Session 114: Thomas Doherty

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I've done some sessions. Will's new song worth fighting for is out now. You should all stream it. It's amazing. Any other life updates from you? Not really. A little Southern male. And we've got a lot to cover baby. Like what? No, I haven't seen you in a minute. So is this a little awkward or what? Do you have any questions for me? No, I feel like we've covered a lot of the bases. Yeah, I agree. You don't watch Paradise? No, but I need to start. Did you watch season one? I did. Yes. Well it's amazing. Season two is amazing. Okay, well I'm going to start it tonight. Are you working on any new music currently? I am, yes. So any songs you're excited about? Yeah, there's one called Tennessee at 17. I think it's going to be good. Ooh, Tennessee at 17. You love country music. Well, it always puts me onto good music. You put me onto. Devon again. Devon again. You put me onto. She's so incredible. You also put me onto Carter Faith. Oh. I am obsessed with things. And you put me onto that. That's a song. It's like very Americana. Yeah, I have no idea. It's like. I'm American Dream, man. I'm a C.R.A.F.A.R.L. Yeah. She's incredible. Yes. And she plays her own instruments in Fencing. Yeah, will. She's one of the best live performances. So who do you. Who should we put on right now? Besides you. Oh my gosh. That's a really good question. Who is. Who do you have your eye on? Well, what do you listen to? Grace Ives. Grace Ives. The production's insane. I think she's brilliant. Sarah Kinsley. Sarah Kinsley's. You put me onto Sarah Kinsley. Yeah. Well, you put me on it everything. My favorite thing in the world is listening to Music and Wheels car. Oh, Jake. I do. I miss that. I miss that. Well, I haven't been here. I like to do that. I get that. We're seeing Project Hail Mary on Thursday. I'm really excited for that. Yeah. Have you seen it? Twice. So good. Twice, I was one of those. Yeah. What's it about though? I don't honestly. No, go. It's about time I know. Yeah. Oh. It'll be fun. Okay. Yeah, I'm excited. Um, okay. Well, Will, I love you. Thomas, I love you. Pussies. Enjoy the episode. I love you guys. Hi, Pussies. Welcome back to Therapus. Well, it's just another day in Paradise because we have. Thomas Doherty. We have Thomas Doherty on the podcast. And it's Doherty. Doherty. Doherty. Yeah. My first question to you was, we are actually old friends. Yes. We go way back. So, how? We were meant to this last year. Okay, but how did we become friends? Because I forget. I've one kept asking me and I kept saying I don't know. We were at the Tommy Hilfiger show. And I. And I came up to you. And I was like. Oh my God, you dread. Yeah. You did. I was so glad. I was like, "We are high." And then we became friends. And then you came to my New York show. We went out. We had a night. Yeah. That's what we were doing the whole night. The whole night. Have a seat. Have a seat. Well, you're in my favorite show on television. Yeah. I know. You told me. How do you find the season two? I think season two. I'm not even just saying that's because you're in it. I think it's better than season one. How was it starting on the outside of the bunker? Like was that point jarring? I was upset. Okay. I was upset I missed the B. Yeah. You know, I missed the bunker. And I. I was like a little. I don't know. I wasn't like not. I'm sorry. I will just like to acknowledge how poorly that joke landed. Like, I really need to just like get that. What you were seeing. Unfortunately, she knew. [laughter] Unfortunately, she knew. She knew. And I just like, I couldn't get through my next sentence without like acknowledging how bad that was. So now that we've gotten that out of the way, I did miss the bunker. Okay. I did miss the bunker. I'm very happy for James Marsden. I never worked with James, but he was always on set. I'm so happy he wasn't like killed off like forever, forever. You know? It's an amazing thing that Dan does as well. You know, that's. That's why it's really hard to do press on it because. There's so many flashbacks, flash forwards. Like, you don't really. No one. You don't really know what's happening. Like, even some of the casts don't know. What's happening? Okay, can I give you my theory? Yeah. Obviously we're getting involved with time travel. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, we are. Okay. I think that you are Sinatra's son that died. Yeah, I literally just crushed that. Am I right or am I. Maybe. I mean, it is actually a very, very good theory. See, the thing with all these theories, I see, there's always like little bits of truth. I'm not saying that that's applicable. Yeah, but that's. But there are little bits of truth in all of them. But that's why she's hemorrhaging power. Well, how would I be her son then? I don't know. Okay, I didn't read. I didn't actually read the theory myself, but I was told this. I'm a progie. Yes. And then you took it for your own. Yes, but you were that guy's little prodigy. Yeah. How would you pronounce prodigy? Progie. Is it prodigy or prodigy or prodigy? Yeah, you can't ask us stories versus how they pronounce something. Oh, what was it like growing up in Scotland? Well, people always ask you this. I have nothing to compare it to, but it was good. Yeah. Like, how is it growing up in America? Fine. See? I grew up in New York. Do you know that about me? I didn't know that. I grew up up town. Upper East, Upper West. Watching tonight. Washington Heights. Yeah. And then why did you go over to LA? For USC. Ah, okay. In the States. Yeah, I stayed. Are you gonna come back? To here, I just got a place. No way. Oh my god, how happy are you? Yeah, to get hang out all the time. Are you so excited? Yeah. Are you so excited? No, it's gorgeous. Yeah. So much room for us to hang out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yes, yes, you know. So what was it like working on paradise? Oh, also you want to know why I know there is time travel? You don't know that there's time travel. I do know that there's time travel. Okay. Alex, are you caught up to date? Okay, so obviously they wouldn't just catch Shelly Muddly for four episodes of the fucking show. So we better get the time travel and quick. Because there's only eight episodes. I can't confirm nor deny. How do you know she's in four episodes? I'm on the fourth and she just passed away. Oh, yeah, that's very true. Yeah, so sad. What a great soundtrack, too. Good soundtrack. Great soundtrack. Don't mean to you, Liam. We're gonna try and like do a cover of an Elvis song. We're gonna have to really go back to it. I can't sing a little bit. Did you sing in Rocky Horror? I've never been in Rocky Horror, but in Little Shop of Horror. I did sing, yeah. So what's the difference between those two? I completely different musicals written by different people at different times. But what's the difference? What's the difference? Little Shop is about plants that come alive, right? Yeah. So Little Shop is about a plant that comes alive. So what were you? I was a guy called Seymour. Me character. Me character? Yeah. Yeah, that was amazing. It was really cool to go from paradise to then go into doing a musical. Oh, God. It's so different. I mean, I always feel like. With film and TV, it's more. You sign up for a lifestyle? Hmm, I suppose you do, for. I like the lifestyle of a film. Like being on film set? Being on a film set? Why? Being on film set, and I love kind of traveling around the world to different locations to film. I also just love the structure that's around a film set. With theatre, as you know. I do. It's like. I mean, you have to go to the theatre at five. And so. Yeah, you have the day up until five. But I mean, you don't get home until 10, 30, or adrenaline. Did you sign after? Yeah, I would sign after. So that takes time. I mean, not as many people as you. I mean, people are there for you. Like, on a night tonight basis. I would say, like, 80 to 100 people. Should I be in every in you? So what's it like being on Broadway? Well, it's amazing. I do eight shows a week. How many shows do you do? Did you do? Eight shows a week. Would you do theatre again? Oh my god, I can't wait to do theatre again. Oh yeah. Yeah, I would love to do, like, a play. I just think it's the best. Practice for any item as the theatre, you know? Well, you said that when you didn't have a choice, whether it be an actor or not. Yeah, no