Sharing His Journey To Making Friends With Emotions With Jason Costelle

Welcome to Emotion, the friend within, the podcast that can help you improve your life by being comfortable with your emotions in all situations. Now here's your host, Donna Joy Ari. Hello, this is Donna Joy with Emotion, the friend within. So I have a guest today, his name is Jason, he is a successful businessman in corporate sales and we have been working together for a few years and he has a story that he actually wants to share with you and so I welcome him and hope that you enjoy this episode. So Jason, is there anything you would like to tell us about yourself? Yeah, hi Donna, nice to be here, just what you said, I'm 51 year old male, it's had some relationship issues over my life and it kind of ended up in meeting you about four years ago and it's been an interesting journey so when you started this podcast it was really timely because you and I were really talking at that point diving into emotions and which I really had no knowledge of how it really worked with emotions and the trouble if we were dealing with our own and so it just seemed timely for us to talk about at this point. I really appreciate you being here. So we have been talking about Emotions, this is a good example for people, we've been talking about Emotions since you started four years ago. However, when people have difficulty with emotions they don't really understand it or hear it or know the depth of how it can change your life. And so it's been a journey and I would say in the last year is when you really jumped into and started working and being cognizant perhaps of your emotions, would you say that's true? Yeah, absolutely, you know, I would just say that it's so my personal journey is you don't know what you don't know, you kind of know that it's not working and so you go about the path of trying to fix it if we, if you have that gene and I do, you know, it starts with books and how do you, you know, learn more self-love, how do you know, feel an interchild relationship? I mean, basically, how do you, once you recognize you have traumas from the past which I did in childhood, then, you know, what does that look like? You can't understand why it's affecting you as an adult and how do you go about changing that? The most, just kind of a catch all that we did talk about years ago, but it really didn't seem like it was the leading edge because there's other pieces that have to be discussed first. So, you know, so, but then I came to realize that really the importance of emotions and becoming more comfortable with my own and what would look like if I didn't do that and what it would look like if I did. Mm-hmm. And so, if you don't mind me sharing one of your difficulties with really getting ten out of your emotions is having trouble being inside your body. It's like, I would say, what are you feeling inside? I don't. Right. I don't. And I said, what are you, what are you talking about? Yeah. Can you talk about that? Can you talk about the feelings that you're supposed to feel this inside? Yeah. You know, just probably helped it back up when we when we started it was these four years ago. It was like a for me, it was an inner child journey. It was like reading the books on how do you repair your inner child? You have to grew up in a non-loving environment and you have those ingrained traumas and built in coping mechanisms to, you know, survive and thrive, you know, with a background that didn't lend itself to that. So I was successful at doing them. And then, you know, to me, it was focused on the inner child, reached out with that relationship and go through all those those trials and tribulations, which I did, you know, but as you told me later, that was just a starting point. And until you have actually established that relationship with yourself and have that self-love genuinely and consistently, then you can't even really look at emotions. And so because they're just too dangerous and so along this path, it took quite a while to become comfortable with that inner child self-love component. And then I was frustrated, frankly, because I was like, okay, why am I still not getting what I want? Why am I still blowing up relationships that I want to work when emotions and specifically, like vulnerability or fear crop up? And so I thought, well, I was just self-love with myself. Why should these emotions bother me anymore? And so that was kind of my path over those years to the point where you thought I was ready to deal with the emotions. My emotions manifested themselves and either shut them down and happen to control my environment, which was never successful in a healthy relationship or to get angry, you know, oftentimes both. So it was an interesting revelation to me, what, probably six months ago, Donna, where we started really diving into emotions and how that manifests itself and what it looked like to me and to others and how I get through it. Yes. It was about six months ago because you had an incident with a relationship and it was very upsetting. And so it was a wake-up call to you, what, what to deal, what to deal? Right. So, what's going on? Yeah. And, you know, those are the pivot moments. I do want to say one thing, just to the general public care, it isn't that emotions were dangerous for you to get in touch with, you thought they were dangerous and really didn't want to delve into them. So that was part of your journey that wouldn't necessarily be everybody's journey. Some people can jump right into emotions and so I just wanted to, you know, some people like, "What, I have to do all this before I do emotions, forget it." So, that was your journey. Lucky them. Yeah. That was your journey. That's true. However, so once you started delving into emotions though due to a loss and you were so upset, then what you found out was there was a certain behavior that you had that you didn't really realize the impact on you and another person. So, it was a behavior thing that brought you to wanting to know more about your emotions. Yeah. That's true. And, you know, just to back up a second, you had asked about, you know, when we first started trying to get emotions to flow, you