Session 117: Ben Marshall

[MUSIC] Brett claims she told me that she was going to Korea. You never told me you were going to Korea. >> I'm really sorry, I really thought I did. >> I'm so jealous. You know Brett's going to Korea? >> I've never heard of this. >> See, thank you. >> I'm really excited. >> You did me. >> Hell yeah. >> Why did you? >> I told Manny I had to have told you to. >> Are you excited? But I'm a little bit anxious because it's like I have to go home first and then to Korea and then straight to Austin so it's just like a little bit much. But you know what, you do that shit all the time and if you can do it, I can do it. >> I can barely do it. >> I know, but if you can barely do it, I can do it. >> [LAUGH] >> Facts, facts. >> Like what have you been like googling stuff you want to do? >> Yeah, we've been looking because we have two free nights. >> You're going with Hannah. >> Yeah, my sister's coming and so on those free nights we want to go to like good restaurants and we're going to wait, you're going to die. 90 minute Korean head spot treatment and color analysis. I'm going to get my color sun so I'm going to officially know my season because I never fully know. I definitely know blue is in there but I don't know what it is. >> What would you think mine is? >> I feel like you look good in like, I don't know actually black. I think black is definitely in yours. >> Really? >> I feel like and green because green brings out your eyes. >> I always get compliments and green. >> Yeah. >> What do you think yours is? >> I mean blue has to be in there. >> I think blue, I think blue. >> But then remember randomly senior year, I discovered I looked good in orange. >> Yellow, yellow, orange, I think orange is the color of the summer. >> Yeah. >> Do you think I said that too prematurely? >> No, I think you kind of have to claim stuff now, like in April. >> I'm claiming that orange is the color of the summer. >> Hell yeah. >> I'm claiming it. >> Yeah, it definitely is up there because I got orange little jelly slides, gifted like for summer. >> Ooh. >> Yeah, and that was after you said it. >> Well, you heard it here first. >> Just saying. >> Are you watching imperfect women? >> No, are you? >> I started it, but I got a bed in July V, so I clunked. >> So it's like so up my alley. I just don't think because I've been like so in the world of the pit. >> Girl, you work at that hospital. >> No, like I am right there with Dr. Robbie. >> Yeah. >> You work at that hospital. >> Yeah, and I've never seen you feel this way about a show. >> No, I feel so passionately about it, and it's just this season. It's not, I like it a lot, but a lot of people don't like it as much as the first season, but like some people are being like too harsh. But I'm really upset because my favorite doctor is being like written off season three, which like is really upsetting. Dr. Mohan, is her name? >> There is a real, real pit fandom. >> Big. >> Yeah. >> So it's like a community. >> But it is, but like it's like I'm on pit Twitter, but some people take it too far. >> What do you mean? >> Some people like there is this article that came out and it was like maybe I forget what a publication, but it was, I don't know if it was legit one, but it was like the pit fans, the pit super fans are proving that like you can be bad at watching TV because like basically like they're saying that there's like, they're shipping like Dr. Robbie, the main guy with this like other male Dr. Whitaker when like it's just like. >> I'm Whitaker. >> Yeah, yeah. Whitaker is the one people think you look like. >> Yeah. >> But I can't judge because I'm a heavy shipper of Melingden, which is Dr. Mel, do you watch? Do you agree or no? >> I disagree. >> Okay. >> I mean, I see it more as like a father, daughter. >> No, they're flirting. >> You think? >> They flirt. >> You think? >> Yep. >> I'm King and Dr. Frank Langdon and I love Dr. Langdon. A lot of people don't and I understand. >> Who does Noah play? >> Dr. Robbie. >> Got it. >> He's like main guy. >> And he's on for season three. >> And Dr. Alhaximi love her down. >> Okay. >> She's new in season two. >> Okay. >> It's just like I just love the show so much. >> You know what else you love? Is it the stranger? >> Oh, strangers. >> Strangers. >> Strangers by Belbertin. >> Yeah. >> Yes. >> Let's talk about it. >> Because I got through one chapter and then Coach Alhaapen, so I'm sorry, but I couldn't get through it. And then FameSek came out by Lena Dunham, which I actually, I have to read it. >> I want to read it after you. >> It was like making me feel, I was like, oh my god, this thing that I want. >> Yeah. >> It is so not it. Like she's like, she writes and she's like, my name. >> Is it about like her not wanting to be famous or what? >> There's so much more like nuance to it, like the way she introduces it is like she talks about how she was given her name. And the name then became something outside of her, kind of in a very Taylor Swift way. And it's like, and it became, and then she ends with, and then it became a punchline. And then, so the book is about, she has dealt with a lot of health issues, right, as sort of her name became, like, as she became famous. And so her body, kind of, like her body's health, kind of coincided with this. >> Yeah. >> This, like, fame. >> Yeah. >> So I think that's why it's called "Famesec." >> That's very profound. Oh, wow. >> And I started reading it last night and it's great, she just is, I mean, she is the voice of our generation. >> She's so talented. >> And so I'm going to read that. I'm really, really excited about it. I'm going to read it on the plane tonight. >> Mm-hmm. >> Oh, I keep reading or leaving. >> I know. But then I'm going to read "Strangers." Because I was- >> Strangers is also just such a quick read, like, I got through it in a day. >> Well, so can you tell me, you said you believe everyone should read that book? >> I think everyone, especially every young woman, every woman period, especially young woman, whether you're in a relationship or not. Because I think it is such an important lesson of, like, so many girls, they- and this isn't anyone's, like, fault in particular, but I feel like so many young women, like, they view, like, marriage and, like, whatever, like, a husband as, like, a finish line and whatever. And, like, while it's great to have that partnership in life, like, you truly never know, like, down the line, 10, 20 years, like, what's going to happen? And I think that it's just, like, a really good lesson for girls to read and to, like, understand. And I really admire Belle for being so, like, vulnerable and telling her story. Because also, it's, like, this stuff happens to so many women and, like, no one really talks about it. Because there's this weird shame around, like, your husband, you know, leaving you. That, like, people don't really talk about as much. >> I mean, you cried. I cried multiple times, especially at the end. I was, like, holy fuck. >> Okay, I'm really excited to read it. I think I'm in my reading era. >> And it's being turned into a movie and Gwyneth is going to play Belle. >> Done. >> Yeah, sick. >> Gwyneth can act down. >> Yeah. And honestly, she doesn't do it enough anymore. >> I think she's just, like, she doesn't when she wants to and then, like, Gwyneth is, like, always that girl for sure. >> Because she's, like, yeah, because she, duh, I mean, queen. >> Yeah. >> And she lives in Santa Barbara. >> She lives in Santa Barbara. >> Gwyneth is your north star. >> Yeah, I'm obsessed with her. >> Like, I'm obsessed with her. >> Like, that is your north star. >> Like, her and, like, talented Mr. Ripley, I'm, like, yeah. >> I've never seen. >> Oh, you should watch. And it's young Matt Damon, so, like, it's giving Max. >> There's a lot of, Max does look like him. Have you ever seen it? He does. >> One of his hinge problems was that award I'd win is Walmart, Matt Damon, look, like. >> So, I wonder where he did you guys met on hinge? >> Beyond, and I love talking about it. >> I hate when people are, like, trying to, like, do mental gymnastics about, like, what we met on hinge by, like, duh, duh. >> No, you met on hinge. >> You met on hinge and, like, yeah, period. >> End of story. >> Yeah. >> I just went to Coachella. >> And you had the best time. >> You infamously hate Coachella. >> Yes. >> I actually think if there is an artist that you would like to see, if you have a simple way of getting in and out and you just see that artist, you will have a magical, wonderful, beautiful time. There is a certain, like, ethereal feeling to seeing an artist as the desert wind is, like, blowing in your hair. >> Yeah. >> And your look, it's music festivals are, like, God's gift to this green earth. If you do them, the way that your body and your mind wants to. >> So, that's my thing. It's, like, I don't disagree. It's just, like, I love you all down, but, like, how you guys do Coachella? >> I see not my journey. >> Right. >> I don't want to be out till 6 AM. >> Right. >> And, like, that's just me. So, like, if there was at least one other person there. >> Max. >> Yeah. Yeah. But, like, maybe, maybe in the future, I'm, like, never say never, I just, like. >> I mean, quite literally. >> Funny. >> Yeah. >> But, if there were a year that, like, I mean, I would have loved to see both Sabrina and Justin. I just was, like, I just know it's not my journey. >> Yeah. >> I don't disagree with you. I don't. >> Yeah. >> It's very cool to see them, like, it's like, oh, my God. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> What are you doing in Austin again? >> Run club. >> Oh, jealous. >> Yeah. >> Oh, well, I've been doing 5Ks. >> Yeah, you have. >> And they make me feel amazing. They really set my day up for, like, a beautiful day. >> You should run at my New York one. >> What is it? >> May 30th. >> I'll be there. >> Yeah. >> Wait, I'll be there. Oh, my God, that will be so fun. >> Yeah. >> That will be so fucking fun. >> It's going to be fun. >> I don't know if I can say where we're doing it in this, but it's going to be a cyclical case. >> I'm going to be so excited that's going to be amazing. Oh, my God. >> And I've never done it. >> The fighters are going to show up. >> I know. I think the turnout's going to be awesome. >> Oh, and a pop-up bagel after? >> Yeah. >> Pop-up. >> Can they bring back your smear? >> I know. They really showed, especially because they're opening in Chicago. >> Would you call it a smear or a butter? >> It's a butter. >> Sorry. >> It's okay. >> Fight. >> Fight. - They opened in Chicago tomorrow. - We need the dessert bowl butter brought back. That shit rocked my world. - It was really good. - It really rocked my world. - Yeah, yeah. - What should we do for the rest of the day? - I don't know. I literally bricked my phone so I would like stop scrolling because. - My thing is if I read right now during the day, I will fall asleep and I can't do that. It really puts me to bed. - Yeah, I know, but isn't that nice? - Yeah. - Or do you not like it? - Well, my struggle with reading is my OCD and it makes me reread certain lines and it's so hard and it's like it really fucks my shit up and makes reading so much more difficult for me. So I'm really trying to push past it. - Yeah, 'cause it's so good for you. - It is so good for me. But I think also when I was reading "Famesick," I was getting a little bit of anxiety. Just because this thing that I've glamorized in my head so much really isn't all that glamourous. And Lena Dunham writes about it in such a profound way that it's undeniably not glamourous. And I think it was just, it was making me feel like, what are my values? Like what do I want? What do I, you know, and so I'm like anxious to read it, but I know I have to because she speaks genuine truth. - Yeah, that's deep. - I'm very hungry. - What are you gonna have? - I don't know. - I had my tequitos yesterday. - I was fucking gonna ask if you had your tequitos. I was gonna have them. - They, I think I want you-- - That's her day. - It's probably before flight now. - No. - No. - Sounds awesome, I know, dude. But I, okay. - You always regret it. - Wait, you know, Cassidy eats your polling silence. Do you know this? Like she'll be like, oh, I just, like she'll sit down somewhere and we'll be like, what do you do? It should be like, I had to pollay. When I have to pollay, I tell everyone. - You do. You always make it a thing. - Yes, it's like, it is a thing. - It is. - You tell everyone, how big your polling is a thing? You're like, I had to pollay today. - Yeah, you're right. - And Cassidy, like, does it in silence? - That's kind of crazy. - It's crazy. Very Gemini of her to have Chipotle in silence. I always, if I'm having Chipotle, I am having Chipotle. - Yeah, you always, like, sit down. - I need a support, I need a support system when I'm having Chipotle. I really do. Tonight, we have on Ben Marshall from SNL who is just incredible and so funny. And it was such a fun episode to film. And I'm so excited for you guys to see it because he is the best. And he has best friends with Paul Briganti. - Love. - Which is how we got connected. So thank you, Paul. Okay, well, I love you, B. - Love you so much, bye, Pussies. - Enjoy the episode, love you, Pussies. - Hi, Pussies, welcome back to Therapus. Today, we have on SNL cast member, Ben Marshall. - Hello. - Hi, Ben. - Thanks for having me. - You're welcome, you're looking fitted up. - Whoa, thanks, Jake. - Did you get styled for this? - No, these are my own clothes. - Stop it. - Do you get styled for your Pods? - No, never, but I mean, do you see? - Fitted. - Fitted. - Thanks guys. - Do you love fashion? - I like fashion, yeah. I feel like I've been getting more into it. My friend who works at Nike sent me these shoes. - Hi, I want the little diapers. - They, okay, well, you can't say that. - I got the diaper 3000's on. (laughs) - Wait, are they released yet? - We're probably the same size, right? - What size of your feet? - 13. - No. (laughing) - What are yours? - Eight and a half. - That's better than I thought. - 13? - Yeah. - Is it hard to find shoes? - No, 13's kind of the cutoff. After that, it gets hard. - Are you like a solid 13 or have you ever been like these 13's don't fit me? - No, I'm a solid. Well, I mean, sometimes I'm 14. - Is that what you mean? (laughs) - Yes! - I'll talk about whatever, I'm an open book. - Oh, really? - Yeah. - Oh, you came to New York for college. - Yes. - From Savannah. - Yeah. - You're from Georgia, sorry. Can we pick this up? Jake wouldn't let us talk before this started. - Well, I just wanted to save it. - I am from Georgia, I'm from Atlanta. - Savannah, cool. - But my sister went to SCAD. - Oh, really? - She's been a lot of time there. - My high school was like SCAD's high school. Savannah, arts Academy. - Did you ever consider going there? - No, I wanted to get far away from Savannah. - What's your favorite? - What I love it now. - What? - What's your favorite thing about the South? - It's a very slow pace. I like that. Like the warm weather. - Do you do like that? You work at SNL. - Yeah, but I guess I like to take a break and do that. But then after a few days, I do start to lose my mind. - Okay. - Right. - Yeah. - Do you live alone? - I do. - You do? - Yeah. - Do you like living alone? - This is how it always is. (laughing) - It is. - Okay. Yeah. - What did you think this was going to be like? - No, you do not listen to Marcello's episode. - Oh, you listen to Marcello's episode, okay. - Yeah. And I'm also here to promote Marcello's stand-up special. - You are? - Yeah, check it out. - Check it out. - American boy streaming on Netflix. One shirt, six shows, one shirt. - Yes. Do you remember that? One shirt, six shows, that is really crazy. - Yeah. - Would you ever do a stand-up special? - I don't really do stand-up. - Neither do I. - Don't you? Didn't you start? - No. - What are you guys talking about? You're doing a live show. - I do like a live show. But I wouldn't like offend stand-ups like that. - What do you do? Do you bring people on an interview them? - No, I talk about myself. - So stand-up. - But it's like not stand-up. - Right. - You just wanna stay with microphone and it's just you. - I will, like honestly, I've been seeing some videos from Tore and it's like, I can't believe you let me do that. - Oh, I can't believe you. - It's really hard to watch yourself. - No, life. - It's a little different with me. Like, I used to get, what would I do? - I think you need to tell Ben about how you made everyone. - Oh, I'm not ashamed of this. I would make everybody, I would make everybody. Like one of my actual favorite bits was that I would make everybody because like when I go on the red carpet, like no one knows who I am. So they like take like one photo and keep it moving. And like I would make the whole audience like put their flash on and like take photos of me. As I walked up and down the stage and I would make them do it twice. I call it last looks. - Interesting. Is that so you could just get it out of the way so people don't have their phones out? - No. - No, you just wanted this. - I was in Houston and I was like, you know what would be fun? You guys, 'cause you don't do stand-up, but like sometimes like during a live show when you're really like, you feel it with the crowd, like you can kinda just be like, fuck around a bit. And I was like, what if you guys like all took photos of me right now? - Totally. - Yes! - I feel like it worked. - I feel like I've done that. I do an improv show with Mike Proveglia and the other guys and please don't destroy it. And we tell people that you can only post a photo if you say it's the greatest improv show you've ever seen. - And do they listen? - It's usually not. - I want to see you do improv. - Do you ever do improv? - Well, no, but I'm not bad at it. - I don't think you would be. - I'm like pretty good at it. - Yeah. - What's like an improv game that you play? - No games. So how do you improv? - Like scenes like long form. - It's so nerdy. - We ask if anyone has any like real gossip that they're going through in their life and then we improvise based on-- - Oh my god, what? - This would be my bread and fucking butter. - Yeah, you should do it. - What? I want to do this. - Do it whenever. - Really? - Yeah. - Are you lying? - No. - You should absolutely do it. I don't know. It's on Mondays monthly at UCB. - Okay. - How old are you? - Guess. - I actually think I know. - How old are you? - 26. - Yes. - Wow. - And I'm happy I didn't drag that. Like I normally drag it. - What do you mean? - So like I'm normally like, "Guess, blah, blah, blah, blah." Then I like go on this whole thing. So like I'm happy I just let that one go. But yes, I'm 26. - That's really young. And you're so, you have your whole life out of you. I'm 30. - I know. - You don't look 30, by the way. - Don't go, I know. - You