Sam Tallent & The Korean Cocoon

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wow so those are hard hands off me we're both Ronan we're Ronan dude you know what a Ronan is don't tell him Ronan is that a type of I wouldn't say they do bonerpills what yeah anyway I know some authors I think we're gonna do camel noise oh that's it yeah can you google a camel noise first no no no no we have to do it first and then hear what it sounds okay good go ahead spinning yes spinning is key that's a Lama nope I'm not done sorry that was in passing action he's gone boot a cut yeah shit himself doing squirts right and trumbles speaking of fear of tromboli that's what happened down there I want kicker guard now give me that animal noise and we'll try to all do it no okay is that never heard of anything is a core component of the camel it is it's incredible yeah and they love to spit okay I don't know how to do it it sounded like yours kind of did and I hate to say I hate to say well I'm great at camel combat it really by go to Orange County right and I compete every year but anyway in the best camel competition yeah are there other animal noises that you can do Sam oh yeah for sure one yes and okay I guess this is a yes and podcast that is why we're here yeah we're here to do yes ends okay how about this all right yeah I make the noise you tell me what it is oh it can also be people okay all right all right people in the room no like like for instance you know if there's a celebrity that has certain quirks you can incorporate it into an animal okay yeah yeah okay well I'll start with the celebrity animal okay so here we go really easy okay that I I don't hear any so yeah I think I think the famous milk oh is it well close is that the sound where Johnny Depp discovered the pool this was actually from the amber herd yeah that is what I do Sam you and I are linked in that's exactly what it was yeah yeah yeah you know what you're out I asked you if your name was like the Egyptian God and you said I'm not sure all right yeah yeah yeah because you know that's a guest yeah yeah all the information he wants to know yeah you have to give him well I just didn't want to say no because people say that and I go no it's not and I hate saying that's like I don't know yeah yeah no I would have much rather you wouldn't know you idiot that would have been much better than that I'm kind of ask me Scott hey Sam let me go hey hey hey hey hey hey then respect for the game Benji is his name like the Egyptian yes awesome yeah now we can have a foundation of friendship I messed up okay I messed up I'd like to do this again I'd like to do us one of the nouns if that's okay please okay what do you mean I thought we're still playing that game no we're not oh I mean we all know us three guys yeah we know when games are over yeah yeah that's what boys know that's a that's a boy thing it's in the marrow of our bone it's the marrow our bone meanwhile you're like let's do one more and we're already eating rocks yeah and being kind of racist yeah but if you like to continue the game okay we shall just one more sure but what is it again with the I forgot what the game it was you're an animal and a celebrity at the same time I believe sure oh and so we have the guess which in which I gotta go yeah like it's just animals feel like we're going to dials yeah great reference mama I can hear yeah oh it's so good is that like an Italian crane yes it's so bad let's sit in the silence of that oh no yeah can we sit in the silence of that we're here and let me just reiterate what she said yeah I'm gonna do my version of what I heard yeah yeah I'm on two feet right now moving that was awesome yeah it's a flamingo that's flamingo a Jewish flamingo oh that was good that was good that was really good maybe the game's over now no it's not over now it's not over yeah the boy's gonna start it seven more rounds the live chat's going crazy for this great game your turn no no no I'm the guest your turn your turn all right so I'm doing an animal and a celebrity oh nevermind Bob the game hasn't changed in the last 15 minutes yeah I thought you had what you said okay okay okay see these are I'll tell you why I like these games fills the hour not only kills the time yeah for sure yeah very good Sam right but it's something between ad reads yeah yeah yeah you know filling people with just waste yeah you're you're right and then they die yeah yeah yeah yeah that's how life sometimes they die listening to this bit like someone yeah someone I have a mask my friend okay my young padawan thank you um we're trying to get use outside your comfort zone yeah right and these impressions and these are things make you nervous they do yeah so I want you to commit okay animal celebrity here baby and and commit and imagine this you're in front of Lord Michaels and now the whole s and l we did they decided we're only doing animal celebrities I'm very excited to watch your impression oh my god I'm writing things down yes this is my twenty one thing I'm writing it down I guess it's not TNF okay let's uh don't want to don't want to don't want to greet that her name is actually TNF oh yeah yeah hi different person I'm TNF very good you know who I am yes um what you're bowing yeah yeah that's why I am a bowing yeah I forgot it in it I think it's the one bowing yeah the only one to break my barricades from how he's knocking we were pretty close we're all excited all right all right anyway go ahead enough out of you homosexual yeah very funny thank you oh my god he's the best I'm Lauren yeah Lauren Michaels is the best guys go ahead um look for slight your name my name is Ramsey Baddawi is that like the Egyptian god yeah good one very funny no touching bowing that's all right I don't want to catch it's about a human hydrated okay anyway what where are you from um from Orange County California right where the camel women are camels yeah camels that dress up with that we love Daniel cam we should do a sketch like that I'm allergic to citrus what the fuck okay um go ahead what are you doing today I'm doing an impressed an animal and a celebrity impression I did not know you were allergic to citrus well I've never been to Orange County okay go ahead what are you going to do for us today we have 15 other people uh an animal and a celebrity impression I say it one more time see if it gets funnier he's dude bowing good I don't do your drowning I don't already lost your audition well you guys I'm so confident give them a chance come on enough woman okay go finish your glue go ahead - Thank you. - What is that? - Get out. (laughing) Get out. - Get the fuck out. - We already have a guy who does curious pink panthers. - Yes. - It's also hacking. - Flip Wilson did it in the '70s. - Do you know Flip Wilson? - No, I do not know Flip Wilson. - We used to play handball. (laughing) It was always his hand by ball. - Hey. - All right. - I don't touch. - Okay. - You have anything else for us? - That was really the only thing I prepared. - That's it. - No, do another thing. - Okay. (laughing) - Or maybe tell us here. - No, no, no. - Or some. - Okay. - Do another thing. Come here better. - All right. - All right. - Celebrity and an animal. (laughing) - Anyway, that's it. We gotta move on. - He's smelling his knuckles. (laughing) - I was trying to get into elephant. - Hold on, let's see more of that guy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Smelly. - Oh, maybe we could, you know what, Lauren, maybe we could develop a character with him right now. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, so yeah, you're smelling the knuckles, you're smelling the knuckles. - Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. - Oh, whoa. And he, oh, he puts his hands up like that. So it's an actual. - His nose is blooming. - It's a blooming nose. - I think it's a trunk. - I'd like to put you in one. - Okay. (laughing) - Good one, Lauren. - How long can you guys hold your breath? (laughing) - That's a classic audition bit. - Anyway, Sam's here, give me a round of applause. (cheering) - That wasn't Lauren Michael, guys. I'm sorry, I only pulled back the curtain. - Yeah, so how I met Sam was, I don't really know. - I can tell you. - I can tell you. - I guess I met him in Montreal. - You were a lighthouse. You and Santino were both two beacons 'cause I was up there as an unwrapped new face in 2019. - Yes. - You guys know Montreal, the Kingmaking Comedy Festival. - Is it? - Oh, I mean, remember chicken? - Oh yeah, no chicken. - You know chicken, Michael? - I knew chicken. - Did you know chicken? - Michael Rook. - You know him? - That's cool. - He died. - Yeah. - But I don't know him anymore. - Did you know that he died? - No. - Yeah. - You can really know he died. - No. - I think he, I don't read drama monthly. - Yeah. - We're not sure he killed himself. - That was Charlie Rocket. I think Charlie Rocket was found with his throat slid out. - Charlie Rocket and also chickens. - Chicken, chicken. - I think chicken. - Rocket and chicken. - It's just with the C-A-D. