Serena F*cking Kerrigan

The following podcast is a deer media production. Welcome back to the Not Skinny Bonafat podcast. I'm your host Amanda Hirsch and I still can't believe I get to chat with some of my favorite stars. I'm a very own podcast where you'll feel like you're just talking shit with your best friends in your living room. Hey guys, welcome to a new episode of Not Skinny Bonafat. It's your host Amanda speaking of Not Skinny Bonafat. You know, I so crazy because I do go through just periods where I question the name and I'm like I can't believe this is a name. And do I change it and do I whatever and then it boils down to it is what it is. You know, and also like I'm not a name changer. Like I didn't even change my last name for my husband. So, you know, it just doesn't feel like something I feel like doing. But then so I'm talking to my friend yesterday. This is a funny story. So I'm talking to her and I was telling her I think about that. And she was like, wait, that's so crazy that you say that because I was talking to a girlfriend. Like she was talking to a girlfriend in front of her daughter who was like eight nine years old. And she was telling her about me, like saying something about me. I hope good bitch. She was like a mand up of a blog. You know, Not Skinny Bonafat and her daughter then later comes up to her and is like, Mom, you know, this isn't the first time I've heard you call or describe Amanda like that. Like why do you do that? Like that's not names like blah blah blah. I was like, no fucking way. She was dying. Like her daughter Jen, what are they? A was offended was offended by it. And I'm like, my name didn't age well. And I'm aware. Like don't think I'm not aware. I am aware. I just don't know what to do. You know what I mean? I'm like, we are here. We are here. Like what am I rebranding right now? And I know I've asked you guys your thoughts about this before. But that was really like my friend was telling me, this is a funny story. And I'm like, like, no, this is representative of where we are. You know, of like the younger generations being like, what the fuck? You know, and I don't love it. Like I don't love, I have to say like, I don't love it anymore. Like I know a lot of people relate to the name and feel like that about themselves. And obviously you can only, I feel like say that about yourself. Obviously. I was like, wait, you didn't say why are you saying that? She's really skinny. Anyway, so that was a funny story that happened yesterday. You know, I didn't go to sleep last night until way too late. Like almost 1 a.m. And it is kind of wild. I did get my cortisol checked because it is wild. How in the morning I'm super tired and could fall asleep in midday. And 1 a.m. I am ready to go. Like I'm not a partier, but I could go out to the club 1 a.m. Like that's crazy. Like you should be tired at night. I night got my cortisol checked by the way. So my cortisol is indeed high. And it's higher at night than in the morning. It's supposed to be opposite. So I'm trying to take care of that. I'm working on myself. Okay. But anyways, so then I got to TikTok and this is a funny part. I got to TikTok you guys because my screen time on Instagram was up. That's the only time I scroll TikTok because I only did a screen time thing a limit for Instagram because that's like my thing. Obviously, and I listen to it. It's like you're done. I'm like, okay, then I'll be on TikTok. But so I found myself scrolling got to Bryce Hall. And I was like, Bryce Hall, like that sounds familiar. Why does it sound familiar? And I look it up and it's like, oh, you know, the hype house or one of those houses, content houses that I was just I didn't have a TikTok to like 2024. So I missed all of this. Then I'm like him and fucking Addison Ray. And then I get into Charlie and fucking honey. And I'm like, where are these people now? Which by the way, the girls stayed, you know, made their name way more than the guys. The guys are kind of, you know, the guys are kind of you guys. They're kind of you guys are kind of and they had they have millions, gazillions of followers and they were the biggest things at the time. Like, but I just just don't understand like where these content houses like big brother like where their cameras all the time because there's so much footage of them aside from just the dancing caravan caravan. Anyway, so intrigued by it. Like can Netflix make a doc like I need more. I need more. I need more info. I was literally getting so into it last night. Anyway, let's move on to today's guest. And that's actually a good transition because she also, you know, got her start on TikTok during the pandemic. She got a huge start. She was talking a lot about dating. She even had a dating show online on Instagram. Now let's fucking date. She was a confidence coach helping girls, you know, love themselves and and have confidence in the world of dating and, you know, valuing yourself and not letting a man determine your value. Anyway, and she's now turned into a fabulous woman and creator and author. She has a new book coming out. Let's fucking date out now. So get your hands on it. We've shouted so many times about her coming on the pod and she's such a business gal that she was always like, I'm going to come on one day. I'm going to come on one day and I'm going to have something to come on for. And I was like, you get a girl and she really is like that. She like sets her goals, sets her dreams. She's not afraid to say them, which I really, really respect. It's Serena Kerrigan. It's Serena backing Kerrigan, which is crazy because I think her mom's name is Lily and Serena's mom's name is Lily. Like she really does have all these things that match up with Serena Vanta, what's in. I should go. I should go. You're crushing the like the whole congrats. It's like a big fucking deal. It is. Thank you. Are you enjoying it? I love it. I mean, it's perfect. Perfect person. Thank you. I love it. And it's also like I love being busy. Even today, like our pod we scheduled it at 230. And if if this was my only thing today, like that's weird for me. Like I feel I get lost when I'm bored. Same. Really? Oh my God. I was going to talk to you about it. You're like, why am I not busy from the morning till night? Yeah. No, I literally like at one point, I like put sneakers on without socks. And I was like, should I go on a treadmill? And then I went downstairs and got a call. It was like, are you doing okay? And it's like, no, because I'm not busy. And when I'm not, I don't know what to do. But you're also a mom, like, I know what they're busy during the day. Yeah. I'm like, and that's fine. Be busy. Not that I need them to occupy me during the day. But I think I'm because of a mom, I'm also used to like, I'm busy with something usually. So if I'm not, it's weird. Isn't that? I feel like that's not good. No, but I'm the same one. You get the same way. Yeah. I feel like it's like you need to be like, okay, like not scrolling, not doing anything. Just like relaxing. Yeah. Or doing something that's good for you. Right. He's like, you don't know what self-care is. Like when I see people do the knitting, I'm like, I could literally never. Yeah. Do you cook? No. Neither do I. Okay. Sorry. Should we begin? We began. Oh, we began. I don't cook either. I don't really have hobbies. You know, oh, okay, somebody was so funny. Oh, a producer that I work with. I get real. We were talking. Nobody really talked about the Justin Bieber and Haley cover for what was a youth. W. Mac. Right. I'm too chronic. They don't mind. Holy shit. And obviously hottest picture is fucking to me. They're the hottest couple on the planet. So like I didn't care what it said. But you know what I mean? I was just like the picture. What did it say? It had that they answered questions. Yeah. But what did you just say? Cause they reminded me of that. Oh, I don't have hobbies. Cooking. Okay. I don't cook. Okay. So Haley said that. She isn't cook. She doesn't have hobbies. She does cook. She might not consider it a hobby. She might consider it like. She does do those cinnamon rolls and stuff that I really got. Yeah, I don't even have that. I don't even have that. I don't really think I'm actually good at anything other than talking other than what you do. Yes. I mean, but that, but a lot of things go into that 100%. Yeah. So like whatever you do. For a living. You know, whatever it is that you do. Author. For sure. It's funny because I always was obsessed with boys. And it's like a really young age. Like obsessed. That was your hobby. That was my hobby. That was your hobbies. Obviously general plural. Exactly. So it's crazy to think that I built a whole career off of having a crush. So your obsession with boys. So you never like question dear sexuality. There was one moment where I was like single in my into my 20s where I was. I had I was attracted to a woman. And I was like, maybe this is the path for me. Did you go down with that? We held hands. That's it. We held it. Did you go down? I thought I said, did you go down on her? I was a meeting get there. No. She was so beautiful. She's a model. And we held hands. And I was like, I thought that us holding hands wasn't like it. We held hands. I felt like there was. We did hold hands today. You're right. Yeah. I didn't feel like that. I didn't