really don't, do you get anything done? (laughing) - I just got neck botox for the first time. - Did you really? - Yeah, and yes. - Wait, what does that do? - It's titans at masseter. So like they do it here, here. And they like squeeze your veins and like do it. So like I can't really go like this. Yeah. - Wow, why did you feel like you wanted to do that? - Because Louise was like, "Do you want to come get an awkward gold facial with me?" And so I was like, "Wow, she's like it's amazing. "Your skin's glowing and by the way, "my skin is glowing." - You look great. - Thank you. And so I got the awkward gold facial and then I was like, "Wait, let me just like, while I have you guys "ask you about this, like thing that I've been wondering." Like, you know, I feel a little insecure about my chin, like my jaw, and they're like, "Well, we do have masseter botox here." - Wow. - And I was like. - That day, they just did it? - Five seconds later. - No way. - In my neck. - Okay, I would do that. - It was free, it was her friend from college. - Peppa. - Connect me. - Do you want to go together? - Let's do it. - You're not going to get botox for me. - Wait, you, your team asked me if I had like some special place that I wanted to record this episode, like a restaurant or a bar, did I make or something? - We wanted to make it special. - And then I proposed that we go play basketball together. - Why would you propose that? - You didn't, this didn't even make it to your desk? - No. - You didn't hear about this? - You guys just shut that down. - Were you going to go to a basketball court? - Yeah, I probably would have. - I think that would have been a really fun, unique episode. We're playing basketball with all my friends. - Who are all your friends? - A lot of people currently on SNL play basketball. So I play with Tommy Brennan, I play with Cam. Where did we meet? - We met. - And now. - Yeah, after party? - At Glenn's after party. - Yeah. - Right? - I think so. - And I said you know Paul. - Yeah, were you with Tape McRae? - I was. - Yeah. I remember that. - And we came up to your guys' table. Said hi. - Am I doing a really bad job on this podcast? - No, this is fun. Are you guys having fun? - Okay, okay, okay. - Like do you feel weird that they're sitting on the floor? - No. - I've been sitting in the shower lately. - Have you? - Yeah. - Really sad. - Really, I laid down in the shower last night. Layed down. (laughing) - Yeah. - Never heard of anyone doing that. Unless they're severely, severely depressed. - I don't think I'm severely, severely depressed anymore. Am I? - You're laying down in the shower. - Yeah, because the water pressure feels so good. - Okay. - And I'm gonna see an Ariana Grande. - Okay, so you're having fun. - Do you let's have an Ariana Grande? - I love Ariana Grande. - Do you really? - Yeah. - What's your favorite Ariana Grande song? - Thank you next. - Classic. - Classic. - What type of music do you listen to? (laughing) - You're having a feeling you're getting frustrated with me. - No, I'm not. What type of music do you listen to? - I listen to a broad spectrum of music. I was very excited when Geese got on the show. I know like, classic. - Makes sense for you. - quirky white boy behavior. But. - Yeah, I like that one song. - Which one? - Taxes. - Great. - I know you weren't expecting me to name a song, huh? - No, I was. - Okay. - I don't know. What kind of music do you listen to? - Pop. - Pop. - I love pop. - And like singer songwriters. So anyone that like writes their own music, like I will, like I, I've been listening to Radiohead recently. - Cool. - I know. - I know. - You're really like proud of yourself. - Yeah. - That's cool. Yeah, I've been listening to the new Harry Styles album. I like it a lot. - Whom you just kissed? - Yeah. - What was that? - Did you listen to the album? - Yeah. - Did. (laughing) - I did. - Keep that all thing, please. (laughing) - I just haven't had the time. - It's okay. It's okay. You're not expected. You don't have to do everything. - Oh, I like it. - All the time. - You're like Broadway. You have a hit podcast. You're 26. You just got a new apartment in New York. You're wearing a cool watch. (laughing) You have a lot going on. Do you know what I realized last night? - What? - When you're an adult, things just happen to you. And then like two days later, you realize that they happened and you're like, holy shit, I can't believe that happened. - Give me an example. - Like I got ghosted while I was filming a short. And so like, I couldn't really like give it the attention it deserved as I was filming the short. And then right as the short was wrapping, this background doctor named Joy grew her own weed. She was like 70 or 80. She had like this backpack, she was pulling out. Like I'm not kidding. And someone grabbed me my phone. Like I need to show you a visual on Joy. - Okay. So you got ghosted. You're doing short. - So I think it's my final scene for the short. - Yeah. - So I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna smoke Joy's joint. - Totally. - So I go outside and I'm like, Joy, I'm gonna go smoke your joint. She goes, okay, only take two hits. Like this is the tsunami. And I said, okay, like whatever. So I go outside and I hit it like four, five or six times. So I smoked and then it's the dumbest fucking story ever and it means nothing. - What happened you got too high? - No, I got high and I realized, oh my God, when you're an adult, you really don't process things for days. Like as a kid, like you process things in the moment. And I am processed that I got ghosted for two days. Then when I processed it, I was like, this is really sad. - Yeah, it's like a delayed, like you know when you work out and then sometimes you're not sore the next day but you're sore the day after. - Yeah, do you work out? - It's like that. I do. - What's your favorite workout? - I don't know, playing basketball, probably, which is why I wanted to take you to play. - I mean, I will go with you to play. - Let's do it. - Okay. - So you live in LA now? - I live both in LA and here. - Wow. - Look at you, you're doing it. - I'm trying. - How do you? - Thank you. - Are you? - I really am. - Okay. - I feel like you're in such a fun, exciting place in your life. - Oh, it doesn't feel that way. - It doesn't know. - You're 26, when I was 26, man. - You were doing, please don't destroy on SNL. - Yeah. I had just gotten hired. It was like the best and I was having so much fun and everything was like, I don't know, I feel like 26, which is a fun time. - So what are you therapist about today? - What am I therapist about? - Yeah. - Honestly being old. - You're not old. - No, no, but feeling old. I'm like, I was just thinking about the pandemic being six years ago. - No, I'm thinking about that. - You made me so upset. I'm feeling old. I have sisters who are still in high school, half sisters. - Okay. - And I was just hanging out with them in Savannah, Georgia, where I'm from. - Do they think you're so cool? - No. - What? - I mean, maybe, I don't know. - They definitely do. - I think they like it. It's fun, but they're also like, like they think I'm unk, and I'm chopped. (laughing) And I'm, you know. - What is that even me? You know, what is that? Is that what people say when they're old? - They're like six, seven, unk is chopped. - No, well, you know there's a new one. - What? - 41. - What's that? - That's not new. - Why do you know about that? - What is 41? - No. - 41. - That's what they do. - Eight, six, seven, 41. - Do you think I'm, I'm chopped unk? - No, do you think I'm chopped unk? - No, Jake, I keep telling you, you're 26. You're the whole life out of you. I love you, man. - I, you know what, man. Like I actually, I love you too. - I love you. - I love you. - I don't know why we're fighting. - No, we're not. Can we make up? - Let's make up. - I went low. - I went low. - Okay. - You know what I think the problem is, I didn't speak out loud before this today. - Okay. - And so I think I'm just shaking the rust off. - No, shake it off. Like we have all the time in the world. The watch fell off. - Oh, put that shit back on, is that vintage? - Yeah. I wanna put it over there. - No, no, keep yours. Keep yours. Do you wanna trade? - Should we trade? - Yeah, absolutely. - Okay, so let's, do you have a lot of your collection? - Yours is gorgeous. I want this one. - I will trade in a heartbeat. - How do I put this on? - How do I put yours on? That one got kind of fucked up. You kind of have to. - Or did you get this? - Jake. - No, and let me see it on you. - Jake. - Oh, it looks amazing on you. - It's stunning. - Will you put this on me? - Yeah, so, okay, here. Let me fix it and then I'll put it on you. - Ooh, this looks really good on me. Will you put it on upside down? - Oh, I'm sorry. This is stunning. - Jake, wow. - Look at us. - I think we should trade. - No. - God, we haven't said one thing we can keep. - We really haven't. You should have said I don't. I said to you before this. Do you not want to talk about anything? - Totally, and I was like, I'm an open book. - Yeah, that is what you said. - And so far, I haven't said anything. - Okay, so should we just start this all over? Okay. This is so cool. - Hey, Jake. And I love your watch. I can't see up on it. - Thank you so much. - No, it's under there. Do you like mine? - Yeah, it's great. Looks cheaper than this one. - I don't know, it's vintage. - Yeah. - But I get that with