Share & Krang & Tell with Michael Cruz Kayne and Katie Nolan

Welcome to Pablo Torre finds out I am Pablo Torre and today we're going to find out what this sound is No matter what happens today Michael You are not going to throw up your butt might throw up but your face won't right after this Happy birthday. Thank you to you. Just turn the big two four. Yeah, it is a lie Yeah, I said thank you Happy birthday and Happy birthday to you early happy birthday to you. Yes, that's this week again. That's right. Whoa That's right. It's on time early happy birthday to you Pablo Torre I think both of you and happy birthday to you whenever your birthday January 28th. We're not close. So J28 J28 J6 J6 that's that's your favorite day, right and then my birthday A few weeks later you you will be insurrecting your roof again. That's right. Yeah, I'm going up there and I'm saying where's policy? She's not she's not there, but I'll find her you used to do fake tans me. Yeah, didn't you? I'm sorry I've never it's I'm afraid it's gonna look orange. Sorry fake tanning versus tanning booth I call both of them I used to go in a tanning bed as a Filipino American Sure, my dog was that was anything all all all non-sun tans are fake. Okay. Yeah, when I was in high school I was going to the tanning bed still Yeah, you know, you're putting on little little goggles little goggles for eye protection. Mm-hmm a little A sticker you'd put right here so that when you when you got your tan you'd peel off the sticker and then oh look You've got a little playboy bunny on your it's I don't know why it was a bunny Yeah, you would leave you buy a little sticker and you'd put it on your somewhere on your body. Oh, it was it was ornamental Yes, I thought it was to tell the difference between That's darker you'd gotten yeah, it also was that and I never did a tanning bed. I don't why are you? There was some that like are you fully clout? Yes, yeah, yeah, I don't know if I'm protection. Let's get a little more specific fully naked. I did high school Katie In a sometimes you'd lay down, but then the laydown ones were weird because why are we talking about this the laydown ones were weird You get a weird Around your you don't think about this and I'm really sorry, but we your second time you realize you have to sort of Spread them when you lay down otherwise otherwise your butt cheat otherwise the will there'll be a tan line in your butt Cheek right and so you sort of and then I hated doing that I didn't like the way that fell so then I would I started to do the stand-up ones where you put your hands in the little stir-ups Like you're at the wrong guy. You're wrong. Go rotisserie chicken. Exactly. You just said it and forget it and then there you stand I love the idea of reverse Gynecologist. Yeah, so that's what we used to do, but now I think those things are illegal. I don't think anyone's operating Probably still on long Island because those are just like just cancer machines. You're just cooking. Yeah, it's not it's like UV right in your face UV UV getting cancer. That's right UV 40 red red wine. What are we gonna talk about today Pablo? This is it? Maybe this is the pot. You're already doing it If you've ever woken up tired and sore and let's be honest who hasn't this one is for you There are a few things that set you up for success like a good night's sleep and the best way to ensure a good night's sleep Through the mattress that fits your needs are you a hot sleeper? Aside sleeper, you have a partner who tosses and turns all night. Whatever your issue, Helix has a mattress designed for you thanks to 20 different mattress models and a handy quiz on their website, the match a mattress specifically to your needs. That is why this year I decided to upgrade my setup with the Helix Dusk Elite mattress and it is a game changer since switching. Yeah, genuinely notice better sleep, all asleep faster, all asleep longer and you wake up feeling way more ready for your sleep. For the day, so whether your issue is temperature, back pain or motion transfer, Helix has the perfect mattress for you. Plus they offer a 120 night sleep trial and limited lifetime warranty. Rest easy with the happy with Helix guarantee a risk-free customer first experience designed to ensure that you're completely satisfied with your new mattress to go to Helix sleep.com/PTFO for up to 27% off site wide. This is exclusive for listeners with the code. That is helix sleep.com/PTFO for 27% off site wide. Helix sleep.com/PTFO I actually wanted to go to the beach in a story about Donald Trump Jr. Oh man. Did you guys read this one? DJT. I didn't check my DJT newsletter this week. This is the wedding. This is the wedding. So ProPublica, which is a nonprofit journalistic outfit that does incredible work. They just did this thing about Susan Collins in which they got it checked that exposed corruption allegedly. I guess I got to say although the reporting is pretty conclusive, I would say they've been killing it and the story they did before that that popped into my feed was interesting to me on a couple of levels. One level is that involves wedding planning. The other level we can get to but the whole story involves a guy named Umar Kremlev. Is it ethnically insensitive to say that sounds like a villain? If it is, cut that out. He is a Russian oligarch. It's the Krem. The Krem is where it got me. The Krem is a bit little on the nose. But very easy to remember. Kremlev Kremlin, Putin, oligarch, allied guy. Maybe that's why it sounds familiar to me, but it does sound familiar to me. I feel as though I've run into this name before. You can want to hold that thought as we transport ourselves to the Caribbean. I love that. Not where Katie got her town. Very difference. Very different. So look beautiful. A thousand likes. So a big part of investigative reporting these days, and I can attest to this because you guys have experienced me attesting to this, I guess, is that you go on Instagram accounts and you just scroll for a while. Sick. I do that anyway. So I'm an investigative reporter basically. People are just incriminating themselves on Instagram. Is that what you're saying? They're leaving behind clues that perhaps they forget or they assume no one's going to piece this all together. But it turns out that