Session 147: Sheryl Lee Ralph

[MUSIC] Hi, Pleasys. Welcome back to Therapus. Tonight we have on Cheryl Lee Ralph. Honestly, probably one of my favorite episodes to film from this entire season. She is so lovely and it was such an honor to talk to her and I'm so excited for you guys to hear the episode. So a few things before we get into it, I think I'm going to bleach my hair. Honestly, we have a few things. If you're listening on Spotify, I'm not even saying this because on YouTube, I used to go through all the comments and stuff and I don't do that anymore because we're not on YouTube. So I would appreciate comments on Spotify. But anyway, keep the comments coming. But don't ask that. I really like reading them. >> I'm getting like I curly vibes. >> I am my curly. I am my curly. I'm Neville. I'm Neville. What else do I have to say? Oh, I really want to bleach my hair. But everyone's telling me to stop at the buzz cut. But this is something that I'm like sound off in this Spotify comments. If you're listening on Spotify, should I bleach my hair yes or no? But let me just say something like when I was threatening to get a buzz cut, everyone was like do not do it. Do not do it. Do not do it. Do not do it. And then everyone was like wait, it looks so good. So I think I'm going to bleach it while I'm in the city. What other updates do I have? >> Thank you. It's shout out. Shout out. >> Shout out. You guys are selling out. It's our pus. Damn, you really are. I was not expecting this. I really wasn't. I knew how our pus was good, but I was not expecting it to do what it has done. Like really and truly, like it's flying off the shelves. And I'm so grateful for that. I've also realized a few other things about myself this week. Shopping is not filling the void at once was my frontal lobe is fully developing. It's coming in really hard, like really hard. And when your frontal lobe develops, you realize how bored you are. Like I'm so bored all the time. Should I call all my friends and ask them to rate their day on a scale from 1 to 10? >> Yeah. Do you want to ask about my day? >> Oh, yeah. Rate your day on a scale from 1 to 10. >> So honestly, I woke up with such a pep in my step. I don't know if you could tell it five blow. >> I could tell it five blow, actually. We're in a good mood. >> I would say so. >> Because you didn't put, I was like, can we please push to 10 30 and you didn't give me? >> Sure. Why not? >> Any thing about it. >> You know, not every hill is a hill to die on. And that's just been my vibe today. And I've had a 10 out of 10 day at an amazing therapy session about to go to walk. >> Yeah, I have a call right now. >> Okay, well, you're on therapist. I would just like you to rate your day out of 10. >> Oh, compared to my week. >> No, just rate your day out of 10. >> Well, compared to my week, like today was a walking seven. I am feeling way better than I have, but I think it's important to shed light on the fact that I am having like the darkest two weeks of my life. >> Right, so what would you- >> So today, being a seven is like a modern three and a half. >> Okay, right. Have you decided where we're going for dinner? >> No, and I honestly, I'm going to be so pissed off because I hate when you put it on me, but then you're the picking one. I'll be like, okay, let's go here at this time and you're like actually, no, I want this and I want this dish with this side and I will only go if it's in between these crossroads and I will only go at 6.50 a.m. It's like, okay, then I'm not fucking helping. You give me a plan. >> I sent you that sushi place. >> Well, let me look it up. >> Okay, goodbye. Love you. >> Goodbye. >> Love you. >> I don't like this game anymore. >> Okay, what are you listening to right now? >> What am I listening to? I'm listening to- >> Here, let me go to my Spotify. The A&LA live Spotify radar performance that Adele did. It's really good. I've been listening to Pink Clouding a lot. I really fuck with it. And Marijuana by Adele. >> Amazing. >> And I've been listening to this song called Don't Do Me Good by Maddie Diaz featuring Casey Musgraves. >> I'm excited to give it a listen. >> It's really good. And if you guys are curious about my playlist, I have a playlist for every single year of my life right now. I'm on 26. And it's like, I have it. They're all public on Spotify. So you can go to my Spotify. And we'll put a screen thing here. But this is my playlist, you guys, that you can listen to. Okay, well, enjoy the episode. Love you, pluses. >> Tonight on Therapists, we have Emmy Award winning Tony nominated legend, Cheryl Lee Rao. >> Thank you. >> Thank you for being here. >> Good to be here with you. >> It's so good to be here with you. You know, I watched Sister Ock too, watched as a kid, and then I rewatched it again this weekend. >> Such a great movie. >> It is a phenomenal movie. It is hysterical to watch you tell Ms. Lauren Hill that she can't sing. >> You know, I have no idea that that scene would live forever. The amount of times I heard singing does not pay the bills. I'm like, oh yes, it does. Was that as fun to shoot as it looked? >> For me, it was great because it was working with so many young people who when I looked at them, I was like, my God, so talented and time has passed, and I look at the career of Lauren Hill still selling out the Hollywood Bowl. You know, when I look at, oh my gosh, why am I blanking on her name? She's on 9/11, the series 9/11 and she's done so much TV as well. >> Jennifer, I love you. And then, oh my goodness, songwriter from the group City High and has written such amazing Grammy Award winning music, and so many others in that cast, and I was like, wow, I could see it, and I was right. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> That was right. >> I love "Abit Elementary," it's one of my favorite. I mean, I can't even imagine how much you guys laugh on set because it is one of the only shows that can make me laugh as hard as it does. >> Thank you. >> It is truly, truly incredible. >> Thank you. >> I wanted to talk to you about Dream Girls. >> Oh, come on. Oh, you've got to do his dream. >> Where your dream comes from. >> Come on now. Boys will make a happy dream. Girls will never leave you. >> It's the truth. >> It's the truth. You know what, the number of people that want to tell me their Dream Girl story, when I listened and there was like, I was 10 years old, I sat there, it was my first musical, my first Broadway show, and I love Broadway. Oh, my God, they still sing it. It's just amazing to me. >> It is amazing. >> It is one of the greatest musicals of all time, and I just, what was it like to be the star of Broadway? >> You know what, that was a time when Broadway was all sparkly, shiny, and folks came in from everywhere because they wanted to see you. And we had a thing called SRO, standing room only, which means you could literally buy a ticket to stand in the back of the theater to see the show. That's how on fire people were to see the show. And the fact was that anybody who was anybody was coming to see you when I think back, you know, it was just amazing. Now, when the curtain came down, you couldn't get a cab to get home because they weren't picking up black people to take them anywhere then, but other than that, while you were on that stage, you were the queen of the world. >> It was amazing. >> Oh, I had such a good time. Such memories. I remember when Sylvester Stallone, my God, to have seen Sylvester Stallone as a young man. Oh, my God. >> Whoa, I mean, he was literally like looking at sugar. He was just like, mm-hmm, yeah, I know how that tastes. Yeah. Oh, he was something else. I was going through books the other day because, you know, after a while, you live, you collect all this stuff. And I found in the middle of the book, one of the OJs, a great R&B group, the OJs, one of the OJs had written me a love letter. And I was like, I'm getting it 45 years later. >> I don't even know if he's alive, but yeah, my goodness. Then that time, Rick James came to see the show. He said, yeah, let's go shopping. And we went shopping down Fifth Avenue and he bought me a vertical record player. Oh, it was great. I thought I was something else. You pushed the button and it just opened and you slid your record in like you were sliding in a cassette. Oh, it was magic. Thank you, Rick James. >> Yeah. What was the first record you bought for that record player? Do you remember? >> I think it was Rick James. >> Yeah, I think it was Rick James. Do you, so you joined the cast of Dreamgirls? It was a very, very, very coveted role. >> Yes, it was. But remember, there were no real roles. It was just about a girl group and originally it was a girl group in the 50s and then you know we started working and working and what we liked as young people it was the 60s so it became a girl group in the 60s and that changed everything everything and it was loretta divine myself and a woman by the name of Ramona Brooks Ramona left the company we went on a hiatus and then when we came back one day I think it was Jamie one of the dancers he said you all got to meet this girl across the street and across Broadway in 7th Avenue there was a tiny little theater and this phenom 19 year old phenom Jennifer holiday was singing in your arms too short to box with God and that's how she ended up joining and it was a revolving door for a minute you know how artists start to carve out what they're going to be in a show when there isn't really anything because we were born out of you know improv and things like that like very similar to a chorus line it was about who we are that whole thing about mama said I was special she said I've got to prove I am just as good I'm even better than that came out