looks vintage too. - This one's gorgeous. - Possibly from the year 1994. - Is that true? - It looks it. - Yours, you probably haggled for in the Diamond District. - Is that what you did? - Yeah. - And you got this? You haggled for this in the Diamond District and you got this? - Well, I mean, yeah, I just, I bought it and I was kind of negotiating with the price. - Where in the Diamond District? I want to go. - Like right by 30 Rock. They have like a bunch of watch places. How was the Broadway show you did? - It was great. - I can't believe I haven't seen it. I'm so embarrassed. I am like the biggest Simon Rich fan ever. - Yeah, he's awesome. - He's amazing. - He's awesome. - He would come back and be like a guest writer when Mulaney would host. And he's so funny and so nice. - It was like the best experience in my entire life. - Really? - Yeah, it was really like the best experience of my entire life. - Wow. - It was so cool. - Did you learn so much? - Really? - Like so much. Like from Ray Romano to like the way he like, he's so like smart with like how he like works a crowd. - Did you like study acting or anything? - No. - No. - I did an acting class in college and I was in my senior year play and I was in my sixth grade play and my eighth grade play. - No, that's a lot. - Yeah, so I guess somewhat. But no, I didn't study it. I studied it by watching television. - So you learned a lot from Ray Romano? - Yeah, like a lot. Like for every night before the show he would wait by the monitor. - You remind me of Ray Romano. - No, I don't. (laughing) And the thing is I said no, I don't, but I thought you were about to like double down. - Oh, you wanted me to go. No, seriously, listen. No, you don't at all. So he would wait by the monitor every night. Like, there was like a monitor. - That shows the audience? - Yeah, no, that shows the show. - Oh. - But we would be off to the side. - Yeah. - And there were certain cues he would wait for and like depending on how loud the. Cheer was and he like rated the shows each night. Oh, wow. He was a super specific and technical About like how hot the crowd was like how yeah, like how much to give and like wow If they were and if someone would step you on a line, he would say you like like he was very specific Whoa, that's really good. That's awesome. Yeah, he's awesome. Who else did it? Nick Ron and Johnny Slate. That's it. Yeah, it's us for who's just the four of you Yes, and the and the so cool and the band Lawrence. It was really fun. It was really fun It was like seriously like I felt such a sense of purpose and I can never see it Did you film it? Yeah, I'm sure they filmed one of the nights. I would love to see it Sorry, it was really really fun and and and when like we and like sometimes we'd have like a night where like we would just go like Completely off-scrapped really and it was really fun. Yeah, it's the best. It was just Louis saw it eight times Really was it different every time or you got kind of sick of it? It was like it was The same every time but the improv was always a bit different like I still laughed every night. Wow That's cool. That's the our live shows are kind of like that. It's like I want to come I want to do it I think we're doing some more of this summer You should come. Oh no I mean like that. Please don't destroy live shows where we're doing like sketches and touring and stuff So you do tour and you do do live shows, but I don't do stand up like solo. This is about my life Like me Martin and John do like a live sketch show. How do you guys mean? College John and I were on the NYU sketch group hammer cats together and then Martin and I were doing open mics So you did do stand up in college But you said you've never done stand let's let's check the tape back. He didn't say that No, I did I did in college and I'm kind of interested in doing it again. Should we go to smoke likes? I would go with you That would be fun. Okay. Should we go together? Yeah, we have to go together. Let's do it And we just get up there and by the way as two people who are like in comedy like, you know You wouldn't classify me in that genre 100% Thank you, you wouldn't a lot of people wanted. I think that if me and you were like we're gonna start doing stand up And we start sending each other jokes and going to open my schedule that could be really fun and really good for you like Fucking with me not at all. I Have your number. I have your number. So what are you watching on TV right now? I don't really want I feel like I'm saying that kind of answered all your questions. What am I watching? I'm gonna really ask myself Have you seen the show hijack on Apple? Idris Elba? No, but I've heard it's great. Oh my god What's it about again? On the first season is him dealing with hijackers on a plane and there's a season two and then season two The end of the first episode is I'm hijacking this train and he's the hijacker my girlfriend and I watched together and Joke that we don't remember one single piece of information that's being communicated Do you ever do that? Do you ever just watch TV like it's just colors and sounds and you're just like? But you're not taking in any really mm-hmm. I love TV. You watch Survivor. No, I just started really So much well, I'm not gonna like watch all 50 seasons. Sorry. Yeah, I'm just watching season 50. Do you watch SNL? Yes When was the last time you think you watched a full episode of SNL? Like a full full full episode. Yeah ever. I watched the Glenn one. I was there. Oh, yeah What do I mean at home at home? I watched the con our story one you did the full thing. Yes, oh great Super fun episode love him. Yeah, he is so nice. He rocks. Yeah, was he just a pleasure to work with oh my god the best Oh, he seems at he was awesome Hudson was really cool - oh, yes, he was there. Okay, so but like to recap We have basketball plans We have basketball plans. We have improv plans. Yep. We have open mic plans. I say the way we should prioritize these things Is that open mic comes first of course? I think we will like what should you drink? Yeah, that's just drink. Yeah, and do it seems fun Yeah, it seems so fun So like what but do you are you gonna prepare jokes or like do we just go up and do it? No, I think yeah I think you got to prepare jokes. So how would you prepare a joke? I don't know I'd probably look at all the notes in my phone I have like do you write jokes on your phone? No, I write stories in my phone and I have like a whole that works I have like an album of photos called stories. Should we pull up a good story or joke from our phone? Yeah, it's okay. Oh, this is this is somewhat funny. Okay, so what's your story? When I was back home in Savannah watching March Madness and my dad he just kept going That's a big boy How big is that boy? Wait, sorry, I thought that was what you know what March Madness is. It's the basketball tournament. Yeah, and my dad would just keep looking at like players and being like Big boy. I feel like dads love how big big guys can be oh, so you're making the joke Oh, cuz now the joke is coming oh, I see oh my god. I love how the okay Wow, because now the joke is like I feel like dads. Oh, oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's really beautiful Crazy vibe between us Jake. Okay, so someone once messaged me on Grindr saloo Sava cuz I was in france france and I responded cover oh And then now's the joke. That's what you did that's what you did to me Someone once DM me hello. I deliver semi trucks across the country and I have a YouTube travel channel I have countless stories of my travels some are met in the coffee pot of Echnellodge waking up to an electrical fire in my room paying 1,000 per night for a room for just a few hours if Y'all are interested I'd love to have a call to see if we would vibe on an episode. I think you should do that. Oh, this is my favorite. I got in random DM I stopped everyone from saying fuck Jake Shane at Harry Potter and the cursed child tonight by the way Why was that even happening? Oh my god No, I never respond. I think I may honestly might have I'm gonna reach back out to her because why was that? He was it was on the precipice of happening the whole crowd wanted to say fuck Jake Shane and Harry Potter. Hey guys We shouldn't we shouldn't seriously. Isn't that crazy? Harry Potter and then to tell you that like you'd be happy like I mean like I laughed for sure But I've never it was one of the more wild DMs. I've ever received you get wild DMs Try to look at my deal. I don't know if Instagram blocked. You have Instagram blocked. Yeah What do you mean you use the brick? I have an app that blocks social media and then you can like snooze it and then but every time you do it It takes longer. So it's harder and harder to do Nothing so what's your favorite restaurant in nothing even like you don't want to just say like oh, that's interesting Favorite SNL's get you've ever done Were you in the haircut one? Yeah, love that one. Yeah, I like it. Actually so funny. She's incredible That was a great one and then I but I broke I broke in that sketch during dress and then they posted that online Does any of what I'm saying mean anything to you during dress rehearsal during dress rehearsal? I started laughing I didn't see that okay because I saw the final Three-side versions is amazing Well, was it like to work with Taylor Swift? It was amazing. Were you like oh my god? I can't believe I'm working with Taylor so I could not it was