Shaindy Plotzker

Shandy Plotscar, welcome to Pod by Pan. Thank you, Pod by Pan. It's an honor to be here. I can't believe it. [laughs] Hyderne. [laughs] Okay, we're here on the day of the worst weather ever. I came from Alaska. Like, Jen. You almost died on your way here. I, yeah. I, I, I came straight from Alaska. It was pouring and smelling. And my windshield wipers were frozen. They like died. The chaos, but it's very you. Oh, like I wasn't at all surprised when you messaged me. You're like, I had to turn around and get another car. Yeah, because this is my life as such. Yeah. This is what happens. Chaos every day. I would be, you know, it's funny. Someone asked me once if you wrote a book, what would it be called? It would be called Never A Doll Moment. Never a Doll Moment. I say that way too often. But maybe that's me too. Yeah, you're also a little kind of. We can cut it. Right. We're two, oh. That's a good idea. Exactly. You chaotic girls. Okay. What's, how many watts up? What's going on? Where do we start? Where do we even start? Okay. You like lightly shared that on your Insta as like a little thing. A little thing. You know, it's funny when I was there. I had my phone off most of the time. Isn't that crazy? How do you do that? Your work phone or your real phone? All every like I had. I had to see this is something I can't do. Okay. I wasn't able to do this a long time ago. Not even two years ago. Wait, how does this work? So you just turn it off. We turn it off or we let it die. And whatever. I like turning away. There's an emergency and you, someone needs to reach you. They have the number of the person I'm with. Okay. So you're relying on the person you're with? Yeah. But also I had, I had another phone with me that was off and then it's sometimes on. I took pictures and I was saying, okay, I aspire. Yeah, but I actually have thought of turning my phone off and I just can't do it. I love it. Just Shobbys. Just Shobbys. Okay. So which I live. I live for Shobbys. I just want to say, if we didn't have Shobbys, Pantina, I don't know if like I would not be well. I wouldn't survive one minute of the week. I wake up Sunday morning like, and I'm like, how much time has lost? How much more do we have to do? How much more do we have to take? But, but I want to say it's funny because two years ago I would never have been able to do that. Like I really, really, really was always on my mind. You're able to detach. I work on it. And I see that because you take big breaks and then you're like, I'm back. I'm back. You just make a little announcement. She's a little back and then, no, but I love it because I really, I started it in the summer, actually, like two summers ago, my cousins come in the summer and you know, I live by my, I live outdoors in the pool. I'm an mermaid in the water. She's playing mermaid. And I was like, I'm not bringing my phone on the float. Like, I would leave my phone. I'm like, you know, I'm with people. Let me leave my phone in my room. Like it's fine. I believe. And this has come from someone who's to be on her phone 24/7. Right. I think I have an anxiety about all of that. And then there's also this anxiety of returning to the phone and like just feeling overwhelmed from it. So maybe that's why I can't. I feel like I have to be on top of it. I hear it, but I actually, the same way I have to archive every chat in my WhatsApp until it's relevant. That also makes me feel organized in my brain. It makes me feel better. Yeah. No, no, no, no. I, I actually love it. I have a few phone does, you know, I have a way of it. So one, different things for work for this. One of my phones was off the entire time. Like not just like I landed and I still hadn't turned it on. I turned it on the next day. And I got joy and just watching, like it just, it all like popped up. You know what the thing is like. And then your phone is like having a little seizure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's hard for me. Okay, I'll work on it. It's a good thing. It's a good thing to do. So how was your chat? My chat was so much fun. It's very fun. It's very fun. I've heard there's a lot of good kosher food. Paris has great food. I couldn't eat anything. I actually starved when I was there. Cos gluten free. Gluten free. There's no gluten free French kosher. That not none. Very, very little where like they almost have no idea what gluten is. Not a clue. So sad. It was lucky. I like ordered from this girl that does catering. No, no, no, no salad to like get me through. This is why you love tuna because tuna doesn't hurt you. Right. That's why I travel with a little suitcase with tuna packets and like rice cakes. We talk about this a lot. We could survive on. I actually, it's funny. So this trip was actually very funny to like everyone that knows me because as you know, I live in the water. I live in like, when I go away like I don't, I don't think I ever wear makeup. I don't get, I'm like busy surfing. I'm surfing. I'm in a wet suit. I'm snorkeling. I'm talking to the octopus. Like I'm having fun. We are. I actually have a fantastic picture. I don't know if you ever saw it. I was, I was, I don't know if it was snorkeling or scuba diving and the guide was like, look, there's an octopus and he, it was small. It was, it was, it was a baby one. It was a baby. I just envisioned large. But yeah, me too. I'm like, oh, it's going to aim me. No, no, no, it's like this big and he's like, do you want to hold it? And I'm like, absolutely not. If you ever want to see a picture of pure joy on my face, you with the octopus. It's on my hand. No. I'm in the water and I'm like this. I, I'm like my head is back. I'm like squealing laughing. Okay. Something else. Something else that we have in common is our love of whales. Oh my god, I'm obsessed. So, I'm a favorite animal. I, I like, do you know that I'm going? I've been sewing with whales actually with whale sharks. Have you? I did that this summer. I don't want to do that. It was by far top five moments of my life. Wow. It was in, I want to go to Cabo because I heard that they have sick whale watching. So they have good whale watching. Yeah. I went off season by mistake to Cabo. That's what I said. But now I'm, well, let's hope it happens. What I'm hoping to go with my sister to see this year. No way. To sew with humpback. How far is that? It's like, it's probably like 15, 20 years. But I've done that. Okay. Let me ask you something though. You go to like China and you're still like living on a tuna packet. I love. Right? So let's put it this way. If and when, like all the countries that I love to go to have like luxurious coasts restaurants, you will find me there at some point. For example. So this summer I did, I love Asia. I love Asia. I love Asia. You're busy with that. I love Asia. Every summer pretty much. I'm in a different part of Asia. And I want to, I want to get through it all. So this summer we did the Philippines, Japan and Singapore. That's so cool. Oh, great. I want to see Singapore. So Singapore, I did it perfectly. You don't need more than two, three days. Everything is in the moon. It's like, it's like how do you explain it? It's like Muncie. Like you go. You're there for three days. It's like Muncie. Like you have your salad pizza. You go to ever, like you feel, you know, it's small. You could go to everything in two, three days. You don't need more than that. It's beautiful. I feel like girls that want to travel kosher. It's like you just have to give up the food though. But that's insane. Like usually I have to just say I'm fine. It's one of the other with pizza. People will say to me, yeah, people will say to me, can you help me plan my trip? And I'll say, okay, what are your criteria? And they're like, I want kosher food. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm not the girlfriend. I'm not here. I go to all the places that like, I'm living off of beef jerky and tuna packets on the khabad houses. Right. Like when you have khabad, did you ever go hungry? I think you, you have told me that you went hungry. This year was a little bad. I like, where did you go? Where did you go? It was in the Philippines. That's when you went hungry and you were like, you had a situation. Was it told me? Was it this one that I got? Was that the situation? You went to a hotel. There was a mess up. What was that story? When was there not a mess up for me? I was like, I feel bad. Was it, oh, you know, it's a fantastic story. This is a good one. When I, this is, I don't know if this is what we were talking about, but we went to Bali last summer. I've been to Bali twice. It is by far. I've been dying to go there. Top three for me. You need like two weeks to go. No, I've done it in a week. It's better to have two weeks, but I've done it in a week. Okay. As well. Well, we can have it. My next vacation. Even better. Yeah, I'll plan it for you. And what I will tell you is not to go to the place that I went to. You ever see like these like luxury, like it's almost like they're called the treehouse hotels. Yes. The treehouse hotels. Stunning and they're like seven floors to yourself. Five bedrooms. A hot tub. And it's like a middle of the jungle and it's gorgeous. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, it's my drawing for a long time. Tick tock. It's straight out of tick tock. So I booked one literally off of Instagram Reels. I saw this. I messed them up and done. By the way, great idea. Was it like a real hotel or was it like a private rented? So no, it was like they had like four villas. Okay. So like this was the bit we got like we're going all out. It was for my birthday. We're all excited. We show up. Literally in the middle of the jungle like an hour from civilization and they always ask like anything. I'm like, oh, so just one thing for you to know is that I'm like, fatally allergic to these things. And he's like, oh, not a problem. Like, you don't know that. I don't know if I knew that. Okay. Carried and happy pound with me wherever I go. Are you serious? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I just told them, I was like, I'm just letting you know like that. Just like I tell everyone whenever I go anywhere like I'm going in a boat. I just told them like, everyone should be aware that like if there's a, I'd be like I'm in trouble. Oh, no problem. Fine. We fell asleep like in our, like we were like just out of the, and all of a sudden one o'clock in one of my cousins makes me just, she just set up. There's a bee. I'm like, okay, I'm going to walk out. You take care of it. I walk out. Mind you I was barefoot. Okay. And I see like things on the floor. More bees. I'm like, I almost stepped on it. That would have been a sting. I'm an hour away from a hospital. Like, I'm, oh my gosh, we call the front desk and she's like, he go upstairs. I go up to like a different bedroom in the villa. There's a, like a light fixture with like 30, 40 bees swarming. I was in, I was in a shark tank without the cage. Like crazy pieces of the fall over had an infestation of bees. In the station. And there must have been over a hundred bees in my villa alone on the floor on the deck. And they pretended like they had never seen it before. They're like, oh, it just could be sometimes seasonal. Like maybe you know, you're like seasonally you have 50 bees. That's the only thing that tells. I've we've seen a beard. - Two, you know, that happens. Like, I just suffice. - Right, I've got into a window somewhere. - Yeah, yeah, and we're like, - This was like their home. - I was like, do you breed bees? Like, what's happening? Are you a beekeeper? - Are you a beekeeper? - Where's the outfit? And yeah, I was freaking out, and I don't freak out. I was like, this is petriving. I'm like, I can't even step, 'cause like, what if I step on one? I got, you know, shoes or whatever. I went to the lobby and my cousin packed up my stuff. We called the driver and we left at two o'clock in the morning, and then you were shanned it. - Oh yeah, and then we went to like, it took an hour to get out of the jungle, and then we were like, three, four a.m., and