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Speaker 4Hello and welcome to the How Not to Screw Up Your Pregnancy. Kids podcast. So, pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation. This is episode 58, and today's episode is all about the school holidays and how not to just survive them, but thrive through them. Cliché, I know, but bear with me. Now, some of you who will be listening to this episode as it's been launched will be listening to it in the school summer holidays, but all of the advice that I'm giving is relevant. Regardless of the holiday that it happens to be. Now, there will be some of you who are incredibly excited about the school holidays. You always are, and that's wonderful. What I would say is for most of us, there's a little bit of enjoyment because obviously it means that we're no longer racing around like headless chickens, doing school runs, after school activities, here, there, and everywhere, managing multiple things. So, there's an element of that bit, but there's also a bit of trepidation because suddenly we've got everybody home. And if it's the school summer holidays, Easter holidays, Christmas holidays, they're long holidays. There are children at home for a considerable amount of time. And the reality is there are very few of us out there who are not juggling something else as well. So, it can feel quite stressful when, in fact, it can be less stressful. Now, I'm going to be, I'm a realist, so I'm not going to paint it. A picture that says that school holidays can always be these wonderful, calm, joyous affairs. However, they can be less stressful with a few tweaks and a little bit of planning in advance. I love a bit of planning and a little bit of organisation. But it really can be a lot less stressful if we put some of these principles in place. Now, we have a bumper lot of giveaways this time. With this particular episode, we're giving away, in essence, what used to be a sold course that we used to sell to cover not just the school holidays but just in terms of prepping children and creating a harmonious environment at home. So, I'm going to tell you twice about the resources just so that you don't forget to go and get them. So, for those of you who already have access to my free resource library, then it'll just get loaded in with all the other free resources. If you are new to the podcast or maybe you've listened to the podcast before but haven't actually registered for the free resources, you register for the free resources in my resource library by clicking to drmaryhand.com forward slash library. Now, you'll be asked for your email address and in exchange, you then get instant access not only to this week's set of resources but all the other resources across all my other podcast episodes. And I'll remind you at the end, you'll be asked for your email address as well. So, let's just start with, I guess, a little bit of background before we go into the tips and strategies. And the tips and strategies I'm going to go through are a little bit of a mixture between just general tips and actual specific things, specific strategies I'm going to walk you through and talk you through and then you're going to have a downloadable resource so you can actually use it. What I would say is the earlier you start, the more organised you get, the easier it genuinely becomes. Now, I know what it's like near the end of any school term. There is a frenetic set of activities and plays or parents' evening, whatever it is, regardless of the school holiday it is, there is often a huge amount to get organised. And certainly, if you are also then booking a family holiday where you're actually going away from home, then there can be a huge amount to do. But I can genuinely say, the earlier you start thinking about these things, the better it is for everybody because I'm a big fan, particularly in the summer holidays, of getting everyone involved. Now, I know the reality is, and I'm sorry dads, but the reality is that generally speaking, school holidays are organised by mum. Now, mum can be juggling multiple things, a career, a job, parenting, a whole host of other things. And in lots of ways, we do it because, well, I've always done it because I didn't trust anyone else to do as good a job if I'm honest. But you may have your own reasons for it. But I do think that the more we can get others involved and really genuinely make it a family affair, the better it is. So let's talk about planning just generally. Now, I'm a huge fan of Sunday planning meetings. I've talked about these before. And these are simply not formalised, minuted meetings. But in essence, they're an opportunity for the whole family to get together round a table and just have a bit of a discussion. About how the week has been, what have been, what's worked, what hasn't worked, and then start looking ahead to the week that's coming. And what are the challenges that might be being presented and how as a family you can problem solve and put things in place. So in essence, when you're looking at the school holidays, it's like a monumentally rather large family meeting, because not only are you looking at the week ahead, but you're looking really broadly speaking at the whole summer and what might need to be put in place or the whole summer. So the whole Christmas holidays or the whole Easter holidays, whatever those are, I'm just recording this around the summer time. So you may find I slip into summer holiday mode, but it really does work for everything. Now, I am a massive, massive fan of lining paper. So let me explain. So when you go to DIY stores, they sell paper, which you can hang on your walls that make the walls, if