of a conversation with Tom Ion and myself when my immigrant mother was you know how no time for mess around your muscle do your work and come ready and prepared mama said I was special she said I've got to prove I am just as good yeah my mother what did your mother think of the show let me tell you my mother was not very happy that oh my god when I think about this because this really happened my mother was not thrilled that I was going to spend her hard earned money to be an actress you mean to tell me you're going to spend your life with all of those fear can't for me people what kind of life is that when I got nominated for the Tony she didn't want to go wow she did not want to go now my father he said baby I'm front and center here going your mother doesn't want a goal that's quite all right he also said something to me interesting that time he said you know you come into the world with your mother but you'll probably leave by yourself so every choice that you make from then until the end you better be happy with them he and I went when my mother saw that it was really real when it was on TV are you kidding me was it Ed Wallace or something like that was talking about this amazing show and me dream girls my mother's like I have to be there yes and just like in the movies because she ended up sitting behind us I could hear my mother she said you see her right there the one to the right that's Sherry lear out that's my daughter just like in the movie and did it feel how do that feel great great you know everything changes when your mother sees your name in lights everything really changes when you buy your mother a home or redo the one she has oh everything oh it's wonderful then of course you should act I'm so sorry yes I was watching a movie yesterday speaking of and I saw in the corner of my eye a skippy peanut butter it reminded me of when you skipped your college graduation that's right to start a skippy peanut butter commercial that's right what did your mom say when that happened first of all I graduated early yes 19 I was 19 so was a whole year early my parents weren't aware that I was going to walk with that class which eventually became my class so they were literally waiting for the next year oh so you got out of it I got out of it completely besides when I thought about it sit in the sun for a piece of paper they're going to send me anyway or shoot this peanut butter commercial hot sun peanut butter commercial very hot long ceremony skippy peanut butter that was it baby skippy I you know to this day I keep skippy peanut butter in my house because of skippy peanut butter I made enough money that I never had to do anything else but concentrate on my career as an actress wow yeah did you eat was it even like how long did was that decision-making was it like 10 minutes was in an hour was it like fuck this shit I'm going to do the commercial I'm doing to do the commercial baby it was bye bye yeah I mean it was what was I gonna think about yeah are you kidding me I'll never forget they really wanted me to pop be in the very first class of the Mason Grove school of fine arts and I remember it's saying Dr. Bettenbend and no I'm gonna be on Broadway I'm gonna go to show business it's like when and I don't know but soon and there I was I was in a skippy peanut butter commercial I was on national TV and four or five years later I was on Broadway sometimes you must follow your dreams sometimes no matter what anybody tells you is what you should do you got to follow that thing in your gut because I would say 99% of the time your gut is right maybe you need some prebiotics and probiotics I don't know but usually your gut can speak to you quite properly and how did your gut guide you to Dena Jones oh wow it was only about being honest what it would take to embrace stardom what because stardom's not for everybody a lot of people start them in involves people and you've got to love people you've got to love getting up on stage and when you're tired you've got to give them your best because it might be your hundredth time doing it but it's their first time seeing it so you have to rise above the cold rise above the headache rise above who hurt your feelings and come get in that character and deliver so for me Dena was all about just learning everything that Cheryl is even still learning in life so for me it was great to learn about what it is to show up for the public for your public what do you want them to see how do you want them to feel when they see you that doesn't happen by accident sometimes you work at it sometimes you make a plan for it sometimes you just come to it but I always want to tell a young artist embrace it if you're going to be here be about it yeah yeah do you remember one of your favorite shows you ever did my very first film my very first film I would have to say working with Mr Sidney Poitier as a young artist to be in the company being directed by a stellar human being they're so few of them you know this was a wonderfully perfectly imperfect human being who stood on business who stood on what was right and he embraced young people and he embraced me as a young artist and for me that meant everything did Diana Ross ever see Dreamgirls on Broadway yes she did see it but she wasn't she wasn't thrilled by it you know really I don't think she was thrilled by it because no matter how many times we said it's not the Supremes the dreams were not the Supremes everybody wanted to dig into the fact that it was the Supremes when in fact we were given strict orders I could love and adore Diana Ross all I wanted but I could not be her I could not embody her because if we did that we would get sued right right yeah and so we could not we could not in all of our improvisation it was our each of our lives improvisation you know our feelings about who we were me Loretta and Jennifer you know it was those that's us we were those people Jennifer was that girl who at the time wasn't going to be on the cover of the album you know and what did that feel like you know Loretta was that girl who was going to stay in the background you know and she was going to come forward when she decided she had that story to tell you know and then Dina she's your velvet cheerleader she's here to win it she's here to sing it she's going to be forever your glam girl your dream girl yes yeah do you remember your final show yes I do it was very unceremonial and this really happened it is the second act in the gold costume one night only one night only come on baby come on baby the light hit me I couldn't remember not a blessed thing Nothing. And I. I hear Loretta to me one night only, one night only, Ralph, Ralph. And it's as if she's speaking Greek or Russian, maybe Chinese. But I can't remember not one word. And then I hear the stage manager, because now we're in the future. And the stage manager is high up above the balcony, right? And I hear him saying to the stage manager on the ground, he said, her mic is dead. And then he says, "Mike's not dead or brain's dead." That was the truth. And I realized that after being in the show, what, almost three years or so, which at that time was a very long time to be in a show, but where were we going to go? The opportunities were few and far between. So I realized if it had come to that, that maybe it was time to take a breather or do something different. And like in the movies, I get a call from a big casting agent at CBS by the name of Tim Flack. And Tim Flack says, "If you come out here and audition for this series, you're going to get it." And it was a series called "V." And "V" was all about insects underground that had been planted here by Martian somewhere. I don't know. But all I know was, I ended up chopping off all of my hair. And the next time people saw me, I had this buzzed on the side, short red spiked hair. And I had these two big guns and I was shooting in on CBS. So that's what happened, I left to do the show and I never came back. Did you miss it? Did you miss the eight days a week? No. No. Crazy. But eight days a week. Oh my gosh. No. Not at all. The whole eight shows of it all, this interesting thing about the three women and dream girls. The moment you get to the stage, you're not off the stage until the intermission. You're back on the stage. You're not off the stage until the finale, the curtain call. You're on stage the whole time. My feet feel it to this day, my back feels it to this day. I wear that show with me all the time. Do you have any of the costumes still with you? I got my shoes. I've got my shoes and Felicia Ares Rashad shoes too, who was my understudy. When I remember Felicia Ares Allen came in one day and she said Felicia Rashad now and she said, "I was never born to be an understudy." And that was that. That was that. And what a miraculous, beautiful career she has had moving herself to the forefront. And that, I say to people all the time, know who you are, know who you are. She knew exactly who she was. She knew exactly what she wanted to do. Oh, she left me with her shoes and I still have them. When did you discover who you were? I'm still discovering who I am. Are you kidding me? For me? Really? Oh my God, yes. That whole thing, when Michelle Obama says, "Becoming, I am still becoming Cheryl Lee Ralph." I remember little Cheryl Lee. I remember teen Cheryl Lee. I remember 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s. I remember Cheryl Lee now in her 60s and I'm like, girl, what a journey and how wonderful. And be patient with yourself. Far more patient with yourself than others might be with you and give them grace when they're not. And how did you learn how to have patience because that's something I struggle with every single day? My father, my father. My father