want to fuck you. You know, I mean. And we thought we were thinking about it. With her, I was willing to just say goodbye to Dick forever. And why didn't it happen? Because I don't think she is gay. Oh. Okay. Okay. So one of you needs to be. I feel like there needs to be like a Sarah Jane Nader in the situation also would be down. I'm in a happy relationship. But like, you know, I'm a trisexual. I will try anything once a trisexual. It is. That's a good word. Do people use it? Samantha Jones quote, but it's. Oh, wait. Are you Samantha? Well, I'm definitely not carry. Right. Is anybody a carry anymore? I don't I feel like you used to be like, I'm a carry. That was like embarrassing to be a carry Samantha. Until I she. Okay. So when I was in high school, I had a Twitter account when I was a sophomore called Sam Jones daughter. And I literally would tweet like I was her. and I would tweet stuff about sex, about boys, and I would say to my friends like, "This Twitter is so funny." And my friends were like, "This is you." And I was like, "No, it's not." And so that was just like, that is how much she has been ingrained in my psyche, since my-- - Did that Twitter pop off? - No, it didn't pop off at all. But it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. It's like, I always felt like she contributed so much to how I see myself confident, sex, dating, all of it. She was the star of that show. - Right, duh. - And you saw yourself in her. - Beyond, she dated Jared's at the younger guy and with the younger guy. - Wait, can we go? Okay, so you're obsession-- - No, never apologize. - Sorry for saying, sorry. - You're being obsessed with boys since you were younger. It's kind of she in a show. - Boy, crazy, remember that? - Beyond. - But were you like-- - Not that this is a sexual pod, but was it like, I want dick. Or was it I want a tension, I want the love, the cuddles, or was it like a sexual thing? - Amazing question. It wasn't a sexual thing until I realized that having sex or being in a sexual situation made me feel desired. And I thought that having sex with a guy would lead him to fall in love with me. And then I remember my psychiatrist, this is a night school, was like, I wanted to try getting to know them before you take your clothes off. - Yeah. - And I was like, oh my God, good point. Because I was so confused. I was like, we had sex, I thought, you would ask me out. - Really? - He was like, no. - Did you talk to mommy about this? - Of course, so when I was-- - Mommy is her mom. - Mommy's from Argentina. - Yes, so that's why she's mommy. - Mommy? - Yeah. - When I was, I think 12, I got my friend, Jessie, who was my best friend, love you, Jessie. And we went to his house when his parents weren't there, his apartment, it was a couple of weeks, blocks away from mine. - You grew up in the city for-- - I grew up in New York City for context. Sorry, it's such a casual, like I'm having such a great, I feel like we're a coffee. - No, we're a coffee, babe. - Yeah. And it looks really good. The lighting's amazing. Okay, so for context, I grew up in New York City. I had a best friend named Jessie. He was like the hot kid in my grade. - Yes. - And I think we were about like 12 years old and he invited me over to his parent's apartment. They weren't there, so I hopped skip and jumped there. And I was excited. And I don't remember how it came up, but like I ended up giving a hand job. That looked like this. (laughing) - At 12. - Like insane. - Yeah. - So then the next day-- - For some, I'm not judging. I was a hoe at 12 too. - Of course. - I wasn't touching the penis as though. - But I was like, I was ready. - Oh, first try. - To get down. - I was a bit early. (laughing) So the next day, I don't go to school. I don't know if I was dick-matized. I don't know what happened to me. I just like, I remember I didn't go to school. But we, Justin, I mean, in fact, like let's not tell anyone about this. - He was embarrassed. - Probably. - Yeah. - I realized I shouldn't have been too. - Do you know who made the first move? - I can't remember. He probably did. He probably was like, I'll touch your vagina. Like he probably like went, like, I can't even. - Okay. - Doesn't matter. So the next day, I don't go to school. Then the day afterwards I show up, everyone in the hallway is going like this. Like, yo, Serena, he told everyone that I gave him an octopus hand job. - He called to that? - That's basically what it was. - He told everyone it's 12. - He told everyone. And I wrote into my diary being like, everyone is calling Jesse a pimp in a good way and they're calling me a slut in a bad way. - Oh. - Okay, feminism. And here's the kicker. Then the teacher's found out the principal calls my mom and is like, your daughter is sexually active. Like, like insane. And my mom, who's Argentinian, turns to me and just goes, you'll look on them. - And that was it. - No. - Well, she was like, do whatever the fuck you do, but you'll look on them. - Also for context, you're an only child. - Yeah. - Is that helpful context? So if I had a sibling, I wouldn't be a slut. - I want them to get the full picture. - The first three to carry me. - Only daughter. - New York City. - It was a slut. - No, I'm just kidding. - Yeah, legit. That was so wrong with that. - That's nice. I don't think my mom was down. - I think that my mom grew up in a dictatorship in Argentina and like, it's not that serious. - Right. - She's just like, it's fine. - She had other things to worry about. - So you didn't enjoy that experience. - When was the first experience you enjoyed? - I did enjoy it. I just didn't enjoy that after. - The after, okay. Okay, but you were turned on by the prospect of like men. - Hell yeah, I liked feeling desired. And I think the problem was that I kept chasing that feeling, that validation. I would say growing up is realizing that that validation comes from within. - Let's talk about 2020 Serena. - Right. - It was a different-- - Body count high. (laughing) - Confidence queen. - Wait, so I'm going to tell the story here of like when I first heard your name. - Okay. - And I don't really care that you don't love that maybe. - No, oh my god. I mean, everyone has a first time. - Okay, yeah. - Everyone has their first run in with SFK. So I was a huge bachelor nation fan and I'm watching about your nation. I know. - The story is crazy. - No, but that is true. But that's like, should we talk to about more? You know? - No one. - So there's a contestant and she's pretty crazy and she's walking around with the crown and like everyone's like, is this a bit? This was actually before the bachelor became like, everyone's going on for the wrong reasons. This was still like, prime bachelor time. So this girl goes on Victoria Larson. Still following her on Instagram, we've discussed this. I was like, I don't know, yeah. Anyway, so she was the, like, kind of villainess, but also you're like, I guess no one was rooting for her. But you were kind of like, what is going on with her? Why is she wearing a crown? Why is she telling everyone she's like the queen or something? What is even going on? And then she says in a confessional that her confidence coach, Serena Caryngan. - I don't know, did she name me? She might have said my confidence coach and I went on TikTok and I was like, that's me, baby. - Baby, I didn't even have a TikTok. She named you. - Okay. - It was a thing. - Oh, she should, as she should. How did you become a confidence coach? - Honestly, just a little bit of audacity because I was in COVID. I'd quit my job. I used to work at her five or 29, which was a women's media company. - Yeah, I love. - I worked there for three and a half years. I was making content for them. Then I was like, you know what? I want to go build my empire. I figured out how to become confident. I thought I could monetize it. Like I just, I felt like I had a voice and I wanted a platform. I wanted to go for it. Two weeks before lockdown, I quit my job. Lockdown happens. And I'm like, fuck, I'm like single jobless alone. And I remember just being like, okay, I could, I'm just gonna offer confidence coaching sessions on Zoom, thinking no one's gonna buy into it. Bitches paid up. Like there was, I coached a lot of women. And I said, I was like, I'm not your therapist, but I'm just gonna teach you what I've learned about confidence. And she was one of my clients. - Can you tell what's the like three main things for confidence? - Okay, your relationship with your best friend, you're constantly hyping her the fuck up, right? Like if she was like, I got ghosted, you wouldn't be like, obviously. - Right. - If she lost her job, you wouldn't be like, was waiting for that day to happen. Like you would be the opposite. - If she was like, I look so ugly today, you would be like, you look. - Shut up, you look amazing, right? We're so quick to nurture support, hype up, those around us, everyone around us. But when it comes to ourselves, we are so fucking mean. We are our own worst critic. It's actually insane. - It's insane. - So what I realized that was really helpful, I didn't like the Pinterest, Mason jar affirmations that are like live laugh laugh. Like I didn't get, like I wouldn't say that to a best friend. But what I realized is like if I get in front of a mirror and I talked myself the same way I would my best