in this photograph with a bunch of likes on it from this is an Instagram gallery posted by a friend of Don Jr.'s bride. So I think of the levels we all do this, right? You're falling into clicking on bold face names and figuring out who's commenting, who's liking. You get eventually to a friend of Bettina Anderson now Don Jr.'s wife. And you get to look in through the roster here. And the issue that the report is a public of face was that they heard a rumor that Umar Kremlev, who sounds villainous and may well be according to the reporting in various legitimate ways, had been in attendance at this wedding. Which I just got to stop to say should be just on its face. If true. A big deal. Big if true. Because the whole thing of him being allied with that of your boot and this being Donald Trump Jr. But they had to find proof. And so they were scrolling and zooming and scrolling and zooming and they found a bald head. Oh, it's and he's not prominent. Look how stupid Don Jr.'s face is in that picture. Um, but he's like talking about Don Jr. first for people who can't see this photograph. I would say it looks like a suck in. It's a suck in of the stomach. And it also looks like he's going what? What? What? Who is what? And then they took the picture. It looks like he's in the middle of saying something that's like who? Yeah, but you don't even know how to use that thing. That's the face he's making. You know, it's the sound I'm making is the face he's making closer eyes. That's it. A friend of the bride was like, you know what? I'm going to make sure I look great. The groom now is going to look like the dictionary definition of Derb. Is that Tiffany as Tiffany flanking the bride on the other side? That's right. And you never see Tiffany Trump just like doing anything. I don't know. There'd be an invite for her question mark. I don't know. Sure. Maybe fine. But then in the back, you're seeing, so it's basically two rows of people. The front row with the bride, the groom, tiff. And then the second row behind them of taller people. And then there is not really a third row except for one, maybe two guys. And you're seeing just the top of a bald head. And that you're saying is a very important bald head. That's Umar Kremlev. That is the bald gleaming head of Umar Kremlev. He's in the picture in a way that you're either trying to not be in the picture or trying to be in the picture. But he's not in the picture. And I think this is a really important sort of metaphor for what happened here. Because you kind of want allegedly contribute hundreds of thousands of dollars to Don Junior's wedding weekend. But you also don't want to be, I guess, caught unless you do want to poke your head above. Like if you wanted to hide. You just go to the bathroom. Just don't be there. But the way that he's in this picture is kind of like, have you ever told somebody, hey, I'm sick and I can't come to your thing. But then you go to a different thing. And at the different thing, they take a picture. again the. picture. You don't want people to know you're trying to not be in the picture. So you get in the picture, but just what's about to be taken. You don't stand up for yourself. You don't go, Hey, I don't think anyone can see me. Exactly. Well, it's like if the camera can't see you, you're like, that's what I want. I want the camera not to see me. That's what he's doing. Seems like. Oh, he was doing the, if I don't move, they can't see me. Yeah. They're treating us like a bear. Jay Park again. Yeah. Yeah. So anyhow, Don junior secret benefactor as the arrow helpfully points out. Thanks the public. The controversy that followed once it was reported in public, you got to understand what happened when they went to Don junior and Bettina Anderson for comment because in a statement, Bettina Anderson stated that Kremlev did not pay for her wedding. I have heard this part. I love this part. What did he do instead according to Bettina Anderson, Michael? I think it was that he paid for like an after party, basically, right? He paid for the days of festivities afterwards. It's very much like we didn't get a bribe for that. Bettina claimed that those events were part of an already planned trip that initially had nothing to do with her wedding to Don junior and that the couple decided later to tack their wedding onto the front of the trip as all of us have experience doing. Yeah. So she's, and she's like pretty upset about it. She's like, there's never any contrition in any of this from this particular group of people. I will point out the ceremony was on a Friday and in fairness to Umar Kremlev and Bettina Anderson, no Russians there sponsored entirely by Chick-fil-A. Allegedly, but the first dance. No, what? No. That was paid for by Umar Kremlev. No, what? Sorry. What? What? How do you have your first dance not at your wedding? Did they not have a reception? Did they not touch each other or dance during their wedding because otherwise any dancing that happened right after getting married counts as your first dance? Well, these are the constitutional questions or Republicans to grapple with. The Republicans get into this what we're talking about right now. The Republicans? If I know them. Very importantly noted, that Bettina Anderson wore her wedding dress. Oh, God. To me, that's still part of your wedding. Well, I also feel like if you're taking funding, which I have many questions and this isn't the first of them, it's just the one we're running into first. If you're taking secret creepy funding for your maybe wedding or the things around your wedding, you were in the same dress. Use that money to buy yourself a bunch of different dresses. I have poor friends who are doing costume changes at their things. Right. That are worn to dress for the ceremony dress for the party. Yeah. And now you're the same dress both next day. Which I mean, honestly, I think that's feminist. I think that's trailblazing. Sure. I think it would be cost-cutting. Yeah. Yeah. But if you're if the money is coming from a weird associated with oligarch, why would you possibly just be cost-cutting and wearing the same dress twice. Well, what did the money go towards? A pro-publica reports is that per these records they reviewed, Kremlev, footed the bill for hundreds of thousands of dollars of