looked at me one day, he said, "You're so smart. You're so bright. Practice patience. It's not just with yourself but with others because it'll take them a while to catch up to you. Patience, patience. Breathe deeply. I'm still breathing. Me too. Sometimes you tell people to breathe deep. They just did like, no baby, breathe deep, let it out, fill up the lungs, fill up the abdomen, hold it. Because I really believe that's a reset. It is. Yeah. A real box breathing is something that really helps me calm down when I'm having like real panic. Why, what are you panicked about? I got it. The boy doesn't like me back. Who cares? What? Who cares? I do. No, you do not care whether he likes, he's a fool if he doesn't like you. Why would he not like you? With all the goodness you would have to offer anybody. He doesn't like you, he's not for you. It's like with me when people say you're too much, you need to go find less. Thank you. Yeah. You don't even understand how much I needed to hear that today. Thank you. Thank you. I really needed to hear that today. You're welcome. Can I ask you a little bit about Abid Elementary? Sure. Mike. One of my favorite things in the world, I have great pride in Abid Elementary. I will fight for Abid Elementary. I love Abid Elementary like it's my child. Yes. It is very rare that a show comes across with so many jokes per minute that hit every single time. You know how they say the proof is in the pudding? Well for us it's all in the scripts. It is a very well written show. It's a diverse room of writers and they all come together, they think things through and they make magic together. Do you guys do a lot of improvisation on the show? No. Absolutely not. Really? Absolutely not. I would say it's very much like a play. It is written and what's on the paper, there it is, is what you bring to the screen. Do you have a favorite moment from sat so far? It was actually a piece of improvisation and this was the moment where they asked for it though. They had to ask you for it and you know you had to, it was the desk, it's called desk. That episode and that's when all we find all the footprints on the desk and you have to come in, angry that you've been desked and I said, sweet baby Jesus, I'm the grown one too. My desks have been desked, yes. And that came about because my friend Norman and I, he would always say sweet baby Jesus and I would say and the grown one too and that was that and we just said it. But then I have another one and who knew that you would become a gift, would become a meme that people would be looking at me and say, you hold and I was like, oh my goodness, little baby Margaret comes in dressed like me because this is what a hundred year old looks like. And I'm like, well, why would you be dressed like me? Yes, she says because you 100 years old, I'm like, oh my gosh, I was such a good episode. I like that one. God, it is such a great show. It is. It is. So I feel like if you are from Philly, like it is such a Philly and Grain show and I have a lot of people in my life from Philly, oh good people, strong people, strong people, passionate people. Very bad. Let me tell you something. Philadelphia, youngs love Philadelphia, yeah, they love that John, yes, and they love the Eagles, they love the Eagles, they live it, they breathe it, they will paint themselves green for it. Oh, God, yes, I have never seen anything like it in my life. I like the Eagles now because of all the people in my life that are like if you don't like the Eagles. That's it. Let me tell you something, Philadelphia, although they have renamed it, because he has come in for the 76ers and the 76ers are going to win this year. Just like New York one, the last year, the 76ers are going to ring all the bells and they're going to win this year. Leblanc went to the 76ers? Baby, where have you been? Where have I been? Where have you been? I've been in Next World, baby, baby, come on out, come on out, yeah, he has moved, he's in Jersey now or no, I think maybe he's living in New York. So you know, he can get on that one hour train and be it from Philadelphia to New York in one hour. They might even give him a special train. So they would definitely give him the special train. Have you been converted into an Eagles fan because of the show? I have to be because my husband is a senator in Philadelphia. The seventh senatorial district senator Vincent Hughes. So I'd better bleed green too, yes. Pape, so I don't know if you guys know this, but back in the day. when I was making like 18 TikToks a day, I would get on my TikTok and I would sing about Poppy. I would just sing. I would say it's Poppy time. I would make up random jingles. So it is such an honor now that Poppy now sponsors the podcast, given that it is my favorite soda in the entire world. And what I always say, what is very cool that Poppy did was they brought soda back. They made soda cool again. And I know I've been talking about sour apple a lot, but one of my favorite flavors in the entire world is strawberry lemon, and I have it right here. Oh. It's so good. So good. There's only five grams of sugar. It's like a better for you, so I mean you guys know who doesn't know Poppy. Poppy is, Poppy has taken over the world in a way that I have not seen since Kale. Kale. Yeah, I have not seen something take over the world like this since Kale or Avocado Toast. Christmas is coming up, which means cranberry thiz, which is one of my favorites. And you can only get a drink of Christmas time. And obviously my favorite of all time, which is cherry lime made. I just love Poppy. I mean, who doesn't love Poppy? So does back, but so much better. Get Poppy at your local retailer today. What is it like being married to someone who doesn't do like he works in politics and you work in entertainment? Believe it or not, my husband and I met in service. You know, for me, it was all about education, all about people. What can we do to make things better for people? That was me in my life. I met this man who doubles down on it. He lives it. He breathes it. My husband, I really don't feel he's a politician as much as he is a public servant. When my husband is no longer on this earth, he will have changed the lives of so many people in so many positive ways that they will never know anything about it. That's how committed he is. I always say, baby, do your service for the city, for this state right now because there's something else calling you. He is so down for it that way. He love. Oh, when my husband and I first met, gave me this beautiful blue box with the right white ribbon. I know what a Tiffany box looks like. It didn't quite look like that shade. I think I looked that way, but I had hope. I opened it. Do you know what that man gave me? What did he give you? All maniac for the state of Pennsylvania, and he signed it. So you will know more about all the things I truly love. The key stone state, Pennsylvania, I was like, you know, I'd have mercy. What have I gotten myself into? How did you? How did you guys meet? What was your first date? Blind date. Blind date. Blind date. Blind date. University. CC. They're at paramount. And CC said, you've got to meet my friend, the senator. And I was like, yeah, right, your friend, the senator. And she tried for years to get us together. 9/11 happened. And he came to New York to do what do you call it? They were testing the air because he felt that there could be repercussions from the air for the people. And I wasn't talked about that at all, but see, he's that man, right? So he had come for that. And I was doing Thurley Modern Millie. I wasn't Thurley Modern Millie as a kid. Oh my God. I played Muzzy Van Haasmere. Oh my God. Oh my God. Jenny. Oh, Jenny. Silly boy. What was the other one that I sang? It was, uh, what do I need with love? Oh my gosh, Gavin Creel. We lost Gavin Creel, but Gavin Creel played that on Broadway. And Sutton Foster. Yes. Sutton Foster. Yeah. That was quite a time. Everything today is Thurley Modern. Thurley Modern. Oh my goodness. Yes. Yeah. We had a good time. Do you miss the stage? Do you miss musicals ever? That's what I've been talking with a lot of folks, uh, Leslie Odom and I were talking about. Okay. What are we going to do? What are we going to do together? And we've been throwing some things around because there's nothing like the applause of a real live audience. You know, it's like I love hearing when families sit together and watch Abbott. I wish I could hear their laughter, like I hear it on stage. Oh my God. It's so amazing. It's like fifth me. Yeah. Yeah. It's just the most incredible feeling. It's an undescribable feeling. It really is. It feels like someone's injecting you with like, you're like, it's like when Captain America turns into Captain America. Yes. And you're like. Touch me. Touch me. That is it. Baby. That is it. There's nothing. I enjoy it so much. Oh my God. That's what really got me hooked on show business. I remember I was a little, my dad was the musical director of, um, was it Dan Berry musical theater for the summer? You know, they just have summer stock and all of that. And they did the, uh, Helen Keller story. And there are two little black children in it. So my father was like, I got two little black children. And we had, we were in the show, but the little boy had the lines. So every night when my brother Stanley would talk, I'd be thinking, it should be me. It should be me. I should have the lines. And I would just get to look at him. And there is a picture somewhere I saw it. And I'm just looking at him and I'm, I should, the bubble should say, shut up. Those are my lines. The sound of applause did it to me, needed on the main line, baby. Got to have it. Yeah. The way that's so funny that your