Seth MacFarlane + Howie Mandel (Carolla Classics)

Welcome to Corolla Classic, I'm your host Superfan, Giovanni. It's the podcast. We play the best moments highlights and fans like to clip small 17 years of the Adam Corolla show. If you'd like to access the ad-free archives of the Adam Corolla show, as well as the Adam Doctor Drew show, and the newer podcast, Be It Out. Make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack, AdamCorolla.substack.com. Sign up, subscribe, and listen ad-free. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us at classicsadamcorolla.com. For your lots of requests for the Kale Sex Adam Corolla show and love wine, two shows I'm remastering currently, both of which for over 20 years, lots and lots of work. If you'd like to hear any of those clips or want more information, check out my Patreon, patreon.com/geovani, where we're not able to air those clips in this feed. If you come find me over on Patreon, I'll be fine with what you need. Now onto the clips. Come up first, we have Adam Corolla show, 1590. This will be Trent Doctor Drew, Joe Coy, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop, live on stage in 2015. Check it out. So much more for showtime, press nothing, they're free, 24/7. That is so f*ck. On Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. You can tell things are boring by this silence. You don't have to notice, they don't have to say it's boring, they're on stage holding a microphone, and we're not hearing anything. I get it. I get it. I get it. That thus will draw the conclusion of bored. Good. All right. Good to listen. Let's do one more. Holly Carso has a question from Westковina. Holly Carso is a possible hot name. Oh, there you are. Yeah, there you are. Okay. Listen, is it different than a. If you can't do Stacey Oakley, I'll take a Holly Carso. Yeah. Yeah. Like I said, Gertrude Bort, we need to see a picture. Stacey Oakley, no picture. Holly Carso. Holly Carso, thank you. There's a couple of follow-up, you know. But if you've out, if you've out for, if you've out for, yeah, there's like two follow-up, something, you know, there's a cup size and. Should we know anybody who knows her, but we're still in. We're still in. What's the liberty that she looked like? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right. She wants to know, she got married in August. You paid $146 for her dress. Sweet. Nice. Here are. How much weight can she gain per year? Guys, the limit. Well, true, I've said. I forget your formula, but go ahead. The formula is. Well, first thing I'm trying to avoid is the $3,600 on the dress that will never be worn again. So that's the first thing I'm attempting to avoid. Yes. By the way, you know what the number one argument to the $3,600 dress never going to be worn again? One day our daughter is going to walk over. Oh, good. It gets worn twice. Yeah. Over the span of 41 years. Wow. What a bargain. I'm quitting my job, baby. We're on Easy Street. We're moving to Maui. What's that lake in Italy that, like, Como and a good Clooney Scott. I'm buying the lake kicking his ass off, man. This is going to be awesome. Number, so, so a couple things. First off, here's how I know this isn't going to happen because you are not wearing your mom's dress and your mom fed the same line of bullshit to your dad in 1968. So that's much we know. Number two, nobody wants to wear the cheese encrusted out of style. Well, let's face it, no one wants to wear the cheese laden way out of date wedding dress that smells of fucking mothballs and failure. That you're divorced, now divorced mom. War back in the 60s, right? Yeah, absolutely. All right. So the rule, because I'm feeling generous, is a thousand dollars is what you can spend on a wedding dress. Okay. If you would like to exceed the thousand dollar limit, you may, but for each hundred dollars you go above it, you must fit your fat ass in it for one year. For each hundred dollars one year. You want to go fifteen hundred five years, you've got to fit into that dress. I'll give you a pregnant with triplets. We're getting in there. I say it's the only time a woman would bulk up for the wedding. She'd really be packing on the carbs. We'd wake up like two nights before the wedding. She'd be making a peanut butter and banana smoothie in the kitchen at like three AM. She'd be like, "Sweetie, what are you doing?" I don't know. Got to fit into my dress. Try to stretch it out. I got expensive dress here. Yeah. So what, 186 on that? 147. 146. 146 on the dress. Nice. You can make up this up here. Do you think? Can I ask this? Let's be goddamn honest. Is there, could you tell the difference between the hundred and forty-six dollar dress and the forty-six hundred dollar dress when you're standing? She says sitting or whatever. 146 implies like what thrift your second hand vintage kind of thing? Dead new. Not jewel and crust. It's something simple and taste. But simple and taste. What's wrong with this? I mean the other thing is is if you are not an owner, if you're a renter, if you live in an apartment, I got like $7,500 bucks as the cap on the wedding. You can't be spending $31,000 on a fucking wedding. Make no sense. Well, we even don't make any sense. It's the one day to really not make sense. You know what I mean? Like most days people are going, "Are you crazy? I'm driving." No, you sit over there. You don't make sense. But for that one day in their life, they get to not make sense and get away with it. I went all the bridesmaids to wear a dress, pick and pick in a color that makes them look fat. It's my day not to make sense. I'm going to spend a whole shitload of money on flowers that are going to throw away 20 minutes after this fucking thing ends. My day not to make sense. Then they get together with their other friends who don't make sense and they explain to you why you're getting a deal. Like I'm like the floors to $3,300. Hey, we're getting a deal. Really? What universe are we getting a deal for flowers for 32? I bought three pickup trucks. My first three pickup trucks didn't add up to $3,200. Hey, it's my day not to make sense. And my friend Jodie Sweating, they spent, they always see, they find some crazy friend with some eccentric rich hedge fun dad who decided to literally cut down a hedge and fund it and spent, "Thank you, $8,500 on fucking dead plant life." And somehow I'm getting a deal now because you have a crazy rich eccentric friend. By the way, this whole, this whole fucking scam were, well, the father of the bride. Yeah, he lives in a trailer and he's out around Valencia and he didn't contribute shit. And neither than anyone in my family, I paid for the whole goddamn thing. Well, he planned on paying for your daughter's wedding? Oh, I'm gonna be screwed. Now, I should if in the dad didn't pay for my wedding. So Lynette's dad did not pay for our wedding. I should get grandfathered in on a clause, right? Sorry, sweetie. It's a family tradition now. But daddy, you sold Mangria for $200 million. Yeah, life's a bitch. Yeah, I should now, right? I should get the kick back, right? Put it in writing now. Yeah. Holly was the rest of your wedding. So, no, I was gonna say your day not to make sense, but didn't it make sense? You did what? On the food. No, the place. Oh, the place. Yeah. The place. I thought she said the place to put it. Yeah, maybe there's a palette issue. The venue. And maybe it's not just the cuisine. What kind of venue was it? Oh, you know what you did? You rent a place out or did you know somebody or a rent place? So you spend the money where you shouldn't spend it, right? The dress. And by the way, the dress is the present that never stops giving and that it needs to be put in storage. And now you have to pay for the store, especially sealed. Yes, to be sealed and put somewhere with some sort of monthly payment so that no one can ever wear it again. By the way, the video, I used to say the video is an insane waste of time because you never dig out that video and watch that video. The only time you watch that video is after the divorce when you're sitting there with the bottle of Jack Daniel between your legs and your underpants and you're seeing if you get your big toe onto the hunting rifle trigger, where you are. That's the only time you watch that video. I've seen enough movies to know that wedding video never comes out until the cops been divorced. Yeah. So it's here drops. Right. Whatever she bought it hang gliding accident. It's always never good. No, it's never good. It's better sweet at best. It's better sweet. All right. Let's do let's do one more. Dr. Cruz got to hit the road. They're pretty central rhythm. Oh, yeah, do. Where's Fernando Saldana of Azusa California? Azusa. Yeah. Okay. Fernando. So Adam. Yeah, hold on Fernando. I will throw myself off the stage like Ann Margaret. If you do not know the Abba song. And Margaret fell off a stage in Vegas. It's 72 70. Could have been 77. You don't know more timely references. Find the story Gary. Throw me right. Um, I will. You know the song Fernando by Abba, right? Okay. Thank Christ. Because when people have a song with their name in it and they've never heard of it, it drives me insane. All right. All right. This question. So Adam. Yeah. You shower with only hot water and I have started taking your advice. Oh genius. But, you may have it. But, but how hot does the shower need to be? Are we talking being able to soak your cock and balls for 30 seconds at a time? Because when I turn up the heat, I got to turn it down real quick. Please help. Resolation points. Wow. Can I say this? Uh oh. Why does the hot water and either your house or and we're going to get back this fucking dish washing thing? Oh Jesus. The hot water at restaurants. If we're going to wash your hands at a restaurant and your fucking skin comes off because or or it's cold. One of the others. Yeah. No, when you turn the hot, it's, too, when you go for the hot, it is way too fucking hot. And I have the same thing at my house, which is way hotter than I need it to be. I don't know why there's something about dialing it in that makes you feel magical, like cracking a safe, you know what I mean? Yeah. Stethoscope up to the safe. Yeah. Yeah. He's one of the best shower men in the business. One of the best second story shower guys in the business. Not a wheel man. He's a shower man. Yeah. Yeah. His back sack is so sensitive that he can back sack. Yeah. I again, just the hot water, just the just the hands through the hair, just the 30 second rinse is all I all I got. But I will say that a little that doctor fugly's a peppermint soap on the dr. Bronners. Yeah, well, people bring soap into my home. I said, I don't purchase. So once in a while, when I'm napping or out of town, it makes it in, you know, it magically smuggle it into the shower. Yeah, but you can do 10 minutes on dishwashers because your dishwasher bought the farm. My dishwasher is dead and it's awesome because I hate fucking dishwasher. She was like, what? It's awesome because every night I sit there and I watch my nanny or my wife, mostly my nanny. Stand over the sink with a sponge on a plate with hot water coming out of the soap and often soap doing the thing, rinsing it off and then instead of the move where she puts it on the rack to the left. She bends over and fills the machine and then fires the thing up and it feels like that thing runs for two hours and basically could power the continent of Africa. The fucking two hours of the water, and then at a certain point she opens it and the plume of steam comes out and fucks her hair up and then. There's always a little controversy to are the these clean. I can't tell if it's been one better be safe. Put them in for another one again, but again. Here's why I can't tell if they're dirty or clean. They're fucking clean because you wash them in the sink. Then they put them in and then they have to bend over and unload the machine two hours later and I'm like, there was a point in this dance of the tarts. Where you were standing over a sink with hot water running upon the plate and a sponge where if you'd give it an extra 1.7 seconds, you could have just put it over here that she'll not do that she'll not do no. No, why don't you just take the kids throw a fucking throw cannonball in their underpants and toss them in the pool because that's that's what you're saying. And I'm like, I don't know why we're doing this. Why are we doing this. Well, here's some goodness. The washing machine broke. Yes. And as we've safely established the only time anything around the house ever gets fixed is when law fucking does it and guess which fucking wall doesn't want this piece of shit box that steals my energy and my water and my soul. Guess who doesn't want that thing fixed Adam wall. Adam wall. That's right me. So I ain't doing shit about it. And that means it will never get done because as we've established. I have to do everything. It's going to be awesome. What if a new dishwasher turns up. I'm tickled pink. It won't just what if that was. I don't want to say this because it's part of my plan. I don't want to let that to hear it. But I will I will if there's any talk about. Hey, when is that dishwasher? I'll do the I'm looking at a couple on Amazon. I'll get back to you. I just bought myself six months. I just bought six months. You understand. Yeah. Yeah. Now I'm already a week in and they're just putting them on the rack like a fucking told them to do my whole life. So now I have a little muscle memory going. And it's a history. And I think we can just fucking ride this one out. Did the Corolla household have a dishwasher. I got it. We used it a free standing one. You push around the kitchen. My mom had the one on the four casters. My kitchen was as big as my fucking fist growing up growing up my house. I just told you hold on. You had a tough childhood. I don't know what I don't talk about. I don't like to complain. I don't like to verbalize it. My childhood. But my house that I grew up in in North Hollywood is now been sold and sold to a person who is going to bulldoze it so that they could build a real house in its place. That's how bad that house. I got pictures of before it goes down. I got pictures of it. All right. Okay. They much to take a picture of. It's 900 square feet of shit. I want to see your your your stepdad's cool tool chips. Chained to the wall. I want to see those pictures like that. When I moved out, my room was turned into a storage closet, which it was to begin with. When my sister moved out, her room was turned into a storage closet. They're both returned into snow offices, not guest rooms storage for what junk that will never see the light of day. I can't imagine your parents accumulating a lot of things. My stepdad has a couple of tool boxes. And you know, when they go to Costco, they buy a few cases of, you know, whatever's sparkling citer or something and throw it in there. That's what my room is being tool box got a monkey ranch, a couple screwdrivers and it's a pantry. Maybe it may be a rocket set or something and he chains it. He chains it to the. All right. Okay. Got damage room. I'm going to cry. I can't see you crying. Okay. Tuna is a tuna. There's a four by four post that is in my sister's former room because my grandfather built her a loft bed because there's not enough room. The footprint of the room is not large enough to put a small bed in. Right. So he put it above ground. So my sister could have a dresser in there. And my stepdad takes his toolbox with these $40 worth of shitty tools in it and chains it to the post. Now he always says it's so somebody breaks in and reach $40 worth of shitty tools. But I always assumed it was to keep me away from from the tools. But anyway, they're quirky. They're quirky groups. It's delightful. It's like a romcom. Yeah. Yeah. My mom's kitchen was much smaller than the stage and not well laid out at all. But in it was the mobile dishwasher on the forecasters that had to be pushed to the sink and then hooked up to the sink via the retractable hose that was in the back of it. And it was just to be like if you took the like if you took a kitchen that was in a small boat and somebody just put a coffin in it. Like that's how much sense it made to wash the dishes except for she never fucking cut. Other than that, it was a great idea that she washed her bongs and there anything. She didn't use how dare you. I cherish that woman. How dare you attack her. Wow. Wow. My mom smoked a dooby and put it in what's called a stone. I don't know. Stone is like somebody was making a Swedish meatball of clay and squished it with their two fingers right at the end. But first they They poked a hole in it so they could put a doobie in one end of it. Can you smoke it through this thing? Yes, it's-- Oh, that's one of the things I tried. Yeah, let me show you what it looked like. Yeah, there could be no more intrusive device in these very small kitchen-- Is this the kitchen? Is this your room? No, my kitchen was smaller than this kitchen, and we did not do still photography. [LAUGHTER] Right. I'm surprised. Yeah, so in lieu of using a roach clip, you use a stone. OK, you heard it. