Schrödinger's Mitch McConnell

[MUSIC] Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live from Hollywood. I'm John Love It. I've been to Maine twice. No tattoos. [LAUGHTER] We've got a great show for you tonight. But first, let's get into it. What a week. [APPLAUSE] So what do Americans and former Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell have in common? Well, we've both been going downhill since Trump got elected. And it's not totally clear if we're going to make it to the end of his term. [LAUGHTER] Just to catch you up, Mitch McConnell fell in 2019 and had surgery for fractured shoulder. Then he was hospitalized for a concussion in 2023 after a tumble out of Washington Hotel. And after several weeks in recovery, he fell again at Reagan National Airport. He's like one of those famous DC cherry blossoms. So beautiful. And before you know it, on the ground. [LAUGHTER] He froze mid-sentence during multiple press conferences, staring vacantly from the podium for between 20 and 30 seconds, until rescued by AIDS and colleagues. He fell again after a meeting with GOP Senators in December of 2024 and fell down the stairs again in February of 2025. In that case, the ref gave the stairs a red card, which was totally bullshit. [LAUGHTER] Anyway, shout out to the sleeper left-wing agent on McConnell's staff who keeps gasping this guy up for stairs. Should we take the elevator? Uh, if you're a pussy, you've got this, Mitch. [LAUGHTER] Then in February of this year, McConnell was admitted to the hospital for a week because of flu-like symptoms. And then on June 14th, he was admitted to the hospital yet again with zero explanation from his office other than to say he was receiving excellent care. And the man has not been seen publicly since then, which means there's really only two possibilities. He's either on the brink of death or he's about to release one hell of an album. [LAUGHTER] Last week, several news outlets reported that on June 14th, according to emergency dispatch audio, EMTs had been called to McConnell's home to form CPR on an unconscious person in cardiac arrest. But before we jumped to any conclusions, that could have been about any unconscious person having a heart attack at Mitch McConnell's home. Perhaps a startled neighbor who stumbled upon a dead Mitch McConnell. [LAUGHTER] His office, shame on you. His office has released several statements since then, insisting that the senator is improving and working closely with staff. But we've heard absolutely nothing from the man himself. Said one member of McConnell's staff, Mitch is as vibrant as ever. Have you seen Weekend at Bernays? He's like the two fun alive guys in that movie. [LAUGHTER] In a letter, Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear formally requested that McConnell fully update Kentucky ins regarding the current status of his health. Oh, get right on it. Responded a semi-transparent and glowing McConnell floating above Beshear's bed in the middle of the night. And then, once the public began questioning whether McConnell was still alive, a number of prominent Republicans released ugly similar statements on the same day claiming to have spoken with him on the phone about similar topics, topics like the economy, the war in Iran, what it's like meeting Genghis Khan, and how heaven is insanely hot and scary. [LAUGHTER] Commentator Scott. Heaven is like terrifying. It's so hot. I hate it here in Heaven. It's so mean and hot. Commentator Scott Jennings said, and I quote, "I spoke to my old friend Mitch McConnell this morning. We talked for just shy of 20 minutes about Iran, Ukraine, the unfolding situation in Maine, my visit to the TR presidential library and even a little bit of Senate history. Sadly, once Jennings got into the details of his visit to the museum, McConnell killed himself." Senate Majority Leader John Thun put out a similar statement as did Senator John Barrasso. Senator Barrasso and Senator McConnell had a lengthy conversation early Tuesday afternoon. Their phone call lasted roughly 20 minutes. They caught up about the latest news impacting Senate races, Grand Platinum scandal, and the recent Supreme Court ruling on coordinated spending limits. He's never been sharper at a Jill Biden out of habit. [LAUGHTER] Kentucky Congressman Thomas Massey, who lost his primary to a Trump back challenger, mocked these proof-of-life statements, posting, "I spoke to McConnell for about 20 minutes this morning." He said, "We should end the war in Iran. Quit giving aid to Israel. Stop spying on Americans without a warrant." And he's really sorry about how my primary turned out. [LAUGHTER] "Hey, I never said any of that," said Mitch McConnell via television static to a terrified orphan no one believed. [LAUGHTER] Here's the conspiracy theory. McConnell is being kept alive until August 3rd, because if he dies before then, there would be a special election to fill the remainder of the term, and Massey could run, win, and annoy the fuck out of Trump and Senate Republicans till January. And Massey would have pretty big shoes to fill. And, like a toddler, McConnell is constantly leaving shoes behind. You're a Senate aide. You finally get a fussy Mitch McConnell into the car. You look down one fucking shoe. And you're like, "Where's your shoe, buddy?" And he doesn't know. So now you got to go all the way back to the Rainforest Cafe and say, "Did you happen to find a Senator's shoe?" [LAUGHTER] On what they wanted me to cut that, I said, "Fuck you." [LAUGHTER] I didn't say, "Fuck, you're respectful." [LAUGHTER] On Wednesday, Trump was asked by reporters on Air Force One whether he knew how McConnell was doing. I have no idea. I have no idea. I have no idea. I have no idea how he said it. Though to be fair, you could ask Trump that question about Don Jr., and you'd probably get the same answer. [LAUGHTER] But this is life under Jaron Tancresy. Mitch McConnell is 84, which is, for context, the age 78-year-old main governor Janet Mills would be at the end of her term if she were elected to the Senate. She was the candidate backed by 75-year-old Chuck Schumer, who fell behind oyster farmer and baritone maniac, Graham Platner, backed by 84-year-old Bernie Sanders, in a contest to take on Republicans, Susan Collins, who would be 80 at the end of her next term if she wins. Boy, if I had a nickel for every Senator in candidate who is too old, I'd have enough nickels to buy a house when they all bought houses. [LAUGHTER] As we've discussed, Mills dropped out, Platner won, and then Platner was accused of sexual assault. On Wednesday, Trump weighed in on the allegations against Platner. I'm sure you've questioned whether or not you believe the woman. A lot of people say big falsehoods. They say the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so naturally, Trump sided with Platner over his arch nemesis, a woman. [LAUGHTER] Later, on Wednesday, Platner finally suspended his campaign in a whiny and conspiratorial video that was over 11 minutes. The video was more than twice as long as it needed to be and barely acknowledged the woman's point of view. Did Christopher no indirect this thing? [LAUGHTER] Let's take a look. But the brutal political reality is that they are going to take everything away from us. Those in power who have the ability to do so are using these allegations as an excuse to take away all of the things that we need to run a campaign. Good point, Graham. You are the victim