She Asked My Boyfriend For Arm Tickles | Punters Am I The A-Hole Part 2

[MUSIC PLAYING] A list, nap, production. This is Happy Hour with Lucy and Nikki. And if you're easily offended, then this might not be for you. Like shit like that. That's all right. At least you're just trying to get a free path. Well, that's it. Not pulling someone's disgusting's gang. Well, or a thought. I wouldn't mind being called a thought, to be honest. Anyone wants to say, call me a thought. Well, guess what, babe? You're not a thought. Oh, I thought you were going to say, guess what, babe? They have it all the same. Well, they have, babe. They call me one, too. Fast down. Thoughts you are not. Cheers, babe. So I'm going to Happy Hour with Lucy and Nikki. The real life shit you only discuss over a drink. But before we start, a little disclaimer. So today, we are here for M.I.V.A. whole. We love this episode. This is part two. Yup. And you know, we didn't even get through in the games. I know there's so many to unpack. Might even have to do a part three soon. But apologies for my voice. I'm coming off the back of maybe the biggest week of work, partying, and life in the history of mankind. So my whole little vocal cords are like, but also speaking of work, partying, and life. Unboxed, baby. Unboxed, baby. Unboxed. If you haven't got your tickets, 19th of December, this is the biggest thing we've ever done. We cannot wait. I know, and not just loving that name, dole unboxed. It's going to be so good. I kind of like just want to hibernate until then and really save my like-- Yeah. Nice to then. We've got a few things coming up really soon. And then after that, I think I'm going to go into hibernation for a bit. Me too, yeah. And just look forward to that event. After Dom Dole, though. Yes. I'm fucking going so hard at Dom Dole. I cannot wait. Oh, girl. Anyway, guys, let's get into it. First day camping and the friendship, Hunger Games. Oh, fuck a lot of Hunger Games. I was doing the camping so relatable. I know, right? I need to vent, because even though it's too late for advice, the sheer toxicity of this situation still blows my mind. I was part of a tight-knit high school friend group, five girls and a group of guys. Within our girl group, there were clear dynamic pairs. But overall, we were all inseparable. That was until Easter. A few of us were hanging out and decided to plan a long weekend camping trip. And excitedly, I opposed the idea in our main friendship group chart. Sorry, I posted the idea in my main friendship group chart. I need to realize, second later, that the weekend overlap is one of the girls' birth dates. Let's call her Emily. The moment I realized I immediately backtracked in the chart, apologize and said, we could completely pivot if she already had plans for her birthday. Since my birthday was just a few days after the trip, I suggested a joint beach camping celebration instead all hell broke loose. Emily sent me an essay detailing how deeply I'd heard her I'd apologize, refusely, but again, the damage was already done. Soon, total radio silence set in. The girls started acting cold and distant, planned, hanging out, suddenly fell through while secret group chats and I'd invite started happening behind my back. Emily refused to even acknowledge my messages. Then came the full execution. Emily systematically turned the entire group against me, including girls outside of our circle and one girl, I considered an absolute best friend. It got so malicious that Emily invited my boyfriend to events at her house while explicitly excluding me. Fuck that's brutal. That's so heavy. When I finally confronted my former best friend about the sudden ice out, she admitted the group felt like I couldn't be trusted after what happened with Emily. Mind you, I wasn't even the only person who had been playing their trip. I started hearing lots of rumors about what they have said about me, cried to my boyfriend every night where it started to put a strain on our relationship. Silly me for ever letting some petty girls ruin me. Oh, that's really sad. The final straw was running into all of them at the local pub with my boyfriend. They all walked right past me, totally disregarding my existence, my best friend included. My heart shuddered. Looking back, this group was always notorious for toxic drama. I just never thought I'd be the target of their hit list over a simple, honest oversight. I now have no girlfriend and have no idea how to make new ones. I needed tender to find friends. Actually, there is something called Bumble WFF, just FYI. I'd love some girls' tips. Stay, stay about their punters. Girls are manipulators too. So, in summary. In summary, basically, in their group chat. Yeah. Let's say, for example, it's my birthday weekend. Yeah. Let's say, cat, our good friend, in the group chat, throws in. Hey, guys, why don't we go camping on April 28th? Yeah. Then, moments later, guys, oh, fuck, forgot it was Lucy's birthday. We can't. Disregard. Already, the damage is done. She's essentially, like, how dare you suggest anything on the date of my birthday. Yeah, fuck. And then it just evolves into this whole big thing. If someone posed something on the weekend of my birthday. You just said, "Baby, that's my birthday." Well, I'd be pissed. But then, I'd also, as soon as they said, "Oh, fuck, I forgot it was your birthday." Then I'd be like, "See, I agree. I don't get birthday, like. " Must know my birthday. "Juju, do you know what I mean?" Like, I think it's so. People have a lot of shit on. Yeah. I fucking forget my best friend's birthday until it's posted around an Instagram. Do you know what I mean? Like, maybe not my best friend's, to be fair. But, like, I don't forget anyone's birthday, but I just don't know what date it is ever. Like, I could not tell you what date it is today. Yeah, like, I think it's, like, not like you're trying to, like, like, I will be in September. September her boyfriend. It's September the 14th. Okay. Well, I'll be coming to you next time. I need to know what date it is. Well, I just had to sign a document. So I have to date it. I'll fuck what to do. Oh my god, Nicky just got that wrong. What date is it here? It's the 15th. It's the 15th. Do you know why? 