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Any wacky name. - Chaka-chaka, isn't it? - Yeah. - Chaka-chaka's going to kill himself. - Chaka-chaka. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Chaka-chaka's a two-chit C-A-D. - What? - Isn't that an Egyptian god's name? - That's a god. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Chaka-chaka. - What's Chaka-chaka about? - Chaka-chaka's about the sun and the river combined. - Nice. - Oh, my God. - Don't you live with landmass and rivers combined? - Yeah. - Sounds like honey. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I love peninsula. - Or nectar. - Dude, I like a jetty. - Jetty's are nice. - I like when the man gets involved and says, put some rocks out there. - Yeah. - And we can walk on it. - Do they find dead bodies on a jetty? - All the time, yeah. - Why else would you go to it? - That's where I collect them. - Please keep that. - Yes. - How long? - How long? - A fuck you guy. - What? - What are you trying? You pointed at me, call me "mong"? - No, you're not "mong". You're Korean. - I know, but you looked at me because I have a mong head. - No. - I don't-- - I'm not-- by the way, I'm not falling for this. I'm not gonna try one of those. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Nice, yeah. - I'm gonna hook it on your own piece. - What is mong head? - Yeah, mong head? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - The list is fished, dude. - They made me miss Minnesota in those areas. - Where are they from originally? - What? - Oh, okay, gas. - I'm not falling for this. - You should fall for it. - No, no, no, no, because this could be very big disputed. - Oh, yeah. - So the mong community is obviously refuge. - I'm in the hung community. - Oh, yeah, here we go. - Pass. - I'm in the dung community. - Okay. - I'm done. - No, that was it, that was it. - Let's fix it. Let's fix it. I'm not gonna pull back. - Okay, there we go. - You can trust me. - Very nice, very nice. - The mong are from the diaspora of the Vietnam War. - Okay. - Wow, Cambodia. - Got it. - They were, I think, of the Northern Vietnamese community. But they were borderless in that way. - I think mountainous people. - You know what? None of my business, right? What they are is hardworking America. - Why is mountainous a thing? - Okay, mountainous means a lot of things to a lot of people. - If I sit to you, I'm from a mountainous region. Would you look down on me? - I'd look down your shirt. - I'd look down. - Because I think you had a huge-- - Oh, yeah, I don't live-- I'm not talking to you while I'm on top of the mountain. - Killing over there? - Yeah, yeah. - Anyway. - Would you describe a woman as having a mountainous chest? - Oh, I'd say she looks like the sun-grady crystals. - Oh. - Yeah. - You don't have a mid-range brass guy. - Yeah, that's weird. - Thanks. - Doing my research on you, I found that out. - Yeah. - You like a bee. - That's what Gemini says. - Are you being sarcastic right now? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm riffing on the funny show. - I'm sorry. - Sorry, host. - Sorry man. - Did you not get the memo? - Oh, yeah. - My faxed over. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - He got it. - I love him, Rob. - Yeah. - He got it. - Yeah, so, I don't know how we met. - I do, 'cause you were so nice to me, bro. And you had a-- - Oh, you got a faxed from Montreal. - You got a faxed from Montreal. - You got a fax full of different jewel pod flavors. And I was like, dude, I'm out of jewel pods and you dumped 'em out and gave me two of each flavor. It was so nice. And then you got in your helicopter and rode back to the-- - I didn't know about that. - I don't know. - Out of what? - I could have been a fan boat. I don't know about that. - It was candy. - Anyway. - What's that worst airline? - It was, it's a legion, for sure. Or sun country. People forget about Frontier and things. - Yeah. - Spirit, no, it's a legion at sun country. It's breeze. These are all brutal airlines. - And do you take them? - I have and in my showbiz career. - Oh yeah, and early on. - Early on. - Oh yeah. - And also last week to Richmond. (laughing) - For sure. - And you took what? - I think I flew a legion last week to Richmond. - And so it's hard to me. Okay, I'm, 'cause I've only flown on the biggies. - Mm-hmm. - Delta. - Delta. (upbeat music) ♪ Shump of fire ♪ ♪ Shump of fire ♪ ♪ Shump of fire ♪ - One more time, baby. ♪ Shump of fire ♪ ♪ Shump of fire ♪ ♪ Shump of fire ♪ ♪ Let's do the game, baby ♪ ♪ Shump of fire ♪ ♪ Shump of fire ♪ ♪ Shump of fire ♪ - Anyway, Shump of fire. You know, we have an online business here at Tiger Belly. And we use, we sell merch, and Shopify has helped us out, and we love 'em. Shopify helps you stay up to date with your businesses, even when the things get busy, you know, going on tour of kids, being active, I don't have kids. But big project that you're working on, taking up time, etc, etc. - etc, etc. - You guys have been dabbling, right? Has Shopify made it easier for you guys for your new, butting merch? - Oh yeah, that's really easy, because what I like about Shopify is it really, it makes it easy to not focus on the logistics of having to set up that merch store. You know what I mean? It's hard enough to design the thing, and sell the thing, and market it, you know. So Shopify really takes that off your plate, and thanks to Shopify, Kat and I, who are both on tour right now, we're using it to do our merch. - Yeah. - Go to the Sci-Kick AI. - Oh, you know what? I've heard a lot about the Sci-Kick AI, and I'm very excited about its prospects. - Yeah, Sci-Kick AI has been really cool. I've been able to talk to a lot, personally, about stuff, and also just designing my own merch. - Yeah. - Guys, if you're ready to hear this-- of your first sale today, head over to Shopify.com/tagaballi to start your free trial today. That's right, start your free trial at Shopify.com/tagaballi. 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You're doing that. To tell me about is it you can tell a difference? Yeah. What's the difference? Walk me by it. Okay. All right. So I'm. I'm a college kid. Oh, hey, congrats. No, I'm not talking to you. Oh, yeah. Okay. Sure. Yeah, yeah. I'll talk to myself. I'm a college kid. Yeah. You know what? I'm going to the Mississippi. Oh, no, I don't know what universe. Mississippi Delta. No, I'm going to the University of Munklo. Munklo. Yeah. Munklo is good. And I'm not good at it. I'm probably. They have a great ceramicist program. Yeah. I love it. I know. Look at my hands. Huge. Wow. So those are hard hands. Fuck off me. Oh, college kid. That's the same talent. See how that felt earlier. I'm not sure who I am. Yeah. When you did this, did I? Yeah. That's what that was. Well, that was a classic funny thing. You said, like, fuck you and refuse my coach. Yeah. This was a classic gag. Yeah. You did something different, man. Yeah. Are you guys friends? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we've never really chilled, but I have a immense admiration for Bobby. And again, like you remember the people in this business who were kind to you, even if it was for seven minutes, like, you know, I grew up with your shit, bro. And I'm really glad the contributions you've made as you've got. All right. What? I'm serious. I'm going to talk about you. No shit. I've been killing. We're trying to bring you up now. I already like. I don't really need to do anything. I just need to steer the fucking ship. Okay. Yeah. That what you're doing? Yeah. Feels rudderless. We're steering in circles. Yeah. Exactly. I know. One guy got even my sharks. Okay. Let's steer to different. Would you want to be captain? No, no, no. I'm a guest. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You be captain. Oh, a girl captain. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bad luck. We're going down. Go ahead. We're supposed to even be on the ship. What the heck? I'm co-pilot. Um, okay. So let's start from the beginning. Your college student. Mm-hmm. And you're on Allie Giants. Or is it Allie Giants? Allie Giants, I always say. Allie Giants. Yeah. We're like the way we ran it. So I'm college. I'm group named after the Egyptian God. I'm group D. Your group D. I call my group. I walk out. What's the thing? I'm going to be the person who greets you. I'm the flight attendant when you get on a legion flight. All right. So, okay. Hi. Shut up. Go sit down. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? In the back. Okay. Shake a jar, baby. Do you go on? Okay. That's what it's like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It sucks. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's cool. But then they're, they're, they're hitting you. The second you got to pay for your carry on. You got to pay for your bathroom. Wi-Fi. Yeah. Exactly. By the way, bathroom. Bathroom. Bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's like using a train station. If you get the code, put a quarter in. You have to buy the token. It looks really good. Yeah. This is how we travel, Bobby. The flight attendants come down and you give them a snack. Yeah. Yeah. It sucks. Earl's, you have to leave. And you have to pay money to put your seat back, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, the person behind you has to pay for you not to put your seat back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, that's a great idea. Actually, I want to see how long this trade goes. Okay. Um, how about this? Okay. What if, what if, for 40 bucks, you can fly the plane? Oh, great. Well, you said in the, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the cockpit. But enough about my ex wife. Hey. Hey. After all, mind your ship. No, you are. Okay. Yeah. That's why we're all overboard. Okay. No, but do you know the classic maritime tradition about how no women wear a lot on the ship and how it's bad here? Because I wanted to explain to her that I wasn't just being misogynistic. I was honoring the truth of history. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're so, you're good at history. Huh? You know a lot about history. I've read a book or two about wailing. So when it comes to ships, yeah, you ever see the movie, the wailing? Not only did I see it, I audition for the lead. Come on. Sam, Sam, Sam Towns. Oh, first of all, yeah. If you don't know, yeah, the wailing is an old Korean movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Set in Korea. I think set in Korea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And this is the wailing. And Sam talent read for the lead for this movie. Yeah. I love not hung gin. Do you remember any of the lines from the movie? Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. You give us a couple of lines. Yeah. But I'm going to I'll do them in the phonetic English. No, no, no. I'm going to be Korean. I'll do a traditional Korean in the Korean language. I'll do it. No. How about we both do it? Anyway. Oh, you see. Oh. What is this? Yushin. Yohanna. Oh, really? Oh, it's a door. Oh, it's a door. It's a door. You go. You go. Oh, it's a door. Yeah. So. Um, honestly, that was incredible. That was amazing. Can you do it? Okay. You want to try? Okay. Uh, I'll be the wailing in this one. Okay. Oh, that's great. It's distracting. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Pull it back. I'll pull it back. I take it back. It's too much. Yeah. More dolphin. Yeah. It less. No, don't, how about no arms? Just put your arms your side and just sit there. Okay. Oh, it's older so. Oh, thank you. That's good Japanese. That's clear Japanese. Oh, okay. Okay. That history between the countries. Yeah. They literally genocided the whole maritime. I'm sorry about that. Okay. Okay. Well, every time. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry. I know. I'm sorry. It's my friend. I'm sorry. You go, more. Yeah, you go. Oh, yeah. I'll say. Oh, she just said hello. Not bad. Yeah. I go. I go. What is this? Like for you to the body? You were being rude. Right. And you said hello. Yeah. Yeah. That's the translation of that. Okay. Okay. That's it. We're not those that you're just doing the numbers. Okay. Yeah. What Sam was doing was this. He was not speaking Korean at all. Amazing. But he had the two. It was a dialect to be. It was a dialect. Yeah. The tone of Koreans. Nice. And it was beautiful. Yeah. Thank God. It wasn't Vietnamese. Yeah. That's a tough one. Okay. Yeah. All right. What? I don't know. It's like in my ears. That was like a dog noise. It was funny. Yeah. Charlie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The guy that directed this movie. It's a masterpiece. Yeah. This is a very good film. But he has a new movie coming out called Hope. Whoa. Is that the zombie movie? It's the ones where they were like with cops and their shoot and the creatures. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That looks cool. You want to talk. Dude, how about Korean cinema undefeated old boy? Watch it out. Watch out. Watch your ass out. I'm watching out. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. A little long. Yeah. It was a little long. A little long. I think it's a little long. Dude, the hammer fight makes it worth the price of admission alone. Bill Burr told me that because when it build first move to LA, I didn't know him. And he's like, I just invite the kid. And so I came and I bought him a blue ray of old boy. Whoa. Cool. Cool. And I got. And he goes, I'm going to watch this. I go, I go, please watch it. And he called me two days later. And he goes, that hallway scene is one of the greatest cinematic things I've ever seen in my life. It's everything you want from a movie. It really is. It's one of those movies you like have to actually watch. Everyone to watch it. Like I'm like I'm trying to like adapt movies and like write movies and shit. And then you just think about how no one's really going to watch it because they're just going to be like playing on their phone while they're like looking at this thing you dedicated your life to. It's very, it's very annoying how people enjoy cinema. Yeah. They say that they're like producing movies. So it's like a split screen. Oh, dude. It's a second screen experience. Yeah. Yeah. It's very. What do you mean? Tell me about that. It means that like now movies are being produced. So they are like passive enjoyment now. So like they, that's why every like 12 minutes they'll be like, by the way, I'm the main character and you're the bad guy because you're like, oh, that's good to know. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I like it. Yulu. Yeah. Yeah. It's nice. You know, but it's interesting about the movie. The Odyssey though. People sat through that thing. It was bad. It was bad. It was bad to the bone. Yeah. It's not twice. Yeah. Yeah. That gave me right. Like the three hours people were like, people generally walked out of their gone. I didn't really thought about the time. Didn't check my watch. Yeah. Never bored. We're never like this feels long. That's why I tell everybody watch it. You gotta watch it in the theater because once you take that dark movie, how long it is, you got how many breaks you're gonna take. I think you're like, I'm gonna do something out. No, no, no. You're gonna cook dinner during. No, you gotta focus your attention. I think that's, you know, that's the importance of cinema. That's right. Yeah. That's where you gotta keep it alive. But the story. I don't know what's camera. I don't know. I don't know. Put that part out. That was crazy. I liked it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna keep it alive though. Everyone Bobby screamed for some reason. It was producers. It keeps cinema alive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. No, let me out. So how I remember meeting you. Yeah. It's not true. It's not That's not true at all. That's the only time we ever met. There's no way you remember meeting me. I'm not being rude or calling you out, but like, I'm not being rude either. Yeah, yeah. And right now you propped yourself off. Yeah. And there's an energy exchange going right now. I'm trying to be humble. I'm trying to be, I wanted to beat you. Okay, fine. All right, so yeah, yeah. So I need to. Put me on a leash. Maybe walk around and all four is like a pig. I'll ride you. I'll ride you. Yeah, I like to ride you. There's the clip. Yeah, yeah. That'd be fun. So you're putting an apple in my mouth. When I say eat. Uh huh. When I'm asking you, we never talked on the phone. We have talked on the phone. Right, so that's a meeting. That's a meeting, yes. Yeah. But I feel like meat is initial, like the first time. I was there. The first time we met is Montreal. That's the only time. The second time. The second time. But besides the phone calls that we've had. But phone calls aren't meeting? I don't know. I'm learning. Let's talk about that. Let's talk about that right now. Yeah. It's a phone call a meeting. I met you the other day. I think meeting is like, hey man, I'm also a comedian and a peer of yours kind of. And we're at this comedy festival. That's a meeting. I feel like when it's an organized phone call, we've talked on the phone. But like meeting, I feel like, has a face to face thing. That's my take on it. I think you're right. Because like, you can get kind of scammed in a call. Like, I thought when I've been on a date, like, I was going to meet some guy and then I called him and I was like, oh, that sounds good. I got scammed. I thought I was talking to Ronnie Chang. Yeah. Oh, he's coming. Where? Oh. Oh. Oh. He's coming. That's an ominous. Ronnie's coming. Oh, no. Break the mirror. Then we can trap him. Oh, so that's what it's that. So I guess it bulls down to you right physical meeting is that's what I'm saying. I'm not trying to be calm. And I'm just trying to learn with you. Me too. So we have to have these conversations. We have to have these conversations. So we only met, this is our second time meeting. Yes. But my agent's called and they said, there's this guy who wants to write your book. This is about two years ago and I go, I heard of you, I'm like, I like, meet him and we met and we started meeting a lot. We did. Not meeting. Talking of the phone. Yeah. Yeah. Commiserating. Browing down. And we wrote down a treatment for my book. Who's we? I wrote down the treatment. Wait. What? I did what? But you talked, talked, talked down. You talked to me through it. Talked him. Yeah. Oh, no. He's recessing. He's gone cocoon mode. Yeah. He's in his chrysalis. Bereans do that. Yeah. We go into cocoon mode. But then you come out like butterfly. Yeah. Every once in a while I'll go into cocoon mode. Covered in silk. Yeah. And you'll know when I'm into cocoon mode. I just knew. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. But yes. I was going to have one more cocoon mode. Sure, sure. Yeah. Can I have one more? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Just keep talking. Okay. Okay. All right. So favorite apple. Uh, Granny Smith. Cool. Uh, honey, Chris. Wrong. Red delicious, folks. Oh. Way in in the comments. Okay. Really? Okay, okay. Really? Yeah, yeah. Red delicious. New favorite grape. Oh, God. We've lost Bobby completely. What the hell? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. This is like a lesser Vietnam war film. No. Come back. Bobby. Bobby, look back. Bobby, we're podcasting. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, hey. But look at him. It's Bobby Lee. Wow. He's covered in, he's covered in new marketing. So I liked your. His wings. I liked your treatment. Yeah. Transitions are the same. My transitions are important. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Best. I liked it. Loved it. Somebody at CAA was like, it doesn't sound like your voice. Well, I don't speak Korean. That's true. I did switch all the L's in the R's though. It's like, what do you mean? And they're like, you know, because it does, and I go, I think it does. And then there was a problem with that. Was a joke. Tell me. Yes, dude. So they don't speak Korean, but I did switch all the L's in the R. Sometimes you miss the jokes. You do. I'm not alone in this podcast. We're replacing ours with ours. I can't do that. Oh, that is. That's impressive. He's cocooning. Sam has cocoons. Oh, no. We've lost them. Oh, no. He's cocoon. Guys from Denver, cocoon. Oh, thank you for zapping me with the anti cocoon paddles. Yeah. I forgot we had those. Like, are you freaked out, Gilbert? No. There's a lot going on. A lot of great clips on capturing. No, no. It's like many clips. Okay. So maybe, okay, this might be funny. If guys from Korea, they cocoon, maybe guys from Denver, they are turned into joints. Sure. Are they rolling up tight? Like a backwood? Are Koreans known for butterflies? No, cocoons are. Yeah. Let's keep it going. Let's keep it going. Nothing to do with Korean. We have to trust this. We have to be a good person. Yeah. Yeah. We're going into the ocean. Yeah. Yeah. We're going straight into the ocean right now. I just got swallowed by a whale. Yeah. We're dead. We're a first-year dead. Okay. Yeah. So can you reiterate what she said? She said that if people from Korea cocoon, then people from Denver turn into joints. Explain to me that joint. That joke. I believe the analogy being people from Denver smoke a lot of weed, but it doesn't really complete the other side of it, yeah. Yeah. I didn't really think that Korean butterfly part through, but I could be a moth. Like you'd be like Korean turn into sushi or something, but she opened it with this. Three in turn into sushi. I mean something. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Another Japanese remark here. Him, she. You guys don't eat sushi? I hate. I hate. Emperor hero heat. Yeah, man. I'm not a guest either guy. I have never been a fan. I have. He's no sun god to me, friend. Have you ever seen? Yeah. Nice. History. Yeah, history. In your face. We're both Ronan. Sorry about that. Ronan is? Don't tell him. Ronan. Ronan. Ronan, is that a type of energy drink? I wouldn't say they do boner pills. What? I mean, it could. It sounds like a cool man. Yeah. You know what? Let's start a company. Yeah. It's a great drink. It sounds like what marine drinks. That really does sound like an energy drink. And let's start a company. Ronan. Yeah. And you'll get 5%. Yeah. That's crazy. 5 is good. Yeah. I'm new to Hollywood, but that's a great deal. It's a great deal. I've been offered. And what's interesting about before, what she said before, she said, this could be funny. Well, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was shopping in real time. Yeah. That's a good way to introduce comedy events. It's going to be funny. You go on stage. It's amazing, gentlemen. Thank you for attending. Yeah. Let's hear it for the openers. Yeah. Hey. Here we go. This could be funny. Good. Funny. Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting a cat. And then you do your patented, uh, saver line. Yeah. I'm doing the best I can, folks. Yeah. Yeah. I just want you to throw things out. And that's, I like that about you. Yeah. You throw things out. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Most time it gets rejected, but it's okay. It's fun. Okay. That's why you're here. You're throwing away a lot of bedding or you're receiving all that bedding. Oh, outside. There's a whole bunch of like cool bedding out there. And pillows. They're my bedding. Well, let's get them inside. I know, no, no, no. Oh, they have scabies? No, no, no, no. What? You're describing to me what's going on inside my house and there's blankets out there. I have hundreds of blankets out there. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a lot of blankets. And a trail of tears memorial. Yeah. Yeah. Because of the blanket. They're all scabies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And smallpox. Thank you. Very good. So enough about hero, Hito. Genocide. History. So, uh, there he is. There he is. A guy who can't wink. Oh, no. Okay. Look at that photo. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. This is a crazy kid. This is good. Really? Really? What? Okay. Sam, do you want to go now? I just did great. He did great. Okay. Careful, Kat. Hi. I'm here. That's good. No, no, no. What is going on with you? Well, he's like a wee, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's a stretch. Does he smoke? Well, he's got, he can't control his bowels. He's like that kind of thing. Being alarmed, he did. Right. Right. He's just a murder of much America's. He didn't want a bunch of shit. I hate that. I'm never going to fake it Pearl Harbor. Same. All right. They were sleeping. Absolutely not. What they did was a bunch of forgiveness. It's worse than the tooth fairy. The movie with the rock. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's, we got to cut this. I'm new to show business. Yeah. One of the few films I've watched. You're talking about the tooth fairy, that movie you love. It's starting to train the rock Johnson. Dude, there's billboards in this fucking city for like movies I've never heard of that all have like Oscar nomination. I know. What the fuck is going on around here? I don't know. We live in two worlds. Yeah. We really do. I feel like Blade. Oh, yeah. The IRS is after me. You feel like Blade, the superhero? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. How do you feel like Blade? Because I'm like in show business allegedly. But like I have no connections and whenever I come to Hollywood I just get butt fucked relentlessly. Okay, here's, I'm going to make you feel better about yourself. Please. We all get butt fucked. I would like to say that I just think that you've created your own avenue. I don't want to talk about myself. I'm the host of the show. Okay. I do have notes if you'd like those. You have what? I have notes. Notes for what? About the book. Yeah, I now want to know about the book. Well, I'm actually, that's not fair. I'm behind an NDA. So I can't really bring it up. Oh, all right. I'll bring it up snippets of the book. I had to sign a nice dick with Bobby so that I would tell everyone that his dick not only doesn't stink but it's totally normal. You've never seen my penis. I signed the contract I'm saying what I was told to say. Would you like to see it? Yeah sure. Actually I have seen your penis because I go over there. Yeah go over there. Yeah it's a crazy corner. Hey camera one. Blur out Bobby's dick with his net worth. Okay. Oh baby Bill. Bill points. Bill points. Bill points. You guys. Bill points can be redeemed for flights, hotels, lift rides, Amazon dot com purchases, future housing payments and more. Personally I use them for um lift rides myself parking with Metropolis. I love Metropolis. I have all over LA select restaurants. I use it for what do you use it for? I use it for Amazon dot com. I've got student loan balance. Let's tell people what even it is and unexpected benefit. Bill gives every member access to is its agentic neighborhood concierge in the build app. It doesn't just give you information about your home and neighborhood. It executes. It's connected to your home and over 50,000 merchant partners so you can ask it to pay your rent, make dinner reservations, book a fitness club, schedule, lift and more. 