choice. Why? I don't know. I mean, it's just like I Was gonna I was gonna go to university to do history, but I was like like who am I getting like I can't think of doing oh my god Like you want to be a history teacher? No history teacher, but I don't even know what I wanted to do. I just loved history By the way, I texted Thomas the other night. I feast time Tim and I was like we I'm about to one of each night I don't think it's gonna go well stay on your phone work going out, right? Like we are going out and I wrote I wrote in all caps three times. Do not bail do not bail do not bail three times Who do you who do you think bailed? Because it wasn't fucking me. Yeah, I bailed and then he said he said texted me at 3 a.m. Me getting blown off is crazy Yeah, nice and I think I was they didn't even respond until the next thing was like I'm so sorry But I would like to say though like life is more colorful when you are Like romantically involved with someone like I'm in such a good mood today, and it's not gonna last Love and last love is like I'm obsessed right? Yeah, you can like fall in love with people. Are you having fun? I am having fun. I'm still scared of what's gonna come out. Okay. Well, I've won last thing to ask this actually wasn't We're trying this new segment called manny's corner and manny likes to write questions for the guys so manny Can I read one of yours? Magic thank you so much. Okay, ready. This is Okay, man, so I just want to let you know that these are from manny your dad Your dad was a banker. You worked at a place called Tiger Lily, and you worked as captain hook son What other Peter Pan parallels do you have and what do you have so many? Have you seen Peter Pan? Yeah, of course. I have but I have not point a contingent. What's the question again? I asked me the question Oh, gladly. It's so well written, right? Shout out manny Your dad was a banker. You worked at a place called Tiger Lily Tiger Lily. Isn't that that little Gidget store? No, Tiger Lily was a restaurant in Edinburgh And I didn't have I worked there after I finished college. So I worked there as a oh my god I would have loved to go to college with you It was fun. Did you have like the best time ever? I did have a lot of fun. Well, I was in theater. So it wasn't like okay So like yeah, okay a few more questions. Okay, when you were You've not I've not even finished what you said. You didn't know how to answer it. So what other Peter Pan parallels you have in your life What other fear I don't know. I like green. He likes green. Oh, he wears green greens your favorite color Green's my favorite color. Yeah, well your eyes are kind of like I know you have amazing eyes. Okay, so Okay, a few more a few more a few more questions When you See what I mean. This is why I don't know what the fuck he's about to say you were a maid with a bunch of Polish women Did you learn any fun Polish expressions? No, I didn't and they never really spoke to me I mean they were all like 15 above and I again was just a college We mean they didn't talk they didn't talk to me They would all just laugh at me because I thought it was hysterical that you were like 17-year-old Kid cleaning people's rooms. What's the crate? Oh? I'm trying this is obviously only I was teenagers so you just go in party and this is when the Edinburgh friend was on Have you ever been to the Edinburgh friend? No, but you know what I'm planning to go this year. I'm planning to go this year Okay, we need to figure something out. Would you go? Yeah, a hundred percent and we can have fun at a bird Yeah, yeah, I'll show your end. Well, Edinburgh Okay, so what was it like so what what were you saying? This is so fun are you having fun? What is your question? What one what where are we the Polish expression the Polish they didn't speak to me They would just laugh at me because they thought it was ridiculous and This hotel didn't have any stairs So I had to like I started didn't have any elevators. So it was like an old like townhouse. So I had to Hall all these sheets up five flights of stairs and clean people's rooms and There are bathrooms and stuff and I'd start at five o'clock in the morning But obviously I was a teenager and I was going out and party and having fun So I would set a timer on my phone for two minutes and every room I'd go in and have a sleep on their bed for two minutes Oh, you yeah, you'd sleep. Oh that leads me perfectly into another one of Manny's questions. All right perfectly Um, so you used to sleep in hotel rooms when you were a maid and eat the food when you were a waiter has a boss ever liked you I feel like that Hey, but Did you like like do you get along with your bosses? I did. Yeah, it's easier in America to get away What yeah with the Scottish accent in Scotland it doesn't go as far but here you're sorry man here the Scottish accent people Forget I forget I mean he answered the phone yesterday and I was like oh my god. I forgot you were Scottish. Yeah Arrange to meet up and We didn't because you I had to catch a dick. I'm sorry I had to listen to what you got to do. I had to do it. Yeah, okay So what was the craziest thing you saw when you worked as a maid? I know this is so annoying because it's like it's perfect for a good story, but honestly nothing really You had just like nice people just like nice people like it was a really it was like a nice old hotel So there was no like fun. There's no part either than people are quite boring. Yeah, that's okay Yeah, I know it was so perfect for like a good you never saw a good story Nothing nothing. You were never like yeah, so yeah I guess could you never spoke to the Polish woman you were never like you guys see this? Yeah, nothing What jobs did you have me ever? Oh yes, I did actually I worked a lot of internships So I work what did you go to college for public relations? So public relations Is like what Alex does? Like I was gonna be a publicist. That's what I wanted to do It's so funny. I know, but I realized now I couldn't have done it because I'm the star. Yeah, or I would like to be yeah So what was it like filming? Where did you film? Yes, tell me everything okay? Yeah, so I mean it was amazing It was definitely that this time in my career. I've done 10 years in the industry now You know, so I feel like I've done I always look to it as an apprentice ship for the For the industry just trying to learn as much and also just find my feet I mean, do you know yourself? It's really strange or so many Moving pieces and I mean it took me so long to even know the difference between an agent and a manager So I think for the first 10 years I was like figuring that out and then figuring myself out and living in LA and then living in New York and Then getting bits of attention and fame and it's just it's kind of weird Determined post process in your brain, right, but I feel like I'm in a really really good place with with all of that and have a great relationship with that and Paradise was the real kind of Definitely feels like the tone and point for me in my career in terms of having a little bit more of a creative voice with things and What do you mean creative voice? I don't know. I mean, I just I think that I'm on sets with These well-established directors and I mean, this is prior the last ten years I'm with More experienced actors with very experienced producers and executive producers and directors and cinematographers, you know, so I Definitely had to like be quiet and listen and learn But now it definitely feels like and Paradise definitely kind of took that out of me and I mean being surrounded by She Lee movie show I love you. She's amazing. How unbelievable is she's like really like she's like amazing and she I always always I always looked up to her like for so long I've always thought That she's never got her like flowers To give someone their flowers it's like credit your credit. Yeah, yeah, how good she is yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm But just as nice as nice as human being as well really amazing person and drops into her character like I've never seen before and so working with her and listen to her in Stirling K. Brown and Julia Nicholson and James and all of them really kind of watched the way that They worked professionally, but also how they moved around the world It's just such humility and they weren't trying to like show and they weren't trying to perform and be like I'm an actor kind of thing. It was that like Confidence