friend, that makes me feel good. And that I start to believe that about myself. So that is like the one of the core tenants. And I would zoom with these women 'cause it was the pandemic, including Victoria. And I would literally like get a mirror right now and do it in front of me. And women will literally start crying or be like, they could make eye contact. They're like twitching it. I was like, no, no, no, no, look into the mirror and just say it, bitch, I fucking love you. Do you do that Amanda? I don't. Okay, I think you should try. Yeah, it is. I'm like, you're a loser. We stopped doing that. Yeah. But I will say that I do have moments like, I feel like we all do where you can look at a picture of yourself and be like, damn, I look good. Yeah. And you're like, okay, that was a moment that I was in like, ugh, you're so, you know, where you don't do that. You have to stop doing that. I know, wait, you don't do that in life. You've stopped self-deprecating. Self-deprecating, of course, but self-critiquing like real. When I do it, my boyfriend is like, what would SFK say? What would Serena fucking care and say to you right now? You have to remove it. A third person's here? I third person me. There's Serena and there's SFK. Who do you have on this podcast? I don't know. You do third person here. Okay, this is how you do it. You're allowed to say I feel, I feel ugly, I feel like shit. I feel like I might never find my person because feelings are temporary. They go away. But when you say I am, you become those things and words become reality. And with this book specifically, let's fucking date, I'm trying to show women that when they say shit, like I'm never gonna meet my person or New York is the worst city to date or like I suck, like that becomes the reality that becomes your experience. And there's not a lot of things you can control about dating other than like how you show the fuck up. It's like negative manifesting. It's bad vibes. Yeah. It's also desperate. And you're like, oh, no one's gonna want to date me. Like, okay, that I don't want to date you. If you think that about yourself. Mm-hmm. Well, let's think about sports, although it's not really my thing. Okay. Let's, we went to the US Open together once. Yeah, that's what we did. Okay. Which one was that? It was last year. Yeah. Yeah. Don't remember anything about it, except for this. Except for we couldn't stop talking. Right. But we weren't using a ring light. And so we weren't. We weren't. We were really respectful. Other than that, we were telling the whole time. Okay, so when tennis players, go on a court, they're not like, oh my god, like my opponent's so much better than me, I'm going to lose. Like, forget it. Like, I shouldn't even try. Like, I'm the worst. Even if they're ranked really differently, right? Like, and in tennis, you see those rankings. They would never come with that energy. So why are you bringing that energy to dating or any aspect of your life? It's so true. Maybe because you think we have this thing from like when we were in school where we would be like, I'm so going to fail this task and then you would like get in a hundred. And we think we could do that in life, but it like doesn't work in life. I think it's a way of rejecting before you get rejected. So it's like, men are trash, like fuck men. So then like when you end up single, it's like, well, I said men were trash. And I was never going to find anyone. Right. What's your take on that? So I'm doing that philosophy. Stop doing that. The men are trash. Stop saying that. I know in my book, I have a chapter called like a basically says, like, do you know a good man? And I tell them the readers' rates are hand. It's interactive. It's interactive. It's interactive. And it's like, do you know a good man? Yeah, we do. We know eat someone's brother, your husband, your friends, cousin, like they're, are dorm men. Like they're, they're good fucking men in our life. That's really true. And so I don't like this men are trash thing because I think it's hurtful. It's a generalization. And yeah, do some men need help for sure? Yeah. But I don't like that energy because it ultimately, if you want to end up with a man, then why are you saying men are trash? Yeah. So you never had that phaser. Did you? Not like a man-hater. I never really had that. I definitely fell into the trope of sometimes feeling like I wasn't going to end up with anyone that I was going to have to like do IVF and like raise the baby with my mom, with my mommy. With your mommy. I thought about that. Who was probably down. No, 100%. He's like, he's okay. But he's your eggs. It's fine. No, exactly. But I definitely got scared. But then I thought, okay, there are 8 billion people on this fucking planet. Like really? I'm going to be the one person that doesn't find their guy. How bad was dating when you started? Well, we removed negative words, right? So I definitely found dating to be frustrating. Is that in the book? Of course. Overmoving negative words. How frustrating was dating in 2020 or before you started your let's fucking date? Oh. Pre-pandemic. It was a whole other world. Is that crazy? It's like pre and post. Okay. Do you think? Well, I wasn't dating. I was a child bride. Right. I don't know. I was 25, 26, wouldn't it? The pandemic. So I was still like, I wasn't serious. Okay. I don't think I was serious. I think I started getting serious about dating afterwards. But when did you start getting frustrated or thinking you would have to raise a baby with your mom? It isn't dramatic at all given you're like 30. My late 20s is when I was like, what is going on? Well, mainly because I kept attracting fuck boys. Like guys that didn't want anything to do with me and I was quote in love with that. Like I was shocked when they wouldn't ask me to be their girlfriend. They would don't maybe attack. Okay. In shock. So you've had like experience, like many of these experiences. Beyond. Sometimes it's gotten rejected more than me. That's why women are like, I'm afraid to go on the date. What if he doesn't like me? I'm like, bitch, take a number. I you don't understand how many times I've been rejected. And it didn't hurt your confidence? Of course they did. Okay. But the problem, but this is it. The more you get rejected, the less it hurts. Think about it. Yeah. Like the more it doesn't, it doesn't cut through. It stings really damn. But then, especially once you meet someone that you really love, you look back and you're like, I'm so glad I got rejected all those things. Right. Like they weren't right. They're so much uncertainty. You don't know. I wish I could. I remember I was talking to this girl once and she was like, how do you know if your person's like your person? And I'm like, I think it's intuition. Like you know. Yeah. And she was like, I'm with the sky and I don't know whether or not to break up with him. And I was like, if I was your fairy fucking godmother and I could tell you, I see in two years at see which vibes. If I see in two years that you are going to meet your person, like without it out, I know his name. I know what would you do right now? She was like, I'd break up with the guy I'm currently with and I don't have the best fucking time being single. And I was like this, that I wish I could give that to every woman. I wish I could bottle that up and let them because I think that we don't realize that our single point in our lives is very small. Yeah. It's such a great time. It's so true. And being single fox, being single fox and I. Do you miss it? Honestly, no. And this is why. Okay. Because yes, did I have sometimes I was down bad and like I definitely got in my head. That's normal. We all feel that it's something. Yeah. For the most part, I fucked everyone I wanted to fuck. I did it for the pot. I flew to a different state for a first day. I like I did the Instagram live dating like I do live. I lived in love. You lived. We'll be right back after the break. I just love revamping and like renewing with my iPhone case. Like it could change my mood upside down. Like sometimes I take off a case and I'm like, I've been using this for way too long. It's like it's dirty. It's sticky. 