Shocking Viewer Confessions

Traditional home security only alerts you after a break-in, and that's too late. SimpliSafe is changing that. Stop. This is SimpliSafe. Police are on the way. We don't just alert. We help stop crime before it starts. Plans starting around a dollar a day. Right now, get 60% off your new system with professional monitoring at SimpliSafe.com slash Spotify. SimpliSafe. Ahead of crime in real time. Outdoor deterrence plans start at $49.99 a month. Visit SimpliSafe.com slash licenses for alarm license information. Shaq here. What's it like to buy a car from Carvana 100% online and get it delivered to your door? Let me tell you. Your car is here, Mr. Shaq. Thank you, Mr. Carvana guy. Can't wait to take it for a spin. Only the best for you, Mr. Shaq. Hey, have you always been so big, tall, and handsome? Not always. I was 6'10 once. Seven days to love it or return it, Mr. Shaq. Not that I would. You never do. No, I never do. So buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com. Hey, what's up, guys, and welcome back to the channel. And today we're getting into some shocking viewer confessions. And, oh, boy, do I have some unhinged, disturbing, and downright depressing viewer confessions for you guys today. So make sure to stick around. And I appreciate you guys stopping by. It means the world to make sure you like the video and subscribe to the channel. The channel subscriber goal is 1 million subscribers before the end of the year. So please subscribe. And I would love for you to join. The community and also, if you would like to have your confession in a future video, please send to the email on screen now. Thank you. And every single confession submitted is 100% anonymous. Your name, email, all of that will not be included in these videos. And so there's no risk of being found out for what you did. And so if you have anything you want to get off your chest, please send it to the email. And it might be in one of these videos. And if you would also like to see the most explicit, disturbing, and downright deranged confessions that I've received from viewers that I can't put on the channel and put on YouTube, then head over to my Patreon, where every single week you get a bonus video where, like I said, I read some of the most wild, explicit, and downright deranged confessions I can't put on YouTube. And alongside that, you get exclusive lives. Every single Thursday, where I hang out with you guys, read some stories, and read some confessions. And it's an all-around great time. And you also get exclusive access to the community's Discord, where you can hang out with me and chat with fellow fans. It's a great time. And alongside that, you get early access to every single video I release and add free content, all for just $5. And so you get a lot of value for just $5 a month. And I would love to. have you over there. And it also helps support the channel. And so please head over to my Patreon. The link is in the first link in the description, in the pinned comment. And, alright, that's enough yapping. I'm excited to get into these. Well, as excited as I can be, because these really are disturbing. But anyways, sit back, relax, grab a drink, or grab a snack. And without further ado, let's get into some shocking viewer confessions. I tried. I tried to kill my daughter with crystal. And when I say crystal, I mean the breaking bad drug. And let's get into it. Hi, Snook. I'm a long-time listener and have been debating sending this in since you started doing viewer confessions. I have never told anyone this. Not my family. Not the doctors. Not even my husband. My daughter's stepdad. I need to get this off my chest. Even though I know that I am evil for what I did. When I was a teenager, I struggled with a drug addiction. I mainly used crystal. After about a year or two of active addiction, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I have always wanted to be a mother and immediately told everyone I was having the baby and getting sober. Like told everyone I knew before I'd even had an ultrasound. I took no time to actually consider what keeping the baby would actually mean. Because I was a stupid child who was chasing a daydream of a happy family of my own. But once people knew, things changed. Her father wanted nothing to do with us. My family told me to have an operation. To have the baby removed. That I would be a terrible mother. And should spare my child the pain of a life in the foster system. Deep down, I knew I didn't really want a baby. I wanted to be a mom. But I wanted a baby because they would have to love me. And couldn't leave. Which I know now is not why you should become a parent. But I had already told everyone. I was having the baby. And I couldn't change my mind after burning bridges being so sure I'd be a good mom. I started wishing I'd miscarry so that I could escape the future I'd chosen for myself. Without the guilt and shame of admitting I wouldn't be a good mother. And having an operation to have the baby removed. And one day, I relapsed. I knew that Crystal wasn't good for a pregnant woman. I didn't miscarry. Not even after doing crazy things. I was with Crystal for two months of my pregnancy. On and off. I stopped shortly after my second trimester began. I had been referred to a specialist because of my history of drug abuse. And they asked if I was still using. I lied. They even told me they wouldn't call CPS. They just needed to know so that they could make sure the baby was healthy. I stuck to my guns and told everyone. I quit the day I found out. My pregnancy was uneventful until the eighth month. When I developed a complication called H-E-L-L-P syndrome. I gave birth two months early. I know it's my fault. If I hadn't been doing drugs, my daughter would have made it full term. And had the right start to life. She was tiny. And too small and weak to