and that knowing at the end. Yeah, so just seeing how they move and like how they conduct themselves in the world and in the industry is people That was it. Yeah, and I mean you probably know You know yourself Trying to find your feet and like find your voice, but not overshoot in it. I don't know I don't know about the second part But finding that balance and I was it being true to the work and Not compromising your authenticity for for what's gonna work, you know, what's gonna mean by that? Compromising your authenticity for what's gonna work. I mean taking I mean like, again, you're still trying to figure it out, and so it's sometimes in your career, you're equating fame and public acknowledgement for a success, but it's not necessarily, you don't necessarily feel fulfilled. So I've, but I always gave myself that 10 years, I was like, this is going to be like, finding my footing, and I'm going to fuck up here, and I'm going to like, be really successful here, but that's going to, you know, right. And so now I definitely feel very grounded with it, and with that, it's amazing because then I'm not trying to perform, I'm not trying to prove anymore. And so my brain feels clearer, and I feel like I'm living more from here and going after projects more from this space, which is really amazing. That's amazing, and I'm so happy for you. Yeah, it really is, it's really amazing, man, and just being on that show was just incredible, like that and four women as well, just the best. Show runner. Sure. Totally. So yeah, it was just an incredible experience, and I can't wait to go and do more of it. Yeah, well, I just saw that it's ending after what five seasons they said, three, what did they say that? No, they know it came out. So there's no worries, but when it's paradise ending, I think it was three, that's always said is you're going to do three. Okay, and you know what I love about that? I love a show that knows the story it wants to tell, and it's not just on the air to be on the air, and I think that's where a lot of shows have kind of lost the plot. A show that like knows the story, like my favorite show of all time is this show called dark. Never heard of it. Oh my god, you would love it, it's German. Why would I love it? I'm from Scotland. Yeah. Well, they're close by. I mean, relatively. You've never been in Germany. I have been to Germany. I've never been in Germany. Why are you supporting this argument? Well, it's an amazing show, and it's only three seasons, and it's only supposed to be three seasons. I love a three season show. I think it should be three. I think, like you say, you know, the story that it's trying to tell, you know where it's going. This prolonged, I think there's exceptions, though. I think shows like the office. Yeah, I don't, I've tried. I've really, really, I haven't like really tried, but it's like, I've seen all the edits of Jim and Pam. So it's like, all right, I feel like I've seen the show. Yeah, but that's a boring part. Jim and Pam parts. I think that would, people would disagree with that. Of course, people would disagree with everything. Really? Would you tell me you're on broadcast? Yeah, right, right. That's what I was saying before I came here, I was like, obviously can't see anything stupid. But even like, yeah, I say stupid stuff all the time. You know, I used to think that Florida was at the bottom of the map. What, like, I thought it was at the bottom of America. Oh, sorry, I thought it was at the top. You thought it was at the top? Yes, I used to think it went New York, Florida, Los Angeles. That's really stupid. Yeah, I also didn't know that Moses from New York as well. Yep, I also didn't know that Moses and Jesus were two separate people. I thought they were the same person. And I discovered in college, in the class, they kept talking about Moses, Jesus, Moses, Jesus. And I kept like referring to them as the same person and my best friend Julia was like, do you think that they are the same person? And I was like, yes. Were you brought up Christian? No, I'm Jewish. We brought up Jews. Like, culturally. Are you Catholic? I was brought up Catholic. Yeah, you're so Catholic. Really? What does that mean? You're just like Scottish. No, but Scotland's a Protestant country. What is Protestant? Protestants are just another sect of Christianity. So the Catholics are like, I know what's the stress on. So many. But the Catholics are like the hardcore. So what I was told, I always grew up like thinking it was like just chill, normal, but apparently where? Where's your family, very religious? Like church Sunday. Kind of. My grand. She always keeps, she always tells me I'm going to go to hell. Why? I never really, I mean, she's 101. Good for her. Right. 101. Is she like happy? Yeah. I mean, I think she's ready to go for sure. Like, at that age, do you think you'd be like, I'm out? I would. That age, I just aren't like shoplifting and stuff. Well, at that age, it's just like it, like, do you think she wakes up and it's like, every day is of a last dinner. Is she like, why am I still here? She's like, oh, fuck, I gotta do it. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. But like, good for her 101. 101. How did she not smoke cigarettes ever? She didn't. She smoked till she was 50. And I asked her actually maybe last year. I was like, 'cause I used to smoke. And I was like, do you mess it? You used to smoke? Yeah, I don't smoke. I don't understand. You don't smoke cigarettes anymore. Oh, you don't vape either. Oh, my God. You don't vape anymore. I don't vape anymore, no. 'Cause it's kinda, I feel like when you get past 38, you're vaping. How old are you? 38. Oh my God. Okay, cool. How old do you think I am? 38. 28. 26. 26. Why do you think? Because you hold yourself like older. Thanks. But you look so young today. Thank you. I've been drinking a lot of water. Do you drink a lot of water? I did drink a lot of water. Like, do you make a point to drink a lot of water? Yeah. I drink maybe a couple of years a day. Shut up. Yeah. Shut up. That's what you should do. How do you do that? I've got this little girlie, you know, all the girlies have there. Oh, see them are equinox. Keep going. No, no. Yeah. That one. Almost there. Yes, yes. You know, I have one of those, you know, the girlies are equinox. They have like the equinox with a straw. Stanley? Stanlies. Yeah. So I have one of them. And I have it in my fridge. I'm just gonna tell you. And I fill it up twice a day and drink it. What do you fill it up with? Top water? No, I have a filter in my fridge. Okay. So it's one of those things. But you have to put salt in water. Why? Because if you just drink straight water, it just goes straight through. So if you put a pinch of salt, it gives the water something to attach to. It's actually, ironically, how do you drink your pinch of salt? Just a pinch of salt. A pinch of salt. Yeah. Because it gives something for it. Fuck, I hope this is right. Some scientists will come. See, you can't say anything. No. But I think that is right. I think you need to like, just say no to the boys for now. And just like, really build up that self-esteem and that. I had to do it as well. Really? I was really bad, yeah. I like, definitely compromise money. Authenticity for attachment. Which is very unhealthy. Okay, you use a lot of big words. And I know that what you are saying makes sense. But you thought Florida would love New York. I need you to explain what you mean by sacrificing your authenticity for attachment. Like, you were being somebody else in order to maintain a relationship. Yeah, I would come, not, I wouldn't be somebody else. But I would definitely compromise things that were authentic to me. To make sure that I wasn't, but it's all child to the stuff. Right. Totally. And a wonderful family. But I mean, everyone, everyone's fucked. A good childhood. And so I did, I definitely, definitely would do that. Which isn't fair to the person, of course. Like, what do you mean? Like, give me an example. I'll give you an actual example. Okay. I remember I was with this girl who I was in a relationship with. And she was like, I won't, I like guys with gold jewelry. I like gold jewelry. So obviously you're back all jewelry. But I like like silver jewelry. Right. But I would compromise what I authentically like, silver jewelry. So that she would like gold jewelry around me. So that she would like me. So she would, do you know what I mean? And that's a