here. But Platner hasn't withdrawn yet. According to Axio's, Platner told his staff that he's planning to wait until Monday, the last possible moment to actually formally exit the race. And as a terminal procrastinator myself, I'm almost impressed. I once wrote a speech the day after President Obama gave it. [LAUGHTER] Is that good? The main Democratic Party will have until July 27th to replace Platner on the ballot and is planning to have a hastily thrown together convention to choose a candidate. There will be speeches, debates, and hopefully a swimsuit competition. To check for tattoos, Yehorni perverts. [LAUGHTER] Meanwhile, our gerontocracy is also causing some international problems. Here's President Trump at the NATO summit in Turkey this week during his meeting with Ukrainian President Vladimir Zelensky. We had 111 missile shots by the Islamic Republic of Japan. As Japan's Ayatola would say, "I Caramba!" [LAUGHTER] And this seems like a harmless gaff, but before Trump had a chance to correct himself, the US and Israel bombed Japan. [LAUGHTER] I'm really a troubling to understand your rhythm. [LAUGHTER] I feel like you're with me, you're with me, yes. During that same press conference, Trump couldn't remember the acronym for the Obama nuclear deal, and he called Zelensky President Putin, gesturing right at him before trying to cover up the mistake. You have a question for President Putin? [LAUGHTER] What would you like to ask him? Because I'm going to ask him that question. Smooth. I don't think anybody noticed. Trump's visit took place as the ceasefire with Iran unravelled. Earlier in the week, Iran's military had renewed its attacks on ships in the state of Hormuz, and the US launched new rounds of retaliatory strikes with Trump saying on true social, "This is retribution for yesterday's bombing of ships. If it happens again, it will get much worse." He did post that in Japanese, which was thoughtful. [LAUGHTER] But not to worry, even with all of this going on, the President found time to take a little nap at the NATO summit. Three years, even before Trump, for the pledged date. We have allocated an additional budget. Out like a light. More alarming when he woke up, he said he had a great meeting with Mitch McConnell. (audience laughing) And speaking of an international incident involving McConnell, one strange part of that saga. The senator was admitted to the hospital on June 14th. His wife, former Bush Labor Secretary and Trump Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao, met with Chinese officials in Beijing on June 70th. Her spokesperson put out a statement saying, "The senator's health did not warrant "an immediate return to the U.S. Pretty cold." I'm just glad Mitch McConnell wasn't alive to see this. (audience laughing) Chao must have been relieved that the paramedics found McConnell before she got back. It just sucks to go on a long trip and instead of coming home to a clean house when you just wanna throw down your bags and go to sleep, you open the door and the floor is covered with Mitch McConnell. (audience laughing) Whether it's Trump's military misadventures or Biden's foolish decision to run for another term or Diane Feinstein losing her faculties before her eyes and dying in office in her 90s or McConnell, clinging to power or ancient incumbents shock to find out that disgruntled voters want someone. Anyone new? This is where gerontocracy leads. Say what you will about Iran, but at least they replaced their 86 year old ruler with a much younger man. After a gentle nudge from the U.S. and Israel. (audience laughing) We kill them. (audience laughing) Time wins in the end. You can either leave with dignity or cling to power until you become a punchline. For example, Mitch McConnell was so old. - How old is he? - Scientists have actually proven that apes evolved from him. (audience laughing) And will all be different when we're old because unlike McConnell, we're gonna live forever. All right, we've got a great show for you tonight. 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[APPLAUSE] We will have representative frost out in just a moment. But first, if you are a friend of the pond, thank you. And if you're not consider this your midterm reminder, in addition to even more Ponce of America content, like the Only Friends episode and OpenTab's newsletter, you get ads free breaking news and you're supporting independent media that you can trust. Plus, you'll get a discounted ticket to all day, CrookedCon and other perks. So please, please, please, become a friend of the pond. Help us build a pro-democracy media company at Crooked.com/France. And if you're in the LA area, go to Crooked.com/Events and come check out our new studio and amazing upcoming guests like Brooklyn Nine Nines, Joe Lutulio, Wet Hot American, Summer Director David Wain, the hilarious Rachel Harris from The Hangover and More. All right, please welcome to the stage, the only Florida man I want to read headline about. It's Congressman Maxwell Frost. [ Cheers and applause ] -Hi. -Thanks for being here. Good to see you, buddy. -Good to see you. -Good to see you here. -All right. Boy, it's nice to have you. -Yeah, good to see you here. -Are you still the youngest member of Congress? -I'm still the youngest member. -Wow. -As of now. -As of now. -I think it's going to change next year. -Is there going to change, are there? How many younger candidates do you think we could possibly see? -There's one guy in Iowa 2, who's like four months younger than me. -Bowfully he loses because we want the Democrats. -Okay, great. Yeah, fuck that guy. -And then, but there will be Malat Kiro's from Colorado, who's like four months younger than me, and she will be the new youngest member. -Wow. That's cool. Does that feel like sad for you at all? -I mean, it sucks to lose a fun-raising pitch, you know? -One of them. -Yeah, yeah, I can say one of them. I guess I'll always be the first Gen Z or whatever. But it's good because if you're the youngest for a long time, that's really bad. -Right. -Because, you know, I am getting older. And that means there's no young people coming in, so it's actually really good. -You turn 30 next year. -I do? -Are you ready? -I'm ready. -I heard 30 is younger than 29. -Oh, that's true. -Is that true? -No. -Oh, no? -No, it's elder for sure. -Oh, okay. -So, you're in Congress. The Republican majority is so thin, and the members are so discouraged and divided that Congress is now the members of Republicans are describing themselves as part of a zombie Congress. What is the vibe on Capitol Hill right now? Everybody's pissed off, and nobody wants to be there. And the reason is because, I mean, you said it, like this Congress isn't passing any legislation. There's no bills being put forth on a lot of the committees, there's no hearing. So, there's just like the job that we're supposed to do, which is passing bills isn't getting done. And so, we get up there, and it's usually sensors or, like, just, like, petty stuff. Or, like, the Freedom Caucus holds up a vote, and then, like, Trump brings them to the White House and gives them some new merch, and then they come back, and they vote the way he wants. And people are just asking, "Why are we here for not actually going to do anything?" And it's pretty sad. And on, even if she's, like, Epstein, Republicans are afraid that Democrats are going to issue subpoenas. So, the hearing, they're not even having real committee