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Coolest equipment in the 70s. Yes. All right. We have the news. We have Joe Koy. We have Dr. Drew. When Drew, what time is it? Jeez, you-- what time? You've got to go. You've got to go. I've got to go. All right, hey, I'm going to be a plug. Dr. Drew, everybody. Yeah, all right, buddy. [APPLAUSE] The podcast, the Adam and Dr. Drew show, new episodes Thursday and Sunday on iTunes. And the TV show, Dr. Drew, on call, everybody. He's dreamy. And that's Monday through Thursday, 9 p.m. Eastern on HLN. website, Dr.Drew.com. All right. Joe Koy is going to join us at some point. But until he does, I think we can jump off with the news. Shall we do that, Gina Graham? The Adam Corolla show. Your source for the news that matters. Four random stories that piss Adam off. Well, I'm going to start on a little bit of a down note because it was a big occurrence today. The driver of a truck accused of causing a train derailment Tuesday morning that injured nearly 30 people for critically was arrested on a felony hit and run charge. The train hit a vehicle. It was a truck and a trailer on the tracks and caused many of the cars. I think all of them actually did topple over. And one was in the street. Do you think there's in 2015, or just in general, there's an inordinate amount of, well, my car was just on these train tracks. I don't feel like I figured it out. Ever in a situation where it's like, well, the arm wasn't functioning. Yeah, but your right footwork didn't it? Don't you feel like you're four feet away from a birding any catastrophe whatsoever? Like, why is there so much? Well, the car was stuck. Or we were trying to beat the-- Why is there so much of that? Train tracks are not posed that big of a problem at this point. And this one was actually worse. Instead of going over it, I think he thought it was a road and went parallel. Took a left on the train track. Oh, so we should literally-- Yeah. Oh, man. And it was dark, too. Dark, it was 5.55 miles. And trains just have that single light. Yeah. So he's like, oh, there's some pussy on his head. Well, Pat wants to play chicken. We'll see you everybody. I hope you've got more than 80ccs in that Vespa. Because I'm about to run over your ass. It's a Ford F-250. King Cab, all right? Not a 150. I'm coming right at you, boy. This scooter has a cow catcher. Yeah. This here's a shitty stretch of road. And they actually found the guy wandering two miles from the crash, just kind of what the fuck just happened. Of the guy who abandoned this? Yes. Yeah, he abandoned. The time it takes to abandon something-- isn't that the time it takes to turn left? It's ever a situation where you just like you're at an intersection or you're anywhere or you see a guy like you're on the freeway. It happened to me. I was driving to work today. I was on the freeway. And another guy on the one-thirty far, Ford started to merge into my car. I didn't abandon the car. I didn't roll down the passenger window and just do a shoulder roll. I steered a little bit the other direction. That's avoided, the guy who didn't see me. But I never just jump out of the sunroof. So you're questioning the logic of the guy who turned left and drove down a train track? I am questioning this. Yeah, it may have been a little bit out of it. But I am saying, you know, this is like, you know, it's not true lies. And you're not fucking Jamie Lee Curtis. And we're not on a fucking bridge in Florida. Take that shit, bitch. It's slightly more timely. It's a much more timely, slightly more timely. We're getting into this century. Yes, all right, all right, sad. Did you guys see there was a car chase yesterday out here? Did you guys see that story on the news? What drives me fucking nuts is these things? They go, it started 90 minutes ago in Northridge. And now they're in, I don't know, fucking Redlands. Why is the protocol just to follow slowly? Well, why is it? I don't know because at a certain point, it's like they got the helicopter on the guy and it's like, oh, he's running some traffic. Oh, he's driven over the lane. He's driving an oncoming traffic. And you're like, how fucking pissed would you be if 90 minutes ago some junkie got into his pickup truck in Northridge? And then it's an hour and a half later. And you're in fucking Redlands with your kid. And oh, head on collision. Like, fucking knew something, which it cops? It's not the cops fault, it's a fucking attorney's fault because if the guy shot out the tires, the guy would fucking sue for damages and the state would have to ward him or the city or whatever it is. The cops can't do anything but follow the guy, which is not helping the person he's gonna run over. I had a, I was at home when I lived up Beachwood Canyon. Beachwood Canyon goes up to the Hollywood side. And Beachwood Canyon and Hollywood land area as it's called, is there's one way in and there's one way out. And I was in my house and I think Ray or one of my jack up buddies called and was like, hey, turn on the news. There's a high speed chase coming right up your street. And I watched the helicopter, I was watching the news. The guy walks, the guy drives right up Beachwood Canyon, turns onto my street. I go outside, I see him drive by my house and I think to myself, well, there's only one way out of this. It's coming back down West Shire Drive. West Shire Drive is a loop. - The way you got in. - Yeah, the way you got in. Oh, no, there's an exit that it goes back to Beachwood. But it just makes a big loop. It's fucking nothing, Joe Koi. Love you buddy. Let's go with the, Joe Koi. The cops aren't stupid. We're talking about car chase protocol. There was a big one yesterday. And what they're going to do. Joy Koi. They're going to block off the bottom of Beachwood Canyon and then this thing's going to be over. Oh no, looped around, went down Beachwood, got on the 101, drove off to the one, what stayed on the 101, drove to Northridge, got off on like Devonshire or something. God, two hours later, the guy was out of his truck and running through like a senior living home. And I'm thinking, what is the plan? This guy dies a fucking old age. Or just like, he's going to wait it out. He's got to stop. Eventually, he's going to need to hydrate. He's going to need to rehydrate. And he's going to get peckish. And that's when we make our move. Thanks cops. Let me tell you, who else can follow a guy? Me. I don't have a gun. I don't have a squad car. I don't have a ton. I can follow the fucking guy. What do we fuck we need you for? We're just following the way he runs out of gas? Jesus Christ, so Gary, whatever happened, I hate you. I hate to say this, Joe, boy. Asian drivers? Oh no. Because that chase had been over, like 10 seconds. Why am I even trying to outrun anybody? Yeah, no, they don't try to-- The Asians in general don't try to elude. Catch me if you can, cops. Yeah. Oh, shit, I've been caught. They do not-- they do not attempt to elude the cops, you know what I'm saying? Like, when the cops pull the Asians over, it's like, you realize how fast you're going? I can't even see the dashboard. Yeah, you were a pole dover because you were doing 18 and a 55. Well, then I'll slow down officer. No, no, no, no, you're so sorry. No, no, you're missing. I just made this car. All right, you may be missing my point. Uh-huh, uh-huh. 55 is a speed that we've-- Wow, what are you driving, a rocket? 55, you know, a Prius can easily do 55. What have I ever hit that speed before? Well, that is-- Unless I'm going to the future. I have not seen that Michael J. Fox movie speaker. Very good. Are you a fan of the Dolorean? I love Dararia. Dolorean? Dar-ar. Dar-ar. Dar-ar. Lauren. Lauren. Dolorean. Lauren. Dolorean. It's a Dolorean. Dar-ar. Yes. Very good car. The Dolorean. That's enpurious. Yeah, yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's made of stainless steel. Ah, stainless steel. Yeah. It's a Dolorean stainless steel car. That's true. Yeah. Absolutely. Maybe we probably digress a little bit. Anyway. Yeah. We digress. Can you say digress? Digress. Okay. All right. Let's not digress. All right. The point is this. Uh-huh. Speed limit. Uh-huh. Posted speed limit. Yes. 55. Oh, my God. Yeah. Wow. No, that's-- Oh, wow. - You're missing-- - Too fast for you. - Yeah, no, I think-- I think you're missing my. Hold on, everybody. You're maybe missing my point here. Maybe I'm letting my inflection is wrong. Can you say inflection? The inflection. Yeah, okay. And maybe I'm putting the wrong emphasis on the wrong syllable. Oh, yes. Okay, you know the red rocker Sammy Hagar? Oh, yes. Sammy Hagar? Sammy Hagar. Yeah, okay. Van Herren. Right. Van Herren. Her? Hair? Run. Van Herren. Van Herren. Oh, hey one, right. Yeah. Before that, he was on his own. Okay. Solo. Oh. He had a song called, "I Can't Drive 55." Neither can I. Yeah, no. That's. No, that cannot. He knows something we all know. No, no, no, no, no. Who's that? No, he was that. No, he was. He's telling everyone to slow down. No, he was. Slow down. No, that was. I can't. I can't try 55. Who touched? He's a record. So much safer. So much safer. The. The gist of Sammy's song was that 55 was too slow for him. Oh. Yeah. See, 55 saves lives. Makes no sense. Yeah, so. Anyway. He can't drive 55. Yeah, he can't because he's 18. No, no. Okay. Look at all the car behind me. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're angry. Look at all of them. I know. Not one accident. No, because. And you give me ticket. No, I'm an asshole. I was. No, no, no. I drive for two and a half hour. 5,000 mile an hour. I went. I'll hold on a sec. Get out. Start running. First off. I go 18. Look at this. Like a parade behind me. Everyone. Get to work safely. How long? You don't even have to wear seats here. How long would it. Have you driven the San Diego? Yes, I have. How long did I take you? 14 days. 14 days. 14 days. One of the best drives. 101. We'll see everything. Wonderful. But for most people, it's a two or three hour drive. P-C-H. Oh, beautiful. Just drive one time. Have you ever driven to the. 14 days. You from the Bay Area? 18. Just a parade of cars. Have you. Yeah, that's one of the. R&D number one. R&D number one. R&D number one. The middle finger. You drive by. R&D number one. You don't understand culturally. I don't believe what. How we do things in America. The middle finger is not number one. It's the longest finger. And it says R&D number one. They point at me. And they say, "Yo, number one." And I say, "Thank you, yo, number one, too." And I get it right back at 'em. It could be a sign of respect where you're from. But here, no. Are you Asian? Have you have any relatives in the Bay Area? Oh, lots of. Lots of relatives in the Bay Area. Have you ever driven to the Bay Area? Oh, yes, I have. Yes, I have. How many days? How many days to the Bay? Yeah. One month, maybe. Yeah, to see. It could be done on the grapevine in just six, seven hours. Mm. Through Bakersfield. No, no, that's all. That's all the way to San Francisco. Through Bakersfield. Bakersfield. Through Bakersfield. Through Bakersfield. Through Bakersfield. Yeah, it's about two hours, okay? You're right. What I'm saying is you're driving too slow. I pick up the pace. I don't understand. Fifty-five. I do no problem. Nobody gets in here. Nobody gets in here. I don't do anything. You need to be able to go into slow and slow. What do you drive in a school zone when school's in session? Forty-five miles per hour. What?! I hate kids. And, same. Thank you. Thank you very much. [Applause] The grape bungalow itself. Woo! Enjoy! Man, I'll kill you. [Applause] Man, I was. I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to write him that ticket. [Laughter] Pretty chatty or kind. Pretty chatty cop. [Laughter] I also knew quite a bit about "Back to the Future" from someone who never said it. You know what it is, so there's a city. Yeah. Yeah. That's me, bro. All right. Shut up, motherfucker. [Laughter] Loud mouth, motherfucker. All right, easy brown sugar. Now, listen. I'm trying to do a show, motherfucker. Now, there. How did the car chase end? Because I am so. It's still going. I am so sad to report to you that the only way I knew there was a car chase yesterday in Southern California is because I'm a huge intellectual. I T-vo TMZ. Hmm. And. [Laughter] And. You want one of the most frustrating things in the world? TMZ is a half hour, and the news is before it, but when they have a car chase, they run it through. Yeah. But I fast-forwarded all the way through to where it ended, but the guy was still in the car. And smoke was coming out of the car. What. We were done. Cliff anger. Cliff anger. So, how did it end after 135 mile an hour chase and standing up, pick up drivers and chip? Oh. I think custody. What the fuck? Don't they usually go to the docks like in San Pedro or Long Beach and they just run out of roads? This guy drove through a gated community, brazen, and dropped somebody off. No, he did it. I swear to fucking God. So he was in a chase and then typed in a fucking code to get in? No, he burst. He punched through the gate. [Laughter] [Laughter] No. I think I remember it was your birthday. Was it Kevin Hart? Yeah. What the thing? 0621, right? What the fuck? The thing that was funny is the newscasters were like, he may have just dropped someone off at the house. You know what I'm like? I highly doubt this chap lives in a gated community. It's always late for work. It's not the work of a guy who lives in a gated community. But he found a gated community, dropped somebody off at the gated community and then popped through the other side. By the way, once again, cops. When someone enters a gated community, there's really, I mean, other than tunneling out, there's one gated, there's another gated. Feel free to work there. Park the cruiser there, but no such luck. He had to keep going. He had to run in the eventually bashed into another car and then everyone just sat there. Like the cops all got out of their cars, all drew the guns, all did the stuff. But everyone in all the other cars was just like, yeah, we're just going to see what happens here. And it's like, Adam, why did they hit it? Why do they draw the guns? I never understood why you draw the fucking gun. What do you want to do? Well, I just don't understand you draw it and then they take off and then they put it back in. Yeah. Why the fuck did you take it out? It's no good, by the way. Don't even have a gun. People shoot. Yes, when the fucking shoot the asshole. Wow. When somebody drew a gun, it used to mean something. It mean a little fear would be in the heart of whoever's on the other end of the barrel. Now it's like, go ahead and shoot me, I'll see your ass. Yeah. All right. So anyway, eventually got out of the car. But all the cars around them at the intersection just sat there and watch. Like nobody just fucking turned off and got out of there. Yes. They don't put down that strip anymore to pop the tire. No, I fucking miss that strip. By the way, that takes time and precision. If they're not going to use that strip, I'll use it. I mean, I'll buy it off. I'll just throw it in the trunk just in case, you know. I'll use that bad boy. How would you use it? You know, then a multitude of ways, Brian. Thank you for asking. Well, please name one or two. Well, let's just say the wife was going off to buy something that was a little expensive. A new dishwasher. A new dishwasher. She's going, she just Googled Bosch. And then she's now going off to buy a dishwasher and I got to throw the fucking strip out. Yeah. Or let's say it's one of those things where it's like, it's parent, teacher, conference, night, and everyone's mandatory show up. And we got to sit down with Sonny's teacher. I'll just roll it out in the driveway. You know what I'm saying? Four flat tires. We can hardly go to this. Four flat tires. Use it to buy it. Use it to my advantage. I can only have one donut. Yeah, one donut. One donut. Still can't make it. Yeah. How you liking the Tesla, by the way? Fuck it. You love that car. Yeah. It's the best car in the world. Yeah. I love it. So fast. Yeah. No. So fast. And then I pop the hood, groceries. Yeah. That's my favorite. Car comes with groceries. Like a Porsche pull up and show me an engine. And I just pop my hood. And I'm like, groceries. But it comes. That's bread. And that's a cinnamon roll. It comes with a cinnamon roll. Wow. Yeah. I thought there were groceries you bought. They put it in the front. Wow. They stored in there. Wow. I really want it. I really want it. It's display food items. I really want that fucking car now. Yeah. All right. Which one did you get? Top of the line. Oh, it's right. I love about Joe Coyne. He kids about his lack of speed. But he's a guy. Yeah. he's got the need for it. - Yeah. - All right. What else we got, Gina Gregg? - Well, the BBC reports that eating peanut products as a baby dramatically cuts the risks of allergies. - Of course, Boiseys. - Trials on 628 babies prone to developing the allergy found that the risk was cut by 80%. - By the way, who's offering up their infant child? Hey, we're gonna conduct some experiments. He's a German guy, I don't know his full name, but anyway, he's a pretty good doctor. - I haven't checked him out, but he's over at the university. He's a junior college, but take your infants and drop them on by. - Long story short, there's 120 bucks in it for you. - Yeah, like, who is offering their kids up for these things? - People that didn't want their kid to have a peanut allergy or kill them. - Yeah, yeah, well look, you know, look, there's the happy news is he could eat as much Peter Pan and Giff is humanly possible. There's another party who could come home in a back, either way. - Go in an athletic show. - But we're gonna find out. By the way, why is Peter Pan peanut butter called Peter Pan peanut butter? - Yeah, Peter Pan do anything with peanut butter? - Do you have any peanut butter in the movie? - I don't think there's any peanut butter related in it. - The Lost Boys narrate one peanut butter sandwich. - That's a, yeah, he never said that the Lost Boys, who wants to be a butter jelly, I'm doing this. Why, why him or her, or it? - Why license Peter Pan? - Yeah, why? - If you're the peanut butter company. - You know what a sell this