Session 36 ft. India Shawn

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Hi, and welcome to Crystal's Couch, the show where I answer your letters for advice and talk to the most interesting people in the world. This week on the show, I have an incredibly talented musician. A beautiful, exceptional vocalist who I've been listening to for years. A shout out to our mutual friend, Asante. He put me on a long time ago. I fell in love with her immediately. Her music is so gorgeous. It feels like somebody is finally putting all the feelings that I've had about dating and trying to be open to new relationships. And seeing how connections go. She's just putting all of those complicated feelings into words, into this incredible music. So, whether she's been writing for herself or writing for someone else, she's been putting all of those complicated feelings into words, into this incredible music. She's been putting all of those complicated feelings into words, into this incredible music. one I'm gonna have to sit over here to myself for a little bit and sift through all of this mess to figure out what the lessons are here for me and I did learn so much about myself in it did you really after just a few months well I mean no because I did too okay and so that's what I'm saying like it really does not have to be these long-term relationships where you learn these life lessons sometimes it's like oh this connection made me realize that I'm not too old to do something stupid like I'm not too old to fall for things you know making terrible decisions at this big grown age still believing yeah yeah so anything you want to share about what you maybe have learned from this last one with the way that it ended because I'm not gonna lie I I bit my tongue so much throughout so that's one thing I learned I need to be more expressive and honest about things as they're happening yes because I've built up a lot of um I guess not really resentment but I was just holding a lot in and so when it came out like the Aries the yeah it came out and it really oh you're an Aries yeah okay and it came out in a way that I regret okay yeah was it was there anger behind it there was anger and it was spicy and it was it was not kind okay but then so that brings me to this whole thing I think that a lot of me is wrapped up in being good and kind and acceptable and although my delivery could have been different right the things that I said were true okay so I want to be okay with what I said but it's like that's it's eating me up inside that I was kind of nasty yeah I was like I didn't have to do that like I didn't even have to say anything and I want to get to that point in my emotional maturity where I can just like let it be you know yeah well I think you you kind of hit the nail on the head when you're like I I need to get better about expressing things that are an issue or whatever as they come up because sometimes I don't know that this is your story but it has been the case for me before that I'm like maybe I'm tripping like maybe I'm feeling this way and it's not that big of a deal like I like this let me chill you know and let me stop looking for it exactly because I'm always looking for it I got too much vertical in my chart everything turns me off so I mean I'm a Virgo rising right yeah so so so for me historically when I have done that it's been like I look back at it and I'm like actually yeah trying to make it work anyway was a mistake I I was uncomfortable and I should have honored the fact that I didn't like that yeah and that's the best message that I but yeah that's what I said I said I knew I was forcing it with you yes oh wait wait so how did he swindle you out of the breakup just to turn around and like he convinced you to to give him another day no so it just all hit the fan I mean it's a really crazy stupid story of him FaceTime and saying oh pardon can I say that you can come okay um like it was dumb it like was it was very unnecessary but he insisted on doing this whole thing and so the next day I was like listen I know yesterday was rough but like it doesn't undo all the good and all that what you know I was still kind of like leaving it yeah hoping just to be cool because I want to just be on good terms with people you know right and he shut it down I'm like how are you going to shut it down after yeah I didn't even do nothing you know yeah that would frustrate the hell out of me it really would because fairness is a thing me yeah like it just felt unfair for him to just yeah accepting yeah unfair the unfair the inherent unfairness in life has been one of my biggest struggles it's just like but it shouldn't be that way exactly but that isn't fair and it's like yes well nobody told you it would be and it's like okay but that's not fair either so I know it's the sort of thing where you could really get stuck in like and then you see from the outside look at it and like you see the tantrums I know it's the sort of thing where you could really get stuck in like and then you see from the outside look at it and like you see the tantrum in that like you see yourself acting like right yes that is very childish of me but it's how I feel like if I could stomp my feet and scream right now about how unfair it is like how dare you try to do this to me when I just anyway I told you a million times if a girl as beautiful as India is having my issues out here with these men I do not know what the rest of y'all are going to do like it's rough it's rough so but I love that you talk about this subject you don't just talk about you know the the hard eye stage and the the catch and feelings you also talk about the hmm interesting so look at how you decide to act as time progresses and you know the way things fall apart as well and the times where you're maybe not focusing on dating but like really trying to channel your energy into yourself what you need like honoring you I think those are just sort of phases we all move in and out of like right now I cannot trust none of you hoes but I need to go within right but give me another three four months and maybe I'll be you know back