Schrödinger's Mitch McConnell

Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live from Hollywood. I'm John Lovett. I've been to Maine twice, no tattoos. We've got a great show for you tonight, but first, let's get into it. What a week. So what do Americans and former Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell have in common? Well, we've both been going downhill since Trump got elected, and it's not totally clear if we're going to make it to the end of his term. Just to catch you up, Mitch McConnell fell in 2019 and had surgery for a fractured shoulder. Then he was hospitalized for a concussion in 2023 after a tumble at a Washington hotel, and after several weeks in recovery, fell again at Reagan National Airport. He's like one of those famous D.C. cherry blossoms, so beautiful. And before you know it, on the ground. He froze mid-sentence during multiple press conferences, staring vacantly from the podium for between 20 and 30 seconds until rescued by aides and colleagues. He fell again after a meeting with GOP senators in December of 2024 and fell down the stairs again in February of 2025. In that case, the ref gave the stairs a red card, which was totally bullshit. Anyway, shout out to the sleeper left-wing agent on McConnell's staff who keeps gassing this guy up for stairs. Should we take the elevator? Uh, if you're a pussy, you've got this, Mitch. Then in February of this year, McConnell was admitted to the hospital for a week because of flu-like symptoms, and then on June 14th, he was admitted to the hospital yet again with zero explanation from his office other than to say he was receiving excellent care. And the man has not been seen publicly since then, which means there's really only two possibilities. He's either on the brink of death, or he's on the brink of death. Or he's about to release one hell of an album. Last week, several news outlets reported that on June 14th, according to emergency dispatch audio, EMTs had been called to McConnell's home and performed CPR on an unconscious person in cardiac arrest. But before we jump to any conclusions, that could have been about any unconscious person having a heart attack at Mitch McConnell's home. Perhaps a startled neighbor who stumbled upon a dead Mitch McConnell. His office has released several statements since then, insisting that the senator is improving and working closely with staff, but we've heard absolutely nothing from the man himself. Said one member of McConnell's staff, Mitch is as vibrant as ever. Have you seen Weekend at Bernie's? He's like the two Fun Alive guys in that movie. In a letter, Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear formally requested that McConnell fully update his office. He said, Mitch, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Kentucky's regarding the current status of his health. Oh, get right on it, responded a semi-transparent and glowing McConnell floating above Beshear's bed in the middle of the night. And then, once the public began questioning whether McConnell was still alive, a number of prominent Republicans released oddly similar statements on the same day, claiming to have spoken with him on the phone about similar topics. Topics like the economy, the war in Iran, what it's like meeting Genghis Khan. And then, once the public began questioning whether McConnell was and how heaven is insanely hot and scary. Commentator Scott, heaven is terrifying. It's so hot. I hate it here in heaven. It's so mean and hot. Commentator Scott Jennings said, and I quote, I spoke to my old friend Mitch McConnell this morning. We talked for just shy of 20 minutes about Iran, Ukraine, the unfolding situation in Maine. My visit to the TR presidential library and even a little bit of Senate history. Sadly, once Jennings got into the details of his visit to the museum, McConnell killed himself. Senate Majority Leader John Thune put out a similar statement, as did Senator John Barrasso. Senator Barrasso and Senator McConnell had a lengthy conversation early Tuesday afternoon. Their phone call lasted roughly 20 minutes. They caught up about the latest news impacting Senate races. Graham Plattner scanned in on it, saying that the Supreme Court's ruling on coordinated spending limits. He's never been sharper, added Jill Biden out of habit. Kentucky Congressman Thomas Massey, who lost his primary to a Trump-backed challenger, mocked these proof-of-life statements, posting, I spoke to McConnell for about 20 minutes this morning. He said we should end the war in Iran, quit giving aid to Israel, stop spying on Americans without a warrant, and he's really sorry about how my primary turned out. Hey, I never said any of that, said Mitch McConnell via television static to a terrified orphan no one believed. Here's the conspiracy theory. McConnell is being kept alive until August 3rd because if he dies before then, there would be a special election to fill the remainder of the term, and Massey could run, win, and annoy the fuck out of Trump and Senate Republicans till January. And Massey would have pretty big shoes to fill. And, like a toddler, McConnell is constantly leaving shoes behind. You're a Senate aide, you finally get to be a Senate aide, and you get a fussy Mitch McConnell into the car, you look down, one fucking shoe, and you're like, you're like, where's your shoe, buddy? And he doesn't know, so now you gotta go all the way back to the Rainforest Cafe and say, did you happen to find a Senator's shoe? On, they wanted me to cut that, I said, fuck you. I didn't say fuck you, I'm respectful. On Wednesday, Trump was asked by reporters on Air Force One whether he knew how McConnell was doing. I have no idea. I have no idea how he's doing. Though, to be fair, you could ask Trump that question about Don Jr., and you'd probably get the same answer. But this is life under gerontocracy. Mitch McConnell is 84, which is, for context, the age 78-year-old Maine Governor Janet Mills would be at the end of her term if she were elected to the Senate. She was the candidate, backed by 75-year-old Chuck Schumer, who fell behind oyster farmer and baritone maniac Graham Platner, backed by 84-year-old Bernie Sanders, in a contest to take on Republican Susan Collins, who would be 80 at the end of her next term if she wins. Boy, if I had a nickel for every Senator and candidate who is too old, I'd have enough nickels to buy a house when they all bought houses. As we've discussed, Mills dropped out, Platner won, and then Platner was accused of sexual assault. On Wednesday, Trump weighed in on the allegations against Platner. And it's really a question of whether or not you believe the woman. A lot of people say big fault. They say the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So naturally, Trump sided with Platner over his arch nemesis, a woman. Later on Wednesday, Platner finally suspended his campaign in a whiny and conspiratorial video that was over 11 minutes. The video was more than twice as long as it needed to be and barely acknowledged the woman's point of view. Did Christopher Nolan direct this thing? Let's take a look. But the brutal political reality is that they are going to take everything away from us. Those in power who have the ability to do so are using these allegations as an excuse to take away all of the things that we need to run a campaign. Good point, Graham. You are the victim here. But Platner hasn't withdrawn yet. According to Axios, Platner told his staff that he's planning to wait until Monday, the last possible moment to actually formally exit the race. And as a terminal procrastinator myself, I'm