meetings, they're having, like, fake meetings, right? Yeah, so, on the oversight committee, the way it works is, during a committee hearing, we can put forth essentially a motion for subpoena. We have enough Republicans who agree with us on this, on the committee, that we could issue subpoenas to anyone we want. And so, Chair James Comer understands this, and so, we haven't had a hearing in, like, four or five months. What we have is what they call round tables, which are not on the record, they're not videoed, they're not on the congressional record, and you can't make any kind of motion during this round table. So, most of us have been skipping them, because they're just, like, conversations, and I don't want to talk to you. Right, that, yeah, I understand. But so, you're not, just, like, Comer, doing Trump's bidding, is refusing to have hearing, official hearing meetings, because the majority on that hearing, which would include some Republicans, would pass measures and subpoenas that would embarrass the Trump administration. Exactly. He is fully a part of the cover-up, from the White House, to cover-up the Epstein files and protect pedophiles. That sucks. Last month's Supreme Court ruled that the Department of Homeland Security could strip temporary protected status from hundreds of thousands of Haitian and Syrian immigrants. The news has moved on from the story, but Central Florida has a big Haitian population, for example. So, what actually is happening now in the wake of the ruling? Well, the first thing is, we knew this was coming, right? So, we weren't just, like, sitting around waiting for the decision. And so, Representative Ayanna Presley, at the beginning of the year, put forth a bill to essentially extend TPS for a few years, and then her and I, and a few other people, put a discharge petition on the floor. And the way a discharge petition works is if you get at least 50% plus one of Congress to sign it, then it forces the vote. So, we did this months ago. We got enough Republicans to sign it with us. We forced the vote, and it passed the House of Representatives. One of the first discharge petitions that passed, and especially on immigration. So, it was historic, but now we're waiting for for the senate to to vote on it. We believe we might be able to pressure enough senators to do the right thing and vote to extend TPS, especially with the election coming up, but they won't even give it a vote. They won't even put it on the floor. And so we've been encouraging people to help us pressure the senate to put it on the floor so we can actually have something done. This is going to be one of the best vehicles we have to protect Haitian Americans right now. So if Democrats were able to win the House in the fall, you'd have a majority that would run from moderates all the way to democratic socialists, do you think the best way to deal with internal division is to put Josh Gottheimer and Brad Landr into some kind of arena, some sort of fighting, get it, some sort of it could be boxing, it could be something more, some sort of some sort of trial by combat. I mean that might be entertaining. I don't know if it would help us, but you know, I'll say that number one, this is what makes our party different than a Republican party. We're not the party of one guy. We're not the party of, you know, Trump. And so we are a coalition. And that's what it looks like to be in a coalition with people. There's going to be people who disagree on different things on different sides. My hope is we can agree on some very basic things that I think will make a big difference. And for me, one of the most important things we need to do is have something we run on right in the mid terms, win on it. And then the most important part, do it. And for me, it has to be big, bold, transformational ideas, or I think we might win the mid terms, but it's not about gaining power once. It's about gaining power and keeping power. And that's one of the most important things that I think we can do. And my hope is that we'll do that as a Democratic caucus. There is a, there is attention. So as you say, we're a big, big tent that can has that runs the gamut, a lot of different points of view. And at the same time, you have Republicans and Republican media going and taking the most lefty person, whether they're a politician or just a random professor or something, grab it and try to tar moderate members from swing districts that are trying to sort of see more centrist. That's their politics. And they get tagged with some of those lefty things or some of the worst statements from people that they disagree with. And so you have people like Josh Connemers, just one person to pick out, but we should disavow Democratic socialism. And you have others who I think even more behind, it's interesting, hey, like I have a tough race and these people are making my job harder. So how do you think about that? Like what is their responsibility to show that people to the left are welcome in the coalition? And then what is the responsibility of maybe members on the left to understand that even if it's unfair, they are going to be used to represent others too? I think the first thing is people need to realize that this is going to happen no matter who's elected in other districts. And sometimes I refer to as the Florida problem. A lot of times we have candidates that run statewide who the Republicans will call them socialists, communists, whatever word you want to throw in there. They could be the most moderate person in the world. They're going to get called that no matter what. And then they would spend other campaign money on ads that say, no, I'm not. I don't know about you, but no, I'm not. It's not a compelling message when you can't afford anything in your life. And so for me, what I hope a lot of our colleagues realize is stop trying to punch people within our coalition to try to gain points. Because regardless of whether or not that person was elected, they would call you what they want to call you no matter what. Okay. And I think once you realize that my hope is we can focus on what we're going to do for people and not spend time explaining to people on what we're not. Because I think that's part of the reason why we lost big the lost election. I agree that we should have basically a series of of proposals that can run that can unite the Democratic coalition. Everybody running for for Congress. Everybody running for the Senate. That's our agenda. But in the best case scenario, we are passing bills that would go to Donald Trump to sign or vetoes. How do you think about that? I think the mission for Democrats is very simple. The next Congress run on the bills, right? And HR 1 through 10 that are transformational, went on them, passed them in the first month or whatever it is, first two weeks, first month. I mean, I think about 646, right? When Democrats took the house after not having it for what? It was like over a decade. They came in, they passed six big bills that would change people's lives in other first 100 days in the first 100 hours. That's the kind of action I want to say. I want us work to work very quickly on big bills. And then we hit Trump for a year on a half on the fact that he's not signing them into law. This will also help us shape the Democratic, Democratic primary that's going to go on at the same time because it'll, they'll be asked about the things that we passed. And if they think that should be part