we're like, oh, there's a hotel. Knock knock, do you have a room? No, we have no rooms. Until we found the room. It was insane. - Oh my God. - Well, there's always chaos. Like, there's always chaos. - But one thing that I, like, I love, and I'm like grateful that this is something I've worked on, and it's also like my personality, and it's my family, and I looked for my family, and it's like, things are always gonna happen, and it's all about how you react to them. And like, it was funny. Like, it was, we cracked up, and we, you know, like, there's a lot of ways to look at things. - I love to react with humor. - React is my go-to. - It's the best. - It's my go-to. - It is the best. - Yeah. - Wait, so what's going on with work now? I feel like you have a lot going on. - What's going on with work? - There's, come back down to earth. - Come back down once I can. - I'm just going to be. - We're in the presence. Yeah, you're still with the people. We're still one with the bees. What is not happening for you? - I don't want to stop. - So the funny part is, and so I love doing podcasts, where we're like smack them and all launches. There's a chance we may have to cut this out, but like, whoop, probably not. - Because hopefully, I mean, I sure hope not. - I hope not. So firstly, by the time this podcast is out, we will have announced that we are doing a show in London. - Oh wow, I forgot. - And which he told me that before. That was really exciting. - Yeah, I'm a really strong man. - You've never done London before. - It's pretty much one of the only- - Where are you from? - Okay, Pininna, I grew up five hour drive north from London. - Oh, you love a Manchester? - Gateshead, even more. - I know nothing about it. - Yeah, it's a little town. It's a little, little town. - Okay. - But I laugh at me like, oh, you're from London? That's like asking someone from Barbarco if she's from Baltimore. - Yeah. - Your accent disappeared when you were young. - Adley. So sadly. - Oh. - Yeah, no, it was intentional. - I did your family end up here. Are they the only ones here? - No, no, no. - So all the girls are here by now. My mother's one of nine, so the six girls are here. The three guys, like boys are in ones in Germany, ones in Gibraltar, ones in London. - Oh wow. - Mm-hmm. - Around the globe. - And yeah, and then I'm saying they came here like over time, but we came here because my brother's special needs. And there was nothing there. - Dave, Dave. - How's he doing? - He loved Dave. He's just getting over some sort of virus. - Bye-bye. - And he had like a major surgery last year. - He had a major surgery. So for those that listen, I don't know, and Dave is my brother with special needs. We love him. He's main character in the positive family. He's 33, high functioning and absolutely adorable. This is Dave yesterday. - He's the oldest in her family. - He's the oldest. - Wow. - And there was 20 when she had him. - That's really. - It's a lot. - It's a lot. - Yeah. - Does she talk about it with you? - She does. Yeah, yeah, she does. And she just, that's literally what she'll say. She's like, I was unprepared. Like she was a baby. - She was a baby newly married. Like, and also back then they didn't have like any way of knowing in advance. Really, they weren't scared. And it was just like a big shock. Like, he was born, not free then. - Right. - And whatever and all that. But then they're like, oh, he has like fluid in his brain and he has a very large skull and all these things. And then slowly they realized, I don't know how, like what the trajectory was, but it was very hard for them. But I think that was. - Who's next in the family after? - My brother's family. He's like 11. - And then where do you follow? - I'm next. Are you middle child? - No. I'm oldest daughter firstly. So I was the oldest. - I was the oldest daughter in middle. I will never be middle. No, no, no, no. I have to like count my fingers. I have four younger siblings. - Okay. - I have three younger sisters, one younger brother. - Yeah. - Are you guys all super different? - Super different. I think you know this. - She's like, you know it. - I already know. I love this about my family. We are different as it comes. My family is very, very close to that. Like my siblings are my best friends in the whole world. And my parents always wanted that. I think that's the nicest thing when you're close with your siblings. - It is. - So yeah. And Dave's main character, what should I say? He's the main. - Is he the manager of the family? Like he just like, like, well firstly, listen, like realistically a lot of our life revolves around him. - Yeah. - Like all the love to do because of him. - We move to because of him so that he can have better like education and support. - Yeah. - But like even, and I don't really, I don't think I realize that as a kid, but like, oh, we want to do that for a home mode, but we can't because Dave can't do it. Or like even now, there's some really, really intense. But like yesterday, I had a wedding. My parents both had a wedding. Dave was home and we're like, oh, like who's staying with him? - Right. - Like, he can't be left alone. Like there's a lot that it comes, you know, having someone special needs in your family, like just a lot, there's a lot of ways that it affects you. But I just see so funny. He's so funny. So yes, he had brain surgery last year or the last year. He had like a experimental trial of sorts. Is it called, what's the word? - A trial. - A something trial. What's the word? Not a clinical trial. - A clinical trial. - Yeah, it was part of a trial where they put like, and implanted his brain too, 'cause he has epilepsy to zap his seizures in the moment. It is wild. What they do in 2025. - Wow. - Like, have you seen it in action? - Yeah. - I stayed with him in the hospital when he was a scary or it's like, okay. - Oh, his seizures? Like just the whole thing. So seizures, I feel like, you know what? I feel like it's like we got used to. - Yeah. - I don't know. Like we're just like, oh, seizure, okay. - You're like no, exiled. - Except the one time it was really scary. - Yeah. - My little sister has a cat. And I was, it was a baby at the time. I was holding the cat and he had a seizure and he was petting the cat. And he almost killed the cat. Like he just grabbed it. - He clent, 'cause he clent. - Gosh. - And I'm like, and the cat screamed, and I'm like, what a story. - My brother having a seizure, clenching a cat. I can't, like it was-- - It was too much. - It was still a little much for me at the time. - Thank God she lived. - Thank God he lived. Batman, his name is Batman. - Oh my God. - Thank God Batman lives. He's probably traumatized, but like-- - Wait, so you have a family cat? - No, no, no, no, no, no. - You don't. But like, I don't know how much longer he's gonna stay with us. - How long has he been with you? - I don't know, like a year. But he-- - You're dangerously close to being a cat owner. - No, no, no, I-- - You're like, I have not related to this cat. I have no association. - Yeah. - Like, no. - Okay. - I love cats. I love dogs. I love animals of all sorts. I like to live in my own space without a cat going, literally this morning, 'cause I went outside. And also, I hear like a baby crying, and I'm like, a baby crying, and I'm like, oh no, no, it's Batman by the door. He wants to come to me. - You're like, it's just my cat. - It's just my sister's cat. - No, it's my sister's cat. (laughs) (laughs) - Yeah, I'm not a big pet owner type. I just think it's a lot of-- - I don't see it for you. - I think it's a lot of responsibility that I can't take on. - It's a lot. - Like, we already have four kids. - For me, sure. - Like, I can't have another one that doesn't speak English. - No. - Yeah, it's also, like, we need communication. - There's no communication. - We need to speak things out. We need to learn to talk our feelings. - We need to talk it out. Like, what if I have a problem with it? - What are we gonna do? - Yeah. - Like, it's not gonna work. - No. - No, no, no. - Definitely not. - Yeah, how did the cat come into all the seizures? I don't know. - Seasure is, you said a story about a seizure, and then all of a sudden I was like, you have a cat. But like, this is the type of thing that happens to me. Like, I'll be like, randomly talking about like a seizure. And I'm like, oh, the cat. Like, everyone's like, what is it? - Right, I'm like, you have a cat? - There's, yeah. - There was, there was shot. - There was shot. - There was never a, there was never a, what should I say? - I believe it. - Like, also, there was a cat in our house. - Okay, I actually have a great question for you. It just popped into my head. - Go. - Great ADHD of me. - Uh. - Uh. - First of all, I feel like, have you ever officially launched a full album in one shot? - This is a very good question. - You haven't. - We've never touched on this in any podcast. I'm very excited about this. I've, this is actually wild because, you know, when I started, we're coming up to six years ago, which is like, do you, you remember when I started? - I know you since, I'm like 12 and a half. - I don't even know how old you were, but you had a little recording set up in your house. - Yeah. - And girls would come record. - 15. - I was like 15. - Like songs. - Yeah. - That's going to be a complete. - And you were a teacher. - I was a teacher after that, but yeah. - You were a teacher after that. - Yeah. - And I was like, I'm a panena, like by the way guys did my hair. Like, I think I was like one of your first clients almost, like one of like the first few years. - One of the first, I remember, I remember. Wow. Okay. Time does fly. I started six years ago and I didn't really plan on doing this. Like I was like, oh, I'm going to go and now I'm going to open a page and become a singer. Oh, just like, oh, like fun. It's how I got into like the longest story, but I've never heard it. So we're going to leave it out. But like, you know, and then one of my friends was like, oh, you should open a page. I'm like, oh, it's fine. I've already established it's like, it's Taylor Swift, but for Judy is on the way. - Stop. Stop. But because of that. - Well, that's not. I didn't have a plan. I was like, oh, yeah, I'm going to like release an album in this amount of time. Firstly, people don't realize and you know this is how expensive it is to put out music. It's like, that's true. - Yeah. I wonder by the way, I would love to like challenge people. Like, how much do they think it costs to do a music video? Like a proper. - Yeah. I mean, like they don't know. - I think they don't know. - It could be like 30 grand for one song. - Yeah. Most of the videos I've done have been like 20 grand or more. It's just crazy. Like in my head, I'm thinking back the last few songs that you released aside from this most recent one, you usually release it like at your concert kind of or like right before it. - So we'll always release it. Oh, we didn't touch on the concert right? Okay. That's next. We usually release stuff in this period that's like September to March because that's Well, firstly, Sphere, all that. - Yeah. - You're following the Jewish calendar a little bit. - Yeah. - Why haven't we done it now? So when I started out, I was like, "Oh, I'm just kind of, I wasn't planning on putting out music." And then someone's like, "Oh, IA was like, "Falook, we're like, oh yeah, let's put it in the song." 