they're bumpy, smooth, which you can then paint over or you might then wallpaper over. Basically, lining paper in the evening. In the UK, for those of you listening in other countries, you'll have something similar. It's like a great big roll of paper. And what I find is when you're doing anything that requires planning or thinking, yeah, you can get out normal paper, but normal paper is boring and children basically don't engage with it in the same way. You get out a roll of lining paper and they can write on this huge reel with huge handwriting with great big fat pens. And suddenly it's more interesting. So I. recommend getting a really large roll of paper. And what you want to really do is get your entire family to write their wish list. This is part of the planning. So you write their wish list. These are our holidays. We're going to be at home for two, three, four, five, six, eight weeks, whatever it is that your children's holidays are in this particular holiday that you're planning. What are the things that you want to do? If you could choose what we did in the holidays, what would you choose to do and get? Get each child to create their own list. Now, you're setting expectations. I'm not saying that we're going to do all of these things, but what's really important is this is a holiday. This is around the time that we're all going to be together as a family for various different periods of time through the holidays. And we want to make sure that we're able to at least do something from each person's list. So that's the bit you're starting to plan early. Now, that gives you an idea of what your children want to do. but it also should include activities and things that you want to do. and it must also include some of the must some of the non-negotiable some of the things that are happening and that might be fun stuff you might be going on a family holiday and you're going away from home it might be activities maybe a summer school that your children are going to maybe a tennis camp or a horse riding camp or an education camp whatever that might be maybe they're going away with friends maybe they're staying with their grandparents maybe you've got some very specific work commitments that are going to mean that you're going to be away from home or completely uncontactable so these are the things you start off with the wish list because that's what we're trying to get our children to do is engage in this process and then you start blocking out all of the things that have to definitively happen they're non-negotiables they are at parts of the holidays that need to happen and that's the planning bit so that's the kind of overview before I launch into my five strategies so before you start doing some of these other things you really want to do a bit of that planning because planning is so key getting organized in advance is helpful and then you can see what you're left with you can see where you can implement these five things I'm going to tell you about so that's the that's a big thing and everyone gets involved and it's really fun and exciting so let's start with my five strategies and the first one isn't really necessary but it's a really important one and it's a really important one and it's a really not necessarily a strategy but a I often call these health warnings but the first one is set realistic expectations let's get real about what these holidays are likely to entail you are likely to need to work and that's okay don't try and shoehorn your work which is a whole day's piece of work into two hours in between dropping off your children and doing various bits and pieces or agreeing to go somewhere with your children and hoping that you're going to be able to do that you'll be back in time to put the work in be realistic if you need to do some work that's okay you're a great parent doing a great job modeling balance so that's the first thing set realistic expectations so if you need to work that's okay the children are likely to go on their devices more than you'd ideally like so manage your expectations don't start the now and then beat yourself up with guilt when they've been on there for five or six hours or even all day yeah we need to get real now clearly we don't want our children on and our teens on devices all day every day through their summer holidays but we need to be realistic about certain periods of time during the holidays where we might have specific commitments where our children have potentially exhausted other things to do and their devices are going to become their main thing that we're going to need to work and that's okay the children are likely to go on their devices more than we'd ideally like children are likely to complain they are bored probably more so than they ought to but they're going to let's set up our expectations let's know that that's coming rather than being surprised indignant and frustrated with them and let's also set realistic expectations so that's why we set realistic expectations we're going to need to work and around the fact that siblings will inevitably argue our children are not going to get on blissfully well throughout the whole holiday they are going to irritate and niggle and get on each other's last nerves and be annoying and that is a normal part of growing up that's a normal part of sibling behaviors and patterns being aware of it which is why getting organized and planning is so key because what we can then do is be mindful that when we have chunks of time or days when we're at home and there's huge sort of gaps in it and maybe our attention is drawn away because we've got other commitments whether that's work or other things we can plan into that