Sedona, Arizona w/ Tim Butterly | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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Please do me a favor and give it a subscribe if you're watching on YouTube or Spotify, and leave a comment for the algorithm, and just really to start the conversation off. Guys, UB-Trippin, a new episode with Tim Butterley. Starts now. I had to fight up my parents' friends. These things would have been over there for nice meals. Somebody spilled their wine. He would have me. They just knocked his wine over, so he didn't feel bad. Well, what a fucking homie. Yeah. That's crazy. You know, on the. Now, everyone's doing it. Like, no. We're all cool. The apartment's ruined. We need to try that. Butterley, I didn't grow up with apartments. No. Well, there's more your speed, you know? Villas? Yeah, we had one family in the neighborhood that was like a one-story house, and we laughed at them. Oh my God, dude. Were these houses connected? Other houses? No. Oh my God. Where'd you grow up? Yeah, dude. I grew up in a row home in Kensington. Is that where the videos are? Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. That's the hordes of people under the train tracks. Wow. Yeah, so not a lot of wine happening either. It was just the late night last night. Yeah, I'm not a lot, a lot of wine. Those guys are great. They did change from booze to fettin' all right. Yeah. Yeah, he would knock over his. He would spill his syringe just so you wouldn't feel bad. He would drive his burnt spoon. There's really almost no wasted fentanyl. And I'm like, "Yeah, I gotta lay half a needle left so I'll just leave it." Save it for later, yeah. Yeah. Like the tip and put it in your pocket. It's the wanting more that keeps life meaningful. It's the chase. Where you've been and where you go, and this is our reach travel show, yeah. We're gonna talk about travel today, it's you being driven, yeah. I haven't recorded an actual podcast in about a year. Is this your first one back? I did one where Tom Siger interviewed me about my trip, so that was a little different. And then, yeah, this would be my first trip. About your big trip that you just got back from. Yeah. Well, well, welcome back. Oh my god. Yeah, I forgot how to record pocket, but. He's in! No, he's in. He's easy. Okay. Now first, I'm gonna start with the opening. I'm gonna try not to do an answer voice. Do an answer, but go fucking crazy. No, I'm trying to get away from that. You trying to find your more. Hey, everybody, what could be you be tripping, see? Change everything. That is how I normally do it. Guys, I'm trying to raise my voice to talk through there to them. Guys, it's a. Anyway, for you guys to turn it in, it's a travel podcast, you know it. We pick a different trip every time people have gone to a different place. Almost always outside America, but willing to change that, willing to change that for people who grew up poor. My guest today is one of those people. His mom had a dream of a house that was never realized before she was stabbed to death over a. Close. In a fight over. You getting warmer? You getting warmer? Gomez should have been from Philadelphia, you know. He's got the vibe. That's why we. He's my family. Two dogs on the opposite side of the fence. Tim Butterle is my guest today. Whoa, thank you for having me. Welcome. Well, you guys are too kind. They do that for everybody. Yeah, they're the ones who started the. In the background stuff. That started here with, uh, is Jew, and then it spread. This is Redhead Jew, and now, you know, whites are doing it as well. Yeah, well, notice who's been kicked out of a hundred and eight podcast studios. Whatever. Not me. Is that how many countries did they kick that up? Isn't the ballpark? Yeah. Actually kicked out of. I thought it was like Israel, yeah. But they got it back. Germany. They weren't really kicked out of Germany. They're actually like, don't leave. Now you. Now you can't leave. They're like, "Hey, yeah, the end is coming," but like, "No, we prefer you not." You were in here with us. Yeah. You ever hear about the. They didn't have a hand in that, too, did they? No. Oh, sure. It was, uh, Japan came in and Japan really hates China and vice versa because of this. They went into. It's a giant walled city of like a million people and they locked the doors behind them. And then just part time. And just part time. The worst. Yeah. Party time. Tim, where did. Oh, okay. You got a podcast of your own called. Yeah, I got Tim Butterly show. I got that. Tim Butterly show. I'm a. It's available right now on Apple Podcasts. As well as Vimeo. And now. Cash-up. The first time. Cash-up. Shopify as well. And for the first time, Spotify and YouTube. Check out the Tim Butterly show. What else? Please. Oh, also, if we're. I mean, if we're plugging right now, I'm shooting a guest, digital presents 30 minutes. This is gonna be out in like a year and a half, buddy. Okay, we'll come to that a year ago. Appreciate that. There's. No chance. It's gonna line up with whatever you do. What if you check out my fucking podcast? Yeah. Come on. I'm giving it away. Just a minute later. Sometimes I look up people's stuff when they promoted the beginning and they're like, "Hey, they mentioned this thing. They stopped doing that about nine months ago." So. Where do you wanna go? What are we gonna talk about? Well, I was gonna offer up Japan, but I think Japan's been done on the show. It's not that it's been done. It's. Okay. I have to. You can't really figure out a way to explain to like publicists and people like what this show is. Someone's a Rodney Chang was like, "You said disaster stories." I'm like, "No, it's not disaster." It's just fun stuff that happened. It's not just like, "I went around the sites. Who's that guy?" That boy. He's like a young boy in comedy and he went to. The wristlet? Italy. No. Jordan Jensen. And he went to Italy and it was just with his mom and just pretty much like I went to the costume. It was really cool. Here's a picture. We got a nice pizza. It was really awesome. It was nice spending time with my mom. And I'm like, "It's the most boring trip I've ever heard about Jordan." Yeah. That was my Japan experience. When I saw myself the entire time, I tried to stay out of the way. I saw Japanese stuff. I lived out a fucking autistic dork fantasy and nothing went wrong. Did you go there with your wife? Yeah. Did you blur your cock and pussy when you had sex? Yeah. I was trying not to be arrested. I didn't want to get stopped at customs on the way home. It'd be great if I gave you at the airport in Japan, little blurs. Instead of the lay and how I hang out with someone or some balls. Put your dick through that and it just blurs it. What is that? Hey, let's move on to where we're going. Can you look up what the Japanese blurring of the cock and pusses? I think it was like a legal loophole to make pornography. I think they tried to end pornography and they were like, they actually wrote it wrong. It's just the penis and ball or the penetration that you can't show. And then it's all canceled out if you cry during it. Japan censors. You want to read it? Prohibits the distribution sale or public display of Indies and Mysteries. Hold on. It's a question of every single person reading anything out loud on a podcast. Japan says it's a private part of it primarily, there are going to be five, there's criminal code and so on. There's a sale, a public display of indies. No. Here's how we got to spread this. Please. Japan censors private parts, primarily due to article 175 of its criminal code, which prohibits the distribution, sale or public display of indecent materials. Okay, that was a lot more professional. You're right. We all do it. Get ahead of that. Because it's like, you want to feel like you figured out before you're reading it and try to figure out what the relevant portion is at the same time. So you think you're going to go yaddy, yaddy, yaddy, yaddy, because Japanese businesses are actually pixelated in real life, got it? Okay. It's almost like you got to read, like, well, I'll keep talking to people to go to the side. You read and then present us with what's happened. Yeah. No, they taught you how to read like that when you're, I was doing a reading to children up in Ireland, and it wasn't, it wasn't all bad, and then you got to turn the book around. Yeah. Yeah. That's what's, what's going to happen to you. All right. So cultural shame. Oh, okay. I guess. Often intended to protect public modesty even in adult materials, ensuring genitalia, genitals are not directly visible. Sure. Self-sensorship, that's crazy. Okay. Well, anyway, yes. So we did the pixelated thing. She tried. It was awesome. But we're not doing Japan today. We're not doing Japan. I, like, I have, you mentioned growing up poor. I've traveled poor my entire life, my mom, who was a pillhead, we, no way, really? Yeah, yeah. She was like a victim of like first wave opioid crisis, East Coast, Philadelphia. I learned how to travel poor. I learned how to be a fucking dirt ball abroad. Actually, most of our summers we went to one camping trip in Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania, and one wildwood New Jersey weekend. - Wildwood. - No frills, absolute white trash holiday every single time. - I'm breaking real quick. I was at Ecuador in the beach and I just heard that fucking accent. - Oh, real deep. - And I was like, what? I mean, I hadn't heard anyone in five months as the beach and was like, what? And then I was like, you guys from America, I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm like, no way, not just in America, I said that. And then they're all from wildwood. - Oh my God. - Two of them had a DQ that they ran. - Kill her, oh, big, big shots too. - Oh yeah. - And then they told us about a restaurant. An Ecuadorian restaurant, like they got chicken paccata. It's so good. - Dude, you're trying to chill on the fucking beach or on the other side of the equator, I'm assuming you couldn't be further from 12. And then all of a sudden out of you just here, go on, this guy's got cake. (laughing) - It's so funny, I loved it. Anyway, so your mom's a pill, is she still alive? - No, she's dead. - A pill's kind of long term, never bounced back from it. But she knew how to scramble. She knew how to get a lot out of, you know, nothing, she worked for an airline, so we would fly standby for free. So a lot of our travel was just like where, you know, we would hope we could get to, you know, San Diego. But that flight's full. Turns out we're going to the Mall of America again, you know what I mean? And then you figure out the time when you get there. - Yeah. - And so I, back, a code for San Diego. - Yeah, it's a guess. - Day trip in Fort Lauderdale again guys, can't wait. But, so I still love traveling that way. I'll take a, I'll look at a weird deal. I'll try to, you know, scale my way through. So I ended up getting a Sedona vacation from my wife for our anniversary. And I was unaware at the time that I was, it was a time share