'Cause I was in the board and I'll never thought it would blow up the way they call it. - It was a COVID. - It was two months after I opened my beach. - It's a smack of love COVID. - To be beginning to come back. - That's pretty recent. - Yeah. - I forget. - Yeah. - But like, IA is turning six, that's insane. - IA is turning six. - IA is worth it. - It's like starting to like get into like, oh, like, you know. - That's really crazy. It really is an iconic song. - Look at you. - It's crazy a time flies. - Like, I'm gonna tell my kids down the line. - I was there. - This was Avram Freed. - But IA, when she touched her and-- - You need to touch her and-- - She touched me because-- - Brachadapi. - It's crazy. And then like, I did a Korean New a few months later. I did that in September. I did never alone next. I don't really know at that point then I did holding on like whatever. But like, it takes so much time. I have a million songs by the way that are half done or fully done and just need to be produced. - Sounds like someone I know. - Sounds like so yet. - Yeah. - It sounds like something you would ever be able to relate to in your life of being very true to a singer. - Exactly. - But it's a, I guess there's two things. Firstly, literally time. Like, I have, I remember we had a meeting in April with my team and we sat down and we're like, "Okay, let's create our, we do this every now, "I regret almost, let's create a trajectory "from now until the next year." I'm like, "Okay, so like one song every month "that my producers started laughing." He's like, "Okay, sure." And I'm like, and then my team was like, "Okay, you forget that like also you're doing this." And it's not like I'm just sitting and putting up musical day. I'm doing private events. I'm doing podcasts. - Okay. We're doing-- - She's booked in busy. - We're busy. - We're very busy. I wrote my choir once a week, which is so much fun and so delicious in the cutest girls in the world. We're working on like a million, like a million things at once and like, "Oh, now let's throw a song until the next." It's just, it's a, but we do need to put out more music 'cause I did just put out a new song and I did it, start to finish in a week, by the way. - Of course you did. - Literally. - Why are all singers the same? I am married to one and he will literally come up from his studio and be like, "Okay, so I'm gonna put this song out on Wednesday." - Yeah. - It's Sunday night. - So, whoever, and I'm like, what are you talking about? And he's like, "Yeah, it's almost done." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm like, "What do you mean?" He's like, "I thought of it this morning." - Yeah. - We're gonna really sit on Wednesday. I'm like, "Can we sit down and have like a plan?" Maybe we could like, "Why would we?" - By would he. - But I wanna say, the plan is great. It's more, for me, I don't usually release things in one week. This was a decision because it was on, we had this song sitting for a while and I was like, "Waiting for the right moment." And when we heard all the hostages were coming home, like everyone's emotions were like, it was like, we've been sitting in like, I don't wanna say darkness, we've been sitting in a very dark time for the last two plus years, two years or so, right? And then it was like the first, like, real bit of like, like we've had a lot of like glimmers. Only this was like, whoa, like this was something we, you know, and we were all, I mean, I couldn't, we were all crying world. Like so, and I was like, now we're putting it at the song. And I literally, this was on "RF City of Dance." - Did you have it already? - We had this song died and I finished recording it or anything. We decided we wanted to do a different music track than what we had done originally. I called my producer and we're like, I was in England with my family at the time. And he was like, what are you landing? 'Cause I said I land Thursday. I went straight from the airport to the studio. - Right. - You were over that. And then I, we pulled this song in a week. - That's crazy. - That was crazy. But no, I think it's an album, maybe, I will say this, an album, maybe, in the near future. - It's just something. - You see us. - You never know. - It's over. - You never know. She might decide tomorrow. - That's coming out next week. - It could be also already decided. We just, you know, it's more about the fact that I'm questioning actually, and I'm back for the whole time, which method works better? - Nowadays. - So it is versus albums. - Like even like a slow release album, which is probably what I'm gonna do. - I feel like that's been people's preference. - I think it just, because I personally feel that I like each song like it's own child. Like it's own story behind it. It's own work. I also write my own music. So like for me, they have real stories. Like I actually just wrote a bunch of songs recently. I wrote a song about grief in the summer. I think it'll come out this year, I hope. - Yeah. - And it's beautiful. Like it touches very, very intensely on grief, but like it has a beautiful, beautiful feel to it. It's written in major. I don't know if you know like, major minor. Major is more like happy sounding, but the words are very like intense. - Well, why was I saying this? I have no idea. Welcome to my brain. - We're talking about a slow release album. - Yes, like I have that. We have some fast songs ready to go. We have a lot of stuff sitting in, we're just waiting for the right time, but I will drop a spoiler. We have our show coming up in Marissa Shaman in just like two months by the time this podcast comes out, maybe even less. And we already put out one new song, but this year we do have hopefully a lot of newies that coming out. Because I have things that are just sitting there. I'm like, okay, let's go, let's go, let's go. So six years ago you would say was the start of you doing this full time? - No. Six years ago I started this as a hobby. I didn't even start, I opened my page. It was cute and whatever. And then people like, I remember I called me time and I'm like, what? - Right, you're like, what am I supposed to do? - Yeah, and I'm like, and I was like, oh, but like, what? I was so, what do I do? - But you have this like whole crazy fandom now. - It's fun. - You really do love my people. - I love my people. They're amazing and you know what's so nice. It's like, and you for sure relate to this. Some people will like introduce themselves and they'll say something and I'll know who they are. - I love that. They'll be like, oh, my handle is XYZ. What do I mean? It's like a unique thing. - I know, and people say hi to me. I love it when I'm introducing myself. - I love it, but I'm always like, wait, tell me your name. Like I literally the first thing on my mouth always if you've ever, if we've ever connected in person, someone will come over and then I'm like, wait, what is your name? Because sometimes I do recognize it. - Yeah. - Sometimes I don't. - And I learn to not feel like a million others. - I always want to make everyone in life with whether it's through it. I want to make people feel good. That's like, I think if I was to do this, I would do some sort of like, stop being people on the street and handing out flowers to them and being like, you look so beautiful today. Like I just, it makes me so happy. - I don't do like those human emotion videos on the street. You ever see those? - No. - They're like literally what you're describing. I just watched a video of a guy who goes around and gives old ladies bouquets of flowers. - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. - Oh my God, I always bought flowers. - I always bought flowers. - My eyes out. - It's like, I still want to do it by the way. Guys, anybody wants to do that with me? Now we're gonna do a whole thing. We're gonna go to the nursing home and just give out flowers from the whole world to be healed. But I love what, oh, so girls will come over to me. Hi, I just wanna introduce myself. You don't know me, but I know you. And that that I get to say. - Let me tell you why. Are you ready for this? I've horrible faces. I've zeroed my memory chip in my brain. It's like, it was pulled out every, it just, it doesn't exist. So literally people will come over and I don't know if I know them or not. And then I go along with it. Okay, I was at a wedding last night, but not. Oh, I was at a wedding. There were multiple people that came over to me that I knew I knew. But I didn't know their names and I knew that I was supposed to know their names. And they were like, how's this has that? And I'm like, what questions do I ask? Because what if I asked the wrong thing? Like if you say to people that I did this to someone, oh, what's your connection to the wedding? So you could try it for the other day. They're like, what do you mean? We have the same last name. Like it's my cousin. Maybe, behave. It's really, yes, the stress. The stress that I love when people, especially people that I don't know or that I've never met in person, you know, whatever. We'll say like, hi, I just wanna introduce myself. So whatever, that I'm, my name is so-and-so, you don't know me, but I know you. And I did that that that that I'm, however, what our connection is. It could be, I don't get, we went to camp together 20 years ago. Whatever it is, because my brain, and then I, you're blanking out. And I'm panicking internally, but my face is like, so good to see you, how's your family? And she's like, what do you say? Like, I'm gonna ask the wrong question. You don't know, yeah. It's okay. Yeah, but it's okay, 'cause we're just human beings. But it's all good. But I love my people, and they're very, very sweet. And they're, listen, I always say that something like, we are nowhere without our people. - Yeah. - No where. - 100%. - Like, I owe them my life. - When I think about how long I've been online. - You've been online for a long time. - I've been online for a very long time since 2016. Look at almost 10 years. - Are we gonna have a 10 year old birthday party? - Maybe. - I think we should. - Okay. - I think it's cool. - Well, I feel like I've been online for 10 years, and there have been people that have been following for me for that long. - Myself and for sure. - Even for sure. - For even some of my friends who like, I don't see so often, they'll tell me like, I don't even need to call you, because like I saw you today. - I see you, yeah. - And I'm like, that is not true. - By the way, I'm like, I'm like, that doesn't count. - That does not count. - No, exactly. - Yeah, no. - But I've been, people also confide in you. They feel very connected to you. - Thank you. - Yeah. - No, it's true. - I've called the vault. - They come and tell you things. - Well, you're saying on Instagram or? - Yeah. - Yeah. - I'm just hoping about the fact that I'm the one to answer my DMs. I always say, every now and then, I'll like, in a Q&A, someone will ask something about it. I'll be like, hey guys, I'm the one responding to my DMs because people will tell me, oh, I've said things. They'll then realize that it was like their social media manager, which makes sense. - Yeah. - Yeah. And it's crazy because I think that music, connects people in a way that like you can't explain that words. Like, I mean, it's funny. I was just talking last night with R.A. And it's just such a funny and like weird conversation. But I was talking to someone else and they were telling me that they feel like music in general, not like as a job just spiritually. Music is like the same thing as like Nubuwa. And that they feel like when they get a song in their head or like a piece of music that that's like coming straight from a show. Completely green. I love that. I don't think I've ever heard that. I've never heard it in that way. And then when I said it to him, he was like, oh yeah, for sure. He was like some songs like for sure. Just handed to me like in my head. It's by the way, it's so true. There were some songs that came. It's not just that. It's also that I believe so strongly in the fact that as a composer or a writer, when you write something and it comes from a personal place for you, it comes through to the listener. Like I have one song that holding on that I believe in a song that I wrote from like a place of like a journey that I had been on, which we could talk about also of like I was in so much pain at the time. Like there was a horrific tragedy that just happened and I was really struggling with how to react to it. And I was like deep, deep pain. And then I was like resolve. I believe in a show. I'm like, I trust. I believe even when I don't know, like I just trust. And like, but you hear the brokenness. And a lot of people talk about that song. Like we, like I hear that song and I feel like you feel my pain with me. It's like one of your top songs. Thank you. I think it's also my daughter Sarah's song. I happen to have a good. It's a fun song. I ask her is that what's your favorite song? I'm like, I can't pick a child. But each of them has their own thing. And that's what I believe in a show. I believe in a show has a certain brokenness that you hear in me. Yeah. That very often people will tell me as a listener. I feel like you are. Yeah. We're like in pain together. And I feel validated. I have crazy stories with that song. What's your sign when you were in cancer classic? Really? Do you not? Well, no, I don't know. Maybe I don't know enough about cancer as well. We're very like. Vicious. Vicious. We can't sit still. I think you can't. No. We feel very deeply in all ranges. So it's very similar to Pisces. For sure. Yeah. I feel like it's because I was going to say so many artists and musicians are Pisces or cancers. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Very interesting. Yeah. But with music, what was I saying? I have no idea. Oh, that they feel reflective. It really is cool. And it's very, very cool because there's something else that was very, very interesting that I I've been on like a major I'm going to journey the last two, three years for sure. Like a moon, I'll be talking all that. I actually have a crazy story and it's so cool to see like when you have a similar experience years later and you're like. So we had two years ago, we were two or three years. I'm not sure we were dealing with like right before a big New York show. No, our New York show is our biggest show of the year. It's a million dollar production. We go all out. I do one big show here. It's crazy. We'll talk about what this show is going to like because it's insane. We're doing things that we've like really never done before. But I see that. What? You always say that because that's the goal. That is by the way. I keep topping it like eventually they're going to just like no. Have you flying through the air on like a trapeze thing? Who's this close? Who's to say we're not flying this year? I don't know what to say. You're going to fly through the air. Maybe a little okay. We're fine. Editor, no, this may get cut out if this doesn't have. And by the way, I'm hoping that it will happen and then and then you'll leave this part. Um, Peno, we're doing something really crazy. What are you doing? We've done and J pack two years. We did Kink's theater. Yeah. And it was amazing and gorgeous. And we said we wanted to change it up and do something that hasn't really been done yet. And we're doing an arena. How many people is that? Like a nice chunk of thousands. That's a crazy amount of people. So it is a lot of people. I mean, we did we did almost 7,000 last year. Almost right because you did too. We did. You added a night after. We did. Yeah. We did. It was like almost 3,500. Yeah. I was there last year. I only missed two years ago because I had a baby the same day. Oh, you remember that? Oh my gosh. I remember. Oh, it might. We might. Yeah. Things like it's really fun. It was fun. It's a lot of it. No, but the arena show had just it's not so much about the numbers. It's more about it's a different experience. Yeah. Like it's powerful. It's very powerful. It's very complex. I'm excited. Talk about flying through the air. You may or may not be seeing things such as that. I don't know. You know, so many ideas. I have so many ideas. Firstly, I saw people like pop up from the top. Yeah. Honestly, I'm ready. We're ready for it. What you're ready for that level of production. It's you know what? We deserve it. We deserve it. We deserve it. We deserve it. You're going to need like a stunt woman. Who's to say I'm not the same. Are you the stunt woman? Car wheels and flips. Maybe they can get you like some sort of surfing. Maybe I can maybe I can be like guys in the summer. I know this kind of story, but I just really want to surf for a moment. And then there's going to be like a water. That would make so much sense. That would be crazy. That would be so insane. Yeah. I'm just thinking of all the crazy things you could do. I'm not putting it past you. But the cool thing is like I just love that there is so many like what's the word just like like there's like an endless amount of options. What you could do in an arena. It's very like that is super important to me because I think that in business you have to keep changing things for people. No matter how great your show was last year. A hundred or if you're not changing things up tremendously. That's why I like that we changed theaters. We like to change things up so that it's a different feeling. They'll always remember how you made them feel. Yeah. Oh, the always are always always. It's very true. It really is. And it applies to all marketing and business. Yes. It says of the marketing guru. Yes. She knows. I do know. He just knows. But okay. Wow. So that's going to be a lot of dating. It's going to be a lot of. It takes the arena. Can we name it that? We want to call it the arena show. The arena show. I love that. It's bizarre. And then it's like funny because I think you're probably the first Orthodox Jewish woman. The perform in arena. Yeah. I think so. I think so. That's pretty wild. At least in the United States. Yeah. And it's like really. It's just it's it's very cool. It's very exciting for me because it's been on my bucket list. And I'm very big on this. I know you are also with like if you want something to happen, you have to really like envision it. I've been planning the arena show for years in your head in my head. What I'm going to do. That's going to look like you have to make things possible in your head. And then you're opening it up for it to happen. If you believe it's not all the Jewish manifestation. It's called very real. It's called a moon of a station and moon of a station. Yeah, I was like, did you make that up? No, no, no, it's kind of genius. It's great. It's great. But it's true. It's I didn't finish the story. I just remember it. What was the story? Guys, welcome to my brain. We're just two girls. That's all. It's too ladies. Just two ladies sitting with pillows behind her back. Just re adjusting in life. Getting comfy. Getting comfy. Guys, we almost came in sweatshirts. I just want you to know this close. Yeah. I loaded cool opinions. Morning. Like, Pinin, are we in like, am I coming in a hopping sweatshirt? She's like, and then she changed sweatshirts like three times once you got here. Yeah, obviously. We would with her new sweater from Perry. It actually has like croissants. Like, if you like this, it's like, just pull out food. I just put the gets from the side. That's something I can never experience. How sad is that? Is it that good? It's that good. No, I mean, you know, it's better. Tuna. When you're on a trip in the jungle, I'm not kidding. We're going to get back to Turkey. Tuna or beef jerky. Oh, um, Wicked beef jerky. Okay. It depends on the vibe like breakfast to an overbeef jerky. Neither. I will not have the breakfast. The breakfast will not exist. The breakfast is canceled. They'll starve until lunch. No until 11. Okay. It also. Oh, here's another thing. I'm not an early morning person at all. However, I'm a vacation. I know about you. I will be up at four o'clock in the morning to climb a volcano. 100%. I'm a different young being. Yeah, because I'm here for adventure. I'm a bit. I'm about that five. Yeah, I can't really. Yeah. Oh, vacation or what? And then I'm in bed at like 830. Right. Also, currently the other day, the other day literally two days ago, I was like, I'm going to sleep early. Am I bed at 1030? We'll go put to AM. Yeah, then I was on my cell seven. That's crazy. My body's like, I'm sorry. You were belling. What's happening? This is not allowed. You're circadian rhythm. Circadian rhythm is I'm like very good from like 2 a.m. And then I like to sleep till like at least nine. That's really nice. It's so great. But also very often. I'm up much like also a lot of people. My team either earn Israel or work weird hour. And so there's that also. But on vacation, I'm up early. And I don't know where I was leading with that because that would make sense. What should I say? She's chaotic. Oh, we're playing a game. Let's play a game. Go for it. I was thinking. I'm terrified. I was thinking maybe you want to take out your phone and we can just come up with a little scenario and give some people a call. Are we making trouble for me now? A little bit of trouble. People make trouble for you all the time. Oh, you're going to call show me and be like, I don't know what to do. Maybe you could help me. Yeah. I was booked for a private event. and then I found out it's a bris. - Okay. - Okay. - That is fantastic. - Calm, calm. And I need you to tell her like, I'm obviously still doing the job. Like tell her like, "I'm obviously still doing the job." - Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. - Okay, okay, okay. I have to be able to keep a straight face. - I know. - Take a deep breath. - No, I'm actually good at it. - And just I wanna hear her reaction. - Okay, hold on. - Let's see what happens. And say like, it would be great if you could come and like be my backup dancer. - No, that's not gonna pull for me. That's, yeah, hold on. - Okay, go. - Hold on, I need to get it together. I'm a fourie-collar. Hold on. - Knocking my deep breaths. - Because I don't wanna laugh on the phone. What am I doing? - I'm gonna face someone. - I'm gonna face someone by mistake. - Okay. - Yeah, I just face someone. Whoops. - Okay. - I'm gonna be great. (phone ringing) - What's up? - What's up? We missed you last night. - You know what? I was so sad I couldn't make it there. I'm really, really, like, it's one wedding I wanted to be at. - I know. I know, okay. I have a very important time sense of question. I don't know what to do. This is probably the funniest thing that's ever happened to me in my life. - I'm sure it's not the best. The funniest, but go ahead. - Okay. - It's really bad. - It's really bad. We got. - Okay. - Now, get nervous. - No, shimmy. This is the worst story I've ever, ever had. I, we got booked for an event. - Yeah. (laughing) - I'll just feel laughing. I'll just feel laughing. (laughing) - I can't breathe. - Sometimes all we can do is laugh, 'cause we're so screwed. (laughing) - We, I got booked for this event. They just told us afterwards. It's a brisk. - Are you joking me right now? - I'm not kidding. - Wait, they wanted you to sing at the brisk? They wanted to sing at the brisk? - No, they wanted to sing at the brisk. And I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I guess it's like something for, I don't know. What do I do? - Oh, maybe it's for the women's section. - There is a mohal, it's a brisk. Like. - Yeah, but the women aren't, if they're chaseed or chavada, they're like in a different area completely. - What do I, like, do I introduce the mohal? Like what do I do? Do I cancel? Like what do I do? I don't know if this is like, - Oh my god, that's hysterical by the way. (laughing) - Oh my god, I think like religious? - I have no idea. - Well, it's very time since I said, 'cause it's impressive. - Do you wanna come back, do you wanna come back me up? Add some hype. - Oh my god. Find out if it's for women only. If the classes are quick, he say. - Well, I only perform for women only, so if it's not for women only, I have to cancel. - Right. - Do you wanna come and sing Brooklyn? - Why is it? - I think it's, well, it's literally, it's next week because they just had the baby. - And the book's ready to pause for the best. (laughing) - Can you imagine? - Find out if it's for the women. - Well, again, if it's not for women only, then I'm anyways canceling because. - I know about, I'm wondering if like, the other friends. - By the way, like, serious, so do you remember one one time I got, they asked me to do, do you know they do a chastantish? They asked me to do, and I'm not joking. They asked me to do a Kabbalah Spanem comes with the call in her