Santino turns 43? w/ Funny Marco

- You two are bad friends. - You are these two idiots. - Woo. - My dude, I'm an Asian dealer. - You two are disgusting. - Woo. - Oh, you two are something. - The bad friends. - 43, I'm 42. This is wrong. And oh my god, look at this guy. Updora, he's got his kneecap balaclava on. - Balaclava. - That's pretty cool, man. - I just had to teach Carlos how to say that word. He couldn't do it. - I like that you're covering your face. - Balaclava? - Balaclava. - No, balaclava. A baklava. - I love baklava. - It's just so good. - I love the Greek dessert. - And also, give it up for the return. We haven't seen him in a long time of Richard. - Yeah, I had to, where's him to come here? - I was at seven equis today. I saw Richie just, you know, I don't know what he does there. But he was just kind of wandering around and I go, you got to come back to bad friends. - He's like, well, if George allows me. - George doesn't own you. You can do whatever you want. - Well, I. - He took his passport, said it. - I take my orders from seven equis. - Actually, I mean, my loyalty's to Andres, to be honest. - Your loyalty is not to us? - Well, no, it's you, but it's to Andres. - Without us, no seven equis. - That's right. - It crumbles. - What? - Without him, no me. - Yeah, but without us, nobody. - No, anybody. - Hey, man, it all comes back to us, okay? - Well, today is what a glorious day, because our pal here, the Paul Simon of the group. - No, I'm the garfunk. - No. - The garfunk. Who are they both still alive? - Yeah, they are. - Well, then we're, you know what? You know who we are? If we were Motley Crew. - That's right. - You're Tommy. - For short Tommy. - And who am I? - I don't know. - And I'm the Rody. - You're the Rody, dude. - Loading it in. Just loading in, that's all I do. I'm loading it in, loading it out. - Is Nikki six in it? - Yeah, Nikki six. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You're Nikki six. - I'm Nikki five. - Okay. - You're Nikki 43. - Johnny five, stay alive. Now, I rewatch Blow last night, by the way. - Yeah, never seen it. - I've never seen it. - What? - Yeah. - Please watch it. - Is cocaine driven? - Yeah. - Yeah. - You had the wrong dream George. - Yeah. - Who's in Blow? - Johnny Depp and Penelope Crews. It made me forget how dope Penelope Crews was. It reminded me, I'm sorry. She's unbelievable. - Anyway, I always have a speech prepared. - Oh, I'm sorry. Give a speech. - Yeah, yeah. - Sorry. - Our honey baby here. - What a voyage and what a journey and what an adventure that you've been on. - For 42 years. - Yeah, from the projects. - Yeah, from the bottom, from the Chicago projects. - From the hood, yeah. - To elite status. - Good man, good man. - Yeah. - Athlete. - Athletic, yeah. - Yeah, Comrade. - Comrade. - Yeah, destroyer. - Yeah. - And healer. - And healer, I'll do both. - Yeah, yeah. - I like that. - Cambodian freedom fighter. - CFF. - Yeah, that's right, dude. - And, you know, you mean so much to me. You're one of my best friends in the whole world. And, you know, we've had our differences. - Oh, yeah. - Big differences. - Big, big differences. - Yeah, yeah, big differences. But we've had our moments as well. - I think that's what makes a good friendship. - Exactly. And so, why don't we give my Comrade here. A happy birthday. - I like it, I'm really enjoying it. - Wow. - A happy birthday. - Yeah. - So, yeah, I'm gonna hurry you. - We're calling this. - What the fuck are you doing, man? - He's always slow. - Yeah, anyway. - He's always slow on the upswing on that kid. - He's the binder, the creator. - Trapper keeper. - Trapper. - No, fill time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, you're good at this. You can fill time. - Yeah, you float distance. - You do. - Hell yeah. - You float distance. - Hell yeah. - And you create havoc within two means. And the two means are two buttons. And the two buttons are life. - Yeah, baby. - Come on, come on. - You're the order of all Smiths. - Oh, he's the order and you're the chaos. - Yeah. But, you know, you'd be the head Smith in some village. I'll tell you that right now. - Really? - Yeah. Where do you get the best axes? Andrew. - You know what I mean? - Where do you get, you know what I mean? The clogs for the horses. I don't really call 'em. - No clogs. - Yeah, they were clogs. - Stirrups, dude. You go to Andrew, right? - I'm the, I turn butter in that village. But I come to you for the arrows. I don't know what else do they do there. - You're doing good. - And, you know, and your locksmith as well. - I really, I fix everything. - You can break into houses as well. - Really? - Yeah, dude. You make the best lockspicks in the village. - The best lockspicks in the whole village. - Yeah. And the wizard. The wizard that lives there? - Vaz. - Your best friend. - I'm friends with the wizard. - Yeah, your friends with the wizard. - Wow. - Your friends with the ladies that sing the songs. In the church. The sirens. - The sirens. - Exactly the sirens. - The sirens. Yeah. - That's you. - So I'm, yeah. - Important to the village. - You're important to at all. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And guess what? - Guess what? - You're gonna be mayor of this village. And then the emperor, he sees your good deeds and your good works. - Thank you, sir. - And he promotes you. - Two. - Clergy. - I'm now part of the clergy. - I feel like that's down. - Oh, you're mad. - But you move me up. - I move it up. - Yeah, yeah. - I like to move it up. - The bishop is very, very, very, very, very happy birthday. Thank God. ♪ Birthday to you ♪ ♪ Happy birthday dear Andrew ♪ - Thank you. ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ - Woo! - So much more. Yes! Success! (laughing) What is this? - It's Hermesuit. - Oh, it's my favorite. - Let's get the gifts out. - It's my favorite thing. - The gift out. - Oh my God, do I love tiramisu? - I love tiramisu, very nice. - Is the best tiramisu in Los Angeles, as they say? Is that true, fancy? - Yep. - Bishop Santino. - Yes, my son? - You were once a smith. - I was once a smith. - Defeated the wizard in the old battle of ages. You created axes and swords and horse clogs. - You mean, best smith in the business? - Thank you. - And you were clergy. You moved yourself up to Bishop. - Thank you. - And we would like to say, "Happy birthday to you, "my Bishop Santino." - Thank you. - Wow. - I love it. - And envelope. - An envelope? - Inside is a card with a little golf club. - Exactly. - This is from Tacomo Spa. - Wow. - Happy birthday from your pals and bad friends. Bobby Carlos, fancy McCone, and sometimes Rudy, and this is to the spa. This is incredible. - It's incredible. - So very much. - You deserve it, Bishop. - I would like a little spa. And this says, "McCone, Much Love, Carlos, Love you." "Happy birthday from Richie, Feliz Coppillanos, Hefe, "El Hefe." (laughing) Am I El Hefe? - Yeah, did Richie sign it? - And this is beautiful. Richie didn't, and I gotta tell you, happy he didn't. (laughing) I don't want his signature. - Happy birthday, Paul. - Thank you, I love you. - And I have to say, this is all I want. Just a little massage, a little spa time for this. - I have some things coming. I know you do. You're the best gift ever. - Yeah, I'm the best gift ever. So anyway, well, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah, happy birthday, hurrah. (clapping) - My favorite thing about our birthdays is going back to back like this. - Yes. - It was that the whole episode is about your birthday. (laughing) And mine is less than two minutes. (laughing) Mine is literally-- - No, no, hurrah, hurrah. - There, more. - Hurrah. - Yeah, yeah. - His board already. - Bravo. (laughing) - Mmm, good church from Michelle. Okay, I'm glad. - You know-- - McCone, take this one. - We reflect on birthdays real fast. - Yeah. - We don't give a shit. - Thank you. - Exactly. - Yeah. - It is a very good tourism issue. - Phenomenal. - It's phenomenal. - What's the name of the place? - Javanese. - Javanese. - Very nice. - A good birthday it will be. You know what, you want to know what I'm doing for my birthday? - I'd like to know, Bishop, please. - I'm going to, of all places, Albuquerque to go see the hot air balloon festival and go on a hot air balloon. Have you ever seen this? - No, but be careful. (laughing) - Yeah, it's one of the most beautiful events I think I've ever seen. - Donum buckle. - Look at how pretty that is. (laughing) - What'd you say? - What'd you say? - What'd you say? - Donum buckle. - Donum buckle. - Donum buckle, okay. - But it's beautiful, it's right. It's early in the morning, you go at dawn and you see all the balloons arise. - Have you really done this before? - I'm about to go do this. - Have you never done it before? - No, I'm gonna go do this, but it looks incredible. Hundreds of balloons in the sky. - Yeah, you're not scared at all. - Why would I be? - Do you have a high quality balloon? - We got a mid-level. - Okay, okay. - A mid-level balloon. - Yeah. - It was on discount. - Now, how does that work? - Let's bring up some accident. - There we go. (laughing) - That's you. - That's me. - Yeah. Now, if that happens, what would you do? - 2025 Santa Caterina Hotter Balloon Crash. June 21st, Hotter Balloon Caught Fire Crash, okay. - Yeah. - Look inward, killing eight of the 21 people. - Come on, that's not bad. - Good chance. - I think I'd be one of the others. Don't you think? - Five non-fatalings. - I don't know. - Non-fatal. - Okay, so, honestly, yeah. A couple of people got dinged. 