out there ready to try it again so you've written all that sort of music for yourself you've also written for other people you're living through all these different versions of yourself and you've been in therapy so when you look back at it which era of India do you say you know that girl really deserves a lot of patience a lot of grace a lot of understanding because she was doing the best she could with what she had like wow yeah that was me really just doing the best with with these insane situations do you look back at your life in that way yeah for sure and I mean going back to the unfairness just like the the hand that I was dealt you know yeah and yeah I mean going back to the unfairness just like the the hand that I was dealt you know and yeah I mean going back to the unfairness just like the the hand that I was dealt yeah and yeah I mean going back to the unfairness just like the the hand that I was dealt you know yeah and yeah I mean going back to the the hand that I was dealt you know and extending grace for for just and extending grace for for just and extending grace for for just not knowing and not having guidance or not knowing and not having guidance or not knowing and not having guidance or protection and I think like my early protection and I think like my early protection and I think like my early career honestly early 20s just like going career honestly early 20s just like going career honestly early 20s just like going back out to LA and writing and like back out to LA and writing and like back out to LA and writing and like working with a very abusive producer and working with a very abusive producer and working with a very abusive producer and being in a crazy uh contract and being in a crazy uh contract and being in a crazy uh contract and just trying to show up and trying to just trying to show up and trying to just trying to show up and trying to like be a person who loves music and like be a person who loves music and like be a person who loves music and like wants to work hard and prove myself like wants to work hard and prove myself like wants to work hard and prove myself and it just was not the right and it just was not the right and it just was not the right environment right so definitely a little environment right so definitely a little environment right so definitely a little baby India yeah my heart goes out to her baby India yeah my heart goes out to her baby India yeah my heart goes out to her this episode of Crystal's couch is this episode of Crystal's couch is this episode of Crystal's couch is brought to you by better help if you go brought to you by better help if you go brought to you by better help if you go wake up tomorrow and automatically be wake up tomorrow and automatically be wake up tomorrow and automatically be better at one thing what would that one better at one thing what would that one better at one thing what would that one thing be okay now it can be something thing be okay now it can be something thing be okay now it can be something serious or something fun and silly for serious or something fun and silly for serious or something fun and silly for me I would be so good at basketball me I would be so good at basketball me I would be so good at basketball that the WNBA would draft me right now that the WNBA would draft me right now that the WNBA would draft me right now you know never mind the fact that I'm you know never mind the fact that I'm you know never mind the fact that I'm five three and I was born in the 1900s five three and I was born in the 1900s five three and I was born in the 1900s I'm like wow it's Jackie young all over I'm like wow it's Jackie young all over I'm like wow it's Jackie young all over again we need her on our team okay we're again we need her on our team okay we're again we need her on our team okay we're deep in the WNBA season right now and deep in the WNBA season right now and deep in the WNBA season right now and I'm having so much fun at the games and I'm having so much fun at the games and I'm having so much fun at the games and watching with friends things like that watching with friends things like that watching with friends things like that so that was just you know like a fun so that was just you know like a fun so that was just you know like a fun little thing that I would love to do if little thing that I would love to do if I could but really better is a feeling I could but really better is a feeling I could but really better is a feeling and that feeling is defined by you and and that feeling is defined by you and and that feeling is defined by you and for better help it's a better help for better help it's a better help for better help it's a 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a daily basis and responsibilities on a daily basis and responsibilities on a daily basis and let's just be real one of my favorite let's just be real one of my favorite let's just be real one of my favorite ways of coping with that stress is ways of coping with that stress is ways of coping with that stress is popping a little something something and popping a little something something and popping a little something something and doom scrolling till I fall asleep doom scrolling till I fall asleep doom scrolling till I fall asleep sometimes it feels like self-care is sometimes it feels like self-care is sometimes it feels like self-care is just another task on our never any to-do just another task on our never any to-do just another task on our never any to-do list and girl do not have the time for list and girl do not have the time for list and girl do not have the time for that but this is why I'm starting my that but this is why I'm starting my that but this is why I'm starting my 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particular I've heard music industry in particular I've heard music industry in particular I've heard like mostly awful things like for the like mostly awful things like for the like mostly awful things like for the most part people are like music is most part people are like music is most part people are like music is terrible