Seth MacFarlane + Harris Wittels (Carolla Classics)

[music] Welcome to Cruel Classic Summer host Superfan Giovanni. It's the podcast with the best moments highlights and fans like to clip small 17 years The Adam Corolla Show. If you like to gain access to the ad-free archives of The Adam Corolla Show, The Adam and Dr. Drew Show, as well as the newer podcast Beats Out. Make sure to check out the Adam Corolla Substack. AdamCruel.substack.com And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us. Classics at AdamCruel.com. Please note, we cannot play any material from Loveline or the Kayla Sacks Adam Corolla Show that ran from 2006 to 2009 that immediately precedes this podcast. Select moments and clips from those shows have been played on the podcast, which we can then play from those episodes as fair use when they come up in old clips, but we can't play long-form clips or exact chunks from those shows. Only stuff Adam's commented on here and made it to the Transformer. If you have any questions about Loveline or the Kayla Sacks Adam Corolla Show, I've been remastering and restoring the archive for both of those shows for over 20 years. I'm almost complete. If you have any questions or need more information, patreon.com/geovonny. I hope you have. All right, let's get to the clips. For the first, we have Adam Corolla Show, 360-3. Featuring Anderson Cowan, Teresa Strosser, Brian Bishop from July of 2010. - All right, Steve? - Yeah. - What do you got? Give us a made-up movie. - Let's play first. What's that? - Give us a made-up movie. - Oh, okay, I'm on the air already. - Yeah, just like the Loveline calls. - Mm-hmm. - Ditter, B-I-T-T-E-R. - Whitter, T-W-I-T-T-E-R. - All right, we're not putting it out of our key. We get bitter Twitter, all right? T, what do you got, anything else? - Oh my God, bitter Twitter. - Can that Gibson please start this one? - I wish that was-- - I've got a romantic comment. The Mel Gibson. - Yes, definitely a romantic comedy. And this would be sort of the first movie that exploits Twitter as a medium for meeting people with 140 characters. - I'm gonna put Drew Barrymore in there. - Oh, you've got to. Yeah. - Yeah. - And I think she's got a really cold, career-oriented friend who's Kristen Bell. She's always uptight. - Yeah, uptight, yeah. And let's put like Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in there. And the new, who's the black guy tells the place to piano and tells the jokes? - Craig Robinson, now here's not here. - Craig Robinson, okay. Now occasionally somebody becomes an overnight Twitter sensation like this guy shit my dad says, right? Let's just say that Drew Barrymore is started writing tweets about her dating life. And she just was, had 12 followers. She's her friends, whatever. And suddenly it just caught fire. - She's the bitter redhead. - Yeah. And she became this huge, you know, she got a book deal and she became this huge Twitter sensation. And yet her whole career was based on just being a single girl and tweeting about all her dating nightmares. - Right. And now who is in love with her? Is it gonna be Vince Vaughn, a thin Vince Vaughn, by the way, you're gonna get him in shape for this? - Yeah. - Or an Owen Wilson. Yeah, let's look. - Luke Wilson did the home fries with her already. So that's my love Luke. Let's have Owen Wilson. - He tries to sell me a phone. - All right, here's the story. Here's the deal. She only meets, was it Owen Wilson to be for your ass? - Yeah. - She only meets Owen. She only knows him through Twitter. - Right. - Okay. Back to the serenote Bergerack thing. It is Vince Vaughn, who's doing the Twittering for him. And she's like, oh, this guy's so smart. He's so clever and so funny. Meanwhile, it's really Vince she's falling in love with, but she thinks it's Owen. And Owen can't spell her type. And he's all thumbs and it doesn't work at all. And so there's these awkward moments where she's like, you know, it would be fun like they're out at dinner. And she's like, send me a Twitter just across the table. I wanna see you do it in real life. And he's like, I've got explosive diarrhea and he gets up and he runs into the thing. And then he calls, he calls Vince Vaughn. He's like, you gotta send her a Twitter while I'm in the bathroom. You know what I mean? - Yeah, and all of her million plus followers are following this whole courtship. And somehow it's gonna come out that Owen Wilson is not who we think. But I think you need a really for Vince Vaughn. Here's what I think you do. You blow them out even further. He's gotta put on an extra 50 because the whole point is serenose unattractive. You know, that's why he has to speak through a hotter guy. So you make Vince Vaughn fatter, puffier, put a weird beard on him, bad looks. - Well, maybe a drug addict. Maybe a pedophile drug addict. - Wait. - No, no. We gotta go PG. - Yeah, this is definitely a summer romcom. - Yeah. (laughing) - For me, like, I- - He's just a drunk. - He's a drunk. And that's where all of his great ideas come from the Twitter. But she hates drunks, so she would never. - That's right. - No, you're missing the whole romantic kind of anything. This is not gonna work if he's a drug addict or a drunk. - I think he just is a schlub. - He's a schlub. - I said, but we make him super schlubby. - Or we could just cut to it and get Jack Black. - Oh yeah, let's just get Jack Black. - Yeah. - What we're saying is Jack Black is the fat Vince Vaughn. In real life. - It's a short fat Vince Vaughn. (laughing) - He's a fat or shorter. - You wanna really commit to it, you get, like, Wally Sean. - Oh, Jesus. - And then you see if she can fall in love with him. - All right. Let's do it. - It's inconceivable. - Is that Wally Sean? - Yeah. - Oh yeah, he was great. Let's do a princess bride. Let's do one more. Let's talk to Shane. - Shane? - Like Shane's there, trying to get him. - Shane? (laughing) All right, I'll go to the next one. Dave? - Hey, Adam. - What's going on, Dave? - Not much, how's it going? Huge fan, first of all. Let me just say that. - Thank you, thanks for calling in. What have you got for us? - Not much, you need a movie title? - Sure. - How about Black Beauty? - Didn't we already, didn't we already? Do that movie? - Wasn't about a horse. - Mickey Rooney, wasn't it? - Yeah. - Okay. How about the reckoning? - Does that sound like a movie or two? - Are you actually just picking movie titles that exist? - It's plan words. The reckoning, so I'll have to tell you. - Three seconds. - How about-- - That's not an athlete. - Uh huh. - A young athlete. And he's coming up, his corruption, as he gets recruited into the hard, hard-knock's life of college recruiting. - Oh, reckoning, right? - And you know who could be a consultant, that guy wrote "Murderball." - Yes. - Zupan. - Zupan. - Wow, was it Jeffrey? (laughing) - He just amazed him so, right? - No. - No. - Completely amazed him so. - Zupan, how dare you? - And then you said Jeffrey, you're like, oh my god. - I think it was Mark or something. I don't know, it was Jeffrey. Well, figure it out, yeah. Yeah, the reckoning, well there's a movie, but this one is WR, right? - All right, so he's a hot college prospect going into the pros. - The backdoor dealings of college recruiting. - Sort of explored in blue chips, but more so. - And this is very close to Brian's heart, being from USC, and the recent Reggie Bullshit going on. - Right, who dare you? - When I get knocked-y to be the coach, or to be the head of. - The alumni, or whatever. - Now we need a smarmy agenty guy. - Yeah. - Pivotin' right? - Pivotin'. - Yeah, he's gonna be pivotin', yeah. - But he's already done that, you know, maybe? - That's what he does. - And the knollty are the blue chips, though. - You know who I think would be fun? This is a little different, and I, you know that the Indian comedian who's in Park and Rec. - Oh, yes, he's hot, let's get him. - Let's get him, 'cause we give him any of that ballad with crowd. - Yeah. - Hot as a tractor, but he's doing really well right now. - He's doing very well in this. - And who is cute? - Who's, but then who's the young, oh, oh, oh, the guy from Twilight? - Ooh, right. - Bird or Jacob? - Bird or the honky. - The Latino guy. - The monkey one. - Robert Patton? - Taylor? - The wolf, the wolf. - Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. - Taylor, yeah. - I mean, I don't know what it's like. (laughing) - Okay, I'm gonna follow that shit. - Yeah, Taylor Lautner is the blue chip recruit. - Yeah. - Yeah? - 'Cause wolves are fast. - What sport is this? - He's not a wolf, for fall. - He's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's count Dracula, come on. - Teen wolf three. - All right. - It's like, you're really adding a lot of it. - All right, I'm sorry. What's, what sport is it? - Football. - He's a lot of that. - He's the one that's going. - I mean, couple of it before I move in. - No, I thought the movie does sports this. I thought Brian now he did. - Let's say football. - Let's hope you have a lot of sex offenders in your neighborhood. - Yeah. - Yeah, all right. So football, the reckoning, WR, Lautner, I like the Z's, I'm sorry. - It's a fast-talking, swindling agent. - Yeah. - The best part of funny people. And without him, funny people's terrible. - Yeah, I agree. - And, you know what? Well, maybe the bar sets so low for Sandler movies that when you see a Sandler movie where you go, this isn't horrible. You go, oh, I don't like that. I guess it's like a blind date where the chicks blonde in like a five and a half and you go, oh, not that bad, but you're sort of basing it on having very low expectations. A funny people to me was one of those, it was like, since I've seen little Nikki and, oh, that Mr. Deeds and stuff, I saw funny people and I was like, oh, they're ready. - Well, for being called funny people, he was the only funny person in the movie, that's why. - Yeah, that sure