She Refused To Be a Bridesmaid. Then She Went Viral (w/ Ruhama Wolle)

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That's code mrsdowjones50off at factormeals.com. See website for more details. The other day I was going through my desk and I found a journal right from when I graduated and it had pen and paper how much I spent each day. At this time, I think I was making around $40,000 and access cash flow was pretty tight. So I had to watch every penny. I think about how far we've come with technology and advancements. To help us with this stuff. We don't need a journal with pen and paper anymore. The answers are out there. And Monarch is one of those answers. Monarch is literally, it's like having a financial advisor in your pocket. So you can use AI to help see what you're spending. Monarch will help you have full visibility in your accounts. It will help you see your trends. It will help you set goals, map out big purchases. See if you're actually on track to where you wanted to be. You can ask Monarch. Monarch's AI assistant. Anything about your finances. 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This is a podcast where I teach you how to build wealth with a side of market drama, money scandals, and of course, financial pop culture. And today we have Ruhama Wolley. She is the viral author of I Hope You Elope, a bridesmaid survival guide. But first, let's get into the MDJ Market Report. Okay, our first story in the Market Report is how expensive that fun has gotten. And we're going to talk about how expensive that fun has gotten. social media. It's not worth starting your wedding with debt. I feel like the coolest thing right now, like the financial trend that I'm the most into is just like not peacocking. I feel like we're post peacock. It's just like do things that actually make sense with your budget. And don't like overdo things that you can't afford just to seem like you're richer than you are. Who cares? It's way cooler to be in control of your finances. So yeah, I just wanted to talk about that. Because if you've ever been at a wedding where they asked you to Venmo them, I need to know please DM me that has never happened to me. But I did go to a wedding where there were oyster crackers for dinner and it was a cash bar. So I feel your pain. But you know, I wouldn't have missed it. Okay, now that I'm all warmed up with my wedding opinions, I do want to bring in our guest for today, Ruhama Woolley, because she is sort of the queen of taking down wedding culture. You will hear more in the interview, but she has a very controversial takes on weddings. Do not ask her to be a bridesmaid because she went viral for saying that she will not be a bridesmaid again. And she's someone who's just started a lot of conversation around the topic. So I'm really excited for you to hear this one. You've got a lot of wedding gossip, Rue. Because yeah, you wrote this book, it absolutely popped off. And you're sort of like the poster child to say no to being a bridesmaid. I am. So we have to get into all of this. But first, we always do rapid fire. Okay. So Rue, what are your best and worst purchases that you've ever spent attending a wedding? And how much did each cost? Okay, worst purchase will always forever be the dresses. Like across the board, there wasn't a single dress that I loved. Unless I we just so happened to have the wear whatever. And then I got to wear whatever. Exactly. Um, best purchase across wedding. You're like nothing. The ticket home. Um, I'm sure I think honestly, the the meals and like the dinners and the get togethers that felt communal were really great times. And I would say that the the boat experience, for a bachelorette in Miami was really fun. And what is the most money that you've ever spent all in attending a wedding? It was about 2k for one wedding. And I have to add the caveat that I did not attend the bachelorette for that particular wedding. I didn't go to a bridal shower. So there were definitely things that I tapped out of, for either reasons that I couldn't afford it or just time off. But all in was 2k. So which actually is normal, because on average, people are spending between 1200 to $2,500 to be a bridesmaid, and over $5,000 for these high end destination weddings. Absolutely. And mind you, I'm noting that the 2k was with just me agreeing to attend, of course, the wedding, participate where I can, but I also didn't go on an international bachelorette trip. So I'm sure that would have hit another 2k. For sure. Easy. Absolutely. Even though as we talked about, you are petite and can easily fly in the back. Anywhere, right? Yes. But the cost is the same. The cost is the same. It does not matter how small or how big you are. Yeah. Ru and I are on different ends of the size spectrum. Me as like a giant. How tall are you? I'm like 5'11 and I wear heels. I'm 4'11. Oh my God. I love it. We need to be best friends because you know, there's no stronger alliance than a really tall girl and a really short girl. I'm telling you. We could be at every sample sale being like, go, and then hitting the complete opposite spot. Exactly. So people talk about, Astrological compatibility. We need to talk about height compatibility. You just mentioned this wedding though, the one that you spent the most on, $2,000. Yes. But you preface it by saying that you said no to a lot of things. Yes. You've become the poster child for this, of like this critical discourse