almost impressed. I once wrote a speech the day after President Obama gave it. It was that good. The main Democratic Party will have until July 27th to replace Platner on the ballot and is planning to have a hastily thrown together convention to choose a candidate. There will be speeches, debates, and hopefully a swimsuit competition. To check for tattoos, you horny perverts. Meanwhile, our gerontocracy is also causing some international problems. Here's President Trump at the NATO summit. In Turkey this week, during his meeting with Ukrainian President Vladimir Zelensky. We had 111 missiles shot by the Islamic Republic of Japan. As Japan's Ayatollah would say, ay caramba. And this seems like a harmless gaffe. But before Trump had a chance to correct himself, the U.S. and Israel bombed Japan. Really troubling to understand your rhythm. I feel like you're with me, you're with me death. During that same press conference, Trump couldn't remember the acronym for the Obama nuclear deal. And he called Zelensky President Putin, gesturing right at him before trying to cover up the mistake. Do you have a question for President Putin? Not Zelensky. What would you like to ask him? Because I'm going to ask him that question. Smooth. I don't think anybody noticed. Trump's visit took place as the ceasefire with Iran unraveled. Earlier in the week, Iran's military had renewed its attacks on ships in the Strait of Hormuz, and the U.S. launched new rounds of retaliatory strikes with Trump saying on True Social, this is retribution for yesterday's bombing of ships. If it happens again, it will get much worse. He did post that in Japanese, which was thoughtful. But not to worry, even with all of this going on, the President found time to take a little nap at the NATO summit. In three years, even before the pledged date. We have allocated an additional budget. Out like a light. More alarming, when he woke up, he said he had a great meeting with Mitch McConnell. And speaking of an international incident involving McConnell, one strange part of that saga. The senator was admitted to the hospital on June 14th. His wife, former Bush Labor Secretary and Trump Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao, met with Chinese officials in Beijing on June 17th. Her spokesperson put out a statement saying, and I quote, the senator's health did not warrant an immediate return to the U.S. Pretty cold. I'm just glad Mitch McConnell wasn't alive to see this. Chao must have been relieved that the paramedics found McConnell before she got back. It just sucks to go on a long trip and instead of coming home to a clean house when you just want to throw down your bags and go to sleep, you open the door and the floor is covered with Mitch McConnell's clothes. Whether it's Trump's military misadventures or Biden's foolish decision to run for another term or Dianne Feinstein losing her faculties before her eyes and dying in office in her 90s or McConnell clinging to power or ancient incumbents shocked to find out that disgruntled voters want someone, anyone knew, this is where gerontocracy leads. Say what you will about Iran, but at least they replaced their 86-year-old ruler with a much younger man after a gentle nudge from the U.S. and Israel. We killed him. Time wins in the end. You can either leave with dignity or cling to power until you become a punchline. For example, Mitch McConnell is so old, scientists have actually proven that apes evolved from him. And we'll all be different when we're old because unlike McConnell, we're going to live forever. All right. We've got a great show for you tonight. We'll be right back with Congressman Matt McConnell. Thanks, Will Frost. Hey, don't go anywhere. 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We have Representative Frost out in just a moment. But first, if you are a friend of the pod, thank you. And if you're not, consider this your midterm reminder. In addition to even more Pod Save America content, like the Only Friends episode, an Open Tabs newsletter, you get ads free, breaking news, and you're supporting independent media that you can trust. Plus, you'll get a discounted ticket to all-day CrookedCon and other perks. So please, please, please become a friend of the pod. Help us build a pro-democracy media company at crooked.com. And if you're not, slash friends. And if you're in the L.A. area, go to crooked.com slash events and come check out our new studio and amazing upcoming guests like Brooklyn Nine-Nine's Joe Latrullio, Wet Hot American summer director David Wayne, the hilarious Rachel Harris from The Hangover, and more. All right. Please welcome to the stage the only Florida man I want to read a headline about. It's Congressman Maxwell Frost. Hi. Thanks for being here. Good to see you, buddy. Good to be here. All right. Boy, it's nice to have you. Yeah, good to be here. Are you still the youngest member of Congress? I'm still the youngest member. Wow. As of now. As of now. I think it's going to change next year. Is it going to change? How many people, how many younger candidates do you think we could possibly see? So there's one guy in Iowa, too, who's like four months younger than me. But hopefully he loses because we want the Democrats. Okay, great. Yeah. Fuck that guy. And then, but there will be Milat Kiros from Colorado, who's like four months younger than me. And she will be the new youngest member. Wow. That's cool. Does that feel like sad for you at all? I mean, it sucks to lose a fundraising pitch, you know? One of the. Yeah. Yeah. I can say one of the. I guess I'll always be the first Gen Z or whatever. But it's good because if you're the youngest for a long time, that's really bad. Right. Because, you know, I like I am getting older. And that means there's no young people coming in. So it's actually really good. You turn 30 next year. I do. Are you ready? I'm ready. I heard 30 is younger than 29. Oh, that's wrong. Is that true? No. Oh, no. No, it's older for sure. Oh, okay. So you're in Congress. The Republican majority is so thin and the members are so discouraged and divided that Congress is now the members. Republicans are describing themselves as part of a zombie Congress. What is the vibe on Capitol Hill right now? Everybody's pissed off and nobody wants to be there. And the reason is because, I mean, you said it like this Congress isn't passing any legislation. Bill's being put forth on a lot of the committees. There's no hearing. So there's just like the job that we're supposed to do, which is passing bills isn't getting done. And so we get up there and it's usually censures or like just like petty stuff or like the Freedom Caucus holds up a vote and then like Trump brings him to the White House and gives him some new merch and then they come back and they vote the way he wants. And people are just asking, why are we here for not actually going to do anything? And it's pretty sad. And on even issues like Epstein, Republicans are afraid Democrats are going to issue subpoenas. So the hearing, they're not even having real committee meetings or like fake meetings, right? Yeah. So on the oversight committee, the way it works is during a committee hearing, we can put forth essentially a motion for a subpoena. We have enough Republicans who agree with us on this, on the committee that we could issue subpoenas to anyone we want. And so chair James Comer understands this. And so we haven't had a hearing in like four or five months. What we have is what they call round tables, which are not on the record. They're not videoed. They're not on the congressional record. And you can't make