it was like maybe five weeks into me working there Four weeks and I was just like What the was that when she was promoting red Taylor's version and she did all too well. Yeah We have a new sponsor Venmo, thank you so much Venmo for sponsoring the season and this episode It is festival season officially and we are all Paying for one another paying each other back and Venmo makes it easy to do that You might be paying someone back for a drink a hotel room a ride Close whatever it may be the Venmo debit card makes it easy to spend that money the other great thing is you can earn always on Cashback with Venmo stashed rewards you just pick a bundle of your favorite brands and you earn cashback whenever you spend with them It really is super useful and incentivizes you to use that balance in your Venmo account You can also add your Venmo debit card to your digital wallet and we all know We love to tap and pay. It's especially great for festival season when you don't want to bring your wallet in Have the chance of it getting stolen and all you need is your phone to just tap tap tap tap tap and pay for things that you need and Have your Venmo debit card on your phone It is really one of those inventions that just like you're like, oh this makes so much sense Why wouldn't there be a debit card for me to use my Venmo balance learn more about how to get the Venmo debit card at Venmo calm / card the Venmo master card is issued by the bank corp bank in a Venmo stashed bundle terms and exclusions apply max $100 cashback per month see terms at Venmo dot me slash stashed terms Venmo check out not available at all merchants Thank you again Venmo for sponsoring this episode. Love you guys This episode of Therapist is brought to you by bokeen.com bokeen. Yeah Festival season has begun. I just got back from Coachella and I had The best weekend of my entire life so much so that I kept looking around and saying everyone We need to start planning to go to another festival and bokeen.com is the place to do that It is very hard to find the perfect hotel room the perfect house for you to stay at but bokeen.com calm makes it easy because if you're traveling with a large group of people, everybody has different needs. Shower, tub, swimming pool, whatever, how close to the festival, if you put it all into booking.com, they will find you that perfect place. And like, really and truly, like, going to a music festival, like, that's the closest I've never felt magic like that in my entire life. And like, to be able to have somewhere, to not worry about where you're staying, is a key to that magic, I think. Knowing that you're going home somewhere that you're comfortable in, is a key to being able to experience whatever trip you're on, whether it be solo, whether it be with friends. And I think booking.com really just wants to make sure you experience that magic, so that you have, and just make sure that you have a place to stay. It really is like the easiest. Also, if you want to rent a car, you can do it on booking.com. You can really round out your whole trip and experience on it. It's trip season. Everyone's talking about wanting to go somewhere. Booking.com is the place to find somewhere to stay. Find exactly what you're booking for at booking.com. Booking.com, yeah! Book today on the site or in the app. I don't know what I expected for this episode. I'm now like scared. Scared for who? Both of us. Me too. I wonder what people are going to think when they listen to this. I'm going to go, Jesus, Jake's always, you have a podcast. You do this all the time. People love the show. You're so good at conversation to have somebody on who it's just coming to you. What it is? You know what it is? You like to talk shit? You like to talk shit, and that's, and I like, and I like to talk shit, and that's what we both want to do right now. So we're scurrying around the fact that all we want to do is gossip. Okay. I guess that would be fun. Just to talk shit. Yeah, I would love to hear about it. Keep making plans for outside of this. Like if someone listens to this, like what, like a fan of yours who doesn't really know me, oh, it's a guy from us. No, interesting. I wonder what he's like. You know, they're going to click on this and they're going to go, the fuck is that guy's problem? No. I don't think so. Can you help? You know what? Maybe we could have like a drink. I have no drinks. Cool. I have no food and I have no drinks. I have Celsius and water and pretzels. That's okay. You want a pretzel? I'm okay. Okay. Thank you. Okay. Do you have ADHD? No. Do you? Oh, yes. Okay. I just thought maybe we both had it and that's why this was happening. No, but you're, you're very anxious. Very. I'm very anxious too. Like how does your anxiety like work manifest? Um, very physical, very like stomach aches, sweating, I get vertigo. Oh, you do. I get dizzy. Yeah. Oh, I feel it in the back of my neck. Really? I feel like my mouth. Sometimes I do too. Yeah. I feel it in my gums. Yeah. Me too. But I felt, I feel it a lot in the back of my neck. Right now. Do you? No. Okay. Me neither. So maybe we're not anxious. We're fine. I think we're fine. I think we're both like really worried about making a good episode. Yes. Coming off. Great. Yes. And we just need to just be ourselves. Let's just be ourselves. So who is you? I'm Ben. I am from Savannah. Georgia. I'm a, I like, I work at SNL. You are a ginger. I'm a ginger. Proud. Proud? Do you want to have ginger babies? I'd be fine with it. What do you think is the most, what do you think is the most misunderstood thing about like, gingers? I don't know if there's really anything to like clear up about gingers. I think we're not all the same. So I can't, I can't speak on behalf of anybody but myself. Um, I hate being short. Really? Hate. I hate it. How tall are you? Yes. Five, six. What? I'm five, three. Oh really? Yeah. Oh. Do I give off like tall energy? I don't think five, six is very tall. Okay. Wow. You're five, three. Yeah. Six, five. I know. Wow. Maybe that's what it is. They're just like we're so uncomfortable in our height difference. Yeah. You're like over a foot taller than me. Yeah. That is pretty crazy. Wow. Okay. Why do you hate being short? Um, yeah. I just, I feel very stalky. You have legroom on planes? It doesn't matter. I'd rather not have the legroom and feel better. Yeah. So you never gave me your favorite restaurant in New York. It took me a little while. The burrito plays, fuck yeah. You dead. Well closed. It closed. So what's your favorite one that's open? Oh my god. You need to chill out. There's a place called El Mi Tote that I go sometimes. It's good. I don't know. What type of food is that? It's Mexican food also. Is that your favorite type of food? Um, yeah. I like it. Have you ever been to ABC, Cocina? No. Oh. Still good. Where is that? East. I like food, but I don't know much about like rest. I'm like not tapped into the scene. Okay. So let's get into the tummy. What's wrong? Shall we? Yeah. Oh my god. Like, are you going to leave here with like scary? Yeah. Me too. I like, I'm like, what, what are we going to do? What's wrong with us? I don't know. Is it my fault? Or is it your fault? I'm going to blame you, Jake, but I am saying stuff and you're going. Really? That's what I'm doing. You've done that a bunch. You're like, as if the answer I have I've given you is not satisfactory. And you're like, okay. So your favorite restaurant is this Mexican place. What do you get there? Why are we talking about this? Because. We're like two hours into a podcast. Why are you guys in my favorite restaurant? We have so much in common. There's, we have. What do we have in common? We have. Okay. Paul. We have so many others. Marcelo. Marcelo. Who else? Veronica. Love her. Kyle. Kyle. Who else? Glenn Powell. You guys are buddies? Are you? Yes. Yeah. Is he the best? He's really great. He's the best. I was just in Savannah and he's shooting a movie down there. Yes. The country singer. Yeah. Yeah. And I think I'm going to try to see him when I go down there for my sister's graduation. Have sister. Yeah. Were you like a good student at school? I was a pretty good student. Like what was your GPA when you graduated? In high school? Excluding AP's. High school? Yeah. Probably 4.0. You're lying. What was yours? Maybe it was a lie. Look, I don't know. A's. I got A's. I got why I was really bad my freshman year. Because I didn't like understand the concept of having like. Because my middle school didn't grade us. Oh. Like we can get grades. We got like behavior grades. Uh-huh. And then. So I didn't really like once we got to 9th grade. Like I couldn't pick up on the fact that I was getting like legitimate grades. Now like I like in middle school, I just wouldn't do my homework. Right. And then. So I really struggled. And then. I got back on track and I had like a 4.0. My 11th grade and 12th grade. Whoa. And you went to USC. I read your Wikipedia. I wanted to go to USC so bad. And I didn't get in. So you're smarter than me. I didn't get in time. Why you? Really? Yeah. I cried. When you didn't get in. To USC. Isn't that embarrassing? No. I thought I didn't get in. My door man was. I was in LA. And I was calling my door man because the, you know, you get the package. Yeah. And I was like, did anything come in the mail? And he was like, no. And I was like, cool. So this is really bad for me. Because it was the only place I wanted to go to. And look at us now. Do you feel