around wedding guest spending and saying no to weddings, which I don't know why it's so shocking, but you can. So could you explain a little bit more about this viral moment that got you into this? How'd you get this crown, Ru? It's heavy. Isn't it crazy? And I don't even know if I wanted it or want it, but I will say I felt like I was just having a normal experience, right? Weddings hit me. I was at that phase where friends were getting married. How old are you? 32 now. When it started, I was 27, 28, and happily said yes to my girls, right? No one asked me that I questioned why they asked me, which is very much a conversation in itself where folks are like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I didn't want to be her bridesmaid, but I said yes. And I'm like, what? How? Yeah. Anyways, my wave hit me. And while I was navigating it, there were moments where I just felt like autonomy really goes out the window, which is really what the season is about. It's her big day. It's her moment. It's sort of the way I write about it in the book is like it's a bait and switch, which is it all feels emotionally tied. That's what weddings are. And you want to show up for your girl, your bestie. Your sister. And then underestimate how much it costs, underestimate what it's asking out of you beyond of even just the financial bit of it, of time, the emotional labor around it. And I think by the end of it, I was already feeling like, I don't want to do this again. And I feel like if I do it again, I might lose a friendship over it. And I think just that thought kind of spoke it into existence. And I did end up losing a friendship over it. Wow. But I. What happened? I wrote an article. I wrote an article that went viral and it didn't sit well with her that I wrote the article. And I think. What did you say about her? I mean, I ended up talking about all three weddings that I ended up attending. And there was a conversation about hair in it in terms of how we were asked to have our hair. I clearly missed the memo or I misread it and ended up having my hair curly, but not the way she wanted it curly. And I think in the grand scheme of things, I was like, this is what it comes down to. And I think it was a huge miscommunication because for her, it was more so of if you had just let me know in the moment that this was making you in any way uncomfortable. I would never put my friend in that position. But because during weddings, everyone stays silent and everyone wants to make. The bride happy. The bride happy. It was a lot of staying silent. And for her, it was like, why were you staying silent? We're not friends who stay silent with one another. And I'm like, I know, but it's hard to explain what. Weddings really sort of not only reveal, but the pressure they put around folks who are in the bridal party or the community around her because you're just like, I don't want to rain on your parade. And so once I understood sort of the challenges that I was experiencing, because if I was saying at this point in my life, I can be vocal, I can sort of have my boundaries up. And in this season, I wasn't able to. I was like, one, I don't want to put myself in this situation again. And then two, I wonder. If other folks are experiencing this. Right. And so I ended up writing an op ed about it, sort of my way of releasing it. Did not expect it to resonate with as many folks as it did. You went fully viral. I went fully viral. And yeah, I think that's sort of what sort of led the roadmap for a book. And I think the book essentially does what the article sort of misses out on, which is I say, no, that's my stance. I'm probably not. Probably will never be a bridesmaid again. Well, this point, Nolan. Someone's asking you. Like, I would be scared. You'd be surprised. I have some best friends who probably will attempt to try to ask me. Wow. They're going to get you out of retirement. I say it in the book. I think in my acknowledgements where I'm like, the only person who can convince me is my sister. And my sister is like, I promise you, I am not your problem. I will never have a bridal party as well. So we're aligned in that. But I realize that not a lot of folks can say no. Right. And so that's what the book offers. It's if you can't fully say no and you do want to show up, which most of us do want to show up. How can you navigate that in a way where. Like, you're not losing your sanity. But that is very interesting wording. Like, can't say no. Like, we could say no. So could we. It sounds like you've dealt with a few bridezillas. So I wanted to role play in terms of setting these boundaries. If you're one of those people who thinks, OK, I can't say no. You are here. You are the queen of saying no. Can you teach us? So I'm the bride. Brew on the bride finally. The day has come. OK. And you're the bridesmaid. OK. And I want you to come on my bachelorette trip to Mallorca. My wedding is in Rome. I'm neither Spanish nor Italian. I just want to have destination events. And I'm not paying for anything, but you have to pay for everything. And we're not that close, but we're close enough that you have to be in my 17 person bridal party. OK, I'm going to preface. Has me bridesmaid already said yes to being? Yes, I sent you like a dove in the mail with like a lot of glitter came out. There was a singing telegram. How could you say no? So this is specifically for the bachelorette trip. But back it up. So you're saying the