we can be aware that this is likely to happen because we know let's not be surprised by it and what we can then do is try and manage that situation and try and minimize the likelihood that the arguments are going to become explosive and that we find ourselves refereeing our children constantly which if you have listened to this sibling episode you will know i'm not a fan of us refereeing well i'm not a fan of us refereeing anything that we haven't seen but that is a previous episode so do go and listen to that because it is helpful but what i'm simply saying with this first sort of point is we have to get real about this let's forget what we might see on our social media feeds let's forget what we're hearing from friends who are so looking forward to the summer holidays and it's so wonderful we're all going to be together and we always have such a great time and the children get on so blissfully well and there's never an argument there's never a crossword they're so helpful yeah that might happen in some families for a short period of time but let's get real families are made up of a bunch of human beings who are this ball of emotions who get irritable who get tired who forget frustrated who get bored and these things are going to these things are inevitably going to happen so the first one is set realistic expectations number two is don't be afraid to ask for help if you have got a huge work project with a massive deadline and it's the beginning of the school holidays and you need to get it done don't sort of don't try and soldier on and think that you can manage everything and then be stressed and finding it really difficult ask for help there will be other families there'll be other you know your friends or parents at school who are equally juggling i read a book and you hid marsh she's book which i've talked about a couple of times on a couple of other episodes and she talks about now she had you know she was running a business and had five children and so what she found that she did was just got together with a whole load of other mums who were equally juggling work or other commitments and between them they agreed to take all of the children and they were able to take all of the children and they were able to for certain parts of the summer of the school holidays so you okay yes you're probably going to have who knows how many children you might have 10 children for one week but in exchange you get a week where you can get on with that that project that you need to do all that work that you need to do so don't be afraid to ask for help whether it's children going to grandparents to friends for the day or making up a little bit of a club with a whole bunch of others who are equally got deadlines and you're able to get on with that project so don't be afraid to ask for help to help each other
Speaker 2therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough it shows up in the smallest moments you bite your tongue instead of escalating you put your phone down instead of firing off that text you say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most nobody applauds those moments but they quietly change your life that's what growing feels like and that's exactly what grow therapy is here for grow is therapy that works covered by insurance sessions average twenty one dollars with insurance and some pay as little as zero dollars depending on their plan there are no subscriptions no long-term commitments you just pay per session grow connects you with thousands of high quality licensed therapists across the u.s offering both virtual and in-person sessions nights and weekends you can search by what matters like insurance specialty identity or availability and you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in just a few minutes as little as two days not the national forty eight day average see if you could pay as little as zero dollars for therapy in seconds at grow therapy dot com slash a cast that's grow therapy dot com slash a cast grow therapy dot com slash a cast availability and coverage vary by state and
Speaker 1insurance plan fall tastes better with better ingredients from whole foods market no added growth hormones or antibiotics in their meat department means slow braised short ribs are even more satisfying all seafood is wild caught like their vibrant sockeye salmon or verified responsibly farmed and all sweets including fall themed cookies are made without high fructose corn syrup spice up fall at whole foods market because that's the key
Speaker 4thing here everybody is juggling there are very very few people who are juggling well there are very few people who are going through the holidays without some form of juggle and to be honest with you if you're looking after two or three of your own children sometimes having friends makes it so much easier because it diffuses the siblings situation and actually genuinely that novelty of having new people around makes it so much easier so please please do not be afraid to ask for help and when you're planning when you're looking at this at the expanse of the holidays look at where that might best be needed and ask for help early and don't be afraid practice even in front of the mirror asking for help for all of you who are listening to this say yeah i know i should i say that i'm going to every time and i don't so make this year having listened to this podcast episode the time that you're going to do it so set realistic expectations don't be afraid to ask now let me share with you a sort of strategy that i came up literally and quite genuinely off the cuff one day with my children so it's called grumble chores and cheerful treats now i don't