She Licked a Lot of People, He Ruined Our Dinner

Hey, Antara Sarabhan and you're listening to World's Dommest Criminals. If you're keen to hear about the most ridiculous, bizarre and downright stupid criminals and crime stories in the world ever, you've come to the right place. In today's episode, you'll be hearing about a Florida politician who had to resign from her position after her habit of groping and licking the faces of male colleagues was brought to light. A British mother and daughter, whose lovely day at the seaside was ruined by a local man's bizarre campaign of nude behaviour towards them and more. Alrighty, let's get cracking. The Deer of each Florida is a small town with a population of around 4,000 people. Situated on a barrier island facing the Gulf of Mexico, it's a mecca for rich, preppy college students who swarm the area during spring break. And it's in Florida, so you know weird shit goes down there. In November 2012, the City Commission of Medeer of Beach had decided to hold a special outdoor meeting during the King of the Beach Fishing Tournament. Government meetings were usually held indoors, but this was a special occasion to honour a sister city in the Bahamas, and as such, there was drinking involved. 53-year-old City Commission and Nancy Oakley had been imbibing quite heavily according to some witnesses. When she spotted tall handsome city manager Shane Crawford and his cute blonde executive assistant Cheryl McGrady, she became instantly pissed off. See, Shane and Cheryl were married to other people, but Nancy suspected they were having an affair, and she didn't like it. Not because she was all super moral and didn't want anyone to disrespect the sanctity of marriage, but it seemed more so because if Shane was having an affair, she'd run away. Rather he'd be having it with her, and not some chick who was at least a decade younger. She may have been right about Shane and Cheryl nock and boots, as they ended up divorcing their partners and marrying each other, though they claimed they didn't get together until after their respective marriages had broken down. At the Beach Council City meeting, Nancy blasted her way over to her subordinate Shane and told him, "You need to get that fucking bitch out of here." She was talking about Cheryl, who was acting as Deputy City Clerk and taking the minutes of the meeting, so that so-called fucking bitch did not in fact get out of there. After the council meeting finished, Nancy went up to Shane again. He no doubt braced himself for the oncoming encounter because interacting with Nancy was never a fun experience. In hindsight it would have been wise if he'd sat down and assumed the brace position as though he were in an aeroplane that was going down. It would have been safer for him. So Nancy went up to Shane, grabbed his crotch, and slowly licked him from his Adam's apple all the way up his neck and on the side of his face. "Eww, Nancy, no, you garbage-paled kid of a person. This is some dark-sided shit for a council meeting." Shane said she'd been drinking and smoking a lot that day, which adds an old factory element to these entirely wrong proceedings. Maybe Nancy thought her behaviour was acceptable because she was a woman and Shane was a man, but that's not how things work. Consent is necessary before touching someone in any way, regardless of gender. Cheryl had been standing there the entire time watching this go down and possibly vomiting in her mouth a little. She told Nancy that her behaviour was inappropriate, so Nancy swung a punch at her face but missed. Shane later told the media that this was not an isolated incident. He said Nancy had a habit of licking men that either she was attracted to or thought that she had authority over. Which is not cool. I mean it's okay when my dog does it, but she's a dog. She's not an elected member of City Council. More's the pity. And why would someone do such a thing multiple times even if they were drunk? Like maybe once I could kind of understand? You get super drunk at a work function and go around licking men you're attracted to or have authority over, no, just no, and you wake up the next day and you're like holy fuck balls. I have the capacity to be a super creepy grouper and face licker. I hate myself so much I could die. I gotta make sure that never happens again. I'm gonna have to stop getting drunk at work functions and keep my tongue to myself. Although the face licking incident with Shane took place in 2012, he didn't file an official complaint about it until 2017. A report by the Florida Commission on Ethics, which would be an interesting and busy place to work, stated that Shane did not initially report Nancy for harassment because he feared that he'd lose his job if he did. She chose not to run for re-election in 