handle. I was forced to drink milk so I had to feed her with a tube attached to my finger. She failed to thrive and is still underweight and a full head shorter than her classmates now at seven years old. At two, I noticed her becoming aggressive. Having meltdowns and struggling to sleep and eat. She has just been diagnosed with OCD and ADHD. It is my fault. I have condemned her to a life. I have condemned her to a life of struggles because I was too childish and selfish to just get an operation to have the baby removed. And tried to kill her with substances. There is nothing I can ever do to fix this. I altered the entire course of her life because of my poor choices. She is the sweetest. Most funny. And creative kid. I love her so much. I wish I could go back in time and show myself her. Shake myself and scream that she is worth more and stop myself. But I can't. All I can do is carry my guilt and shame with me forever. And do everything I can to make sure her life is good. Since the pregnancy, I have been mainly sober. Besides one relapse when she was two years old. I have not done any drugs in three and a half years. But that doesn't change anything. I should have stopped then. I will carry this secret forever. I know that what I did makes me the scum of the earth. I wish I could go back. Thanks for reading, Snook. Keep on making good content. And I know you didn't ask for advice, but I just have a few thoughts. And obviously, you can't go back into the past and change what you did. Obviously, what you did is evil and wrong and just downright, you know, horrific. To know you're going to ruin someone's life. And as you put it, you tried to kill your daughter. daughter. um you can't go back in the past and change what happened um but what you can change and ensure what happens is making sure she has a a phenomenal childhood and a phenomenal life with a great mom she can rely on and someone that she can count on and you can love her and um you know give her everything you didn't in your childhood so you can ensure that she doesn't go down the same path that you did and so you could spend you know the rest of your life beating yourself up over this which is you know understandable a lot of people would say that but you know that's not going to help her that's not going to help her at all and so you should really put you know all of your energy all of your regret all of your sorrow into energy that you know helps her out that helps her have a great childhood that makes her feel heard and loved and understood and i mean i could easily sit here and and just call you you know horrible names which to be honest a lot of people would would would say that's completely justifiable what you did is evil and i was upset and very angry reading through this because you knew what you were doing and like you said you were doing it and you were doing it you were trying to kill her but that's not beneficial me demeaning you and calling you a bunch of names and whatever saying you're evil or whatever that's not beneficial for her because she is the one that is affected and she is the one that needs the help and support from her mother so please go do that go be a great mother and um yeah just make sure she doesn't go down the same path that you did and before we move on to the next confession i would just like to quickly let you guys know about my patreon i know i mentioned it in the intro but i would just like to let you guys know and it helps support the channel a lot so please consider joining but the perks are every single week you get some bonus videos where i read some of the most disturbing and explicit confessions i have read from fans and yes i have received much much worse than the ones i've read in today's video and so you get some wild confessions every single week along with that you get exclusive confessions from the fans and live streams every single thursday where you hang out with me and uh you know chat it's a great time and you also get discord access and that's a great time you get to chat with fellow fans and chat with me and also you get early access videos and add free content i mean if you had the patreon you could have already seen this video because it was posted a few days ago on the patreon and you can find this in the first link in the description in the pinned comment so please consider joining the patreon you get a lot of bonus content and i'll see you in the next video content and um it also helps support the channel for just five dollars a month and so i can't wait to see you over there and anyways on to the next one i pretend that my wife is my sister hi snook been following your channel for about a year or so now i'm also one of those guys that listen to your videos at 4 30 a.m while i fight to stay awake at my incredibly boring job so i appreciate all the content and i'll see you in the next video content fun little side note i looked on your patreon for a moment only to see a crazy video title that reminded me of this confession i've been wanting to make so the pipeline ends here i know you usually do but i'd prefer to be kept anonymous if possible i 25 male and my wife 24 male have known each other since we were about 12 or 13. and virtually know everything there is to know about one another when we were still long distance i'm the idiot she would call for any comfort when her parents violently fought or after she was abused something that was quite unfortunately a routine in her household this alone is enough to build a tight bond especially being that we were so young when our reliance on one another started to grow and our reliance on one another started to grow and our reliance on one another started to grow and our reliance on one another started to grow and started to compliment that sentiment she is the single person i have been able to look to for endless comfort in my own messy childhood