Speaker 1Hey, I'm Bardia Rez, and I'm the Stop Drinking Coach. Welcome to my podcast where I teach you how to stop drinking, how to quit craving, and how to begin the journey back to yourself so that you can transform your life. After a 14-year binge drinking career, starting and stopping dozens of times and trying everything in the book from AA to therapy, I finally discovered the key to sustainable sobriety. And on this podcast, you're going to learn practical tips, tools, and strategies to help you quit drinking alcohol the easy way so you can finally step into the next chapter of your life and begin fulfilling your potential. For private one-on-one or group coaching, visit www.thestopdrinkingcoach.com and book a call with me. Hey guys, welcome to my first episode of the Stop Drinking Coach. I am super excited to... Be here with you guys. This podcast is long overdue. I've just had so many different things going on, but finally, I'm sitting down and recording it. No more excuses. We're taking action. So in this episode, I want to talk about and go over the question that a lot of drinkers have. And that question is, you know, do I need to quit? Do I need to cut back? What's my relationship with alcohol like? And this is a very, very important question. That almost all of us who struggle with alcohol will inevitably ask ourselves in the beginning of our journey, right? Because alcohol is one of those things that, and really any drug that we become addicted to, is this thing that we want to try to be able to manage it, and we want to try to be able to control it and cut it back and, quote unquote, enjoy it in moderation, like, quote unquote, normal people. But we'll talk about that and how... There is no such thing, really, as like a regular or moderate relationship with alcohol, right? And so the question becomes, you know, do I cut back or do I quit completely? And so the way we answer that question is, number one, by getting honest with ourselves and identifying, is the relationship that I have with alcohol truly problematic for me in my life? Or is it not, right? The reality is, is that if you're listening to this podcast, you're listening to this podcast, or you found me through TikTok, if you even have to ask that question, then it probably errs on the side of, yes, your drinking is dysfunctional to some degree, and it is problematic, right? The thing that we all want is to be able to enjoy alcohol without the downstream negative consequences that come from drinking. But the sooner we realize that this is a fool's... And that this is impossible to do, the sooner we can free ourselves from this slavery in this cycle of addiction. Because the reality is, is that, you know, alcohol is a drug. It is a pretty hardcore drug that we've been misled to believe is acceptable and normal and part of our culture and totally okay. But the reality is, is that alcohol is very aggressive in the way that it acts on our dopamine. And dopamine... And dopamine is a neurotransmitter in our brain that makes us feel rewarded and motivated. And when we drink a bunch of alcohol, it really affects and disrupts the way our brain produces these neurotransmitters and chemicals. And there is so many negative downstream effects that come from that in terms of mood swings, anxiety, depression, a lack of maybe motivation to go out and do normal day-to-day things. Alcohol is incredibly problematic. And we have a lot of time to talk about it. But really, the focus of this specific episode is, should I quit or should I cut back? And here are some of the questions that I would have you ask yourself to determine that answer. Now, also understand that you might not be ready to accept the truth. And I know I wasn't for a really long time. You know, there's quite a bit of honesty that needs to be had in order to... in order to accept the fact that you might need to quit drinking. Because it's not the answer that drinkers want to hear, right? Because we've become dependent on alcohol emotionally, psychologically. We love the euphoria and all of the feelings that are associated with it, not to mention the lifestyle and all the memories that we've created while we've been drinking, right? So here are the questions I would encourage you to ask yourself. So first, you know, is my relationship problematic? In the sense that I am turning to alcohol as a way to numb or escape or to distract myself from certain feelings and emotions. Another question I would ask myself is, you know, am I using alcohol as a way to run away from certain problems that I have in my life? Another question I would ask myself is, do I ever find myself drinking more than I thought I would or that I promised myself? Am I overdoing it? Am I telling myself I'm only going to go out and have one or two drinks? And am I finding myself having five or six or eight or ten? When I'm drinking, am I doing things or saying things or showing up as somebody who I later regret? Am I using alcohol as a way to avoid doing something I know I need to be doing? So am I using it as a way to maybe procrastinate or not get started on some big, big project? Am I using it as a way to maybe procrastinate or not get started on some big, big project? Am I using it as a way to maybe procrastinate or not get started on some big, big project? Am I using it as a way to maybe procrastinate or not get started on some big, big project? Am I using it as a way to maybe procrastinate or not get started on some big, big project? Or am I using alcohol as a way to maybe numb a decision I know I need to make, right? Maybe it's getting out of a relationship that you're