Sam Tallent Joins The Show And Steven Cheah Debuts A New Impression: Tue Sep 22, 2026

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It's the X! bluecoffee.com go right now amazon go buy it at target go buy it at circle k go buy it at 7-eleven that helps a lot saving dogs drinking really good coffee we're running a sweepstakes right now can come watch ball with us on a sunday stillbluecoffee.com we have a very special guest today it is our good good friend sam talent and he's got a new book out today today called brute hey thank you so much for having me guys what an awesome uh is this a matte finish yeah dude they spent an extra three cents to get the grit on them there is some grit yeah do you know i i was thinking about this because uh robert salah the coach for the titans he's got a really shiny bald head do you think they could do matte bald heads i think that's next up you would think that yeah they're doing that in cyprus what are you saying the hair surgery in turkey yeah yeah yeah cyprus is mad in real life like robert salah would have his hair would be matte instead of shiny i think he can change the finish yeah cypriots are well it takes work to make it shiny right it's not naturally shiny well it's sweat right no i think i think it's like wax i think they lube up yeah like if you have a really shiny head you like keep that thing like a bowling ball like odell's legs he's been oiling them up they've been so so shiny it was 195 degrees at the titans game the other day dude they keep going up i don't know yeah that first jags game was like 130 on the field they keep doing that they said 157 on the field which i don't know how that's possible pft made a good point they were holding like uh when the titan when the eagles were driving the titans defensive players were like holding them on the ground to like run the clock they were technically like korean barbecuing they were burning that yeah it's kind of fucked up they were cook your own meat yeah extra sugar yeah did you see him spraying the cleats yeah they were spraying with mirin yeah uh but yeah sam's here go buy his book it's out now it's out today what a better place to tell the world this is incredible it's a novel i know one of the fastest i've started and finished a book really yeah wow nice brag yeah i mean i'm a quick reader as is too man so i'm the only thing he does quick yeah yeah i ejaculate oh but i i did i thought i did while reading this book yeah did you forget the pictures uh you know they're in there there's one of me in the back but like i need i need like so books need to have like the middle section of pictures yeah yeah yeah out of a compromise though when it comes to the parts you can see we put in a huge uh pages that say part one part two so that way you can tell where you are that's huge almost biblical in its weight oh yeah yeah oh i like that we did for for part of my book we did quarters oh you plugged yours already yeah yeah well i didn't have to doing very well i'm well aware and we're so stupid we're like here's quarters dude your uh book is causing a lot of uh stir in literary like in the publishing houses of the world not literature but like like it's there's no way oh yeah people don't know how to do it they don't know how to do it they don't know how to do it people are like these animals will buy books yeah what are we doing yeah we said they were unwashed and unworthy but now they'll like actually buy books yeah they're like confused because they wrote off an entire population right yeah but it's not yeah i mean this is a real book you wrote a real book i mean you sat down and wrote a real your book is published between two hard covers no no but how long did it take you to write this uh i mean like probably 14 months i think and would you sit down and be like i gotta write a thousand words a day yeah that's or else i'm a pussy yeah i'd be mad at myself that's awesome so i'm gonna try to read this you should it's really good dude it's about a hitman in paris doing one last job i said try yes pipe dream do you do you find the story along the way or are in through the 14 months or do you have it do you have to outline it before you sit down good question great question i'm very interested in the writing process uh because you're from the great literary state of mississippi thank you very much you're gonna write a book i'm interested in his i think you'd be damn good at it brandon i think you would too i'm interested in your process so uh i'm interested in your process i'm interested in your uh i i random house published they picked up my first book running the light they reissued it and then they were like what do you want your second book to be and i said what it i always want to write a book about like a larry brown style like man walking down the side of a road oh no but yeah yeah different guy you know they both ran the zone though okay i remember that yeah um so i just want to write a book about a guy who's like on the side of the road like doing scrap metal and like living in a car and they were like do you have anything else that sounds boring uh and i was like like 30 pages about a hitman killing a guy with his gun barrel because his gun jammed and they were like printed baby so um i had those 30 pages and then i had uh you know a contract to honor and it was so easy to pump these out and there's no like outline it's real organic decisions like they get a pulled pork sandwich during that day because you would get that there like i try not to like force stuff too much you know because then you can feel the author on it and it's all sweaty and gross sure but when you sit down uh every day to write a thousand pages or a thousand words yeah a thousand words that'd be nuts when you when you sit down to write a thousand words yeah that does every day is every day its own adventure or or like do you just have like do you know how it's gonna end what's tying it together uh no there's no ending it's more like um what's happening right now in these thousand words um and it's like maybe i know there's a big scene i'm working on and i have that inevitable end for these like next 12 pages that i'm working towards but no it's a lot of like day by day decision making like organic i like organic decisions in books i don't like when the author is like they went to a book and they're like oh i'm gonna write a book and i'm gonna write a book to the post office because they have to ship the thing it's like no let them like stumble upon the post office anyway would you get over would you some days be feeling it and be like oh yeah i'd go about like 3 500 i lived in paris last may to finish this because the last half of the books in paris i was cranking man i was smoking cigs inside it's going on long elegant walks man cheese dude me just going out getting a loaf in the morning getting some olives getting some weird cut of meat that's from like the shin you know that they've made into like beauty and just coming home stuffing it in a sandwich with arugula writing with a belly full of shin is fantastic dude standing up with leg meat in you while you're like like smoking like hash that you think might have rubber in it as you're like yes i'm a master of the form it was i was getting fired my brain was hard did you ever like write a thousand words come back the next day and just be like what was i constantly okay all the time okay i wrote like there's 17 000 words that are not in this book that i thought were like pivotal and important and my editor was like they're boring and i was like come on i'm beautiful oh so they edited like that were they like not just for grammar they were like actually giving you yeah they're like you wrote a really propulsive hitman novel do we need him weeping when he sees notre dame and i'm like i think so and they're like yeah but he's like an unrepentant killer who like went to the marines and i was like yeah but he made him sad wait he's an american yeah dude i like that i didn't know now i can relate because at first i wasn't gonna read it yeah french guy killer bro he loves slipknot there's a pivotal scene where they go to a slipknot concert all right i'm gonna read this book it's really good yeah it's for it's a female beach read disguised as a men's book love that yeah so i think last time you were here you brought up uh did was mr beast also releasing yeah yeah did jimmy drop today as well you know what jimmy came out like september 9th and uh okay i think he's already on to the next all right what was his book his book was pretty much if i did it mr beast so like it was um it was uh what's that show the squid games but it's run by mr beast just like the show he had in real life yeah but what if he was like locking people in boxes and making them eat each other yeah so he's just writing his we don't need to plug his mr mr beast just took squid game so he basically just wrote his manifesto and was like haha it's just no no he made james patterson write his manifesto oh he didn't even write it he teamed with james patterson and as we know about james patterson he's teamed with a number of people who actually write the james patterson books allegedly wait what oh yeah i don't know what's james patterson pumps out it's like a book a month it's like what dads get at the grocery store you know okay it's always at the grocery my grandma for christmas got me the james patterson bill clinton book exactly exactly they collapsed god is it like frowned upon to have someone writing for you like that like same as like a ghost writer in music or does everyone do that man if it was a literary novel like if it's a book of fiction that should come from you yeah but if it's your memoir like that's very industry standard to hire like uh there's like this guy mishka shubali who's like the king of that and goes in and like fixes everything ron rash wrote um jerry lee lewis's yeah oh my god that book is awesome jerry lee lewis used to pull up to elvis's house and shoot his gun at the fucking gate that sounds fun and it would be because he like you know like elvis owed him four dollars yeah you give me my money you can sell out here i'm gonna pumper full of shit yeah so books are fun for knowing that kind of stuff hey titus how are you buddy let's see it yeah we had a ghostwriter and then we yeah was it chat gpt it was we just were like this doesn't sound like us at all and then we write it all in two weeks you have a copy around here uh yeah we have some in the studio i'll give you one yeah for sure there's a lot of pictures a book for you there's one at brandon's feet oh that's for you look how many that's that's not a book to dive into oh yeah book full of violence i need you to sign one for my mom's there's so many oh i'll sign one for my mom's there's so many oh i'll sign one for my mom's there's so many oh i'll sign one for your mom oh boy oh trace your cock leave my phone number thank you kiss it hey can i ask a question what the fuck did i miss yesterday nothing man steven shay's getting canceled well you kb called my quarterback gay no what i said i did i said i think i think there's a chance yeah what the hell but like he might if he wins two superbowls it's okay we all actually getting canceled right now i don't know uh some people are not thrilled with it but like well i out of context it's out of context very uh what's the con even in context in context it was it was rough yeah what's the content why don't you give that add the context yeah sure two minutes before that half the studio in there called him gay okay i don't know that that's accurate nope that's not pretty gay we call him pussy we said and then i'm talking about how pussy those are not passing it he might be i don't think anyone said gay no kb did i said he might be gay in the same vein like he might be one-eighth lebanese because of the fingernails not for the fingernails just like he might be gay oh we got to start just like accepting that you know what they say if you spot it you got it oh no i'm gay when i'm high yeah and you're always high right every day yeah he wakes up only when he fucks man steven is that clip going viral uh not really but it doesn't it definitely has some traction and some people are commenting on it but got it i don't care it's like yeah i was like what the fuck did i miss well it's not as bad as when you wished injury upon jalen hurts right no that was no no that was far worse it wasn't even had a hypothetical yesterday that if caleb williams won two super bowls but was gay would people like him yeah of course yeah we had that conversation in the car yesterday yeah then we said chicago would love to line up like miles of hot dogs for him to eat like the crossover with wiener circle would be oh yes jay we said to you we said to you you know would you be okay with it and you said yeah if he wins oh yeah i mean but what if they're mike basically just asked would you still like this person if they were gay and how do you want us to answer that and then he went with the worst i have a gay buddy oh my friend got bad yeah i do too he's great when he's high kyle are you gay when you're high i get a little like i feel like because i do too man a little bit i appreciate beauty more when yeah yeah and that's gay it's like looking at a flower no male beauty i do yeah male body like the yeah i do form i do yeah the clavicle how it hits the how it hits the chest yeah like little things these guys are gay he's a gay hitman so i had to be gay the whole writing dude it was fun yeah it was so much fun two gay marines oh my god wait they go to slipknot for foreplay