Secrets to a successful lesbian marriage w Jordan Carlos | History Hyenas

the crispy chicken crunch wrap slider is back at taco bell the slider sized crunch wrap with nuggets inside you love the first time now with a spicy kick you're gonna love this time hidden valley diablo ranch or you could order some crispy all white meat nuggets on their own pretty sure you love those anytime every time okay all of the times the crispy chicken crunch wrap slider a brand new classic is back only at taco bell at participating u.s taco bell locations for a limited time and while supplies last all right guys welcome to the patreon listen we got our our boy jordan carlos coming on the show i'm going to tell you this right now this episode's not for everybody okay we already know some people may say it's a snoozer some people might call him a big dyke it's things that we've already said to him so just know that we've m&m'd this shit already and there's nothing you can say to him that we already didn't say to him what i'd like to say is if you have kids and you're married maybe you want to take a listen if you don't have kids and you're not married it may not be pertinent to you but listen it may be someday if you decide to children it's what it is because yeah i mean he's an educated man he went to brown yeah his dad was a doctor yeah mom was a college professor yeah and the episode is just what you think and we want to see your we do want to see your patreon names uh when this episode comes out we do want to see how you combine jordan carlos and big mike way song she ain't what's up everybody welcome to another episode of history hyenas but you already knew that because you're tuned in because you're here you're tuned in we're ready to go we're gonna you're tuned in and we're gonna tune you up that's our new motto now if we see history hyenas fans in the street and you notice yanni or i we want to have a little tune-up we'll have nick film it and we want to see which one of our fans can throw the best hands and we'll be willing to get knocked unconscious to find our best fighting fan that is uh i don't endorse that at all yeah it's not what we're trying to do at all just say hi and ask for a picture yeah it's what it is and when you see this guy in the street don't punch him in the face jordan carlos everybody but i'm very punchable but the glasses are very punchable because let me tell you something as soon as you walked in what did i say so you look svelte you are in tip-top rocking shape you got what we call an rhb a rocking hot bod how are you so hot now what are you doing are you on peptides polypeptides yeah have you seen my wife no she's not like gorgeous she's like a 10 and so i have to keep up you know that i punch way above my weight hundred percent but you i remember i remember you know uh when we were when we were neighbors a couple years ago you weren't in this kind of shape i wasn't in this kind of shape i just i think it was probably because of covid i like i wanted to get in shape i almost got divorced and so most guys uh get in shape because they're headed towards divorce and i was like what can i do to kind of like write the boat and definitely yeah you're embarrassing me but i am in shape yes you're like oh i'm doing a setup or two you're like i'll get hot the first thing you notice is just what a guy looks like that's what it is but i don't even notice i didn't even he just looked like jordan because you're going right away you're checking yeah but your size you know if you see him what kind you want to know how he's doing it he's a 32 waist now yeah well maybe he's a 34 because he's got a nice big butt yeah you can't you can't escape the african part yeah but i'm gonna tell you it is 30 i can squeeze into a 32 wow yeah yeah yeah i knew this this is where the conversation would go i know i knew 34 36 jordan i don't know you go around guessing people's waistline that's what i do that's my one of my talents yeah he's got he's he got his eyes all over you yeah what if you're if you're in chris's presence he's got if you're a guy he's got his eyes all over yannis yannis i know is a 36 38 but he likes to squeeze into a 34 he likes he likes to walk around like a dominican guy you're right about that dominicans like to squeeze into jeans that are too small for them you're a hundred percent right right did i know that you nailed it i'm a 36 right now but i'm squeezing into a 34 because i refuse to buy the 36 see and i i i have i have promised myself and keep lying to myself i'm going to get back down but what i'm doing is i'm just now i'm just got a belt so i leave it unbuckled but the belt keeps it closed the belt keeps it closed yeah i mean i honestly lost weight because i was too cheap to buy new clothes right like that was a big deal clothes are fucking expensive now what's the workouts what are we doing uh the split you want to know the split take the regimen what's the diet what are we doing okay so i do i do kettlebells like um every other day and between that i do like yoga so it's like yoga kettlebells i love i have 230s i'm not trying to brag yeah i want to do more but i can't i have like a bird body dude i want to do more but the diet is where it's at you're eating good true i'm eating good i'm eating you look like a vegetarian cut i'm good why are you putting that slander out there yeah and look at he's ripped dude that's true jordan's the type of guy what is happening jordan looks like the guy who cracks open the new york times in the morning has a coffee but he's the kid who will absolutely hurt you if you get on the wrong side oh yeah like jujitsu or something like that something like that he's yeah he's hurt you yeah followers are crazy they'll come after me in the comments once you're on once you're in with us you're in with all right i'm just making sure because it'd be like i'm challenging this guy right now to the octagon in front of the white house let's fucking go no i um i i usually do watercress which is like i saw these um i guess they're chinese people eating it at like uh at the grocer like this guy's old guy was eating what do you mean you guessed they're chinese i think they're chinese what's your and my family call it the koreans right yeah we go to the koreans because we're pretty sure what we heard was korean right but we think that the man that works in the store is chinese right so they're pretending to be korean or no no no no there's an old man who works in the store we believe is chinese got it amongst the koreans based on yes based on our intelligence that we've we've right together are you even allowed to do that uh i don't know i don't know we asked him we asked him and we asked ladies like what he's eating and they were like don't we're not going to talk about that yeah and so we're like oh okay interesting so now i'm really interested the thing that asians are really good at is staying in shape except for