2013 Luxor Hotter Balloon Crash, all right. So that's been a long time. So, you know what? In 2013, that's a long time to 2025. They were due. And they got it out of the way this year. - Yeah, what's the old school one from the black and white? What was that called again? - Hindenburg. - Hindenburg. (laughing) - The Hindenburg. - Hate to tell you, that was not a hot air balloon. - Yeah, how many people died on the Hindenburg? - Hindenburg. - Hindenburg. - The Hindenburg was down in May 6, 1937, Manchester. - Already six deaths. - Let me guess, all white. - All white? - Yeah, yeah. - All white, yeah. - Well, you know what that thing was filled with, right? - What? - Black sadness. - Black sadness? (laughing) - What is that? - Can I just precaution? - I'm ready to go. No, precaution. I'm 42. This says 43. I'm ready to go. Is it we didn't even get that right? McCone you've stayed in my house. It wasn't McCone. Who was it? It was me. Yeah, you think I'm 43. I heard you say 42. Exactly. That's you did say the other day. You're I am 42 because it's my birthday. I see. Yeah, 41. Pretty good. Wow. One incredible. You know, I'm looking forward to what 43 43. Yeah, look for 43. You're looking for the 43. Yeah, no in this cup. May I ask? Upcoming year, what do you expect here? 42. What do I expect that in my 43? Yeah, what are some goals? The bad friends animated show to get lifted off the ground so we can finally start making that masterpiece. Yeah, bad friends animated. Yeah, I'm excited to start touring again and doing new material Scared out of my mind. I'm excited for the Bobby Lee stand-up special taping Very excited for that. Mm-hmm And I'm more I'm even more excited to take the entire summer off next year. No shows no podcasts. No nothing I'm gone for three and a half months. Where you go? Where are you going? I'm turning off my phone and I'm disappearing Okay, that might interfere with work. It doesn't matter to me. Yeah. Yeah, this is all work. We'll have to backlog. No, okay Well, then are we done you got to get a new host the co-host okay? Now you're excited. Taylor Williamson I don't know what is the only one available Taylor Williamson. He is great. Yeah Yeah, you know, I too want to have a I want to do a What do you call it when you when you go dark in a cave? A little sadness retreat. No, no darkness retreat. Yeah. Have you seen those? I want to do that I wanted I would love to try the one you and I we should go together to try to do the one where you don't speak for five days Yeah, I'd love that fucking impossible. Yeah, you don't talk for five Neil Brennan did it I think you you voluntarily go to this thing and you don't talk and all of LA was relieved You go there for five love you Neil. We love you. We love you Neil darkness retreats near Los Angeles within the ultimate darkness Yeah, look what they look like is there an image is my father's one in Malibu But you know you would you come home at night. You know that you wouldn't last. Yeah, you don't think so you and I would never last You know what I would do a darkness retreat. If there was a competition. Yes, well, we could make it a competition Yeah, yeah, because they who who taps out first. They don't have sookam and ramen out there Yeah, I'm sure you're eating tofu bowls and stuff and I just think that it would be I just want to know what it's like Just a feel it. Yeah, to feel it kind of like when you try to go vegan or something Oh, there's another thing. Have we talked about this is another thing that I want to do which is go to that room with no sound Oh God the not hyper bearer chamber. Is that what it's called? There's a room with no sound and people can only less an hour They go crazy that one right there. What's it called and how do you say that any any chowick chamber? Yeah, and a lot of youtubers and viral people can get to go I want to make a Proposition is there any way bad friends can go visit this room because I'm just so curious For a short amount of time because people go crazy. Don't yeah with their 15 20 minutes people start Like seeing things and they start hearing their veins. That's cool. Yeah So I sat in something not this level, but I sat in something like this in Hobart They had a museum and in the museum they had something as close as they could but you can hear your own heartbeat It is very weird. Yeah, I did not like it at all. Yeah, like your brain and this one isn't even like this This this was like a low down version of this, but that thing scares me. You see even the look of it's scary Honestly Carlos be real try to make this happen. Okay. I'm really scared of it. I'm not gonna lie I know you if you do 15 minutes you do 15 minutes. I'm not gonna laugh at you 15. Yeah, I'm doing two. Yeah, I'm I think I can do an hour No chance. Oh, yeah, I can what's the longest someone's been in one of these how do you even say an hour and a half? I think an hour and a half everybody take a guess on how you say that yeah any chowick and a chowick chamber and a soick chamber Yeah, and a chowick and a chowick chamber How long has someone been in what's the longest anyone's been in there the longest person stayed in there is a Raymond red Microsoft's Redmond campus 55 minutes wow Wow 45 minutes in another lab YouTube's calics one hour and 26 minutes in the London chamber Yeah, these durations are challenged by the disorienting effects of the profound silence sensory deprivation hallucinations increased awareness of internal body sounds like heartbeats and breathing See, what if you had a heart attack in there could you hear your heart? Well, there's video camera Look at this man who broke the record for time spent in the world's quietest room Yeah, reported experiencing several hallucinations Yeah, see I just 32-year-old is allowed to speak for he spoke for one minute every five minutes to keep sound levels below 25 decibels so he would just talk to himself No, no, no, I saw the video because it's on video so you can take every minute every five minutes He would talk for a minute and he would tell people what was going on. It looks like a horror film Look at that. I know we got to do it. What's the point of this? Well, you they say you you like clear your brain you reconnect He also like hallucinating stuff Yeah, yeah, he said it sounds like someone's dragging a trolley across my ear It feels like seconds are going slower while I talk and the trolley in your ears you can hear your blood vessels in your ear Yeah, we got to try it dude. It's the hardest five minutes. He's ever done. He said he felt like he was going crazy Wow I'm so curious see, but if you have any if you have any any if you're prone to panic attacks or or claustrophobia This is gonna kill you What yeah, I have panic attacks sometimes all right, then I'll do it. Okay. I'll watch. Yeah. Yeah. You watch though. Oh, yeah I'm gonna cut you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna cut this. Yeah That is creepy to think about we're gonna try it. I'm down to do it. We got to go to London Is there one in Los Angeles? I think there's one in Minnesota and a soic chamber. Oh, you say LA physics department has one Research purposes requiring a professor's sponsorship for access. You see Irvine also has one we could try It's give it a go. Are you prepped and ready for your for your special taping? No, I'm not you're coming up on a babe I know that's why booked a bunch of shows So I'm gonna just try to bang it out you know at this point. It's like I have what I have I Can't change what I'm what I'm not you can keep manipulating it and and piecing it we are trying But it's like I have what I have you know, I mean, I'm just gonna do what I'm gonna do and if they said don't ever do another one Then I'm not gonna do one then don't do another. Yeah, yeah, but I think it's gonna be fine. I think it's gonna be wonderful Yeah, I like some of my jokes and I'm a performer it'll be fine What's so funny? I mean when you see me perform. I don't bomb never I never bomb right I do well, right? Yeah, okay good You think it's gonna go well Who in the room in the back? I'm not allowed there so I have no opinion. Yeah, you're coming You told me I was I was kidding. Of course. I want you to I need you to be there. What do you think? I think it's gonna go great Okay, what are we on dress? Absolutely. Okay Carlos be real. I think any hint of it not going well You'll just hop on a joke that works so it can't not go well. It can't not go well Hmm how much time do you have I have 40 Forties all you need going for Well, I have a musical number and some other things Yes, it'll it'll feel like but I'm also working on another 10 so let's see what happens a musical number I like that. Yeah, I'm gonna play the piano and sing. Yeah, yeah, what? Live at the yellow onion It's anyway, let's bring in our guest. We should ladies and gentlemen. It's funny Mark. Oh, ladies and gentlemen Factor follow always feels like a reset between back to school Busy routines and shorter days finding time to cook can be tough man. 