wedding expenses, but in particular, they also per three people familiar with the event had the money go towards renting one of the private islands where reception was held and where it gets. Sure. Yeah. That'll caught that'll run you up pretty quickly. We also covered other big ticket items like the fireworks show, which is team health plan. Which is actually just a bomb. They bombed a nearby island. Yeah. A legend. Love's just joking. It was actually just a joke. Is there a word you say after joke? Tee-hee. Jk. Jk. Jk. Jk. English. Yeah. I love the idea. At that level of wealth, you're like, I love private islands. That's something that's no stigma around private islands these days. So let's do one of those and then lots of blowing up. Let me get a Russian oligarch, a private island and a bunch of stuff blowing up. And that to me is a wedding. Wedding. Love. That says love forever. I do like, now you mentioned it, Michael, that this administration has experienced the whole Epstein thing and they were like at some point afterwards. We're going to do rent private island for our wedding and also my sister and her husband, Jared Kushner. We're going to buy a private island. We just happened upon it in our boat once. It was such a romantic little place. And then we bought it. What? We love it. What? It means a lot to us. Okay. So you might wonder what President Trump has to say about all of this. And his. Wasn't there, right? He was not at the wedding. I didn't see him in the photo. Right. Me neither. Did not see him in the photo. Any of the rows back or front. Which feels I think consistent with my understanding of the family dynamics. But last week, President Trump said that Don Jr. intended to pay Kremlin back for the wedding. Even though the gift was for the president, quote, totally allowed. That's classic, classic Trump. By what? Totally allowed. By what? I guess it's my question. What does he mean by that? Whatever is left of the norms that he has never, he had never heard of it before. He just, he does, the guy does not know one thing, which is an ideal. Eric Trump. Love that guy. Eric had said he had no idea who Umar Kremlev was and ever met him all that stuff, which is fun. And this brings us to perhaps one very key detail about where the money was actually routed through. Because Umar Kremlev, Katie might be ringing a bell faintly in your brain. Here we go. Not just because you are generally aware of the politics of our country, but you dated Umar Kremlev. Five months. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. He was a guest on garbage. Oh, no. You'll be shocked how often this happens where I go really bad guy Umar Umar Umami as I called him. Bad guy. No, really. What's he from? It's something, right? It's something sports. So the thing that they routed the money through was, and I want to get this correct. An IBA affiliated entity in Dubai. And what is the IBA you ask? International. Check. Boxing association. Yes. Yeah. Which happens to be a scandal play sports group that has been financed by the Russian state on energy giant Gazprom. But also might be familiar to you from the time everybody got mad during the Olympics about the whole alleged trans boxer thing. Amon Khalif. Amon Khalif. And they'd rather you say it because I know you'll say it perfectly correct. But I do believe it was that they this body, the IBA has been like fully using not cool practices. They were like not above board, but they insisted on saying that she was transgender. And that was not the case. And they'd been like stripped of their ability to you say it. Forget it. I'm just realizing. I don't know enough of the details. A lot of our understanding of the details is actually filtered through what the IBA wanted us to know. Because China's yang lu was defeated by Amon Khalif in the gold medal match in Paris in 2024. And there was a press conference in Paris. That was this is probably the only way I can describe it truly insane. Was that Umar in the back? That giant zordon from Power Rangers has had. I like that he only shows up behind other people. He's like you can only see half of my face is disembodied. I don't want to be in the press conference, but I'll be in the press conference, you know, that is the president of the IBA Umar Kremlin, the International Boxing Association, the governing body for amateur and professional boxing until 2023 when the IOC stripped it of its jurisdiction after a series of governance issues and judging scandals. But none of this prevented that gleaming head, which would be cleaner shaven and the photo behind Don Jr. from attending the Paris Olympics and leading this press conference in front of a background over zoom, Michael, which I'd like you to describe for people who are not watching. Well, there's two gentlemen in the foreground who are at the press conference, looks like Chris Robertson, Gabrielle, Jay Gabrielle, Martelli, and then on a giant screen behind them is the looming. I would say meathead of Umar Kremlo, who is in the background looks to have some kind of like Christian iconography on his on his shelves. And I do because I've never seen this man's body, I now I'm starting to wonder if it's just a head unlike kind of a robotic crab, they're just sort of like scuttles from right to left and spouts transphobia in Russian, a transphobic crang. Yes, if you will, exactly. It sort of looks like, you know, the new trend on TikTok of like, I will superimpose myself on the green screen of a video that's happening behind me. And a lot of times I don't even add any commentary. It's just like a little head like nodding along to whatever's happening in the video. That's sort of what this looks like. Like these two guys at the actual press conference look like they're about to comment on whatever the TikTok is behind them. But no, this is a real press conference that happened. And I guess you're wondering what he sounds like in English, we do have a helpful translation. Thanks to sky news from this same event. Today unfortunately, we're witnessing the the failure of the death of a woman female boxing. That's right. It's the death of female boxing because of these two boxers that according to the IBA have declared to be people who have failed their gender testing. I thought that it came out that