Session 37: Do We Have A Problem: Addiction

like most people i'm juggling lots of responsibilities on a daily basis and let's just be real one of my favorite ways of coping with that stress is popping a little something and doom scrolling till i fall asleep sometimes it feels like self-care is just another task on our never any to-do list and girl do not have the time for that but this is why i'm starting my mornings with rituals stress relief this product uses first of its kind technology to support the body's natural cortisol response so you can take on the daily juggle ritual is great because it helps me feel calmer and less stressed which is something i've tried to do with journaling and meditation i've had very mixed results especially with the meditation your girl just really struggles to focus and you know turn off the brain or whatever but this is my first time trying a supplement for my wellness and ritual really appealed to me with their vegan gmo free products stress relief specifically is designed to optimize the release of ashwagandha l-theanine and saffron to help your body better manage stress we've all got stress but you don't have to just grin and bear it get stress relief from ritual and save 25 on your first month at ritual.com slash couch that's ritual.com slash couch for 25 off your first month hi and welcome to christmas couch the show where i answer your letters for advice and talk to the most interesting people in the world this week i wanted to do something a little bit different and on the couch and instead of answering your letters or doing an interview i want to kind of do a deep dive into one particular topic and i'll probably do this again about other topics as they come up but i think this is um the sort of place where it could really be useful to talk about some things give you guys some additional insights some other questions you can ask yourself etc etc so what's coming up for me right now is the topic of addiction it comes up a lot on this show a lot right in um trying to work with a friend or a family member who's currently dealing with addiction and you don't really know where to start or what would be best um or how to take care of you and your loved one simultaneously simultaneously trying to have boundaries with someone in active addiction so i want to talk about again some of the common myths about addiction and the difference between casually using substances versus when you have a problem how people end up addicted in the first place and some questions again that you can ask yourself if you're wondering maybe you hear some of this and you're like wait is this is this fucking play about us like girl maybe i don't know so just give you guys some things to think about um as we explore this topic more as i have been very open about on the show i have struggled with alcohol use disorder um throughout my life that is well throughout my life since i was probably 17 or 18 a few years ago when i really worked through a lot of the different issues that led me to drink in the first place but we'll get there i want to start off with the idea that all you need to do to overcome addiction is have the willpower you know this idea that like if they wanted to not do drugs or not drink then they would simply do that unfortunately if that was all it took nobody would be addicted people do not want to be addicted to the point of hurting themselves losing their jobs their family friends ending up on the street and in some of the most severe cases you know battling literally for their lives people don't choose that addiction is a consequence of lots of different factors there's a genetic component to it your upbringing and the things you have experienced throughout your life especially in childhood have a lot to do with it and these substances you know you don't just take them you don't get high or drunk for a while and then you go back to the way you were with prolonged and heavy use they lead to profound changes in the brain they alter your neural pathways what feels like a reward in the brain so basically i don't want to get too deep into neuropsychology okay because that was my least favorite class but addictive substances shortcut the reward process in your brain normally you know you only get that uh reward feeling after you've put in some work and actually accomplish something you know there's been some effort and a delay but you know you don't get that reward feeling after you've put in some work and actually accomplish something you know there's been some effort and a delay the drugs and alcohol say girl fuck all that we're going straight in and giving you the chemicals that signal pleasure so actually having to do something to get that reward feeling we can just cut all that right out and give it straight to you now for people who are really seeking pleasure in their life again because they had a genetic component or maybe times are just hard maybe you went through a lot in childhood using these substances is uh you can see how the appeal to these substances is that these substances are going to make you feel like you want to be present you know people do not want to sit around and feel miserable if i told you hey a couple shots of this and you'll stop being so sad and you'll start feeling happy and like you want to socialize and be in a good mood a lot of people are gonna take that that chance with the alcohol um for example so as addiction takes hold the changes in your brain erode your ability to have control over yourself and your decisions especially the ability to make good decisions and they keep sending these intense impulses cravings to take the drugs as the problem grows you're taking