friends. - That's beautiful. - That was actually a beautiful idea. Like maybe it's like that type of thing. - I'm telling you, for sure that. - Are you gonna come? - Otherwise, we've got a whole new level of crazy. (laughing) - Oh my god. - Demi, Shemi, we're totally kidding. - You're on a blind date. - I'm just being cool, yeah. (laughing) - No, you're not. - I promise, I'll be a Ruth Pannina, a counselor. - You were five. - You were like, oh well, if it's for women, I'm gonna be a ghost. - You're like, well, baby, it's for the woman section. - Right, that's what I was saying, like. - By the way, Pannina, we're starting a new trend. - A comes to talk to you. - That does a good. - Someone that idea somewhere. - Beautiful. - Beautiful idea. - I couldn't stop laughing when I- - That was serious. - I had tears down my face. - You did it. - You were all holding. - By the way, show this. This is very telling, like, she was so serious. - She was already so just fine now. - Okay, so take a bite of the podcast listeners. What do you wanna tell them? - Come on, cast listeners. When the next press will be out, your next press. - Shimmy will be hyping the crowd and I'll do little comesets. - You have all the babies in the air where your hands up. Hey, let's go. I love you. - Hey, man, is please engent them in. - I need you to do things for the very first. - Ancient days of the very rose dot. - It's fun. - Yeah. - I love that. - I love that. - Like an intro for the baby. - Yeah, it's a new thing. Shimmy, you're gonna start doing presses from now and get ready to get sat. - My name is Shimmy. - Through the arches. - Through the arches comes the baby. - I love that. - Okay, love you all. - I love you. - I love you. - Bye bye. - Bye. - The fact that that worked out, I can't breathe. - She's also, she's an easy target. - Oh, she's-- - We love her. - This very, I'm not a prank call person. I would never, but Shimmy and I could do anything to each other. - Yeah. - No, it's perfect. - It's harmless. - It's harmless. - It's harmless. - Where was the inspaul from this, Pininna? - I don't know, I just had a lot of ideas. - I love that idea. It was a good idea. - You know, I was watching like a funny real of a guy that he cold calls wedding event split spaces and acts out different stories. - Love. - It is so funny. - That's amazing. - I think the video is like another story. - Oh my gosh. - And I guess I find that just beyond hilarious. - I totally hear that. I feel horrible for the person on the other line. - So I don't like prank calls. - But this one, I think instead of prank calls. - It's not really a prank call. - No, this was like a funny situation. - It's not like you're hiding your identity. - Yeah, but I don't think prank calls are nice. - Yeah. - At all of Shandys' prank callers. - At all the people that prank call me at three o'clock in the morning. - Yeah. - That's pretty crazy. - Yeah, I get spoiled sometimes. - I think I honestly, I think people would be too scared to do that to me. - You would be, I should call you. - I would be very scared. - I should call you. - Someone one time ring my doorbell at like 501 PM. And I was like, at this time of night, at this time as we approach the darkness, I was like, it is dark outside. What are they thinking? - Oh, I will know to never do such a thing. - I don't do it. - But I now that we've discussed this, I would love to like star 67 call you at three in the morning, just for fun. - Please don't. - I will not. - I would never. - I would say my phone's always on silent. - Oh, I would never. - So don't. - My phone's all there. - Okay, well here's why I don't like prank callers, okay? Because when someone calls me at one o'clock in the morning, I assume the worst. - Yeah, of course. - Of course. - I see like someone die. - Something happened. - Yeah. - And then I'm like, no, this is why children, we do not call parents of children, we don't call best 10, 30 at night, especially. - I know by the way, I feel like a lot of these things that we lived by, our parents would have killed us. - And they're gone. - Gone. - Gone. - Gone to one. - No one is doing nothing. There is no respect, there's no rules. - Seriously, youngsters. - Like nowadays. - Nowadays. - Nowadays. Wait, let me just pull out like my great wig. The youngsters. - No, it's literally the youngsters. - I was just saying the other day, like they don't live by the whole like, BC not heard. - Oh, there's many things that are different. - I didn't, I would have been a guest to open my mouth as a child. - A guest. - Like. - I love that word, by the way, I'm gonna take it home with me. - You should. - But yeah, things like that. Or like the fact that kids can't be bored anymore. - Wilds to me. - We were so bored. - We loved people. - I literally, I think I stared at a wall. - We were like, please can I be bored? Like we were playing with like pieces of paper. - Do you follow any of the dance that are like. - We were making those little origami things in school. What were they where it's like, you pick out your future husband and your age. - Yeah, you're gonna live or whatever. - My mix of games. - Not just that. There's a bunch of them together, but it's fine. - Yeah. - Like I found an account where they're like, nostalgia, something, whatever. And it was like, the things that we did, like we would just like, like light switches for fun. I mean, not, and then we were told we were gonna cause a fire. - Did you have that? - Or if you turn the light on in your mother's minivan. - Oh, you should get that. - In the puzzle right. - You're gonna get pulled over. Your mother's gonna get arrested. - Jail. - Your father's gonna get it. - Jail. - Jail. Like, we were like, I was afraid of the passenger light in the ceiling for like years until I was an adult driving my own car. - The first time. - And my mom also used to tell me, yeah. And we can't see the road if you put the light on. - Yeah, I don't know where that was. - I was like, this is not true. This is not true. - There were a lot of it things. - Yeah. - But, oh, sorry, sorry. I just unfortunately just let it. - Bashed it. - Bashed it and I'd, we really were so chill doing nothing. - And I think, I don't wanna say. - I love it. I love to be into nothing and just I want to lay. We want to be I want to lay we just want to be and Kizzi's days like five seconds. They arrive home from school five seconds in onboard. Do you know how we sound? Paneera kids these days Kizzi's days we sound only 30 but I've lived a life of 30 years a life of 29 and a half years crazy. I know Wild wild crazy crazy. No, but it's it's really a thing. I know It's just a completely different world which is insane Yeah, it's like scary also like a I moving quicker and quicker I is moving too fast for me. I feel old because I was just talking to someone and they're like oh you have to learn more about AI and I'm like I don't want it like I as a creative person. I like that like you probably love it. Yeah Well, I don't I'm saying not love AI. No, not love AI. Oh, not love it. No, no, no. It's I like Like okay, you want to like preserve the part of you that's not gonna run to AI the second I don't I'm not I'm not anti it. I just think that once you I'm conditioning your brain. Yeah, okay Well, I'm so quick to jump on it when I need something I like to think with my brain I like for my brain to do processes of things You know what I mean? Yeah, like even when it comes to songwriting and Like I cannot say when people are now sending me songs thing I wrote the song and I'm like I can tell by the way I'm like you know my office will ask like could you just confirm that this was not written by AI and Usually is yeah, that's a big thing now But I and the composers I feel like as someone who understands like and It's so connected to like what music is what lyrics are with it like the Yes, you can write a song there. I'm not saying not and I'm not saying Because you never know intent maybe at one day well for whatever is right now. I don't want to be using it I'm so yeah preserve that but like it's just it's not a lot left There's not a lot there's not much saying like I There's the process of like me going through an experience like I have a song that's probably gonna be out by the Coming out around now and it's about gratitude and it's about like loss and then being grateful for what you had and That came from like a real emotional moment for me when like I had lost things and then I like also And rails like oh my gosh, I'm so grateful to have them back and you know that type of thing and It again it comes through because it's a really human emotional experience first is like I asked AI to write a song for me about it I'm not putting down like is AI is just Sucking the emotion out of it, but I'll hear what here's all my main issues. I don't have any issue I don't want to say I like please use it for me personally. I feel like the minute I start relying on AI Like I'll give you a great example rhyme zone. Do you know what rhyme zone is? No, so rhyme zone is rhyme zone calm and you can type in Words that rhyme with bat if you're writing a song and you cannot find the word that rhymes It'll just like it'll give you words that rhymes and I'm like oh like it'll like you know Open up your mind to like ideas. I don't I use that time to time like I'm stuck and I can't buy the rhyme Oh, it's like that I don't mind what I do mind Is if it got to the point where I couldn't rhyme anymore on my own because I was so reliant on rhyme zone and I'm scared I don't want that to happen to me with AI I love that my brain naturally has an experience and goes process it by writing a song like I will be sitting in the song Just comes for me. I'm writing it down and it's an experience and it's a therapeutic process I Would never want that to be replaced by I'm having experience right? Let me write ask a I try to song about it for me I don't want that to happen that takes away my art for me Do you know what I mean? That does actually. Oh for me. That's my thing. I like to and I want to make sure for my Using 50% of my brain power now because of AI Because naturally it just has become so quick. It's in my hand. Yeah, it's true and again It also helps with the money. Oh, yeah, it's so it's literally like having a personal assistant Personal and there are so many things you can do now you can make your own AI. It's very cool Oh see but I'm not telling you that I'm not know but I'm behind I feel like I'm but I feel like Pull up the gray wig again like I'm behind his eyes Someone literally said like oh you gotta learn how to use it and I'm like Okay, but when we don't have time I don't have time to learn about AI. Okay, well, it's good because you don't want it anyways It's not about it want it. I just for now like I like avoiding you are preserving Brain function and brain function. Yeah, good for you. It's a good one. It's like doing my cross repuzzled the same time Do you do that? No, okay. That's good for brain function So I'm just like putting myself in that category now. Okay. I hear that. Yeah, honestly Crazy That's actually one of the top trending songs right now is written by AI. Are you serious? Yeah That's and even my kids know it. I don't know how they know it, but everybody knows it. It's called I run Okay, it's like all over TikTok and it's completely AI the whole thing and it's let one of the top songs right now Yeah, great pretty crazy. We're at listen. We're heading into a changing world. Yeah, once I saw that I was like this is not gonna be the last time. No, yeah, it's pretty crazy Well, I'm actually so curious if like I'm the only one that has this this You on it probably talk to was like I love it. Although it's really interesting because I see it seeping into The art world not just music, but there are now AI I don't know if it's like AI assisted or completely AI Art pieces like Judeca Etc. No, that is made by AI. They are very open and honest about it I just thought it was really interesting was probably the first time I've ever seen that they're open about it that I appreciate Yeah, no, they're open