Self Confidence Habits-Part 1

(upbeat music) Did you know that you can have unshakable self-confidence? I'm Sherry Brasier. I'm an advanced certified style coach, personal wardrobe stylist and seasoned hairstylist. I'm on a mission to teach women everywhere, to see their true value and create self-confidence on the inside and then help you dress that way on the outside. Women just like you are creating strategies to dress your body shape stylishly, tools you can use to help you love yourself and process disappointment and overwhelm, all while still looking put together when you leave the house. If you're ready to figure out your personal style and learn the tools to help you build and create more self-confidence, then you are in the right place. Let's get started. Hello, my friends. Welcome to today's podcast episode of the Creating and Shakeable Self-Components Podcast. I am your host, Sherry Brasier and your style bestie. That's my favorite thing to be is your style bestie. And today I want to talk to you about habits, habits that changed my self-confidence. I've had multiple conversations over the last week with different people about self-confidence and how to create self-confidence. And not only that, but how do we change the rhetoric that's going on in our brains? Most of us have awareness that we have some not so great thoughts in our heads, but we don't know how to change them. And we get really discouraged because we don't like the thoughts that we have about ourselves. But we don't know how to change them. And here is what I have noticed with my own self as I've gone through this process, but I also really see it in the women that I coach and the women that I have conversations with is what it's like the devil you know is better than the devil you don't. And you don't actually know, you don't actually like the devil that you know, but you're not sure what else to do or how to do it or maybe you do have an idea of what you need to do and that's scary. Maybe you are thinking that you might need some therapy for some things that have gone on in your past. Maybe you feel like you have some medical situations that are going to need to be addressed in order for you to get to the place in your mind that you want to be in that scary. And there's a whole bunch of other stuff that could be going on for you that makes change scary because for a lot of people change is scary because it's the unknown. We don't know what's on the other side of doing the work or of accepting the things and so we're just scared. And I totally relate to that. I was talking to a friend specifically about this the other day and we were just chatting as friends and then we kind of got into a little bit more of what I do for a living. She's like, tell me more about what you do in your programs and in your coaching and I'm really interested to hear what you do so I was telling her what I do. And she said, "Oh, that's why people told me that I needed to talk to you." Because I'm dealing with some things and I want to change the thoughts that I have in my head. I want to change the beliefs that I have about myself but that's scary. And I said, I totally understand. 10 years ago, I was scared of everything. Up until 10 years ago, like my whole life up until 10 years ago, I was scared of everything. And I don't think that I would say it's anxiety because I think that there's the feeling of nervousness when you're doing something that you don't know how to do or you are going into a situation that makes you uncomfortable or you're afraid that you're gonna be uncomfortable and that makes you have nerves. And we have kind of gone into this anxiety situation where if you have anxiety about something that you just shouldn't do it because then anxiety's kind of a buzzword. So there are people who actually have anxious feelings and emotions and physical manifestations of that that they can't control and that just pop up out of nowhere that they don't have any reason for it. Like it's a thing that happens in their brain without them knowing. And then there's just straight up, sometimes we're in situations that we don't understand and we don't know and it makes us nervous because we don't know what we don't know. And that's where I would say I was. I was in the, I don't know how this is gonna go and that makes me nervous and I can't control it. And so I have nerves, I'm nervous about that and it turned into straight up, I'm afraid to go into those situations because I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle the situation. I don't know how to handle the situation if it turns into something else than what it is. And so I just was afraid of all the things. I was afraid to go places by myself. I didn't like to go places by myself. There were lots of times that I just would abdicate to someone else because I didn't want to make the decision and have someone else not like it. And so I would just go along with whatever anyone wanted to do. And not that that's a bad thing because I still do that. I still go along with the crowd, but I'm intentional about it. If I don't want to go along with the crowd, then I won't. There's a lot of times in my past where I didn't want to go along with the crowd, but I was scared to stand up for myself. And so I just did it. I just did things I didn't want to do. And it wasn't like I did things that were harmful to me or I