2013, so Shane decided to let sleeping dogs lie. But when Nancy saw it office again in 2017, Shane was like, "Ah, fuck not that licking shit again," and filed an official complaint. Nancy ended up being re-elected and in her very first meeting back, she tried to get Cheryl fired. That would have been a fun meeting. Hey bitches, I'm back. Let's fire Cheryl. A month later, she was one of three commissioners who voted to suspend Shane without giving a clear reason. I guess it would have been frowned upon if she actually came out and said, "Because I find him attractive, but he won't bang me." The trial sounds like it was pretty bizarre too. Nancy's lawyer was apparently very shouting, particularly towards Cheryl. I can imagine Nancy insisted on that. Make sure you rate that skinny bitch over the coals at the top of your lungs or I'll give you a good licking. A lot of Nancy's friends were called to the stand and questioned about her drinking and whether she had ever been known to lick people's faces. They were all like, "Oh no, no, no, no, no. One of them even said, "It's outrageous to think that Nancy would lick anyone's face." Yes it is, but here we are. When it came time for Nancy to take the stand, she testified that she had drunk some beer and possibly a cocktail before the beach council meeting face licking incident with Shane. She denied trying to punch Cheryl, but admitted to calling her a bitch and demanding that she leave. Nancy said, "I didn't think she needed to be there. I don't like her. I think something was going on between the two of them." In her testimony, Cheryl gave a rather different perspective on events. She described Nancy as being belligerent and intoxicated and stumbling all over the place that day while holding a turvice tumbler filled with alcohol. I had to look up what a turvice tumbler was. They're those big cups or glasses that often have lids. The most common size is 16 ounces or nearly half a liter, which is a lot of booze. Cheryl recounted how Nancy insisted her intoxicating turvice tumbler be set up at her place on the dius for the meeting. She said, "I've never seen anything like that in life and hopefully I'll never see anything like it again." She later said that she got the impression that Nancy was jealous of her somehow. Hmm. During cross examination, Nancy's shouty lawyer asked Cheryl if she had ever told anyone about the alleged assault on Shane. She replied, "And this is gold. Solid gold." She replied, "Not about that incident. No. I mean, she licked a lot of people, sir." So everyone kind of talked about the fact that she licked people. That's what she did when she got drunk. Shane Crawford was one of four men who came forward to accuse Nancy of licking them and touching them inappropriately. So she did it at least four times. What the fuck, Nancy? Were you on flacker? Shane alleged that she had repeatedly made unwanted sexual advances towards him and other members of the city staff. He said the advances included unwanted kissing and licking of our necks and faces, which It's just criminal. She's lucky they didn't press charges. David Marzacano, the city's Marina and public works director, testified that Nancy had licked him on several occasions. He also corroborated Shane and Cheryl's testimony from that day as he'd witnessed the incident. He said he always avoided Nancy at public events in fear of unwanted sexual advances. He was quoted in the final ethics report as saying that he had issues and fears with Nancy dating back to 2004 and that he would regularly dodge her if he possibly could because he did not need any problems. Thomas Vydenski was the president of the volunteer organisation, the old Salt Foundation, which sponsored the King of the Beach event in 2012. He told investigators that he witnessed the incident with Shane and that Nancy had also licked his face and the faces of foundation volunteers at other fishing tournaments. That's no way to treat a volunteer. Former Madera Beach community services director Michael Maximal told investigators that Nancy had licked him during the opening of a Bubba Gump's restaurant. Michael said that Nancy had been drunk at the time and licked his face and neck in the presence of her husband who quickly escorted her from the building. I wonder what her husband thought about all of this. Did he sit her down and go, "Honey, you really need to stop licking people?" And if he did, how would she have responded? Would she have denied the licking as she did publicly? Or would she have tried to gaslight him by saying all the members of City Council licked each other and it was an integral part of the job? Would she have just grabbed his crotch and slowly licked him from his Adam's apple all the way up his neck and on the side of his face? Nancy argued that the