the music industry the quote terrible the music industry the quote terrible the music industry the quote unquote industry like it's just awful unquote industry like it's just awful unquote industry like it's just awful and they will chew you up spit you out and they will chew you up spit you out and they will chew you up spit you out use you abuse you all this and expect use you abuse you all this and expect use you abuse you all this and expect you to be grateful for it at the end of you to be grateful for it at the end of you to be grateful for it at the end of the day so it's like what you see with the day so it's like what you see with the day so it's like what you see with India and like multiple albums and India and like multiple albums and India and like multiple albums and projects and tours and just all over the projects and tours and just all over the projects and tours and just all over the place and all that that is the sort of place and all that that is the sort of place and all that that is the sort of success that comes through being so success that comes through being so success that comes through being so diligent diligent diligent with your work because it's like you with your work because it's like you And you have really, you've put it in that effort. And you've been you've come up against so many different situations where it would make sense to be like, you know what, y'all can have all of this. Actually, like I have to go home and protect my literally literally left L.A. at that time. I went back to Atlanta where my mom was like, I'm just going to be back on the Marta. Yeah, I'm going to Georgia State and I'm just going to figure it out. And I did. I mean, honestly, that's when I made origin from that situation. So, yeah, you I love that you are like, you know what? Actually, when I look back at that early part of my career, that girl, she you know, it's she had a dream and bright eyes. And oh, my gosh. Yeah. So is there anything that you learned about yourself through the process of writing songs and making music? Because, again, you've been at it for quite. A while now. So, yeah, I learned that I'm tired of this church. No, I've learned so much. I've you know, I didn't because I was just so in the music and the process of making it. I didn't realize how much I was revealing about myself and who I was through these songs. You know, whether it be a song like I don't even want to go. I don't want to go into the vault. OK, I don't want to go into. I know the songs, but I think super fine. Are we talking about super fine is empowering. We like it is super fine. It's like, yeah, that's that's when you might be trash, but I'm going to be all right. I'm going to be OK. No, but the ones where it's like by any means necessary. Yeah, we're going to be together. And, you know, like those types of things. I'm like, oh, I was that person and I was making that very publicly known, you know. So, yeah, just witnessing my growth through these projects. Yeah. Have you found that in dating people will maybe listen to your music to get an idea of like what you like or how you are and try to fit that mold of what they think you'll be attracted to or you'll go for? I've only dated like one or two fans, maybe just one where it was like he. I love that for you because I can't get away from my fans. And now it is it has to be like a rule in my life that I cannot. No more fans because they keep fucking with me, India, like so I can't do it. But then isn't it like on the opposite side when they have no interest and they haven't done the research? They don't know that you're you, you know, like we got to find a little like that. I dated somebody a few years ago who said that they didn't know who I was. And so that introduction of like, you know, we go out and people are like, can you take my picture? And this is this. And, you know, showing them some of the stuff I've done, drunk history and stuff like that. And they're just like, wow, you this, this. And I'm like, you didn't know. Like, I just kind of love that you didn't know none of that about me. You know, somebody sat down and asked for my number and then was like, what do you do? And I'm like, you don't know what I do. I was a little, I was a little gagged. So but you said you only dated one or two fans. Yeah. And they got like when they start. Interviewing me about like, why did you write this song? That kind of gets a little weird, doesn't it? Yeah. But I do like when they appreciate the music, though, you know, like they know this is good and like it's popped up and I would play it again. Like I like when they like the music. But when it's like, yeah, when they're interviewing you. Yeah. I've I've had to learn my lesson like the ones who who think they know too much about me or they have been, you know, just such a huge fan for so many years. Like. You know, too much. Right. You know too much about me and I don't know anything about you. So I think I have to just leave the fans alone for a while. But anyway, this is supposed to be your interview. I'm over here. No, we have to catch up. Tell me more. No, I'm not doing nothing but wasting my time, believing these lies, et cetera. Anyway. Do you think that being. Being so emotionally open in your art and the way you've evolved in how you express those emotions, has it helped you to be more open in your real life with dating or friends or family? You know, I am an open book for the most part. Like I'm extremely I used to tell too much of my business. I think now I'm just like having some boundaries. Yeah. You know. And yeah, not so much exposing myself now. Right. So you. You would say you're open, but just not forthcoming with everything right off the bat. Yeah, I think. Yeah. I got to get some trust going on before I start giving you my history and yeah, all that stuff. Right. It don't need to be. We just sat down 10 minutes ago and I'm like, well, actually, when I was in the fifth grade. Right. Like, OK, girl, really be like, yeah. So, you know, even in the music, I'm getting like, I think it's more. I was kind of playing, but it is more imaginative