let me offer a touch of background in advance the following will contain sensitive information that i will be vague about for the sake of your ability to read and allow for interpretation without consequence i come from a deep southern family all of whom originate from west virginia feel free to laugh i know it's ironic that said my family has some of the most rotten dynamics possible for a family tree to set a focal point i am only going to discuss my immediate members i hope this is sufficient enough for context as a kid i was heavily parentified and cultivated into an adult as early as i can remember if i didn't care for someone's emotions no matter my age or my own feelings in the situation it would fester and become a catastrophe after my mother and father divorced if i didn't take care of every ounce of burden for my mother she would have bipolar mental breakdowns about feeling unloved and unwanted i felt responsible for whether or not she experienced misery and for providing a male presence for her to lean on my father left our synergy or rather parasitic relationship has always made me think about those threads and groups on social platforms you know the he's your son not your boyfriend ones my mother manipulated me into the perfect subject for her to consistently gain satisfaction from i would get rewarded with love and affection only when i'd fight tooth and nail for her and expand my own relationship with her when i was providing a solid ground for her to walk on and when i didn't i faced the consequence of being left alone at home with little to nothing to eat for weeks on end when i didn't live for her my punishment was abandonment endless complaints or being forced to instead pick up the pieces after a pill bender as a nice garnish on top she was always the same kind of mother that wanted to dictate my every move in relationships she wanted to know when i had intimacy for the first time and she wanted details she had always hated any of my and my brother's female partners she expressed with grating clarity that she wanted my first time trying drugs and other things to be with her to piggyback off that i have a brother he too used me as a similar tool with him once he was divorced from his first wife he begged me to live with him lest he make a rash decision and commit s-word dreading the impending guilt of causing my brother's own s-word if i declined the plea i felt i had no choice but to say yes pack up and move with him across the country during my time living isolated with him he treated me as a housewife i was unfortunate enough to be a feminine boy growing up so i refuse to say house husband he promised me to great things if i didn't work and just focus on providing him company and a maid service he shared secrets of his intimate life and other things of disturbing variety with me used me as an emotional crutch and so on when i mentioned i'd be leaving to live with my the girlfriend wife he even found a girl that eerily resembled myself in stature and looked similar to a female version of me and she was a woman who was a woman who was a woman of me she and i even shared a similar speech pattern interests and almost an identical monotonous demeanor for additional detail when i was much younger he'd abused me in ways i don't wish to elaborate on finally my father comes into the picture simply enough he'd been in an intimate relationship with his sister as confirmed by her herself there has never been a time that i have felt genuinely comfortable with anyone in my life i've never felt comfortable with anyone in my immediate circle of family members because of these things it has always felt like in my life family was just a fast track to get to the finishing point ultimately a free relationship where you could never escape your pursuer and as expected being exposed to this severe and unusual amount of emotional and physical family love from the ripe age of around five or six has done its number on me moving on here i won't get into what all my wife has endured but just know it is very very bad bad enough to have resulted in a debilitating disassociative disorder that causes massive gaps in memory and distressing rapid changes in personality and lucky me i was there to support her through a good portion of what she's gone through in her later years though of course i would never ask for it any other way she is my world and i'm honored to have been able to be some source of stability and safety in some rough times. So, to address the title, that may have been a bit alarming at first, I pretend that my wife is my sister. I do. In my mind, despite the disgusting, unhealthy dynamic I am mentally mimicking, I place her in the empty slot of little sister. I do not have any actual younger siblings. I treat her as if I'm her older brother and she was pawned off to me by our careless, neglectful parents. I take care of her, as with her disorder. Sometimes she does regress in age. I cook for her. I work overtime to be able to buy her gifts and small things she never got to have as a child just to see her happy and someone cares enough to think about her. I provide her with any ounce of affection she requires. I treat her as if I'm her older brother and she was pawned I know everything about her. I help her get ready, put up her hair, comfort her when she's upset. I complain about her asking me to do dumb things. We call each other names. We fight like siblings. I have always viewed our relationship this way. I'm certainly not her senior enough to be her dad. We're only a couple days apart in age. So mentally, the only next best thing I can do is to take care of her. I take care of her. I work overtime to be able to buy her gifts and small things she never got to have as a child. I cook for her. I cook for her. I work overtime to be able to buy her gifts and some things she never got to have as a senior. I'm