thing. - Oh, what? - It was through, it was through a, it was, - What do you mean? - What do you mean? - Okay, okay, okay. So I was like a Hilton Honors guy for like my job in travel and stand up and stuff. I was in a hotel, but wherever Boston cares. - Hilton Honors is real and you got there and they said, sorry, we're overbooked. They should have to like, like kill themselves. - I mean-- - I mean, take the sword and really do it. - Almost everyone who worked for a Hilton in any capacity should kill themselves. - But, he used to be a luxury rent hotel. - When I was a kid, I thought that. - It was like the sign of luxury. - Now it's like, oh, what happened there? - No one booked me a hotel and I have $70. I guess I'll stay at the Hilton, you know. - Yeah, it's great. It was like, this was like-- - It was already an inn. - What happened? - Is it because of Paris? - Did she ruin the thing? - She valued the branch, she sucked her family out of luxury hotels. - I mean, what happened to Hilton? - It really was, you remember that, right? - I remember as a kid. - I thought I was going crazy, 'cause I was like, no, no, he was the, I was like, maybe my parents just lied to me. I'm like, we got a Hilton. - I think we drove to Myrtle Beach one time and stayed at the Hilton when I was a kid. I was like, whoa, I didn't realize things were going this well for us. - Wow. - And it turns out, no, it's shit. Maybe it was always shit and we just didn't know. - Maybe. - I got cornered at a Hilton buying an employee who was like, we have these new properties, and we're trying to push these new properties that we have and we're selling these discounted states. So I got like a Hilton Sedona vacation for like 300 bucks. I just had to pre-buy the stay. - Yeah. - And I was just like, it was like an impulse thing. 300 dollars is, I mean, if I came into 300 dollars at this time of my life, I'd be like, yo, this is, I could almost start a new Myrtle. - Yeah. - If I had 300 dollars unaccounted for, who knows where I could go with it, you know? - Yeah. - But I was like, impulse buy, surprise my bitch. There was a list of the different places we could go to. Sedona was one of them. And between paying for it and presenting it to my wife, I looked at the pamphlet and realized it was like, they didn't call it a time share. They call it like the Grand Vacation Clover. - What does that mean? It's like an Airbnb kind of? - Yeah, it was like a villa in like a resort. And it's exactly like a time share. You have to pay thousands of dollars a year and then you accrue points. It was literally a torture. - You got bought into the full time share. - Yeah, the presentation was like the cheap stay. - Oh. And, I mean, I don't know, you grew up differently than I did. There was always whispers of these in like extended family. - No, we went to a time share presentation. - But I tell you that that's correlations seem different, you know, like the overlap things in life, you know? Like Boston and New York have like a similar accent, but very different, you know? And Jews and Blacks, it's like, we're different. But the tipping culture, for sure. Right there. The way we all like strong family values stay around and raise our kids would be on the knot. I guess that would be the outside rings. But time shares, it's for the poor and also for the Jews. - Okay. - They're like, no, no, guys. - I thought you guys would be too savvy for them. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, try to work your way around it. No, savvy is, don't pay full price. Just go to some seminar and then you can get a much cheaper stand. - Ah, gotcha gotcha. Okay, so you'd run the same racket that Irish white trash would. - Yeah, you fell for it, we would go into it. - You would gain it. - That's a better way in. - You'd come out on top. - No, I fell for it. I got-- - To miss one of the people in my neighborhood had a scam to like, you take out a credit card spent, paid off with another credit card, get the points, and she just keeps moving it around and just work in points. She goes, it's kind of a full-time job, but it will work. - You are? - I'm actually gonna pay off my bill. - Not so different than you and I. (laughing) - I just hit city with the 0% balance transfer feeling pretty good about that one. - Really? - Yeah, let's go. - It's a nice game, game. (laughing) - God damn, it's right there for you. - I mean, you should be stupid not to. You can't afford to not take advantage of that kind of thing. - Well, I got so much learned from you guys. (laughing) - Yeah, let's go to scabala class and that's up front. As soon as you get past day one, then everything drops and it's like, all right, and it's all just revenues and dividends. - Yeah, yeah. Christina's necklace is made out of pure gold. It's just covered in bronze, but. (laughing) - You have a second chamber inside our rectum for diamonds. - Like a vestigial organ, huh? - We're born with it and those who aren't. - Yeah. That's the horns, that was a, yeah, Wisconsin. Anyway, let's go. (laughing) - Hi everybody, I'm breaking into today's episode to let you know a little bit of the guest Tim Butterly. He's a great comic. He's got a new half hour special right now called the Half Hour with Tim Butterly produced by my friend, Lewis Gomez, a rattlesnake from Dominican Republic. Check it out, legitimately. Give him a like, give him a subscribe, @Tim Butterly on YouTube. He's also gonna be in the road. Baton Luizli's, this week Luiziana, Baton Rouge, Lafayette, Lake Charles, all this week in Louisiana, and then next week in Chandler, Arizona, back with this podcast, it's all started. That on the Florida where he's gonna be Gainesville, St. Augustine, Orlando, the first three days of October, and then Toronto, Ontario, Canada, Quebec, Canada. Nope, Toronto, Ontario, Canada. It's an international tour, Tim. Congratulations on your international tour. He's also got three podcasts. Dad meet the Tim Butterly show and field tripping and the Tim Butterly show. Check them all out at the worst website in stand-up comedy history. Here we go. LinkTR.EE/Tim Butterly. That's dumb. Guys, follow that. You can see a link for his 30 minutes with Tim Butterly. Go to that, leave a comment, saying your website is dumb. How are people gonna find you, bro? It's not even a website. It's a link tree that goes awt. Also reach out to him on Instagram, Tim Butterly. That's it, guys. He's a great follow. He's very funny and he's a great guy. For myself, all I'm asking you to do is subscribe to this podcast. Spotify, on YouTube, wherever you're watching, or listening. Leave a comment if you want. We just got up to 150,000 subscribers, 150,000 people who are subscribing to this podcast. So thank you very much. I do appreciate it. You should subscribe. You'll be alerted when new episodes come out. Like each one, comment, and just enjoy the conversation. I'm having fun doing it. All right, let's get back to the episode with Tim Butterly, in Sedona. - Yeah, I was humiliated 'cause I was like, oh my god, I was gonna think I'm an idiot. I think her dad did a time share presentation vacation when they were kids and it's just like, I'm never going to grow out of just being poor and, you know, and this was like 2024, by the way. This is not that long ago. But so then I break it down to where I go, hey look, I tried to do a nice thing for you. I spent a significant amount of money for us. And it turns out I'm actually an idiot and I got tricked. And now I'm taking a vacation, but we have to go to a time share presentation. And she was like totally game right out of the gate. She's a down bitch. - It's so much better when you tell someone, I also believe she's a bitch. But if you tell someone ahead of time, like it's really, the place is kind of sucky. I almost tell you when you get here. And then you're like, it's not sucky, just the oven doesn't work. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - As opposed to them getting there, like the fucking oven didn't work. You didn't ask in this pre-gotten expectations. There's issues with power delivery to the suite. - Air conditioning broken. But we'll see when we get there, you know? - Yeah. - So I did, I prepped her for it. I was like, they're going to hard sell us. They're not going to take no for an answer. It's probably going to take up an entire morning. But we have like two and a half cool days there for almost no money. You can spend money on excursions, you know? We never have excursions. Scersion money we go somewhere we walk or we do free shit and walk around everywhere we go. Yeah, so it does make the trips Lamer but Sedona is like a place you would do that. It's no it's perfect It's perfect for that also we kind of got into the idea of like role-playing in the sales pitch I'm listening where like I'm kind of being convinced and she sort of sexually humiliating me the entire time Oh, like, but babe, I listen listen to the deal that we're gonna get and she's just like ice queen like You know sort of just being dog walked by her I did the same thing when I was I got back and I was staying in like the DC area There's like social club. It's got like a pool of tennis courts and like Schvitz and like Jim and so you know one of those like country clubs with no golf course And they're like we'll give out a free week membership You want to try and there was like come with suspenders and like a pocket watch? Like I have a lot of free money to spend and I need a place to spend it I'll take my relaxation serious now almost a year. Is it can you give more than that? Pay more for I don't know something extra Judging up for me now does this counters. They one of the week unrelated to my incredible wealth Would like a coffee also free No, okay This is when he's like pouring up here. He's like, hey, those are bottles of bottle. They're like bringing it back out Yeah, um, so what do they do? How do they hard pitch on it? What do they say? Well? First of all, you must know half of people like I've the zero chance you're getting me And the other half like maybe yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so you well first of all you have to go to a group presentation And That was awkward. Wow you have to go and sit in like a small like meeting room and a guy's got a projector and he Walks you through it and this was like an older guy who joined the club like 30 years ago And now I think he's kind of a slave because he'll never be able to comfortably exit this deal You know what I mean like you buy in and then it costs more to get out than it did to buy in Oh, you're in forever dude. I'm reading. I was reading shit on Reddit like people inherit their parents time shares And now it's like I have owe them $3,500 a year and I my lawyer killed himself trying to get out of this How do typeshairs work out that is Airbnb? It seems like they'd be like what just so you could leave some stuff there Just no, you don't leave your stuff the first of all you you're not actually like renting a place You are you're accruing points to spend on like a hotel stays somewhere basically