was. - The Hill wasn't banned, whatever, I'm sorry. - Back to the reckoning. - Oh, sorry. - You know, to have these off campus parties, you know, especially getting laid and getting rid of the school, how about Megan Fox, this is the. - Uh-huh. - They use her to lure him to USC. I mean, a school, school, or, yeah. [BLANK_AUDIO] be called something slightly different like California college or something like that but we know yeah and it played for the timber wolves or something like a made-up team right all right so she's the ringer okay and here's the thing she's used for this kind of recruiting but guess what she falls in love with the man no longer just a job now but a certain point he finds out and as a part where nobody pulls him aside and he's like she don't know the game is played you don't get it do you she's just a whore she's one of and he looks at her you know and then there's a backhand and I'm a Gibson calls her cut it's awesome so he falls for her but now he's wondering like what do you do like what what is this and he doesn't believe that she's really into him for him yeah and just like if I sign with the rival school across town you come with me and she reluctance yes yeah and he gives a speech out of nowhere that they have to do in every one of these movies where he goes my whole life I've been doing with other people want me to do everything I did I did for my dad I didn't even enjoy this anymore I don't even know what I'm doing here I'm tired of being mr. perfect I'm tired you know like he's doing a thing where he's drunk he's screaming he's out on a lawn of her sorority house and just a whole speech about always living his life for other people just to make his dad proud and now he's gonna do what he wants to do yeah can there be a scene in the movie where he throws the game on purpose like takes the ball and runs the other way to see if she'll still love him while looking at his dad and stand there is a kind of a moment there's a moment like they like in the end of North Dallas 40 where the ball was thrown by Mac Davis to Nick Nulty where actually doesn't catch it just sort of hits him in a chest puts his hands up like that he does that but out of the shotgun well it's fourth and one they're on the goal line and they come up with some stupid title like the winner of this is gonna win the the California State Championship game you know because they can't you sugar balls that's clear right and he just does a thing where he looks at the coach and the coach has changed your playing like yelling at me just looks at me let's ball hit him in a chest he doesn't put his doesn't try to grab it by the way one of the ways that they make the audience fall in love with the Taylor Lautner character is that he has like a really adorable friendship with the guy who's the mascot of the football team that nobody else will talk to you know he's just like a making soft yeah and they they're kind of buddies and he always know gives my high five whatever it includes him and the he's probably especially yeah but Taylor Lautner always makes a point to he sticks out formally yeah yeah here's a better one too I I not only see mentally challenged the mascot yeah but he has American Indian blood in him and they're called the chiefs and it's kind of an insulting mascot to manage so he has to keep it on the download that if anyone ever found out he was inside the you know brave redskins you know mascot outfit and the loincloth you know carrying around the timehawk or something it'd be a pariah in his community so he's got a secret to keep yeah powerful important yeah I like it I like this absolutely this is the reckoning yeah because in the end reckoning means a few things I mean you use the W so you know it means some sort of football a violent thing but also reckoning is an accounting term because obviously there are financial misdeedlings and there's an emotional reckoning where he makes peace with his past the triple on time good all right it is done we're gonna see the reckoning Adam Corolla will return in made up movie part two all right and now we get to the Megan's Law Teresa is everyone's home been put in the computer see how many sex offenders are in the neighborhood yeah I think so we just yeah we got it all Mike Lynch asked us so we could go for all of our addresses and he asked us not to look it up ourselves so we'd be surprised and we're gonna find out who has the most sex offenders living in what radius Mike within one mile within one mile it can't you listen guess you know no you can go on the California requires the sex offenders to register on a website they call the Megan's Law website and you can search within a mile half a mile 10 miles of your home to see how many sex offenders and then a little blue dot pops up right after some yeah and you get to see the mug shot yeah and also if they have any tattoos or nicknames and I got to do this and he he was just angry with me as usual but I people masturbate to everything out there right everything that you think of people have masturbated to and I asked him if anyone if you thought anyone's masturbated to the profile pictures of these pedophiles and pictures in there you said no well I thought it would be ironic twist turn about as fair play right you know the name like yeah now who's zoom in who yeah or whatever the point is you're beating off to that guy how's it feel how's it feel bitch yeah all right what I'm saying is that's what I do let's let's figure it out from Corolla one studios in Glendale California it's the Megan's Law Awards before we began it should be noted that this studio has 11 sex offenders within one mile with offenses including sexual battery on a medically institutionalized person starting off at number ten with the least sex offenders within one mile produce her Angie with zero well congratulations Angie wow I normally I don't know maybe things have shifted around a little bit normally I take the mantle so Angie has no she saw something nice on their behalf yeah beautiful number nine on the list with five sex offenders living at a one mile radius whose offenses include seduction of a minor through electronic mail or internet female only intern Logan wow intern Logan coming in at number eight with nine sex offenders the closest living only two blocks away and offenses including assault with intent to commit rape sodomy or oral copulation intern Katie wow maybe she'd stay with Logan sodomy doesn't always mean in the ass by the way yeah I love to yeah if I go home to that at number seven with nine sex offenders living within a one-on-one mile radius and offenses including oral copulation with a person under 14 it's me my toss number six this person has 12 sex offenders living within a mile including the winner for strangest offense sexual penetration with a foreign object with a victim was unaware of the nature of the act number six is ball brine what how can you be unaware when something's penetrating you there's you're asleep oh right well I'm aware of the nature of the act I don't think that means passed out oh maybe it's because it's from behind so they're gonna tell what it was as it was being asserted let's see well we'll get this student we're in the studio next week we'll get a lot of this Ryan safety you can book that person we're halfway through coming in at number five this person's wife will not be able to sleep tonight with 16 sex offenders including someone convicted of rape by force or fear writer Mike Lynch yeah yeah that's by hooker by crux in the rape in the rape it's good to have versatility let's just say you don't have your peace on you right you've got to use your mind right right number four wins the special award for silliest sounding offense annoy or molest children with 19 sex offenders in turn Matt yeah by the way Brian and I are still in it yeah yeah you are with the case of died coke on the line in the number Friday intern yes we get into the big leagues with 59 sex offenders in a one-mile radius including continuous sexual abuse of a child and possession of obscene matter of minor in sexual act I'm not sure what that means you play that on a flute possession of obscene matter of minor in sexual act so it's child porn right okay Mike choppy the remaining candidates are Teresa and intern Brian I've never sweat anything so little in my life the runner up this is for a case of die coke delivered one unit at a time to you frosty cold every day sure I'm thirsty for sex offenders all around me before we reveal the winner and by winner I mean loser honorable mention goes out to intern Gary for having a man who was convicted of oral copulation in concert with force living next door the runner up has 76 predators living within a one-mile radius whose offenses include incest kidnapping and sawdemy with person under 14 years with force but the winner has a new Corolla show record of 87 sexual predators. - Oh, you have to stack them at that point, right? That's the, there's too many. I mean, you have to, you have to stack them like cordwood, right? They're living on top each other. Must be some high rise for sexual offenders. - Clouds. - Yeah. - Including several within one block, whose crimes include, in decent exposure, crimes against children, and, sodomy, victim incapable of giving consent. - Okay. - Well, let's find out who the winner is. - Oh, the mute. - Teresa, you've lost your crown. - Oh my God. - In turn Brian. - Wow. - It's the winner. - Wow, hockey. - So what do you say you're a hockey? - I never usually do that, but I do. - I know, because as it's you, you realize that when you do that, it puts the high rise on you. - You ready for this? - Yeah, I know, you curse it. - Wow, how many did he beat me by? - He had 87, and you had 76, so I'll open it. - That is pretty close. - Wow. - Pretty tight. - Yeah. - More of that. - I got a hand at to this kid. I like to cut his jump. - Where's