certainly not her senior. I cook for her. I cook for her. I cook for her. I cook for her. I cook for her. I cook for her. I cook for her. In having DID, a person will normally have multiple fragments of themselves that have developed as a coping mechanism in a childhood to help compartmentalize traumatic events and keep the body slash mind safe from the damage of actively remembering said events without direct provocation. These fragments typically have different points of view and can see relationships and people as vastly different from their reality. These fragments can be different ages, have different health issues. They can become deeply confusing and complex from an outside perspective. Sometimes she acknowledges her parents as ours. Sometimes she refers to me as her brother and texts to others. Sometimes she criticizes a girlfriend that I don't have or says that this fictional girl is lucky to have me. More often than not though, she feels pity for said girlfriend. And if I don't play into that reality, I fear it could cause her to become upset or disoriented. Not that I wouldn't play into it anyway. See, given my upbringing, I have a mortifying attraction to that kind of thought. I have a fascination with it. I fantasize about it and it's given way to me developing comfort and obsession with her seeing me as this kind of figure. For me, it makes everything in life a little more interesting, though intimacy has been a guilty pleasure on my part. When she's in these mental states where she's actively portrayed as my younger sister in her conscience, that's when we do things the most. She degrades me in ways that make it hard to control myself and amidst the intimacy, she normally calls me by the name her alter knows me, her brother by. She's affectionate and asks for guidance like she's never done anything like it before and she could only ever trust me to lead her through it. It's unfortunately something I can't really help myself from indulging in. I don't want to be a burden to her. I don't want to be a burden because to me, the, I can't say the word they used here, but the family love and family intimate love dynamic is so familiar and alluring and being with her. I know it isn't actually wrong as her caretaker. Hey, it's Kelly Rowland. You may not know this, but I have eczema. So I get how it can steal your time, but why let eczema take over when you can talk to your doctor about eczema? Eczema LBKZ, a 250 milligram per two milliliter injection is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema. Also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies. EBCLS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you are allergic to EBCLS. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor about EBCLS. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with EBCLS. Before starting EBCLS, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Paid partnership with Lilly. Respect your time. Ask your doctor about EBCLS and visit EBCLS.com or call 1-800-LILLY-RX or 1-800-545-5979. When an intruder approaches a home, they expect a camera. What they don't expect. Stop. This is simply safe. Using smart AI cameras, live US-based agents help deter intruders in under 30 seconds. Don't just record a break-in. Stop it from ever happening. Plan starting around a dollar a day. Right now, get 60% off your new system with professional monitoring at simplysafe.com slash Spotify. 30 seconds response time requires monitoring plan with outdoor protection starting at $49.99 a month. Visit simplysafe.com slash licenses for alarm license information. I realize this sounds damning, like I'm taking advantage of her and the disposition her mental health puts her in. And even though I think I absolutely am, more normal state, and I know she will be able to handle and retain this information. I do tell her about it. Surprisingly, her response is always positive. She doesn't mind it. She knows what I've been through. And considering our traumas mirror one another in certain very relevant ways, she thinks for both of us, it is a fairly healthy means to cope with what we've endured. We're getting things out of our systems that one would normally bottle up and throw out to the sea only to see it again in shades of guilt, regret, and hatred. We mutually see it as us taking back control of situations with trust in which we were exploited before our brains even dreamed of developing. For myself, I can recolor my trauma and replace parts of it with positive experiences. For her, I can be more gentle and loving than any of her abusers were to her. And she too can be more gentle and loving than any of her abusers were to her. And she too can overwrite portions of her trauma with positivity despite our perceived relation when she's in that headspace. From my own perspective, I believe my role in the experiences end up leaving me with some residual negative feelings. Even so, with her persistent reassurance, I know that the impulses I act on are not affecting her in any way that she does not enjoy while lucid enough as herself to process what we're discussing. So that's it. I'm disturbingly infatuated by feeding into my wife's mental health-driven delusion that I am her weird, gross, older brother, and we are both okay with this. Both of our therapists have also expressed approval, as long as we continue with safety and caution for one another. Hope that brings you some comfort. I'm one step ahead, taking out the trash for you, Snook. Anyway, thanks for what you do, man. On behalf of myself and other confessors of the Snook-regation, sorry for the burden some of this information has to leave you with. All the best. I'm obsessed with my sister's friend's feet. Hey, Snook, I'm a big fan of yours. I've been watching your content for about a year now, and I've decided to write a confession. Also, your videos really help me through