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Find egg life chilling in the refrigerated section, Aldi Whole Foods, Kroger target. Walmart and more of it's at egglifefoods.com to find a retailer near you and tag me so I can see what you're cooking up and we're back. We can ask you a question that lets the do it for the plot. Did you come up with that? Yes. Because it's like, do you ever want to wish you copy, wrote it or trademark it? - You did? - Yeah. - Okay, because I feel like it is used a lot in life. Like do it for the plot, do it for the plot. - Do it for the plot. - And you ain't always credited. - If you look on chat, you mean, (laughs) - You're in a car, really? - Wait, really? - Oh really? - 'Cause I wonder, 'cause when I hear people say it, I'm like, do they know they're using? - Probably not, but that's okay. - Like it made its way into the-- - It's like guys. - Yes, pretty sick. - Yeah, how'd you come up with that? - I was, I'd been doing it for the plot since my hand jobs, you know what I mean? - For the story. - Always, I wrote about that hand job and my first kiss, everything in this juicy couture diary that I had since I was seven or eight. And I always was writing things down about my life. I had that mentality of like we're gonna die. And so do everything you can. Like do it for the plot. If it scares you, you should try it. That's why I jumped out of a plane, a bungee jump. - Yeah, I don't know if I could get down with if it scares you to try it. - Really, okay. - Yeah. - I'm kind of like, wait, maybe not like heroin, but like, you know. - No, no, no, I know. But I think about that, 'cause there are many things that scare me and I like being in my comfort zone. And I like to say that to myself, but I think I'm also like, if I don't wanna. - I don't wanna. - So agree with that. Like I don't wanna cook. I'm not gonna cook. - Don't. - And it scares me, okay? Here's the fuck out of me. - Yeah. - I think it's more like at the end of every year, I ask myself, we do the vision boarding, we do the manifesting. But I also ask myself, how many times did you push yourself outside your comfort zone? And honestly, not that many times. And so my biggest piece of advice for women who wanna meet someone in the wild or wanna meet their partner, is not Google hottest places to meet men in your city. Like, it's not like to swipe into a living on a dating app. It's actually to go outside your comfort zone one day. And that can mean going to a new place for matcha. It could mean going to a workout, it's awesome when you went to a workout class that you like never tried before. - Right. - Right, we tend to get very comfortable in our ways and set in our ways 'cause it's easy or even like taking a different route to work. But I think that if we expand ourselves a little bit, you're more likely to meet someone or meet like a gay Bastie who has a hot straight brother. - Or just to make it not about dating for just a second for my married ladies. - Yes. - No, no, 'cause it's a great piece of advice. It's like, there is that thing, you know, it's like, you know, you're, it's a psycho bath of the door is locked and they try to open and they see it's locked. - I'm sorry. - What do you just say? - Explain that wrong. - But you know, let's say you come to a door and it's locked and you're like, you're trying to open it. I saw somewhere that it was like, that's a psycho path. Like if you're, the door is locked and you're still trying to open it. - Yeah, that's free. - And you're not getting it through your mind that it's locked. So what I'm saying is, this is what I'm saying. If you come, oh, it's getting there, I'm getting there. If you continue doing the same thing, you're not gonna get a different result exactly. So what you're saying, I feel like applies in life. It's even like, when I had my year of yes, 'cause I was saying no to everything and I was like, I know you hate going to events, I know you hate doing the thing. Just do, and by the way, it has something to do with what we talked about, like, just like putting yourself in vulnerable situations and like doing the thing that like scares you a little bit. So that scares me on some sort of level. However, I would find that when I would do those things, so I'm taking into the not dating, you would meet somebody in the business, you would network with somebody. I don't think there was, there were having a few times where I was like complete ways and you're like, fuck my life, why didn't I go? But most of the time, you're like, oh, I met someone so, or I got to chat with this person, or I got a nice picture taken, or whatever it is, something good happened out of that. So I agree with that. It's like, like, you got to, it's not just gonna like, you know, people are like, I wanna meet somebody organically. It's like, when have you gone anywhere? - Yeah, you have to shake shit up. - You have to shake shit up. - But even like, with friends, like, going to that baby shower, you're like, fuck, I really just wanna lay in bed. I don't wanna go to that baby shower. Like, even showing up for them, you might not realize, and I'm not saying you should do things for transaction, but like, typically when you show up and out, which is like, I think as you get older, it's like, all you wanna do is not leave your house. - Right. - I never regretted it. Like, I really never regretted like, showing up. - Right. - But it's sometimes like, the last thing you wanna do. - The last thing you wanna do. Well, your six days away from your book release, right? As we're recording right now, let's fucking date. By the time this comes out, is it gonna be out? So by the time this drops the book is already out, it's called, let's fucking date, become the prize, enjoy the ride. - I never settle again. - I love it. How did you decide to write a book? - I was an English major at Duke University. I've always loved writing. My dad's a writer. And I've been writing in that fucking diary since I was a kid. And I think, the internet, there's just a lot of content. And sometimes things can be spoken about with more nuance in a book than a 30-second Instagram story. - Yeah. - And I wanted to place, what I really wanted to do with this book is, when I was single, and this book extends beyond just being single, but that's my main market, of course, is because I think that you have to date your partner. And so there's a whole section on that as well. But all I wanted was someone to reassure me. And so also some men slap me in the face a little bit. And be like, he doesn't fucking like you. So move on. Don't why are you getting obsessed with the guy that is not speaking to you? It's clear. - Right. - But I wanted to write a book that I wish I had when I was younger. One that would give me a slap in the face and a hug at the same time. - I love that. 'Cause when I see you hustling and the way you need to hustle for this book, it gives me anxiety. I'm proud of you. - Remy said the same thing, okay. 'Cause we're all speaking from our own fears, I think. I'm proud of you and I'm like, you fucking get it. But I also know that like, okay. So that's what you have to do if you write a book. Like, you know what I mean? The hustle that goes into it and the promotion of it. And I know you're the New York Times bestseller list. - We're gonna see. - We're gonna, you're on it. What has been the decision to make content about that? Like getting on the list. Versus just being like, I'm writing this book. You know, but the list is important. Is it actually important? - I mean, to you is what I'm saying. - You're like, is it actually important? I don't know how I made it. - It's not everybody else about it. - It's ego. - Totally. - But I also feel like women tend to not ask what they want. - For what they want. - They don't ask for what they want. And so I've seen people talk shit being like, oh my god, she's begging. Like, oh my god, she's so embarrassing. And I'm just like, I would rather put it on the table and be like, this is what I want. And if you're like, and people have shown up and they've supported like, especially people in our industry, it'd been amazing. And like, people from high school, I don't speak to her, like I ordered your book, like, it's incredible. But I also think that it's a way to also show women because I might not get it by the way. Like, I might not get it and that's okay. Like, by the way, I've read a lot of books for my job and many of the ones that I loved didn't make any sort of list. And then some reality stars that wrote, like. - Or didn't write it. - Correct. Made it. So I'm just putting that out there. I totally get the ego and that you deserve it and that you want that accolade. But like, it's not everything. - It's not. - Yeah. - And I will say the reviews to me are actually way more important because I care more that people bought it and liked it versus they just bought it, right? - Right. - And I feel like that's really the impact. Like, seeing the reviews, seeing women like writes me and say like, this really flipped my perspective and made me feel good and empowered and wanting to have fun with dating again. Like, that is the point of the book. So that is the most important. - Right. - And I think like, yeah, like, I'm hustling, it's crazy. I am a creator. I am an influencer. I sell a lot of stuff. I've sold tons of card games. I've sold it all. Never had more difficulty selling a book. It's a very difficult product to sell. - Why do, and don't the agents of the world make it seem like it's a thing that is easier? - Every single person I've spoken to told me that it was gonna be really hard. - They told you and you still wanted to do it. - Of course. I'd love to go outside. - Okay, good friends. - It's been good for you. - Because at the end of the day, I wrote a book that I would wanna read. Therefore, I know it's a good book. But anytime I make something, whether it's a video or a product that I don't actually like, wouldn't buy myself. - It's hard for you to do it. - No one's gonna buy. I'm not gonna be able to sell it. - Totally. - So for this, I absolutely, like, I literally just made a post saying like, if you didn't like my book, if you read it and you regret that you bought it, like I won't pay back. - And by the way, she will, I believe her. - No, I will 100%. That's how fucking good I think this book is. Okay? - I brought it for you. - Thank you, babe. I'm so excited. First of all, it's a gorgeous cover. Everybody, go get Let's Fucking Date. I'm