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If you watch this episode later, too bad you missed it, but if you will still be able to get this discount, but it won't be 40%. - Make sure to use the code BadFriends or click on the link in the description to get the special promo. - I was just, no, we ain't it. We're here, like we ain't it. - We don't have to be in it. - I don't know, they don't already passed. Same Patrick's Day. - Yeah, it's my birthday, this is my birthday episode, so they're selling because I'm irish, there's my, oh, I'm turning. How old do you think I am? - In what? - In year, human years. How old do you, just looking at me? - Well, I just learned that Theo Vars is 56. - No, no, no, no, no. (laughs) - I listen, Marko, can I call you Marko? - Yeah. - Right. - I'm not one of those Asians that get offended. - Yeah, you can throw it out there. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - What's my fucking, what kind of Asian? - I say, like, the one off of hangover? - Yeah, the one off of hangover. - He's writing stuff down. - Yeah, I'm writing stuff up today, so don't forget. Okay, hangover, and also how old am I, Marko? - Oh, you don't age. - I know, I don't. - Like, if you put up a baby picture, you probably still look the same. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Put it up. - But put it, put it, put it, put it, put it, guess up. - There's Bobby's a baby. - He looks the same. - Look, and his dad right there, his dad in that photo is 94. (laughs) - Yeah. So no, guess. - Oh, I'm gonna say, 36. - Wow. - Thank you. - Oh, that's offensive as fuck. - That's offensive as fuck. I look younger than Andrew. - God, that hurts. - That hurts. - I'm 54 years old. - Oh, are you serious? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - How do you feel? Like, what do your dad look like? - He's dead. - He's dead. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - He looks like that. (laughs) - Oh, how, I never, yeah. Okay, so what is, where's your culture again? - Korean. - Korean. - How are Korean? - Annyeonghaseyo. - How? - Annyeonghaseyo. - Say it back. It's only polite. - Annyeonghaseyo. - Annyeonghaseyo. - Yeah. - Okay. How are the funos? Can you break it down? I've never been in one before. - You can move, yeah? - No. - Oh, he's asking you, how are you today? - I'm doing good. - Oh, yeah. - Go, go, go. (laughs) - Mashi-salya. - Yeah. - You guys sub-titles? (laughs) - For the audience, yeah. - Yeah. - Okay. - Well, he asked about how your funerals are. Well, we love black funerals. We've talked about on this show. They're probably the best thing in the world. - Yeah, they are. - Have you been to one of those where they prop them up and they play with them? - I did that way. - That's the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life. - Asian funerals, we're quite people. Where should we go? - Everybody does that same thing. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Does it know by a cross? - No. - That's gonna be crying. - Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. - They're smaller tear ducts. - Yeah. - I'm not really good at that. - Yeah, smaller eyes. - How you been to one? - 200%. (laughs) No, you know, he invited me to one, but I couldn't go. But I do wanna go, 'cause it does look like a party. This looks like a party. - 'Cause he lost his key. - I lost my key. - He lost his key. - Yeah. - That's an African funeral with their encased in there, and that's a celebration. - Yeah. - She was a mermaid. (laughs) - Well, she was alive. - Funny Marko, do you think there are black mermaids? (laughs) - I wouldn't know what a, I feel like a mermaid would just be a no race, just nothing. - Oh, it's a nothing race. - I'll say that to her, that's the new mermaid song. - Yeah. - She would disagree. - Yeah, I just felt like it would be like see through. (laughs) - Oh, like jellyfish. - Yeah. - Oh, translucent, I see. - Right. - But would you hook up with a mermaid you think? - Whoa, whoa, whoa. - No, no, no. - What the fuck? - Mermaids do have, they have, they have whole. - They have whole. - Mermaid have whole. They are real. They are real. (laughs) - Yeah, yeah. - Absolutely. - We've only caught three, one alive. Yeah, that's the whole, right? - There it is. (laughs) - It's like a little diamond. - You can fit in there. (laughs) - I'm glad you're here. - It's a part where you die. Oh, wow, yeah. - No. (laughs) - No, I was contemplating that and I, yeah, you're right, I could fit in there. - Yeah, you could. - Do you know why? I have a small penis. - Oh. (laughs) - I wouldn't call it like. - No, my penis is fine. - Yeah, it's good. - You're getting you somewhere. - Yeah. - Everybody likes something, you know? So I feel like it could be big to somebody, you know? - Yeah, for a little dwarf. - If that's what you like. - That's what you like? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Are you in a relationship? - No, well, this, I'm just hanging out. (laughs) - Who does that mean? - I mean, I feel like relationships are just like, you know, relationships, I feel like they just, they dare, you know? (laughs) - Yeah. - I feel like married. - You're playing the field. - Yeah, I feel like, yeah, until you get married, it's like, you know, hanging out. - Until you're married, you're doing your thing. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Where you married? - I'm married, he's not. - I'm not. - He's single. - He's ready to go. - What do you want to go on the pound? - What's taking you so long? (laughs) - What does that mean? - Well, you're 54, he knows, and so he's asking. - Well, you know, I've been in long-term relationships, they haven't worked out. And then now I'm back on the prowl. Yeah, you can do that. - So what do you meet your girls at? - Or, oh, really? At the dojo, is that what you're saying? (laughs) - Wait, what the fuck you're saying? - You remember asking? - No. - No, yeah, yeah. - Like on the app. - Yeah, yeah. - Can we see how you DM girls? - Well, let me call the emperor and see if the gaysha are available. What the fuck are you talking about, man? - Which part? - He wants to see your game. - He wants to know that you have. - I'm on a dating app called Raya. - Can you show us like how you got a girl, how it goes, a thread that you comfortable with? - Yeah, show a thread. - What do you mean the thread? - To read us what they're saying to a girl, like get her number. - How do you, or you don't, you're not on the apps. - Oh, Instagram. Usually, I make sure that they're single by watching a story, that I'll show her, yeah. - I got one. - Okay. - Can he explain how he gets girl? - He's in, we gotta take this right now before he got, what is it? - No, no, I can do it, I can do it. - Okay, in the end, always watch the story and start a conversation, never going like you want to talk to them. - What's your first line? - What's your, it depends on what they post on a story that. - Okay, okay, I've got, I mean. - It beats. - No, no. - It beats it with the girls. - You know, I'm playing dodgeball with a Samoan. (laughing) I'm playing dodgeball with Samoan, right? He's yanked back, right? And I'm going, like, don't hit me, right? So, what's that opening line? - He's not interested about it. - She's a hottie, she's a hottie, but she's playing dodgeball with Samoans. - She's a 10, but she's playing dodgeball with Samoans. - She's 27 years old, dog. Big titties, Brazilian ass, everything, right? So, she's like, born a woman, right? - What? - She born a woman? - Well, you're left to find out. - Does it matter? - You're gonna have to find out. - She has the right parts now. - Okay. - She got the op. - Wait, I'll probably pass it to you if you like it. - Okay, she's born a woman, she is a woman, she identifies as a woman. She's just playing dodgeball with Samoans. - Yeah, I just don't get. I wouldn't be in that room. - Right. - What do you do? - It's an Instagram post. - Oh. - Yeah. - And then they post that. - They posted that. - How did the game go? How did the game go? - That's crap. - Yeah. - Finally, you said it like it was live. You didn't say it was a picture. - All right, so. - I was just giving him a scenario. - I'll respond. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I like it. I think it's smart. How did the game go? And the girl responds, "We lost. Can you help me? I'm down." What do you say? - Down. - There's a lot of double on time that's happening. We lost. Can you help me? I'm down. - What's the next thing you say? - I was like, when the next time I play it, and I'll let it come play with you guys. - Do I play with Samoans? - Yeah. - You hear what you're saying? - Yeah, it doesn't play with you guys. - Yeah, I actually come play. - Yeah. - Okay. - I actually used to date someone. I very understand on me. - Oh, you understand the technique? - Yeah. - Based on the way, 'cause you dated one? - Yeah. - You know Samoan dodgeball technique? - Yeah. - Based on the dates. - Yeah. - How you been on? - That's insane. - Okay. - A family or a year. So you gotta like watch out, like, you can't get too rough. You know, 'cause they together. It's a family. - The Samoans general smell different. - I didn't get that far. - Right. - For his girlfriend and I didn't take her virginity and she thought someone was wrong with me, but I just wasn't ready. - It's good for you. What's your favorite flavor then of girl? - I feel like anybody that load a self. - Beautiful answer. - But we're talking about flavors. (laughing) - Is this, it varies. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Can I throw out some flavors? - I didn't date it all the time. - Cuyante. - Yeah. - Cuyante. - Yeah. - Like that flavor? - Who's Cuyante? - It's a flavor. Anyway. - Cuyante sound like a black girl. - It does, yeah. - Yeah. - That does. - How about hazelnut? - That's a white girl. - That's a guy. - That's a guy. (laughing) - That's a guy? - Yeah. - Because of the nut. - Yeah. (laughing) - How about chartreuse? - chartreuse. - Sound like another guy. - Sounds like a guy. - Okay. - Yeah. - Let's give him rocky road. - Another guy. - Okay. - Give it up. - Oh, rose. - Rose? - Yeah. - That sound like an older woman. - Okay. - Lavender. - Yes. I like that. - Lavender. - What a woman that you came. - Okay. - She, you know. - Lavender. - Before you put you to bed. - Cooked for you put you to bed. What about Rosemary? - Did he date an older woman? - Yeah, whatever. we talking as a ceiling, if they got like some, you know, something that they're gonna leave behind, I'd definitely stand there. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, bring her up, please. - Bring her up. - Yeah. - Would you date Sarah Huckabee Sanders? - 'Cause she did hear you were coming on the show and was interested in talking to you. - Yeah. - I don't think she'd like me. - Yeah. (laughing) - And when you say you or anybody like you, - Yeah, yeah, there she has with her three children. - Right? - Yeah, she wouldn't like me. - Yeah. - Okay. - Yeah, there's that, she has no black kids. - Okay. - Well, let's give her one. - No, I just think she already got, what's she like? - She's got what she's like. - Yeah, you got to respect it. - Do you have any kids? - Yeah, I got kids. - How many kids? - I got three kids. - Three? - Yeah. - Boy, boy, girl. - I got two girls, one boy. - Ah, other way. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Beautiful. - What holds the oldest one? - 12. - She's mixed. So her mom is white and black, and then I got, give me a black baby, you know, that makes him baby. - Oh, you have different momas? - Yeah, not an Asian. - Three bit momas. - Let's get you an Asian. - Three momas, okay. - Where's your mama love? - She is? - I love. - Yeah. - Where does that some sort of terminology? I'm not a world. - Mama love? - He said is your mother alive. - Oh, she's alive, yeah. - Yeah, my dad. - She is single. - She is single, actually. - Well, it always stops up. - Do you got it, Instagram? - No, she doesn't have an Instagram. I don't like the line of. - She does TikTok. - But did your mom have an Instagram? - No, she don't. - Would she like me? (laughing) - Why? - She's like people that's like, you know. - Excuse me? (laughing) - She's like people that have been being through shit. - Oh, I've been through a few. - I've actually been through a lot. - You've been through a lot. - I've been through a lot. - He's been through a lot. - If you know who shot at you and you could tell, will you? - No, homey because I'm not a snitch. - So you want to keep them out there to shoot at other people? - I would snitch. - Yeah. - No, I wouldn't snitch. - But guess what, dude? They'll get their day. - Oh. - Yeah. - I'll rip their ass off. - Yeah. - That's a prerequisite for your mother. - Yeah. - What a dating app. - Yeah. - Has she been shot? - No, she haven't. - Oh, good. - She keeps hanging out with guys that do it. - No, she's staying in the house though. Mom wants like to stay in it. - Okay, I got it. I got it. She stays in the house and she likes guys that are in the streets. Where does she live? - In Kansas City. - KC. - That's where you're from. - Yeah. - You don't live there now though. - No, I don't. - What do you live now? - Is bad. I live in Atlanta. - Wait, what do you mean it's bad? - The car might be bad, it's bad. - Really? - Yeah. - And how's Atlanta though? Is Atlanta up and down too? - It's so big. Like you can get away from it. - Yeah, you can get away from it. - KC, KC or KC Mo? - KC Mo. - Okay. - I got a question for y'all. - Mm-hmm. - Go ahead. - What do you say, like, you know, how would you compare? - What would you say about your sister right now? What do you feel like you haven't done yet that you want to do? - I mean, so low, not together. - Oh, well, we don't do much separate. We're one unit. - You know, I'll be honest with you. I've done everything I've dreamt of doing. I've been in movies. I've been serious regular on TV shows. I've done stand up on TV. I've a tour. - I'm about to go up on a hot air balloon for the first time. - Yeah. - And I hope it doesn't crash. - Okay. - Would you go up on a hot air balloon? - I would. - You would. - Would you skydive? - Yeah. - Would you bungee jump? - I don't like that. - You don't like that one. - I just try the indoor, you know, skydaint inside. And it was a lot for me. - You didn't like that. - Not me. - Yeah. - And it feel good. - What's going on, man? - He's sick. - My allergies. - I think we're gonna get sick. - I'm telling you. - I think you're getting sick. - Could you be honest? I'm sorry. - No, okay, so black. - No, no, you're right. You're right. - I just have allergies. - Asians get allergies as well. - Wait a minute. - You invented it. - That's our thing. - No, you didn't invent that. - No, we did. - You invented a lot of stuff. Peanut butter, traffic lights. - The doorknob. - The doorknob. - The doorknob. - The doorknob. - Do you know about black invention? - Yeah. - Do you know about all the black inventions? - Yeah. - As we go over them on the show pretty often. - Yeah. - Play stations. - No, that's it. - I think the Japanese. - The Japanese. - Yeah, that's our people. - Okay. - Yeah. - Home security. - Traffic lights. - The doorknob, though, too. - Yeah. - Supersoaker is amazing. Lonnie Johnson invented the Supersoaker water gun. - Those are very important. - Now, would your mother date Lonnie Johnson? - Yeah. - Because he's into guns with their water guns. - No. - She couldn't fuck with Lonnie Johnson. - No. - Lonnie Johnson. - I say he just now got paid for that. He never got paid. He just recently got paid for it. - Oh, really? - He just got paid for a Supersoaker? - He just recently got paid for it. - Oh, wow. - Some white guy claimed it was his. - 'Cause yeah, they never paid him. - Yeah, they never paid him. - Fucking white guy. - Look at that. - That was the men in black style. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Wow. Look at him. - So he finally got paid, Lonnie Johnson finally got. - I think you go look it up. It says he just got paid at the many years. Like him getting paid for the Supersoaker. - And because some scumbag took all the money. Yes, 2013 Supersoaker inventor Lonnie Johnson was paid after a legal battle with Hasbro, which acquired the company to license the toy, 72.9 million dollars in underpaid royalties. - Wow. - Now your mother would definitely date Lonnie Johnson. - Yeah, yeah. - She would fuck Lonnie Johnson. - She would fuck Lonnie? - Yes. - Yeah. - Why have a little money? Would she fuck me? - No, not Lonnie Johnson money, buddy. - Okay, no, I don't have Lonnie Johnson money. - No, you're not Lonnie Johnson money. Okay. - What do you think is the best black invention? - That's a good question. We guys stop signs, right? - Traffic lights, I think, was traffic lights. - Yeah, that was be good. - That's huge. - Home security. - We were just dying before. - Home security. - Home security is so fucked up because you just watch it happen. But you know what's happening. But it's like it's done. You can't do shit. - You can't do shit. - What do you mean? - If somebody's breaking the house, you just see it. - But then you can do it at some action. Like call somebody. - Now if they may home security with lasers, where you can shoot through. - Yeah. - I see it. - They need that. - Yeah, now we're thinking. - Yeah. - Lasers. - Yeah, yeah. - I always wondered in the bank and the movies where they try to go through. Why don't we just have those in house? - That's true. - You and I breaking into his house. - Breaking into his home? - Yeah. - We could just ask to go over. He'd let us in. - Oh, he would. - I'm going to break in. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm at the living room. I live in a nice neighborhood. - You do? - You do. - You leave your doors unlocked? - Yeah. - Seems risky to me. - Yeah. - Really? - Yeah. - I would never leave my door unlocked. - I mean, why? Because if things are going to go in, they're going to get in anyway. You think if somebody wants to break in your house, they're going to be like, "Oh, the doors." It's locked. - I don't want to get a new door. - Right. - Ah, dude. - Let him in. - He's got something there. - Yeah. - Now, if they do get in, what do you do? Once they're in, you just let them have it or you protect your house? - I don't know. - It depends if I'm there or not there. - If you're there. - Oh, I mean, it'd probably be like a shooting range. - You keep that thing on you. - I mean, not only, but it's like the thing at the house. - It's like John Wick's now. - I got you. - Yeah. - Georgia have eminent domain. You know what that is? What it's called? Where if somebody breaks into your house, you could shoot and kill them. - You got this green, but I don't know. I got a gun. - I will kill you. - Yeah. - Right, stand your ground. That's right. Georgia's stand your ground law eliminates the duty to retreat before using deadly force. So in Georgia, no duty to retreat. The individuals are not legally required to attempt to flee a threatening situation before using deadly force. So someone breaks into your home. You could kill them. - Right. But I don't want to. - I'd like to. - Yeah. - But it's a free pass to kill somebody. - Yeah. Wait, it's like. - I know. - I'm with you, dude. - 'Cause it's like, I don't want to clean