the day. Also, I wrote the other half of the story in the comments. Since there were too many letters, I didn't plan on saying any of this out loud. It started as a stupid thing I kept to myself. Then it got worse every time she came over. She's one of my sister's friends, not someone I grew up with, just a girl who started hanging around once they got close. Most of the time, they're in my sister's room. Door half open, music low. I'd hear them laughing and find a reason to walk past. She'd be on the bed or the floor, shoes already off. Sometimes she'd peel her socks off and leave them by the door. I thought about taking one while they weren't looking and jerking with it. Bare feet tucked under her or stretched out while they talked. I started noticing them more than I meant to. Souls facing the doorway when she moved. Toes painted or not, depending on the week. I got aroused just walking by. More than once, I had to keep going down the hall so it wasn't obvious. After a while, I started asking to hang out, not really with both of them. I'd text my sister and say I was bored, ask if I could come sit in. She usually said yes. I wasn't there for her. I was there because her friend would be on the bed with her feet out, and I could sit on the floor and look. Without it being weird. I'd stay longer than I needed to. Pretend I was on my phone. Watch her soles when she crossed her ankles. Sometimes we'd be on a video chatting site. Her friend would kick up her feet toward the camera and show them off when somebody popped on laughing about it. Souls right in frame. I'd be sitting close enough that I could grab them. Not hard, just hold one for a second like I was messing with her. Thumb on the sole and she would let me. She'd even press it into my hand if the person on the other side said something. Then the call would skip and she'd pull her foot back like it was nothing. I started looking forward to that part more than the actual sight. The part I don't tell anyone is how specific it got. I just want to look or grab them for a second on camera. I want her feet on me. I picture her sitting back on that bed. Legs out. Both feet wrapped around my Johnson. Soles pressed together. And doing stuff to it. Oh boy, this is hard to read. A little pressure from her arches. Her watching my face the whole time. Because she knows. She knows exactly what she's doing. I've, uh, I've jerked it to that thought more times than I can count. And Jesus Christ, that was one hell of a confession. I continually try to drive myself insane on purpose. Hi Snook, first I just wanted to say I absolutely love your videos. And they help me when I'm feeling down. And they help me when I'm feeling anxious. Because even though the content is disturbing, your voice is so relaxing. Please do not include my name if you do choose to share this. In many ways, I live an incredibly happy life. My husband is the love of my life. I have a job I enjoy. And we are going to be starting a family soon. I have AUDHD and some mental health issues as well. But I'm working on ways to cope in a healthy way. But despite all of that, I struggle with something I cannot talk to anyone about. I am infatuated with the idea of driving myself to a mental breakdown. Many times in my life, including some rougher times when I was going through things like being with an abusive ex-girlfriend in college, etc. I have actively taken steps. To try to push myself over the edge. Let me first explain. I have a family history of schizophrenia. I also have, probably because of my AUDHD, a very active imagination. And when I zone out, I can sometimes turn the background noise into voices. Another thing you need to know for context before I get deeper into this is that I also have a chaotic experience with belief systems. I was raised agnostic, became a satanist, joined the Mormon church, joined Islam, and now I'm back to left-hand path practices, which I am trying to have a healthier relationship with. I love my life, but despite that, I have actively tried to tune it into the background noise. I force myself to search for voices in it. I purposefully have focused on anxious or paranoid thoughts. I have desperately tried to force myself into delusions. I have done some things in the process that I'm not going to share, but let's just say it would be in the SH category. I have tried using cannabis more than I should because I know that for people with my family history, it can trigger psychosis. I know psychosis is horrible. I've seen it happen to relatives. I feel like I'm going to die. I feel like a horrible person for trying to do it to myself, and I genuinely cannot tell you why I am trying to. I have also thought about finding ways to get arrested without actually causing harm. I've almost done it. Almost gone up to a police officer in public and told them I didn't feel safe in my own mind because I wanted desperately to just be put under a psychiatric hold. And it wouldn't have. It wouldn't have even been a lie. It's true. But I always chicken out. I don't want my husband to be sad or worried or upset. And it's the only thing holding me back from ruining my life on purpose. I guess if I do end up having an episode of psychosis because of my actions and have to deal with the reality of it, that's sort of just natural consequences for trying to do it to myself. Anyways, thank you for listening to my confession. And thank you again for your videos and channel. Who I was when no one was looking. There's something about my past that I don't talk about very often. It's heavy to carry. I hid a drug addiction from my family, friends, co-workers, and pretty much everyone around me for many years. It started when I was around 15. I was insecure, unhappy with myself, and looking for ways to escape how I felt. At first, it was things that probably didn't seem that serious. Stealing wine from my