father, uh, let all these, um, theater productions, but your mother was so against it because it was play, right? That was play to her. This wasn't the way you're going to spend your life besides my dad was a principal. Yeah. He might have been the music teacher at one time. You know, he might have been the assistant president. He's a principal. So she's like, no, he's got a job. This is play. This is fun. Did you channel any of what your mother used to say to you in sister, Octo all the time, all that that's, that's stern mother, that mother saying, don't let me have to tell you one more time lead Rita, Rita Louise Watson. If you don't get up here, when were you going to tell me that you're in a choir? Oh, yeah. That's my mother talking to me, except with the Jamaican accent. Oh, yeah, you grew up in between New York and Jamaica, right? That's right. I love what people do their research. Thank you. Of course. First of all, it was great. It was great because, you know, there's a wonderful thing that immigrants bring with them, culture, their culture. And in this wonderful dream land, because I believe America is a dream land where you can have that statue that says, bring me your tired, bring me your weary, bring them here. And of course, I'm paraphrasing. And we will make something wonderful together, a great soup together. And it's going to taste good because of all of the seasoning and the sauce, we're going to put in that soup. You know, if the soup was just one seasoning, it would be bland. The soup would not taste good, but with all of the immigrants that come, they come to America. That's those aren't the exact words, notes, but you know what I meant. You know, I mean, I think about that, I think about the culture. I think about when they would have, you know, they used to have culture day in class, you know. And you would dress up in your country costume and you would talk about it. I remember, you know, putting on my bandana and we have something called Akian Saltfish. And it's yellow. It looks like scrambled eggs. And my mother would scramble the eggs to look like Akian Saltfish. And I would talk about Jamaica and we had this great woman named Miss Lu who used to talk in Labrish, you know, because sometimes in Jamaica, we put the wrong emphasis, we put the emphasis on the wrong syllable. Right. We have a different way of talking and we take our time and we move with the music in life because we love it, baby. We can feel it. Oh, my God. And I would sing my song. Long time, girl, we never see you. Come, make me we land tonne, which means let us dance together, you know. So I remember that and I remember this one kid. He put on one of those big 10 gallon hats and of course, it was just like in a cartoon. The hat came down to here. He was probably in his dad's boots and the boots were too big, but he did that little country line. Oh my gosh. I remember when we used to you just have fun with your your friends to see where did your people come from. And it was something to be proud of because you came and brought something wonderful to America. - What do you, do you find yourself going back to Jamaica often these days? - Oh, I do, yeah. My mother, my mother loved the house so much. She left me the house and she said, don't sell grandma's yard. So we go back to Jamaica often. I love Jamaica. And I was honored to receive the honor of being, now I'm the Honorable Sherrily Ralph Order of Jamaica. - Yeah, thank you, thank you. - And didn't you also win Miss New York? - Oh my goodness. Believe it or not, I was the first runner up in the Miss Black Teenage America pageant. But you see how fame can be all of these years, everybody, and it's been written that I was the winner. - Yeah, that's what I read. - See, and I find now it's like, no, I want to really correct it because the woman, the young woman, the teenager at the time, oh my god, she's incredible. She's a voice coach, a very well-established, well-respected voice coach from Juilliard. And she's just outstanding. And she's had a wonderful career. She was the winner. I was the first runner up. I just became me. (laughing) What did that pageant look like? What did you do? What did you do? Did you perform? - I performed. I sang "Summer Time" and "The Living Easy" and what was interesting about that was, you know, you think about that time and there weren't many dolls of color, right? And I wanted to hold a black doll. So I remember I took my mother's makeup and I painted the doll. I blackface that white girl. (laughing) - Yeah, I did. I did. And I wrapped her in the swaddling cloth and I looked at her and I was like, oh my god, look what I did to you. (laughing) Oh, oh, we won. We won. (laughing) We won that talent part. I loved it. - What did you do with the doll on stage? - Oh, I held her. I held her and I sang to her. Yes, your mother's good looking. Maybe a funny looking teenager, but that's all right, baby. I'm gonna grow up. We're gonna be good together 'cause you really look ugly now. But yeah, all the makeup was all over the face. Oh my gosh. Did anyone say anything at the time or were they just-- - My friend, Angela, who, her name was Carol then, but she's now Angela. And she said, "Share you, why did you ruin the doll? Why couldn't you find a black doll?" And I was like, I didn't have the black doll that was the right size. 'Cause you know, it has to, you know what, like with acting, you have to find the right size, you have to find the right weight and all of that. I guess I was a method actor, even as a kid. I was trying to get it right. Yes, so I painted her face. - Do you find yourself to be method when you're acting? - I will remember things about people just because I looked at them. I will remember how they look. I'll remember how they walked. I'll remember how they talk. - And I realized that sometimes with people, you have to accept them right where they are. That's life. When people are unhappy, there's one thing they're real good at. That's making sure that everybody around them is unhappy. - Yeah. - That's what happens. - I did that earlier today. - What'd you do? - I was unhappy about something and I found myself, I like cocked myself in the moment being like picking a fight with a friend. - For no good reason. - No reason, no reason. And I knew it because if I wasn't feeling unhappy in that moment, I would have given two shits about what I picked the fight about. - Thank you. - But you had to bring your negativity to your good friend because you felt so bad. You had to make sure they felt just a little bit bad. That's one of those flaws that we all have to work at. We want to bring our best to the world. Too many people are at ease bringing their negativity to the world. And sometimes they think that that makes them special because they could make somebody feel less than instead of making somebody feel better. I want that person who feels unseen to realize, baby, you're perfect. That's what God gave you. That's what you got. You are perfect just the way you are. Go on and walk in it. Go on and be it. You know, it's almost like when some people come to start them, they feel they have to be nasty. Why do you feel you must be nasty? It's so not nice. And then people say, well, that's what fame does. No, no, no, no. Fame doesn't make people nasty. Fame relaxes people to show you, to give them the space, to show you just how nasty they are. They were nasty when they came to the game. So now that you're falling all over them, they want to show you just how nasty they can really be. That's right. When you're around really, if you've ever been around, when I was, oh, my God, to meet somebody like a Paul Newman, to meet somebody like a, oh, my God, I met him in passing. I was really young, Carrie Grant. Oh, to meet a Nina Simone. Now Nina Simone gave people hell at times, but she was frustrated because she wanted better out of the world, Perry, Mississippi, goddamn. - Why did you meet Nina Simone? - I met Nina Simone, I was in Cannes. I was in Cannes and, oh, my God, to meet Gregory Peck. Oh, my goodness, I met him in Cannes too. And they just, they wanted to stop. They wanted to talk to you. How are you? You know, Nina Simone looked at me and she said, I know you, Cheryl Lee Ralph. I know you. - Wow. - Yeah, I was able to look at what's his name and say thank you. Thank you for, I know the Mockingbird, thank you. And he said, it's important to tell people's stories. One of these days I have to sit down and think about all the people that I've met at different times of my life. It's sometimes it shocks me. It's like, yeah, but. - What's the most star struck you've ever been? You know, I come from that place that's scary. You know, don't meet your heroes, don't meet them. 'Cause sometimes they'll disappoint you. - Did that happen to you? - Oh, God, yes. But it doesn't matter. But you know who's really a wonderful human being and all of her success now does not shock me. Because from the moment I first met her, I was on a series called Designing Women. She welcomed me with a big smile. Sit here. - Jean Smart. - I do love Jean Smart. - Of course you do. Jean Smart's quite lovable. Jean Smart's quite wonderful. Jean Smart's a real human being. Yeah. - Yeah, when I got the honor to work with Jean Smart, I remember I was sitting with her and 'cause it was in between takes and she was just such a storyteller. And it was, I think, her way of making everyone in the room comfortable. 