my house up. Like, it's in my house. - Oh, right, right. - Funny Marco, you got plenty of money to pay someone to clean that house. - Yeah. - How about you just go break in a house, Danny? - I got that. Okay. So once they break into your house, you break into their house. - Yeah. - So you would make an announcement, do you think? - Chess, not checkers. - Well, how would you say it? I'm breaking into your house. I want to do an act out. - Right. - I've been trying to do an act out for three minutes. - Trust me. - Eee. - Eee. Eee. - I'm talking about lasers. - I knew that Marco has lasers, right? And then all of a sudden, okay, I'm going to steal this Mexican baby's toy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I wrote down with the linchet half white baby's toy. - And then I'm going to say, who down there? - It's me. - Bob. - It's me, Bob. - And then I'm going to have, because I would be like, what the fuck is wrong with him? Why would he say his name? - It's Bob Lee. - Right. - From LA. - Right. - Yeah. - That's when I say, I got a warning shot and not fire one in the air. - Yeah, but we're bros, no? - Not. - And then when I come down, since you heard the fire, and it has to go off again. So you always got a shoe one in today. - Oh, so I have one shot. - To go away. - To go away. - Yeah. - But then your roof has a hole in it. - I know. - And you're going to have one too. So it's like, you know? - Well, even, I'm sorry. - Yeah. - Excuse me. - Yeah. - You know it's me. - But we've met before. - We've met before. - Lasers and everything. - Yeah, you do go pass a leg. - Oh, I did. - Oh, that's right. - Because of my ninja skills. - And I'm on the corner. I'm just saying, I'm waiting for you to go back. - Yeah, that's right. - Okay. - Are you to get away driving? - Always. - Okay, get shot. - Oh, wait. - Oh, wait. - Are you serious? - Shit. - Oh, shit. - Just in general. - Yeah, I will let that come in. - We're really? - Yeah. - All right, we're going to come over. - Ridge wallet. Dude, Ridge wallet is the only wallet I use. You know what? They're a compact, right? They're sleek. And you know what? I've been using Ridge wallet for years. But guess what, man? They come up with new stuff. And they have something new. 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I don't know if they talk with the pocket they talk to penis yeah I'm listening to him. You didn't add that in there show me the stretchy pants that like your butt he knows which ones I'm talking about and she's where and she's she lists and she's shoelace no shoes and she's out on she's outside at the park you know these pants that like right that yeah the ones that like your butt oh yeah yeah those those from the internet but crack leggings yeah and at the back you can just see the tip of the penis talk back why Marco why I don't know he hates it I'm sorry Marco is what you say I know I didn't say no I said you hate that what it's your penis I know I don't see that I'm sorry dude my bad I read it wrong you read it wrong yeah you read it how this girl that's her right now love that don't you but now give me your intro line to her on Instagram oh somebody that kind of do that it's kind of like a too much attention I don't like somebody that kind of like first trap you like someone to lay low you like I like to like you know like hide it a little bit you like the jiggle or what what did you go what when the jiggles okay you have to play I tell you some of some of those jiggly no okay no more we're not doing that anymore no more okay yeah yeah penis doesn't jiggle by the way depends it just rises right depends like a comment we wake up you wake up in a morning and what do you do why you keep asking me questions because I'm a normal human being do hey hey why are you jumping he's asking a real question okay what I do is okay so I wash my ghee you know I mean and you know I have a black belt with a stripe the stripe I can take off so I wash that to hand wash that right and I go to the dojo right and I do you know me in my sense say right we do some meditation we'll do some yoga right and then you know I'll battle out you know I mean I'll do some rounds with people yeah piano piano sometimes comes out right we'll do some you know me take one down take me through your day when you wake up what do you do what is funny Marco do first thing in the morning wake up I realized that you know my feet work because you never know got as good yeah I'll be thankful for that I listen to motivation like Steve Harvey motivation and I always try to like show me motivation we love Steve Harvey yeah he's one of our well that offended you huh it was like that offended you we love Steve that it was like a that did it it was a push it was a little snap like he went what show me motivation show me motivation he says that on the show yeah we did the show yeah yeah I know I know did you do it I didn't yeah interesting it's like we did it you didn't you didn't just happy he's a godly man are you a godly man you are you go to church I'm maybe is the right yeah oh so you can't concentrate yeah I need some medicine they do need a church for ADHD they do I mean how much money do you put in the basket when it comes around the most I put in there the most I put in there because I was young I will give me a while what is this church that's a fun church I yeah that's like a church I go to yeah yeah yeah that's how like yeah that's how your church looks yeah yeah they got a 50 inch flat screen TV there yeah it's like the playground of my daughter it's like where his daughter goes to the playground the most the most racist thing I've ever heard no he's saying his playground for his daughter goes to his diverse the most racist thing I've ever heard I'm just gonna take that I've ever heard yeah right that yeah yeah Wow I apologize they happy that's that's the celebration of how it lull you that's Christ yeah that's the Lord getting in you yeah yeah that could I go in that church you think yeah you could yeah yeah and they'd walk on me I'd rather you're not yeah we're definitely 11 minutes I'd let I'd rather him not how much was you putting a pot hundred bucks that's good yeah can I ask one more religious question if I may please yeah yeah do you think Jesus would approve you having three babies from three different babies mamas yeah yeah yeah I feel like yeah because they're gonna do something in life that's right and they gonna save other people good answer and also says in the Bible be fruitful yeah and you're being very fruitful very good yeah be fruit how many kids do I get I have zero I have zero we have zero oh what do you like we pull out blanks shooting blanks no we pull out you pull out yeah yeah what yeah do I back up oh do you you back up none said do you back up he backs up no I pull out what do you well he usually falls out I fall out he'll fall right yeah I slip out yeah yeah I slip out there's none to grab on to that's good yeah and I make a noise I say something usually like oh what's outside what is your favorite sex word excuse me what is your favorite sex word oh is it excuse me no it could be my favorite sex word word phrase phrase dang that Hootie is stinky yeah I dang that Hootie is stinky that's usually that's my favorite that yeah dang that's Hootie is what's yours what's yours I guess when I'm making love it's like back that ass up back that ass up back that ass up yeah I'll say that pretty frequently to my wife yeah back that ass up yeah maybe I'll bake that back that ass up yeah yeah and then I'll give her a little get over here back that ass up yeah what do you say oh shit oh shit that's what you say oh shit oh shit when you come well no this is like oh shit like oh shit what is the sound that you make when you orgasm I really don't I really don't I don't make no orgasm kind of trying to save the energy right right right so you just you just look at them no sometimes you have close your eyes oh you close your eyes yeah okay yeah I see that yeah like that make no no noise don't do long noise okay put your eyebrows down can't like this can't she don't think it's think if you look like that yeah okay well this is that's my face yeah yeah yeah it's a good bit shut up I try I try it's a good bit all right if I can guess can I guess are you a car guy no you don't like car you don't drive I do but I don't care for cars you don't care at all hmm what is it what is the thing you like the most that's what's that's like what toy like toys a lot of money I can buy some I really I couldn't even say because I didn't know I was gonna have money to buy anything and now you have it though yeah but I just I like to help people that's beautiful that's it oh that's sweet I don't really it's not something like oh I know I was gonna get that or I want that like PlayStation it's PS5 in games I played a lot of games he loves it I love it again I used to be into like wrestling man and stuff there's a w e was like my thing that was your shit yeah who's your guy oh I like mankind because he had different personalities right make foley heart Cority had different person, right? Have you met any of your heroes? I was upset when I found out Kena Undertaker wasn't brothers, bro brothers Say when the deadly boys wouldn't row brothers. I thought they were brothers. That fucked you up a little. It's a lie Yeah, who but who have you met that surprised you the most? Yeah, the Dudley boys form Who surprised you the most that you've met someone you go? Wow, I