peanut butter? - You shoulda license Dumbo. - The fucking elephant, peanuts? Dumbo when the one doesn't license? - That's not an alliteration. - Yeah, but Dumbo would be the opposite of like smart water. Dumbo peanut butter? - People don't like to eat stuff that starts with dumb. - Dipship peanut butter? - Yeah, I used to be able to solve this Rubik's cube now. Dipship, no, but it's like, I used to be able to solve this Rubik's cube and do my own taxes now, fucking Lost. Give me some more peanut butter. And I'm eating him with my hand now. He just used a knife, yeah. Yeah, Dumbo. - Probably not. - It first glance. - The message you want to send. - But, gay guy in tights, probably not the message you want to send, either, you know what I mean? Who never grows up? I don't know. All right, just me. On the other hand, Jiff is a pretty fucking shitty name for peanut butter too. - And we'll write it. - Jiffy, Skippy. - Yeah, what is this? - Horace Cutters. - Come on. - The peanut butter is a fuck. - Hey, any guys who name peanut butter out there? You guys are fucking up royally. And you better hope, I don't get involved with peanut butter 'cause I'll do one. - You know who doesn't actually. - Excellent. - You know who doesn't own peanut butter? - Adam? - The planter's peanut guy. Why doesn't he have peanut butter? He's the one that deserves fucking peanut butter. He's a fucking peanut butter. - Well, right, he does. - Well, that's not a peanut. He's like hawking cashews on, unless this isn't even me. - And you know what? Where's my fucking butter? I'm making. - No, no, I'm a fucking peanut. And I can make butter. But fucking peanut over here is selling his shit. Jiff, he's selling his shit. Fucking Skip, that fucking idiot. He's selling his shit. What about me? - Well listen. - I'm a fucking peanut. I don't sell my butter. - Brown sugar. - Look at my asshole. - I'm making peanut butter right now. - I'm just doing it. I don't even know how I do it. There's no processing. - It just happens. - Put it in goddamn jar, put my face on it. Give me some royalties. - Joe, Joe. - The fuck is wrong with you? - Fuck Jiff. - Brown sugar. Hold on a second. I don't want you to spin out here. But it is black. - By the way, I mean, just peanut butter for Christmas. - It's old on. It's black history month. - Yep. - And I don't have a pretty large predominantly black history here tonight, from Azusa, so I don't want you to turn on me. - Security. - Lots of black people suffering from vanilla ego, I see. - But George Washington Carver, spend his life in a lab working with peanuts, never invented peanut butter. - Holy shit. - Again, probably not the time to bring it up. Brown sugar. - Yeah. - You know, he's a hero to you. - No, he is a hero. - But what would you say, motherfucker? - He spent his life in a lab crushing peanuts. - Yes, he did. - Never fucking spread it on a piece of bread. Not saying, in any way, diminishes his workers legacy. - That's because the white man had his hands open. Now, I don't know what the fuck that means. - I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. - But what I'm saying is. Peanut butter, without a knife in your hand, when your hands are spread wide, the fuck open. - Right. - Exactly. - Okay. - Exactly. - Yeah. - Black history months, motherfucker. - Now listen. Talk to my hand. - He came with like 157 uses for peanuts. None of them was the number one use peanut butter, I'm not. - So he didn't make butter, motherfucker, and? - I'm just saying. - I'm just saying it. - It's a rockin' with it. - Yeah, it was a hole in his game, like Shaq from the free throw lie. - He's a lot, he's a lot done all over him. - Yeah, I mean, he's, you know, obviously, should be remembered finally, but not-- - He's asked finally. He didn't invent peanut butter, I mean, did everything else with peanuts, just he missed the butter part. That's all. And had to be weird every time, you know, lunch came around when he went upstairs for sandwich, you know what I mean? Pemento loaf again? Okay. All right. - More ham. - All right. I gotta hurry up. I gotta get down there and mash more peanuts. - At some point, he's probably making a sandwich in the lab, and like a piece of bread fell into the mortar and pestle with the peanuts, like, "I throw this out." - Oh, that's real. - That's real. - That's real. - This batch of mortar is real. - What is it saying that you don't come up with peanut butter, you're just mashing peanuts? - He forgot butter. - Okay, I'm sorry, listen. I, it's black history month, I don't know how you celebrate. - He made oil god damn it. - Oh yeah, I know. He made, like, axle grease it, you know. - Yeah, so that's good enough? - I don't know. - That people don't have butter. - Okay. - We got, we got margarine. - You do margarine? You're mazola people? - We made peanut margarine motherfucker, that's just as good. - All right, listen, listen, brown sugar. I didn't mean to attack your people, I-- - I never got damn it. You always attack me. - No, I'm just saying it. It's, you know, it's probably not the right month to bring this up, sorry. - The closest thing we have to block out in the audience is this white guy with the Randy Monsters. [laughter] - It's the best we can do, people. - He's gonna run over policewoman on the way home. - Too soon. - Okay. All right, you know, what do we got? - Well Marijuana is now legal for adults in Alaska. Yeah, Alaska is now the third U.S. state to end prohibition of marijuana. - Is it? Well, first off, how do you grow, I guess it's all hydroponics, or whatever, because nothing is going to grow in Alaska. - On a glacier. - Sarah Palin's probably standing on her porch and disapproving right now, shaking her head. - This is bullshit. Yeah. I'm looking at Russia, I'm looking at weed grown in Alaska. This sucks. By the way, if you live in Alaska, you, as you, if you agree to raise a family in Alaska, as you enter the state, you should get a haybale of weed, like they should go, come on down. Here's your weed and your honorary bong shaped like Alaska, right? Thank you for coming here and paying taxes. This is one of the places like where you should be able to, first off, you must really love weed. Much bigger fish to fry in Alaska than, there's an 80% chance you're going to die on a crap boat. Let the guy smoke some weed. - No, statistically, it's true, it's, you know, my, you know my fantasy, my Laskin fantasy, is I put on a yellow ATF windbreaker, and a big fake mustache, and I walk into any barn Alaska and go, "I'm a federal agent, and I'm looking for it, and just watch everyone dive through the window." Like, two fox goes, you know what I mean, everyone just does a shoulder roll out the window part, the guy behind the bar goes, "I just drink for free, all you need is a fucking yellow windbreaker with some electrician's tape that says ATF on it. You'll rule Alaska. You could walk into a Costco and go, "Federal agent, and everybody just goes shit." - Better like cockroaches. - Yep, you just fucking, oh, go full omega man. You drive a brand new Mustang, right out of the dealership. You just fucking, "Federal agent, oh shit, everyone's diving out the front door, you're just getting a new 2015 Mustang just drive right into a snow bag." - So you think the only reason people live in Alaska is to live off the grid, no social security number or the whole vibe? - They aren't running from their past, they're sprinting from it, it's a shoulder roll and a full fucking amount of fire sprint from my past. You don't just move to Alaska, you flee there, Nevada in Alaska are the two flee states. You go there, trying to get a fresh start, you know what I mean? Fresh start doesn't mean I ran a super successful Fortune 500 company in my previous day. Now I'm trying to get a fresh start, it's, you know, vehicular manslaughter, it's kind of a tricky thing, it doesn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't call myself a murderer, obviously there's a couple of corpses, but it's not, don't look at myself as a murderer, my third wife would probably beg to differ, anyway, a couple of teenage sons, one of them, the younger one speaking to me, anyway, where's the fishing boat? - I'm really going with my hands, I'm going with my hands, I can fix equipment, something's broken, right? I can fix that shit, yeah, I fix heavy equipment in Alaska, yeah that's you go there, so. - He repaints some old lady's barn red, yeah, I'll do this for you, I'm just going to sleep in here for a while. - Yeah, that's a good kid. There's still there's a lot of money he fucked it There's a lot of bartering. I would reckon that Alaska is like the number one barter state. Barter economy. Yeah, there's a, yeah, you know, paint your barn. If you let me fuck your daughter, or whatever. I'll go ahead. Yeah, whatever it is. Use quality paint to fix the tractor. Right, fuck your daughter. She's a virgin for God's sakes. I'll find out. I'll tend to your field if I can take Stacey Oakley to the prom. Yeah. For example. Yes, yes, that's exactly it. So good. Let them smoke their pot. Let everybody smoke their pot. And let's get on to real fucking problems. Good, we already? The gays get married. The heshers smoke your weed. And then let's focus on, I don't know, families falling apart and bridges and roads falling apart. Can we do that? Like, can we just fucking focus on something that makes a difference, somebody in Anchorage wants to fucking cop a buzz off of some weed. I don't give a fuck. I want to know why Los Angeles doesn't have schools that are usable. That's me. I'm old fashioned that way. I'm wildly-- OK, pops. I'm wildly impulsive that way. You want to spot those every 10 feet Beverly Hills? Yes. Yes. All right, let's do one more. Well, I'm glad you feel that way about weed because a study just came out saying that marijuana is roughly 114 times less deadly than alcohol, according to the Journal of Scientific Reports. And by the way, of the seven drugs included in this study, alcohol was by far the deadliest at an individual level followed by heroin, cocaine, tobacco, ecstasy, meth, and weed. Yeah. But, you know, weed never got anyone laid. That's true. Oh, that's the weed dealers who disagree? Well, yeah, maybe. Talk about barter, you mean the consumers? Some dude from Pineapple Express blowing you was not exactly what I had in mind. But I'm saying about booze, so let's get the devil to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gotten a lot of us laid. Yeah. I mean, it's a two-way street. It's just AC over here. I'm sure it's done a few things. She's not too proud of. Not because of weed. You must thank Mr. Bartles and Mr. James for that evening. That's all I'm saying, you know? I mean, there's been a lot of stuff that's done. The thing about-- again, the reason you have to praise booze is it gets people to do shit they wouldn't normally or don't want to do or don't condone doing. And, you know, there's a downside to that. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, I guess if I use my imagination, you could see all those powers that are used for evil. Yeah, driving a school bus with special needs kids when you're blowing a 0.07 or something like that. But it was rare circumstance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine from those. Right, right, right. But I mean, when you watch-- Joe, I was just watching you on the Epic Fail show on Fox with Terry Crews hosting. Great job, by the way. I'll be here. There would not be any Epic Fail videos if there was not booze. Yeah, no. There's nobody fucking rips a pong load, and then goes, I'm going to get that on that mechanics creeper and put a follow rocket up my ass. You guys hold the camera. I'm going to see if I can beat the train over the tracks. That, on weed, is a non-started on booze. It's a fucking great idea. It's brilliant. And weed, they would talk about it, pontificate about it, and then sit back down. Right, but there's no way I think I can stand up on my kids' YZ80 in my flip flops in this backyard that's super confined with the above ground pool, all the humor that comes from the above ground pool. I'm jumping off the roof. This is all booze fuel. So we should be thanking alcohol. I think we should put our hands together for photos. You guys would not think Joe Coy was funny, or Gina was attractive without-- [LAUGHTER] Well, no, I'm making a point. No, it's pretty good. What is a great point of that? You know what just kind of this is. I don't mean to hurt, but the reason you're not being bored is because of a little something called booze, and thank you very much. All right, let's bring it home. You got it. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news. That was the news on the Adam Corolla Show. You're cool, right? Like, don't go home and throw up or anything. I'll fuck up. I'll be OK. Thanks. Unless it's from too much alcohol. Yeah. Yeah, have a couple of younger shots, man. Then hit the-- The fire is on you. Yeah, my shot. I'll do that tonight. Yeah. All right, this is Adam Corolla Show 15-19. Coming up next, we have Adam Corolla Show 12-76, Howie Mendel and Studio, along with Mike Gatto and Matt Atchety, Sid Wilder on News, along with Brian Bishop. This one's from 2014. Check it out. Hello, and welcome to Pluto foe. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV. We're all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch anchor man, the legend of Ron Burgundy. Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. Welcome to the real world. Mean girls. Sidebar. I'm the key in the world. And so much more for showtime. Express nothing. They're free 24/7. That is so epic. O'Reilly auto parts. Yeah, man. O'Reilly, love these guys. Going to get into it with O'Reilly, because I got a car race coming up in about six or seven weeks since time for prep. You want to keep your car in the road? You do it with O'Reilly. There's not many issues I can't figure out. But if I can't, I always go to O'Reilly. They've got thousands of parts in stock, either in store or online. So you never worry if you're in a jam. They'll also test your battery for free. And if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. Whether you're a car, aficionado, or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly auto parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things. Auto do it yourself. It's O'Reilly, right Dawson? Stop by O'Reilly auto parts today or visit us at oReillyauto.com/atom. That's oReillyauto.com/atom. [MUSIC PLAYING] Thank you so much. And welcome so much to joining us on the show today. Sorry, I got it very early this morning. Get some KTLA. Sid Wilder. Ah, there she is. Good to see you, Sid. Hi, good to see you, too. Thanks for joining us. Thanks for having me. Matt Attegie. Hello. From Rotten Tomatoes and Mike Gatto. Great to be here. Great to have you here. Mike represents the 43rd District of, as a state assemblyman, Burbank Glendale, Locke and Yana Flintridge. Los Files. He's here to fight for you, Ace. Oh, could I clean up this town, Mike? Could I clean this town up? That's what I hear. Um, my idea is, by the way, we started utilizing my Fitzdeers. It clears up on the freeway sign. Instead of the super semi-retarded and redundant click at our ticket, which was up on the big electronic freeway signs for many years, which meant nothing to anybody. I have no idea what goes on if those meetings you guys have. Well, that's Caltrion's. Don't get me started about those guys. Oh, god, they horrible. You should hear some of our meetings. Oh, jeez, though. It's a wage, but Mike's one of the good ones. And, uh, you know, Mike's one of the good ones, because he brought an award for me. Oh, you know what, today we're kicking off the campaign for President Me. Yeah. This is the first step in getting Adam elected president. And that's getting honored by the state of California. I mean, who wouldn't want that? I-- well, people live in Texas, probably. But I love it. And you-- what is the honor that I'm receiving today? Well, you are receiving a resolution from the state of California. It's, um, it means that the legislature of the state of California actually passed a law honoring you, uh, hold on. Oh, my gosh. The smirk on this face. No, I just, when I get home and I yell at my kids and wife to honor me, I'm going to have to have deputies with me now. Yes, you will. And explain that they'll be arrested and put in zip ties if they do not in fact honor me. You're going to have to ask them if they know who you are. And, uh, yes, yes. And once you-- once you observe that you know who I am, you must honor me or you'll be arrested by my dep-- well, my jack booted thugs. Jack booted thugs. That's right. Yes. So, uh, this is an award and it's a suitable for framing. It's suitable for framing. I want to-- it is pre-framed, actually. And I want to sort of paint a picture for the listeners. It is this beautiful, uh, you can see a real wood frame. Look at that. You know, that-- that was actually signed by yours, truly. And, uh, it basically talks about, I mean, look, all kidding aside, um, I know you're a funny guy. And obviously, you-- you make a lot of us laugh. But, uh, but your career has been incredible. I don't-- I have a lot of folks in my office who started in radio. And they tell me what you've been able to accomplish, uh, you know, three days after leaving some job somewhere. You started this podcast. You got how many downloads a day? Oh, millions. Millions downloads a day. I was going to make a joke if we could only find a way to tax it. But I don't think that would go across to-- Oh, if you guys were doing fine. [LAUGHTER] if we could tax everyone if your podcast downloads by just a dollar. Think about that. Oh, he's cringing down. I was saying