Session 128: Madison Beer

Hey friends, Olivia from Ollie. Between new routines and the ultimate group project known as parenting, you need science-backed solutions that work with your life. That's where Ollie comes in. Start your mornings off right with multis made to support nutrition and immune health. Choose from our lineup of gut-supporting probiotics, and we've got occasional sleep support to help the whole fam chase their big dreams. Head back to class with the number one gummy supplement brand. Stock up on Ollie.com today. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Hi, pussies. Welcome back to Therapus. We have Brett here for the intro. Hi. Hi. My hand hurts. Oh, I'm so sorry. Look, watch. It's like definitely not good. See? Okay, so the tendon just went over the muscle. Great watch. Ready? Yeah. Then watch it snap back into place. Ow. Yeah, it's bad. So if anyone at home knows what the fuck to do, please help me. I'm in so much pain every day of my life. Every morning I wake up in pain. Every night I go to bed in pain. I'm constantly in pain. You're going to have to go to physical therapy or something for that, I think. I think I'm going to have to get the surgery. Oh, no way. Yeah, the tendonitis surgery. No way. They just, they quickly, they just, it's right here. It's like this tendon right here. What's the recovery like? I don't have time. I don't have time for it, so I don't know. Yeah, you're not having time for that. When do you leave again? For Europe? Yeah. Next week. Brad also just found a place. Tell them. Jake's rolling his eyes. I'm not rolling my eyes because I'm mad. I'm just. No. I'm just upset. I'm in the same boat. Listen. Yeah, but I know it has to happen. Like, obviously, like, life happens. I am so sad and to move out. Like, I'm so sad about it, but at the same time. It's time. It's time. For you and your relationship. And we talked about this going into this year of the lease. Yeah, no one is shocked. No one's shocked. Like, I'm not springing this on Jake. Like, I'm not going to be far. No, seven minutes. I will be here literally all the time. All the time. If you're in town, I'll be here. Right. Which is when I see you anyway. Exactly. And I'm never in town. You have been gone more than you've been here in the last, like, five months, I think. Do you hear how sick I sound? Yeah. I'm sick. I think you need to go to bed. I think I need to go. I think I'm sick. And you know me. If, like, if, like, if I'm, like, if I'm feeling sick, I need to go to bed. My body, like, I feel sick. Yeah. I feel sick. I mean. And so, like, my eyes are, like, literally collapsing. Yeah. Onto themselves. Yeah. But it's, like, I'm out of shows to watch. But it's, like, have you seen Succession? I'm, like, the first two seasons. I'm watching it right now for the first time. It's so good. It's, it's so good. Greg and Tom are really just, like. Well, you know people call me Cousin Greg. And how funny that you actually know him in real life. I know. Nicholas Braun. Nicholas, I love you. Period, Nicholas. We did Broadway together. Yeah. I miss it. Yeah. I miss that era of my life. Well, you know, you're in another fun era right now. You've just been, like. Summer. Yeah. I'm really, like, my body is really feeling it today. Yeah. Like, I really, like, I got home and my body is, like. You need to just, like, take a chill pill. Like, I don't even know what I want for dinner. I know. Me either. Honestly. Will you just keep me posted on your ideas? Yeah. Well, what's this? Is this your new grocery store? Laurel Supply. It's the Air One dupe. Okay. Have you been? What's the vibe? I haven't been. I haven't been, but it literally is, like. I'm not just saying, like, happier grocery is, like, Air One, like, copy. No. It's, like, this is an Air One dupe. Same plates. But what are people saying about the food? I don't know. I'm intrigued. What is the type of food there? It's, like, the Buffalo cauliflower, Korean short. Like, they have all the same shit. It's the same thing. Sushi counter. I said the sushi counter. The sushi counter looks cool. They have, like, the same smoothies. It's, like, very weird, honestly. But, like, smart, I guess. Do people like it? Are people on TikTok liking it? People like it. People think that it's more chic. People think this is. Okay, but, like, what's the quality of the food? I don't know. I haven't been. I've passed it a few times, and it's right by Barney's Beanery in West Hollywood. I've only been there once. I've never been there. People love it. People say on a Tuesday night it really pops off. Yeah. Did you? Have fun watching the Knicks here? So much fun. We watched the last. Well, where was I watching? Oh, I was in bed at the game that you were at that was so fucking crazy. Insane. It was the crazy experience of my life. It's unreal that you were there. You didn't even need to understand how basketball worked to know that it was point for point. Yeah. Was it, though? No, it wasn't point for point. They were, like, catching up. Yeah. They came back from, like, 29 points down or something insane. It was crazy. I mean, I thought they were losing. I thought it was over. Me, too. I thought the game was over. Have you seen? Jordan Woods' lucky bag? Yes. I'm so obsessed. Yeah. I love it. And, you know, it's her own brand, too. I didn't know that. Yeah, it's her own brand. Okay. And it's her lucky bag. Like, it's sick. And her fiancé, Carl. Yeah, Carl Anthony Townsend. Yeah. Well, I'm obsessed with, like, because there's so much other, like, lore of, like, the team and, like, Jalen. So, Jalen Brunson went to a high school right near me. Fun fact. Okay. So, what's his draft story? Because apparently it's, like, emotional. He was drafted in the second round. So, he wasn't even, like, a first round draft pick, I think. I don't know anything else. But there's something about his draft story that makes it so this is, like, even more emotional. Maybe he was supposed to go in the first round and didn't because he had won, like, a national championship at Villanova. Maybe two. He went to Villanova? Yeah. Did they have a good basketball team? So good. Like, when they're in their, like, era, they're, yeah, they were really good when he was there. And then, like, his dad is, like, an assistant coach. He didn't know that. Like, I'm just obsessed with it all. Well, do you know that one of the coaches on the Knicks is, like, the dad of one of the players? Jalen's dad. Oh. Yes. And do you know Jalen's dad then won a championship the last time the Knicks won was with his dad? No. They made it to the championships when his dad was on the team and didn't win. So, he won for his dad. Oh, I'm sick. Which, like, gag. I'm sick. Yeah. Are you excited for the Olympics? You mean FIFA? No, the Olympics. In two years? Uh-huh. Are you excited? I mean, yeah. Are you excited for the World Cup? That's happening now. Yeah, I went to the opening match. Oh, yeah, you went. How was that? It was actually. It was so fun. Look, my thing with soccer is, I, it's very slow for me. You think? And there was, like, two goals throughout the entire game. See, so, like, I kind of love it because there's no stoppage. What do you mean there's no stoppage? Like, like, they very rarely stop the game. So, I feel like there's just always something, not necessarily going on, because, like, yes, I agree with you that the goals are low, but, like, you know, with, like, hockey, there's, like, a whistle, like, every, like, two minutes. Like, soccer's not like that. Okay. Like, the most they stop a half is, like, five to, like, seven minutes. That's, like, over the course of 45 minutes. Got it. I'm really freaking out about my hand. I'm freaking out for you. If anyone has any remedies for De Quervin's tendinitis, which is what I have, please help me. I'm supposed to work out tomorrow. I don't know how I'm going to work out. Can you just, does it hurt to, like, grab things? No. Everything hurts. And my body's, like, creaking. Yeah, you just need a lot of sleep. Well, what else? You're moving end of July. I'm moving in the end of July, which is just, I'm excited about it, but I'm also, like, overwhelmed about all the things. But, no, I'm excited. It's just, like, there's so many things I need to buy. I keep, like, looking for furniture, and I'm like, oh, my God, this is perfect. And then it's, like, going to be delivered in October. And, like, I can't do that. Well, that's the furniture market. I know. And I can't do it. Yeah. I'm miserable about it. Like, the couch I'm getting, the couch we're getting, I guess, it's technically we, which is crazy, is going to take, like. Like, two months, probably. So, you need a new couch, then, a different couch. No, but, like, I'm really obsessed with this couch. What couch is it? It's from Lulu in Georgia, and it's, like, really cute. Got it. And green. Oh, comfy. Have you tried it on? No, because they don't have a fucking showroom here, so I'm really going in blind. But I've heard really good things. Like, my friend has a couch from them and says it's really good. So. Okay. So, yeah. So, it's just, like, there's just a lot. I also just have to, like, show you the place. I know. I haven't seen the place. All of a sudden. Yeah. I like it. I called Jake, like, literally before we even signed the lease. Was I in France? Yeah. You sent me the most passive emoji. What emoji? It's, like, the soft smile. Oh, that's not passive. That's just, like. You were, like, wanting to die. So, then I called you, and I said, listen, you're the first person I'm telling. You'd be pissed off if I didn't tell you for a week. Well, yeah, I'm not. I wasn't mad. I was just, like, okay. You said I didn't need this today. No, I'm beyond happy for you. So, Brett's technically up in June, and I was trying to string her along until. Until September. So, I'm excited, but it's, like, it's crazy. Well, tonight we have on Madison Beer. Do you have a favorite Madison Beer song? Dear Society. Oh, didn't Peyton love boy shit? Yeah, Peyton loves boy shit. Hurts Like Hell. Hurts Like Hell. Hurts Like Hell. Hurts Like Hell. Love. That was our college one. Good and Goodbye. Oh, yeah, Good and Goodbye. Oh, my God. She has so many good songs. She's bangers. Love. Okay, well, I love you. I love you so much. And we're gonna do a full. Even if it's just for a week. We're gonna do a full Goodbye episode before everything, before Brett moves. Yes. I love you. Love you. Okay. Love you, pussies. Tonight we have on Madison Beer, who just began her Lock It tour worldwide. It is amazing. If you have a chance to see it, please go see it. She is incredible. Enjoy the episode. I love you, pussies. Are you ready? I'm ready. Well, we have Madison Beer on tonight. - I'm so excited that we're finally doing this. this i know it's been like every time i see you i'm like let me in put me in no we're always like we need to because you have a very busy schedule as do you no not as busy as you oh stop it we made it work though