It's not like you've got a spot that you crash in with other people on like a list your You're paying the thousands of dollars to be in the program and then you could pay more to get more Basically, it's like rewards miles and that's the only currency you can use to book your shit and But also you can like oh you can give it all what you can give points to people Let's say you want to give your family like your sister in law vacation. Why give her your points in the hall This is the presentation by the way, give her your points now. You're giving away luxury vacations and you're locking other people It's only $3,500 a year plus quarterly you make another $1,500 a month payment. Can you imagine saying only for 3,500 a year? Drop it in there. It might a wild thing to do. I told him it might as well be a million dollars for the impact it would have on me I love it so much. I just cut your deal. You're like hey, bro. We're not like It's not close enough. We're out of business. There's no there you could not sweeten the deal enough This is blood from a stone my man, you know, what's that store down down on Congress of those like we're looks like 70s like vests and stuff The colorings it's like Stand up comedy shows in the back there sometimes What aviator nation? Yeah, and you look at a sleeveless vest and you're like oh, this is cool Let me check and it's like $600 and you're like oh, no, I'm like well. We have an employee discount 20, but my buddy We're not I was looking to spend like 40, you know what hold on to it for me I'll live a really good life and hopefully then when I am reincarnated I'll be in a higher cast because this is not possible. Oh, I left my bigger wall in the car So I'm sorry Yeah, so yeah, there's his indentured cert this elderly indentured servant has to basically find new vampire victims And it's like families and like and I'm like man. I'm so cool. I'm not I could I would never even consider this I think everyone there is probably faking it for the cheap vacation He's like that's your wife's berating you dude. He's showing us. Yeah. Yeah, she's just me mugging me and like elbowing me when I ask questions I love some of these destinations St. Thomas. Come on He's oh now he's going around the room and he's like what do you like to do when you travel and someone will be like Um, I like to golf goes golf. Love it. Myrtle Beach and he pulls up, you know the Myrtle Beach destination whenever and we like to We like to do outdoor sports. It's like Got you check out, you know fucking who gives a fuck so he gets to me He goes, what do you like to do on vacation? I was like well my life my wife and I like to take a high-dose Psychedelic and have a peak experience and all of the People turn around and look at me and I had a completely straight face and he went Okay, that's great. When they said he went right wait, what's my what about me like no? Let's explore what I like to do you guys all have so much fun my wife and I want to do drugs and get lost Where should we go? But we check into this this suite and it was like whoa I could never afford to play there is multiple rooms dude It wasn't just one room with a queen-sized bed You know and the bathroom door doesn't close this I was like you know you could go into a different room here This is crazy. I can't believe it did stone fucking you know marble and shit I was so blown away by it. Do no one understands. I don't know Did you guys grew up with like I didn't never say to sweet? I didn't think it was a thing It's like pretty woman would those people in that would have like sweets. Yeah, no never imagined it I went I open for Rogan once and that was the first time I was like wait like Not even in my in his room would be like wait, there's a where's your bed? And he's like it's the other room like Who's hotel room is this? He's like no buddy? This is the room in area in my suite The gum I had a picture show to Dana White. I mean my friend has this idea and we're like all right I'm gonna try I think I can get him to like listen to a pitch like the actual someone a network guy, you know And I asked him I was like worked at the courage. I was like hey, didn't I have an idea for a show for you? I was like yeah, you want a picture? I was like yeah Do you want to schedule me? He's like go right now. Oh, fuck. Okay. It was about like regular people Doing like the ultimate fighter. Just like the biggest loser mix with that do a couple of weight class get in shape Even if they don't win this still win because I like this. Yeah He immediately said no like right away. I was like this like now, but But he goes so what are you working on these days? I don't know he made it so cool and nice and I was like totally fine But we got to his hotel room in Vegas and there was a indoor outdoor pool in the room Like with a wall window separating the inside of the outside and it was on like the 30th 50th floor I think it was at the palms and I went in there forget the multiple rooms and meeting areas and stuff There was a pool that you could swim in inside that went out to a balcony that you could then swim outside And I was just like what was it an infinity pool on the outside probably probably sure No, I think there was like you could walk around the deck. Okay, you know, but like I was like what and also like we don't you live in this time is this your just like game day room Yeah, yeah, I'm spending 14 hours here because I'm here for the event or whatever. Yeah, but I'm like why is this drawing from your house? Do this guys enjoy that shit? I think I don't I don't have the time you reach the level where you're Are you taking a dip this whole weekend for that? Yeah me? I travel the small video game system. I plugged it in the hotel TV. That's pretty sick No one has to hear from me for eight eight three eight is that too? That's Philly trash. Oh your own system. Please dude sit in the air conditioning not split my fat tits off Rip a little bit of Mega Man - you know, I just did a refrigerator for my steroid injections Damn it. I got oil spill on this. You know everywhere the rock goes. He has a $10,000 weight lifting Set up drop shipped and set up for him. Really? Yeah Yeah, there's this company out in the Northwest everywhere he goes the day he gets there his his power lifting setup is already done squat rack red barbells Yeah, he's so he's like I need to be in shape all the time It would cost more of his time to go somewhere else to do it than to have this built and then broken down everywhere he goes Wow, I don't know if that's like a hippo violation. I don't know if I'm supposed to spread that kind of that's like insider stuff Yeah, that's fine. So you could read I love when you find insider stuff about celebrities from someone who's like I'm not supposed to say this and we're like well, I have I didn't make any promise to anyone Yeah, so I'm gonna spread it I also have an obligation to talk for like 12 straight hours a week to as many people as possible So I am going to say this to people. Hey, hey, actually, can you mute something for a second? Can you mute this? - But keep it running. (upbeat music) (laughs) - I'm not kidding. - I know. - Oh, stop, no! - No, no, no, 100%. (upbeat music) - Like, you know what I mean, like, like. (upbeat music) - No way, how do you-- - I'm, I'm, I'm, you-- (upbeat music) - No, I mean, 'cause now, 'cause now I tell you, how do you, yeah, whatever, man. - Yeah, I know. (laughs) - Okay, all right, well, that might be a full cut. I don't know, the mute might not have worked on that. It might not have to be a full cut. (laughs) I like this mute idea, though. You just mute for a second and then just only see reaction. (laughs) That was nuts. (laughs) - Yeah, so that's when I would like to just go, I didn't promise, but, but, but, anyway. That is a trusted source, by the way. - What the hell? - Yeah, unfair, right? It's like, no, that's wrong. I mean, I didn't, I didn't agree to it. - Yeah. - Fuck. All right, hold on. Can I take up a second to get it out of my head so that I don't constantly reference it? - Absolutely. - Absolutely. - God damn it. - What else are we talking about? Oh, having a setup. Well, here's, here's one that I have a, the remind me of something. We're doing a EA Sports commercial. A bunch of us, this fucking company in Portland, was doing them and they had me and Renazisi come and played Tiger Woods golf against Tiger Woods. Talk trash, get 'em to talk trash, so we could get his voice. And then, and they started liking it. So like, you have other comedian friends? Like, yeah, we got a whole bunch of comics one time. Just go play different sports and talk shit. It was so, both sick as dick. And then afterwards we might give you some, like a couple of you of these systems, 'cause we don't need them. They're like an Xbox or whatever it was. - Oh my God. - And we're like sick. And then Dante culpate for what was there. And we're all playing, getting ready for a game. So like, let's learn it a little bit. And he just comes in and it's like, nah, boys. And he just like, unplugged and it's like, nah. He just takes it out where he's giant fucking pepper necklace. Fuck him. - Wow, man. - We were so excited to get it. - Yeah, that's crazy. - Necklace, this big with a covered, a pepper covered in diamonds. And he goes, nah, I need your fucking Xbox. - And he just walked in and took it for himself. - I'm glad he's dead. That's crazy. - Check out if he's dead. - Check out how much his net worth is. - More cultural overlap with you guys. - Yeah. (laughing) - How you get it? - Okay. - Back to your soundtrack. - So we do the whole time share presentation. - You process that info by the way? - Yeah, that's the way to. - Yeah, I'm good. I buried it. I'm fine. (laughing) So then after you do the group presentation. - Yeah, then you guys know that? - No way, right? - Yeah. - You knew? - Oh yeah. - And oh yeah. Wow. Okay, go away. Shut up. Stop, don't act cool. No, you didn't know that. Shut the fuck up. That's crazy. - Yeah, wait a minute. - Yeah, how did you know that? Was it just a guess? - Or all of them are. - All of them are. - Yeah, okay. - That's right. - Yeah, more back. - Okay. - After the group presentation, you get a one on one with a sales guy. - At what point are you like, how much longer is this gonna go, dude? - It feels like they would keep you there all day if they were allowed to. - Yeah. - And so now we're sitting in a cubicle across from a very nice guy. And the issue is I'm prepared to tell him that it's just that look, you don't have a shot. I didn't even know I was signing up for that, actually, I did tell him. I didn't know I was signing up for a fucking time share presentation. He ends up like, what do you mean? And I was like, if some fucking bitch told me that this was just like a prepaid, whatever, he like tracks this woman down and I think I got her fired. - No. - But yeah, well, I don't go. - No, I bet that was a set up. They're like, "Did you not tell us that?" - They tried to do that. - Yeah. Oh, hopefully. So I break it down for him, I'm