know about you but the reality is through the school holidays and in fact just generally maybe even at weekends there are some things that we have to do that our children just don't enjoy but they have to just come with us and do it so that might be going to the supermarket going to the dentist running some errands all of those things that sometimes we're not able or the children are old enough to be left at home and they have to traipse around with our little list to do all the jobs that we need to do and this was one particular holiday and both my children were just whinging grumbling and moaning when's it gonna end i'm hungry why do we have to do this can we go home i'm bored you name it they've done it and i'm sure you can it kind of resonates with you so i decided to set up something i don't know where the genius came from but it has been an absolute lifesaver and in fact i would say whilst i obviously don't use it now because my children are that bit older but they would actually ask for this strategy to be used now i always always carried a notebook and a pen in my bag in my handbag whenever from really pretty much when the children were really little and it was always there as a if we find ourselves in a queue or somewhere and i can always give them a note a pen and then they cannot draw or we would do noughts and crosses or whatever it is so i had this notepad and notepad and pen and obviously i've got two children so i set up these columns so one for my eldest charles and one for my youngest catherine so they had their own little sheet in my notebook and i simply put two headings cheerful treats and then grumble chores those were the two headings and i simply decided that every time that the children said something in a cheerful way maybe thanked me for something or helped out then they got a little mark against that particular column when they whinged and they moaned and they complained i put a mark under the grumble chores column and it's such a simple exercise all that needed to happen is by the end of the day they needed to have more marks in the cheerful treats column than in the grumble chores column and if that happened then they got a cheerful treat at the end of the day now the cheerful treat was always negotiated in advance it's up to you whether you in fact it was very highly motivating by telling them in advance and in fact i didn't choose what the cheerful treat was i asked the children to choose and i can tell you that for my children the cheerful treat that they chose time and time again that they wanted more than anything and my suspicion is your children will equally want to do that is that they wanted to stay up later they wanted popcorn and they wanted to watch a film because in essence that's such a major cheerful treat isn't it being able to stay up a bit later being able to sit on the sofa with some popcorn and some snacks and being able to cuddle down and watch something so we agreed in advance the cheerful treat and ultimately if each child had more marks and their cheerful treats column that's what happened and if they had more marks in the grumble chores they got a chore now you will know from previous episodes i'm not a great fan of the word chore but this is the reality of the you know the strategy that i came up with i think chores sound really mundane and boring but in some ways maybe that's what makes this so particularly useful this strategy so that is it in a nutshell we came up with all sorts of complicated extra bits that were part of that particular thing as my children got older but i won't bore you with that it's simply a mark against each and it was just it was so funny you'd find the sort of like the comments of oh mummy can i help you bring in the shopping and you say oh that's really helpful one would get in there and then the other one would say oh can i help you bring in the shopping and you say oh that's really so what happens is they basically find ways of suddenly realizing that it is really helpful the little things make all the difference or maybe you've taken them out for i don't know a drink and a biscuit somewhere and one will instantly say oh thank you so much i really enjoyed my biscuit that was really kind and it sounds very twee and cliched but it works massively and it kind of caught into this notion of these cheerful treats and getting the marks if one sibling gets in there first it reminds them oh goodness me i need to remember and i can genuinely it's a hand on heart that particular strategy was one that i introduced one particular school summer holiday and then each holiday after that the children would say mum are we going to do cheerful treats and grumble chores so it really really worked and in fact i spoke to i told the children that i was and i said i was going to be talking about cheerful treats and grumble chores and both of them just smiled it was it was one of those i remember us doing that was such good fun so three strategies so far set realistic expectations for yourself really this isn't about the in the context i'm putting it it is about you obviously we're setting realistic expectations for our children but let's just start from that realistic place number two is don't be a to ask for help don't leave it to the last minute don't put it off don't try and martyr and soldier through ask for help enlist help where you need it rather than trying to juggle everything yourself number three is my strategy grump cheerful treats and grumble chores my absolute favorite go-to number four is gears that's g-e-a-r-s gears and we have a resource we have this as a checklist so that you can give it to your children and they can use it as a checklist