no longer happy with. Maybe it's a change in career or direction in your life. In those cases, right, in pretty much everything that I've explained, you probably want to consider quitting altogether. Now, in what instances or cases do we want to quit? To cut back? So this is a really interesting question for me, okay? And the way that I see this thing of addiction when it comes to, you know, alcohol specifically is there's an invisible line that once you cross it, it's very hard. In fact, almost impossible to go back to regular moderate drinking. So if you've gotten to the point where your relationship with alcohol, has become problematic, there probably is no going back to regular drinking. And that's a hard, that's a hard thing to swallow. It's a hard pill to swallow. In fact, there's like a real common book called This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. And she talks about like going back to just moderating your alcohol after developing a problem with it. And I don't know if I agree with that. In fact, if you were to go into the room, you know, the traditional AA rooms, they probably wouldn't agree with that either. Now, I don't know why she says that. I've got my ideas. But yeah, for most people, once you develop a problematic relationship with alcohol, there's really no going back. It's one of those things. And nobody tells you. It's not on the label. They don't tell you in fifth grade, you know, during those alcohol and drug clashes. That, hey, once you develop a problem, you've got to pretty much just stop. Because the thing about alcohol and addiction in general is that we become powerless over it, right? And normal people don't understand that. People who don't have a problematic relationship, they're like, OK, well, you know, you can just have a glass of wine with dinner and be done with it. Those of us who cross that invisible line, it's never about that one glass. One glass turns into four glasses, turns into a bottle, turns into another bottle. And it becomes an everyday thing. And it becomes we have to do it on the weekends. And it just becomes this whole deal, right? So the title of this episode is, Do I Cut Back or Do I Have to Quit? And, you know, the reality is, is that if you're listening to this podcast, you probably have to quit. And I know it's not the sexy, exciting, fun thing. I'm not the coach, the cool coach that's like, yeah, just keep drinking and we'll just keep working together. And slowly but surely, you'll figure it out and just keep paying me like, you know, just keep drinking, keep paying me, keep showing up. And I think that's a bunch of nonsense. I think the reality is, is that we have to be honest with ourselves. And when we take inventory of our life, we have to be we have to be fucking honest. We have to look at our life and say, hey, is this activity causing us more pain than it is pleasure? Is it getting in the way of our goals? Is it getting in the way of our potential? Is it getting in the way of me showing up and being the best mother, father, dad, friend, husband, wife, professional that I can be, right? And the reality is, is if if we take that inventory, and we can see that it's problematic, then dude, we just got to fucking stop it. And it's not easy, right? That's why I'm a sobriety coach to help guide you through this path and process. If it was easy, everybody would do it in a wouldn't exist and whatever other solutions that are out there wouldn't exist. either. Right. But it's not easy. Getting over an addiction takes an incredible amount of work and commitment and self-reflection and personal power. And that's why, dude, that's why, that's why you invest in yourself. And that's why, you know, you hire somebody who can help you through the process, you know? So yeah, that's where we're at. That's where we're at today. You know, the question is, do I cut back or do I quit? You know, if you've tried cutting back, maybe you cut back for a week, maybe you cut back for a month and then you find yourself in the same loop and cycle. And maybe you cut back for a little while, but then the drinking goes right back to what it was. Right. So there is no real cutting back. Right. It's like, it's dude, it's just rare. You know, a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol definitely falls on a spectrum. Right. So you've got the people who drink once or twice a year. Then you've got the people who, you know, maybe drink a couple times a month. And then you've got the people who every time there's a social gathering, they have to drink. Right. And then you've got people who are drinking multiple times per week as a way to numb, escape and distract. Right. And then you've got people who are drinking every day. Right. So, you know, if you're listening to this podcast, you could fall anywhere on that spectrum. Maybe you're sober curious. Maybe you're somebody who, you know, is drinking every weekend. It's part of your social life and social circle and all of your friends doing it, do it, but you want to see if you can cut back. And so, yeah, you know, I, listen, I'm the type of guy and I'm the stop drinking coach here that believes that if people are truly honest with themselves, that they'll realize that more than, more than not, like there's a problematic relationship. I feel like there's very few people who have a relationship with alcohol in, in the only people I would categorize those as the people who have a non-problematic relationship are the people who drink like maybe once a month and only have a glass of wine or two. And I feel like there's very few people who have a non-problematic