'Cause she understood like her gravitas as a human. - That's her. - Yeah, she's good people. - She's good people. - Yep. - Do you keep in touch with Miss Lauren Hill at all? - Yes. Every now and then I get to say hello, you know, get to just in passing. But every time she sees me, it's always a wonderful embrace. It's always a great smile. I remember when she was very young and we were there shooting sister act two, she said, "Miss Ralph, we're gonna have a band "and it's gonna be called the Fuji's." And I remember thinking, "Girl, I know you're gonna have a band, "but you might wanna rethink that name." You said that to her? - I loved it. (laughing) I loved it. And she said, "Miss Ralph, you should get it. "Fu-jees, ref-fu-jees." And I was like, (laughing) but she was right. Once again, that was a young person who stood in the place of knowing who they were, what they wanted and where they were going in life. Her success, at any level does not shock me, 'cause at 16 years old, she knew what she wanted. You know, it's like looking at athletic grates, like Lisa Leslie. Lisa Leslie, when she tells you a story, she was on her way for greatness, stood in it. No matter how difficult the trajectory looked, yeah. I don't think a 16 year old Lauren Hill was even thinking about how difficult it was. No, she knew what she was gonna do. She did it. - She really, she did it. - Yeah, she's doing it still. - Yeah. - I don't care if she's late. - And she has the, the, the credentials. - Two hours, I'd wait for. I would miss out on the greatest outcomes of all time. - And that's what I love. - Wait for it, wait for it. - You're gonna wait for it. I love it. - Are you gonna see her at the ball? - I certainly hope so, it's November 8th. - Yeah, I wanna go, we were just talking about it. We were all talking about it. - We also, we were gonna get super high and go see it. - Why do you have to be high to see it? - To experience the magic. - You have to be high to experience magic. - It makes it a little more magical. - What kind of high? Gummy high, smoking high, what kind of high? Alcohol high? - No, no. You know what I discovered recently? I don't know if alcohol is for me. Ooh, I love that. I don't know if it's for me. I've been really, it makes me really sad. Ooh, it makes me really, really sad. I got home the other night and I was so sad. - Uh-huh. - See what happens is the alcohol puts you off balance. Life is about balance and you've got to make the kind of choices that put you, keep you in balance. When we get off balance in life, that's when we start making the mistakes. - Yeah. - You have to keep a well balanced or balanced the best of your ability. - Yeah, it's, I remember I'll never forget it. I woke up one, I think it was like last week and I didn't drink 'cause I'm in that era of like my life. We're all my friends are going down drinking every single weekend 'cause they're all, they all just moved to New York. - Yes. - And I remember I didn't go out one night and I woke up and I was like, I'm not hungover. Wow. And I feel amazing. - Wow. Hold on to that feeling. - Yeah. - Now that's when you can see real magic in life. - Do you believe in magic, like real and through magic? - Yes, absolutely magic. Are you kidding me? We're having it right now. - I know. - Yes. - I see it. - I'm telling you. - Last night when I was watching the movie and I saw the Skippy peanut butter, I said, no way. And then last week I walked by a display of out of Bodega and they had this huge wall of Skippy peanut butters. Skippy is coming back, baby. - It is. It's the best peanut butter. - Bring my magic back. You, they need to cast you in a new Skippy peanut butter commercial. - It'll probably happen. The magic's gonna happen right now. Manifest that ish. Manifest it. - Yes. - Yeah. (upbeat music) - Thank you, Deepop, for sponsoring tonight's episode. I feel so special because I am in my vintage second hand, era, I've been wearing a lot of vintage clothing. So I'm going to the Strokes Friday and I am so pumped because a shirt that I got from Deepop, it's vintage Strokes merch. I'm gonna wear it to the Strokes concert merch is my favorite thing on planet earth. I don't know what it is about it. It's like this feeling like it's like a little like club. Like it's like something like one, it's like very one of one. It's like a collector's item. I love collecting stuff and I like collecting stuff through clothing. And so Deepop makes it so easy to, because it is one of the best places to buy and sell second hand clothing. It literally only takes a few seconds to list your first item and there's no cellar fees. Any excuse to shop, I will take. So I have been scrolling Deepop for fall and winter wear that I am so excited to wear. Download the Deepop app today to start selling. Someone out there is already searching for your style. I know I am. You lead life with such positivity. - Yeah. - But if there was one thing that you would be therapist about, angry about today, what would that be? - You know something, I always have to, it's for me it's always a thing about going deep because when I was little, my dad had this sign and he put it on my desk and it said think. So I'm always thinking, thinking. I just want there to be a time when people can settle into a place where they can figure out how to like themselves more because the more they like themselves, the better they can be to everybody else. And we are in a place right now in the world that I never thought I'd see. Never thought that I would see people use their platforms for such an out loud hate. I never thought that I would see that. I would never, I never thought that I would see a time when children could become targets and it would be okay. I never thought that we would come back around to a place where people would want to say, let us just erase the history and let us just write it the way we want it to be. Instead of knowing that you must know where you came from. You got to know what the journey has been so that you can know where you're going. And very often people don't know the journey and they think it started right where they are. No, a lot happened before you got here. I'm pissed about that. Does your work with the Diva Foundation ever make you feel like you are able to make a change? My father would always tell me if you change or help one person you have done a lot and I am the person that has experienced the young man who came up to me and he said, Ms. Ralph, I'm here because of you. You saved my life. You came to my college. You talked about HIV. You talked about AIDS. I got tested and it's me. But you saved my life. I actually wanted to talk to you about that because I read something that you said that you said you were performing as Dina Jones every night and it was the most magical time of your life. But there were days where your friends just suddenly weren't there anymore. That's right. And it reminded me of something my parents said once when they-- because they lived in New York during the AIDS epidemic as well. And they said that they went to the dog park every day with this guy. And then suddenly one day he just wasn't, was gone. For me, you know, I've said this often. You could sing and dance with somebody one day and the next day they'd be fighting for their life, trying to live. I'll never forget. I lived on the corner of 18th and 8th. It's probably a restaurant by now or a bank hallway. But my neighbors across the street too handsome young men. You know what I mean? Just handsome. And they would love to see me go out to the theater, right? Because they knew I was going. They loved Dreamgirls. And they would love to look at what I was wearing, how I was dressed. Because at that time, maybe I would dress up coming out my door. Oh, my mother was always done. Yes, I knew that the crowds wanted to see me looking good and I was going to look good for the crowds. I was going to show up at that door looking like Deena Jones. And a month's went by and only saw one of them. So I went over there. I remember it was a Wednesday. It was early on a matinee. And I knocked on the door. And he came to the door. And I said, well, where's your partner? And he said, one minute. And he came back carrying a skeleton. And I was like, whoa. And at that time, you know, the car posse's, you know, when they get those marks and stuff, it was horrible. And he held him. And that was one of those moments that kind of just changed everything for me. And, you know, to see how unkind people could be to other human beings who were literally fighting for their lives. Literally. And for me, it was never just men. It was men and women because I was seeing that. And then the intersection with crack and all up in Harlem, I was seeing black people being taken. out. Oh my God, it was horrible. So I saw it as full circle for me. And then I realized that sometimes people don't like you if you tell the truth. Sometimes people don't like you if you give them another way of thinking. You know, they don't like it. They don't want to hear it. You know, and that was a very, very frightening time. And it changed me very much as a human being. And when I think about that and I ask God why, why did I have to see that God? Why? But it let me know people are people. People want to be seen. You know, it doesn't matter if they're gay, straight, trans, whatever. People all want the basic things to be seen and to be respected as a human being. And I feel in life, that's not, it shouldn't be a very difficult thing to give to other human beings. Why not? Why not? Should, should just be as simple as that. I would think. But sometimes I realize in life, sometimes it's so simple, it's complicated. Yeah. But that's why I started diva, divinely inspired, victoriously alive, awesome, aware, it's Sunday. So we are anointed. Yeah. Deva foundation. And, you know, we just, for me, it's always been about raising awareness and using the power of the arts. Because I believe the, the arts can change everything, you know, when you can deliver a message that's hard to take