more of it in order to get that same feeling of reward pleasure dopamine etc this is how people get wrapped up and caught up in a cycle of like feeling compelled to do the substance even though it is causing negative effects in their lives it's the reward that they're getting from it is very temporary it's very fake but it's also very real like in that moment it is taking care of the issue for you it's just that everything after that is going to be pure hell but you know how you can avoid that pure hell taking more of that drug of course you don't actually avoid it you end up extending the pain and making things much worse for yourself but it's hard to get out of that once you're in it so people who are suffering from substance use disorder or a misuse of substances will have impaired control the idea that you know oh i can just have one or two drinks and then i stop they are not able to do that the craving is so strong that they feel compelled to keep using and when they try to stop they're unable to do that substance use disorders cause social problems they can really make life hard for you at work at school at home in your social groups at church or other things you may be doing as part of your community and for a lot of people you end up cutting out some of the fun things that you used to do for yourself or in your life because the pull to take the drugs or alcohol whatever it may be is stronger as the addiction grows you may find yourself more willing to do more and more dangerous things for it you're willing to ask people on the streets for drugs sharing needles um going up to strangers in the club and and taking drinking out of their drinks or you know trying to be part of their section pour yourself a drink from their bottle like you will just find yourself doing more and more ridiculous and risky things in order to get that uh that hit of the substance that you have become dependent on and of course as you continue to misuse these substances your tolerance increases so you need more and more of that drug in order to get the same effect and the withdrawal symptoms can be much more severe when you do decide to stop and they can even be deadly in the case of alcohol abuse trying to withdraw from alcohol if you have had a very serious alcohol problem for a long time you may need to go to a hospital or treatment center in order to be supervised as you withdraw from alcohol so it's also not as easy as just stopping not only because of the addiction component the brain component of it all but also because the withdrawal symptoms kick your ass the deeper you are into the issue this episode of chris's couch is brought to you by better help if you go way up tomorrow and automatically be better at one thing what would that one thing be okay now it can be something serious or something fun and silly for me i would be so good at basketball that the wmba would draft me right now you know never mind the fact that i'm five three and i was born in the 1900s they're like wow it's jackie young all over again we need her on our team okay we're deep in the wmba season right now and i'm having so much fun and i'm going to be so happy to be here for you at the games and watching with friends things like that so that was just you know like a fun little thing that i would love to do if i could but really better is a feeling and that feeling is defined by you and for better help it's a better help therapist who really gets you it's a focus on global emotional well-being with thousands of therapists and millions of members in over 100 countries what it really is is progress so sign up and get 10 off today at betterhelp.com that's betterhelp.com slash c-r-i-s-s-l-e like most people i'm juggling lots of responsibilities on a daily basis and let's just be real one of my favorite ways of coping with that stress is popping a little something and doom scrolling till i fall asleep sometimes it feels like self-care is just another task on our never any to-do list and girl do not have the time for that but this is why i'm starting my morning routine and i'm going to be doing a lot of self-care and i'm going to be doing a lot of self-care and i'm going to be doing a lot of self-care and i'm going to be doing a lot of self-care and i'm going to be doing a lot of self-care and i'm going to be doing a lot of self-care and i'm going to be doing a lot of self-care and i'm going to be doing a lot of self-care and i'm going to be doing a lot of self-care and i'm going to be doing a lot of cortisol response so you can take on the daily juggle ritual is great because it helps me feel calmer and less stressed which is something i've tried to do with journaling and meditation i've had very mixed results especially with the meditation your girl just really struggles to focus and you know turn off the brain or whatever but this is my first time trying a supplement for my wellness and ritual really appealed to me with their vegan gmo free products stress relief specifically is designed to optimize the release of ashwagandha l-theanine and saffron to help your body better manage stress we've all got stress but you don't have to just grin and bear it get stress relief from ritual and save 25 on your first month at ritual.com couch that's ritual.com couch for 25 off your first month so a lot of people casually use substances without it crossing the threshold into disordered behavior , okay just about everybody i know can go out to the lounge have a couple drinks maybe smoke a blunt you know things of that nature and it's something you do maybe once or twice a week it's not a regular everyday part of your life now there are lots of different standards like i i think for