they are oh i'm not reading that book too late too late you said you would steven's been in that book steven lit it on fire he's ripping it in half i did not say anything about my personal feelings towards it i said i asked this was mainly a question for eddie because he knows a million people in chicago a bunch of like older people like definitely not young and with this generation i asked if he thought that some people would be upset about that yeah do you think your city's homophobic no just the suburbs do you think i'm what do you think white socks dave makes that trade white socks dave's now a homophobe no i'm just saying i'm just saying like there are not you've made it you've made it a lot better now with the context way to clean it up i was ready to cancel you steve but now you've added the context i think uh oh fuck didn't you have glasses uh all right he ditched him after you put the guys what else did i miss you guys had tea we did have tate on for a while but what are you gonna say i was gonna say can we talk about zah yeah zah people magazine was that like six days ago i feel like i just saw it but it was posted a while ago yeah so i same thing so so because they didn't tag me i had no idea that yeah but that was the thing that i that i came to ask you about incredible story yeah every oh yeah i remember you did yeah you brought that up yeah yeah yeah everyone go read it reached out and yeah that would have been great we're asking our viewers a lot of reading zah can i ask you a just a syntax question can you pull that headline up again um so it says man with dwarfism is that the preferred terminology or is it wouldn't just be like dwarf was planning uh who knows okay english is my fifth language i that's i guess that's yeah i guess that's uh interesting yeah that's that's uh they want to because it makes it seem like you like suffering from dwarfism i mean i am suffering from dwarfism no i'm kidding i'm suffering from gigantism so you look good man you look good man you look good man you look good man good sam i feel good have you have you you're probably more used to this every shirt i fucking buy every shirt i purchase has flaps on it yeah yeah well you're you're you've nailed the is he a comedian or is he a fly fisherman thank you i like to yeah yeah freak yeah really my hand was covered in dog food and i had it in a hole for catfish before with the glasses and the shirt yeah hey yeah you're ready to go i'm an offer now and i need to be taken seriously as one are you are you playing shows this week in chicago now i'm doing my big book event tonight at uh barnes and noble on state street at 7 p.m and there's a real opportunity for it to turn into chaos in bedlam because they're already oversold and now i'm coming on here so like it could be a real jocks versus dorks today sam i don't want to like put you on the spot you get you get kissed a lot at shows from yak coins do you not i've suffered i want to say suffered like jay uh i've had the pleasure of kissing at least four young men so don't bring your kiss no yeah jay you can just give me a kiss i don't mind the kiss because i call him on it yeah like a young man comes up with like a horseshoe his ends and like his hometown upside down on his hat will you honor this yeah i'm a core member yeah and then i fucking kiss them real hard dude sneak some tongue in there i like to touch the side of their face they think that i'm gonna like wuss out or whatever oh no i grab faces i grab cheeks it's always in front of their girlfriend like the seven guys they live with yeah because it's like a funny moment where they're like are you gonna actually kiss me i'm gonna kiss you i'm gonna kiss you do it and then when you do it they're like oh shit my hand's already down their pants yeah i pause that's not a clit baby i stay on the face for a second for the picture i've done lips i've never done lips i do lips kyle chokes and gags that's how high he is men's cheeks do taste discernibly different yeah they're salty they're like exactly beef jerky kissed by the sea i've never i've never kissed a clean shaven man's cheek no it's always even every every cheek i kiss is yeah all sorts of stuff you get to eat whatever they just ate yeah yeah a clean shaven is worse i remember my grandma my grandpa but he was clean shaven he would make me kiss his cheeks for postage stamps and it tasted like were you were you high your grandpa for postage stamps for postage well we would rub his feet um i didn't include that part and kiss both of his cheeks what'd you get for that the whole package then he would give us like the he said it's you know 37 cents sure so yeah i used to rub my uncle's feet but there was no exchange of goods massage yeah it was just rub my feet yeah yeah that was a thing i guess and now i would never ever dream to ask my niece to rub my feet yeah that wasn't oh right did you guys did you rub your uncle's feet we all all the cousins but it was a thing of like men of a certain age would come home rub my feet hop on the couch and then put their feet up and like whoever's in the room was expected supposed to just rub their feet he would rotate all the grandchildren you gotta be prepared like yeah were you good at it awful that's something you gotta intentionally be awful so he doesn't ask i kept tickling him on accident oh he probably was pissed because your grandfather was a mean man i know but he was laughing because i was tickling him but not in a fun way that's how they laughed in that generation you've done that with your kids your wife you ever go home and i think it's your shoes off and say have at it i've never i've never had my feet rubbed by my kids or anybody i would say my dad would have me walk on his back oh yeah do that all the time i did that i walked on my dad's back but i've never i've never had my kids walk but yeah that's that's over i haven't had my kids do it huh these kids don't want to work man no it's not everything comes so easy i think it's also because their parents don't come home from like a factory 12-hour shift yeah they like come home from the living room i'm pretty fine when i get home basement office i've been in the house all day my job and my grandpa's job are very different yeah yeah i think my grandpa would be stoked on what i claim on my taxes oh you're a clown i was a hobo i did a i did a show once uh for like the indigenous population of denver and i'm like a sick like a 16th like native american so they like oh we have a headliner so they shoved me on and it was like all of these indigenous comics they're having a blast the crowd is packed with like you know young spirited people and every comic would do a bit about like i'm living my ancestors wildest dreams and everyone would lose their minds and i walked up there and my opener was you know looking around this room i think my ancestors would be pretty bummed i was hanging out with y'all no one laughed oh no and then i had to do like 40 minutes to people who were mad and thought i was racist i was waiting the whole time i was like i can't wait to say this this is gonna rip this room in half bombs and then they're mad college football season this year which means robax game day collection is fresh with new designs products and schools almost 80 schools total with new designs and product the best part is everything is custom designed for your school print polos with school logos campus landmarks lawn standing traditions team colors you name it hoodies q-zips in school colors with custom trims this isn't just slapping a logo on this is custom design for your school as james winston put it on saturday we wear robax so before your team loses and your season's over by week four take a look because it's going quick head to roback.com r-h-o-b-a-c-k.com use code yak y-a-k for 20 off your first order best fit best feel roback so how was uh how was tate is he good tate was very good yeah they would take it was real good you know just recapping everything and yeah mince he's just a bad guy yeah but he can't help it tate always comes back from these you know kind of feeling not sympathy's not the word but he does take up for mincing yeah yeah sympathy um i know i was in the parking lot today eating my lunch uh at the table and i'm not gonna say what it was oh we know was it chick-fil-a no it's healthy choice yes oh okay it was mcdonald's fine anyway we move on um so i'm sitting there and mincy's uber mincy's uber pulls up and i can hear him from the he's doing a radio hit in the uber yeah gets out stands in the parking lot does his radio yeah for for 15 he did that yesterday so the radio hits never stop he does so much i think i finally figured out his actual job is he still works in southern radio yeah yeah still works in louisiana in shreveport radio yeah he does work very hard we pay him yesterday we pay him he works for them well the thing is he does a radio hit in the middle of the office but he'll book a full conference room for a simple phone call right he was doing a he was doing a tv hit in the middle of the kitchen yesterday oh i saw he was uh to be honest um but yeah that's his voice there he goes maybe the maybe the busiest spot you can pick like we are we're losing now i'm back i'm coming back i'm back i don't know and he claims our wi-fi what was the what was the issue i don't know mincy user error his thumb yeah so he's like working for the you know like the kings of new media you listen to this i'm back come on here he's in the middle of the kitchen that's like the highest traffic area uh-huh and those phone booths we got are so underutilized to be i think he just wants other people to see that he's growling he's terrorizing someone in bozier city right now yeah so he's like calling yeah he's still working in texarkana that's insane yeah yeah i'd focus my energy here well he's got he's he's got his people in shreveport we all do you remember that all right yeah and what are they like are they like good point i agree with you i think they're like fan boat operators we um we went for the dk road race we went to shreveport was one of the challenges and it was just a thousand minces walking around oh it all sounded the same that's where they're respawning yes it was a mincy farm all those interstate towns in louisiana are mincified anywhere where a serial killer would have a blast oh yeah the uh the owner was he would be so easy to kill serial killer with mincy oh yeah the owner was like himself the owner was amazing too but he was still at the point where he's like you want me to like pose for the camera like same shit but they were awesome oh man but tate was great tate tate uh you know tate tate was he recapped it for like 30 minutes that's awesome and then he's got a stream tonight yeah stream tonight with the flag football guys yeah u.s flag football u.s flag football team they're here the guy who says it's better than patch my home yeah we had we had roger go blanket you didn't hear about that no i watched football yeah oh this is the worst day for you to be here yeah no i thought about it we have a couple guests that might stop by and do the gauntlet and sam is perfect for it who are the djs dude oh my two friends friends two friends they walked in not anymore you weren't in here and i said hi i'm big cat yeah and then asked if they were rapists almost immediately you know guys you do a lot of shows you're not good on all of them but sometimes you really you hit it touch the ether and that one i pierced the veil has the flag football quarterback doubled down on that take well they beat didn't they beat uh brady yeah they beat brady and a team of like former pros so they might be right so this all came from flag footballs in the olympics the flag footballs in the olympics the the guy was like you know i'm not we're gonna play and everyone the discourse is like if we just put our best nfl players will win easily and the guy's like i'm better than patrick holmes at flag football i like that confidence and i don't maybe he's right yeah i think he might be right but i also can't comprehend how he could like yeah how could his arm be better than like lamar jackson seems like the greatest flag football player of all time you would think he's got to be faster and better arm than this guy there's a whole hip yeah yeah hip is what it is so it's like if you could have like marimba or like calypso dancers like we might hear hero would be so good at the fullback oh my oh shakira at the fullback just back there shaking him and paying attention god yeah possible to watch out for i don't think i don't know how you tackle just be like the marshall lynch run every time she touches the ball yeah yeah hold my dick breaking no way golly she jukes you out you get erect we should get shakira on the show we should that's a good idea josh get a shakira try to tackle what if i did what if i just cried and it worked yeah it's flag football you just broke shakira's femur you're gable gripping shakira she'll never dance again yeah there'll be a whole country of people trying to kill you oh yeah you would burn they would torch you in the in the square yeah sir it's flag football why'd you tackle her oh by the way buda ben made it to new jersey all right just now yeah that's faster than i thought did we get any update or recap from the on how we can we can have monty hit me up um i wonder how how it was what did we predict sunday that they would get there they were trying to get to south bend saturday night and they made it to norman norman oklahoma yeah yeah classic routing we had a uh a former and new employee same guy hired back