the gender testing that the IBA was using was completely disputed and like not sanctioned in a way. They were doing the IBA was doing chromosomal testing and banning anybody with XY chromosomes for competing as women, the Olympics and the IOC. part of the actual scientific sort of tension here, I consistently indicated that in boxing, it relies on the athlete's passport, rather than any sort of genetic hormonal chromosome will test to determine gender classification. The whole point though, I think, is important to understand because what this guy is in terms of how he determines a scientific testing regimen for the genitals of female athletes is also important to understand in the context of his ongoing relationship with Vladimir Putin, we're working together to use boxing to extend Russia's soft power. And so in that presser, as everyone's trying to make sense of like, so wait, do they have a point? Is there science here? What is this? What you got was 19 straight minutes in which Umar Kremlev pontificated about the corruption of the IOC and the president of the Olympics, Thomas Bach, but the point is all of this is sort of embroiled in, I would say, one of the most classically corrupt institutions that exist on the planet, that is using sports for ends that are familiar, I suppose, to people who are following how sports are used now in America. Thomas Bach is like a rat that fled the sinking ship because the International Olympic Committee was sinking back then and is still sinking. Oh, the Olympic movement has its charter that stipulates all the values and that is what they have to stand for in defend. And it is clearly stipulated there that female sports is for women, male sports is for men. Talk to me about this interviewer. Please paint the picture. Well, they are wearing a vest and under the vest a button down shirt that has only the buttons behind the vest buttons are buttoned. So far as we know, those might not even be buttons. You're right, you're right, the rest of the shirt wide open and then I can't tell because of the placement of the mic, but it does look like a big chain with some sort of a piece hanging from it. A statement necklace. Yes, exactly. And then blue tinted sunglasses. Yep, matching the vest. Match which matches the blue of the vest, white shirt, blue vest, black pants, bottom button of the vest undone. I guess if we need all the details, and then the hair is like a long, flowing, gray, salt and peppery kind of look at. Like if the dad from the OC was now a retired magician. Mm-hmm. Wow, interesting, I was gonna say looks like a keyboard player from a European 80s band. That's what I was gonna say. Yeah, and those are both pretty accurate, I would say. So that's what I would say. Also, unfortunately, Umar does have legs. It's much less fun to find out in this spot that he has a full human body. But also wearing the same color shirt and pants. Yes. So it is like a kind of like a union suit. Yes. I like to imagine that it's a union suit. Right. He has like a flap for the butt. Sure, yeah. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, this is great. I love this. So I'm having fun. So of course, because of the invasiveness of all of these testing procedures, we don't actually know whatever those tests were. You got to apparently trust the word of the guy in the alleged union suit on the right. Umar Kremlev, who is again a Putin allied oligarch. But I'm on cliff. What she says for herself is that she is a woman. She says, I'm a woman. I've always been a woman. I want to live my life. Please, and I'll exploit me in your political agendas. But at the same time, she naturally possesses the S.R.Y. gene, which is typically but not exclusively found on the XY chromosome. And she apparently told LaKip, the French outlet and CNN that she has naturally high testosterone levels that are monitored and treated by a doctor, quote, I was born like this. Of course, I have hormonal differences, but I decrease my testosterone levels based on my doctor's recommendation. And then she goes on to deny any hormonal advantage in her wins, which gets us to a competitive advantage science debate. With this speaks to the whole thing about how castorsamenia, not trans, what intersex, and how there is this whole thing along the spectrum of genetic and hormonal differences that we can discuss scientifically, but all of this is getting labeled as your trans and your bad and we're grafting the politically useful culture war onto complex scientific debates. Meanwhile, Don Jr. Why are they hanging out? That was a question that was asked. He met Umar Kremlev through their good old fashioned love of hunting and there are a lot of very clearly posed photos of Don Jr., yes, in front of all sorts of dead animals holding his grasp. I've those framed in my home. Yeah, I send away and have them autographed. Yes, beautiful. And he does it. And he does it. He's so charitable. Don Jr., who spoke first and also denied that the two men have a business relationship. Oh, well, then it's then case closed. Yeah. We don't have any relationship. If you just gave me a several hundred thousand dollars from my wedding, we can. The day after. Not my wedding. They're just friends. Just buddies. Even though Don Jr. participated in an IBA panel in Istanbul about a year ago, this was months before his wedding. I be a huge douchebag. Yes. At that same panel, naturally, as you might imagine, Don Jr. criticized trans women in sports and also the IBA said and press release that quote, President Kremlev and Donald Trump Jr. made it clear, this alliance will not remain symbolic. Or joint initiatives will follow. We're going to kiss soon. I promise. That would be honestly, that would be wonderful. Can I? Is it clear by my body language? I am at capacity for stories where it's like, Hey, pretty clear what's happening here? Now what? Like, I need there to start being some sort of NP because of this. We're now going to start doing this. I can't take any more of this, like seems pretty obvious, huh? I got bad news for you, Kenny. So just to recap though, the people who are on the side of the culture war aisle around the trans issue, talking about athletes who, according to the evidence available to us, are not trans, but are being treated all the time as if they are. I wish we mean badly, truly, insanely and badly. When you ask the question of like, why are we always talking about this stupid debate that is not urgent, but is treated as if it is? In part, it's because the Kremlin wants you to. Fun one Pablo. Thanks. Really cool stuff. Really, really cool. That was nice. I thought that was a nice story. Yeah. I am. I am a smile file. Yeah. So the other story that I brought you guys today. We got. Oh, yeah. Served up. Yum yum. Is it UNC? Do you think it's going to be? Oh, man. Because that did. I didn't even do that. No. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I shouldn't do this. But I should acknowledge that like Michael Lombardi, GM North Carolina's, Connie resigned. Steve Bella, check out. Lombardi, back on. Substack. Oh, hell yeah. And now, there's my question. How did he connect his typewriter to the internet? He was. Remember that? So I'm just working on my to-do list. But I do it on the typewriter because it forces me to slow down. I have to think about what I want to write about. And the typewriter gives you that rhythm that you need to be able to slow your mind down and think. You're going to make mistakes, right? And on the computer, you can delete the mistake. But sometimes the mistakes that you deleted have really powerful messages in. And now he's got free and paid tears on his substacks. Of course. And Mike Lombardi in sight, we're all clamoring for. I pay $4,000 a year to be a member of that. But speaking of parents and children and sports, as we contemplate Bill Balecheck and Steve Balecheck, who's gone as defensive coordinator, I do swing it back around. Well, can we talk about the fact that you're a sports dad? Of course, of course we can. I'd love to talk about that. Is that just plain? You're talking about how expensive it is to be a sports dad? Well, I'm talking about how, at this moment, there is a conversation which is rightful and important about how expensive it is and how private equity is eating all of youth sports. But at the same time, there is a new show on Paramount Plus called Team Moms, Colin Baseball. Yes. Starring. Kim Kardashian? Well, is she in it? Or is she just running it? She's executive producing. Yeah. Just one of her kids playing baseball? I don't think. Well, not her kids, I should say, but the, okay, so this is where I should admit how this show works. I watched none of this. Ryan Cortes is our producer. We got him advanced copies and he watched all of it. Really? Well, the first, however many episodes Cortes communicates with me like on Ghost Writer as Michael Barney might appreciate. Yeah, yeah. He saw the first four. Damn. Okay, Cortes, I want to know how it is because listen, please hear me. The world of reality TV and the exploitation of all the blah, blah, blah. It's all bad. It's all a nightmare. The everything going on in you sports seems like a nightmare. But in a world that is this, don't we deserve a reality show where you see how nuts so these parents can get when it comes to watching their kids play? It's clearly a rife with drama and intrigue produced by somebody who has been a mainstay in reality TV. I'm nice. I'm a strong. I believe it to be garbage. Of course, I'm not saying this thing should win Emmys, but I was kind of excited to at least have a little bit of sports reality show trashing us to watch. So Cortes, is it good? Is it, is it what I'm hoping for? What Cortes says, quote, show sucks, dude. I was worried about that. - I mean, it doesn't have the juice. - It doesn't know. It's out this week. - Well, it feels like in order for a reality show to be good, especially if it's gonna feature a lot of kids, you're going to have to traumatize them. It's sort of required to traumatize the kids to make for good television. - And now foolishly, I thought because it's team moms, I thought they would barely touch the kids. I thought I felt like they would. - They put them on an island and they would not even touch them. No, I felt like it would be mostly, it's like dance moms, which I guess they did show the kids on dance moms. - Kids are all over dance moms. - Yeah, and they got famous from it and they're old. And I'm like, wow. - But even though even my daughter is a huge dance mom's fan, she's watching dance moms. - Yeah. - I guess she's stopped, but I used to just come home and she's like had been watching dance moms. - 'Cause those ladies are. - Yeah, and also because I'm a great dad. Because I'm a great dad, my daughter's at home watching 79 straight episodes of dance moms. - That's right, that's right. - But the kids on that show are having a tough time. - Yes, yes. - And so I can only imagine that on team moms, the kids are also going to be bookmarking this unknowingly - Yeah. - To check in with their therapists in 20 years and be like, my mom did this horrible thing. - Good point. - Right. At this point, I probably should show you guys the trailer. - Scott Stelke is my happy place. But you definitely have parents that are insane. Because our son's love is baseball. - What the fuck was that? - Baseball and Scott Stelke go hand in hand. - Legendary Prep Academy is a high-performance baseball academy. - He's going to the MLB, for sure. - I have high confidence. - I'm not going to kill his dream. We are here for the love of the game. - At LPA, games are intense. The parents can also be very intense. - I love everybody. Tell you the fuck with me. - You don't even know what's about to come. - This boy was telling everyone that I was on only fans. - Wow. - They call her Nipple. - We're not an easy group to come into. - I don't want to be the hot mom at LPA. I just want to be the mom. - I don't think that Trisha Nina can be friends. - I'm loud and I can be obnoxious. - Thank you. - I saw a kid that bullied my child and I called him a little bitch. - Okay. - Okay, now that, I'm fine with. - Thank you. - I'm good with that. - With a little Von Dutch. - Someone's ours beating up on your kid. And all rules are off. Do whatever you want. I did like, did the one mom say I don't want to be the hot mom? Is that what she said? - Yeah. - I love that. - Did you take issue with the fact that she was pretty hot? - It just seems very funny to me. I do not want people thinking me as the mom with like a perfect body. - He's