he, uh, what are your games? Where's Brian living? - He lives quite close to where I live. I can't even look him out of my mouth. - Oh, I wonder, when are some of your offenders are bleeding over onto his grid? - Yeah, I want to share some offenders. - Yeah, it's a thing like when a movie doesn't owe us an open very well, and they go, you know what? A lot of people were buying, a lot of kids were buying the PG ticket, and then going into our theater. - Freddie got fingered, says it all the time. - That's what they say, yeah, even though we're trying to get them to never meet. - I am so impressed. - Yeah. Where are you sure? - Where are you petitioning your city council to rename your street? - He's near Lafayette Park, he's near where? Seventh Street, I'm trying to-- - That's Koreatown. - Trying to get a picture of where this is. - That's Koreatown. In fact, I used to live six blocks from him on Oxford, yeah. - Yeah. - I know, and they went well. - And that was a few, how many years ago? - When I started working on your show, so maybe like five years ago, I really moved up in the world. - So you're saying like, yeah, at this rate by the year of 2041, you'll be living in place with like 40 sex offenders around you? - Every five years, I drop 11 sex offenders from my neighborhood, so you're right. - Yeah. - But see, this is awesome, you're being your 80s. - There's a half way house on Oxford. - Oh, you know what? - And a lot of other kids. - Everyone has one and they all think, hey. - No one wants to hear. - No, the half way house. - We've all heard it with sex offenders. - Oh, the sun was in my eyes. - Oh my God. - The wind. - The crowd noise. - Yeah. - I told her all the bad. - It's like I didn't really have much to hang my hat on. I had one thing, I had one game, I could win. Now I've got nothing. - Yeah. - That's Koreatown. - That's nice. - Yeah, so I'm very proud. I want to thank God, first of all, of course. And then I want to thank Adam for my meager salary that makes me, allows me to live in such a great area. - Oh my God. - Like, wait, he was ready with his speech, you know? That's how confident he was. And he will be getting a frosty cold diet coat. - Are you thinking God for creating people who touch children? - Yes. - And for the children they touch. - And for the children that they touch. - Right. - We have them together. - I can't afford to pay enough to move into a nice in neighborhood, but I can't afford to give you one of Sandy's hot pockets up your ass that will prevent any side of me. - Wow. - It's essentially hot pocket hymen. It's a crusty, delicious behind it. You put in your ass. - Have you heard about those anti-rape condoms that they made from you? - Yeah. - I'm saying, I'm Brian, I could do one in the form of a hot pocket for Brian. - Do you think a girl, a JD girlfriend, has used one of those on her boyfriend? - Somebody's going to get hold of that thing and bring it here to the States. I think it's a-- - It's for Africa, right? - It's for Africa. - Yeah, shocking. But someone's going to get hold of one of those anti-rape condoms and bring them here. - You should be like, I'm sorry, honey, I forgive you for cheating on me with nine women. Come over and bang me. - And what, you have to, you just put one of those on before you walk to school the morning. - Or like, just keep it up there, yeah. - Keep it on, just in case. You don't know, you're in South Africa. Any day could be rape day. - So maybe they hand them out on the planes like they do the sleep masks when you go to other countries. - Mm-hmm. - Okay. - Interesting. - To the past. - I put it in your little top kit. - Hello, and welcome to Pluto foe. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV. We're all your blockbuster favorites or landing all summer long. Catch anchor man, the legend of Ron Burgundy. - Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. - Welcome to the real world. - Mean girls. - Side up. - Tighten it. - Run the key in the world. - And so much more for showtime. Express nothing. They're free 24/7. - That is so epic. - On Pluto TV, stream now. - Hey, never. - That was a monumental return of Anderson on the Adam Perlis show as part of the film vault. After the disastrous first appearance when they tried to appear in Donnie, didn't know who was doing his show. Adam was on film vault or film walk guys won a Perlis show and then she became Adam the only at Donnie while they sat there uncomfortably and doing live commentary. Which is a hilarious episode its own right. It's crazy, it's fun. But this one, it's just a really good episode. They switched formats. They had Anderson in it right away because they had a show on the network that film vault was on Ace Broadcasting, Coral Digital. It was the whole thing. They've left the show eventually when the producer left the network. No hard feelings on their end and they continue the show to Brian's demise and the show's still going to continue in some way after his passive. Really fun flashback with Anderson Theresa Brian. People always remember the negative one. They never remember the fun follow up. Where they still have this idea of Anderson being an adversary to Adam. Meanwhile, Adam had Anderson on in 2019 to promote his film groupers and Adam watched the movie and then told him it was good and said it was exactly the kind of movie he would make. It was really great. It was a beautiful episode. So people forget a lot of stuff. All hatchets are mostly buried. Going next we have Adam Kruller Show 948. He's bringing another brilliant community in mind and fantastic human bidding who's gone too soon. Harris Wittles along with Alson Rose and Brian Bishop in 2012. Oh, oh, oh, oh, Riley. Auto parts. Yeah, they're in the business. Keep your car in the road. You know that they offer friendly, helpful service and the parts knowledge you need to maintain and repair your car. Oh, I got race cars. Race cars are funny. They're high performance, but they're simple. So you can work on a lot of the stuff yourself and that's why I always go to a Riley. They've got thousands of parts and accessories in stock, either in store or online. So you never have to worry if you're in a jam. Their team can test your battery for free in or out of the car. So if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one and if you need windshield wipers replaced, brake light fixed or a quick service, they've got you covered as well. I've come in there scrambling before and been astonished and how friendly and helpful everyone is there and they know their stuff. They even held the door for me last time as it the one in Glendale. The professional parts people, the Riley Auto parts, are your one stop shop for all things, auto do it yourself and you can find what you need either in store or online. It's a Riley, right Dawson? Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit them at oReillyauto.com/atom that's oReillyauto.com/atom. Hello and welcome to Pluto Fall. Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. Welcome to the real world. Mean girls. Side up. Titanic. Run the key in the world. And so much more for showtime. Express nothing. They're free 24/7. That is so fast. On Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. Yeah. Harris Wittles, good to see you my friend. Thanks for having me. He has a book called The Humble Bragg. It is the art of false modesty. I like that. And you can get it on Amazon. And again, we're back up and running. So we got the new website. So if you're going to get Harris's book, you can go to Amazon or you can go to amcroll.com and click on the Amazon banner and keep the pirate ship afloat, man. Love you because all I do now is get drunk on man, green, give interviews and curse out Hollywood. So I'll never be back again. So this is it, people. You got to help us. The bridge is on fire. That's right. I've burnt that bridge behind me. Let's talk about the book. I've had a lot of this man, Gria. So we're just now there. It's really good. I enjoy it myself. Is it just wine and vodka? It's just wine and vodka. No, it has some orange. Because just wine and vodka is kind of shitty tasting. Right. It's got some orange in it and some grape in it and some other stuff. I thought I tasted some grape essence. Yeah. It's neat to find you and it works. I know it's sad. It's going to be one of these things. Like I'll be, I'm going to be like Mr. Curie. Like if my own, what I'm going to say-- I'm going to say I'm Curie. Well, what I'm doing is she was killed by radiation poisoning, right? Is that how she went? Sounds right. What by working with it, you know what I'm going to say? I'm going to be taken down by my own product. Well, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. Oh, yes. Like a meth lab that explodes. What an exotic and elegant analogy for something that we all see coming already. Yes, I'm going to end up, I'm going to end up like the crocodile hunter. Like I'm going to, I'm going to be taken out doing what I, you know-- What you love doing. What I love, what you're drinking. Like George Washington Carver crushed by the big sack of peanut. Yeah, well remember that yeah, is that true? Yeah, that's that's that can't be true But not just you all the people you've turned around and around me and then yeah first Mike August And then range and then and then my wife and my kids and all that kind of stuff all right So we're all a Hollacks Harris. All right. Well, so It's basically it's humble brag the art of false modesty and the humble brag is a phrase that I kind of coined on Twitter based on people mostly in the entertainment industry that I've noticed that like to brag and then they don't want to appear as if they're bragging so they kind of mask it with a self deprecating remark. Yes, and it's it was very annoying to me. I agree. So I decided to be a vigilance about it and I started retweeting people that were doing this on