'Cause I did my passenger in boardcard yesterday. She's been signing fraudulent documents. And the document just signed something for the 14th. But anyway. So yeah, so I kind of feel that one day. Anyway, I just feel like. Emily, why did you fucking make the camping trip your birthday too? No, I don't think it needs to be that. I think as soon as the girl backtracked and said, "Fuck, I forgot it was your birthday that weekend." Then you're like, "Sweet." Yeah. I don't think then Emily has to go camping for her birthday. Respectfully. No, Emily can do a long life. 'Cause if you were like, "I want to go camping." Lucy, why don't you go camping for your birthday? I'd say, "Why don't you shove it up your ass?" I'm going to the fucking Hilton. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, you can't. No, let Emily make the plans, babe. Yeah. You're still all gonna hang out. You're camping the next weekend. Nothing is permanent, my geez. I think I, as someone who shares their birthday with some very interesting other dates that I recently found out were intentionally planned on those dates. I do know what it is like to have to share your birthday with some interesting dates. And no, I will not be going camping on my birthday. No. So basically long story short, the punishment doesn't fit the crime. At the moment, I am so big on things being like punishment doesn't fit the crime. Yeah. It's the same when things go crazy on the internet. It's like people blow up on the internet about something as small as like, you know, getting a faulty dress from a brand. And it becomes this, like, you know, let's think about the Sydney Airport not having gluten free options. Massive internet drama. I'm like, you know, there's like wars going on in Gaza. Like it's like, it's pretty crazy. It's really insane the internet at the moment. People just love to jump on the bandwagon. Like punishment and crime sometimes is just, I will always die on that hill. Like I wonder what these people were doing before to talk? Where were they venting? But they're writing into letter to the editor. Oh, fuck, I used to love reading the letters in the editor in Mission Beach. I call that, I saw that cover last month and that woman is a skank. No, letter to the editor of Mission Beach is to the editor. I have seen the same black sedan parked outside of C4 for three weeks. If you could move your car, we desperately need that for parking. Thank you. Like shit like that. That's all right. Well, that's it. Not falling someone disgusting's kank. Well, or a thought. They have it all. What they have, babe, they call me one, too. Bust down, thought you are not. Okay, next story. The phone works both ways, except apparently not. Am I the art solver telling my sister-in-law that I don't believe the family's piss-poor excuses about why they don't make effort with our daughter-in-laws? Shocker, here we go. I've been with my now fiancé for five years. We got together when we were 18. We have a daughter who is 18 months old and another child on the way. We lived in my mother-in-law and father-in-law's house until November 2023 when our house build was finalized. We lived 25 minutes from them and they've been to the house three times in total. One to meet our daughter when she was born. Two to drop off our daughter's first birthday present and three have first birthday. When she was born, I would always load her into the car despite major cluster feeding and emergency CC section and a mild case of PPD and PPA. I would call, I would send videos, I would send snapcharts to my cell. Is that sister-in-law? - Yeah. Yeah, no one ever asked how I was. If I needed help, they'd never asked to come and see me or come and visit so I just stopped. I stopped sending texts, calling, visiting. And then the snarky comments to my partner started about how they never get to see their grandbaby and niece and how I should be taking them to see her. For an example of why I felt so angry. I'm one of 12 children. Oh, two of my siblings live an hour and 30 minutes away and we still visit after work. My older sibling lives in 18 hour drive away and has been to my house more times than they have and my two youngest siblings are not old enough to drive but will use their money from their Spudsheet jobs, Spudsheet jobs to see their niece. Oh, and on Easter, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law drove to a rehab an hour away to visit mother-in-law's BFF who is in a living program with her two children. She was admitted because she was doing crack-well pregnant to give them an Easter hunt and gifts but my child doesn't even get a phone call or visit despite only being a 25-minute drive away. Anyway, for 18 months, Anga has built up and exported today when my sister-in-law posted. I used to