like, "Yo, I didn't know what this was. There's no chance in how I could never." This is like generational wealth that you find. $3,500 a year. - That's not it. - I'd have to work. - That's five grand. You need five grand. You need to make that to pay for that. - I need two years to pay you that. - Yeah. (laughing) Do you know how many pills my mom could take? (laughing) That's 30 times $100 a year. (laughing) - In which extra shit we're going to have to sell to cover both. But I felt bad because it's like, you're his only mark for that hour. When we all come out of this long group presentation, you're his only lunch for the day. And so I did feel really bad, but at the same time, I was like, I don't know who to give him. - You can't pay for it. - Yeah, so we just hang with him. We talk for a while. Every once in a while, he'll, you can't leave. You still have to sit there for 45 minutes and go through the motions. And so he would like kind of be like, you're not thinking about, maybe are you? I'd be like, dude, it's still not. It's definitely for sure now. Let's get back to the small talk, man. Tell me about your sister and fucking Albuquerque or whatever. And that's fine. And so that was actually, it was so easy that now I think in our friend group, I think we're each going to take turns signing up for a thing like that. And then we're all just going to mob up in wherever they give you. - 100% sacrifice someone to the day. - Sure, one guy have to go and draw straws. Everybody else start just to do it. - Exactly what Kim said. - 'Cause I was thinking I was like, why'd your wife have to sit there? She could have been out hiking. - She couldn't have been on it. She could have signed up on a different name the next time. Now she's not in the system. - 100%, that's the move. - That's the move. - Until we make real money, this is how we're living. - Especially with cell phones. - Well, this was in cell phone days. - This was two years ago. - I'd be like, I'm returning emails to shut up. Yeah, treat it like that fucking jury duty. - Well, I'm not actually paying attention to this. I'm waiting all day, see if we got calls. - You're trying to be excused the whole time. Like, I'm racist actually. (laughing) - It's just like waiting and waiting and waiting all day. And it's like, already appears to be (beep) (laughing) - Mr. Superior, yeah. (beep) (laughing) - That's two bleeps in the last minute, by the way. I remember cutting it either way. (laughing) - So now we need to replace the word (beep) in one (beep) (laughing) - That should be a nice second of the show is tell new people every week about it. See their different reactions. Hey, you have remind me at the end of this. Like, hey, this guy doesn't know. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, oh, before we go. And then mute, mute, go. - Like, we thought the heat up in here a little bit. (laughing) - Okay, go ahead, sorry. - Oh, so you get out of there. - We get out of there. - We have our actual, and he's like, okay, fine, you may go. - Yeah, eventually it's like, all right, man, every time's up, I couldn't crack you. It's like, yeah, it was never gonna happen to you. - Wow. - We set our goodbyes. - You don't really have to fuck with us, okay. - Hey everybody, today's episode of You Be Chippin' has brought to you guys super power. That's what I'm dying. Yeah, there's no way around it. I'm dying. I don't take care of myself. And that's why I'm excited to try super power. 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See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card and bank court debit flex card. Disconcert promotion program at Cash app, a block ink brand visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. - Yeah, then we actually had our desert vacation. We got nice dinners. We checked that we did all of the fucking, you know, it's a known as like an old-- - Tell me about sit on, I'm like a slut hippie town. - It's like crystals in math, right? - Yeah. - It kind of types of crystals. - Well, this was like, This is this was definitely I don't know there's probably like an evil hippie undercurrent of people doing like really hard drugs But this was mostly just like stone-or-old ladies making bracelets and shit nice taking you know spending their dead husband money very nice I I love the desert. I love hiking. It's so cheap. You know what I mean? I've convinced myself that it's cool Yeah, so we're just checking out the sights we're checking out sunset the sky is beautiful the scenery's beautiful It's all beautiful. We go on gee tours. It's you know about the energy board to rain. No, what's the energy of work Texas So the thing about Sedona is that there are natural energy pools all around and there's places like this And in Sedona, it's like you go and you you'll stand in a spot and you're supposed to be able to feel like an electric frequency because of I don't know Indian stuff or maybe there's like a seven-vortex Yeah, yeah, it always looks like a stone circle. Oh, yeah, they have those stone circle mazes everywhere. Yeah Like that's like of the region right? Yes, this is like one of the main things and so I convinced my like I was like Oh, okay cool. I'm all in on vortexes. I'll go feel that right. Yeah, we went on like a jeep tour of them, but We're going to make a pink jeep tour with like an old hippie lady and she points them out and you go and you stand with these like These copper rods that like they have like a handle that they they can spin freely in and when you're near an energy vortex They they do that They they're supposed like it's like a 90 degree thing and it sits in your hand It spins and you're supposed to be able to triangulate where the energy board sections are because they'll go and they'll point to it Wait, wait, wait, this is Scientology pretty much. Yeah Okay, yeah, dude, but I'm like this is the thing. I'm in this and I'm simulating the vortex is yeah Like it'll be those you have a good point. I'll show you my wife doing it If pin points where the vortex is really yeah, and you're standing there and you go I think it's either the wind or maybe I'm just tilting it wrong and that's why like I'm but I'm going along with it I'm you know, I'm trolling. I'm totally trying to be immersed And then my wife grabs them. Yeah, and let me switch it off. I fucking wish dude. She looks like she's about to pretty much Yo, she picks them up and this shit starts happening. No, they just start spinning freely in her hand She's not doing I know you'll never believe in a million years that she's just standing still and not making this happen Wait, what? It didn't do it for you. It did not do that for me. They kind of went like like they kind of creaked in a direction Oh, and then she backs out they slow down sick bucket pointing And then and then look you'll see them sort of you know as she gets away from it now They're pointing back to where she was standing because she was on the vortex because she was on the vortex that's why it's spun around yes And I'm like, oh well, okay, maybe this is mystical maybe maybe The I think the scientific explanation is that there's a river under the desert and the friction of the flowing water Creates like a electromagnetic thing or so and you're sure it's not just playing a shit tattoos She's gonna fuck you up. She usually talking shit. You come on man. You're putting me in a position You sure doesn't just point to And like, you know, we're half in on this and and we're with a bunch, you know a tour group and and they're Their minds are blown and so we're just like You know what I mean? Wow, so we're just doing shit like that all week. Oh, yeah Check this out got to see a I don't know I'll go sideways here. I love how that works. This was a what this was a Who brought a limo to what this was an old wager filming a music video. Oh my god. I'm assuming a dune themed Middle-aged white rapper music video in a shiny gold suit in front of a limo Got a lima brought it into brought it into the fucking national park or whatever the fuck this was isn't a fucking nicest hell though But this is it it was kind of just like open desert wow in every direction now So there's open desert, but there's also is rock formations the red rocks I think of those and the little like chimneys and shit. Yeah, that's what I think of Sedona Yes, that and that's the it's the cool and being up so close I do I could just look at actually my my here's my real favorite thing This is why I love doing free show vacations. I love just being in a place that visually reminds me of video games that I played okay I'm red dead red dead redemption. I'm talking full throttle from then I'm like if you put me in somewhere that is recognized will be from video games I could just like kind of vibrate there. Yeah, I don't need any external input so We're looking up a cool hikes to do and I don't know you're a hiking guy, right? Yeah, wait a hold on But I want to say this hikes. Okay. Here's something virtual to touch you get back to that for one second We're playing golf with Tiger Woods and and we hit a shot and I was like oh it's a shot He goes it's gonna roll off the back of the green and it bounced twice and the roll then went off the back of the green Into the sand and I was like how did you know that and he was like I play this course like 150 times in real life or Me in real life, but we were playing the video game because no, it's a very it's very real bird said that no Tiger said Oh, yeah, all right cool. Yeah, and now I'm saying what the fuck not to let's get back to this hiking So how do you find cool hikes when you go somewhere? There's all trails. I am I don't know if you guys know this I'm the number one comedian on all trails. Do you have a premium membership or whatever? Don't you have to pay for it? I think I do you look at my all trails, please sponsored What I see you probably sponsored by them. No, I would love to be I just hyped them all the time All trails. There's also I've done this with Reggie He's shocked that you can actually go hiking in places because he's black. Yeah, and he's like what the woods is just for Beginning some movies But but you just find green areas on our Google maps and then we're like all right this shit in there Yeah, what do you find all search from Google maps? I'll do some Reddit digging hikes near me. Yeah, yeah Cool hikes Reddit 2026 type Google search is not on all all on all trails Well, I've noticed that there's some gatekeeping happening in the hiking community like don't tell anyone about this don't tell the fucking tourists And this was heavy out there because you know, it's like sacred There's a lot of heavy bullshit going on so they're kind of protecting especially if you're gonna hit big tourist spot They're protecting the cool trails and so you'll see negative Google reviews from people Like it was shit the crowds are like they're throwing you off. They did that with the Hollywood sign really they like this No, this is not a way to the Hollywood sign local residents don't want tourists going through there They go this