I was laughing at working with a lot of guys who were in radio because if you worked with a lot of guys who were in radio and he said, like, Bob, what time is it? It's age 22, 22 after the hour. That's 38 away from the top. They are news traffic, traffic, traffic, weather, news. I'll come up to Matt mattress and lanes. Watch out, slow going on the four or five. What's funny? Because whenever I appear on a radio show, I always repeat the host's name, the call letters and the number. The host just don't know what to do with it. They don't, they're like, well, why are you there? Thanks. You know, so it's pretty cool. But so I've got this suitable for framing. Yes, and it's already been framed. It's been framed. But I could frame it a second time if you could frame it a second if I thought to. And then it's suitable for hanging. It's right. And you also live in my district, of course. Oh, good. I think last year you lived in the Hollywood Hills, right? Move to Locke, and Yada. Yes. Go through in my district, good. You just love this area, your studios and here in Glendale. I like your work. Thank you. I was going to say I noticed you have those beautiful cars out there. And I was the author of the bill that allows you to actually get a real license plate for those old cars. Wow. What Mike is speaking of is the old, the first generation cars in California had the yellow and black plates. International show, Mike's international show. Oh, I see that. The first, I'm sure this this goes from municipality to municipality or state to state, but back in back in the day, they had the old school plates. And then they went from the black and yellow to the blue and yellow to the now sort of white and whatever. And eventually, it'll just be the gay flag on there. But for now, it's a reflective sort of white plate. And if you have a 1932 woody, it looks weird to have the newfangled plate on there. It's sort of an accessory. And it's one of these things that sort of says, this is the era the cars from. So the newfangled plate with the oldfangled cars, never quite right. And they started reissuing these plates. They did. And it was smart because it's what the hobbyists and the motorists once and also paying extra couple of bucks in the DMV can have a few more dollars. The state of California makes it so hard on its citizens and they make it very hard on car guys. And I thought that this was something nice that we could actually do. These actually come straight from Folsom Prism. They're actually used with the original molds. Wow. Real metal. And, you know, so it's neat. If you're listening to California, can I say this? I would pay, you know, the vanity plate or the black and yellow plate or whatever the school plate, old school plate. You know, that's an extra 75 bucks or 125 bucks or whatever they're getting these days. That's fine. I would pay an extra 15 to 20 dollars if the guy who stamped the plate would write what he was in for on the back of the plate. You know what I mean by number. Yeah. By a vehicular manslaughter. Ironically. Respects about Grand Theft Auto. I've been to a few of these plates over a couple of kids on bicycles. Or something. You know, Arson, you know, and you could collect and trade. It keeps me coming back for more. Sure. I just want to know what the guy who's working the punch press is actually in for. Well, you might not want to. Then you got to run the black light on your plates. I'd like to know you have to see got the more exotic ones. You're like Jay walking. Oh, tickets went to war. Yeah. So Mike, you can, by the way, if people are in the district or think I'm out moving to the district and they want to get hold of you or maybe this want to see your big white teeth online. They can Twitter him. They can go to website mycotto.com and they can Twitter him and mycotto is well. Mike, you're doing the Lord's work. I really do. Thank you for the accommodation, accreditation, something. And thank you for employing so many wonderful people right here in the heart of the district. Thank you so much, Mike. You don't have to leave as they say, but you can't stay. So slide on out like a thief in the night. Thank you. We're used to it. We're politicians. Thank you. Thank you so much. And thank you. Once again, that will be hanging in here the next time you come back. Absolutely. Good day, sir. Uh, Mike got up. All right. Matt is here. We'll do the Rotten Tomato Game. Sit a little about you, young and beautiful. Yes. But what else? Well, I did stand up comedy for a little bit. Now I just focus on my sketches. I just released a sketch called if my GPS could talk back. Mm-hmm. And I was on a Tosh.0 Tuesday playing a dominatrix. Oh, nice. Very versatile. Yeah. I know where you're from. I'm originally from Marietta, Georgia. I moved out when I was 16. And you just came to perform, came back, came to. Yeah. Well, my sister got a centerful in Playboy, and then my mom got a job and then I got a scholarship to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. So it all kind of worked out. We all moved as a family. Mm-hmm. All right. That's a cliche. Yeah. So your sister is Miss what month and what year? Uh, she is Miss October 2007. Uh-huh. And. Get in on him years. And. And you came out with her when how was Mama about sis going to Playboy? I mean, she worked at Hooters before then. So it's kind of like, it's kind of a step above Hooters, you know, it's like the highest accolade you can get after Hooters. So. Well, you know, it's weird because Playboy is sort of quaint now when you think about, you know, Miley Cyrus twerking up on stage or doing whatever on MTV award show. I mean, it's, it's almost a lateral move from like an MTV award show. But also if somebody said, you know, back in the day, oh man, your daughter in Playboy was like, oh boy, pull all the magazines from the stands. That's right. Now if you're saying my daughter got into and you stopped, Playboy would be the best option of all the many things she could get into. She didn't do a sex tape. She kind of had like a transition in her career and thank God, she's in hair school now, but she's kind of going through a little porn phase. But, you know, she went through a little porn phase. She's continuing to be like, girl, girl. So it's not technically porn, but it's still enough to be like, and I hate it because like I look like her. So it's really fucking frustrating when I'm like, hi, um, yeah, I know I look for. Oh, happy off to you. I didn't know. Yeah, I know those titties. I know. I just, I'm actually I'm in my refractory period. But I'm starting to come out of it now. Yeah, I recognize you. You're with, uh, Amber, what's her name? 69 things. Yeah. It's awesome, man. Where the girls aren't 52, right? 54. Exactly. I know as an even number. Anyway, awesome work, man. Thank you. Good job on the bleaching. Thank you so much. Yeah, I really work hard at that. Yeah, it's awesome. And I feel it's respectful with other actors, you know, and you're in your realm there. Hey, uh, oh, you're in playboy, right? Oh, seven totally. Yeah. Yeah. Your sister, not funny, not funny. Not funny. Not funny is a standup. And then she got into sketching up funny again. Yeah. I saw her on Tosh the other day. She's the funniest girl who's about to get into porn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And of herself. Yeah. And all the comments are like, uh, do porn. Please do porn. I'm like, fuck you. Yeah. I didn't say, please. I just do it. Exactly. So at least I said, please. All right. So now hold on a second. Your sister got your mom and your sister and your dad, you're all live somewhere in Georgia. Well, dad wasn't there. Obviously. That's my season porn. Right. Um, what percentage of hairstylists have done some porn? Right. I feel like they all either become like a Buddhist, like yoga teacher or something. Or they go into hair school or beauty school. And they all fail because they don't know how to do business because of their cocaine problem or something along those lines. Like they just can't do it or they just don't have the work ethic. They're just so used to like having people do things for them. Well, to be fair, making a living, getting paid to have inner course, everything's, everything's work after that. I know, right? I mean, as a guy, you're used to pay. I mean, you never would get paid. That's what I'm just saying. If you really just distill it down to what it is, I'm getting paid to fuck. So now somebody says, well, I can get you a job doing roofing or postal sorting or I can get you a job. I get you a job lifting gold bars into your truck. Yeah. I mean, you get job getting a job where you can have sex, right? Just have jobs to make money so that they can have sex in a position to have sex. That's right. Exactly. So your sister goes with the playboy, oh, oh, seven. By the way, is the internet down? How many years do I have to talk about this before a nude rendering of your sister? Right. Well, what month? That'll be easier. Miss October 2007. October. Yeah. You know, I like the super scientific game of picking the month you were born in and proclaiming that your chick's a lot hotter than the other chick. Oh, really? I'm a may. Look how much hotter may is than you. Your month. Yeah. That's all we had when I was young. So your sister comes out. Does that? Yeah. Dabbles a little in a girl on girls. Isn't that real porn? Yeah. Well, she won't do real porn because she wants to get married one day. That's how she justifies it. She's like, I want to get married to a guy one day and it's more classy if I don't do like girl girl. I'm like, you're totally right. It's actually classy. I don't understand like the whole thing like girl girl not being porn. I know. I don't I don't understand that either, but that's her mentality. So I'm like, okay. Because she's not planning on marrying a girl. No, she's not. Okay. She's not. No. Mm-hmm. But she wants to marry a guy. Mm-hmm. That's my sister. How is it that women? How is it that women have? Are you looking at this sister? It's hard to find, but yeah. Okay. Oh, now you just, now porky area over there. Yeah, he's got a tumor, but he still is able to find it. Oh, you got October 2007 Playboy, right? That's the, that's the feel like that's most the information. So, so she, anyway, then gets into the girl on girl stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And how does that make you feel? Well, you know, it's not the first choice I would have picked for her, but you know, she's happy and doesn't like OD, then, you know, good for her and she's trying with hair school. I know she's trying the best that she can. So I'm like, okay, you go do that, you know, I'm trying to be supportive. And how about you? If you ever thought about that kind of stuff, you've been approached? No, I've been approached a lot. Approach? Yeah. How does that work? I just like, you know, I think my nipples are camera shy. So, like, I just, it's not really my thing. Same thing with my sack. I'm sack, yeah. They're perfect. So, you know, we have something in common there. But, yeah. So, unfortunately, no. I haven't ever decided. I mean, I've, like, done the hair hand bra and like, you know, half naked modeling. I'm really good at that, but nothing more. Okay. You know, I'm trying to be taken seriously. And so is dad out of the picture? No, he's actually in the picture. He's actually, he favors my sister, which is so fucking annoying, because- Why do you say he favors her? Um, because she's the first child and she's the, like, she's in talk back to him, you know? And she's done something so bad. There's the, like, that purple elephant in the room. He's not going to address that. You know, and he's, like, a pastor, so he's trying to, like, save her. Are we looking at your sister here, by the way? Oh, yeah, that's my sister. Okay. They're blind here. It's fancy. Uh-huh. Hey, say this. Um, you know, there's a lot of like, oh, you favor this kid. You favor that kid. Um, first off, I have twins, boy and a girl, and I feel like they're earning it. You know, whatever status they have and daddy's mind, they're working real hard to keep that status. It's not like- It's a contest. Or competition. What I'm saying is, is whatever I think of each of them individually is not because I just randomly decided I was going to feel this way about my boy and that way about my girl, right? They've earned their position in Papa's brain. Okay. Well, what about when she gets older and she starts to date? Hmm. And then she could have pictures like my, like, that's, that's, like, scary to me, like, if I ever had kids. Like, isn't that freaky out? Uh, well, first off, I'm staying into the, in the picture, so she just does solo stuff. That helps. That helps, yeah. Not even the girl girl stuff. Totally. Yeah, that's, that's way classier. That's the classiest you can get. That's art. Are you kidding? Totally. So, uh, I'm going to stick around. Right. And when did your dad split? Um, they got divorced when I was like five or six. Hmm. Yeah. Then what happens is then you want attention from a male. Right. And I realized a couple of decups there that are just enough attention. Right. And I always say, look, you know, you judge these girls, Matt, at age 16, Brian, at age 16, at age 17, if you knew, keep going, no, what I'm saying is, is when you're, you know, junior in high school, if you knew that every fucking guy just wanted you, like every, everybody on my school, are you kidding, like, and, and, and it's like, if me and Brian just started making out at a party, they'd all just start going bananas. And then they'd start buying us drinks and wanting to do shots. I was like, I'd be in immediately in just to clarify, we're a girl in this situation, right? Huh. Okay. Yeah. Either way, it'll still happen. I would never fucking attend a class that took place before noon. I'd be out every fucking night having 28-year-old dudes buy me drinks. Oh, my God. I'd be, I'd be in the back of some guys, you know, Corvette all day long, even though there is no back of a Corvette, I'd be that much of a slut. I, I would create a back to a car that did not have a back just so I had to play stuff sex. Oh, my God. I'd just be all over the fucking place. I'd fucking love it. Oh, wouldn't you? I mean, I could have, but then my sister was doing it. So like, I kind of had to clean up the work, you know what I mean? Like, she was down. She was all, but like, again, I'm sorry. Again, I kind of grew up, I, I went to the Playboy Mansion a lot when I was like 16 and 15. So like, I kind of got that out of my system really early. So she came out here and she came out to do Playboy. Yeah. That was her main goal. And she succeeded. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Alright. And, you know, though, you, you don't want to peak that early in life, you know? I know. 21, 22, you know, you peak out. I know. It's crazy. And it's crazy to think like where all the older playmates are too. Like, they all, I feel like they're in the same position. Like, they're all, they all have a kid. Missionary. What? Missionary? Missionary, exactly. Missionaries are favorite one. But yeah. So. Well, they're all, well, first off, when you say older, you mean ones that are 34. No, not old. Okay. I'm just, I'm saying. 40s, 50s. Here's, I, here's what I feel like, that the older girl next door stuff, see, Playmate, you should just be something that somebody recruited you into. Right. You know, everyone is trying to be a playmate, and it's ruined it a little bit. It's an interesting thing, which is to say, I've always said this, when the seven-year-old walks in front of everyone on Thanksgiving, and everyone's sitting at the table, they say something very funny, and they get a big laugh out of the room, that's sweet and innocent funny. When they then come back with a pre-rehearsed bit. That's a waste of my time. That's my boy. It's just a waste of my time. It just a waste of my time. I feel good when you think the guy is now aware of what he's doing and showing up to entertain. I love the idea back when he's to go on the campus searches and find the thing, or somebody's boyfriend would submit a picture of the girl or whatever she's sitting on a tractor. Or better ex-boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. Yeah. But now, everyone kind of flying in and sending in pictures and attempting to do, doesn't feel as organic to me. No, it doesn't. Especially with social media too, I feel like it's changed it a lot. I just kind of like, you know, troll for pictures, or, you know, and it's totally different. I never understood the whole, like, boyfriend, like, current boyfriend, like, "Oh, my girl's so hot she needs to be a playboy," like, "I'm never under. " Me too. I just thought, like, dude, like, you're asking for trouble, right? Because there's somebody who's got, somebody who's got more going on than you somewhere. Hello! Star-80. I've seen Star-80. Yeah. I just don't get it. I mean, I guess I kind of do, like, yeah, it's like something. I guess badger pride, but still, like, it's-- Well, I completely agree. The first impulse is, I can tell everyone I'm dating a playmate, which is fine until Peter Bogdanovich starts banging her, and then, you know, tell the guy, "No, that's what happened in Star-80." It's right. The guy shows up the fucking, you know, necker chief, and he starts wailing away on your old lady's pussy. And next, you know, you're shipping back to Canada, and it seemed like a good plan for about 10 minutes until Bogdanovich got in the picture. Right. And then you get so pissed off, you've got to kill everybody. He's a delight, by the way, Bogdanovich. He starts nailing Dorothy Strenton when he's 44 or she's 19 or 20, maybe, married. I don't know if he's married at the time, but don't worry. After she got off by Eric Roberts, the boyfriend, it starts dating her sister. Oh, is that awful? Awful. That could be your future. Well, we would. Seriously. I could not. No, not me. Why not? He's someone who's dating your sister. And then what happens? And then you come in. Oh gosh. Right? That would be horrible. That whole story is as weird as weird gets, because we've got to figure out the whole timeline. But basically, she's 20, he's 40, maybe 43. I don't know. Maybe 39. 