feel bad for not picking up and calling and then I remembered the phone works both ways. Me being pregnant and hormone- That's what she posted. This sister-in-law posted that, obviously, a quote. On her stories. Not sure where, but irrelevant. Still, hang on an instance or Facebook status. It might have been to a trending TikTok. Literally, it's like a little dance over the top. In this bit. Fuck, aren't the world we live in like? Actually, who cares where you posted it? Like, there's too many places to post that. To be honest, when you could just text it to someone. Yeah, like, why aren't people just doing it? Like, and then I shared some memes. Have you seen Pink going absolutely rancid lately? Pink has been going nuts. Pink has been sharing heaps of quotes. I'm about, I'm, I'm, I'm moments away from joy. Get, do, do, continue, continue. I don't even know what's going on there, but I did hear that she was sharing a little quotes. I think she's actually getting cancer, but yeah. Anyway, me being pregnant and hormonal, I told my sister-in-law, Vy, Instagram, and they go, baby, it's stories. That the phone working both ways does not apply in this instance as the other end is a child who the whole family has done nothing but make piss poor excuses about why they have no relationship with her and plays on the pity me story to the rest of the family. As you can imagine, things got heated. And I let it all out to tell me, am I the asshole for telling my sister-in-law that it's just a piss poor excuse? To not go see their kids? Oh, I don't see. Do whatever you want to reckon. Your, your story, your rules. It still feels a bit dramatic for me. They're sharing on the stories. The, you don't visit me, you visit a crackhead. (laughs) Oh. It might be fresh out of advice for the day. I was so, I didn't know what they, I just hope. I just reckon that those kids are over here from both sides between, between you and I. I just hope we can have a fucking conversation, like normal people. Otherwise, I will be putting a gift on your head and putting it on my stories. And you fucking better believe it, 'cause. I do believe it, cousin. Do you know what sometimes I think? Hope you well. In good if not. In family drama. I honestly think we get a lot of stories in about, oh, and this person puts in no effort and all. I'm blub, blub, blub, blub. Like, there's two very few sides. I can, energy flows. Intention flows where energy goes or whatever that fuck that saying is. Vibrate your trust. Your sister-in-law is not putting any energy into hanging out with your child. Then just say, say your narrows in your reader and put more energy into your other. And maybe, don't send snapchats if you'd be getting your baby in the car struggling and maybe just say, hey, I really need help. I don't agree. Feel like that's what I mean. That's the story I'm struggling to align with. Like, I'm sorry that you're going to this. I get sounds awful, but like, you just, I think more clear comms are needed right now. And maybe just lean around your tribe. You said you got fucking 12 siblings, got a few that are picked from. Just lean on them. And they're legends. They sound like legends. They sound like fucking legends, especially the little ones working at Spudshed. Like, put it this way. My brother Jim, arguably, at times, my best friend in the world. Arguably, at times, don't hear from him four years. Yeah. I will have a winge to Nick about it. Be like, fucking Navino diddly squat out of Jim for ages. But then I don't like subliminally like roast him. I just, if I haven't heard from him, I say, oh, he can't pick up the phone call you sister. Like, it's like, it doesn't need to, it doesn't need to get to this level of petty argument. It's like communicating, I think just more direct communication and sooner. Hey, but tell you a lot of things though. Extremely direct, though. Sometimes it ain't working in my favor. Yeah, no. I don't know, but like, you're so upset, chick. And you're bloody nether. And if you're going to grow up without their sill and mill. I know, babe, it's just fucking hard, isn't it? Yeah. And that's it. They do have a lot of other focus on the good. Maybe they're just a bit hopeless. And like, that's okay. Their excuses obviously are a bit peaceful. And also, if someone is putting no effort into you and you kind of think they're, you're not soaked on the many way. I'd be like, fantastic, less than a day out with those people. Exactly. The gypro. So funny. You're just going to take expectations low. So for the best. Yeah. Move on. Have a good camp around you. Focus on the good. Like, build your community. And there's, you know what I think, I tend to think. There's, especially I've noticed when there's like kids involved. There's always a lot of expectations around people to have like, you know, like my sister and Lord put in this much effort or doesn't put in this much effort and yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. And it's like, sometimes you just need to build your tribe with the people around you that want to put the effort in. And if there's people that don't want to, don't force it. Just don't force it. I have like, got an instance in mind of like these people that I know and like, I think one of them is like a bit pissed off that the sister in law isn't offering to babysit all the time and yada, yada, yada. And I'm like, you're chose to have a baby. It's not her choice to be a fucking free babysitter, then I think you just have to focus on what