of our agenda. And so I think it's really about us taking power within the party. But for me, that's the mission. Pass big, bull transformational change. And then hit the road and tell the country that Donald Trump refuses to sign legislation that guarantees health care to all Americans. Refuses to sign legislation that's going to bring down the cost of housing and ensure that housing is a human right. And that's what I think we should be doing over the next two years. So the right now is a housing bill. As of this moment, Trump has not yet vetoed it or signed it. How are we? We're back. It's we're recording this on on Thursday. Yeah. What's happening? Okay. So the house in the Senate passed a bipartisan piece of legislation to help bring down the cost of housing. Is it perfect? No, it's not perfect. Will it bring down the cost of housing? Yes, it will. And we need any relief we can get. And it's like the first bipartisan thing Congress has done in the last year and a half. They speaker the house sets up a whole like beautiful stage in the Capitol. They're ready for Trump to come. They're on stage. They're talking about it, touting it. And then in the middle of the thing, he posts on truth social saying, I'm not signing it unless we pass the save act. So he just doesn't show up to the save act is the bill that he wants to make it harder for people to vote. Exactly. He's worried about the votes in the middle. Yeah, he doesn't want to sign the bill to make housing cheaper for you because he wants to make voting harder for you. And so he's refusing to sign it. The way this will work is the bill will actually be enacted anyways. If he doesn't sign it, but it's a big deal. That's something like that happens without the president signing the bill, right? Yeah. And so that's where things are at right now. And it just shows he literally does not care about anybody working people, anything like that. The save act is not going to be passed. We're going to continue to fight against it. And that's that's what's at. Now we talked about the the gerontocracy in the opening of the show. And there have been a lot of moments where older legislators reveal that they no longer know the world. They're describing the internet as a series of tubes. They're asking Mark Zuckerberg if computer viruses are still dangerous. If you print your emails, that kind of thing. But let's see if you can recognize these. That's a good idea. Yeah. That's a good idea. These are people that print their emails. You work with a lot of people that print their emails. But let's see if you can recognize these very important historic technologies in a game we're calling name. It's a great job. That's great. Here's how it works. I'm going to show you an item that lives in my millennial bones, but that you may not know about because of your youth. You know, I am elder Gen Z. You are. You are the oldest one can be. You're the oldest you can be. Yes. Yes. That's right. Because I think one year later it would be kind of cusp. You know, you're kind of right on the edge there. But see, I think if there are other Gen Z members, you're going to start a Gen Z caucus. Because once there's two of you, that's caucus. It is. Two is a party. I mean, we might have to. I think you should. I think you should. Here we go. First up, name that thing. Not. No, you're just. What kind of? Who the fuck? That was my staff. I'm sorry. What about this? Was that you? No, it wasn't. What about this? You were supposed to be the one to end. You know, you're the only person who spoke. We got a hundred people here. And you're just answering the questions. Your mother and she does that. And you're not even Gen Z. You just said, this is the problem. This is what happened to our country. Do you understand? I bet you have a really nice house. You got for 80 grand in like 1990. Unbelievable. Sitting. How you I'm going to Costco getting the hot dogs. God damn it. It's a fax machine. You got it. Yeah. Next up, Congressman Frost. Name that thing. Whole puncher. You got it. That's a whole bunch. This one's going to be tricky. Name that thing. Shit. No, I remember seeing this on the commercial's on the collodian. It's the hop skipper jump. So close. So close. You're in the ballpark. Do people anyone here want to shout it out now? Skip it. Skip it. I got one work right? Skip it. It's not to be confused with this. A bop it. That's a bop. I know bop it. Pull it. Yeah. Yeah. Smile. Pull it. Twist it. Bop it. Yeah. Yeah. We got it. We got it. Hey. Name that thing. Oh, Tomogachi. Yes. Yes. I have one. You did? I did. Yeah. How'd you do? Um, it died. Yeah. Yeah. Many times. But I had it. Name that thing. Oh, that's the per. But it's a projector. Yeah. But there's another name. No, no, it's a projector. It's a projector. It's a certain kind. We'll give it slide over. Slide projector overhead projector. Overhead projector. Yeah. That's how we knew it. Yeah. I got a lot of trouble with one of these in school ones. - What'd you do? - Huh? - What? - Hey, let's keep going. - No, tell us. - My staff is doing this, I think. No, I'm joking. - What did you do with an old Bradford? - I mean, I didn't do anything bad. Believe it or not, when I was in elementary school, I wasn't the most well-behaved kid. - Really? - Yeah, I know. And so, the thing was on and the teacher turned around and I like put a finger on it. - Oh. - And like it was like one of, it was the bad finger. - Oh, the bad finger. - Oh, classic. - Yeah, and so I got in trouble for that. - You got in trouble. - But everyone laughed, and so I think it was worth it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Did you get in trouble as a kid alone? - I did, I did. - But you were like a, were you like a gotten trouble with the teacher's love? Do you kind of a kid? - Yeah, yeah, I wasn't like punching people, you know what I mean? I was like talking too much, you know? And now I talk too much for work. - That max was a troublemaker. - Yeah, exactly. - I think the teacher was saying that, you see that. - Yeah, absolutely. - But they liked you, but they liked me. - Yeah, so. - Were you popular? - Um, it depends when. I would say people always knew who I was, but at first it was 'cause I was talking too much. And then I got really involved in student government in band and all that, and then it became because of that. - Were you like a, were you like most likely to succeed? Did you win any superlatives in high school? - I did, yeah, I won most likely to be president. - Wow. - Yeah. - Wow. - I know, I'm ashamed. - No, no, I think you should be, I think that's-- - No, I didn't win that one. - Oh wow. - That was someone else. - Wow. - I won already patting the buy-out. - I know. (laughing) I actually remember-- - It sounds like somebody that would run for president. - Yeah. - I won most like best at academics, which was crazy 'cause I wasn't. Another that I was bad, but I was like a good B student. You know what I mean? - But you had the energy of someone that was getting A's. - I guess so. - That's even better. - Yeah, that's cool. - Hey, 'cause you know I don't have an undergraduate degree. - You don't. - And when I was running, you know, or after I won, I was in on an interview and then someone asked about it. I said, "Yeah, I actually don't have it." And they said, "What? "Why are we just finding about this for the first time?" And I said, "Well, no one ever asked." Like, no one asked her in the campaign. I think it's 