one that i can think of bobby lee well king jung-un king jung-un yeah just can't keep in shape yeah each according to his need according to his ability and his need is to eat like a fat fuck so you're saying you eat watercress watercress that's it it's watercress that's the base of i mean because i'm in my 40s you're in your 40s yes you're in your 40s yeah we got everything has to be every vegetable has to be liquefied so you know like i put that at the base of the smoothie it's really good it keeps the wang up no very good it's very good at burning the calories it's really great and like and they eat it in the blue zones of the world yeah but you can't just have smoothies all day what else do you eat uh a lot of chicken so it's like chicken uh right brown rice and then grilled chicken grilled chicken god grill it yeah yeah but see i know i but we you know we know where you live we won't give it away but what about the pizza in your neighborhood you don't eat the pizza anymore why are you doing this to me yeah yeah of course i eat the pizza it's little frankie's every friday that's a tradition little frankie's every friday yeah so we go in we go in for the honeymoon shout outs to little frankie's a little frankie's yes where i look 71st don't forget about no no's too no no this is good no no this is great zucchini and bacon slice yeah vesuvios is amazing um gino's gino's pizza wagon all of them we don't want to leave anybody out yeah like it's the closest to the house yeah frankie so yeah see that's where you will get hurt if you leave out one of these teachers don't worry about our fans somebody will come up like you don't represent pizza wagon what the is wrong with you see you out there yeah give a shot yeah how about i stick some watercress up your ass oh what was i trying to say uh yeah watercress and then i was trying to i was like did i leave out any uh rockies rocky rocky and nicky's that's i was like did i leave a out of pizza that could leave that one out i don't mind rocky nicky you can even on colonial you can leave it out yeah it's yeah it's not that rocky and nicky's is what you used to call that remember you used to have a name for that emergency slice oh that was called the emergency that was like yeah that's an emergency yeah yeah that is so true yeah you don't seek out rocky and nick i know yeah we settle for it yeah you said we could just go to rock yeah emergency slice yes so pete's that's the key pizza once a week not once uh every three hours like no just once a week um yeah on fridays and just follow what your kids do so my kid just wants pizza on friday because what i was doing was like laundering a lot of food through them right like who wants ice cream these kids aren't even talking about that ice cream right they aren't talking about it you want ice cream i want it yeah i should just say i want ice cream like because i'll take my kids i've talked about this in the book i'm like fun dad i'll be like who wants to go to serendipity three they're like we live in bay ridge bro yeah you want to go to serendipity three that's over by that's like 61st and first yeah and i will hop in the car i'm like if i even see a nod or like there was a twinkle in your eye let's all going right now now i never thought of it that way that's smart yeah so this book tour plate this is about this is these are marriage saving this is marriage saving magic yeah and it's the marriage saving magic get in your head of your ass the forward is by charlemagne the god the same almost who also like got his act together and stayed in the relationship right yeah you said you almost got divorced what happened yeah how close did you get we got really really close it was just like you know we were talking about what co-parenting would be like like having that kind of talk whoa you could you know yeah but it was it was coveted man and when like everybody was home we weren't working you know what i'm saying it was like and when the tide goes out you see the rocks right so that's what we saw in in our relationship i was home but i was kind of like a stranger in my house more like a visitor i didn't know where anything was i was like where are the fucking scissors what you know where where's where's the tape where's this and that she's like you don't know these things because you you're never here and you don't invest in the home and i was like i bought the house you know like yeah so that actually didn't go yes right wow hold that one yeah like listen well invest is the wrong word i mean you're like theoretically i did invest the home because i'm the one who put down payment you're like lady i bought the house which really it's great between us yeah sounds great yeah but when you're in the huddle with the girl it's not it just doesn't somehow those rules go out the window well you realize money is the last i mean money is like the most meaningless thing it's like i yes i pay for my home too but i don't know the first thing about running it it is without her i'd be a fucking on fire absolutely and so it's like that's what the book was about we i was also front row to a divorce in my family and i was like man i can't i can't go through that great seats yeah i also theoretically was front row to it too through a friend but yeah yeah yeah i felt like jack nicholson i was like uh was yeah i was like spike court side court side it was nice like yeah those there's photos of you at the garden yeah that i was there that kind of situation was what was going on and i was like and you know about this i remember those yeah yeah and i was like i was like that's it ain't gonna be me yeah so um and then i looked at the price and i was like it ain't gonna be me like and and i actually i love her you know what i'm saying so it's like all right so i was like okay what what can i do little things i don't want to do anything big or not we did that go we got that stage we're like how do i bring that up like we that's where i'm at we were talking i'm like how do i how do i float that one how do you know let's just make it easier just in case just in case just in just j i kid i kid i kid no no no i i totally feel you man because there's some days are better than others and like you you get to that edge right so like with uh with wife we were we were talking about all the kind of like serious grown-up stuff that you have to do and then i realized i was like well maybe what do i do i don't know i don't know what if i didn't do that what if there were some things i could change because we've been to therapy out of network therapy and i was like out of network therapy the price of that give me divorce right like i was like i was like what can i change so i had this buddy hugh um sorry to name him on air like this he's canadian so it's already suspect but like he just he makes coffee for his wife every morning right and the women in that neighborhood are like oh my god he makes coffee forever