Self tanning, Hibachi, and How to Beat the Winter Scaries

- I feel like a part of me split at that point. Like a part of me went on to continue like this pregnancy and I met our daughter alive and healthy. And then this other part of me is like living in reality where I'm not pregnant and I'm not going to me or baby. - When we're dating, we need to be extremely picky about who we choose to marry. Is this a problem that I'm willing to put up with for the rest of my life in marriage? Standing my face single-handedly got me through my first three months of postpartum. - Now listen, I did have allergic reactions. Everything comes with a cost. I'm willing to have hives on my neck to feel alive. - It's gonna be my new hobby. - I'm honestly in a perfect for me. I guess it's my hobby. (laughs) - It's gonna be a good thing. - Make a little onion trick. - I was wondering what your advice is on feeling like you're being judged on your parent pay. (upbeat music) - Welcome back to Always Here. I'm your host Abby Howard, and I'm Abby Howard. - Hey. - How you doing? - Good, how you doing? - I'm good. I feel like someone just sent me through a washing machine and rung me out and blow-dried me like a dog 'cause he went to the gym. - Went to the gym and showered. Blow-dried my hair, curled it so fast. I'm like, "You came down with perfect bringlets." I'm like, "How in the heck did she have time for that?" - I needed to shake it out. - They're beautiful. - Thank you. - Whew. - But you're stressed. - No, I just feel like a poodle that just went through something great. (laughs) - No, I feel good. - I feel so sore, but I'm happy it's a good kind of sore. - Oh good. I have this like random meniscus issue. I don't know if it's that. I'm diagnosing myself with that. So, can't go the gym this week. - Talk to Matt, you know, he tours meniscus. - Yeah, I think Kills got issues too. So, they'll be our doctors. (laughs) - It's all I need, it's all I need. - What's wrong here? - Right. - We are here to share the hope and the hard with heart and humor. - That's right. - Yes. - And we have actually an exciting announcement to start with, so something really fun and hopeful. - Yes, we are doing a book love. - Oh baby. - Yes. - I mean, you know me, this is really exciting for me. I'm thrilled about it. So, we're just gonna kind of figure out this out as a community together, navigate what this is gonna look like, but we'll put a link to it down in the description. Okay, so it's starting in February. February's book is My Husband's Wife. - Right. - And then you all have read it. Well, maybe you have by the time this episode comes out. - That'd be a really quick read. - So, some people are on top of it. - Really? - Yeah, I mean. - How do you find books? - Hmm. - Is that a set of set of like a long-- - I find books from Abby Howard. - Really? - I really always only read the books that you read. - That's so nice. So, you recommended me a book recently. And I was like-- - I would not recommend the book I'm reading. I think it's too sad. - I don't want that. Well, I just read a release ad book too. And it was okay. But what I'm saying is the book is My Husband's Wife. I heard about this one because she's a very already popular author and everyone has their watch list for 20, 26 new releases. This is a new release. We read Alice Fini for our personal in-person book club last year in the month of January. - Oh, really? - So that was Rock Paper Scissors. - Rock Paper Scissors? - Yeah, that was a fun one. - So, I think it's just gonna be like a fun, I'm anticipating suspenseful thriller vibe mystery. And so if you're in for that, read that book and we'll have some fun prompts and good reads and just discuss it together. Should be kind of fun. It might be motivating. If one of your goals for 20, 26 is to read more books, then we got your first one picked out for you. And it should be a fun ride. So check out that link. - This is fun. - This is fun. - Always here's very own book club. - Woo-hoo. - Okay, the hope in the hard. You go first 'cause my it's kind of heavy. Why do I keep dropping in the heavy ones? - Well, I think that's what hard means. - Okay, yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're like, I'm so hard. I was like, I'm depressed. (laughing) I'm not, I'm not. - Oh, it's gross. - I'm not depressed. (laughing) - Hey, interrupting the podcast. Really quick to just ask for guys a little small favor. We put this podcast out here for free. So we're just asking for the small payment of a like, a review, five stars, subscribe, download the podcast, whatever platform you're on. Basically, just tell them that you enjoy it and intend to come back. It really, really means so, so much to us. We were really grateful. And here is your five seconds to do that. Really quick. We'll give you the time. One, two, three, four, five. - Woo! - You did it and it wasn't that hard. It wasn't that painful. So thank you so, so much. Okay, now we'll get back to the episode. My hope in my heart are similar but different. They are both that I'm overwhelmed, but I'm overwhelmed about different things. My hope is that I have been reading my DMs on Instagram and I'll be reading the comments for this podcast. And I have been so overwhelmed by the kindness that you guys are all so kind. And to one, give us your time on Fridays and lend us your ear. I'm like, what do we have to say that? I don't know, just the people are giving their time. It's so, it has a crazy thought to me. And I don't take that lightly. And so I just feel so grateful. And it's been so fun. And I'm excited to like do the book club and do these things to just dive deeper with you guys. 'Cause I think we have like a, you know, we're broadening and getting to know each other and I'm excited to go deep. - Yeah. - So I just feel like overwhelmed with like joy and kindness from you guys. So thank you for all your comments and calling in and doing everything because we literally wouldn't have a podcast without you guys. - Right. So good. The same way, seriously. Like it's just, I actually was at Hobby Lobby yesterday and I ran into someone so sweet and her sweet little baby girl shopping at Hobby Lobby and she was like, this, this is great. This right here is good. She's like, I love listening to always here and your podcast. I've met the first always here listener. - Oh my God. - Or at least introduced herself in that way to me and she was like, I just so excited. I love it. And it was, it's just so sweet being able to put faces behind this because it's like, you know, sometimes this feels like, okay, like this is really fun and like honestly, if anything comes to this, it's fun that we just get this time together every week and like just to hang out and chat. But then beyond that, the fact that there is like a very real community behind it that like means so much to me and I have like online communities. I'm a part of too that just, if you that, that's a really special thing and it's really cool that we get to like, actually experience that in this day and age where it feels like there's a lot of online chatter but we can, like you said, go deeper like that too. So anyway, it's just like, it's a responsibility that we neither of us take lightly and we just are so grateful for. - So totally. - Just shouting back what you said, but tell the same way. - Caleb had a really good suggestion. He said we could come up with a name for our listeners and he suggested always homies and maybe we love the Caleb's thought process. Maybe we, you guys can leave suggestions in the comments and we all thank you. - Thank you. - Thank you on what we can call our community. I honestly like always homies, but I love it too. - I don't know if it's on for end. - No, I think that's really cute. - I like it. - Okay, so maybe we'll go where you can be to this conversation in another time, but think about it. - I don't know if I can ever say it was a straight face. - Right. - No, you have to do that hit motion. - Yeah, we're gonna homie you. - You got to. - My heart or do you want to do your hope and then we can go? - Mine are connected too, so you do both of yours. - My heart is that I'm also feeling very overwhelmed and I don't know if this is just a hormone thing or I'm still trying to navigate, getting used to being a mother of two, just with all the responsibilities that come with that. But I feel like it comes in waves. Some days I feel everything goes really smooth and then other days I'm literally like last week. I vlog myself out of the house twice. Just a chicken with my head cut off and I don't feel like I can catch up. And then it's like externally, I feel like a lot of people come up to me and they say it looks like you're doing great and postpartum and there are things that I am doing really well in that I would say. But then other time it's like I feel like outwardly, I can show them fine because I don't always express how I'm feeling inside, but I literally feel like I'm drowning sometimes. And I can't, it's like I need to take my shoulders and just drop them. - I've been doing that a lot this week and maybe the last two weeks. And I don't even know if it's, I wouldn't say it's anxiety because it's not an anxious feeling and I don't even think I'm handling my stress poorly. It's just that I'm feeling a lot of stress and I don't always feel stress all the time like that. So I don't know if it's just a hormone shift or just outward circumstances or just like still adjusting, but I sometimes get frustrated myself because I would think, oh I'm four months postpartum, I should be past this. And yeah, I'm still not. Yeah, so I feel like that's in my heart lately. - Yeah, well like you said, I wouldn't even know because you handle it so well, but I think every mom's probably felt that. And I think it's very honest to the way you're like, sometimes it feels like I don't feel it at all and everything's great and the next is