and they can use it as a you can work through it gears is in essence i'm a for those of you who know i have always talked about a morning routine that i created called shine and it's all about setting our intentions and setting our day up in the right way as parents so that we can then be more present and be the best version of ourselves each day gears is a child's version and it's not necessarily specific for the morning but this is these are five activities that are all about really getting our children into the right mindset that helps them enjoy their school holidays but also gives them some clarity some structure to their day so that they are these five things that they need to do across the day you don't have to necessarily be specific when they happen or you might choose to be specific it's up to you you can do it in terms of what works best for your family but it makes sure that our children stay connected with some of the things that they need to be able to do and it also gives them an opportunity for some of these broader things so let me just tell you what each letter so gears each letter within gears stands for something g is gratitude e is exercise a is aspiring r is reading and s is service so let me talk to you about them and you the order in which i would do them is not necessarily the order in which i would do them it's not necessarily the order in which i would do them it's not necessarily the order in which i would do them it's not necessarily the order in which i would do them gratitude is a daily practice of gratitude we know that a daily practice of gratitude is a significant and has a significantly positive impact on our on our mental health and our children's mental health and i think with this with the school holidays it's a really important thing for our children to do regularly is to be grateful even on those days where they feel that they've been bored out of their brains and they've been sat around and they haven't done anything and oh what an awful boring day gratitude helps ground our children it helps remind them of the small things that make these big big differences i'm a big fan of gratitude taking place at the end of the day so we can reflect on the day and think about what we're grateful for but gears is a daily practice and so gratitude is one of those so that's gratitude e is for exercise and it's just an important consideration to remind our children and to remind us that our children need to exercise daily and that exercise should ideally be outside so it's making sure that our children engage in some form of outside activity whether that's going for a walk whether that's going for a cycle whether it's jumping on a trampoline whether it's going swimming playing tennis playing football whatever it is it's that reminder that it's exercise is so important to our well-being it's so important for our physical well-being health it's so important in terms of our discharging and emptying our heads of all of that stuff and it's also a great way of energizing us and so having that as part of our daily practice is really important so we've got gratitude we've got exercise a is for aspiring in the school holidays i think it is really important and we'll talk about it as number five is that we set challenges for ourselves something that we are choosing to aspire to either become or to be able to do so it's setting ourselves some form of aspirational goal i've talked about goal setting a lot i think it's really really important so aspiring is simply taking that goal that we have set for ourselves that challenge we have set for ourselves and breaking it down and doing something towards that each and every day now we're going to talk about that in a bit more detail with the final strategy but in essence what you're doing as part of gears as part of that regular daily The practice of gears is making sure that something is happening And something is being put in place and exercised and dealt with and done, which gets your child closer to achieving that challenge that they've set themselves. So with gears, we've got gratitude, exercise, aspiring. R is reading. It is really important that our children read regularly. Now, I would love children to see modelled for them, us reading for recreation, us reading for enjoyment. And so if we do that, if we practice that regularly, if our children see us taking time out each and every day to just read, this becomes less of a battle. And I know that there are some children who don't read at all. They may read because they have to for school, but otherwise there is no enjoyment. So part of gears. Part of the daily practice of gears is having a regular practice of reading. Now, reading doesn't have to be a stuffy book. It doesn't have to be a huge, chunky novel that your child isn't engaging in. It can be a comic. It can be a newspaper. It can be a brochure, an article. Something which your child does that just helps them see that the process of reading is something that can be used as a relaxing, can be used as something that is for enjoyment. And so that's what we're going to do. And it's important that we also model that. So the reading, unless you've been specifically set tasks around your children reading certain books and reading to you, this really should be about your child enjoying the process of sitting with some books and just reading and working through those. So gears is gratitude, exercise, aspiring, reading. And then the last one, S, is service. I love this. So in essence, S is about an act of service. It's having our children be aware that each day, what can they do for one other person? An act of service is simply doing something for