like we're like invisible stringing? What's that? Like, to each other and to friendship with each other. What does that mean? It's like, we've gone down such different paths. But I feel so, like, kindred spirit with you. We're like, we're mirrors of each other. A little bit. Yeah. Like, I'm short. You're tall. Yeah. Yeah. We're, we compliment each other. Like, you didn't get into USC. I didn't get in 10. Why you? Yeah. You're on SNL and I'm not. You're 26. I'm young. I'm chopped. What is chopped. Ugly old guy. That's what that means. I think, right? Yeah. What is that from, like, Fortnite? Is it? Oh. Oh. You watch dreamers? No. This is my sister. My sister's who were in high school. Or the ones who were calling you young. They say you're young. Yeah. That's a joke. Yo, you're young. Yeah. What was like a term in high school that you used? Swag. No. For real? It was the Swag era. I graduated in 2013. Be like, that's so swag. I guess we used lit. Oh, lit is worse to me. What? Swag is I, I'm like, I stand by it. I guess so. I mean, it stands the test of time Justin Bieber released two albums named after it. Yeah. So I called Harry Styles Swaggy earlier. In person? In person? No. You were in the bathroom. Oh, okay. It's moments like that that are the problem, right? Right. It's like what, I don't have anything to say back. Or is it that you just think I'm being uninteresting? No. I think you're very interesting. Okay. Do you want to play the game where we can see if we can say the same thing at the same time? Yeah. Because I've done this before. Mind meld? Mind meld? Is that what it's called? I think so. Okay. Yeah. We'll one, two, three, and then we'll do it. I feel like I'm reheating my role model nachos, but. Ready? Yes. - One, two, three, candle. - Oh, sorry. (laughing) - It came fast. So we're just going from anything. - Okay. - Okay, ready? - One, you have to say it with me. - Yep. - Okay, do you have your word? - One, do it, wait, hold on. Do you have your word? - Yep. - One, two, three, watch. - That's cool. - Okay. - One, two, three, on. - Rolex. - Oh. - Rolex. - Unk. - Okay. - One, two, three, vintage. - Vintage. - You suck for that. You did it so delayed. - I swear, that was what I was going to say the whole time. - Because that could have been such a beautiful way. - It was a beautiful moment. - But it wasn't. Let's play again. I won't play again. Hey, ready? And you need to say it faster. - I'm sorry. - You need to say it faster. - We got there. - Why, do you have a word? - Oh my god, yes. - One, two, three, water, lamp, water. - One, two, three, lousias. - Lava lamp. - Sousias. - One, two, three, retro. - What? - Energy. - Retro. - Energy. - One, two, three, liver. - Tea. - Okay. - One, two, three, latte. - Tea. - Dehydrated. - Dehydrated latte. - Okay. - One, two, three, water. - Water. - I think I said water already. - Okay. - How quick did you enroll model, get it? - Pretty quick. - Yeah. - One, ready. - What did we do? - Oh, milk and water. - Yeah. - One, two, three, milk. One, two, three, cashew milk. One, two, three, soy milk. - Okay, okay. - Okay, I have one. One, two, three, two, three, two, one, half. - Jake. - I don't even want to look at you right now. - Okay. - The sun has set. - Oh, I have one. I have one. - Wait, okay. - Do you have a milk? (laughing) - Do you have a milk? - No. - There's not many left. - We've said all of them. - Is this a dairy milk? - Yep. - One, two, three, cashew milk. - What? (laughing) - Okay. - Gosh, I think we're out of milks. - Aren't we? - Let's leave milk. - Okay, let's leave milk. Start over. - Yep. - One, two, three, blanket. - Socks blanket. - Okay, hold on. - Ready? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - One, two, three, shoes. - Okay. - Okay. - One, two, three, loafers. - One, two, three, cookies. - One, two, three, sandals. - Yes! (laughing) - Oh. Oh my God. - Fuck. - We did get vintage though, fast. - We got vintage, but you fucked it up. And that's okay. - Great job, Jake. We did it. - Oh my God, I'm having a good time with you. - Me too. - Like this is like, we're friends now. - 'Cause if we record four hours, we might have 30 minutes we can use it. (laughing) - So I've been, sorry. So I've been in and out of the same relationship for four years now. We met in college and we just can't see, to keep, sorry, let me restart. (laughing) So I've been in and out of the same relationship for four years now. We met in college and we just can't seem to keep going back to each other, even though we know it never works out. He's a liar and I'm an enabler. But I know he will never be able to be the person I need at the end of the day. But when we don't talk, I get scared. How do I regain my independence? I feel this. - I feel like I've been there before. I think it's, that's very relatable to want to cling to something you know is wrong because what you have is less scary than the unknown. And I think that I just had a thought. - What? - I prescribe every time by Ariana Grande. - This song. - Why, oh why? Do I keep going back to you every time? - Yes. Thank you next by the way. - No, this is not thank you next behavior. This is every time behavior. - Am I wrong? - Here's what I'll say that I could maybe teach you about him from, yes and, right? 'Cause everything I'm saying you're going, no, no, wrong. - Well yes and does a song by her. Did you know that? Yes. - And? - Really? - Yeah, you know that and you just said that. - Yeah. - That's beautiful. - That's amazing. - Yeah, every time off-sweetener. - I would say, you know, like, you can tell she knows what she has to do. - Yeah, but. - Like she's already made up her mind. She's like, I know I don't want to be with this person. Okay. Rip the band it off. - But why, oh why? - Totally. - Does she keep going back to him? - Yeah, thank you next. - No, back to you. - He's loving me, have it. - Okay, fine, thank you next. I think you would love every time by Ariana Grande. That's like my hyperfaxing. - That album by, I mean, now I'm just going to start talking about Ariana Grande. I press grab to this girl, Ariana Grande. Ariana Grande lays it out flat. Like, there's no if ands or buts with her. - Yes. - Like, she just kind of says it. - She's like, this is what I'm feeling. - Yeah. - You're not guessing. - Is this about? - No, except for we can't be friends. That's up to interpretation. Is it about the fans? - She's one of my all-time favorite SNL hosts. - Wow, she's a amazing, amazingly talented and nice and cool. - Oh my God, that is so awesome to hear. Tell me more. - She's just like, I mean, she could be on the cast and would be the best person on the cast. She can do impressions that are like crazy good. She just commits to everything. She's just funny and nice and awesome. - Wow. - Yeah. - I love her. - She's so cool. Also, she'll like, she watches the show and like, in episode that she's not involved with at all, if I did a sketch that she likes, she'll be like, that was so funny. - Right, and it's cool to hear from her 'cause she's Ariana Grande. - Yeah. - And do you have like a memory with her that you hold near her? - We didn't express our Martini sketch together. Did you see it? - Mm-hmm. - What's, what's it about? - Espresso Martini's. - And what's the kind of the take? - The comic take? - What's the comic take? - On Espresso Martini's? - Yeah. - The comic take on that sketch. - It's okay, you don't have to lie. - I prescribe Ariana Grande, specifically the song every time. Do you prescribe anything? - I love it. - How the way you say prescribe? - Yeah. - Puscribe. - Puscribe. - Puscribe. - Puscribe. - Puscribe. - I like that. - It's plus. - Scribe. - Oh. (audience laughing) - You thought I had a speech impediment? - I thought it was like you in New York accent. - No, but I do say some things with my New York accent. - Puscribe. - I say orange. - Horror. - I'm humiliated. - How do you say caramel? Caramel? Caramel? - You know what? I just don't like to say it. - I hate caramel. - I hate caramel. - That's true. - I hate caramel. - Yeah. I don't really like it either. - What? - Yeah. - I would pet you for someone that loves it. - Why? - Don't know. - Yeah, I guess we don't know each other that well. But I'm like so excited to get to know you. - I know. We're gonna go open mics, we're gonna play basketball, we're gonna do improv. We're gonna edit this episode together and it's gonna take some time, but we're gonna do it. (laughing) - When do you think this is gonna run? - Do you want it to run never? - No, I want it to run. - I want it to run too. - I love it. The more that it's, I'm like, this is-- - This is awesome. - Yeah. - I'm having a great time. Are you? - Yes, but just having to say that is very funny. This is awesome. I'm having a great time. - I am having a great time. - I am. - I am having a good time. - It's a game. (laughing) - She's getting so pressured, she's like, it's good. - It's fair, I like it's really fun. - I've been with my boyfriend for two years. As long as I have known him, his breath is horrid. (gasping) It smells like cat-wet food. Some days worse than others and I always scooch away and he moves closer, help. I'm not sure if it's the zins or what, it's not the zins. I love him and he's great to me, but is it a deal breaker? And how do I bring it up? - I always scooch away and he moves closer with your boyfriend, that's insane. You can't just be trying to scoot you away from your boyfriend at all times. You