any kind of motion during this round table. So most of us have been skipping them because they're just like conversations. And I don't want to talk to you. Right. Yeah. No, I understand. But so you're they're not just like Comer doing Trump's bidding is refusing to have hearing official hearing meetings because the majority on that hearing, which would include some Republicans, would pass measures and subpoenas that would embarrass the Trump administration. Exactly. He is fully a part of the cover up from the White House to cover up the Epstein files and protect pedophiles. That sucks. Last month, Supreme Court ruled that the Department of Homeland Security could strip temporary protected status from hundreds of thousands of Haitian and Syrian immigrants. The news has moved on from the story. But you have a central Florida has a big Haitian population, for example. So what what what actually is happening now in the wake of the ruling? Well, the first thing is we knew this was coming. Right. So we weren't just like sitting around, waiting for the decision. And so Representative Ayanna Pressley at the beginning of the year put forth a bill to essentially extend TPS for a few years. And then her and I and a few other people put a discharge petition on the floor. And the way a discharge petition works is if you get at least 50 percent plus one of Congress to sign it, then it forces the vote. So we did this months ago. We got enough Republicans to sign it with us. We forced the vote and it passed the House of on immigration. So it's historic. But now we're waiting for the Senate to vote on it. We believe we might be able to pressure enough senators to do the right thing and vote to extend TPS, especially with the election coming up. But they won't even give it a vote. They won't even put it on the floor. And so we've been encouraging people to help us pressure the Senate to put it on the floor so we can actually have something done. This is going to be one of the best vehicles we have to protect Haitian Americans right now. So if Democrats were able to win the House in the fall, you'd have a majority that would run from moderates all the way to Democratic socialists. Do you think the best way to deal with internal division is to put Josh Gottheimer and Brad Lander into some kind of arena, some sort of fighting, get it out, some sort of, it could be boxing, it could be something more, some sort of trial by combat? Yeah, yeah. I mean, that might be entertaining. I don't know if it would help us. But, you know, I'll say that number one, this is what makes, our party different than the Republican Party. We're not the party of one guy. We're not the party of, you know, Trump. And so we are a coalition. And that's what it looks like to be in a coalition with people. There's gonna be people who disagree on different things on different sides. My hope is we can agree on some very basic things that I think will make a big difference. And for me, one of the most important things we need to do is have something we run on right in the midterms, win on it. And then the most important part, do it. And for me, it has to be big, bold, transformational ideas. Or I think, we might win the midterms, but it's not about gaining power once. It's about gaining power and keeping power. And that's one of the most important things that I think we can do. And my hope is that we'll do that as a Democratic caucus. There's a tension. So as you said, we're a big, big tent that runs the gamut, a lot of different points of view. And at the same time, you have Republicans and Republican media going and taking the most lefty person or whether they're a politician or just a random professor or something, grab it and try to tar moderate members from swing districts that are trying to sort of seem more centrist. That's their politics. And they get tagged with some of those lefty things or some of the worst statements from people that they disagree with. And so you have people like Josh Kahnemmer, who's just one person to pick out, but said, like, you know, we should disavow democratic socialism. And you have others who I think are even more behind the scenes are saying, hey, like, I have a tough race. And the people are making my job harder. So how do you think about that? Like, what is their responsibility to show that people to the left are welcome in the coalition? And then what is the responsibility of maybe members on the left to understand that even if it's unfair, they are going to be used to represent others, too? I think the first thing is people need to realize that this is going to happen no matter who's elected in other districts. And sometimes I refer to as the Florida problem. A lot of times we have candidates that run, statewide, who the Republicans will call them socialist, communist, whatever word you want to throw in there. They could be the most moderate person in the world. They're going to get called that no matter what. And then they would spend all their campaign money on ads that say, no, I'm not. I don't know about you, but no, I'm not is not a compelling message when you can't afford anything in your life. And so for me, what I hope a lot of our colleagues realize is stop trying to run for the Senate, because regardless of whether or not that person was elected, they would call you what they want to call you no matter what. Okay. And I think once you realize that, my hope is we can focus on what we're going to do for people and not spend time explaining to people on what we're not. Because I think that's part of the reason why we lost big, the last election. I agree that we should have basically a series of proposals that can run, that can unite the Democratic coalition, everybody running for Congress, everybody running for the Senate. That's our agenda. But in the best case scenario, we are passing bills that would go to Donald Trump to sign or vetoes. How do you think about that? I think the mission for Democrats is very simple. The next Congress, run on the bills, right, in HR 1 through 10 that are transformational, win on them, pass them in the first month, whatever it is, first two weeks, first month. I mean, I think about 6-4-6, right? When Democrats took the House after not having it for what? It was like over a decade. They came in, passed six big bills that would change people's lives, and not the first 100 days, in the first 100 hours. That's the kind of action I want to see. I want us to work very quickly on big bills, and then we hit Trump for a year and a half on the fact that he's not signing them into law. This will also help us shape the Democratic primary that's going to go on at the same time, because they'll be asked about the things that we passed, and if they think that should be part of our agenda. And so I think it's really about us taking power, within the party, but for me, that's the mission. Pass big bill transformational change, and then hit the road and tell the country that Donald Trump refuses to sign legislation that guarantees healthcare to all Americans, refuses to sign legislation that's going to bring down the cost of housing and ensure that housing is a human right. And that's what I think we should be doing over the next two years. So right now there's a housing bill. As of this moment, Trump has not yet vetoed it or signed it. Where are we? We're back. We're recording this on Thursday. What's happening? Okay. So the House and the Senate pass a bipartisan piece of legislation to help bring down the cost of housing. Is it perfect? No, it's not perfect. Will it bring down the cost of housing? Yes, it will. And