like, it's like, how are we even here? I think, yeah, did you want to advise on that or not? - Yeah, I just had a little further with kids. I think the thing that made that overwhelm happen to me the most is when I was trying to combine like my work with my kids. Having like those firm boundaries really helped me like drop my shoulders, lock in on my work hours, lock in on my kid time. And obviously that's not always able to happen. Like dates happen. But I felt that way significantly less once. And another thing is that a lot of this is just gonna be time. I know you said you were like, I had four months postpartum, I should feel, like I feel like I should have been past this. Like no, four months is like a unique, difficult stage too. So it could be a combination of things. But having those boundaries with it really, really helped. - Yeah. - And so as much help. And also, we don't need to feel ashamed for asking for help with people. And I have to tell myself this too, because sometimes I'm like sitting here in my guilt, like why can't I just do everything right? Then if I was a really good mom, I could do every single thing. It's like actually, that's a lie, that's a lie. We're not, we can't do that. - I think that is part of why I feel frustrated with myself too, it's because I do have help, I kill pub so much when he's home. from work. And then my parents literally have, my mom's been coming over every morning and helping. And I'm like, "Why do I have help?" And I still can't get on top of things. And I think that's where I'm feeling like I'm like, "Wait, what am I supposed to do if I do have help?" And I'm still behind. But maybe it is. Maybe we should talk after just like what you did for your schedule to help break up the two. And you can get me some more practicals of that. Because it probably is just like a managing my time thing. And I'm not, I've never been good at that. And so then it's just heightened. Too many tabs. Your brain can't have any tabs. I think, yeah, my brain just feels like much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't get it straight. No, that's very honest. Thanks for sharing that. Yeah, thanks for advice. I always want advice. It's like, well, sometimes, you know, there's a tab in place for it. I just want to give this off my chest. Not which happens sometimes. No, no, no, I want advice. My hope in my heart are also the same thing. But I didn't realize, okay, so my due date was at the end of February. And like now that we're at the end of January, everyone that I was pregnant with like that whole journey is like now getting to meet their babies. And it's like my hope and my heart too because I'm watching them. And I genuinely feel so excited. Like I just feel giddy for them. Like the fact that they get to take a fresh baby home and like introduce the baby to their older siblings. And like I am just like that is so exciting. And that just makes it makes me feel so much joy for them. But then also like I do have like so much joy and faith for my future too. Like this is going to this is going to be our reality at some point. But at the same time, it's really hard because like I think it just like it hit me really hard the other night. And I just was like sobbing to Matt because it's like, you know, I think that ever since, okay, context, I had a second trimester loss last September, the end of September. And the image that I had in my head that I've kind of shared online and other facets before is so I was like running a marathon with all like I had so many friends that were pregnant at the same time. And it's like we're all running a marathon. And then I just like dropped out like I wasn't there anymore. And I think the hard thing I'm engroupling with since the loss is like I feel like a part of me split at that point. Like a part of me went on to continue like this pregnancy and I met our daughter alive and healthy and like she's growing up. And like and so I think this this part of my life is like a small part of me still is using those time markers. And then this other part of me is like living in reality or it's like I'm not pregnant and I'm not going to meet our baby. Having that like dissonance is like it's also really hard and complicated and heavy too. And I and I anticipated like approaching the due date to be really hard. And so I'm like not shocked by this but I still have to live through it and like get through it. But I hope that at some point these time markers will stop because it's not serving me. Like I always want to remember her and like honor her life but I don't want to keep like being like okay at this point I would have been this far along my pregnancy and I just hope that at some point I can be like okay at this point she should be two years old or this would be like I don't I don't want to continue that because I don't think that's necessary it's like honor her life because it's like holding me back in a way too. But gosh got so heavy in that but like as we're getting there like more and more of those friends are now meaning their babies and it's like it's it's 100% both like hopeful and hard so that's just life and that's like where I'm at and so yeah also I think a lot of moms also probably know this same feeling like it's not uncommon and like I have the capacity to hold both and so I feel like people like I've said this before like want to protect me from those things and I think that's very sensitive and like kind and thoughtful but also I'm like I I'm fully I'm fully strong enough to carry both and hold both and it's okay and so and I can cry about it and I can still like it's it's like I'm okay so there's that that's just kind of like I think that it just is starting to just get to that really difficult season like where it felt like it got a little bit easier for a little bit there and then now it's like getting difficult again but there's hope so yeah yeah I feel like they're gonna be a lot of waves yeah as it continues yeah and that time goes on yeah I never get tired of hearing you talk about it I never get tired of hearing you talk about her that's yeah I like I'm grateful when you talk about her because sometimes I want to talk about yeah her and the loss and yeah like one I see how you're doing but just yeah I like talking to the kids about her in the car too because I'm like I feel like the trying to like do that the right amount is so confusing and like today I was like able to talk about her in the car with the kids and I wasn't crying so I wasn't like emotional dumping on it but it felt really good to like talk about her and stuff but yeah and also with Matt when I was like freaking out yeah he like talked about her too and I was like that was sweet but yeah you know it's just not something that it's not something that should be easy to get over so like the fact that it hurts isn't because it's it was a hard thing it was a big loss yeah and so yeah I just also want to feel like other moms are like experiencing like second trimester miscarriage in general yeah it is a big loss and like if you're grieving hard it's because it's it's a really hard thing and it's not supposed to be easy and so and another way I'm like thankful that it's hard you know yes so yeah that was the heavy that we can talk about something like again that was really good thank you thank you for sharing that thank you yeah I know Adi and I both like we love you guys so much yeah and we love baby girl and yeah we're with you like the sadness yeah sorry you're left with a hard part to transition now no no I like that yeah I'm trying I'm like I just want to see if there anything else came to mind that I wanted to like ask or talk about with that oh yeah go for it not everyone is willing to talk about a loss like that because it's so heavy and it's so hard and you being able to talk about it and wanting to talk about it is selfless in a way because then it allows us to step into it and not be a little nervous to bring up that topic I feel like you've opened it with open arms to be able to talk about her and remember her and coming into this month knowing that it's going to be a hard one and allowing us into that because we're grieving with you because we loved her so much too and so knowing that you're opening us to come in and help you and walk with you through that during this hard season is I appreciate that it's really kind it is an honor yeah it's well said Adi do you feel like there are things that you're doing that have helped you process those emotions or like when you do see our friends having babies and like I don't know is there anything that you've done you're like this was really helpful honestly I feel like the thing about like my friends having babies is not I don't have that personal attachment that I maybe would have even anticipated myself but certainly like what other people anticipate for me for me it's just like our my journey feels so separate and it just feels like does that make sense yeah like but what really helps is honestly seeing like healthy pregnancies like I told Matt I was like I literally cannot ever imagine getting a big belly like and having a baby I can't I can't picture having a newborn like I like I like like that picture just got ripped out of my head I've done it twice like and I just but it just felt so impossible so I imagine if I had had a miscarriage before having my boys like really losing like a picture for what this could look like and so having really close like honestly sisters of mine like walk through that and have such a positive experience that is in itself is really healing yeah and it's really positive for me now I don't I'm not speaking for everyone that's experienced like miscarriage or loss because I can also see like because it is also hard but that in itself is really like that I find so much hope in like so much redemption and so I don't know and also it's just like when I was saddened when to cry about