and it is more kind of taking from friends stories sometimes. Oh, yeah. It's like not always directly my about your life. Right. OK. Is that reflected in the newer project? Yeah. Like some a song like Marmalade or Rain on Me, which is about getting tricked. Ain't nobody tricking on me, but, you know, I'm trying to manifest that. So, yeah, I was in the strip club and I was like, you know what? Dream date. Exactly. OK. So I love that. So do you. When we think about like how long you've been in the industry and all the success that you have managed to to come across for yourself and how hard you've been working for a lot of artists and people who work independently, creatives. The issue of validation. The issue of validation is a tricky one because it can be like and it's something that for a lot of us, we probably really learn in therapy the difference between like how do I feel about what I'm putting out versus how is it received by the industry? How is it received by the fans and like how important am I going to hold commercial success to me? So I think about that sort of thing a lot like for for me with having. Having the read, which is 13, 14 years old now, and it just being like, you know, it is this singular thing that is just so weird and, you know, lightning in a bottle or whatever, and then having other projects along the way over the years in security with Fran and, you know, we had a talk show briefly and now doing this, this solo show. It's like all of a sudden I'm being confronted with the idea of like, what does it mean to be successful? In this stage of my life? And like, how much do I need the people to say, oh, I really like this or this really resonated with me for it to matter? Like, well, I sit here and put out this show, even if people don't give me that sort of feedback. So I'm wondering if your relationship to validation has changed at all. Something I'm I'm working through. OK, OK. I mean, I think my my definition of success, though, is it's not so much. I'm so wrapped up in the validation because like I look around like the fact that I can wake up and do whatever I want to do. Yeah. And I'm like, that is success to me. The fact that I've been paying my bills simply from singing since 2018, 2019 is incredible to me, you know, because my friends aren't living that type of life, you know. So, I mean, I'm grateful for that. But I do I think more than anything, one of my issues right now is wanting to be acknowledged by my peers. I don't feel like I have that support amongst my peers. And I see like the camaraderie. I see the groups and the circles and the, you know, Instagram connections. And I'm just like, I feel sometimes where I'm at doesn't feel real to me because I don't feel seen by them. I see. And so that's something I'm dealing with right now. Interesting. Yeah. I I don't know that I would have assumed that from you, because when I think about like, oh, India's done this. And that and Saint Heron and this. And so it's like, of course, you know, the people love her, her beautiful voice and the pin and all this. So but I guess it's not just maybe it sounds like you're not just talking about professionally or commercially, but like, you know, just the girls kicking it or that sort of thing. Yeah, it's really that. Because, I mean, I don't put too much on the general public. I don't expect them to know what's good or quality. You know, so I oh, I'm sorry. And you said y'all don't have taste. Some of y'all do. But when we look at the mass collective and we think about politics and we think about food and we think about what's popular, it's like it's not always what's quality. Exactly. So I don't judge myself on that. But yeah, I do wish I had some some stronger ties with the industry. I see. Interesting. Interesting. Who has that shifted from when you were first starting out? Like, did you have a different idea of what it would mean to be successful? Because I agree, like once I was making money, more money podcasting than I was in my nine to five, I was like, this is a this is a dream life. This is a dream existence. Like, how did I become this fortunate? So it I don't I don't I hope that I haven't like continue to raise the bar for myself to the point where like it'll be feeling like I'm successful is unattainable. I hope I don't keep doing that. But I do also want to continue to evolve. So it's like, where's the line there? What's next for you? I'm trying to I'm trying to, you know, this when I when I went to grad school and I was like, what am I going to do with this degree? I mean, so this I really did feel like I want to take mental health topics and, you know, these very big words that I learned in grad school and distill it out to the general public to to not only share what I've learned, but to get people to see that, like, this is maybe something that you haven't considered or haven't considered in this way. So it I feel like that that definition, that bar of success and like. What it means for me to feel validated in what I do has really shifted over the past few years. So it's interesting to hear that from you because the work is shifting because, yeah, exactly. And it sounds like for you, the direction you want to take your music in is shifting, not like so much in a sound kind of way, but in like, really, where where do you see that going? I mean, I think that this project leans a little bit more alternative. OK. And the. Album that it's done, you know, but it's OK, it's done, it's it's even more leaning in that space. So, yeah, sonically, I'm just getting outside of my box a little bit. OK, so not just with the lyrics and or maybe the the stories you want to tell, but with the you want to go further in a in a more alternative or different sort of direction than what you've typically done. Yeah. OK. Yeah. I mean. And I love that as artists, as musicians, you know, as as self-employed, creative people, you do, you know, your evolution is part of the work. And what's been so important for me to remember is that, like, when I am creating authentically, the audience for that will be drawn to what I'm putting out. So