Sam Tallent on Comedy, Writing & His New Book Brut | Whiskey Ginger

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In Vegas, go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back. Whiskey Ginger, my guest today, is one of my favorite people in the North. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it. Once again, today, it's Sam Tallent. My man, Santino, one of the funniest guys. Oh, sweet. You're so funny. That's a sweet thing. And you know what? Like, we haven't ever bro'd out, but you were such a fucking lighthouse to me in Montreal, 2019. 2019. I was an unrepped new face. Oh, yeah. Meanwhile, the repped new face, I was the unrepped fat new face. The repped fat new face was a young Shane Gillis. So, I wasn't even there, according to the industry. They didn't know you existed. No, no, no. I was in a shadow. And a big pierogi face was blocking my head. So, yeah, it was like, oh, you're the other guy. It was terrible. But you and Bobby came up and, like, talked to me and Jordan Jensen at one of those mixers. Yeah. And you guys were, like, so nice and normal and, like, treated us like peers. And we were worms, bro. No, you're peers. We were, like, in the dirt. Peers. It was so nice of you. If you're comics, you're peers. I don't know who. I think I shouldn't give credit to him, but Seinfeld did say one thing that I agreed with, which is very rare. But he did say one thing I agreed with. He was like, I don't care if I'm, like, in the darkest corner of around the world. Somewhere traveling with my wife and my kids. Palestine should not exist. I remember. I remember. That's what he said. Yeah, from Comedian. That's what he said on Comedian. And then Orny Adams came in, freaked out. Yeah, it was in the director's cut. He's like, if I meet a comedian anywhere, I don't care what level they are. I want to say hi to a comedian. There's something in our bones that's like, you're a comic? Yeah. And also, like, I have an immense respect for people who can do the job. Yeah. Like, it doesn't matter if you're, like, a hack or whatever. Like, you can get up on stage for an hour and no one's mad at you at the end and everyone had a blast. It's like, I have. I came up in the mountain time zone, so I opened for a lot of, like, hacks traditionally. But, motherfucker, you watch them kill in Montana in an oil field, you're like, oh, they're very good at this. Who is the guy? When I first started in Comedy Works, he was a local icon. He's a doctor. He's, like, an animal doctor. Dr. Kevin Fitzgerald. Yeah, that guy. Hey, man. They love that guy. Yeah, yeah. And I'd never heard of him. They, I. Everybody. I adore him. But I came to Denver and I was like, oh, who was here last week? You always want to know. Like, I don't know. Who's here next week? And Wendy was like, oh, this guy who's, like, a local legend here. And he's a, he's a, is he an animal doctor? He's a veterinarian who used to be a, he used to be hired security for the Rolling Stones for, like, 25 years. And then the story is, yeah, Dr. Kev, shout out. Yeah. Hey, sorry I'm late, folks. I just had my hand inside a horse. And then I had to get to work. I heard he's the man. Everyone loves him. I've never seen him. Sexually a titan. Oh, really? So we did a cool guy show on Wednesdays, like, upstairs in this, like, art space, right? Like, all the cool kids, me and my friends in Denver for six years. And it was, like, a happening spot with, like, asymmetrical haircuts and, like, septum piercings. And we didn't card. So, like, if you were, if you could get in the building, you could buy dollar rolling rocks. So it was packed with kids. It was a real, you would have loved it. Yeah. Due to your proclivities. But, so Dr. Kev was like, hey, I need to get good at, like, the cool guy shows. So can I, like, do your gig? Your happening spot? And we'd be like, we'd love to have you, Dr. Kev. He did it every week for, like, five years. And invariably, he would need to work in this thing where he, like, he was in tap class. He did tap class. Really? So, like, stay, I gotta keep my mind sharp and my feet sharper, you know? But it was an excuse for him to go dance in front of all the hot young women without any underwear on and his huge cock swinging around in his pants. Dude, one time he was with two babes at our show, a 68-year-old man. You know? Mm-hmm. Dressed like, uh, he was in the Stray Cats, right? And he was with these two beautiful, like, 35-year-old women, right? He was, like, making out with them, both of them, at the same time in the hallway. Yeah, God bless Dr. Kev. And I was like, Dr. Kev, what's going on there? And he's like, I like to take them to bed two at a time, you know? That way, when I'm done, they got somebody to talk to. This dude. Meanwhile, I'm, like, trying to get a hand job out of stand-up still, you know? Yeah. I'm, like, fingers crossed someone's gonna. I get a spitty in the parking lot? This guy, you can tell an old guy, a guy of that age, who has a nice head of lettuce, and it's all gray, you can tell he swings. You can just tell when a guy has a big hog based on, like, the lettuce, the demeanor, the beard. Like, I can just see that guy, and you go, right, that guy's a killer. How many buttons are open? Yeah, he's a killer. Yeah, yeah. So, but he would sell out all the time, and I'd never seen him live. That's very generous. Wouldn't he? Wouldn't he, though? He would sell out single shows, right? Downtown. Oh, yeah, single shows. Yeah. That's pretty impressive, though, for a guy who, like. On the national market, did he ever tour? I don't want to besmirch Kev. He had a TV show on Animal Planet forever. He did. And it was about his veterinary clinic. So he had, like, steam, and he's also very well-respected in the animal community, and, like, goes to Antarctica to save polar bears. Holy shit. And then he'd come show his footage of him, like, playing with otters in Portland to all of our, you know, 22-year-old girls, and they'd be like, "Oh, my God, he's so funny," and it's like, "No, it wasn't funny." No, no. He just showed you videos of him holding an otter, and you're juiced up. Yeah, this is a ploy. And then he went down with Grandpa. He wasn't hilarious. But, you know. Yeah. He does. He did figure out the math. I cannot be a bigger fan of Dr. Kev. Yeah, okay, good. 'Cause that was my. When I had first gone to Denver a few times, I was like, "Oh, this is, like. This guy is. The lore of this man around Denver Comedy Works." And that was, for me, like the. You know, a lot of people had Acme on their list in Minneapolis as their thing. I never played it. Me either. Me either. Never once. Never got to. Yeah. Yeah, they never said yes to me. Shut up, Sisyphus Brewing. Thank you. They never said yes to me. Huh, Acme? You never said yes to me. Or me. Yeah, why? Why not us? Well, I'm actually more. Why not him? No, why not us? Me, I get it. All right? Why not us? But I never got to do that, but that Comedy Works was the other one that I was always like. My wife's from Denver, too, so I was always just like. She's from Denver? She is, yeah. That's cool. Yeah, yeah. She's from. Well, not from Denver. She's from way outside of Denver. Where's she from, though? I can't tell you, dude. Okay, 'cause I'm from way outside of Denver, on the Eastern Plains. How far out? Like an hour and a half. Oh, that's even further. Elbert County, Colorado. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like. Elizabeth is where I'm from. Oh, dude, I know it. I've spent time out there. In Elizabeth? Were you out there starting a white supremacist gym? We didn't start it. We continued it. Oh. 'Cause it was shutting down, and it needed financing. The mural you guys put on the building? It's pretty good, right? It's great. Yeah. I've never seen the SS sparkle like that. Well, we did a little bit of glitter on the outside, but it's. Was it glitter? I thought it was chrome. And some of it's peeled off, so we have someone go out there every few months to put some new one on. West Coast Chalkers. Yeah. He does it. Yeah. He's great. Him and. What's the guy? Who's the guy that did Pit My Ride? Pit My Ride. Oh, yes. Pit My Ride. We had Pit My Ride do it. By the way, Pit My Ride. Exhibit, correct? Exhibit. Yeah. Exhibit went out. No, what's the name of the studio? Oh, what's Pit My Ride? The studio. West Coast something. Customs? Customs. Customs. Yeah, yeah. That was. That was like way up north in the valley here. Yeah. Like deep, deep. And I was like, "Holy shit. There's West Coast Chalkers." Like that's where it took place. Yeah. Right beneath the airport. That's where they make all the candy paint. Oh, God damn. You make it drip, dawg. Give me them spinners. I thought growing up, 'cause I'm 39, that when I turned 18, I was just gonna wind up with a car like that. Yeah. There was a bit of magic in the air. It made you believe. Yeah, you could have that. I'm gonna get room rated for sure. 100%. So I gotta put all this porno in the gun safe. Yep. Second of all, someone's gonna drip out my car. It's gonna be candy coat. I'm gonna wake up. Also, they did too much at one point, and you could tell the disappointment in people's faces when they're like, "And there's a fish tank in that motherfucker." And they were like, "Wow, this is. " Okay. "I don't know if a fish tank belongs in an accord, but I will do it." That's probably $3,200 of upkeep just on food and water a year. I came in here because I got fired from the Dollar General. Do you remember that? that was like the scam on the house show where they buy people mansions and they were like we can't afford the taxes taxes are fifteen thousand dollars a year and they were like yeah the host is like next week on house hunters someone's like holding a deed crying in the background no move him to jail it was so bad dude it was and they also tried to like scheme their way out of it by being like and we're gonna pay your mortgage off and the taxes now but this is like in the fifth season and you're like you already ruined families for years these people are in debtor's jail so so bad do you so okay do you watch you like shit reality tv or you sir yeah uh just because in my home my wife is the arbiter of the remote control until she goes to bed yeah she comes home from work at the hospital real like yeah she's a doctor yeah she's a real i'm not gonna be like hey no more svu toots there's a new there's a new 30 for 30 i'll see yeah that's why you gotta have two separate room when i want to go watch that crap yeah i'm like hey i gotta go away for a little while and watch in my little room because i know she doesn't want to see it i know that i have 11 to 2 a.m that's yours that's me yeah so i'm like hey so stoked to see her she comes home she's doing notes on the couch we're watching bones if she's really sad we're watching blue bloods uh that's when i know i have to call her sister if blue bloods comes on dude it's like oh shit is that selic uh yeah it's selic it's uh it's one of the walbergs yeah uh donnie cheeseburger yeah donnie yeah donnie yeah and uh so when she's in blue bloods it's like oh we gotta up your ssri but yeah i i don't at all care about the tv no yeah and i i i like watching television but when i watch television i'm trying to like enrich my like understanding of screen writing and shit like i'm such a homework dork about tv now yeah so no i don't watch bad tv see it's funny i can only i can't watch he knows like scripted shows for me are tough to watch because i get so jealous i just get anxious yeah i get very anxious that i'm like i don't like that and then my wife gets annoyed because i'll say something like i'll go very easy very cheap turn here so it bothers me yeah it's so like weird about and then i i get turned off and then she can't enjoy the show because i've ruined it for her i really said this is weak writing yeah that's an easy fix if you're the screenwriter yeah or then i'll go or i'll or i'll call out the line before it happens yeah and she's like come on please don't do that i'm like but i just i knew this was going to be this thing and it just feels so like weak so now if i do get into a scripted um lucky i said that the anna taylor joy it's fantastic because it's like it's like a i don't know it's a like a crime drama you know what i mean there's no comedy injection in it it's very like straightforward i never watch comedy stuff i can't that's well that's very difficult it's hard to do yeah like even tires i love shane and those guys and so many of our friends are on it and i'm not yeah me either stare into the camera for a while uh but i can't watch it because it's just like it's hard for me to watch comedy stuff like i root for it from afar but i'm like i can't watch tires because my wife is like hey we're gonna watch tires like she's stoked that's awesome it's funny you know it's like she likes it she has no connection to any of those people right and so it's easier for her oh she loves it yeah and then i can be like yeah stav is so fucking funny or like god foley's so underrated like i watch it and i'm like all right i'm in yeah no well we talked about it yesterday with those guys we had them on here we had foley we had stav and foley just have them on the show that way it smells like that in here yeah you can tell that's why the chair is broken dogs yeah but we do have to wash them before they leave yeah like so they don't