he's a good guy he's the bad yeah and i was like okay do you like grind the beans are you making a latte do you like make her face in the foam and he's like folgers bro yeah just crystals at 7 15 every morning and i was like that's a low bar i can do that yeah but i can't because i was a comedian who woke up at 11 a.m right and i was like but once i got that done then the floodgate started and like as a comic it was a riff yeah if i can do this then i can do that then i can do this right so you actually took his advice and started making her coffee yes and she was grateful yes huh you know what's crazy no one's wild look at your face yeah i don't even realize i make jazz coffee every day oh i make it every day but then i also dm brazilian prostitutes wherever there's a ying there's a yeah in general and primary general i was like wow this guy's playing with fire out okay um dude i'm gonna try that move i'm gonna i'm gonna wake up tomorrow i'm gonna make my wife coffee yeah and i'm gonna stand there and go hey don't do that part do that yeah you just got i can't say all right now you're my slave for the day no yeah indentured servant i feel like you got it you guys you got to be like you know you got to give yourself out of boys which i wasn't doing and like just just like congratulate yourself because a lot of the book is about like mothering too like i i was like okay i got a great relationship with my mom but i think what i did was somewhere along the line i tried to like substitute when i got married i was like i made my wife into a mom you know like i was like i made my wife into a mom you know like i was like i made my wife into a mom kind of figure you know what i'm saying uh cleaning up after me telling me when to go to bed all this stuff telling me when to get a haircut and what happened to me being like a grown-ass man so i was like if i can kind of like get away from that that that situation and and ask myself what are my standards what are my standards of cleanliness what do i want then you're better off so yeah yeah smart question was there anything she needed to do my or is it just always an angel we have to do my wife's a fucking angel is it just like did she write a fucking book yeah where's her book isn't she where's her fucking book about what she should have done yeah she did write she has a phd yeah she did your book should be here you meet her here with her your book and then her book should be right here about the things she needs well that's the thing her book would be a phd and he's like look at it joy is like look at my book everybody look at your cover it's red and she's like this is my dissertation i actually proved something that's never been i just think it's so funny that the guy put the effort in wrote the book and she and the woman's probably going like bro yeah where's there needs to be another volume no there's the second volume you missed this and you missed that you missed this and you missed that she did tell me that she did tell me that i missed some things in there but that was the first time i ever got like and it was very long and coming but i got her actual respect which was crazy right so like so i mean she's a phd she's very smart lady and i do think the only thing that had to change with her was like now i'm helping out around the house you can't say like you always anymore you can't say that shit but once we got past that then it was all right like i went away um i was doing a gig in la i come back she was like i actually missed you and i was like thanks babe because before i would leave and she'd be like we're fine you know i'm saying because we we're independent we don't need you she's like i missed you because of the stuff that you were doing around the house and the stuff i was doing around the house is very minimal it's like cleaning up my mess she asked me to clean the house all she said was like clean up your pile yeah like i mean i know i look like a neat kind of guy right like smooth-skinned and you're looking at me again yeah so the but i know from god because you're a dirty piece of shit i have piles of clothes yeah i feel like you're neat do you have no yannis is not me i um yannis never you know i'm listening to you kind of intently because i'm trying to get some advice because i think you're kind of right i think i have gotten a little comfortable yeah and i think like i just throw shit like i used to be very neat yeah and then we got married and then i just throw shit right and then she picks it up and then she complains about that a lot and in my mind i'm thinking like what's the big deal but you're right maybe yeah maybe i'm doing the mother thing a little bit maybe yeah it's like don't make her into your mother you know what i'm saying right when you got with her that's not what she was about so like so for me like i just got really selfish and i just started doing my own laundry things like that and it feels good i do my laundry i put it away and at the beginning i didn't even do like other people's laundry i didn't do my kids laundry i just did my own laundry and i just started doing my own laundry and i just started and she was definitely happy about it so i could have stopped there but like i just was like it was an organic thing of helping out more and this improved the relationship smashing smashing all the time now yeah you're doing that thing like i i smash you mean you guys are banging all yes yeah i didn't know can we say that yeah yeah yeah i mean i i make love you know i i definitely i mean look at me i make love i'm like smashing i think i said smashing with the hard g you know me guys smashing all the time you gotta smash at you no yeah i don't i have a i have a nice squeeze in a squash yeah are you a squeezer i'm a squeeze i have to check on how she's doing the whole time now would you do that thing where initially you would do something and do it wrong so she would then be like you know what i see your effort but you're doing it wrong i'll do it honey onto some tom sawyer shit yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah the uh weaponized incompetence yeah yeah oh all the time yeah are you kidding me yeah all the time all the time i couldn't cook yeah i couldn't make the pasta no way so now you do all that you even cook now i can yeah easily done easily done but it was a slow progression i had to be like i want to do these things for me like i was like you know what here i'll tell you this i was in a class and it was like one of those f45 classes oh i've been taking that i've been going to that gym dude that's amazing is that well i look like you chris you already look great you look i'm sure yes but i make me a svelte gorgeous i mean you look like idris elba right now what the fuck it's the lighting bro it's the lighting yeah chris's edible has officially that's what's going on dude f45 is the best f45 is the best but in it they're always like doling