allegations against her lacked competent substantial evidence. But the administrative hearings division disagreed. In their report, they stated that they found the testimony of the witnesses to be more credible because they were consistent. The report read, "The fact that the credible witnesses are not retelling the exact same version of the events, word for word after six years, is evidence that they did not collaborate on the facts of the respondents' violation in order to get the story straight." Administrative law judge Robert S. Cohen wrote in his final report, "The act of licking a person on the face of the neck is too unusual to be contrived by multiple witnesses and multiple victims." He recommended Nancy be fined $5,000 and publicly censured by the governor for inappropriate behaviour. Nancy resigned from her position on the Madera Beach City Commission a week after the State Ethics panel announced Shane's complaint had been upheld. In her resignation letter, she continued to deny any wrongdoing and said that she was only giving up her position because of the controversy. She wrote, "While the commission on ethics has made their decision, I maintain my innocence and am pursuing the paths of appeal available." I've looked into this and I couldn't find any media coverage of her making an appeal, which doesn't mean it didn't happen, it just hasn't been in the news. If you google her, it's just all about the licking. The Madera Beach City Council held a special meeting after all this went down. Nancy was not in attendance, which was just as well as many of the resident's presence said that she'd given the city a bad reputation. One of them named Helen said, "I am sick and tired of the embarrassing headlines created by this commission." Another resident named Robert stated, "I would love to be part of a city that's in the news for good things, not dirt and garbage." On June 29, 2018, a woman and her mother went for a nice day out at the beach in the seaside town of Red Car in North Yorkshire. At around midday they treated themselves to some fish and chips for lunch. As they sat in their car with the windows down, innocently enjoying the sea air and deep-fried goodness, they were rudely interrupted by 44-year-old local man John Henson. He's no relation to Jim Henson, but I wouldn't be surprised to learn he had some kind of covert creature shop operating in his basement. John was on the wrong side of a marathon drinking session and determined to fuck shit up. He approached the car they were sitting in, undid his trousers, and began whacking his penis against the car door repeatedly, which sounds painful. The driver called the man a dirty bastard and threw some chips at him from her open car window, then she quickly wound her window up and yelled at her mum to do the same. John continued to wiggle his penis around and then tried to get into the car through the passenger side window. The women started to panic and shouted for John to go away. The driver attempted to move the car only to find that they'd been boxed in. With the full attention of his captive lunchtime audience, John decided to put on a really memorable show. He dropped his trousers to the ground, turned away from the car, bent forward, and did a poo in the street. For an entirely unwanted on-cour, because they did not clap thundersly and yell bravo after witnessing that, he shouted obscene sexual remarks at them. The women said they used to enjoy coming to red car for fish and chips, but this experience had tarnished the joy that the area used to bring. In a statement read to the court, one of the victims said, "It was obscene and disgusting. I normally go to red car with my grandchildren, but I was so glad I didn't bring them this time." The dirty bastard put me off going to red car and put me off my dinner. A witness to this literal shit show said, "This was an embarrassment for the town of red car." Approbation report about John, which was prepared for the court, stated that he had been to a nightclub until 4.30am that morning. Then he went home and kept on partying by himself until around 8am when he snorted some cocaine and went to a friend's house. "Ooh, it's 3am, must be time to do some lines." Later in court Judge Christina Harrison told him, "I am sure having heard all of that, you realise how unpleasant your behaviour was towards these women. They found it extremely distressing and can you belame them?" John pleaded guilty to indecent exposure and being drunk and disorderly. He fully admitted to his crimes and said that he was very remorseful about his behaviour. He was sentenced to an 18-month community order with six-month supervision and 25 rehabilitation activity days. He was also ordered to pay the women and to pass a buy £100 in compensation, presumably so that they