people do offer as opposed to what they don't because what they don't actually doesn't exist. Yes. It's an expectation. You are sitting in your mind about something that honestly doesn't exist. That's not in that other person's job description. Yes. That's not a social norm. Like focus on the good, you know what I mean? Like sometimes I expect too much from people. I like him. Yeah. I don't know, man. I don't know. I feel like, but you know, I have noticed we've had a bunch of them with being sent in and then also just like with all of our friends all starting to have kids instead of a hub. I really picked up on the undertones of like people having these expectations that when they have kids like that, all of a sudden everyone else is just going to drop everything around them to be these. And like that being said, I do love being there for my kids, but I'm telling you right now, I'm not babysitting rough on a Saturday night because I'm going to go out with you. It's like people are like, if I really needed you to, you would. Of course. Only if I wasn't invited to a wedding or something. If you're invited to a wedding and I wasn't invited, of course, I'll look after Raff. But can I come? But can I come? No, it's important. But hang on, here's wedding. What's going on there? There's like five people's waiting on it loud at anyone else. I'm completely. Literally. But I think that's the thing. No, it's like, yeah, everyone has this like a Nate expectation that like when you have kids, everyone else around you is going to be this like big village, which if it happens, that's fucking amazing. Yeah. But if it doesn't, all you're going to do, oh, I've got something in my mind. It's about a kid not getting onto any details, but this person just keeps putting so much mental energy into the expectation of what this other person technically should be doing. And I'm just like, babe, all you are doing is upsetting yourself because you are creating an expectation that doesn't exist. Yeah. And so constantly, you're letting yourself down and like people do it in so many scenarios, like even me, like I'll like fucking, you know, like if I like a boy. And then I don't hear from them, but in my mind, I've made up the expectation that they should have text me, then I'll feel let down. The way I should be framing it is I should just be going on in my merry life. And if I hear from them, you be Kayay, but if I don't, I'm not devastated, like, yeah, do you know what I mean? Exactly what you mean, babe, it's the expectations are crazy. I feel like lately as well, like there's so many ways to like skinny cat, you know, like everyone is actually totally entitled to their own opinion and stuff. But it's like, sometimes you just have to take facts for facts or just look at the situation that's actually happening in front of you, okay? They've been through this in their life, though, which means their behaviour might be like this. This is happening, which is probably as a result of this. It's like, fucking okay, I just look at exactly what's happening right now and then make it be right. Well, Lee. Yeah. Too much overcomplicating. We overcomplicate so much in life and like, you can sit around and ruminate on things for a long time if you let yourself or you can open up clear lines of communication, nick things in the bud, and even if it even if it goes poorly. then just move on. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Do you know what I mean? - I know we dwell for too long. - I'm only dwelling. I reckon I graduated from 12 school about two years ago. And I think it actually is a good thing with our generation too. So I think there is a lot of support out there with like how important it is to be able to like come to peace with things and like moving on from things. - Yeah. - Whereas like I do think like in our parents' generation, you know, like so many, you have so many like family feuds that have lasted for years. And like people are just so stubborn. And I'm like, I just really don't want that for my family, you know what I mean? - No. - All my life. - No. - Like I don't like the art of being able to move on from things. And so I struggle with it a lot. But the art of being able to move on from things for your own peace is truly, I saw this fucking great viral video of Sandra Bullock, who by the way, didn't realize this. She's that a fucking tough life man. - Oh, she. - Yeah. The night she was like, okay, don't quote me on this fucks exactly. But the night she was like winning an Oscar or something for her like role in something like her highlight of her career. Her partner was like cheating on her. Then she decided to have kids on her own. And I don't, and then she got married again. And then he died. - No fuck. - Like the woman's fucking been through it. But anyway, I saw this great quote. Also Google that if you want actual facts, 'cause I could have hit a few T's and C's and correctly there. But she has this great quote online. And she's like, if you honestly sit around waiting for an apology from someone to be able to move on from a situation, it's something to the extent of like all you're doing is hurting yourself. - Yeah. - Because you probably won't ever get the outcome that you want. - Yeah. - Is that saying or something about holding onto calls? - Holding onto a grudge is like holding onto calls and expecting the other person to get burned. - Yeah, exactly. - That's it though, hey? - I agree. So that's a great way to I think like summarize this episode. Is it worth the fucking grudge? Might be able to see the move on. - Like definitely sometimes you have the right fully to get pissed off with people. - Yeah, of course. - But like you can also be like, like I certainly don't like people in this world. 