40. He's either married or just got done being married. At some point, after Dorothy gets married, it takes a look and goes, "There's a 16-year-old with the same last name." You'll do. Same DNA. Oh. Yeah. If you know what I mean. Oh. Yeah. That's crazy. But we actually watched that movie, ironically, before we all moved out, my sister and my mom and I. Yeah. And you'd think my sister would be better than my friends. I know, right? I was either that or hardcore, but you don't see Scott. They only take away that don't date Peter Bogganovich. Oh, right? Gosh. That's funny. Oh, right. Dorothy. Yeah. I just need the Bogganovich story with her. He was born in '39. He was born in '39. So it was born together in 1980. He was 41. In '88, he married the younger sister who was 20 at the time, and it says on Wikipedia. He began dating her when she was 14. And the best line is right here, it says, uh, uh, the marriage was viewed as a scandal because of the previous engagement to her sister. Oh, wow. Leaving out the part where he's sort of dating when she was 14. Oh, my gosh. It makes me feel so classy. And was he married during this time or was he divorced? Anyway, a delight. A delight. Absolute. And he can't judge. I should get him and Woody and Polanski, Roman Planski, just put him all in the same hot tub and see who solemnizes who first. Oh, I've got a hot tub, fill it full of quail. Let's see what happens. Oh, my gosh. The light. My vote's on Woody. He was divorced. Yeah, you know, you don't bet against the Woodman that much, I can tell you right now. Oh, right. Where the hell were we? Uh, oh, yeah, man, how are we, Mandel's coming in a couple of few. Uh, us at the, uh, tomorrow night, Melrose Improv, two big shows. right. Eric Stone Street is going to be in there and, uh, great fits events as well. So, uh, early show, late show. Come on out. Say hi. Redondo Beach Performing Arts Center, Thursday, March 27th, the legal defense fund benefit. Kimmel's going to be there. Dr. Drew Kevin and Bean. Mark Maren's going to be there. Andy Summers from a little band called the police. It's going to be performing as well. So, uh, come on out and say hi. Me and San Antonio and in Austin coming up on, uh, Monday and Tuesday doing a couple of angry events. You can come say hi and go to mcroll.com and find out when the dates and all that kind of stuff. And, uh, if you want to support us because we're fighting the patent trolls, baby, find anything.com forward. So I should patent troll contribute what you can. We're going to beat those guys back. All right. Matt, here should we play the game? We should. Yeah. ♪ Here's the guy with the fresh shame rotten movie game. ♪ ♪ Now it's time I really hope it isn't late. ♪ ♪ Leave us go. I totally can't hear these notes. ♪ ♪ I can't force it anymore. ♪ ♪ Pay anymore. ♪ ♪ It hurts my balls. ♪ ♪ Actually, he names the flicks of the game. ♪ ♪ It's not actually. ♪ ♪ There's a struggle guy when he dropped by. ♪ ♪ The game has no guess. ♪ ♪ To the critics. ♪ ♪ Score standard. ♪ ♪ Rotten or fresh. ♪ That was amazing. It's a hell of a song. So I'm having a meeting last week with the larger digital sales team that handles selling ads on Rotten Tomatoes. And I'm talking to them about why they should be, you know, what they need to help make their sales in blah, blah, blah. And one of them was like, okay, great. Thanks for your presentation. Now we need to hear your theme song. International Superstar, man, actually, Rotten Tomatoes. So the way the game works, Sid, is saying this for you and for folks at home, I don't know. You'll pick a theme. You'll pick out five movies to this theme, could be an actor or any other theme. And we will try to pick what the Rotten Tomatoes score was from the critics for this movie at this point on Rotten Tomatoes. And whoever's closest after we tally everything up, like golf, the lowest score is going to win. Right. Whoever's close to the score. Now one of the things I'll tell you is the tomato meter is a measure of how many critics liked a movie. It's not an average score. Okay. So there's a slight difference. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. So you could have 88%. But just as long as enough people went over 60% you'll get to 88%. Enough people liked it. Yeah. That gave you 88% means that 88% of the critics basically gave it a thumbs up. It doesn't have to be a rousing like, oh my god, this is the best movie ever. Do they have to at least just say? Yeah. Okay. Good. And do I get a trophy? Yes. Perfect. Oh, you got I throw a pen over there to you because you may you're going to have to write down your your number. How bad will Alison be if the week that she's out? Sid wins. Who knows? Thank you. I'm rooting for me. All right. So in honor of Peabody and Sherman opening this week. Oh, no. I'm doing time travel movies. All right. Right. All right. So first up, I don't worry out of my pick movies. Let me ask something about Peabody and Sherman and the way back machine and all that kind of shit. Who under 50 even knows what the fuck that is? And how I always wonder it's my land of the lost question, which is there are two segments of this entire planet and possibly beyond this planet. They're the human beings that know what land of the lost is and hated it and realized it was one of the biggest pieces of shit to ever come out of their childhood. And then there's people have never heard of it. Either way, you making a movie called Land of the Lost. All you've done is alienate half of the population. That's the half that is heard of your flaming pieces of shit that Sid and Marty fucking cross came up with in 1974. And then there's everyone else who's never heard of it. So it's academic. What the fuck kind of thinking is that? I'll tell you what kind of thinking it is to get a lot of times to get your movie made. You're going to sell it to the higher ups in the studio. And it's the old guys that run the studio. They're like, Oh, Land of the Lost. My kids when they were 50, 10 years old used to watch that. Everyone's going to wonder what the actual will and Holly. 41 years on. Yeah, that's my point. Alright, here we go. It's a good decision. Okay. Alright, first up, 1985's back to the future. So you're right down, Sid. Well, you think, don't look it on school. I'm not looking at it. You think as a school. Well, I think you don't have to move your hand like that. It's a little aggressive. For those who are listening, I just put it on her tip. I can't feel it. It's fake. It's fine. My hands are real. I'm cupping my answer. Alright. 86% is what I have. 92. This is almost flawless movie. 91 96. Wow. That good. Even even higher than the audience. All right. You can enjoy this today. The only reason I knocked a couple of points off is because I thought it was an older movie that sometimes they don't get the as much love out of the gate. And then later on, they become more appreciated. Like this is universally, you know, three, three rodden. I'm just more pissed off that I lost. You didn't lose. You're only down by two or three points. Yeah. We're doing five and whoever gets the farthest away, the least far away from the score. Yeah. Okay. I'm farthest away from it. All right. Next 2010's hot tub time machine. Oh, I heard that. I heard that was good. John Kusak, Rob Cordray, Craig Robinson. Never saw it. Are you writing it down? Yes. I never saw it. I heard it was good. I saw it. I'm the only one I know who didn't like it. Everyone else liked it. I didn't think it was great either. So I'm going to set out two people. I'm going to say 82% because I think this was a well reviewed movie to accept me for some reason. All right. Now you're making me want to go higher. But I want 78. I feel like it might be lower. 78. 85. 63. Oh, damn it. Me too. I should have listened to me. Oh, fucking Brian. Damn, you're still closest. Now, but you know, they did normally write my answer down before you start talking. And now as you start talking, I start going up higher. All right. Things are close. Here we go. We're going to go back in time a little bit to one of the first movies that we got to see Jean-Claude Van Dam on screen twice. Time cop. Time cop. Wow. All right. All right. 39. 44. 41. 43. Wow. Look at you too. Boy, man, this is this is anyone's game at this point. That's it. Okay. All right. We're going to 1989 for the first in a series. People are dying for the third one. 40. What do you have? 41 said? Yes. Okay. Starring Alex Winter and canneries, Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. Never saw it. Hear good things, but in a sort of campy way. I started the next generation's goonies or something. This is actually a good movie. Don't affect your score, okay. Oh, my goonies. I'm 69. 79. 72. 81. Wow. Very high. I think Brian has, you know, has walked away with this competition. Is that the last one? One more. All right. One more. The movie that made Arnold a star in the 80s. Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. I mean, 81. I mean, I'm saying it's the point. You wouldn't think that Bill and Ted's excellent adventure would be in the 80s. And it's a good movie. I think it's a full-guilted thing, the canneries thing, all that worked against. Still just in the 80s. It would never be very high to me. Yeah. Next up, 1984 is the Terminator. The Terminator. All right. I love that movie. I am going to say 94. This is the movie that made Michael Bean a star. 90. 92. 100%. Wow. Wow. I'm just going to go for it. And not a fluke 100. 100% with 47. Wow. Wow. Everybody loves this, man. Damn. I hope I'm not less than six off a second place. Damn it. I was going to say 100 just as far away from Brian as possible. It could have been unreal. It's going to be 95 and I'm going to be 100. All right. Brian 36 said 46. Adam 47. Yeah. I don't know what this is called. Brian wins. Sit second. Adam third. Still podiums. I'll take the podium. I'll take a second. maintaining the record for the newsreader getting second place right always getting second I still expect a trophy So that's all I have to say to you guys We can have Adams certified fresh trophy, right? Howie. Oh, yeah. Oh there you got her in there Now I feel bad because I Think I have 80% on rotten tomatoes and Bill and Ted as anyone yeah, wait a minute. We're pretty good movie We're listen, you get another movie come on. Yeah, it's true. We're Bill and Ted with the fans I think I'm gonna look at 87% with the fans Oh, yeah Yeah, I got him with the fans it is interesting that the fans were a little more in line with what we were thinking and the critics just Anyway, uh legal zoom baby. Howie Mandel's out there. So we'll bring him in a second All right, what we do is we go to rotten tomatoes.com. We check out that mad ass. He's work New movies coming out. You want to see how it's doing? Get the idea You see what these movies are doing and that's where you go Matt Thank you so much for coming in. Howie Mandel in studio next Well, we's back with one of the good guys in Hollywood howie Mandel and one of the good guys I mean, can I just say how impressed I am? I don't know how much you talk or about where this is or how many people actually More than listen watch this, but this is a very impressive warehouse Thank you that you have with it. There's like cars parked inside like they look like vintage Race cars. Is that what that is? Yes. I know nothing about cars, but I was just I was Always I've overcompensating for a horrible childhood where I had the yearn to build things and Building is no no different than wanting to play the drums when you're young or sing or having a green thumb or whatever it is Like you just want to do it your gear head or you're not We had no money and lived in crappy apartments and my dad was a pus So I've overcompensated as an adult because I heard about this and I had never been here and I aspired to do something I just bought a warehouse in Venise and but then I realized after the purchase that I have I don't collect anything and I have nothing Absolutely true. So I just thought it'd be cool to have my you know, I have a warehouse But you have cars and you ever saying is you purchased a butt plug and realized you had no anus exactly you put it But the truth is I should just reader that I just came from there put it frame it put it in the kit. It's a beautiful It's a beautiful like I like he's talking about needle point. Yeah Yeah, with the frame embroidery and needle point is that the same thing? Yeah, yeah, that's good No, no, you put it a kitchen like kits the cook or I would I would do that, but I it's so I have this warehouse now, and that's where I just came from my warehouse These people call me and they'll go where are you and I go I'm at the warehouse come see me at the warehouse and I swear to you There's nothing. There's not there's nothing nothing, but you you do you're starting to I'm not starting to do you're doing your own Production and stuff like that right and deal with it which I was on in season one. Thank you very easy and very fun to do Thank you, but we don't do that at the warehouse No, but what I'll end up happening is you'll start doing a lot of your own productions and things like that You'll have a few cube trucks and some equipment and that kind of stuff and instead of renting it from somebody or doing whatever You'll start doing it yourself. That's the plan, but it feels uncomfortable It is like it feels uncomfortable that you have this warehouse. It's like being at home alone and single and putting a condom on and But there's nothing no but with no anus. There's nothing the fuck. I got to let that down. I have a I have a like a warehouse is like my right That's your condom my production condom would nothing the fuck right right, but don't worry We will fill that condom one day with cube trucks right and booms and dollies and gaffer's tape. Oh wow I'm sure you can find some things That's not for me. I'm it would be tinder right it would be tinder right I was thinking butt-fucking. I know you're straight But you never know you don't know yeah, you don't know I Here's the whole thing. I don't know that much about how he sexually although I learned a fair I learned a fair bit last time we're together because you got drunk on me. Yeah, I did yeah, I got to tell you Well, yeah, but guys that do the fist bump don't do the fist and downstairs, you know what I mean like germs or germs Exactly, you know, I mean I have a tough time to even get my prostate I say I have to go I'm at an age now where I forget my prostate checked and I just say if I bend over and spread my can't you just look? Is there any way I'll if you were good? Yeah, pull apart like really what there's no reason to even put a finger and then when I get my Prostate checked and you and you have right I'm I'm I'm right there. I'm I'm I'm as we speak I'm sitting on a modified chair right now. No, but I always wonder I always wonder how do they how to like who enjoys this why would they? Why would somebody dress up and try to I don't think they do it for pleasure. I'm hoping they don't no not the prostate check right I'm saying my feeling that I have during a prostate check right I question the people that are into Mm-hmm having things it's just it's very uncomfortable, but let me say this I concur the things that are very uncomfortable for you Like killing prostitutes For instance, okay, that sounds sounds undueable for you for select segment of our society It's the only way they can orgasm. Do you know what I mean for an elite fighting fraternity? It's gonna be a smaller portion of much smaller those people that are willing to put things in that it is But I'm just saying like the notion of eating brains or a cow's tongue or something I got feels very unappealing to us right for those who like Goose liver, you know, it it transcends the way we feel about, you know, breaking an egg So I'll never understand or you're making you trying to make me understand that I'm trying to say I I'm with you Right, I don't want a digit dropped either, but for the ones who do like it. They love it. Yeah A lot a lot of women love it. Uh-huh. No, no, I don't understand those women. I mean my sister's one of them But she's like a whole different breed, you know, like that's yeah, that's just a camp. Yeah, where's your sister now? She reads the news. She's at the back door working on a wig that's on a styrofoam head. Yeah, hopefully in her school Oh, she's at school hopefully and she shared this with you that I that she likes it better She shares a lot of things with a lot of people Ben and she's okay with you sharing with everybody that's listening to this show Probably not, but she likes anal Your sister what's your name? Spencer Spencer and Spencer likes anal yeah, and what does she say doesn't bother like it's not like oh it's not she's very into it Yeah, even more like just like an inch away from that. It's it seems to be more pleasurable and enough for her Wow, mm-hmm. So those are those that she like killing prostitutes. No I'm not trying to connect the two. I'm just saying it's an elite for turn it was an analogy. I understand so How yes I'm glad we're going off on the scatological rant here because