it I just did so I don't think that and I think that's the other thing not judging my own feelings about it because there's a lot of really like there's some really ugly emotions that come up and I'm like I just like I feel like it's just like Matt or therapy I like bring it up like this thing I know and also acknowledging like that's not a thought that I want to have sure and like we can that was something that I'm like I don't think we talk about like you can take your thoughts captive like you can change your thoughts you can acknowledge a thought that you have and be like yeah I thought this I don't want to think like this this isn't healthy this isn't this isn't good this isn't pleasing and so like whenever I had those like first of all being honest with myself like okay you had this like dark dark negative just honestly evil thought like turning that around actively like that has been helpful and I think that can take like journaling is helpful like to slow it down and to like rewrite that but also yeah like I'm in therapy and that is like honestly a topic that a lot of time that like I want to talk about honestly just trying to picture a different a different outcome like while still on like thinking of ways to like honor this life like hold both I'm kind of rambling at this point. - No, those are really good. - It really feels good to see my friends like have their babies and that the last thing I want is for anyone else close to me to walk through this. - No, yeah. - Like that is the last thing I want. And so seeing in real life and real time this happening and having such a positive outcome in itself is just, I gained so much hope from that. - Totally. Yeah, it's a visual representation of it can, it does, this is not the always certainty. - Right. - This will not happen every time. Like there's a possibility that there's a great possibility that like we will have healthy babies. - Yes. - Yes. - And it's that reminder that this is not your only reality. - Right. - Yeah. There's future hope. And yeah, I think that's good taking every thought captive. It's hard practice. But yeah, when you do it, voice those crazy thoughts and you work through them process through them. - Yeah, I felt like I was just like a more or less a victim of my totalist. Like I was like, oh, they're gonna come and like, I can't do anything about it. - Yeah. - But it's like, that's not the case. - It's a really good advice. - Thank you. - Yeah, because it's so easy to think too. When you think things that are hard or evil, it's easy to sit on them and think, oh, I can't tell anyone this because it's kind of embarrassing that I thought that. But sitting on those thoughts doesn't help yourself or anybody. It's best to share them and move through them. That's really good. - Thanks for sharing that. I think a lot of people are gonna be really blessed by that. - Thank you. - Thank you to Miracle Made for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. - Have you ever wake up sweaty? - Sure do, freezing. - Yep. - Oh, same. - How's the wake up hot a lot? I wake up just drenched in sweat a lot of the times. - Thanks to a mammal. - That is making me warm. - Radiating heat. - Radiating heat. - I'm the radiator. And something that's great about Miracle Made Sheets is that they are crafted with NASA inspired silver infused fabric that helps regulate your body temperature. - That's super cool. I've actually never heard of sheets that have silver in them and I didn't quite understand why Miracle Made did that. But it is because of their anti-bacterial silver technology. Miracle Made Sheets are cleaner and fresher up to three times longer than regular sheets. - That's amazing. You think about the oils on your skin, the lotions, the sweat. It's really cool that Miracle Made has a solution. - And they feel just as good. If not better than sheets you'd find at a five star hotel, but without a steep price tag. And I personally am one that sheets are really worth the investment in my opinion. Think about how much time you spend in bed, how much use you get out of your sheets, invest in a good quality set in my opinion. - It's not something that I personally buy often. So when I buy it, I wanna make sure that it works. It's comfortable, it looks good, and it makes me feel good. - Upgrade your sleep or give the gift of better rest. Go to trymiracle.com/abbey to try Miracle Made Sheets today. You'll save over 40% when you use promo code Abbey. You'll get an extra 20% off plus a free three piece towel set. - Wow, that's amazing. I also think they would make an amazing gift with a 30 day money back guarantee. There's no risk at all. That's trymiracle.com/abbeycodeabbey at checkout. Thanks to Miracle Made for sponsoring this episode. Should we transition to whoa, that's crazy? - Let's do it. - Okay. - Wow, that's crazy, that's crazy. - Hailey and Justin Bieber, have you heard about this? I know who they are. (laughing) - Get zero contact, you heard about this? I heard about the Bieber's. - They're suing a tiktoker. They sent her a season deceased for a defamation. - Whoa. - Yes, it's gotten pretty nasty. It's a very hot topic online these days. - Whoa, yeah. So the girl Jules These is her name. She has her master's in psychology, I believe. And so she has a platform where she talks a lot about, she points out abusive, toxic characteristics that she sees in dating and relationships. And she talks a lot about the tolerant codependent. And she made a video saying that a tolerant codependent, now I have a lot of thoughts about her content. I don't agree with a lot of it. But she, okay, I'm not gonna get into that yet. (laughing) I'd say, I'm glad that we're getting the context. - Yeah, I wanna say something, you're like, - Yes, we need to get the context. - We have a lot of context. - And she has videos where she says that she believes most women and long-term marriages are tolerant codependents and get the short end of the stick. She said in her videos, she says most, this is in a different video I watch. - Well, she said most long-term relationships that we romanticize and congratulate only work because the woman is tolerant and codependent. - And what she means by that is tolerance mediocrity, abuse, doing the majority of domestic and emotional labor in exchange for being in a relationship. And then she said, there's no better example than Haley Bieber and Justin Bieber, who she claimed because he is an addict, he, an addict means you're an abuser. So she said a lot of things in that video that were pretty bold claims. And this is where it gets a little sticky is Haley Bieber accidentally reposts the video. - Yeah, yeah, that's a shocker one, that's a shock. And so then she went online. Haley was like, I never reposts the video, I never reposts the video. But there is, so people are maybe seeing that as like a plea for help. I don't, I think people are just like, she kinda then was saying that she didn't and people have a lot of proof that she did, there are a lot of screenshots of saying like Haley Bieber reposted, which I will say, and I'll talk it to so easy to accidently repost things. - It's so easy. - Yeah, but now she's, she's standing firm and that she didn't repost it. And then it's kinda like, well there's a lot of pictures of that you did. So I think it's just interesting that she saw it and then she sent the cease and desist letter to this girl for defamation. Her mission, and she said this a little on her page 'cause I went through her videos, is that she wants to educate women and help them get out of toxic and abuse of relationships. And this is her viewpoint, she does say a lot that she kind of built herself up from the ground up. She had a very hard past. She's been in abusive relationships in the past. So this is her, that's her viewpoint, is that this is really common. It's like toxic and abusive, hard marriages and relationships. So knowing that that's her viewpoint, it's like, okay, you've been in these situations, you obviously want to help them get out. But I'm like, girl, absolutely what you said is defamation. - So I'll have you watch the video so then you can kind of have a little more context. (upbeat music) - Let me start by saying I would be amazed if the Bieber's won this case, just because I know that the standard, if you are considered a public figure, the standard for defamation, 'cause we have free speech. You're allowed to talk about people, but if you're a public figure, you're allowed to talk about them in a different way than say someone that hasn't chosen to be public facing. - Interesting. - But you can actually pretty much say just about anything. Even if you can prove that what they said was completely false, I'm saying this from a little bit of personal experience potentially, even if you can literally prove that that is false. Say for instance, I got an example for you. Say someone was like, this video, they made this amount of money on. Like, well, that's pretty clearly a black and white fact. We can prove that in court. We did not. That's not true. Doesn't matter. It actually doesn't matter at all. If you can literally go and even show receipts of like, this is actually a downright lie. It does not matter. So I doubt that they win this. But honestly, I think that they're winning in a way by trying to fight it. - You know what I mean? - Yeah. I was gonna ask about that because when is the line of, when do you feel like you stand up to someone that is maybe bullying or like being mean and when do you not? Like, what is the line? Because I feel like I always take the angle of, just don't acknowledge the hate. But because she did accidentally repost it, I feel like she did have to acknowledge it. So I don't know, what is your thoughts on like addressing some of this stuff? You think that's a win? - I think them choosing to do that is very like, I admire that. - Yeah, I think it's brave. - I think it's brave. And I