sure it's amazing. I can't wait to read it. And it's gonna do amazing. - You have to put yourself out there. You have to, I love it. - I know what you want. - By the way, you are inspiring. - I want women to be like, hey guys, like help me. - I want this and not to not feel cringe about it. And by the way, let's say you don't get it. I have no fucking regrets. Because I asked for what I wanted and I asked for help. - I love that. - I love that so much. I love that so much. - Who cares? No one's gonna die. I'm like, oh my god. At my funeral, but she didn't get me worked out. Like no one cares. - So I was in the Hamdons with one of my best friends. We ran into the house together with our significant others. And one day she woke up and she was like, this is the most perfect day. I mean, could life get any more perfect? And I was like, yeah. I literally was like, what? Like, of course it could. And then I stopped and I was like, you could always think that. You could always think like if I just got this, if I just owned this, if I just got this accolade or opportunity, then it would be better. Or you could actually be grateful for what you have. And I was like, and I sometimes, when people post an Instagram being like, I can't believe this is my life, I'm like, when am I gonna have that moment? Thinking that if I reach a certain level of success, that's when I'm gonna have it, when not realizing that, no, you can have that moment right now. You could be grateful for what you have. I'm just gonna tell you something. [BLANK_AUDIO] this podcast, when I saw that I got this podcast, I've never felt more like this was a big one for me. I look up to you. I think you're so amazing and I think you're so funny. And like you don't fuck around with the guest you've had on your show. And so I'm so grateful that you have me on. I really appreciate it. Of course. Well, it's old Joe's like years in the making and you're a business girl. Like even when we've seen each other, we talked about you're like, I'm going to come on for something. Yeah. You manifested. By the way, you told me. I want to like, when I we've talked about you were like, and when I come on, it's going to be for something. She's a business fucking girl. But also wasn't afraid to I think other women or maybe an old version of me would have been, I'm not going to say that because I don't want to impose or I don't want her to think like, like to say it to come on. Right. Right. Just being like, no, I want to come on. I don't know what it's going to be for, but we're going to. Yeah. I'm going to have someone to fucking promote. Well, I love that so much. And I think it's important what you said. And I think I struggle with it. I think no matter what industry you're in, you struggle with the like, the being content versus wanting more. And there's probably a line between both, right? Like balancing both. Like you can want more, but also try to be like your friend and like enjoy the fucking day and be grateful for the day for the house and the hamptons or for the career that you have. And it's hard. It's hard. I feel like post is always going to move, especially for ambitious. It's always going to be something. Like when you get good things, question to you, when you get good things, a call, something good happened, are you able to live in that moment? Or are you thinking about the next thing? It's a practice I'm trying to do. Yeah. Like really enjoy it, sit in it, be grateful. I started saying like, thank you so much more out loud. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. And just to circle back to the mirror of it all. And by the way, in this book, like, I there is a mirror. It comes with the mirror. I want it. You don't think I asked for that. I asked for the back to like in the PR package, maybe what I did was I wrote a mirror, mirror prompt at the end of every chapter. So because I feel like part of the thing is like, you don't know what to say to yourself. So this one says, do you want to partner a penpal? If there is no plan, there's no man. Or so I did that because what I wanted to say to you is like, when you get something amazing, I want you just, I want you to go to your mirror and tell it like and and congratulate the goal of the mirror because I think that's going to be good practice for you. Yeah. This is another mirror prompt. You are a magnetic. You are lovable. You are a fucking prize. Like I think that if you say that a lot to yourself, like I contact to yourself, you begin to believe that. And that's how confidence grows. That's itself talk. And it's by the way, free, painless. You could do it before you brush your teeth or after like, it's like we're paying this money on therapy and books and things and when the answer is actually genuinely within us. Like when you're confident, mic drop, mic drop, it is true. I mean, to be honest, I was way more confident when I was way less cute. And like more weight was on and I didn't have a great career. It's so crazy. It's like confidence really can come from just within you and not even from things, you know, we'll be right back after the break. Some of you already know this, but after I had Noah, which was 2020, you guys, I literally learned what everyone was talking about when they talked about post-partum hair situations. Okay, because I, I didn't believe it. Like I was like, it's trying to have a full head of hair, let some hair, let some air, then I've always wanted thinner hair. Like it's like, you're so dumb. Like be careful what you wish for, right? And then I discovered neutral. 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I posted pans that I'm also struggling with. People are like, I only buy my pants at quince. So find the fall pieces. You'll reach for the most at quince and everything else. Download the quince app. I have it. So easy to shop on there. So user friendly. And they have app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash not skinny. You can get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. If you have kids, you already know that somehow everything you own ends up with something spilled, smeared, or rubbed into it. I always get messages about like, how do you have like white, you know, a couches and light rugs and chairs? Because I don't want, I don't want an ugly house. Like I want things that I like and I will deal with whatever the kids do to it. Okay. Yes, I know that between no one letting nothing is safe and that I'm basically always finding a new mystery stain. And cleaning and couch is usually such a production. You have to like rent a company by a machine or like, just pray. Pray that something you spray on it will make it work. I just got the green mitt starter kit from clean safe products. And it's literally the easiest way to clean couches, carpets, rugs, car seats, you name it, all the fabrics around your house. It was created by professional carpet and upholstered cleaners. So it's not just some, you know, random internet hack. There's no machine, no seam cleaner, no complicated process. You spray the area. You give it a few minutes to work and then you use the green mitt to lift the dirt and miss away. Okay. When you rinse the mitt, you see what just came out of the fabric. It's so satisfying and a little horrifying. But I love about clean safe products. It's non toxic. It's so free. It's fragrance free. So you know that you're not soaking things that the kids and pets are around with chemicals or heavy fragrances just to get it clean. It's made for real life. 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And then when there's a nice guy, you got like the egg and you're cringed out because he's too nice or too available. So I went to therapy and I really did the work. I froze my eggs because I felt like that was going to give me a sense of empowerment. And it did. And if you're listening, like I know it's super expensive. And I know it's a privilege, but there are payment plans. Like my place that I did it, like they do a payment plan with no interest. Like there's ways around it. But it made me feel like a fucking man. Like it gave me so much, just like to slow down a little bit and not feel like I have to rush and settle. So I was I was like in a pretty, not bad. That place, but more like I went back to therapy, I really like dug deep and like what is holding me back? And I ultimately realized that I didn't really believe that I was worthy of love. Or I was so afraid that when I started dating someone, they saw the real me, not the like SFK like larger than life, but really just like the sensitive me that they would run away and be like, oh my god, I don't want anything to do with this. So it was easier to keep picking guys that didn't, you ever get there, right, to begin with and actually letting someone in. So then after therapy and making that realization, I was like, okay, now I'm going to leave New York City. I'm born and raised here, I got to leave. - Where are we going to go? - LA. - To move there. - Dun dun dun. I can't even drive, I don't know how to ride. - Do I, did you move? - No, I, but I finished my lease. I told all my friends and they were like, yeah, fucking right. And I was like, no, no, seriously, I'm moving to LA. But because I was moving to LA and this comes back to my book because I already shopped or called use the vacation mentality