about it, but it was just an interesting. Oh, that is so interesting. It was an interesting change in the world I guess you know, I have a question for you. Oh, man, let's turn words of replace your travel to It's always gonna be Israel now. I just don't want to go anywhere else and I'm not like saying that to be sappy because it's a last I have I genuinely think I had more interest in visiting other parts of the world when I was younger When I was young when I was young When I was young when I was young one But in the last year I've realized that I really just don't want to be anywhere else. Amazing Like I'm just disinterested like sometimes like I'll look and see someone travel somewhere and I'm like oh, that looks pretty or That looks cool or like I want to see that and then I'm like when it comes down to it I totally are I just I I've been slow like slowly not so slowly like losing interest in other places. So like someone says this summer You want to bother yourself. Where are you going? I would love to what is wrong. Yeah, I love that. That's amazing Yeah, I so I do a lot of work. I just feel like it has it all you know, it really does It's more than that. It's at the end of the day It really is like what we fight for like it's just feeling of like and also it just feels like the energy is just so good It really is the energy is so good and you won't get that anywhere else And it's like if I'm going to take time off and I'm going to travel somewhere I want to go Where I feel the best I totally I really do now I I Spend a lot of time in Israel. I do two shows there a year and I know I do sometimes more like I was just there now for another event That was in a public show but And I Feel like I've been more and more coming home and picking up the phone to like my friends I called my manager actually when I came back this time I came back. I was there in I don't know month. We're in It was in October November or something like that I was there and I said to her like, you know, I really want to live there Yeah, and I was like I've and I said to her. I've never said that before. She was So you've actually said that to me multiple times you just keep forgetting because like my remember that's really funny She's like, but how cool is that your cut your scene doing the always battle that way you go you come back And I just we just only to live there. It's funny. So I was discussing this with someone as well a couple of months ago And they were like would you ever consider moving to Israel? I don't feel like you're the type And I was like I may not be the type whatever that is Um, but this is probably the first time in my life that I felt like that was the only place that I would go That's amazing and the only place that I would move after this There's something they let you can put into words you can't put like yeah and the food's amazing whether just to add to it Yeah, foods inside they have really good gluten free food there. Oh, I will never ever go hungry there And first I will gain 10 pounds crispy ravioli ice pecan which is my drink that I'm obsessed with This is like so niche. Okay, I love I love yoli and ice pecan ice pecan is like an iced coffee drink. Oh, I'm thinking of coffee at my coffee Ice coffee During with crushed pecans and you could cry from how good it is I've never had that I'm going to make sure you have an excellent good answer. Okay. I hope to go soon. Yeah same. I yeah That'll be really the countdown turn x trip. Okay, wait shindy talks me more I'm saying here. What I'm saying things you're saying things say more say more I feel like we need to talk about I don't know how many years ago was now two or three years ago We talked about it. See in what capacity look I mean go for it. I'll tell you in a second if we're talking about it or not Are we talking about it or not? I feel like we need to talk about it. Okay, you We're very publicly on another podcast after you got engaged. Yes. And then subsequently that that ended Yes, and then people until this day years later or so asking you when your wedding is I don't need to clear the air. I don't think it's because of the podcast finina I think do they think that that like you even like made a formal it's been announced been just let everyone know There's been almost three years and people are still asking you that in a Q&A. Yeah, I don't know. I it's been years I don't understand people's brains I think it's a lot because people also said to me like oh why don't you take down that podcast. You know why? Because I spoke mainly about other things. I spoke about like positive things. That was just one clip. It was one little like a clip and that they used, but I still hold by every single thing I said in that podcast. We spoke a lot about like positivity, positive attitude, like, you know, that type of thing, laughing through life. And I still hold true by all those things. And I know that people told me after I put out the podcast that it did, it gave them like a new perspective or inspired them. And I'm like, okay, so like why would I take it down? I mean, it's very public knowledge. I was very public about it that I know that I wasn't engaged anymore. And then it was just like, I don't know. But why have you still asked, I will never know. Yeah, I always find it confusing. Confused. Confused. Confused. Confused. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like okay. And then you were also mentioning before that you're on. And I'm gonna journey. Don't look so scared. I'm like, what are we talking about now? Is that all tied in? Subinina knows a lot of things guys. I'm like, Pina, what are you gonna spill to the crowd? No, I don't know if it's tied in or if it just, I think it was before then already, but it's pretty crazy because I look back at like four years ago. I'm not an anxious person like at all. Um, Barakosham, I'm very grateful for that. But I get very like I used to when there's crisis, I used to like not know how to exist in a crisis. And like, listen, I've been through a lot of my life. I almost like laughs sometimes when I say like an organizational hire me. And I'll be like, oh, yeah, I relate because X, Y and Z or the, and I think almost all organizations that have hired me. I relate to it with some capacity. And I've been through a lot, but somehow I've gotten through different parts of my life. Like we went my family through like something a lot of 10 years ago. Denial. Don't recommend it by the way. Denials bad. Don't listen to it. 10 out of 10 don't recommend. 10 out of 10 do not recommend the experience was not great, but it took sometimes to say like our hardest things make us who we are. And it that I think like that was the first time. And I actually say that before that like going back to when I was like a younger child and like teenager, I really had what I considered a flawless life, which is insane. Because I'd be like, oh, you know, especially in this brother moved country, switch schools like that's a lot for good. It is a lot, but it didn't it wasn't it didn't like hurt me. It didn't affect you. Yeah. I don't say it didn't affect me. It definitely did, but I didn't look at that. I was like, oh, my life is so hard. You were in victimizing yourself. Definitely not very in. We are allergic. I don't know if it's my very allergic. Yeah, it's a good it's true. Victimizing. So I like, you know, we went through a lot my family with different experiences, whether it was like my mother's health scare my brother's health scare other things that happened to my family. That like, you know, they said like put us to the test, like really, really? And then it's like how do you come out of it? Yeah. And there were a lot of like, it was a slow, slow, so bad. I look back every now and then I'm like, it was six months before and I'm like, I'm so grateful to be where I am now with the tools that I have now. And I'm such a fan. I'm like, work on yourself, work on yourself. No one is going to change you except for your process for that are you a therapy kind of person. And I think therapy still helps kind of girl. I think number one is communication. I think that's what changed everything for me. Like my family at some points, like when we were on through some things instead of communicating about it, we were just all be experiencing it by ourselves. And then, you know, like I won't put my sister was like the brave one. She's like, everybody sit down. We're going to talk about this together. It changed everything for us. Like this point, we're just we're so communicative in any capacity. Like I lost a very close friend a year and a half ago. And it's affected me in a lot of ways. Grief is a very tough thing. And I remember like there was a certain day that something that someone in my family was like singing reminds me of my friend and I burst out crying. And I was just like, and I was not in the mood of crying. I was not and I remember just like walking like actually I just texted the person and was like, I'm just like, I'll throw him and I was like, I think we're so that reminds me of this person that I just need like an hour and like my family was amazing about it. And like, okay, no problem. We're going to not you have to understand people don't read your mind. And when you communicate with other people, it's just you're just you're all just you're you're making it easier for everyone. So that for sure, I think communicative experience changed everything for my family. Big fan of therapy. I think that the same when we go to doctor and get our bodies looked at and they're dentist and everything like even if I want to tell you, even if I think you're not going for a specific issue, you don't have to walk and say, I have this in this problem when I want to work through it. Yeah. I think therapy is a great judgment and a fish. It's like if you go let's say once a week or once every other, you know, whatever it is, you're just like sitting down and taking stock of like, Hey, this is for yourself. This is what's going on. This is what's going on for me. Could be amazing things. You're realizing and verbalizing what's going on for you. Oh, actually, so amazing. We had this happen and that happened. And or like, this was really confusing that it's just good. Like as a first step, it's good to rehash. It's good to rehash. I think it's important. So that's number one. For me, my big Emu no journey, I can't believe that I always, of course, had Emu no had to tell, but like, how much did I really focus on the idea that everything is in Hashem's hands, putting it into practice, putting it into practice and really like letting it be your existence, be like that. So we were, it was right right about now, like before concert season, we're back and forth between theaters. And I don't know what the exact situation was. But I remember it was scary for me. Like, it was really scary. And it was like, oh, like, if these, and it was one day, it was 1 p.m. And if we don't get this in this answer by 5 p.m. Then this and this. And it was so scary to me. We might have just switched theaters. And I remember I called my aunt and I told her I was like, my aunt was like, on a huge Emu no journey, be 200 and I was like, talk to me, just tell me things. She was like, I'm sending you a time in a voice, no, you have to do it. She sends me the voice now. And it was from Michael Saftee, do you know, Michael Saftee? Yeah. Of course. And he's like, stop believing in people. You think the people are in charge? Like, it's God. It's a shem. It's like, talk to a shem. Tell us shem what you want. Don't talk to the people. Don't open the people. Open a shem. I don't know what it was. I said, I don't know how to transform from that day. I am a different human being. And I will tell you, I had a very similar experience two weeks ago. We had like a venue, a theater for a certain show. We were supposed to do it. We were working for months. Last minute, they just switched everything up on us. They're like, oh, in the end, we can't. And I remember that day was like, okay, what's meant to be will be, you know, what's supposed to happen is the best