Sebastian Maniscalco & The Wet Fart Towel

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We know what you're looking for. little dirty right um not dirty just a little kind of disheveled unkempt dirty filthy yeah yeah i know but you know um but i'm trying to step up and i'm trying to like lean into a certain i like it you really i like it another thing that you taught me you told me once that you you wet a little towel right stick by the side of your bed oh yeah and when you fart you stick between your butt cheeks and you fart through the wet towel no i told you that what i did tell you guilty or far to the wet i made it i made it a bit when i was dating lana yeah at first yeah i had one night i had really bad flatulence and i went to run to her bathroom to fart into her towels oh the sound so well that's you still influence me because guess what i have by the side of my bed a damp wet towel a cloth and you fart into the towel i fart right into it it works what does it work but by but i spray cologne i thought you'd spray cologne but maybe not maybe no no what i did with the towel here what are you doing at all listen you're getting it all mixed up what i what i did with the towel okay is i soaked uh i took a dish rag i would cut it up into squares and i would soak those squares in cologne and then i would take those squares and put it in the vents of my car so when i put the air on okay oh wow you combined the two i combined the two theories yeah yeah but still i hope my butthole is like a vent in the car people have said that before no but then now you just have like a wet because the dampness catches the scent so now you just have like a disgusting farty towel no no no by your bedside that's not true at all i've never had a girl go you know what i mean oh did you fart through a fucking cologne towel no oh is that you know what i mean you know what i'm more upset about tom ford vanilla tobacco or whatever is that what you use i do a variety of ones right now i i do you know you should see my cologne collection hundreds oh wow yeah yeah and right now i have one that smells like vietnamese coffee that's what it's called vietnamese coffee is it i know you have it i know and then yeah you want to smell oh yeah it does it smells like coffee yeah yeah yeah and that's the brand vietnamese coffee and i have that on and um so i experiment with different smells i get vietnamese coffee i have a matcha soft serve it's all foods yeah yeah there's a whole that line yeah look at that line right it's all foods there's a um white rice a cream bread a bread cream one oh wow yeah yeah matcha softer i have that one as well what's the rice one what brand is not this white right no they do have a white rice one dude but there's another yeah i like brown rice white rice i like all the white rice smells you know what i mean wow yeah yeah i've heard of the brand after ozempic are you trying to inhale your food what's the it doesn't have anything to do with that you know what george you're the producer and you shouldn't talk you know it really bothers me sometimes you know yeah yeah because i don't even know what you're saying and i don't like it you know i love you as a human being and thank you so much for being a part of this right but sometimes when you talk dude it puts a chill down my spine you know what i mean and i love you you know i mean i love your family and birthday and was his birthday birthday yesterday saturday yeah oh happy birthday dude thank you wait a minute so okay he has a birthday okay what how long you been working for him oh 10 years i've been working with him actually longer nothing comes up on your calendar what's your name george george's birthday no one tells you in the room we gotta make cake nothing no he stopped following me on instagram i think a couple years ago since he got me on instagram i think a couple years ago since he got me on instagram not too full and he had to follow other people so you don't like well i have a rule on instagram yeah i think it's instagram's rule you can only follow a thousand people no if i i can't go above 999 following yeah i don't know what it is and andrew has the same thing we just cannot go to a thousand it's too many numbers well it the the app cuts you off or no no i can i could follow millions of people but i 999 is my cutoff i don't know why i think it's an ocd thing or something so you know when like there's an influx of women that i like to follow you know i mean only fan model and then eventually it's like i have to now go back into my fucking people i follow and delete and you just happen to be a victim of that and i apologize oh the only fans models list i apologize but sebastian i will never unfollow because he's a comrade yeah we we uh we definitely yeah we have history oh yeah yeah we have a deep history so it's like um he's also um super famous you know it's a combination between history or old relationship but he also like you know is killing it as well so it's like and wet farts no see that i'm upset that that if you've been telling that story to other people i feel like we have to go back and tell those people the real story because the the the the farting into a wet towel bedside yeah it's not okay okay i'm gonna say this too right i never said wet you did say wet it's in his notes a wet towel all right i've told those stories have i told that story before i think minimum six times yeah minimum six times a lot yeah yeah it's a lot but i never said i know but it's a good thing no it's not it's it's not the story it's inaccurate it's inaccurate oh i lie i'm a liar yeah but i don't think you're i think you're confused i'm a confuser i'm totally confused i apologize that's okay are you mad i'm not mad i'm just upset that the the story's out there in not the right way but has anyone brought it up to you no but i feel i feel like within the next two to three months someone's gonna come up to me bobby lee told me a story you fart into a uh a towel with obsession on it probably dracar but anyway um no well okay well um maybe i did you know misinterpret what you said but here's the good news and you unintentionally invented something great which is you know i mean it does work if you dampen up a little towel washcloth you put cologne on it and if you have a lady at your house you can fart into it and voila it solves the problem yeah but what do you do with lana do you just fart in the bed now yeah at this point you know that's it sounds did she rip them she's farted in the bed yeah yeah yeah do they smell depends on okay if we had dairy it's probably something you don't talk about often farting no no it's it's like um those things you know it's like these podcasts like oh it's like free form conversation yeah and it's all about like uh telling things that you this is what you're getting you're not you're not getting any deep yeah no we are getting it because we already got a little bit what'd you get though i fart in bed no but you don't know but the um the little things in the um yeah i told you that that's actually out there all right yeah yeah you don't you don't you don't ever talk about personal things no not really yeah yeah we talked we talked general general general stuff okay well let's move on from farting then you know what i got last week what i'm wondering if either of you have gotten is have you ever gotten those pernuvo scans like the head to toe mri whole body cancer we have a we have a friend on it if you know but got one of those scans something you know dearly they found a problem i'm nervous for mine i haven't gotten my results and he got a surgery and got that problem removed but um i'm thinking about getting that done too have you heard of it i've heard of it i can't do it for two reasons number one there's a lot of false positives on that thing i don't know if i could i don't know if i could like live with that and two it's a false positive i don't know what that yeah like it incidental finding yeah it'll come up like i you got a hint of this that but it could be it could be and then be i don't want to i don't want to go through that i don't want to go to bed going do i got this or do i got that they're gonna be more testing and i can't get in there i can't i can't do an mri oh you're claustrophobic yeah i can't no but you know i i had so what they do is they they give you these like glasses that have a mirror so now you can watch like netflix but still it gives you the illusion that you what's above you is like an open space but it's not it's like and but then it doesn't you know what i mean like it doesn't actually have a hole in it it just makes you think that there's a hole on but you're still in a tight space you're still in a tight space and then they put the he's smarter than that yeah he's not gonna get confused to that point uh they did something not so sophisticated where there's a hole but they did something where it was a mirror and you were looking out so when you looked at you looked look behind yeah and i say get me out of here i still know i'm in here yeah yeah so i i what would what would happen if you got like you're in an elevator and it completely just stopped working how long do you think before you panic it would depend on the amount of people no service on your phone and there's 12 people in there 12 12 people that would. 