take their barnacles to a different lake foley's brutally honest about his journey which is pretty impressive dude he's like that guy when they finally give him the ball and he can make his just like down on his luck like gritty detective like who needs four hundred dollars by midnight show like that would be awesome yeah a hundred percent that's actually very true him like this broke it like a um uh uh uh he should do like a colombo like a new colombo do you want to know what it is it's him and tommy work at a restaurant and it's like a corporate restaurant and like a like an outback like a oh no great chris ruth chris like a yeah like a little like a little bit nicer they have to wear a white shirt but it's stained and you know foley's going in the bathroom to like break up percocets and like tommy's you know banging the hostess even though she's 17 that's the show that is the bear but front of house in a corporate steakhouse i like this i think that's the pitch can you write this i have pitched this to foley and i was like foley just give me some stories about your time when you were when you were working in a restaurant don't worry i got you man it's nothing but gold then two out two weeks later his manager hits me up did foley ever give you any of those stories of course not yeah no of course not but me you know a guy who people think can write i did hit him up with an idea so maybe make it move he's got to do the thing yeah i just need three voice memos that were like and i sat on the cat and it died and it was before the soprano so it was my thing you know that's what we need out of foley we do we need to put because he is a wealth when he gets into like we talked about i said when you dip into the bag um like what's what's that day like when you really get back into the bag he's like fifteen thousand dollars a hotel for three days and i get a couple of gatorades i was like holy dude he's like that's legitimately that's legitimately my journey i'm like wow that's amazing i was like where is that i just swallowed my zen almost that's all right 15k 15k on blow god bless him well sorry excuse your mouth and women that are paid paid as sex workers he calls them his girlfriend babies they're girlfriend babies yeah they're girlfriend babies and you know what dude legitimate profession so be nice about it don't say the h word i it's just such a fun word no we're not allowed to say if you're a child yeah he is he's 26 yeah yeah by the way he went to an afters last night for until four in the morning what yeah you were out showing your ass you didn't have that mustache when you went in that warehouse did you oh no yeah he puts it back on every morning yeah this is getting tiring what were you doing drugs no no drugs i had some drinks this is great you're gonna love this he was trying to do karaoke with a bunch of strangers he didn't know he put on uh international play his anthem which is my karaoke very well and it was i went to like a guy that i i had coffee with a nice kid went to like his friend's birthday that's how it starts and afters i didn't know any of them and the guys in the back were just like these girls boyfriends and they were just a bad vibe and they cut me off shut off the song through the first verse no left him up there even dropped but i said this is the difference between him and i he goes he goes it made me want to kill myself and i was like i'm instinctually like i made me want to kill that guy yeah i want to kill that guy he's like i want to jump in front of a way you were wrong young man yeah i was like i want to jump in front of a way i know you were trying to have fun and sing a fun song for all the i'm assuming filipinos and attendants he got he got real he got real deep and existential about killing himself with the waymo because he said it's the most ethical way to do it is there's no blame no one got hurt no one's in the waymo or jumping in front of it it would stop because they're good now they're really they are suicide proof i can hide behind them sorry please call a helpline it just displays on the front mirror please call 1-800 it starts playing if i saw you in heaven if you ever do that when you listen to songs when you were a kid like i remember listening to that song and it was a pretty song and you hear the depths of it you're like this is like the saddest thing i've ever heard in my life we were driving home from ohai the other day and the song came on um uh run around run around sue there's a run around sue when you really get into that song it's real real tragic his girlfriend continually cheats on him and he's cucking he loves it he keeps going back to her while she's with other men it's insane you're like this is the original cuck song it's a cuck anthem and then meanwhile it's like 1950s 1953 and everyone's like the bomb hasn't dropped and we're running around too you know yeah it was great sue's been fucking my friends and we're still and where war is not over we didn't get a prenup see so sue can do what sue's gonna do as long as i don't hit her or or if she talks back and dinner's not ready i hit her it's not for fucking the guys at the plant that's fine look i'll tell you what young man that's cool like that's what you should be doing as a refugee from minnesota here in la you should be going and busting your teeth in social calamity over and over again that's the only way to live otherwise it's over that's why you're a young man in la is to go you don't kill yourself you come on this very big podcast that you are the product producer of yeah right you know you're the man in the chair like you've you've ascended 45 he was still here in the morning which i was shocked he said i was up to four i said you're never gonna make it to the shoot in the morning yeah and he did he you know what he does to remind himself he texts me because i'm sure he panicked wakes in the between him and i and then goes i gotta be there at 8 45 otherwise he's gonna be very upset i did text that last night in preparation i know yeah he does that a lot what you have you've are you family man you got a little little children no children but a niece we have no children yeah we have nieces yeah we have plural man that's great we have one that's really good and we don't need more yeah you don't need any more no no she young young she's six is that awesome uh it's like literally the whole reason we changed our lives and moved to detroit really oh yeah because her family's from there yeah her sister had a baby during covid and we were there like she was born we were just like we drove there from colorado to see her born and then we're just with her and we were like oh this is like the point so yeah now we're gonna move here and it's the best dude you'll know children you think you'll stay in detroit uh we own a home so yeah yeah i think that we'll be there and uh in at least for 12 more years until she's 18 right and then move on and i live on the road so like it's not a big deal i'm in the eastern time zone but it's the closest to the central yeah so it's like really awesome for me you know i get jealous of that when i travel whenever i get to when i'm flying back to la you west coast guys it stinks dude whenever i get when i get to colorado in the air when i see it on the map right and then i go we have two more fucking hours of nothingness yeah it's shocking how we're too far away and just the time change aspects of like stinks yeah it's you have to leave at like 5 a.m every weekend it stinks that's why you're going to chicago i'm going to chicago today and whenever i go home too my dad's always like what time do you get in and i'm like don't don't just i'll see you tomorrow yeah yeah it's never he's my parents are old enough now where like i don't know how old your parents are we're close send me a flight number type guy oh my god i'm like i'm like i'm like i'm - Oh, 100%. - For sure. - He tracks it. - Yeah, yeah. to know where it is in the sky and how late it is my dad also gets off on texting like see how many delays there are today yeah he loves that he like loves informing me about like other problems yeah he's like you're gonna get fucked my dad's big on like hey uh we'll see you at the airport you know uh if these wildfires don't eat the world and then it's a picture of the world on fire like right outside of his window he's like hopefully you can land in the smoke buddy thanks dad i was busy trying to connect in winnipeg but this is great anywhere there's a deli meat in the fridge mom is gonna be upstairs i'll be downstairs doing my thing yeah my parents are at that level now where they never were this way but now my dad he stays up all night my dad was never up all night guy yeah you know like a nine to five salesman and so now that he's retired and long since over everything he will be up two three in the morning sometimes just ingesting nonsense he's escaped bedtime yeah he got wives and pose bedtime i know for the first like 30 years of your marriage and then there's a break and then you retire and she's like all right i'll be upstairs it's incredible yeah she gets to go read and he gets to watch the history channel on i mean i i think my father's watched ancient aliens he's watched every season at least more than at least more than once like over more than the fda recommends he'll go this this episode is amazing he turns it up you're gonna want to hear this he's also listening to frank zappa on headphones while running the tv this is a good one you're gonna love this yeah my dad be quiet everybody's sleeping yeah my mom is my mom now has been honest with me she's been honest with me she's been honest with her about uh not having him around with tv because my dad is obsessed with having the tv on my mom wants no tv on her she's book bed and then my mom can sleep for 13 hours my dad will sleep for like four weird okay i think because my mom when we left chicago and we moved to the suburbs my mom kept her job in the city and so she she uh commuted every day that was my mom it was crazy which at some point i was like why don't we just still live downtown for mom there's no other job yeah yeah but my mom my dad also worked for me and my mom worked for me and my mom worked for me and my mom worked halfway to the city so for him it would have been the same each way but they wanted to get out of the city so bad so she commuted every day because of you guys right they want to give you a better suburb i was i was raised as a kid in the city and then went for high school uh just before high school we moved out to we moved out to the burbs and my sister was born who they actually love and they were like she needs to be raised in the suburbs yeah yeah i mean i was too formally it was eight and eight so it was kind of halfway split but she was like my parents were like you gotta we gotta get this kid out of this nonsense she's not gonna grow up a socks fan like you no i'm gonna call the north side kid i'm a northside kid okay careful you might hurt my little heart i don't know yeah i'm riffing yeah it's good it's good good you're right you're right you're right you're right funny thing do you are you are you sports fan at all or no i love the denver broncos good for you yeah i love the denver broncos seven you have a seven tattoo somewhere on you now i have our area code though okay yeah i see it yeah i covered up elway's name with my mom's when she died that's a good gift yeah elway would be like i respect that dude come buy a car from me well come to my steakhouse and bum me a marble red or no one's leaving that's john elway all my friends would work at elway's steakhouse like as they climbed up and he had this like thing where he'd be playing pool over there and hey i just need i need a marlboro red 100 and everyone be like oh i have camels or i got a newport and he'd be like no one's going home until johnny gets a marlboro red 100 so like people would like run to get him a pack the man but if someone who just eventually they start buying him and having marlboro reds and he's like i need to hear that i need to hear that cellophane crack if i'm gonna smoke a marlboro red he is like the all-american quarterback cowboy still he's like the last one that did it yeah he kind of was i don't know who else came after him how about joe flacco flacco's more of like a but he's a journeyman he yeah he's a journeyman he's more of like an upfront he seems more he's more sellable i don't know why i said i compared my the best quarterback in bronco's history to joe flacco i don't know flacco is a bad riffin but no no that's good flacco is the man yeah to be fair but elway's one of those guys i'm not speaking out of turn no but i was at an event and um elway was i was like looking from afar did he ask if you swing cards yeah he did yeah and and dr ken was there or whatever what's his cat what's his cat was there no i'm watching them play cards and i'm like i'm away like having a cocktail by with another buddy and then this woman walks in with like a little dog she's like excuse me she's like can you go tell john that so-and-so wants to talk to him whoever and i was like ma'am i i i respectfully decline yeah like if you think i'm going to interrupt a card game with john elway and i'm like i'm not going to do that i'm not going to do that oh you were made the gopher to bother john elway like hey clown yeah well she saw the red hair and