is actually dead end Google maps is wrong save your time, but it's not it's right. Yeah, no So you can really can't trust it. Wow the gatekeeping or should we look at that was my last one January 15th, where's that afternoon glaze hike it it guazoo falls. Yep boom Nine followers on all trails. That's like 200,000. Yeah, who's got more than that? No, it's got more than that You could get hiking moon tower with those kind of numbers dude. Yeah Place I've been whoa Now go down to the glacier Yep, yep fuck that Okay Boom whoa, did you take a bite? I could Sarah Bander what? Yeah, I took a bite of that Oh, that's a different one now more down as the glacier glacier boom look at that Oh, man, I think broke while I was it cracked there yet cracked and the whole thing fell over what do they call that? Yeah, he saw me What a piece having Having with an L like a calf. Yeah, I got I think yeah, it's a baby. Yeah, it makes a baby. Oh, dude in a hawk flew behind me It's the fucking craziest day. Yeah Yeah, oh, there's nothing better than a fucking majestic bird crash in the hike Everyone follow me on all trails Then I'm working in all trails. Yeah, all right sure. Don't cook one my space. Absolutely Andrew Schultz on YouTube On the all trails guy We're doing now. Yeah, all right cut that one out too All right, so all right, so I'm I'm running through all these fucking hikes I'm reading all the reviews. I'm piecing together What might be a cool hike we find this one and I'm I have no qualms about sharing cool hikes I believe the one we went to is called the Here's something like that mute that yeah Here's the pitch that I saw online. It's a three Mile and change straight hike out back into the desert Flat desert no cover To a a fresh water stream and a cliff jumping spot whoa and it was in July and It was pretty warm. Yeah, and That a lot of the positive reviews are mentioning how much water you have to bring and when we get there the Like the state park guy is checking people's bags to make sure that they have a Minimal amount of water. It was like a gallon and a half per person because you're like it's hot as fuck It's hot as fog and it's a straight line. It's not a loop You can't cut across the come back if you as far as you get in you have to get out right and so it was like 102 degrees Oh also it was like you're gonna want to get started at like 5.45 a.m We got there at like 12.30. I've done that so many times where you're like it's really hot So obviously get done the proud to be there at 5.45. Let's get there in noon The sun's directly over our heads with no cover. It's 102 degrees when we start the state park guys like that is technically enough water, but please be careful. And we have a light breakfast. - I love when people tell you to please be careful. And you're like, "I don't know what that means." - Yeah, I get the situation. - I guess I'll pay it to, I don't know. - Drink less. - Don't spill it. - What is being careful? - Don't just pour out for the homies. - Yeah, pace yourself, don't chug it. I have a light breakfast, for breakfast my wife eats a leftover slice of banana cream pie. This is important later. - I am into the idea of a strenuous, sort of like vision quest hike. I wanna be pushed to my limits. At this point, I was coming off of training to fight Lois. So I was in, like, pretty fucking good shape. I was kind of like ready for anything. And she's pretty athletic too, but it's like, I don't know if I didn't properly pitch the suffering that might be involved, and the payoff of the creek at the end, or if it just girls aren't meant for this kind of activity. I don't know if hiking is for girls is where I end up. So she eats a fucking half a banana cream pie slice. We pack up just enough water, and we hit the trail at noon 102 degrees for our three hour and change hike into the fucking desert. We eat a little bit of mushrooms. As soon as we get out of the car, I'm thinking, - Is this something good to do with it? - Yeah, I'm thinking this is perfect. We start hiking, you know what? I do have a quick, here's a preview of the vibe. I think. So, this is the, this is the terrain. - That's real dinner, so that's pretty cool. - This is the terrain flat desert, and also not much to look at in the beginning. - Not much to look at. - Here's her chugging. - She's already upset. - She's already taking an exact break on so many women. - We may not have hit the trailhead yet. - I think this might have been on the way from the car. (laughing) - It's hot! (laughing) - And it's like that thing, especially like, we're already out here. We're all doing it, I know, but we are out here. - Desolation, so, we start our hike. Pretty quickly, you're able to hear the water moving distantly, but you can't even see it. It's kind of far enough away, but I'm thinking psychologically, we're not gonna feel that far from what of the whole time. It's gonna kind of carry us through 10 minutes in. It's too fucking hot, dude. And I'm like, fine, whatever, I'm taking little sips. She starts getting worried. She's completely wretched. She's also like five feet tall. And I think that since she's smaller, there's less person to heat up, so the heat hits her faster. It's radiating up from the ground. And her brain is a foot closer to the ground than mine. Dude, she gets overwhelmed pretty quickly. She's drinking the water pretty fast. She's like-- - Are you eyeballing that at this point? Well, it's a fast pace, I'm not gonna say anything, but that's fast. Is that okay? All right, yeah, you know what, it's hydrate early. And so that, that'll kind of carry us a bit. - And then we'll take a big break. And then we'll take a big break from that. - Why don't we drink a little bit up front so that you're not like trying to catch up to the hydrogens. - Smart, smart, smart drink a little. That's not all about an hour. And then not all about smart what you're thinking. - Love it. I'm gonna take a swing right now, too, actually. And then now, I'm like, I'm watching the level dip in her bottle. And I'm just like, okay, that's, let me nurse it for a while. She's like, it's probably a half hour, an hour into this, and there's no change in scenery. It's just a desert, sun on your body. It's getting warmer as it gets past noon further. And I'm like, I'm worried about the water. She starts like, dry heaving from the mushrooms. I'm like, okay, it's just, it's gonna pass. It's just to come on. - You do not want to throw up also more liquid. - Yeah, we're gonna say, please save that. Catch it in something, you know what I mean? (laughing) - We might have to ring that out, you know? And I'm like, not feeling, I'm feeling like, wow, that is pretty hot, but maybe I'm just built different. - You're not a fucking pussy. (laughing) - So we make our way through the desert. And she's like, now she's like, not having a good time. And I'm just, now I'm like, mode, and now I have to motivate her through the desert. Dude, not even halfway in, she's finished, like her bottle. We have a camel back and a bottle each. She's finished like the bottle. And so now I'm like, okay, maybe drinking, it's not cooling you off the way that you wanted to. So now I'm taking big poles off of the camel back. And I'm, I'm misting the water onto her. - Do you each have a camel back? - Yeah. - Okay. - I'm misting water onto her face and body thinking like, spinning on her? - Yeah, basically. - Yeah, I'm, I'm spinning on that thing. (laughing) - I'm just you. - Just trying to cool her off a little bit. And, and she's like doubting herself. Now there's the other thing. There's, there's college bros like lapping us in crocs. - Oh, you're not alone. - No, it's, it's not a lot of people, but every so often like a group of college bros will walk by shirtless in crocs with like a Bluetooth. - And I'm like, that's crazy. - I don't feel anything like those guys. That's for fucking, that's for sure. - I think I just landed in Zion and it was like, like people die. - Yeah. - And then some British lady had crocs coming down. I was like, are you fucking nuts? I, they're built different. - Well, I'm a pussy. I'm a fat old pussy. These guys are built different. - Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting. It's even theirs. Meet new grippy setting mist from Maybelline, New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day comfy grip. Just plump, dewy, hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new grippy setting mist from Maybelline, New York. - Maybe it's Maybelline. - We did see a group of bros with one girl. - Yeah. - It was clearly one of their girlfriends and she was getting ready to quit on the trail and the bros decided to leave her. And the boyfriend was walking halfway between them. - Like, don't go that sheption dog. - Yeah. - Like, I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose the bros, but I'm gonna go look ahead. See if we're getting any closer. - I told you, you said you'd be able to head. - Yeah, dude, they didn't have that argument. You're the one that was, dude, they're all fighting with each other, you're the one that said, you're all going whole about this shit. You, it was like a CrossFit bitch. - I love a nature, a nature fight. - Yeah, there's nothing but you and you're arguing. And they're like blaming each other and the bros just get fed up and they leave and the boyfriend's kind of like, he's doing laps back and forth to check on her. But now, as we're getting closer to the end of the hike, now we're getting into the red rocks. Now they're shade, but it's all hot red stone. And so now there's walls and they're radiating heat in your face. It's like truly harrowing, getting into this last stretch. But you, the water's getting louder. MJ's not quitting. She's such a fucking dog, she's so cool. And I'm starting to like, hype her up. Like, imagine we're gonna get in water. We're getting in cold, fresh water, pristine. Top of the water tank. - Can you fill up your thing? - No, I would not drink. I don't think I have a drink stream water from the desert. - Yeah. - They have to tell you it's rude. - I'd probably drink pits first. - Yeah. - So, but she is like kind of flat lining. I'm just like, don't worry. She's sitting down to take breaks. I'm like, I don't know if we should sit down that feels like the light, like-- - Heat exhaustion? - Hypothermia people dying. Like, I'm actually feeling okay for a little while now. - Let's go talk to that man about that. - Why don't we lay down? - There's no man. - Yeah. Take off all our clothes and lay down. I think we'll be fine. That's what I need. - I've been chill for a minute. (laughing) - But we make it, dude. We make it. We get there. There's people playing. They've got like these makeshift bridges between the tops of the chasms and shit like that. And there's people jumping 20 feet into a pristine, clear pool of water that feels like it's like bottomless. And dude, she has a complete emotional breakdown. She can't believe she was, I think she was actually very ill. She had like a headache for like a week after this. I think she was seriously