did things that were bad or whatever, but for instance, this is just a silly example, but really it's just these kinds of things. I would go to movies that I didn't really have any interest in. Like I didn't really care about the movie. Not that it was a bad movie, it just wasn't my jam. I just didn't really have much interest in it, but I would go because I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't go. Who would think bad things about me or who would be mad at me or I would be left out or I'd be by myself or just all of these different things that I didn't want to handle. I did not want to be by myself. And so if a movie was chosen that I didn't really have much interest in, but everybody else was gonna go, I certainly didn't want to be by myself. And so I would go. And now I'm okay to be by myself. I've done enough work on my confidence and on myself worth and how valuable I am and what worthiness I have that now if I don't want to go to the movie that everyone else is going to, then I'm okay if I just stay back, if I stay home or whatever it is, I'm okay to not go. If that's what I decide to do. But more often than not, I will choose to go because I want to be with my friends. I want to be with my family. I may be watching a movie that isn't necessarily of interest to me, but I want to be with my family. I want to be with my friends. And that's what everyone wants to do. And so I am doing it for those reasons because I want to be with my family and my friends. And I want to do this activity with my kids or with my family or whatever. That and it's a very small shift, but it makes a huge difference. difference when you can really understand the reasons that you are doing something or the reasons that you're not doing something instead of just doing it because you don't want the fallout of what you think is going to happen. So the way that I started down this path of becoming confident in myself and my worthiness and understanding my value and then understanding what I like and what I don't and what I would like to choose and what I would like to not choose those types of things in all aspects of life is what I've got for you today. Is habits that changed my self-confidence made me feel more valuable made me feel more worthy made me feel like I was able and had a responsibility to speak up for myself and it took some time this is not a one-day thing. This is not oh I'm gonna listen to this podcast episode that Sherry does and I'm gonna put into practice her five things that she's gonna tell us today and I'm gonna be confident in myself. This has taken me 10 years to get to where I am. Now it wasn't 10 years of misery as soon as I started putting these things into place and into practice my life started changing. So I want you to hear what I say today. I am in a different place than I was 10 years ago. I'm I am in a completely different place. I've had a huge transformation but it started day one when I decided to put these habits into place and into practice. I started to feel more confident in myself immediately. So don't hear me say it's gonna take you 10 years to feel better because it's not. It's gonna take you 10 seconds to feel better and I'm gonna tell you how to do it. Okay so I have five habits. There's more than five but these are just the five that I chose to talk about today. So there's lots of other habits that I have that I've created over the last 10 years and so this is not the the last that you're you're gonna hear from me about how to build self-confidence. So keep on listening if you want to hear more. Okay so number one talking kindly to myself and you're like okay why did you put that as number one? Like we could just be done with this episode. Just talk nice to yourself. Does Sherry? I know that I need to talk nicer to myself. How do I do that? That's what you're saying right? So I started a habit of talking kindly to myself. So where I started may not be where you start. Maybe whatever it is that sounds easy enough for you to do is not where I started and that's okay. That is totally fine. Everybody has to go through their own process. Everyone is on their own journey and we all have different thoughts in our heads. They may be similar but they have lots of strings attached to them and we have different strings attached to each one of these things for each individual person. So I'm just gonna tell you where I started and if it resonates with you and you feel that warmth in your body that like that resonates with me then great start there. If you're like yeah I don't have that I don't know what she's talking about. I mean I've heard other people that have had that situation and that thing but I don't that's okay too. Just open up your mind and your heart to what it is for you so that you can find what it is for you. Maybe some of the stuff will jog your memory which is what I hope it will do but you might not have the exact same situation that I have had. So when I decided that I was gonna start start talking kindly to myself what I decided to do was and I've talked about this in other in other podcasts. I've told you the story about me being a bully to myself. I was just straight up mean to myself just absolute mean to myself and so where I decided to start was if I heard myself say something to myself that was mean or rude or derogatory or negative or hateful or anything like that then