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That's code BELLY to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Price Picks. It's good to be right. Price Picks. Wow. No service on your phone. And there's 12 people in there. 12 people. Two Puerto Ricans, a dwarf. The real people you know. Okay, Brad Williams. Okay. Johnny Sanchez. Me. We're going to get some big guys in there. What? You want to be in it? I was keeping count, but yeah. Yeah, you're not in it. There's no way in that situation you would be in it. But I love you. I feel like if it was people I know, I would be a lot more comfortable than if it was 11 strangers, 12 strangers. How about 12 just gigantic Persians? What even is that? Or just 12 Samoans. I would have a hard time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long? How long before you really start sweating having a panic attack? I'm sweating as soon as I get in the elevator. Oh, really? Even just in random elevator? Well, if it was tight like that, I would start to get. I would let the elevator go up. Oh, before, yeah. I would take the next one. Okay, what if the same 12 Samoans are on it? Then I walk up the stairs. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to be dealing with it. Are you good with like, when you're eating dinner, because the other day I was eating dinner, last night actually, and I was at. Parks. Nice guy. I mean, he comes up to me, he goes, hey, I'm just a big fan. I go, okay, cool, thanks. Like, great. He goes, okay. And he slowly walks away, like, with a smile. I'm like, okay, right? And then the food comes, and he comes back. He goes, hey, can I get a photo? And I wanted to say, you should have done it before when you did that weird walk back. All right? So then I got to get out, and I did it. Do you do that? Would you take photos with people? If you're eating dinner? Yes. I do, too, yeah. It's hard to say no. Have you ever said no? No. Have you? No. Have you wanted to say no? Twice. Twice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, come on. It's a photo. I mean, it might be a time where you're trying to spend with your family. I feel like I'm not really talking to you right now. Talking? I know, but I feel like I got. Hold on, it's okay, man. I feel like I believe you. No, I feel. I was going to ask something, but do people ever. Oh, go ahead. See, because he was going to ask something, but he was looking at the back of my head. I understand. I feel like this right here, it will never happen again. These types of people together has never happened. I think you're polar opposites of each other. That's okay. He wants to ask a question. Okay, go ahead, Jaime. Do people ever, like, send pictures of you guys, like, sleeping at the same time? At the airports? Like, fans? Take a picture of. They take a picture of you sleeping? Classic question. No. No. Because I've never slept in an apartment. Yeah, we don't sleep in an apartment. Oh, okay. What are you doing? Got a sleeping bag? No, it's because we were at the airport yesterday, and we were waiting for our luggage, and we fell asleep. You and Ralph? Yeah. Together? At the airport. But you guys lean on each other? No, he was on one side in our backpacks, and then. So defensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I woke up. What are you frustrated about? Because you said we slept together, but. You've never slept on the same bed together? Yes, but not that way. No, but just, you've slept on the same bed together. Me and Sebastian would never sleep on the same bed together. No. No. Ever. Even if we were forced to sleep in the same hotel, I would take the closet. No, we would work something out. We would. No, no, I would give you the bed, because I don't want to hear you complain. I would. You complain. I would take the couch. Okay. You would let me have the bed? If you wanted the bed, you could take the bed. We'll do a, like, you know, whatever, a game. Anyway, sticks or whatever it might be. But go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. And I was sleeping, and then I was waking up, and then I saw this dude keep walking by, and he was trying to sneak a photo of Ralph sleeping, and Ralph's like, you know, sleeping. Well, there's many reasons why I don't sleep at the airport, but that would be one of them. I don't want people to take a photo of me sleeping. Well, my question is, you just got off of. How tired are you that you just got off of flight? Good question. And then you're going to take a nap at the baggage claim? Mm-hmm. It's because we had shows here in Cali, and then we had to go to San Francisco, and then Washington, and then back to San Francisco. Yeah, a regular tour that we all go on. Yeah, so then he's tired. That's what he was asking. It's a regular tour that we all go on, so yeah. You feel safe napping in public? Like, you're not worried that someone might just. Take our bags? No, like, stab you? Nah. I don't know. At the airports? Like, you can take a nap in public, in broad daylight, with people, like, bustling around. Yeah, I think I can. I have. Oh, okay. Yeah. Just be honest with me. When you opened for Ralph, still to this day, do you guys share the same hotel room? No. He has his girlfriend with him, so. Okay. So I get my own room. Any more questions? Do you want to ask Sebastian, or do you want to look at him and say anything? Do you have any notes, or. No, nothing. I mean, just wondering about showers, but. What about the shower? Yeah, ask him. Sebastian's a master of showers. Are you not? Yeah, I'm pretty versed in the shower. And I'll tell you my new routine, if I may. But go ahead. Just, do you guys shower? Do you guys, like, keep your eyes closed the whole time, or do you. You know, because some people have, like, claustrophobia, but, like, people, like. I don't think he has a claustrophobia. Yeah, what is claustrophobia? Phobia, I mean. Can't be in a tight space. Very good. Can you ride roller coasters? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. So what's your shower routine? Do you have one? Do you keep your eyes closed? No, no, no. People have the fear of, like, something's going to pop out, so they keep them closed. Something's going to pop out of the shower. What are we, in the movie Shape of Water? What's going on? Like The Grudge. You ever seen the movie The Grudge? Yeah, yeah. We don't believe on that. Oh, so when you say the shower hits your head, and you're, like, lathering, are your eyes open? Or closed? If the water's running, are you doing the- I know what you're trying to do. And it makes sense of what he's trying to say. But there's no way to do it. He's a crazy person. She's helping a boy out. Okay, anyway. What's your routine, Sebastian? Are your eyes open, yes or no? Dude, will you stop it with the eyes open? He wants to know. Well, because of the shampoo, of course your eyes are closed. Yeah, okay. If there's shampoo in my eyes, I will close it and then wipe it with water. But I'm talking about as soon as possible. as you get in the shop. - No, I do not. Because water doesn't burn my eyes. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. No, no. If you're underneath the shower and the shower's hitting your head, my eyes are closed because water is dripping down my face. However, there's moments where I'm out of the water and my eyes are open. Are your eyes open the entire time? My eyes are closed the whole time. So you're what? What are you, searching around for the soap? Well, I have it placed where, like, I can reach, you know? Like, okay, conditioner and then body wash. What are you so afraid to see? Oh. I don't know. I see, like, a blind master of some sorts. Okay. So do you wash with a wash rag? What are you washing your body with? Wash cloth. Wash cloth. A wash cloth. I don't do a cloth. Do you? I use a glove. You use a glove? I use the Korean. The Korean. Yeah. What's the Korean? Rag. Oh. Oh, this is new. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not new. Well, I don't know anything about it. You just don't know anything about it. I don't know nothing. You just don't know anything about it, no? What the? But it's a really rough rag. They come in pink, blue, yellow. Yeah, yeah. Variety of colors, actually. So you say a rag. It's about this long, and it's thin. Yeah. And it's, like, fibrous. What kind is it? It almost feels like nylon, honestly, but it's not. Yeah, that's what it looks like. Oh, okay. Yeah, but it's long. And see the blue one? Oh, yeah, yeah. I have to do that because I have little arms. Like, listen, I swear, I'm not even joking. I can't scratch my back. Oh, you can't. That's right. No, look. No. So I need that. So this is what I do. I'll just tell you mine. Yeah, tell. If I may. Go ahead. Like colognes, I have, how many? Hundreds of colognes. Hundreds, yeah. Right? But I don't know if you know this fact, but I also have hundreds of body wash. Liquid body wash. Liquid. Okay. High end. Not always. I see that cremeux. Oh, cremeux. That's Target. Okay, some cremeux. A lot of cremeux. No. Go look at my fucking bathtub now, lady. Okay, sorry, sorry. Okay. How many do you have out at once? I have it right now in my bathtub, okay? You can fact check if you want to go up there, right? Probably about eight? Do you rotate each scent? No. Oh, here's the magic. I spread that blue thing out, right? Open it up completely. And like, you know what I mean? Like it's kind of like a calzone, if I use your terms, you know what I mean? If I may. Only speak in his terms. Yeah, so calzones, you know what I mean? So I put the fucking ricotta cheese, right? And I put the meat sauce, okay? And I put some fucking marinara, you know? So basically, I take probably three of them to create my own smell. Then I fold up the fucking calzone, you know? Right? And then. You know, I get all suds. Bubbles. Right? I go deep between the crevices of life. Your hippets. My hippets, my taintage, you know what I mean? Every area. Scrub, scrub, scrub, scrub, scrub. Every night, dude, okay? I use two different shampoos on my head. Two different face wash. Wait, that's a hot girl trend, though. Double shampoo. So you're on to something. I've been doing it for years. It's a Bobby Lee trend. All right. Memorize that. Yeah. Double shampoo at the same time? Or shampoo? Shampoo, rinse, another shampoo, rinse. Yeah, shampoo, rinse, shampoo. No, I do double. Oh. I do double. What does that even mean? So that's not double if you're just building. It's not about cleanliness. It's about variety as a smell. Creating my own. Oh, so you layer two different scented shampoos. Bingo. Okay. Okay. And then two different face wash. The ghetto one now. The Neutrogena? Yeah, the one you said was ghetto. It's terrible for your skin. But guess what? I went to a high-end place, and I go, what's your best face wash? And they gave it to me. I have two bottles of it. Thank you. What's yours? Just a little tidbit on the. You would know this more, I think, than he would. Rude. Rude. The face wash has to kind of match your skin type. Yes. Whether it be oily, dry, what have you. So the best soap is not necessarily. the best for your maybe type of skin. So I would kind of. Oh, here we go. You want to play games? I would agree. I'm just. What the fuck do you mean? So if you have oily skin. Do I have oily skin? You have combo. I have a combo. A combination, yeah. There could be a combo soap out there. And I've learned this on. Talk about spending a lot of time on the road. I learned this watching the master class on skin care. Have you seen it? Oh, wow. Who did it? Three different people that I don't know their names off the top of my head, but three or four different people in the skin care. You're like estheticians? Yeah. One might be a dermatologist. One might be. I don't know their titles. I just watched it for the information. So the best might not always be the best for your skin type. Well, you know. That's all. So what is the best? I'm going to ask you a question, Jim. I don't know any estheticians. I don't know any fucking dermatologists. Is this like an Italian thing you're going into? What's the voice? What are we hearing here? It's a little weird. No, I'm being defensive Italian. Oh, defensive Italian. I don't fucking know, you know? But you always get those deep cystic pimples and a triangle of death. Cystic? Jesus, great. Really? Many two-face. What's going on? Many two-face over here, dog. Right here, triangle of death. Yeah, I get that. Right? And that's dangerous. I know, I could die. Let's move on from face. Wait, we didn't get through your shower routine. Yeah, I'm very curious about it. Is it too personal? No, not personal. I'll share it. I take two showers, one in the morning, one at night. Whoa, dude. He's next level, dude. Matter of fact. You get completely naked? You want to take a shower? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Pretty good. Standard. Pretty good. Pretty standard. But pretty good. Do you take the showers in the morning because you still get the meat sweats at night? Wow, you remember the meat sweats. I take a shower. I don't remember that thing. I do take a shower in the morning, not due to the fact that I was sweating at night. I just feel it's a reset for me. I agree. for the day. So I get in the shower, I put on the gloves, and I do a full body scrub down. Now, do you use soap, or is it a body wash? I'm using now a barred soap. Do you take the. May I ask? Yeah. Do you take the bar, you have the glove, and you go. Take the two gloves. Whoa, a double penetration there. I like that. Get it sudged up. Yeah. Do the body. You wash your legs. Yeah. Oh, thank God. I do. Why? A lot of people apparently don't wash their legs. They just wait for the. Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. You got to scrub the legs. Scrub the legs. So much so where. I have a. I have a. I have a. I have a. I have a brush in there that I. This is. This might be a little too much for you guys to handle. I don't know if anybody in the room is doing this. Yeah. But this is what I learned from you. I do a full-blown foot scrub on the bottom of my feet. Wow. Heel. And then I do a scrub on top of the foot. Never done. I've never even heard that. Wow. Write that down. A lot of people neglect the feet. And I see it more often than not, looking down, especially at airports, looking down at people's feet. Yeah. And the feet have a. Almost like as soon as the heel starts to come underneath, there's like a darkness there of dirt. What are you doing? What is that? What is it? He's had lifelong. No, no, no. No, what I'm saying to you. No, don't say that. Have you not? That's rude and it's just happening. I know it's better now, but. It's much better now. Yeah. Okay. But I'm doing this is because there's other things that pop up in my mind that were similar. Okay. So do you scrub? No, that's not it. Okay. No, what I'm going to say. Can I just say my symbol before I forget? Yeah, yeah. Right. I've never seen you wear sandals. Never. You've never exposed your feet. Never. Have you ever seen me expose my feet? Yes. When? Yes, I believe I saw your feet when I went to your home. No, outside in public. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. In the wild. No, I never see your feet in the wild. In fact, here's another thing I've never seen you wear. Shorts. In the wild. I've worn shorts. But I've never seen it. Yeah, because we're doing. I see you at night. But you don't perform with shorts on. Never. I don't. Have you ever seen me perform with shorts? No, you can't. Don't even pause. Don't even. No, don't even pause. Go ahead. There was a time I actually made fun of it on stage because you brought me up and you were in sandals and I made fun of your dress after you got off stage. The fact that you were in almost a beach type. Do you remember this? Absolutely. I don't know why he's saying he doesn't wear sandals. No, no, I. You know, I oppose. That's worthy. No, shut up. I love you. No, it's okay. That was rude. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay. Don't shut up. Don't shut up, right? I oppose this. I oppose condemnation. I oppose. - My pose being, I had a bohemian look. - No, they were baggy sweatshorts. Yeah, yeah, it's bohemian. It's a different thing. No, that's not, that's not. And you wear slides all the time. Slides, you have slides on. And I said, this guy had all day to figure out what he was going to wear, and he come up here. Go back to the shower. God, I had something else. Look at me. So, why, do you have bad feet? Personal, personal, personal. Well, I had foot fungi. Okay, on the nail? Everywhere. So, you had, like, an athlete's foot. And it spread to her genitals. Oh, my God. I didn't know you were going to reveal that. Did it not? Look at me right now, lady. I thought, this is one thing, when I try to bring it up. That's your foot? That's not my foot, dude. That's your foot. That's not my foot. That's 100% your foot. It's listed as your foot. That's insane. I know. I know, but that's not my foot, dude. That looks like a sprained ankle. Yeah, do you want to see my foot, dude? Do you want to see my foot? No, that's not his. The hair pattern is already not his. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Actually, they're beautiful. I know. Yeah. Exactly, dude. They're really pretty. Yeah, I have beautiful feet. You have a beautiful foot. His problems have been solved. So, did you use a medicated, like, a prescription? I went to my doctor, Kaya Okawashiri, old Japanese man, one of the best doctors in the biz. And I go, help me solve this problem. He gave me super-powered gel. You mean that's prescribed? Mm-hmm. Not over-the-counter. And it defeated my situation. It looks great. Thank you so much. No problem. And what I'm going to say to you, it did not spread to your genitals. It theorized a couple things. Yeah, it got itchy down there. Let's move on. Okay, let's move on. I'm sorry, my bad. I know you have a baby now. And you don't want that out there. We've already talked about it before. I don't know why you're so shy about it now. I'm not shy about it now. It's just Sebastian. And for the Sebastian. If it was like some dirty comic that I have no respect for, but I have respect for him, so I don't want to talk about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I apologize, but you know what? Thank you. I'm not going to change who I am. I've never changed who I am in front of him. I've told him the wildest shit over the years. Have I not? Mm-hmm. Yeah, and you just kind of get uncomfortable and laugh. Yeah. Yeah, but he's always accepted me for what I am. Yes. I'm a troll. I'm a little yellow, dirty troll. Okay? So that's who I am. I don't care. Because you know what? I'm just being me. Yeah, you've always been yourself. But it did pass to my genitals. But my question to that, I don't want to. How bad is it where it's spreading to people's genitals? Well, this is. Built. Built. Built. Built. When you're all alone. Built. I love it. Every rent payment earns you points that can be used toward flights, hotels, lift rides, Amazon.com purchases, and so much more. And when you pay rent through Built, you unlock access to exclusive benefits from a network of more than 45,000 merchants. Wow. Just link your credit cards, spend at your favorite local spots, earn Built points on top of your regular card rewards, and get one step closer to that trip. You want to take personally. I would redeem. I'll tell you what I would read them. My Built points on is probably gift cards at 120 brands. That's fine. What else? What would you spend it on? I'll redeem my points on Amazon.com. Yeah. That's a variety of things you can get. What else? How about you? I will do it on lift rides. 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So you're back in the shower. It's open. So you've done your feet. You do the top of the feet. Top of the feet. I get out. Now I do. Recently, I've been getting really into lotion. Never been in that game. No? Yeah. I just noticed as the older I get, you know, skin starts to dry out a little bit more. I'm doing a lot more lotion. And then I have kind of a daytime cologne. And I'm doing something new that I learned about a year ago from a good friend that's similar to what you do with the shampoo. This is double. One cologne, one here, and a different one on the back. So you get one cologne coming, and then another cologne leaving. Wait, are they two different smells? Two different smells, yeah. So you're going to hug me, right? Say, hey, how you doing? We're at a party. How you doing? You know what I mean? How's Mamma Mia doing? Rigatoni. How's little Rigatoni doing? Yeah. Oh, I want to just, you know, and then I hug you. You hug me. Right. And. Do we kiss on the cheek? No, it's just a. Not European? No. Okay. And you'd come in, and you'd get one, like, oh, what is that he's got on? And then, oh, what is that? It's like. Oh. And then it's. Can I steal that? You could steal that. And I'll tell you something I stole from you. From my podcast. When the time is up, we got a little duck. No way, you. Yeah, yeah. Took that right from you right after I left that day. Really? Told my producer, go get a fucking duck. So we know when this shit's over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that the new thing? What do you put out? It's the ghost. But it's not out yet, right? No, no, no. You put it on there, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it always the ghost? I thought you had something else. It might have been something different a couple years ago. A couple years ago, yeah. When's the last time you were here? Years? No, maybe two years. Two years, yeah. No, we like the ghost. But yeah, we still use the ghost. That's interesting. You use a duck. You remember that. You remember that. That's what I took from you. So what's the time limit? Because I know when the ghost comes out. We're ghosting at an hour. Yeah, that's what we do. Yeah, I stole that from you. And then we'll go a little over. You ever go a little over? Yeah, we go over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have guests yet on yours. We had you on. Yeah, but. But who else? Anybody else? We had a variety of different people. Andy Garcia. Oh. You. We had Dane Cook. We had Whitney Cummings. Yeah, the standards. Yeah, we had all of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you can get people. You can get people. Do you wink? I can't wink. Try. Don't seductive. Wow. You can't. You one eye. Yeah, that's two eyes. You're blinking. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me see you, Jaime. Oh, you can't either. You can't wink either. Can you wink? I have Bell's palsy. Oh, that's right. Sensitive subject. Yeah, but I. But yeah, I can wink. Yeah. You can't either. What? Yeah, that's a strain. You got it. Can you do it without moving your mouth? Oh, no, you can't. Yes, I can. Go ahead. Yeah, well, I mean, at least I can wink one eye. All right. These fools can't do. They're double-eyed blinking. Am I? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. No, that's good. That's good. Whoa, you can do both. Very good. I think the wink is a lost art. Oh, like the yo-yo. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know the Filipino guy invented the yo-yo. We don't really. I care about that stuff. Yeah, but we don't. Philippines. That's not. Right, Gil? Yeah, sure. We care. - That's very, congratulations. - Thank you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Philippines have done a lot of great things. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think the Italians have done more with dishes. - What is that? - With dishes. - Like an Italian dish? - Oh. - Yeah, yeah. - Right? - Yeah, Pedro's yo-yo. - But the wink is a dying art form, and I agree because I do like when someone throws me a wink. - I think a wink is more of a girl thing. - Interesting. - Like a girl would do it to a guy opposed to a guy doing it to a boy, right? - I also loved it when I was a kid and an adult would wink just for fun, not in a bad way, but just in a playful way. I remember feeling like, oh, it's like a warm person. - Yeah. - I don't know, guys can wink, dude. - I don't think I-- - A young comic got off stage, this is what I do. Good job, kiddo. It's classy. - I don't see a lot of making going on. - You don't? - No. - Okay, all right. - Do you guys see any winking going on? I mean, within the last year, have anybody winked at you? The guy in the back, has anybody winked at you? - No. - No. See, it's-- - Oh, you're right, okay, maybe you're right. - I don't think a lot of people are doing it. - So you're saying it's okay if we wink at you? - It's okay either way, but I think women, the wink on a woman to a guy, I think, is more sexy than a guy doing it to a guy. - Okay, okay. - Here's some reasons, shared knowledge, comfort, satisfaction, flirting, or sexual attraction. - Okay. - I'll give you another one, I'll give you another one. I don't know how to wave. Wave to me. - Hey. - Hey. - I've never done that, I don't know how to do it. - So what do you do? - Yeah, I can't see you waving. - That's more like it. - Oh yeah, that's not a wave, dude. - That is a wave. - That's a hurrah. - It's a wave. - That's an I see you. - That's not. - Yeah, yeah. - I see you. - Hey. - That's a salute. - Oh, that's good. - Can you do that a little quick? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Wait a minute, wait a minute. This is like a-- - Yeah. - We're in kindergarten. - I know, I know, but-- - Hey, how you doing? - I wanna, teach me again. See if I can do it. Say something. - Hey, Bobby. There's too much this. - Yeah, I don't know how to do a double quick. - And I think your arms are too like flexed. - Okay. - So you relax a little bit. - Yeah, yeah, you gotta relax. - Yeah, yeah, perfect. - Just one, maybe. - Just one. - Oh, that's really nice. - Is two appropriate? - No, I don't see a two. - Yeah, do a two. I wanna see if I, hey, how you doing? It's good. Coming from you, it looks always good. - Seriously, it's crazy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, do you celebrate? - That's a great question. Do I celebrate? - Yeah. - Not in-- - Like-- - Not in-- - With arms up. I can't see you doing this. - Yeah, we won! - My celebrations are, uh, very private. The celebrations would never be in front of a mixed company. It's like a celebration with my family, but never like, if I got good news here, I wouldn't be going, "Yeah!" - Oh, I see, I see. I have done this before, you know what I mean? I'll get a call from somebody, and then go, "Hey kid, you got it. "You got the job." And I'll go, and I'm with people. I'll go, "Okay, cool." I'll be like, "I'll be right back, guys." And I'll go to the bathroom, I'll go, "Yeah!" - Yeah, yeah. - You've done that? - Yeah. - Yeah, I like that. - Yeah. - And then I leave the bathroom, and he'll brag that I got it. - Oh, I'll never say anything. - Okay, okay. Yeah, you don't say things. - Nothing. - Yeah. - You just get it. That's it. And then, whatever it is, they'll see you in it, or whatever it is, you know what I'm saying? - Are there still things that you get now that still excites you? Because, you know, once you get things, eventually you get numb to getting things, and then nothing really excites you anymore. 