she's like this is a vulnerable child you know what i mean i can make him do something and so i was like oh i'm so sorry i like i don't know i don't want to interrupt their game or whatever and she's like just go tell him so then i cowardly go up to a server and i go hey can you tell uh mr elway that there's like a phone call on his wife or whomever a girlfriend i don't even know if wife girlfriend whatever is outside with the dog or whatever and the guy's like no he like literally fucked me right off he's like i'm not doing that you're out of your fucking mind i was like go get me a bib i'll work here now right but uh but eventually like hey buddy you have to do it because you work here yeah like i'm just a boy no i do not i don't play this game so then i go up to one of the other guys that i had met earlier in the day and i said hey will you tell john that someone's outside and he's like what i was like will you just tell him and he was like john and then he goes this guy and he points at the it's like a cartoon when he points up i'm already i'm like garthing my way out of the room i garced so fast out of the back because i was like i don't want him to go who the fuck are you yeah yeah and why are you talking to my gun out freeze get me a barber i'll blow your fucking head off yeah but he's such a legend to me that i'm you're like there's guys where i wouldn't even have the nerves of a pro athlete like i'm like oh i'm a fan with him you're like nah you got to leave john alleyway alone let him be yeah let him be yeah he really is that guy and i mean in denver like peyton came obviously and gave us a couple great years and it meant the world to us i know i know like i love peyton but come on johnny was there man johnny was scrambling the drive he was diving his body against the it was have you seen him walk oh yeah you can tell yeah you can tell he like did the thing right you're like oh my god that body is it's like his hip and you're like that's those three yards against tampa right there sir thank you thank you for that my dad was really excited and wasn't quiet for a week after that victory yeah well you have to you have to let that sit for a little while it's so important that's because like when you move fanship has to move with you so it's hard like we live here i've lived here for 20 years and i'm still a diehard bears fan yeah and cubs and uh bulls i guess i am i am not as big of an nba like i used to be i'm not a baseball guy it's football and then it's the nuggets and then i'm glad everyone's having fun yeah you're detroit games by the way that stadium's perfect dude and it's right downtown yeah it's amazing it's beautiful and also in detroit you just park your car like wherever you want because the ticket's 20 dollars like the parking ticket's 20 bucks so you just like park in the mouth of an alleyway and then walk a block to the stadium and everyone's walking out at the end of the night and they're like see you next week and they're just everyone's pulling a ticket off of their but it's really because the parking lot's probably my wife was like we're gonna park right here and i said we're gonna get towed and she's like no we're not we'll be fine and then we came out and we just had a 20 ticket and she paid it on her phone on the drive home so i love city rackets like this like my uncle used to own a house right around the corner from wrigley and he sold it which to this day i'm very mad i was never i never got the chance to buy it i was far too young didn't have any money when he was selling it but i i uh i love the idea that he was like he had an extra space next to his house and he just let people park like on his front lawn 30 bucks or whatever and he would just sit out there with a case of beer and be like hey park here i'll give you a beer yeah it was like it was such a good salesman too he's like dude i'm making so much money on these things yeah i was like very midwestern oh it's such a midwife can't do that out here we're not we can't tailgate out here what tailgating is you cannot tailgate at dodger stadium no longer we had a little incident with the san francisco giants can't do it no no la raza can't do it that's a huge part of like just latino community in general well they have to hang out in the neighborhoods and then you're allowed to walk over there but because of the giants i don't know if you remember this you're not a baseball guy but uh two dodger fans beat a san francisco giants fan into a coma in front of his children but didn't larry david get him off in that documentary that was a different one but yes that was murder oh okay yeah that was murder this was a coma the guy lived cool and and from that very moment now being a giants fan he's already in a coma yeah no shit go bear fucking wine and cheese nerds do you like that the uh the broncos and the bears have the exact same jerseys now yeah i hate it no it's great i hate it i loved when we were like the scouts blue and like the real life do you like the orange the bright orange yeah i think those are my favorite jerseys you guys ever had it was awesome dude and also the nuggets got rid of that denver skyline the rainbow skyline on the jerseys which i think was the best jersey you ever made the nuggets can't figure out what the fuck they're doing with their gear dude it's been terrible like we got ai for like a couple years and they're like all right baby blue and silver yeah sure whatever's gonna get the urban demo of denver into basketball there's like 12 black people you know it's insane marcus canby's here all right everyone gets a low rider how long can these shorts be boys yeah dude it is true that they they did they whenever they get a new earl the pearl was in marcus's shorts most of the time yeah he was just in the guy's pocket pop out and get a steal denver though denver though to their credit they're they're a very unhatable sports city thank you for saying that unhatable i always tell gillis i'm like there's still time to get into heaven you can be a broncos fan yeah like sunsets are orange and blue for a reason and then you're like oh my god i'm a broncos fan for a reason and then you're like oh my god i'm a broncos fan for a reason we we we got into we already got into this again about the eagles about i said i'm happy that so many of my friends are from philly and they're philly fans and i'm so tired of hearing about philly because there's this you know it's philly it's like everyone became a philly's fan overnight for some reason you're like you turn around you're like philly is fucking there's people like on award shows talking about the eagles and you're like what the fuck is going on that's because shane's very powerful i know the cia goes all the way into this i mean all of a sudden the eagles are good is he a plant do we think he's got something to do with it he's he's not a succulent he's not a plant do we think he's got something to do with it he's he's not a succulent no i've been spreading that information with his friend Andrew at War Mode. Do you know the War Mode guys? No, I don't know who that is. They're great. They're just asking questions. But I turned him on to the idea that maybe Shane's the CIA and then gave him enough breadcrumbs so he could, like, create a schizo. Really start to investigate? Yeah. We're going to see a YouTube breakdown for seven and a half hours about Shane being a CIA agent. I hope so. Yeah. I just want my flowers when that happens. You think you'll get some credit? I think I'll get killed for being a whistleblower. But that's credit. That's good, dude. That's good, yeah. That's good. You know, Bud Light presents my assassination. It just turns into a Bud Light ad. Tommy Pope is there shelling Bud Lights at your funeral. He has a t-shirt cannon full of tall boys. But it just says, here lies ST. It won't even say your full name on it. They don't even give you the props of it. ST, trademarked. Here's Bud Light, trademarked ST. He single-handedly, Shane single-handedly saved Bud Light's self-mutilation ritual by going, hey, I like this. This is great. And they're like, hey, it's good to drink with your mouth. They forgot everything about it. Yeah, yeah. Like, it disappeared. All this weird. Kid Rock, shooting up beers in his backyard on YouTube. Trans people having dignity in advertising. It was insane time in America. It was crazy. Yeah. What the hell was that about? When you do look back at it, you're like, that was the craziest flip I've ever seen in my life. Everyone immediately turned to this, it was like this nationalism at its highest level for a beer for an advertisement that had nothing to do with anything. It was a one-off. That no one saw, either. No one even saw. It wasn't like that was on TV. No, it was on the internet. It was like a social media thing that a 22-year-old designed after a late night at the afters. Yeah. That's right. Yeah, and then everyone. Someone that didn't. People who got mad at it didn't even have the apps available to see the app. No. Yeah, that's fascinating. They were still on Quibi. They were getting furious at Quibi. They did. The uprising was very, very strange to watch and Shane did it so quickly. I was on Rogan for the first time ever the next day. So, like, Rogan all of a sudden is like, hey, so what do you think about trans people? And I'm like, you know, what the fuck's going on in here? You're like, Jamie, pull up a video of a horse killing a man, Yeah, yeah. in the Wild West. Can we watch Mr. Hands instead? Please? Yeah. Wait, you went. We went on Rogan right after. That was your first appearance? Yeah. How many times have you been on the show? Two, with another one impending. How many hours? I think I've been on there for more than five hours in my two appearances. It's a heavy hit sometimes. I'm very good at just being like, what? No way. Yeah, yeah. For real? And then he's like, for real, check this out. Dead serious. Yeah, and then 20 minutes goes by and then you get to talk again. Right. It's like the whole time I'm in there, it's like he's in tunnel vision. It's literally like in the end of It. Have you ever read the book It? No. At the end, the way that they beat It is they do this weird ritual in the tunnels where they have to lock tongues and ask each other riddles while they spin through space. That's how they beat the entity is It in the book. And that's how I feel in Rogan. It's like I sit in that chair and he puts his tongue in my mouth and I put his tongue in my mouth and then we're just swirling through the cosmos for two and a half hours as we're like answering each other's riddles and then at the end of it you're just back in a chair and Jamie's like, all right, back to the airport. It's a ritual of chud. It does feel like a, it feels like you lose time and space when you're in there and you're very inside of here. So present. You're very deep, deep inside of there. But also removed because you're thinking so much about everything that every, and it's like, I don't know, you're very successful. You're more accustomed to thinking of the amount of people who see your shit and becoming okay with it. Sometimes. Well, you're still a human being. Yeah. But like I have less acclimation to those heights so I'm still in there like, what do I, yeah, what do I, what do I look like? What do I do? What do I say? How do I feel right now? Is my nose running? Are they looking at me? Yeah, yeah. They're looking at me. Everyone's looking at me. Right. A red dot appears on your forehead for not riffing correctly. This is for Bud Light. Yeah. But yeah, I defended trans women. I think I said that that woman was attractive on that episode. What did he say? He just cheers me with a Bud Light. But I'll tell you who had a lot to say was everyone online. Ah. You want to see every spelling of the F slur. Yeah, it's there. In your DMs. It's your episode. Just defend a trans woman on Rogan. Now, did you get any love from trans community when you did it? No. Like, did you get nothing? No, no. Yeah, come on, guys. Like, help out a little bit. No. You know what I mean? Like, he's got to go to bat. When my friends, like, from the bookstore shows back in the day, I'll be like, oh, you go on Rogan? It's like, yeah, but I do my best to, you know. Do what I do. Yeah, I still try to just be myself. Yeah, didn't change you. Yeah, exactly. And also, he's just a guy. He's just a guy. It's so insane that people are mad at him because he's just a dude who has a huge platform. And it's like, all these stories that are written about him are from, like, the journalists that he killed because, like, radio just died 20 years ago and now newspapers are going and, like, you know, normal news shows are dead, too. So everyone's like, fuck this guy. He's the problem. And it's like, no, you guys just, like, news was too boring and, like, people got stupider and now people just want to go to one guy and you're mad at them. He took over what was formerly, like, the empire of terrestrial radio and then Howard Stern, who was, like, podcasts will never be a big thing. When him and Ari got into it, that was, like, the funniest thing in the world. Ari was like, what do you mean podcasts? Podcasts are the future. And Stern was like, no. You fool. You fool. That'll never exist. It's hubris, dude. It is crazy. That was kind of wild to watch, particularly because we grew up, we're similar in age. I grew up, like, ingesting so much Howard Stern because I was fascinated. Fascinated with the world. But the same guy. It was, like, for bad boys. It was for bad boys. And I was, like, a good kid. And I was like, oh, my God, it's on E. And I came. Good night. Yeah, there's boobs and there's a Sibian this week. Yeah. And you would, like, watch a woman ride a Sibian, but it would be blurred and you'd still be like, yeah. You're back in the saddle, bitch. It was insane. But it's funny for him to go from that to what he is now. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you. And it doesn't bother me because everybody changes. You see a transition in most humans in entertainment. I mean, unless you're. I'm trying to think of, like, who stayed the exact same the whole time. Phil Hendry. Who? Phil Hendry. Who's Phil Hendry? No, Phil Hendry. Phil Hendry's, like, the best. He's the. Dude, when I say this, I don't. I'm not being hyperbolic. He's, like, one of the funniest people to ever live. Phil Hendry. He did a radio show, right, where he would do characters, but no one would know. So he'd have a person call in and be like, I think that babies should all be in a drawer until they're three. Some ridiculous premise. And he'd be himself, Phil Hendry, and be like, well, I don't know about that. That sounds extreme. Let's go to the callers. People would call in and be like, babies shouldn't be in drawers. And he'd be like, well, imagine if you were in a drawer. That would have been great. That's insane. How dare you say that to my callers? He would have, like. He would be doing these improvisational arguments with himself while people would call in and be the voice of reason, and then he would validate what they said while also being more insane with the character he's doing. And it was straight up, like, as good as Christopher Guest, as good as Fred Willard, like, as seminal as, like, any comedy. Wow. Dude, that guy. What radio station was he on? I don't know. It was syndicated in Colorado. What is it? Look up Phil Hendry. I'm not sure. I think he does a podcast now because, obviously, he was in radio. And he has to. Yeah. We don't have a choice. Exactly. Yeah, we move on. This was a comedian. This was just comedian sidestep. We were like, podcast, well, we can talk to the audience. For them, they're like, this is. It's career suicide. It's career, yeah. You fool. What is it? He's an L.A. guy. Yeah, yeah. He was in Ventura, but it was everywhere. Wow, Phil. And he does. He did a bunch of, like, voices on King of the Hill and stuff, and he's just this dude that is incredibly slept on and, like, one of the best things about being an American. Like, I love this guy. Yeah, well, because the world of, like, getting in arguments with callers of radio was, like, the sexiest thing as a kid of hearing people fight, you know? And, like, back in the day, for me in Chicago, Mancow was, like, the guy that did that incessantly. Like, he loved. He loved to flame people. And I was. I was just, like, fascinated. And then, as you get older, you're like, mm, a lot of this is brought on. Like, a lot of it is put on, and the producers are like, we got a guy that's gonna call in, or we're gonna have someone from the thing calling because we didn't. any good callers. You mean they didn't actually organically just randomly have a wet T-shirt contest in front of the Planned Parenthood? Some of them, for sure. Some Mancow fans, for sure. Yeah, for sure. But I remember thinking how cool that was that you were like, oh, you get to get into a fight and just play this game with a stranger. Now, that's comment section. Now they're all radio hosts. Everyone gets to be a radio host in the comment section. 100%. I do like watching people bait sometimes in the comment section. Yeah, yeah, on Omegle. It is kind of fun to watch people just say stuff and you're like, oh, he's just trolling as hard as he can. And you guys are all so stupid. Yeah, they're all biting it. You're giving him exactly what he wants. I do love when people bite on it. My favorite comments that we get on our show, someone will be like, Santino's like a lib, West Coast, liberal cuck, loser, ba-da-da-da. And then right under it, someone will be like, he's a bootlicking Republican seller. It's my favorite. I love when they go at each other. And it's mostly bots, probably. Yeah, it's gotta be Russian bots. It's like dead internet. I don't think there's anything authentic No, because his generation, 26, they're not doing it. No, but also, they were born into a dead world. And the fact that he's not some crazy, dead-eyed online nihilist is a huge victory. He's done a good job. For some reason, his parents did a good job keeping him away from the nonsense. And also, he's an art kid. Oh, yeah. What do you do? I like to write and direct. Oh. Yeah, it's a bummer. Good luck, kiddo. Yeah. Well, it's mostly because of Daddy. Yeah. I let him do it. Yeah. I give him money to go do stuff. I'm like, let's go make this dumb sketch or dumb thing. And then hopefully that continues on because otherwise that's gone. If we don't do it, it's totally fucking gone. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Like making fun stuff with your funny friends? I don't know. I know people, there's a lot of good, like the Friday Beers guys, they did a really, really great job of like doing what we used to do when we were young except we had no access to any good cameras or a viable resource to edit. Like we were kind of just like throwing everything together. Talent, skill. Yeah, yeah, resources. Skill, yes. Talent, no. Yeah. We were very skilled. No, probably talent, yes. Skill, no. Yeah, true. That's totally true. Because like I look at the sketches I made with my friends back when I first started comedy and like if you watch them you're like, oh, the lighting's awful, the sound is shit, the camera's upside down, I have a shoe on my hand for some reason, but man, that was pretty funny. It was funny, yeah. There's funny stuff in here. There was some funny shit in there, right? Look at the old sketches we did in our old apartment because if it wasn't funny you would have been like oh we can't we have to stop we have to move back home we quit yeah we must quit yeah this is embarrassing did you live in new york ever never once never only denver to there yeah i lived in colorado uh i started in 2005 stand up and then uh moved in 2016 to vegas for my wife's med school and that was like the most fucked awful place to do stand up then we moved back to colorado and then we left colorado in like 2023 wait how many years were you in vegas i was there for two years and hated every second of it i really did not enjoy the uh the stand-up comedy scene there is there a scene there's got to be a fringe scene out there somewhere no you would hope man because like if you're at all what it was is there would be open mics and then comics like really bad comics from la would drive to there and do those you're knowing exactly the names of the people and there'd be certain guys who get on stage and you'd be like oh i can't do any of my good jokes at this mic because they're just gonna go do them in la that was like i remember this guy walked in and there was a person on stage and he saw him and was like all right well hey it's been good to be here and got off and he walks up to me and he's like hey don't do any good stuff because this guy just steals it all and leaves and that was like my second day doing open mic comedy in vegas i was just told that like you can't do anything funny on stage because people will take it unless it's a room that you know no outsiders are coming into well no because like you would see the dudes from la show up and i was they were a known entity of like don't do your bits in front of these guys because they're gonna take them so that was bad yeah that's very and also i left denver where i was like the king of cool guy mountain like it was i got was it comedy works constantly like i was working the road it was awesome and then just like abandoned in vegas and so lonely because my wife was in med school so you were just kind of cramming around vegas doing nothing i mean there's not there's not much you can't go outside dude like i was a i didn't have money so it was like i like to go to the park and read like that was most of my 20s was just being outside smoking a joint reading and vegas you can't even go outdoors yeah it's like truly an inhumane existence it sucked it was like moving to the center of mars it was so bad and then the comedy bad and like uh you know if you want to gamble you can 24 7 it was just like which is a detriment to all of us yeah yeah but all but when you were there kate and holland and those guys when they started high planes yeah yeah is that still going on no they it ended this year so wait really yeah yeah oh shit uh dram buoy uh backed out as a sponsor so i couldn't keep it going couldn't keep it moving yeah the tram buoy money turned off that run out dude that tap done run out yeah because i love doing that when when he was out here for a little while and then when he went back to denver um i was like oh man i i thought at the time there would be a chain of people that would move out there because because la was so always so it's just so vulnerable that i'm like people will move like the austin move was big so many guys left and did that thing rory moved to denver rory did yeah well he's loving every second oh i'm so happy for rory he was miserable here yeah i get it i don't know if you spoke to him about it but my god whenever i talked to him at the end he was like i can't i talked to rory like a hot girl i literally be like hey what's up sam and i'm like nothing what's what's going on with you mister he's like yeah i'm loving denver and i'm like of course you're so smart it's a good place so happy for your family yeah i'm just i literally like am beholden to him i think he's the greatest he is probably one of the best living stand-ups we have he's my friend like he's cool he doesn't make me feel like small but like i still have that like little boy like sure back of the room like rory's canadian too like i'm like oh my god kyle's here what the heck need fast hydration for the summer heat hydrate your wins with the new liquid iv sugar-free ring pop cherry it's the classic cherry ring pop flavor you grew up loving reimagined as a zero sugar hydration mix that's clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone whether you're spending the day in the heat recovering after a workout or just looking for an easy afternoon pick-me-up liquid iv makes hydration simple and delicious shop liquidiv.com save with their buy three get one free offer and use promo code pod 26 that's p-o-d-2-6 let's be honest you don't go to the holiday gift exchange just to participate you go to win this year cause a stir gift a kitchenaid stand mixer to whip up new traditions tis your season to mix it up we all want to stay healthy for as long as humanly possible it seems like a lofty goal but it can be effortless to get started with aura aura helps you tune into your holistic health with a small ring that measures more than 50 metrics all from your finger it looks like any other ring goes great with any look and is so comfortable i never want to take it off aura tracks your sleep and activity automatically it monitors your stress heart health and gives you in-depth insights into your cycle then aura brings your personal health data into the app to show you how it's all connected what to pay attention to and what you can do next the more you understand your body the better you can live in it wear your best life with aura he also didn't live la was not a place for him either no shit very odd we would do shitty rooms in orange county together and i was always like man this guy he just this is not this is not you i remember he moved out here and then he was like came to denver to do one of adam's shows and i was like how's la kyle and it was like that scene in uh billy madison where he like grabs the fat kids cheeks and he's like never leave never leave here that was canane what did he move to now where's kyle now i think he's in uh in portland right oh yeah yeah that's right that's right i like that when people do the adventure getaway like i i wish i could do it we still have this with me and bobby here but we have dreams of like couldn't we take this somewhere and be fun to like just change scenario for a little while i don't know if you're gonna get bobby out la right impossible he's from san diego he never wants to leave yeah he's like the la guy he loves but he loves southern california like maybe san diego he'll probably go back down there at some point finish his dad's textile firm well no no his uh what is it fashion gal he'll reopen fashion gal his dad's clothing store i know i know all about it i know i know every bit of it mister we talked a little bit about it but we can't we can't we can't dive on it's not literally like the only time i've ever signed anything that said i wouldn't talk about something yeah no we talked about on his pod a little bit oh you did i did yeah yeah only because he you know what and also he ran out of funny stuff to say he does often no i did no he does he showed me his penis oh what did we say he did that to you yesterday yeah yeah he was at the afters that many days no it's the forwards