suffering from like heat exhaustion and heat stroke. But dude, the payoff was everything that I hoped for. It was, I mean. - I had to get the jump in. - Yeah, dude. We fucking jumped in. We swam in this fucking-- - Cold water. - Gathering pool. - Look, that looks like she's happy that you found it. - She, dude, man, I think I might have bitched out on sharing the victory photo here. But she, no, let me see. - What was up there? That was a different trip there, I don't know. It was a Grand Canyon, even a motorcycle. - Really? - Here, I'll show you. - We went back in another time. - Yeah, we did a motorcycle road trip from Denver to San Diego, through the Grand Canyon. - Yeah, yeah. Okay, so this, so you got the cliff diving. You've got the gathering pool, and then you've got this like cascading waterfall that you could just sit in. We sat in this cascading waterfall in eight apples, and like slowly brought our temperatures down as best we could. Her hands are actually shaking, dude. It was the nicest thing I ever-- Now, in this pool that we're sitting in, it's like butt deep, if you're sitting on it. We're looking at this little reflecting pool at the bottom of where these little gentle waterfalls are ending. And we find a naturally occurring energy vortex. - No way. - I swear to God, dude, at the bottom of just-- - For a second, I thought you were gonna say, we found a quarter, I'd be really-- (laughing) - All right, four checks. - Yeah. - So what do you mean, how? How do you know? - Well, we're kind of just like sitting there like catching our breath, definitely delirious, munchin' on apples, and we just see this about, I mean, maybe eight inches across this little circle love. stones under the last step of this gentle waterfall and the water is moving so much that if someone did those on purpose it would get washed away at some point. There's no way that like someone did this and in the middle this little circle stones is a bigger round stone and we went wow that looks exactly like all the energy vortexes that we saw on the tour today and we're just kind of staring at it for a while and I reached down to pick up the stone in the middle because I was like I wonder if we're gonna feel anything and I reached down and I pick up this round stone and I hold it and we look at it and we're like maybe it was all bullshit there's nothing here and I go to put it back down and as I get close to the center of the circle the stone is pulled from my hands like a magnet and I was yeah the stone goes funk and comes out of your hand flings itself back into the center of the stones in the water maybe nothing but I saw the things spinning I felt the stone get pulled it was right you brought the things with you no I well that was oh you saw it before yeah yeah we've been building up the vortexes those are supposed to they sell those is like naturally occurring they brought them yeah yeah they're naturally occurring whatever they weren't made that are put out there by people they mark them with the stone circles because other people have found them I don't know how they found them you walk around there was a there was a a vortex that was like this lady showed us where there was a and what's the energy you get what does that mean energy it I I got to be honest I struggled to identify the feeling like you stand in the middle of the circle and you be quiet for a second and I think you're supposed to feel like a tingle maybe in your brain or your fingertips or something and you stand there for long enough you go and everyone's watching you go yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's so cool there was like a dinosaur fossil that women rub their tailbones on that they showed us where the fuck was it yeah here we go this is this lady showing us there so there's apparently a fossil a Sedona lady yeah that's the Sedona outfit this was our Jeep toy you want that outfit so fucking bad obviously yeah this lady was cool as hell actually that's there's a spine right there that's a that's supposedly a dinosaur fossil and women go and they sit and they connect their tailbone to it to a dinosaur yeah that's a nobody makes up religion on the spot like a white white white white lady really they just decide like the mother's son we have the golf course yeah so so this uh stop the wilderness at so fucking point the TPC yeah well this was wilderness at one point then the golf course came in boats yeah so you present your pussy to the golf course on the dinosaur boat a golfers with binoculars down on the bottom watching ladies spread eagle on the mountain side someone's like the close-up you know yeah time-shared dude right a golf course came in and developed this but this trail came off of the back of a lady's house that's been there forever and when she died she somehow worked it out in her will that the golf course had to allow the public to pass through to get to this site because you know so fucking who gives a fuck you know yeah so yeah we we experienced a vortex at the bottom of this waterfall what are these vortex supposed to do to you don't know the I'm the I the the cleansing healing vibration there's probably different specialties of vortexes so the boy says go ahead spiritual healing meditation and self discovery try try try the new way try the good way identified by psychic psychic page Bryant in the late 1970s these locations slower even often characterized by twisted tree trunks and dramatic iron-rich red rock formations are classified as masculine upflow feminine inflow or balanced a mix of both that's probably more like so yeah so like you'd see these twisted gnarled you know yeah yeah so the story is that these are all being twisted and mangled by the energy vortexes that are twisting them up as they grow but then what does that energy do to you offering motivation in a higher perspective yeah the feminine one does ideal for quiet reflection deep emotion introspection so it helps you do that yeah I think it's still on you it sounds like it's just helps you it's like it's like a spotter for weight lifting like you still got to lift the weight yeah yeah yeah it's like give me all you got you know you're like I'm trying man I'm trying to forgive myself for who I was as a younger you know as a child I'm trying to forgive my inner child right now and it's kind of work I think I'm feeling it I think I'm feeling resolution right now I don't fucking know I wish I knew more about but then we felt that we physically felt it in the waterfall and it kind of tied the whole thing up and wow walk out was pretty cool too yeah it's that point walking out she must be like well I'm probably not gonna make it we've drank too much water already and I was worried about that for sure but I lied to her and said walk out it's gonna be easy walking somewhere you don't know where you're going feels way longer the trip back is always faster by the way facts it's definitely true yeah so we soaked all of our clothes in the water and we just wore wet clothes the whole and it was way if I was walking down I think we were actually walking close halfway yeah yeah we're wearing what clothes we ran out we ran out of my water with probably like a half hour an hour left but the whole time we're walking west so the sun is setting over the tops of it but we're also getting closer to the edge of the valley so the sun keeps setting we had this like extended three-hour sunset and if we didn't make it out in time it would have been pitch black and our phones were like 5% so it was kind of a worry but at the same time it was just fucking chill as hell and honestly probably the best day of my entire life wow that fucking rules and then you stayed in the town and kind of like did we went back to the villa yeah yeah we went to like the fucking you know it's noticed like a walking fucking Etsy fair with just old hippie bitch stuff can you look up of those stone mazes are made are they supposed to be just naturally occurring me and I so went to one I guess near near near there we were driving back like you think those arranged stone mazes might possibly be naturally occurring yeah I don't know but that rock you said truck in the middle I think that that thing sucked itself back down oh out of sir yes the stone labyrinths and mazes are man-made with the red rock landscape itself natural okay damn they're built a sacred meditative spaces often by spiritual visitors okay so they're just kind of marking yeah we did drugs here one time made a circle come visit that types that everyone there's doing drugs so everyone thinks they're feeling something everywhere that they go you ever do mushrooms at night in the woods like that we used to do Joshua Tree all the time me and Tony Edgar and all these people like we would always even you get we'd love to four hours from L.A. and then one time they're like hey this must be like a a clip tonight or a meteor shower so it's like who's got mushrooms like nobody like can you even go to Joshua Tree without mushrooms and they were like I think most people do that like no without I'm like no way but I love see like a tree like fucking with you all night well that's so fucking cool and the next morning you're like what a bitch nothing tree that was yeah turns out I was actually looking at the sky behind it yeah yeah watching the campfire all mushrooms that'll tell you a story you know you're like rooting for parts of it the best of the convinced you get to come with us once and he was wearing a suit because he used to be the manager of the comedy store the night manager not even like the like like just ordered beers and stuff and then he became its out of winter but he had a suit on and he was like y'all go with you guys fuck I just got off and he we're just hiking to the woods at like 2 a.m. we passed some car came through the middle of a desert and just saw us like three of us two with like T-shirts and one guy with a with a full suit on getting the woods I mean kind of slowed down look and then just sped off yeah it's a crime deal yeah so yeah god that sounds awesome I love I love nature like that it's so unique America's got that so good on out of the countries the completely different styles from the Hudson River Valley to like Sedona or wild I'm the huge on the Pacific Northwest a big country yeah we did a road trip from Tahoe up to the outer peninsula of Washington stayed in a fucking lake house 70 degree water at 10 p.m. you know I mean like the nicest shit ever there's a fucking living rain forest in Washington you're even though the whole rain forest it's the greenest place I've ever been in my entire life you it's almost doesn't seem possible real lost connection what do you mean just it's like it's like those giant trees yeah it's I don't know if I can you guys got a whole rain forest there we go the whole rain forest images image the share that wow though that moss and you go wow yeah pictures look great online it's greener in real life these are these pictures look like dog shit compared to the real thing wow you rarely get a place like that where the pictures aren't