we did make it work are you excited for tour i was like i'm not going on tour until i see jake shane well it's not happening and you're about to leave for tour i know are you excited or nervous or hopefully when is this coming out after it had already started yeah okay so future me i hope you're having fun i hope everything's going well but as of right now in this moment i'm definitely in like i don't want to say panic mode but this is like my biggest show like i have you know like a big well i guess i could talk about it yeah it'll be happening i have like a big set design like i have props and you know things that are on automation that are spinning and moving and there's just a lot of things going on this time like my last tour was literally just a staircase and that's it and then my tour before that was like a tree on stage like i've never had a real true like set build so like the set build there's so much more lighting i have a catwalk for the first time i'm like there's so many things that i've never done that are happening for the first time on this tour and so i think i'm just feeling nervous of course i'm also kind of dancing which i'm not a dancer wish i was i feel like you are a dancer i'm really not i'm gonna try to give my all i do and i think i'm gonna like try my best but yeah are you are you like do you have fun on tour i okay i feel like i've figured out how to have fun on tour i think that i used to be my second tour was really miserable and horrible and i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know like the shows were amazing so anyone that went like love you down but like the actual tour was really brutal it was really long i did mainly three shows in a row and then would have one day off which i just learned very quickly is not sustainable for me um and i think i was also just surrounded by people that didn't really make it fun honestly and so it just i don't know it just wasn't a good time um sadly and so that kind of made me be like do i even want to ever do this again which then i thought was really sad what album were you touring for that tour dude i'm so messed up i think that was i'm pretty sure that was life support but i loved my dancers there was okay there was people i loved on the tour but it was just like the scheduling of it i think was the worst part was it was just way too much and like way too time consuming and whatever and then my spin and tour which was the last one was better because i feel like i was really around like i like everyone on my crew and everyone like everyone was just so great and i kind of put my foot down and was like if i'm doing another tour it needs to be not through no threes in a row if there has to be like one it's fine but yeah i need to just like prioritize my sanity um you also can't give a good show if you're not feeling good no i like cut down on the meet and greets i was doing 150 which also just is unfair to the fans too because you want to give every single person that and then i'm up there for six hours and i'm like we it's showtime you know like i can't it wasn't possible and then we did 30 on this last tour which i thought was going to be a lot easier and it still was a lot because i'm still spending like five ten minutes sometimes with people and like it just it just was too it got to the point where i was just like i don't feel like this is fair like i feel like it's i'm you're paying me to like take a selfie when i could just meet you outside and like do the same thing it just felt weird so this tour i'm not doing any meet and greets which they were upset about but i think it will help the flow of like my day a lot more and i'm doing a q a on stage are you doing soundcheck i love like i love a q a soundcheck party i feel like it's so much more intimate yeah and i can actually i can actually sit there for two hours and just like talk to everybody it's also like way less pressure i feel like i'm more comfortable because you're like sitting there and it's almost like hanging out with a group of friends i think the q a thing i love because it's just like i have them usually submit questions before and i'll just read off like every question and it's just fun and like you said it does feel like you're friends and like i'm assuming obviously most of the people that go and see me at a q a like know me really well so it literally feels like we're having a big hangout what do you it's the best what do you call your fan base no name no name didn't they try to call themselves the alcoholics please i can't i was like you guys you guys are 16 you can't say this no but there was so many names i think i named them the imaginers when i was like 13 with an mad in the middle so it was like i love that please and that was crazy um they still sometimes will do it they call themselves beer babes i've seen like yeah like alcoholics beer holics i'm just like can we just not have a name right i think that era has passed us all would you are you doing any old music on tour yeah yeah i'm doing some songs from life support um i'm doing all of lockett i'm doing some from songs and then i have a fan song every night which is the first time i'm doing like letting them pick one how do they pick okay again let's see what actually ends up happening because it's still being worked out and i feel like it's kind of right now the the concept is there but it's not executing the way that it needs to be like every time we rehearse it it feels really awkward so my whole thing was like i feel like a lot of shows that you see especially when there's like fan interaction uh-huh it's always the people in the front which no hate at all like those people i love when it's someone that is like i never thought i'd be chosen and it could be someone literally in the back of the arena or the hot whatever but it'll change like i think i'm planning on doing yes some nights might be the kid in the front row some nights might be somebody in the nosebleeds who knows but i just feel like that inclusivity feels really cool to me so then i was like we have to think of something creative um so then that led me to this idea don't know where this came from but it was kind of like someone's one of my dancers are going to come on stage and give me this like locket box that i'm going to open and it's going to have three we have like i think we have about 15 songs prepped but each night is going to be a choice of three so three different songs every night and which i also was thinking about sorry you're gonna notice very quickly i'm like no me too i'm the same way um like i wish i could figure out a way to let them choose which three of the 15 they want that night but then i feel like it's always going to be the same three so i like have to just do it by myself or maybe i'll let like soundcheck choose i don't know something um so basically it'll be three letters in the locket box that'll be like envelopes uh-huh and they're gonna say a lyric on the front of it so it might say like you know in these sour times and then i'll be like oh this one says that and hopefully they'll all scream i'm hoping they like know the songs i'm nervous they're gonna be like wait what um and then i'm gonna be like grew up in the same house which is a lyric from my song rider like whatever read the lyrics that are on the front and then i'm gonna tell my dancer like okay you can go send these out now and then the second she leaves stage like a spotlight will go on to someone who will obviously there'll be a second box and someone will have delivered the letters to this person with the same box they will then have the three options in front of them and i want that person to just pick whichever letter they want open the envelope and inside the envelope it'll say the name and they can like hold it up to the camera and then we sing it so that's fine that's the idea right now but it just feels a little clunky so i'm trying to figure it out like the first show you'll be like stressed and then it'll be like it'll i'm gonna be so stressed the first show always like panicking losing my mind i'm gonna dissociate completely do you like take a beta blocker or anything no i've actually never taken a beta block they don't work for me i don't think anything would work for me i'm like i need to be sedated no they don't beta blockers like don't work for me i saw that rachel senate video like when that first dropped and i was like oh my god i need this and then i was like i don't think this would work what does it do it's supposed to slow the physical symptoms of anxiety please and i kept saying i think i'm slurring my words but i wasn't because it doesn't work whoa it really doesn't work for me to be honest i don't get like nervous or i think because i'm my hands are in every department like i'm sitting and programming the lighting i'm editing the tour content right the editors like i there's not one thing that i'm not a part of so i think that it's not it's it's hard for me to get on stage and just be like i have to sing good and like do my steps i'm also like is the led wall on is the lighting working like it's it's i don't know it feels like very involved for me so i think i get stressed am i virgo no i'm a pisces oh right you are what are you scorpio okay water down yeah watered out pisces women are my favorite we are the best you guys are the best my best friend alice the pisces woman hands down the best the best the best thank you pisces man kind of that's so funny though people my boyfriend is a pisces man so is he really but but i would have said the same thing about pisces men before i dated him okay would have said the same thing would have been like no because i had only met well actually that's not true i know a couple pisces men that are good but i met one man once that was the scariest person i've ever met and he was a pisces man and i would run from pisces men because they can be tricky they can be but he's a really good one and he's changed my mind of course but march or february he's he's five days after me he's march 10th on march 5th oh that's really special we can have joint birthday joint birthdays for life i know it's incredible no we did we right now we did have a little joint birthday energy last year though um people always ask me if i'm a virgo though that's weird that you asked that are you is it in any of your chart no but pisces and virgo are like direct opposites and so people are they they're like do they clash i don't know here's my thing about astrology i'm totally a believer love it i always am like finding myself my bubble is a lot of the same signs but i feel like there's good and bad in every sign obviously of course and so like i think it's unfair sometimes like to be honest with you like i always say scorpio men are crazy they are well we were insane crazy we're insane but then i'm like i meet some that i'm like no you're great it just it's it's to me it's like are you a healed one or are you not right are you trying to heal are you trying to that's