someone else. Now, that might be unpacking the dishwasher. That might be helping a sibling with their Lego project. It might be helping a sibling learn to ride a bicycle. It might be helping a next-door neighbour cut their grass. It doesn't have to be grand. It doesn't have to be small. It just has to be something that our children are aware that part of their daily practice, part of their expectations each day is that they exercise a level of gratitude, that they exercise, that they do something towards their aspiring challenge, that they read something and that they do something that is of service to someone else. So that's gears. And then the final strategy is to set a summer challenge. And this setting of a summer challenge should be, for everyone in the family. Everyone takes up a summer challenge. And it's up to you. This might be acquiring a skill. It might be learning to ride a bicycle, learning to swim. It might be feeling confident enough to order something when you go to a restaurant or go to a shop. Or it could be something a little bit more challenging. Now, I did this several years ago. Well, I started it several years ago with my children. And their challenge, they had a number of different challenges, but one of them was to feed the family on a, a budget for the day. So they were given a budget. I think their budget was 20 pounds, if I remember rightly. Now, this was some years ago. I think it was probably 10 years ago. And so they basically were given a budget. They had to work out what they were going to cook. So it was for lunch and then for an evening meal. We didn't include breakfast in this. So lunch and an evening meal, they had to plan. And they then had to source all of the ingredients. And then I took them. I took them to the supermarket and they bought it. And then they cooked and presented it. Now, your children, that might not be a suitable challenge, but it's just working out what those challenges are. And that was one of their summer challenges. But what it did do is it taught them so much. So often, I think as parents, we feel that we, our children need to be doing things in the school holidays that is helping them with their academics. So much of these life challenges that we can set, these summer challenges and things that our children aspire to actually have so much to do with their lives. So much more impact. They're so much more interesting for our children to start with. And there's so much more impact to them because they teach them in the mathematical skills. They teach them all of those things, budgeting and prioritising and time management organisation without making it boring and stuffy. It's interesting. And it's about being aware of the tastes of everyone in the family. It's about being able to work out how much is going to be enough. And actually, it's an art. It's an eye-opener for life skills that they can then go on to use. So I'm a big, big fan of summer challenges. And these shouldn't be things that you necessarily just place onto your children, but should be something that you agree and discuss and talk about and pull together together. And then you can work out when it goes back to this being organised and planning. You can work out exactly when you can fit those in, in terms of what your particular holidays are going to look like, where you might set each of the challenges. It might be that you set a challenge to organise a day out. And in fact, each of your trips, or you may even set a challenge that your child has to organise the whole family for an entire day, what they're doing. And everybody has to do that. And so each child gets an opportunity to take charge and even parents, you get to do it too. It's just thinking creatively so that we can, we don't have to spend huge amounts of money. We don't have to take our children off to greater and grander things in order to do it. In order to have fun. Obstacle courses in the back garden or even in the house. These are sorts of things that we can try and do and be a bit more creative with. So my five strategies, just a quick recap are, obviously the context initially is get organised. Planning is key. Then it's about setting realistic expectations. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Cheerful treats and grumble chores. Gears, that daily practice of gratitude, exercise, something towards their aspirational goals, reading and doing something of service. And the last one is set summer challenges for everyone in the family. Now my give this week is genuinely a bumper pack. So we've got the gears template. So you can go through that. We've got summer challenges. We've got all of these various bits and pieces that you can go and grab as part of the resource library. So you'll get the, these top five strategies as usual in a checklist so that you can use them and annotate them. And have them as a reminder, but we will also have these other resources. So you head over to my free resource library, drmaryhan.com/library, where you'll find the link to download the resource. All you need to do is pop in your email address and you'll get instant access, not only to this week's bumper set of resources, but all the other resources across all my podcast episodes. As ever, if you have enjoyed this episode and found it useful, particularly this episode, you might want to share. And tell others about it, but please, please leave a review. It means so much to me and is the only way that others who don't know anything about this podcast can find it. So if you could follow and review this podcast so that others can find us and we can spread the love. So until next time.
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