because when we go on vacation, we do it for the pot more, we say yes to more opportunities. We flirt more. Like you're just like in your vibe. - Like more, we smoke more, say like we do all the, we allow ourselves way more. - And there's no stakes because we're leaving. - Yeah. - So I was in that mentality of like, no stakes, I'm leaving New York, I'm going to LA. So I was saying yes to a lot of things. And one of the things I said yes to was a podcast. - Okay, tell me about saying yes to his pod. Was it a random pod? - It was random. He DMs me. And I just remember and he was like, I'd love to have you on my podcast. And I just remember how odd that a man wants me on their podcast. I remember thinking that. I was like, men don't ask me on their podcasts. It just has happened. - Were men DM you? Were you getting like hit on in the DMs? - No, it wasn't a hit on it. It was like a. - No, in general, I mean. - No. - During this whole dating period. - Maybe. - Not anything crazy. - Nothing's significant. Anyhow, him. So I can't remember. I mean, I've smoked a lot of weed in my life. But anyhow, it doesn't matter. So he DMs me. And I just go, yeah, reach out to my publicist. Linkin, linkin by or whatever, like. (laughing) - Linkin by myself. And he's like, he's like, of course. And then I just, I remember hearing from my publicist at the time, like, yeah, you're going to Brooklyn for this interview. And don't even, I don't think I was even promoting anything. Like, I was just there for the vibes. - You were down. - Just for the, and I remember I didn't even like have mascara on. Like, I was like totally, I just know expectation. And I was about to hop on the subway to go to Brooklyn where he had just pod. And I'm about to head into the subway 'cause I'm a New York City girl. And he texts me being like, hey, it's Felix. I got you a car. It's downstairs. I'm sorry. To this day, the only podcast that's ever called me, it's called. And he's a black car. And he said, well, I don't know if I would believe it. - He was excited. - He said he's never called another guest of black car, which I feel like is alive, but let's stay with it. - Okay. - So I get to the studio. And it was just like this instant. Like, not like, oh my god, he's so hot. I want to bang him. - Yeah. - To take this mic away. (laughing) Like it wasn't that. It was just like, I feel like I know you. Just that kind of energy. - Yeah. - And-- - Did he know about you? - Yeah. - He was like, he-- - Not a follower. He did, we had a mutual friend who was on his podcast, and he was like, you shouldn't have researched it. Like, I feel like you guys would hit it off. - Okay. - And so he did his research and he was like, into it. Like, we're both from New York City. You guys went to the same high school. - No one's a beacon. - We've had this conversation. - Okay, but he's like, how many years younger than me? - Okay, so we're gonna get to that. - Okay. - So immediately I start talking about my dating life. 'Cause again, what am I promoting on this podcast? I don't know. So I'm literally like, oh, I feel like I'm just too much for a man. And he was like, well, for the right guy, you'll be the perfect amount. - You gotta tell us. - I was like, are you hitting on me? I'm down. - Wait, you said it? - Yes. (laughing) - On the pod. - Yeah. - And what did he say? - He was like, let's just keep this professional. And I was like, okay, and he's playing, but see with me under the table. - He's playing, but see? - No, like, I might have brushed his butt. But anyway, it was, there was a lot of flirty, good energy. - Yeah. - And afterwards, we were like, official three weeks later. - But who, like-- - Okay, we want to know all the Niddy gradient. - I know how in depth you wanted Niddy to go. - Who texted who? - I texted first because I think that you can absolutely initiate a conversation with a man, but he has to make the plan. He has to initiate that. So I said, thank you so much for having me at a really good time. And he said, let's continue without Mike's or cameras. So we did, we went to sushi down to the three dates and it's going really great. So I Google him. And I'm like, who the fuck is, like, who is this? Five and I never heard of him. He's from New York, born and raised like me. Like, we've never really had any crossover. Why? - 'Cause they're 22. - 'Cause he's 23. (laughing) - That's close. - And I was 29. - We didn't talk about age, like the first three dates. Like they come up. - Never did not come up. I was 29, 29. I was living at a home alone in the West Village. Had my company had, I don't know. - Was he living at home? - Yes. - With his parents? - Yes. - Okay. - Right out of college-- - Fresh out of graduation, cap on, just kidding. It was the year after, but yes. - So I was like, okay, that's crazy. - Like six years isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things. When you put it like that, like just like phase it in life of like you're, you know, doing really well, he just graduated. - Correct. - Yeah. - And so I brought it up to him and I was like, is this a fetish? Like what's-- (laughing) - For him? - Yeah, I was just like, what's your vibe? I actually was unhappy about it. 'Cause I was just like, oh, like-- - Until I found somebody-- - This is never gonna work, or whatever. - I didn't know. And then he was just like, no, I'm really mature from age, like he's a really old soul. And he was just like, a lot of my past girlfriends have been older, like it's not, it's not, it's not a thing. And I was like, okay, here we are. - How many years? - Almost four years, two dogs live together. I will say this. A lot of my anxiety about our age, and if you're listening, you're single, or if you're dating, or whatever the fuck. A lot of my anxiety about the age was not from me. Like it was from societal, also like, I remember when I heard a lot, a lot of hardship, I didn't tag him, 'cause I was so afraid of people finding out about his age. - I was just afraid. - So what connotation do you think comes with that? - Do you watch that movie with Anne Hathaway, the idea of you, that energy? It's just like, oh, 'cause you couldn't find anyone else, or like he's gonna leave you one day, or like, oh, my favorite, someone said, his prefrontal cortex isn't even developed, which was true, but. - I know, they talked about that on the show I was watching too. - Yeah. - The frontal lobe. - The frontal lobe. - They love talking about that. - Yeah. - It happens at 25. - Well, he's 26, so we're good. - So we're good. - But I felt, you know, an embarrassment, but I also was always told, you are a really successful woman, you're strong, you're independent, you're never gonna be able to date an egg or guy, you're never, guy, you're age, forget it, you have to go older, which I think is kind of sexist, 'cause you never say that to a guy, right? - Right, right. - So ultimately, it's kind of been irrelevant, and I realized that like when I was, I had dating apps, when I had my dating profile, I would set it to always a year older than me, and to think back of all the guys that I lost out on dating. - Yeah. - I made this generalization about dating younger. Of course, not every guy younger is gonna be super mature, but also older guys, a lot of them are Peter Pants. - Yeah. - So I would, you know, implore you that if you're single, you're dating right now, like, hi, could we extend it a little bit? Like maybe he can be a little shorter than six feet. That's okay. - Yeah. - Like what are the, like, you know, I've spoken to a woman who were like, he has to be in tech, why? - Yeah. - Did you care about a job, stuff like that? So that was another thing where it was like, obviously a lot of my friends were getting married at that point, their spouses or boyfriends or whoever, their partners were making money. Like, you know, we're six years into the workforce by that. Or more, right? - Yeah. - 23, yes, six years. And yes, I definitely was like, let me put this way. He said to me, I am so ambitious, like I know what I want. We had a very like clear visions for the future. We always wanna live in New York, like I have a vision for my life. Like I wanna provide, there's gonna be things that you wanna do that I'm not gonna be able to afford right now. But you just give me time and I'll like catch up. - Yeah. - So fucking hot. - Yeah. - Amazing. - Yeah. - A man who can say, hey, I can't afford this right now. - Check. - Right. - The flip side would have been him breaking it up with me 'cause it's like, I can't keep up with her and her lifestyle or spending beyond his means and then getting to debt and that whole shebang. But just being really honest and I was like, you're right, and now he's like, has his business and he's, it's amazing what he's done in the past three years. But he also, there was a moment where I got a really big brand deal and I didn't wanna share it with him. And he was like, I never want you to hide your success from me. - Yeah. - Because it only motivates me to wanna work harder. - That's what I was thinking too when you were saying that 'cause I'm like, you probably inspired him, motivated him to wanna like succeed to like catch up. - Period. But that's what I'm saying. Like, I feel like with other men that I would date, like I would hide things. Like I would feel anxious to bring it up. I