know, I came to realize and you had told me this, but, you know, it took a while to resonate that, you know, emotions are supposed to flow through to your body, you know, if you're in a healthy state, the physical, the mental, and then the thoughts or the emotions all interconnect. You have an emotion that flows through to your body, it leaves, you can move on with your life. I didn't have that capability because it was an unsafe environment for me growing up. So, I would freeze all those emotions and so to your point, you started using different modalities to try to have the emotions flow through to my body, you know, my body would start to tighten up. I'd be like, like you said, well, where do you feel this? And I said, I don't, I don't freaking feel it, you know, where am I supposed to? And so it took a while to shake that loose for me. And then, but that's, that's been an ongoing process. So, you got to the point where I was more and more comfortable letting the emotion go through, feel it, you know, feel it in my body. And then eventually, without, without triggering, you know, fear and, you know, and bad behavior with others. And so. I know. Now, you can even say, I feel this, really? It's so exciting. Yeah. I mean, that's true. It's true. It's true saving. So, what was it like for you to really go ahead and get into your emotions and understand what they are, why they're there and how they help you? You know, I'm still kind of getting comfortable with the, how the emotions help me. Sure. Because it's always been so taboo, emotions, you know, good emotions are easy when you're in a good healthy spot and it's a joy or it's fun or it's lighthearted, then life flows. And my personal experience is that, you know, I've lived that life to a very large degree and so I have for the most part of a happy life. But to have those deep relationships with people, especially in my, in my experience romantic relationships, you know, it, it causes a large degree of vulnerability. And so, to have, to feel that emotion, to me, it was not safe. To feel vulnerable was not safe. To feel, you know, it just elicited fear. And so, my response was, like I said, it was control my situation. Don't let that emotion flow. It doesn't feel safe. And so as you start to, you know, go through the process of healing that, then it's, you get more and more comfortable with sitting in an emotion that, you know, on its face is not dangerous. You know, if you, if you feel fear, it's serving a purpose. If I feel sadness, it's serving a purpose. to be able to sit in that except it and just recognize it's an emotion that's not going to hurt me. It's just a natural state. You know, for me personally, I look forward to the yin and the yang, right? Now that I can accept the vulnerability, I can accept the sadness, it enables that much more ability to accept love and accept joy without having to control it. That's really exciting. Yeah. I wish people could see your face. You should have seen my face a couple months ago. Yes, very sad. Yeah, there was a great description, Jason, in terms of how things start, want to allow things to flow that it's not dangerous anymore. And I think that's true for a lot of people that emotions are dangerous. Some, you know, there's different attitudes about emotions for people. Some don't believe in them, something they're in the way. But a lot of times, just like you, they're afraid of them. It's like, oh, no, no, no, no, for whatever reason. And so that's quite a journey to be able to go from, they aren't dangerous too. Oh, I can sit in my sadness and let it flow and let a process and I can go on. And so one thing that you mentioned is it has allowed you to do more with your love and feel it, even within yourself and certainly in a relationship. So in your, just general relationships right now, as you're able to feel different emotions, how has it changed? You know, the big change for me has been two things, lack of fear and because which has always been a controlling, you know, underlying even when I didn't know it, you know, I was making decisions and choices based out of fear. So that's, that's, you know, that's tied to the ego. Your ego's, you know, uses that as its main, is main tool. And so that's, never goes away completely. And it hasn't. There's still fear there. There's still sadness, there's still loneliness. But, you know, it just doesn't have the grip that it did before. And, you know, that's number one. Number two is just more of a lightheartedness. And to me, light, that that's the part that's exciting because without the fear, and as I continue to grow and evolve, then it opens up, you know, that it is truly more of a connected, loving, grounded, you know, I believe in vibrational levels and raising yourself to new energy levels. And I think all that is, is going to open up an entirely different world. And it's predicated on not being afraid of it. We're having to back up from it. When you do have steps backwards. Yes. You're very good. Yes. That makes me happy. So I like that you brought up the point that you're still working on it because, you know, just think about all your life. You, you know, stamped down on it. You were successful mentally. You thought you could think through your emotions or feelings and, and you were pretty good at it. You've done well in your life and your business and, and your family. And, uh, however, then it hits you in the face. Wait a minute, you know, I'm not doing well in that. Why aren't these relationships working and what's going on? And so now you've come a long way and you feel much more comfortable with them. But it's a lifelong process too. Emotions are emotions and they're with us always. And so, you know, it still takes a while to say, oh yeah, here it is again. Okay, I'll do this. Right. And that's fine. The beauty is that you're doing it. And I was so glad that you wanted to come on the podcast because you are still, you know, six months isn't a very long time really to all of a sudden be comfortable with your emotions. And so you're still working on it and it's an ongoing process. The difference is once you're really comfortable with it, it is more like, oh, here's sadness instead