it's the befores that's like doing a bump of crystal you just see bobby's penis and you dance till dawn it's perfect yeah that's the new burning man bobby in the desert you have you done this burning man yeah no no of course not see it's funny i my reaction was this no i would never and then i watched that documentary man they got me a little bit that i was like maybe i should try it one time i am just to feel it just to see it i do want to experience stuff at my age now where i'm i might as well go one time and just try it i think going once is a totally valid use of your time i just know that like for me it's not my bag i came from all that i came from like wild drug nudity like punk rock houses like zero security and now it's like i just i really like my garden yeah like i don't need to recreate chaos because i've successfully fled it somehow yeah you got out you got out you didn't you don't want to go back in i mean it's cool like they asked me to do the gathering this year like of the juggalos and and i was like no because it didn't work scheduling wise but then i saw that sarah sherman did it too and it's like i would have loved to have been there with sarah sherman yeah weirdo chicago legend yeah at the gathering like that would have been fun huge so i regretted it because i was like an old man about it like i don't know i've had my fun kids you know but have a good time out there remember that icp is significantly older than you yeah but they're also like awesome they're still well you're still awesome well i know but like they come to my they came to my show in detroit and like i got off stage at ridley's and the owner's like hey there's a guy in the green room like you and i was like okay and i walk in there's a man like a ghoulish white pasty man with face tattoos and like two super hot chicks and i was like hey how you doing they're like hey dude uh i'm in icp i just don't have my face mask on and i was like oh okay welcome help yourself to the fridge i literally thought a man was there to kill me from siberia hey there's a man here who needs to talk with you yeah yeah that was a signal for you to leave uh-huh yeah yeah he wants to just talk he said so yeah uh you know he's right here yeah those guys are cool and i come from like poor rural america so i love jugglers i keep talking about them on the shows i had a buddy our buddy relish who makes shirts uh they he they reached out and they were like he's like i make shirts for those guys because we've talked multiple times about being like i don't want to go to one show i've never been to a show i want to go to them you want to go dude but you also want to do it from like side stage sure you don't want to be out getting sprayed i don't want to get punched i'm at an age now where i just don't want to get no no an accidental like a flail that would be me yeah like someone just someone just going at it hard having a blast right and you ruin it with your jaw yeah for sure just up everyone's rhythm yeah like get this guy out of here dude carry me out yeah passing yeah yeah out not not in a celebration in a removal ritual get him out of here yeah just into the trash but i do want to go once i do want to go see i want to see what they do because i think it's fascinating because honestly shows now we're at the age i said to my wife i was like we go to concerts now we don't go to shows anymore right concerts which is fine it's great you're just we go to where old people we're sitting the whole time yeah i'm like this is beautiful but also it'd be nice to feel a thing again when it's like the you know when you like have a little bit of steam finally in like different communities that you admire like with you now yeah so like those communities for me are like hardcore like very loud like aggressive music like that's where i came from yeah so now all these dudes are like yo dude like my band skinhead's playing in town we'd love to guest list you and i'm like dude i love you guys but i'm an old man and like i have to go to you know gymnastics practice with my niece so but thank you for inviting me to the cool warehouse show yeah you know you can do both you can do both but i prioritize one over the other now for sure yeah for sure wait to hear 40 it gets even worse well i'm 39 and i uh i've been able to dodge any amount of like responsibility you know you know so yeah i think i'm a pretty young marriage is responsible yeah that's good it's a team marriage life a home this is this is this is all real now but i mean like i never really had to like do anything i didn't want to do because like a kid's thing poor yeah traded you know security for like a life and show business yeah it was awesome yeah but it worked it was great i'm so happy it worked out but there was a long time where i was like oh i don't know is it gonna work out in vegas i used to like call my wife and be like hey like maybe i can get back into college like maybe i could like teach i could be happy teaching like maybe i'm like a high school football coach and she'd be like it was just a bad set and i was like no it was it was like existential death like lithuanians hissed at me honey like this was the i can't devote my life to this anymore it's a waste and she'd be like it's okay buddy don't worry you're gonna be fine so she's been supportive the whole time ten toes man that's all the way down how cool is that she's the best did she did you meet through comedy yeah we met at a house party just nothing normal like very human meeting yeah and then i was like i run a show and she was 20 and i was 24 and i was like i run a show and like we don't card anyone you can come and she was there the next week like wasted that's awesome then we moved in together like three weeks later yeah yeah i'm gonna do it all the time forever forever and i'd already been on the road i was i'd been doing it for six years and already like hard out like every weekend yeah so she was like oh yeah i get it i'm gonna be in med school i guess and i was like cool cool how many weekends a month are you gone now oh i did i did 46 this year holy shit and then like the other ones were all weddings so i had two weekends at home this year i know it's too much it's no it's not too much i mean it's it's what you love it's what you love i i get burnt out pretty bad my my um my anxiety meter gets so high then i get real fucked up and homesick and then i start spiraling a little bit and i get so tripped out i mean i i did it for a long time then now i'm gonna go back next year and go out again but i think it does something to you that people don't understand that you're like it's fun but it's also it's like not what a human being was designed to do we were designed to like live like 50 miles from where we were born and kind of like chill and then we're like oh my god we're like gather herbs and like chase a like a boar down every now and then and meanwhile like i'm on an airplane you're on an airplane like twice at least every week like you're what i think about now dude is not just the airplane cancer that we're all gonna get oh yeah but like walking through the security thing that scans your body yep and then invariably it's like we need to do another scan so now i'm piling up like two to five of these x-rays it's what the fuck is that gonna do yeah it's crazy yeah and it's and and then by the way i get stopped every fucking time yeah they're like extra extra screening for you my friend so we're gonna wand you with a cancer stick you have to go back in the cancer box right then we're gonna give you a pill you should eat this before you get on the plane eat the pill right now eat it in front of me pig body yeah it's very like indignant it is i mean i'm really stoked i love uh my life but man it's just yeah i need to chill that's why i'm gonna like i'm writing more just to get off the road because i'm healthy what are you what are we talking just book mostly mostly yeah i got one for you i got my new novel out there for you yeah when no i love this it'll be a real juxtaposition between pete holmes just sent me a new chill book and i'm like i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it i'm children's book which is awesome and it's this that's very thin and it's very easy to read but it's very playful and fun yeah and that's an accepted cash grab yeah yeah you read a kid's book it's like all right fair play yeah we love it you're like yeah he has kids i get it write a book that's totally fine yeah i don't have kids but i but i thank him for the book right yeah yeah i'll read it to my imaginary kid yeah i'll keep it in my house when he comes over for a sleepover and he has night terrors you're gonna be like oh let's go see what pete has to say do you know this this is crazy what an amazing thing that's why he does have night terrors of course tremendous night he gives off night terror he does on the bus when we were traveling on the bus together and we did the bad friends tour right when i met them he woke up screaming in a booth i woke them up screaming panic panic we thought i do believe we might have been in detroit for one of them yeah he woke up in a panic i thought someone was getting hurt like physically i thought a woman was hurt outside no it was a young man in booth in bunk number two and he was so bad to have a night there and then wake up in your own tomb it's all real sometimes i'd wake up in the middle of the night i'd be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god like i'm screaming while people are playing xbox yeah dude it was crazy well me and bob were the last ones awake so bobby would stay up all night i bobby is uh bobby's a the quintessential night owl in the way where people like comics you're up all night yeah at a certain age dude now i'm 43 soon i don't stay up all night like i used to but i used to love it bobby's 55 and we'll be up till six in the morning i mean david's hell is like doesn't go to bed until the sun well he's guy he is he is made somewhere else he's half owl yeah he's something else there's something he's fascinating and by the way the most like generous sweet nice funny he's my comedy number one i think he's the best alive comedy number one i think he's the best nightclub comic ever yeah most people always say like norm's the best and it's like to be fair like i'd rather see david tell that comedy works nor is probably one of the greatest comedic presence of all time because he was able to touch all these bases of like he could do live television you know like i think dave after doing his show and didn't ever want to be back on television he's like this is a waste of all of our time and also like he's people like my my agents are like don't you want to get into theaters and it's like a tell doesn't do theaters and he's the best ever and he refuses to do because it's not as good of a show it's not as good of a show it's it's as good of it's as good of a show as it can be for the size but you're gonna get something sexier when you do clubs it's just something about it's more intimate now the theaters are phenomenal because it's like you're putting on a it's a show right it's like a performance i'm not a showman that way right it's like i'm like a nightclub guy right he's a nightclub guy through and through and he brings candy for everybody all the time the amount of bags he brings pizza it's amazing yeah prunes got he brought two bags of prunes for us which was very nice he's i gotta stay regular and you don't know why you had night terrors yeah no prunes we do know why he had yeah it's a lot of therapy it's getting very expensive we do got to get all that out before the therapist overcharges bro i had night terrors i mean is it what is it you're just like you've been thrust into this like world and it's like fucking sleep anxiety a lot of mine childhood trauma yeah but it didn't it didn't really start till the end of high school into my like adult life that i would sleepwalk and sleep talk and yeah all of it it's funny how misdiagnosed everything does go especially like our generation like i remember in college i had these ocular migraines which i still get once in a while i go blind in my left eye yeah yeah very scary i think it's a stroke yeah understand you're gonna die i'm gonna die yeah yeah and the doctor my head's collapsing yeah the doctors were like uh well you just uh you're probably just worried about uh graduating college and going to the real world i was like or i can't fucking see i'm gonna die i'm gonna die out of the left side of my face like it's a hemispheric blindness i literally can't see and they were like nah dude don't worry about it i just said hey the workforce is not as scary as you think it's gonna be big boy that's like our generation and then the overcorrection for his was like pills and everything and you're fine and it's comfort there was no middle ground it was like it that it was rub some dirt on it or you're going to be sleeping in a pod while scientists watch you that was that was there's no gap right much like our economy there's no middle class it was either fucking all or nothing and they did dude they made me feel so dumb and bad about it that i was kind of scared i was like oh maybe maybe something is wrong with me because they wouldn't diagnose me with oxygen i kept telling them they're like no it's a symptom of anxiety i was like really i physically can't see like i