Hey folks, it's Chris with the Human Project Podcast. In this episode, we're going to talk about slowing down to save or something as if it was the last time you ever got to experience it. Now that may sound really fatalistic and really difficult, but I think there's this richness to be discovered by pausing and enjoying everything, being fully present with something as if it were the last thing we got to experience. Take a listen as Mark and I explore this and what this reveal is about who God is. Hey Mark. Hey Chris. How's it going? Okay. How about you? Good. All is right with the world now. Start with the sauce. Right with the world. Yeah, we switched back. Oh man. One of these times you should do the intro. What? Yeah. Yeah, that would be weird. Because it might be the last time we ever recorded a podcast episode. What are you trying to tell me? Eventually this is going to end. Yeah. Eventually we're not going to record this podcast anymore. Yeah. I mean, I could continue this ad nauseam, but you're getting sick. But not nauseated. There was a quote that I read a while ago and it's kind of stuck with me a lot and it's been very, very true in parenting. And it is, let me read the exact quote here so I don't mess it up. It is, "Treat every experience with the reverence we'd show if it were the final instance of it." That comes from Oliver Berkman in his book, "4,000 Weeks," which I have also talked about ad nauseam might be the most highlighted, underlined book I have. I think it's a really astute observation that most of us, we've talked about this plenty of times on the podcast about just drifting through life and just taking things as they come and not focusing with intentionality. And I think we can do that and also not pay attention to what's actually happening around us right now. Right. And in his book, he's talking about this principle of like, "Let's imagine you're on your deathbed or all of a sudden you've had this big physical malady and you're not able to do the things that you used to do. You'd give almost anything to go back and do those things again. Like, see your kid when they're little. Like, see the ocean for the last time. Have a good dinner with great conversation with somebody. And we have lots and lots of blessings, lots and lots of good things every single day that we just don't acknowledge. That I think what God calls us to do is see the wonder and see the beauty in that and to savor that as if it were the last moment." Yeah. So, I think we're sort of holding things to casual, to cavalier might be a fancy way of saying it. There's a danger involved in that definitely that we take it for granted that we aren't. I think a way we might commonly say this in today's psychological terminologies be present. Yeah. We want to be present with the people and the situations and the moment that we're in that we really truly can't be anywhere else other than where we currently are with any significant power or effect. So let's be here now. That's the intent of God is that we are present where we're at right now. We need to deal with some things in the past. We need to plan for some things in the future, but the most potent things we can do are in the present. But it's not just about potency. I don't hear you talking that language. That's me bringing that into here. Who are you talking about? Savoring, which is an interesting word. It's a very food-oriented word. So I'm down. I'm in it. I'm with you. But why that word's savoring. I think we've talked about this again on the podcast. We are meant for a delicious meal when it comes to relationships and not just snacking and filling ourselves with junk food. I think the same is true at their time. We're so busy just cramming in moment here, moment there. There were never like, you said present and there in the moment. So we can't actually experience all the richness that is there with it. This has come up quite a bit because Sophia is very, very, very, very active. She is all over the place and it is exhausting sometimes. I'm like, I just want to sit down and not play hide and go seek for the 15th time today. But then, as soon as I say that out loud, I know there's going to be a time. This is the last time we play hide and go seek and you don't actually close your eyes or you go hide under the table for the 5th time in a row. I can guess exactly where you're at. I'm like, I want to save for those moments. I want to feel those moments and be fully present there with those because I know at some point whether it's a week from now, a year from now, a decade from now, I'm going to look back and go, I remember when I would love to do that again. I am a big believer in not having regrets, like being present for the moment where you're at leaving the past and I am much more future oriented. But I want to make sure that I'm not neglecting the present for the future. When you were talking, I was just remembering a story that we like to tell in our family. My niece, I'm not going to name her. I know to embarrass everyone, she was little. She couldn't say Christine's name and Christine. She couldn't say Christine. So she said, "Eteen." And it was just adorable. Right? Absolutely adorable. And there came A day. We got there. She came to our house or whatever and she said, "Eight