stranded in blythe california what was he doing picking almonds he was driving from la to uh new jersey which is where he's going to start his new job he made it to blythe california before the anxiety of being on the highway was too much and he had to he couldn't drive anymore what right he's never gonna make it in this business um how's he gonna be a road journalist i don't know what he does oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that does help a lot with travel so he got to blythe and then what like you're stuck in blythe for three days a helicopter picked him up no we then found we we had the mayor of blythe on he gave him a key to the city for being stuck and then unlocked his car and he got yeah then the councilman in blythe drove him to new jersey so naturally we got a blythe city councilman to drive him across classic big ask yeah that's like vaudeville showbiz like that's been there since the beginning that's origin stories joe halby what a legend and what's uh how is this guy going to use this like hero's journey to profit i smoke a lot more weed who oh buddha yeah oh nothing i think he's just never gonna leave the state of new jersey again okay you can't yeah i don't think he can you can't anytime he leaves his house he's like i might get stranded yeah i don't think he can you can't anytime he leaves his house he's like i might get understandable he's like those in new york city he's like what if i get an anxiety attack on the train sounds like a liability but you can't fire him because it's mental it's always good when sam gets here and he's like puts it in perspective you guys are making this seem normal last time i was here you like explained mincey yeah still i got flash cards to figure it out like i don't know what's going on yeah people like it yeah when people enter our world they're like wait this guy can't go anywhere oh he got stranded on the way to la in oh no well that's a great place to be stranded if you're we altitude is too much the altitude so now the height of the earth he fainted in the hotel lobby dude when he was in blithe we're like why don't you just go back to la and then fly and he said well i got anxiety flying we're like what about taking a train and he was like anxiety yeah and that's like a dream employee did you i think moving at all yeah he didn't want to do the mountains because the elevation but he didn't want to go through texas because he had an ounce of weed yeah also mandatory stops every hour for water it was harder than lewis and clark it was really like pocahontas yeah so you hired sacagawea and uh she can't travel yeah and what's her job what's her role in the operation him well yeah yeah sacagawea's job uh he's a producer okay so he has to be places to produce them you'd think yeah yeah but maybe not hey man keep cashing that stationary producer yeah you should put that on he makes paper linkedin samtalent.com for tickets cleveland this weekend folks yeah uh well i don't want to uh i don't know the guy And obviously mental health is a real thing these days. No, you can blow pass up. Okay. We're okay. You should fire the guy. He's a huge liability. He's costing you money. He can't do a simple job that everyone does. But at least there was a city councilman with literally nothing else to do in the town he runs. He could drive across the country. Joe Albee. Joe Albee. You guys should hire Joe Albee. That guy's an up and coming producer. Yeah, he's an up and comer. I'm going to leave the politics of Blythe behind. Water, we don't have any. What are we going to do? Who would run Albee's store? He's got a store. I think you put Blythe in there. Or the other guy who can't work. It's a stationary job in a place where he can go to bed. There was a time we thought he might be moving there. Who? Cross my mind that Buddha Ben might just be in Blythe forever. Oh, for sure. We had no outs. It didn't seem like the worst place to be stuck forever. I think Blythe is a great place. I think it would be the worst place to be stuck. The worst place. Oh. Amongst. Sure. It would turn into like Schitt's Creek. You'd just be living at that hotel. In the continental US? Blythe? No. It's right on the line. It's probably nice weather. Right on the line of Arizona? That's right. There's got to be a place in like North Dakota. It's in the desert. I don't know. It's in the desert right by Southern California. In North Dakota, you don't have snakes. You have lot lizards to contend with. Yeah. Like if you're in Blythe, you probably have like critters. They lost half their population because the prison closed. Yeah, that's right. I didn't know that counted for the population. That was a tough one. I didn't either. That was interesting. Also, it seemed like all the photos he was posting around town, there's only dudes there. Like at the bar. Maybe that's heaven, right Kyle? That could be cool. Wow, you get an ounce of weed? That's a pretty good place to eat. No chicks to worry about cramping your stomach. There's weed everywhere. Anyone have their kiss coin on them? Uh-huh. Just a necklace of kiss coins on everything. Damn. I like just looking at them. Just checking them out. But when I get off weed, I get really into like skin care and like folding all my clothes. It's weird. I think Che would have opinions on what kind of sexuality that is. How many Super Bowls did you win? You got to win some Super Bowls. Super Bowls. Yeah. You won a couple of state wrestling championships. Thank you. Nothing gay about that. The sneaky best part about Chase Hypothetical too. Thank you. Bored for men. He likes pure adrenaline. I was a wrestler. Now I'm an author wearing linen pants. I'm straight as an arrow. As I get older, I get gayer and like into gardening. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that's all I want to do is like sit. I want to like wrap myself in silk and sit in my backyard. That sounds wonderful. All I want to do now. The sneaky part of Chase Hypothetical too. What if he won one Super Bowl? Then everyone would just hate him, right? For being gay? He's bi. He's bi now. Two is very funny to throw out there. It's like the first one, you don't get a pass. Yeah. Two, then we'll start. Oh, no, Che. I disagree. They both look gay. Yeah, they're both like fit, well-dressed young men. Yeah. I don't think Che looks gay there. I look gay sometimes. That's fine. What? It looks gay sometimes. We all look gay sometimes. Oh, yeah. I mean, I would love for anyone to be like, you look gay. Yeah, that's a compliment. Thank you so much. Who'd think that? I just got my hair cut. Yeah. I have expendable income and a home. Gay is back. Jerry, did you see on Advisor? Jay is back. Jerry doesn't think that Pat is gay. They're a long wait. Jay doesn't think Pat is gay. Really? Yeah. He said he's never seen him do anything gay. And I was like, he's a colleague of ours. Gay correspondent. He's in New York, who is gay. And I called him on Advisor. I was like, what's the gayest thing you've ever done? He's like, I've had sex with a man. And I was like, that's pretty gay. Show me sex with a man. But Jerry's like, yeah, he hasn't. Jerry wants to see the tape. Yeah. And I think he wants Pat to be zesty. I don't know. He's not gay, but he's demanding a gay sex. Well, you have to send Jerry to. I told him that. I was like, I said, Jerry, were you willing to let Pat prove it? He's like, yes. I was like, oh. So he'd stand in the room as Pat was. Does that mean Pat's going to fuck him? Yeah, I think so. I wouldn't fuck him. Sam, you're a Colorado guy. You see the Todd Helton statue? No, sir. Oh, yeah. Zesty. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What? How does that? Do they not? Are you blowing the bat? We lost statue technology. Do they not? Can I ask a question about statues? Do they not, like, when they say, hey, we want a statue, do they not say, like, this is what we want, or maybe give us a progress report? I feel like there's no progress report. Yeah. Everyone sees it for the first time when it's done. Look at this. This is Todd Helton. This is Todd Helton's statue. Oh, what? Yeah. Yeah. What the hell? What? Todd, yes. No way. Yes, Todd. That's like someone won Project Runway. That's classic Todd. Oh, man. That's Todd. Oh, yeah. That's what it's based on? We all remember that seminal photo. Me, who grew up there and remembers when the Rockies first played their first game. I remember when he looked like that. But that's not, he didn't even do that correctly. It looks like he's about to be doing the meat spin. Dude, that's nuts. Most, have you seen most statues they make of like people of color? They look like racist caricatures. Oh, really? Oh, the lip to face ratio in a lot of fucking like statues of famous people of color is very upsetting. Wasn't there one they had to like get rid of it and redo it? Was it Dwayne Wade? Yeah. I think, I'm anti-statue in general. Yeah, yeah. I think most statues are terrible. I agree. Although, humanity used to be so good at it. Yeah. Yeah. We've gotten worse. We've gotten sloppy. Every statue reveals bad. It's also funny. It's funny to me because statues, especially around stadiums, like we're commemorating this person. They're going to live forever. And it just becomes a, hey, yeah, I'm here. Meet me. Meet me by the desk. He taught help. Right. That's it. The Jordan statue. Jordan statue's awesome. That might be the best statue of the actual dunk. You know, he's rising above everybody. That's incredible. What about what the Raptors are doing? Oh, that one is cool. Kyle Lowry's also a Raptor. They did this for Vince Carter as well. Do you think Kyle Lowry likes that? That's not Kyle Lowry at all. Can you imagine Kyle Lowry's a Raptor? Let's just drag him out. Put that underneath. That doesn't look like Kyle Lowry at all. No, dude. You guys aren't reading it. It says Kyle Lowry. Yeah. That's Kyle Lowry. That sucks. If he were a Raptor. They really consider him the greatest Raptor of all time? I guess so. What's Vince? Yeah. What about Kawhi? Kawhi is the greatest Raptor of all time. Yeah, but Vince invented slam dunks. That's true. He did. It was the first ever skywalk. Yeah, I wouldn't have thought Kyle Lowry. Wait, is Vince's statue a Raptor as well? They've done Raptors of other people. They always just make them Raptors. I kind of would want to be a Raptor. Yeah, but it wouldn't look like you. I know, but that would be cool. That's not him being immortalized. Todd Hilton's a bull. Yeah, I don't think you're reading it. It's Kyle Lowry. Would you want to be a bull if you played Kyle? Would you want the statue of you to be a bull? No, bulls aren't as cool as Raptors. Bulls are pretty cool. Your head on a bull body? Bulls are tough, man. They're very cool. A bear would be cool. But you wouldn't want to be a cub? No, that's a baby bear. Thank you. That's what you're into. What would the White Sox do? Just a sock. Just a fucking sock. Just be in some shoes. Stop. Just a big sock with your face in it? I think that's a, I mean, I don't, the Hilton thing, I'm still rocked. Yeah, what do you think, what's the process? Like, they obviously draw something up. Right, that's what I'm saying. Can you do, like, a rough draft of a sculpture before the final? Yeah, just be like, hey guys, we're about to do the bronzing. You want any notes? I would love a documentary on, like, who approved this. Like, the good, good ad. Probably the guy who did the bull. Like, Lucifer. We have a history of her. Oh, I love Lucifer. Yeah. The one that killed him. Fell on him. Yeah, fell on him. The horse's cock impaled him. Is that what got him? Yeah. Are they all man-made or do machines do them now? God, I don't want to find out that they're not man-made. Do you, as someone from Colorado, though, is, like, the Denver airport, that's almost like, it's almost like a lame conspiracy theory. It's like the first conspiracy theory conspiracy theorists find out about. I mean, it is until you, like, look at the very simple evidence that it looks like a swastika from the sky. Yeah. Like, infinite tunnels under there. And you can see them on the train. You see the branching tunnel systems that you never go to with Terminal to Terminal. I saw they're, like, leaning into it now. Yeah, they're trying to be like, oh, aliens are fixing Terminal C. Some brands have gotten a hold of it. That's how you win, yeah. But there's also that horrific mural of, like, the man with the death mask exterminating all the children of the world. Oh, I can't say I've seen that. Oh, my God. The Denver airport? Can you pull up the murals at the Denver airport? They're, like, heavy H.R. Geiger. They're really scary. What? Yeah, there's, like, a man with a big, like, gas mask. And there's a bunch of children of all the different, like, ethnicities and cultures of the world. And he's spraying them with some kind of gas. Oh, wow. That's a little on the nose, though, if they were trying to, like, hide something. And it's also, like, the airport was built by, like, the New World Order Commission. It's, like, there's, like, a stone there. Yeah, they say the Illuminati is, like, under. You can turn around. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. There's another one. So that one's there, too. And it's just, like, the world's on fire behind the children. That's kind of cool. That's not bad. Yeah, it's a cool mural if it's a taco joint, but not the. Welcome to Denver. And then there's another mural of, like, the gas mask guy spraying. But, yeah, I don't know. I totally believe that Colorado. I mean, think about when 9-11 happened. They flew Bush to Nebraska. So, like, pretty much between Utah and, like, Lincoln, I think, is a whole secret underground. Like, the Mountain Time Zone has to belong to, like, the CIA. Yeah. Yeah, Missouri's where we keep all the bombers. So, okay, it's a sword, yeah. Children of the world. And it's, like, a Nazi with a sword, like, slaking them all down. I think he's protecting them. Maybe. I think he's protecting them from white genocide. Okay. What the hell? Whoa. Mm-hmm. Welcome to Denver. That's just in the terminal? It's, like, in the, I think when you get off the train, it's right there. Just give me a sign that tells me where Uber pickup is. Oh, it's really easy. It's so hard for these airports. Not like Detroit. Detroit, you have to go to Toledo to get an Uber. Yeah. But Detroit's got that tram that's inside that's kind of cool. Yeah, but I never take it. I like it. I like it. I hate Denver Airport. Oh, man. I miss it. My conspiracy theory. I'm not sure about the conspiracy theories of that. They exist to overshadow the fact that Denver's the worst airport in the world. That's smart. That's smart. I fucking hate Denver. Every time I fly out of Denver, I lose my mind. You have to sit in a car for an hour and a half to get to the airport. It's in the middle of nowhere, despite there being all sorts of land that you're passing to get there. Green Valley Ranch. That is actually genius. It's insane. Whenever someone says, oh, you hear about Denver Airport, they're like, no one says, oh, it sucks. No one ever talks about it sucks. You only talk about the conspiracy stuff. That's genius. That's the best take I've heard on this. Everybody goes into one line for security? Oh, it's a horrific security that goes out the door. Yeah, yeah. Horrific. It's like a refugee camp. It's very bad. It's like, what airline are you flying out of? It doesn't matter, because we're all going to one. Yeah, it's all frontier. And we all get on the train, and then we all, it's crazy. Yeah, no, it's bad. You have to drive there. You can take the train. They made the train a very easy option to get to the airport. But yeah, getting there is such a slog. And you have to get off of I-70 and onto 470 and then paying the bullet. There's so much land, Sam. Yeah, yeah. You can put it so much closer. Why are you putting it so far away? 470? I understand it. Yeah, 470. Yeah, 470. My understanding is that they thought that the I-25 corridor would expand all the way from Laramie to Pueblo, and then they thought, how do we enhance the bust of the corridor? We'll build all the way to the airport like we did to Boulder. Yeah. They wanted to put big hooters on the side of the highway, and it was the airport in Boulder. And then no one wanted to live in Green Valley Ranch, because there's nothing to do, and planes fly over you all the time. Got it. Yeah, but I had a bunch of friends who bought houses in Green Valley Ranch in mid-2010s, because it was an affordable option. And now they're there, and they're housing. The houses have gone down in value. Yeah. Makes sense. I'll be goddamned. Makes sense. Nothing's worse than St. Louis Airport. That's a great idea, though. That's a really good idea. Yeah. I like St. Louis. No, you talk about Denver Airport, all anyone talks about is the conspiracy. You don't talk about how inefficient it is and how it's like. Even the airport has. Sorry. I got a Colorado guy. My wife. I go there all the time. Fire it up. We go visit the in-laws. Colorado is awesome, because they have all these open spaces. You'll just be driving, and there'll just be a sign that says open space. Yeah. And that blew my mind the first time I saw it. I was like, this isn't a park? And she's like, no. It's just like a space that we just decide nothing goes here. Then they take that, and they apply it to the airport, Sam. So you're just walking around, and there's a big old fucking open space. And it's like, we don't need an open space in an airport. Why is my walk to the gate five miles just because you have all these open spaces? There's no nature. It's just like a. Open space. Just an open space in the airport. It's crazy. It's like a massive airport. It's impossible to get around. You have to drive an hour and a half to get out there. I hate it. I absolutely hate it, but I like the city. I like Colorado a lot. I like Denver. I love it. I hate flying out of there. I think we can all agree on that, but I'll take it over Atlanta. Yeah. That's what I'll do. Yeah. I'm not super familiar with Atlanta. I like Atlanta. It's a ton of things to do and eat. In the airport? Yeah. Yeah, but you. Brandon judges airports on eating. Correct. I think that's fair. Brandon loves the airport. I love being in an airport. Airports like going to the mall. They like going to a mall. Yeah. I like getting there like three hours a day. Bookstores. Walk around to the bookstore. Well, no, Nick, that's because you're scared of flying. Not as much anymore. Really? Yeah. I've gotten good. I get there three hours in advance every time, so I can have some time to walk around and take a nap. That is crazy. And you're a man with a family, so that's like an autonomous zone to you. Correct. Yeah, where you can smoke in the bathroom and get drunk. Yeah. Well, I can do things I wouldn't do at home and just chill out. Like what? Eat? And eat, yes. I have no shame in eating at airports, and Atlanta has. Do you ever. Can I ask a question? Yeah. We have Joe Halby on, so we've got to get him on in a sec. Have you ever landed and eaten? I just did it for the first time. I didn't even notice that. Oh, that's the fattest move possible. Not even to somewhere else. I'm saying landed home and eaten. No, no, no. But when I went to Nashville a couple of weeks ago to do the Josh Pate show, I flew out at like 10, got there at 12, and I had checked a bag because I was carrying some stuff to get autographed. Anyway, I checked a bag, and I'm walking through the Nashville airport, and I was the first one off the plane. I looked at my phone, and I saw a barbecue joint, and I said, do you think I could eat and get to the baggage claim in time? And did you? Oh, my God. It was amazing. I stopped at a barbecue joint. They gave me a tray. I sat down and ate it. I was down. I was ordered, eaten, and out in nine and a half minutes. Oh, yeah. And I made it to my bag. And it was still spinning, and it was amazing. Your food and the bag were piping hot. Everything was fantastic, yes. There's a fatter move, which is go to the lounge when you land. Oh, that is. You land? That's the fattest move. Oh, God. That's crazy. You've done that? I didn't know you could do that. Most times, I'll land. That's crazy. I go in, get my coffee, and then. Pocket full of cheese. Yeah, yeah. Or just a cup of bacon. The nuts. A literal humbler of bacon. Some loose nuts in your pocket. Oh, yeah. Or no, what it is, is it's those little lifesavers. Yeah. I just jam my pockets with lifesavers, and then I crinkle and crackle. I have considered getting home in Chicago and stopping. That would be the fattest move. Dude, I wish that O'Hare was my home airport. I love O'Hare. I love the lounges. It's like. I really feel a sense of peace when I connect in O'Hare, because it's like a grounding. I'm there probably twice a month. Just on accident. I fucking love that airport. Hmm. Ah. I think it needs updated. Hey, man. I like it. It looks like a very American time capsule, and it's very easy to navigate, and they have lounges everywhere. Yeah. Shout out to O'Hare. There are lounges everywhere. I'll give you that. Detroit's airport, I think we should finish the job. Torch it. Sucks. Have you landed in Pittsburgh recently? No, no. You might as well be Shanghai. I only do A markets. Okay. I'm kidding. I love Pittsburgh. Come on. That airport's great, but I always drive to Pittsburgh. Well, they just redid it. It feels like you're in Asia. Dude, every time I've been to that airport, Kurt Angle's there, and there's that machine where you can scan your whole body. There's an X-ray, and one time I spotted Kurt Angle in that X-ray machine. No way. Yes. Kurt Angle is always there. Why is Kurt Angle always at the airport? Kurt Angle's always been at the airport. I think he's driving people from the airport. He works for TSA. He just goes for the scan. Kurt Angle's TSA. All right. Joe Halby's here. Joe, where are you right now? What's up, guys? Where are you? What are you doing right now? He's in the kitchen. I'm here in JFK. I just found a little. Where the employees go to their little elevator. Okay. Because it's quiet back here. It was loud everywhere else. Nice. All right. When did you guys complete the drive? Was it this morning? Last night. We got in about 2 a.m. Oh, my God. That's old. You left Friday morning, and you got to New Jersey Monday late night. Yeah. You know, when the man drinks a liter of water every hour, though, you got to make a lot of stops. So, did he never get the gallon of piss gallon? No. Oh. No. But I'm going to tell you guys something. Buy stock and smart water. It's golden. We're potty armor, guys. How many stops would you estimate? 20. Oh, my God. And how would he elicit that conversation? I'm scared. I mean, hey, you know what? I'm going to tell you guys something. Ben, he's a beautiful mind, man. He's a really nice guy. It is what it is. You know? He's dealing with some stuff. And honestly, I hope you guys get him on the insurance quick, man. He needs to get a little help there. He's a good dude, though, man. How was Oklahoma? Oh, hey. You know what, Big Cat, man? I want to thank you so much. And the Oklahoma fans, I got to tell you, they're all class. Although they were getting a little nasty when Mateer was throwing those interceptions. Yeah. But they're classy, though. They're classy as shit. I got to give it to them. Okay, nice. This is a great guy. Yeah, I know. He's a great guy. What a professional. Yeah, yeah. He just gave it up to the fans. Like, that's veteran move. Well, this isn't the Barstool guy. No, I know. Oh, so Albie. Mr. Albie, big fan, Sam Talent, author of a new book, Brute. Now, you guys drove from Inland, California, where you're in government, correct? And you drove all the way to New Jersey. Now, I've been to Inland, California. I've done some desert parties. Was there any crystal meth involved in your drive? No, sir. Okay. Sir, I'm drug-free. My man. Because weed is not a drug. That's right. I know. You ran on that platform. Yeah. Got my vote. Yeah. Joe, how far into the journey did you say to yourself, I've made a huge mistake? Probably about four hours down the road. What route did you guys take? You went to Oklahoma City on Saturday. What route did you take after that? Then we shot up through, went through Tulsa, St. Louis, Indianapolis. Okay. Then we were. Then we were. Then we were. through columbus georgia wait i've been ohio state ohio okay yeah uh then we were south of pittsburgh and through harrisburg and then we made it to north jersey yeah like central wherever wherever it is in bergen county okay besides the game was there any other highlight or anything you got to see that was cool or it was like nope just a lot of bathrooms i mean we had some good meals and it was cool you know i got to see a lot of america that i haven't seen before it's true so i can appreciate that did were you on route 66 into oklahoma yeah yeah we did yeah we did route 66 for a bit i mean just by chance it wasn't like we planned on it i that's not a i've been in route 66 through arizona before so it's not like a big deal to me that's whatever over it yeah uh understand yeah and you avoided all altitude for for bad yeah yeah i don't think the altitude really has anything to do with it though but you know sir if there was a job at this uh revered institution would you leave the the world of blythe politics behind and come work here hey man if you guys had something for me i'll figure it out okay well i don't have any hiring powers and i'm witty yeah you're good you gave it up for oklahoma fans that's not easy to do it's true well yeah that was cool man uh people approaching me there at oklahoma i'm like what the world i'm just a regular dude man i'd stay humble yeah love it well joe uh safe travels back and uh if you're ever in chicago you you obviously are more than welcome and and uh we're blythe guys now yeah blythe you know what's crazy i was in chicago for the fourth of july that is not Yeah, I was just out there. I'm actually a member of the Elks. You guys know about the Elks? It's like a secret society, right? They're set up at the Denver airport. Yeah, you have the big building on Diversey. That's the Elks, right? Yeah, the National Memorial Building. I was there. That's a cool building. It was a 100-year anniversary on the 4th of July weekend. Okay. And so anyway, they have the National Convention in Chicago. So I was out there for a whole week. I got to see the Cubs. That's their building? That's the one on Diversey. Yeah, it's on Lakeshore, I think. Yeah, yeah. What do you guys do? What do you guys do? That's culty. You serve, right? Whoa. Yeah, we serve. We're a fraternal organization. Well, thank you. Our main function is to raise money for veterans and handicapped children. Oh, damn. It's just a good organization. 