first step is when someone says, will you be my bridesmaid? Instead of just saying, wow, I'm so grateful that you're asking me. Absolutely. Yes. Take a beat. Take a beat. OK. That is truly the moment to take a beat. Because what I say is once you've already said yes, not to say there's not opportunities to then say no to certain things. It's hard to walk it back. It's hard to walk it back because you didn't essentially disclose any either financial bit you're in, time restraints that you might be on. And so I think early on, if you already have this feeling of this might not be the season where I can afford to be a bridesmaid or I might not have all the PTO or maybe I don't want to simply you don't want to because you're not as close and you know what it requires to fully show up for somebody. that is truly when you can, that is a time to pull aside bride and have that conversation early on. Okay. So let's do that talk. So I send you the dove in the mail. I'm like so excited. You're my most important friend to be my bridesmaid. Yes. So call me up. Ring, ring. Rue, is that you? I'm at the wedding salon. I just tried on 14 dresses. Oh my gosh. I hated all of them. Oh no. I'll send you pics. Okay. Send me pics. So what else is happening around wedding? Well, I haven't talked to my fiance in like six days because we're getting a prenup. I want everything. That checks. And yeah, I'm just like so excited for the bachelorette. I just booked this like huge villa. We're going to have private chef every night. That sounds exciting. And oh my Christian Dior is doing the bridesmaid dresses. Wow. Yes. You are going all out. Yes. Okay. Yes. So have you decided who you're going to have on your bridal party? Well, I mean, obviously you. Okay. And then my sister. Listen, I love this. I am so excited. You know, I will be there for the big day. Yes. I know I have just been in transitions with my job currently, and I am still figuring out what's next for me. So if it's okay with you, tell me a little bit about what you think it's going to cost to be a bridesmaid. And then I'm happy if I can take a day or two just to see if financially this is something that I could take on. You know, I love you regardless. I'll be at the wedding. I'm going to be there for you. I just want to make sure that this is something that I can afford right now to show up for you in the full capacity that you deserve and you want. Okay. Pause. Yes. That was really good. We're going to get back into it, but I want to like note a few things. Yes. I love that you gave your why. You gave the reason why. And so if you're not in a job transition, could we give other whys that are good? Maybe like. Yeah. I mean. Like give us some examples. Life is always lifing for a lot of us, right? But if you call a bride up and you say, life is lifing, they're going to laugh in your face. Absolutely. That's what I'm saying. So it has to be based in something concrete. In a reality. You need a detail. You need a detail, whether that is. Dog is sick. I'm handling family. Family shit is happening. Family shit is happening right now. I truly write. And this is where, you know. You need a specific. I also say this really comes down to what that relationship with the bride already is, right? If this is someone that that is the part where you then disclose, hey, you know, we've been talking about where I'm at. X, Y, Z. Yeah. X, Y, Z. But what if nothing's happening and it's just too expensive? That's. I feel like too expensive is. I'm like, we are in a recession. We are not. No, no. I got that. Like wages are up 7%. But if you disclose to your friend, right? Let alone best friend. That's truly who should be asking you to be their bridesmaid. And you're telling them you cannot financially afford that at this time. And they can't afford it. And they can't respect that or honor that. That ain't your friend. That's not your friend. I agree. And I truly think that no friend, let alone community per member should require you to spend more than you have. Right. Like we are not going into debt for one another. Like that is not what friendship is. That's not what community is. And so I think there's definitely an honest conversation around that. I do think that if this is someone that you truly consider a friend and want to continue having relationship with. Giving alternatives. I can't afford to fully show up in this capacity of being a bridesmaid, but I'd love for you and I to have a spa day. I'd love to show up in other ways that I can help. Let's go back to our call. Okay. So you're, we're unpausing because I want you to give me all of the other options. Okay. No, I know. I know. Listen, but it's going to be $4,000. And I think it really just comes down to the cost and knowing that you love your extravagant stuff. But listen, how about I will support where I can logistically. So you feel like I'm there with you in the journey. I'd love to do a spa day together one-on-one. I'll cover that. And I would still be at the day of the wedding. We'll show up early so I can be there to support you when you're getting all dolled up. I just don't think I can financially afford all that comes with being a bridesmaid at this time and what you wouldn't want and need. And I want you to be able to get all that. If you feel like there's any financial support for me, I'm going to be there to support you. But if you feel like there's any financial support for me, I'm a content influencer