out compliments right like way to go doug yeah good job jane and you're like do me next you know yeah like i remember i was doing some move and at like a voice down deep because i like to take i like to take a little thc before i work out just so i don't get over the fucking whatever voices smoke it or do a little edible what do you do and eddie so that that way like at my age it got fog brain so i forget that i took it and then i'm like i'm a really nice guy no you took an edible stupid yeah like uh that's yeah so then uh down deep so a voice came out and was like do you see you because i was like does the instructor see me but i was like do you see you and that was the first time i'd ever in my life wanted to like you know be like look at myself sure and have my own approval so i think that's like that's definitely been the process for me yeah and then when you get the body confidence you get more confidence like in your life because we deal with so much you know rejection and comedy and things like that that's like that can just batter at the confidence so like what the fuck was i doing like i had to work on that you know you still do f45 um no i've switched to i've switched to core power which i like power yoga yeah yeah yeah because it kind of like meshes both of them together right and i like um and it's like it's just me and then like usually a guy who's dragged there by his girlfriend who's gonna pass out yeah and i'm like you get ready buddy yeah i got you i got the water on your pulse points don't worry dude i gotta start doing yoga we all gotta start in yoga right how great is yoga yoga is also good for the mind yeah good for trauma yeah yeah it's good for it good for the mind the eastern they really figured it out yeah the the chinese korean eastern eastern hemisphere knows what they're chinese we think they're we'll call them the watercress people they have the watercress folk i mean yes the people it's cheap it's only a dollar fifty a pound whoa get this stuff what supermarket do you go to in bay ridge uh i super fresh is too much yeah it's too much too much too buku so we go to like i usually i mean and this is also in the book i instacart it from costco baby i'm not i'm not sure i don't have a brand partnership no but like i i do the do the instacart because that also helps out because i was a slob before who just wouldn't go because wife would be like go go to the grocery store for the night time and i just wouldn't do it so now i do an instacart it's a lazy man's way of doing it doing it yeah and you know what man not picking up after yourself all these things even for us all as fathers then our kids so sometimes when i'm like why are my kids messy it's like well because i'm messy yeah you know like why what you saw anytime we get mad at our children what really we're getting mad at is why are they acting like us really important yeah i think because when you have kids i think the kids pick up on the energy between you guys i think kids pick up energy more than anything more than what you say more than what you it's just the energy so it's important that you get along with your wife and your wife gets along with you but it's not easy because you guys are running like a fucking company together we're running more yeah running a nice bodega yeah place yes definitely like really nice yes really nice bodega but it's a lot of modeling right so what's modeled for you is what you're going to do you are you become what you behold like with my own dad i love my dad very generous guy he was a doctor doctor right ob-gyn like interjoke there sure like and so he was also but he was doing all these things for women right for their sake but when he come home he was like i'm on the couch in his bvds watching espn2 like usually if it was late it was like two white guys boxing that's when you know it's late on espn2 right yeah and so he'd have a steak and like and my mom would just clean the whole house you know i'm saying but she was also a college professor right she did all she ran the house and did these things and my dad was like you know he just didn't give i mean he cared but he was like he needed his rest time and like he was the king of the castle and nobody was gonna yeah like stop him that's old school that's not the way it is anymore right but that's what i saw right so no one told me that but that's what i saw and i was like yeah that's me that's why i want to be like that well your every generation gets better because your kids are going to see you know a more updated version of what absolutely absolutely so you just want to model that for them a little bit i'm not and this is not like to tell men you got to be like this is this is not like allyship stuff this is just like the bar is in hell and if and and people still trip over it yeah so have you considered this that and the other because you look good like i was walking down the street with my kids the other day near the seaport and i was holding their hands crossing the street and this lady goes there's a dad right there and i was like i was just fucking holding her hand yeah so like that's all you got to do i'm just i'm just saying there's money on the table and not and try not to watch as much porn yeah that's not watching as much porn is is also good i mean you just yeah i feel like we're having this elevated moment yeah that's that's what that's what god put him on the planet yeah and then just don't watch as much porn and that also helps i guarantee you're porn watching went down what what it did go down yes chris a salient question yes down it went down i had to say goodbye to porn hub yeah uh i i had to say goodbye to deeper.com and like yes thank you very much you have to can we cut that out of i'm telling you do it all you need you're absolutely right i have noticed that most of the fights you know i've been married now seven years we've been together 12 after you have kids most of the fights are kind of work fights they're like work fights yeah it's like did you do this i didn't do this you did less of this i did more of this did you you forgot this it's almost like co-worker fights absolutely yeah which is logistics which is like interesting so you could make that hot some everybody wants to bang their co-worker yeah yeah you gotta figure out a way i miss this yeah but it's like it's like but those are all you nick those are proxy those are like proxy battles right that's really like it's like a vietnam kind of thing i was about to say let's give you some real life example let's how about iran yeah absolutely yeah your wife's iran and you just bomb the shit out of it but then she keeps propping up with new fucking problems she has she is mined she's the ayatollah yeah there's no yeah she's she's all the things you kill one and another one pops up yeah yeah problems not solved so like straight up whore moves straight over thank you i mean yeah i mean our fans know but