800,000 members nationwide. That's two good columns up for the Elks. You really took our chances to make fun of you out of it. When you're like, veterans and handicapped children. That's a one-two punch. We'll find something. It's my work. I'm a philanthropist by heart, guys. So that's why, you know, I do what I do. And they said, hey, I can maybe get a donation for the rec center. And, you know, Big Cat, he came through. Wow. We're going to do a presentation later this week. Maybe come back on and do that live on the act. I love it. I love it. He can funnel a lot of money your way because he's been winning the lottery somehow over again. Yeah. Yeah, just like Epsom. Like Epstein. So we're going to get a bunch of money. Not true. Stavro said that, too. Stavi came on and said that. And then we looked it up. And it's just, you comedians just have decided that. Oh, I mean, who deleted it off the internet? That's a good question. Yeah. He worked for his money. Joe, who owns the media? Joe. Yeah, before you go, one more question. Thank you, Joe. You're the best, man. Thanks, Joe. Thank you so much. We'll see you guys. All right. So I think because TJ. Correct me if I'm wrong. The Super Bowl this year, we're going to do the same like we did with Camp Barstool and Super Bowl last year. A wheel or Plinko. That's the plan as of right now. Yeah. I mean, someone's going to have to go to Blythe. Yeah. Yeah. It's on the way. It's a three-hour drive. It's on the way. Yeah. It's a day trip to Blythe. Send Buddha Ben. Oh, you mean once we're out there. Yeah, once we're out there. Someone's going to have a three-hour drive to Blythe. Stop along the way. Yeah, man. Yeah. Buy out the Helvey store. Yeah. Camp Barstool might look like the most fun thing anyone's ever done. It is. Here comes your invite. I'm incredibly jealous every time. We're coming now. Mikey Betts, plug your ears. Mikey Betts, you're out. You're out. We just added one more. Betts, I'm sorry. Yeah. Like, I'm not on my phone much anymore, but man, when you guys are at Camp Barstool, I'm like, ah. It is that. Cool basketball for days and days. Yeah. Yeah. Lob. It looks cool. Oh, but shout out. What's the redheaded kid's name? Like, Buttboard? Oh, we got a few. Connor Griffin? No. Blutman. Buttboy. Buttboy. Buttboard is what I said. I would never. That's what Che called Caleb Williams. Oh, hey, Buttboard. Buttboard. Bro, I met your dad. I met your dad. He's omnipresent. Everyone does. Yeah. Yeah. He came to me in a dream. He said, you have weeks left. No, I met your father. He's a good friend of Howie Mandel. Yes. I hung out with them. Yeah. He's very proud of you. He was. I saw the clip that Howie posted. He was risen up someone. Yes, he was. Did you see this? Yes. And I think. I think he eventually had her screaming. I think so. Liam. Liam, is this true? I think so. Watch this. Can we put Liam in the picture? I don't know who this woman is, by the way. No. He says no. That's his dad. Yes, you're fine. No, they're perfect. All right. Thanks, Mark. I really appreciate it. You're great. You both look amazing. It's so nice of you. She's single, though. Okay, thanks. He's single, too. Could we make like a date later for you guys? Dog dad. Oh, well. She. Dad of a human. She loves dogs. I just rescued a dog. I have put one. Went down. But I'm a dog lover. Oh, they're flirting. That's depressing. Let's not lead with that. I like a dog. Yeah. It's a peek-a-boo. Yeah. It's a boob. Mr. Bluntman. Involuntarily. Who's. Who's. Who's that woman? Oh, housewife. Real housewife. Oh. Oh, shit. Oh, man. Liam, did you see your dad compliment her titties? Yeah. And forget that he was just a dog dad. Literally. Literally barking at her. Yeah. But he like couldn't control it. He like caught himself off guard. He just like naturally barked at me. Inaudible bark. He refused to give me Topanga's phone number. That's probably smart. Yeah. Very smart. Would you have used it? Would you have called Topanga? I would for the purposes of the bit that Howie Mandel was trying to achieve. Yes. Yeah. Howie has like an AI lab in there. He can like shoot the Mandalorian. It's insane. He literally was like, we can shoot the Mandalorian in here. Oh, he said that? Yes. He has like a pod of holograms. He can like pull up a hologram of you and it'll tell you like, facts about your life. It's very scary. Oh my gosh. What is this? Howie. I think he has all the money that Canada ever made. Oh yeah. In a warehouse. Bobby's world is huge up there. I brought up Bobby's world and he was very dismissive. What? I was like, bro, I am 39. I love Bobby's world. Way to move it to Canada. So we all gave a shit. Or move it from Canada to Minnesota. He was very dismissive. Huh. Yeah. Huh. That was not a shame to Bobby's world. Not a shame, but like, it's more of like, I've done other things, you know? That was years ago. Yeah, look. Oh. I'm lying. He traps people in these cages and he owns their soul. Look. I could be anywhere, but I could be in Chicago. He's got more than one? He has like maybe six or seven. Oh my God. We did one of these interviews once. Ivo, you gotta try it out. You did. You had like a fighter, right? Yeah, we interviewed a UFC fighter in a hologram. Yeah, they went to his place. They rode around with Howie Mandel for hours. Did you guys talk about Connor inviting everyone on the act to his party 20 minutes before? No, that's fucked up and I'm mad at him. I haven't talked to him. What a jerk. Is this mook? Connor. Another red-headed. Other red-headed. Another red-headed Connor. We have three red-headed Connors. Yeah. He replicated his apartment down by the lake and invited people to come hang out at his apartment. Weird theme. He sent the invite. If that's his apartment, his apartment sucks. Well, he's in between opportunities. He sent it 20 minutes before. Like, who's gonna go to. He did the cursory, like, hey, I want to invite you guys, but I don't want you to come. It's because his girlfriend wanted their. Friends to come? Oh, no, no, no. Girlfriend. Girlfriend and come and don't. No. Oh. Not doing either. Kitty has claws. All right. This guy's a lonely loser who doesn't know how to invite his friends? Yes. Right. It was just, I would rather not be invited than invite his 20 minutes before. Oh, it's not an invite. Right. It's you having to come up and tell him, like, sorry, I have a life. Yeah. Well, especially before, he made his own flyers for this and was handing it out that morning. Yep. What? At the park? At the park? Either. Here. So he went through the effort. Yep. of printing these. off and handing them out to coworkers, people he kind of knows. Yep. But he didn't invite his core squad. None of us got a flyer. Not even Titus? Not even Titus. Titus, you invited him to your wedding. That's right. Yeah. And he didn't. He took his shirt off at Titus' wedding. Yeah, he did. Were you jealous? Yeah, and he asked. I hate bringing this up, but it did happen. He asked my friend if she was to get pregnant, would she have a natural birth? What? Yeah. Get him out of here. It's very uncomfortable. All of your employees. It was always a icebreaker. Most employees you bring up, I'm not happy with their antics. How early into the conversation did he get to know you? I don't know. I was told. Yeah, my buddy. He asked my buddy's wife, yeah. He's like, are you a mom? And she goes, no. And he's like, if you were to get pregnant, would you have a natural birth, you think? What? Weird thing to say. Yeah, so weird. What? Is that. My buddy was like. I was like, how was the wedding? And he was like, I had a great time, but this happened, you should know about it. And I was like, that's. See something, say something. Yeah, like. That'd be a weird question for someone you really know. That'd be a weird question for your wife. Yeah, right? My wife's a doctor. She asks that question until like months into the birth plan. Yeah. Damn. You guys want a fun bit you can do at a wedding? Yeah. Okay. So let's say you're getting married, right? And I go up to Kate. Kate's crying during the ceremony. You know, she's crying. And I go up to Kate and I go, hey, are you crying because you're in love with the groom and you're jealous of the bride? Yeah, and then you go around telling everyone, Kate was crying because she's like. She's in love with Kyle. Yeah, she's totally in love with Kyle. Like, it's insane. That would honestly destroy me. That would, yeah. That would destroy me. That would genuinely. Titus did a really fun thing at his wedding that I'd never seen before, passing around. Shirts versus skins? Yeah. Instead of having like traditional speeches, they pass around a hat with everyone's name in it and then three random people had to give a speech. No. And one guy was not ready for it. He just started talking about his house burning down. And start lighting it. It was awesome. That's your only fun way. Yeah, it was so fun. Yeah, because it was more fun for the people that didn't end up giving speeches. Yeah, yeah. It was more fun to watch the people that, like, did not have their names drawn, just shitting their pants the whole time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We didn't. Anyone out here do natural births? We didn't. I don't know if I. We actually. We went through our guest list and we took people's names out. We were like, we don't want him to be. We don't want. You know, it's like we were. You didn't take the fire guy out. We didn't take him out, yeah. Did you know that his house had burned down? Yeah, I didn't know he was going to talk about it. It was like instant. Yeah. It was like, so my house burned down. Colorado guy. Yeah. Colorado fire. Fires come swift out there. But, yeah, we had taken, like, half the party was out, but they didn't know that, so it was fun. Right. Because, like, the whole room was shitting their pants. Imagine if Buddha Ben was there. He would have burnt the place down. Yeah. I probably would have. Yeah. Anyone drive me home? Were there a lot of media professionals? You probably had confidence in the people who were left. Yeah. I mean, like, Brandon and Dan were there. Yeah. I would love for you to make a speech at a wedding. Yeah, PFT was there. I don't do well in that. I left them in the hat. I was like, they'll be fine. I was ready. But then, yeah, there were some people where I was like, they'll have a panic attack. So, I took them out, but I didn't tell them I took them out, so they were still, like, having the panic attack. Yeah. Thinking it could be them. Well, after the. three speeches of the hat everybody thought the hat was gone and dan clinked his glass and said brandon wants to say that's my favorite thing that's my favorite thing to do at weddings if i get a bad seat at a wedding i'll just sit like i'm all the way in the back i'll just clink my glass and go shh and everyone will quiet down and then no one stands up uh-huh you're ready to go so you forced your friend yeah yeah speech at your friend's wedding that's a good you got to wait till they're like standing up yeah yeah and then they start kissing and you're like not kissing did you speak no all i did was and and uh the guy's name was i'm gonna say his name was billy the guy who talked about his house burning down i just stood up and said to billy and his house sam did you have a big wedding i had a big beautiful wedding uh in evergreen colorado at the evergreen lake house um and it was perfect except for i wept the entire time okay i was okay like ugly soft what you're in love with the bride or something a little obsessed hamstring hamstring injury okay yeah yeah i was lifting up my bride it's okay to cry for hamstrings oh it is 100 dude i hated that people made fun of him that made me so mad oh it's the towel over the head the man wants to win he loves the game he's devoted himself to it you're not gonna memes were funny though you can't you have to be able to be like the memes are funny sure but like in the moment i was watching it and i was like heartbroken for the guy oh yeah in the moment i thought but did you think the injury was worse than what it was no i was like fuck i was so stoked on the bears first week and i was watching my buddy nathan who was a lifelong bears fan and it was like i not at all i had nothing but you know empathy for that you know that crying actually calms the body down so i think that's probably a healing mechanism yeah that's why he healed himself yeah that's why he's quicker that's why he's gonna come back so fast correct he cried so hard wolverine yeah so fucking hard so hard that it but yeah during the pictures of our wedding we were in front of a lake and there was a dog on a paddleboard with sunglasses on oh hell yeah and all the photos which was very pivotal it was just a public lake was he with uh was he alone he was a harlem globe trotter yeah yeah yeah the dog was a political prisoner no i don't know who the owner was but there's photos of just a dog on a paddleboard with sunglasses was the lake uh penis shaped uh no it was shaped like a vagina nice yeah so yeah there was an island at the top so it's a clitoris show our connor griffin we had a guy go officiate a wedding he took the same guy and he took a picture in front of the lake said this this heart-shaped lake we looked at it on google maps it's cock and balls big cock and balls big cock and balls was it in missouri it's in pennsylvania oh is there a cock lake in missouri i feel like those public water works like the the tenancy valley authority those engineers probably had some fun with the layout nothing but cocks in missouri nothing but cocks and balls kind of doubled down on it too right that means maybe his dick just looks like a heart his heart dick his heart dick huh sorry connor easy to have sex with it that's right yeah i think it might be difficult for the heart dick it's tapered well you know what's not difficult by all means uh is a drinking body armor you have an ad for