as good you do the you I mean damn that looks nice basically everywhere that was a level in cruisin USA in America is the coolest place to go the what the You're like cruising USA, the old arcade game. You drive through like Redwood Forest and shit like that. We basically, our entire life has been doing cheap vacations in places that were in there. - Oh, look at that. Is that a moose? On the bottom right, that's cool, that happens. Right by the, what a cool picture. - Yeah, we saw a bear in the road. - You saw a bear? - Yeah, we saw a little bear in the woods. - In the woods. - Did it shit? - On the way to the (laughs) - Really? - Yeah. - Or walk? - Yeah, we were in a car. - Yeah. - The bear was walking. (laughs) - Look away, go to the right. One more to the right, yeah, head on that one. Look how many, I mean, this, look so many deer there. This just reminds me of fucking Big Buck Hunter. - Oh yeah. - And like, don't take the first shot unless you're sure. - You're waiting for the same time. - You've got a wife here on the fucking dangerous prey. - Yeah. - Hell yeah. - Dangerous prey. - Don't hurry the fucking ladies. (laughs) - So yeah, that's what I'm into. - Yeah, me too. - Sorry, let's give you a spot. If you want, please. - This is definitely, okay, no one's gonna find this, but me and Ryan O'Neill and Edgar for Shroomfest once, we did shows in Tacoma and then we did another show in Spokane, so opposite weekends. And then in between, we got mushrooms in Tacoma by Adam. He fucking got us. We were like, you know, the first day there, they were like, do you need anything? Let me know. I was like, yeah, I don't know if, I don't know if this is, yeah, we need about a half ounce of mushrooms. Like, it's cool if you can't get it, but that is what we need. Everything else we've got. I know where the mushrooms are. - We're good on everything. We have water. - Yeah, you actually have a voucher call my dealer anyway, so I'll tell him, bring more. I was like, oh, sick. Then we bought like half an ounce through an ounce, whatever it was. And then, I was like, yeah, how much it goes, club got it for you. And I'm like, no, I will always come back to the club. (laughs) But in between those two, it gets like really plushed like that, kind of like the hoe, but not as nice as that. And then barren, and then back to nice, they're Idaho. They're these fire lookouts, where it's like a mile or two up into the woods, and like every like, so often there's a fire lookout where you're supposed to send signals like. - It can't shit. - Or like the big wooden structure thing? - Yeah. - And it's supposed to be able to send from mountaintop to mountaintop like head is a forest fire and get the word out. - Yeah. - That's by, you know, light and whatever. But now I think they have like better technology, so they don't do it that way. - Yeah, there's just a park ranger gooning in it now. - Yeah, exactly, exactly. So some of them got built up and this one did. And it was just like a nicer one with like a 360 deck, so bears can't get in, but you could be all around there. - Can you go up in it? - Yeah, and it's a two hour hike to go there. There's no roads to go in. You could take an ATV up, and so it's like bring, like everything you're in need, and then you're alone for days. There's, you shit outside, you piss outside. There is a grill that you can warm up water and get coffee, and then that's it. We had like two six backs, and the guy was like, "That's crazy." He goes, "I'm gonna ATV more up to you guys." Cause he's like, "Well, yeah, we're like, "we can't hike up with like a 48 pack." - Yeah, yeah. - And he goes, "Okay, I'm gonna come by tomorrow "with like 48 more bears for you." And then I'll leave you alone, and they were just resting outside this built up garage. It was the sickest spot I might have ever been to. This is what I'm chasing. - Yeah. I would never say that on air, but I'll show you where it is. I'll find it, or Neil probably has the info. - Please, please, I, dude. Yeah, the fucking infinity pool in the, you know, the golden hotel does nothing for me, but you like nature, that's it. - Seeing, yeah, I do, I grew up in a fucking, I grew up in a row home in the hood, man. - Some guys hate nature, though. - I don't understand that. - Especially in the city, folks. - Like, cyclones, like, it's not my thing. I don't care. - Well, I mean, that might be kind of a stature thing. - What? - A stature. That might be a big tight, big titty thing. It's like, nature's not kind, you know. - No, we did it, though, what we took up, Bobby Kelly had like a camping thing. - Ah, right. - Comedians, but it was like, you drive right there. It's like parking camp. - Sure, yeah, you're glamping with Bobby Kelly. - Yeah, well, yeah, exactly. Like you set up your tent, but your car's right there. You can go in and out. He hated that. It wasn't like, strenuous. Saga low hated that. He was like, "What the hell?" - I did it, but campfire, he goes. He likes the nightlife, he wants a boogie. He doesn't want to watch the fire on shrooms and then that's fine. - Yeah, yeah, that's cool. Not many people. How many comics are in to it? - Ah, Matt Edgar is doing it. - Edgar for sure. Met so far. - Dude, Matt Edgar has it, you know how everybody's algorithm is like what they care about. And one day, I was like, how you doing? He goes, "Yeah, not good, man. "I mean, you've seen the news." And I was like, "Yeah, I guess it's all terrible." He goes, "It's fucking nuts. "It's fucking Joshua Tree shit." I'm like, what's that? His algorithm's just how they're abusing Joshua Tree. - Oh, no. - So he's like, "Yeah, I guess this guy had private property, "but he was letting people on it." And now they're like telling it off. So you could go on the way. I mean, you've seen this. I'm like, "I know, buddy." He's like, "What do you mean? "It's everywhere." That's his echo chamber. - Yeah. Everybody's talking about that. - Dude, you need to log off, man. This stuff's gonna drive you crazy. They've got, they know what is making him log back on. - Yeah, it's so funny. And they're like, what about Trump killing citizens? - Yeah, I don't know if I can care about that. - It's one of my business man. - Yeah. (laughing) - They must have been doing some columns into it now. We can do what? Outdoor stuff. - Oh, 'cause you do that trip. - Yeah. - Did you do that with him? - No. - They were like, it was Northeast, right? - Yeah, no, he didn't want and stuff like that. - Yeah, no, he hit me up to do it, but now he's in full convert. - Really? - Yeah. - Well, the rolling hills of Ireland are pretty fucking nice. - I, you would think, but I think they're all just fucking getting drunk and headbuttting each other over there. - Yeah. - They're gonna take time to appreciate this. The highlands or whatever. - Yeah, they're gonna find new soccer fans in new places. - Yeah, no. - Like three hours here, and then fight this guy. - Yeah, I wanna go into a 300 year old bar and scream at people. I don't really have time for the green countryside. - Sick, where else do you wanna go? - I really wanna go to South America. - I'll tell you. - At that moment. - Oh, man. (laughing) - They have a lot. (laughing) (laughing) - They have multi day hikes in like a lot of countries, where they have it here too, and like PCT and PTC, which is, what is it? So for Coast Trail, an Appalachian Trail, where you can like go for like weeks or months or days. - I wanna walk the Appalachian Trail. There's people that walk the entire Appalachian Trail. I'd love to do something like that. - But in other countries too, they're just like, these like nature hikes, where you're like, you just go for hours, chill, get to another hut. - It's so low cost, I'm so into that. - Do the nature down there is crazy. Like the southern tip. - Yeah, I wanna go to Argentina. I thought about going to Columbia to get cheap eye surgery and then decided against it. I'd love to do a medical tourism thing in South America. I don't know, I'm gonna go find a tooth problem or something and just go down there. - I love the idea of getting a deal. - I was in Ecuador and I was there for six months. And then I was like, let me get my teeth checked before I leave. And then I did, dentist, I'm like, check it out. And I looked at my gum, I was like, oh, these gum's in a great shape and I was like, nice. And then the bottom, they're like, oh, real problems. And then, oh, real problems, real problems. Then you have impacted gums on three out of four of your quadrants. You're gonna lose your teeth if you let that go. So, I was like, all right, well, I'm going home next week. So, take care of it. - Oh no, so you're gonna have the expensive part done back here. - Yeah, and she's like, are you out of your mind? - You're gonna go to America to get the surgery. I was like, yeah, I don't know. She goes, the people fly here 'cause she put a fly. - Yeah. - Get a hotel, have the surgery, fly back. Then it is just to have it where they live. And I was like, really? She goes, yeah, I mean, we have a dental surgeon here. We can, it's quick, but yeah, we can get you in. And I was like, is he qualified? They're like, he went to Harvard Medical School. And I was like, oh, yeah, and it was great. - Yeah, I, the deal alone, yeah, I take the risk for the deal. - That's a chance to go do some tourism. - Yeah, absolutely. Travel agencies are useless just because everything's an app now, like Expedia and shit like that. They should all, it should be medical, almost like a, it's building up like an insurance company. This is it, medical time share. Where you buy in for points. And when you every have a medical event, you cash them in for a trip to like Turkey or wherever you have your shit, though. - And you could trade points like, well, I don't have, you know, you're not losing your hair. I'd be Turkey. - No, I have cancer points. - You need cancer points? - I got cancer points. You know, I'm not gonna use them, hopefully. Knock on wood, you know. - Now, I went to my doctor to get like a quarter zone injection. My meniscus surgery's like kind of wearing off. And I was just talking to him. I was like, is there any like stem cell shit they're researching at this point? I mean, those surgery's 15 years ago. And he's like, I mean, honestly, Panama, but no, none of that shit's legal here, but the stuff I've heard in Panama is really good. So I'm like, yeah, man, we'll go to Panama, do a week of hiking and then get the surgery and be held up like laid up for another three weeks after that. - Oh, man. Being laid up afterwards, that's the real vacation. You can't do anything. So you kind of just get to play video games and no one can really tell you that you're like, just being lazy. - Fuck. - Yeah, nice. - I also want to go to Iceland. They do these like Endoro motorcycle excursions where you ride around the rim of the country over the course of like six days. - Guys get hurt. - People turn in vans too. You like motorcycles. - I want to do the motorcycle one. I think it's like $6,000 for the whole thing. Do you hear about