I can't be trying to please the people, you know, who have been around since 2013. Love y'all down. But I can't be putting out what I think y'all want to hear, you know. So I have grown up. I have changed a lot. And so the way I talk, the things I talk about, all of that has to evolve, too. And if that means some of y'all fall off and a new audience emerges, then, you know, so be it. Exactly. Right. That's what subject to change meant for me. It's like this prelude to the next thing. And I think it's just like speaking for all creatives and artists. We don't really want to be held to this one thing that that we started off doing. Right. We want to be able to create freely. And I know with that comes some losses, but also, like you said, a new audience or whoever is attracted to what you're doing in that era. Right. Because once I start doing what I think y'all want me to do, as opposed to what feels genuine to me, that's not sustainable. Like I didn't sort of stumbled into a podcasting career. I did not, you know, aim to have this. But that's something that I have definitely learned along the way. But it's like, you know, it it was such a huge hit, you know, right out of the box because we were being our authentic selves. Yeah. So trying to switch that up now is kind of like, you know, for what? But I think a lot of people get caught up in what do the people want? What's going to be, you know, popular on TikTok or whatever else? Like what's going to resonate the most with the audience? It's like I just I'm going to do my best with my little things. And I hope y'all like it. And I hope it reaches the people that it's meant to. We love it. Oh, please. We love it. Please. And we love you. So I but yeah, it I think that authenticity is something that can be lost if you're not mindful about holding on to it. Because it's easy when you get the managers and the social media people and everybody's like, I'll do this and this and this. It's like somebody has to be focused on the art first and foremost. Yeah. Somebody. The rest of it is a game and a business and an industry and all that. So it's like I'm trying to play these games, the stuff that these these white people want me to do. I'm like, OK, let's be on video. Let's do a TikTok or whatever. I haven't seen that. I've been because I will not post this because every time I let them talk me to do something like that, I look back at it and I'm like, this is so stupid. This is not me. I have some cringe TikToks. I'm not going to. I got some cringe stuff. Oh, man. OK, so have you learned any? Were there any like particular lessons or things that emerged for you as like a big theme while you were working on your album and this EP that are out now preparing for a tour? Was there anything that just sort of came up over and over again? Like this needs to be a central part of of the message I'm trying to communicate. Wow, I think just like stepping into my power, you know, I mean, especially preparing for this tour. Oh, my gosh. Like being the person that I have had this vision of this artist, you know, not just like I want to be this person, but becoming that or deciding to do the things that it takes to become that person. And so I think in the messaging of the album, you hear some of that. Just like grown up India. Yeah. The more grown up. So asserting your power. I like that. Is that something that therapy helped you with or you just feel like I'm maturing, I'm getting older and I'm at this place now where I just don't tolerate the things I tolerated when I was younger? Little life, age, therapy. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's just it just feels like it's time. It's time to stop playing. Playing small. Oh, yeah. OK. And really time to take the reins of my life. Yeah. And I think for valid reasons, I have felt like a victim of my life circumstances. Mm hmm. Yeah. And I think it's easy to be like, woe is me and I didn't have this or I didn't, you know, but it's like at some point or another, you got to. Yeah. It's unfair. And then, you know, going back to that issue of fairness. But at a certain point, you do have to accept the cards you were dealt and try to make the best out of them. And again, that is unfortunate because some people get it much worse than others. But as adults, we do all kind of have to be like, OK, well, I have to clean up this mess, so to speak, or I have to try to sift through this and make the best out of it. So that's so interesting. Would you say like this, this sort of feeling of taking your power back or reclaiming it and and not wanting to play small? Does that play a part in you like experimenting with a different sound and talking about? Yeah, most definitely. And also, I feel like I need to mention the fact that I just recently did a deal with my producer, D-Mile. Oh, nice. And he's like the greatest producer in the world. And he could have signed anybody, you know. Right. So for me, I've been around forever, but for him to like see something in me and want to invest his opportunity, his resources, his time to work with me, like I have to maximize the situation. I have to be the brave, courageous version of myself, you know? Yeah. So I feel like that has definitely pushed me into this place as well creatively. You have to go for it. Got to give it all I can. This is like this. It might be my last shot. So let me just give it all I got. That's interesting. India, the way you talk about your music. Not even your music. I think it's sort of like the way you talk about your career. You're always like, I'm going to give it one more shot. I'm going to give it. But you, like, but girl, you have, I don't know, maybe it's just the outside looking in. I'm like, but you're so talented and your music is so great and your albums are so good. And like, I love singing. I love seeing you perform live. So I guess I just. Thank you. Maybe. I'm ready to, I'm ready to see it translate. You know, like I'm, I'm proud of what I've done and I'm ready to do the festivals and I'm ready to have the radio hit and I'm ready, you know, I'm just ready for it to translate. Yeah. And I, I've planted the seeds, so I know it's coming and that's why I'm thugging it out. Right. You know, but yeah. So you want to see it on a, like a, going to newer levels, bigger levels. You want to do sold out arenas? You want to sell out MetLife? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Yeah. Okay. I love that. I love that. I love talking to people whose aspirations are different than mine. Cause I feel like very frequently I'm like, I'm famous enough. This is me. enough baby mama taps out right here but you're like no actually i'm gonna paparazzi yeah i just yeah i'm ready to go to the next level okay yeah all right and that's fair sometimes quick acts of preparation make all the difference i've been doing this a lot lately and it really does help to set yourself up for success like i leave my sunglasses right by the door so i can just grab them on my way out i lay out the next day clothes before i go to bed at night and i've been meal prepping more regularly but before things get even busier this fall with back to school and the holidays coming up i want to make sure i check off one to do that can safeguard my family's future by quickly finding free life insurance quotes tailored to our needs with policy genius at policy genius it's easy to set your family up for whatever the future may bring as we age of course so do our elders and it can be hard to have real conversations about life insurance not to mention how time consuming it 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without her roommate knowing exactly where she is some journeys are meant to be shared share your ride in real time with share my trip on uber one more way uber is putting safety at every turn learn more on the uber app propel fitness water with gatorade electrolytes zero sugar and vitamins propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self what propels you propel with gatorade electrolytes so it sounds like over the course of your career and even now you have been you know doing your thing being true to yourself but also maybe always reinventing certain aspects and maybe staying open to different possibilities that sort of thing in order to continue to progress in your career do you think there's been any um can you can you speak to maybe the challenges of that um some of the things that have been rewarding but maybe also some of the things that you've had to grieve in that process have you had to leave people behind because that was hard for me yeah that's definitely like all your friends can't come with you doesn't that suck it really does it's like but why not and i'm so grateful for the ones who have like yeah i have friends that i've had since high school and i've had friends that i've had since high school and i've had friends that i've had since high school and college and i'm like i can't believe people who have known me since the 1900s are still my friends like i thank god for that but i'm grateful to have a lot of those but it's crazy because like being in the music industry you have a lot of music friends and singers singer friends y'all all have this aspiration right and then it's like you can't wait to get to a certain point to celebrate with them but then you turn they ain't even there with you no more it's like girl i was trying to get this feedback from you and i was like oh my god i got it and i was trying to do put this album out and i was trying to do this show and now i'm here and you're nowhere to be found like you're just it's like it's like a repellent type of energy when you reach a level of success that your friend i don't know what it is i don't even want to make the assumptions but yeah i have lost some good friends along the way yeah so that's part of like the the harder that's well for me i mean it sounds like you agree it's just like oof this i thought i did not know i was gonna have to mourn you know losing some of you as we got here but along the way i've also had all these opportunities i've been able to meet some of my idols and people that you know i've looked up to for so long i've had all these different opportunities that like me growing up in oklahoma i really could have never pictured for myself you know the details of this life sometimes you really have to zoom out and be like my everyday life is something i could not have even fathomed for myself so yeah do you have do you do you ever feel like you are carrying i want to wear this the right way i don't want to offend anybody but in your in your family structure and setting do you feel like the burden of greatness i love the way you put that um and no one of the things that i have been most thankful for is that like everybody in my family is pretty independent and although i'm the star just kidding you know nobody has really nobody needs me nobody is dependent on me it's me and my dog up here in new york and they're still in texas and oklahoma living their their normal lives that have nothing to do with you know the ridiculous like not even financially but just like being the person that broke out of the system and like just chose to do something different and you're successful at that yeah i don't think anybody else aspired to it okay i think they're all living the lives that they wanted to have you know they wanted to go to school get a degree get married buy a house have kids you know yeah and i think they're all i don't think any of them are like i wish i could have did what you did they were all looking at me like you want to go up north for what you know it was it was very much like why you want to live like them people so see nobody like my family has expressed this directly to me but i do feel like i have broken some generational curses oh yeah oh well we could talk about that yeah and like done some things that have never been done before in my family you know yes for sure so even if they're not imposing a pressure or anything i feel like i have to carry this thing you know like hear the torch like and and see it through i see you know hmm well yeah i can i i understand what you're saying and i think you know that if you feel it then you feel it for