100%. - Mm. - But. - But you can exist in this world. - And am I gonna sit around every day and wake up and think, fuck, I actually hate that person. - Yeah, literally. - Now I'm gonna be like, hey actually, I'll probably should get to the gym at six o'clock. - Yeah, I might actually just focus on more. - Yeah. - Mm, there you go. - Also sometimes I was having this conversation recently about Carl and Jackie O and I think we spoke about this. But it's just to me, like when things end badly and like there's like essentially like grudges or whatever you wanna call it, like bad blood in things, where years of your life have been spent building something positive together makes me so sad because I just feel like there should be ways that things can end without there being animosity involved. - Yeah, I know. Sometimes time is just what heels wound, you know. People go through shit, they just need time and space to like, heal. - Mm, so sad. - Yeah, it is sad. - Okay, arm tickles and the boyfriend boundary Olympics. - Oh. - Okay, well I feel like this was meant to be because I was literally walking this morning and thinking, am I an asshole? Do I need to get over myself and let it go? And then I thought to myself, I need to ask Lucy and Nikki on the podcast roles, here I am. So for a bit of context, I'm part of a really close friendship group and we all met at uni. I started dating one of the guys in the group last year but we had been really good friends for three years beforehand. Let's call him Max. A transition from friends to dating was great actually. He's like in the best, we get along really well so it's just been ideal. Here's where I need your advice and if I'm being an asshole. I need you to tell me so that I can just wake the fuck up and get over it and let it go because it's taking up too much of my energy. - Mm-hmm. - So basically there's a girl in the group that's called a Gemma who is really lovely like we are and have been great friends for a while now. But she just changes so much when the boys are around. It's really cringe to be honest but because I've been trying to appreciate that it's probably just because that she really values boys validation maybe because of having slightly lower self-esteem or it could just be something she values in general. - Bit of a pick me? - Potentially. Personally that's not my vibe but I've seriously been trying to appreciate why she is the way she is and not judge her. Unfortunately though, I'm really struggling with her right now because now that I'm dating Max, I just feel like my boundaries are being challenged a bit. Let me explain. - I need some context to start. Gemma is often offering to go over to his house and cook for him and his housemate dinner. She's gone over and done this. Bear in mind both of these guys have girlfriends. I understand male female friendships like so many of my best friends are men but I would never go to their house and just cook them dinner. To be fair I'm a bit more of a feminist so fuck that making guy dinner but this just pisses me off a bit. Like Gemma would never come over to my house and cook me in my housemate dinner. I guess my frustration is a mix of wow that's just so backward but also why can't she have the self awareness to see that it's just a little bit weird. Another example to paint some color is the other night we were all sitting around at someone's place together and Gemma pulls out her arm and goes to this guy, one of our friends who also has a girlfriend. Can you give me arm tickles? - Ooh. - This guy was like what? And she proceeded to just show how to do it and was just like just nice and softly like this please. And he was clearly taken aback but then orcally started tickling her arm and I'm like mate if that was my boyfriend I would not be keen on him giving you arm tickles. But it's like the lack of self awareness that's getting me here. Like why can't she see that she's putting this guy in a strange position? - Of course we are all really close but we're not like sitting in a bloody comboyar circle tickling each other's arms. I couldn't even imagine worse than tickling my boymate's arms. - Yeah well it's a bit of a flirty, big flirt flirt. - Yeah, then again. - One of my good mates has tickled my legs at my house while I only cooked a sinner. Didn't find a beat at all. - First of all, firstly who? - Forzee. - Oh that's not weird at all. - I know, I think this is why I'm just trying to play devil's advocate here. I think it does really depend on the person. - Yeah. - 'Cause I was just like oh, like that feels good bro. - I mean it pours you up for some tickles myself actually. - Well you're like good to know you. - He's good to know it was good for it. - The other day really sadly my uncle died. - Oh. - And we had his wake. Gemma decided to come which was lovely and she showed support. But I didn't ask her too. And my two best friends legit didn't come because they read the room and knew that if they came it would actually be more stressful because I was already dealing with so many people and so much shit that day. So I texted her a couple of days out saying if she is busy she shouldn't come. Like I felt her support regardless. And her response to me is that she wanted to come and that Max was