'cause I talk good. - Yeah. - You know, everyone just assumed. - Yeah, you have college diploma energy. - I do, yeah, yeah. Yeah. - Degree mills, fuck 'em. All right. Hey, name that thing. - I know who it is. - Who is it? - Who it? - You shut the fuck up. Who is this? You nobody help him. Who is this? - It starts with an E. - No. - Is it that? - It does? - No, it doesn't. - But it might sound like it starts with an E. - Depends on maybe in Florida. - Maybe with that swamp accent of yours. - I missed that class. - E? - Uh-huh. - It's not E or it's not E or it's um. I, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah So before you weren't even here for all yeah so you weren't here in here for all but I know him we all know him Yeah, we all know him. Yeah, it's cats It's cats like pets no. Yeah, I'll eat your cat Oh, I don't want any and he likes human. Is that endearing or something? I think it's kind of one of those 80s things where I was like whoa. Oh, he's gonna eat your cat. Oh, okay Yeah, okay, all right, and he has crushes on human women Doesn't really make sense what what work was this on one of the three. Okay, okay, one of those three that we had Yeah, yeah, all right walking up to the challenge change the channel. Yeah I watch TV. Yeah, any other final thoughts about Al for otherwise No Thank you Maxwell Frost. Thank you Thank you. He'll be back for second thoughts and we'll be right back with Langston Kerman and Margaret Cho Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of love. It or leave it coming up Love to leave it is brought to you by him's if weight loss is felt like a losing battle this summer can be different skip the Guest work and try weight loss by him's it's access an affordable range of FDA approved GLP one medications Including the Wigovie pill and the Wigovie pen plus a support to actually stick with it through him's everything happens online You'll connect with a licensed provider who will determine if treatment is right for you if prescribed your medication is delivered right to your door No insurance necessary and it doesn't stop there. Hems makes hitting your goals seamless by offering access to 24/7 messaging with your care team and Inapp lifestyle and nutrition support like recipes meal plans fitness videos sleep content and more with a range of affordable GLP One options Hems makes it simple to find a weight loss approach that fits into your world and your wallet available You'll get a treatment plan personalized to you and unlimited dosage changes as needed ready to reach your goals Visit Hems dot com slash love it to get a personalized affordable plan that gets you that's h-i-m-s dot com slash love it Hems dot com slash love it weight loss by Hems is not available in all 50 states Wigovie is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk AS to get started and learn more including important safety information We go be clinical study information and restrictions visit Hems dot com And we're back Please welcome to the stage as two of our favorite comedians and two returning champions. It's Langston Kerman and Margaret Cho Hi, good to see you buddy. What is you? Hi, good to see you. Thanks for being here. Come on in Okay, thank you. Yeah, okay. Hi everybody. Hello. Hi Fuck you. Yeah Welcome back to you both. Thank you. What's happening? I'm excited that I got to meet Maxwell Frost Yeah, he's great. He's great. Can you be president now? I do actually think no. No, he's not old enough. It's not old enough 35 right? 35. He's got a couple years. Yeah, you got to have just there to have that job. Oh Yeah, he's great. Show us Okay, that's a member of Congress. You show some respect. They don't behave. I'm not gonna be that's fair That's right. That's right. Now Margaret, I wanted to ask you about this Because you've talked about it a bit recently, but you turned down a role in heated rivalry because you didn't want to go to Canada Yeah, this is awful. Okay, this is awful. So I Had an offer. It was last year and they sent me the pilot and I love litter Kenny It was a Jacob Tony's other show and I love the pilot and I really wanted to do it But this was like right when the ice first started disappearing people This was also like I mean, it just was so scary. This is like the beginning of it and When I was a little girl my father was deported and I had to go with him and I wasn't even Two years old so I was to be separated from my mother. I went with him to Korea and I mean I don't have any memories of that time But I know that it was traumatic like I was separated from him another for years And when we came back, it was just hard to kind of connect with her again and kind of understand my family again And so I have like really deep-seated like Ice trauma from my childhood. So I thought I don't know if I want to go and cross the border at this time because I Spend all my days talking about how Trump is a piece of shit that you know like all I do online is just talk about how much I hate the cement administration and I hate what's happening and so I just was really I was really scared and So I I turned it down. I really regret it. I should have just become Canadian. I should have just straight up Defected to Canada Yeah, or just like yeah, yeah Because I could have been I could have just been like the third wheel I could have just watched all of that gay sex happening in front of me So people don't realize this but the original idea was that Your character was meant to be in all of those sex scenes. Yeah It's going on. I was just I missed out I missed out. You're like, uh-oh getting pretty gay in here Like all the time it was weird actually. He's playing honestly better that that was cut down But first of all more romantic. I will say I am still waiting on my offer for heated rivalry and and I pray it comes I'd like to I'd like to point out that I pray it comes Yeah, I love it. Go ahead fellas. It's it's free now Perfect. It's so perfect. Thanks, and have you ever turned down a role you regret turning down? Never once Never once as an opportunity come my way, and I said no, thank you I mostly just say yes to it. So yeah, I that is terrible That's terrible. I usually say yes as well. I usually say yes to everything That's why it was really hard to turn it down because I also loved the show as it was And then and then I just didn't think about it for a while because you know, it's like okay I'm just gonna put it out of my mind and now it's the biggest thing phenomenon. It's great I'm glad I'm happy for them. I'm happy with them. Yeah You guys don't sound happy. I said that weird. I don't know why I'm happy for them Well, I love that you know, it's we're eroticizing Hockey who would have thunk it like that to me is really amazing. I didn't notice that there was hockey in it Is there a lot of hockey in that there's a lot of hockey? I saw the guys some of those scenes with the guys in it But they and they play hockey. Yeah, they play hockey. I would I if you Thousand bucks, I would have said basketball I was I haven't seen the show in part because of how much people sold the sex They made it seem so primary that it almost felt like I was I was tuning into a porno And in that way, I said I have my own porno. I don't need you're afraid to make you gay if maybe too hot for you That's it then your gay life rules are rules. Yeah Yeah, we we're porn at home. Yeah, you don't need to outsource I don't have to go out. I got my regular Schmeggler