a reason you know so even if it does go unsaid yeah there probably is a you know when i go home and see my cousins they be like okay i see you like you the picture with beyonce now that my auntie's was like beyonce so you know every now and then there's a moment like that where they're like damn my little cousin really up there doing something but you know yeah i think otherwise they yeah i i understand what you're saying i don't know that i share that same experience though like i think everybody's like girl you wanted to go up north and and be weird and everybody i've always been the weird window in my family i've always been the maybe not black i've just always been the oddball and so i think we all saw this for me i think we all saw me the vision and that probably you know pushed you into it yeah the vision and the hope for it yes i agree so all right i don't want to take up too much more of your time trying to figure out like how do i want to land the plane let's talk a little bit about subject to change in this tour because by the time this comes out i'm going to be like out the tour will have started you're kicking things off here in new york right yes and before i talk about this tour i just have to let the people know one of my top two favorite shows ever was here in new york okay you and asante oh yes oh like baby venue yeah i remember that and the way you hollered i was screaming baby i mean in the silent moments yeah like yeah i'm like oh no y'all y'all don't know this song i'm finna i'm finna sick i have never felt so supportive in my life oh i love that i do remember that show oh my gosh that was it was so fun it was so fun so yeah i'm excited to um to do babies all right this weekend i've been wanting to do that menu it's cute and um legendary and yeah it's in brooklyn or whatever yeah i like brooklyn brooklyn's the best yes so where are you headed after you leave new york dc okay my recent my might meet some redacted well you know the thing about dc men is they have they've got good jobs for the most part okay they're just also married they're all every last they're all the men are married but other than that well - Okay. - And then ATL. second home yeah yeah really excited about that my mom will be at that show oh wow what is it like to have that the that sort of support from family oh it's it's so sweet it's so sweet to like my mom has i mean she's seen me go from church because she was a praise and worship leader at my church so just see me going behind singing behind her to now like just traveling and really doing this yeah she always tells me how proud she is so yeah that's really nice maybe because my content has been kind of ratchet you know and my family is all still deep in the church like everybody is so churchy so they used to come to live shows years and years ago my cousins the younger ones would my aunties though that's never happening no i don't think anybody over the age of 45 in my family could tell you what my show is called i legit don't wow that because we've all told them this is not for y'all respectfully this content is not for you yes so i love that you know you make beautiful music so your mom can be proud of you i'm always curious about the artists who are just like but it's amazing though that they can have that i mean i would just i don't know i would feel so weird yeah but that's cool when you have that type of family dynamic where you can still be supported yeah we're like damn the people i love are proud of me for what i do yeah that's nice um so yeah and then so that's atl and then dallas okay which i don't know what to expect i mean i'm hearing it's an r&b city but i don't really know what to expect you know what part of dallas you're performing in okay yeah that makes all the difference it's been so long that i'm like you you give me deep elm but i don't know that deep elm is what it used to be you know 20 years ago when i was going there to see you know like alicia keys and um what's her corinne bailey ray right so i'm like i i could see you it's a new venue i know okay i think it's called amfm got you um yeah and then back home to do the blue note which i am nice very nervous about wow that's a good look yeah congratulations you're nervous about but i mean um let me reframe i'm very excited yeah yeah well i mean when we had our first show at the apollo i could i could have shit bricks girl okay it's the apollo what are you saying like yeah when you have the chance to play a legendary venue like that yeah but it's something about people sitting down eating chicken wings while you sing it like it's just it's different than when they're standing and not eating okay you're like i'm your dinner entertainment now yeah all the pressure is just on me so but it'll be cool okay okay any song that you're really looking forward to performing live or have you noticed a difference between like the fan the one the fans seem to go for versus the one you like performing the most well actually on this show i like the one called multiplicity and i don't know why yeah i like that one but it really hits during the show like in rehearsals every time that one comes on it's like put your bring your phones out because we're all dealing with it we're all dealing with multiplicitous people exactly but that one just it feels so good on the show yeah and then kill switch i just can do my good singing and rock out a little bit so that one's fun yes anything from your older body of work that you're just like i can't wait to sing this i can't wait to get up here and perform it you mentioned super fine super fine is a hit that sticks like gritch child yeah super every time you know my phone could just be on random shuffle or whatever super fine comes up i'm like actually run it back put it on repeat right quick that is a message for the girls yeah that really is feels good to do um what else oh not too deep not too deep i can just sit spotlight yeah it's a vibe you've been trying to find that true love in la girl see if i can find it in bk i don't think it's i don't think it's in la and they've been trying to tell me that for years