didn't want to masculate them. Trust me, there are men that won't feel like masculated about your success. And you know, I mean, I'm an example. You know, when people ask me, like I feel like the number one question is, like, how is Huzzb with you? You know, and I'm like, with what? Your show? Like success? - Yeah, yeah. Yeah, people ask me that all the time. And it's like, amazing. Like why would, you know, and people ask that for a reason, and it's probably because many men aren't. Or because there's this, you know, generalization of men who aren't. Or because they've known a man who isn't, you know? And it always surprises me because I'm like, if he wasn't, not for you. - You know, like not someone you wanna be like. - You know, so obviously finding someone who your success is their success. And it doesn't get in your light who wants you to shine. - Who wants you to fucking shine. - They're minimum guys. - Who wants you to be like, take the fuck off. So is this heading towards? - Setting towards all the things. - All the things. - The last chapter of my book is called Marriage is Not the Finish Line. - Okay. Do you feel like that about yourself too? - I just feel like, I want you. want to get married. Of course, you know, my wife is going to be like, you'll be invited. But I just think that there's so much pressure to get married and there's so much like, I think the true hallmark of a success relationship isn't a ring. I'm saying this with someone who wants to get married. I feel like for me, like, the most important thing is to people that are committed to each other, that are having great sex, that are laughing, that are supporting each other, that are like, we're great. And we have a, we have two dogs. Right. We live together. So to me, those are signs of like commitment. Yeah, like you're together. And also he's 26 years old. So what's the rush? Wait, does him being young scare you in that respect of like just that you were, could be his last girlfriend? And then maybe he didn't do a lot for the plot before you. So that is something I obviously brought up. I was like, tell me everything. I know every single detail that is like, listen, yeah, but we could also die tomorrow. And no, you know, I can't live. You can't live with them. Like, oh my god, like, we'll see. Yeah. I, I, it's so, like, my parents who I divorced and I was two, so did his actually. And he's also not only child. It's crazy. A lot of similarities there. But I don't know what a lot of grandparents helping. Yeah, incredible. Yeah. I don't know what monogamy, like, looks like. What does that success look like in the long, long term? Like should be like, have a third? Like should be like swing? Yeah. I don't know. Like, I really don't know. I'm open-minded. Is he open-minded? To things? Sure. Like, I don't know. I think if, I don't know what that looks like, I'll call you back. And like, I mean, how long have you been married? Oh my god. Like 10, 11. It's a long time. It is. Taking a day, a day by day. Yeah. Let's get married first. Then we can talk about Yeah. Holly. You don't realize. What? I'm such a jealous. Like, there's no way I'd be down, but maybe I'm going to tell, okay, I go. What is the worst dating advice that you've seen? Like that you see it and you're like, oh my god, this is going to bring us back. The demanding of like the nobu reservation on the first day. I've seen some women like their expectation of, listen, I think there's being a prize, I agree. Like, there's a certain standard that you should have, but I think let's not go to the side of like, no one should be spending a $200 meal for the first day if they don't know you. Yeah, yeah. And you shouldn't want to be there. You shouldn't want a three-course meal on a first date. You don't know that person. Then you're stuck. Right. You're going to know within the first 10 minutes if you like it sounds like these people maybe want to make sure the person has money and and and and see that come through in the reservation. Right. And and like the fancy spot. But, but by the way, nobu is not great. 57th. Like, I don't know. Like, it's not a vibe. Right, but I'm just the corners or whatever. I think it's like, okay, they might be flashy. And, but what if deep down they're in debt or the way I love the corner store. Love. But I would get the egg if he made the reservation in the corner store. Thank you. I would want like a cool spot. You know what I'm saying? For first date. Yeah. Yeah, not like a flashy spot. You don't want flashy. And I think that some women want flashy. I had a friend of mine who before the first date, the guy sent her like an insane bouquet of roses. And I just didn't, it didn't. It was weird. Like, it, I think it's too much too soon. Yeah. Let it build. But he's, he doesn't even know you. Yeah. It's too much. Right. And I think that sometimes if you're, if men are doing that, it's an overcompensation for something else. They shouldn't have to lead with money. What is your take on like just X in general, but like everything's an egg now? Yeah, I disagree with that. There's a chapter about in my book. It's called it or get a grip. Oh, really? Because I think a lot of the times we find things that we get ect over and as a way to create distance. Yeah. Like, this is a perfect. Okay. Give it to me. On our second date, mean Felix and I, Felix and I on our second date, he walked in with a turtle knock and the tightest pants I've ever fucking seen. And I was like, I can't actually picture him in that. I was like, are you guy? Like in my head, I was like, he's not gay, right? But I was just like, oh, like it was just very, it was flamboyant. It was flamboyant. It was like plaid, super tight. And he has a big juicy butt. So it was just like a lot. And I was like, I have the ect, I have the ect, I have the ect, don't have the ect, don't have the ect, you're having so much fun. Just look past, look past it. And I remember we took a selfie like in a mirror, like a full ink mirror. And I was like, and then I let it go. I got a grip. And I said, do not like you like him. Yeah, I said, I enjoy spending time with him. Do not let this gay outfit. Because that's what it was. And that's a big egg. Yeah, I said, do not let that, because he wasn't, you know, I said, do not let that ruin. So it was like, okay, we're official. We honestly started becoming, wait, how did you get past that night? I just looked the other way. Did you say anything? Of course not, because he's not your boyfriend. Okay. You can't know you would now you change. So wait. So then you were very official. Yeah. The next morning, I go, okay, and also we're burning those pants and you're never wearing a first one. I guess what? Krunek. Tell me guys, but you can work through some eggs. Absolutely. Like everyone's, I think like number one egg is like a sandals on man. Yeah, I mean, that's pretty a key. Yeah. But that's something that you can be like you never were to do it again. And this is the thing a man who wants you is going to that's something I think he should and will he wants to make you happy. And ultimately, you're going to be the person looking at him every day. So like he should want to appease you in that way. You know what's an egg that I don't think can be fixed. And I've seen it cheapness. Ab. So I've never seen somebody be able to change a man's cheapness. I have a story for you. Tell me. I did it to this guy who exactly that. He took me and my grandmother out to lunch. And his treat, she orders. My grandma's like old, whatever. She's amazing. And afterwards, we part ways. And I look at my phone and he said, we have that in my work. For her meal, like not yours. Yeah, just hers. Like I'm paying for you now for your grandma. It was crazy or something. Whatever, it was like a. So I call my grandma. And she's just like, I'm going to send you money to take an Uber to break up with him because she was like, this is not. It's not about the money. It's about the principle. It's about the cheapness. It's like you offered. You wanted to take us out. And then to like backdoor, like, it's a nail in the coffin. Yeah. Cheapness. I really don't think you can move through. Right. But you know, a crock, a sandal flip flop. Can I just tell you? I don't know. Okay. When I was 12, because that's my last dating experience since I'm a child bride. When I was 12, well, not really, so I was kind of at a boyfriend. And so I had the egg, he was shorter than me, but we moved through it. Guys, I had the egg so bad from him being shorter than me. And I was so embarrassed. Imagine when you're 12, like everyone's judging you. Like he was so much shorter than me that he was to come over. And then like you'd be like, oh, I want to go to like the school play together. Whatever. And I'd be like, no, I can't like have this thing. And then I just like, wouldn't make things up because I didn't want to be seen in public. But anyway, then we're at the pool one day. And okay, this is still a nick of mine, but I moved through it even with my fucking husband. But I still have this thing. And tell me if you guys have it. No one, you're in a body of water. And people come up and they have little bookies. Yeah. Of course. That is to me. That's really not. So I obviously didn't divorce my husband over it. It's such a man to me. I'm dying because once this brings me back