I would I was watching out for those thoughts that would come in and I was trying to pay attention and I would ask myself would I say that to my sister? Would I say that thing out loud to my sister? That answer was unequivocally no I would not. A hundred percent of the time the answer was no I would not say that to my sister. I wouldn't say it to another human whether I liked them or not. If things I said to myself I would never say to another human and so I decided at that point if I wouldn't say it to my sister then I do not get to say it to me. That was like a rule call it or an agreement is how I see it I made an agreement with myself that if I wouldn't say those things to my sister that I couldn't say him to myself it was not allowed and that's where I started. So my number one thing is talking kindly to myself but where I started was catching the mean nasty things that I would say and then telling myself nope you don't get to say that try again try a different way and I had to find a way that I would say it to my sister if I had done something wrong or if I'd made a wrong decision or I did something dumb or I took too much time to do something or whatever I would just beat the crap out of myself like you are an idiot no wonder you can't do anything no wonder you're not successful no wonder you're not skinny because you just ate an entire donut you know or whatever right I would say those things to myself so if I if I wouldn't say it to my sister then I couldn't say it to myself I had to find something else like what would I say to my sister so I started ask I started role-playing in my mind if my sister came to me and said I just gained 10 pounds let's say I just gained 10 pounds and I'm so upset about it and I don't know what I'm gonna do and I whatever right I would not say to her well it's because you ate donuts every day for a week no wonder I would not say that I would say something like how do you think that happened what do you think happened what do you think you can change is there a reason why you think you've gained 10 pounds can you think of a a thing that happened did you start another medication did you did you eat out a lot were you on vacation what are the things that's what I would do I would start digging in and try trying to problem solve I wouldn't beat her up wouldn't tell her all the bad not like not nice things so that's what I started doing to myself when I would do something wrong or when I would do something dumb or you know whatever I would say what would what would I say to my sister in this situation or what would my sister say to me sometimes that was easier is what I thought my sister would say to me so like I said if you and your sister don't have a great relationship and she would say nasty things to you then she's not the one that you want to channel what would you say to your daughter if you have a little girl and she's the sweetest thing what would you what would you say to her if she did the same thing that you did she was struggling the same way you're struggling what would you say to her okay number two is I decided that every single day every single day I would get dressed for how I wanted to feel so I'm pretty sure that all of us don't think in the don't mean oh in the morning when we get up I think I want to feel like a slob today I think I want to feel frumpy today I think I want to feel almost today you know I don't you know no one thinks that no one gets up and thinks that what tends to happen what I find with the ladies that I work with in style mastery is they don't actually know what they think because they don't intentionally decide it or they don't they're not paying attention to what's going on in their heads when they're going to get dressed because I promise there's a whole bunch of stuff going on in your head when you're getting dressed and you're just not paying attention so you don't know what it is So pay attention when you go to get dressed, what's going on in your head? What are the thoughts that you're thinking? Did you know that humans are the only species that can watch themselves think? We actually have the ability to have the awareness of what we're thinking when we're thinking it. So that is a skill that I recommend you start to strengthen. So when you get up in the morning and you're going into your closet, what are you thinking? When you're picking out your clothes, what are you thinking? Are you thinking what's going to make me look skinniest? I know some of you were like, "Yeah, because I did the same thing. What's going to make me look skinniest?" Well most of the things that made me look the skinniest, I thought actually didn't. They actually didn't make me look skinny at all. And so now that I've learned what actually makes you look skinny, like what are the things that, what are the ways in your clothing? And when you get dressed that will actually make you look slimmer, I actually figured that out. I've learned those things. And I was not doing any of them before when I thought that I was looking skinny. And it was only making me feel frantic about my weight. So I didn't, I started to not do that. Like I don't want to, I don't want to do that anymore. How do I want to feel today? I want to feel like I'm comfortable in my clothes. Now that could mean a lot of different things. For me, it meant I was going to wear a pair of jeans that actually fit