think it's, I mean, I'm not speaking on there, I don't actually know anything about their marriage. - I don't think anything about this. - I would say that that TikToker also does not. - No, I don't know anything about their marriage either. - And everyone that she's, all the couples that she is mentioning, she's just not actually, you know, even if someone has like shared so much about their marriage, you still have to know, like we have to have this grounding, like feet on the ground. We actually don't know their marriage. Me and you, we spend a lot of time talking about our marriage. Intimately, we live very close. We spend a lot of time together. I'm around you and your husband a lot. I still have to acknowledge. There's, I don't know what it's like in your household. - Totally same. - I do think it poses an interesting topic. And this is something that I feel pretty passionately about is that when, as women and as men, we have free will. And when we're dating, we need to be extremely picky about who we choose to marry. - Yeah. - You are yoking your life with somebody. And nobody is a perfect person. I think also like a lot of her commentary lacks grace. And like, her saying that only the husband is flawed. And like not the wife, like we're both, Caleb and I are both extremely flawed people. And we choose to be forgiving. We choose to be encouraging. And of course, it's going to be compromised in a marriage. Now there's not compromise of values, boundaries, respect. But they're obviously like, Caleb hates when I'm late. And it makes him really upset. And so every week when I'm late for church, he says, hey, I'm upset, like I'm upset that we're late. And he brings it forward and we talk about it. But like, I just, I feel like when we're dating and we're choosing to marry, we have to be very picky. Because the things that you see in marriage and dating and the red flags that you see or even like the little things that you see are just going to amplify in marriage. So you have to decide, is this a problem that I'm willing to put up with for the rest of my life in marriage? Caleb knew when we were dating that I was extremely and organized, that I was bad at time management. It's gotten way worse as we've gotten married. Was he okay with picking that problem? Yes. And, you know, vice versa, he has things. So it's like, I, that's always, - It was my cry to young women and young adult women when you're in the dating phase. It's like, I do believe that there are very unhealthy marriages. There are bad people in all these things. And so my warning is when we have the chance, don't ignore the red flags, I don't know. That's always my cry. - I think that's a really good call out. - When she just kind of throws these words around and I'm like, there is an aspect of marriage that's beautiful and it's called commitment. And it's really important, I choose to love, kill every day, he chooses to love me every day. And he is choosing to commit to me despite my flaws. And that's really important. And that gives a lot of safety. And it's like, I can be myself. I can express the hard parts of my life to him. And he knows the darkest parts of me. And he still chooses to love me. That is marriage. That is beautiful, that's grace. And so I'm not gonna like hold those things above him. He doesn't hold those things over my head and vice versa. And I think sometimes when we hear these things online, people are really quick to be like, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out. And it's like, well, there's an aspect of when you're married, you're committed. And you can't just run at the first sign of like one hard thing. I don't know, that's my viewpoint. - Yeah, I do think that the call to be careful about what you consume is also a really good call out because like even just like seeing a couple of other videos, it's like, oh, that just makes me like, I feel like a part of me is like angry. - Oh, is that angry? Like is that like what's wrong? Like let me find out what's wrong with what we're doing. Like in what ways is she right about like this? And it's like that, plant seeds. - Yeah, and that's not actually something that is based in truth. And also just not even, it's not serving any part. Like I don't know, I would just say, yeah, what's gonna make you like, it's all more in love with your husband. It's gonna make you love your life more in your circumstances more. - I'm sure there are part of it. - I don't know also about his drug situation. That does kind of like change it for me as well. But she did say as a fact that he isn't addict. - She said it as a fact that he isn't addict and that all addicts are abusive partners. She said an addictive partner is always an abusive partner. I can see how many-- - I don't actually disagree. - No, I don't necessarily disagree, but calling him an addict without proof that he isn't addict is unfair. - Yeah, I mean, an addiction is very serious and it affects everyone in your house. So that's not even like, I agree, Eddie. - Yeah, but he has admitted to being an addict in the past. But to say now that he currently is, is a bold claim. - What I think is interesting from that video and then we can move forward. Is she really only touched on them at the very beginning to kind of get the clicks? And then she actually spoke more on the Ozzy Osborne and Shari Osborne and Dax Shepard and Chris and Bela. Like, she talked about them. - That's what they got me. - More like that. (laughing) - Let me just say, there is a culture that is just going to always despise marriage. And they're always going to despise a couple that is thriving and loves each other and like, is normal, like you have normal marriage problems. Like they're just going to despise that and it's just not gonna be me. - Yeah. - Let's be careful to make assumptions about other people. - Yes. - And also I think it would be very honorable if you built a platform where you were the main character. - Wooey! - I think that would just be a really honorable thing to do. - Yeah, what a Jordan and Danie Awesome. They call them the Talking Heads. On TikTok. Talking Heads, Talking Heads. Well, we're talking about healthy marriages obviously. - Yeah. - So let's move on to. (laughing) I'm trying to segue. Our healthiest year yet, healthy slash housey habit slash how we beat the winter scaries. - Okay. - Yes. - You guys were telling me about the winter scaries. I've experienced them every year of my life. I never really quite had the man. - The vocabulary for this. - They're called, yeah, I love that. This is something I love about Gen Z. They have the catchiest names for things. The winter scaries. Yes, that's a good term. You know, it's when the holidays die down. It's late into deep winter. You're feeling maybe ugly. You're feeling bored. You're stir crazy in the house. You just need to feel refreshed. - Yeah. - So we thought it'd be fun to write down our tips or things that we do to try to remove ourselves from the winter scaries. - Or maybe I need to put some of these in. - I, as well. - I was like thinking through. So I'm like, this is a great idea. Have I actually done this? The answer is I have, but not all in the same day. - In spoke. - It's in spoke time. - In spoke. - Okay, do you wanna start with your first one? - My first one is hobbies. - Cool girls have hobbies. - Wow. - That's what I'm saying. And I really wanna have some more hobbies going on. I really admire people that have niche hobbies, but I also think that this is like a really fun thing to do. 'Cause a lot of hobbies, you can do inside your house if you're stuck inside, but like, I mean, heck, I've been seeing people crocheting and embroidering. That's a crafty hobby. - So cute. - We could, I'm myself, I'm making sourdough. I'm considering that a hobby. - I love eating your sourdough, that's my hobby. - It's so fun for me. - It's a pretzel by its back. - Please bring the pretzel by its back. - You guys weren't here actually. I will make some more, but yeah, sourdough, hobby. I'm talking, like, okay, I actually thought about this one. Ma-jong. - Oh, I've watched Ma-jong live. - He is because that we're not, I'm not, I'm gonna talk about myself. My instinct is I'm not classy enough to play Ma-jong. - I watch Ma-jong lives on TikTok. - What is it? - It's like a game you play with style pieces. - Yeah. - To be honest, I don't know because I actually have Ma-jong apps on my phone that I play. And I feel like Ma-jong is the tiles and then there are different games that you can play with in the tiles. - Oh, okay. - But I think there might be like a Ma-jong game. - A game. (laughs) - A game. (laughs) - A Ma-jong game. - That probably is a game. - Yeah, probably. Like an actual game itself, but then you can use those tiles to do other things. - Okay. - So I don't actually, no, it's what I'm saying. - Well, I was like, maybe one day when I'm classy, I will do that one. But other games, we can call that a hobby. - Yeah. - Like, I just think that, I don't know, something fun to do that's like, it's kind of silly. - Yeah. - It's not necessary. We're just doing it 'cause we enjoy it. - Yes. - And we can do it inside. We can look forward to that. - No, no. - I don't know, hobbies. - Just reading kind of the hobby? - Yes, I was actually gonna say that was one of my hobbies. That for sure counts. Heck, coloring, painting. I was gonna make an at-home date where they have like, how to draw like Disney characters on YouTube. And I was like, I think that would be fun. If Matt and I can pull up a YouTube video, we both like how to draw it and show each other. I just know that is Matt's personal. Like, he's so down to do anything, but I just know that, and he would do it. - Yes. - I just know that he wouldn't really. - It would be fun for him. - Yeah, 'cause I took him to a painting date one time and he like always talks about it. He's like, that was for you. I love the love that. - Caleb's