alcohol especially you can just google like what it means to binge drink i think for minutes more than two drinks in an hour or so and for women it's more than one something like that that information is very highly publicized you can go find that online anywhere but the difference between casual use and disordered use is when again you have the impaired ability to stop or control the substance despite the fact that it is causing absolute havoc in your life in so many different ways your spouse is tired of having to deal with the fallout of whatever you do when you're on these substances you're choosing the substance over paying your bills your rent taking care of your kids taking care of yourself you begin to neglect or abuse the people around you or yourself because of the way you act when you're under the influence of the substance you're losing your job you're having health care problems you know if you do see the doctor the doctor is like hey you got all this stuff going on it is the binge drinking or it is the cocaine or the weed or whatever the problematic substance may be for you is causing all of these other things to go on so if you have a more severe on that more severe end you may find yourself putting the drugs or the alcohol above everything else in your life including the things that used to bring you joy hanging out with family and friends it's more important than your career than your kids than just about anything else and you will continue to use those substances despite the fact that it is having all of these terrible negative consequences in your life it can be very very common that we don't accept this especially if abusing substances is normalized around us so really the first step we always say awareness is the first step to making change that is especially true in the case of addiction if everybody around you is binge drinking every other day then it may seem normal to you to come home after work and have four or five shots before bed but again when you look at the difference between using it casually and what qualifies as a disorder you can kind of look at yourself and say you know actually i have been late to work three times in the past week because i was a little hung over and just couldn't get myself out of bed or i wasn't as clear or as sharp or as ready for that meeting as i could have been or i forgot about my kids recital i was supposed to pick up some prescriptions from the pharmacy after work completely forgot my wife is going to be so mad at me whatever it may be um you can kind of take a look at that and see if there's anything that's wrong with you and you can take a look at what you're doing in your life and think okay is this actually holding me back in in any sort of way and am i capable of simply not doing it a lot of people will try and find that they are just not able to put the the drugs or alcohol down like they thought they could so again when the cravings are super strong when you're unable to stop or limit your use of the substance when you need more and more of it in order to feel the same effect when you are having withdrawal symptoms now that can be physical symptoms like sweating shaking tremors things like that it can be things you don't notice like increased blood pressure it could be more anxiety nausea things of that nature those are all considered withdrawal symptoms when you're distancing yourself from activities that you used to enjoy and continuing to use the substance even though it causes health problems that's what a lot of the the symptoms of this will look like and that is drugs or alcohol either one of those can can manifest in that way show up in your life so a lot of you may have just heard all this and thought okay but how do people get to that point in the first place like if you've never dealt with addiction it may seem ridiculous because on this on the face of it it is like what do you mean i am going to keep doing this thing that is actively killing me and ruining all of my relationships why would anybody do that so like i mentioned at the beginning of this episode there's a huge genetic component to becoming addicted if your parents had a substance use disorder you are much more likely to also have one there are lots of environmental factors that can also contribute like stress trauma even if it wasn't in childhood but especially in childhood you know i think a lot of people can probably relate to what i've been through but i think it's important for us to know that there are a lot of factors that can also contribute like stress trauma even if it wasn't in childhood but especially in childhood you know i think a lot of people can probably relate to there are lots of environmental factors that can also contribute like stress trauma even if it wasn't in childhood but especially in childhood you know i think a lot of people can probably relate to well i've had a rough week things have been hard i'm going to unwind have some drinks do a little drug that sort of thing but when the stress and the trauma and all of that is always present it's not an acute situation but it's chronic it's always there we find that people are leaning more into the drugs to cope with that and then the addiction cycle is able to perpetuate and they're also again like i said with the genetic factor some genes are just passed down from parent to child so even if you had a pretty chill life and there's not a bunch of stress or trauma going on if that genetic factor is there you may feel compelled to drink or use anyway there are also lots of mental health conditions that can increase your risk for addiction unfortunately there are a lot of comorbidities which are other diseases or disorders