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It's crazy because Calcy is available across the US, including states such as California and Texas. Yeah. Oh, well, let's have some fun. We got the NFL about to start. We got some preseason games, regular games. So September 13th at 10 a.m. We got the Baltimore Ravens against the Indiana Colts. Baltimore Ravens got a 64% chance. Ravens, why? Why? What's your favorite play? Because Ravens can fly. They're cool. And they're like crows. Colts. They're remember faces. They're on the ground. Yeah. I don't exactly know what a cult is. That's about that. Yeah. Yeah. You don't know what it is. Ravens official recognition. I think the Ravens are good this year. Okay. And we got another one. We got the Tampa Bay Buccaneers versus Cincinnati Bangles. Ramsey, what's the strategy for Buccaneers? Well, for me, well, can you tell me what are the odds on that one? Buccaneers, 35% bangles, 66. Well, I'm going to go with Buccaneers then because my strategy really is I like to go for the underdog. That's what I'm about because that's where you really, you know, where the prediction market's really become advantageous. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'll go with the bangles. Okay. And then let's have a fun one with Congress. Well, Congressional salaries increase before January 1st or before January 1st, 2020. It's going to be after 2020. I'd say 2020 before 2030. Okay. Okay. And what's cool about calcium, by the way, as you can also, I use it to like, just learn about current events. It does. That's great. Follow our custom link in the description to check out calcium. The link will apply code Tiger Belly to unlock your rewards. Listeners can trade $25 and receive $25 with our exclusive offer. 18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves significant risk and is not appropriate for everyone. Please carefully consider if it is appropriate for you in light of your personal financial circumstances. Calcium parks are not available in all jurisdictions. See Calcium.com/sregulatory for more information. Calcium. All right. Let's talk about it. Sam. That was a totally fine penis. Yeah. I wish it wasn't smooth and hairless. It looked like a seal. Yeah, it needs to be that way. It looked like the singer's seal. Why does it have to be like that? So it glides better? Oh, yeah. No, here's the thing, guys. Slip and slide, some are fun. Evolution. But there's no purchase. It's so hot. It feels cleaner down there when it's shaving. Oh, okay. Yeah. So that like all the musk and the moist and the dew, you know. Yeah. Is it as duly? You're clean, you're shaving? Yeah. There was a bit of stubble. It kind of looked like George Clooney on ER. Are you cool? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like to use the pit that guy, but yeah. Oh, I'd rather do more relevant. I think Clooney's still. I think I'd much rather have my penis look like George Clooney than Noah Wiley. No offense, Noah Wiley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know offense. I don't know. To be honest with you. I take Clooney. I take Clooney. I think Clooney has a good smelling one. Oh, interesting. I bet it doesn't have to smell good because he's so hot. Yeah, it could be stank. I bet it's terrible. And he's like he's like George Savile where he's like smell it, baby. No. No, he's cut to cut every night. He takes his razor and he shaves his tail. Yeah, you think he does it? Or do you think somebody do it for him? But there's like an Ecuadorian. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, like he was just like all day has a strap and it's just like straightening the straight way. See you in a minute, Georgie. Mr. Clooney, you like that kind of thing? Yeah, for your shaving. I don't know how the system works. Yeah, it couldn't be every day. It would have to be like every two days. I mean, look at that. That's what your cock looks like, bro. That's incredible. I'm going to tell you guys something. Yeah, all right. And I'm tired of this bullshit right now. Okay. I know about penises. He just showed me everything he knows. Okay. No, no, no, I know more. I believe they do. Okay. Here we go. What I realized, I know body type. Yeah. Okay. And do you wonder what's his name? Noah. No, Noah is taller thinner. And if you watch porn, these kind of guys huge penises. They're huge. Always master. Right. So I'm not talking about their genitals being your genitals. I'm saying their faces. Do to the stubble. I think that your penis is much more clingy currently than it is Noah. Oh, then you're right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what I was going in. Yeah. I don't need. Why was I going to do? I don't think about my penis. I have no idea. I have no idea. That's a compliment of the sentence. That was absolutely insane. Really. Hey, man. Can I get into it? Yes, your study is good. My research. Yeah. Go on. I know what I'm getting. It's okay. We want to hear about them. Yeah. Your dissertation. I'd love to read it. What I'm saying is that I'll see a good looking gentleman like a George Clooney in the small. Yeah. Yeah. And I'll do a real high observation on their genitals. Yeah. Okay. But you can't just stare at it obviously. You have to go. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you have to go drop your watch and you're like, oh, you say something. No, you'll say something. Like, let's you're I'm presenting next year. They're right. Yeah. It's not as hot as normal. You got that really. You did the limbo. I know. I'll go. I'll sway into it. I go. He could could. He could. I could. I could. I go. Man. Yeah. Why isn't it? How is it hotter? I don't know. And I'll do a look. Yeah. So anyway, by the way, man, I've been looking at your penis secretly. What the fuck, sir? How dare you, sir? I saw you sneaking a peek at mine and I just want to let you know, brother. I did see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I used to do that from my hometown. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, from Amarillo, Texas to represent the biggest Korean propane conglomerate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you're that funny, man, right? No. I'm a fat mongoloid porn star. Congratulation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a artist. Yeah. That mongoloid porn star. I do fat porn. Oh, that's cool. That's cool. Yeah. So, uh, well, I did not see this turn of events. Look at my videos. I have. I have. Oh, I'm on O.F. Only Filipino. And I don't know how you snuck in, but well played. Yeah. Why do you see my videos with Ramsey Badawi? Oh, he's named after the King Ramsey. Yeah. It's not technically true, but yeah. Yeah. It's like he's here right now, ruining our riff. Yeah. You know, that's why I come to this spot. I get away from riff stompers like Ramsey. Look at a man. Why have a pitch for you, young man. Hey, brother, I got it. I got a golden. Oh, hell. Yeah, as long as we can cheat a woman out of it on what's it you and I are gonna take the profits Hey, what's a woman doing in this guy spa take your top off and shut up She wants to play with the boy she has to play by the rules my shirt's off. Yeah, yeah, my shirt has been off I don't know what's really wow We're not putting her on the can Great improv. Thanks. Yeah, fun a lot of improv is listening so it is about listening and I also want to say that The book's not that Yeah, we're gonna remind you can we get some info on it like what is it a biographies and a fiction? I mean it's a reimagining it's a reimagining of the Bobby Lee's Honestly, yeah, the artist sleep. Yeah Like a Montessiahu track. Is that Montessiahu. Yeah, Montessiahu. Yeah, you're married to a professional. Yeah, doctor a doctor Do you feel that a woman doctor? Do you feel that she's more successful than you no? Because she's not oh she is we're just some very different things. Okay. Yeah, yeah, what type of doctor? She's a attending at a residency program. So right now. She's she's like family medicine emphasis women's health Is that why you live in Detroit? Yeah, oh, you're in Detroit now. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah, man. Yeah, I live in Detroit Well, cuz she wanted she was you want to know why the honest story? Or do you want me to punch it up for the podcast? No, I want honestly. Oh, this is an honest bud Well, because she wanted to work for an impoverished population and she tried to do rural medicine and it was fucking brutal and bleak and she didn't have a lot of support So she's affecting the same populations doing it at an inner city in your city hospital in Detroit. Oh my god Wait, you can go to an inner city hospital in New York or LA and not Effect the same patient population. She's also from there and we have a niece. So Detroit made it. It was an easier call to go to Detroit Due to how much we love our family. Oh, okay, you know, yeah, can you can you do it again? But the joky punch. Yeah, I do is the propane guy That was an answer. Now we have the real answer. Let's see the next answer We like more. Yeah, you want should I do it as the propane guy is a propane guy? Well, brother. I'll tell you what When she got separated from that twin or hers that said if we're gonna bury your in Detroit. We're gonna we're gonna live there too There's a damn psychic connection. I mean you cut off one twin sure they've been conjoined for 28 years Yeah, you locked that fucking hair tag off with a soul next thing. You know she's haunted I'm haunted I don't want to get my dick sucked by a ghost. I want the live twin Yeah, yeah, we're up there in the D man, you know, yeah, we are states about there. Oh, no, no, no, I don't do any stand-up unless it's the road I'm just on the road every weekend. Otherwise I'd garden like to craft smoke weed. I smoke weed Yeah, yeah, I don't drink. I only drug. I do is weed. Is it legal there or not? Oh, yeah, it is the best hash in the in the world I would say it's in Detroit due to the beautiful Lebanese population the Middle Eastern population Mashallah. Mashallah to you. Mashallah to you. Marshall law to you. Marshall. That's what they want a lot of you Yeah, get it. Get the fuck out of here. They're trying to do in dearborn So my wife's from dearborn. Oh really in my nieces, palestinian. So like the population How about this Muslim Sammy Davis Jr. Whoa, all right, okay, I'm ready for this take up the camera Walla Habibi baby Gold I do that. Yeah, whenever I'm never I'm your telegram. Oh my god Sammy Davis jihad. I love it. Hey holy war is holy war, man. They're all gods of Abraham. Now you do it Sammy Davis. No, I can't wait. That's a fair. He's one of his characters Walla her baby. I'm gonna stop that. It belongs to the world. It's cool. Thank you for appreciating it so much because I love it. I love it because there's a commitment to you know, yeah, yeah, you got it. Yeah, you could do better. Yeah, I don't think I can't. Yeah, I'll try. Are you of the Arab Impa? My man? Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. I bet you are bro. It's so cool In Dearborn, you know, like they go and they do protests, you know, you refuse to call to genocide Actually, please don't get us started. I'm kid anyway, but I'll tell you they hold up their babies They hold up their babies and they scream. You're killing his brother. So they're like brandishing their babies like fucking political weapons Which is in this instance kind of cool? I can understand how you might think it's pretty easy. Yeah, yeah You know the wrong way and also I keep seeing you're asked pop up on like weird punk rock documentary talking head Yeah, yeah, it was pretty cool. Really punk rock documentary I've seen like two fucking documentaries recently and you popped up in there as an expert in it like hecklers You are on that movie and documentary. Oh, yeah, heckler the Jamie Kennedy experience. Yeah, yeah, I remember that I did I had that movie I'm thinking yes That was the one I'm thinking of yeah, yeah, and that so it wasn't punk rock But yes, you were in there talking about how you were like sad in your room, and you accidentally found Red and Stimpy and how it changed your life You changed my life. Yeah, and you know that you're part of the cultural conversation when they're going to you for red and Stimpy You crazy? Yeah, it's crazy. Come on man. Come on man. Cast it up a little BL Bobby Whoa, yeah, you got you got you got you like doing Rogan I mean, yeah, I like selling tickets Yeah, yeah, I like going on the big platform and the thing I've devoted my life to you for sure. Yeah, I love him so much But it's a difficult podcast for me to do well sure. Yeah, cuz you know, it's like I can't control it Mm-hmm. So then once he goes in the areas of conversations where I don't you know, I mean it's my favorite thing Yeah, the nanotuck was like the picture between the most sort of like Like history you get creates motion between two notions, and you're like oh, we're talking about farts Well, here's the thing is like I'm an adult who's smoked weeds since he was 14 so I'm used to those conversations Yeah, like I'm fine in those conversations. I can do those give me a conversation. Go ahead. Okay, so so man, have you seen this like? Wait, let's fuck we all right. Oh Let me know Is it what I'm like when I'm high. I didn't know you spoke Cambodia man. I like smoking pot That's my thing. Yeah, you know, well, pop off and then three hours pass and we've done it and we'll buy see we're not talking about real Oh, hey, well, hey, you know what about what about I told the fuck a point of this thing is to go into really high level that I wouldn't know Okay, well, you just brought up pull pot so you kind of buried the gag there because if you're bringing a pull pot and you don't want to be high-minded Then what are we doing? No, I'm trying to prove to you that I know things. Okay. Okay. So hey, you were telling me about pull pot. No, let's switch it You want me to be Bobby? No, I'm me. Okay. I'm up with a conversation. Okay. I won't go So man the constant about do the the Constitution of France is a very nuanced bicameral situation. It certainly is man It's like well, you know, uh, you're right Hey, that's the penis showing corner get out of there You can do it man 30 minutes on chemoo earlier We did we did our famous animal noises. You can't rip a couple with something else. I got it Okay, okay, okay, okay, do you believe that ghosts have foreheads? It's a stop-stop hover your fingers. I'd see it in your eyes. No Ramsey. Yeah, I got you. Um, is that intellectual? I would say I would say I Would say it's not what you were probably looking for. I don't know not really Let's say it's not even close. Give it another try. Okay, so I'm did you think that was okay? I mean, okay, you can you can okay, okay. Okay. Okay, do you think that the Byzantine Empire was the founding Empire of modern civilization Immaculate sound Oh Mine's a scuba mask What do you think man? If you want to see me get Byzantine come see me at the Milwaukee improv Really good segue dude into a dying sketch. Thank you Thank you. Yeah, yeah, you segwayed out of dying sketch and that's why you're But like I like having those combos about like command cheese and then the next thing you know you're talking about like you know What Russia means to China? It's like I don't know shit, but I can definitely go like, "Whoa, that's nuts!" - Yeah. - Or two and a half hours. - I know geopolitical things. - Yeah, yeah. - I could watch a two hour supercut of you on Rogan uncomfortably trying to get through those conversations. It's so funny. - I hate it, it's the best. - I do feel like it is everything I've been training for is that two and a half hour conversation. Like I'm so present whenever I'm in that room that like I get tunnel vision 'cause I'm like listening so intently. But yeah. - After the podcast you like go into like a space. - No, you want to talk cocoon? - Yeah. - I fucking cocoon out for like three days. I'm in there, I'm petrified wood after. - Before I do, I can't sleep. - Oh, but for sure, no. I'm having only podcasts where I really don't get in good nights as rest. - Before this one I slept for 18 hours. I've never slept better. (laughs) - Yeah, it's like out, like a light. But yeah, with Rogan. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm like in bed the night before having these fake conversations. I'm doing this bit right now, in bed. And being like, okay, so if he brings up the Byzantine Empire, I can bring up like swords. - Yeah. (laughs) - They had a lot of swords, I think, yeah. Like shields, if you have a sword, you have a shield, helmet, how much the cool band. - Yeah, ottoman empire. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Most comfortable empire. - Well people have-- - He also wouldn't laugh at that. (laughs) He'd be like, what do you mean? And I'd be like, well, you know. - I don't get it. - Yeah, yeah. - Now I try to throw in a joke. It's to timing's wrong. - Okay. - But I think I'm gonna do it anyway. - Do it. - Keep talking again. - Okay, so yeah. - Ottomans. - Ottomans. - Ottomans. - I mean, comics that have insomnia. They purse, I can't find that. - I try. - Give me another shot. - I try again. - But the thing about sandals is like they're not-- - You know what I'm saying. - You know, people that have insomnia that are comics and stuff, they book my podcast so they can get some sleep. - Oh, I actually did like it though. I did like it. (clapping) - In the time, remember when I said you were hired? - I was wrong. - Oh. - So you're, yeah. - You got a job, you got a job at Matt TV kid. I'm with Matt TV. - Lauren, my son. - You said you got a job at Matt TV. - Oh, right. - 'Cause he was Lauren. - By the way, when you were on there, I was like at the right age. I absorbed a lot of that shit. - Same. - Yeah. - I remember, this show is not about me. - I loved this one. - I know you're sure. - I didn't do this one. - Fuck off. - This one. - How many people have made that joke? A million? - I'm gonna tell you this. I'll be honest with you. Probably 285 times in my life. - Really? - Yeah. - It's not as much as I thought. - Not bad. - Every time it burns out. - Yeah. - My nerds. - I'm sorry. - Because people will invite me to a panel. Like I'm Matt TV panel. - Oh. - Oh. - Yeah. - And that's what I'm about to be on. - And they're like, tell us about your work on Miss One. - Oh, what? - You know, I'm like, and then it's just like that pause of like, you invited me because we thought I was Miss One. The feelings are in front of Comic Con. - Yeah, that sucks. - Yeah, and then, you know, it's uncomfortable. - Of course. - They read it off a note card. That stuff. - Yeah. - That's true. - Or like, you know, when Dad fan one last comic standing. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I was at a restaurant with Polly, and the waiter came up to me and go, "Polly Walnuts?" - Polly Shore. - Oh. - Okay. - Sorry. - Are you related to chicken? - I don't know. You'd have to ask him. They were close. - The rocket. - I'm the poor. - You were telling a great story about Polly Shore. - I understand that. - I'm sorry. - I know. - I want to get back to the fan. - We will. - I'm excited. - But those callbacks were too long. - Sorry. - I know. - It's, there's a rhythm of callbacks. - I know it. - Yeah. (laughing) - This is also hot on the heels of the joke you just made about two minutes ago, where your producer took out a gun and put it underneath his chin and said, what am I doing? What am I doing? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We're in trouble. - Yeah, yeah. - That was a good question. - This podcast and it, we're in trouble. - Oh no, let me tell you this. - This is a sinking ship. - This is so much fun. - I love it. - I love it. - I love it. - I love it. I love it. - This is fun. - This is fun. - This is fun. - This is fun. - This is fun. - This is fun, having a food in the hall. Watching these two, I don't like their reactions. - Yeah. - They're confused. - Fantastic. - We do the Sammy Davis one more time. - I wish I knew anything else he said. - I don't care. We don't care. - That's it. - Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent, one hundred percent. - That's awesome. - That's real nice. - Do you know about the secret Catholic Middle Eastern people, the Caldean community? - Yeah. - Interesting little facet. - Tell me about the Caldeans. I don't know much about it. - They are like Catholics, I think. - Yeah. - Living where? - Huge community in San Diego. - Yeah, yeah. - They're Middle Eastern Catholics. - Yes. - And you can tell they're not Muslim because they're snacking during Ramadan. That's the only way. - Oh. - But they own most of the party stores and a lot of the weed that comes out of the Midwest. - You eat pork? - Yeah. - Yeah, because they're Catholic. - Yeah. - Not on Friday though. - Not on Friday. - Tell me this about why you like pork. You don't like pork? - I mean, he eats pork. - I've seen this guy so much pork. - And I mean. - That'll tell. - I've seen him eat porks. - I didn't know for a plural. I'm talking about like Calisi, you know what I mean? That many pork. - It was a mistake if I've ever eaten it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And all the will forgive me. - No. If you're Muslim out there. - Don't kill me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Don't kill me. - If you're Muslim out there, just one right here. - Don't burn it. - Yo, he's a fake one. I see him desecrate the Korean. - Oh, no, no, no. That is too far. - Are you Muslim? - I am Muslim. - Dude, you like figs? - Yeah, I love figs. - Bro, why don't you guys tell more people about figs and date? - Yeah, yeah, you promote it better. - Dude, promote the figs right now. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Korean, it should have a chapter of figs. - Well, it probably does, but I like our, I like our sort of that we're keeping figs a secret. - You're a little fig pig. - Always. - Always your huge? - Our figs just like you enjoy eating them? - Yeah, just like you take the actual-- - What else would you do with them cats? - Well, I don't know. - I was just-- - Rubber them on your feet. - The jam is here. - Put 'em in a cage, give 'em a name. (all laughing) - Easier than a baby. - Put some googly eyes on it. (all laughing) - You guys eat the fig? - Like, we eat figs, dude. (all laughing) - You know what a fig was before? - You know what a fig is, honestly. Look at me, what's a fig? - You're a chef, you should know. - Yeah, you should know. (all laughing) - This is brutal. - I know what a fig is. - What is it? - What's the flavor like? - It's a fruit. - Yes. - And it grows on a tree. - Okay. - And sometimes it hits you on the head. - And the bonks, the bonking fruit. - And then when you squish it, it has all those little seeds inside, almost the consistency of a strawberry, a little bit jammyer. - Okay. - I was ready to defend you, but you're perfectly describing fruit. - Good work. - And the purple leathery texture kind of has like a sweet umami flavor. - I'm kind of chef, everyone. - What's the difference between that and a date? - A date, yeah. - Well, you've been on one recently. - A fig? - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - What do you mean? - I don't know, I'm riffing. - I have a fuck to your girlfriend. - But you got dates with her, right? - Yeah. - Hey, we're listening, I'm not. (laughing) - Come on, dates. - Why were, what? (laughing) - I'm gonna fuck it around, anyway. - Yeah. - We just met by the way. (laughing) - Okay, go ahead. - So a date, I believe, you usually eat it dry. Like, I don't think it, but it comes in like a waxy dry consistency. It kind of has like wax paper feeling. It has a tougher skin to it for sure. But boy, it's worth the work. 'Cause what's in there? Just a tasty sugary goo. - Yeah, it's really good. You combine things with it. It's an easy thing. - You can't, you can't, you can't. - It's a great vegan cookie. - Yeah. - Yummy. - Like, I'm sure it's in baklava. - No? - Yeah. - No. - I appreciate it. - But I appreciate it. - You still figure it out. - I don't take it in baklava. - There isn't. - But I like what you think. - No, no, Google it. - Don't start it. - I've had baklava. - But ooh, the date is fresh. - We're even, I don't know what this guy keeps saying. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Google it. There's gotta be some sort of slimy gooey thing in there. - That's fun. - We're even, we're even for sushi earlier. - We're now good. - Oh, I haven't forgotten about sushi. - Hey, Bobby. - Yeah. - That's neat. - Bobby might be honest. - No, come on. - There is a twist on the classic. - A twist. - He said date, that's big. - Oh. - Do you say date? - Yeah. - And I don't want to hear a twist. I want to hear the classic. - Yeah. - There's pistachio. - I don't know about date. Date, baklava, come on. - Right there. - Did you eat this before? - That's date baklava. - I've never, that feels to me almost the equivalent of like a lettuce wrap burger. - Totally, or one of those, yeah. - See, there you go in your face. - No. - A baklava with dates on it. - This doesn't have the definitive filo dough. - Exactly. - What? - Well, maybe I've had it from different regions of Persia. - Oh, good. - Yeah, I mean, you're a well-traveled man. - Well, I was in a man in Israel for a while. - A five-trail, yeah, with gangus. - Yeah, yeah. - You called gangus, you're on a first name basis of them. - Gang, gang, gang, gang, gangus gang. (laughing) - Dude, it'd be sick. - And he goes, "Good d'ovo." - And he goes, "Good d'ovo." - Oh, no. - Yeah. - He calls me the whole. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - I'm this, "Bend d'ovo, no!" - Yeah. - Right, and I go, "Okay, right, he gets a log." - Yeah, that's good. - It's always you get a log. - It's always a log. - Yeah. - And he pumbles with me. I usually get the barrel. - Yeah. - All you do? - Yeah. - From what dictator? - Pull pot. - Pull pot. - It doesn't hurt. - Yeah, it doesn't hurt. - Little dick. - Yeah. - Hey. - What? - Fuck you, pull. - Come on, dude. - Anyway. - Well, he's dead. - Yeah, but, you know. - Oh, wow, I'm discreet. - He's a low blow. - It's a low blow. - It's just a low blow. Cool 3 million, how many people did it kill those people? 