none of the above for me really yeah i think you're lying no i guess you're being silly maybe i'm like a little healed are you in therapy yeah but i always skip what do you mean so you're not no like he's like it's on the calendar but it doesn't i always skip like i have two therapy sessions a week i skip both of them every time what because it's just i i'm talk therapy is really bad for me okay i need to do like actual activities okay or else it doesn't like i completely understand that honestly i've done a lot of different types of reiterating the same over and over and I'm spinning. - I know, for sure, spinning out. And I'm like, dude, I feel like sometimes with me, I, I feel like sometimes I'll get on with my therapist and I'm like, I actually know the answers to this. Like, I don't feel like I need advice. So that's why I'm like, I need to do activities. I know. Yeah. For my OCD or something, like something to like actually work on. I have really bad OCD too. Do you really? Yeah. Really bad. What type? Um, this is so random, but I feel like mine is very need to know type. Yeah. You know what I mean? No, that's the thing. Yeah. I think that that's my main thing is I think I'm. You need to know everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I'm, I've always labeled that as curiosity, but then I actually recently spoke to a psychiatrist who was like, no, you have like severe OCD. That's not normal. And I was like, oh, okay. That makes me feel better at least because I feel like for so long, I thought that I was just maybe like an over, I'm definitely an overthinker, but I think I thought I diagnosed it as like, oh, I'm just an overthinker who like has anxiety. And my therapist slash psychiatrist was like, no, you, this is like a real thing. I have that too. I feel like it's really, mine's really like, I need to know everything. There's definitely more as well. Posting. This sounds so stupid, but like posting on social media. No, it's really, it's really not. It doesn't sound stupid to me. Spikes is like a huge trigger for my anxiety. My, my OCD. I like, I, I feel like it's been getting progressively worse as the years have gone on. Like, it's really difficult for me to just like post on Instagram, which sounds pathetic, but it's true. No, it's, I, I have a, I have a hard time commenting. It's like, does it not, you like sit there and you're like, I don't know what to say or do. I think if I comment the wrong thing, I'll get bad luck. Oh my God. So like I go crazy over it. Wait, were you the kind of kid that you were like, if I don't, if I don't spin in circles three times, my parents, my parents are going to die. Cause that's how I am. That's always how I've been my whole life. Never knew that was an OCD thing. Magical thinking OCD. What? I've never heard of that. I literally used to do that growing up. I'd be like, oh my God, I have to walk back three steps or my whole family is going to die in a fire. What the hell? It was like a whole thing. Oh my God. Clearly. I don't know that much about OCD. This is a new diagnosis for me. It's being talked about a little more. I also discovered I have confessional OCD, which is like, I need to like, if I lie, I have to tell you I lied. For sure. I have that. I have to tell you everything about myself. So like someone can't like find out about me. Oh my God. Yeah. That is exactly how I am. I'm like, well, this is who I am. Like take it or leave it. No, I'm baring my soul. Yeah. Oh my God. I wonder, is like oversharing a compulsion? Yeah. Yes. That's yeah. I, one time there was a really, this is what made me actually want to seek out help because my, someone that was on my crew on my tour has like diagnosed OCD has been diagnosed for like 10 years. And there was one day on tour last. Tour where it was like, guys, let's meet in the lobby at noon. We're all going to go get lunch. And I was like, amazing. See you guys down there. Just posting on Instagram really quick. This is at 10 30. So like plenty of time to get an Instagram post up and then get to lunch. Yeah. An hour and a half. Yeah. Hi. And I legitimately didn't leave my room till 4 30 PM. I'm not joking. And I was sitting there and I was like, this is disturbed. What about it scares you so much? What, what is it? Oh my God. I feel like it's weird because I think it's just something, I think I have control over control issues as well. Like, I definitely feel like I've felt out of control a lot. Like even in my childhood, pre all of this, like whatever, I think I've had a lot of issues with control. I think that's also where my death anxiety comes from a whole different conversation. Anywho. But yeah, I think that for me, social media has been something throughout such a big portion of people don't realize that I've been on like social media since I'm 12, but you like start your career started on social media. Yeah. Like my first ever thing was on YouTube and then on Twitter was how Justin tweeted about me and discovered. So it's just been, it's been a really big constant in my life. And I think just the more time that goes on, I care less about it now in the sense of like, I can step away. I can like not read hate. I think I'm at peace with who I am. And I'm like, if you don't like me, that's fine. But I don't know. I think especially on tour, it probably has a lot to do with like, I'm putting so much work and effort into this that I want everything to convey the right message. I also, that's like a really big thing of mine where I'm like, I hope that everything I do conveys the right message. Which is not possible to do in an Instagram post. It's not. And also I feel like it's more stressful on tour because you have to deal with whatever you read and then get on stage. Yeah. And like still deliver the same show, even if like you read something that's like, I didn't like it. Yeah. You're like, wait, what? Like, I remember when like someone was like, I hated that show and I had to get on stage the next night and do it. And I was like, I, what am I supposed to do right now? No, it's horrible. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know. I don't know the specifics. Like why? I freak out so much. I think it's just like a, it's a lack of control, lack of knowing how it's going to come across lack of like ability to dictate the perception. It's just all of it. I think it's too much for me. Yeah. I don't think I was cut out to like be in any type of, but you were, I don't know, so many iconic moments on the internet. You know what? And I've accepted them now. Like I think that for a long time I was really embarrassed by some of those viral things. Well, because they were very much so hated on when they happened. They were. But now it's like a meme and it's funny. Now everyone loves them. We love it. Like, who's your friend? I was supposed to be in the video. Like there's, these are, these are historical moments. Who's your friend? History. You know what? Who's your friend? I look back and I'm like, I was 16 and I had balls on me. Good for her. You had a bag and a dream. I was like, Balenciaga city bag, Converse laced to the top. I was like, I'm ready to go. You know? Who is your friend? Who's your friend? What do you mean? And also, what do you mean? Your friend? Yeah. Who? Yeah. Tell me. Tell me the name. Crazy. So I look back and I can be proud of that younger version because I'm like, you know what? You stood on business. I really did. But people say that like, people like really are like, no, but she asked to talk in private too. Like it's such emotional maturity. Like, and at the time people were not saying that. You know what? At the time, no one said that. You know what? Actually, I remember vividly. People were like, she wanted to talk in private cause she was embarrassed. I'm like, no, no, no. I asked her to talk in private cause I could, I looked around and I said, this is giving bullying and I don't like this. And so I said, we can talk in private. We don't have to talk in private. We can talk in front of everybody. Like, come on. I, dude. But then you have to understand, this was also like peak mag con hell for me where like every single fan on earth wanted me dead. And so it was, that was in the video. The girl literally says, um, Oh yeah, you hurt my friend. Or like she said something about and I remember I was like, Oh, what the hell? So yeah, people don't realize that like, that was a very intense time on the internet. Did you ever see the video of these girls standing outside of, I'm pretty sure it was like, Oh my God. A mag con show. And literally this girl films and she goes scream. If you hate Madison beer and 500 girls just scream at their lives for my life. God, that time was like such an unpoliced era of like social media. Crazy. That's what I'm, that's what I'm saying is like, people don't realize that then that went viral and people were like, not being on my side at all. When I was genuinely just trying to confront someone who was being like really mean to me on the internet. And the story is me and that girl ended up talking. I see her out and about in LA to this day. No, you don't. She's a very nice girl. Okay. And like, honestly, we have no, no issues at all. We squashed it that day, no issue, but yeah, like in private, but even the, I was supposed to be in the video ever, all of my things on the internet were not received well when they happened. Right now we can all laugh. I'm laughing now. Yeah. But then, Oh, it was bad. Do you like, what did it feel like? Well, it was just really embarrassing. And I was like, am I literally queen of cringe? Like what is going on? And then it makes you also second guess everything you say. And yes. That's a huge issue is then I feel like it, it negatively affected my general life because I would say something like with really pure intentions, because even the, I was supposed to be in the video thing was so pure intentioned. I was just talking to a group of people and thank you. Next had just come out. And I was like, wait guys, like I have tea and that's what I really thought I was telling them tea. And it was like something cute. And I think that it, the hardest part of all of those types of things was having to be like, Oh wait, I can do something that I think is pure intentioned and fine. And then the internet can be like, Oh my God. She's so cringy and annoying. And then it makes me like question my personality. And it made me just be like, am I cringy and annoying? And is that who I am? And so I think that sucked. And I was really young. I mean, I was 20 when the video thing happened. And then I was like 16 when the other thing happened. So I feel like it's also like you're then talking and you're like, and you say something and then you think about how like it could be twisted or like someone. Yeah. It's crazy. That's not how we should be living. No. To me, that's just not conducive to society. Like, I feel like that's just not conducive to society. Like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. like