or conditions that occur they they kind of go hand in hand like depression and anxiety are probably the most common ones if you meet somebody who has one they usually have signs of the other um maybe not to the same degree but they are definitely there and a huge reason for this is because well that is not about substances people turn people with mental illnesses turn to substances because they make you feel better in that moment if there's not something that can just snap you out of it which when you're dealing with a mental health condition there isn't the allure of smoking something injecting something taking a shot and feeling better within a few minutes as opposed to the weeks or months that medication and therapy require not to mention the work that those things require again it becomes much easier to understand how people turn to this and how quickly they can get caught up in the trap of addiction so again i want to be super clear that i understand that it does alleviate that immediate pain this is something that if you talk to a therapist there are lots and lots of addiction substance abuse counselors out there when you talk to them about it something that is so frustrating is that they will say but it doesn't actually make you feel better but it actually does this but it actually causes all these long-term problems yes and i need you to understand that in that moment it solves the problem that i am having which is i'm uncomfortable i'm sad i'm depressed i have whatever going on maybe there are things going on in my subconscious that i don't know anything about and using these substances pulls me out of that the fact that it has all of these long-term consequences that are terrible for me is a problem for me when i'm sober okay but that's not my problem right now so if someone is dealing with serious mental or not even it doesn't have to be the most severe mental health issues again depression is extremely common and a lot of people just want a reprieve from feeling so terrible you can get caught up in that way but bipolar disorder eating disorders even conditions like adhd where the brain is constantly searching for that next dopamine hit ptsd ocd personality disorders schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders people are just looking for a break from feeling like and that is what the substances do for them another huge factor to uh determining whether a person will have a substance use disorder is whether they have experienced what we call aces which stands for adverse childhood experiences these are things that happen to you during childhood that can lead to a lot of difficulties in your life both physical but especially emotional so this includes all manners of abuse and neglect physical sexual uh verbal emotional witnessing violence having unstable caretakers so being raised by people who have untreated mental illnesses or untreated substance abuse disorders incarcerated incarcerated parents, even divorce. These are all factors that can contribute to substance use disorder in later adolescence and adulthood if you experienced a lot of these things as kids. As you're sort of taking in all this information, you may think, hmm, did not realize I had a problem, but now it's kind of sounding like maybe I do. Here are some things that you can ask yourself before you decide to bring it up with your doctor or seek out the help of a therapist, just to kind of help you get a little bit more understanding about where you currently are. And these are questions that as when I was a therapist in grad school, these are the sort of questions that we would ask. We have lots of forms, and this is sort of like a screening kind of. You can also use it to be self-reflective, but you can also use it to be self-reflective. Sometimes quick acts of preparation make all the difference. I've been doing this a lot lately, and it really does help to set yourself up for success. Like I leave my sunglasses right by the door so I can just grab them on my way out. I lay out the next day clothes before I go to bed at night, and I've been meal prepping more regularly. But before things get even busier this fall with back to school and the holidays coming up, I want to make sure I check off one to-do that can safeguard my family's future by quickly finding free life support and a place to spend the rest of my time. And that's why I'm here today to talk about life insurance quotes tailored to our needs with PolicyGenius. At PolicyGenius, it's easy to set your family up for whatever the future may bring. As we age, of course, so do our elders, and it can be hard to have real conversations about life insurance, not to mention how time consuming it can be to actually find a policy. PolicyGenius has a licensed team ready to help you get what you need quickly and find the most affordable policy for those needs. My mom is elderly and very ill, I know how sobering it can be to take on these kinds of tests, but the peace of mind when you have a policy locked in is priceless. With PolicyGenius, you can find 20-year life insurance policies starting at just $276 a year for $1 million in coverage. Head to PolicyGenius.com to compare life insurance quotes from top companies and see how much you could save. Again, that's PolicyGenius.com. Take care of you and your family. These are questions that we ask when the topic of substance use disorder comes up. So, do you ever have trouble remembering things or focusing on what you're doing because you're thinking about using? Have you ever broken promises because of your substance use? Have you ever done things when you were using that you would not normally do? Have you ever lost a job or had money