this motorcycle thing? - No. - Yeah, and they have like off-road ATV shit. We start here, take the channel and then you go and then they have a few like governments and like this trip is coming through here. Please lay down your guns while we come through. We don't mean any harm. - Alright, that's exciting. It's like everything and you go and then you go to all the way to Mongolia And then you just like donate your car after that because you'll never use it That rules You and the Gregor did a Alaska to like Chile motorcycle trip. I think you made a show about it. It's probably Argentina. It's probably Uruguay Yeah, but that's something I before we made that show. I was interested in doing that, too That's cool all the way from Alaska. How do you get a pass at Darian gap? It's pretty hairy. Yeah, I that I think is like a tricky part of it, but The worst part I think is after you make it into South America This is all kind of rough country right here that you probably wouldn't enjoy passing through, but I'm looking for that. I want that also the roots of 40 down there when you go from Chile into Argentina It's the worst roads with the craziest winds. They have signs of trees like this to signify high winds But then you see that there are those trees that are shaped like that. You can't even hold The road. It's so fucking windy. I'm so excited Yeah, you would love the Patagonia stuff. Mm-hmm. Well, if there's anything left, man You guys are going nuts down there. Oh, cheers. Yeah I mean buying all the good deals. Yeah, I think they know they showed up and started like burning it down and then like Israelis got like a bunch of land grants or something like that This is all propaganda that I've been fed and chosen not to research any further That's like a screw pass. Yeah, the Jews are going nuts and Patagonia burning it down so that they could buy it cheap It's crazy. What? Yeah, they're like gentrifying They're doing real estate shit in Patagonia. It's all rewilded. You can't buy any of it Well, nobody else is useless now, but it's already useless. It's wilded Yeah, but in the pristine state you're preserving it now that it's burnt down It's like what we got to develop it. I guess I don't know. I look. I'm being propagandized I don't have time to fucking Reese. I don't know the time of fact checks shit while I was just there and it's all rewilded You're just there, huh? Okay, interesting. I was lighting a lot of fires But later was like no, are you crazy? I'm like fire like three days ago like that was in a whole different region you drove straight down three days Do you see no fires in national park? I'm like, I thought that was some dumb rule Yeah, man cool. Yeah, there's a ton of nature everywhere. It's pretty interesting I think that some of it's untapped to like it's got to be shouldn't here in the way like we don't really do hikes That's a cool thing about going with travel on the road Outside of like Austin L.A. New York where it's like a weekday hike to be like no one's there Mm-hmm like in Australia. They're like no one would be there a week. Everyone's working. Yeah, it's not using their shit Yeah, you get the you get the fast pass basically Yeah, I'm going on all times So where do you want to go next? I forgot. Okay. I do this in this podcast So where's calling you? Where do you want to go next and then also or just where do you want to go? I'm shit. I gotta go and then also Oh, you have any travel tips. All right So I promised my children that I would take them on a vacation in Japan and they're getting old So I have to figure that out in the next couple of years. I want the fucking Icelandic motorcycle excursion And just travel tips. Oh my god Broad small, whatever anything like even specific place Shit bring bigger camelbacks the desert. Yeah, bring more water than you think although that's so boring and obvious I did I don't fucking know Minimal accommodations. Okay, here we go minimal accommodations somewhere where you can just drop your shit at night You can find insanely Affordable stuff in places that you think you couldn't afford otherwise and this is again if you embrace outdoor nature stuff People like expensive restaurants and shit like that then I don't know. I don't know how to help you all right, but get like the Shittiest accommodations you can maximize your reach Fly to take a Rick foundations like it. Yeah, I just stayed in a $40 Airbnb in Detroit and Boy oh boy was that an exciting adventure. I saw them. It was just so long. It was like barba It dude. Yeah, the second I got there. I went I I think I stayed at the place to whoever wrote Barbarian stayed at because the second I walked in I started writing Barbarian. It was insane Horror a nightmare, but I mean I got more out of that trip because of my fucking, you know, yeah leftover money. Yeah, yeah That's that's it be an absolute cheap skate It'll it'll create enough Passable risk that you're gonna probably add an element to your trip that you wouldn't have otherwise you'll have to think on your feet and scramble Yeah, that's the real fun of traveling. I don't like luxury. I don't like Yeah, cheap out. Okay. That's a good one. That's it. All right, I Would have thought of that ahead of time and come up with a cool answer, but it's tough. I always I had a late No, I don't know what the fuck All right, thank you. Hey, thank you so much for having me. You're welcome. Don't forget to check him out as a YouTube. I'll say it all in the outro, but All right, too Okay, everybody well, that's the episode. I hope you enjoyed it Tim butterley is very much for coming in guys make sure to check out his Special first of all 30 minutes of Tim butterley. That's number one Anytime a comic does a special. I love these new half hours. I do love new half hours Instead of doing an hour special the half hours are fucking what a good idea to get the word out And who you are Very funny comment go ahead and leave them a comment there Tom. You'd be tripping sent you something like that Also telling me is a dumbest website name in the history of Santa Pcoma Whatever you want YouTube comm slash at Tim butterley Probably the latter very funny special however your website link TR dot e e slash Tim butterley Fuck, it's actually in my brain now. Fuck it might be a good website and it rhymes as well link TR dot e e slash Tim butterley link TR dot e e slash Tim Tim butterley link TR dot e e slash T.I. M butterley It's not quite there's something there though. It does stick in your head. All right, apologies Big man, and I know what I'm wrong. I'm willing to admit it and guys I tried an experiment. I tried an experiment on this show where I would did took down all the ads on you Tube I didn't do any ads on YouTube, and I said, you know what? I'm gonna see what it does for four episodes one month for all of full of shows of no ads I lost almost four thousand dollars It was an experiment for those of you who watch on YouTube on a Spotify. You didn't notice anything. These are the YouTube and the ones they embed the ones I do those are always gonna stay Yeah, I lost four thousand dollars So what a fuck up that was. I mean why am I just like I wouldn't do this dude most of your income on the show comes in off those YouTube ads and I go now The not the premiums right if you're a Spotify listener if you're a YouTube premium listener you didn't notice either way And if you're a YouTube premium listener you get I get paid you know when you listen only if there's ads so I lost four thousand dollars For effect I should let you know I make just over 300 for the year. So four thousand for a month. That's 40 56 48,000 That's one sixth of my income guys YouTube ads are back up you guys can just skip You know I get it I get annoyed by them too, but that's why I'm a premium subscriber It's also like seven eight ten bucks a month or twelve. I don't know. I don't know, but That's the little part you can do also please subscribe wherever you're watching listening patreon. I've decided all the old skeptic tanks Are going up. I don't know when but soon also we are very near sending someone on a trip around the world We have narrowed it down to a few candidates. I'm deciding how much to include people on this podcast In terms of the process and who I don't want to create another travel influencer or blogger so I figure out how to tell you guys about it. Maybe read articles from or or letters and stuff like that From his trip one guy was like I'll go anywhere Denmark France and I Pro I'm sending you around the world from what money you're going to Southeast Asia or South America Bottom line. Maybe this stands. Maybe you're gonna work on a fucking Kenyan farm For nine months and then I'll send you just on one trip like Circumnavigating the globe. No, I won't be that probably Southeast Asia or South America or we can talk about it. Anyway, that's happening next week I forgot to figure out who's next week is maybe Ari Matty Coming back on one of the best podcasts guest we've had today's episode is produced by your mom's house network And it's edited by Alan Kathy. It's a wonderful editor Either this is why you should subscribe. It's either Ari Matty or Got an episode in Israel that I may or may not air not politically just We so so um Or I don't know maybe Christina Pizzitsky also. We've got a lot of ones coming in guys Small bringing Americans coming back sabbaticals coming back both pots is coming back This is why you want to subscribe so you can be alerted when new ones join in If you see an episode that you don't like just fucking click on it, let it play for five seconds, and then click off, and the YouTube will remind you like, "Oh yeah, um, oh we got a good one coming, I'm doing tomorrow about this guy who got fucking shot in Ethiopia." Like legitimately shot, not at, at as well, but shot. [Laughter] Anyway, thank you very much. Please continue to leave in the comments if you're on YouTube, or reach out to the Patreon. I'm sorry, the UB chip and Instagram account, and let them know any guests and place that they've been. I'm going to try to get Deandre Levy on. Joey Vato is one of your guesses, and I'm going to try to get him, I don't know how, but Joey Vato, if you're listening, "Man, you're fucking doing it right now." I love the fucking travel show you've been doing. I mean, go in places, not content, but I want to hear about it. Love to hear about this podcast, if you don't want to, let's just get a beer. There's no fucking winter leagues in England, but still. I'd love to meet you. And that's it, guys. We got a lot going to come in. Michael Mallans is back to do South Korea finishing off his North Korea separate ship, but please subscribe. That's it, guys. Have a good day. Bye. Don't burn your death. Don't die in the desert. Imagine setting your makeup. Then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new grippy setting mist from Mabelie, New York. The mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours, with flexible all-day comfy grip. Try new grippy setting mist from Mabelie, New York. Maybe it's Mabelie.