gotta rip the bandit off again. These people know what they have to do. They just need someone to tell them. Tell him, it's actually kinder to say, hey man. - Your breath smells. - Your breath smells like ass, like straight up cat-stank-wet food. - I'm scooching away from you. - Do you prescribe a listerine? - Yeah, just buying like a 10 bottles of listerine and leaving them around the house. I'm not saying anything about it and just being like, oh, that's weird. - You're my teeth. - Thank you. - Do you take care of them well? - You floss? - I floss, but I've had a lot of cavities. - I've never had one. Am I pretty serious? So I never had one my whole life and then I switched dentists and they went you have 12 cavities and you need a root canal on a crown You have a nice teeth. No, they're small and yellow Don't talk that way with my friend Jake Okay My current situation ship wants to buy this romantic painting kit thing where we fuck on a canvas covered in paint and then let it dry Oh my god, that sounds awesome That doesn't sound awesome to you It sounds like a Hassel he talks about knowing the perfect place for it in his apartment like we've been hooking up for six months So it's not new new, but is this a serial killer red flag? Thanks, let me know now I actually think that's beautiful and if I was in a situation ship with someone and they were like I want to fuck you on A canvas with paint and then hang it in my apartment. I would be like I have found the one really? Yep I I think it's a serial killer thing why Dark Okay, why why do you think that? I don't know. I'm just like Can we just like enjoy the moment with each other? What what do we need to get paints involved for? It's cool Okay, I mean they don't have to do it. I'm just right. I mean if you know what you know Maybe I'm being approved. No, you're not being approved. Go for it. I don't think you're being approved Okay, I see and the what is the audience thing if someone brought that up to you guys with Maybe just goes I can't help you I'm feeling guilty and weird about making a sugar baby account on the sugar daddy website Oh, don't get me wrong some are delves, but it feels disingenuous to me even though I can make good money doing next to nothing I mean my late 22 so I'm not goalable or anything like that. It's just a moral dilemma thing Don't have it do like don't have the moral dilemma do it Yeah, I don't care Dude, no, I mean like I don't know who cares like right. I mean If you're worried about people finding out they won't you don't think I mean yeah unless like your friend's dad is on it and then like That's on your friend's dad not you you're just trying to get a check Yeah, is it like are you do you feel actually guilty like you're doing something wrong or like you fear other people's judgment? I think that's she's saying she has a moral dilemma But I don't think there's anything morally wrong. There's nothing morally wrong. Do you know that prostitution is the world's oldest profession? I've heard that where have you heard it? It's a thing people say Well, it was in all out My Simon Rich okay, and you thought that he was the first person to write it. No, it was just like this I got it God I would I wish I could see that well, I told you there's probably a video of there's a video of when Sarah Silverman did it That's I watched that one to like crap for mine. So were you doing the same show? Yeah, it's the same show. Yeah, did you see all in? I didn't get to see it either you love Broadway No, I like Broadway, but I don't I don't like go like I'm not a right. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's fine My best friend that I literally consider my sister is so popular at school that now she's even becoming friends with my main ops She's so personable that she's buddy buddy with people that talk shit about me I try to approach conversations with her about how it makes me feel and I look so insecure. What should I do? She's not your friend a friend to all of the front and on You know what I was gonna say what I'm gonna say you might be a little insecure Set that yeah, I mean like you look and see I'm agreeing I'm saying you look insecure because you're being insecure and like you can't control who someone else is His friends with and and you have to just kind of like Do boys have drama like that too? Yeah, really? Yeah Wow male friendships are complicated. What are they like you know? Nope, I don't do you have guy friends? I've gave guy friends. Okay. I think that people's feelings get hurt just as often and We just maybe don't communicate about it as as well. Are you a prior? Yeah, I mean from time to time I feel like you're a really good person. Wow. That's really nice. Thank you. Yeah, I feel that from you You have good. Thank you. Yeah, I feel that you're a really good person Well, now you're just saying that because I just said that that's true. Okay But I do think you seem like a really nice person and guy and What's our advice for this? A friend to all is a friend to none. You should no longer be friends with this girl So are you're like fiercely protective of your friends if something I guess that's true, right? Yeah, it's like my best friend Yeah, someone that they didn't like because they and who talks shit Take back what I was saying this girl in my class is talking to my accent won't stop taking candid pictures of me and sending them to him Like ill grow up mind you the class I have with her is women's studies So this is insane. I want to bitch her out But also want to be a bigger person blah blah blah. How do I handle her in a conti way address it in front of the entire class? That's the funniest thing you could do or you take some of your own pictures. She'd be like, I don't give a fuck where you sending it to Not your boyfriend You would dress it in front of the entire class. Yeah, you do have that gear in you this way you do professors right there Professor, I am so sorry. You have been taking photos of me and sending them to my ex-boyfriend who you are now with I have heard about it if you do it one more time We are going to have a serious fucking problem. You not only is it creepy it is invasive and it is the Antithesis of what we are trying to learn about here today in women's studies class And then you sit back down and everyone will just go And she will feel so fucking mortified and sit in that embarrassment Pathetic that's amazing What what I just did you just did is amazing, and I would never have the courage to do that So I don't know if I would either actually I honestly I would you would I think I would told you think what I just did was beautiful and I think that's the way to handle it you stand up, and you say I'm so sorry, but I have to address this in front of the class So you feel justice embarrasses you should wow I love it take one more photo of you be a fun like guidance counselor. Oh my high school guidance counselor Francesca Oh, did you say you would be a fine guy to that? Oh, I thought he said who would be a fun one and I said my high school one Francesca she came and saw me and all out really and she saw my radio city show. Would you like go to her in gossip? I would go to her. Yeah, I'm gossip. I would cry I'd gossip she was she's the she is the best. That's awesome. She was everyone's favorite. I don't even know if we had one You didn't know if you had a guidance counselor. That's illegal. We do. I'm sure we did but I guess I never interacted Wow, I'm like so proud of the performance. I just put on yeah, you really went for it. I Love I really hope you take that to heart and you do that Because that's mean that's what you sending photos to my I feel for that person. Yeah, that's crazy My friends and I go for monthly dinners and a few years ago I had a good job so I decided to cover the bills now I'm pursuing my dreams and living off of savings But it's still an expectation and they don't glance at the price of anything and just assume I'll pay. What should I do? How is that still an expectation? You just say I'm I can't I can't afford to do this anymore. Yeah, these friends are very unaware. I would say guys look I just quit my job. I'm pursuing my dreams. Can you chip in for the eggplant? Wonder what their dreams are Yeah, I know do you have any dreams that you haven't pursued yet podcast or you would be an excellent one Thanks we try to start a podcast once and we quit. What did what did you call it? It was a please don't destroy podcast. Okay. Why'd you quit? Um, I think we were just like all Pretty anxious about everything we were saying see no totally. I'm not blaming you. I'm this is my fault No, it's okay. I like really think like we're gonna pursue a friendship after this. I think so too open mic basketball What was the third improv improv which I'm low-key good at and we we listened to a few episodes of ourselves and we were like Had so many notes and and it took so long like do you listen to every episode? Yes, but can I say that that's how it starts like Nolan? Do you remember how many notes I would give at the beginning? I would literally be like I breathed weird like cut it. Yeah, and you just have to break it up to keep going. Yeah, well we build That's okay. I'm what it's almost your birthday Yeah, what are you gonna do for your birthday? I don't know. I had a I had like a party for my 30th and I usually don't do Really fun was it really did you block out? No, okay? It was me and my friend Brady. Do you know Brady? Hi