't even have a passport. Somebody who had to work at their job five days a week no flexibility. That to me is not intentional dating. If she said to us, I want to have kids tomorrow, then I would say to her, you're not dating with the intentionality of right finding a father for your children. You're just not outside of that. Just give yourself a little bit of grace. Yeah. I think about the couple on love is blind with the Blake once live on the boat. And I mean, I don't know by the time this air is like what will have happened because there's going to be fresh episodes. But like, what a disaster. That's the guy you date in your 20s. By the way, you date the guy that wants to live on a boat in your 20s. And you can still be a baddie. You still own a home and have two cars. I mean, most women in their 20s don't, you know, you grow up and you gain those things. But it's just like that's the both looking for marriage in their 30s. The person you don't date. But date them in your 20s. Date the guy from the boat. The nurse who's dating the anti-vaxxer, who thinks that when we get abortion six months and he has MS, he's drinking raw milk. That's that's not somebody that you can engage in. Or if you're in the medical field, you just have too much information. But again, like if you want to talk to a Republican in your 20s, find it happened to me. I did. It happened to me. And in my 30s, honestly, this isn't the right. And this isn't my, that's the 23 year old I talked about like after we had sex, we got to fight about gun control. This isn't my special. Like I was like, who knew? Who knew I would be out here talking about Fox News in the bedroom, but it happens. I did. And I found my husband two weeks later. I'm happy to do. So yeah, I just, I love this conversation. And you know, these articles really spark a lot of thought. And I hope they help people take the pressure off and understand that these experiences, build character and help you grow and it help you become the person you want to be in your quote unquote forever relationship. And then also find that person. Yeah. Okay. Well, we can only to see you guys in New York this Sunday at our show. Sunday November 8th for the New York Comedy Fest. Girls got a podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash has on Instagram and TikTok. Rain is rena. Greenberg rena greenberg.com for her remaining tour dates to love three, no, four, you guys will say two. Yeah, two. And you can watch full video and Spotify and YouTube. Share this episode with a friend. Have fun out there dating and we will see Thursday. Have a good week guys. (upbeat music)