plan. And that my that was by me for a job is. And I said to her, I just need to take a minute because two, three years ago at the same experience, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. I was panicking. I was anxious. And I'm so calm right now. I'm cool as cucumber. Cool as a gets. And I was like, I don't, it's a different, it's the same story happening again, but my reaction is so different. And I'm fine. I was like, I went into a shop. It's normally like, I went to shop. I was like, whatever, it was happening to happen. And it didn't get resolved right away. And I didn't have an answer right away. And it didn't matter. I was like, okay, like whatever is supposed to happen will happen. Hashem will make, you know, I talk to Hashem. I say, like, can you please help me through this as opposed to being like, put the people, put the people, put them. That's been transformative for me. That's been a big conversation in my life recently. Really? Yeah. Tell me. I think Emu and Abitakhon, they are obviously many times hand in hand, but sometimes you don't get to the Abitakhon part. Yeah. And for me, I think a game changer, especially because I actually am super anxious. Right. This way now. I am extremely anxious, anxious queen. I've been medicated. I've been not medicated. I've been in therapy right now. I happened to not be in therapy. I took a break. I just felt like we do that time to time break, you know. Yeah. And I feel like the skills that I have now where I'm able to ground myself a little better and look at things a little more logically because that's what I need. That's actually lended itself that I really am able to take the Emu and Abitakhon part where, okay, we've kind of grown up believing blindly, right? The Emu and Abitakhon piece. We've grown up in that and, you know, thank God, like that, it works for me. Total. But the action part where I'm constantly was nerve-racked by outside things does not affect me. That's amazing. And it's the best feeling. That's amazing. And some people might say, oh, well, I'm so affected by this and this situation that's happening to me, x, y, and z, and it's happening to me. And I've just kind of removed myself from it completely and said like this person acting a certain way really has nothing to do with me. 99.9% of the time because at the end of the day, God is controlling it all. And I just feel like whatever's meant to be is going to be. And it's not, it's an easy thing to say. Obviously, under stressful circumstances. That's when it's really put to the test. I just had a scary medical thing with one of my kids and I was in a state where I was like, oh my gosh, okay, I hope I'm making the right choice. I hope everything's okay. And Yeah, like obviously I felt that anxiety and I think it's okay to feel it. I think it's okay. It's okay to feel it, but I wasn't trying to control it. I was very-- - But that's what it's about. - Everything that I can do, I'm going to do. And after that, it's really up to that show. - That's amazing. - It's isn't it, but it's transformed. - It's a little bit freeing. - It's so freeing. - A lot of it freeing. - That's, but that's literally how I physically felt. Like I remember the physical feeling in my body, two, three years ago when I went through that experience of like what's gonna happen. I literally felt like I couldn't breathe. - Right, I couldn't breathe. - I used to feel very paralyzed. - Yeah, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I couldn't move. And this time I was like, I literally felt physically like just like literally like flowing. - Sit back and let it happen. - Yeah, it's amazing. Do you feel like you can apply that to other areas of your life aside from work? - Oh, for sure. I'm saying it comes into everything. I've had that with so many things. It's, I feel like certain things are easier than others. - Okay. - In the way that it affects you. Like, you know, I'm trying to think in what capacity would be harder. Like, okay, that's a great example. Well, okay. We also had medical scare in my family like a few weeks ago. And I panicked for a second. Then I said like, okay, that's not panic until we have to panic. That was a good one also. - Yeah. - That's not panic until we have to panic. - Always good to talk yourself off the ledge. - Yeah, great. And then I was like, okay, like everything, well, I have a song coming out. This is the line. Everything will be how I shouts lines it to be. That's like the mantra like that. It's a really crazy story actually. How that came to be like a thing. I would never, I do, I don't know why I never did this by a public event. I probably do it this year at the show. When I, I'm like, well, I'm in front of a thousand people. Like, let's do shahakal. I mean, shahakal is my favorite brahaha because it's the brahaha of amuna. Shahakal may have been ver, so what I do is I will say to the girls like, okay, you guys must get drink. I don't know what shahakal means. And they never, almost never look. Oh, I don't know. So I'm like, let me tell you, it means shahakal may have been ver, everything will be how a shaham plans it to be. Everything will be according to his word, right? According to what a shaham has in mind for us, it's the brahaha of amuna. We're literally saying, we're not saying shahakal may have to have everything will be good. Shahakal may have been ver, all be according to what a shaham has in mind. I actually have a crazy story when I was in, I've done this many times and I was in the zone, Ura's camp and I called up a girl in, I just, I, I, and this is something I speak about a lot. By the way, I like, the line would be like, how did you know? And I'm like, no, no, how shaham literally, I'm, I feel like sometimes like I'm get to be this like vessel. So I was like, this kid neat, so I'm going to have you do it. I, and it's an honor to be a vessel in any capacity. I was searching the crowd of my kids, I need someone to come and say you in the back and I call up this girl. She's like me, I'm like, hey, come, come on, sage. And I asked her, her name was Bruchee. Like, Bruchee, did you ever go through anything in your life? She like starts laughing. And I'm like, okay, whatever. She's like, yeah, whatever. And I'm like, okay, like, Bruchee, like, and I want to ask you like, how would you feel if like your sister planned your life? And she was like, oh, not so good. I'm like, but when we know that like, how shaham that God's in charge, it's a very comforting feeling for us. Because we know that he has the best plan for us. And explain the brach of shahakal. And then I was like, okay, like, Bruchee, like, you're going to like run the crowd. I'm going to say shahakal. They're going to say, I mean, and you're going to lead everyone to say this chant. Everything will be how shaham plans it to be. But everything, it's, it's really catchy. It's fun. That is catchy. And then, and then she was doing it. I was doing it great. Fine. Shows over at the end of the show, the staff came over to me. They were crying. And I'm like, what happened? They're like, how do you pick that kid? I'm like, I don't know. I picked her at. They're like, she need that kid. Lost both her parents turned COVID. And then she like, I don't know. I don't remember the exact one. I think like she was just a gram moved in with her grandparent. Lot like lost her whole family to COVID. And you call her on stage and like, have you been through anything? You know, even she's like, yeah. And like, whatever. And like everything, it was such a moment. It was so incredible. And that stuck with me for a very long time. But this line of like, everything will be our Shem plans to TV. It's again, you're not saying everything will be okay. Everything will be our Shem plans to be in the greatest part about having a moonah, having a betechon. I want to say a betechon even more than a moonah. Yeah. Is that you're you're saying like, I surrender God, I give it up to you, right? That's like another. That's another one of my lines. Are you seeing a comment? I love the red yourself. Whatever comes from somewhere. But like that was a line I always say. Like I surrender, I surrender, I throw it up. I would very often physically throw it up. No, and it's a really cool exercise. I did this once with my audience. And I was like, I want everyone to take whatever you're holding in your life. I want you to hold it physically. And when I say, we're all going to really send it. And I like that. Yeah. Should you do that at the arena? We should. We can all throw the bad energy into the air. Throwing away the bad energy. But it's an amazing thing. It's very freeing. And it's it's it's very 30 of us. It's very mature. Are we mature? We are mature. It's a scary thing. It's really scary. It's crazy. It's really cool though. Where do you see yourself though in like five years? What? It's crazy because we do have to. Like that's what I was saying before you have to have visions. I thought it's I love the word. What's on your manifestation brain? You know, we want to just keep going bigger and bigger. I would love to do some sort of like tour of sorts at some point. Yeah. Or the world or like worldwide. I don't know. What do we think? We've definitely done what I would consider like many tours. We've done like last year. We did like LA, Israel. New York. I got a bunch of different shows just not in the same. Whatever. One day I would love to do that. Like just like the same show and like a whole tournament. I would love to get more music out. That's really important. That we discussed. We want to get that done. I hope I lit a fire under turrets. I think you did. The fire is lit. I brought it up. It's lit. We're working on it. We are putting out new stuff but like I really have to keep putting that you know more and more. I don't know. I have so many. I just want to keep like do you see yourself doing this forever for a long, long time, for a long time. I look good. I haven't free. And I feel like like hello. Ever written at this point, I was I'm afraid that you're like the subtle. I guess for a model. I guess for a model in life because he's so humble and so focused and so full of joy. And he's clearly have a great time on stage and he's so. And he's he stayed. He stayed focused. That's that's important to me. Like I always want to be. Maybe you should write his biography. Honestly, I should. You might want to. You might want to consider that. I really should. No, it's so important. Like I think that's that's and not only have any stayed humble. That's like that's. That's like I feel like in the world of Jewish women singers, especially Orthodox. It's grown so much since you started. Yeah. It's amazing. There's a lot of potential there. There's so much potential. I hope that we just have more and more and more female singers doing bigger and bigger things. Like I keep finding new ones popping up. Yeah. You know, the more the merrier, I don't believe in competition. I don't think there's such. There's literally no such thing. There's no such thing. We're only here to build each other up to support each other and like it's amazing. Do you guys all know each other and have a WhatsApp group? Yeah. I don't know how active it is, but there is a WhatsApp group. Yeah. It's like the hair and makeup industry. Totally. Yeah. We all talk, but that's the nicest thing. Yeah. I know. It's the best. Yeah. I was just curious if you have the same. Yeah, but I don't know that. I guess it's more seasonal. You guys don't like hang out. Sometimes. Sometimes. We do. Right. That's true sometimes. Sometimes. Yeah. We're just all very, very, very, very, we're also guys all very busy. Yeah. But it's very special that like there's a lot of love and support for each other. Like when one of us will do something big, like the other ones will talk about it and that's a very special thing. I think that's very, very special. I know. It's really changing the face of Jewish women to be honest in 2025, especially. It's also giving over a message. I'll never forget. I was once at Brockas Show. I think maybe I was at Brockas Show and a