Brady? We had a joint birthday party Mm-hmm, and it was great Where'd you have it? But my girlfriend like playing the whole thing and that was like the night I think that's maybe the nicest thing you can do for my birthday my friends Tricked me told me they were taking me to my favorite restaurant and instead got a Hibachi chef to make me Hibachi at my house I went to a Hibachi restaurant in the Dominican Republic with my family and it was completely silent like the guy was just making the food in front just like I like that. I like that. There's no music playing. He didn't try to make a show of it at all It was interesting Were you guys like all laughing about how silent it was after the fact in the moment? It was like it was a tense What's the hardest you've ever laughed in your life? I'm like I think I'm like thinking of this memory of when I was a kid when my dad like Noctis cereal bowl into the trash can and said, "Well, bowl me over." And that it's not really a joke or anything, but I don't know why I laughed harder than I've ever laughed in my life. - That's beautiful. - It was sweet. - You were so unassuming to the world. - Yeah. - My friend group got really close last summer during senior year, the guy who always hosted us started liking one of the girls and things got weird. After a few months, we noticed patterns in his stories and eventually found out he lied about three different people dying, tragic deaths for attention. When we confronted him, he admitted it was all fake. Now the friend group is broken and the girls want to start hanging out with him again, just so we can still use his house to host things. Should we do it or is it too weird? - Well, it's giving Ma. - Yeah, it is. - It's giving Ma, but definitely do it. - It's giving Pa. - You fake laughing. I honestly feel bad for compulsive liars sometimes. I don't, I think it's like evil and weird and crazy. - But what if it's just a compulsion that you like truly can't help? - Literally, I make nothing makes me more angry than a compulsive liar, 'cause I can't lie. I can't? - Have you seen me lie once this episode? I've tried, I've fucking tried to lie to you. And every time I try, it slips out. - Wow, okay. - I hate liars, I hate them, I hate them. They drive me insane, it's my number one thing. Why, why do you lie? - I'm talking about people who lie in a crazy way. - Yeah, still makes me angry. - Okay. - I think most people would agree with you. I'm just saying like, through the lens of like mental illness, like imagine you just literally, I have to lie right. - You're an empath. - That would be crazy and horrible in order to destroy your life. - I think I want to leave my fiance. - Do it. - Again, it's like you've said it. You've already said it, right? That's what you want. - Well, let's get some contact. - I'm sorry. - I can't stand being around him anymore. He's a certified man, child. His grandma did everything for him growing up, so he doesn't know basic skills. He didn't know how to do laundry or the dishes until he met me, and I forced him to learn because what the fuck? I'm a clean freak, I hate masses, and I need clutter-free space to feel good about myself and my life. I've expressed this to him so many times. When my space is dirty, I feel like shit and my mental health declines. But still, he keeps leaving masses around our apartment for me to clean up. There's a lot more of this type of behavior. So is this means for a split? Yeah, it's something you fucking hate him. - This is what I'm saying. - You were right. - This people are like, I hate my life and my fiance. He makes me miserable. He has zero redeeming qualities. Should I stay with him? It's like, you know the answer. - No. - No. - No. - Bye. - Thank you. - Next. - Thank you. - Yes, and. - Next. - What's the other one? - Yes. - No, no, the one that you were saying. ♪ You get high and caught on the regular ♪ ♪ I get weak and fall like a teenager ♪ ♪ Y-O-Y-D ♪ - Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. ♪ Does God keep bringing me ♪ ♪ I get drunk pretend that I'm over it ♪ ♪ Self-destruct show up like an idiot ♪ ♪ Y-O-Y-D ♪ ♪ Does God keep bringing me ♪ (laughing) - Honorable. Oh, bad. - It's the best song ever. - You know what else, other song I love? - What? - It's not by geese, it's by the guy and geese. - They're in winter? - Yeah, love. - It takes months. - Yes. - That's a good song. ♪ I'm ha ha ♪ ♪ I'm ha ha ha ♪ ♪ I'm ha ha ha ♪ - Yes! That was really good. - Wallet on the ground. That's what he's down to. - I was like, it's my wallet on the ground. - No, no, that's one of his other songs. - Bag of rubber bands. - I think Love Takes Miles is beautiful. - It's a great song. - 'Cause it does take miles. - Yeah. - You gotta show up with people. - Oh my God, it's so true. (laughing) - What's your favorite song of all time? - This is a completely random answer. It's just not my favorite song. It's just the first one that popped into my head. Outcast roses. - Oh, that could be your favorite song of all time. - It could be, but phenomenal song. - Love it. - My favorite song of all time is The Archer by Taylor Swift. - And Someday by The Strokes. - That's one of my favorite songs of all time too. - Someday? - Yeah. - I love The Strokes. - Same, I love them. And every time I've tried to see them live, I always get fucked because my friend never wants to go. They're always playing out a festival on that and I always miss them. - Yeah. - But they're playing at Coachella this year. - Are you gonna go? - Yeah. - Nice. - Do you like Vampire Weekend? - Yep. - I love Vampire Weekend. - Really? - Yeah. - Do you like McGee? - Yeah, I like, are you looking up? - I love McGee. - What's your favorite Vampire Weekend song? - Campus. - Okay, minus step. - Great. - What's your second favorite? - Oxford comma, I like that era. - Oh, okay. - I like step two. - When you listen to them on the Upper West Side, do you feel like you are them? - Like at Columbia? - Yeah. - Kind of. Somebody stopped, somebody heckled, a please don't destroy live show one time. We were like doing someone else's show. And like we were in the middle of a sketch and they were like, you guys look like Vampire Weekend. - Crazy. - That's nice. - We were kind of dressed preppy. - Do you take it as a compliment? - No, I mean we were in the middle of doing a sketch, I feel like they weren't loving what we were doing. - I love what you do. - Thanks, Jake. - Speaking of, what did we learn today? - What did we learn? I think we learned that you and I have a lot of work to do. - I always got to say a long road ahead. - We have a long road ahead in a beautiful way. - Because I was going to say we're both committed to it. - Yeah. - Do you know what I mean? - I'm in. - I'm in. - I'm all in. - We're going to hang out and we're going to-- - Do you think it's going to be like this? - No. - I don't think so. - I don't think so. I think as soon as the mic is off, we're going to be like totally-- - Oh my God, so normal, so great. Like the second we stopped recording. - Yeah. - 100%. But my question is, are we going to allow people into this dynamic that we're having or not? I'm open to both. - What do you mean? - Are we going to keep parts where we're going? Is this weird? Are we feeling okay? We're going to keep all that. - Of course. - Do you think so? You think we have to? - It's-- - It's endearing and beautiful. - It's endearing? Okay, good. - It's beautiful. Like we're being so vulnerable and honest. - Yeah, okay. - I'm scared. I'm not going to lie. - You are? - Yeah. - Don't worry. - Okay. - What did we learn? We learned, I learned what Chopped Unk meant. - Yeah. - From you. - From a Chopped Unk, himself. - Yeah. I think we learned that you just have to like, like you know the answer in your heart. And you just have to take action. And it's easy to talk about something, but it's hard to take action. - I've learned that you shower face down line up. Why am I adding face down? - No, I shower city down. - You said lying down. - Yep, I also do that. - Face down? - Like this. - Okay, up, face up. - Yeah, and I learned that like I've developed a beautiful friendship with you today. - I know, I really see-- - And I mean that shit. - I think that we're gonna hang out. - I know we're gonna hang out. - We're gonna end up like-- - What are you doing Friday? - I think I'm busy. - Okay. - No, I'll hang out Friday. - I have no plans. Let's hang out Friday. - I have a work dinner you wanna get drinks after? - Let's do it. - See you there. Should we do an open mic? - No, let's go, let's do drinks. - We gotta ease into it. - Let's go to a bar, let's get drinks. Call the day. - Talk shit. - Okay well, Ben. - Jake, thank you so much for having me. - Thank you so much for coming on the show. - It was an honor. I'm sorry, I didn't bring presents like Marcelo. - Oh, that's okay. - Do most people do that or just-- - No, it was just him. - Yeah, totally. Do you wanna give a little bye-pussies? - Bye-pussies. Do you want me to do it again? - No. - Bye-pussies. - Louder. - Bye-pussies. - Ben. - Thank you. - Bye-pussies, thank you, Jake. I love you. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new grippy setting mist from Mabelie, New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all-day comfy grip. No tightness, no stickiness, no residue. Just plump, dewy, hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new grippy setting mist from Mabelie, New York. - Maybe it's Mabelie.