to once I was at the Soho House pool and I ran into this girl. There's my last friend. And she had one that was like when I say longer than the wall of China. And at least and you're talking about something she goes, I don't care. And I go, we too. We care. I was like, go like this. She was like, it's fine. I don't know. It's really not. You're like, it's wiping the floor. In a public pool. Like, I don't know why to me because there's something. So remember, there were there's dick talks about the egg from like a wave knocking over your man or something. Like, it so gross to watch like a wave knock your own. You're not on TikTok. You're on ick talk. I was on ick talk, I guys. But to me, that's it. It's like coming up from the pool, them not knowing and just talking to you regular. And having the bugging. So even with my husband, I can't, it's my husband. You say I would wipe it off for him or tell him with the pool situation. I'm just like, let him dunk again. I'm like, but I broke up with the 12 year old boyfriend. Because of that. So that's where I would be if I was in the dating world. It would be bad for everybody. No, okay. So fun. Are you kidding? But it's fine. We first, we obviously love you really. It's okay. It's fine. I'm a set on my. So I do think it's important. Well, this is why I'm happy you did the pod, because I do feel like when I met you after seeing your SFK, like there are so many parts to you, like as we all have, which I feel like we'll come across in the book too, that like you have this bigger than life personality online. But when I met you in real life, like you're so chill, I feel like people wouldn't know that. Right. Absolutely. Right. I think it's like an armor. It's a protection. So it's fun on social media to experiment and we're performing in some way. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I'm definitely more real off. Yeah. I'm not like, I'm still in a fucking career. No, you're not. No, imagine. Although I did used to do that like on dates. And again, that therapy was helpful for that. Because guys would be like, no, right? You're very, you're right. You're not like I'm still in a fucking career again when you mean it on real life in real life. Yeah, that'd be crazy. But I used to do it. And also, I feel like when you've talked about like your goals and stuff, like writing what is a big goal, right? Yeah, like he absolutely, like more of these next I'm working on all of it. You're working on all that. I like to write a lot. What's - It's the like the dream. - Movie. - Write a movie? - I already wrote it. - Stop, are you pitching it? How does it work? - It's my next venture. - Well, I love that for you. - And I also thought of you the other day 'cause I saw this thread that was like, I know that's not, it's not. - Now threads is like scary. No, it's threads is? - Wait, is it? - Threads is so scary. But this one isn't scary. So it was like about how influencers are now fully like producing commercials. - Have you seen this? - Oh. - And I'm like, hello. - Right, you've been producing commercials like motherfucking crazy for a while. - So 2020. Since 2020. - I spent all my budget on the ad, creating the ad. - Literally. - I'm sorry, as in budget, the fee that I would get from the brand, I would spend it all on the ad. I know. - What made you want to do that? And not just like film yourself in your living room like with a ring light. (laughs) Like a normal person. Because I like the challenge of selling out some of my comfort zone and making like a short film. I think that was really fun. I think that if you want to sell something, you need to evoke a feeling and have people feel entertained other than shoving it in the face and like buy this. - Yeah. - So yeah, but I always love film. I had to film background. Like that was so really interesting to me. And I love that people are jumping on the bad bandwagon. It would drive me crazy. I was like, I don't understand why influencers are like, or just like buy this. Like here's what I'm like. It's so boring. And also that's not gonna work. - Right. - You're right. - That being said, buy my book. (laughs) - I did wanna ask you about your B-Day performance as. - Oh. - Your, you have a tradition to do, to break out a little bit on the birthday, right? - Of course. - Tell me about that. Were you always a birthday girlie? - Always. It's the one fucking day that you're born. You should absolutely celebrate it. - And dance. - Yeah, well that was this year's performance. I did a dance. I had a super sweet 16 because my mom created the show. My super sweet 16. - So actually I had a super sweet 32. - We'd have you done, was your super sweet 16 on super sweet 16? - She didn't let me have one because I wasn't like spoiled enough. (laughs) So grounded. - Wait, did you have one and just not on the show? - I had a keen sanita. - Oh yeah, a keen sanita. - I was gonna have a bot mitzbub but then I didn't wanna study. Sorry, I know you're not gonna like that. I didn't wanna study Hebrew. So I was like, okay, I'll have a keen sanita. - So you did that? - I did that. - And not a super sweet 16. Okay, so will there be a birthday performance dance next year? - Maybe. I'm thinking about the theme. Maybe three, so if you have any ideas, let me know. But I think that, again, step outside my comfort zone. Just for context, I went to dance classes for four weeks to learn this choreography to dance for 15 seconds at my birthday party. That's just to SNM by Rihanna, just to give context. Why did they do that? 'Cause it was fun and entertaining. - I love that. - And extra, and life is short. Who cares? And it honestly made me really happy. - I'm so happy for you. - Maybe dancing the stars is next. - So you're kinda, oh yeah? Are you wanna manifest that? - I don't know. It looks really hard. - I know, it looks really hard, but then you're like-- - You should go on it. - Would you ever? - I would. - You should go on it. - I would. - It looks so hard. - I'm watching, by the way, the season, it looks like it's gonna be a great season. What kind of guy should these girls date? Okay. Alex Earl. - Someone who is super successful, maybe not in the creator space or not an athlete, I think we should go for an actor. - Yeah. - Who is doing his own thing, and then she can be more in that world. And maybe she could become an actress. - Remy Bader. - I feel like Remy would be great with a hot athlete that would just like tackle her. - Tackle her. - She would like that. - Chloe Kardashian, Coco. - I really want her to be with someone. - I know, she needs to be with a good. - Private equity guy. - Yeah. - That's kind of in these days. - Yeah, business, a business. - The Olivia Rodrigo's man. - Right. Nicole Kidman, our single queen. - Single? - Yeah. - Does she need a man? - Okay, I think she should be with, right. I love that answer. But I would say like a chef. - Ooh. - I like that. - Isn't that cute? - Yeah. - Okay, Sierra Miller. She's in her nine. - Michael B. Jordan. - Right. - What's that supposed to maybe happen? - I wanted to. - Amanda Patul. - West, well done. - West, you're saying they? - Stand on business. - Stand on business. - Happily ever after. - Thank you for coming, my love. - Thank you so much for having me. - Everyone, go buy, let's fucking date. Look at that bug. - Look what it does. - It could be a coffee. - It could be a coffee table bug. - It's really beautiful. - And honestly, from everything we've talked about, there are a lot of just life gems in there in general that even if-- - Even if you're not dating. - Yeah. - It's a lot of self-confident stuff. - Or a present for your single friend. - That would be nice. That would be so nice. - And don't forget to date your partner too. - Okay, fine. - Go on date, Nate. - Okay, well, you know, I felt so cute under anniversary because I insisted we go out. I was like, I'm such a good wife, oh my god. Like I was like, oh, that's good. - That was good. - That's sorry. - Okay. - So if you wanna inspire people, that's my story. Yeah, I did. I was like, let's go out for an anniversary. And then he was like, oh my god, yeah. And then he was like, oh, but the kids and this. And I was like, we're going out for an anniversary. And I stood on the business. And I felt like an amazing wife. - I'm gonna one up this. - No, not one up it more or more like next time. Something you could try is you both go to the restaurant separately and you meet there. So it's like a first date. - Oh, cute. - Or second date. - Is that cute? - That is cute. - We were like, there's no fucking wife. But anyway. - No, theoretically it does sound really cute. - She was like, yeah, I can't. - No, no, theoretically. - But logistically, I get how it's like hot. - It is. - Yeah. - You show up and you're like, hey, like roll play a little bit. - Yeah. - I'm really proud of you and I'm happy that you went out for your anniversary. (laughing) - I love you. Thank you for coming. - Love you so much. - So fun. - Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny, but Not Fat. Follow me on Instagram @NotSpinnyBonaFat. Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcast and write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoocheroo. Thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you next Tuesday. - Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.