low-key good at art. And when he was in art class in high school, he did a self-portrait of Carrie Underwood and we had that portrait for a couple of years. And I was like, can we leave Carrie Underwood? - Carrie Underwood. (laughing) - Why are we bringing her from apartment to apartment? - We said proud of that. - What do you think he knows? - Puzzles. - Puzzles, what's the hobby? - Great hobby. - I never seen you do a puzzle. - I haven't done that many because I think I would lose like one piece. And I'd be so mad. - Yeah, you need to dedicate it. - But I really do want to do puzzles when I don't have toddlers running around and like a dog that would eat it. I think that's a great example of a good one. - I'm gonna do that even baby. You could puzzle it. - I have two big dogs that knock it over, yeah. - It's hard when you have two. - Comment down below, hobby ideas. And if I should get into embroidery because I've been thinking about it and I honestly think I'd have a lot of fun by also think my nails would pose an issue. - No, you have a machine. Unless you're talking about like needle point embroidery. - Yeah, needle point. - Oh, you want to do needle point? - I don't know, because I do want to keep my hands busy. Like I want to do something. I mean paint by number, I'll do that. - Maybe that's our next instead of book club. - We start needle point club. (laughing) Matt always tells me he's like, "When you're older, you're gonna knit." - Yeah, of course, I'm going to. - I used to be obsessed with finger weaving as a kid. - Oh my gosh. - I made it a stirrup one time. - I was on an airplane and the stewardess was finger weaving and that just brought me back. - You're like, yes. - Yes. - So comment down, niche hobbies we can do. - Not even niche. - Those are niche. - Where you at? - I would say I was gonna say I don't ever wanna get into sewing or doing anything. - Oh, I love sewing that area. I need a knitting, doesn't pick my interest, but it could be good. - Do you find other good ones? - I don't find other good hobbies. - I wanna get into it. - I would have to do and watch something. - I wanna do something where I don't have to watch, like reading 'cause then I'm not watching something. - My brain doesn't need to, need to add additional requirements. - You guys, this house always has the TV on. - Always. - And what is it always on? - Sports. - Yeah, it's on my house, but it's grown up. - Okay, my first one is, and everything shower often. - Oh yeah. - Everything shower often, because when you're inside, the last thing you're gonna be is inside and have bad hair, you know what I mean? When I feel ugly, it's usually because my hair's bad. - And shave your legs. - Shaving my legs. - You're gonna wear pants. - Shaving my mustache, shaving my armpit, and painting my toenails. So doing all this, like the grooming things that it's so easy to put off. - In the winter. - In the winter. - And in the winter. - Yeah, and it's like, okay, if I feel bad on myself, if I wash my hair more often, and I can style it, I'll feel a little bit better. - Mm-hmm. - That's a good one. - Yeah, the hair does make a difference, and I always neglect it. - To say. - Today is the first day I blew dry my hair in baby two months. - Oh wow, it looks amazing. - Thank you. - I was gonna say your hair looks really good. - Thank you, I think it's because I blew dry. - Is that what it is, blew dry it? - Um, no. - Blow dry it. (laughing) I blew it. - That's something that you're not gonna get away saying something wrong. - Yeah. - Or with blank. What did I say? - I mean, I knew that. - Capacity, I say. Compacity, it's capacity. Yeah, I say capacity every time and Blake calls me out on a good map every time My mom always is documentary And honestly, I don't blame her for it. It's not like Okay, what's your second one? Okay, well, I think we can share in this one. This is also pay you backing off the every show at the same time 10 10 10 10 To end your face. I'm telling you when I am feeling like there's just a certain feeling that'll arise In the depths of my stomach and and I'm like what's wrong everything feels wrong, and then I'm like wait I'm just so pale and then I tan and here's my thing about salt tan. I don't care if it looks no I don't care if it looks natural. I don't care if my hands are orange. No, I don't care It passed that I don't even do my back actually I was tanning the other day and Matt goes and I goes Do you want me to do the back? And I was like no, I don't see it. It's none of my business The back of my head is none of my business. The back of my whole backside. Hold back. Hey, none of my business For me and it doesn't matter. That's the thing. This is such bad advice, but I mean Looks good. No, you will feel sorry because you know what you go. I'm alive I just feel like so and also when I'm self-tanned I'm gonna feel like I already just have like a jump start of my day because it already looks like I have a little bit of makeup on Totally, like I just I feel like I want to show my legs I want those to be seen. I'm gonna wear shorts. Yeah, I'm gonna even if it's cold like it's just something about it It's it's it's one of those external things that just like seeps into your skin into your psyche. For sure It gets in my head and I'm like I'm amazing. It's great. Taney my face single-handedly got me through my first three months I postpartum now listen I did have allergic reactions every time I used it and I still used it everything comes with a cost everything comes in a cost And I was like that's a cost I'm willing to have I'm willing to have hives on my neck to feel alive. I respect that Thank you Beauty's pain. You just have to know. I mean here's the thing. It's not for everybody But if you haven't tried it and you just start feeling like everything's just a little bit better. Oh, then tan and everything will be better Oh, it's a quick turnaround It's it's an instant boost instant. Honestly, it doesn't I don't even have to rinse it off before I'm already like no I use those isle paradise drops in the face lotion. Mm-hmm. You don't have to rinse anything It just looks in your moisturizer. Put it on you're good. Yeah Okay, my second one. This is an activity I'm purging my closet. That's a great. That's great. That is a really and makes me feel light and makes me feel fresh and it gives me a little Piece of excitement because now I get to fill it with things that actually need and are fun and serve me better So when I am like okay, I'm bored in the house. What am I gonna do? I'm feeling in a slump. I start purging That's a good one. Mm-hmm. Thank you. Get rid of this stuff that you're like if I didn't wear it in In the past year, it's gone. I have a rule. I give myself two two consecutive seasons So if I don't wear something for two consecutive winters, then I donate it If I don't wear something two consecutive summers because sometimes there's just extra maybe there's just an occasion or maybe you're pregnant Yeah, maybe I've been pregnant postpartum so it just didn't fit So there's a different I give myself two seasons and if I didn't touch it I donate it and it just feels really like you're clearing your mental space It just is very healing. I need to do that. I know it's such a good feeling and it's honestly Fun once you get in there and you can start trying things on and then you start having fun in your closet And that is such a hobby of mine I love going in and making new outfits with the clothes that I already have and it just is Honestly a dream day. That's good. That's good. That'll fill it make you feel refreshed. Yes. I don't really actually have anything I don't that I love that one. I need to do it personally. I'm getting to the point where I'm ready for my next purge He's to happen for me. Want me to come help you? Yeah, we'll do each other. That would be fun I need to go because I like literally just grab what's on the top every time and I'm like well I like it and I wear it a lot, but I'm like I'm not really making use of right because I'm like I don't fit in that right now or I don't fit in that and I'm like let's just get rid of it. I know. Let's just get it's gone totally Okay, this one is really applicable to me personally when I lived in a colder climate now I have to say we are coming from a place of privilege right now. We actually live in Arizona. I have a glorious time It's very sunny here every day. It's actually still pretty warm when you like if you are in the direct sunlight Yeah, it's like 75 you could get warm. It's born. It's amazing. It's great But this really applied to me when I was living in Missouri Go to a heated workout and because you probably haven't sweat in a minute like sweat a lot and something about Sweating a lot if you go to like a heated yoga you will it's like a lizard shedding their outer skin. Oh, you're still right It is just like oh, I just needed to sweat a ton and you're just kind of like jog back into place And it needs to be really hot and you can also you need to be really hot Uh-huh, and so we could still do it here I feel like it could still work, but it's really really hits this spot if you're in like a cold climate There was and then when you walk out and you're soaking wet and you hit that cold It just oh the electricity that goes through your bones. It's like I just had a really hot. I'm soaking wet and I'm frigid Oh, that's like a cold plunge cold plunge Tonic combo exactly that will get your circulation moving that will send a shark That was into shock through your brain waves. It will actually restart your heart You will die and then it'll come back to me like no, but I do think that it is a good thing to kind of You know kick you out of some type of funk and also in general This could also just work if you go do like a really hard workout totally just get a lot of sweat out release some endorphins release all the I don't know I'm thinking about all the