parents, drinking with friends as a teenager, abusing over-the-counter meds. But over the years, it progressed. After a surgery, I. I was prescribed a pain medication. And I liked the way it made me feel. Eventually, I started stealing pills from family members. Later, I became a veterinary technician and had access to controlled substances that weren't monitored as closely as they should have been. I took advantage of that. Over the years, I stole thousands upon thousands of pills and other drugs from. from my workplace. There's no pretty way to say that. I stole. I lied. I hid things. I became incredibly good at living two different lives. After leaving that job, I found other ways to get prescription pain medication. Eventually, I got into a relationship with someone who introduced me to crystal as a replacement for the pills. That turned into. That turned into. That turned into. That turned into another addiction entirely. At my worst, I was using crystal every day and spending around $800 a month on it. And one of the craziest parts of my story is that during some of that time, I was working for drug court and children and youth services. Nobody knew. I could go to work, do my job, interact with people, come home, and somehow keep this enormous secret hidden. From the outside, I could look like a functioning, productive person. Inside, my life revolved around drugs. Getting them. Making sure I had enough. Hiding what I was doing. And making sure nobody figured me out. Eventually, my body couldn't keep up. At 40, after using crystal every day, heavily, I went into heart failure. That forced me to stop. But even that wasn't magically the end of my addiction. I relapsed several times before I finally reached the point where I knew I couldn't keep living that way. I was able to stop crystal use on my own. But prescription pills were much harder for me. It took multiple tries at treatment before I finally accepted the pill. I knew that I needed more help. I eventually entered treatment. And I am not ashamed of that. It was part of what helped me get my life back. Today, I have about four years of being clean and sober. And sometimes I look back at the person I was and can't believe how much of my life I spent hiding. I'm not sharing this because I'm proud of the things I did. I'm not. I hurt people. I stole from people who trusted me. I lied to people who loved me. I abused positions of trust. And addiction doesn't erase my responsibility for those choices. But I also don't want to spend the rest of my life pretending that person never existed. For roughly 30 years, from my teens into my 40s, addiction forced me to do what I wanted to do. And I was able to do what I wanted to do. I was able to do what I wanted to do. followed me in one form or another. I thought I was functioning because I worked hard responsibilities and managed to keep people from finding out. Looking back, I realize there's a difference between functioning and actually living. Today, I'm living. I'm not constantly thinking about where I'm going to get drugs. I'm not stealing from the people I love. I'm not manipulating situations to get prescriptions. I'm not waking up wondering how I'm going to feed an addiction that day. I'm finally able to look at myself and say, I did those things. They are a part of my story. I can't undo them, and I won't make excuses for them. The person I am today is not the person I used to be. I'm not the person I used to be. At the time, I felt like I needed to get money from somewhere, and he became that person. But it wasn't only about money either. I didn't really have anyone else that I consistently spoke to, and things at home weren't good. He was someone I spoke to constantly, so without really realizing it, I became emotionally dependent on him as well. And he knew what my situation was. He knew what my relationship with my mom was like. He knew what was happening at home. He knew I struggled financially, and he knew I depended on him. So, I started sending him explicit pictures for money. I always made sure my face wasn't in them. I know that doesn't suddenly make it safe, but that was one boundary I always had with myself. He would also say, He would also send explicit pictures of himself to me. It wasn't something that only went one way, where he was asking me for pictures. He was sending me explicit photos as well, while I was still underage. At the time, I don't think I properly processed how wrong or weird that was. I'd been speaking to him so consistently that so much of what was happening just became normal to me. Looking back now, obviously, none of it was normal. Even writing this makes me feel disgusted with myself. I became dependent on him financially, but I was also emotionally dependent on him because I had been talking to him for years at this point. That's something I still struggle to explain to myself. This was someone I could hate for the things he did, while simultaneously feeling like I needed him. Eventually, pictures weren't enough for him. He started wanting me to be intimate with other people, and record it for him. He had many fantasies, and would call me while he jerked it, and wants me to tell him things and call him weird names. He kept pressuring me to actually go and be intimate with other people and record it for him, but I never did. I just didn't want to be intimate with other people at that end. It made me uncomfortable, and no matter how much he pressured me, that was something I refused to do. He would also constantly manipulate me and gaslight me. He would tell me that I'd promised to send him something when I hadn't, or that I'd already agreed to do something that I knew I hadn't agreed to. It got to the point where I would question conversations I'd literally been a part of, because he was so incessant that I'd said things I didn't remember saying. It made me uncomfortable, and