Christine and Christine, oh, you can keep calling me 18." She says, "Oh, but I can say Christine now." I mean, it was the first time that she never said "Eteen" again, basically. But we still relive, basically, those moments when she said "Eteen." I mean, it's a really small thing, but it's still very sweet, even a nickname, this spoken nickname that she had for Christine is so sweet that we're still, like I said, I'm still telling you the story. I have several years later. And that's really tiny relative to a lot of the things we're talking about here, that if we have the opportunity to be present for those, I guess, but don't always recognize them for what they are in the moment. Yeah. I think it begs the question about how do we actually put this into practice of being there, being present, savoring the moment as it happens. And the way that Oliver Berkman talks about it in his book that I really like is he talks about imagining how often you do something and what the expiration date on that is. Often you do something what the expiration date is. Like let's imagine I have a friend that lives far away and they come to town and I don't see them that often, maybe every couple of years, like how long is that going to last? How long is that going to be in fruition? And let's imagine like it's only going to happen for the next 20 years. They come into town every four years. It's only going to happen another five times. So like think of that as how do we savor that last moment? Like if you're with an aging parent or an aging grandparent, how many more of those special moments are you going to have with them? Like Christmas is coming up. Like how many more Christmas is like Victoria's grandparents are aging. They're getting really old. How many more Christmas is they're going to have with them? So thinking about that as like this is the last of those couple of moments or one of those last times. How would that change how I approach it? Yeah. So what are some of the approaches? I mean, you're talking here about having intentionality if I'm hearing you correctly. And just recognizing the significance of some things that we might otherwise just kind of fly through. Yeah. What are some ways that we can get into that that we can see that and then when we're doing those things, we can be present. I think an example that comes to mind is Sophia wanted to play a doctor this week. Like it's the best thing about having kids. Besides like all the cute moments, it's like there is so much refinement and like self-analysis that comes into play with being a dad. Like I was tired. I had a very, very hectic week and I don't normally have hectic weeks because I just can't like my body can't. I ended up like shutting down on Friday, but Thursday I could already feel like the effects of it. And so Sophia comes up to me, he's like, "Daddy, you want to play doctor?" I'm going to play doctor. And first of all, she doesn't normally like ask. She's like, "Daddy, play doctor with me." Okay. Oh wow, that's a different stance. That's cool. And at first I said, "No, I'm really tired, sweetie." Like we can play doctor later. And I thought about this exact concept and I'm like, "No, you know what? We're going to play doctor." So it was a posture of saying yes more often because you don't know how often those opportunities are going to come up. Yeah. And I think that's one. Is a posture of willingness. I think the second is a posture of presence. We've talked about that.
about how you don't want to be thinking about something that's happened, you don't want to think about the future, but just be in the moment while you're there now. - Yeah. - And I think a great way to do that is fully absorb everything that's around you. Like think about the smell, think about the sight, think about what you're hearing. All of those are probably the most practical way of being there and being in the moment for that. - Yeah. Just to flip the coin over, then some of the opposite of those things might be I'm trying to take a picture of it, which again, not saying, never take a picture of it, but if we're doing things and the main thing that we're doing about that is we're taking a picture, not actually present for the thing. Yeah, we're trying to find the angle to capture it and the lighting and all that kind of stuff to capture it instead of being there and whatever that is. I find another thing I'll often be doing instead of being present is thinking about other stuff. It could be, you know, the typical like, "Oh, need to buy that at the store." But that's not my to-do list or whatever. Or I'm trying to solve this problem. Still, it comes back up in my brain or whatever it might be, right? But there's other things going on in me as I'm talking to somebody, as I'm wherever I'm at and that's actually pulling me out of where I'm currently at and trying to be in a future or past place. And again, those aren't necessarily horrible things, but yet I have a choice to make and sometimes I don't realize I'm making a choice and not a moment. I can look at those thoughts and go, "I see, not right now I want to be present." And choose the present and that in recognition that I have a choice is something that I've been learning more of to be present. - Yeah, I think because if you don't see