used to it porn Yeah, you don't get on your comfort zone. I'm a coward So Lang's in your podcast with David boring my mama told me you deep-diving to conspiracy theories What is a conspiracy theory that right now you 100% believe in oh Recently we were talking about the possibility that Elon Musk was the first person to get the neuro link and that's why he acts like that That's interesting. So he has tested himself and now he fucking doesn't know what to do with his arms and shit because He does his personally does have like a Waymo quality is it's It's a real card that can't move because something's in the way. Yes, right. He's been controlled from the Philippines Absolutely That's what's happening. Oh Elon stuck in the crosswalk again. Yeah Those people are never getting no sound who down who downloaded Hitler on the line They shout that in the control room, I think Downloaded Hitler on Elon. I can Margaret any conspiracy theories you believe I I'm really still stuck on I do think I still think that Katie Perry is Jambini Ramsey I'm hearing about this one for the first time. This was one. This was kind of popular I think maybe in the odds. Mm-hmm. This was early Katie Perry. Yeah This is a really or Katie Perry and it was never challenged and they could never and then I keep I keep seeing it So I think it I don't know why I think but I also do think also that Ted Cruz is a zodiac killer. Oh That's interesting the the theory is that his dad was a zodiac killer. Oh, okay And he is the son of the zodiac killer. Okay, and and equally sucky. Yeah He's not smart enough to be the zodiac Because he was like the zodiac killer like made up codes that nobody could craft. He's got real nepotirial killer vibes I'm a little bit stuck on the Katie Perry thing. I know It's it's it's it's really like involving you're like, oh wait, maybe that's I'll be honest I'm not feeling that because who benefits because you live in the conspiracy theory It's like, you know follow the money who's out there making who's out there being like a step one And I'm saying I'm gonna go back. What was step one? So she's not dead she's not dead and then time goes by and she's in some sort of secret training facility to become a pop star I guess yeah, why could a girl she likes it suddenly, but why right? She's kissing a girl. She's having California dreams But why couldn't the person Katie Perry was be a pop star you know, I know it's weird It's very I mean, why could a jump in a ranzi be a pop star? It's a really fun conspiracy because it's completely Hinged on them doing side-by-side pictures And Katie. I say and they do look a lot of like in the way that that adults and children can sometimes look alike Right, but not in a way that makes it proof of anything. It's fun It is fun because it is like an age progression photograph like it says you just kind of think well what and why would they do nobody benefits? I see nobody benefits here's my conspiracy theory that I've recently come to at least be open to which is and I had no idea That this was something that's really been out there, and it is which is that that sriran sriran didn't actually kill rfk That he may have fired, but it was actually potentially friendly fire that killed rfk and because Ben heathcoat who is a Video producer at at crooked he made a documentary about Thomas Negucci the coroner of Los Angeles who believed that Rfk was shot from behind and sriran sriran was in front oh Wow, and our pound the rfk junior has come to believe this as well, and I realize oh I don't believe things that rfk junior says You know what I mean, but this might be a broken clock brainworm situation Right, that's true. No, the brainworm is correct twice a day That's as the saying goes. That's where the saying comes from. That's right. The brain is what rfk says at night Hey Langston. Yeah So wait, you're in a new pilot for NBC. Yeah. Yeah, it keeps David and Jake Johnson Yeah, we got picked up and we're gonna shoot this fall and and it'll release then in the sometime next year I don't know. I'm not in charge, but yeah Thanks. Yeah, it's pretty cool and you're solving mysteries. I am I play a private detective amongst a group of private detectives and I would say I'm the worst at it of the collection, which is good. I like that But over time you'll probably get better at it on the show. I doubt it I actually think from the energy. I'm getting they're gonna keep me stupid the whole time Seems to be the vibe because sometimes in shows they'll start them out and they'll you know They'll be a character and they won't be good at the job and then somebody at the network will give them the notes being like Make them better at the job and so in the first season I like don't know what they're doing, but the time you get to the third season they can like see the matrix. Yeah You know, this is from and they're they're brilliant guys Dan Gore and Luke Dell Strategy who wrote Brooklyn 9.9 and made all that stuff and I think they do a good job of not Changing a thing about those characters. They just keep them fun and stupid the whole time. Well, that's exciting. Yeah. Yeah I like great. Yeah, I don't earn anything now It's wonderful. I'm lucky for us for fans who can watch you. Yeah They're thanks. That's great. Yeah, we'll be right back Hey, don't go anywhere. 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Download the built app and join the membership for where you live at joinbilt.com/loveit. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T Dotcom/loveit, use our link so they know we sent you And we're back! And I missed this for a while to break, but everybody should go to Margaretcho dot com slash tour for tickets because you're on tour I'm on tour That's right And you should listen to my mama told me wherever you get your punk as it's such a great show Thanks! Yeah, I really love it You don't have to clap, it's poison I'm spreading poison Hey, hey, hey, hey Hey, it's good It's good poison, it's nice, this is good poison Nice, it goes down smoothly Yeah, it goes down smoothly So now every week we see a million news stories that I was thinking, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not that guy" Done Tonight, Margaret and Langston, you'll be that guy and a segment we're calling, "News Your Own Adventure" Here's how it works, I'm going to give you both two news stories And you're deciding which one you'd rather be inside of Okay Are you ready? Yeah First up, would you rather live right next door to that manhand building that's about to collapse? Or travel to every state that has reported cases of that explosive diarrhea disease And wash your hands in the airport bathrooms Well, Margaret, please I have a, I'm kind of, I kind of want to be around the diarrhea because I am on a GLP1 And shits are hard to come by I don't, I don't have them anymore And I, so I look at diarrhea as we, "Oh, you know, the grass is always greener, the diarrhea is always runnier" Yeah, no, for sure, for sure Like, you know, they pay paradise and put up a constipated person Yeah, you know, in a sense It's interesting, it's as if constipation is like the picture of Dorian Gray and the attic You know, you get to be so thin, but you have a deep dark secret, which is that there's poo going all the way up your neck It's all poo, and then your body's just like wrapping around it And it's, it's a very frustrating when you can't shit And so, diarrhea seems like this far off thing that's