'Cause I just got a job, maybe three months ago, that, remember, I can't talk about it, but I was like, "Yeah!" You know what I mean? Do you still get jobs like that? - Yeah, I still get excited. Yeah, I do. - Oh, cool. - The level of excitement vary between whatever the thing is, but yeah, there's always an excitement. If I really wanted something, there's always an excitement that, "Oh my God, this is gonna happen." - Yeah. - Yeah. But never share that with. - Mixed crowd. - Mixed crowd. Or, you know what? Or just in general, like if my agent tells me I got a job, they're excited, and I'm not showing any excitement. - Were you allowed to celebrate as a kid? - Yeah, but I don't know what it is with sharing that, 'cause I feel like a celebration is a very intimate thing that you only reserve for the people that are close to you. - Well, don't they say, like, "Be careful who you share good news with," or something to that effect? - What do you mean? - Like, when something good happens in your life, if you got a job or whatever, like, be careful who you share that news with, because not everyone in that room wants you to succeed or something like that. - Yeah, that's a very Sicilian way to think. - Yeah. I mean, I had, there was a comment that I know, and I shared something with him. I go, "I got this job," right? And he goes, "How do you work all the time? "How do you get this shit?" Instead of going, "Congratulations," and it really bummed me out, right? Like, you could share anything with me, and I'll be like, "Oh, dude, fucking congratulations. "I'm really happy for you," you know what I mean? Because the things that you get, I wouldn't even be able to get anyway, you know what I mean? It's like, not right for me or whatever, you know what I mean? But it's like, a lot of comics, when you share it with them, they're just bitter about it and weird, and it's like, I'm not gonna do it anymore, you know? - Yeah, don't, don't do it. - What do you mean? - Well, just, yeah, yeah, do you share it with your dad? - Yeah, of course, I share it with the people that are tight with me, but I don't go and-- - You know, I love seeing photos of your dad, the joy in his eyes. - Yeah, he's very, he's very-- - Yeah, like, you bring him to games, you bring him to some of these events, and I see the joy in his eyes, and it puts joy in my eyes. - That's very nice of you. Yeah, he's very proud, my mother's very proud. They're all, they're, yeah, it's nice for them to be alive, to kind of, like, share this ride with me. - Yeah, it's fucking, that's you and De Niro and your dad. - Yeah. - That's insane. - So there, there I had an, that was an emotional day for me. There I actually cried on the, God, what the hell, why is her name? Gayle King's show, because we were in Chicago, we were doing an interview, and I'm talking about the movie, and I'm sitting there, in between my father and De Niro, talking about the movie, and it just kind of all hit me at once that we're making a movie based kind of on my life, and my, De Niro was playing my dad. It's kind of, it was kind of like a moment for me, so. - It's, it's, I think we talked about it the last time you were here, but it's the top of whatever, I mean, it's the top. And you, but let me ask you this, let's be real, okay? Let's get it out in the open, right? Do you know that you're doing well? - Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Like, I mean, it's like, you know, people have-- - Are you ever, like, in bed at night, like clutching your pillows, and you're like, I can't believe I got here? - I don't say I can't believe I got here, no. Listen, I always-- - Do you remember when you came to my house, on fucking, when I lived in the condo, remember there was that HBO show, it had something with a plane or whatever, and then you rehearsed it with me? - Yes, I remember. - It was like two or three lines? - Yes. - And you were like, and you didn't even get it. - No. - You were good in the audition, we worked on it together, right? And you went from there, not getting a fucking reoccurring on a, to what you're doing now, I mean, there must be-- - There is a, listen, listen, to answer your question, do I ever say that, I can't believe I got here. Generally speaking, I don't relish in moments like that, doing a movie like that. I'm always thinking of, how's this gonna do? - Yeah, yeah. - Is this gonna, you know, is this gonna open up another opportunity? I never really enjoy what's happening to me in the moment, and you know, I think the last three or four years, I have been saying to myself, wow, it's really, really a nice place to be. I have a beautiful family to share it with, and I am taking more appreciation, in where I'm at, professionally, than I ever have. - You know what I'm doing, dude? - Go. - A while back. - Nice. - A while back, right? - Yeah. - I did something with Larry David, right? And I was sitting there with him, and we're talking. It wasn't a big thing, you know what I mean? You know, I had, it's a little thing that I was doing with him, right? And in my mind, I'm like, you know what, dude? I mean, 'cause he's getting older, I'm a huge fan, and the difference between when I did Curb Your Enthusiasm 15 years ago, and this was completely different. He was just like, how you doing, man? You're doing a great job, you know what I mean? Thank you for, you know what I mean, being with me now. He was like, we talked, you know what I mean? And in my mind, I'm like, you know what? If this is, I don't give a fuck. I'm a fan of his, you know? I can't believe he even knows who I am, you know what I mean? And I'm just gonna appreciate this moment with him, you know what I mean? And I'm doing that from now on. I don't give a fuck, dude. Even if it's a little thing, you know what I mean? was just like i'm 54 dude who knows now i'm at the last stretch i think you need your colonoscopy you scheduled that what you haven't scheduled your colonoscopy yet i just did that yeah how was it i was never put under uh table that was you're supposed to get it at 50 you're 40 years overdue is what i'm saying yeah you should get it just get it yeah just get it it's not it's not a big deal just go in and get it done okay um how was yours it's great did it burn what happens no burning no burn no brain yeah just to put you under and you wake up and you're out of there you're out yeah why did they put you out because unless you i've been cold scoped where they've gone in at my regular gi doctor's office and they're like let's have a look and i'm like what do you mean let's have a look like let's just go in there and they went in there and i was fully awake i didn't love it and he would but he i was able to see like you know everything that they were seeing but kawashiri the other day stuck two fingers in there he's like everything's good i feel like that's normal like physical yeah yeah but i i trust that but you don't get two fingers in there right you need a camera all the way up there oh i see yeah because you're smoker all the things you know yeah but you know i have a small anal tube i think two fingers anyway let's move on but anyway um yeah go ahead no do you guys do you guys ever had a moment where like like years ago when you're like oh i don't think i won't make it or like i don't think this is it for me but then you had the opportunity come across and you're like oh it's a young man you're young and you want to know that question uh so five years into doing stand-up comedy i was wondering why am i not making a living at this what's going on you know when's it gonna happen i remember actually talking to johnny sanchez about this in the parking lot of the comedy store and he's like bro you only been doing this five years you know it's just you know it takes time you know and uh so that was the only kind of hiccup i had oh yeah no that's uh wow that's you jaime early yeah yeah that's that's you yeah that's me bro yeah i mean is that me look at that yeah yeah yeah is it my dad old like that hair yeah yeah that's uh that's a is that high school that is 17 hey day yeah yeah that's hey day handsome wow that hairline that hair is good that hairline i wish i had that hair god i mentioned being that age and having your success yeah i imagine yeah i i peak way too late yeah yeah no but so um go so at five years tell them so five years i got discouraged i wasn't going to quit i was just discouraged where i was at i was still working at the four seasons hotel i was you know not headlining any clubs which