could have their eyes professionally steamed cleaned. "I heard 12 advice this is self-bound now approaching the centre of my office anyway." Now it's time for Legend of the Week. After talking about dumb criminals all episode, I'd like to highlight a hero, too legato otherwise, who went out of their way to help stop a crime. One of my patrons, Deena G, suggested I bring back this segment and I always listened to my patrons so I thought, "Why the hell not? Might be nice to add some variety so it's not just me ragging on assholes and fuckwits, which is why I invented the segment in the first place." And I also wanted to introduce you to Bollardi, legend, Daniel McConnell, who gave what has become known as "the Aussiest Interview Ever." He'll be familiar to people who used to listen to Bloody Murder as I covered him in an Aussie-ass early on. But I don't imagine you could ever get too much of this guy. At around 2am on November 24th, 2016, Daniel's misses heard a car crash into a nearby fish and chip shop in the Brisbane suburb of Hendra. She worked Daniel up to tell him about the drama going down at the shop, which was owned by his mate's mother. 30-year-old father of four Daniel rushed outside in just his underpants to try to prevent the driver from fleeing the scene. Here's a clip from Channel 9's Today Show where Daniel describes what went down. "Oh well it's really quite funny, I was always in bed sleeping at two o'clock this morning, me wife comes in and says, 'Oh the shop's been someone ran into the shop and I said, 'Oh what?' So I jumped out of bed and all I had was meandies on and I walked out the front and I've seen the car smashed and I've seen the bike walking back to the car and so I've walked out. So I said, 'Oh what do you do on my mind?'" you can't believe in the scene and he goes, "Don't be a hero mate." And I said, "I'm not trying to be a hero," but the police are coming and he just decided to scoot up the road and I said, "No, it's not going on like that, mate." So I jumped in me car and I started chasing him up the road and then he went down a side straight and then the police were coming and I flash him and sent them off the direction of him but mate all I had was me, Jock, so I was chasing him up the street and I'm just like, mate, like. Because you told me that this is your mate's shop and he didn't want him to get away. Yeah, no, no, it's. well, me mates, mums had this shop for like 40 odd years and uh. look at it, look at it, it. beyond the mess, like words can't explain here, it is mate. Do you feel like a hero? Oh, not really, it's just something you got to do for the community mate. It's like, you look after your mate and your mates will always look after you. He's got such a great attitude which is why this clip went viral and made Daniel a bit of a celebrity. One YouTube user commented, "Ah, I couldn't get more Australian unless he wrestled a crocodile meet interview." The 35 year old driver of the car was arrested at the scene and he was charged with unlicensed driving and Daniel went on to just continue being a bloody legend. To finish up, I have a few punchline crimes for you. These are short cases that sound more like jokes than something that actually happened. At around 3am on September 2nd, 2020, a helicopter was assisting police officers in Swansea Wales search for a missing vulnerable girl. It was at an altitude of around a thousand feet, flying a holding pattern over a few suburbs using its thermal imaging cameras to look for the teenager. While the crew of two officers and a pilot were searching for the girl, they were interrupted by a bright green sharp light being shown at them from the ground. There were five or six bursts of light aimed at the helicopter with each lasting five to ten seconds. The pilot was temporarily disoriented and momentarily blinded by the laser light. The crew were able to pinpoint the source of the laser light and police cars were dispatched to the address. And the pilot was forced to abort the airborne search for the teenager for safety reasons. When the cops arrived at William Fellows' house, they were struck by an overwhelming smell of cannabis at the property. While being questioned by the police, William said that he'd been practising pointing at stars with the laser pointer and that the helicopter pilot was a dickhead for getting in his way. He also claimed he didn't know it was a police helicopter and thought it might have been a bird, satellite or a hot air balloon. Because hot air balloons are always flow and during the night and birds are renowned for having flying lights and rotor blades. William ended up being sentenced to 30 weeks in prison for this offense. Dickhead. Finding a place to park your car and the busy city of Bangkok is no mean feat and some people will