in, but that you can be at people with the laugh, you know, sometimes it goes deeper sometimes. And so we've been doing it for 35 years now, which is just amazing. Because what I did as an embryo, my God. Yeah. What are, what are some of the things that diva does? Like what some of the activations you guys do? Well, one of the things that we did was this, and what that young man who said I saved his life was I wrote us a series of monologues called sometimes I cry, and they were all about different kinds of women who were facing HIV and AIDS. And I toured with that for almost 10 years, which was crazy, the number of people that have seen it. And now we're on our third documentary, and you know, I do a lot of focusing around women and the disease because back in the day, when I said, if sex could be a problem from men, women could not be too far behind. And then if we're talking about women, we're talking about children. People said, no, you're way out on a limb here. Can we just keep it focused over here? Look where we are now. It's women, especially women across the south and women of color. So, you know, I want to tell those stories and we've been nominated now for our second Emmy around our work, you know, doing these documentaries, Zevara and Newman and I, Norman Lee. We work to continue to tell the stories. And when it comes to World AIDS Day on Hulu, Hulu has been a big supporter and it's hard when you look at it and you say, why aren't there more people talking about what is going around on still around HIV and AIDS? Why is nobody telling those stories? Why are we still seeing so many sexually active young people who are not taking their own health into consideration because they don't know. They don't know. They don't know. And I say, that's why we continue to raise awareness. We continue to not be afraid to talk about it because I believe if you're going to have sex, it should be safe. It should not, you should not end up with something that you're going to have to carry with you for the rest of your life because, you know, good sex shouldn't end up like shingles, shingles lasts forever. You don't want that, you know? So, it's those sort of things. I'm like talk to your children and sometimes parents, like, but I don't want to have the conversation. Well, did you not have sex to have that child? Come on now. Can we be real about this? Yeah. I mean, also, I think it's, it's crazy. I, I didn't know what prep was until the first time I had sex. Come on. Do you know how many women don't know that prep is not just for men, that prep is for men and women. They don't know because they haven't been told. That's why I say we use the arts to continue to talk to people. Maybe you got to take good care of yourself because you're wonderful, you're perfectly made and you should have a good life and a good six life. Exactly. And a good, and a good sex life only comes when you're being safe. Thank you. Absolutely. What did they say? Although I did see a sign. It said eat safely. Use condiments. I think that prep should be talked about and taught of in schools the same way condoms are. There used to be a time in school when they would talk about health, your overall health and well-being. They would talk about it, you know, there were, there were the classes. You know, what is sex? What are the sex organs? I do not know why people want to hide the information from children. And I always say this, if you don't have the conversation with children about all things sexual, somebody else will. And what they will teach them, what they will talk about with them is usually not what you would want them to hear. So why don't you gather the information and have the talk properly. 100%. 100%. Because I am 100%. Thank you. Keep it 100. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. I just, I really admire all the work that you do with your foundation. So I just, I really wanted to be able to spot like that. Oh, thank you very much. And I know it's a difficult thing to talk about. So I just want to thank you. But see, it's not a difficult thing for me to talk about. Why can't we talk about it? I think it goes back to what you were talking about earlier were miserable, miserable people want people to be miserable. And I, for me, it's like with education, I believe one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given is that of a good education to be able to read, to be able to write, to be able to think. You know, that's education. All children deserve the best education they can possibly be given no matter what zip code they live in. And this whole thought that some children deserve education more than others, that's bad thinking. All children deserve to be well educated because they will grow up. And if you have not educated them, they will become ignorant. They don't deserve that just because you, you thought, oh, they don't value. They're not, they're not of any value. That's bad thinking. Children, as anybody that has a brain, a brain is a terrible thing to waste. I used to say that all the time at the UNCF, a brain, a brain, you never know what is in a child's brain. That child that you ignored could have the cure for cancer in their brain. And you need that cure. Cancer right now is rampant around young people. My dad has been telling me this every single day he's been calling me about this every single day. It is horrible. A young man, my son's friend, died the other day. He told, this is all within 30 days now. All within 30 days on the first day he told his mother, I have cancer. On the 12th day, he was dead of that cancer. 12 days later, he was cremated. Took him out like that. Once again, there's so many things going on around that we do not talk about. He had the sickle cell trait. And a lot of African-Americans and Jewish people have a thing called sickle cell. And with this trait, the, you know, the blood cell looks like a sickle. And there's a very rare cancer connected to it. That young man got it. He was gone in 12 days. So it's just that serious. So, but there's another thing that I see happening a lot with young people. They don't want to be outside. They want to stay inside. As if it's, as if life won't reach you because you're staying inside. Get out there. Live your life. Be brave. Be of good courage. Do the best you can with your life. Not just for yourself, but for some body else. I think so many people today are so terrified of being perceived because online like to like post-COVID really to be cringe or to like to be yourself is almost to be cringe and like there will be these p I don't know how online you are but like this it's it's like a middle school classroom on there sometimes honestly and it makes people afraid to leave the house and be themselves and be because people are just getting video left and right random people you don't know or on the internet being made fun of and I think people think well that could be me if I leave my house I know that sounds so silly but what kind of life are you leading what kind of life are you leading that you would be afraid for anybody to see you doing whatever that's something that we sometimes need to think about how do you present outside in life what is it about you that you don't want people to see are you behaving in such a way that would be awful I remember when I was coming up and show business I'd be offered a lot of these things to be naked and my choice was not to be naked because they didn't want my father to see me naked like that you know I didn't want people in church to see me naked like that but that was my choice what's going on in your life and I'm not saying they've got to be a saint but you don't want there's nothing worse than seeing somebody toe-down drunk in real life or on camera right there's nothing wrong with there's nothing wrong with just being your authentic self if you're okay with everybody seeing you just like that because what is done in the dark will always come to light your grandmother your great grandmother your great great great great great grandmother they said it and they were right so don't be afraid live your life live your best life but it's gotta be your best life you know a lot of people are on camera doing a lot of things they don't want people to see if you don't want them to see it make sure they don't I know I I sometimes catch myself feeling that way and that's why I overshare because I like how like I'll tell every like I'll like trauma dump on someone or just tell everybody everything about me just to make sure that no one catches me off guard early it doesn't matter whether they catch you off guard it's about you you catch yourself off guard who who's gonna be the best person to stand up for you them trust me I don't care who the them are them they the people they will throw you under the bus in a minute huh you better be able to take care of yourself you better know what you want you better know what you're capable of because them whoever they are they worried about you huh don't get me started I know shoot it's just to fly off that you know that's why I like that show survivor you watch survivor no but I like it yeah but you want to know why I like it oh traitors too I love traitors traitors I don't watch that either but I just see one traitors okay so this last traitors they they voted somebody off and that when they voted the person off they said why did you vote them off there was so nice they were really smart they said that's why I voted them off I want to win she was too smart she was too nice you got to vote her off if you want to win you got to get rid of the winners oh my god it was Donna Kelsey who was it it was Donna Kelsey whoever it was was it an older white woman I don't know okay I don't know but they got