coming. So they could hang out and I won't need to worry about her. - Max her boyfriend. - Oh. - This sort of rubbed me the wrong way because I just felt like well I'd just love if Max could actually just be there for me not taking care of you. - Oh yeah, fuck. - Once again feels kind of backwards coming to support me but then saying I won't have to worry about her at the break as my boyfriend can support her. Then Max showed me the text that she had sent him saying that she feels like I don't want her to come saying that she's canceled work and everything to be there for me. - Oh. - And I just felt like that's pretty disrespectful. Like A, I never asked you to come. B, I explicitly said if she was busy not to. So don't suggest you canceled work because I asked you to. Also going behind me to text my boyfriend about me in a way that's sort of urging him to speak badly about me and I being crazy. - Yeah. - Because I can be a bit territorial but I just feel like this is pushing my limits and unfortunately it's driving away to our personal friendship. I just feel like I can't really talk to her about this because it's sort of just her personality. And I don't want to fuck up the dynamic in our friendship group. And I don't want it to come across like I'm intimidated by her. I have no worry that she's going to stand my boyfriend low. I feel very aligned with him and we've spoken about this at length. Am I being an asshole? How do I never get, navigate this? Like what the fuck do I do? I feel like your feelings are so valid. - Super valid. - Yeah, I feel like you know, like I remember you need there was one girl that I used to have these same feelings with. - Yes, I do know the one. And it just used to like, it used to really rub me up the wrong way because I was like, - Well you still bring it up, so it definitely did. - Well, when it's related to a story, like I can relate to her. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So in this instance, I can-- - And we would call her a pick me. - Totally, you know, I would just be like, dude, I know that you just want to go and hang out with the boys, my boyfriend included. So I fucking call the spade a spade my bro. - Yeah, it's like, I think you know, in your heart when someone has the right intentions and when someone doesn't. - Totally, I agree. I think though from like an advice perspective, 'cause like of what she should do, is I think that if you're really comfortable in your relationship with your boyfriend. - Yeah. - And at the end of the day, this chick's got no, Like, like she's not good at it. got any kind of opportunity, like, drive a wedge or anything between you and your boyfriend or anything. I would just literally sit back and enjoy the show personally and be like, how awkward. Yeah. I don't think I would be able to, it would bother me more if I was genuinely concerned about what could potentially calm as an out of obviously, trust your boyfriend, yeah. But because it doesn't, I'd be, I would just be like, oh, Diva, we were upon the tickles, what'd you do? Yeah, I know what you mean. Like, if you're not threatened by her, just let it go. I don't know. I guess, like, in those instances, like, I think around the sensitivity of, like, you losing someone and that happening around, like, their funeral and their wake, like, that's, that's kind of, like, pushing the boundary in my opinion. Yeah, true. A little tickles and shit, like, whatever, like, but like, you're saying, no, I'll come and don't worry about me, babe. Like, Max is going to support me. Like, you don't have to babysit me because I can just hang with Max. Like, I would be like, Max, you need to message her right now and say, whilst that's a really beautiful offer I'm there to support my girlfriend who just lost her uncle. Again, babe, and we talk about this all the time. It honestly is just down to a reading news. Reading the wrong fucking oath, babe. And like, it's like one of those things that's like, it's not a social event for you, babe. Yeah. The bond with my man's, you know? And like, I think it's like, we've got a lot of male friends. And like, I do think that if you were maybe an insecure girl, and if you say, for example, if you started dating George, and you were an insecure girl in the sense that like, you, you, you could maybe get rubbed up the wrong way if I was calling him and saying, oh, come and drop this at my house or whatever, like, like, I probably would go to George's uncle's wake and things like that. So I do see that there can be layers to it. But like you said, I do think that there are like, you can tell someone's like intentions behind it. And it does just seem like this girl has like, yeah, a huge need for validation from men, which unfortunately nothing you can do is say anything other than how it's impacting you directly. Yeah. You can't be like, stop being such an attention seeker, like, stop with your arm tickles and stuff, because it's like in the eye of the beholder, you know, you can say, hey, babe, the way you essentially, like, said you were going to come to the wake and then hang out with my boyfriend and then message him about it behind my back. Didn't sit right with me. We're all good. Like, you don't have to be like and go fuck yourself, but you know, we're all good. But it just, it made me feel uncomfortable and I'd prefer moving forward if you just let me and my boyfriend to my own devices. Like I know we're all friends, but like you don't need to be. Yeah. Like that's it. Like a big, it's