problems because of your use? Do you ever make excuses for your use or lie to hide it? Does someone make excuses for their use? Do you ever make excuses for your use? When you're inebriated or hungover or unable to do the things that you said you would do, do people kind of like scramble to have your back and cover up for you? Do you find yourself missing work or school because of your use? Have your children or close family members or friends ever asked you to stop using or to reconsider how much you're using? Has a spouse or partner ever left you because of substance abuse issues? Have you ever had to stop using or reconsider how much you're using? Have you ever had sexual problems that may have been affected by your use? Have you noticed that you've gotten sick more often as you use more? And the big joker, have you tried to quit but found you just couldn't? That is a huge one. It's common enough that I think maybe we've thought who hasn't had a rough night of drinking and said, boy, I am never doing that again, just to turn around and do it again. That's not really what I'm talking about. I mean, have you ever noticed like, damn, I got really wasted four nights this week. I'm going to chill this weekend, not going to drink at all. And then somebody calls you and says, hey, girl, you want to go to the club? It's such and such birthday, dollar shots till midnight. And next thing you know, you're right there pounding them at the bar, that sort of thing. I want y'all to understand that addiction is so complicated. It's complex, but it is treatable. It affects brain function and behavior. So whether you're talking about, you know, your own issues or trying to help a loved one who has these issues, I hope that I've made it clear throughout the course of this episode that it's not a one size fit all sort of thing. There's no single treatment that is appropriate for everyone. And there are so many different combinations of reasons that can lead to someone drinking that there's nothing. There's there's no one answer to the issue. If you write into the show about your specific issues, there's no one answer to the issue. So if you write into the show about your specific issues, there's no one answer to the issue. If you write into the show about your specific situation, I'll be happy to try to give you help based off what you've told me. But we are all unique and we all have a unique blend of circumstances that have led to us being where we are today. Effective treatment will meet all of the needs of the individual. It won't just be, you know, therapy for this or medication for this. It'll be a holistic blend of approaches to not only help with the current behavior issue, which is the use of the substances, but also what is driving you to do that. Is it simply genetic? Probably not. But it is possible. The earlier you started using substances also has a lot to do with how you cope and how easy or challenging it will be for you to heal from those things. The younger you are, it tends to be when you started using substances, it tends to be that the process for you will be more challenging. And it takes a lot of patience. Therapy, I wish therapy and medication worked the way drugs and illicit drugs and alcohol do, where it just, you know, one session with a therapist or the first two times you take a prescription and bam, you don't have these issues anymore. But unfortunately, you do have to put in time and the effort. Counseling is huge. There are lots of groups available for substance use disorder, of course, individual therapy and seeking out a therapist who is trained specifically for working with people with these sort of disorders. They are probably the most common treatment plan that people go for. But, you know, this is the sort of thing where when you decide to get help, you are sort of, you know, you're not going to be able to do it. You're not going to be able to do it. Committing yourself to a process, as long as you're under the care of a doctor or therapist, then they should be continually reassessing and making adjustments in your treatment plan. As you continue to go on, you may find that other issues start to pop up that need to be addressed as well. Again, the right doctor or therapist should be able to help you do that. And probably the single most important thing that I want you to remember before I close out this episode is that relapse is part of the process. And any therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist that you work with should understand that, yes, we want you to be held accountable, but we also want to have empathy and understanding for the fact that you are a human being. You're coping with what was available to you and what you knew at the time. And relapse is part of the process. It is not likely that you are going to decide that, you know, you're done with the alcohol, you're done with the drugs, and you're simply never going to do it again. It's part of it. Hopefully, you don't relapse and do additional permanent damage to yourself. Hopefully, this is something that you can continue to work through. But please hold yourself to a human standard. You're doing your best. You're rewiring your brain. Again, it is possible. Neuroplasticity is real. You can get through this, but you're going to need patience. So give yourself some grace. I hope that this helped answer some common questions about addiction and maybe gave you guys a little bit more to think about. If you'd like me to do another topic like this, if there's something else you'd like for me to do, you know, this sort of little mini dive into, I'm happy to do that. Send me an email advice at crystalscouch.com. We'll see you next week.