rid of her okay they said no no no and they said no she's smart she's gonna win get rid of her and then with survivor with survivor I realized don't be a survivor don't think about the people because the people will crucify you they will come together as a group and you will be doing good for them you will be thinking I'm down for you we're gonna do this together they will crucify you I was like oh my god and then I thought back to kindergarten okay I had this great teacher Miss Spence Miss Spencer or Miss Spence Miss Spencer oh my god she used to I there was a show called Donna Reed and Donna Reed would always look so beautiful white woman these big stiff skirts my mother used to wear those dresses you know the short sleeves and nice collies and their little pearls and everything Miss Spencer one day Miss Spencer looked at me and Miss Spencer made me feel seen you know you're talking about the 60s she held my hand and wanted me right beside her you know at a time when it could have been so many other things but she said you're a tall flower and I said I felt really good as a tall flower she said just remember what happens to tall flowers and I said what happens she said they cut them off and she explained to me that if you're a tall flower in the garden they want all of the flowers to be the same height and if one flower stands out they gonna cut it off because they don't want that flower to shine too much she said just remember they cut off tall flowers that dog on kindergarten teacher gave me a lesson that day that stuck with me I'm still learning baby they will chop off a tall flower in a minute they will say off with your head and you didn't do anything but use the fertilizer real well point your head to the sun and say shine on me and you got all their mother little flowers looking at you and say what a hell she's shining so much wow the head she got them look so good off with her head how it's all right how do you keep yourself from getting cut as a tall flower what have you learned yeah I for me all I had to do is keep living mm-hmm all I had to do is keep shining all I had to do was keep loving people to the best of my ability because I'm down for you I want you to succeed I want you to be better than me that's why I say to this next generation get out there live your life take your education seriously AI can only be as smart as you don't be the dumb one around the computer you have got to harness it you have got to set up the guidelines this is your future I had a cassette and a CD you got the whole world harness your world live your life you can't live your life just from your tiny room baby we've seen those movies and it never ends up well get out then live your life read my books you are also an incredible author thank you thank you I like writing what do you love about writing writing makes you remember mm-hmm you know when you have to write something you have to remember and for the most part you have to remember the truth and if the truth is too much then you write a novel yes because when you write a novel you can tell all the truth you want just change the sex change the name change the situation keep the dialogue uh-huh that is yeah that's that's how I feel as well that's it it's you you always want to be able to tell your story and your truth and what's going on with you but you never want to throw someone under the bus and we've also seen how that plays out when you spend your time bad mouth in people when you spend your time being nasty to people when you spend your time throwing people than their emotions under the bus you create a certain karma and it will bite you and it may happen when you least expect it uh-huh we've all seen it we've all seen it there's a line in dreamgirls and I know you you know it James Thunder early when they're about ready to tell James Thunder early he is nothing and nobody James Thunder early says I was here before you and I'll be here long after your goal a show ♪ Be's just a show bee ♪ I'm going to sing the song for you, please. Greatest musical of all time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It's. My God. Have you heard the Dreamgirl soundtrack? It's worth listening, too. It is. And the Broadway original soundtrack. The original Broadway cast. Yes. The BBC soundtrack. That's right. I need to show you something. Will you go and grab my phone inside the house? I used to sing, and I'm telling you, I'm not going to myself all the time when I was a kid. I know that. And when I took this podcast on tour, I would play it in front of everyone. And I would always hide, because it was so funny. It was funny. I know I'm able to laugh at myself, but I'm so excited to show it to you right now. Come on. That's what I needed this today. Oh. I was crying all morning, because the boy didn't like me back. I know. I know. I know. It doesn't matter. I know it doesn't matter. But it felt like, I just felt so ugly. I just felt so ugly, and I felt so, I was like, oh, this is why I don't put myself out there. Oh. This is why I don't do that. I was a funny looking kid for a very long time. I was really funny looking, and they would make, oh, they would really make fun of me. They used to call me liver lips. They used to tell me I was too black. They used to say stuff was wrong with my hair. Oh, my God. It was horrible. I remember one time, I, was it brownies? I was a brownie or a girl scout or something. And one of the mothers, one of the mothers of one of the girls said something about the fact, thank goodness that nose jobs are becoming popular, because I'm going to need one. Oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, I mean, and sometimes in writing, you have to remember these things in writing. You know, and you have to put them to tell people stories, especially when they're yours. It can be hard, but life passes. If you take care of yourself, I've taken care of myself. This is how I look. I mean, you look unbelievable. Thank you. This is how I look. This is how I look. This is the same nose that they said, I'd need a nose jobs, the same nose. These are the same lips that they said were liver lips. This is the same complexion that they said was just too black. This is the same, right? Look at me now, patients, patients with myself, patients with those around me. It was their ignorance talking. It was their sadness talking. They didn't know any better. And trust me, that boy that didn't like you now, you should be so blessed to be around 30 years from now doing what it is you love. You will be looking at him and he will be good to no one. Yes. No one except the guy that he likes right now. Who cares? Who cares? You're right. This is you want to sit in these feelings about him and this other man. Yeah, I feel good to like sit in the sadness. This is what we've been talking about. Get out of it. Snap out of it. I know. I know. Oh my gosh. Your prince, your king could be around the corner and he can't see you like this. He won't be attracted to you like this. Put on your best self and go live your life. What's up? Are you fishing for somebody? No, you're not. You live your life. Shoot all those guys that didn't have time for me 30 years ago. They look like a worn shoe now and look at me. Beauty queen. Thank you. Dream girl. Wow. I really, really need to hear that. Wow. Thank you. Yeah. You got a, what does my book say? The one that's coming up. You've got to look in the mirror and love what you see, love what you see. I said it in my speech. People don't have to like you. People don't have to respect you. They don't even have to love you. But when you look in the mirror, you better love what you see. I'm so excited to read your upcoming book. Thank you. What's it called? You better love what you see. One is it out. It'll be out April 6th. You can pre-order it now. If you follow me at all on Instagram, you can go right there and there's a link right there to pre-order. Because you know it's all about the pre-orders. It's all about pre-orders. It means. That's how you get the New York Times best. That's how you get it. Yeah. People have, they have to know that people want it, that people want to read it. And people are willing to put that money down right now. Then see you on the book tour and say, "Pri-assign it. Absolutely, I will." Are you excited to do the book tour? Oh my God. Just to be out there with people, people who have read it, people who will come up to you and tell you something about what you said and how it made a difference for them. Yeah. That's everything. Mm-hmm. That is everything. I want to show you this video with me. Come on. Yeah. I don't know what you're going to think about what you're about to see. Do you want to make a chance? No, no, no, no way. I'm living without you. I'm not living without you. What was this? I was 18. Oh, I was 18. And you. And you. You're going to love me. Oh. One more. I don't know. Come on. Come on. I'm not going. Oh my God. Oh my God. That was good though. Thank you. I love the effort. There's a few notes here and there. Yes. Here and there. And there. Yeah. It's alright though. It's the effort. Okay. And. Yes. One of my favorite parts of the show that I'm so excited to do with you. Come on. They write in and they tell us what's wrong and we give them advice. And I genuinely think there is probably no better person in this world than you to give them advice. Thank you. I am always the wing woman and no one ever returns the favor. It was so fun for a while because everyone was gassing me up as the best wing woman ever. And I'm pretty good at it, I guess. The thing is, nobody assumes I need any wing aim, but I really kind of do. I can make my friends look good all day, but when it comes to myself, I'm hopeless. First of all, you, whoever