really not reading the room. It's like, hey, babe, I'm going to make it and I've called off work. And like because that's a thing. It's like, you can't get cross at someone. You can't be there to support funeral. And then when you're told not to go still show up, but it's also hard as well because you can't, she to want to be there for someone out of funeral. It's like I've really come from like a beautiful place, but it's that's even her intention. Yeah. But like that's a big accusation to say. Yeah. I would want my boyfriend to say, listen with the upcoming funeral. Like I'm my main priority is to be there for my girlfriend to support her. So maybe you just leave it. Like all you need, all you need to do is just say, I really appreciate the offer that you want to be there, but a bunch of flowers would suffice. This is for family only. Yeah. I'd love to do something with all the friends over the weekend, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. I know. That's really sensitive. Oh, I don't think. I don't think. And like to be honest, she's like, am I being an asshole for feeling this way? I don't think you're an asshole for feeling that way at all. I think it's so valid. I think like that is like the most awkward kind of like vibe. Yeah. And you just need to know, you know, you know, you know, you know, what's her saying? You know, you know, that. Yeah. She knows. I think what could be ending up, like you will find a change when maybe one day if she gets a boyfriend of her own, do you think? Yeah, probably. That makes sense. You know, yeah. Okay. And don't, don't fuck with the dynamic, but I just think like, all you really need to be worried about is like you said, the relationship with your partner. And if he's like respecting you and like has you as his priority, then you don't have anything to worry about. Yeah. No. No. No. No. No. Okay. This is a long way. The pub flood the family secret and the breakup. Hey, girls, so I've been with my now ex partner. Oh, sorry. So I had been with my now ex partner for three years and we were like best friends super close. And I trusted him with everybody in my body. Literally never doubted his loyalty towards me. Anyway, one day we're at the local pub. It was a really busy day of the year. So the pub was crowded and everyone was drinking amongst all the chaos around the busy big garden. I noticed my boyfriends little brother getting a little too friendly with another girl. He has a girlfriend. Now, her and I weren't particularly close as such. We'd never hung out just the two of us, but we're at our boyfriends house. We sat together at dinners and occasionally texted. Okay. Good context. I kept a close eye on his little brother and thought it felt really off. Nothing happened. Just really close body movements and definitely intentional flirting. He then walked her to the bar, bought her a drink and she handed him her phone to which I assume he was putting his number into him. And I locked eyes a few times during this exchange and you could tell he started to freak out. Came over to me and said, I saw you watching me by the way. And it's not what it looks like. He tried explaining that his mates put his number in her phone and he was being a wingman. But who the fuck knows, their best mates phone number off by heart, lol. True. Are you no mind? Yeah. You can always fill in your forms, but thanks. He then scrambled off. Anyway, my boyfriend at the time, the older brother, also saw the whole exchange and so did their dad and basically condoned the behaviour, had a giggle about it and let it go. I told my partner I didn't like what he was doing and it's not fair and his brother's girlfriend. But it made me feel uneasy that he let that behaviour go on like it was nothing. Yeah, that sucks. Fast forward a few days, I kept my mouth closed. I knew my partner didn't want me to say anything so I kept peace between him and I so I didn't bring it up until his brother's girlfriend messaged me saying, hey, how was the pub on Saturday? It was a random message from her, but I didn't think anything of it and we had a brief, brief convoy. She said so and so told me that there was a girl flirting with him all night, etc. She folded up with, but I don't know how I feel about it. I've been feeling really off. Now, this is where I felt stuck. Morally, I wanted to tell her everything that I saw, but part of me felt like I needed to keep the peace with my partner. So I said nothing. I told her she needed to talk to a boyfriend about it. If she felt like she needed to know anything, fast forward one month, they break up. I reached out to her to let her know I was there if she needed anything and I was thinking of her as I know how hard a breakup can be. This is where I get involved, maybe where I shouldn't have. I gave her my best advice and then chucked in there. Well, now that you aren't together, I can probably tell you that this is what happened on the day at the pub. Blah, blah, blah. I'm told with a whole story of babe, they were already broken up. Why did you do that to yourself? She was so grateful and said thank you for telling me. It makes me feel better about the whole breakup and the the decision to break up. A couple of days later, I partner hit me up with why the fuck did you tell so and so about what happened? It's none of your business wasn't your place to say anything. My brother is so upset that so immature of you. No matter how much of an explanation I give to my partner, he was not having a bar of