and you say something and then you think about how like someone on tiktok or like someone yeah it's crazy that's not how we should be living no to me that's just not conducive to society like i feel like we should i don't know we should operate with a lot more like grace with people it's it's a scary time can you imagine if tiktok was around during the mac on days please i truthfully wouldn't be sitting here right now like i couldn't it was too much even when it was just like twitter and instagram yeah the amount of hate pages i had back then hate you had hate pages you don't understand i think there was more hate pages than there were fan pages and what i hate madison beer xoxo i hope it was like crazy it was crazy my mother used to literally this is crazy my mom used to find if someone had like a hate page or i'd left a hate comment my mom was so against the bullying that she would find the person and try to find their facebook and then like reach out to their parents and be like your child is bully good for her yeah no my mom was good for her well because she just would see how it would affect me and like someone and it was always an apology and it was always like well because of course yeah but i'm like your kid told my kid to kill herself and my mom would literally used to say that all the time and it was like 12 year olds it was literally like oh kill yourself what um whoa yeah my mom did not tracy beer does not mess around she was like i'm telling she was like i'm telling on you yeah literally that's what she said to all these kids did you get apologies ever you got apologies you said um i think sometimes people have honestly it's been it's been really weird in the last couple years people have actually come up to me and been like i just want to say like i'm so sorry i definitely like bullied you when we were kids and i'm like oh it's like you grew up together i know it is it really is it was like school it really was well because i also got pulled out of school in seventh grade so this was my like middle high school experience was the internet i got signed when i was 12 that's crazy sometimes i'll meet people like in my meeting greets and they're like i'm 12 and i'm like it's past your bedtime and then like oh my god i was signed you were a working girl what the hell i feel like you're very healed from that era thank you i try i feel like you are i think that like i really don't believe in carrying animosity or like being someone that just like seeds all the time like i really think it's not good for you and i think i'm someone who harps on things i spin out i'm like it's not good for me and i think i there's yeah there's so much i can sit here and be like this person did me wrong and this was fucked up and even all those kids who hated on me i'm like i release all of that i try really hard to like let go and yeah i just try not to hold on to things that don't really serve me and i think i have a lot of empathy for other people too maybe sometimes when it's not served but i'm like well you probably were hurting if you were commenting on my posts these things or whatever um but yeah i do think that i've healed a good amount as much as i can be i try to be like thankful for where i'm at and when i do have my moments of like whatever it might be um i try to just be like this is really good given what my situation could be if i hadn't done all this work you know right so yeah so you're like happy i am happy i really am like i think that i think that i have come into myself in a way that i think i'm really proud of like yeah cheers to that right eyes cheers i'm like trying not to whack the microphone out of your hand well congratulations thanks and the new album is fucking phenomenal thank you in the shower it's amazing wait my favorite angel wings fire yeah thank you are you doing it on tour yes i'm doing the whole album on tour um angel wings is cute too because it has like a really sickening visual that plays before it and then so okay i have this like it's to me like music box so there's a part where i come out of it like spinning for reckless and then there's also a part where it turns like this and it has a heart cut out in the front of it so i sit in the heart for angel wings it like spins me out and i'm like cutesy in the heart that's fun so yeah it's really cute but i love angel wings i'm glad you like that one fire do you have a favorite song to perform my favorite song to sing is my song envy the leaves which i doubt you've ever heard it's a very deep cut off of sounds i'm like which album is it on silence between songs and i just love it so much like i don't do you sing no not at all like i could give a note okay but like i just you know i'm like i could give you a note i feel like i i'm sure a lot of people who sing also can like relate to this where some songs just like take you completely out of your body and you just sing and you almost like you black out and you don't even know that you just sang a song that's what that song does for me and i feel like every time i sing it i just especially on tour i'll sing the whole thing and then i'm like oh the song's over i didn't did i even just say a lyric i don't know um yeah so i think that's my favorite it's just beautiful which song has like the loudest crowd sing back oh um maybe boy shit which is an old song but they love boy shit they love boy shit um envy the leaves honestly they love too because i think it's become like a fan cult classic vibe um i'm trying to think of what else gets always a big reaction reckless i think is it's probably i think it's my biggest song i'm hoping that make you mine gets a big reaction when they hear that yeah maybe bittersweet too yeah bittersweet is ending the show so oh really yeah and what's starting it yes baby fire yeah so coming out sexy mama and then ending on like a cute sweet note originally make you mine was ending the show and it just didn't feel bittersweet makes sense to end bittersweet feels like confetti in a song and i have confetti in it so i'm just like it needs to be something i can spin and like have a good time right you know i'm so excited i'm so excited to see the show you're gonna come to la i want to come to msg please that's the show to come to this episode of therapist is brought to you by booking.com booking dot yeah well it's officially summer it's summer and it's time to plan those trips and planning those trips means first and foremost finding a place to stay for those trips if you're going to see a festival if you're going for a weekend getaway you need to have a roof over your head unless you're going camping and booking.com provides the best resource for finding a place to stay because it allows every single person to put in their needs for whatever they need tub like for example in this episode of therapist madison says she needs a tub in every hotel room she stays in and you can put that into booking.com and find a place to stay and you can find a place that has a tub for your friend a shower for your other friend a terrace walkability you can really make a fully well-rounded trip on booking.com as you guys know on tour i'd literally end up in a city with nowhere to stay and matt would have to go on booking.com and type in every what everyone wants and we would find a place to stay find exactly what you're booking for at booking.com booking dot yeah book today on the site or in the app thank you seeking for sponsoring tonight's episode so not only is madison going on tour so is ariana grande so is charlie xcx everyone is going on tour again it feels like and the best place to get tickets for these tours is on sea geek also the world cup is in the u.s this summer to get tickets to the world cup you can do it on sea geek like they provide ticketing for any live event comedy sports music broadway anything you can get your tickets on sea geek when you go to the site and buy a ticket you will know that the seat is good and they have a rating system from one to ten one being not the best ten being the best so you know if you're like getting a good deal you can also use code therapist for ten percent off your order and if you click the link in the description and download the app it automatically applies the code therapist for ten percent off your order but we are seeing ariana this week we are so excited i would like to make it to a world cup game um as we all know nixon five the knicks just won i'm a basketball fan so when basketball season comes around again you can get tickets on sea geek like they really are just the best place to get tickets for any event that you any live event that you would like to go to um once again i'm a basketball fan i'm a basketball fan i'm a basketball Again, you can use code THERAPUS for 10% off. And if you click the link in the description and download the app, it automatically applies the code. Thank you again, SeatGeek, for sponsoring tonight's episode. Well, what are you therapist about today? Today? Today's a good day. But okay, let me try to channel some of my energy. Today is so far good. I woke up bad though. What? Okay, so can you answer first then? I had a dream that I broke every bone in my body. I have the worst dreams every night. And so, and I woke up and my whole body was so stiff and like- You were like, do you ever have that thing where you're like, am I broken? Yes. Was that real? Yes, I woke up and my back hurt and everything hurt because my dream- Dude. I had broken, I was at, I was with, I forget, the dream was weird. But I remember walking around with broken bones and then going to the Apple store and like not being, it was so weird. What is, what are dreams is the question. Right. What's going on? I feel like you're tapped into that. I am so confused. I feel like every time I go to bed, I'm like, well, we'll see what happens tonight. It's always something traumatic. It's always something horrible. I think I was like skinning someone last night in my dream. Yep. Legitimately. Well, you know, it's because the full moon- What is it? It's the full moon's in Scorpio. Okay. And so it's, that makes sense you're skinning someone because it's like- What? No, because you're like releasing, it's about, it's about unearthed stuff that you haven't gotten out. No, I think I just watched that like Ed Gein documentary and I think it just stuck with me. Yeah. So I think that might've maybe stuck with me a little too hard. I'm good usually with like- Scary shit. Scary stuff that I told everyone I would literally, when it first came out, this was a couple months ago, I would literally go up to people and be like, if you're considering watching it, don't. Wait, which documentary is it? I want to watch it now. No, don't. Like actually, I'm being so for real. Like I don't get easily traumatized and scared of things. Well, I get easily traumatized, I guess, but I don't get like freaked out by true crime stuff. This is like Ryan Murphy. If you're watching this, I'm scared of you. Oh, was it the Ryan Murphy one? Yeah. Well, you know how there was like the Menendez brothers? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like this was disturbing on a level that we don't need to see this. I couldn't watch the Jeffrey Dahmer one. See, I watched that one and it didn't like- Oh, I couldn't. No, the Ed Gein one is like way more, it's like way more like graphic. I can't even. Like talking about it makes me feel sick. But to piggyback off of your dream, I'm a therapist about my dream the other day. I literally had a dream that, and this is probably just like old stuff coming up because I had a dream. Tell me this has ever happened to you. I had a dream that my boyfriend was like being really mean to me. He's the, would never in a million years, but like in the dream, he was like being so mean to me. And I woke in the dream, I woke up and he was next to me. And I was like, hey, like, why did you, why were you so mean to me? And he was just still being mean. I was still in the dream. And then I woke up in real life. Oh, that's never happened to me. You've never woken up in a dream? No. Yes, and it's the freakiest feeling in the world. I literally was like, when I woke up actually in real life, he was, I was like, did that just happen? And I literally for 10 minutes didn't know if it happened or not. And then I was like- I've had dreams where I don't know if it happened, but I've never woken up in a dream. Well, I was like, it couldn't have happened because he would never treat me like that. But like, this felt so real, especially because I woke up in my bed, in my room. He was next to me and I was like, why were you doing that to me? And he was just like, I don't know, like whatever. And then when I woke up in real life, I was like, do I wake him? Like, I literally almost woke him. I was like, babe, like, I just had a really scary dream. So I think I'm just pissed about, yeah, my dreams like sometimes ruining my day. Yeah, ruining my day. But I'll fight with people about the dream. It's insane. It's insane how dreams, like, I'm just like, where do we go? Yeah. And I know there's like the scientific side of it, but I'm like, no, I'm living another life. I Google what the, I Googled what it meant when I, i broke all my bones i do i do it meant because i would woke up so stiff and i knew i'm so there's some things that i'm like so anxious about and i know like i just i knew what that dream was trying to tell me and i just was like not what was the meaning like what was it was just like you are not secure with you're overdoing it you're over doing the just everything no like you're overdoing the like you're working out but you're not doing it like oh yeah aren't you on like a yes i'm on like a health care wait how's that going it's it's good are you loving like the way you feel so yes but i felt really sore yesterday well of course and so i didn't realize i had so much weight to lose until i looked back at old photos and i was like wait i feel like i've never thought that once about you photos well okay i'll text you photos now i'm just invested no like but so basically that that's what my dream was about was about like just like dial it back a little i think i'm just like i'm overdoing it to the point where it's not healthy totally yeah i think that can happen for sure i'm working out to the point where it's like at this point i'm just moving you're just like exhausting yourself too yeah i feel like i'm i'm 27 now how old are you 26 okay oh so you're in your Saturn return yeah which is feeling good so far right i feel like you're having a pretty good one well i'm like i don't feel people like everything's gonna change i feel like sometimes i read that it starts when you're 25 for some people it does i think that mine like i think my whole world shifted when i was 26 like everything changed in a good way or a bad way in a good way i mean it definitely was like so much was changing and shedding and like it felt like everything was literally like turning um but now i feel like it all was protecting me and like it was all good things but definitely like intense i spoke to someone yesterday and they were like it can start with something in your body maybe that's why i had that dream because i'm like i'm like 26 i'm like having like stomach shit my bones are kind of starting to hurt and so i'm like oh this is the start damn i know see what i was gonna say is i i'm 27 now and i thought that by now i'd be like wanting to work out i hate working out i'm not one of those people well you look good i appreciate that but like i could i could be better and i'm just like i don't care well i care it helps your mental it helps your mental people say that to me it really does sitting in my bed helps my mental i like to sit in my bed or my bathtub you like a bath you hate a bath i hate a bath you get hot i get hot i'm like get me the fuck out of here really fuck yeah now i'm a really i i love a shower love a shower as well like it's not like it's not like the bath it's different you don't take a bath to like at least for me i'm speaking on the on you know for the bath community but like i don't take a bath to get clean necessarily sometimes i'll even shower and then take a bath right the bath is really just a place for me to feel safe and secure and warm and i sit in the shower that's my thing i sit in the shower too i sit i like i'm aquatic yeah water signs what oh is it okay so is or do we like water i mean i think so like i love a body of water yeah i probably loved the womb yeah probably i like to just be in yeah warm warm water you'll be touring in europe like tell me why like i watched the matrix and he's in that like big like vat of goo and i was like oh my god i'm so excited to be in the water and i'm like oh my god that looks so nice you know i'm like i'm into it so yeah i think i'm i think i'm a little bit weird about it like on tour all my hotel rooms have to have a bath oh really not negotiable okay you're like meredith marks okay do you watch housewives no she's i said okay i don't know who that is infamous do you watch vanderpump rules no i don't that's her favorite show of all time okay do you want to sit in his seat really quickly so we can talk she's like obsessed with stassi like please i can't no like is it that good stop if you like housewives forget it to me it blows out of the water there's no comparison like you're gonna freak out okay but what is so good about it i'm honestly like we need to do a part two to this podcast after you watch vanderpump rules i think i might start it tonight on my on my flight the sickest show of all time yeah what's so good about it i think there's really you're like let me tell you yeah no i'll sell you on this like there's no show that is also following this friend group from like their what like early 20s they're like actually friends right well okay so they all worked at sir together sir or yes sir mike sir pump there's so many of them um they all worked at sir they're all like bartenders and stuff and like wait wait staff whatever they all work at sir and that's lisa vanderpump's restaurant yeah yeah so they just it's like the show was originally just following the kids that worked at her restaurant because they're so drama obviously but then it like it totally exceeds the sir storyline like it becomes so much more about like their dynamics right so many new characters come in it's unbelievable i've seen every episode oh really oh yeah i the only thing i've watched from it is the season with scannaval well that's how i originally got into it was i watched scannaval and then i said i need to know the whole tea like obviously it was crazy even if you don't know anything but i'm like i need to know i need to watch the dynamics i need to see like you can watch when tom was cheating on ariana with raquel like in real time like when they were they don't like cheat on the show but you can see them interact and you once you know they were cheating then you look back and you're like oh my god it's like obvious like you guys are like flirting with each other you're like looking at each other there's one episode where tom like grabs raquel and is like um he says he like squeezes her hand right next to his girlfriend i'm like you're sick are you jewish yes okay yeah i'm like i'm getting i'm like i'm not understanding you can hear it too no it's it's my friends will trip out to me because i'll meet someone out in public and i'm like oh are you jewish no again i'm like oh where did you grow up and they're like where'd you go to oh i know four people you know and then yeah it always happens and if if you don't know like the jewish geography game it's unbelievable to you i love it i love to meet someone where i'm like you don't think we have a connection we do yeah where you grew up in jericho right i grew up in jericho yeah long island and yeah all my friends either went to like wisconsin michigan or did you ever visit them i went to michigan yeah when i was not went to for school but i went to visit um in their freshman year well frat boys are really scary yep well yeah didn't know that you know really scary there was a lot of like um i remember like a lot of beer being like spun oh i love that and i was like whoa this is crazy and i was very i've never even been to like prom or homecoming like i've never done anything so i was into a few usc tailgates i did go to usc a couple of times and i i had friends that were in lambda chi and it was fun what was it called the atrium atrium stop it you know like stop it was fun i was also like 19 so i was i well i guess that is how old you are in college dub but i feel like everyone that i was friends with was older and so i was kind of like i felt so cool and i would wear the little like usc and then get the the window above the atrium you can look out i have videos that are gonna blow your your mind right now i want to see them spraying champagne out of the window it's so fun the best ever i honestly have this weird thing where i'll are you very emotional like do you cry a lot i don't cry but i'm very like sensitive okay same i literally can't watch college football games because i will literally cry because i feel like i really missed out on a fun part of my life i barely went to any games but it seems so fun it was it was i know i know and i feel like i really missed out on like a lot of stuff i mean granted i was doing pursuing my dreams like i'm grateful for what i was doing but i feel like people don't realize like that's something i'll never be able to get back it's like those college years there it was there are certain moments where it's like you wake up and it's like it's 8 a.m we're pre-gaming yeah it's fun like i never got what she got like she went to bama and like i never got that college experience see that sounds so fun it was yeah i know my goodness the best time of her life summer camp for me was that it was exactly i also stopped going when i was 11 so i'm like how many years