I don't know how we got to that. I I wrote a An independent film. Yeah, which I would like to be and I'd love I have a role in it for you where I said yes to you Yes, and you are you are you in this this movie? Wow, so much of a stretch well There's gonna be a side to you that people haven't seen before. I don't have to do anal. Do I after all this? Not anal anal What's anal anal? What's anal squared? There's no there's no what is now now I said yeah? No, no, you're you're you're you're gonna do a little cussing in this movie That's not that's not a side that really that's people no Not that they're familiar with Deal or no deal in America's got talent. No, but if you come see my stand-up back. There's yeah, there's I Do cuss it is a it is a it's a really funny movie and your role is a very funny and very pivotal So looking forward to it. That's in April right? I'm honored. Yes. I'm honored Well, I'm honored that you even think of me and and ask me to do that And you were great on my show and anytime you want to come back deal with it It starts again March 19th on TBS. It is a really funny show because Basically put a earwig in a little RFB and one of the one of the marks down below You sit up top lean into a microphone see what you can get them to do for cash and prizes and Great. It's a very fascinating. It does work nicely. It's a fascinating I got to tell you you know, I've always loved hidden camera. We've talked about that before But it's fascinating. This is a great Experiment in humanity because really for those that don't know and haven't seen it We set up microphones and cameras in a restaurant and then we would go Send the waiter or an actor down and we'll say hey, do you want a free lunch? We'll come fill out a form and when they come to the back they meet Adam or whatever celebrity is there me and we'll say for $5,000. Do you want to play a game? And if they do you can't tell the people that are there or your width that you're on a game show You put the earpiece in and whatever Adam tells you to do you got to do for money and what's fascinating is not only what they know anal You could say that you could say say anal but there was a fire. There was a father and a daughter and we said okay for $500 tell your daughter right now that you are leaving her mother. Oh, that's hysterical. It is. Do you have an earpiece in? No, he has an earpiece in it. And then somebody delivered that minus the earpiece when she was five. And they were in their kitchen. But anyway, go ahead. It's totally fine. Hence the anal part. Yes. She landed on her anus. At least she was sister dead. And then she said, and now I'd like you to meet who I'm leaving your mother for. And we sent it a man. And had him make up with another man in front of his daughter. That's her five grand. Yeah, well, it's amazing. Yeah, it is. To watch not only how she reacts. And you'll want to see that when you tell somebody to do it. But I don't know that I personally would have done it. Well, you own a warehouse, even though there's nothing in it. Nothing in it. So if you have things you want to store, I'm the man to call. How we told the story that I always tell about, I think, a son's breast. Hold on here from Georgia. That's when a young Jewish boy gets his foreskin removed. Oh, wow. Okay, wow. What a great moment. What a great moment. Yeah, what a great moment. I mean, you're I'm sure you're really proud. Not for him, but I mean for you. I mean, isn't it like it's a, it's a really good thing, right? You guys, everyone does it. Yeah. Yeah. Not a bad one. I mean, and it's scary as shit. But I mean, it's, it's tradition. Yes. So you're okay with that. Yeah. When a young Jewish boy turns 24. Yes. Oh no way. That's all. That's all. That's all. It's just three weeks. It's like seven days. But here's the here's the thing. So at seven days and they have a ceremony where a rabbi or a moio will come over or a urologist. We'll come over and slice the end off his penis until you know, you went to oh my gosh. You went. It was fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But anyways, traditionally, I'll tell you this story. And then I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you this story. the way. Let's be in porn. Is she really? Yeah. Yeah. It's true. Wow. I'm assuming it's true. I'm not just gonna give you my sister's name. Oh. I found the line. Yeah. It's like if I wanted to tap into your bank account, I wouldn't just ask you for the password. I'd be like, Hey, I'm gonna hack this shit. I'm gonna find it out. But your sister's obviously sure. Clearly out there. I know. But it's clearly out there. Does she share that she have a stage name? She does. Tell me your stage name. Spinser. Spinser. Hey buddy. She was in playboy nasties playing with a girl. Change state court. It's Spencer Scott. Spencer Scott. Oh, is that her? Yeah. That's your sister. My sister. Holy shit. How are you like lesbian porn? I do. I don't like I talk to you when you were on the on the love line. I can't watch regular. I only like lesbian porn. Yeah. You think about your son's face gone wrong? No, because I have no interest. If you want to see porn. Yeah. I have no interest in seeing a dick. I don't normally defend the dick. But I'm about to. I don't think it makes me any less a man that I like to see a man's honker and I like to see it. I like it's it's part of the package for me. It's like the parsley by the side of the porn plate. I'd miss it if it was gone. I don't really need it, but I'd miss it. I know. I know. I'm not judging you, Howard. Why did you see her sister? Yes. Sister is fantastic. Thank you. Have you ever done porn? No. Oh my gosh. No. No. No. I would never. And your mother aware that she does this? She is, unfortunately. Is she okay with it? No, she's in hair school, so we're like trying to like transition her out. 41. No, it's the movies. One of the movies. Oh, tear school 41. Yeah. Is that a porn that I'm not aware of? Well, everything has a number. Everything has a number. Yeah. Yeah. Guy comes in to get his hair done. No, no, it's a girl. A girl. Oh, it's a girl. She only does girls. Is she a lesbian or is that her way of in her mind staying clean? Does she have a heterosexual relationship? Yes. She likes guys. Right. See, is a guy. That's great. I don't think Matt McConaughey is good enough to blow a dude on film if he's not into dudes. Do you know what I mean? Women have that kind of flexibility. Yes. Women are fantastic. Does she make a good living? Yeah. Yeah. She makes a good living. Really? And then when she's with a guy though, she only wants anal. What is that? I'm going to tell her you said that. I'm going to be like, I said that. Can we phone? Do you have that kind of technology here? You are about that. When she's with a guy, she only likes anal. Like what's going on? No, I mean, she likes both. I mean, she's an equal opportunity person. Spencer Scott. Yeah. I know that when I go home. Can I, you know, I don't want to tell her her business, but in terms of doing both, I have an order, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I start with the vagina and I finish with the anal. That's an order. I'm sure he would respect that. You start with the vage and then you go to the back, but you don't go there. But if you did, like, cleanliness wise, that could like work out. Well, I don't know that is your issue cleanliness? No, I'm saying if I'm your sister, I would have an order. I love that. I would look at her. If you wouldn't do, if he was doing your sister, that's lovely. Oh, there she is. Very friendly. She is. Are you guys close? We're close when she doesn't have a boyfriend. She tried to talk you into being in a film with her because I would imagine that. No, not be crazy. No, no, no, no. What am I nuts? I'm sorry. Oh, you went to drama school. Yeah. Did she? No. Yes, she's the actress. Well, I am an actress, but she's a different kind of actress. But you're doing a podcast. She's doing film. Exactly. And she went to school. Exactly. You should have stayed in school. Look where you would have been. I should have. I should have. Oh my gosh. Well, how was your substandard relationship? Look, someone gave her the roses. Yeah, found times of roses there. All right. Howard. I'm bothered that she's wearing her shoes on the furniture. Yeah, that's so disrespectful. It is. Would you do that in your own home? No. Oh, you do. Howard, is this drive you insane? What? When people I had to happen, not since I've moved in this studio, but when he used to be on the sofa, there are people who sit by putting both feet up on the chair or the sofa or crossing. They're like, and basically, he's putting their shoes on top of your sofa. Do you know what? I have a problem with shoes anywhere, like even in my, I'd like the whole in your house, just the bottom of shoes. When I go to New York, when I come back, I get a new pair of shoes. Really? I try. I don't always, but I think of walking the streets in New York, then all that shit to bring it back. Yeah. How's the sanity going? I'm pretty sane. How do you sound sane? I am. I'm very, I told you, we did have that talk last time, which you don't believe in, but I'm Medicaid. No, we had a, we had a conversation. We got a little drunk on my, Mangria, but I said when I came in, she had a flight. It was not intentional. These are really big jeans. Yeah, the flies done. At least I acknowledge it. Like, that's how I tell the difference between you and your sister. If I'd meet your sister, the back of her pants are undone. Speaking of, I saw, I was grandma sad. Sorry. Where'd you go? I saw like 65 year old badge in Palm Springs, like with no pants on, and I saw everything. Really? Really? Yeah. Oh, you have. What a contrapper. Sorry. Sorry. I'm a cut dropper. I'm a cut one up, or I just have 71 year old snatch the other day. I did once. It was horrible. No, I did. I went when my, when my wife was having our first child. It was my first time's really uncomfortable. I was, my first time I went to the gynecologist, too. We were going to hear the heartbeat or see a sonogram or see something, and I'm waiting in the waiting room. She was going to go have a checkup. And I said, you know, and I waited in the waiting room. And then they, the nurse said, okay, Mr. Mandel, you can go in. It's room six. Oh, no. I walked into, I walked into room six, and I walked into this, that these legs were open wide. And I saw, I just, it's just a lot of flesh. Wow. There was a lot of, just a, yes, it was like a, like a grand canyon. And then there was this face came up. She looked up from. Oh, no. And she saw me and I didn't want to say, I didn't want to make like it was, so I just gave her like a thumbs up. Like I was checking also. The doctor said, you may want to take a look at this. So I made it like, I took a look at it. And then I found my wife, but it's. She said, no deal. No deal. But it's really weird what happens. But I have a friend now who's making a fortune in a vaginal rejuvenation. That's a big thing now. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They can, they can, they can give you a new hymen. You can they really? Oh, yeah. You can be a re-virginized. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's a hymen. It's just like a cellophane, like a rap, like just a, the experimental love. But yeah, no, it's a, why would you want a new hymen? Well, I don't want anything, but there's segments of this planet, some in the Middle East, others in the Asian, Asian parts of the world, where things like rhino horn and, you know, hymen replacement surgery and things like that, jump to the top of their list. It doesn't make sense to us. You're aware of all these weird segments. Well, I'm saying there's certain cultures where you have to marry a virgin. Yeah. Oh, so the replacement counts or they wouldn't know. That's a like a way to hide your past behind their hymen. I suppose your friend is doing a lot of work in the vaginal rejuvenation department. He is. Mm-hmm. He does that. And he'll tighten things up or lift things up or move them around. I think he does whatever you need. Tighten, I don't know what they do. I know that he's making a fortune doing it. What are they? What would they do? Like if you were to have your vagina. Oh, no, mine's wonderful. I just get it vejazzled at this point. Oh, really? Is that like vejazzled? So you have, do you glue like shiny things onto it? Yeah, that's that's what you do. So wouldn't it be scratch? Like, wouldn't it be. But it's pretty. I know it's pretty, but, you know. The things you do, it's like beauty is pain. Like nothing's easy. But why should it be painful for the guy that wants to enjoy? Well, no. He's just like it's more of a visual thing. Guys are visual. So like they see, ooh, there's my name or whatever it is, but it's not permanent. So it's like, that's the best part. But hold on, let me say that name up in light sour. Have you ever seen a woman's vagina? And when like, yeah, she was really hot. Yeah, she a really nice snatch. But it didn't look like a bass lure. There was nothing winking at me. There was nothing shiny. It was just kind of a vagina. I mean, just sort of sat there. You want something special. Your name? It's like a depressivity. You put the name of the, you have names on it? No, I don't. You said there's it. Guys said there's my name. Oh, it was a joke. I don't I don't actually do that. But I could if I wanted to. What is the shape that you've been dazzled years with now? Mine's mine's actually very bare. It's all natural going on. Natural right now. So it's been dazzled with flesh. Yes. Another person's flesh you could on your natural for nine year old, not natural for 24 year old, right? I mean, that's not natural. Completely unnatural. Yeah. But you finally don't shave it. If you shave it in the morning and you do something at five o'clock, do you not get it like a rash from the, like, is there a five o'clock? Is it like Don Johnson down there? Totally. Like crazy rash. Like it's like insane. It's pretty insane. It's like, can't wear a bikini. Let's just put it that way. Really? Yeah. Well, no, you know, before, well, I'll make up a cover up a lot of it. But you know, you shave. You're going to you're going to shoot a movie or shoot a TV show. You got to shave before you before you get out there. But she doesn't do - No, no, no. - I was just playing a dominatrix on Tosh.0, and I was on MinuteWare class Wednesday. I do TV. - Oh, I'm sorry. I know. We're selling our short. And you know what else? She does the news as well. And I think we'll get into that right now. How about it, Seth? - Perfect. Okay, cool. So I really. - We got an intro for you. - Oh, I love that. - The news with Sid Wilder. - You know, I think my nipples are fantastic. - Oh, that was a great clip. Thank you for airing that. So a third grader's cut smoking weed in an elementary school bathroom. - Wow. - How amazing is that? I think that's the circle. So two eight-year-olds, and one nine-year-older, one eight-year-old one-year-older, smoking marijuana in an elementary school boys' room last week. - Smoking in the boys' room is kind of like a song, Brownsville station. But it's got a little bit of a lost art. Like, it's simpler times. - Did they have a card? - Did they have it? - They need a medical marijuana card. - How do you know? - A lot of them suffer from it. - No, no, no. - 80 HD. - Mm-hmm. - You know? - Instead of riddling the mother sent them with a little announce. That's right. - Ha! - No, the kids had a pipe in a very small amount of marijuana that came from several sources. So no card. - I don't know. - See, the thing about getting high, as a kid, I don't feel like you need to be high. Just feel like every day, how would you know an eight-year-old is high? (laughing) Well, you wouldn't, but what I'm saying is, is, when you're eight, all you have to do is go to Lego land and you have your mind blown. Like, you don't need, everything is incredible. You would learn that someone before you was named Abe Lincoln, and someone would tell you a story, and it'd be like, your mind was blown. Like, every day you can discover something new, you can have your mind blown by just about anything. So then what you're saying is, and more than unhealthy, it's just redundant. You don't need it. When my kid's eight, I'll show him an episode of "Dukes of Hazard," and he goes, "This is the biggest show on TV," and he's going, "Oh, holy fuck, my mind is blown." You don't need to be high, we need to get a little older. That's when you need it. What about when you're like going to the playground? Like, that would probably be the only benefit I could say. Like, going on a swing when you're high. Like, all the stress of playing, you know, four square with a utility ball, things like that. Well, going on a swing when you're high on pot is not. Have you ever done pot? Probably not, no. I have done pot. Have you swam on pot? Swam? Like, you know, sorry, so you know swimming, come on. No, I do know swimming. You don't have to explain it. No, I don't know. What happens when you swim on pot? Do it. (laughing) Do it. Really? It's amazing. It's like being back in the world. Oh, it's amazing. You like to get high and go swimming. No, no, I don't really smoke pot, but my friends, like, awake and bake, and I didn't realize that to like three years into our friendship. And so, like, I had an edible at our house one time and we went swimming, and it was pretty amazing. Tell me, describe what it is to go swimming high. You just have to do it. No, you have to describe it. It's just-- How is that gonna do it? I'm not gonna-- Oh, that's why I need to describe it. 