bad thing. Yeah, that is a bad thing. How do you not see that that's a bad thing? It's just gold jewelry. But the principle of the thing. And then you can, and then you can start to, then you, then you're not living authentically. Okay. That's fair. And then you can get, then you can become resentful. Okay. Can we survey the room? Is that a bad thing? It depends what mindset you're doing it from. Oh, Louise. Louise, like, is this isn't it? She's fucking misses high horse. Like, I can't with her. Exactly. You fit. Okay. That's fine. That's fine. And it's old, it's old like stem from. Do you think I've already been sacrificing things that are authentic to me? I think you will 100%. Really? Definitely. Like what? Like what? What if I sacrifice so far? Cause you aren't like, you have insecurities and you're not confident in loving enough in yourself. Wait, so you've been working for, you would say 10 years now? It's been 10 years. Yeah, I got my first, I started with Disney. Oh my god, you were in the descendants. Oh my god. I totally forgot about that and that. How quickly did that happen? So you started when you were, you started pursuing this when you were 20. I started pursuing, so I went to college when I was 17. And I was there for three years. And then I came out college and I did a play in the fringe. And that's why I was working in Tiger Lily. Because I couldn't really afford to live in London. And Edden Brown Londoner about an hour away on a flight. So I used to work during the day, get on a plane on my days off and fly down to London. And just stay on my friends sofas for two days. And just do like, meet cast and directors and try and fit in additions and try and make it work. But I didn't I really didn't have this isn't some like annoying story but I really didn't have that much money and had amazing parents who were like you got a figure out you said they would always would have given me whatever I needed but good parents in there thanks mom and dad oh that's great you seem like you're from a good family yeah they're great and but I'd get the night bus back up to Edinburgh which was like 10 hours or so what and I would get off the night bus I got showered and stuff and then go to work again wow so I like really like putting a graph to try and make this work and then Disney happened so that can it that definitely changed my life how old were you in Disney happened 20 so two years two years of hard work and you got to say no not even like six months okay wow and then what did the gospel girl reboot have then oh and then I had did a bunch of jobs in between and then after Covid doing Covid actually we were meant to go and then Covid happened in 2020 and how pumped for you when you found out you got gospel I was excited I was I was I was told it would be more kind of because I wasn't that keen at the time to do a gossip girl gossip girl but I was told it be more kind of euphoria kind of sprinkled into it why weren't you keen to do gossip girl at the time I'm again a 24 finding my feet comparing how my career should be what I should be how I should be seen how that that all that eagle stuff what did you think now that you're past it what did you think this is how I should be seen and this is what my career should be like what where what did you think I think what do I think I should have been no what did you like think at the time oh at the time I mean you always compare yourself and to other actors that are doing which is the worst thing you can possibly do but you look at yourself amazing actors like Chalemy or whoever else was kicking around then and they're doing really these amazing films that are going to like award seasons and stuff and so then your ego flair is up in your your insecure and you're like oh no I want to be killed and I do I was cool stuff it was incredible job incredible opportunity I made incredible people they're of best friends to this day do you mean have you met Eli I have met him yeah I met him at tenets at the trees in Los Angeles just the bass guy yeah he is so so lovely oh just the band so he is the one you're so close with yeah I was just seeing with him and his girlfriend okay so you feel more of the story do you find yourself you're like I for the past five years since gossip girl like you were reaching for this thing and you were comparing yourself and you finally feel like you're at this stage where you're like maybe just happy all of that stuff was definitely symptomatic of a much deeper thing of I wasn't able to validate myself ultimately is kind of what I see that now and so the best or the worst place depends where you are in the journey of validation is Hollywood you know because you're getting all this validation you have this opportunity to get all the extra validation and no matter how much I got and how much I tried it was never it was never filling me so what was the moment that you let go of that I didn't have a choice what do you mean I just wasn't myself I like completely lost myself and it was it is a kind of weird thing to see when you're like well how could you lose something that you don't know you know I think I grew up I don't want my energy I was very hyper vigilant to my surroundings and what was going on outside so I never really like properly developed a sense of Thomas you know when I was always very kind of out there and theatrical and very performative and that all kind of just carried through and so I think maybe a year ago I had a point where it became crystal clear what it was I was trying to do I was trying to fill this void inside of me with other people and no matter how hard you try you will never and so then I stopped doing that and took a took a beat and sat through some pain you know it's you can't run away from it and I tried it all with everything fame money and like none of it that it just makes everything worse and I got to a point where I was like this is they might only way out and luckily I love acting so much I can always go back to that that's always been very that's been really stable it's been a stability for me and I was like you know what I'm gonna just go back into that and have this as my friend and just work through things and people in develop this sense of self and self acceptance and self love and try and meet all that shame face on because it all just leads to one thing you know you try and avoid this shame by doing this shameful thing and then because of that you're like ashamed and then you want to escape that shame and then you ultimately end up you know so it's like it's just a downward spiral you went through these like wax and waning periods of like you'd have a project and you get attention and then you wouldn't and then you wouldn't and then you wouldn't and I think was that hard for you is that what you were trying to say or did I misread it entirely no that I mean that's definitely an aspect of it to kind of again the inability to and I'm not trying to like preach don't take my like why this is your truth this is your truth and but yeah I it's and it all boiled up to like relatively recently to this like clarity that I had of if I this is this is the only way it is the only way to be able to self-regulate and self-validate that's it and you were surrounded by such lovely people that you worked with that didn't share that mindset that we're like went to work as like this is you know my job like this is like you as you were saying at the very beginning of the show you were like these people didn't have an ego like they were they like really loved acting like you weren't around people that also like create like they were all do you does that make sense yeah yeah yeah for sure I mean I was on a very very healthy set yeah yeah I mean Dan doesn't take you would never even the never survive you know yeah yeah on on one of his sets because he's such an beautiful human and everything the culture on this set is derived from a showrunner and so the culture on this is just amazing and they've all worked together for so long so and but I think no everything everything truly happens for a reason I know I do do believe that I mean and I've not I've not lost anyone that is close to me in my life my grandmother when I was like 15 how old was she now on 90 90 yeah probably like similar vibe of like oh I'm good okay yeah yeah like ready yeah yeah yeah very religious as well so she's gone up see the like man oh do you believe in that I believe in like a higher power yeah yeah