we need any relief we can get. And it's like the first bipartisan thing Congress has done in the last year and a half. Speaker of the House sets up a whole beautiful stage in the Capitol. They're ready for Trump to come. They're on stage. They're talking about it, touting it. They're on stage. They're in the middle of the thing. He posts on Truth Social saying, I'm not signing it unless we pass the SAVE Act. So he just doesn't show up. So the SAVE Act is the bill that he wants to make it harder for people to vote. Exactly. Because he's worried about the votes in the midterm. Yeah. He doesn't want to sign the bill to make housing cheaper for you because he wants to make voting harder for you. And so he's refusing to sign it. The way this will work is the bill will actually be enacted anyways if he doesn't sign it. But it's a big deal that something like that happens without the president signing the bill, right? Yeah. And so that's where things are at right now. And it just shows, I mean, he literally does not care about anybody, working people, anything like that. The SAVE Act is not going to be passed. We're going to continue to fight against it. And that's where it's at. Now, we talked about the gerontocracy in the opening of the show. And there have been a lot of moments where older legislators reveal that they no longer know the world. They're describing the internet as a series of tubes. They're asking Mark Zuckerberg if computer viruses are still dangerous if you print your emails, that kind of thing. But let's see if you can recognize these. That's a good idea. Yeah. That's a good idea. These are people that print their emails. You work with a lot of people that print their emails. But let's see if you can recognize these very important historic technologies in a game we're calling Name That Name. They did a great job. That's great. Here's how it works. I'm going to show you an item that lives in my millennial bones, but that you may not know about because of your youth. You know, I am elder Gen Z. You are. You are. The oldest one can be. You're the oldest you can be. Yes. Yes. That's right. Because I think one year later would be kind of cusp. You're kind of right on the edge there. But see, I think if there are other Gen Z members, are you going to start a Gen Z caucus? Because once there's two of you, that's a caucus. It is. Two's a party. I think you should. Here we go. First up. Name that thing. Not. Don't. You're just. What kind of. Who the fuck. I'm sorry. What about. That was my staff. I'm sorry. What about this suggestion? Was that. No, it wasn't my staff. What about this thought? You were supposed to be the one to answer. You know, you're the only person who spoke. We've got a hundred people here and you're just answering the questions. Your mother and she does that. And you're not even Gen Z. You're just. This is the problem. This is what happened to our country. Do you understand? I bet you have a really nice house. You got for 80 grand in like 1990. Unbelievable. Sitting. Hey, I'm going to Costco getting the hot dogs. God damn it. It's a fax machine. You got it. Yeah. Next up, Congressman Frost. Name that thing. Hole puncher. You got it. That's a whole bunch. This one's going to be tricky. Name that thing. No, I remember seeing this on the commercials on Nickelodeon. It's the hop, skip or jump. So close. So close. It's you're in the ballpark. Do people, anyone here want to shout it out now? It's skip it. I got one word, right? It's skip it. It's not to be confused with this. A bop it. That's a bop it. I know bop it. Pull it. Smile. Pull it. Twist it. Bop it. Yeah, yeah. We got it. We got it. We got it. Hey, name that thing. Oh, Tamagotchi. Yes. Yes. I have one. You did? I did. Yeah. How'd you do? It died. Yeah. Yeah. Many times, but I had it. Name that thing. Oh, that's the, but it's a projector. Yeah. But there's another name. No, no, it's a projector. It's a projector. It's a certain kind. We'll Slide projector, overhead projector. Overhead projector, yes. That's how we knew it. Yeah. a lot of trouble with one of these in school once what'd you do huh what hey let's keep going let's no tell us my staff is doing this i think no i'm joking what did you do with an overhead no i mean i didn't do anything bad believe it or not when i was in elementary school i wasn't the most well-behaved kid really yeah what happened and so what did you do the thing was on and the teacher turned around and i and i like put a finger on it oh and like it was like one of it was the bad finger oh the bad finger classic yeah and so i got in trouble you got in trouble but everyone laughed and so i think it was worth it yeah yeah yeah did you get in trouble as a kid alone i did i did was it an attempt but you were like a were you like a got in trouble but the teachers loved you kind of a kid yeah yeah i wasn't like punching people you know what i mean i was like talking too much you know and now i talk too much for work that that max was a troublemaker yeah exactly saying that i see that yeah but they liked you but they liked me yeah were you popular um it depends when i would i would say people always knew who i was but at first it was because i was talking too much and then i got really involved in student government and banned and all that and then it became because of that were you like a one were you like a most likely to succeed did you win any superlatives in high school i did yeah i won most likely to be president wow yeah wow i know i'm ashamed no no i think you should be i think that's no i didn't win that one wow that was someone else i won wow already padding the bio i know i actually sounds like somebody that would run for president yeah i won most like best at academics which was crazy because i wasn't um i know that i was bad but i was like a good b student you know what i mean but you had but you had the energy of someone that was getting a's i guess so that's even better yeah yeah that's that's cool yeah because you know i don't have an undergraduate degree you don't and um and when i was running you know or after i won i was in on an interview and then someone asked about it i said yeah i actually don't have it and they said what why are we just finding about this for the first time and i said well no one ever asked like no one asked during the campaign i think it's because i taught good yeah you know everyone just assumed yeah you have college diploma energy i do yeah yeah yeah degree mills fuck them all right hey name that thing i know i know who it is who is it who is no don't you shut the fuck up who is this you nobody help him who is this it starts with an e nope it does it starts with an e no it doesn't but it might sound like it starts with any uh depends on maybe maybe maybe in florida with that maybe with that swamp accent of yours i missed that class um e uh-huh it's not e or it's not e or it's um i al al al alf alfie alfie it's alf alf okay alf i don't know about alf i know who he is i know this i know this guy i know this man this yeah you know him i know him we all know alf yeah i'm very familiar with alf i just don't i don't remember the name this might be right before me you know no for sure well i was because i'm 43 you were this was on when i was a very small child yeah so i was in here you weren't even here for alf yeah so you weren't even here for alf but i know him we all know him yeah we all know him yeah eats cats eats cats like pets no yeah he'll eat your cat that's one of his things and he and he likes human was that endearing or something um i think it's kind of one of those 80s things where