really like that person. I didn't know if I'd like Yeah, I thought they was real brothers. Yeah What do you think gave it a way that they weren't The way they dress It was just the energy. Yeah, the energy gave it something in the room. Yeah What do you think about Diddy's 50-month sentence too much too little? I don't know. I don't get it. Come on. Don't don't don't Let me tell y'all. Let me like can y'all listen to what if you pull up anything about me I don't get into people business because look right when you get when you believe in guy guys go handle the real thing So I feel like when you live in on this or People doing this and doing that, but it's only one answer and that's where he gonna decide. God's gonna decide That's what really can nobody ever. I'll tell you the judge decided he deserved 50 months So that was that was the judge's opinion. Yeah, so if you were a jury member, what would you have said? I'll be sleep Oh, okay, yeah, jury number 12 is asleep read your DM Read your DMs to Marco. He'd like to see how one of the exchanges goes with the girls. Yeah, here we go with what with any of the girls You want to play the game and we skip right over the game. Yeah, so here's one. Can you read it? Yeah, here we go. So this one says Hey, Jocelyn and Jocelyn wrote hi Bobby and that was that was it. That was last time they talked That was it. So that was that one. Can you hide her back? Here's another one Bobby. Hey, you in LA A day later. Sorry barely check notifications here for one more day. Do you come often to NYC? Never responded So his game is tight Pretty tight pretty tight shit Why are you overspying He gets really over it Yeah, if they live in and when it when's the next time I'm gonna be at NYC this and that I just like you know if you're in town You're in LA then I'll take it out whatever about other than that now, you know Yeah, all these you stop responding to literally all of these women And four of them sent the I emoji like this, you know the double. Where are you? Yeah, I mean this has gotten really bad I'm actually shocked darn come back. Please come back Um, okay one more okay, hey real yeah. Hey, how are you? Hey Bobby? How are you? And then literally a month later she goes okay, well I'm on a show Would you like to give me some tips on being on camera and you responded? What do you think you said nothing? Yeah, you said nothing Yeah one more time you said nothing pretty bad. Oh, yeah, so what is it like what is it? He's afraid of commitment I'm not now. He really wants to commit again. I think he's just not interested in girls that aren't interesting So what do you like his type is? Someone who's dynamic someone that's uh someone that's um is a dynamic person that someone that's got their own thing Their own thing going you know, I mean you know he likes women that like an arts and crafts one right like how Rosanne was Just like Roseanne by just like Roseanne bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah style wise style wise, you know, fashion from a fashion perspective Roseanne is kind of like the kind of girls you date. Yeah, yeah, because Roseanne. I mean, this is kind of some of the stuff back then No, that's not big beautiful blouses. Yeah. Yeah, I do I do always carrying laundry Do you get along with her? Roseanne. Yeah, we've never met we don't know each other. Oh, do you love her? I do love her Yeah, I don't know her. I mean, I have that story. I told you do you ever? Yes. I do. Yeah. Do you want to meet Roseanne one day? I would like to meet who's your comedy heroes? Who wouldn't comedy do you love Steve Harvey? Uh, we know that Show me I know I like him for motivations. Yeah, okay, but not the comedy. Okay. Who do you like? I didn't know he digs Stand up. No, he did for a long time. Yeah. Oh, I'll just tell you the motivations True who's your hero now Uh, I love Dave's pale because he just been here. Do you know have you met Dave? Uh, I met him through Donna Rowling. Rowling. Yeah, we love Donna. We love Donna. Yeah, he don't like you. Uh Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, how do you know that? I'm serious. He don't like you. Yeah, yeah, but what did he say? I'm not going to go back and forth about yeah, yeah, you just said you stay out of people's business. Right. I'm gonna call him. Yeah, call Donna. Yeah, I can't. I can't. Yeah, I have this I know this is that hurts that hurts dead. It's also late where he is so he might not answer because it's we got to be one in the morning. Yeah He's in New York. That really hurts that you said that because I thought we had something with him. What? Heel. Oh, he doesn't like Bobby. Yeah. Oh, that's fine. Let me leave a message. No, no, no, he said he doesn't like you. I'm fine with it. He did something about he was naked. Oh, yeah, what? That's insane. What? I was naked. I've been real right now. Funny Marco. I'm saying that you know, the dick sign is stuck in my hair. It's signed. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's signed. Yeah, yeah. That is what he says. Yeah, yeah. That's a lot of control, dude. Just type a text him. Do you not like me? Why don't you like me? Funny Marco says. Okay. Let's say goodnight, boo. That is how you sign off. Don't have his number. You don't like me either. Why not? He's just he's just a different type of energy. But it's like a good light. Yeah, but he couldn't say though though. He whenever I do see me does hug me. Yeah. Yeah, it's just like not come off as racist. Yeah, yeah. And then he goes, uh, you're a fool to me. Yeah. And he goes, get the fuck out of here. Right. That's telling you a lie. That's telling me a lot. Yeah, that's not good. Good. Do you think he's racist underneath at all? No, he's not. Are you racist? Uh-oh. Not even a little bit. Marco. Come on. No, I mean, what is racist? You know, yeah, no, tell me bring up some pictures. Yeah, let me know because I didn't y'all can tell me something new. So racism and the NFL is actively fighting it right now, as I might say, it's a pandemic. So like not, I, not like in a group of people, because what they look like, well, discrimination or just individual community or institution against a person, people based on their membership, a particular racial ethnic group, typically. Yeah. No, no, you don't like. You know, I go off of people off the experience that I meet them. That's why he's different. That's great. Yeah, that's what I like. That's the good way to be. I really don't, because if you took away color, damn what? What do you mean? Everybody who's the same color, damn what? If the world was black and white. Right. They're still we'd sell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, he'd probably be eliminated. But what I'm saying is Yeah, what up? I like that you're writing stuff down. Here's what it is. I don't know funny. Marco likes me. He loves you. I do. Yeah. I'll tell you. I love hangover. See, that's what I mean. What do you mean? I don't know what you know. He knows I'm not in for hangover. No, he did not. He's not hangover. No, I'm not in hangover, dude. That's Ken Jung. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, my God. Well, not so mad TV. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, same guy. See? Yeah, but you think we're the same guy. I thought it was no. Now, but based on his photo, do you know that that's that's not me? I know you're mad TV. Yeah, yeah. You had like screen time. Yeah, I was on the show. Yeah, yeah, that's green time. Wow, you how old are you? 54 already told me? Oh, are you like you sure? Yeah, Matt TV is like now. How was you when Matt TV? I was 30. Oh 24 years ago. Do you remember it? I do. I remember it very well. I was the guy that was the guy to stop. Stop Stewart. Yeah, Michael. Michael McDonald. Yeah, good friend of ours. He's around. He still keeps doing great. Great. So he works directing a lot. He's a director. I think they should bring it back. Yeah, we do too. Yeah, we do too. We could use. I don't know what it was about. I just remember watching as a key and it was it's just a sketch. Just a sketch show. Yeah, great. Like do you like sat in that live or no? I think Matt TV is better. Yeah. Thank you so much. Right. Matt TV was more fun. Matt TV. You have some right now. Do I'm here? I did some writing. Yeah, yeah. No, I did. No, actually I did. He did. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he did. Why do you do that? No, no, he did. No, why do you do that though? He did. He did. Yeah, he wrote a lot. I didn't write a lot, but I did write some stuff. Why do you do that? He writes some stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just hugged. It really puts me off today. Keep writing it down. Maybe it'll come to fruition. Yeah, what would you get your last name from? It's a good question. That's the craziest. It makes sense. Yeah. Well, my father Bruce had Lee. Right. Right. And I just, you know, when he gave birth to me, I just took on the family name. The Korean surname Lee originates from the Chinese character for plum. Yeah. Which is the shape of my testicle. You don't think that's racist for them to have it. No, no, no, no, no, no, because that's real. Okay. Yeah. The name of the lead, the Chinese origin live from the character, meaning plum or plum tree. You're actually pretty beautiful. Yeah. That's actually beautiful. It is beautiful. Lee is not plum. I'm a plum dude like you a lot of have like a self-respectable because Lee is very, it's, it's, it's one syllable. It's quick. Lee. Yeah. Yeah. Lee. Don't get married. Do you get your name out? No, no. My wife would take on my name. No. Do you own more her name? I don't know what her last name would give me a, give me an example of what her last name would be. Henderson. What? Henderson. Henderson. Yeah. Margot. Bobby Henderson. Bobby Henderson. Yeah. I like that. I like that a lot like Ricky Henderson. Yeah. Would you change your last name? I'm gonna ask you a question. No, no, why can't I ask you? You can. I'm gonna ask it first. Okay. Go ahead. I'm gonna ask you a second. What do you sound Henderson sound like? What race would you put that way? Henderson. Let me see. That's a red Henderson. Henderson. - In this one, what race would you feel? - It white. - Okay. - Ricky Henderson was black, great baseball player. - Yeah. - Really Ricky Henderson was black? - Yeah. - It's a black last name. - It is? - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, Henderson, it says right there AI. The surname Henderson is only four black people. It says it right there in AI. Originally it's from the Germanic given name Henry, meaning home ruler. It's a patronomic name meaning-- - Scottish. - Son of Henry. It's a prominent Scottish surname. - 'Cause the movie Harry and the Henderson, it's not a bunch of fucking black people. (laughing) - It should have been. - I know. Google Harry and the Henderson. - Once again, Hollywood doing their thing. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Harry and the Henderson. - Taking roles away. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So let me say something, are you in that? - Oh my god. - Yeah, that's the Henderson's though. - Let's tread lightly here. - Okay, why? - Yeah. - Why tread lightly? What's tread lightly here? - Crazy. - Yeah, it's crazy. - For you to bring that up, let's just tread. - Why, 'cause there's a white gorilla in it. - Ah, let's tread as lightly as we possibly can. - Oh, wow. - You know, let's really, let's dance on the surface. (laughing) Let's do the Jesus lizard and dance right across the water and not even touch it, really. - Yeah, yeah. - Right. - You're right, point taken. - By the way, Harry is the dog. That's the biggest bit about this whole thing. - Yeah, that's the fun, that's the fun part. - Right, and that's John Henderson. - Do you ever see that movie? - I have not. - Yeah. - You need to watch that. - Does it seem scary? - No, I don't seem scary, seem very relaxing. - Yeah, yeah. - There's also a story about immigration, that whole thing. - Yeah. - That's what that really was about. - Yeah. - Bring up Ricky Henderson the baseball player. One of the greatest of all, so this, so it was a black and then, so maybe it changes, there he is, Ricky the dog. - Oh shit. - One of the best, rest in peace. - He passed? - 2021 maybe, what did he die? 2024, oh my God. God, was that recent? - It's short in his years. - Just last time. - Would you change your last name? - I got two last names. - Okay. - I'm in summer's. - Oh, so I'll go back up for it. - But if you made a woman, she's like, you need to have a mind last name. - Would you do it? - Well, how are you talking? It sounds like it's gonna be a Lee. (laughing) - No, my last name, Hodorito. - I could take it. - Yeah, Hodorito. - Yeah, Hodorito. - I like that. Okay, good. - Yeah. - I would take that last name. - Okay, cool. - See, I think when you get married, you should, you guys should make up a new last name. That's my theory. - That's dope. - They should just make up a new last name. - Yeah. - It's fun. You come up with half and then you finish it. - Right. - So go ahead. - Which one? - Last night? - Yeah, just start. Well, I had last name, he's gonna finish it. You can create a new last name. Half of a last name. Go ahead and go. Funny Marko. - So start a half of a last name. - Funny, what the fuck? - I'm, it's coming to me. - Okay. - Her. - Gayser. - Her Gayser. - Her Gayser. - Love this game. - You didn't do her, like, heart seeing or nothing? - No, her Gayser. - Yeah. - Hey man, you do your thing, I do mine. - Yeah. - I'll give you one and you finish it. - I wanna play. - Okay. - Sit this one out. - Okay. - No, okay, ready, I'll give you one. - Yeah, yeah. - Shan. - Penis. - Shan penis. - Okay. - I did know that was gonna go that way. - Hey, yeah, give me another one. - See that comment. - Yeah. - Give me, that's be real. I'll do it real. - Bane. - Marko. - Bane Merkle. - Yeah. - Mr. and Mrs. Bane Merkle. - Yeah, it's got sort of a Scottish twang. - That's a Scottish English is just a second life. - Yeah, yeah. What do you feel like? When you're on stage, sometimes have a moment where you just seem so like, you could just, it's like in the matrix, I'm just hit you like god damn. I'm really on stage. - Sometimes. - Yeah, that is moment. Where you kind of feel surreal, where you don't even, like, oh my god, like you just like a tunnel, where you just go, yeah. - That's kind of how it feels sometimes. - Yeah, and then I wake up, I'm in a pod. - Dripping wet. - Dripping a pod. I'm going to fantasize. I'm talking about real life. - Real life. I got to tell you, 18 coughs later, you're definitely sick. There's no chance. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're gonna, do you know? - That's not how it is. - Okay, let me say something. - You're gonna have that cough. - No, we're gonna get sick. - Tomorrow. - We're gonna get sick. - Okay, so I have mucus, and it's coming out. - Yeah, that's when you're sick. - Yeah, that's sick. It's not as mucus, it's allergy mucus. - Allergy mucus. - Yeah, yeah. - How often does allergies create a cough? - I only cough 17 times, there's a been here. - Yeah, yeah. - 17 or 18, yeah. - How long have you been sick? - A long, how much? - Oh, okay. - Why are you late? - Oh, just 'cause that's a big sickness. - It's a big sickness. - Two months is longer than it should be. - No, that's like normal. - Average sickness. - What are your symptoms right now, you sore throat? - No, my toes. - What's your manager's name again? - Jackie. - Jackie! - Is he sick? - On his allergy. - Yeah, good manager. - That's a really good man. - Good, good fucking man. - Can I show a question 'cause I was arguing with my brother about this, I stopped wearing pull-ups at the age six, going on seven. - When did you stop? - Dipers, pull-ups. - Same thing I think. You pissing those, yes? - Yeah. - Those are diapers, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, what's the normal age to get out of? - To get out of diapers? - Eighteen. - I was three. - I was probably around three or four, right? - Yeah. - I was six, going on seven. - Did you wet the bed as a kid? - I had to pull up all. - But when after that? - Yeah, but you peed in the pull-up while you were in bed. - No, no, after you were six, did you wet the bed? - On theater, pee. - Did you have a bed-wetting problem at all as a kid? - No, after I got out of the pull-ups, I was six, going on seven, all of a sudden. - You were straight. But I thought that's the average age. - No. - What's the average age to get out of diapers? - Between two and three. - When do people get out of diapers? Two, maybe three, sounds right. Four is a late, that's a late bloomer. - Funny marker, do you ever shoot your pants? - Well, I guess you know, shard it before. - Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. - I was trying to show out and try to fart, but that was it. - Okay. When's the last time it happened? - I don't do that no more. - Okay. - Two and four right now. - That was right. Two and four is about right now. - So why did I, why did they, six to seven? I don't know, maybe underdeveloped. - Well, maybe you needed a little bit extra time. Some people need a little bit more time. - Extra time. - Normal schools too. - Normal schools? - Yeah. - You mean like, where are we slow? Are we slow? - I wouldn't call it slow. - We didn't, we went-- - Do you need special attention? - We did, yeah. - Yeah. - Did you? - Yeah. - We did. - You really needed a special attention? Like what kind? - Well, I was in a program called CARE. - CARE stands for children and real experts. - Something. - So is an alternative school for those that learn different? Correct? That's kind of what it is. - Yeah. - Oh shit, y'all may have a headphones the whole time. Y'all can hear me. - Yeah. (laughing) - Can you hear us? - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm saying y'all. - Do you want them? They're right here. - We got to tell me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You've been doing so fine without them. Do you want them? - I mean, y'all didn't tell me. - But we didn't want to fuck up your hat. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Wow, you got a pooh-sicey in here. That's my the fuck. - You have to. - What's your favorite one? - I like blue flame. You got a magic seed. - Magic seed. - Magic seed is pretty standard. Yeah, blue flame. - Blue flame. - Yeah. Do you be friend the dancers? Do you know them personally? - Yeah, I get to hear a story. Why do you end up there? - Because they know they're white in here. - It's the first question to ask. Do your mom know you do this? - And what do they say usually? - Why would you ask that? (all laughing) - And what do you say in return? - Yeah, I just want to know kind of like, you know, getting to know the background. - Right. It's important. - Have you ever dated a stripper? - Uh, yeah. - You have? - Yeah. - More than one? - I had one solid one. - Yeah, one solid, one good one. From the flame. Father is suing Atlanta gentleman's club after son has shot dead outside of blue flame. It's the Sean Marquis Li. - Oh, what do you know? (all laughing) - The Sean Marquis Li Hendren. Now this is a guy that took a few last names. (all laughing) After a fight inside the blue flame lounge spilled into the nearby parking lot, when was this shooting? - Trust me, it's a good club. - I know, it was a long time ago. Look at that. - Three years ago. - Three years ago, that's that's so far removed. - RP to him too. - All right, Peter that gentleman, that's terrible. The blue flame lounge though. They have $5 pancakes. - Wow. Have you had the food there? - No. - Okay. - I only eat food from like, you know, everywhere. - Where do you get food from then? - Papadose. - Only Papadose. And then do you cook at home? - Yeah, I cook at home, I like cooking. - You do? What would you make us if we came over? - We came over, what was it? - We got some fried chicken. - Okay. - Okay, sorry, I shouldn't have went that deep. - Fried chicken. - Yeah, fried chicken with some fries. - French fries? - Yeah. - Anything else? - Some ketchup and hot sauce. - ketchup and hot sauce? - Salad or? - Whatever. - What are you drinking? Licker, no liquor? - Okay. - Are you a drinker? - No, I drink my car lemonade. - Right. - That's it. - Do you get high? - No, like coffee. - Right. - No drugs. - I smoked before, but it was hard. The coffee, like, I did it edible before. It was just like, it was just aw, shit. - So you're, no more of that. - Yeah, this is edibles. - Yeah. - And that was like powerful. - That's heavy. - Those are powerful. - Yeah, they're heavy. But my car lemonade you like? - Yeah, that was a give me on bus. - I like those. - Three of those. - Three of those in your set. - Yeah. - I used to drink those in high school all the time. - Why you say it like that? - I used to drink them in high school all the time. - I don't, but why you say it like I used to. - 'Cause I don't do it anymore. - Oh. - This past tense. They're too sweet for me. - Yeah. - Well, you get older, you start the food that way. - Yeah, sugar, too much sugar. Like, you don't like desserts, like I don't like my car lemonade. - Yeah, hold on you. We don't know how old you are. - I'm 32. - Okay. - Yes. - You said like he wasn't an answer. - I love you. What's his name rush if y'all look up look up the bottom or quarterback right now? Oh, yeah, that's right. I got tagged a lot a lot online by the guy people say I look like that guy Man you are sick. I'm not there's no way that's there. I am yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's you. That's fucking awesome What do I look do me do me now? Oh? Bob does know that's not an insult That's fantastic to be in the NFL do I look like I'm in the fucking NFL? That's a good thing huge And you still going like you smoke yeah, watch what he gives me now. What does he have hella in exceptions? Oh What is what does he look like? I'm typing pinned out Panda Express Panda Express workers Not gonna lie you do look like three of the five. Oh, that's a Mexican woman. That's a Mexican woman. Oh, maybe the owners Is that is that mr. Express right there? Do you know why I've never seen a black Chinese worker like I mean I never seen a black person working out a Chinese restaurant. Why why why is it why not? Why is there not black person working at a Chinese restaurant? Yeah, they don't hire I asked for application before dating you wanted to work at Panda Express Not that would know they are hired like a Chinese restaurant like like if you walked into a soul food restaurant You don't want to see white people back there working Yeah, it happened really if you saw an agent guy, do you want some grit? Yeah, you won't call a phone call a green you would you wouldn't like it Happen, huh? It happened at Papa's churches. What? No, no, that's fast food. That's different That's talking about like a family-owned restaurant is different because I guarantee you there's a black guy that works at a Panda Express I bet my life. Yeah, it is. Yeah, okay. Yeah, but at a family-owned restaurant. Yeah, yeah, I don't think so. No, you're not Like a cracker barrel. Yeah, my parents own a couple cracker barrel. Yeah, we won't hire anybody but crackers Yeah, and they kept the barrel and that man on the side and they better and they better bring it back. Yeah, yeah Donald, have you been to crack a barrel? No, I've never been it's great breakfast. Mm-hmm. You like breakfast? I really don't eat breakfast. What do you you don't eat anything? I eat at night late at night. Are you on fun? Yeah, yeah, I got to learn a lot about John this is a moment because everybody in this room is gonna die eventually, but we created a moment. We did we did I think we did I think we did. I'd like to not die. We came inside each other. I came inside the room. We came inside the room I think that part's true. That part's not true. That part. Okay. That is I'm saying like like from spiritually here you Spiritually we did come I think our energy is combined. Yeah, but it came inside. I don't think so. I think our energy is met My energy came inside you. Yeah, I could feel it. Yeah, yeah, I could feel it too. You know, I don't feel it. I didn't pull out. I feel it Yeah, I didn't pull out. No, it's always gonna stick with me. Yeah. Yeah, it's gonna stick inside you. I'm gonna go in. Yeah I'm gonna watch Matt TV tonight. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna watch your videos. Will you show it to your son tomorrow? What the Matt TV? Yeah, show your son Matt TV Why not I mean what skits what's the skit that you and that you remember that was big? What's the one that you did? I did I did a punch but I was a big one Like you like this is a good one. I did. No, don't do all of that. Oh hot dog was your Korean scientists North Korean scientists. You as Connie Chung was big. No North Korean scientists is my biggest one. Yeah, that one That's me and my brother Steve Huge yeah, that was a great one Using pineapple sprays. I had one line in that. Yes He was in it. Yeah, how do you remember using the band and one cutaway scene? Yeah, yeah, and that was me and the guy from hangover And that's why he confused you You know, they're almost one of the same and we're in the same. Yeah. Do you have any? Yeah, it is me Yeah, there I am again Mark. What do you have any burning questions to ask us before we end this interview? Oh, no, I Do you have any honest questions to ask us before we end? Oh, what do you see us if I'm like, you know? Like 20 years. What do you see? So hmm? Well, I'll be 74 I just feel like I'll be on a beat somewhere or tanning drinking some sweet drink And get my dicks it I'll be 60 62 what I'm sorry You think I'll be dead. Yeah, 62 62 I'll be living in the in the woods in Canada somewhere. Yeah, so he's gonna be out of your life with 100%. Yeah, this is only gonna last We gotta enjoy these moments. That's what I mean. He'll be writing his manifesto. Right. I'm gonna make things send it in the mail Yeah, I won't send it to you though. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, but some of some people yeah, I don't check my mail about you Yeah, please don't yeah, and then where are you gonna be in 20 years? Yeah, you'll be 52. I won't be 52. I'm 32 now. I'll probably wait 20 years. I'll be 52 I'll be what 42 42 52 52 52 same thing it's pretty close yeah, you'll be almost age in 20 years. You'll still be younger than Bob I want to be living in a that's crazy thing. Yeah, it's gross. Yeah, it's gross. That's weird. Yeah, I'll probably just be living in I want to like a dope Adobe a dope tree house. Yeah, would you build it? No, no, no, no, I'll pay somebody do it. Yeah, this is I don't you're emotionally healthy Yeah, it's okay. I get I probably get mad two times a month. What do you get mad about? Probably getting mad and fucked up my record Matt get in a in Madden. Yeah, yeah, that'll set you off a little bit What team do you play with in Madden? I play I was playing with the cheese. It's all to play with but I play with Philadelphia Eagles because it equals for their cheat Cuz they cheat. Yeah, I don't like the Eagles, but can you play them? Take it a good squad Yeah, they do but the chiefs are going back to subo. You think so. I know so you do. Yeah Interesting. You heard it here. It's part of the storyline. It is part of the storyline. Yeah, they need to go back Yeah, okay. I believe in you Funny Marco. It's been more than a pleasure to have you on my birthday every fucking guess. No, no, no It's been more than a pleasure to have you on my birthday episode. Oh, wow. This is this has been an actual great birthday And I will get sick. Hurrah hurrah hurrah. I got as a premier. Yeah, do we have what cake and ice cream today? Brick it out right now. We already did that said you don't want to hear some aso. Yeah, is the vanilla? Tiramisu Tiramisu. Yeah, yeah, is it chocolate or vanilla? It doesn't got all of it in it. You want to try it? Well, it's all of it in there. Yeah, just try it. I don't like peace. Yeah, you don't like to mix just try a piece I like stuff straight up. Okay, you have multicultural babies. You definitely like to mix. Okay, am I wrong? Yeah? You have multicultural children, so you love to mix. Is that wrong? You right? Yeah, you want a beautiful babies. Yeah, taking me through there. See? Thank you for watching being a bad friend Yeah