3 million? A lot more than I have. Yeah, yeah. For sure. Pull pot, huh? Yeah, you don't know much. You watch the killing fields. Yeah, don't watch the killing field. It's killing fields. It's really good. It's really good. But it's heavy, dude. It's heavy. It's not date night watching. It's more of a fig afternoon. Yeah. Yeah. So I won the fig argument. That feels good. Yeah, yeah. What were we talking about before the figs? Oh, God. Muslims probably. Yeah, Muslims. Oh, yeah. We're ripping on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was trying to get out with the eating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, um, and I'm sorry about that. Forgive him. Muslims. Forgive the meat. Yeah, they can't forgive me. All we all can. I have him an interesting fact about Genghis Khan. Okay. Uh, he started the five-second rule. Hmm. Interesting. Okay. Interesting might be the worst thing you can hear after a joke. Yeah. [laughter] Holy shit. That's brutal. [laughter] Yeah, yeah. That's a burr. That's a fact, though. I think it's a fact. You said it was interesting. All right. So he threw down a chicken leg. Yeah. And in landed for three seconds. Yes. Pulled it up, started eating it again. And that's how he fixed his XP bar. Yeah. Yeah. And some guy said, "Hey, well, you eat that." And Genghis Khan go, "Five-second rule." Yeah. You think that's happened. There's no way. What happened? Can you go with it? It's folklore. Yeah. It's folklore, right? The Con rule. The Con rule. What is that? Genghis Khan. Oh, the con. Okay. He's like, "Come on, he's helping." [laughter] Like, I thought it was like pro-con. But yeah, that's what I found out. Okay. So maybe that's a good rogue, in fact, if you ever want to bring that to the pot. Oh, actually, not bad. In fact, I wish you would do it, opening a line. I'm going to be on there next Monday. Yeah. Yeah, I wish. Tell him I said, "Hi." And I wish you could do it. Okay. Tell him he said, "Hi." I want you to say, "Hi to me." Yeah. Right. And a real quick joke. Good to see you again, Jamie. What's up? Give him a couple of things he has to say on the podcast. That's a funny-- A challenge. And we'll cut it. What do I get out of it? It's a secret thing where people can follow along. Yeah. Okay. It's an Easter egg for the Tiger Belly King. Yeah. Okay. Give him a couple of things he has to do. All right. All right. All right. Can I write these in a-- Yeah, please. Have you ever had a date box lover? Okay. You have to talk about date box lover. Date box. See if you can get it date box lover. Or ask him to explain a fake. Maybe that could be a fake. Wait. Geng is calling 5 seconds. Yeah. I do think 5 seconds actually perfect. Oh. The prophet Muhammad invented high fives. I knew that. Yeah. That's another one of those games. That's not fucking true. No, no, wait. It's another one of those things. Oh, I'll go exactly. That's not true thing. That may be so upset. That may be mean. The prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. Thank you. He was a lot cooler because he would be like, what up, man? He's having some skis. Yeah. Yeah. Then Jesus Christ was like, how are you doing, brother? You see, I think we're coming to the congregation. Just kidding. Or palaces with black people. How are we with them? Yeah. We're, you know, when we see-- I think they had bigger fish to fry. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. I think there's some other things on the docket right now. Yeah. Yeah. What do you want to promote? I'd like to promote my book, Brute, a novel about a Hitman in Paris doing one last job, available from Rex. Actually, I'm going to go get it. Go grab it. Yeah. I gave Bobby one. Wait, that's awesome. He put it in the trash. That bookshelf. Yes. Beautiful cover. Thank you, man. Yeah. It was a story behind the illustration. My friend Jack did that. And Jack and fuck. His buddy. Yeah. I don't know. It's almost like he's not good at using a gun. What number book is this for you? This is my third book. Wow. I have two novels in one novella. Incredible. Yeah. Running the lights the first one. You can get that. But yeah, there's a good book. It's about a Hitman who falls in love with another Marine. Look at that. Yeah, right there, man. Sam, can I ask a question? Because I've always been so fascinated by the fact that you're a writer, like a real writer. As a comic, did you ever have a moment? Because I feel like if I said to people, I'm going to start writing a book. People would shit on me first. Well, you don't tell anyone you're writing a book. You just wrote it. It doesn't matter if you're a comic. If you're a person writing a book, don't let anyone fucking find out ever. But did you ever have a moment of going like, I can't fucking write a book? Like, did you ever have that? Or were you always like, no, I'm a fucking writer? No, I never thought I can't do it because I'm a comic. I thought I'm writing a book. And because I'm a comic, I can't tell anyone because all my friends are comic. And they'll come up with new ways to call me gay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or if you're writing a script, I hate when anyone says shit like that. Of course. Because anyone that says it out loud has really nothing going on. Yeah. And I think they're lying. Yeah. They're not writing a script or a book. They are telling people they wrote a script or a book because they get the same dopamine as completing the task. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I ran to a guy the other day who I didn't see in a very, very long time. Was it chicken? No. And he died. And he, um, his opening line was three things he's working on. Awful. You get that all day long because people-- And it's like, how about a hello? Dude. How about a human hello to a guy you haven't seen in forever? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was literally like, yeah. Oh, man. This movie I just did. It was so-and-so, man. It's going to win an Oscar. Yeah. You hear me? I got this going on and that going on. And I'm like, in my mind going, what happened to you? Yeah. What's behind those eyes? What happened to you? Yeah. Where were you? Were you ordering food? Oh, it's a comedy store. It's a good marker of success if people run at you and immediately start listing resume things that they're doing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations on whatever. Comics unleashed. Oh, yeah. What? See here? All right. Look at his dates. We have Brookfield, Wisconsin. Milwaukee Improv. Rumors in Winnipeg. Valerities in Cleveland, Indian, St. Louis, Helium, Kansas City. So go to his website. I want to say, I really do want to say you're a guy that everyone. Belovs. I really do. Everyone loves you. I know. Very nice. Very good. For many years. You're. I just think great things are going to happen for you, bud. I'm really excited. Think of artwork. Yeah. That's a t-shirt, I mean, I carved that out of an olium and then I print them on shirts. It's fucked it. Look at those. Look at those cherry blossoms all around them. Look how enchanted he is with the cherry blossom. Bobby, you need to get that shirt. That would be so cool. I can make you want to. Give me a medium. Okay. Yeah. That's a good shirt. Yeah. It's going to be a shock aware. Wait. Can I see the other ones? These ones? Those aren't current. That's the hobo. Look how excited he was. Those are so cool. That's so cool. That's this church in Salt Lake City. What's that? That was the Dayton Flyers logo. And let me tell you, I made about 160 of those shirts. It went to Dayton. Sold maybe 20 of those shirts. And then had like 150 of that shirt just sitting around. Oh, no. I love that shirt. That shirt. It's fine. It's not bad. It's not. I don't know why this is a live video. But yeah. Why is that live? I don't know. Hey, Sam. Get the book. That's what I'd say. Get the book first. If you like podcasts like this, Shelby Behemoth. It's a great fun. Yeah. And then also go to his website. Look at his dates. Go see him perform. He's the best. We're going to have him back on this podcast every year. Thanks, man. Every year. I'm telling you, man, you were so nice. Every year. Every time. Yeah. Well, we'll see if I can honor this Rogan. No, that has happened first. Right. I know. All right. I can't wait. Everyone watched the next Rogan that Sam talents on. And he is going to try to mention these two things. We never mind everyone again. That's enough for what it is. Genghis Khan. Five second rule. Yeah. That'll probably fill 45 minutes. Yeah. And then date. Buckle of that's a tough one. That's a tough one. Oh, it's easy. Because I'm going to show up and be like, God, I just had this crazy fucking date. Buckle of on the plane. And now I have diarrhea. Oh, perfect. Yeah. That's good. He'll be like, I've never had diarrhea. Yeah. I'll say, we have nothing to talk about. It couldn't be more different, though. Sam, did you have a good time here? Oh, my God. Yes, this is so much fun. It's so much fun here. I saw your penis. We were on a woman-led ship for a minute. Yeah. It was really well. Thank you for hanging out with my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my baby brother.