actually can't see yeah and they were like i don't know man i think this is kind of i think you're just kind of overreacting kind of dramatic you're being a little drama queen always like this yeah oh no they give me a sash drama queen they're like get him out of here dude you're fine you have to wear a tiara to college the next day now you're blind and blind both eyes well i did have to wear one when i joined that sorority that is also i had to wear that but you know what ritual was tough you set a precedent man i did yeah i did nobody nobody could dance like me well and now gamma chi has to accept dudes that's right yeah yeah and they must gamma hear that game good about it i did have those i had an ocular the other day which fucked me up because i think it's going to ruin my day when i get them yeah and now i've learned now why do you think that you do overreact what the hell i used to be like i didn't know how to handle it and now i know how to like get through them and sometimes i'll have them in the middle of something and like if i'm at like a meeting or something and i'm having one yeah and i literally just push through it and i think i wonder if they even know or this is just being an adult when it's like just fucking go through it yeah i think that is like be a man it's that's why men's hearts explode yeah that's why we die yeah exactly be a man get cancer be a man be a man about it but i do hate it it happened the other morning because i was outside playing with my dog and as soon as i right away i was like hey and she's like oh no yeah and i'm like yeah this again yeah you great andrew she starts spitting on me lay down bitch but i but i cannot see out of this left side if anybody has it at home i feel you it's it's the worst thing in the world because you there's pain too yeah so typically it's a precursor mushrooms i know psilocybin is good for cluster migraines yes so this is uh the ocular trigger is a precursor typically for most people to a there is no like scale of time where it goes usually comes within a sometimes i'll have one and i won't get a migraine until way later at night yeah when i say a migraine i mean like sit down yeah yeah yeah it's crazy it's like insane pain where someone's like take some fucking advil you're like okay dude not gonna happen yeah the heartbreak kick it's in my fucking head yeah i'm spinning yeah but then uh now i've learned the little stupid little tricks it is funny it's like you're tricking your own brain how to get out of it faster but it is my old man thing now now it's happening more and more i've been on stage and like literally gone into panic attacks and been like oh no i'm dying and then you like give yourself the phantom like oh no my arm's tingling i have like a shortness of breath but you're still just up there being like and another thing about bush gardens done this a few times on stage oh yeah i've just been up there and then the only time that it goes away is when i'm like well i'm just gonna die up here like that's a fine fitting like i'm on stage thinking all of this while being like you know but that's why they call him uh that's why they call him elf fudge you know like that kind of shit and you're just like i'm gonna die up here but that's what i wanted like i'm having this entire ego existential death on stage while also doing my dumb act. - That's pretty good for you though. - It's crazy. It's like a crazy thing that your brain, like stand-up is fucking nuts. Like I am so bad at like doing, like if my wife's like I need you to go to the post office and the grocery store, I'm ruined. My day is ruined, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I have to like ramp up. But like there's so many insane situations that are involved with stand-up, whether it's the travel or like the life or whatever, that would spiral most Americans. And I'm just like, oh yeah, I'm trapped, I guess, in New Brunswick for 18 hours and I don't know what to do, but that's fine, like I know I'll be okay. Meanwhile, if I have to do any little thing at home-- - You crumble. - I'm fucked, man. - Now do you do mushrooms often? - No, I did LSD probably like a thousand times. I went through like a real heavy LSD period. And I've done mushrooms a bunch, but I don't do 'em really anymore. - Nothing now? - I smoke weed now. - I like to microdose before I play golf. - Cool. - I'm a big golf guy. But it's one of my favorite things. I found it to be the most calming way to, so I eat breakfast and with a coffee, I'll take like a little microdose and then I like to go play. And genuinely-- - It's really good for neuroplasticity and I bet you play better. - It's not even that I play better or worse, I feel physically better about-- - You're having a hoot. - About the day. Like it just kind of does a thing where, I don't know, 'cause golf is such a mental game, it's nerd shit, but it's all in your brain. Once you understand the physics of your body and as you grow it changes, too, which is also a whole really dynamic discussion about body movement 'cause it's still ball, which is so, it's antithetical to most sports where you hit a thing that isn't moving. And when I do that, I escape. So it's not even that I play better, but I'm just way more free. I feel present but also kind of at the will of the game more than I ever am. So I'm a big, if you do golf, and it's a great sport, I know people make fun of it, but I'm telling you, it's four hours with your phone with your friends outside. - You're on a walk with your buddies in the sun. - It's the best. - It makes total sense to me. - It's the best. - I don't golf, but I play frisbee golf. I get why people like golf. - Used to love frisbee golf. - Yeah. - Used to love it. I used to, well-- - And then you grew up, right? I know, I've heard the stories. - You know what it is. It's knees and back and hips and like-- - Oh yeah, regular golf's a lot better for that. - Yeah, it is. - No, my spine. - One repetitive movement from one side. - My spine is broken. - That's all, my spine's just broken. - It's hollow. - I heard it jangling. - Nothing left. - I thought you had chains on. - I played ultimate frisbee in college for our, like our, what do you want it, like a rec team or whatever. - Where'd you go to school? - Arizona State. - Oh boy. - Harvard West. - Dude, that's what Jake Plummer said, right? - That's exactly right, dude. The man. - Didn't he retire to play disc golf and get high in Arizona? - Jake the Snake, yes he did, yeah. Why not? I mean, you know. - I'm all for it. - Yeah, yeah. And rumor is he killed Pat Tillman. I don't know if you know that, but it was actually Jake the Snake that did that. - He covered it up. - It was actually Jake the Snake Roberts who killed him. It was DDT. - That's exactly right, yeah. - And then Plummer came in. - Now I played ultimate frisbee for their, for their, for like our, whatever, our rec team. And I was, and I got drafted by a guy who played basketball with us that was like, you should come play with us. And I was like. - Drafted? - Yeah, he just kind of like. - You know what, the merchant marines? - Yeah. - Golf? - You're welcome. No, no, no, no. I was playing basketball and he was like, come play ultimate frisbee with us. And I was like, I'm not interested, brother. I don't want to. I don't really want to. - Hey, I'm not a pussy, sir. How dare you? I'm a jock. - I like fighting and chicks, dude. - Yeah, yeah. - No, but he was like. - You're reading a Maxim magazine? How dare you? You need some creatine? - He was like, come play with us. You're gonna love it. And, and, 'cause he was like, it's like, it's like the idea of basketball, of running and jumping. He's like, you're gonna love it. And I was like, I've never played it before. And I got hooked. I was like obsessed. I became obsessed. - It's a great team game, dude. - Oh my god, I got obsessed. - I'm from football, so it's like, it's fun. - Yeah, it's so. - It's a lot of running though. - A lot easier on your body than football. - 100%. - What were you? - But as far as like angles and stuff. - O-line? - Yeah, I was a right tackle for a left-handed quarterback. - Right tackle for a left-handed quarterback. - So I was blindside tackle. - What, high school and college? - No big deal. Just high school. - That's a huge deal. - Just high school. - Why didn't you want to play more? - I did, I hurt my knee. - Oh yeah, and that was it. - And I went to improv class instead. Serious, straight up. - You became theater boys at some point. - Well, so like, I'm so grateful that I didn't play college football. 'Cause like, I would have just, and again, totally valid job, but like, I would have been an English teacher, you know, high school football coach. Like, I don't think that I would have aspired to chase this crazy dream. - That alternative life for you would have been cool to see. - It would have been fine, dude. Like, I would have been, I think I could have been very happy. - You would have married another, the music teacher, you'd have married her, for sure. - I would have married a woman who is probably a lesbian, but like, couldn't be a lesbian in our small town. - The music teacher. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, 100%. - She couldn't be, she wasn't allowed to be, but you let her have these little escapes and adventures, and you were like, go do your thing. - I'm not jealous if it's girls. Why would I be jealous if it's girls? Yeah. I know you don't like fucking men, so like, that'd be weird if you cheated on me with a man, but yeah, get out there. I get into leather bracelets. Like, I'd be a leather bracelet. - You'd make them, you'd start making them. - I'd have a stall at the farmer's market. Like, I just need to sell five more. I need five more and I can get that boat cover. - That would have been your Denver life. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, well hopefully it would have, I think that if I would have not done comedy, I would have like gone to a, I don't know, like go to Dartmouth or something, and like try and relocate to the East Coast. - Yeah, when you were growing up there, did you really pine to go to the East Coast? - My mom was like, you're getting the fuck out of here, stupid. - Really, she wasn't? - You're not staying in this place. You're not getting trapped here. You're not gonna have sex and knock anyone up. Like, this is not where you belong, and I'm sorry you're here, but you're getting out. - Did she grow up in rural Colorado? - She grew up in Cleveland. - Oh. - And then like, met my dad in Colorado while they were bank examiners, and like they had not at all, should never have met. - Bank examiners? - Yeah, they worked for the Fed. - Like auditors? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, they met, and then she got like trapped in this real small town my dad was from, and he liked it, 'cause like he knew everyone for 35 years, you know? - He had the control. - It was perfect, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - And meanwhile, she was like a swinging sister from like black Cleveland, and you know. - Whoa. - She was a white woman, but she. - Well, as far as we know. - I mean, dig her up. I bet she's not white anymore. Her bones are bleached, but. - Yeah. - Dig her up, man. - Yeah. - I know where she is. - I know exactly where she is. - Cleveland? - No. - No? - I don't give up her coordinates. - Good, you should not. - 'Cause I have some, I don't want anyone to grave rob my mom. - They might. - I know, isn't that a scary reality? - Well, we do have some grave rob fans. - I know. - Yeah, we have some grave rob fans. - I know. - We really do, they're. - People send me my home address all the time. That's a fun gag. - Yeah, what's this new obsession with trying to like find out phone numbers and addresses, and that's, it's a weird, weird fucking thing. - It's trying to scare you. - Yeah, but it's more sad than scary. It's more like, don't do, why is that the? - Yeah, I'm also not scared of it. - Things that go bump in the night? - Yeah. - Yeah, I just don't, like there is too much, like even now, you know, like, and it's fine, but the Amazon guy will be like, "Satito!" - Oh yeah. - And I'm like, "Fuck." It's like a little hard, 'cause you're like, "It's my house, it's where I live." - I don't like anyone knowing I'm in here. - It's weird. - I had a door knocker, like a roofer guy came, you know? He opened the door and was like, "Hey man, we're all good." And he was like, "All right, all right." And then they tried to give me the pitch, then he was like, "Holy shit, Matt and Shane's, right?" And I was like, "Yeah, for sure." And he was like, "Oh my God." And he was like taking pictures, like, and I'm standing next to my address. I'm like, "Let me get a photo." I was like, "Dude, come on." - It's hard. - Like, this is not door knocker behavior. - No, no. - Like, you just blew the sale so hard. Like, what the fuck is this? - He was like, "But I got the photo." - Yeah, yeah. - Sometimes the photo means the world. - The world's gonna know you live here. - Wait 'til Reddit gets their hands on this fucking shit, dude. - God damn it. - You can sell this motherfucker anything. - Yeah. - Knock on his door, he'll come out. He's home reading books. - He's reading and he's in his garden. Just don't call him gay. - What are you gardening now? - I just love flowers. - Okay, no veg. - No, we