you know back then i shouldn't have been headlining any clubs but i i was just looking to work more as a comedian than i was as a waiter and it wasn't happening until two years later after the seven year mark i got a little break and started started working the the clubs but uh after that no i never really doubted i just knew it was going to happen i was just looking to work more as a comedian than i was as a waiter it was going to happen i just didn't know when but i was putting in the work we knew it was going to happen with you i think i do i did believe that well you've always been supportive of me and my uh thank you you were there from the beginning this this guy was there when i was doing a stand-up comedy class for sandy shore and you introduced you hosted it in the main room so you've been there you've been there from and you were working the door i remember when you work in the door and the eddie griffin and the whole thing you were you were working the door and the eddie griffin and the whole thing i want to talk about that do you remember how tough it was back then at the store it was it was terrible it was terrible the way it was run no what do you mean it was no good it was no good i mean i mean it would be like oh you you have a 945 spot that means you're not gonna get up yeah you show up it's like oh mencia eddie griffin dice is there you were there back then right oh yeah yeah yeah and we're like okay we'll go home no i didn't go i never went home you stayed so i stayed you did so i would have a set this is back in 1999 say yeah uh eddie griffin would pop in and normally now a celebrity pops in they do whatever 20 minutes 30 minutes but back then you know eddie griffin would go on you know past an hour maybe sometimes two and by the end of the thing it'd be midnight and a lot of people were kind of filtering out and whatnot but the way i thought about it is i don't care who is here at the end this stage time i can never make up again so i gotta i gotta get the 15 minutes in because who knows what's gonna come out of my mouth maybe a new bit maybe this maybe that so i always stayed and everybody else left i would leave yeah i just it's like i waited all day for this and this is not gonna come in between me and and me getting up on stage only if it's for two or three people that are half paying attention so i don't so listen the way it's the way it's working now stand-up comedy and and i'm not deep in the trenches of it and you could speak to this probably more than i could just because i i'm not living it day to day but back then i just felt like everybody was looking to get up on stage whether it be at the comedy store dublin's miyagi's yeah a laundromat whatever everybody was looking for multiple sets yeah and that's all we were doing there was no social media back then so we didn't have anything to do with it and i was like i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do as far as like oh i gotta create a video there was no podcasting so the comedy was all we were living for right now today is that true with the young comedians are they getting up on stage night in and night out or is there too many other factors involved now where comedy is is not as important i gotta i gotta hear it i gotta hear this i want to hear your point why are you laughing he started laughing at me go ahead yeah the whole room did yeah yeah answer it go ahead no you make me nervous now yeah you're the ambassador for all young there's no right or wrong answer i'm just saying it's a different i wouldn't know more than him i think because i'm at that level what you're not an open mic or no but i'm still a i hang out with more open micros than regular people like rams you know not ramses got passed but i'm just saying like that level of like you're not an open mic or you're not an open mic or you're not an open mic but i'm just saying like still people working at the door for my friends like catbird she does this she's that works at the door so i know you know i mean and yes it's they still grovel for stage time anywhere everywhere else everywhere everywhere you know i mean is there still those opportunities for the young comedians to go to well they have bigger opportunity they have don't tell you know what that is no you don't know what don't tell us have you heard of don't tell yeah every city now has this thing called don't tell it's the same guy but like you know you know philadelphia has three don't tells and and they basically they tape you know i mean young guys local sets but like a tv like it's high definition cameras really good lighting the whole thing right and they put it on their platform don't tell and it's as just as big as doing the tonight show in terms of views and stuff so now kids are vying for don't tells in all these cities you know i mean so it's like um so it's like it's a comedy club that's no it's a basically it's a show on the internet on youtube and social media called don't tell and a lot of these young guys are getting you know i mean sometimes they give half hours to these guys so so it's in front of an audience yeah and then stand up yeah yeah this is a don't tell who's this this godfrey did a don't tell and it's like this people well shot yeah it's well shot so this is like a a special like this is like the premium blend of exactly but every city now has three don't tell shows going a weekend or whatever gotcha right and they're taping them and and people are watching it and now guys at godfrey's level is now doing don't tell there's a lot of them doing it half a million views yeah yeah so it's like uh that's the new thing you know that's interesting i i wonder hey guys enjoy refreshing apple and sweet caramel comfort in every sip with a new caramel apple five-hour energy shot caramel apple five-hour energy shots delivers sweet and tart apple hits with a smooth buttery caramel coated finish dive into caramel apple flavors straight from the orchard for a sugar-free fall treat treat yourself to a crisp apple bite and smooth caramel delight with a caramel apple five-hour energy shot only available online for a limited time at 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Get your quote today at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company affiliates and other insurers. Not available in all states. Look at these are all the don't tells. Like, who's done them? Like, you know, Cat Daddy? No one. No, is that a guy's name? Yeah. So it's like, it's all these people are just, you can just go down. And it's like, it's not open mic. Like, it's, I don't think they pick, like, newbies. Like, who's that right there? I've never seen that. Anyway. But, you know, people that are, you know, where you were at in five years in. And I think that if there was a don't tell back then, you would have made it faster. Like, Craig Conant has a don't tell. Right? That's Conant. He's established, you know? So it's like. That's interesting. I never knew this existed. And this is just through the website or YouTube has this? YouTube? Yeah, YouTube. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like. Like Ralph, 6.9 million. Yeah, Ralph did one. People are doing it. All right. Like, legitimate people. And also, you can break in now if you're living in Houston. Yeah. Yeah. So I think what the internet has done is opened it up for people to maybe even stay in their hometown and do comedy and not have to come here or New York like we did. Now, have you thought about moving? For a small business owner, every day is full of surprises. Some great, some not so great. Like when a client cancels their order at the last minute. But here's a surprise you will like. Progressive provides small business owners with 30 customizable coverage options to help keep their business going strong. So go ahead, surprise yourself. Get a quote in as little as eight minutes at ProgressiveCommercial.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates and third-party insurers. Coverage is not available in all states or for all vehicles and coverage selections. Everyone talks about how challenging it is to raise kids. But what about protecting them? Outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, baby gates. Where do you even start? Well, protecting your home and auto is a great place to start. Progressive offers customized coverage options so you can be sure you have the right coverage. They're basically the baby gates of insurance. Get a quote at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company, Affiliates and other insurers. Now? Yeah. Yeah. I recently thought about moving, but we didn't. We got caught up in the Austin. Should we go to Austin? Yeah. And this was recently. This wasn't in the beginning when everybody went. But I'm like, you know what? Let me go out and check it out. So I went there with my family a couple of times. We were not moving primarily for comedy. We were moving for more community. Yeah. And it just didn't work out for us in regards to finding a place to live. Oh, I see. So, we're here. Yeah. Yeah. I'll never move L.A. No? Dude, I'm L.A. through my blood. I stay forever. I will not move. L.A. is my spot. He wants to live on an island with a farm with a bunch of animals. I would live on a farm and an island. You just. It's the opposite of L.A., but yeah. So you want to move? No, what, no, what. Don't you love Hawaii? No. I. You know. No? I do like Hawaii. Yeah. But I've went twice. I went to Maui and I've been to Honolulu. And I don't know. I just. You know what it was for me? Tell me. I didn't get like good food. Interesting. Interesting. Because let me say something, okay? We go there just for the food. We go only for the food. Oh, you do? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We know plus spots there that'll blow your fucking mind. Yeah. Maybe I was not hitting. You call me. Okay. What are you. Do you eat like. Have you had like local like Hawaiian food? Like. I don't. Like give me something. Because it's hard to do that in Maui. If you're in like the hotel area, you're not going to get like lunch plates with like polehu ribs, you know, like the ribs, the kalua pork. The soul food. There's laulau. There's stews. It's extremely delicious. But it's hard if you're in the. Yeah. I don't think I got it. But there are restaurants like Pig and the Lady. You ever go there? Wait. That's Vietnamese. I know. But it's also very good. Yeah. The fine dining is good there. I did the one restaurant that's on the beach that everybody goes to. It's like. No, we. You're not. Listen to me right now, guy. All right? My Italian friend. Okay? Is we don't do what masks do. Tourism. Yeah. Exactly. Oh, Jaime, you were just there. Yeah. We go. You did the tourist shit. I saw all the. No. Yeah. You did the whole luau and stuff. Okay. But I was in the groove. Yeah. You did that. Exactly. That was one night. You're Mr. Fucking Tourism. No. What I'm telling you right now is we know like. You like acai bowls? Yeah. You do? Yes. We know the best spot in Oahu for acai bowls. What's it called? The Cove. The Cove. The Cove. Yeah. I found it. Is that on the beach? No. It's not. No. It's inland in a really weird mini mall. Strip mall. Strip mall. Yeah. So I did not do the. That Hawaii. I did the more we're at the hotel and what's good here or we stepped out for a little bit. And you're Maui. I bet you're saying that that Grand Waialea because of the kids. No. This is pre-kid. Oh. You haven't been since pre-kid. I haven't been since the kids. Yes. Yeah. So eight years, nine years ago. Bring the kids to the Grand Waialeas. They have the best. No. I'll tell you why. Not for him. Oh, the slides. The slides for the kids. Oh, yeah. I love slides. I do. You do? I love a water slide. A big one? Yeah. Give me where I should go. Well, I mean, I'm not. Slides. I'm not piped in a slide. I just remember going down the water slide going, "This is fun." As a kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even as an adult. It's not like I'm like, "Oh, you got to go to the one that they got over there." No. Why? Well, then, you don't like slides, then. Tell me the best slide. Well, I mean. I mean, you acted as if you're a master slide. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not a master slide. I'm not a master slide. It's like, "I like skydiving." Where do I go? What was that? I like skydiving. Where do you go? I've never done it, but I like the concept of it. Well, you could say, "Yeah, I like skydiving." That's crazy. I've done skydiving. You have? No. But what I'm saying is. Okay. Trying to give you an example. If someone says they like skydiving, they're not necessarily going to tell you, "Oh, you got to go skydiving off the coast of Pakistan." Okay. With the water slides, I've done it, and it's fun, and now that I have kids, we've got a hint of a slide. It was very small, and I'm like, "Oh, this is fun. I would like to do this again somewhere." Is Raging Waters still a thing? Wet and Wild was a thing. Wet and Wild. Raging Waters and San Dimas was a thing. Yeah. It was a thing. Would you ever do this? Do what? I'm going to ask you. All right? I already can tell it's a no, so I'm already protecting my heart from it. Right? But if I called you, "Hey, Seb, there's a new water slide, so and so. Next Thursday, you want to go?" I would entertain the idea if I could bring my family. Yeah. Bring your family. I'll go. You would come to a water park with us? Yeah. No, no, no. Why? Why? You by yourself. Why? Why? I know your wife. I've known her a very long time. It has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the water park. Oh, I see. Okay. What? What? you know if we i would like to go to a less populated water park let's say on vacation at the hotel that's a nice water park to go to one of these wet and wilds and we've been there actually you know who i went with one year it was in las vegas i went sorry i went to the water park with god who was the comedians was it brett ernst we went to a water park there's two other comedians i can't remember their names anyway and it's a it's a nightmare the lines but check this out okay what about this okay what if i could come up with a situation like i rented out the fucking water park if you're gonna run out the water park yeah i'm in really yeah but it's gonna be there's gonna be other 30 other comedians yeah that's fine okay it's the strangers as you have a problem with no it's not just it's just the long lines it's just the long line no we don't wait in line it takes it takes a like a while do you do disneyland i've done disneyland yeah with the kids yeah yeah do you do chaperone we have a chaperone yeah we've had one yeah i do chaperone and and do you like it by myself i'm sorry by myself i'll just go you go disneyland by yourself yeah yeah so you just hang out with the chaperone yeah like get me in front of this line but you talk to the chaperone as you're going through the park hey that was fun yeah step or whatever her name is hey step can you get me you want a corn dog i'll say that you know i mean hey where are the good funnel cakes i'll do that and then we'll go like to california dreamin and we'll ride in the incredibles ride with the chaperone yeah now go you want to get on the ride i'll go in with you it's pretty fun right yeah what it's pretty fun it's pretty fun dude look at how interested caroline is yeah yeah caroline we've been watching you i've been with my peripheral vision okay i've been watching you and there's a lot going on i'm sending texts about this guy right now yeah all right she's working so caroline's your assistant no she's the social media she's the social media which one's your assistant alley right there alley's your assistant michael's the pr and michael's pr yeah you work for a pr firm michael okay sir okay captain the fuck yeah yeah yeah very professional yeah what can i just i i want you to keep a job but let me just ask you about social i want you to keep the job but it's like you can't do your own social media no okay why you don't want to do it i just there's a lot involved in like the posting when to post how to put you know yeah i lost that ability like soon after instagram came out right you know like you're not gonna be able to do it you're not gonna be able to do it like the the updates and this and that and it's it's it's a lot it's a lot to do yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't do it i rarely right am i the worst at it yeah you post rarely i post rarely well you don't need to once a month you're like jay-z what you just called him out and then you admitted you don't you should have one you need somebody to post for you why why do i need it it'll help that's the philosophical you know what that's the philosophical question i want to ask okay why do you need it social media yeah because because what it kind of operates as your business front right it's your storefront it's your store my storefront yeah but i think that less is more not actually actually untrue because instagram starts to kind of tuck you away the only time i use it active the what the only time i fucking use it right the only time is um when you know what i have to ask you something yeah go ahead you've been doing this accent throughout the whole thing is it offensive no not offensive okay well i'm just curious to the group like when you got a black guy in here or a chinese or indian do you go into like a like an indian thing when they unfortunately yes oh he does okay i just want to know that this is not specific i mean i don't i'm not like if there's a black person i don't go overtly like what's up yeah yeah yeah i hear you all right yeah yeah feel me you feel you feel me you know what i mean yeah that's what he says yeah anyway um i do do that but uh i mean we just had um frankie and it was like homie homie homie i thought the whole time yeah okay i'm just wondering if that it extended well it's you know it's i'm an everyday man and i connect with all kinds of varieties that's great you know what i mean the gays come on i'm like hi i mean how are