me that weren't too tight around my stomach. Because a lot of my pants were too tight around the stomach because I didn't want to buy the next size up. And so I wanted to feel comfortable in my clothes today. Meaning I don't want my waistband to be so tight that every time I sit down I have to adjust it so that it doesn't pinch and hurt. So I want to feel comfortable in my clothes today. I want to feel like my clothes are comfortable. Then I would look at what clothes actually fit my body in the body that I'm in right now. And I would start to design and create an outfit with those pieces of clothing. And then I felt comfortable throughout the day. And what I saw happen was I wasn't so nervous about how I looked. And my jeans being too tight around my stomach and I'm fidgeting and pulling and messing around with them and whatever it is you're doing to make them stop hurting. And oh I got to pull this over here because this roll is out and you know popping out whatever. When I was when I decided to wear clothes that actually fit me so that I could feel comfortable in my clothes. I stopped obsessing about every little thing about my outfit during the day and how I looked to other people. And I don't know you guys probably do this in the early days of trying to figure this out. I remember I would be talking to someone and I'd be so uncomfortable in my pants. They were too tight or they were you know giving me a wedgie or whatever it was that was happening because I didn't want to go up the next size. And the whole time I was talking to the person I would be obsessing over what they thought of how I looked. Do they know my pants are as uncomfortable as they are? Are they looking at the rolls of that that are coming out like my muffin top? Are they are they thinking while she's gained a lot of weight since the last time I saw it? Like I just was obsessed with what I thought they were thinking. And it happened a lot more often and a lot worse when my clothes didn't fit me very well. So dress from the feeling that you want to have. Maybe it's confident. Maybe it's beautiful. Maybe it's sassy. Maybe it's spicy. Whatever it is, how do you want to feel today? Not how do I feel right now but how do I want to feel today? That one was a huge one for me. Okay. Number three. Girls. You've got to get a bra that fits. You've got to get a bra that actually fits. A bra that doesn't have the straps falling off your shoulders all the time. A bra that you're not trying to pull down in the back all the time. A bra that's not poking you and pinching you and all the things. A bra that holds the girls up so that they're not down to your waist. It actually fits. We've got to get a bra that actually fits because I'll tell you, you want a confidence boost? Get a bra that actually fits. Not one that makes you smaller or bigger or whatever that can be a benefit for sure. But for so many years, I just bought whatever I thought was cheap. What I could thought I could afford, right? Because before I had weight loss, my bras were really expensive. I would only buy one because they were $60. I would only buy one. Then I would just wear it and wear it and wear it and wear it until it's all stretched out. Anyway, it just was really bad. Either give yourself a bigger budget for your bra or your bra collection or get some money for your birthday or whatever it is that you need to do to get the money for the bras that you need but get a good bra. There's lots and lots of places now that have bras for big bust and women. If you need some recommendations, just send me an email. I will give you some recommendations for larger chested women of where to get bras for larger chests. I'll just give you a couple off the top of my head. Third love is a good place. Her room is a good place. Those are the two places that I go to first. I check those places out first when I'm shopping for clients. Go to those two places. You can do your own measurements or you can go have a professional bra fitting. If you're going to do it yourself, make sure that you send me an email and I'll give you all of the deets of how to measure for yourself so that you can get the right size. Get a good bra. Your confidence will rise completely to another level when you have a good bra. All right, you guys. I decided to cut this one into two parts because it was really long and I thought that it would be good to just give you bite size pieces. So I'm cutting it off right here. Next week, you'll have part two of self confidence habits. So stay tuned for next week that you will get number four and number five of the self confidence habits. And I hope you guys have a great day and we'll see you next time. Bye. Hey there. Do you want help right now creating your own personal style? I got you. Go to my website right now at sherrybrasier.com and grab the style basics every woman should have in her closet guide. It's right on the front page of my website. Just put your name and your email address right there and I will send you a document that's a chute list of the basics that every woman needs in her closet. This will help you get started creating your own personal style now. It will give you the ideas of what you need to look for in your own closet. And then if you don't have those things, I'll tell you what to look for when you go shopping. So go to my website sherrybrasier.com and grab that guide now.