have pumpkins, we have beans, we have tomatoes, eggplant. We have a lot of raspberries, mulberries, a lot of different berries, honestly. And then these pumpkins kinda took over. So it's mostly a pumpkin yard right now. - Sorry about that. - It's okay, and then also I planted all these wildflower seeds, like local wildflower. But for some reason, only black-eyed Susans grew. So I just have two stands of butterfly bush, and then I just have a yellow fucking yard, and there's pumpkin everywhere. - Yeah, but you do do that. - I love it, I love it. I'm so proud. I love watching the vine progress. It's climbing up this lattice of trees that I connected, so now the pumpkin is crawling over the tree lattice, which is super magic. - Whoa. - Yeah, dude. - It's very fucking cool. - I fucking love it. - But the pumpkins, if you don't control them, they just take over everything. - And these are our first time with pumpkins, so I didn't know. - Yeah. - But they're literally just like, like I have these grape vines I planted, and they're fighting the pumpkin vine. - Cool. - But I kinda wanna see who wins, even though I want the grapes to be there long-term. It's fun back there. - You know what you should do is, what do they call it? Why can't I think of the name? When you wedge another-- - Oh, splicing? - Splicing, yeah. - Yeah, when you put it in the bark. - Yeah. - I wanna do that with mimosa, but I need to figure out which of these trees is the most fecundant, I guess. There's a lot of weird tinkering that goes in. - Yeah, but you gotta experiment. - Oh, dude, when you're, fuck, I had this black violet come out of nowhere, and I cried. I was like, this is literally everything I've ever wanted out of life. Like, to own a house where I can have a beautiful garden, and now there's a random crazy flower, and I was just weeping. - That's awesome. - And of course, I tried to tell my wife about how special it was, and she's like, "12 dead!" She's like, "Wear a helmet on your lime scooters, people!" And I'm like, "Okay!" There's hummingbirds, too. Shut up! - Hummingbirds! Hummingbirds live four days! - Yeah, exactly. What are they gonna do? Eat your eyes when you're dirt, too? Did you exercise? I played drums. Drums! It's crazy. - I am fascinated with the gardening aspect. I wish, I want one so fucking bad, 'cause everyone I know that has a good one is obsessed. - Just hire a gardener, dude. Like, you don't have the time, probably, but you wanna garden. - So bad. - Yeah, get a gardener. - I just wanna tinker with stuff. Like, we went, we did a little getaway to, wine country just up north here, just north of Ojai in the San Ynez Valley. It's incredible. The guy took us on a tour. He's like, how much do you want to hear? I was like, everything that you want to tell me. I'm fascinated. I want to know all of the intricacies of how you grow and what the tricks that you use. They do a lot of that splicing. They do so much of the experimentation of it. It's just incredible. Once you get into the weeds of it and they teach you about all of it, I could never. The time consumption is insane. But it's fascinating. How they crossbreed and everything and how they experiment with something. He's like, and this one failed and you can see why. It's like, alright, dude. You're playing God back here. It's very fucking cool. I don't have that kind of. The biological aspects of horticulture don't fascinate me. I just want big, beautiful flowers. I just want cosmos and zinnias. I got these bleeding hearts were the big thing I put in. But then we got central AC. That was our big thing we did finally. They just planted the box on top of the bleeding hearts. I tried to explain to my wife how mad I was and she was like, what the fuck are you talking about? We have an AC unit in our house and yeah, they planted it on some crud in your shit yard. Big deal. Go inside, take off your shirt and lay down in the wind. You're like, the shit grows! You don't understand. That was purposeful shit we put back there. They're beautiful. They look like throbbing hearts when they bloom. I saw a throbbing heart today and it wasn't inside of a body. I held it inside of my fucking. Is she an ER nurse? No, but she did rural medicine for two years after residency and she was one of two doctors in a population center of 50,000 people and it was straight up Dr. Quinn, medicine woman. You're doing everything. She's like a Swiss Army nurse. If someone needs to give birth, she's there. If someone has some fake blind migraine or whatever and they just want attention, she has to suss that out too. When there's a pussy in there? She's like, a pussy in room four, I'm gonna go take care of a birth. That's why I always say I had an epidural put in my back. I was nervous as shit about the epidural. Were you pregnant? Yeah. I'm about to do a Bud Light ad in two seconds here. That was the most damning thing. I got nervous about doing it because I had such a bad herniation. I have piriformis syndrome. Nobody cares. I know about it. You do? Yeah, I have it. It's terrible. I had a herniation and the nerve was being swallowed by all the fluid from the disc so I couldn't move my left side. Finally, I was like, alright. I wanted to do it naturally. I did PT. I still do it every week and then I was like, I'm gonna go get an epidural finally. A friend was like, you have to, dude. You just gotta do it. It's gonna ease the pain. And I go in there and the doctor, I'm like, hey man, are these like super fucking painful? Some people I hear say it's like crazy painful. You have a fucking huge needle in your back. He's like, yeah, women give birth and we give it to them so you'll be fine. And I was like, well, I'm not giving birth. He's like, right, yeah. And I was like, well, so that pain must be tremendously worse than this pain. He's like, yeah, so stop complaining. Yeah, what the hell? Flip over and lay down. I was like, you're right, dude. We're giving you the wonder drug. Yeah, he's like, just shut the fuck up and chill. But it was, when you do feel it go in, holy fucking shit. I really, I can't imagine any kind of needle going into your spine. No, it's massive, too. It's wild. My wife had to do, when she was learning how to do, what is it, like spinal fluid extraction? Oh, yeah. Which is like a big thing. Like taps, like spinal tapping? Dude, that shit. She came, that was a tough couple of weeks. It's super dangerous, too, because you can fuck up and you can paralyze someone. Yeah. Easily. It's crazy. And there's a million tiny nerves in there, and if one of them gets fucked and you can't see it because you're penetrating human flesh, like, yeah, that was a tough couple of weeks for her. So my guy, my doctor, who is the man, by the way, saved me from like two years of full-on pain. He remembers when I was going through it. I couldn't walk, dude. I couldn't move. It was fucking tremendously upsetting. This fucking guy, when I get in the room, he's like, do you mind if I play music? I'm like, you do whatever the fuck you need to do to be the artist that you are, right? Yeah, yeah. And he played like it was like soft, classical rock. Yeah. And it was really quiet. So it was like kind of like in the distant, it was in the room, but like you could barely hear it. Right, like it was coming, blowing through a prairie outside. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Blowing through your new, your new AC. It was like passing through your new AC. I'd rather be fucking hot and have bleeding hearts. And he had it in the background, and I thought it's interesting to know when these guys are going to school to learn this, what tricks some other guy was like, you know what helps me? Because I thought about that like pre-game rituals for like stand-up like, dude, you want silence in the room? Me? Yeah. I want complete grab-ass in the green room until I walk on stage. You want goofball shit into the moment. Okay, see, right, I'm the same way. Yeah, yeah. See, I want fuck around, goof around, like sometimes I'll be talking to someone and I'll be like, I gotta go. And then I'll go on stage. No, I've literally heard someone say my name and be like alright, sorry dude. I love that. But you're like you do a lot more showcase sets out here, right? I just like the distraction of it. Yes, yeah. So that's the thing is like I couldn't be less attached to showcase culture because I just go on the road and headline every weekend. Right. So like, you guys probably have a lot more like, I don't know the showcase muscle I don't have as 20 years in stand-up and it's ridiculous. Like, I didn't come from. You have it. I can do it. Yeah, of course. For sure. But like, you guys, I remember coming out here in the past and I would just get butt-fucked and destroyed constantly at any audition I had. Because you guys had that muscle. Yeah. And I'd go up there with like headlining in Omaha energy, doing an hour for people who kind of care. I'd be like, what's up motherfuckers? And like, you'd just see like all the assistants be like like literally I remember auditioning for JSL in like 2016 at the Chatterbox, I think. Is that the name of the place? Oh, yeah. Or the Westside? Westside, yeah. Westside, right? Yeah, the Westside, yeah. Man, I walked up there and there was like these two dudes that were like, you know, obviously assistants to some agent. And I walked out and they both flinched and I was like, I just thought about how I made these guys flinch for like the 10 minutes I'm up there. And then I get off and Chris Estrada's like, hey, you were pretty loud, man. I was like, what the hell? Don't say loud. That's like the worst thing you could say. No, no, but good loud. You know, like attention-grabbing loud. Yeah, you weren't like nervous or screaming or anything. Yeah, we have to get used to this. You have to get used to that when you work in town. Like, New York is the same way, but it's a different version of the muscle, where when I go to New York, I have to have a different balance of that same thing. Because otherwise, because there, it's because L.A. crowds are so different than New York crowds, like in the sense of L.A., I would argue like the store is a collection of like, maybe I would say, on the weekdays, almost all locals. And on the weekends, you get maybe half tourists. And I feel like the cellar is mostly tourists. I think it's people who are flying in from Finland because they got tickets to the cellar during that week. So it's all tourists. So the difference is like, L.A., L.A., to our credit, the store feels more like at home. Like you're at home at a home show, where you're like, oh, this is cool. Like, I know these are L.A. people. I can feel a thing. And they're from everywhere, all over Los Angeles. Whereas whenever I do the cellar, I'm like, fuck, dude, this is a tourist crowd. Like, it's very much a tourist crowd. And they want you to talk like a New Yorker to tourists. Oh, they want you to. It's like in The Simpsons when Homer's going to that Chinese restaurant. And the Chinese restaurant owner says to his wife before Homer walks in, this guy likes the act, Sheila. And then says, oh, hello, Mr. Homer! Like, yeah. They like the. Yeah, they want to hear like a subway talk. I'm walking here. Yeah, they want to hear like, you know what it's like in New York? Yeah. And I don't do that. So I'm like, I don't have any of the local. I don't do local material. So I can feel the difference immediately. I do local material. I do local material every weekend wherever I am. You do, yeah. Oh, for sure. Well, just to crack the ice. Yeah, yeah. It's like Richmond, you know? And then 20 minutes pass and everyone's like. And then you go into your act and they're like, no! No, no, no. Talk more about the beach, you stupid! Richmond, we like the Richmond stuff. Yeah, yeah. The Richmond stuff was solid. Go back to that. Do you get. Do you feel this now because you're on the road so much with the call and response of the crowd work world that's kind of engulfed stand-up? Do you feel like people are chattier now at your shows than ever? I think that I'm really lucky because my fandom is kind of formed from, like, there's a real core of Doug Stanhope in there. So a lot of those people started coming a couple years ago. Those people are, like, they're great comedy fans. They love comedy. Yeah, they're comedy fans. And then also I have a real young demo for some reason. What are we talking, like, 22 to 25? Yeah, like young dudes. And those guys, a lot of people who come to my shows, they tell me at the merch line they're like, I've never been to a comedy show before. This is my first time. That's cool. So, like, they're kind of sitting there, like, processing it. So I don't get a lot of rowdies. I get a lot of guys who got too stoned for the first time in, like, three years because them and the boys got back together. There's just all these pods of dudes, like. Just freaking the fuck out. And then I love going and being like, how fucked up are you? How high are you, huh? You dusted off your spurs for tonight, cowboy? You're fucked up, man. I'm on 100 milligrams, dude. I can't breathe. Yeah. It's like, what's the worst thing that could happen right now? I talk to you for 10 more minutes and they're like, ah. So I don't really get a lot of hell raisers. Thank God. Yeah, it's nice. I think we've done a good enough job about avoiding it because I