'Cause you're not gonna do it. Yeah, I'm not gonna do it. Is your friend a chick? She's a chick. Take it slow. Go ahead. You get slow. You just swim in your clothes or you just swim naked? I had a suit on. A suit. Yeah, like a swimsuit on. You know, I think my nipples are camera shy. Mm-hmm. Thank you. Yeah, and I just went, you know, it just feels like your just whole body is just like going in a wave and it's just so much fun. But you want to know something if you're not high and you're in the water, it feels like your whole body is going in a wave. [LAUGHTER] It feels exactly like you're floating. Yes, and you feel like you're wet. It feels buoyant. And buoyant all over. And you feel like you can just like cross-- But you're saying the edible, like eating the pots a little bit groufier than smoking the pot. Yeah, but to be careful. So eat the pot, jump in the pool. There you go. That's your saying. Totally. How was the last time you smoked pot? Honestly, I was in Amsterdam about two months, three months ago. Really? I would think that with your personality construct, you would not want to get high. I usually don't, but I was in Amsterdam. And I went to a coffee shop, and that's what you do in the coffee shop. But I kept going into coffee shops, and I didn't want to be-- There was always an American there. So I found one far off the beaten path. And it seems to me that what they have there in Amsterdam is a lot stronger than what we have here in America. Because first of all, I kind of-- Amsterdam is not my hometown, and I didn't know where I was. So I knew that my hotel was like two blocks over from the Heineken-- I saw the Heineken sign in a bar, and I went down-- And then anyway, I got-- Get down Frank's house, you went too far. I got really high. And then I spent the rest of the night trying to find my hotel because every corner has a Heineken sign, and I didn't know where I was. And the end Frank, you know what people don't talk about? How fascinating it is that you-- How long did she hide? Years? I had four years or something. Four years, but I don't know. From miles away, there are signs that say, and Frank's house with arrows and everything. How did she hide? How do you-- Oh, no, no, no. I think they put the arrows up after. I don't know. But all those things where it's like, you know, the same with like, have you ever been there, said? No, what do I want to go? You know she hid. I know. But they have signs from miles away. That's the point to-- It's like the map of the stars and stuff like that. Yeah, but it's his end Frank's house with an arrow. So how did they not find her? I have to go to the star box. It is. I have to check into it because, you know, I went through the groundlings, and yes, and is my normal mode. But I think some of those signs may have won up after World War II and stuff. All right, all right. So that's-- so I got-- I always thought about the person that dropped the dime on Anne Frank. Like, oh my god. The person, ultimately with, you know, a short period of time left in the war. Some good Samaritan was like, yeah, there's an emaciated 13-year-old Jewish brand, living in the attic over there at 5,100 Elm. So, anyway, she'll see-- What do you hear from me? You may want to go check that out. I'd hate for this war to end without you exterminating her. I mean, who's the person that dropped the dime? I don't know. We are just two away from 6 million. We are just two away. Yes, come on, people. Let's go now. Those are my people. Yeah, it's very sad. Very sad. It is. And when you go see the room, it's just devastating. It's devastating. So you got to go out and get high. I'm not going to get high and then go to Anne Frank's place. So I'm going to see Anne Frank's place, have a Heineken, then get high. I heard a story about-- I love Mel Brooks and Mel Brooks, and Anne Bancroff went to see Auschwitz. Do you know this story? Yeah. I mean, no. I mean, I know who they are, and I know what it is. He went to see Auschwitz. They went to see his heritage. And the night before the tour, they had a horrible fight. Anne Bancroff and Mel Brooks. And they just weren't speaking. They woke up in the morning, and the car that they had gotten picked them up took them through Auschwitz. They didn't say a word to each other. And it was very emotional and very moving. And then they get back in the car and they're driving back to the hotel. And I guess the emotion moved her and Anne said, you know, Mel, I'm so sorry. I just want to apologize for the fight. And he turned to her and he goes, great. Now that you're ruined, Auschwitz for me. [LAUGHTER] All right, next story. What do we got? Oh my gosh, I love the story. OK. So I do. Dean Sue's parents were cash, college tuition. Does she have a case? A New Jersey teenager claiming that her mother and father tossed her out of their home and cut her off financially, and she's suing them for immediate support for her current private school fees in future college tuition. I think that's so funny. I don't know. How is it raising kids? Your son's a little bit older. My kids are older. My kids are older. And one word, bitch. She's a little bitch. She's a little Jersey. She's a big bitch. You know what? The thing is that-- no, I don't think they owe her money. And I think it's ridiculous. And I think that I was watching the case yesterday. And I think that they're siding with the parents. But it was the toughest thing raising kids. And my daughter has come back to me now. She's about 30 now. So she's going to be 30. She's come back to me and went, how did you not kill me? How did you-- Oh, yeah. It's true, though, right? You were crazy. You were crazy. So this little bitch is crazy. Why would they have to-- I don't know-- it's like a bad harbinger for our society and the way it's going. And it's weird. And I don't know how much you got into this with the kids or growing up or whatever. But twice a week, I tell my kids, you know, they go, daddy, how come you don't have to when I go? Because I pay for everything. That's why I don't have to, whatever. The other day, literally walking down the street, looking nice little community. And we're going to eat. And I said, daddy wants barbecue. And everyone started complaining. By the way, this is why the terrorists hate us. Daddy wants some fucking ribs and brisket. And you're like, oh, the humanity. I'm like grilled meat. Yeah, I said, we're eating barbecue. And they all went, and my daughter, Sassy, she's seven. She said, let's take a vote. Because she knew it was her, my wife and my son. And you knew how this vote was going to go. Let's take a vote. Who wants barbecue? And who doesn't want barbecue? Who wants Italian food? And all the three hands flew up. And I just pulled my wallet out. And I said, I'm voting. And I held my wallet up. And I said, I'm paying for everything. That's how tyranny works. That's how my vote works. I don't care about your votes. Thank you. It is. That's right. And it works. The name for a third stripper sister, tyranny. She's actually-- lesbian. Uh-huh. You have another sister. Yeah, but she's not like that. She's a writer and she's like, hates everybody. Unless being writer. Yeah. Curse of? No, that's not her forte, and she's really good at writing. She, Cock Muncher, was a script that she just sent me. Cock Muncher. Yeah. And is this for a Disney? Uh-huh. Yeah. Baron. Baron von. Do you have it here? Cock Muncher? It's on my phone. Can we see it on your phone? Let's just do a scene from Cock Muncher. Oh my God. Read one scene from Cock Muncher. I'd like to do that. Yeah, go get it. Pull your phone out. Okay. Pull your phone out. Wow. So this is written. This is a great opportunity. You should call her to listen. A writer would kill for this kind of exposure. What would you mean? Yeah, especially with some of the acting shots that Holly Mandell. Has she had anything produced yet? No. No. She had Ruggman, Cher's in development. She sent you this with the hopes that what, that you would show Adam, and he would know that she wanted me to film one of her scenes. And so she just sent me like a quick little scene from it, and I don't think I can use it. So she's doing, she's doing Cock Muncher, and she said, this will be perfect for my sister. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I have to find it though. Fudge Packers in turn around. Yeah, we'd have, we'd be happy to read a scene from that. Oh, girl. How many girls are in your family? Just 100. Don't you? We're all for, you know what I'm saying? Is your father alive? Yes, he is. And how is he with the, he, he actually favors my sister in porn. He likes the porn. Yeah. You save more than me. Why do you say that? He loves her. She can do no wrong. He's overcompensating for her hair school. And he did not pay one dime for my school. I had to put myself through my drama school. Yes. This, this, this, this fucking idea is on Tosh.0. I got a daughter who does lesbian porn. Now that's, oh, yes, keeping the family name alive. But she used the family name? No. 20 grand. He had to pay for her hair school. And I'm like, dad, I need, and then I got you going through to find Cock Muncher. How deep, how deep into the files of Cock Muncher? I found it. Can I just see? Yeah. All right. You can do the next news story while how he looks up an appropriate scene for us. I would be happy to do that. It's actually not too inappropriate. So Arby's bought for all Williams hat on eBay for $44,000. Oh, the hat. Yeah. The famous hat he wore, the Vivian Westwood, like hat. It's like five story for short people. Yeah. I think it's kind of a horse hat from Bonanza. It's all called a buffalo hat. I don't know what that means, but that's why I saw calls. I had some of that. Yeah. They spent how much? What? $44,000. From the one that he was wearing at the Oscars? Yeah. No, the Grammys. Oh, but then he was, didn't he pull one off at the Oscars as well? He wore one there for sure. Oh, okay. That's where I saw the online betting before the Oscars. Will Ferrell wear a buffalo hat? Yes or no? Oh, all right. All right. Oh, I see Arby's. Yeah, they've got same hat. Right. Nice. It's going to look sweet and loose-site case in a rich white guy's entry hall. That's pretty funny. Okay. And Arby's one of these places where I knew that Arby's was around for 23 years, and then I did the Arby's, and then I did the, oh, roast beef. Oh, Arby's. Arby's. I've had that happen a few times in my life. Would you wear that hat? I'd actually like to see you in it. Hi, I shall. Cockmunch is only four pages long. I said it's a scene from it. It's a scene from it. It's a scene from Cockmunch. It's not the whole thing. Yeah. And she wants you to be this scene. Well, just like for my real, because like, you know, for your real. Yeah. But I was like, no. Oh my god. Yeah. Well, I was just trying to like, help her. I was like, okay, cool. Look at it. I don't know if I'm going to do it. How it's water marks. I don't think about stealing it. Yeah. Let's do the scene. Let's do the scene, you. Okay. Well, I don't have it. I know. Well, can I sit beside you? Is this my phone on? Yeah. Can we do it? We'll heat that, my god. Okay. Not again, Brian. Here we go. It's really hard to look at my screen because it's got that protector thing you on it. Yeah. I can't see it. All right. Now set it. Set it. Set up. Okay. So I'm going to set up the, okay. It's an interior bedroom. You could start the music. Interior bedroom morning. Uh-huh. Girl is sleeping. Guy walks in carrying a CVS bag in a day's. There's a bag in a day's. I guess so. He sits on the edge of the bed. You awake? Seely. Seely. You awake? No. Are you asleep? No. What's a cock muncher? What? It's a lie. What is it? I have no idea. I'm trying to put it together in my head. Wow. This is really good. Why? Oh my god. What time is it? Did you come out? I was coming back from the store and some homeless guy on the street called me a cock muncher. Looked at me a certain way and and then he just disappeared. This isn't morning conversation and he just like vanished into thin air. He walked off. Well, let's find out what it means. She reaches under the bed, pulls out an iPad, moves her hand across the screen, and the guy changes his shirt. Yeah. It's really good. Nora Efron, look out. That's it. That was it. Wow. She is good. I mean, she writes, she brings you right in. It's like, it's like we're, thank you. Please. Good job. Thank you. Let me just give her a pair of the ultimate compliment. I close my eyes and picture two people can't act sitting on a food time. You nailed it. That case. I did. It was like I was there, but this isn't who writes that. This will be great for my sister's real. I don't know. She was just trying to be nice. I feel bad. You got to get her into porn. We got it. Let's get her on the phone and give her some notes on this scene. She would kill me if I did that. Why? She already hates me, so it's like adding that extra layer. It's like not. You just went from she's trying to help you to the, she hates you. Well, she thinks, you know, because she's writing for this company that does that like for actors and stuff. Like they write scenes for actors for like the real and stuff. So there's a place called Samuel French and you can go in and get like streetcar name desire and then you just read that. Why? When you get caught munchers from her sister's true. Every, every good real needs that. I know how to disappoint the cast. What kind of business is this? What's the name of that company? I don't know. I don't know. I really don't know. They write scenes for actors. Yeah. Well, don't worry. Said no one listens to this. Good. That's perfect. That's perfect. More news? Wow. Yeah. Let's do when I start. I'm intrigued on the scenes for actors part because I feel like there's scores and scores of plays and movies. There's no names. There's no names. It says guy and girl. It's right. It's very specific. It's called cockroach munchers. That's like it's a good name though. It's a good start. Cock munchers. For me, it's a better finish. That was a good one. That was a good one. Okay, um, robbery victim left in a trance. German police, a pair of robbers who are hypnotized by a woman before stealing jewelry. Oh, really? Yeah. They're two female hypnotists. Yeah. They're hunting them. I like how they use hunting. That's charming. Do you guys feel like it's mainly dumb people who have me hypnotized like? Well, especially if you're going to be robbed. Like you're walking down a dark alley. Right. And two feet behind you. There's a guy following you with a pendant. Right. It's worth that. For look at this. Yeah. No, I don't want to. You're getting sleepy. Yeah. I don't want to look. Who are you? Please look at this. Why is he making me look at it? You're getting close your eyes. I can't walk with my eyes closed. Yeah. That's exactly what it's like. You were there. Yeah. That's it. I think they're like they're in this guy's house. Right. Um, it was a girl actually. I mean, they hypnotized a girl. Yeah, but they ended up like she ended up in her house. Yeah. Oh, that got her back. Uh-huh. And they like had her in a trance there and took her back. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. It happens. I know. Really? No, it's never happened. It's never happened. It's never happened. And by the way, the easier way to do that, how he's just a cordless drill with the circle and the line that just keeps getting smaller and smaller toward the center and you just fire that up. But once they stare at it, like the other limits thing. Yeah. I've learned from watching cartoons. You get sucked in almost immediately into that. Uh-huh. That's what he's talking about. Yeah, she's got one on her vagina. What are you talking about? Hello. What did that hello come out of? Vagina? Well, that's amazing. Mm-hmm. All right. Let's bring it home, baby girl. All right. No one knows what that means when you say that. It means it's done, right? Yeah. There we go. She's got it. Oh, I recite offline. That was the news with Sid Wilder. All right. Um, me catch a contractor on a spike premiere two big fat episodes at 10 o'clock on Sunday. So if you want to see the new show, check that out. Howie Mandel deal with it. Second season premieres Wednesday, March 19th. I think there's Tuesday, isn't it? Is that Wednesday? So it's Wednesday. It is Wednesday. It is Wednesday. It is the 19th TBS website, howiemandel.com. You can Twitter him at Howie Mandel. Howie Mandel. I'll tweet live during the show too. Spread the word. Bless you, Sid Wilder. New sketch, by the way. If you GPS could talk and find that on youtube.com/sidwithwhysidwilder and website SidWilder.com Twitter @sidwilder. Thank you very - Thank you very much, it's a great job. - Thank you very much. So, until next time, I'm Tom Crowe for "Hine, Man, Down." Sit wilder, bald brine, sand, mahala. I am smegmaless. All right, those Adam Kuleshow 1276 with "Sid Wilder on News" from 2014. Coming up next, we have Adam Kuleshow episode 17 with Seth McFarlane. This is from March of 2009, very early on in the podcast. Seth telling his 9/11 story, rivaling even the 2004 telling on "Love One." Hope you guys enjoy. - The very first time somebody saw somebody die, they went holy shit that boulder could have landed on me. Or that saber-toothed tiger could have taken me. - It's always a saber-toothed tiger. - Yeah, it's like. So, woolly mammoth could have trampled me or worse raped me. - So the point is. - It's starting to feel like the Flintstones here. - People went, that bird was a garbage disposal, or the pig, or whatever it was. Point is, as somebody said, look, we better come up with something because I can't sleep at night, because I'm worried about a boulder landing on me. And then, you know, God forbid pardon the pun, but when you have kids. - Well, right now your daughter thinks that you're God and you know everything. - Right. - And when she gets old enough to realize that you're just as fucked up as a rest of us. - Maybe more. - That's right. - She'll say, you know, unless she thinks about it a little more. She'll say, boy, I need something to fill that hole. - Right. Yeah, Uncle Seth is gonna come by and explain to you about the decomposition and being eaten by worms. (laughing) - But the point is, when you have kids, then you really, it really kicks in. Like, if something should happen to my child, that feeling of, you know what, the Lord had a plan, he wanted her or him to come with him. You know, blah, blah, blah. We'll be reunited somewhere at some point. I can understand that that's powerful. I mean, because there could be nothing more devastating and nothing, there's no equal to that in terms of dealing with that as a human being. And I understand why we needed to block those out, why we needed to block that out as human beings. And I wish I could buy into it, but I can't. - I think you can still have, I mean, the best scientists in the world will say, at the end of the day, on this issue, you know what, we don't fucking know. And you can still have a sense of wonderment and you can appreciate, you can be positive and optimistic and appreciate, you know, the mystery of it all, you know. There is a way, you know, Carl Sagan was that kind of guy, he was such an upbeat guy who, you know, on his deathbed was like, no, I still think this is it. - Right. - He still did not believe in. - Yeah, but at the same time, he was so taken with everything and the task of finding out the real answer. - Well, and listen, I agree, and I would say to all my religious friends who insultingly asked me what's the stop me from stabbing somebody or raping this. - Isn't that nanny? - But that's religion notoriously claims that they invented morality. They didn't, morality exists in animals, you know. The golden rule, you have bats who, you know, if one bat is sick and the other ones, you know, get some extra food for them when he gets well and another one gets sick, there's the expectation that he's got to do the same. - I agree, religion canonized morality. They were the first people to write it down. - Right. - Yeah, no, I agree, they act like they invented it and it's to me, it's built into your constant rock and it's all under the no shit umbrella. - Million examples in nature, it's hardwired into us. - Yes, I mean, obviously you don't do horrible things to other people because it's wrong not because some deity has told you that it's wrong. But the thing that's interesting about this and I always bring this up, you were bound for one of those 9/11 flights that flew into the tower and I love the fact that you don't give a shit about it and that's exactly how I would be, which is it was just happenstance and circumstance and you missed your flight and the flight didn't miss one of the towers. But most people would go on a crusade about it or lecture, you know. - It's because we're kids about it. - We're, as they say, we're significance junkies. We want to attach significance to everything. This must have happened for a reason and that's just not the case. It's not, it's not, coincidence is, Julius Sweeney's one woman show, she beats this into the ground. Coincidences do happen, they do happen. - No, and it's the ultimate form of narcissism to say this happened to me for a reason. Because if it happened to you for a reason, what about the other 250 people that flew into the fucking tower? Does that happen to them for a reason? - Exactly. - Were they bad people? - Exactly. - Like, I love that concept of, I must have been spared for a reason. Well, I'm sure the 189 people on the plane and the 3,000 people on the tower would love to hear the reason why you were fucking spared to Juan and bang another 22 year old hostess. - Exactly, at the holiday there were plenty of people on that plane who are much more, you know. - They had kids? - Yeah, exactly. - They had life at a purpose? - Yeah, exactly, that's a good way to put it. 'Cause that is a, that is a, that is a, you know, yeah, it's narcissistic to think that. - You're here for a purpose. - Yeah, I know, and I love it. - Other than the one you decide for yourself. - Right. - So you were in Boston and you were booked on which flight? - On flight 11. - Out of Logan. - Out of Logan, yeah. - And was that the first one or the second one? - Was the first one. - The first one to hit the tower and you were in Boston doing what? - I was in, I was actually down in Providence, which is about 40 minutes out of Boston, doing a lecture at my old college. And I overslept and the, you know, the driver picked me up from the hotel and was literally like breaking traffic laws and get me there on time. - It's ironic now when you think about it that he was hustling to get you to the grave. - Yeah, exactly. - It's just running red, so Seth MacParlan wouldn't do another season of the family guy. - Which I'm sure the parents television council, I'm sure wishes to be at me. - It would have been nice if that guy had just done the ride on the red. - Exactly. - So this guy's making, I mean, he's supposed to pick you up at what time? Well, the flight was scheduled for 7.45. And I had, this was a couple of the fact that my travel agent had written 8.15 on the itinerary that I had. It was like a half hour off anyway. And I'm already running late. I get there and I get to the counter and they said you too late, we just closed the gate. And I'm like, all right, I'm a little hungover anyway. I just get the 11 o'clock, got a ticket, went to wait in the lounge, fell asleep, and then woke up, you know, 45 minutes later. - Now what time did you get to the airport? - I was probably there probably by like close to 8. And it was 7.45 flight. And the driver showed up on time, right? Or, no, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, 7.8.15 was what I thought it was. I got there probably like, I almost had like 7.30. - And so the flight was still there when you got there. And the driver showed up on time. He was just hanging outside the motel hotel that you're at, waiting for you to wake up, get you to get together. - Exactly, exactly. - And the other thing is I had missed many flights before then. You know, it wasn't like this is the first flight I had missed. I missed flights, morning flights I missed all the time 'cause I just don't like to get up early. - Right. - Now I know that about you. But can I ask you another first off? It's kind of funny, but I was just thinking about this. Like one time Dr. Drew and myself were doing, I think it was the Donnie and Marie show. And Pam, I've not the first show, not in the seventh show. Not in 1976, but they got together and did a talk show. A syndicated talk show and like, I don't know, '99 or '97 or whatever it was. And we were supposed to go on the show. And Pam Anderson was the lead guest. And Pam Anderson was late. And evidently Pam Anderson is notoriously late. And so we were on time and we had to wait around for a long time to do the show and then she came on and then she went on first. And we went on and then later on, Pam Anderson was a guest on Loveline when it was on MTV. And she, of course, was late again. And I just was going, not saying we're going to start the show. And we're not going to wait for her because we're enablers. We're essentially, she gets to be late wherever she goes all the time and no one says shit to her because she's Pam Anderson. Now Seth McFarland is late. Constantly, most places he goes. I know this from doing family guy, voice over work. He's always late. But with the ultimate excuse, because when Pam Anderson is late, it's like, hey, bitch, what the fuck, you're holding everyone up? When Seth McFarland is late, he gets to go, you want to know, let me tell you another time I was late, son. [LAUGHTER] And thus, in your brain, you're not only equated-- Wow. --I mean, seriously, like most people are alive because they're late. I mean, it's not that people give you a sort of celebrity pass. They don't bust your chops too much. You were a little bit late tonight. I have to give you a tough time about it. But you were here because-- because you were late. Like it literally saved your life. It's really a horrible mixed message to send to yourself. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But if anyone has an excuse for being late, - Well, you know, the weird thing was I, what I remember is once they, they started, you know, once everyone kind of blanked and said, you know, after we took our eyes off the TV and said, "All right, wait, now what do we do?" My, my thought was, wait, these guys were just here in the airport that they leave a little, you know, Jokey Smurf surprise package, you know, here. - Right. - You know, we should probably, you know, they started hustling everyone out and I'm like, that's, that's, that's. - They started hustling everyone out of the airport. - Yeah, they didn't evacuate the airport. - And they evacuated the airport just because it's, like, we gotta do something and we know what to do. - No problem. - Because those guys were there and, you know, I mean, who knows? - Oh, who, who left a bomb? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, 'cause they just all passed through Logan. I'm sorry, when you said they, I thought you meant the passengers. - Yeah. - You mean, the terrorists just all passed through this airport moments earlier. That'd be goddamn, I mean, for all the screeners and all the guys working security and everything, they had to be totally surreal to them. - Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's, you know, nobody knew what to do. And I'd say it was, it was, there was one little moment that was oddly, you know, just a, I remember those little speck of, speck of warmth and all of that was, I walked up to the bar at like, you know, after, we'd, you know, this was probably about like 9.30 when we had seen it on the news. - Yeah, people were starting to kind of do the math. - Yeah. - And walk up to the bar and I said to the bartender, you know, it was too early for a scotch. And he goes, no, no, it's on the house, pal. - Wow. - This kind of old West exchange. - Really? - Yeah. - At the end of the day. - Two fingers, two fingers playing. - Exactly. - Yeah, that is awesome. I, I, and by the way, did your brain, I mean, we're talking about not being able to shut it off and not being able to, I mean, most people would have just been to this weird fugue state of sort of numbness at the end of their fingers and that kind of stuff. For you, I imagine you weren't that way. I mean, even though you knew you should have been dead at this moment, and a ball of flames on the side of that building, it was-- - It was lucid in a way? - Yeah, I was. I mean, I was, I was, what was going through my head was, was gratitude toward the travel agent who had made the mistake. - Right. - And, you know, gratitude toward the Jack Daniels that I consumed the night before. - Right, because you would have been late, probably, probably anyway. But never, never, and never a feeling of, now I'm on a mission. - No. - I mean, now I must go forth and I've been touched by whoever and I've been chosen. - Not for a second, no. - You didn't have a second at that. That's what I love about you. I love that part that you don't feel special. - Because, again, as you know, there were other people that missed that flight, and like I said, I've missed other flights before this. It's not, if, it, I mean, somebody misses every flight. There's always, there's always some person who misses every flight. - Yeah. - And on this one, I happen to be, it's could have just as easily been somebody else. - I have a few questions, by the way, because we sort of, no, no, no, no, no. Because we didn't, we didn't, I put it up on the website. I want to know if people had questions for you, because I know you have a big presence out there. And a couple of questions. First off, Malenko wants to know, family guy, the movie. - Yeah. - Come on out. - It's, it's, it will be, I can say with almost, definitive assuredness that it will be out. It's, it will be within the next few years, I hope, and hopefully, on the earlier side of that. But we are, we already know actually what it's gonna be. - You do. - Yeah. - What do you mean what it's gonna be? - Well, it's, we, we've been trying to lock into something that makes it so that it has to be a movie. - Right. - I know. - I suppose to an extended family guy. - Yeah, and I, you know, and I like the Simpsons movie, but with animation, you know, that's a story they could also do on TV. 'Cause there's not like, they're constrained by sets. - I love the Simpsons, but I didn't see the movie because people just said, well, it's essentially a long Simpsons episode. - It is, but, you know, with, with that medium, I mean, what, how do you do, you know, what else can you do? So yeah, you have to find some way to make it so that it, it's, it has to be a movie. - Well, the family guy sort of experimented a little with live action working into the animation, and of course, the big musical numbers and stuff like that. So are you hinting that it's something that is different than what would be a 90 minute family guy episode? - It will not be a 90 minute family guy episode. - Little live action worked in. - Possibly, possibly here in there. - Music for sure. - Yep, yep. - Also, let's see, Bill wanted to know about the family guy getting back on Fox, the chronology. It ran for two seasons? - For three seasons. - Three seasons. - And then, and then got canceled, and canceled for two years, and then came back in 2004. And, and what was the decision to bring it back? Was it the adult swim thing? - It was a combination of the fact that the, the adult swim reruns were beating Leno and Letterman in the male demographics, you know, most nights, and the DVD sales were suddenly picking up as a result. - Right. - And it was just allowing the show to give it time, which is what, they don't do that anymore with TV. If a show is not a hit right off the bat, - Right. - It's toast, and it's, you know, a Seinfeld is a perfect example of why the old system works. Seinfeld was a show that kind of lingered, you know, for just kind of sat there for a while. Nobody was watching, and somebody at NBC said, "Now creatively, I think this is good. "I'm not just looking at the numbers, "I'm just a funny show. "Let's, I think it's going to catch on." Which is, people don't do any more in that business. They just don't make, they look at the numbers, and that's it, and it's like monkeys could do that. You know, if you're a creative executive, have an opinion, take a stand, even if you're wrong, you're still, it's a noble failure. - Well, you know, look, the thing, I don't understand about, most of the stuff is, you know, they always talk about, when you're running a business, the first three months you hire somebody, it costs you money because you have to train them, and you have to acclimate them to the position, and so on and so forth. And then you have a certain amount invested in that person. And if that person quit every six months, you'd be losing a ton of money because you're spending a bunch of money just getting them up and running, essentially. And you know, when they spend millions of dollars, getting these shows sort of up and running, yanking the plug this quickly, it's counterintuitive because you think to yourself, look, you've made this investment, let it pay off, but you have to let it breathe a little bit. Now listen, if it's a turn, it's a turn, pull the plug. - The one place that does that without fail is HBO. A HBO will stick with something until, and if you look at one show after another on HBO, that nobody, you know, gives a shit about at the beginning, eventually becomes something that is talked about. Right, right now it's big love people are talking about. You know that show kind of under the radar for a while, and it's like, but they just stick with stuff, and it works for them. - Yeah, and I agree, and maybe they have that luxury, maybe they can. - All right, those Adam Kola Show episodes 17, that does the praise pool of classics. Make sure to and tomorrow for an all new installment, until then, I'll then get 'em off. (upbeat music) - Hello, and welcome to Pluto Fall. - Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. - Welcome to the real world. - Mean girls. - Side up. - Titanic. - Run the key in the world! - And so much more for show times, press nothing. They're free 24/7. - That is so fast. - On Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. - Podcasting isn't just about talking, it's about growing, engaging, and monetizing, and that's where Podcast One Pro comes in. Whether you're an independent creator or a major brand, Podcast One Pro, gives you the tools you need to take your podcast to the next level. We're talking about premium hosting, advanced analytics, dynamic ad integration, and expert distribution, all designed to maximize your reach and revenue. Plus, with access to Podcast One's industry leading network, you'll be connected to top tier advertisers and a massive audience. It's time to go pro and turn your passion into profit. Visit podcastonepro.com to get started today. Podcast One Pro, the power behind the podcast. - Hello, and welcome to Pluto Fall. We're all your bloodbusters favorite to landing all summer long. - Fantastic. - The Matrix trilogy. - Mean Girls. - Side by. - Titanic. - I'm the key in the world. - And so much more for showtime. Press nothing. They're free 24/7. - That is so effects. - On Pluto TV, stream now. Pay never.