us i just love body i'm not an ad i just love body you know uh i know that we had albie come on talking about a rival product i'll tell you what i don't have any truck for that conversation because uh i want my body to be armored and i want it to be flash iv or four depending on if there's a period i mean you guys like flash iv right yeah it's packed what's it packed with i don't know i don't know i don't know electrolytes that's right yeah and it delivers faster longer lasting hydration i hate when my hydration runs out yeah i hate when i'm like you know playing uh you know a sport i don't play a lot of sports but if i was i'd be dehydrated that'd be tough and i can't just get an iv jammed into my bag i'm not hanging out with joe rogan constantly so um and you know what i hate i hate artificial dyes yeah yeah it's like okay i'm already doing a lot of damage with all the pills and alcohol that i need to cancel out with this body armor damar hamlin damar hamlin yeah official official die wow slam dunk gone wow all right hey get his book too yeah uh whether you have a book yes whether you're or traveling or just feeling the heat i mean i'm sweating over here titus is burning off like he's it's like a hippo giving birth and he's standing by the vagina work hard and hydrate hard with body armor flash iv grab it at 7-eleven let's go it's that 7-eleven should we have uh how do you pronounce the name um who's who's you said that's me that's a booger city gauntlet yeah let's see who's doing let's keep him away from sam if he doesn't do better than me i think we can put these rumors to rest yeah yeah you had a good time a great time you had a great time the best of all comedians except for rainy maybe who's you said and izzy garrossey are here easy enough this is the guy who said he's better than caleb williams or better than homes izzy garrossey it's not oh they play they're on it's a co-ed league i don't know yeah she played for the cleveland state vikings and the usc upstate spartans before transitioning into flag hi how we doing hello hello welcome stand up yep do you want to see if izzy wants to come on too brandon izzy hey what's up man good to meet you oh yeah you met yeah i don't know okay yeah sit on down what's up izzy do you guys want to do the gauntlet here throw them throw the mic in front of your face real quick do you want to do the the gauntlet you ready this is big for flag football i mean i had an energy drink so i think i'm ready okay nice you should have body armor yeah we'll get you a body armor flash i mean how are you guys have you guys qualified for the olympics how does that process work or when is it yeah so since we are like the home country we were automatically qualified but we also went out there and uh took care of business to make sure we deserve to be qualified the guys we want gold was able to qualify the women want silver it's my understanding that the only reason that this sport is in the olympics because you guys are so dominant in your performance right it's gonna be i mean i'm not trying to put any gauntlets down but i feel like if i was a betting man i'm going all in on y'all's team versus the world in the olympics i mean i will always bet on myself but all these countries have been catching up and and they're great the talent wise you could tell off the all of the homework they do um man it's not an easy sport and a lot of these countries are also great but i'm always betting on myself and i i feel like the goal is to win gold and i feel like we are the standard so yeah i agree with you and a lot of them don't have black guys you know like so i mean you guys versus sweden are we kidding how bad how many 70 points are you going to beat them by i mean this is insane this should not be a conversation i'm so proud of the football team are you are you standing 10 toes down on the you're better than patrick mahomes at flag football that wasn't uh that that statement was taken out of context what was the context che give give give usa guys flag guys opportunity to make the olympic team versus got it the name making the olympic team i agree with that 100 i was skill set but is patrick mahomes better than you at flag football patrick mahomes have to come out there and we compete yes i like this i like this i like this yes but i wouldn't mind catching some passes from me yeah so hey i've seen your like highlight tape it's you're fucking awesome i appreciate it yeah and izzy you're no slouch i'm okay all right are you quarterback no i'm a receiver okay i'm a receiver oh yeah long body big hands dominating the middle of the field make it work wait who did we if we got silver who'd we we lost to canada what oh i know guys i know guys they were what are you doing they were on steroids yeah say that yeah we'll say it yeah we'll say it don't say anything how bad what was the final score we uh lost by what was basically the last play yeah all right so good redemption arc for the yeah yeah solid we got and you know what it's fine because that's not the big one the big one's coming up yeah tonight against our co-workers yeah yeah that's how many people are playing on the field at one time five okay five on from us now from you guys i don't know no no i'm saying in the actual sport in the olympics five five on five yeah yeah today tonight you guys are gonna what are we doing a similar thing where we keep adding people yes yeah yeah at what point do you think we are competitive 15 i mean we did this with basketball and it got really ugly so it's 15 versus five so we're gonna be able to keep our five on the field at the same time i think it if it's like the basketball one we started one on one we started adding past five i think we got up to 20 on five and then when we got to 20 on five we started taking away basketball players because it was legally an orgy at that point and it didn't end till i think we finally won when it was 20 on two so were they really that good or were you guys just really they were professional bad like they were all guys who played either uh division one or in the pros chris came they were really that good oh yeah chris came in like they played with the center was he on the court he wasn't on the court okay oh but he does have that famous picture with the horse taking a piss that's right yeah i love that picture all right so you guys are ready for the gauntlet do you know what it is yeah they kind of went over it uh soccer cornhole football i'm gonna hit a home run guys i'm i have like the top record for comedians this will be nothing for you guys all right what was it fine uh you know what i don't remember because i'm not really pull it up i don't care about that i just care about being on a team like you guys you know it's not me it's the team that wins 234 the important part is that the end when you finish everything on the court you come and do trivia yeah we'll show you trivia real quick you have to get 10 total answers there's going to be like 50 possible yeah you can jump around so you don't have to go like one category do you know what i mean you just got to get 10 total lose the trivia the hardest question no but like this thing for me no but like uh eight nfl teams with the most pro football hall of famers number five yeah i would name all the teams yeah yeah right you could do that or look england's not even spelt right so they don't take it that serious five cities in england with highest population london like you and you can hop around four states that start with the letter a yep you got four states alabama arkansas alaska yeah but i'm looking at all the other things you don't look 10 total don't look at the hard ones you like you don't have to worry about the heart like you can get them from other categories here okay i mean you can jump around but that's oh but as long as you name 10 overall total yeah yeah oh don't stress like you gotta have you don't even have to touch the seven top sources where ai gets his information manchester birmingham yeah yeah sam the three son three sons of adam and eve uh i think vibrator cock ring that's right and you're from you're from new orleans sir yes is there a better american city is it an american city you know what very fair yeah cosmopolitan i mean that in the best way i always say that the only place you can go abroad without having to leave the country is new orleans and montreal we we are one of our always says that uh but the food is great and that's why it's tough for me to eat outside of new orleans because i'm so used to the food um and then for some of the people that like to party you could drink on sundays but the architecture the history the magnolia blooms it's such a beautiful place it is yeah it is but some people don't come down for that well a lot of them are racist for the great time yeah for sure yeah and where are you from i'm from cleveland oh my mom's from chagrin falls no way i'm on the west side my family's on the east side hell yes excellent what a great place i'll be at cleveland this weekend if you're in town hilarities i'm not but that'll be fine we'll postpone the shows okay we'll make you well actually you want to make a call or no i need the money ma'am all right uh who wants to go first you want to go whoosh i don't want to go i'll go first okay is you got this competitor all right there'll be someone out on the court too to like is it you got this you got this you're an olympic athlete brand nothing for you what not to is he make me look good out there throw you off meaning don't do great what's the bear's injury agents and concussion protocol oh my god oh no how'd that happen i think he put his helmet on kill him he put it on backwards what the hell wait so do they have a goalie uh yes connor but he's kind of he's just a body okay he's he's not any don't worry you don't have to juke him or anything case keenum time so y'all don't even warm up before doing y'all just get straight to it yeah but we're not very good at it i came off the bench put up legendary performance sir you probably have the worst time i'm the was the fattest guy ever too not when you're at it right you guys playing tonight yeah what's that um none of us i don't think it is we have some athletes yeah katik he played for uh indiana yeah white socks dave played for northwestern fighters a tarantula lsu right yeah yeah t-bop center for lsu yeah posted his huddle and he was nasty in high school who bob reed oh reed reed posted highlights and he's a good athlete he was insane in high school he was a good athlete he was insane in high school he was insane in high school there's a couple of really good athletes yeah rudy megan megan's a good athlete rudy won a uh national title at uh denver for hockey oh so there's some guys in there well i don't know even jay made steven shay actually is uh in cooperstown and maybe homophobic and maybe homophobic i don't dude we don't know we don't well no we were yeah we don't know we don't know yeah we tried to figure it out at the beginning of the episode is it whoosh sir am i saying it right is there a fair comparison to be drawn between um ultimate frisbee and flag football do you think those are comparable skills that was no i think it's entirely two different sam what do you uh well there's a lot of like sam you couldn't be further you have to have these conversations i'm not being rude i'm asking a sincere question yeah i think it's two totally entirely different things don't get me wrong i don't know all of the sports with ultimate frisbee um but i do watch them throw the frisbee downfield and guys have to they may not be able to take like two steps once they catch the frisbee yeah the lateral movement that you guys are capable of is so beautiful to behold the hips the cuts the stopping and starting yeah i do is it fair to say it's a different game than professional football yeah and i think that's why what a lot of people get confused about um of course traditional football they're kind of more of course more physical um and they always straight line speed most of the time because they have a lot of collision versus us we like to stop and go yeah for movements more of a sweet science right you're saying your your guys ability to like move your hips oh it's insane it's beyond humans i think we kind of saw it when we did the fanatics fest i'm not sure if you guys saw the flag football game but like lou keekly hall of fame linebacker shirtless he was like what am i doing out here this is not what i'm accustomed to doing you know um and some of the guys did just were physical specimen versus me i'm 140 and i'm not built like them but i can move around i have the speed that i think you're built different sir yeah all right yeah you are just a tad bit different yeah so and we work on our craft a lot um dropping our hips to dip more of a duck walk type of deal but we also have to get out of that dip really fast and try to get back to full speed and those guys not accustomed to that there's a lot of non-traditional sports movements involved in your game that i feel like your expertise since you kind of for like i invented or heightened or brought it up to the levels that it's at like i bet people will look back on on y'all's contributions the same way they look back at like your performance and your you know hank aaron or a baseball player who was white i don't know but like the historical significance when we look back because i think it'll be in the olympics for a long time right i think i think so as well um i think usa is actually behind in flag football when it comes to overall where the sport is because in other countries