don't do. Crowd work. I'm in the crowd. I don't do it. I'm improvising. I couldn't be less by the book. I can't do it. You don't can't? You're so funny. You're so good off the hook. I just think, like, the crowd work thing gives me a. Off the hook. I am off the hook. No, but I didn't mean to say off the hook. I mean, it's so funny, off the cuff. Off the cuff. No, but I think crowd work gets me a little anxious. I want to talk a very small amount anymore. I don't know. It shifted into my older years. When I was young, I loved it. And then because it became such a thing of stand-up, I started to go away from it. I don't know why. And I was like, I don't really want to. Surprises me. Why? Because I feel like everyone was doing it. And I was like, it'd just be nice if I don't do it. Dude, I was such a crowd work guy and then, like, when everyone started doing it, it was, like, hacky and embarrassing. I wrote, like, two hours of material over 18 months. Just so you don't do it. Because I didn't want people to be like, oh, this guy's a hack who can't do the job. Right. Even though I've been doing it for fucking 20 years. You do the job. It's like, I'm bored with the job after doing it so long, so now I'd much rather improvise and make this a night that you guys only get once. Right. But due to the fact that all these fucking jag-offs are online being like, where do you work? Okay, but, like, do you do you work with the any cambodians there lao vietnamese oh and then you know it's like they're just waiting to set up their piece of shit bit yes is fake crowd work like it makes me so mad yeah like i i really take the end up seriously pre-written freestyles you're like oh no he wrote this whole thing it's so upsetting that became a thing i'm a i was a hip-hop kid and so when i started when i could tell the difference around 12 or 13 when guys were setting up freestyles with shit they already wrote i was like wait what the fuck and it became the standard industry standard right they're like kick a freestyle and they would just do a written piece and you were like wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute it used to be raw and kind of sloppy and a little shitty right it was bad it was good but that's what was so good about it that you were like oh this is good it's fucking fantastic then came the world of like go on uh sway go on sway and kick a fucking five minute that's you already wrote and you're like right right this is great but it's a but the music's changing yeah it's not that they can you know putting in four other songs right yeah oh no it's a feral munch beat now that's on this now for you yeah it did you freestyle a little when i was i went rozelle when everyone was freestyling back then i tried to be the beatbox guy love yeah but i'm not a i was a fucking white kid from a town of 800 that loves rodeo i wasn't a beatbox beatboxes dude maybe rozelle was like real remember if your mother only knew oh he was so good yeah and i'm there like you know it's like a it was like i was a jug those iowa farm fairs where you're doing tapping and all that shit it does kill by the way yeah it was awesome what's what's the one jigging jigging isn't that what's but yeah you see the guys doing jig competitions online yeah and it's really impressive to watch though it's great i mean it's folklore i love it because it's always a fat guy yeah that's my favorite that i'm like it's never like a an in-shape guy trying to do it it's always a pudgy fuck and he's killing dude yeah he's ripping yeah he's Yeah, and he has like a *makes noise* Yeah, whatever that fucking thing is. *makes noise* Whatever that fucking thing is. Yeah, then the mayor comes up and gives him the key to the holler. *laughter* You saved democracy! *laughter* We'll name the water tower after you now. The unpoisoned one. Dude, I saw a scary guy today. Sorry, I saw a really scary guy. I just remembered this. Give it to me. Dude, uh, we were driving over here and we turned onto the road that's right out there, and we turned left, and there was a dude who looked exactly like the Riddler. He was just like a guy with shellacked hair. And you know when you have those moments where you're like, "Oh, I just saw a complete break in the simulation." Yeah. Like, that guy shouldn't be. That guy's never existed. There's no person like that. And he was like walking in this insane way with his posture and his hair looked fake and he looked at me and went. Oh, I love that guy. In the car window. He looked right into me like he was programmed to be like, "Scare me." And it was fucked up, dude. When I called Jake, I was like, "That guy's a freak, and he just spotted me, and now I'm gonna die today." Did Jake see him as well? No, he was driving. He's like, "I'm sorry, man." I'm doing something that keeps us alive right now. We have a cast of characters around here. We have the roller skater, which we love the roller skater. He roller skates every day. He does probably what I have done some of the side math to be about 10 to 12 miles a day. If this guy that I saw was on roller skates, I would have gone to the police department. It would have only heightened my time. Yeah, but they would have been like, "Come on, man, that's Steve. Leave him alone. He's homeless. He hasn't done anything. He's like that guy who has one-eye headaches. Jeez, what's up with this block?" Fucking pussy. Yeah, we have the roller skater. We have the lady who yells who used to sit at the bus stop there. She's not there anymore, which I do miss, because I do like the yelling at the wind. It's kind of nice to have one around. Also, when that lady's not around anymore, you're like, "Oh, she's probably dead." Yeah, she's gotta be dead. She was like a minor hassle, and now. She moved to another bench, perhaps. I hope so. She did find a new bench. We had a woman who used to live at the end of our block in her van, and when we moved into the neighborhood, there's a woman who lives in her van. She goes to a job or something during the day, and then she sleeps in the van at night, and she's very nice and doesn't bother anybody, just letting you know. You might think she's a hopeless drifter. No. She's actually our neighbor. She's actually the president of Warner Brothers. I don't know if you know that. They were just being sweet about it. They were like, "We leave her alone. She's harmless. She doesn't bother anybody. She's very nice." And that's that. I'm like, "Okay, great." So a year goes by. I see her all the time. She occasionally waves, but she's a little shy. Yeah. She's not the most open. No, but she's nice. When you do see her, she gives you a little smirk. And then one day, no more van. And my wife says to me, "Did you notice?" And I was like, "I did. The van hasn't been around for like a couple, like something's going on." And your initial thought is something bad happened. Nekuza found her. Let me tell you something, dude. Three blocks over. She moved. Oh, good. Yeah, but I'm a little annoyed. Why did you leave our block? Closer to the beach. Yeah, we're 30 miles from the beach. But I'm like, I almost wanted to tap on the window Hey, is this good or bad? Is this a step forward or are you regressing? I thought we were cool over here. I thought we lost the van lady. But she was a sweet, sweet woman that lived on the block and now she's no longer there. And now I'm a little disappointed in her move. Maybe it was you. Could have been, yeah. I did give her a whirlybird one morning. The whirlybird where you swing your penis? Yeah, that's the whirlybird. Come on, dude, you know that. We call it the helicopter. Regional dialects. Yeah, yeah, pop soda. I get it. Tomato, tomato. Is it pop or soda? I grew up with pop. It's pop, it's 100% pop. See, Denver has somehow adopted pieces of the Midwest because they are this Midwest adjacent land in some weird way. Thank you for saying adjacent because we're not Midwest. No, you're not. We're literally the mouth of the West. You're the West. Like, we're cowboy. And I'm not saying that with pride. I'm saying that that is the culture. No, you are the West. It's prospectors, it's cowboys, it's meat packing plants. It's wonderful. You're not one of us. No, you're not one of us. Because if anything, we're actually the prairie states. Like, if you want to get real in the wind. You're the plains. You're the high plains. And we don't have any high plains. I'm from the high plains. I'm from 6,500 feet of, like, fucking hay, dude. That's the real shit. No, it couldn't be less Colorado. No one respects or thinks about my part of the state. No, see, I think that is very Colorado. That's nice of you, but you have connection to that part of the state. When I go out there, I'm like, this is fucking beautiful. Dude, Elizabeth was like, it was such hell. Like, 16 kids that I grew up with are dead. What? From overdose, or suicide, or violence. It was like a meth capital. Is there a reservation out that way, too? No, it's really tough to get a table. No, that's the southwestern corner down around Durango. So we did not really have a lot of that. But 16 humans? We still got their history fucking shoved down our throat. Yeah, can they stop with that? We get it. We get it. My bad. This podcast is on stolen land. I should acknowledge that. It was a Hardee's last week, right? Arby's. Wow, I apologize. Carl's Jr., Carl's Jr., they're one and the same. They're all owned by the same company. Arby's is its own thing, though. Arby's is, yeah, but Arby's is, sadly. Rest in peace, it's gone from Sunset. They killed it. What? Yeah, they took away an Arby's off Sunset, which I'll never understand. We can't keep anything in Los Angeles. Where are you going to get cold turnovers and hot shakes? I don't know, man. It sucks. Yeah, this country's over. This country's over, man. It really is. God bless this country, man. It's over. I just gotta get bullets and salt. That's all I need. That's all you need, dude. That's all you need. All right, I gotta go soon. Let me grab my book. I've gotta get on the way. Get your book. Yeah, get your book and give it to me. You bet. And, McCone, don't say anything into the mic while he's gone. Okay? You guys texting each other? Don't do it. Here you go. This is my new book. It's about a hitman in Paris doing one last job. Brute, a novel. Yeah. This is available everywhere. Probably, most likely, you're gonna buy this on Amazon. You could buy it on Amazon? Most likely, probably, people will buy this on Amazon. They will, 'cause they'll get it two hours later. But if you wanna keep books alive, go to your local bookstore. Go to your local bookstore, please, and go buy this right now. And the only reason, look, I'll tell you why people say local bookstore, because if you order one of mine, they're probably gonna order another copy, and it'll be on the shelves. That's huge. So, like, you're actually helping me. So don't be lazy. Please go to a local bookstore. I'm competing with Mr. Beast and James Patterson, so please. Well, you need to make feastables. You need to make little snacks. Does this come with snacks on the inside? No, but it is scented. And that's your flaw. Oh, it is? Yeah, yeah. It smells like diarrhea, though. So that's kind of the issue. But it's young diarrhea, so it's baby diarrhea. It's not as bad as adult diarrhea. It's not a lot of processed foods. Right. It's all natural shit. Softs, you know. You plant this in your garden. You could, yeah. Please go buy this book. It's really good. Sam is one of the funniest people, I think, that's alive right now in stand-up. Oh, my God. You are very fucking funny and very cool, and I could talk to you for seven more hours. Yeah. You gotta get down to that sausage parlor. Well, I gotta go back to see Abe Frohman. I get it. You gotta get back to Evergreen Park. Evergreen Park down there. You gotta go down there. You know those guys down there? Every time my father talks to me about. My dad will talk to me about guys that he thinks I know. They all speak about people that they think you know. Oh, dude. This is such a fun old-guy phenomenon where it's like, "You know Jeff." No. You know his wife died 12 years ago? No. You're like, "What?" How would I know that? I don't know who that is. Yeah. His brother used to work over off Halstead. You know his little brother. He came to your birthday when you were six. He showed up. His mother's got a bad leg. They'll tell you these stories. You're like, "I'm not connected to these people." And also, I know that the story ends, "Well, they're dead." Yeah, anyway, they died. They died. So, thank you. Go to your local bookstore and please buy this book. I'm reading this on the plane today, and I'm gonna text you the moment I'm done. Dude, I think you'll like it. I know I'm going to. It's exciting. It's propulsive. It's brute. It's sexual. It's Sam Talent. You're the man. I appreciate you. Also, go see the man live. Go support live comedy. SamTalent.com Go to SamTalent.com. Go see him. Go love him. We end the show the same way. You look into that camera and say one word or one phrase whenever you're ready to end the episode. Empathy. Beautiful. In here. We pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Sturdy and ginger. Gingers are hell no. Ginger. I like gingers. Shop liquidiv.com. Save with their Buy 3, Get 1 free offer, and use promo code POD26. 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