culture that's sort of taken a hold of social media for a few years now, which is you see it, you want to replicate it in some capacity, but underestimate what those costs are, right? And I think social media is the new Pinterest of it all in the sense that folks are going and they're seeing their favorite influencers, celebrity, have these incredible weddings, bachelorette moments, and want to be able to repeat that. And I'm like, did you know that they did not pay for most of that? It was those gift bags with every beauty product that you could think of was either gifted or it was brand sponsored. And I think that sort of sets the tone for what the rest of our country is sort of tapping into. And I also write about how America is the outlier in all this, where a lot of. That's so interesting. Cultures, for the most part, the bride is paying for her bridal party. Factor makes chef-crafted, dietician-designed, ready-to-eat meals, so you don't have to choose between real food and convenience. Let's eat real. Head to factormeals.com slash Mrs. Dow Jones 50 off and use code Mrs. Dow Jones 50 off to get 50% off and one free breakfast item per box for one year. Wall supplies last until 1031 2026. That's code Mrs. Dow Jones 50 off at factormeals.com. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and washable silk. The designs are timeless, thoughtfully crafted, and made to be worn again and again. Quince also has premium stretch denim, leather bags, footwear, and beautiful 14 karat gold jewelry. I personally have been living in my cotton cashmere rugby polo sweater this summer. It's so chic and sort of preppy and just pulls every outfit together in a way that feels really effortless. And it's not just apparel. 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I was like, we have to pay for the villa. So we paid for the villa, and the villa had a private chef. And so it was like all the meals was covered, but they paid for their, we split the boat day. You have to do boat day. And then we split the, they had to pay for their flights and maybe like the cabs to the villa. But you all were able to offset some costs. We offset a lot of costs. And before we went on the trip, and this is what I always tell people to do, is send an anonymous survey of how much people can afford and also make a budget for it and overestimate the budget because no one's going to be able to afford it. No one's ever upset if something is cheaper. But you are the anomaly, right? In this whole case scenario. But you are the anomaly too of saying, no, so we have to normalize, we have to talk about this. Very much so. I think normalizing, and I've seen a lot of brides who now send these Google forms, right? Bridal party is able to anonymously say, hey, here's my budget. Yes, I'm willing to do an international bachelorette trip. No, I'd prefer something more local. My thing is how much, I'm also now posing the question back to, the culture and saying, are we sticking to these after the fact, right? Because I've seen so many case scenarios and I've heard where, yes, bride is considered up until a point. And then once the wheels start turning, it all kind of goes out the window, right? Because they want to have the big, bad bachelorette and they're pissed at the friends, don't want to pay everything. This is where the people pleasing comes into it, right? Yeah. And I think the group dynamic portion that I also wanted to hit on is once the wheels start turning, right? There will be- There will always be someone in the group chat that's like, okay, yes, we agreed to a private boat day, but let's add a private chef on it now, right? And then everyone co-signs it. Oh, they're getting more and more, yeah. And now you're essentially, and they sort of guise it under the whole, it's her day. We want to get her everything she wants, right? And you don't even know if that conversation is happening on the back end where let's say a bride has let maid of honor know she does want something additional for the bachelorette. And then now in the separate group chat, maid of honor is like, let's add this for her, right? And it just ends up being this essentially revolving door of a meter of where you're like, I thought it was going to cost me this much. And now it's costing me much more than I expected. And sometimes resentment picks up when no one on essentially the decision-making factor of either bride or maid of honor is saying, can everyone afford this? Is everyone okay with this? And even then the group dynamic of it all, if six folks have already said yes, you can't be the only one to now tap out, right? That's why if you do it anonymously, I think. That's essentially one of the questions that I answer in the book, which is like, how did we get here? How did weddings balloon to what they are today? So what's the answer? I mean, I had to go through the whole course of history, but at this point it is social media, right? I think it is very much a Gen Z millennial issue. I truly hope that this book has a bookshelf of five years that next generation is not picking it up and feeling like it is a bookshelf of five years. It is a bookshelf of five years that next generation is not picking it up and feeling like it is a bookshelf of five years. And I really would say that I think we are reaching this moment where people are rethinking what a wedding can look like. I mean, there's research behind the fact that folks who spend the most on