go to great and gross lengths to make it happen. Two women who lived in the same building developed a spiteful rivalry with each other over the communal parking spaces that escalated to the point of ridiculousness. In April last year, one of the women named Leck tried to hold an empty car park by putting up a metal clothes rack and hanging a bloody sanitary pad on it. She also left a note for her neighbour Noi which read, "If you're hungry you can eat it, old maid who no one looks after." That's an unusual burn but hey, cultural differences I guess. Noi was not put off by this distasteful display. She moved it out of the way and parked her car there anyway. Leck was pissed that her diabolical plan had failed to save the parking spot and used the sanitary pad hanging clothes rack to beat Noi's car up. The district police chief commented on this bitter rivalry saying that the pad incident was an escalation from a few weeks earlier when Leck threw feces at Noi's car as punishment for her parking in the spot she wanted. After that incident Noi had gotten so angry that she'd chucked a potted tree at Leck's nearby grocery shop. Both women filed property damage complaints against the other and refused to speak to each other. The police stated that both women would be interviewed to negotiate over their damage property. In September this year an Israeli man was arrested after posting a video online showing his dog seemingly driving his car. In the video you can hear the guy and his friends laughing as the little dog sits up straight in the driver's lap with its paws on the wheel constantly looking back at the people in the car to make sure it's doing what they wanted to, like a very good boy or girl. The police in West Jerusalem did not see it that way. After watching the video online they arrested the 35 year old man who posted it and charged him with reckless driving. The Israeli police released a press statement that said, "The suspect behaved in a reckless and improper manner when he let his dog hold onto the steering wheel, thereby endangering road users. Whoever does such things is playing with human lives. We will continue to work to enforce and prosecute serious traffic violations." Ironically the police discovered that the man driving the car didn't and had never had a valid license as he had not been able to pass his driving tests. So if he's the one who taught the dog how to drive it but not be very good at it. This brings me to the end of the episode. Thanks so much for listening. Make sure you subscribe if you want to stay up to date with all future episodes and if you dug what you heard please leave a review. If you'd like to support the podcast head on over to patreon.com/worldsdummerscriminals. All levels get access to add free episodes and monthly bonus episodes and higher levels also receive some merchandise. I'm also doing a patron giveaway of the fantastic new historical true crime book hanging Ned Kelly by Michael Adams. To be in the running to win this brilliant read, sign up to become a patron of world's dumbest criminals by the end of October. I'll be randomly selecting a winner from all my active patrons in November. If you're up for more dumb criminals action in your life you could follow me on Twitter at WD Criminal's Pod and Instagram @worldsdummerscriminalspodcast or you could join our world's dumbest criminal's podcast Facebook group which is where I spend more of my time. And thank you so much to the brilliant Lorraine Leadwell for running the group with me. Stay tuned after the closing music to hear a promo for my very good friend Kate's podcast Ignorance was Bliss. She covers all manner of topics and has a dazzling array of interesting guests on the show. Kate uses her experiences of forensic psychologists to have deep and unexpected conversations that really make you think about the subject matters in new ways. I did a guest introduction for her next episode with true crime author M. William Phelps who you may recognise from a ton of different shows about murder as well as his numerous books and podcasts so make sure you check it out. Just a quick note on scheduling. Next week is Patreon episode week so they won't be a publicly released episode just the Patreon episode. I'd love to do more but I can't. Till next time, look after yourself, stay out of trouble and whatever you do. Don't commit a crime that makes you end up on this podcast. Hey, this is Kate. I'm a forensic psychologist and crisis clinician and I collect stories. Everything from true crime to trauma to parenthood. There's a lot more common between depression and sociopathy or between serial killers and podcasters than you might think. Are you sure you're really want to know? This is Ignorance Was Bliss at iwbpodcast.com and iwbpodcast on social media.