you you know i mean that kind of thing i feel that's the one group you don't do that what is the gay group i don't do that with the gays yeah because i feel like that's a little sensitive don't you think i was gonna say what nothing i won't because you think i'm gay i think you have a theory that i'm gay you won't do it but no i don't think you're gay no i think you're um i think you are um bisexual wow wow wow why is that yeah wow why did you take what are you taking notes for i'm not bisexual okay no i believe you yeah we did it for 10 years that doesn't mean anything you thought it was bisexual i'm a big back bitch yeah i have i have i'm drogenous features i'm an athletic man yeah has broad shoulders because i dated one girl sarah right and then i was like oh my god and then when we broke up she married a woman so they think that there's something bisexual about me that's not why it's because you comment on men's lips and butts a lot you have a good very good night of lips yeah yeah yeah and you have a very nice butt put the ghost up actually it's about time yeah yeah yeah yeah it is about time but i mean what let's get this straight yeah all right let's get this straight sab why can't i say to you and i'll be honest with you right i'm not attracted to you i'm not gay i'm not attracted to you but i always think that you've had like nice lips and you have a protruding butt and you have a and i really don't like it does that make you feel uncomfortable no it's it exactly you i don't like your lips i don't like your butt but there are other options aspects of your butt actually i don't but my point is is that if i you know but anyway you're complimenting uh somebody on on the features that happens to be the same sex it's fine i don't take it on any offense do you ever yeah have you ever done that complimented a man i was just going to compliment how how straight your teeth are look at that smile yeah yeah stunning stunning yeah what's wrong with that and i i can concur and i agree why are you smiling like that though because uh you know i've always thought about a compliment complimenting on you on the face no i have and you know uh i've always thought it and i just never did it until he did it and it gave me the courage you know to do it so you have a very nice teeth but you have a flat face you know i mean and it's like it's like a pan and that's that yeah you know i mean and your body is doughy thank you lately lately and i can go around and do negatives as well okay i can't and you know do you look in the you're at your body and go i can improve this yeah yeah me too i think i lost a lot of weight but down here there's still this it's just skin oh you think i was so fat that now i have like loose skin yeah with your ozymphic you just don't work out i think you're supposed to work out or else like you atrophy your muscles go away i have no muscles or bone density yeah so you're like skinny fat i'm skinny i think that's the problem with the not the problem with the ladies i promise what is the problem it's your attitude and just your a lot of things but not the body it's not the body it's the insides my insides your insides are rotten oh my god oh wow the body's good the body's good your body's great yeah yeah but my insides are rotting your body yeah yeah okay body body's tea though the body's tea okay good thank you at least that um so your special is out already your special it's november 21st november 21st your spousal comes on hulu yes what's it called it ain't right it ain't right and um you filmed it already um i filmed it in chicago my hometown yeah and this is the first special i've ever done in an arena which i've been um kind of weary of doing a special in an arena just because i don't know if you really want to do a special in an arena just because i don't know if you really want to do a special in an arena just because i don't know if you really get the intimacy of comedy but the way we did it i'm very proud of it it's uh it's i'm very proud of it it's it's good do you i like it do you get nervous in front of arenas anymore or no no no i never really got a nerve no there's no nerves there's no nerves a little bit of an anxiety before i go on but nothing like nothing that's because you know it i know it i know what i'm gonna do yeah yeah i was nervous when i you know when i first started doing large crowds i was nervous when i first started doing large crowds i was unsure of myself i think it was the vince vaughn was unsure of myself i think it was the vince vaughn wild west comedy show that i was i was introduced wild west comedy show that i was i was introduced to theaters yeah a little little nerve-wracking to theaters yeah a little little nerve-wracking there because i never did theaters before but there because i never did theaters before but the the arenas uh yeah they're they're wow good Is that the arena you did it in? Yeah. Incredible. That was my red and black Bulls. No, can I ask you this? I'm doing my first special on Hulu. Yes. I don't even know what to wear. Do you ever get problems with what to wear? Like, how did you choose that outfit? Well, that was because I was performing at the United Center in my hometown of Chicago. I'm a huge Bulls fan, so that was the Bulls color. So I decided to represent the home team. Yeah, but have you ever been, like, stuck on, like, oh, what do I wear? Not necessarily stuck. I've always liked to wear something that was a little kind of off and a little kind of strange. Not strange, but something that would catch your eye if you were kind of scrolling. The one regret I do have is wearing a tuxedo in the last special just because it kind of hampered my movement. But other than that, this was pretty much an easy. Because Ali Wong told me to wear what you wear when you perform. Yeah. At the comedy store. That's good advice. What I'm comfortable with. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't go, oh, this is a special. I got to wear something that is. Like a suit or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I would stick to your. Jeans. Yeah, but maybe a little bit more elevated than you were normally used to. I mean, no, I mean, you can wear your jeans and whatnot, but make sure it's like a, you know, just a nice, crisp, clean outfit. I would kind of buy a new outfit for. I'm going to wear raw denim. You mean a made worn brand, like a shirt, but that has no logo on it. I want to wear. Can I wear a baseball cap? I like your beanie. Beanie. Like a beanie. Yeah, something like this. Yeah, because it's so iconically you. A beanie. And then I'm going to wear tennis shoes and just do it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's my first and last special. Or wear a tuxedo. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tuxedo you don't want to wear. Yeah. That's right. Looks so good. Yeah, you know what? You much look older with it on. Yeah. Look much younger with. What you were wearing for the Chicago. Anyway, very good special. I saw it. Thank you. So check it out. What's this? A little throwback to you guys. Oh, yeah. Thirteen years ago. Remember this? Oh, my God. This is. George is a producer on this. Oh, you were there for this? Yeah. So this is the talk show. Who is the who is the company that was doing? Maker. Maker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look how young you were, dude. Yeah. Wow. Jesus. Wow. Wow. Wow. Look at you, Bummy. Still dressing good. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wow. We've been friends for so long. And then you have any other projects, movies, anything that you want to plug that's coming out or no? Well, Pete and Sebastian show. We have a podcast. Yeah. We've done it. Great show. Pete and Sebastian show. Sebastian show. And any films or TV coming out? Nothing right now. But you could. Something that a lot of people kind of missed, but I think it's a good, good listen. If you like podcasts that are storytelling podcasts, I did a podcast called Easy Money, The Charles Ponzi Story, which is an eight episode story about Charles Ponzi and coming here to the United States in the 1920s and basically bilking. You play Charles Ponzi? Yeah. Amazing. In the podcast. Yeah. So it's a podcast. It's an audio book, but. It's like a, yeah, it's an audio series. It's a kind of like a, it's a series that combines scenes with investigative journalism. Wow. Incredible. So it's an interesting, it's interesting, right? Yeah. And I got some shows coming up. Yeah. I don't know what it is, but this is the end of the tour. We're doing Soaring Eagle and the Coliseum at Caesars in Canada. And then. And once you're done with this, are you going to take a break? Yeah. I mean, somewhat. Take a break, dude. You got to relax. I do, but I like standup and. I know, I know. It's fun, but you know. Yeah. I'll do. Take a break. Give these people a break. I'll do, in Vegas, I'll do some shows. Yeah? Yeah. Okay, do them then. I do. Yeah. Anyway, give Sebastian a round of applause. That was fun. Thank you. Thanks. Bye.