relationship or one or two beers or drink a couple times a year and they have one or two. Those people have a normal, not problematic relationship. I think everybody else, just by the nature of what alcohol is, alcohol is a drug that floods your brain with dopamine and makes you feel super euphoric. And that creates physical and emotional dependency. Not everybody wants to agree with me, but that's, I think the truth. That's the hard truth. All these people you're looking at whose lives revolve around going out and having wine and having wine with dinner and all the social events end up with alcohol. Dude, those people are suffering in silence. How do I know? Because I've talked to a lot of them. I have clients who have a lot of friends who are in those scenes, right? And eventually when my clients start to get sober, those people become incredibly curious and they're like, how did you do it? What are you doing? How are you managing this thing? But nobody wants to admit it, right? Why don't people want to admit it? Because the word alcoholic is so misunderstood. It's so emotionally charged in a negative way. And nobody wants to admit that they're have a problem, right? This just ties into people's egos and people's perceptions of themselves, right? Nobody wants to admit that they have problems, right? We all try to cover those things up and try to appear perfect, especially in the world of social media, right? Nobody wants to admit that they're struggling with something or that maybe they're "successful" and have some money and their career is established and maybe they're a little bit older or whatever it is. They don't want to admit that they have a dirty, dark little secret in their closet. Just human nature, man. We don't do that, especially when it comes to alcohol, right? Because there's all this stigma around, "Oh, you can't control your drinking. Oh, like you can't hang, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." And in those stigmas, those psychological forms of conditioning keeps people quiet. It keeps them silent and suffering in silence. And that's really unfortunate. And I know I was for a long time, and I'm sure many people who are listening to this podcast to some degree could relate. And that's why I've started the Stop Drinking Coach. That's why I'm bringing awareness to this whole deal, because a lot of people are suffering in silence and we don't know what to do because we've been misled, we've been lied to, we've been tricked, and we've been told that alcohol is something that it's really not. And it isn't until you stop drinking and get to the other side that you can stop drinking and get to the other side that you can stop drinking and get to the other side that you discover that as a fact, inarguable fact, right? Because alcohol affects your brain. It affects your neurochemistry. It affects how you view reality. It affects how you view yourself. You don't feel emotions and feelings, and you don't have certain thoughts. Alcohol is a real damper on your brain, on your nervous system, and on so many different things. And when you're in it, it's like being in the picture frame. You can't see the picture. It's only the time that you actually finally step out and you get 30 days, 60 days of sobriety that you're like, holy fucking shit, what was I doing? I can't believe that I was actually living my life this way for decades at a time. So that's what I've got on this episode. I'm going to keep this one short, and I hope it was helpful. I hope it was insightful, even just hearing somebody on the show. Maybe it provided a sense of hope. Maybe it provided some sense of clarity. Hopefully those questions that I had you ask yourself shed some insight into, you know, is this thing truly problematic for me? The reality is, is if you're listening to this thing, it probably is, you know? And hey, that's okay. You know, it's okay. It's okay to have a problematic or dysfunctional relationship with alcohol. Dude, it's a drug, and it's highly addictive. And people don't realize that. And it's not sold to us as an addictive drug. It's not pandered to us in the music and in the songs and in the television and the movies and all of our heroes and role models who drink constantly. You know, there's no label on the bottle saying this is a highly addictive drug that is, you know, creates physical and emotional dependency. But it does, especially as you continue to drink, it digs its claws deeper into your life. In every single way, it becomes harder to quit the longer you keep doing it. So hope that was helpful. So if you're on the fence of should I quit? Or should I cut back? My answer to you is that you should probably quit. Now, what you can do is you can try by cutting back in the beginning and seeing how that works for you. But if it's problematic, you're probably going to want to quit because you may cut back and then rubber band right back into your sort of problematic or normal drinking. And you'll see that this is just a cycle. This is just what what happens with alcohol. This is what happens with addiction. So yeah, should you cut back? Should you quit? I say you should probably quit. And yeah, I will see you in the next episode. And if you feel like you're ready to finally transform your relationship with alcohol, visit www.thestopdrinkingcoach.com and book a call with me. I offer private one on one and group coaching to make letting go of alcohol easier and more sustainable than you ever thought possible. Thanks again for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.
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