that i really have but also like you get to i was like in la at 15 to sold out crowds of thousands of people of course but i'm like i should have yeah i do also sometimes feel socially a little stunted because i didn't go to high school or college really yeah i feel like i'm really awkward sometimes i don't think you're awkward at all really at all i feel like every conversation i enter i leave being like oh my god i well that's normal really for me we're doing for us yeah i feel like i am oh wait i don't know and sometimes i feel like i am hard on myself because i don't do well like in party environments for a long time i think you're harder on yourself maybe i don't know if i'm reading into this because you grew up on social so intensely so you like you view like conversations like everything feels like was i just what i said like normal in like is that you know what i mean feels normal nothing feels normal is what i'm trying to say yeah and then i'm like why is it 10 p.m and i really want to go home always are you like an isolator i stay i stay well when i because that's like a problem for me where i'm like oh you smoke weed yeah when i'm smoking weed like a year ago oh really yeah like fully quit because it's just i had one night where i was like oh my god i'm gonna die one day and be in a coffin forever yeah didn't love that thought when i was stoned so then i said i'm gonna put that down i stopped for nine months then i started again i probably shouldn't be doing it but like there's like five or ten minutes where like my creativity hits like the biggest peak and i'm like i feel like when it's good it's good when it's good it's great or when you're also around really funny people and you're just laughing so hard like some of the best nights of my life but i just think my brain is too wired i feel like my brain sabotages itself well me i guess like it i feel like i'm always like okay don't think about this one thing can't help it right of course like when i'm on a plane i'm just like picturing it going down like i'm freaking out always you guys prime day is almost here which means it's time to get those shopping carts ready and press add to cart because the savings are big okay if you know me you know some of my prime purchases have genuinely altered my life for example Uh, I have a beard trimmer that I got on Prime Day that, like, saves my life when I don't want to, like, fully, like, close shave. I just want to do a quick little trim. I know it sounds silly, but it's really helpful. I got a new computer on Prime Day last year. I get some of my pillows on Prime Day, like, some blankets, like, anything that brings me comfort and convenience, I get on Prime Day. Also, my portable charger just gets me through my life that I got on Prime Day last year. So, in honor of Prime Day, we will be doing a special Tell Me What's Wrong segment where I will be prescribing special Prime Day deals to help you solve all your problems. I love my boyfriend, but he sleeps with his eyes open, and it's terrifying. Every time I roll over, I see him just staring blankly, and it freaks me out to the point where I can't go back to sleep. Can I train him to stop doing this? Unfortunately, no, you can't. But what you can get him is a special silk sleeping mask that he will want to wear. And he'll put it on, and he'll never want to take it off. And then you'll never have to roll over to your boyfriend. With his eyes open again, because his eyes will just be open under a silk sleeping mask. I recently started therapy, but I have this problem where every time I go into a session, I literally forget everything that's happened to me or anything I was upset about during the week. And then I feel like I have literally nothing to talk to her about. What do I do to fix this and get the most out of therapy? I would prescribe a cute, nice journal that you can get on a Prime Day deal to write all those things that you might forget down. So that when you go into therapy, you can come in prepared. I lied to a boy and told him I read a bunch of books that I never actually read. And now I'm panicked he's going to ask me about them. I really have a hard time reading, but now I don't know what to do because he's the hottest guy I've ever seen. And honestly, I feel like I should start becoming a reader anyway. I completely understand this. I sometimes lie in courtships all the time to make the person like me. But the good thing is that what you lied about is fixable. All you need to do is get an e-reader on Amazon's Prime Day deal. It makes reading so much easier. It makes reading like more accessible to a more digital centric mind, if that makes sense. Okay. Time is now. So everyone adds a card because these deals were worth the wait. Shop Prime Day, June 23rd through 26th. Are you a bad flyer? No, I'm like, you need to give me like a dose for a horse. Yeah. And it's still not working. I'm like, sorry, that's what this is. You're like, ma'am. No. Yeah, I am out. I did ketamine therapy. Okay. Please. My best friend loves it more than anything in the entire world. She says it changed her life. Okay. Tell me, did it, is it? How many times has she done it? A lot. Okay. I've only done it three times, which I think is like, I thought that was a lot. And what, what, what's the, I'm scared to do it. You should be because honestly, and okay, I'm not also anything I talk about regarding like medicine or like therapy, you have to remember it's like from my experience. But that's your journey. I feel like we need to allow people to like talk about their own medical journey. But I'm just saying like, you can't take what I'm saying and have it be like, oh, I can't do it. Like, this is what happened to me. I really enjoyed it. And I feel like it was very transformative. And the women that I did it with are incredible and like so beautiful. And they just like made me feel so safe while I was in it. Like loved it. Thought it was amazing. I think afterwards I felt really sick and nauseated, which is fine. And like, that's not a huge deal. Mine. I think I had a lot of, I was going through a really intense breakup. And so I was just like, I need something like bigger than talk therapy because I just was feeling really rocked. Like in a way that I didn't feel I could recover. From without some extra help. And my friend had done it and she was like, I really recommend it. And she had gone through a really traumatic, like breakup and whatever. And so I was like, you know what? I am, I'm also really into mental health and like self-help. And so I'm like, I'll just try it. And if I hate it, I'll never do it again. Like what's the worst that can really happen. Um, and I fully left my body. I don't know if your friend says this. I can't do, she does. Yeah. Like I was not in the room. I can't do that. Yeah. I was like, that bugs me out. Like, she's like, oh, I travel continents. Yeah, no, for sure. Like not even continents. Like you're not, you're not on like any type of fathomable, like you don't have an existence. Like I kept saying, I'm it's everywhere-ness like when I was really high, I would say that. And they're like, yeah, honey, it is. And like, it was just very, like the only way I could describe it is you go fully internal, right? So I'm like, basically here, let me paint you the picture. Also you could do it in this room. Cause like I had plushies all on me, like weighted ones, the juice, did they give you juice? No, my friend goes to, they give her a little juice. Little juice boxes. What? Oh, I was robbed. Yeah. I didn't get no juice box, but I was laying there and I was just like, okay, here we go. And then you start to just obviously feel it. And I am a talker. I just love to. Yeah. Run my mouth. And so I was just talking and talking. And then I didn't want to put the eye mask on because I'm also a bit scared of the dark. And so I was like, I don't want to put the eye mask on. I don't want to be wearing headphones. Like I need to feel like I'm still in this room a little bit. You get to a point where you like can no longer talk and you no longer can participate in like, see anything. I don't know how to explain it for me. I fully was like, okay, time to put the blindfold on because it's almost more comfortable to not see because there's so much happening in the room. So I put the blindfold on, I laid back and I feel like I went fully into my own like soul. I don't know how to explain it. And there was just no, I had no ability of knowing that I was in a body or that I was myself. You don't really have thoughts, but you're kind of just, I don't know how to explain it without sounding insane. I'm not sold. It's a very, I wish I was told how intense of an experience it was going to be because my friend who told me it was like, oh, it's just like, yeah, no, I'm like, babe, I astral projected. Like what do you mean? It was chill. Like I w that was not chill at all. And also you think it's like 10 minutes and it's three hours. So that was a, it was a crazy experience, but I do think it helped me a lot. I think it helped me specifically with my death anxiety because it made me feel like I can be detached from my body and it's not such a scary thing. Okay. Yeah. So it did help me. I will give it a go. Like you're leaving. Yeah. My body. I'm letting Hashem take the wheel. You're going. Yeah. Full blown. All right. You ready to do the, tell me what's wrong. Tell me what's wrong. It's so cute. I started dating this guy and he's great, but he works way too much. Like all the time. The only time I see him is in the evening, but the sex is good and he pays for everything. I like legit have nothing to do during the day because he takes care of me, but I'm starting to get uncomfortable with how comfortable I am. If that makes sense. Yes, it does. And you need to watch Real Housewives of Rhode Island. Is that all? That's all you have to say. That's all I have to say. There's a little girl on there. I don't know her name. I forget her name because it just started, but she has this sugar daddy pay for everything. And. So is this giving sugar daddy? I mean. It didn't sound like that to me. But it sounds like he just works during the day. But my advice to this person would be, I don't think you should like your whole life shouldn't revolve around him. You should have like something to do with yourself also during the day. Well, that's what is happening on the Real Housewives right now. She's like, I feel like I'm going crazy. Well, yeah, you need to like your relationship should be a huge part of your life. But you should also have like things outside of it. You should be self sufficient. For sure. Make your own money. Well, that's why I'm like, don't even though he's taking care of you, don't you don't want to rely on anybody. I guess. Especially, man. No, never. And like you need to like you're like you need to God forbid something happens like you need to. You need to be OK to be alone. Alone. For sure. For sure. So I would watch Real Housewives and maybe also read. Have you heard about the book? What is it? Strangers. Strangers. Yeah. But that happens. This woman is like yours. It's about this woman. Her husband leaves her during covid for another woman, and she has to be like completely financially independent. And it's like horrible. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like horrible. She has a horrible experience. Yeah. OK. Oh, yeah. That breaks my heart. I know. It's really sad. My friend read it. She couldn't stop crying. Yeah. She said everyone needs to read it. Is it true? Is it true story? True story. Oh, my goodness. I know. He literally like. It's like a deep end with euphoria. Yeah. Well, because isn't it? It's airing right now. Right. Yeah. But Cassie and Nate's wedding just. Yeah. But I thought I was gone. Like, I thought they lost me. I really thought they lost. I'm sure they know how to suck people back in. I watched the last. It was first episode. I was like, OK. So can you give me a brief? Like, what's going on? Because I know. The only thing I know is that Cassie and Nate were cheating on Maddie. Like, well, Nate was cheating on Maddie. That's like the only thing I know about the show. Maddie goes to their wedding. Did you watch Cheated Rivalry? Sorry. Of course. Yeah. But yeah, go ahead. And like, it's just like really like they put the actors like really put on a good show. Like, they put on a great performance in my mind. Like, Sydney Sweeney. What? What was she doing? Sobbing. Blood. Screaming. What? Blood from what? Nate owns. Nate owes people money. Oh, so they came in like beat. Yeah. A lot. Yeah. Well, they beat him up and then she gets hit in the crossfire. It's like insane. Whoa. Yeah. Are they supposed to be like adults now? How many years later is this? That's my thing. It's like, they're like, this is post grads, but we left off when they were 17. It's like, are we 10 years into the future? They were 17 in Euphoria? Yeah. No. 16, 17? That is not how 16, 17 year olds act. They were not. I know. I know. But now I'm like, this is not how people act post grad. So I'm confused. They're supposed to be 22. Now? Now it doesn't make sense. Are you sure about that? They should have been 22 in the first season. I thought it was wow. Yeah. They jumped five years. Right. Or like 20 or something. Oh, gee. Yeah. But I'm back. I'm like, really like. Were you obsessed with Hated Rivalry? It sent me into like genuine psychosis. Me too. I remember life before and after. I was like, oh. No, me. Like, it changed me. But I was like, wait. My friend was like, please, please do not watch it until after New Year's. Because that era of like, or the area between Christmas and New Year's is so dark, especially when you're like Jewish and you're like, what the fuck, what am I fucking doing? Yeah, I know. And like, I was like, I watched it during that time period and I was like stoned all day. And I was like, oh, this isn't, I can't do this right now. This doesn't help me. Have you met any of the actors? No, but are you like more of a Connor or, you've met all of them? met yeah then they're so kind so lovely i think i'd like not be able to act normal around i did of course i did i would not be able to act normal i watched connor in a movie before he did rivalry came out this like gay movie called riley and i remember seeing it and then i saw you do robbery and i was like oh this guy looks really familiar oh my god because i saw him in this movie that's crazy yeah every time i'm hungry i want to break up with my boyfriend but as soon as i eat something usually oreos i'm fine again this has happened with both my ex-boyfriends and i don't know what it means help i don't want to ruin relationships over dumb shit like this anymore i hate oreos are we being serious yeah was that for real yes i don't think that was for real i mean i think she's joking you think you're hungry so you want to break up with your boyfriend then there's a deeper problem happening there right deeper okay and also i'm i'm an oreo here's what how i'll eat an oreo i hate oreos i'll only eat it if i like soak it in milk for and it gets soft i can't eat like a hard raw oreo is not for me it makes me sick to my stomach are you like a chocolate chip cookie i like a sugar cookie you know what i love a shortbread cookie have you had a shortbread no i don't think i have the way okay are you a sensory like big sensory person too like enough like i'm like i can like my house i'm like i've got slime i've got all those puppets like i love love all that stuff um anything sad like i ordered a cat brush off of tiktok shop the other day because i was like this cat brush looks like it's going to change my life i did it oh absolutely and my cat loves it it but things like that i'm obsessed with why did i bring this up because you're talking about oreos oh and i brought this is also what happens to me my brain just goes dark and i'm like wait wait i was talking about something don't do this to me right now shortbread cookies they have this way of like you bite into them and they almost get like soft but i don't know how to explain it i know what you mean it's like hard on the outside soft like you know some things that you want to just chew on like are you a chewer yeah yeah sometimes like is there stuff that you're like i just need like i'm like that with bottle caps like i need to chew on a bottle cap okay sometimes with like i like ice yeah but i mean more things that you shouldn't be chewing on like i'm trying to think of a good example like my sleeves or like my yeah but i chew on like plastic things that are like you shouldn't have those in your mouth i'm trying i can't think of an example right now like there are certain slimes that like are crunchy that i'm like oh to bite into that would be oof it would change me right but i just can't do it i feel like the closest you can get to biting into slime is when you're like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god is whatever they have that at pinkberry the um oh yeah oh so good so good i think that's just melted crunch bar really that makes me like it even more yeah i know amazing that makes me like it even more incredible what's your favorite frozen yogurt shop in the world in the world yeah there's a spot in long island called 16 handles that i think i knew you're about 16 handles best best fast 16 handles is the best in la i really like go greek yeah but they just opened in new york really yeah and i'm so excited to go i'm gonna go tomorrow yeah are you going to new york yeah i'm so excited to go i'm gonna go tomorrow yeah i'm so excited to go i'm gonna go tomorrow i'm going tonight oh wow i know thanks for doing this um you know i love a 16 handles i go cake batter and then i put that the fucking cake batter 16 handles so different if you know you know you know yeah and then i do the little mini reese's peanut butter cups and they get frozen oh i like the reese's oh my god so anything reese's i love i love peanut butter and then i do the chocolate crunchy stuff on top oh 16 handles is the best so good like it's so good i hate frozen yogurt that just like is well i guess go greek is that but it's like so healthy i'm like no like it needs to still taste good yeah i used to not like go greek and then like my taste buds changed and i was like oh i really like this go greek i like if i'm in the mood for something like refreshing and tart okay that's what i go to go greek for if i'm in the mood for like ice cream well no if i'm in the mood for ice cream i go to like ice cream shops yeah are you a soft serve person or like a soft serve love soft serve always soft serve is that an east coast thing though because it is all of my friends from the west coast like when we walk i this scared me walked into an ice cream shop with my friend the other day and there was a soft serve like whatever the brand is that we all love with you can get the chocolate vanilla swirl yeah and she chose to get like the hard ice cream yeah and i was like i'm a little scared of you right now like what and she was saying the same thing about me she was like girl what like it's so much better than soft serve i'm like no it's objectively not up for debate like i'm not having this conversation with you are you a sprinkles person sorry this is no this whole podcast is me rainbow sprinkles have you been to emac and bolio's no what is that oh my fucking god it's not soft serve it is hard ice cream but it is the best some hard ice cream is good but if i'm given the option of soft serve or like what is hard ice cream even called like we're calling it hard ice cream just normal ice cream i'm going soft serve always no question always like the fact that that's debatable is it's easier to lick it's easier to eat it's better it's better it just tastes better thank you i was pushing my friend around in her temporary wheelchair while she recovers from a broken leg one day we're out in the campus village and ran to lost in our ways until the guy started yelling yo yo yo i turned around and she was rolling down the street hill headed for the intersection we caught up to her in time but now she won't talk to me because i put the guy first and almost maybe would have got her more hurt please give me a clever way to apologize so i can break the ice oh my god she almost like regina george it's not your fault oh my god it's not your fault i am so male-centered like i would have been like ah you're out all right i'm like wait no it is not your fault like if you're talking to a guy like that becomes like it really it's just it's sometimes it happens to me it's like i'm like oh my god i'm it becomes your whole world and like you don't notice your surroundings for sure when i'm having a conversation with my boyfriend my hair could be on fire and i wouldn't notice of course like literally of course but of course to be honest with you i he's like the first person i feel that way about really like kind of like i feel yeah like i can be literally like i the world can be ending around me and i wouldn't know well that's oh which was kind of cute i didn't even mean to be cute that's cute do you feel like finally like secure totally i think that like it's just so mature i guess if that's the right word like which i'm sure obviously comes to the age but i think that i also am at a point in my life where i'm like what do i really want for my like future right do i want to just like fuck around forever like no i don't like i know what i want and i feel like that was also really big with us meeting like it felt like he was i don't know like he just came into my life at like the perfect time where was your first date dude literally at my house because we were just like scared to go in public yeah we were nervous when did you guys like debut publicly sounds so silly but like our debut yeah it was like in august which dude this was such a crazy situation because literally i we were just trying we weren't trying to keep it private because we