and now you're like you know what yeah it may not i have been single since i moved back it's been the entire time so well since the next one the champion ship new york the men have been very nice okay i don't know what she's about to say no no it's been a good time in the city like i feel like some people's depression has i'm not joking between our mayor and the knicks the men have been generous they've been nice they've been smiling opening doors buying drinks for i mean for me and i'm hideous so you you better hush your beautiful mouth girl in the world i feel like it's gonna be a man or two or eight trying to find you this weekend i'm excited because they always been fine i mean the energy is right and it's matching the yeah yeah we just need them to not be married that's all we're looking for you know man don't be your roommate is your baby mama oh that's crazy you don't have to do that let's let's just tell the truth i mean why not we'll have a little divergence i i just was talking to some friends about this a couple of weeks so i'm like am i crazy that all i want is what i offer like literally no is it so bad that i want somebody who has their own apartment no but you would think i was asking for heaven and earth like i'm asking for what i bring to the table literally why do we always have to go to my house has that been your experience yes oh yeah it is like i date rich no no i don't know what you're talking about girl i have not but yeah yeah so anyway that's yeah anyway that's just me you said that i'm like am i crazy i feel the same way i'm like i'm not really asking for perfection or whatever like i'm just just meet me where i'm at literally just meet me where i'm at why is this so hard and then i'm like okay but the economy's terrible and you live in new york city the rent is so high and i'm like i get that you know like i don't want to turn down what could be like a genuine amazing connection because of because you still live with your parents or whatever like that's normal in new york especially if they're a native new yorker it's like why would they leave but yeah they could just move in with you what i'm supposed to come and i'm supposed to write i'm supposed to come snuggle on your mama's couch and watch netflix with you anyway okay anyway so when people like because i can't i will sit here and waste your time ranting about the things i have i'm just glad to hear you're dating i mean i feel like there was a while where you were like i don't care oh yeah no there was it was several years where i was like actually nobody talked to me yeah this is exciting and leave me alone yeah so i'm i'm out here but the more i date the more i'm like wow i gotta get stricter i i gotta get stricter it can't be this easy to talk to me because i'm letting too many people who do not deserve access yeah like the first sign and that's the one thing i took away from my recent like the first red flag right you know i don't need the first real red flag i gotta be out of there some you got and you gotta know like what's trivial versus what actually matters to you so that first thing where it's like we are incompatible in this way let it go now because unfortunately if i just stick with it and try to work it out number one that's not going to work out and number two my feelings for you are going to continue to grow even though there's this thing about you that i don't like exactly so it's going to be harder to break up with you and i'm going to be sadder for longer than if i had just ended it exactly anyway when the people are pulling up subject to change they hear this interview they're like i have got to go listen to this new india sean what do you hope they give themselves permission to change or be open to change oh i just want people to um have fun you know because it's really about i mean i was in a very liberated space when i made it you know the marmalade the till infinity you know i want i want them to lean into fun okay yeah yeah it's it's summer exactly go out and have you a an aperol spritz or whatever bullshit y'all drinking out there in la matcha shit and whatever something like that exactly and go canoodle with somebody and just have a good time enjoy the vibes one thing about you one thing about india's entire discography the vibes are set it's chill it's excellent music it sounds beautiful it's something everybody can relate to thank you and so i'm so honored that you decided to come on the couch oh my gosh it's a dream come true hey it really is i think you are i just think you're the funniest person in the world and i was just like i had to turn on the podcast like i was i honestly i had to go back because i'm not i'm not really a podcast girly like that i'm not gonna lie but then like i stopped listening to music for a while and so just like cleaning the house like to get stuff done i had to play let me see what her take is this week what she's talking about um but yeah so you really be getting me through some days so it's cool to be here it's crazy because you do the same thing for me art and such india sean tell the people uh where they can find you on tour tickets and and where they can find you online i'm gonna be in brooklyn brooklyn dc atlanta dallas la and you can go get tickets at india sean.com i'm india sean on all the platforms i'm active i'll be engaging i'll be responding to dm hit your girl up india thank you again for taking the time i know you're busy and you got a lot going on getting ready for the tour so thank you for being here thank you it's been my absolute pleasure i can't wait to rub this in asante's face and be like guess who i saw oh he's gonna love this all right y'all that will wrap up this week's episode of chris's couch if you have a question for me please send me an email advice at chris's couch.com follow us on social media at chris's couch all right we'll see you next week on any journey using uber it helps to know you're getting into the right car pin verification adds an extra step to make sure your ride is your ride before the trip begins your app gives 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