things from the holidays just get it out good it out You feel great Okay, I feel like my number three kind of piggybacks off of my number two of Perjana closet pick a day and I'm gonna go to the mall by myself I'm either gonna go to the mall or I'm gonna go thrifting alone and I'm just gonna meander I'm gonna look at all the beautiful things and maybe I won't buy anything But that alone time slowly carousing the aisles looking at things getting and feeling inspired Getting out of house, but still inside Oh, it rejuvenates me. Mm-hmm. I love going to the mall by myself With no time limit Just perusing you don't agree you don't like going alone I don't like going alone. I actually really don't like going to the ball. Oh It's honestly It's been revived in me in the last two years. It's the fashion in you. You like that. I just remember I was a kid activity from that I do yeah when I was a kid I remember I would have I would wake up and I'd be like I have to go to the mall today Like I would just have this feeling in my bones I just am dying and the only thing that makes me feel good is if I go to the mall and I wouldn't buy anything I would just walk around I had like $12 my name. I'd be in eighth grade and I begged my mom to take me to the mall And I would just look at all the pretty things and it was just so inspiring and fun Yeah, and it's just get out of the house. You're walking you're moving. That's where you got it You just got to get out of your house. Yeah, and the mall or go thrifting is such a fun. That's a good idea Yeah, I think that's a hobby of mine. Yeah, that's fine. That's a good one. Yes, I do like to go shopping But sometimes I'm like, I don't know if that would Yeah, sometimes the shopping dreams me. It does not make me live. My mom knows this too She's like, okay, how many minutes do you have until you're like? I'm done. I'm like, okay I have two stores and a snack break and I have to get lunch. Yeah, you have to have lunch I'd be really fun when I'm shopping like with you guys like that would be really fun Oh you guys would be great because I don't have fashion at all Not it's nowhere in my bones Really, it's not so cute not a single ounce We'll go good on all day fun. I love shopping with you guys That's a good one. Okay. This is a big title for it But I promise there's like a purpose for it. I called it this one service. Okay, so I think Sometimes when I'm in a little bit of a funk. I'm like Abby. All you done is sat here and thought about yourself Oh, you're just sitting here thinking about everything everything about yourself And it's pretty incredible how just You know shifting that mindset to okay, let me think about other people in my life now. This can be like Your friend your mom your sister or you could even do bigger and think of like you know If you want to go and like do service at a like non-profit organization like charity something like that Think both have a place here, but like even if you're just like you know My friend is in the hospital and they're like I can't go visit them right now But it'd be really fun if I just like send them a care package and like spending that time to do something like a little creative and a little thought for for someone else It's kind of just like you kind of get out of your own little pity party This pity party is not doing anything for me. It's just getting me deeper in this hole But like thinking about someone else and like what you can do and also you can have fun with it and you're not doing it For yourself because you're you're genuinely doing this as a gift for somebody else your time whatever you're giving them like it is for the other person But in turn it's like a little cycle here. Yeah, you're also reminded okay This world there's more people in it than me. I can think bigger than myself in my own like small problems or this like little funk I mean, I feel like that's also really a thing to just kind of like Yes redirect those thoughts. Yes. That's a good one Abby. Thank really good one. Well, I think it's really fun too like we're like oh like I'm putting together a care package for someone And I'm like that is so fun like I'm like genuinely looking forward to like thinking about the things that I'm gonna put in there and like Yeah, and so I'm like that's actually just like a really fun thing to do and also you don't even feel like spending money on something like that You're kind of just like it's for someone else. It's so much easier to do - Totally. - I probably wouldn't buy these fun things and go ham on a random day for myself, but it's really fun to do it for fun. - Totally. I like making cookies and bring them to the neighbors. - Yeah, you're good at that. It's just, it's so easy and it's fun. And yeah, it just helps you get out, and then you go talk to your neighbors and you see how they're doing and you check in. And it's just like an easy way to get past. You're right yourself. - Yeah. - I love that one. - Thank you. - Great one, Ab's. I, man, I feel like not mine are kind of dumb. I feel like I was thinking through what are my winter scariest? My personal self, so like the shower. And then I'm like, okay, I want my body to feel good. I want my home to feel good. And then I want to like, my environment to feel good. - Oh, that's great. - Deep clean in my house. - Yeah. - I'm washing the sheets. I'm washing the pillows. I'm washing the blankets on the couch. I'm scrubbing the baseboards. I am, you know, anything that needs to be deep clean. - Getting a grout too. - No, not that one. - Okay. - I was gonna ask, first of all, I don't clean my baseboards. - I actually never. - Someone was telling me they were like-- - Like, you did that this time. - I'm talking about the baseboards. I was like, did you look at, I'm like, don't look at mine. Ever look at my baseboards. - Well, I've actually looked at yours and you're just clean. - Oh, yeah. - Good. - Yes. (laughing) - The house is new enough that I haven't collected. No, but, here's my other question. What were you just talking about this? I was talking about this within a running group of people. How often do you wash your sheets? - A weekly. - Okay. - Me too. - Yes. Well, it didn't used to be that way. When I was in college, I was a little nasty, little piggy. I maybe washed my sheets twice a semester, but I also didn't know that. I was like, oh, I was supposed to clean those. - Me too. (laughing) - I actually never cleaned. I maybe cleaned my apartment once a semester. - Okay. - You're really clean now. I know you know why. I wasn't really that clean when we lived in our apartment, even when we were married. Caleb likes things tidy 'cause he's type A. So I learned how to pick up my stuff and not be such a slob, but when we bought our house, it was when I actually learned how to clean because I felt ownership for the first time over my space and I wanted it to feel clean. And now I enjoy it. I used to hate it. Also, getting the right tools to clean your house makes a big difference. Like getting a good vacuum, actually, doesn't make a vacuum horrible. - No, one of those steam things. How do you see those? Like the spin brushes or the steam things that goes across the corners of your house and stuff? - Yeah, you just put water in it, but it's hot, so it sanitizes. - I want to get one of those too. And I want to get the spin brush. - That's cool. - Isn't that fun? - Yeah, what do you even use that for? You're like your shower? - The corners. - That's, let me be honest. I have a very clean house. Don't go in my shower. - I don't get to do it. - You're going in there to get clean. - Yeah. - I don't clean like that. I do the tidying, but like does the cleaning. - Yeah. - He just has, I don't, doesn't bother me. It should. - It didn't bother me until I had a house that I owned. Because I feel like when it's like, oh, this is my own money. I want this to be nice. It feels different than when I was renting. I was like, whatever. - Yeah. - That's great advice though. Because in the winter, you're spending a lot of time inside. It's like, let's make this a place, a piece. - Yeah. That's a good one. Thank you. I need to do that. Okay, this is my last one, which also, I'm like, Abby, you say this all the time. We're sick of hearing it. Make plans. I'm sorry. This is the only way I knew how to cope as a child. So, I would get really in a slump. I shouldn't say this is the one. My parents, they're amazing. They gave me a lot of skills. But this was like the main go to. And it's like so ingrained in me. So, I would get so down after I was a theater kid. So, if this show ended, I was used to every day for hours going after straight after school, for rehearsals, and then spending time with those same people every single day. And like, I loved everything about it. And so, when I would end, I was just like shocked and just like go home after school. And I was in such a slump. So, my mom was like, we gotta just think of, like we have to get a plan. Like, so before the show would even end, she would make sure we like had a plan for like something to look forward to in the future. So, this is a great opportunity. Let's make some plans. Let's look ahead. Okay, maybe we can't do this right now, but let's get something on the calendar for like when spring time comes. Like, let's do this. Let's peruse travel destinations. Maybe we're not gonna go there, but like, let's consider it. Let's, like we said, look at Airbnb. Look at, look at, well, wouldn't it be fun if we went to X, Y, and Z. Let's just get some stuff on the calendar, even if it's small, but just like, let's just keep moving forward. Let's look to the future. Let's just get something to be excited about down the line. And I feel like it makes those like seasons that feel a little slower. It's like, it's not forever. Yeah. We've got all these things coming up to look forward to. That's exciting. So true. It's like that excitement. You gotta, you