just out of your grasp I think it's cool, I think you should go to the hospital where all these people have had diarrhea for three weeks Because of this parasitar, and you should just be like, "You people don't know how good you have it" Yeah Grow up Yeah, I too would take the diarrhea, I have three children at home, and I could use a break Yeah, I like that, I like that Yeah They're trying, I think they have temporary supports now to keep this building stable According to mayors on around Rondane It's not a role, you know, is this building next to anything important or is it just Manhattan, therefore we're worried? Yeah, it's that. Yeah, I mean everything it's Manhattan, everything's important. Everything's important. It's a very important place for people doing important things. Not important enough to have maintained it, but important enough to worry about the people around us. Yeah, yeah, hey, when your building has those beams like that, you hate to see that. You hate to see beams like that. One construction worker apparently told the press, the eye beams are bending like cigarettes in there. Oh, no. So that's bad. Yeah. Next up, would you rather be required to wear Kylie Jenner's new line of metaglasses at all times? Or would you rather let Instagram use your profile photo to make AI deepfakes? Okay. Kylie is this new eyewear so that you can use AI via your sunglasses. And the AI will speak to you in Kylie Jenner's voice. Oh. Hey, meta. What's the weather like right now in New York City? Checking the weather in New York City right now. It's around 68 degrees in New York City right now. The light showers and the weather skies. The humidity is high and the weather is really the range of these lights. And tomorrow is sunny with a high humidity for you. Thanks. She's in front of an open window. It would be so funny if those just exploded on her face. Now, the other part of this is Instagram. On Tuesday, meta rolled out a new AI model named Amuse Image that people can use to create deepfakes from celebrity photos and even photos of just people with public accounts. You have to actively shut this off, which you can do under settings and under settings sharing and reuse. That's just a genuine. People should go into Instagram and go under settings sharing and reuse. And you'll see that there's an option you can toggle off to not allow their AI to troll your face to make other things with it. So that's just something you can do if you'd like. This is an honest question I have is why I desperately want AI and all of these apps to not be able to use my likeness. Isn't so much of our likeness already across the interwebs that we don't really get to consent anymore? So yes, but if what has happened is a lot of these models, before we were paying attention, went across the internet and grabbed everything and used it to train the models. That's a big problem. They've already used intellectual property in ways to kind of replace the kind of work artists would do that a lot of people do. I think that's writing and a lot of things. However, if they can't continue to do that, right, then those models will be trapped in a moment. You're saying if we step up now, we can make AI look like happy feet. Yes, sure. Yes, like happy feet. Yeah, and like AI a little bad, but we get technology existed here for sure. Yeah, something like that over time. And then also it's like, oh wow, AI certainly didn't replace all the jobs. All their slang was from 2013. Sure. Yeah, AI keeps calling me fam. Yeah, you don't have to worry, hey, come on, dude, someone that's calling you a fam all the time, that's not going to replace all the jobs. That's not a good guy. I'm not sure. But this is all just so that people can make porn. The whole thing about AI is just for porn. That's why they want it. That's why anybody wants it so they can make porn. And then metaglasses, like this thing is so insidious because men have been using their metaglasses to like surveil women and take like unsolicited photos of women and videos women. And now they're marketing this to women and you know, they gave a bunch of metaglasses, that Kylie reached out to all these female influencers and gifted them and they all made videos on social media using them. So like men can, men can now have a taste of their own medicine by being surveilled. So it's just like, I don't know, it's just a big porn generator. Damn, I think putting the, I think cameras everywhere is probably going to have been a mistake. Yeah. Agreed. Yeah. Next up, you have to choose now. Would you rather wear the glasses or let me to use your photos for defects? Well, no, we're just used their photos for their image stuff. I'm never going to have the courage to make my own porno, so I think let AI have it. If that's the case, I'm going to let me have it and let them put me in some cool porno. Cool. Get in there. See how I do. That's, oh, that's correct. I was going to choose the glasses. I want to wear the glasses. I would just wear the glasses and not photograph anything. Yeah, because here's a thing. I know that these things are all very bad, but wouldn't it be kind of nice sometimes had glasses where you would say like someone would come up and say so good to see you again. And then the little glasses would be like, this is Derek, you met him three weeks ago at this party, but you were drunk. Oh, yeah, that's true. That is cool. I'd like it even more of Kylie Jenner whispers it in my ear. This is Derek. She's a little loud. He can hear it. Now we got a conversation. Yeah, now it's embarrassing. All right. Last one. Would you rather manage to renew your passport last minute right before a really important work trip? Would you have to get the fuck out of America 250 passport with Trump? Or you have to be the head of NATO and pretend you liked Donald Trump in order to try and salvage the most important alliance on Earth. Here we have a moment of what it is like to be Marc Ruta, Secretary General of NATO. You've been credited as sort of being the Trump whisperer on behalf of this alliance. You're shaking your head, but the point is this. I just liked him, man. Marc, you sit next to Donald Trump in moments where he talks about conquering Greenland, talks about lashing out at allies like Spain, starting trade wars. Things that it doesn't seem like the old Mark Ruta would approve of. Does this have any effect on your own self-respect when you sit next to him like that and see nothing? Got him. Can you imagine? Hey, Marc, you're getting fucking bullied by Donald Trump in front of the whole world's embarrassing. Can you look your wife in the eyes? That's a question. From a very handsome journalist. He's a big handsome guy asking that question. I might add insult to injury in a sense. It's so embarrassing. God. If I were to choose, I would have to choose the Trump passport because it's going to be great to have to remember when he's dead. Here's what I was thinking. So my partner is trans and that may create some weather if we go to the airport. Maybe it's a good idea to have the Trump 250 passport. You get a jerk of an agent there but it's like they're kind of like, "Wait, what's going on? They got the Trump passport." But it's not the gender I want it to be. I'm confused. You know what I'm saying? This will be helpful. This is a force field. That's like, yeah, this is like, you get it. This is like those people that put like, "I donate to police on the back of their car because