who's number one from a real young youth i think we're behind what's the top country like what country you look at like i think no he's are further ahead with flag football country prioritizes i would say like mexico right okay mexico from even though i played as a young kid but i was only in school playing yeah they actually trained their kids 24 7 to be a flag football player they looking forward to being on a national team versus us we look forward to the nfl right you know what i'm saying so within that that shows how much we were behind even though we're starting to catch up with our youth but i just felt like they're more ahead with yeah where they're started when they started with their youth just about shakira already yeah i talked about oh no we didn't ask shakira would probably be the best you think shakira would be good with those hips she moves around yeah those hips you're right yeah stuff like that oh yeah let's put her at referee yeah i think we're all tuning in uh all right is he ready all right here we go let's go is he pride of cleveland all right do it for the viking three two one go all right here we go she's gonna pick up you gotta pick up multiple bags here she grabs she grabbed a couple oh yeah lefty oh he's she's really blocking yeah oh uh didn't tell me it was gonna be like oh oh and then you can score from anywhere oh connor he's trying to impress flirting he's flirting connor's anywhere is he connor you look good man oh let's go there it is it's all smooth sailing from here she's got to get a ball a home run above this right there that's it nailed it oh is he did that kind of easy i'm not really of a baseball player yeah but you're an athlete you're an olympic yeah so you're gonna dominate for sure i was by this point yeah you made me come out and i had to put talcum powder on you there we go there we go well she's gonna do the privilege basketball player at heart oh okay she played college basketball come on okay let's go go sit sit down on your seat you got six states bordering pennsylvania that's an easy one you know that um ohio uh west virginia new york wow yep nine teams in florida nba nfl mlb or nhl just florida professional teams any team um dolphins uh bucks um canes yep you said pro any yeah yeah pro pro pro um rays yeah five members of the backstreet boys justin timberlake yep yeah that's in sync oh dang i think nope i don't know the rest can i skip that yeah yeah whatever you want uh brady bunch no no no most populated cities in asia highest antidepressant use by country antidepressants countries uh no nine first names of the brady you're in one you're in one for sure oh okay you're in one for sure you're in one for sure okay all right you go back to florida teams yeah you got this uh think basketball nba team oh yeah two of them yep football football orlando magic yep um jacksonville jags yep yeah um time yes let's go izzy you beat sam talent wait what was sam's time never mind izzy that was great guys great job great thank you yep all right 214 were you a basketball player i was in college yeah for five years we'll check to see who they beat after uh whoosh goes here we go two solid Horn hole shot, too. Second one. Yeah, yeah, swish. Nothing but. Does she have any categorical record? Flag football. Flag football, probably. Izzy, do you ever play, like, intramural rec sports and just dominate? Yeah. Actually, the way I got into flag was playing, like, intramural, like, co-ed. That's awesome. And then some people there did, like, higher-end travel, and they were like, we need you in our men's league. Yeah. And I was like, all right, I'll join the men's league. And then they're like, we need you on our travel team. Hell, yeah. Yeah, there was definitely some times. And is flag football your love, or is it the best way you can express yourself athletically? I'll say both. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah, like, I mean, I grew up playing tackle, actually. So, like, I kind of always had a love for football, and then I did basketball because, like, that got me through college. Sure. Cleveland State. Where did you play basketball? Cleveland State. Oh, you did? And then at USC Upstate for my fifth year. Nice. Awesome. But, yeah, it's kind of always been the love. Now. Wow. All right, who's ready? Yeah. Oh, my God. Records 105. Who did that? Holy shit. It's Titus. Him. Holy shit. All right, hold on. Every time somebody asks, I get so pissed. Yeah, you want to? It used to be me. It sucks. All right, here we go. Three, two, one, go. Boosh. He's picking up a ton. Oh, Jesus. Oh, no urgency whatsoever. Oh, it's over. Wait There's a quiet confidence This isn't easy Drive it up on them get closer There it is Oh No honor soccer hasn't taken the bayou by storm Might fall at the camera down Let him score let him score What an asshole he's a wall a small baseball look like fleeing like Greg Oster tag out there There's y'all that counts he's got to get this first right I Mean this is a nightmare for anyone who has to do it. Yes, I empathize It humbles you so I hated it and I was a hundred pounds heavier. Oh Congrats on the weight loss. Thank you shoe running that in well you wrote a book There it is All right Come on Got this whoosh here? Here we go California's pro sports teams and now for your pro sports teams, California, uh Padres Lakers Clippers Football three face cards and poker face Jack Queen King. There we go He's child skittles flavor. Yeah, I see. Yep Michelle Uh-huh. Oh, I can't believe I can't think of a person leaves. I'm going back to football Yeah, go back to go back Well, let's see skittles skittle skittle flavors great. Yep. Is it fruit punch? You got it all the blue Grizzly bear polar bear 23 at a boy. There we go. Oh Yeah, it's not easy Let's see who you beat a lot of pro athletes. Yeah and Sam talent Sam talent author a brute available today. Mm-hmm Go to Barnes & Noble with his coin and do not pants him. Yeah. Yeah, you can kiss me. Just don't pants me. Mm-hmm That's all I ask Okay, let's see. All right, so Let's see who you beat There you are Joe Thomas Hall of Famer, I fell Hall of Famer. Yep, that guy. Yeah There's Sam talent right there Sam 237 Brandon Walker. That's what I wait. Yeah Kyle long Alex Caruso see all the Justice Taylor Gooch Brooks Koepka Kyle Rudolph Jared from Subway what? He was not as bad as I thought he ran it virtually Great job prison. Great job Not bad. I thought I was much worse. I thought I was about four minutes in now guys. Yeah, you panic a little when you're at home No, you guys. Yeah, you panic a little when you're at home Panic a little when you're out there. Because you think time's just going. Soccer. I'm terrible at soccer. Yeah, that was kind of bullshit by Connor, too. He fucked you up. The Crescent City doesn't play soccer. At all. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. At least I made two out of three in basketball. I had a little warm-up on the small goals over there. Oh, yeah? Yeah. That's good. All right. Well, everyone tune in tonight. Thank you guys for stopping by. Good luck. Win gold. Yes. You guys rock. And don't, like, embarrass our coworkers tonight. Please do. Please. Please embarrass us. I want a torn meniscus out of someone. Yeah, break some ankles. Like, really make them feel bad. Who do we want to get hurt? Hankle? Oh, my God. No, I don't want Hankle to get hurt. Wow. We did recommend that they wear cleats. Yeah, please tell me they're wearing cleats tonight. I think they're wearing cleats. They really wear cleats. Steve Che. Steve Che. Yeah. Is there anyone on y'all's team tonight that we should keep our eyes open for? Coming up in the Olympics? We're all here for a reason. Anybody with, like, a temper or, like, a little bit of a. Yeah, somebody who spits? A tough vibe. Yeah, a spitter. No. We know we're here to take care of business and also have fun. Love it. Oh, thank you. Hell yeah. USA. All right. All of us. L.A. 28. Coming up in the studio. Thank you so much. Awesome. Love this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, thank you, guys. Yeah, I appreciate it. Nice meeting you guys. Please embarrass everyone tonight. Yeah, embarrass everyone. Yeah, we're going to try. We're going to try as best as possible. Any y'all readers? Like a copy of my book? Yeah. Please. Ooh. There we go. There you are. Hell yeah. It's about a hitman. All right, thank you, Izzy. My expertise. Thank you, Hoosh. Appreciate it, man. It was fun. I gave her the good one. Time wasn't great. You kept yours. No, no, no, no, no, no. No. It's a? It's a. Danny. Danny. Danny. Danny C. Oh, Jackie's here. Oh, no. Jackie's going to want to see this one. Oh, no. I could listen to people from New Orleans talk all day long. Hey, baby. Something about it. No, they're the best. The best drawl. Both of them? Yeah, both of them. That's the wheel. Yeah, they don't even talk to him. Danny wasn't even. He wasn't even. He kind of was stripped over the cornhole board. Oh, Danny. Jackie was watching? Oh, no. Well, I mean, after what she did with Fight Over. Who's Jackie? HR? Did we not do the Jared from Subway thing when you were here? No. Oh. Really? No. It's her thing. We added him in hopes that people would call it out. Like, what the fuck? It's Sam. It's all we have left. It's our worst thing. It's so funny. Yeah, no. The only-- I apologize. Well, no. We did it for a year. No one reacted. CM Punk finally was the first one to be like, what the fuck? Yeah. Well, that was a great ending point for it when CM Punk called it out. And we just-- I want another one. But everybody else is like, all right. I'd like to see Jared score now after being in the prison system. Oh, no, listen. He will. When he gets out of jail, he will. I mean, if Jared sets the record. And then we have to put him on the banner. Yeah. It's probably nasty now, yeah. Covered in white supremacist tattoos. Are you jacked now? Yeah, that's weird. What the fuck? Whoa. Dude. What the fuck? What the fuck did that happen? What did that happen? Holy crap. Look at his neck. What the hell, man? One of these muscles lats? Kyle, he did that quick. Holy shit. How did he get jacked? Yeah. Kyle, his neck is wide as shit. I know. Oh. Wait, since when? Wait. Yeah. This is weird. When did you get jacked? I just said. Three months. Three months? Three months. Three months. Is he doing a competition or something? He's got a solid base. He's just under five. Okay. Yeah, but you were fat. Well, then there goes his nickname. What was his nickname? Kyle, you've been working so hard on a neck like that. He's broad. Five days a week. Three months. Every week. Five years. Look at that neck. That's crazy. That's awesome. That's not even the neck I wanted. That's the neck I dreamed of. I haven't seen a transformation like that since mints. Three months. That guy's neck is crazy. I've never seen that guy before, but that's a crazy neck. Hey, buddy. How are you? That's quite the build. Hey, where's your neck? Come on. He's a kicker. Come on, man. He doesn't need a neck. Kickers don't need a neck. Oh, he's coming back to that. Coming back? Oh, you're good. You're making neck tears. Yeah. I said your neck was skinny. That guy beats me up. Takes your neck off. Takes me to eat my book. Takes me back off Makes me eat my book Eat it Makes me eat this one Eat your book I can't write it He never touches you He just gets you to eat Eat it Yes sir I have so much respect For Olympic athletes I know we're supposed To poke fun But like Can you imagine Being in the Olympics That'd be so fucking sick Representing America In America At the new sport Oh my god I'm so stoked for them Where are they this year? L.A. L.A. 28 Yeah Nice Dude's getting too big KB Our dudes Our Muscle Is there too much muscle Out there? There's too many dudes Getting really big Really fucking jacked It's really watering down The standard Your thing Yeah I thought it was mine I did i did one of my five lifts of the year yesterday and i was at the gym just like blown away how many just like schmoes the schmoes are that's that's what i've come to know the schmoes are like just throwing weight losers are now big and jacked and it's throwing off the ecosystem and is it a waste are they not using their bigness um well you know like gym muscles don't really do anything functionally but there's had to be a huge uptake in creatine i feel like like back in the day we're like oh it's more than it's they're going beyond creatine those muscles are just so they look good when they lay on top of our girlfriends yeah fuckers and dancing it's nice for me to watch in the corner yeah yeah it's not even the athletes it's just like the dudes it's just the guys oh it's everyone who works at best buy yeah yeah yeah and then they're just gonna rip me in half when it comes yeah what's sage doing with all that i don't know dude making sales that was fucked up that was someone's got to get stella blue into uh space it's it was right i feel like it happened overnight this is a beast yeah yeah i got relegated to the uh teenagers bench press like you know like the you know how the gym works like the fucking big guys are here and then they you know i was all the way down there with like the 13 year olds at least they spotted you they came over and they're like you almost done like damn that reminds me of illinois governor pritzker losing 80 pounds from glp1 can you imagine i just knew that off the top of my head worked it in organically that's a crazy stat to know we're having this debate the i guess there's like a one in 10 000 chance you lose your vision now if you have a gl what's the