their weddings are more likely to get divorced. But I truly do think that if we rethink what a wedding can look like, this would kind of resolve all of it, right? If celebrating your union looks like, I don't know, like us swimming at the lake, right? A day of just having folks over at a house and that's what the union looks like. Okay, guys, when I first started Mrs. Dow Jones, I was selling a lot of merch and it was a business idea that I was sitting on. And then I set up Shopify and it made it so easy to get started because they truly have everything you need to start selling and you're ready from day one. Including the moment your first customer is ready to pay, Shopify checkout helps more customers finish their purchases. And when they come back, their details are already saved. So it's just one tap and they're done. And that's because Shopify handles the setup and the checkout, so you have more time to focus on growing your business and the tools to do it. Shopify has been so helpful in Mrs. Dow Jones and making the business more accessible. And I just like really loved using them when I had that store. 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We should be getting down and dancing at the fact that, you know, there's now another thing to celebrate in this. Cause I'm like, if that's your friend, that's how it should be processed. Like we are celebrating, sad you can't drink, but we'll turn up on the other side. And I'm so glad that the little one gets to be a part of the celebration with us, right? Not a, cause then now you just, it chucks it down to aesthetics. Clearly that's what matters to you. Not this friendship, not love. Clearly what matters is aesthetics for you at this point. And that is a rude awakening. And that's what matters to you. It's a rude awakening. And that is not your friend. So literally a bridal pregnancy clause. That is so crazy. And I've actually heard that too. I knew about this girl, Chloe, who got married a little bit later than all of her friends and was so fricking pissed that people were pregnant and it was a whole thing. So this is real. I think folks gotta be like, we gotta have shame. Like shame is shame. And that's the other thing is like when people become brides, it really, it gives them too much power. It becomes a hierarchy. And it actually translates even into the bridesmaid group dynamics of it all, because I have heard just in interviewing folks where folks felt so close to the bride up until the wedding. And they felt like bride had somehow sort of created this hierarchy across her friends of who is going to stand next to her, who is going to get prioritized and things. It's so middle school. It's clicking. There's so much more time with. And I'm like, it is a moment where essentially sometimes it becomes a friendship across your life, right? If you have a childhood best friend, a family member, you're work wifey. But I think it is very much on the bride also to make sure that everybody showing up, right? But you're a host. Yeah, you're a host. And you want to make sure that your community all feels- It's like, okay, you're a host. And you want to make sure that your community all feels- Oh my God, 100%. And you should try and offset it in any way that you can. I know right now, obviously, recession, people, it's so hard. The cost of living is so high. Wages. But I don't know. I've always felt like if you're going to ask something of people financially, don't do that unless you can- Offset it a bit. And it's okay not to do it or do it in a much cheaper way. Absolutely. I really believe that. We're so aligned on that. There's a moment where I say- And that's why I did it with my sister's wedding, which I know was a privilege that we were able to pay for the villa or whatever. But I'm like, then we wouldn't have done it there because knowing the financial situation of people who were coming, it would have been so inappropriate to have asked all these people who are literally working- I love that you said inappropriate because other folks would be like, she said inappropriate. And I'm like, no, that's true. No, it's inappropriate. It's inappropriate. It is. I put it, I think it's bolded in the book where I say in the dress chapter, if a bride is asking her bridesmaids to wear an exact dress and there is no room and space for them to pick a silhouette or whatever it is that they would feel comfortable in on their body, it is on the bride to pay for that dress. Oh, and I think you've got to pay for the hair and makeup too. It is on the bride to pay for that dress. You can- not tell me to go purchase this link and know that I may never wear it again. And can I also just say like, I think that all of this is lame. Like it's like, be interesting. Like don't like, like I want to get married so badly, but I also don't want to make it my personality at all. Let's be punk rock about it. You have in the book so many interesting stats and like research somewhere. You said that the more money spent on a wedding, the less likely it is to last, which was very interesting to me. So I would be curious to hear which wedding stats sort of shocked you the most in your research. Ooh, I think, I mean, just on average, how many times folks are being asked to be a bridesmaid is, is averaged out to five to six, right? That's so much. That's a Roth IRA. Which is nothing. When I can tell you on the flip side, a lot of people that I was interviewing, I was hearing