Twitter and then the feed just like people started emailing me like, you know, well, let's I'll yeah, I'll tell you one that comes to mind. Okay. I love it when celebrities explain how they're kept grounded because I got a three-year-old and little Nathaniel, he doesn't see a superstar when I come to the door. All he knows is he wants his Baba and is hugging and they're like it sounds cute but you realize you're talking about obviously if you're explaining that you you're kept grounded, it means that you need to be grounded which hobos don't talk no one asks hobos what keeps them grounded. The actual ground keeps them grounded. They sleep on the ground. That's what keeps them grounded. But when they or they'll do that thing where they go like I keep my my grandma came to this country, she worked three jobs and I keep her table that she used to sew on in the corner and I look at that every day and I realize just how blessed I am blessed that's common. Yeah, when you're like I'm blessed, you know, I and by the way, I don't take credit for it. You're doing by the way, take credit for it because what you're doing is more narcissistic. You're actually explaining that God passed by all of us to get to you and touch you. And yeah, another common one kind of like that is when people say like he believed this me, little old me, when an Oscar, it's just me, you know, and it's like how did I get you? They wanted to put me on the cover of magazine. Did they have the right number? Yeah, exactly. Oh, and if I talk to another fucking six foot two blonde who weighs nothing explaining how they were awkward in high school and no one asked me to the prom is a lot of beautiful Tom boys out there. By the way, no one asked you the prom because you're in Milan underneath an Arab dude when you're 14 doing home. That's why you couldn't go to the prom. You were fucking walking the catwalk for Calvin Klein. That's why you weren't at your prom. But it's like, I think I could have done the Uma Thurman math when I was 17. Like I really, like if a bunch of guys were going, she's so tall and skinny and blah, I would have won. I'll pick up those pieces. Just fine. Do you remember what the very first humble brag you you? Yeah, it was. It was from Donald Glover from community, the childish Gambino, that's his rap, Monica, and it was about he was on in a gap ad and he posted a picture of the gap ad in Japan. He was like, I'm so lucky to be the first thing that Japanese guys see when they get off the subway or something like that. It was, I forgot exactly what it was, but it was self-deprec- Oh no, it was like, I'm happy to be the thing that Japanese men jerk off to on the subway. It was very strange. Yeah. Yeah. And then he posted a picture of him looking, you know, all fresh to death in that gap ad. And I was like, you love that you're in that ad in Japan. I retweet myself all day long. But that's just bragging. That's acceptable. But now, why is it? How is that acceptable? It's stuff I said. Just brag. Just be proud of what you do. Don't try to disguise it. That's, you know, like, I shouldn't say like, this isn't that funny, but check it out anyway. You're in this book once. I have to confess. Oh, oh, shit. What an idea. I didn't know I would ever end up enjoying this hilarious joke losers. That's what you got to say. It's one of, it's one of the lesser ones. Like, it's not that offensive. Oh, all right. But I also wanted to put some, some regular people in here along with some celebrity. So I had to put, I had to, you know, I had to wait, which one is he? He's a celebrity. Oh, okay. I can't just like pick on college kids in Ohio for no reason. Oh, you know, but just to be, I got to take down the big man too. And you're right. Okay. Just to be clear. Yeah. I talk all fucking day long and I have no recollection of what I say. And then people pull out things that I say and then they tweet them to me and then I retweet them. But I always just think, well, I said it. I'm not ripping anyone off. Yeah. All right. And there's no reason. Okay. Here's what it is. I got you said, just made number one on iTunes audio books. Thanks, you guys. Check it out before it gets crowned by Snookie or the Kardashians. Not that offensive, but technically a brag. A home saying. Yeah. I'm number one now, but it's not going to last guys now. Yeah. Come get it while it's hot. Yeah. She, you know, really want to at least not knowing ones. No, no, no, don't, don't stop pedaling. Come in here. What he's saying is you're not even good at humble brass. No, what I realize, what I realize, and I think some of this, I'm guilty of this, you want to tell people something like you want to, you want to say like, like if you're on the radio and you were number one, like the books just came in and they said you were number the number one morning show, you would want to say that to your audience. Totally. Because you'd want to go like, see whatever you're doing, it's working. Like you're part of this thing. I mean, almost like a team winning a Super Bowl or something like that, we did it. We did it. So you want to do an element of sort of thank you and we did it. And then you realize, if I don't put a joke at the end of it, it'll just be self-congratulatory. Right. And you feel like you're, you're an asshole then, right? Right. It's just saying. Hey, we're number one. Number one. So now you have to go, okay, now I need to put a joke at the end of it. But now I have to do a self-deprecating joke. Otherwise, it'll be, we're number one. And that'll be it in a bubble. And then I will be a douche. I totally get the justification to do it. What page am I on? I like that. This is a hundred and 101. 101? That's the best page. You're in the chapter. Uh, can you believe they included me on this list? There's a lot of people that are like, I can't believe I'm number two. Mike Tyson, I'm reading this one. I heard I'm the second most influential athlete on Twitter and Facebook, not bad for a guy who a year ago didn't know what social media was. That's Tyson. That's Tyson. Please number one. Wow. That's Minka. Is there one that's your favorite or the most egregious? Well, there's a whole chapter on this guy named Tootsma Goats. And he's pretty egregious. He's like a real estate guy in San Diego and he's, he's a, I don't know who he is. I still don't know his real identity. All you have to do is follow around Tyra Banks for 10 minutes and I feel like he's the right another treasure show for sure. Yeah. She's got to be in this book. She is somewhere. I have. Yeah. Yeah. She's in there. Wow. So this Tootsma Goats guy. He, uh, the first one that was sent to me was, uh, actually have to dolly my TV through the house, like a four mile walk from garage to family slash pool room. Oh, yeah. And then a picture of like his large hallway. You know what I realized it's going on on the college level. Yeah. A lot of, when guys in the pros score a touchdown, they've been doing this new thing. When I say they, I think you know what I'm talking about. Mm hmm. Well, they point at their, they point at their back, like they do this. Hey, you see the name on the back? Check me out. Check, check out who scored this touchdown. Brian probably seen this enough in the NFL. It's, it's worked its way down to the college level, except for half the teams in college don't have their names. So they're doing like, hey, and it's like, well, you're 45, but that's on the front, too. So why are you doing the back? And there's a lot of, there's a lot of 45s on all the teams. And there's, and it's not on, there's no, you're pointing at your non name on the back of your jersey. Like someone has to really sit down and explain the end zone celebration that does the check out the name on the back of the jersey. If we're one of the many, many college teams, I guess, Notre Dame's that way, SC's that way. Yeah, do not put the name on the back of the jersey. Don't do that one. Right, right. You know, I agree. Do one, here's, do one where you point at the front of the jersey and then do a move where you look it up in the program, you know, like a finger, you know, I don't know. I'm not telling you exactly how to line that, but point this and then do that, you know, or just point to the sky. That's a point to the sky. Stick to that one. That's good. He got you in. Yeah, that's right. And then the DB who got burnt and lit up for the, for the six, you point at the ground. You curse the devil. Everyone to point it. Everyone who got burned, like, or for Mr. Tackle, got burns, got to point at the ground and be like, all right, let me see a satanist player who was thanking the ground. Right, the devil. Maybe it'd be a good place for Arizona. Yeah, it's a good team to start on the sun, devils. Oh, oh, yeah, shit. Yeah, that's a nice day there. All right, give us one more, Harris. What do you got? Uh, okay, well, since I've put on like 20 pounds in the last year, I'll do one from the, oh, I'm too skinny, chapter. Oh, no. Oh, the chicks hate to take skinny chapter. Yeah, so she, this girl who I don't know, she says, "My pants keep falling off, I need a smaller size frowny face." Everyone in America is just like eating pizza and donuts and cannot relate to that problem at all. Yeah. So why put it out there on the internet? I mean, there's a male, there's a kind of a male version of that. I can't find a condom that fits. Well, there's that. Yeah, that's pretty good. There's a woman, a porn star in here that says, "I can't find a dildo that's big enough." She says that. I don't know how much braggins fall with that. There's a version, there's a super stud version of this where their thighs are really muscular, but they have no waist. So it's hard to find pants because they get like a 29 or 30, but they can't, their thighs don't fit into it. That's like one of those super fucking studly, studly ones. Yeah, there's also the one where it's like the