it's so funny like my guys in the group chat i'm probably too far back to find it but my boy debo we're talking about the straight of her music goes what the fuck is that and i go it's a new ipa and he went really like that's yours that's i mean it could be yeah i like tm right now man let's go like i mean that's basically what it is bro it gets so boring but do you realize how mad you get from those stupid fights right so my whole thing is like i hate the list crap all that kind of stuff like you do this and do that and the charts i hate that i i'd actually read this book and i love the book it's called fair play by eve rodsky which is where i got the the thought for chore play from and so like eve rodsky says you got to be 50 50 in the relationship i don't i personally don't believe that that works for some people i believe in vibe i just think that you can go from like because men are ready usually men are ready like we all have our john wick fantasies yeah right like you're saying you're getting in shape i'm like yeah i wish somebody would start some shit right yeah like because you you know but we are ready like we're ready to do the things we're ready to fight ready to take out the garbage when you want us to so if you just switch the mode and be like go from ready to just do the thing right then you'll be better off you know what i'm saying and and it's because it's vibe it really is bro and it's like one of those the all really the only times jazz ever says how hot i am is when i'm doing chores when i'm doing like taking out of garbage or or taking you know i'm the one you know taking the kids up to change for bed or read them the bedtime stories that's when you essentially can't get a blow job so that so if that motivates you too if you want to if you want to get a blow job or something like that you have to do things for that you have to do the chores of course i mean what is a blow job yeah i forgot i wouldn't say oh man this this episode's getting yeah oh those are great those are those are good for the road but though i mean there's no one for one right there's no one for one i'd say you work on yourself first and then like and then look over see what she's doing like don't even just stay in your lane stay in your lane and you'll be all right i'm not an expert i'm just like a guy that survives and because we've just lost a lot of good men on here yeah i'm like i'm like really a lot of nice conscientious guys yeah just that just don't know and if like i put in there like um what's his name rumsfeld the like the unknown unknowns right yeah because there's no knowns there's no unknowns and unknown unknowns unknown unknowns is the shit that you didn't know you didn't know you didn't know you didn't know you didn't know right no one's ever going to take you aside and say hey you know what the biggest deal is is like in a relationship it could be that glass that you left on the counter instead of putting it in the sink right like so like i'm just trying to put people on game for that yeah because that's it's bullshit yeah so you think you think if we're more aware and we start acting as opposed to being ready women will appreciate it and then they'll meet us they'll start doing stuff to make us more happy absolutely or i'll put it this way you'll be more happy doing for you doing for you uh-huh you'll have that kind of like that energy about you and that you don't give a shit and and that will kind of like radiate out and it'll have a positive effect that's what happened to me that's not to say that the game isn't also rigged against you because i've had plenty of times like yeah okay if anything goes wrong with your kids at school who do they call mom exactly yeah i put my name on the top of the emergency contact list and they still call her right right and i'm just like and then she's she's like why you know like you have to hear about a third party and i'm like yeah i know because women in the office call the mom and it's like you have to break that chain i called the office and was like please put me i'm the first contact do you understand you know and like you have to get in there yeah tell them and then that the same thing happened they're like you know what you know whatever your daughter's name is like she's a lesbian she has two moms yes lesbian i didn't realize that that she had that that girl had two moms most people don't know that that's true i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know people only barely survive one mom you know so like okay okay but also this happened to me at the i was like trying to like take in stock of everything and so i was like okay i'm gonna handle the appointments too so i i call up i was feeling myself i call up the doctor i call up the dentist and this is south brooklyn so i called the dentist um and i was like yeah i need to see when my kids need a tooth cleaning next and they're like the mother knows that information yeah and i was like uh okay but i want to know and they're like well are you going to call the dentist are you divorced and i was like no they're like well anybody that's divorced usually ask that question i was like thank you carol can i please like i just want to know the information but i'm just telling you like the people the world does not want the genders doing certain things yeah right you gotta break that yeah i mean even if it's tiny like tiny things like that you know like just small things like knowing what's going on you know just this morning i literally i got the email you know because i'm signing my doorbell and i'm like i'm gonna call the dentist and i'm up for t-ball so the little league emailed me and in my head i was literally about to because every email from the school or anything i just forward to jasmine i was i was i was going to forward that to jasmine i'm like what am i doing i gotta sign my kid up exactly yeah yeah you want to know what's going on yeah and it made It makes you, it gives you, it gives you a sense that you're like more grown, you know, like I want to feel like I'm grown up and then I'm invested in my kids, what they're doing and, and what they're interested in, you know, and not have it be like something that just flies by, but something you're, you're savoring it, you know? Now, with all that being said, I still, I will, I do all those things, but I still, I don't know how to do my daughter's hair. I don't know how to do my, my, my kids mixed. I, I, I'm lost. A lot. Yeah, I have no idea. Yeah, yeah. But like, but that's, I mean, you do what you can. You don't have to do it all, but do something. I think guys probably get really messed up because it's like either 50-50 or nothing at all. No, if you do like 10%. Yeah. Bro, it's, it's, you can leverage that for a lot. Huge. Yeah, huge. Huge. So you think generally guys just instinctually do less? Like we just, and we, cause we assume they're going to do more. Look at what we're taught though. Yeah. One of my favorite movies as a kid was Mr. Mom. Remember Mr. Mom? Mr. Mom was Michael Keaton. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. So this guy, like they were like, the whole premise is like, this guy loses his job and he has to stay home while his wife's at work and it's crazy. Right? So it's like, he can't cook. He can't do anything like that. But you're telling me like Bobby Flay, Anthony Bourdain, David Chang, the whole show, The Bear, these are all men in the kitchen. We're like supposedly the best chefs in the world, but we can't cook. Yeah. Look at the mixed messaging that you're getting. That's a good point. Yeah. It's a really good point. Because even like, and it's also like, we all have experienced this, you know, when mom's not there and like, we are taking care of the kids, even if it's just for a few hours now, it's like, oh my God, I don't know how you, how I could do this. It's crazy. Even though we love our kids, it's just like nuts. And then I, I would always think like, oh, women are just, something's different about them from nature. But then when you speak to them, like, no, no, it's as hard as me to do that. I feel that same degree of difficulty, but I just have to do it. Right. Because I'm the mom. I just have to be with the kids every day. You're left to do it. And then there's a certain amount of burnout. You know what I'm saying? There's a certain amount of burnout. And then ladies, then a little something called perimenopause enters the chat. Sure. And then, and then they start blaming you for everything that's ever happened in their life. And so. I'm there. Oh, for real? No, baby, I'm watching. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're, they're, they are a lot more hormonal than we are because they have baby making chemicals and then those go away and they just have moods. They're a little more moody by nature. Well, look at, yeah, absolutely. And, and then look at this, like, like. My, okay. I, I have a friend who read the book and he's like, he's been divorced twice. And so he, he stopped me and he said, look, man, you know, uh, men enter marriage thinking that women will never change and women enter marriage thinking that the man will someday change and nothing, and neither of those are true. At 40, a woman always wants to see the manager. She wants to see the manager and she's like, this has got to change right fucking now. I'm going out with my girls. And then like, it, it gets really kind. It gets hairy, man. It gets really hairy. And the, and I hope to dispel something in this book with that, like just to save people a lot of agita. As far as the men in the kitchen cooking analogy. Yes. Men are supposed to be the best chefs. Women can do it too, except for sushi chefs. Those have to be men. You know that? Yeah. Why? Because men's hands are, uh, are not as warm as women's hands. Interesting. That's why there's no women sushi chefs. Really? Really? I didn't know that. Yeah. Men's hands are not as warm as women's hands? That's what it is. Yeah. And they might be Chinese. That's the name of this episode. They might be Chinese with Jordan Carlos. Yeah. So that's why you never see any women sushi chefs because it's just understood to handle the sushi. It's a wild fact to know. You got to have colder hands. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. I guarantee, I can't guarantee, but I, I can tell you that if you do this little stuff though, man, it's like the, the, the kind of like the exponential effect it'll have. I got a good question. Please. So you've employed these. Yeah. Yes. So you're speaking from experience. Yes. What, how has she responded? What have you seen her do more of that? Maybe you were upset about, cause I'm sure there was a few things you were upset about because you were thinking about divorce. So you weren't looking at your own behavior. You were also doing that. Yes. So did she change any of those things because you changed some of the things you were doing? I think it was, she changed her level of confidence in me. Like the, she didn't have a lot of confidence that I could do something by myself. So now it feels like she, she like gives me more, uh, more leeway and, and believes I can, if there's a task that needs to be done, if there's plans that need to be. So what you're basically saying is she breaks your balls less. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that what we're looking for? We're looking for. What are you looking for? They're always going to break your balls. Yes. Just less. You want less. Yes. You want less breakage. You want a fracture, but not like a total clean break. Right. Yeah. I mean, essentially that's what it is. We're looking for a little bit. We're looking for a little bit less of a break. Yeah. More of a fracture, less of a clean break of the balls. Yeah. Wait, is your, is your girl from Brooklyn? Mine's from Brooklyn. No, she's from Long Island. Okay. Yeah. Yes. But same peninsula, same peninsula, but it's like same Island. I should. So arguing is like what my wife, my wife's like love languages, right? She loves to argue. Not unique. Right. Yeah. Not unique. Does Long Island probably a little bit of the same. Yeah. A little bit of that. She's a little bit of that. A little friction. Yeah. Yeah. She likes. She likes to fight. Yeah. Saying this the most diplomatic way possible. We're like, she likes to fight. Yeah. She likes to get, you know, she likes to get worked up. Yeah. And I, but I understand she's overwhelmed. It's a lot. Right. Like. Yeah. Yana will say things like, you know, Chris, it's just, you know, here's one thing I've learned is that to be a good mother, you have to be a bitch. And my wife's a good mother. So he'll get, he'll skirt around. And he'll be like, ah, okay. Holy shit. I think. Yeah. Here's what I've learned. Yeah. I have learned from watching her be a mother that it is actually, and I'm not just saying this to be obsequious or suck up. I think it is the hardest thing I've ever seen someone. I agree with that. The hardest job. I do agree. The Bill Burton. I used to make fun of it. Like he obviously was wrong about that. I mean, it's a funny joke, I guess. But when you experience it, you're going like, no, no, no. It actually is. It's nonstop. It's like. You know, they're changing. They're putting to sleep. You're trying to control these two kids. And it's nonstop. Even today, my, you know, leaving, come here. Jasmine had a full thing of full day of things she needed to do. My little daughter is sick. So it was no question. My daughter wouldn't want me to stay home. My daughter was like, mommy, like she needs. She wants mommy. She's on mommy. So Jasmine has to cancel our whole day. Damn. You know? And it's like, but if she said, Chris, can you cancel? Of course I would have done it. But the daughter. My daughter doesn't want that. My daughter's like, I need to be