double digits. And for me, sort of, that, I couldn't make sense of it, right? I'm like, you are telling me that there were 10, 15 folks in your life that you had to say yes to, right? In terms of showing up in that full capacity of what being a bridesmaid is, because how many of us can show up for more than let's say, and that's where I was really going back to research on in terms of four to five folks in a given season is probably the capacity any, any person has to show up and really love on and. Yeah. You can't have 12 best friends. Like that's insane. It's a tier, but the tier is not that big. And I say. How many, how many best friends do you think you really comfortably keep? I think four. Four to five. And like the fifth is sort of like, you've been friends forever. You'd love them to death, but you live in different places. And like, you know, you pick up the phone and you have a two hour convo once in a while. Yeah. Have you been a bridesmaid 10 times? No, that's insane. So that's why they need you, Rue, because we need to know. That's why you went so viral because it's like, people didn't even, realize that they could say no to it there. It's like this, you're blowing people's minds. And I think before the no probably landed a lot harder because the ask wasn't as what it, as what it's become now, but because of social media, because of brand and influencer culture and what people are digesting right online of all that can come with it. I think the upkeep is so much that at this point it is. I can't expect anybody to be shocked when someone says, I can't afford to be a bridesmaid. Of course, it's costing you two to 3000 per wedding to be a bridesmaid. And that's what people should look at it more as it's like that number amount versus just like the emotional implication and all of this other stuff. And it already costs to attend, right? Like, let's just be real on that front. Oh my God, so much money to attend. And I think people forget about that. I'm like, it's never just one wedding and one season. I think it's 2000 to go. Like I'm going to a wedding in September in, oh, hi. And you know, the Strait of Hormuz made those flight prices really high. I'm going to be, you know, 511 of me just like shoved in the back of coach, like praying for the best on the flight. And you know, then I got to get the car to the thing. And it's like, that's going to be $2,000. Absolutely. 100%. And that's one wedding. What about gifting? I have such a firm stance on it. If you are being asked to be a bridesmaid, a bride should not expect you to. You should also have a gift. What about if you're a guest to a destination wedding, but you're not in the bridal party? I think at that point it is on the bride and groom to send out a memo from the jump when it is a destination wedding. You all who plan on flying out for us, that is plenty. We are not doing a registry, but if you want to, you know, contribute anything. To charity. To charity, anonymously or whatever it is. Here's the link. Go for it. I love that. So we don't have to give gifts if we're going somewhere far. You don't have to give a gift if you're being a bridesmaid. If you want to make something for her, great. So I love the advice that you gave on setting boundaries in your Modern Love interview, but I'm curious if you have any additional more financial driven advice to add like as addendums to those points. I mean, I say it, it's, I made it also the budget. Look at it, right? Like, go through it, write down all the numbers of what you think it's going to cost, what you actually have to spend on it. And then if you're a bridesmaid, you don't have to give a gift if you're going to spend. And I do think that people should probably in their early mid twenties start saving up for weddings across the board. Like I think there should be a savings account specifically for weddings, whether you are attending as a guest, whether it is you participating in a bridal party. I think they're really, people should consider having a savings account for that. That's really smart. Having an automated deposit into, a high yield savings account. But I think something that we just, I'm going to wrap up by saying that a wedding is a want, not a need. Put your own oxygen mask on first. And don't be afraid to say no. And also like you can say no, even if like you're in a good place financially. And this is not your priority. Because it's still money that you have to spend. And it's not always a hard no, right? It could be a no. It could be a soft yes. It could be a I'm getting ready with you no. It could be a but I want to do this with you no. I got it. Absolutely. Well, Ruhama, this has been so amazing. No, this has been great. I just really love your perspective. And you really are empowering us all to have financial boundaries socially, which I think is so hard, but important to do. And I feel like the best lesson that we learned from you is just to stand in your freaking power and be unapologetic. And don't say sorry for knowing where the line is. That is a life lesson for me. Yeah. To not say continue to say sorry. Yeah, don't say sorry. I love it. All right. Well, stay rich. I know you are. Love it. On any journey using Uber, it helps to know you're getting into the right car. Pin verification adds an extra step to make sure your ride is your ride. Before the trip begins, your app gives you a unique pin. 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