gotta ring like the buzz. Yeah. I'm excited. Like, I want the anticipation. Uh-huh. It's so good. And planning something too. Like, that is fun. Like, planning a trip is so exciting. Mm-hmm. That's what I like about you, Abby. It's like, we should make this plan. You're like, okay. Let's do it. Right now. It's a plan. We ain't talked about taking a trip to fly stuff. She's like, okay, here's the Airbnb. Everyone down? Let's go. No one wanted to get it. They're like, I don't even know what you're talking about. I'm like, we just talked about it. We booked it. We did. We did. Okay. We talked about your buzz. Abby? Abby, I came in the other day and she goes, I'm playing a Havachi night and I go, that's so fun. Do you want me to bring our blacks down? Oh my. Abby. Abby goes, what? And then my head. I pictured you behind a black stone grill. Cooking up a bunch. So white. What the heck? Like, what the heck? Like, what do you like to do with the things? And honestly, I told her I was like, she's remarkable. She said, I just started wheezing. When you said, we can bring my, I can bring my blacks down. I was like, I really thought you were breathing. That's like the confusion I had. Would Abby ask if we wanted to have, if you didn't care if we had the shower together? And I'm like, I don't, I like to shower by myself. This is what Abby sent me. I made it on chat TVT. This could be my new hobby. It's obviously a perfect for me. A little entertainment aspect. I love cooking. I love cooking. I got this. It's cooking. It's like making a little onion train. I get the little white peeing to take it off. It's so fun. You go like, can I do your mouth? Just shoot a little soy sauce into the bath. Literally. Is it offensive if I do it? I don't know. I don't ask the people. A lot of people. You have to find the black stone at the bottom. I think you acknowledge it's culture appropriation. That's all that we need. It's just like an old gem. But it'd be so fun. I think that would be a blast. I really thought you were planning a themed night where you were going to do that. I love that you thought of that. Like Abby's just going to do it. I'm just going to do it. Well, that'll be fun. It's not alone. I'm so excited that I have plans for that. Me too. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm very looking forward to it. I know so many people will be like, I'm so excited for the hydrogen. Also, I had a couple of friends that were really confused. They're like, what's the occasion? I was like, uh, it's Valentine's Day. Fun. Bring your spouse. Yeah. So it's a fun plan. We should have a tour. Yeah, so it's a fun we should have a talent show We should do actually have a We can harmonize we should have a family night that it's just everyone. It's a talent show family night Maybe our kids family does that and I think that for like Chris at Christmas time I think they do a talent show or something that's fun. We should say these ideas for our girls. Oh, yeah, okay. Oh Okay, my last one this is this I'm gonna go to Trader Joe's and I'm gonna buy all the fun snacks Yeah, I'm getting all the fun new things. I'm getting a bunch of dessert and I'm gonna fill my kitchen with Just new and exciting culinary treats. Yeah, yeah, that gives me a zest for that gives me a zest That gives me a have a funk. I'm gonna make a new dinner I'm gonna look up recipes on TikTok and we're gonna go to Trader Joe's and just have ourselves a time That's fun Date night before we go. Yeah, you go. You get appetizer. You get the meal. You get the dessert. Mm-hmm perfect so fun so fun. Oh, yeah That's a good one that's why they ask you they're like you have any plans for tonight You're like this was our day side plan and they're like with the grocery store. I'm like I always have a chatty time at Trader Joe's. Did you like that? I like when my cashier chats with me some people hate that Oh, I hear people like that's my worst nightmare when the cashier talks to me. I'm like, please maybe they just break the silence Maybe they're in a social job maybe that I like home a toddler's alive. Maybe like he do not Like I want English and like adult. Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Walmart? I was really pregnant and the cashier was like seven o'clock and I was buying a cardin of ice cream That's all I bought and the guy like me goes you got any fun plans tonight and I go I'm just gonna go home and eat my ice cream With my husband he goes and make a baby and I go oh maybe Have a baby I honestly was like so taken aback. I think he had word vomit. I don't think it's way meant to say but That that one was Investments and I said sir that actually sounds like a bad one Did you say that? No That is so funny. Yeah, I had good. I have had really good conversations with people in the line at Walmart In fact actually one time I had a really great conversation with this like 80-year-old woman who was buying a lot of yarn So she was in her hobby era. We love her and I feel inspired by her She bought so much yarn, but none of her critical working. We had already like had such a good conversation. Oh, dang About her yarn You have to at that point She was literally like trying to find a way. I'm like ma'am. This makes me so happy that you got yarn now Yarni and she by the way. No, it's not - No, it's not. Every time Grandma's sharing Kielb and Mads, Grandma's so our kids great. Grandma, she makes quilts for all the kids and us. - She started making quilts for us. - Yeah, she makes all these fun things. I love it. And I love that she's in a quiltsy club. And I'm like, that's honestly goals. - Cute. - I know. - One day. - It's so sweet. - I honestly thought about it as should we start a scrapbooking club? But then I'm like, even the thought of printing pictures is already just like a hard stop for me. - Why it is printing, getting pictures printed out, while going to be like such a, like a high, hard, mental task. It's so simple. They print within an hour, you go pick it up, but it just feels like a lot. - I just feel like it's impossible. - I know. - The thought of scrapbooking just like, let's be able to do it with our friends. - And so it's like, that sounds cute and fun. But yeah, printing pictures. - Printing pictures is a hard stop for me. (laughing) - That was our last one. That's great. - Hopefully you guys are finding yourself not too deep in the winter scarries, but if you got inspired from this episode, tell us, tell us what you do - I get all the winter scarries, honestly. I could still use some suggestions. - Yeah, maybe these weren't even applicable, 'cause we live in the summer. We live in the desert now. - Yeah. - I'm like, is this out of touch? But I think it's good. - No. - I thought you had some good ideas. - January stills January. - It's January. - February still February. - Totally. - All right, should we get into some voicemails? - Let's do it! - Ask, ask, ask, Abby! - Hi Abby, I was wondering what your advice is on feeling like you're being judged on your parenting. Thanks. Right. - I guess I would wonder by who, like your friends, your parents. That's so hard because it does feel very vulnerable to be, it's like as a parent, we're just really trying to figure things out as we go. And none of us know. And no one is an expert. So then to feel judged on your decisions does probably feel really hard. And it's hard to feel confident in our decisions too, because it's like we don't always know. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Say it with your chest and question yourself in private. (laughs) - I want to see that. - Do you know what I mean? Like if someone, you're with someone and their question just be like, that's what we do. That's how we're doing it. We're gonna try it this way. And then when you're at home with your husband, be like, did you really be doing it like this? - Yeah, I think that's really great advice. - But yeah, I don't think don't question it in front of other people just be like, oh yeah, that's what we do. You don't always have to open the door for opinions when you're also trying to figure it out yourself. - Right, I think that's great advice. - Okay. - Yeah, I think opening the door for opinions is really important, 'cause I think that sometimes it's like maybe you unintentionally, I'm not trying to blame you, 'cause I don't even know what the situation happens, but I just am speaking from personal experience. There's been times where I'm like, I'm a little bit frustrated at the feedback I got, but I also asked for it. Maybe I didn't think I was asking for it in a moment, but me bringing this up in that context was kind of just like, hey, come on in. Like it wasn't inviting it. So just be careful too. I think that's so great advice. Like just stay with your chest. I love the phrase, that's what we do. That's how we do it. And also I think confidence is contagious. I also think calm is contagious. Like if you're just like not super reactive and just like, I don't know, let it roll off. And I think that most of the things aren't as big of a deal. But yeah, also consider who the feedback is from. If you're like someone that's like, do I admire them as a parent? If the answer's no, then it's obvious. You just ignore it. Yeah, it's just like, you just let it go. Ah, thanks. Yeah. But it is hard if it's coming from someone like someone you really respect. Like maybe your own parent. I could see that being like a much more difficult thing. But obviously ultimately comes down to you and your spouse. Like for sure. You're the ones who made this baby. You gotta make those decisions and raising it together. I agree. Yeah, I think that's really good advice. I feel like there's something that I, I feel like when I'm online, this is just, this is kind of a little bit of a different. But I was gonna talk to you about this. I feel like when I'm online, I don't. I try to avoid like parenting stuff. Because in my head, I'm like, if I haven't seen the results of these people's kids. Oh, yeah. They're gonna take their advice sometimes. I don't know. Not that I want to talk to you about this. But just like, no, that's a good point. There's conversation on this like parenting pot. We're not. We're parenting pot. Yeah, that's a little on the app. But sometimes I see things online. I'm like, oh, that's a good tip. It's like, I want to take things with the grains of salt. But then, I'm like, wait, these people online, I have no idea if their kids are even, if they even have a relationship with their kids. Also, I fully believe every kid is so different, even between like my own two kids. I feel like I parent them a little bit differently than each of them. And so it's like, okay, yeah, maybe someone is like thinking that's not the best decision that you can make. Also, they have a totally different kid than your kid. And so, I think you can have so much confidence in knowing like you are the person that was chosen to raise your specific kid. And I think that should empower you. And you can give you like a unique confidence. 