they think it's speed without repercussion." Awesome. He looks awesome. It's a good picture. It's a good picture. It's a good picture. It's a good picture. It's a screen grab from the apprentice. You never need to stand with your fists on a desk like that. That's actually a deeply uncomfortable way to sit. It is if you're shitting your zone. That's a normal stance. Now you're making Margaret feel even worse. She has to hate this guy and he's pooping when he wants. You're jealous. You're jealous. Right, you're right. You're totally right. We'll be right back. And we're back. Yay. For our last second, please welcome back to the stage. Okay. Come on back over here. Welcome back. All right. Welcome to "Second Thoughts." Here's how it works. Our producers have been watching this show carefully and they've written down a list of things that they believe I should regret for mistakes I made along the way. And so we'll have a chance to express our second thoughts. If you have any second thoughts about this evening, I would love to hear them. Also, we are introducing something for the first time, which is called a kudos. And that is where the producers have decided and this is rare that I've done something worthy of praise in the show, which has earned me one M&M. And we'll find out what that is. I genuinely, it's the first time it's ever happened. It's like a Paul Hollywood handshake. Let's see, my first regret. The audience laughed at a joke I told, and I responded with, "Shame on you." I read Thomas Massey's tweet, and his tweet got a bigger laugh than any joke I told about it. That's a bummer. You have to have them on now. You have to have them on. Thomas Massey, come on. Come join us here. We want to talk for 20 minutes. Talk to 20 minutes, yeah. So all these people are so funny. Like, "Oh, you talked to Mitch McConnell?" Uh-huh. And then, so that's the ghost of Christmas present. Yeah. Scott Jennings, who's going to visit you about your past? And then, who's going to visit you about the future? You'll apologize for everything you've done. I also attacked that woman who said "Fax Machine." Well, I love that woman. Yeah, we like it. Yeah, we like it. We're fans. We're fans. And it says here that I kept talking about Alph to Maxwell Frost. I really didn't let Alph go. Do you have any regrets about your time here? Alph sounds bad. He eats cats. I mean, do people still like him? He never actually successfully ate any cats this morning. Oh, really? I remember he was mostly threatening to eat cats. Oh, yeah. He was hungry for cat a lot, and then could never quite get his cats. Oh, yeah. So he never ate, you said he ate cats. Well, it's his prefer, you're right. Maybe that was misleading. I think there's implied in the show that cats need to worry and cats may disappear around. But no named cat is ever. know of. They didn't know his whole life. That we knew it. The fans, they're eating the dogs. The family. The family never came home to a massacre. Yeah. On a very special. He might just be cleanly. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. What's the name alien life for? I don't think so. Yeah. I think that's right. Is it the name of the show? You know, that was just that's the acronym for his name, South alien life. That's the government. So he's an alien. He's on the run. Yes, an alien. Yeah. What did you think out was? I thought he was just like they found him in a cave or something. So you're right. Oh, just creature. You got a creature. Yeah, like a creature. Are you creature than alien? Yeah. You're right. You're absolutely right. Because there's different rules that you're totally right. Okay. All right. Beautifully said. Beautifully said. Thank you. Thank you. Let's see. One regret I have for Langston Margaret. I tried to bring Dorian Gray into constipation. I thought it was apt. I don't know. I thought that was apt because it is like my my colon is like in a like stuck state that I'm watching. It is the it is the portrait of you that is the your colon being constipated is the equivalent of a portrait of you in the attic where you're very fat. Yeah. It's just that. It's that. Right. You got to get so I started because I'm fiber maxing right now. Okay. Yeah. So I'm eating tons of fiber. That's cool. And I got this little like baby food salad patch. Yeah. And so I have one like every morning. It has half your fiber for the day. Oh, excellent. Okay. Yeah. And I drink it. It doesn't take kind of tastes like shit, but it helps you shit. Oh, good. Yeah. It helps you food. That's cool. Yeah. Cause to get your fiber for the day, you'd have to have like a ton of vegetables. Like it's a crazy amount. Whenever you see the pouch is good. I actually I want to take it up with the scientists because they're like, this is the amount of fiber you need per day and not enough people are getting it. And then you see what it takes to get you're like, well, I've eaten a whole head of lettuce. How much is that? One fuck. Like when you think about calories and cookies, you're like, Oh, my God. I ate one cookie and it's so many calories. Then you see the fiber you require to get to. It's like, what am I saying? You know, whole what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. So you got other gummies. I will say I don't. The scientists I trust the least are food scientists. Totally. Because of their history with the food pyramid alone. Yes. I go, these are not trustworthy individuals. They told me milk was very important. Yeah. Bread was like the base for the whole thing. Six to 10 servings of bread for day. That's what they said. That's what these scientists said. And then yeah, they're like six to 10 servings of bread per day. If you'd like, have an apple. Treat yourself at the top, but certainly though that bread. My kudos from the team is heated rivalries to Cohen. I pray he comes. Good. So I get one. I appreciate that. Any final thoughts or regrets about tonight's episode? Anything you wish you had done differently? Well, you talked about the Trump passport, but you didn't talk about his post about it. Oh, yeah. Tell us that. Yeah, because he made a post saying that the passport will say, welcome, but be good. Which shows like the passport is for the fucking Americans going other places. Welcome to what? Like welcome to what? Does he think the passports for people coming here? Right. You only never, you only need your passport to come home because you left. Yeah. So he obviously thinks that it's for other people coming here because he said it says welcome, but be good. Right. Well, he's, he's, you know, stupid. He's so stupid. He's so just plain stupid. Yes. I think, I think sometimes the challenge of politics in this era is there's a simple truths become boring. And so you have to find interesting and intricate ways to describe something quite simple, which is at some point, oh, he's just stupid and bad. Yeah. And that's our show. Thank you so much. Representative Maxwell Frost to Langston Kermit to Margaret Show. There are 116 days until the midterms. We will be back next week. Have a great weekend. Clubbitter leave it as a cricket media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, Film a Graph, Kelsey Gante, and me, John Lovett. Our production team includes Halle Keeper, Sarah Lazarus, Roman Borcellino, Peter Miller, David Tolls, Claudia Shang, Jay Banks, Gavin Purcell, and Matt DeGroat. And our staff is proudly unionized with the writer's guild of America East.