of all know, here it is again. Right. You get more of that transition. Yeah. Yeah, I totally agree. I mean, you know, it's, I laugh and I smile when you said that because it's like, are the work continues, right? Which, you know, on one hand, you know, I completely understand on the other hand, I'm like, oh my god, the work continues really. Right. But, you know, it's just, I have to take the mindset that like the things that that are deemed work are joyful, you know, and it is, I mean, like just a meditation practice or yoga practice or, you know, you know, a number of other modalities that I think are necessary reading and journaling and things that, you know, allow you to connect with that higher, your higher self. Those aren't easy. I mean, to wake up and do those on a daily basis versus like doing something to give you some of, you know, you know, can only for the internet do social media things in a media gratification. So that's, that's continues to be, you know, work, but, you know, given, given the alternative of, you know, after the grueling path it took to get here, you know, I'll do that every day that we can twice on Sunday if that's what it takes to continue to stay healthy and to grow even further. So, it's also, to me, you know, it's, it's beautiful to have the opportunity to, that's the least that you have to do at this point. What comes to mind as you were just saying that is when you're having a difficult time and trying to get to know your emotions and your internal, you have to have something that you also enjoy and keep you going. Like, health and physical mobility is really important to you. So, you, you're really good at working out, that's something you never gave up. And so, that's one of the things that kept you going, things that you're interested in. And so, I don't know, there's a couple other things. I think, I think you do football stuff. And football stuff and you have some good friends and, you know, got in the water and such. But the workout is, I think, with one of your mainstream, I can always do that. Yeah. Yeah, it was, it was my major coping mechanism. You know, the way I grew up was, you know, obviously it was something I could control. I could say, all right, no, don't like this, going to change it to this. And then this is, this is the outcome I expect. And, you know, and it worked that way. And so, but, you know, then you, so to me, playing sports and exercising was always just the way of life. And then it became something that helped, you know, form my identity in a time where I was struggling with that. But, you know, and you've told me on multiple occasions, and I think this is the crux of your question, is, you know, you have to have passions, right? And definitely one of mine is fitness and the body to me is an amazing thing that I, that I, I marvel at how we can grow it and make it strong. But, you know, it is, that is a challenge for me to say, well, you've asked me on multiple occasions, well, what, what are your passions? You know, where do you find others? And that's, that's something that I plan on continuing to pursue. And, you know, I totally feel that I'm going to manifest other things in my life that, because that's how I got to this point and that are going to be more passion filled, be that, you know, relationship and marriage and children and, you know, new job and just travel and seeing different things, exploring the world in a different way and reading and growing. So just off the top of my head, new challenges. Those are things that I, that I do, but I think have a lot of room for growth. And it'll be interesting to see how those new passions I look for couple into the emotions I feel from them and, you know, is it a more, is it a more beautiful world? Because of, I'm with emotions. I expect that's going to be the case. And that's, I'm eager to find out. Yes, that's the exciting part. Is there anything you would like to say as we come to a close here for people who maybe are wondering, you know, do I have to do this emotion stuff or, you know, what do emotions do for you daily or anything you have to say that would be helpful to people? You know, I think that my personal experience is probably pretty, I don't think it's real different from a lot of, a lot of people out there. I think a lot of people struggle with fear. And you, like I did, and you struggle with relationships as a result of that. And you're only, to me, it represented, and I wrote this, and I truly believe it, I was only living a fraction of a life. Because I was afraid of feeling certain things and, you know, being to truly be in a flow of life, which is what, to me, is the natural state. So it, there wasn't any way to get to that without becoming more, more comfortable with emotions, unblocking the frozen emotions that I had from years past, and therefore being okay with emotions now and going forward. So, to me, anybody listening that, you know, that doesn't. isn't happy where they are. It feels that sense of, there's more. It feels that sense of fear or like they're not living their full life. It's gonna start with emotions. It's gonna start with becoming okay with those and recognizing that you're not and recognizing how you're not. Now it affects those around you. And once that awareness is there, then I mean, Donna is, on a bash plug is an expert in this and knows exactly how to help people get through it. And she did for me and it's, it's everything she said it was gonna be. You start losing the fear. You start moving towards the joy. And that to me is how we're born and how we're supposed to evolve. - That was beautiful. I just want people to know I didn't pay you to say all that. (laughs) I mean, I couldn't have said it better and I appreciate, you know, the reality, that's your reality and that you can share that. And thank you so much for being here, Jason. I appreciate it. - Yeah, thank you, Donna. Thanks for having us. - All right, bye-bye. - Take care. - Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed the show, please make a comment wherever you get your podcast. Feel free to contact Donna at Donna. That's D-O-N-A at transformingwithin.com or WhatsApp 502-233-1577. (dramatic music)