I also believe that we are that power I don't think there's any like moment of separation apart from when it's our brain our ego I think that's the only separation and universally what is an eco like what is that I never understood that I tried I took for it in high school I didn't get it I didn't you should be telling me the ego and the super ego and all that I don't know I love Eckhart Tully do you know Eckhart Tully he's at the power of no he talks about the ego is this false sense of self so it doesn't even necessarily everyone acquiesce the word ego with like I'm amazing and right right right this broadway sure that I'm doing but it's more like false that's why I have this tattooed here what does that say backwards so I'm so excited if you try okay mind if I oh okay so okay let me see I see a W my if I move the necklace or who is this who is who is this I yeah so like I guess it's kind of like come from this idea to challenge this ego itself or ego like I like what Thomas is what I believe Thomas is oh so it's like a challenge in question there's no punctuation on it it's very open-ended people that aren't from America are so smart it's like painful I'm not smart I know no no this is just like interest this is like been so close to me like I feel like I'm each word you say I have to like quickly dictionary it in my head so I can piece the sentence together huh do you know what I mean though I don't think I was using the words do you know what I mean I can yeah Dictionary? Do you understand? Yeah, I'm following. Ultimately, it's just like, I was very, I was just growing up and I had a lot of insecurities and I complete inability to self-validate and being around and I've been up and down so, so, so many times. And honestly, don't in 30, does something. Well, you know you just finished your saddened return. That's right. Do you know what that is? I do know what that is. Yeah, people are saying that when I was in the trenches. Oh, it's true. Yeah. She's going through hers right now. Really? What's happening with you? Take the mic. You're gonna get attacked? Yeah. Take the mic. Like, in the beginning stages, so I'm not quite sure what the lesson is yet that I'm needed to learn. What with the lesson you thought you learned in your saddened return? You can only, only you can make you, only you can be happy. And I always thought I needed something to be happy. Right. And then I realized, oh, you can actually just be happy. Which was a brand new concept to me. I feel like in this world, like in the Western world, it's always like, you're always made to feel ugly or your clothes or your style is bad. But if you buy this product, then you're going to be happy. Then that's going to complete you. And then after time, it's like, you buy a new pair of shoes and then you're so pumped and hyped on them for a week. And then you'll do it again in five days. And then eventually it gets down to like 10 minutes. And you use that mechanism of escapism and false dopamine. You wear it out. Then you're just left with your shit. And then you just got to look at it. You just got to go through it or you can continue to escape. But I knew that I saw the mechanisms and I was what was what I was doing. I was so crystal clear on inability to validate myself, had all these insecurities. And so I just, I didn't have, I didn't, I don't, I don't, I believe I didn't have a choice. But I'm so grateful for everything that's happened. Okay. That's really beautiful. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here with me with you. I believe I just did that. So do you never get, so my issue that I find is that like I want to be happy for happiness sake, but I get so worried that something. Have you ever heard heard the song Happy Inside by Casey Mascraves? No, you should listen to it. I love for you. Follow your arrow, though. You do. Isn't that such a good song? She's amazing. She's so good. Have you heard anything else by her? No, just that. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, I think my country music matter. No, really? She crosses it. Like it really, like, oh, my God. She is like so incredible. Like her album gold in hours wanted like, it's probably one of the best country albums I've ever heard in my albums. I've ever heard of my entire life. Okay, golden. Her word play. And the way she's able to describe these really universal feelings that are so difficult to describe by just kind of like describing them as they are is like so unique. Like she has this song called Happy Inside and it's like about that feeling when you're really happy and you can't like let yourself be happy because you're so scared and you're so on the defense of something bad happening. So she's the song is about the like anxieties of finding joy and being happy. And I just think that there is like nobody else like that really is able to tap into such you like those like real human like experiences like she has. Like I think she's like so, so, so incredible. Okay, I'm gonna listen to golden. Golden hour. Golden hour. One of the best albums of the last 20 years. And then also she has a song called Mary Go Round, which is also really incredible. It's probably one of my favorite songs by her. And the word play on Mary Go Round is like really is sick. It's like second day. Like you'll listen to it. And you know, when you listen to rap music and you kind of like make a stank face. Yeah. Like when you listen to Mary Go Round. You know, you know what I mean. I love Casey Musgraves. Does anyone here listen to Casey Musgraves? How accurate was that description of happy and sad? Okay, I'm gonna listen to it. It is the but like when and it really makes me feel so seen because that is my issue with happiness. It's like I know I can be happy and I always try to like like everyone today was like you were in such a good mood and I keep saying like just I know but just wait because it can't last. Because it's based on. It's based on. Your mid is based on this guy. So that means that you're at the mercy of external forces. So you're never like really I have a really really good friend Josiah and he is a bit older and he doesn't look for happiness. He just looks for peace. And I think if you start looking for contentment and peace. It's like the paradox of life. You search for happiness. You can't find it. You stop searching. Happiness is there. I'm really into paradoxes of life right now. What's another paradox of life? I'm not that into paradoxes of life evidently. But there is a I really can someone look up paradoxes of life. There's like major ones. Like when you stop looking for something then it comes to you. It's like you're looking there. That was cool. Can you look up? Is that what he does? Yeah. Can you look up? Yeah, Jamie, that's it. I'm more failures can lead to greater success. Yeah. That's a part. That's a part. More paradoxes. More blowing down can help you speed up in the long run. The harder you push for something the harder it will feel to achieve. What do you mean? The harder you push for something, the harder it will feel to achieve. What does that mean? Okay, I'll equate it to auditioning. If you're like, that's what I was trying to try. Okay, go really want a job. Yeah, you need a job. And you go into the room with the cast and directors. They will smell it off you instantly. The desperation. And they don't want that. Whereas you always hear these stories about people who being like, yeah, I didn't like want to do it. But like I pulled up to the audition and I got the job because there's that element's not there. That like. Okay, and people can feel that with Broadway, I had no idea it was going to happen, but like it kind of happened by like chance. Ashley Park was supposed to be in the play. And I think something happened and she couldn't do it anymore. She's lovely. I've never met her. I've heard she is so lovely. Yeah, she's nice. But that's how that play came to me. And it's been one of the best experiences in my life, but it's not something I like went out and saw after so desperately. Yeah, and that's the whole thing about surrender. And honestly, I was disenfranchising as the world is right now. And I just apathetic everyone is with the files coming out. And just there is something. The silver lining that I can take from it is that there was always like some part of me that felt like I was hand control. But now like all of this stuff coming out, you're like, oh my god, I have zilt. Like