woman came over to me and she said to me and it's funny because like I obviously, yes, this was and of course it was a piece of the intention besides for just because I wouldn't be there for Brockas. But a woman said to me, she's like, I don't think you realize that I'm here with my daughter. Do you realize what a lesson is for my child that you're here supporting other people? You support each other and you do this. It's so important that you're always there for each other and you're always like cheering each other on. It's the best thing we could do. Like I don't believe in like I am like anti bullying and typing. I'm talking about like a general capacity in life. Like I said, I want to give out roses. I mean, people smile. It's all I want to do. A rose ceremony. A rose ceremony. Literally. I want to like, people always say, Michael, did you want to be a singer growing up? I'm like, no. But I'm not. It wasn't like a job option. I was really afraid of saying it. They didn't really, they didn't know. They weren't encouraging it. But no, it was also like hardly existed. But I just knew I wanted to make people feel good. Whether it was like inspiring or something. That was the only thing I knew I wanted to do. And like that's really my ultimate goal. In whatever capacities, whether it means like helping people feel their pain. Like when I wrote, okay, so I have a song called our story that I wrote after October 7th and it's a very, it's a deep song. It's very deep. It addresses pain very directly. The lyrics are intense. I remember when I was writing it, I was like, oh, I can't put this out. Like no way. It's like the air is going to hurt tomorrow. Listen to this. It's like the air is emotional pain. And the world will never be the same again. It's like there's ashes in the sky and the fear that's in my eyes has gotten nowhere to go. Okay, it resolves for sure as most Jewish songs tend to do. Exactly. But it resolves gently. Doesn't say like, we're going to be fine. It's like, we're going to be in a different type of, yeah, it's a different type of resolve. It's kind of like because it's not over yet. It's not over yet. And that's something it doesn't say like, and it's okay. It says like the chorus is like this is the story of who our people are and we've made it through. We've made it through in the past. the last line of minutes. It's a story of our four to two. our trembling hands will write it as we turn the tear-stained pages. Like, we'll also write this story as we cry. It's not saying, like, we're fine. 'Cause we're not. We're really not. But what I love is that a therapist reached out to me, like a week or two after and she's like, "I just want to let you know, I run a group for women that have experienced like severe, severe trauma." Like, really, really, she's like, "We studied your song this week during our session and like, it was validating for everyone." Like, it was a song that's spoke about their pain. And it was like, and it really like, I printed a lyrics for everyone and we were going through each lyric and talking about how it relates to us. And I was like, "Wow." Like, that's crazy. That was very, and yeah, these stories are so fascinating. They are bringing you as a source. What should I say? It was very meaningful. Yeah, that's amazing. Well, like, that's what we wanted to do. We wanted, it's not something. Whether it's through like darkness and addressing pain and validating people's pain and making them feel seen like, "I've been in, like, I spend a lot of time in hospital rooms or with patients and I always say to them, "What do you want?" Like, one patient will meet, "I just want to feel. I want to cry." And I was really hard to feel. And yeah, I feel that. Oh, that's one of my understanding. You know that I am a cold soul. I'm joking. Did we not hold soul? You know that's one of my friends. Did we never discuss this? Because I'm, wow, I've never spoken about this before. Have you never spoken with me about this? I don't think, I don't think about you. I don't think about it on a podcast either. I'm just like not emotionally open. Like, I don't openly cry or like feel publicly. It takes a lot to get me there. Here's my question to you. Because this is my experience. Do you wish you could cry more? Sometimes I have this like little jealousy where I'm like, it must be nice for people like you to be able to feel things. It's not me if I'm wrong. No, no, no, no, I wish. It must be nice for you to be able to feel openly and like feel that safety. So I have a fear to let it out. Yeah. That's how I feel. And so one question that I get a lot is like, oh, we spent so much time in hospital rooms like how do you hold it together? I last week alone so I'm bored. This is so right. But it's not, you know, I'm so compartmentalized to the point of like, but like let's say last week, last week, right brain. I went to six different patients. Each of them their own like horrific, tragic stories. Many of them terminal. I've gotten close to so many kids who passed away. I've also been at many sodas, which is beautiful. Please invite me to all of them guys. It makes me so happy. And I see a lot of them have been at deathbeds. That's really right. I've sung a woman like, there was a woman that was so close to it. And I used to like, I got to know her because I came to sing for her and she was sick. And they the family had called me and said like, we've we're told to say goodbye. And she wants you to come sing. Wow. And I sat around, I sat with her family, all her sisters and her mother in her hospital room holding hands. And she was like, in out of consciousness at that point. And I, I said, you know, what do we want to sing? And they said, can you sing never alone? And I sing it. You have to think of these words at a deathbed. Yeah. Like I am behold sending an angel to accompany you on your way. I will, I know you will protect me and you'll watch over me. And that's super emotional. It was it was sobbing. Like can you sing that? I sing it five times in a row. You were okay. Five times. I holding it together. Oh, delete. Composed. She passed away within 24 hours. Wow. Like, you know, like a few. And it was a very heavy thing to be at. That is really heavy. I remember calling Klailei, I find trauma counselor. And I said, I need help because I shouldn't be okay because what I just witnessed, the problem is I have a theory that first of all going back to the fact that I had denial in my system back then. Listen, I also cry. And I have those moments, you know, I just a little more rare. There's yeah, like a lot, I have a lot of people in my life who like cry from everything and I think and I wish because crying is feeling. Yeah. And it's really I want that. I really want that I wish that I could just feel right away. It's just a little bit of like, it's the armor that helps you do the job. So that's what that's what it is. That's what I discussed with them. It's like, when I walk into a hospital room, my job is not to feel my job is to support my job is to uplift everyone in the room. And if I'm going to fall apart, then I'm not doing my job. That's so true. You know what I'm saying? It's the same thing as going to a Shiva. Yeah. It's very similar. It's hard to sit chava as I have done. I know. It's hard to sit chava and have people openly displaying emotions. Yeah. And you feeling like you have to hold them when really they're there to hold yours. Yeah. Exactly. It's hard. And I feel like when I walk in my job is to be a rock and to kind of hold the room together. And very often, I'm saying I go out a lot of little kids. So I'm just there to bring joy and take them away from their pain. So me feeling and delving into what's really happening in that room is not beneficial. That's always by the way my line is this beneficial to people in life. Like when I post on Instagram, I will only post if it answers the question, is this beneficial to other people? If it's only beneficial to me, I'm not posting it. So the same thing like when I walk into a room, is it beneficial for me to fall apart? No. No. It's not. And for whatever your body learns. And then it's like, well, we don't fall apart. We don't fall apart. And then it's like, but I want to. And I've had times when I, well, I know, you know, I explained it actually to someone recently. I said, I feel like you have a ball of yarn sitting here. That's like a motion. And like most people have just like a door. And it just opens up and you like, just pull the yarn out. I have to like find a loose thread in my elbow and just like, and like have to go through the back entrance. Yes. Or the side entrance. Literally. And like, oh, I know how to access it because I know there's like one or two songs. If I play those songs, I will. I will cry. I will cry. I will go. They're hidden. You have to sell their secret songs. I don't even know what they're called. I'll send them to. I'll put it in the notes. But it really shandys crying. He's crying. Everyone has a crying song. I think so. If you did not have a crying song that you looked at the window and cried to, are you even are you even a teenager? All right. Yeah. Well, it didn't didn't happen. But like for me, I know how to sometimes get there. But I don't like that I have to do that. I wish. And I'm working towards it that and again, there are many times like I'll say I'm at a Levi and it's not my job. Sometimes it could be your biggest strengths. So, you know, right. So someone that's made recently. She's like finding where you need to be. That's such a great strength because I wouldn't be able to go into hospital. I'm going to hold it all together. So I can't do what you do. And I'm like, right, I do hear that. I do. I do. I do. And I feel like you'll come to that as you mature as you mature. No, I'm working through it. We're working, you know, I want to I'm a work in progress. I want to always keep working at it. And there are times like like I remember after October 7th, I didn't cry right away. And I remember saying why am I crying? I only cried right away because I was pregnant. Oh, that that does it. That does it. Yeah. Yeah. And it took a song for me to it was like an Israeli song. Actually, it's called katana. Lainew. And it's like about how like this like we're bigger than this. And we're going to get through this. That's what's that and writing our story is what really like got me to bring. But it took a long time. For a few days, I was numb. And I couldn't I you know, it's interesting. I was angry. I was angry. And I remember asking a therapist why my angry. And she said something brilliant. She said anger is sadness. You can control your directing it at someone. Yeah, you're looking for someone to blame. Yeah, it's like, well, oh, so I was angry at the people that did this to our people. How dare you do this to us because then I'm blaming them. And it's more I have more control. And the feeling of sadness is completely lack of control. You're just feeling sad. There's nothing to do about it. And it's like, oh, and it's it's so but I worked, Varsha, I worked through that a lot like Varsha, I'm not an angry person at all at all at all, which is why I was like, why am I feeling angry? What's going on? You know, but sadness is hard for me to access. Which is again, has its plus sides. Yeah, but it's going to say you're going to see. I feel like also when you go through certain things in your life and you've had to, I just be strong, be strong. And you know, then it makes you it like, it's good and bad. There's going to bad to everything. It's amazing. Crazy. Thank you for joining me. Thank you. We went through so much wormhole black hole. We have to have a lot all the way down here. Totally. And what we'll see you at the show. See what the show are excited for that. Obviously before that. No, no, no, that's a few months away. You will definitely see before that possibly over some good gluten free tuna. A tuna packet and some rice. A tuna packet and some rice cake, girly pop. I love it. Thank you for coming. Thank you for having me. This is a funness. I love the funness. This was so fun.