it's like whoa he's gonna eat your cat oh okay yeah yeah okay all right and he has crushes on human women which doesn't really make sense what what network was this on uh one of the three okay okay one of the three women women women women women women women women women women those three that we had at the time back then all right walking up to the television change the channel yeah i i watch tv yeah any other final thoughts about alf or otherwise no thank you maxwell frost thank you thank you he'll be back for second thoughts and we'll be right back with langston kerman and margaret cho hey don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it coming up love it or leave it is brought to you by hymns if weight loss has felt like a losing battle this summer can be different skip the guesswork and try weight loss by hymns it's access an affordable range of fda approved glp1 medications including the we go v pill and the we go v pen plus the support to actually stick with it through hymns everything happens online you'll connect with a licensed provider who will determine if treatment is right for you if prescribed your medication is delivered right to your door no insurance necessary and it doesn't stop there hymns makes hitting your goal seamless by offering access to 24 7 messaging with your care team an in-app lifestyle and nutrition support like recipes meal plans fitness videos sleep content and more with the help of hymns the range of affordable glp1 options hymns makes it simple to find a weight loss approach that fits into your world and your wallet if eligible you'll get a treatment plan personalized to you and unlimited dosage changes as needed ready to reach your goals visit hymns.com slash love it to get a personalized affordable plan that gets you that's hyms.com slash love it hymns.com slash love it weight loss by hymns is not available in all 50 states we go v is the registered trademark of novo nordisk as to get started and learn more including important safety information we go v clinical study information and restrictions visit hymns.com and we're back please welcome to the stage is two of our favorite comedians and two returning champions it's langston kerman and margaret cho hi good to see you buddy good to see you hi good to see you thanks for being here come on in okay thank you yeah okay hi everybody hello hi fuck you yeah welcome back to you both thank you what's happening i'm excited that i got to meet maxwell frost yeah he's great he's great he's great can he be president now i don't actually think no no he's not old enough he's not old enough oh 35 right 35 he's got a couple years yeah you gotta have chest hair to have that job oh yeah yeah he's great show us okay that's a member of congress you show some respect they don't behave i'm not gonna be that's fair that's right that's right now margaret i wanted to ask you about this uh because you've talked about it a bit recently but you turned down a role in heated rivalry because you didn't want to go to canada yeah this is awful okay this is awful so i uh had an offer it was last year and they um sent me the pilot and i love litter kenny it was jacob tierney's other show and i loved the pilot and i really wanted to do it but this was like right when the ice first started disappearing people this was also like i mean it just was so scary this is the beginning of it and um when i was a little girl my father was deported and i had to go with him and i wasn't even two years old so i was to be separated from my mother i went with him to korea and i mean i don't have any memories of that time but i know that it was traumatic like i was separated from my mother for years and when we came back it was just hard to kind of connect with her again and kind of understand my family again and so i have like really deep-seated like ice trauma from my childhood so i thought i don't know if i want to and cross the border at this time because i spend all my days talking about how trump is a piece of shit that you know like all i do online is just talk about how much i hate this administration and i hate what's happening and so i just was really i was really scared and so i i turned it down i really regret it i should have just become canadian i should have just straight up defected to canada yeah or just like yeah yeah because i could have been i could have just been like the third wheel i could have just watched all of that gay sex happen in front of me people don't realize this but the original idea was that uh your character was meant to be in all of those sex scenes yeah being like what's going on i was just i missed out i missed out you were like uh-oh getting pretty gay in here it's all that stuff like all the time it was weird actually it's like honestly better that that was cut down so because less farcical more romantic i will say i am still waiting on my offer for heated rivalry and uh and i pray it comes i'd like to i'd like to point out the second season is called heated rivalry too i pray it comes yeah i love it go ahead fellas it's it's free now yeah it's perfect so perfect langston have you ever turned down a role you regret turning never once never once has an opportunity come my way and i said no thank you i mostly just say yes to it so yeah that's terrible it's terrible i usually say yes as well i usually say yes to everything that's why it was really hard to turn it down because i also loved the show as it was and then and then i just didn't think about it for a while because you know it's like okay i'm just going to put it out of my mind and now it's the biggest phenomenon it's great i'm happy for them i'm happy with them yeah you guys don't sound happy i said i said that weird i don't know why i'm happy for that well i love that you know it's we're erotic eroticizing hockey who would have thunk it like that to me is really amazing i didn't notice that there was hockey in it is there a lot of hockey in that there's a lot of hockey i saw the guys saw those scenes with the guys in it but they and they play hockey yeah they play hockey i would have i if you thousand bucks i would have said basketball I will say I haven't seen the show in part because of how much people sold the sex. They made it seem so primary that it almost felt like I was I was tuning into a porno. And in that way, I said, I have my own porno. I don't need. You're afraid it would make you gay. It may be too hot for you. That's it. Then you're gay. Rules are rules. Yeah. We have porn at home. You don't need to outsource. We don't have to go out. I got my regular shmegular used to it porn. Yeah. You don't get out of your comfort zone. I'm a coward. I always have been. So Langston, your podcast with David Borey, my mama told me you deep dive into conspiracy theories. What is a conspiracy theory that right now you 100% believe in? Oh, recently we were talking about the possibility that Elon Musk was the first person to get the Neuralink. And that's why he acts like that. Oh, that's interesting. He has tested him. He has tested himself. And now he fucking doesn't know what to do with his arms and shit because he does. His personality does have like a waymo quality. It's it's a real car that can't move because something's in the way. Yes. Right. He's been controlled from the Philippines. Absolutely. That's right. That's what's happening. Oh, Elon's stuck in the crosswalk again. Yeah. Those people are never getting those salads. Who downloaded Hitler on Elon? They shout that in the control room. I think they downloaded Hitler on Elon again. Margaret, any conspiracy theories you believe? I, uh, I, I'm really still stuck on. I do think I still think that Katy Perry is JonBenét Ramsey. Whoa. I, I'm hearing about this one for the first time. This was one. This was kind of popular, I think, maybe in the aughts. But this was early Katy Perry. Yeah, this is earlier Katy Perry. And it was never challenged. And they could never. And then I keep, I keep seeing it. So I think it, I don't know why. I think, but I also do think also that Ted Cruz is a Zodiac killer. The, the theory is that his dad was a Zodiac killer. Oh, okay. And he is the son of the Zodiac killer. Okay. And, and equally sucky. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's not smart enough to be the Zodiac killer. No, I think he's. No. Because he was like, the Zodiac killer like made up codes that nobody could crack. He's got real Nepo serial killers. Killer vibes. I agree. I'm a little bit stuck on the Katy Perry thing. I know. Because it's, it's, it's, it's really like involving. You're like, oh wait, maybe. That's, I'll be honest. I'm not feeling that because who benefits? Because usually with a conspiracy theory, it's like, you know, follow the money. Who's out there making, who's out there being like, ah, step one. And I'm sorry, I'm going to go back. What was step one? So she's not dead. She's not dead. And then time goes by and she's in some sort of secret training facility to become a pop star. I guess. Yeah. Why couldn't a girl, she likes it suddenly. But why? Right. She's kissing a girl. She's having California dreams. But why couldn't the person Katy Perry was be a pop star? You know what I'm saying? I know. It's weird. It's weird. I mean, why couldn't JonBenet Ramsey be a pop star? It's a really fun conspiracy because it's completely hinged on them doing side by side pictures of JonBenet and Katy Perry. I see. And they do look. A lot of like in the way that adults and children can sometimes look alike. Right. But not in a way that makes it proof of anything. It's fun. It is fun. Because it is like an age progression photograph. Like it's just, you just kind of think, well, why? And why would they do? Nobody benefits. I see. Nobody benefits. Here's my conspiracy theory that I've recently come to at least be open to, which is, and I had no idea that this was something that's really been out there. And it is, which is that, that Sirhan Sirhan didn't actually kill RFK. That he may have fired, but it was actually potentially friendly fire that killed RFK. Because Ben Heathcote, who is a video producer at, at Crooked, he made a documentary about Thomas Noguchi, the coroner of Los Angeles, who believed that RFK was shot from behind and Sirhan Sirhan was in front. And apparently RFK Jr. has come to believe this as well. And I realized, oh, I don't believe things that RFK Jr. said. I don't believe things that RFK Jr. said. said. says. You know what I mean? But this might be a broken clock brain worm situation. Right. That's true. You know? The brain worm is correct twice a day. So that's as the saying goes. That's where the saying comes from. That's right. And that is what RFK says at night. Hey, Langston. Yeah. So wait, you're in a new pilot for NBC. Yeah. Yeah. With Keith David and Jake Johnson. Yeah. We got picked up and we're going to shoot this fall and it'll release in, in, in the sometime next year. I don't know. I'm not in charge, but yeah. Thanks. Yeah. It's pretty cool. And you're solving mysteries. I am. I play a private detective amongst a group of private detectives. And, and I would say I'm the worst at it of, of the collection, which is good. I like that. But over time, you'll probably get better at it on the show. I doubt it. I actually think from the energy I'm getting, they're going to keep me stupid the whole time. That seems to be the vibe. Because sometimes in shows. They'll start them out and they'll, they'll, um, there'll be a character and they won't be good at the job. And then somebody at the network will give them the notes being like, make them better at the job. And so in the first season, they're like, don't know what they're doing. But the time you get to the third season, they can like see the matrix. Yeah. This is from, and they're, they're brilliant guys, Dan Gore and Luke Dell strategy who wrote Brooklyn nine, nine and made all that stuff. And I think they do a good job of not, um, changing a thing about those characters. They just keep them fun and stupid the whole time. Oh, that's exciting. Yeah. Yeah. I like great. See, I don't turn anything down. That's wonderful. I'm lucky for us, for fans who can watch you. Yeah. That's great. Thanks. That's great. Yeah. We'll be right back. Love it or leave it is brought to you by built. Here's a question. Are you getting rewarded for paying your rent or mortgage right now? Did you even know that that was an option? If the answer is no, you need to check out built. Becoming a built member means earning points on every housing payment, no matter where you live. Built points can be redeemed. Redeem for flights, hotels, Lyft rides, Amazon.com purchases, future housing payments, and more. You can use the points at fitness classes and restaurants, but there are dozens of ways to redeem. As an added benefit, built gives every member access to its AI-powered neighborhood concierge in the built app. It doesn't just give you information about your home and neighborhood. It executes. It's connected to your home and over 50,000 merchant partners, so you can ask it to pay your rent, make a dinner reservation, book a fitness class, schedule a lift, and more, all while automatically applying your member benefits along the way. First, download the built app. Second, link any credit or debit card to the app. So purchases at your local store. Spots become even more rewarding. And third, ask the neighborhood concierge in the app, pretty much anything. And for the homeowners out there, built works for mortgages too. Your housing payment is one of your biggest monthly expenses. So why wouldn't you want to earn points on it? Download the built app and join the membership for where you live at joinbuilt.com slash love it. That's J O I N B I L T.com slash love it. Use our link. So they know we sent you. And we're back. And I missed this before we went to break, but everybody should go to margaretcho.com slash tour for tickets because you're on tour. I'm on tour. That's right. And you should listen to my mama told me wherever you get your podcast. It's such a great show. Thanks. Yeah, I really. You don't have to clap. It's poison. I'm spreading poison. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. It's good. It's good. Poison's nice. This is good. It's good. It goes down smooth. So now every week we see a million news stories that have us thinking, boy, I'm glad I'm not that guy. Yeah. Tonight, Margaret Langston, you'll be that guy in a segment we're calling News Your Own Adventure. Here's how it works. I'm going to give you both two news stories and you're deciding which one you'd rather be inside of. All right. Are you ready? Yeah. First up, would you rather live right next door to that Manhattan? The Manhattan building that's about to collapse or travel to every state that has reported cases of that explosive diarrhea disease and wash your hands in the airport bathrooms? Well, Margaret, please. I have a I'm kind of I'm kind of I kind of want to be around the diarrhea because I am on a GLP one and shits are hard to come by. I don't don't have them anymore. And so I look at diarrhea. Oh. Oh, you know, the grass is always greener. The diarrhea is always runnier. Yeah. No, for sure. For sure. Like, you know, they paved paradise and put up a constipated person. Yeah. You know, in a sense. It's interesting. It's as if constipation is like the picture of Dorian Gray in the attic. You know, you get to be so thin. But do you have a deep, dark secret, which is that there's poo going all the way up to your neck? It's all poo. And then your body's just like wrapping around it. You're you know, and it's it's very frustrating when you can't shit. And so diarrhea seems. It seems like this far off thing that it's just out of your grasp. And so I think it's cool. I think you should go to the hospital where all these people have had diarrhea for three weeks because of this parasite are. And you should just be like, you people don't know how good you have it. Grow up. Yeah, I, too, would take the diarrhea. I have three children at home and and I could use a break. Yeah, I like that. I like that. They're trying. I think they have temporary supports now to keep this. holding stable, according to Mayor Zoran Rondani. on a roll you know is this building next to anything important or is it just manhattan therefore we we're worried yeah it's that it's i mean everything it's manhattan everything's important everything's important it's a very important place full of important people doing important things not important enough to have maintained it but important enough to worry about the people around it yeah you hate when your building has those beams like that you hate to see that you hate to see beams like that one construction worker apparently told the press the i-beams are bending like cigarettes in there oh no that's bad yeah next up would you rather be required to wear kylie jenner's new line of meta glasses at all times or would you rather let instagram use your profile photo to make ai deep fakes oh okay kylie is uh this new eyewear uh so that you can uh uh use ai via your sunglasses and the ai will speak to you it kylie jenner's voice oh hey meta what's the weather like right now in new york city checking the weather in new york city right now it's around 68 degrees in new york city right now thanks she's in front of an open window it would be so funny if those just exploded on her face now the other part of this is instagram on tuesday meta rolled out a new ai model named amuse image that people can use to create deep fakes from celebrity photos and even photos of just people with public accounts you have to actively shut this off which you can do under settings in under settings sharing and reuse that's just a genuine people should go into instagram and go under settings sharing and reuse and you'll see that there's an option you can toggle off to not allow their ai to troll your face to make other things with it so that's just something you can do if you'd like this is an an honest question i have is is while i desperately want ai in in all of these apps to not be able to use my likeness isn't so much of our likeness already uh across the interwebs that we don't really get to consent anymore so yes but the if what has happened is a lot of these models before we were paying attention went across the internet and grabbed everything and used it to train the models that's a big problem they've already used intellectual property in ways to to kind of replace the kind of work artists would do that a lot of people do i think that's in writing and a lot of things that's a big problem however if they can't continue to do that right then those models will be trapped in a moment you're saying if we step up now we can make ai look like happy feet yes sure yes like happy feet yeah yeah and like ai a little bad but we get technology existed here for sure yeah something like that over time and then also it's like oh wow ai certainly didn't replace all the jobs all their slang was from 2013 sure you know yeah ai keeps calling me fam yeah you don't have to worry hey come on dude someone that's calling you fam all the time that's not gonna replace all the jobs that's not a good guy i'm not trusting but this is all just so that people can make porn the whole thing about ai ai is just for porn that's why they want it that's why anybody wants it so they can make porn and then meta glasses like this thing is so insidious because men have been using their meta glasses to like surveil women and take like unsolicited photos of women and videos women and now they're marketing this to women and you know they gave a bunch of meta glasses kylie reached out to all these female influencers and gave them and they all made videos on social media using them so like men can men can now have a taste of their own medicine by being surveilled so it's just like i don't know it's just a big porn generator damn i think putting the i think cameras everywhere is probably gonna have been a mistake yeah agreed yeah next up but you have to choose now would you rather wear the glasses or let meta use your photos for deep fakes for well no or just use their photos for their image stuff i'm never gonna have the courage to to make my own porno so i think let ai have it if that's the case i'm gonna let meta have it and let them put me in some cool pornos and see get in there see how i do that's oh that's correct i was gonna choose the glasses yeah i want to wear the glasses i would just wear the glasses and not photograph anything yeah because here's the thing i know that these things are all very bad but wouldn't it be kind of nice sometimes to have the glasses where you'd say like someone would come up and say so good to see you again and then the little glasses would be like this is derrick you met him three weeks ago at this party but you were drunk you know what i mean oh yeah that's true that is cool i'd like it even more if kylie jenner whispers it in my ear this is derrick she's a little loud he can hear it now we got a conversation yeah now it's embarrassing all right last one would you rather manage to renew your passport last minute right before a really important work trip but you have to get the passport or you have to be the head of nato and pretend you like donald trump in order to try and salvage the most important alliance on earth here we have a moment of what it is like to be mark ruta secretary general of nato you've been credited as sort of being the trump whisperer on behalf of this alliance you're shaking your head the point is this i just liked him man mark you sit next to don trump in moments where he talks about conquering greenland talks about lashing out at allies like spain starting trade wars thinks that it doesn't seem like the the old mark ruta would approve of does this have any effect on your self-respect when you sit next to him like that and say nothing got him can you imagine hey mark uh you're getting fucking bullied by donald trump in front of the whole world it's embarrassing can you look your wife in the eyes that's a question from a very handsome journalist yeah he's a big guy a big handsome guy asking that question that might make adds insult to injury in a sense so embarrassing it's so embarrassing god i would i if i would choose i would have to choose the trump passport because it's going to be uh it's going to be great to have to remember when he's dead oh good here's what i was thinking so my partner is trans and that may create some weather if we go to the airport maybe it's a good idea to have the trump 250 passport you get a jerk of an agent there but it's like they're kind of like wait what's going on they got the trump passport but it's not the gender i want it to be i'm confused you know what i'm saying it'll be helpful