you are, are not hopeless. Second of all, you train people how to treat you. If this is the behavior that they are showing you, it is because you let that behavior be okay. So right now, as you are aware of what's going on, it's up to you to change it. And if you need some care, you better let your friends know. I need you to be as good to me as I have been to you because I need it right now. And then what happens, let's just play worst case scenario, worst case. If those friends then don't show up after you've said that to them. Then guess what? You've just found out they were never your friends to begin with. My drop, my drop, but it's too expensive. I've been having such bad health anxiety recently. And all of the information that is available online is not helping. I'm freaking out constantly that I'm getting cancer or some other horrible thing. I'm sure you relate to this. So what do you do to quiet that noise? First of all, you have the power to quiet that noise when you stop going to the internet for information. So much of the information you're getting on the internet is not good information. If you have health insurance, get in a relationship with a good doctor. If you don't have health insurance, find the right clinic next to you. Get into a relationship with a doctor or a caregiver. to the professionals armed with a little bit of knowledge that you probably have, but stop worrying unnecessarily until you go get the proper information. - Right, it's almost like some people use the internet as a way to avoid the doctor. - Don't avoid the doctor. - Yeah. - Like don't avoid the dentist, either. - I know, I haven't gotten a cleaning in a minute. - Oh my God, do you have health insurance? - I do. - Then you need to use it. They'll pay for a cleaning. - I know. The guy get an electric toothbrush. Electric toothbrushes are the best. - There you go. - Okay. - It makes brushing my teeth fun. - Yes, it does. - Mine smiles at me. - Do you remember the electric toothbrushes that would sing to you? - Oh, yes, and when the song was over, then you knew you had done a good job. - I love that. - I love that. - Yeah, they did. - What was it? - Toothtoons. - I love that. - No one, I'm surprised you know what toothtoons are. (laughing) - This guy I like invited me to a bar with him, and later that night when he walked me to my car, he told me he didn't want to, but it was the right thing to do. Oh my God. Then he told me that there was a girl in the bar, he was gonna go back and talk to since he hasn't been laid in a while. Why does this always happen to me? I have no radar for red flags until it's too late, help. - Oh my gosh, of course you have radar. You have it. It's inside of you. I don't care if you got the clickier heels three times. Like Dorothy, it is already inside of you. You just need to listen to it. And no matter what, people always show you who they are. They cannot help it. They will always show you exactly who they are. You just have to take off your rose colored glasses or your blinders and see them really look at them. And that was just a piece of ish man. You gave your time too. Oh my God. And to actually say those things to you. Oh my God, you should have kicked him in his nuts and said, oh, I'm so sorry. I misplaced my foot. I'm, listen, don't listen to me. No, I do not talk to the violence. - I do not talk to the violence. - Thank you. This guy I was seeing took me out on a date. We're eventually here and did the night bringing me to an engagement ring shop. He wanted to get my finger measurements, et cetera. This was like our seventh or eighth date, which is just psycho. The shitty part is, a week or so after that, he ghosted me. And that makes sense to me. 'Cause if someone's gonna love bomb you, then it'll also ghost you. - And there you have it. Girl, when he showed you took you to that engagement window, you should have run, especially since it sounds like you really weren't that in to him. It's like pay attention. You make the first move. Stop waiting for people to move on you. I mean, open your eyes. Pray attention. You're not hungry for just anybody. You gotta be open to that special, some body. - I think it's just so hard. At least with me, when I romantically try to go on romantic endeavours, I feel like time is like slipping away at all the time. So I feel like every guy, especially being gay, I like talk to, I feel like there's less fish in the sea for me. And so I put so much emphasis on one person. - No, I know. - Believe it or not, it's the same for just about everybody. The only people that it might be different for are men in general. Usually men love them some them. Oh, they just think they are wonderful. And men have this thing of, they're not worried about you. I'm a man. Men like themselves, gay men, straight men, black men, white men, Asian men, men like themselves. Okay, so this one time, see, he's laughing because he knows it's true. He knows it's true. And men don't care what they look like, they love themselves. A man could have a belly out to here. He's gonna pat that belly, 'cause it's his belly. I'm telling you, that man could be going bald. He's gonna rub that hair back and appreciate the hair he has. 'Cause men are like that. So when you start saying, oh, it's happening because I'm gay. Honey, you're a man. What the world? What do they say? It's a man's world. Men are like a woman should be in the kitchen to teach me how to cook, 'cause I'm gonna be the chef. Men are like a woman should be in the house. Yeah, to teach me how to run the house, 'cause I'm gonna renovate all the houses. They're the renovator. Man will take men are like, yeah. Teach me your ways, beauty queen, because I'm gonna beat your face. Beating your face means do your makeup. Baby, all you got to do is man up in your way, whether it's a sweet way to man up, or it's a car homeless man to man up. Pick your way to man up and walk out there like you the best things since sliced bread, your man. Men love themselves. I wake up every morning, I look in the mirror and I say, that's right girl, you got this. Look at you. Look at you. That's it, let's go. You do that every morning? Hell yeah. I look in the mirror and love what I see. Yes, I do. Has it always been that way or do you have to learn how to do that? No, no, no. I had learned that. When people start telling you, you ugly, you start to believe them until you realize that's a lie. Yeah. You have to get rid of some of the lies that you've been told. I've realized that in life. A lot of people carry these lies. They're not the truth. If I was pissed off about anything right now, it'd be the fact that people just are believing so many lies and carrying the lies with them. They can't tell the lies from the truth. People have become so gullible. I'm like, oh my god. Okay, so maybe I thought those AI babies were really babies, but okay, that's me. Don't have to be you. Right. Don't get me started. If there's one thing in this world that I would love to do is it would beat to get you started. I mean. And that was it for the tummy. What's wrong? Well, because guess what? We have the possibility to make so many things right, especially right now in this climate that we are in right now. Now is the time to get some things right. They should never be this bad again. Ever again. We have rounded up too many people in the past 300 years. We've got to stop this whole idea of round them up and get rid of them. Let's figure out something much better to do with us as human beings. Maybe we can figure out how to treat people better. We have so much to give the world right here in America. Oh my god, we lead the way in so many things. Let's lead it in a way that when they look at us, they don't laugh at us. We shouldn't be the laughing stock anymore. Then we're the ones that have the power to change that. We can do better. We can do better. And we must do better. And we will. I think especially with more people like you in the world. Oh, thank you. That's true. Thank you. I love living. And I love being alive. And I have two children that make me proud. Well, before you leave. Yes, before I leave. You didn't even offer me any water. And you got that good water sitting beside you. Where was it? I'm gonna take it with me. I would like to know, what is your favorite song of all time? What is your favorite movie of all time? My favorite movie of all time when I was very little. There were some movies that only came on once a year. You couldn't just watch whatever you wanted. You had to wait. You had to wait for the Wizard of Oz. You had to wait. And for me, it was a movie called Black Orpheus. And I was young. And the screen filled with all of these beautiful, black people singing and dancing. They were in Brazil. And they were speaking Portuguese and the subtitles ran underneath it. And they were beautiful. And I remember thinking, oh my God, I just love it. The love they shared with each other. And that was it, Black Orpheus. When I came to California, I was walking through Westwood and there was a huge poster of the film, Black Orpheus. And I said, I want to buy it. It was too expensive at the time for me. But I got a job or something. And I went back a few months and I bought it. And it hangs in my home now. Oh, yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know it's corny. But I love that song deon warwick sang and it lyrics were very Simple she says what the world needs now is love It's the only thing that there's just Too little love what the world needs now Is love sweet love No, not just for some but fire Everyone I love that Well, Shirley Ralph, it has been such an honor to sit here and talk to you Thank you And I hope I will see you at Miss Lauren Hill show Baby November 8