with mommy. And Jasmine understands that. So she's like, all right, you go. I got to stay with our daughter. Look, man, everybody's case is different. I'm just like, there's also just this thing where it's like the she fault situation. Right. Like, it's like they go to her. Like, I put in the book that it's like, like in Goodfellas, where it's like, when you get in business with, with Tommy, was it was like, fuck you pay me. Like, everything goes through her. And like, after a while, I'm not saying, you know. It's the kids want what they want. Like in the night with the kids. I know what you're saying. Yeah. If they have bubble guts, they come right to mommy. They don't go to me. Even though I can handle it really quickly. And I'm up anyway. Yeah. So it's like, I had to look at that and I was like, oh, what am I? Why am I not the one? I am not the one that they run to. I'm not their mother, but I would like to be someone that they, that they do run to in time. You want to take a little load off her is what you're saying. Absolutely. Take something off the plate. And, and here's another thing. I mean, like, listen, you guys, handsome guys. You know, when, with, with me, I feel like, yeah, like, like some of the blowback I've gotten for the book has been this. They're like, you know, whatever you're, you're a pussy or a wuss for wanting to do these things. Right. I'm sorry for, I didn't write, I wrote that, but I don't. Yeah. That was my review. I'm glad, I'm glad we can finally, that's really what this was about. Yeah. And I knew it was you. Yeah. But, um, yeah. Uh, so, so. I always feel like, like, yeah, if you don't have all these things going on, like, I don't have, I don't have like, fuck you money. I don't have like, you know, whatever. I, I don't look like Idris Elba. Thank you though for saying that. So it's like, you gotta, you better make up. I'm, I'm, I have charm. Yeah. But you gotta like make up for these things sometimes, you know what I'm saying? In a marriage. Like that's, I think like another part of this is like, this is an easy way to make up for some things that you might lack. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And especially your wife. I mean, PhD. Beautiful woman. It's like, she put, there's pressure on you to like, I gotta be a better person. That's a good marriage. It's like, you keep making each other better. When we need just a book, women need a book. Women need a book. Yeah. And I think that book, let me just, I'm being honest. And then you drop the C, right? Jordan, you just call it whore play. No, I think they need a book. And this is what the book is. It's, it's one sentence. It's one sentence. Okay. And all I would say is just a few compliments. Guys like compliments. Right. It would be nice once in a while to hear like, thank you. You know, you did a good job as a, I know women are wired like, oh, this needs to be done. This needs to be done. But am I, do you guys get a lot of compliments? Absolutely. No. I mean, what the fuck is that? And I'm, I throw them out. I have some, I give them away. Right. I see my wife. I'm like, you look beautiful. I always tell her you're an amazing mom. I say all this shit and like, it would just be nice if one came back, but you're a great dad. That would carry me for a week. Yeah. I don't get that much. It's just this expected thing. I get, she'll look at me and She'll go, I think you got a new skin tag. And she'll walk away. She'll notice a skin tag popped up. But that's where you're saying, like, I love you. Yeah, exactly. Because, I mean, listen, you're an animal lover, right? Sure. Like, animals. He's trying. I'm trying. I'm trying to love my dog. He's trying. But they check each other out. They preen each other, right? Like, to make sure that they're nice and clean. So there you go. There's the love. And by the way, yeah. No, please, go ahead. I love what you're saying. What you're saying is basically for a modern marriage to work, right? A lot of times there's two incomes. Everyone's working. Everyone's also rearing. We got to step up a little bit. That's it. And maybe we're relying on some old tropes, some old conditioning that, like, hey, the woman does most of the stuff. I lay on the couch. Cool, right? But I think they also rely on some old conditioning. Like, the man's just always going to take care of it. The man is strong and silent. The man doesn't have feelings. You need to be stronger. You need to be strong. You need to just. And how about just. You look great today. You're a good. Maybe they can fight some of that conditioning to just make us feel better because we're doing more. We're trying. We're fucking trying. I have PTSD because I've been married to a Brooklyn woman for almost 19 years. So I will sometimes. Condolences. Thank you. I told her. Mine's Long Island, so I understand. I told her she looked amazing one day. And I was like, joked. And I was like, is there anything you want to say back to me? She's like, why? You want me to say. Is that. Is that what you said in the first place? So that I say it back to you? Yeah, there it is. An hour. Yeah. And that went on for an hour. My G. Yeah. I was like, oh, my God. This little pistol. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. She's absolutely great. I told her good luck one day. Yeah. Good luck. She's like, what the fuck is that? Good luck. Yeah. I was like, with whatever you're doing, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Bro. Down the stoop to the car. Yeah. It's like, I was like, you know, that will never, you know, that's, that's a whole nother book. Right. That's. That's a whole nother book. Oh, dude. Oh, what about, what about like when your girl is like, she doesn't feel good or something like that. And you try to give any advice at all. She just screams right back at you and tells you like, don't try to tell her how she's supposed to feel. And it's like, yeah, but you're upset about something. So I'm like, oh, what if you tried this? Oh, you, oh, you, you thought you were talking to a guy. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Emotionally. No, no, no, no. You got to let them, you got to let them ride, man. Just rock. Like, yeah. And just repeat the last two sentences of what they said. That's all you can do. I, I, like, again, to reiterate, I agree with what you're saying. I think it's healthy. I think that's good. And I think, I think women overcomplicate a little bit sometimes by thinking like, because dude, like you can motivate a guy very easily just by kind of being kind to him. Yeah. And like giving him a positive, just saying something positive about his effort. I mean, maybe it's because we're, we're not, they're better at rearing, like whatever, it's natural or maybe conditioning both. But if they encourage a little bit, I think it's like anything. You want an attaboy. Yeah. I feel you. I feel you. I want an attaboy. Yeah. And they're going to watch this and they're going to, oh, you want my mother? You want a mother? You want me to do everything? You can, and then they'll figure out a way to make it me, the bad guy in that going, you want too much. You want a mother. It's like, no, I just want a compliment. Are you like me? Like I call myself an emotional camel. Like I can go days, weeks without water, baby. Like I, but just something in the desert, just need a drip. Yeah. Just a little. Just a little. Chinese water torture. Just a little. That's all I need. A little. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I feel like you're, you're, you're fully right about that. I think a lot of guys share that. Cause I, I think the, I think that that, the conditioning is there for both sexes in a way. Yeah. I compliment myself. I never did that before though. I was always really hard on myself. Yeah. So I guess for me, like if you, if you were never hard on yourself, I think that's really cool. That comes with confidence to not be hard on yourself. I was so hard. I was so hard on myself that I didn't, I didn't like allow compliments even to myself, kind words to myself in. So that was a process for me. So if, I mean, if there's people out there that, that need, that don't do that to themselves, like don't say nice things, give themselves a break, then like, I mean, that can also open up a channel. Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think guys too, she can compliment each other a lot. I think women do it. Yeah. He said it. I mean, yeah. Right away. And like when, if you do it to Chris. I'd be a good wife to you. If you give Chris a compliment. If you give him a compliment, you watch. I'm going to tell you, Chris right now, like you look like. Watch him light up. Very warm. He's going to light up. Very warm in that, in that hoodie. You always have a fresh hoodie. You always have a fresh cap on. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you, you definitely Brooklyn rules from the nineties. 100%. I don't think you've repeated the same clothes in your life. No. But he loves a compliment. He lights up. I lights up from men. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Kiths. Kiths. Yep. I mean, you look thin. Kithies. You look thin, dog. JFK on the sock. Cause you're from Dallas. Dallas connection. We, we try to live that down. I'm all about subtleties. Well, I appreciate that. See, little things that I know about you. Shout outs to the Harvey Oswald's family. Okay. Yeah. Shout out. We set up. We know the government did it. The government definitely did it. That's my favorite thing about Dallas is like, the only thing to see is just an X on the street. Yeah. It's like no monument, nothing. They're just like, yep, right there. We could see the childhood home of the author of Chore Play. We're fully embarrassed by that. You don't understand that. That's all you got. That's all we got, man. And oil money. Well, and, and, and, well, he did have Luka Doncic, but that's gone too. Can we not fucking, why are you doing that? This took a turn. No, no, listen, Luka, Jalen, uh, who else did we, you traded away Nasty Nash. We traded away like a lot of great talent. That's what we do in Dallas. We like come here. Yeah. But look, if you keep it like Dirk Nowitzki, you win the championship. One time. One time. I mean, we should have been two. Almost two. Almost two. God. What are you? I still don't understand how that happened. It's still. We're living in Miami. You were living in Miami at the time, weren't you? I, was that the year? I can't remember. It was around that time. Yeah, it's a good time for you. Yeah, it was. Well, I wasn't, I'm not a Miami fan or anything. But to be in that city. But I was actually rooting for, yeah, it was a good time. But I was rooting for Dallas. Thank you. I still, that was one of the sports things that just doesn't, it doesn't make sense to me. What, they lost? Yeah, Dallas, Dallas should have won that. What, what, what's your, wait, what are we talking about? When Dallas went up. Did they play the Heat back to back? They went up like, uh. I'm going to have a panic attack. Yeah, they, they played them twice in the finals. Right. Oh, and then when they went up 3-1. They went up 3-1. And the Heat came back and won, right. And the Heat came back, yeah. Actually, it was a record. Yeah. Okay, it was a record. It was a record, right. This is not how I want, this is not what I wanted for this hour, okay? Yeah. The Texas Rangers won recently. Yes, they did. Yeah. They did. I don't follow the Rangers, okay? Yeah. I'm a basketball, football guy. LeBron's. Oh, the Cowboys are awful. LeBron, two of those championships LeBron got, you're going like, those almost, they almost shouldn't have happened. Right. Like, that one, 3-1 against Dallas, and then the other time against the Spurs, you're going, when in the history has that, has a team scored like nine points? Does anyone have a cigarette right now? Yeah. And they came back against the Warriors too, LeBron. Remember? And the Warriors. That was Cleveland. Yes. That was Cleveland. Yeah, so it happens to other people. It does. It does. It does. Oh my God. All right. Well, chore play. Chore play. Thank you so much, guys. Chore play, go get it. They can get it on your website, or where's the best way? Amazon? Yeah, yeah. On my website, jordancarloscomic.com. You can go on Amazon. One day it'll be Hudson News, baby. Come on! Yeah. You know? How does it work with the books? Do you have to pre-buy them all, and then you sell them? You could do that. If you do that, then you're in for a couple grand. Sure. But yeah, and then you get that little dagger as bestseller. You don't want to do that. So it's like, so what you do is you just, you know, you promote, you come on great shows like this, and hope for the best. Right now, it's doing really well. It's charting really well. And on Amazon, so I'm very happy about that. Great. And like, you know, it's just- Charlamagne Tha God says, this is a damn marriage manual disguised as a comedy special, a Trojan Swiffer, if you will. This is, that's high praise. That's high praise. And he cheated on his wife, and they're still together. That's public info. Yeah. That's public info. Yeah. That's public info. I know you saw me. Thank you so much for having me on The Breakfast Club on Friday! Yes. Jesus! No, I'm saying that's- If that, you know, he knows what he's talking about. He knows what he's talking about. He saved his marriage. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. Oh, my God. You made me break out in a sweat. I was like, this, baby. My butthole is tight. I saw you for a second. You're like, wait a second. Oh, no, he said, okay. Yeah. Thank you. All right, boys. Thank you. Thank you. The right window treatments change everything. Your sleep, your privacy, the way every room looks and feels. 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