I have no control. So then you're like, well, what do you, what can you control? And I can control. You sell your work. No one will be able to take a choice away from you. And so you can still cultivate what you want to feel like. You can control how you react to things and respond to things. And how you like sure you're love with your immediate circle and stuff in life. Which goes in with kind of fundamental religious and spiritual teachings of surrender. And it's almost like you surrender to the thing that's greater than you, which is also you. And that the universe has always got your back or God's always got you covered. In the minute, your ego gets involved. That's what happened with me as well. Your ego, your I tried to like control things and like make things work. But it's never going to happen. So I can't do that. And I fucked it up. So you have to surrender to something much greater than yourself. Universe, God, life, whatever, whatever you see it. And then something happens. And there's just this ease to life. And then when the ease you start getting a little bit successful, your e then the ego jumps back in and fucks it all up. That's what I've found. But it's so moved, but it's really terrifying. Because you sell right, you have to like go through the hard stuff and then like kind of reactivate into the peace and into the that. And then but your ego will always jump in there. It'll always be there. And you just have to learn how to deal with it. Yeah. And that's yeah, you have to stay vigilant in meditation. It's really helpful for that. Are you finding with paradise and the success of paradise, your ego jumping back in at times? No, not at all, actually. Okay. Because I've kind of done it and the dance, enough that I knew what I was going to come into. And so allow myself to like spike, be proud of myself and all the rest of it during the premiere. And just like enjoy, enjoy the moment and kind of take a pause to see where I am and what I've achieved. Now that's a whole other conversation of the what I've achieved. I chop it up to good fortune luck and the people around me and the experiences that I've been fortunate to have. have in life which I've lived another experience which has led to this you know so I can't even really take credit for that anymore not to be sound like a martyr. No I got it but I think with I know what I was going into and you can't attach yourself to anything either. What do you mean you can attach yourself to anything? Well so for example paradise is coming out the premiere comes out ever taking picture of either. Actually you're human. You get like a dopamine hit. Yeah. You're said. And then it's inevitably going to come down and then I let it come down and then I kind of move on from that aspect of it and then go back to the acting. Where is if I the premiere comes out I attach to that feeling or I'm starting to feel a lull but I don't want to feel a lull I want to get back up there. Right. And then it's released. Oh my god. Perfect. And then you attach to that two weeks and something else is going to replace it. Some other show is going to come up. And then you're just going to be disappointed and then you're going to be like fuck I want to get that feeling again. So you go after that feeling again and by going after that feeling again all I'll do is compromise authenticity with my work and with who I am to get this almost hit of a drug. And then you're in the weeds and then you start doing this and you start going down and then you get to a point in a month or a year or five years or 10 years where you're like oh I'm not myself again. Because I compromised all of this stuff for ego fulfillment which is never fulfilled and then we'll nature of the ego. You much smarter people can speak on this but the root of entry is what I think is is the ego's whole process system is to survive. Like an organism. Kind of yeah. Like it's one thing. It's one entity. Wow. So your ego is not your friend. I don't know. Like would people say it's your friend? I think some people yeah. Like Andretake might. Oh okay. So like bad people would say it's your friend. Yeah. Yeah. Like these guys are like I'll do anything. They'll never do therapy. Right. Are you in therapy? I am. Yeah. How is? It's good. Boy or girl. Girl. Okay. Always girl. Yeah. Yeah. I think I need a guy therapist weirdly enough. I always try to become the girl's friend. Okay. Okay. That's interesting. I can see that. I always try to become that like yeah. But if it was a guy, it has to be an ugly guy then because you're just talking about that. I wasn't going to say it but yeah. Yeah. Like I used to have this doctor. He was so hot and I saw him on hinge once and I literally was like do I like him or not. And like it took me like 20 minutes. So honestly it took me an entire day to be like I can't like him. No. Are you probably is? You probably did it. It's like when you're in high school and like the geography teachers like oh they're she's so hot. Are he so hot? Did you ever have a thing with the teacher in college? No. But it's like when you're in high school and everyone's like oh yeah the geography teacher's really hot. But she's not actually hot. It's more the idea that she's a teacher. That's like your doctor probably wasn't actually that hot. Be honest. Yeah. Okay. Do you want to do the tummy what's wrongs? Yeah. I was traveling back to my boyfriend's city and the flight got delayed. When I told him the arrival was at 4 a.m. he refused to stay up for me and open the door because he needed to sleep. His solution was to just get a long breakfast or nap at the airport. Is this normal? Wait. No. What? No, that is kind of crazy. That's crazy at first. I don't know. But at first I was like okay he didn't want to come get you at the airport at 4 a.m. like that's fine. But if he locked the door and didn't want you to come in and go get a long breakfast. There's someone else in the park. Yeah. Oh you think. Yeah. So my first instinct obviously is to be like break up with him. And I mean that actually. You know what? I'm going to say that. That's horrible. Well, there's so many factors that wasn't there like how old are you? How long have you been together for? If it's north of like five months and you're north of 18. So would North be less than five months or more than five months? You're fucking joking. Do you know what? I'm not. No. So more than more than. Yeah. Okay. You know, I graduated cum laude. I don't fucking believe that. Yeah. Yeah. So I think all these fights. So I think if you're older than 18. If you've been dating more than five months. That's just awful. Yeah. That's really mean. That must like that must be sad. And you're traveling to go see your wife. Oh, is that what she's saying? Yes. You got to pull up for sure. My boyfriend's mom follows me on Instagram and watches every single story within seconds. I'm once replied. Interesting to a bikini pic. Sure. We were high school sweethearts, but we're almost finished with college. It's weird. Do I block her or is that worse? Yeah. Okay. So you can't block her. So do you think that if the mother or father in law or is like really difficult, that that should end a relationship? It depends. It depends how intrusive they are in the relationship. Well, in this situation. In this situation, you're commenting. She's like responding. Interesting to her bikini pic. I'd be like. That's so passive. I'd be so passive aggressive. I'd think I'd double down just to piss her off more. Yeah. I don't think end the relationship, but I think no, you don't think in the relationship. Definitely talk to your partner about it. I get you can get feisty with the mom. Like if she's going to come for me, I'm going to come from her right back. Yeah. What would you say? Interesting. I'd be like, I know. I look good, right? Yeah. You're you're or I'd respond like you like question mark. I'd like I'd be like whatever. Yeah. And then like if the boyfriend breaks up with me because the mom is crazy, then that's not my problem. Yeah, that's also going to dark as well. I'm 29 and I've been with my boyfriend for nine years. We own a house together. And for some reason, I had a feeling he would propose, but it hasn't happened yet. He's been talking a lot about next steps. And for him, that would be kids. I've mentioned marriage a few times lately and found that he hasn't even considered ring shopping. Do you think that's a me problem? The fact that I would like to be married first or do you think that's really that's reasonable before kids? Personally, for me, I think it's reasonable before kids. However, there are a lot of people in this world that do not believe in the institution of marriage. Yeah. Yeah, no, for sure. I mean, I think if you're like raising a child to have that financial security structure. Agreed. Support in the child. I think you do it for the child. Even if you don't want to, I think it's good for a child. What I will say is I don't think it's like with bad intent that he's saying he doesn't want to get married. I don't think he doesn't. I don't think he's not considering marriage because he doesn't want to marry you if he's talking about wanting to have kids with you. Well, that's the way I was confused. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think maybe this is a larger conversation of like, how do you like not want to do marriage as a whole? And like that, having that conversation. And if you cannot get on the same page with that, then maybe you do have to go your separate ways if marriage is so important to you. But if he's more important to you as a person, then maybe you can work through it. I think Luke up and research the impacts studies. I'm sure there's loads of studies about kids being raised in a family and with two parents. Oh, you want to come in 10 versus kids that are in a marriage. Okay. So look at the study. And so just whatever's best for the child. If you're going to bring a child into the world, everything needs to be about the child. Every child should be a narcissist. What? I.e. only think about themselves. Only develop themselves. Because that's when you like, then you know who you are. And then you like go into the world. Okay. Love that. Whatever's best for the child. Love that energy. Basically, my roommate keeps. Oh, oh my god. Basically, my roommate keeps getting hand jobs from his boyfriend. Every time we do a movie night, hang out, et cetera. And pretend we don't notice. Like full eye contact and talk. We start again. I'm really fucking took me away there. Like full eye contact and talking to us. Like, it's literally not happening. One time he asked me to pass him his water during it. How do I address this? That is so crazy. Look at me. Look at me. That is so crazy. I would be like, hey, by the way, like, this is so weird. Like, I, everybody thinks it's weird. And like, I feel like what you guys do. No, I would be like, I need to talk to you. Like, not only do I think, like, I don't mean to embarrass you because like, I don't know if you know this. But like, we all know that you're getting a hand job while we all hang out. And like, it is just like super confusing. And like, I understand that like, you might be so in love with each other and so obsessed with each other. And like, I love that for you. But like, for us, like, I don't want to see that period. It's weird. It makes me feel weird. And like, you need to stop. And if you can't stop, then we cannot hang out as a group anymore. Period. Yeah. That was great advice. That was really your advice. Yeah. Nothing more to add on that. What's late night? Why? What's late night? Late night. Oh, it was when I went on Seth Meyers. Is that what that is? Yeah. That's so cool, man. I mean, you should be so proud of yourself. Tom, man. You really should. Thank you. I didn't really feel it in the moment. I couldn't feel it. But then like, my parents were texting me and their friends were texting them. And I was getting a bunch of texts from like, everyone being like, that's so cool. It did even I saw. I was like, what the fuck? This is awesome. Oh, Tom, thank you. But I don't feel when you're doing it in the moment. It doesn't feel like it's very hard to like rationalize that. Like, it's this is correct so it like imposter syndrome I guess yeah yeah and I don't mean to say that I feel like sometimes saying like I have imposter syndrome like it can tow the line of being very pick me but like I really did actually riddled with imposter syndrome oh you think so oh absolutely okay cool yeah I had imposter syndrome so much I think it's because I started my career on an app that isn't considered like traditional so when I do something of a traditional talent nature I feel very like this doesn't feel right even though I want this and I want this to happen and I want it to feel right it doesn't feel right because it I came up on an app that isn't in that field so like the merging of those two which is like happening right now is just makes me feel weird it makes me very happy it's what I've always wanted but I do like feel like oh my god am I supposed to be here yeah I can get that is a hundred percent I mean you're very nation you've developed and created something very unique I mean I can look at chat shows and like see how other actors are and how they conduct themselves whereas you're definitely trailblazing oh what yeah for sure so there's unbelievable you're on that you want to hang out Wednesday after the show you want to like just go get high do something yeah let's do it yeah oh my god you are the best has anyone ever like told you that no you are the best my grand does and then she tells me I'm going to hell on the same sentence love her I would love her at the Sorganized attachment because of all my all of what did you say hi but the Sorganized attachment because of oh why the attachment theory is Johnny Alex was trying to explain to me the attachment theories the other day like like an anxious attachment like all that stuff and I'm very proud I'm going to like look into it because I'm very interested it's really really interested it'll get you closer to you because then you'll see what you are yeah kind of fun honestly now I know psychology is like interested yeah all of my interest that all of my friends are going abroad next semester except for me none of them told me they were signing up for it and they made a separate group chat to talk about plenty and everything oh my god girl yeah wow it's not like I could afford it anyways but I'm going to be living alone and all my roommates and friends are going to be living together in Rome just realize that they're not your people and that they're cheating you just respectfully and you don't like yourself to be treated with a disrespect and then you just part ways I was supposed to go abroad and then COVID happened and I'm so grateful that I brought to work no like you're gonna go in the States when people like or go to like when people go to college in the States um there's this thing it like junior year a lot of people will take a semester and go to year up abroad and I was supposed to go to London and then COVID happened and I'm so great I'm not grateful that COVID happened but I'm grateful that it led me to not going abroad because then I had an incredible job that led me to meet Louise that led me here to talk to you now so you really like have been doing this five years I've been doing this for three years I would say like almost three on the dot I'm like what do you jump I know it's it's crazy but it feels so long you're in a fucking bright on your own Broadway I know I know I know I know I think I really need to but back to happy inside by Casey and my grades sometimes when I feed Casey what did I just say sometimes I feel like if I recognize the good the bad will come so like sometimes that's bad's gonna come I don't want it to but by by by denying the goods doesn't mean that it's gonna then the bad's not gonna come you can still enjoy the good just attach yourself I can't I can't I can't you can are you on meds no wow good for you I've been though I keep getting you have happened which ones okay that's okay that's okay that's okay I keep getting nauseous every time I hook up with my girlfriend like it feels like I'm car sick every time we're intimate we've been together for three months and it's never not happened okay is this a girl I don't know I'm good at hiding it but what does this mean is it a sex thing or her thing or do I play for a different team if you know what I mean yeah if it's a guy saying this then maybe honestly if it's a guy saying this and he's watching your show I'm writing into your show I think you might be gay which is fine oh that was fucking funny oh you should go into comedy next okay I caught my brother watching gay porn he is super homophobic I know exactly what this means and he didn't know I saw him I don't