cared it was just more so like for us it just is a lot to i don't know we just were like let's especially when you're first with somebody and dating them you don't want to like publicly be out there and then what if it doesn't work out like a month later so i'd rather it be really like serious at that point so i think we just were like we don't need to be out in public and like you know we we have no problem sitting in my kitchen and talking for eight hours so like what we don't need to like go do things and that day was literally a my album photo shoot and he was just there and didn't know there was a paparazzi outside and what's so crazy is we weren't even ever meant to go outside we were only ever meant to shoot in the house and randomly the photographer was like that the how the wall outside is really cute we should just shoot there i have these like big angel wings on uh-huh it's ridiculous and so we nothing came of it and then the next morning my i well the next morning i see the photos and no one has clocked him yet no one like it's all just my fans being like madison's shooting something because i had angel wings on so like oh my god she's shooting me for album so no one had said anything and then my friend who is in a chargers discord like he's literally in he's a huge chargers fan he's in he's like what is this and he like sends me a screenshot of it and he's like i just got this got put in the discord and like people just realized that that's justin and i was like this is i knew any second of it and i was like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so and it was about to like go everywhere and i was just like oh my god and it was fine i don't we weren't stressed about it and now we've like obviously just embraced being kind of like public but it's just when something's so sacred you just don't want to throw it at yeah not getting in the hands of other people yeah i'm like it's this is for us this is our thing and i feel like we've done a good job now if like we go out and people see us but we really are homebodies and like we don't really leave the house that much and i think that's been really good but yeah when it first came out literally it was he was also um i was gonna say rehearsing i always say i always say rehearsing and i always call his outfit his costume because that's just like how my brain is like yeah it is though i'm like what else am i doing it's not they're practicing it's rehearsing rehearsing costume it's all entertaining you can say your last whenever i say that but he like he was on the field when the news broke and so i was i was worried he was gonna be panicked because he's i was just like i'm scared and so then yeah he he called me right after he got off and i was like hey public boyfriend and he was like hey public girlfriend yeah it was fine like i think we were both nervous the other day and i was like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be nervous the other day and i was like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna yeah it was fine like i think we were both nervous the other day and i was like hey public boyfriend was gonna be like spooked by it right we both were like whatever yeah we're in love so star sign totally we're very similar which i think has also been something i've never been with i feel like i've always been with people that i feel like i've always been like oh well we balance it's like no we are like so similar and it's been so awesome not about me but my best friend and sister's husband was showing me wait not about me but my best friend and sister's husband was showing me stuff on his phone at a family gathering and while he was and while he was he opened up snapchat and was showing me memories mind you he's 32 the real red flag was like he had hundreds a hundred snaps and conversations with people this freaks me out do i tell my sister so she's just freaked out that he's 32 and snapchat well yeah i'm like i was waiting to hear that like he was snapchatting other girls but he just has memories and he was just showing you them i'm guilty of that i'm like a camera roll shower me too if we hang out i'm like wait look at this one video of me from seven years ago it's so funny always or i'm like let's look at my tiktok likes i know - My memories on Snapchat, I'm like, I'm sorry. but we are kind of getting like to the age where maybe it is embarrassing 32 is crazy okay yeah we're not that age but yeah well not that 32 man on snapchat is crazy sorry no offense to him yeah well you know what always tell me if you were like this i don't know if this is because i didn't go to high school but i never like communicated with people on snapchat yes i talk about this all the time people like talk solely on no i i was i message and i would send photos back and forth on snapchat like streaks whatever fine but like i know i think it's like the generation under us like kids that are like 21 now yes they legitimately talked only on snapchat also they have like two million snap scores and i'm like what it's crazy i've had my snapchat for like 10 years and mine's not even like a hundred and they all snap maps it's fucking wild i can't with that like i have mine's never been on my snap map no what are you doing it bugs me i do i find my friend are you a tracker yeah but i got a new phone and i can't try like she keeps trying to track me and it's not it doesn't work yeah yeah i love i love a find my find my friends yeah me too i i used to be the biggest i have so many people doesn't work my only the only one that can track me is my best friend alice and she's like able to track me for some reason and she keeps trying it doesn't work it drives her insane because she can't tell when i know i i need tracking yeah it saves me me and my best friend were walking home from the bar and took a shortcut only wait wait we didn't tell that girl what to do tell her sister did we tell she i mean tell your sister what i would just drop it also though like tell tell your sister that he's on snapchat i'm sure she knows she knows she knows yeah she must she must anyway sorry i just realized we shouldn't tell you because this one's crazy i got like i'm scared take it is really crazy me and my friend were walking home from the bar and took a shortcut only to stumble across a dead body laying there in the alley we were so freaked out we just screamed and ran but now we're feeling hella guilty about just leaving it there and not reaching out where are we a part of a crime now that you just read this out loud did you just think it's too late to call it in or should we stay out of it well by the time this episode comes out i really hope hello what but i would have definitely if i saw a dead body i'd immediately call it in hello i would hope any when i see a dead animal i call it in yeah like legitimately yeah i have a problem with that what you call it sorry now i'm just like wait let me like this is the confession thing i like need to tell you it's a thing no i like roadkill is a really like sensitive topic for me like i am like it ruins my day when i see roadkill it really really upsets me and i i don't always call it in but like i saw a dog recently oh i would have called that in and i got out of my fucking car and i literally was on the side of the road like moving him out of the street oh god and i was just so upset and then i well i called it in also because i was like this could be it looked like it looked like someone's dog it was horrible oh god sorry not to like ruin the mood but it's so sad like i don't know i just also i think it pisses me off that i'm like so many people just drive by and like don't do anything like i don't know i try to give them like dignity i've buried roadkill on the side really yeah is there a lot of roadkill in long island um way more here really for sure i've like barely ever seen any in long island okay yeah which you would think it'd be more because yeah for some reason it just seems less like this is more interesting no i see roadkill all the time in la and well that makes really sad well i buried a squirrel the other day and it was i felt like i did a good thing you touched it with i had something on my hands like i had a t-shirt like i wrapped my hands in a t-shirt but i fully brought him he was he was laying in i'm assuming his gender was not cool he was laying in the road though and he did he looked completely untouched but he looked untouched squirrels are boys they are right squirrels are boys there are some animals that are inherently i think yeah obviously duh ladybugs are girls yeah all of them girls butterflies are girls for sure butterflies are girls girls are boys dogs are boys usually for sure it's all the ones that like aren't cute are the boys what are octopuses octopi i think they are gender neutral they are well what the hell are we talking about i don't have the dead body we got well that is insane and i lie probably oh we're doing my roadkill yeah why did i bring that up well why do i do that it's okay what madison what did we learn today that we both suffer from ocd yeah that we both need help um and that's pretty much what i that's my main takeaway yeah but you know what that i'm not alone no you're not i'm not alone and you're happy you made me feel a lot more like i'm the things that i struggle with are actually really Yeah. I'm so happy you left feeling that way. No, for real. Well, because I feel like sometimes I think it's a very, like it's an isolating feeling when you're like, I, there cannot be that many people that are this like cuckoo. Yes, OCD is very isolating. Well, I feel crazy a lot. And I'm like, well, especially because I feel like I suffer with like anxiety and then all this stuff. And so you've definitely made me feel less alone in that. Wait, and also the deluxe of your album will be out at this point. Oh, it would have been out. Yes. I'm so excited. Did you get to hear any of it or not yet? No, I didn't get to. Okay, okay. I'll send it to you. Send it to me. I love it. It's short. It's only, it's only four songs. That's a lot for a deluxe. Well, I'm also just like, they were the four songs that I loved. So take it or leave it, honey. Congratulations. Thank you. I love you. I love you. I hope this is the start of many. I'm so glad that we did this. I know. Yeah, after you watch Vanderpump Rules, we'll do- Another one. Yeah, I'll sit there and I'm going to interview you about what- Honestly, yeah. So wait, which Real Housewives should I watch? What's the most important? Salt Lake is the greatest. It is? It's the best. Like, I need a lot of drama and gossip and craziness. I promise you Salt Lake. Okay. Promise you. And you better trust me. I trust you because she's also like, you have to watch it. This is a show. Yeah. Okay. Okay. You vouch for Salt Lake too? Then I'm doing it. Salt Lake's amazing. Okay. Madison, good luck on tour. Thank you. Congrats on the deluxe. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Bye, pussies. Thank you.