shirts, like the cut that cut me off at the bicep, like they're all too tight around the bicep, you know, those, those kind of ones. Right, I can only wear goucho pants from Fogo to Chow. Yeah. Oh, now we're talking. Oh, fucking love that Fogo. I was reading through the book before the show. The thing Harris has not given us all credit for is all of the humble brags. I'm pretty sure all of them have his little commentary at the end. So it's not just the funny humble brags. Right. Well, that was the thing that editor said. Why, why write a book about this if you, if these are all on Twitter? So a lot of the comments, which he was completely right about. So I had to put all these caddy remarks in afterwards. By the way, you have a right there. By the way, editor forced me to make hilarious comments. Listen, no one. Yeah, guilty. All right. It's Adam Prilishov 948 with the humble brag guy, Harris Whittles, hilarious dude. Rest in peace. Here next, we have Adam Prilishov 484, Suffolk Farley, Allison Rosenbribe, Bishop from January of 2011. Check it out. Yeah, back with the great Seth McFarlane. Oh, he's a fan. I think everyone is. It's been nice being you. Depends on the day, Adam. I find ways to hate myself, I promise. Really? I know Seth is doing well because the last couple of times I was either at his house or talked him on the phone, somebody was coming over to do something to him. And unless now if it's the meal, it's a rich man poor man thing because if it's the meals on wheels, Vannis here, I got to go. Yeah, yeah. That I'm in trouble or the dog catcher or something like that. No, the person that cuts his hair was showing up to the house. Are there are there still dog catchers? Is that that seems like something that for some reason would not exist anymore? I don't know. I mean, I know they have another title like Stewardess in meter made. I've never met a dog catcher. I've met meter maids. I've met cops. I've met firemen. You know, I've never met a dog catcher. And also, I've never met a true and officer, even though it was always threatened that that guy was patrolling somewhere around the house. Exactly. I don't think that ever existed. I think that was just a phantom threat that they used to. No, but I'll tell you who went when I was growing up, the true and officers were the sort of a whole snitch parents of your friends who were, you know, oh, Mrs. Wilhoid was driving to gelsons at 10 o'clock and saw Adam playing grab ass on the front lawn and called the school. That's what happened. The trying the dime droppers as it were. I don't remember. They're ever actually being home monitors. Yeah, that's an interesting one too. Yeah, they had them on TV. The safety monitors, the home monitors, all that all that stuff. Seth is living the life that we could only dream of. And I want to talk all about it. One is the love, which is music. And not only music from a bygone era, but a music that only by guys liked in a bygone era. You've had to be by or okay. You're going to have what a breakthrough. The buys from a buy, when they say a bygone era, they mean guys that doubt dudes and chicks. But the big, the full rich, big sand, big horns. And as I was skipping my rope this evening and thinking about not only Jacqueline's departure, but Seth Seth McFarlane's arrival to our studio. I a song popped up on my ear buds. And it was a guy by the name of Gene McDaniels. Oh, yeah. You played him. You played him for me last time. Yeah. And I thought I wonder. The Adam I know doesn't repeat himself. No, you think of a different. And I can't remember. I can't remember. Well, nothing parents say. Nothing else on my on my pod would would correspond as well as Gene. And then yes, my next thought was I must have played this last time. Last time Seth came in. But then Seth came in and said he hasn't been to this new studio yet. No, no, this no, no, this was when you were when it was at your house. Yeah, perfect. Coming together. Yeah. So then I thought, how did I play him? Well, now I want to hear Gene McDaniel, so you could just play underneath. And you could cover this. But the stuff, the stuff you do is big band. Yeah. Well, you know, we just completed a an album for a for a listen to that. Yeah. Listen to that happy drunk trombone. Yeah, I know. It's such a truck in entry. That's a guy in a pork pie hat somewhere out of a bar two in the morning in 1949. No, I we just finished this album for Universal Republic. Recorded at Capitol. Wow. With Sinatra's microphone, which is on loan from the Smithsonian. Wow. About a 55 piece orchestra all recorded to analog tape. Wow. So it has so it has that nice kind of warm rich kind of tone and just that slight hiss. You know, nothing's too perfect. Right. And everything was done live. You know, it was right in there with the band. And pardon me, but now are you arranging the songs? Are you? No, I worked with an arranger who who writes for American dad, this guy Joel McNeely, who just has a flair and a talent for for that style of arrangements. And we picked songs that, you know, from the same source book that Sinatra and Dean and those guys drew from it. Everything was a showtune back. I mean, most of the stuff that he's sang was actually taken from, you know, one of these horrible forgotten shows of the 1920s. And there were a lot of them, but the songs endured shows that would just be fluff, but they were great songs. And so we pulled about 15 songs that none of those guys ever touched, but probably should have. And, and, and just sang a bunch of tunes as Peter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All as Peter, all as Peter. It's, it's, but, but we made it gorgeous. Now I, I imagine, you know, if I've got it, you know, it's kind of weird, but when you talk to comedians who do, you know, they're comedians, but they, they're impressionists oftentimes. And then they sing and they go, well, I do a great Sammy Davis Jr. Whatever. But a certain point you're doing the math, which is if you can sound like this crooner when you're singing, then even if you're making fun of them or even if you're comedian, you are technically singing, right? Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah. I mean, the, the, the, the idea is to, to, you know, if you're doing a, like a serious jazz album, which is, which is what this is, you want to try and stray away from that. And part of the, part of the way we hopefully did that was by picking song, you know, if you sing, come fly with me or I've got you under my skin, you can't help but slip into his phrasing, because we've all heard those songs for so many years. So there's another reason that we pick songs that were, that were little more obscure. And how, um, this, this influence, how did this start the background? And I'm sure the stuff I asked you before too when you're here last time, I know you grew up in the Boston area. I grew up in, yeah, in New England and in Connecticut, I actually have a lot of family in Boston and just outside of Boston. But my, my parents were very musical. My father, uh, auditioned for hair back in the 70s and, um, he was a, he was a folk singer at one time and, and, uh, he was, he was, uh, tapped by the, the Johnny Carson show to come on and sing and he turned them down because he was a hippie and, sure, sell out to the man for the man, exactly, exactly, whitey. I'm sure now he regrets it, but, sure, uh, especially whitey, and, uh, you know, but it was always very important to them that my sister and I, be exposed to, you know, the great American songbook, the great musicals that, that they had grown up with and, you know, so they kind of drilled it into us early. So I had a, well, sometimes it works and then sometimes it doesn't work. I know you're, you're close with your sister, right? Did it work on her? Cause oftentimes people just rebel and they start listening to a guar and slipknot because they're tired of doing whatever their parents wanted them to do. I, I think, I think the, you know, the Ann Murray Rita Coolidge, uh, stuff probably is where that was, that, that played out. Right. Um, you know, I, I, whenever I hear Ann Murray, I just, I just think I might, I don't rock that. I just think of driving to the dump with my dad, which is probably exactly what she was going for. Right. Um, but, uh, but with the, you know, with the standards, it's like, they're, they're, they're so ubiquitous. They're so universally, you can't, I mean, there's, there's, there's nothing not to like. - Well, I always say, the thing about art is whether it's architecture, automobiles, or songs. It's just, if you can't tell when it was done, or it looks as good now as it did back then, or whatever it is, as I always complain of a lot of these bad 80 songs, you can listen to them and go, that would have been done between March of '83 and December of '84. Exactly when it's done, and you know that it's bad. - Yeah, well, I think there's some truth to that. I mean, in pure songwriting, it's genre-free. It's like you have the melody and you have the lyrics, and that's why you take a song like Lonely Goather, they can do it in the sound of music, and then Gwen Stefani can turn around and ruin it, but people still love it. - I know. Well, she called me a racist, so it's a really love-loss with that great song stress. - Yeah, a lot of fun to me. - Well, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't my fault, Paul Bryan, I don't know if you were there at the time. - Believe it or not, I've heard the story before, but - - What? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - A story before? - Why don't you play some Gene McDaniels while I repeat the story, so we could really just double down on the rep at this end. - I've never heard of. - Well, okay, first off, I'm the host of a show, so it is my job to attempt to be funny and or entertaining, absolutely. - I know. There's many things you do in the family guy in American dad and Cleveland that you probably disagree with or you would not do it at dinner party. - I'm sure she hates my guts, too, because we've taken some hefty shit to her. - Oh, okay, good. - So, you know, you're. - So we're sitting there, we're doing love line, and she's sitting there with the rest of no doubt, and somebody calls up and asks about some interracial dating. And I said, well, what's the guys? And so Gwen, I didn't say to stop Gene McDaniel. You know the universal, hold on, turn it up a little. - Keep me down on your knees, aha, keep me calling, do me. - That photo could either be Gwen Stefani or Christopher Walken in the dead zone. - So she says, well, now I've dated, I've done some interracial dating, and I was like, all right, and then when I was done beating off, I got back to my refractory period and I started focusing again. And I said, you've done interracial dating, and she said, yeah, I dated an Indian guy one time. I, for a long time, I was dating an Indian guy. - Tony, right. - Well, that doesn't really count, does it? - Well, the whole point is, is the guy was sitting next to her. And she said, I've done interracial dating, and she said, Indian, and I said, woo-woo-woo, Indian or 7-Eleven Indian. And then she got pissed, and he got pissed, but here's what I'm saying. Don't say you've done interracial dating with the person that's sitting next to you and never say any, she never said, oh, by the way, this is, this is the guy. - Right. Well, I could do not do it. I mean, was he, like what, he, I mean, he obviously looked in the end. - Yeah, he's very, very Indian. - Very, very, very other race. - These folks don't play bass for scoff at bands all the time. I mean, I mean, this is pretty Bollywood to be fair to me. - But a lot of the songs are about their relationship. - I know, but maybe she thought that you should know. - But it's not like, it's not like she's sitting around and said, you know, God, hold this in bed. - First of all. - Hurry, we're going to Pompey. Like, there's none of that. - Yeah, that's, I don't speak. - Back it up. She's, she's, she's coming to be interviewed by you. - Right. - For Christ's sake, I mean. - What does she expect? - Exactly, exactly. - I'm just saying, if you're going to say, you know, interracial dating and you're going to talk about it for a while, point out that it's a guy sitting next to you. - Right, even if you get off color show. - Right, you get Ricky Gervais for the globes. Don't act surprised when, when, when you, when you, when you, when it's funny. - When I say, well, what was the guy's nationality? You can point at the guy at this point. He's sitting, sitting right here. Anyway, she called me racist, which, you know, it's true, but not in this case. It's what I'm, I don't know if, did I tell you to stop Gene McDaniel? I don't know. - God, Brian. - Yeah, do you have 100 pounds of clay? Playing that as well. - So she called you a racist during the interviewer after? - No, the room, the, the temperature got a little cold in the room and, uh, did I play this one last time we were there. - That was nice. - Yeah, turn it up, turn it up. He likes the arrangement. I can tell all right. - He took a hundred pounds of clay. - Yeah, this one. No, but it makes me want to take my clothes out of the dryer at the laundromats. - Turn it up, turn it up. - You were saying it's a little bit being timeless. - Hey, you rolled his big sleeves up. It's how God made woman. - It sounds like what they played when like Louis Guizman found out that, uh, you know, what, what is it? Richie Balan's died in that playing run for the bomba. - No! - Well, like if I had a beloved dog that I lost and then I was reunited with, this would play when I found the dog and they answered that at the laundromat where you're getting your clothes out of the dryer. - I always associate like heavy, heavy early 60s reverb with the laundromat for something. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - It must be like that here, single speaker. Yeah, yeah. - I'll tell you, anyone is, first off, everyone should have the experience of going to a coin op laundromat and just to smell the sights, the sand. - Yeah. - It's humbling, it's grounding, but a lot of work can get done at one of those places. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - I don't know if there's something about the humidity or the smell of the dryer or tide. You get a lot of riding and reading and like, I used to sit there as a struggling artist and just a notebook and just fill it with sketches about laundromats unfortunately. - Are those unpublished? - Yes. Soon they'll be found in my new home. - The maps are like the adult version of scared straight. Like you go there and you're like, "I'm not in it up here, I'm just work." - That's what I'm going to do with my kids. Yeah, I'm going to drag them to a coin op laundromat and you know, you want to end up, you want to be in charge of putting the mini boxes of tide in the engine machine. - There's a movie out on Corolla, The Londromat Diaries. - Right, I was in New York. - It's the word diaries is now required to be used in every movie that comes out ever anywhere. Sorry, you were saying else? - Oh, no, I don't want to say because it's not interesting. So I'll just make it real fast. When I lived in New York, I would drop my clothes off at the laundromat and they would do that. And I felt like a real asshole, but it's the same price or cheaper, actually, to just drop them off. - A real ride? - So I didn't get to sketch. I just dropped them off. - Yeah, but you've folded in this tiny little thing. - All right, but you're in New York and you have a lot of like indentured servitude, like you have a lot of boat people that were brought over and essentially enslaved and stuff like for the price of the journey. No, not the way you move there, but that's why you could get a fluff and a fold for 59 cents because somebody was keeping these people without their consent. You know, what they do is they bring you over from wherever you're from and then they make you work for 15 years, essentially, thus, but passing the savings along to the consumer. - Maybe not explain why the woman who worked there was never friendly to me, even though I went there every single week. - That's right. - Like what is wrong with her? - Well, Seth, I just needed her job. - So you grow up, your parents are sort of songsters, hipsters, hippies, probably not a lot of cash coming in. - Not a lot of cash, no, no. My father was a teacher. My mom was a secretary. So I mean, yeah, there was, there was no cash. - But they instilled the love of the arts. - Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And did they give you a feeling that you could do, they wanted you to be creative? - Yeah, yeah, there was never pressure to be a doctor or a lawyer or or. - And you could pursue whatever creative endeavor you wanted. That's what they worked on. - Yeah, I mean, yeah, there was a balance. I mean, you got to the point where I was, you know, drawing the fucking smurfs in my textbooks and that got out of hand. And so, you know, they slapped my wrist a little bit. - Said move on to Marma, dude. - Yeah, exactly. - Exactly. - Something that has a little more staying part. - Kind of evolved, so come on, grow up now. - But they recognized you had a talent and at least they, a will to do that. - Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, no, yeah. I mean, they were both working three jobs to put me through, you know, art school. So it's, they got it. - Did you learn a lot at art school? - I did, actually, yeah, yeah, I went to the Rhode Island School of Design and hugely, hugely beneficial in developing the basics of the style that I still use for the animated shows that I do. - And when you graduated, then, how does it work? Now, you want to work for Hannah Barbera, right? - Yeah. - Zoo two came out here shortly after graduation. Do they do some headhunting? Do they come out there and go draw Yogi and Boo Boo for me? Let's see what we got here. - Draw squidly diddly and Yogi and, yeah, they and the Partridge family 2200 AD. - Can I ask you, by the way, in the cop-out name department, squidly diddly or grape ape, what worse cop-out, like in the, I got nothing's apartment. - Squidly diddly, because I feel like grape ape was at least, you know, okay, he's a gorilla and he's purple. - How about hair bear bunch versus squidly diddly and the cop-out name department? - Hair bear bunch, they still got the funny afros, you know, squidly diddly, what, he's just like an octopus or something? - I don't know, but making a name that rhymes, hey, no, nay, a sound that rhymes with squidly after you've named him squidly does not count as a name. - I would wholeheartedly agree. They were clocking out at 330 in the afternoon. - Right. - It must have been drunk by noon, because it was like squidly diddly. - Yeah, they're like, what'd you draw? Something squidly. - No, squidly, what rhymes were squidly diddly diddly. - They just diddly made it. - No, bang out. - All right, move on, moving on, next. - He does. - And he's only got, he's not, what is it? That's like, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, I count six arms. - Well, yeah, but, all right, but Stewie only has four fingers. I don't know who that guy is in the white, but I bet he was, I bet Squidley Didley was always making trouble for that. Yeah. Whoever looks like a troublemaker. Looks like the guy who would swallow his whistle in. Right. Yeah. There was always a sort of Mr. Mooney. It was just a very uptight white guy who was like, what's going on on my ship? You know, like, it's swallows. That's a convention from something. I don't know what it is. Yeah. From Frosty to the snowman. Yeah. It'll happen. Yeah. There's the grape. There's the grape ape. Yeah. But they used it. They would use the, there were certain jokes. Like we had like eight jokes, like there was, as I've always spoken about, there was soufflé humor for a while. Act one. Don't slam the door. I have a soufflé. I have a soufflé. I have a soufflé. And at some point, the kids would come home and slam their books down in the door. Not to soufflé. Not to soufflé. Stopping. At the end of act three, the soufflé would fall. There was that. There was a hobo seeing something, he shouldn't have looking at the bottle of booze and stuff. But I would argue that there's a reason to double down the booze. There's shaking the head, dumping the booze out. Yeah. X's fries. Right. There was the, there was this, there was all the good foot stomping humor, like where the guy was right in the middle of telling the story and the other guy would stomp on his foot. He yelled out. There was this one too, where we come up with an excuse. See, you say, Alison, you, you say to me and Seth, where were you? Why are you home so late? And I say, we were volunteering at the orphanage and then Seth says, we were at the library. And then we were taken the orphans to the library is what we were doing. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm like, the Safeway. Yeah. There are, there's about nine jokes and they just would put them in different orders and put them in different sitcoms and put them in different. There's a great, there's a great old film when McGilligarilla came out and I have a copy somewhere that Hannah Barbarra put out, I'm assuming it was for advertisers and it was hosted by George Phenomen from a graduate marks show and they just had, they had like, phony footage of like the writer's room of McGilligarilla, clearly all staged. And it's a bunch of guys and suspenders and ties and they're looking at a picture of McGill on the wall. And then like, McGillig, you're a big help. Why don't you tell us where you're supposed to live? Well, what about the jungle and what's funny about a gorilla in the jungle and they eventually come up with the idea that the, you know, that he lives in this pet store and and he keeps the owner go and broke buying bananas, I could do six banana stories myself. And then they go into this kind of wallow where it's like, ah, you take them to the circus and you put them up on the moon and you take them out west and all the same cartoon stories they used to do over and over. Right. It's, it's whole, if you can, if you can find it anywhere, it's right, it's right. It's right. And McGilligarilla marginally better than Swidley didly or not any better, a retarded push probably a better premise. Yes. But it has one word that has a reference to the real world. McGilligarilla means something and swidley and didly, either of them. Those are both. That's not a good point. Yeah. So now you, do they come cherry pick you? Do they come out to the art institute and go, hey, man, we got a, we got a regular Beethoven over here with a fountain pen. They, at the time they, they were, yeah, they, they, it's all like that. That's good. It's close enough. Uh, they, they had a, a program that they had a lot at that point called what a cartoon. All right. Those Adam Crilligio 44th, Seth McFarlane. Come on. Next we have Adam Crilligio 1755. Dana Gould. Man, actually. Gina Gratt and Brian Bishop in 2016. Oh, let's see. You have any idea what line four's name is? Faith. Faith. Hi. Hi, sorry. Hi. What's going on? 24 Boston. Yes. 24, one from Buffalo, New York, but I'm living in Boston. All right. Yeah. How are you? Good. What's your name? Faith. It's Faith. Faith. James like Faith Hill. Oh, like Faith Hill. Yeah. Thank you. Faith. Faith. Faith. Faith. Yeah. Come on, Kaelin. Well, no. No, here. Look, can I say this? It's not Kaelin's fault. Oh, no, no, no. I see if you got it. Wait a minute. I'm not Kaelin. Is it Faith? It's Faith. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. You don't hit the L very hard in that to be fairative. Kael. No. Huh? It's Faith, right? Faith, yeah. Okay. All right. It's Society's fault because in the last 11 years, we've decided you can make up names. True. So when I was doing Love Line 15 years ago, and I saw a 24-year-old gown named Faith, I know that that's a typo. Okay. That the guy wrote it wrong or heard it wrong, we're talking to Faith. But in a world where everyone gets to make up their own names, then there could possibly be someone named Faith, who's calling for Boston. There was a 10% chance in my mind that it was like an old gale nickname that had been used in centuries. That's right. And then here's where the Kaelens are in factors, factors it in. But also, it's a little, can I say something to young Faith here? It's a little on you if you are not really hitting your L too hard and the person is asking for a third time, which is it? Where's the L coming from? Is it Faith or is it Faith? There's no L either one. Like Faith Hill. Sorry, buddy. Where's the L? No, there's no, these are dark days. There's no. It's not Faith. I didn't know Faith Hill was Faith Hill, and Faith Hill was Faith Hill before he went to the phone call. Kaelens says to me, "This girl's name is Faith." Faith? Faith, because yeah, P.H. Faith, I asked her. Because I repeated the P.H. but now realized that the P and T sounded familiar, so we kept repeating Faith. You see? She kept going like that. T like Tom, P like Peter. This is the greatest moment. Oh right. Faith, does that help? Can I tell you a question? What's your question, Faith? Faith. But no. Faith. Like she said, Faith, hope, and charity is what she says. Faith. Faith. Like you gotta have Faith. Now, and dry? Where? Oh, I don't know. I gotta know. I'm on cold medicine. Faith, Faith? Well, Nicholas. Flipp. Lace? Oh, I mean an F, and he said F. It's an upside down hill. Faith. Yeah, no, you gotta sit down. Oh, God. No. Hey, you may be running on this one. Hey, you know, I found out yesterday, lead singer. Uh, deceased lead singer. From ACDC. Yeah. Not Von Scott. No, not at all. Von Scott. Yeah. Did not know that. Yeah. Called him Von my entire life. You were forgetting the L. Didn't. Yeah. Silent L. There was no one. Come on, actually. I didn't know. Never met a guy named Von. But I knew a couple of guys named Von. What about Von John? Not his name. That's the last one. All right. So. Yes, Felf. Yes, Felf. All right. Faith. No. No, it's not her. She's fine. She's fine. Faith. Yes. All right. Okay. Oh, no. What did. So what did Kaelin originally have on their faith or am I making that up now? He had Carla. He had faith. And now we got faith. All right. All right. All right. All right. Okay. My question is, my question is, if you could give any advice to a blooding writer who's trying to be a blooding writer in comedy, what would it be? Spelling, dictation, pronunciation. These are the top three. These are the brass rings. That is one, two, three, ABC when it comes to doing comedy. That's a good comedy. That's all you need. That all. That all. Yep. Well, you have to have faith in yourself not much. I know. You got to believe. I know. You have faith and believe. So what do you do? What do you like to do? What kind of comedy do? I actually just put my job last week as a human resources professional. But in my free time, I've been doing a lot of writing, so I'm attempting to pursue writing a book called Shit They Never Told You, and trying to be a compilation of advice and stories and the like about people's experiences in the workplace, so technically shit that people never told them. So they're trying to add a key. Ryan has a theory that you're hot. That I'm hot. That's true. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. So I'm not sure if that changes. What? Don't be a hairist. Hold on. That's a hair color, Brian. Okay. I'm catching up. What else? How else would you describe yourself? How long can I describe myself? All right. I'm a below 55 so I'm under the average of a female. I've learned recently. Um, I Think I'm funny. I'm not sure if others do. Well, my mom thinks I am focusing on the aesthetic here Exactly. Okay, so going back to the effect. Okay, so I have green eyes, but they change to brown depending on the weather She's a great big fat person. Mm-hmm. You're starting to turn. Brian's turning on you. I know the vaccine sticks is funny. I'm not good. Mm-hmm. Do you have horn-rended glasses? No, I don't wear glasses. Oh, I could hear glasses. Do you have anyone you've looked like? Besides immediate neighbors. Don't say Louie Anderson. When I was little back in the day, when I was probably 10 friends used to say I was like Julia Louise Stripen. That was a lane. They would print out pictures of a lane and tack it to my death. Thank you. I was flattered. That'd be hate crime now. Yeah. Yeah, you can't do that automatic suspension. Yep. Julia Louise held up well. She's preserves an ambulance. Yes. Yeah. Well, she's definitely a she's a good example of you know, a lot of these blonde tins. There's kind of nowhere to go, but but down. She had a good solid base and just kept it. Yep, kept it there. And doesn't seem to be any more or less attractive 20 years on. She doesn't age. Right. But she wasn't it. She was because she was never knockout that she held. Solid seven. A half all the life. Yeah. So anyway, you want to do comedy? You want to do writing? I love talking and making people laugh. So I think. Yeah. Oh, we're looking at a picture of you. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Twitter or Instagram. I don't know how it works, but we're looking at you. Brian says he fuck you. He has a certain signal he gives. It's a reaction. Yeah, that's what it is. I know I felt the pressure that my inner knee. Yeah. So faith. Yes. Um, well, why don't you? Why don't you write a? Why don't you write a spec script? Like what's your favorite TV show? I want to do a lot of favorite TV show. She wants to do the book, though, right? She wants to do the sort of comedic advice. All right. Yeah. Write an outline. Write an outline for the book. Sample chapter. Okay. What is the spec script that I'm intrigued? What is the spec? You think your favorite show, modern family, and then you go find a modern family script and you look at it a little bit, and then you just write your own script on speculations that it will be sold someday. Go to where we shouldn't call spec, but yes, I think this why I was saying so is this go to simply scripts, simply scripts. I think calm that'll give you a lot of examples of scripts. Yeah. That's awesome. And also write a little outline for your book. Sample chapter. Sample chapter. Definitely. Well, I am hoping to compile a bunch of stories. So any of you like to contribute, even just like one line or as I can take down right now, let me know, and I'd be extremely, extremely thankful and excited. We're pretty busy. But the entertainment world is they're pretty much they want writers like they need writers like they'll take writers. They want female writers and then one female writers too. And so if you're halfway decent, they're looking for you. So go create some product and get it out there. And you can get in the room. And there are plenty of people. There's at least a couple examples of people on Twitter that create these Twitter accounts that get hired on writing staffs because of those, just like modern sign fell and all that shit. Everybody's everybody's looking. It's it's like we don't get show business show business is no different than I talked of I was at Jimmy Super Bowl party. I talked to a guy from the Adam Corolla project. He's the guy Stephen Green. He's a he's a electronics contractor. And he was the kicker guy, right? He's a kicker guy who I famously took with me or with him. I went with him to try out for the LA ventures and the LA ventures offered me jobs along Sample. And the guy didn't know who I was. It was completely organic. Stephen didn't make his field goals like they wanted him to and he was not offered the job. But I asked him how his business was going in this and he said, I'm doing great. I just can't find enough good electricians. And everyone goes, I get it. It's hard to find really good guy trustworthy blah, blah, blah, build your business blah, blah, blah. How long it's the same way they're always looking. They're not looking for bad electricians. They're not looking for junky electricians. But they're always looking for someone to make them more money. And if you're a funny writer, they certainly are looking for you to make them some more money. All right. It's Adam Colasher 1978. Come over and find out what today Adam Colas show three thousand and one between Doug Ellen, Gina Rad and Brian Bishop from 2021. It's time to check Adam's voicemail. Hey Adam, I just want to appreciate all the content you've been putting out. It's really helped me get through the pandemic. I appreciate it, buddy. Thank you. You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744. You know this ascent would also save us billions of gallons of water every year. All the, well you know what I'm talking about. No one knows what I'm talking about. All the 15-year-old boys are going to the bathroom and then close the door and run the shower because they're going to be one out. Otherwise what the hell you've been doing in there for 14 minutes, Johnny, you know what I mean? Like we've all been there. There's no justifiable reason for being in there without but spark up the ascent. Destroy the bathroom. Rub one out. Maven add to the pleasure for some. For some. Gina, I'm saying for some. Right. Not for all. No chance. Stepmom's going to come in there suspicious. Even if she does open one with. Of that door. Yeah, I'm sorry. Polic closed. Yeah. No one ever went into a bathroom that was destroying one. I know someone's been beating off in here. So ascent will save, especially, you know, hey, weren't a drought state. Okay, people. We need that water. We need that water. Probably get some, probably get some government backing if I can pitch this the right way. Yeah. You frame it as conservation. Yeah, we're good for the good for writing. Yeah. All right, Rich Banks has another song to commemorate the last 1000 episodes. We are on episode 2,999 today. Let's end it right here. Yeah. It's been fun. So tomorrow will be the 3000 episode of this podcast. Jesus Christ. You blink. Where the hell the time go? So what? Thank you guys for all listening for all these years and turning people on to the show. Oscar jokes drunk take rad Williams Jeff Goldblum John Clees the Gilbert guy Dan Dunn is boring ride Kevin Bacon Jassy made a duck on Willie T. COVID locked out homeless campers little miss some Chinese 3000 podcast anyone we're talking to me can't stop smoking these 3000 podcast. No, you can't record it. You're downloading. Charlie's would be a L. C. All red and empty Maxine all the women who would be disgusted with his cock Rich Banks bracket songs each of feelings food love and straight no chase sir. I'll work no joke New York time stops new book Giovanni super fan melt down mashups train and drag green charden is Quaid how we man down Nick Cage vintage race no safe space Dr. Drew is two now. He's 3000 podcast anyone we're talking to me can't stop smoking. He's done 3000 podcast. No, you keep recording if you're downloading. Can't walk out dealing quit told us if you hit the bricks Congress test to fire max about a school and right I'm prepared ping pong balls brand new version crank calls Gina has Nancy grad by two trumpets for his dad. Christian bail lap it down trade hold ball when roasted near us on e Jameswoods tweets K. L. Stagelboss's sheet calder on donkey show Gary just done who he is 3000. ♪ No more podcasts, anyone we're talking ♪ ♪ No, we can't stop swapping ♪ ♪ He's done 3000 podcasts ♪ ♪ No, we'll keep recording if you're downloading ♪ ♪ Diko Boy done again with Bill Maurem Pression ♪ ♪ As crack backsack, DJ Khaled is a hack ♪ ♪ Mega City big pussy toxic masculinity ♪ ♪ Love boat has been earnestly just asking ♪ ♪ Cobra, ice a case, techy trouble with his ways ♪ ♪ We did say rain that day, fuck up little chick for later ♪ ♪ He's done 3000 podcasts ♪ ♪ Anyone we're talking, no, we can't stop swapping ♪ ♪ He's done 3000 podcasts ♪ ♪ No, we'll keep recording if you're downloading ♪ ♪ Rappwork in the Hall of Fame, Brian Cheetah, Tivo Game, Dawson ♪ ♪ Toolbox, hip, flask, green guac ♪ ♪ Innocent, she told her rich ♪ ♪ Conchell on his penis ♪ ♪ Staples in the hot-up cart ♪ ♪ DJ business nephew, fuck, done again ♪ ♪ As sliced alone, Leno won't turn off his phone ♪ ♪ Waterhouse, damage shack, Bill O'Reilly anglin' back ♪ ♪ Interviews with Polly Shore, minus 16 RT store ♪ ♪ The 24 hour war, I can't think of any more ♪ ♪ He's done 3000 podcasts ♪ ♪ Anyone we're talking, no, we can't stop swapping ♪ ♪ He's done 3000 podcasts ♪ ♪ And like this song, we will keep going on, on, on, on, on ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ - Oh, he's done 3000 podcasts. - Wow. - That was awesome. - Rappwork every time. - I got a little emotional. That was really awesome to watch and to listen to. - I wanna thank Rich Banks, Lynch, Dawson for the song, and Haley, who whacked up this year. - That was a lot of video, man. - Oh, it was incredible. - Yeah. - That was a ton of work. You can watch it on YouTube. It's a, everyone should do at least a thousand podcasts. (laughs) 'Cause you, I don't know if you guys are like me, but I'm always just kinda like, I don't remember doing that or what was that? Or yeah, I kinda remember that was cool, or who cares? And that's always sort of whatever's next. It's my wiring is sort of what's next than not a lot of nostalgia. - But boy, man, we've done a lot of stuff. - Well, I've mentioned on the show before, I think you guys are on the same boat, but when we're doing this podcast, we're in like, you know, thick mode, thick head mode, not a memory-making mode. Like, when I'm done with the show, Christie, he'll be like, "Oh, what happened to the show?" I say, "Well, what do you think, funny?" Yeah, but I'm like, "I have no fucking idea." I probably, maybe, I'll find out tomorrow. - It'll be available tomorrow. - Yeah, it'll be able to be me, but I'm not making memories as we're doing this. So it's nice to have those, the songs, the clips and everything's going, "Oh, yeah, that was good, that was funny." - Well, your brain is rattled with cancer. - That's true. - That's why I'm asking you guys for the same thing. - That's true. - That's true. - A lot of normal, you know, it's kind of healthy. - A lot of you. - No, it's-- - All right, that does it as we can scroll classics. Make sure to, next weekend, for three all new installments. Until then, follow and get it on. (rock music) (upbeat rock music) - Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. - Mean Girls. - Sidebar. - Titanic. - I'm the key in the world. Express nothing. They're free 24/7. - That is so fast. Pay never. - Podcasting isn't just about talking. It's about growing, engaging and monetizing. And that's where Podcast One Pro comes in. Whether you're an independent creator or a major brand, Podcast One Pro, gives you the tools you need to take your podcasts to the next level. We're talking about premium hosting, advanced analytics, dynamic ad integration and expert distribution, all designed to maximize your reach and revenue. Plus, with access to Podcast One's industry leading network, you'll be connected to top tier advertisers and a massive audience. It's time to go pro and turn your passion into profit. Visit PodcastOnePro.com to get started today. Podcast One Pro, the power behind the podcast. - Hello and welcome to Pluto Fo. We're all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. - Fantastic. - The Matrix trilogy. - Mean girls. - Side up. - Tight and in. Express nothing. They're free 24/7. - That is so fast. Pay never.