want to out him and bring it up in an uncomfortable way but I can't stay silent when he says nasty shit all the time how do I be the bigger person handling this you go to him privately and you say yeah I know what you do you say you're gay and that's okay and that's okay do you know that reference no you're by you I gay no you've never seen your buy no oh my god what is it the last video only it's only the best video of all time can you feel oh I want to see it have you got you've all seen your buy right Alex have you seen your buy it's it's in the it's like the what would you do shows and oh I love those shows sometimes he's like you're gay and he's like but I like guys and girls this woman taps him on the shoulder and goes you're by and it's just like perfect it's just like want it sometimes if you're by so sometimes if I need to cry I'll watch what we do videos and watch people like sticking up for each other that makes me cry the most is watching strangers sticking up and helping other strangers what's the last time you cried oh really yeah I'm sorry no it's good I wish I could cry it's good I love I love like I'm like access and tears these days what made you cry if you feel comfortable sharing that's okay my relationship is just a total double standard these days and I'm getting sick of it I asked my boyfriend about his celebrity crush and he told me his current was Josh O'Connor who looks nothing like me and so I responded with my celebrity crush and he got so immediately jealous and genuinely upset for the rest of the day that like just happened but stuff like this happens every other day at first it was cute but it honestly is this toxic behavior yes but like I've been there I've been there brother it's the worst thing and it's just insecurity okay it's all it is okay and so I don't know if you can get through it together but I think if he's been honest there's hope to get through it you know but he's being honest in the fact that he recognizes it's a double standard the most my number one pet peeve is when someone like can't realize how hypocritical they're being I think yeah no that's just insecurity I've been there I actually have been there a bunch of times and it's the worst it's like the worst feeling because you're also like hate it but it's like some weird abandonment yeah thing it's like a threat to your like existence so I think that's yeah it's sad okay last one are you ready yeah I'm tired of feeling like I could constantly do better no matter what the case is school boys family etc I have this thing in my head that tells me I can always do more I don't know if this is relatable but if you or amazing guest I just need five seconds I need to restart actually I missed that one it's okay just don't worry about it I'm tired of feeling like I could constantly do better no matter what the case is school boys family etc I have this thing in my head that tells me I can always do more I don't know if this is relatable but if you or amazing guest ever feel like this how do you guys navigate it and remind yourself to slow down my mom might say about me uh gratitude journal okay do you do that I do I haven't been there in the last few weeks just with everything with paradise coming out so I've been distracted period well it is the best show on television and I meant I mean I mean that it's good isn't it no it I didn't want to leave to I wanted to keep watching because I have the screeners and I'm like all I can think about and the reason I'm in such a half the reason I'm in such a good mood is because I'm so fucking pumped to go home and watch paradise it just gives me I've never I've never felt I haven't felt this way about a show in so long like I'm just gonna plug it for five seconds like really and truly like I literally think it is one of the it is so hard to have a show be not soapy but have those soapy plot twists and still be so grounded in these like incredible themes and like I think it does such a good job of doing that like oh my god in the last episode episode four when she when Shailin Woodley and um Sterling are walking down the road and she's like do not look at those people and do not say hi but he has that hope and that faith in humanity so he says hi and then he's able to go back later and have them help her give birth and like have that like hope oh my I just think it's so moving I think it is like really and truly the best show on television I'm so like so happy you're in it I'm so happy for you I think it is seriously the best show on TV oh thank you boss it is so good thank you man yeah anyway back to this girl what was the fucking what was your question how do you remind yourself to slow down that was it so my mom actually bought me a little stocking filler my mom still gives me stocking oh that's cute you're so Scottish yeah I know and she put her little book and three things. So they started the day on meditate and then I'll read this. - How do you meditate? - It's called transcendental meditation. - Okay, and what is that? - You have a mantra and you just sit down and you do the mantra for 20 minutes. - Okay, can we try to do it for like two minutes? - Yeah, okay, so let's say the mantra is o-ing. - Okay. - Okay. And so you just sit right here and this is all in my brain. - Okay. - So I don't say it out loud. - You don't see it out loud, but this is time in your brain. You go o-ing, o-ing. And then you'll find like some silence and it will maybe be like half a second and then your brain will start up again. And then you just keep going back to this mantra. And like sometimes I'll be sitting there for 20 minutes and my brain's just going mental. But you just go back to that mantra every time. So you're not forcing anything and you're all, you're also trying not to achieve a certain state. You're just trying to be honest with where you are. - Okay. - And when it's like the truth of where you are, and you can then you can move from the knowing. But if you try and like superficially develop a state, you then deny, 'cause I always feel like negative motions are always trying to tell you something. And so if you try and get away from them, you're never gonna learn what you need to learn. - Okay, well then that is what we prescribe. Well Thomas, is that it? Oh my God, are you having the best time ever? - Yeah, I feel like we're just warming up. - We kind of did that, we kind of did that. How amazing was that? Like genuinely fabulous, that was so awesome. Thomas, what did we learn today? - What did we learn today? - What did you learn today? - I learned, you don't wanna know what my real takeaway from this was? I need to stop being scared, like letting the idea that bad things are gonna happen, stop me from being happy because they are going to happen. And I need to find peace in the fact that they are going to happen. And I need to be able to allow myself to experience joy in some capacity. That is what I took away from this. - Yeah. - And also to add to that, the more that you ruminate on something bad happening, the likelihood it's gonna happen multiple times. - No, I know, it literally, wait, I can't. - So like if you're like constantly thinking, that's what you're generally and energetically. And so you're attracting that? - I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. What did you learn today? - I learned that, I guess I kind of reaffirmed the lot of things, like reminding myself, it's so nice being able to speak with you. And just, yeah, reaffirmed. And it's a journey, you know, I'm not sitting from any place of, I guess that's what I learned. I'm speaking as if I've like made it, but you never do. And I'm very much in a process as well. And people are just at different stages in their process. - But I feel like you're not speaking from like, oh, I made it professionally. You're speaking of like, I feel like I'm at a good place in my life personally and mentally. - Yeah, because then everything else takes care of itself. - Right. - You don't even have to think about it. - Right. - It's almost like a cheat sheet. You like falling in love with who you are. You accept the good and the bad of who you are. And you can stand with that. Everything else would just take care of itself. Instead of individually turning fix everything. - I love that. - Yeah. - Wow, I love you. - And I love you. (laughing) - Oh, I love you. I was so far away. - Thank you so much. - Will you give a little bypasses? - I appreciate it. (upbeat music)