no matter how much he pressured me, that I'd already agreed to do something that I knew I hadn't agreed to. It got to the point where I would question conversations I'd literally been a part of, because he was so incessant that I'd already agreed to do something that I knew I hadn't agreed to. Eventually, he basically stopped giving me money because I wouldn't be intimate with other people and record it for him, so I blocked him, and for a while, that was it. Then, a few months later, he found a way back into my life. He added me on Snapchat again and actually sent me a request for money through PayPal with a message saying he missed me and wanted to talk to me. I was 15. The weirdest part is that even after acknowledging that himself, he went straight back to doing the same things. The gaslighting started again. The manipulation started again. He wanted pictures again. And I desperately needed the money. But this time, I couldn't do it. I don't even fully know why. Maybe I'd gotten old enough to properly understand what had happened. Maybe it was because I felt so disgusted with myself for cheating on my boyfriend. Maybe it was both. I just couldn't bring myself to fall completely back into it. And that's basically where I am left now. I think one of the hardest things for me is trying to understand which parts I'm allowed to be angry about and which parts I'm supposed to blame myself for because I know I made decisions I regret. I went back when I was 18. I cheated on my boyfriend. I'm not trying to remove my responsibility for those things. But then another part of my brain goes back to the beginning of this story. I was 15. He was somewhere between 23 and 25. He knew exactly how old I was. I initially told him no when he wanted me to be his girlfriend. He knew what was happening in my home life. He knew how my mother was doing. He knew how my mom treated me. He knew I struggled financially. He knew I depended on the money he gave me. He sent explicit pictures of himself to me while I was underage. And eventually the money he was giving me became conditional on me giving him intimate pictures. Then when pictures weren't enough, and I refused to be intimate with other people and record it for him, he stopped giving me money. I don't know how I'm supposed to process all of that. The part that probably sounds the strangest is that I still think about him constantly. I'd honestly say he's in my head about 90% of the time. There are still moments where I think I could just add him again, especially when I need money. I know exactly where that road leads, and I know how horrible it makes me feel, but the thought still enters my head. Then I feel ashamed for even considering it. It's also massively affected the way I feel about intimacy. I basically don't have any intimate life because the thought of it repulses me. I just don't want it. And I hate that. I hate that I'm no longer 15. But something that started when I was 15 still affects such a massive part of my life. There's also a darker part of this that I've never really told anyone. I struggle with thoughts of S-word. I'm not saying that for sympathy or to make the story sound worse. It's just genuinely a part of where I'm at mentally, and it would feel dishonest to tell this story and leave that out. Sometimes I get completely overwhelmed by the shame, anger, guilt, and everything else going through my head. I feel guilty for what I did to my boyfriend. I feel disgusted when I think about the pictures I sent. I'm angry at him. I'm angry at myself. And somehow, after everything, there's still a part of me that thinks about going back to him. One of the things that makes me the angriest is knowing that he probably has absolutely no idea what I'm going through now. Obviously, I don't know what his life is like anymore. I can't say for certain that he's completely fine, but he could be. He could just be living his normal life. He going to work as a firefighter, and not thinking about any of this at all. Meanwhile, I'm still here thinking about something that started when I was 15 almost every day. I'm the one who struggles with intimacy now. I'm the one who feels ashamed. I'm the one who has all the anger. I'm the one who has thoughts of S-word. I'm the one sitting here trying to understand what happened and why I still feel attached to someone I'm also so angry at. And maybe he doesn't even think about it anymore. I don't know if he feels guilty. I don't know if he ever thinks about me. I don't know what's going on in his head, and I don't want to pretend I do, but I wish he knew what I'm going through now. Not because I want him back in my life, I don't. I just hate the thought that someone can affect another person's life this much and potentially just carry on with their own. Especially when I think about the fact that he was a police officer and is now a firefighter. Someone whose jobs have basically always been about helping people. I don't think I'll ever understand how someone can affect another person's life. someone can have jobs where people are supposed to trust you and rely on you for help while also doing the things he did to me. I also have a lot of anger towards the person who originally showed me that website. Logically, I know they couldn't have possibly known what was going to happen to me because of it, but there's still this irrational part of me that wishes they'd never told me about it. I constantly think about what would have happened if I'd never put my Snapchat on that website. Would I ever have met him? Would I have spent years dependent on him? Would I feel differently about intimacy now? Would I be happier? Obviously, I'd never know. I think that's partially why I'm sending this in. I don't really know, what I expect anyone to say about it. Maybe I just need another person to hear it because until now, it's basically just