just happened to me. - I had no, this was not in the plans. Not in the cards. I just happened upon my-- - Do not on the internet call me hot mom. - I swear, I'm being furious. - Are they calling me that? - Are they people are saying? - Show me. - Show me people are saying. Also, it's just MLB. It's not the MLB. You're not going to the major league baseball. Okay, so if you're going to be a baseball mom, it's MLB. - Sorry. - Sorry. - Sorry. - No, that's going to be a nightmare for those boys. Those boys are going to be permanently messed up by the chef for sure. - They already seem a little. - Sure, sure, sure. - It's a little bit messed up by them being their parents in the first place. - According to Brankertes, the only drama on the show really is that one of the boys' moms teaches all of them Pilates. And a boy in the group tells the group that Pilates' mom has an only fans that he watches all the time. - Oh, my God, oh my God. - Oh my God. - How old is the boy? - 13 and 14. - Why? Why? You can't, isn't-- I'm sorry, I'm an old lady. Is our, is that-- - Part of that is so wrong. - Isn't that age restricted? Isn't only fans age restricted? - I'm sure there's a way to do whatever. - We should say the mom denies being an only fan. - Right, and it's, and just like the other one denies being hot mom. - Yeah, exactly. Are they putting, are they saying that I'm only fans? I'm putting my handle on there and it's making it easy to subscribe to my only fans? They better not do that. They better not talk about the deals I'm running on only fans. - They better not talk about how new content drops every Thursday. - I swear to God, if they talk about how I'm doing feed Friday's, I will be furious. - And it's bad out, keep it in. - Wait, it's, it's, we're cooked, right? As a society, it's just done, it's cooked, it's done. So we can just enjoy the madness. - One of those women is the future president of the United States. - And I'm with her. - And I'm with her. - And I'm with her. - That's beautiful. I guess beautiful. - I imagine that your, your experience as a sports dad is not quite like this. - It is not, it is not, it's not, it's all like that. But my son played soccer on like a travel team or whatever you call it. We paid money and it's expensive. What did Truman's soccer team cost? - A few thousand bucks a season. I mean, I have to, I have to, I have to amount a month. - Soccer. - It's the whole point of soccer. The reason it's so globally popular is that the barrier to entry is low. Ball and some semblance of a net is all you need. Obviously, as you have more resources, you can go with the shin guards and all the, but it's all you really need is a ball, a bunch of people, and a goal. - Yeah, well, in New York City, like you want to, you need to permit to get to the field because there's not that much space. It's a lot, you need someone to organize your teams for you to play against, you need uniforms, all this stuff. It's, it's quite expensive. And I'll tell you what, almost every aspect of that experience was basically good. We were with a league at first that we really didn't like. And then we switched to this other league. Shout out to Tri-Bro. - Shout out to Tri-Bro. - Eventually, he had to stop. Now he plays on his school soccer team, undefeated. - Shout out. - Shout out to Clinton Hawke. That's a former PTFO intern. - What's that? That's right, four PTFO intern, Truman Kane, undefeated, starting defense to the Clinton Hawks. Let's go boys. - Truman who's been dragged to a bunch of stuff I do, I think I've seen him at stuff and gone, was that, do you hate that? Do you hate being here? - But yeah, I mean, we basically had a good experience, but it is crazy expensive. And so when, like my daughter did gymnastics, also crazy expensive. And now that she has sort of aged out of gymnastics, I decided, basically, that she's not gonna pursue it. Now she wants to pursue volleyball. And when she was like, you know, I'm done with gymnastics. Carey, my wife and I are both like, oh. - Tzu Tzu Bad, oh Tzu Bad. - Oh, no. - Tzu Bad. - Yeah, exactly. And then she's like, but I'm thinking about doing it. And we're like, please say, drawing. (laughing) Please say, drawing. Volleyballer, but like, yay. (laughing) - And so how expensive is that? - I don't even know. But she, she made the school volleyball team, which is amazing. - Thank you, Graff's out of the blue. Snap, snap, snap. So we're gonna, I'm gonna watch the girls varsity volleyball right after this. - Oh, so am I, but unrelated. (laughing) - You're just a fam. - Just a big fam. - And then she's gonna play on like an outside team that it's gonna cost us thousands of dollars. And the games are gonna be all over God's creation. And it's amazing. It's amazing, and it's so fun. But it's also like, it's crazy. The cost is crazy. - The way I actually compare it, and I only realize now that we did this certainly in a way that allows me to perhaps take credit for this segue. But I've always compared it to like, every kid activity that you pay for, you have the wedding reception, sort of unlimited budget expectation. - Yes. - Whatever it is, it's the most special thing. - Yeah. - And so we get preyed upon. And private equity, by the way, is doing exactly that. - Yeah, it's also that feeling of like, yeah, I guess if my child wants to participate in this, we gotta like, scrabble that money together. - For you guys, you can make it work. Whatever your kids say, you go, we'll make that work. But I don't know that every family in America is experiencing that same-- - Oh, for sure. - And there are kids on these teams who are like, I don't know if scholarship is the right word, but kids who-- - They're like funded by-- - Yeah, who like, again-- - Omar Cremliffe. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in the back of the team picture, just the top of his head. But this is what the Aspen Institute and Project Play reported. This was in 2024, so you can imagine how it might have increased since then, which is that Youth Sports is generating more than $40 billion a year, which was 46% increase over 2019. And now the reason why KKR and a PE firm known as Brand Velocity Group-- - Fast Brands. - That's right. - Zoom. - Zoom. Youth Sports are about as good a return as you can get on your investment. - Hello, that should be illegal. You should not be able to make money off of children's sports. The money should go directly towards the acquiring of said permits or any shared equipment that's needed. You shouldn't be able to profit off of kids playing sport. Am I nuts? - Well, what they're doing also is they're making everything, again, a matter of subscriptions and fees. So in some of these leagues, in order to actually get the footage that you would have gotten on your phone, they're now saying you can't take that footage on your phone. You got to pay us for the in-house like video camera feed. And so now you're subscribing to another streaming service that is your kids playing sports. - It's just like one of these late stage capitalism every single, we're gonna suck every dollar out of every person until it all belongs to one guy. Or gal, and that's beautiful. - Thank you. - I should point out here, now that Ryan Cortez has reminded me of this. - What a useful guy. - Cortez has reminded me, speaking of what isn't is not allowed, that Truman was here when we did the episode in which we did all the state-by-state fetishes. - I remember that. That was one of the times where I went, hey, Truman, was that tough for you? Was that not what you wanted to do with your Thursday? - Between that and my daughter watching non-stop dance moms, I think at the end of the video. A case can be made for for me to not be the best dad. - Yeah. - Not be the best. I am the best, but a case could be made. - And you've got the mug that says so. - I do, I have a mug that says that. - World best. - That I bought myself. - Yeah, because someone had to do it. - Yeah, 'cause my kids hate me. - Can I ask a question of the group? - Of course. - Where are you guys finding the will to keep living? (laughing) Genuinely, genuinely. The more I hear about the way we are going as a country, as a society, just as humans, the fact that I can't record at a, if I had a child, at my theoretical child's game because a private equity funded group films, and I have to pay to subscribe to that, that's broken. That is a fundamentally broken part of society. So how do we carry on? It's very demoralizing to me. I have no faith in us as humans that we're going in a direction I'm cool with. - Yeah, and it's permeating. And I wonder with these things, if it was always that way, or if there was a team, and then private equity, vampire it in, and turn something that was probably, okay, it's- - Vertically integrated. - My bad. - The business that has been established is not especially innovative. It is what if we could do all the things that you see in the rest of our economy to parents because they want to pay for their kids so bad that we cannot actually break the bond of them as customer that perhaps we would be worried about more if they could opt out of giving a sh*t about their kids. - Yeah, and then it becomes like, you know, within a certain social strata and above strata and above, you, in order for your kids to participate in these social things, you have to do this. - Yes, you have to- - Like if your kid wants to play soccer, this is how you play. This is the only way to play besides in your school. - So in New York Magazine to this cover story about it, I want to quote from a passage there, which is quote, you go to a tournament that is owned by the same company that owns the team, that then says you have to book a hotel block that's owned by the team, through a platform, also owned by the team. They have rules about taking your own video because they want to sell you their media package, and you have to pay to park because they own that too. This is according to a former club lacrosse coach in New Jersey who has three children on travel teams. Continues? Before you know it, you're paying a lot of money for the privilege of your kid playing a team from one town over several states away from where you all live, the travel circuit of like, what do we have to go to now? - That's true. - A destination wedding of a tournament. - In that article, I think they also talked about Europe, about like sending the kids over to play a tournament thing in Europe, and you're like, these aren't even the kids that, 'cause these conversations have been happening for a while about sports in America getting expensive for kids, but a lot of times it was like, well, if your kid is in this league, that's for the elite exceptional talent, and they want to get exposed to the scouts and the people that'll get them into the pros, this is what they, but a lot of these are just kids that aren't very good, but they want to play, and why do they have to go to Europe for thousands of dollars to lose to a bunch of European, like, it's all of the teams, not just the elite athletes, but now it's just anybody who wants to play sports. - To quote Pilates mom from team moms on Paramount Plus. - Privacy's only fans mom, question mark. - What is the likelihood of one of these boys signing an MLB contract? I think it's 0.03%, it's not likely. - End quote, she's probably right though. - Yeah. - Secret mathematician Pilates mom, statistician. - She's got to run the numbers on her Pilates class. - She's also vertically integrated. - That's right, and that could mean a number of things. - Allegedly. - Right, right. She's horizontally integrated as well. (upbeat music) - We have been talking about photography and wildlife and what to do when everything feels like (beep) and Katie, one thing I hope will make you feel better is this thing that's been sitting on the desk next to me this whole time, which is a gift. - Thank you. - I'd like you to explain to the audience what this is. - Now this is a photo from a Harambe's friend Jeff Timakari of Harambe, who you'll remember, we learned eight straight from his own butt. He ate poop from his butt. He took the poop out of his butt and he put it into his mouth. - Also vertically integrated. - Harambe taking his poop out of his butt and then like soft serve, like leaving some of it in his hand, eating it. - And so Michael, could you read what the inscription is? - I would love to. - Too Katie and Olam, thank you. He's eating it straight from the tap. Harambe's friend, Jeff Timakari. - That's right. It's beautiful, I will. - I did say that. - I did say that. - He looks so thoughtful. - Doesn't he? - He's such a handsome poor guy. - He's doing like, what a piece of work his man. Should I'm talking about? Can't let anybody? - Yeah, no. Definitely. Totally, totally, totally. - This reminds me though, now that I see Michael hold this, that is a photo of a man who is in touch with his intestines, held by a man who is also in touch with his intestines. - Hate vomiting. I mean, I hate it. - Did anybody love it? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. People can tolerate it. Like I can't, if I feel like, this is gross, I'm saying gross. If I feel like I'm gonna vomit, I am able to, instead of having the relief that would come from vomiting, I'm able to force that to come out of my butt. I can make, I can make my vomit diarrhea. Is a power that I have. - You redirect it. - The worst superhero of life. - That is like, in the X-Men and V-Sets, they get like, the later you get them, you get all this out of the way. - It's out of the way, it's out of the way. - It's out of the way. - So here comes Vom Maria, what is it? Honestly, you could probably guess. - I like that Asher has himself in the background of your shot. So technically, Asher's in every shot of the podcast. - That is from, but also with Michael and Asher. - That's right. - Thank you so much. Guys, look, if that's the clip that does it for us, then God bless. - I'm here. - I'm here to fact check. - I don't believe you. - I don't believe you at all. - None of us here believe you. - Yeah. - When you have the feeling that you're going, like do you know before you're going to throw up, right? You know like, probably. - Sometimes moments before, but a lot of times. But I think if I know like, say, the vibe is, I'm probably 30 minutes away from throwing up. Through the power of meditation, I can read, I'm telling you, I can make, I can make, I'm gonna need to see it. - I can make the vomit on my butt. - I gotta see it. Now, let me ask, can you-- - Now I'm on two podcasts talking about it. - Can it people? - Yes, can it, this is better than everything we've talked about, first of all. This is a power, this is human power to change your circumstance. - I can run my, yeah, okay. - If it's vomit from drinking too much. - Never had that. - Don't drink. - Don't drink, first of all. - Don't drink. - You never, oh. - One time I did, one time I'm my 25th birthday, which was a year ago, a 25th birthday. My friends and coworkers tried to get me to do 25 shots and I threw up on that day I threw up. - As you should have. - I probably had one shot. - I had to, you literally had to. But you, so you couldn't in that situation, when it's like happening to you, not because of-- - He's a sobbing gastrointestinal. - I tried to do 25. - Did you try to diarrhea it out? - No, but I didn't know I had the power at that time. - Oh. - How did you discover the power? - Good question, Pablo, finding out. - You know the feeling where it's like, oh, I'm about to throw up. Imminently, I'm going to throw up. - No, you keep saying that, but like, kind of, I guess. I felt nauseous, but-- - You're doing intestinal kegels. - Yeah, basically. - It's like clenching. - I'm like, what you do. - You recognize that you are the maestro of your own body. - No. - And you just tell yourself. - Downstairs, please. - You're not going to throw up. - You are not going to throw up. - Don't come up here, go down. - You are not going. No matter what happens today, Michael, you are not going to throw up. You're but my throw up, but your face won't. - Yeah. - And then you do it. I've given myself that speech, and it ended with me puking in my purse in the back of an Uber on my way to work. I was like, you're not, it's not going to happen. You're okay, getting Uber, and then in the Uber, I went like, quietly, into my purse, so that the Uber driver wouldn't go, yo, I just went. (laughing) - You're doing really good puke sounds. - Thanks. - And do your sleep. - Who sure someone will make him into something else sounds. Point is, how, oh, oh. - You're kind of doing heron-based sounds now. - I just am, how? - How are you possibly, and it's never solid poop. You're never turning the need to puke into like a solid poop. - Well, what are you crazy? How can you possibly do that? - And is it, or when you poop it out, is it like puke? Or it's just-- - I mean, it's diary, I would say is puke of the butt. - Are you sure you're just not simply vomiting and having diarrhea? - I'm not vomiting. I'm telling you, when I feel like I'm going to vomit. - No, I got that part, not going to vomit. - What I'm wondering is, what if you are also vomiting and having diarrhea? - I've never had that lying about this. - And you just closed one door. It's not that you turned it into poop. It's that you would have been doing both in each somehow, but it was hot dog eating contest rules. like if my mouth doesn't open, it doesn't mean I, the food counts. Right. That's not alchemy. right? I haven't like turned that is what you're saying actually or saying is I can get what would be puke to go out the I can get it I can redirect and what we're saying is that you we think it would be coming out both ends but you've just decided to close one door okay fine well how is that different from what find incredibly different person what I'm saying is it's all coming out the back I'm I'm telling everybody that this is the exit open that union suit flap that's right I'm going to mark crem levana I mean my dog has the reverse which is that she can turn her diarrhea into vomit and the way she does that is by eating it you ever had that happen I think we may have vertically integrated too much yeah and that's how you get a Pulitzer what did we find out today that's what we found out that's we found out we found it out we found it out this is the first time I think I've ever been on this podcast where a producer in my ear said we got it I think that's it we got it Pablo Torre finds out is produced by Walter Ave Roma Maxwell Carney Ryan Cortez Juan Galindo Patrick Kim Neely Lomon Rob McRae Laura Nucum Matt Sullivan Claire Taylor and Chris Tuminello C.D. Engineering by R.G. Systems sound designed by Andrew Bersick digital strategy by Bailey Carlin and Andrew Northern beam song as always by John Bravo and we'll talk to you next time