this is a force thing that's a yeah this is like get out of jail this is like those people that put like i donate to police on the back of their car because they think they can speed without repercussion also also he looks awesome it's a good picture of it it's a good picture it's a good picture it's a screen grab from the apprentice you never need to stand with your fists on a desk like that that's actually a deeply uncomfortable way to say it is if you're shitting yourself yeah that's a normal stance now you're really now you're making margaret feel even worse she has to hate this guy and he's pooping when he wants you're jealous you're jealous that's right you're right you're totally right we'll be right back and we're back yay for our last segment please welcome back to the stage it's congressman maxwell frost okay come on back over here welcome back all right welcome to second thoughts here's how it works our producers have been watching this show carefully and they've written down a list of things that they believe i should regret for mistakes i made along the way and so we'll have a chance to express our second thoughts if you have any second thoughts about this evening i would love to hear them also we are introducing something for the first time which is called a kudos and that is where the producers have decided and this is rare that i've done something worthy of praise in the show which has earned me one m&m and we'll find out what that is i genuinely is where it was the first time it's ever happened it's like a paul hollywood handshake uh let's see my first regret the audience laughed at a joke i told and i responded with shame on you uh i read thomas massey's tweet and his tweet got a bigger laugh than any joke i told about it that's a bummer means you have to have him on now you gotta have him on thomas massey come on come join us here we want to talk for 20 minutes talk to 20 minutes yeah so a lot of these people it's so funny like oh you talked to mitch mcconnell uh-huh and then so that's the ghost of christmas present yeah scott jennings who's going to visit you about your past and then who's going to visit you about the future and you'll apologize for everything you've done i also attacked that woman who said fax machine i love that woman we like yeah we like great we're fans we're fans and it says here that i kept talking about alf to maxwell frost i really didn't let alf go do you have any regrets about your time here alf sounds bad he he eats cats i mean do people still like him he never actually successfully ate any cats as far as i remember he was mostly threatening to eat cats oh yeah he was hungry for cat a lot and then could never quite get his hands oh yeah so he never ate you said he ate cats well i it's his prefer you're right maybe that was misleading i think there's implied in the show that cats cats need to worry and cats may disappear okay yeah but no named cat has ever altered you know know of they didn't follow him his whole life that we knew of they're eating the cats they're eating the dogs the family the family never came home to a massacre yeah on a very special he might just be cleanly yeah yeah that's right that's the name alien life form i don't think so yeah i think that's right i think that's right the name of the show yeah well that that was his that's the acronym for his name self alien life form that's the government so he's an alien he's on the run yes he's an alien yeah what did you think alf was i thought he was just like they found him in a cave or something so yeah right oh just creature you thought it could be like a creature creature area creature than alien yeah you're right you're absolutely right you're at because there's different rules that you're totally right okay you're absolutely right all right beautifully said beautifully said thank you thank you uh let's see one regret i have for langston margaret i tried to bring dorian gray into constipation i thought it was apt i don't know i thought that was apt because it is like my my colon is like in a in a like stuck state that i'm watching it is the it is the portrait of you that is the your colon being constipated is the equivalent of a portrait of you in the attic where you're very fat yeah and then it's just that it's that right you you gotta get so i started because i'm fiber maxing right now okay yeah so i'm eating tons of fiber that's cool and i got this little like baby food salad patch pouch yeah and so i have one like every morning it has half your fiber for the day oh excellent okay yeah and i and i drink it it doesn't it kind of tastes like shit but it helps you shit oh good yeah it helps you poop that's cool and it helps with your fiber and yeah because to get your fiber for the day you'd have to have like a ton of vegetables like it's a crazy amount whenever you see the pouch is good i actually i want to take it up with the scientists because they're like this is the amount of fiber you need per day and not enough people are getting it and then you see what it takes to get you're like well i've eaten a whole head of lettuce how much is that one fuck like where are these people that are eating all the amount of like to get like when you think about calories and cookies you're like oh my god i ate one cookie and it's so many calories then you see the fiber you're required to get to it's like what what do i say i eat a whole fuck what the fuck yeah yeah yeah so you gotta have the gummies i will say i don't i the the scientists i trust the least are food scientists totally because of their history with the food pyramid alone yes i go these are not trustworthy individuals they told me milk was very important bread was like the base for the whole thing six to ten servings of bread for day that's what they said that's what these scientists said and then yeah they're like six to ten servings of bread per day uh if you'd like have an apple treat yourself at the top but certainly eat all that bread my kudos from the team is uh heated rivalries too colon i pray he comes that was good so i get one m&m appreciate that any final thoughts or regrets about tonight episode anything you wish you had done differently well you talked about the trump passport but you didn't talk about his post about it oh yeah tell us yeah because he made a post saying that the passport will say welcome but be good which shows like the passport is for the fucking americans going other places welcome to what like welcome to what does he think the passport's for people coming here right you only never you only need your passport to come home because you left yeah but he obviously thinks that it's for other people coming here because he said it says welcome but be good right well so he's a he's you know stupid he's so stupid he's so just plain stupid yes i think i think sometimes the challenge of politics in this era is there's a simple truths become boring and so you have to find interesting and intricate ways to describe something quite simple which is at some point oh he's just stupid and bad yeah yeah and that's our show thank you so much to representative maxwell frost to langston kerman to margaret cho there are 116 days until the midterms we will be back next week have a great weekend love it or leave it is a cricket media production our show is produced by kendra james phil mcgrath kelsey gante and me john love it our production team includes hallie keeper sarah lazarus raman borsellino peter miller david tolls claudia shang j banks gavin purcell and matt degrowth and our staff is proudly unionized with the writers guild of america east you