that choice, you don't have a trade-off to make. - Yeah. And so I think that's exactly what I'm inviting people to think about is what is the choice? Are you going to be present where you're at now? Are you going to multitask? - Half-butt it as they would. - Half-butt it. That's exactly how the kids say it these days. - Right. On the topic of photos, that is such a hard one as a parent. - Sure. - 'Cause you're like, "I want to be able to remember this moment later, but not at the expense of being here for this moment now." Victoria and I were out of wedding a couple years ago and they crowd sourced their. They had a photographer, but largely it was crowd sourced. It was like upload your pictures to this or send your pictures to this. And it was a super annoying wedding. I don't remember who it was. But like everywhere you went, it was everybody had their phones out. And you're like, "I really do even need this?" But like there have definitely been times like we have been too far to one end of that extreme. Where we have a really good memory that we can look back on. We're like, I don't really actually remember being there and being in the moment. I remember recording the video. And at the same time, some of it's just stored in our brain. We don't have any recollection of it that's photographed or photographed. And so it's a balance of how do you be there and at the same time plant the flag for memory. To be plant the flag. - Happen like that. - That's a good way to put it. - Yeah. - Plant the flag for memory. And some of the things you talked about before, other ways of doing it too. Noting more of your senses actually gets a deeper in your memory. So instead of taking a picture, maybe what does it smell like right now, like you said before? - Not always the best thing to do with kids. But you'll remember it better. (laughing) - That's true. - In keeping with our tradition of the ditches and the pathway, we've talked about this pathway is where we spent most of our time, which is great. We've talked about one ditch being like being cavalier, overly casual, and just kind of flying through things and not really paying attention. I think it's worth pointing out there's another ditch on the other side of trying to make things more significant than they are or in a way that they aren't intended to be. So actually putting more weight on something, going there, but we're supposed to be having a good time. You know that kind of thing. I don't know, this is about being president and whatever present is. - Yeah. - Right, whatever the reality of it is it's not trying to make a reality out of it. - Yeah. - So I just kind of wanted to point that out because I've lived on both sides of the ditches I have been in many times in my life. - Yeah, you can get too focused on how do we make this a memory instead of just being there and being present. - Right, being present. - Yeah. - So, biblically looking at this, what all of this is is how are we acknowledging and living out God's goodness and this? I think that's the anchor point for me with all of these. It stops you from being cavalier, if like, oh, this doesn't really matter. All the way to, I have to make this exactly this but having that center ground that anchoring for it is really I think what helps enable this to have life. I need to be free to experience and enjoy and get the fullness out of what God intended for this. 'Cause he is president yesterday today and forever so he kind of gets to be present everywhere and all of this and yet he chooses to be with us in the present moment and he's at work so we don't have to make something significant but also he's here so it's worth being present and right now he's at work. - Yeah, yeah. So my invitation for this, I think this is going to be the last episode we have before New Year's. - Okay. - And so those of you that have an enjoyable time of planning for the year or making New Year's resolutions or goals or anything like that, this would be one I would highly encourage you to spend some time on. What does it look like to be present and to experience everything as if it were your last? That's what I would ask you to consider. Think about how it would feel to experience everything as if it were my last time doing this. How is it going to change how you show up in a conversation with a coworker? How is it gonna change when you talk to that difficult family member? How is it going to change when you see a beautiful sunset? Like I said, there's going to be a point in our life when these things end and set yourself up, set future you up for success where you can go back and go, wow, I'm really glad I was fully present for that moment. Thanks for exploring with that. Thank you, buddy. - I appreciate our times together. These are good conversations, challenging to us. And this definitely won't be the last podcast we ever do, definitely. Maybe. To be continued. - Possibly. We'll find out together. Enjoy this one though, definitely. Yes. (upbeat music) Hey folks, thanks for listening today. Our team is made up of myself, Chris Conlon, Mark Wavel, and our lead editor is Derek Donnelly. We are a crowd-funded nonprofit and our free resources exist because of generous support from people like you. 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