me. He wouldn't look at me fairly talk to me and it got to the point where he said, I'm just not sure if I can get passes. I tried explaining that I only told her after they'd broken up and I'd never ran straight to her because I wanted to keep the peace with him. He kept explaining that it wasn't my place to say anything and because it's his brother, I should have just kept it to myself. This has put a massive wedge between my partner and I and one month later he broke up with me without much of an explanation mind you, but I think it stemmed from this situation. Anyway, this is a really brief way of telling you the whole story, but am I the asshole for telling my brother's girlfriend about the exchange I saw or should I have kept my mouth shut? Thanks, Queens. Love you guys. I think that is what broke you up with your partner. That's pretty wild. That's really tricky. Yeah. I feel like also a little bit unnecessary to be honest. I think there's a few layers to this because I think because they had already broken up. I think you then going and saying saying something whilst on paper, it's like, well, you know, it makes no difference now. They're broken up. It kind of almost makes it from being like I'm doing it out of being morally good to almost like I'm doing it as a gossipy thing. Yeah, well, yeah. And I think that's probably where it kind of loses the value, like if you were telling her because it was truly like the wrong thing to do, you would have had to tell her straight away. But the fact that you sat on it, waited till they broke up and then told her, it does just feel like a bit of like school yard gossip. Yeah, I know. I bet you wish yourself that you didn't say anything, you know what I mean, like how I'm fucking annoying. But I don't know. Does punishment fit the crime to bring broken up with? No. Does not fit the crime. I also do think sometimes it's telling to you at least that you know that your boyfriend and his dad by the sounds of things are the kind of guys that would go out and witness that kind of thing and even laugh about it, which is probably a good sign of character that you shouldn't be in a relationship with this person. But I do sometimes think unless you see something really obvious, like to see-- Please, come really like a middle. Yeah, sometimes it's honestly just better to stay out of it. And I don't like saying that as someone that I consider myself to be fairly loyal and fairly like forthcoming with information if it needs to be told, I do think unless you see an actual act of genuine misconduct, it's probably better to stay out of it because you could actually end up making a bigger drama than maybe what it actually was. It's kind of pretty rich though that it's like, don't say anything like, don't, you know, don't say anything and then it's like you break up and then she says it and then it's like, fuck you for saying something and it's like, well that's kind of exactly what happened. Yeah, you did the doing and now you're all getting cranky because you just got to exposed. Also, why is the brother so upset about it if he's broken up with the girl anyway? It's just how well say, lovey, yeah, it was a bit dodgy. And like, call us mate, it's paid like, you know, I don't think you should rat anyone out like if it's not your responsibility like whatever, okay, but like if he was doing that and you did nothing but tell her the truth, it's kind of like, should you really be getting that angry at me when your brother's actually the one doing the wrong thing? Yeah. I don't know. Basically, long, sorry short, I don't think you deserve to get dumped over it. I probably wouldn't have said anything myself just purely because they'd broken up anyway, but at the end of the day, your boyfriend's being fucking pretty harsh for dumping you for it. And I think like, like you just kind of like make your values also known to let your boyfriend and his brother and be like, you know, like, that is your business, yes, but like respectfully, you carry on like that in front of me. I'm going to fucking tell your girlfriend if she asks me. Wait, and sometimes we can think as well, I always find this, sometimes it's like don't shoot the messenger. It's more like if you're going to dangle that carrot in front of me, but then it's expected for me to, it's giving my situation that I had. So you expect me to sit across from her at a table, look around her eye, when I know for a fact that you're not being loyal to her, like, I'm not going to be loyal to you if something, if it comes out, and I'm asked, I'm going to tell the truth. Like sometimes I think like with these people when they act shady and there's other people that witness it. Yeah. You get to be shady. If you get to be shady doing the private kind because I don't want to be implicated. That's right. I'm like, I'm like, wait a second. You're getting dumped and in trouble. Literally. So I can tell you nothing about the truth when this guy's doing the wrong thing. Literally. Like this guy's fucking got all of these people at protecting him when he's literally just doing the wrong thing. It's like, wait a minute. How come you're the bad person? Yeah, literally. I don't think you're an asshole, babe. Not me, the babe. Ciao. So, guys, if you love today's episode, make sure you give us a follow wherever you get your podcasts. And also on Instagram, TikTok, join us in our close Facebook group, Happy Hour with Lucy and Nikki. And don't forget to share. Tell your friends. We love you. Muah.