'Cause it's like, yeah, I mean, I'm constantly reevaluating, like was, do I think, like that's a good, that's a good check to have in yourself. Like, what is this? Should we continue this way? Should we kind of redirect in this way, make these adjustments here and there? That's a good thing to have, like those like check ins. But also like, I just personally feel so much confidence. And like, I was given Griffin, I was given Augie because I am meant to be like their mom. And therefore, like, no one else is really like, as equipped to be Griffin and Augie's mom as I am. So I just feel like that is, that also makes it easier to just like kind of sift through the feedback. Totally, that's good up. Hi guys, my name is Mira and I was wondering, what is something that really matters to you when you're a teenager that doesn't really matter to you to this day? Thanks guys, bye. I got a bad advice one. My grades. Oh yeah. Oh, Abby. (laughing) That's a bad advice one. Okay, it's bad advice, but I gotta just say it because I also know that a teenager could be listening to this, that was in my position where you would literally do anything to just make sure that you got an A in everything. And I gotta say, I don't feel particularly like, that was worth the cost. Sure, like stressing yourself to the point of exhaustion to get an A. Yeah, I mean. When a B is just as great. I got one B my entire life and it was in high school. That's amazing. Yeah, well, here's the thing. I'm not, no one cares now. I have as an adult, that was the most praise I've gotten for it. No, it's really not. No, no one knows, no one cares. But I was like so, and I like tried to be casual about it. Like, I don't care what it was. I was dreaded. I never got a B. I got one B and it was my sophomore year of high school in one quarter. Like, I'm talking through college. Like, I was very studious. I guess, and I, here's the thing. I don't know how much I retained of all that. I was just very, very concerned about getting like that grade. And, you know what? I don't even need a degree for what I'm doing right now. This is bad advice. I will say your discipline that you practice throughout those years has benefited you greatly in your life. Thank you. Thank you. So I don't know, yeah, maybe it's like the grade isn't great. But the discipline that you learned was very important. That is, that is a good yes. I do think that discipline has served me well. It has served you really well. There's certain times where I'm like though, that was not worth the stress. Sure. But here we are. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like when I came to grades, I was, I always naturally without studying would get a B, so I was fine with just getting a B. And how to get the occasional C, and how to get the occasional A, and I was like, I'm crushing it. I just, I was, I honestly regret not taking school more seriously at times. Like I kind of just coasted off of my natural abilities when if I actually had applied myself, I probably would have gotten more A's, and I maybe would have remembered it more. Okay. What does something that I thought about that I cared a lot about in high school that I don't think matters? I honestly just think like the social scene of high school. And I think I really, I've talked about this before, I really want to be a part of the party. And then you get out of high school and you're like, wait, there's so many amazing people in the world that I get to be friends with, that I get to meet at different opportunities. I feel like when you're in school and you're with the same people every day, your world feels so small and the drama and the thing, like the gossip, it feels so big because it is, it is all consuming of your life in that season. But then you graduate and you never see those people again. And I'm not even saying that as like a good or bad thing. It's just a fact. Like, you just never see those people again. And then your, your, your world is opened up so much after you graduate. And I think that was perspective that I needed. I want to give a disclaimer on what you just said, actually, because I was given that advice was that you're never going to see the people from high school again, that those things don't really matter, things like that. So I took that very literally and was like, we're not going to be friends after high school, so why invest in this? I feel really bad about that. And like, I want to apologize to those friends because I'm not friends with them, guess what? They're all still friends. Because I, because people were telling me that and I really took it to the heart, I was like, I guess I'm not going to be friends with these people anymore. Why invest my time into that? So disclaimer, you don't have to just like cut people off when you graduate. Oh my gosh. I love these people. That's so black and white. I love these people. That's a good disclaimer. And that's really sweet that you apologize. Love you guys. Yeah, that's sweet. I'm watching. There is that aspect. I mean, yeah, I guess just more like the drama and things is maybe a better clarification. Hi. First of all, I just wanted to say, I love y'all. I love castles so sweet and super down the earth and it's just exciting to see you guys stepping into this new role. So anyway, I just wanted to ask, what is your favorite meal to make this time of year? I'm into the sea, so it's really cold right now for the time being. And just give me like your favorite recipes, like warm comfort food, but also healthy. Thank you. Bye, guys. She's so cute. - Oh my gosh, I wish I had a Southern accent. - I know. - That was a really sweet message. - Honestly, when I hear a Southern accent, I just feel like I'm getting a hug. - Yes, that was so, and thank you for your encouragement. Everyone say it with me on three, one, two, three. - So, so, so. - So, so. (laughs) - We were together, pop-ups too. - Those are all good, both are still there. - I have specifically this half-baked, harvest soup recipe, it's the, - It's delicious. - Let me look at the gala bit. - You got me with it on that too. - It's a creamy chicken yokey soup. - Creamy chicken yokey soup. - It is. - It's not even that creamy, so don't be just, don't be deterred by that. - It's unbelievable good. - So flavor. - So warm, cozy. It's, let's link that. - Let's link that. - We will link it. - Pot roast is honestly, it's just a hearty one that sticks to your bones, but you feel good when you eat it. - Totally. - Also, I thought of, I made this like, healthier hamburger helper that I've kind of like addicted to. It's definitely something you really want to only eat in the warmer months is when I'm good. - It's just a comfort meal. - Yeah, it's good. - You can sneak some veggies in there. It's actually pretty tasty. - I like your chicken yokey soup recipe. - Oh, it's good. - It's good. - Chili, of course. - Chili is good. - It's great. - Oh, I've been making a lot of beef and broccoli lately. It's very cozy, actually, because it kind of gets thick with the cornstarch and, you know, you're getting your veggies, your carb, and your protein. - There you go. - And it's really easy to make, and it's flavorful, and I love that right now. - Chicken pot pie. - Right now, it's a go-to. I'll talk to you in her easy recipe. - Oh, lasagna soup. We've had a few friends make that. Oh, add a cheer list. - I can't, 'cause Matt doesn't like ricotta. I bet there's ricotta in it. - Yeah, I don't think you would know. - Okay, I'll sneak it in. - Okay, good. - You can actually put it on top as a topping. So you don't have to, he's not to add it. - Homeboy has no idea how much she eats. - I don't know, I love this kind of thing. (laughing) - He hates cheese. - Matt says he hates cheese, but he eats quite a bit of it, no one knowingly. (laughing) - Okay, well, we'll be back with the recipes in. Just seriously, from the bottom of my heart, just hearing your voices, it's just so rewarding. And it's so cool, and just thank you for those of you calling. Can you shout out the phone number? So if anyone wants to call in. - Yes. - With any fun goofy question or a serious one? - Yes, 602-456-9690. That's the phone number to give us a call. I'll say it one more time. 602-456-9690. I think it'd be fun too for you to read a review. Close up the podcast with the review. Okay, this is from Bree. She rated us five stars. Thank you, Bree. I love this podcast so much. I look forward to listening every week. You leave feeling inspired and ready to take on life. Love how genuine y'all are. - That's so nice. - Thank you, Bree. - That's so nice. - What a high-quality review. - Thanks, guys. Okay, make sure you comment, like, subscribe, all the things. - Join the book club. - Make some parrots, I don't know. - Okay, well, thank you and remember, we're always here. (upbeat music)