existed inside my own head. I know I've made mistakes and I'm not trying to make myself sound innocent in every part of this story. I just don't know how I'm supposed to look at something that started when I was 15, figure out what was actually happening to me, forgive myself for the decisions I made later, and finally move on with my life. I've never been able to do that. I don't know how I'm supposed to look at something that started when I told anyone the full story before. So I guess this is me finally telling someone. I've added photos of all the money he has sent me starting from 2023 onwards and his attempts to reach out to me again when I had blocked him. Thanks for reading. I killed my kitten. Hello, Snook. After listening to one of your latest confession videos, I heard a story about an accident that ended with a kitten dying. I have one that is worse. Years back, I had a cat that I found and rescued as an abandoned kitten while setting up a job site where I worked at the time. Her mother had left her in the corner of a barn still young enough she wasn't able to walk. I brought her home and fed her with an eyedropper, and miraculously, she survived. A few years on, I moved into a new place. For context, it was a rural house without close neighbors. The cat I had rescued ended up pregnant to a stray. She had six kittens, and all of them were beautiful, so we had no problem finding homes for them other than two of my partners that wanted to keep. As they grew, one started showing strange traits. They would fight with its siblings and preferred sleeping outside no matter the weather. There was a lot going on in the house, and I didn't know what to do. I had no idea what to do. I didn't know what to do. One morning, I was leaving for work. I had gone out to warm up the car while I got my things together. When I got in the car and began backing out of the driveway, there was a bump under the wheels that was unusual. I looked back up the driveway to see the kitten flipping around. I had run it over. The worst part is, when I went to check, it was squashed. It should have been dead, but it wasn't. I didn't know how to respond, so I tried strangling it to end the pain it was clearly in. It scratched at me and squirmed violently until it didn't. I dug a hole and put the kitten in. When I began filling in the hole, I thought I saw it moving again. I'm not sure if it was still alive when I buried it, I still feel guilt to this day, knowing there was a better way I could have handled the situation. Thank you for putting the time into your videos. I'm sure they help a lot of people. And alright guys, that wraps up some shocking viewer confessions. I really hope you enjoyed today's video or at least found it interesting. And if you did, please like the video and subscribe to the channel. It helps me out a ton and it helps push the video and the algorithm, and also comment down below and let me know would you like to see some more videos like this in the future. And I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who felt comfortable enough to share their confession with me and with the channel to be read for the community. And if you'd like to have your confession in red for a future video, please send it to the email in the description. Everything is 100% anonymous. Nothing will be exposed. I know that's kind of a worry for some people, but truly, I mean, if you confess to something horrible, I can't do anything about it. Especially if it's a throwaway email. So just feel free to send in a confession and it helps me keep making videos like this. And also, I just want to say a huge, huge, huge thank you to some of our patrons. And at the end of every single video now, I'll be reading out some of the most recently joined patrons. So thank you so much, Alex M, Jose E, Angelina S, Riley H, Midnight, Brooke, Parker S, Karen Dolla, Carl, Crafty R, Harvey M, Nisha, Lucid, Carling, Dancing Machine, Eric, and Milton Juarez. Thank you so much for everyone who joined. And if you'd like to have your name read for a future video at the end of a future video, that might be you next time. And so I want to say thank you guys so much who support the Patreon. It helps the channel running and it really helps me out. It's phenomenal bonus content as well. And so please consider joining the Patreon. The link is in the first link in the description and the pinned comment. But anyways, that's enough yapping. I hope you enjoyed today's video. And if you did, comment down below and let me know. I read every single comment. And also, please follow me over on Instagram and follow me over on Spotify. It helps me out so, so much. But all right, that's enough yapping. Once again, thank you guys so much for watching from the bottom of my heart. This was me in the world and this was Snook and I'll see you next time. Bye. You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle. No negotiation. No guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it. Still haven't started? Hey, better late than never. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply. Hank joined BJ's Wholesale Club the day he became a father of 30. I coach football. Now Coach Hank saves up to 25% off grocery store prices. 30 pounds of pasta, three cases of protein bars, 75 sports drinks. And that's just pregame. He knows teamwork and BJ's knows savings. This is your home, Coach. Home of the Save. Join for just $20 at BJs.com/Mosquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer. New members only. BJ's. Home of the Save. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop. With Mint, you can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments, but that's weird. Okay, one judgment. Anyway, give it a try. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. Upfront payment of $45 for three-month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com.