number that you'd like i'm not gonna do well i couldn't see my penis before yeah i'd rather be down a hundred what's the number like even one in a hundred i'd be like that's not me really one in a hundred one in a thousand scares me you know what else leads to losing your vision morbid obesity and diabetes true so i think it's a damned if you do but i think you don't you wouldn't take a one in a hundred chance no i would vision is that would fuck me up it'd be skinny you also gamble for a living yeah yeah one in a hundred feels like i'm gonna win that 99 out of 100 times all right number here yeah this is if you go blind name a number 12 79 31 see everyone pick a number okay 93 oh blind 71 12 3 19 8 16 41 or 7 17 8 uh oh my god someone's going blind so we're all good we're good yeah we're all good yeah i feel like blindness is kind of going away i might be ignorant one in 10 you would take one in one in 10 blindness one in 10 to go blind to lose 100 pounds seven three one five oh blind i'm not what's the likelihood of lasik fucking up what are the odds on that because i'm too scared to even do that i'm also thinking about it there's that dry eye syndrome that makes people want to kill themselves feels like their eyes are sandpaper yeah and they say there's like a couple seconds after you see nothing but darkness and you're i got that after reading this book i wore my readers on my show for the first time last night because i can't read the ads at home the light and whatever i have and my show account kind of got me why there's a there's a cartoon character i look like mrs foul from yeah oh my god brandon those are your readers yeah we got to get better readers that's brutal let me can i just uh those are my wife's readers yeah i was gonna say those are not men's which means those are my readers but they need to be further apart you need to get better glasses well they're just readers you look like you play bass and slant i did what i there's just readers though get your own you don't wear glasses if you just have readers right no i think that's i think that's glasses but you just don't want to admit that you have to use glass did you get it from girl glasses.org i got from wherever my wife buys her glasses i do think she's a girl glass girl women get the best glasses they are great glasses shoppers the meet and greet i'm always like i love your glasses and they're like okay thanks i'm not here for you yeah yeah my this guy brought me but they have time to fritter about and find glasses not us yeah we're in the cold only thing i'm frittering man is some dandelion sandwiches before i get back in that coal mine catfish yeah man we haven't spoke to you sam's kate i prefer it that way it's for the best kate hit you in the face at a show after your last show there was a long line of people to meet you and i didn't want people to think i was butting but i did want to like say hi to you really quick you did in front of them we had a babysitter time to get back to so bye so i did cut in front of everybody but then i was panicking and so then when i went up to hug you i just hit you in the face and knocked your ass and then i was like okay see you later and then you probably didn't think twice or remember it and then i thought about it for a week all i remember thinking is i'm so glad that kate came yeah no but i did kill tony on monday and uh don l rawlings was on there wait rawlins excuse me dude oh if you watch this kill tony you can see me get so fucking mad over the course of two hours because i'm sitting here the comedian who's performing the bucket pulls right here don l's right here and then tony and red band are over there so every time don l is looking at tony and talking about the comedian he is gesturing wildly and hitting me in the face at least 30 times in the eye glasses ajar hat flip in the ear he once fish hooked me uh and i can take an hour of that i'm an old pro i can take an hour and a half of getting poked and prodded and talked over but the second hour but dude you can see me i think around an hour and a half he does it and i just go what the fuck was he acknowledging that he was like oh yeah he was busy killing he didn't even know that he was slapping you around he was busy doing the best job ever yeah did it affect your job how did you perform like this dude i don't get mad you can't get mad when you're doing comedy because you lose yeah so i just have to sit there and be like another classic witticism with a bloody nose and yeah i was so mad dude yeah that would really piss me off dude and it's like just a little bit 10 times i get it i'm over here you're in the pocket you're doing your job i'm cool 20 times though and when a finger goes in the mouth did he like pull it away quick no the moisture no he let it he left it in all of his patented bits about uh you know different angles of vaginas around the world or whatever but yeah i was becoming so mad a finger in the mouth yeah fish hook and like we weren't like on peaky blinders you know it wasn't an extra in a period piece actually larry had his fingers in my fucking mouth that's tough it's tough to go from i mean that's pretty cool i know and i told that to my wife i was like you know i grew up watching chapelle show and then one day later on in your life you're furious ashy larry you want to kill ashy larry because he keeps penetrating your head holes yeah showbiz man i hope to one day have ashy larry's fingers in my mouth well that'll happen tonight it's uh zany's oh yeah hope so yeah loud show he's coming show night yeah yeah nice kate dana beers oh yeah debut i know i can't wait to see what he does i'm excited nice hope he eats a three-foot sub in his five minutes he's putting down a party actually that would probably like that would kill me they would have to get a new roof zany's downtown would be level if dana beers ate a sub for five minutes it was like oh that's a lot of sub the galaxy is a classic sandwiches yeah that's his line everybody's saying his line say it i think the sandwich is that what and he keeps putting his finger up like i'm about to he does this one for like the last foot that's a lot of sub when's he gonna say it that's a lot of sub yeah people have t-shirts made already they rip them in half like they just devolve i do that is his set he ran it past me at lunch who's gonna go after him oh man i think it's pete oh no i'm gonna steal his line you have to eat six feet of sub i would i'll if it that's what it takes you need to go out in a six-foot sandwich and pop out like it's mook he's walking into a buzzsaw that's anna coker who works here she's a newer employee she said the first time she ever did stand up in her college town she did a full hour whoa the first time she right kyle i think she's telling you that too at camp maybe not but um that is an hour crazy yeah first time derrick shroop used to do that too he just ran a bar and he'd be like we're doing comedy night and he'd go up and do an hour and now he has a netflix special shout out to shroop her thing was like it was so new she's like oh like that's hard like that's not a normal thing like she just did an hour i was like oh my god that blows my mind yeah so she didn't know what she didn't know she didn't know what she didn't know and so she did an hour which is i'm struggling with like 10 minutes my 20 minutes is 17 minutes by that i mean 14 minutes and he's humping a lot of stool i'm all i do is thrust all i do is thrust real physical yeah yeah that's a lot of stool people like that's dana's line we know get out of here respect our intelligence we like the sub line get the sub bot guy back sublime up there that'd be sick i think i love poker i think i know her she's funny right yes yeah i know very very funny yeah stand up so weird because you have to learn this impossible task like five minutes at a time in like such circumstances that no one cares yeah so like the fact that she was like doing an hour yeah yeah pretty cool yeah moot can't do an hour god that sucked the guy who played uh goalie yeah yeah he's the one at my wedding that was asking yeah oh yeah he didn't invite us to this party i think he asked izzy he was like so would you do a natural birth what's your name he was at my birth like at my that's right he was i looked down as i was pushing and he was there just he said it's important for skin to scan i have a party in five minutes when i come connor woodholt yeah he's a weird guy sure is sure is special boy yeah you see that uh chase speaking weird guys almost got skunked this morning you almost got skunked steve i wish i wish he got one second away he's got the club on you skunked so bad one of the worst things that's ever happened to me so it was it what in your yard or something uh i was walking the dog at 5 30 walked around the uh the sidewalk the dog went back to the car and she was just kind of like sitting next to it or like staring at it and so i was like what the hell's going on so i let her do it for like two or three seconds then i kind of pulled her away but she kept looking back at the car and it's pitch black out so i'm like what the hell's going on so we start to go around the corner and then i kind of see a you know a floodlight i look back at the car and a skunk scurries off i think if we were there for one more second we get sprayed wow so you didn't get scurried did not but was it was it prepping to spray or just scurrying it was under the car so i couldn't see it like in the moment but it was under the car my dog was two feet or less away from it it wasn't barking though have you experienced the skunking no i've never been that close to skunk before steve and jay getting skunked you've been skunked i've had one walk between my legs before you guys have been skunked for sure i've been skunked yeah you really gotta like bother him just get skunked or just be big at in at the like i was a big boy at night and i think i scared never be a big boy at night can't be a big boy at night that's my next that's what i did i was walking around outside doing a phone call and i i felt something go between my legs and i looked down there was just a skunk oh god it just it just went on does your street not have street lights uh very few i live in like a cul-de-sac yeah did you have your bat or your golf club i didn't but i facted his dog and he had their their lights yeah we had dog has a flashlight too well you're sure it was a skunk positive yeah would you have clubbed the skunk yeah i would have clubbed the skunk to death if you had your golf club well how are you positive i would try to not be near it what if the skunk ran at you would you have hit it certainly what if the skunk won two super bowls and gay there's that che laugh we love you got it yeah it's very rare do people eat skunk down in mississippi not skunk no nobody raccoon squirrel possum squirrel beaver beaver's a big staple but not nobody's tried rabbit yeah but rabbit's pretty yeah standard and it's interesting that the skunk doesn't permeate the entire flesh is that true could do like a death spray but we use those glands for like raspberry flavoring like that's like whatever additive comes from skunk i'm not falling for this one jay oh hell no okay eat him i think he meant he meant chain look it up that's what you were looking for sam you hit the wrong button that might be the most so far you thought that's what he meant that's your instinct wait che that's not one of your lines either it's not that was like a first time you're like this is what sam wants hey you were right buddy that was uh that's a chris tucker i've been working on for a while it's like i was wait give us the old chris tucker god damn it's like he's in the room so you were preparing for this moment that's what you unveiled i'm tucker i do it all the time che you're close to a one-man rush hour show yeah yeah can we hear jackie chan next he's not good at jackie chan chris tucker he's going to hit on i can do a little can you please yeah um uh from the outtake scene of course oh yeah everybody's favorite a deep cut man we all have a favorite line the line that was not in the movie after the credits uh this is the one i'll memorize um all right so chris tucker calls jackie yes at the scene calls jackie the wrong name yeah yeah kick the door down jackie okay chris tucker is that what he said to chris tucker yes he kept calling him jackie oh yes yes that's how you play the games back to the skunk glands you were thinking of beaver glands flavoring and hey no one cares oh hell no oh hell no it's vanilla you said skunk a little off what a fool i am i've been exposed you're fake yeah oh fuck i want that drop for when people refute my facts steven yeah oh hell no what was live this is one of the most fun things you can do in entertainment any other racist drops you got back there do you have jackie chan if he was in uh apocalypse now he's never seen no chance he's seen i have not seen that yeah how do steven has watched seven movies and they're all rushing out he watches all no he watches every new movie that comes out but there's no way he's seen i don't even know any of the classic it's a classic you don't know apocalypse now what year is it 79 yeah no have you seen the godfather yes actually hated them oh okay i watched them all like oh hell no what did you hate about them too long too long too long they were all very long huh yeah his perfect movie is 87 minutes long it's the town 15 to 17 laughs 50 yeah right not nothing too totally memorable nothing too totally uh out there um has to have a love has to have one love scene but not two it can't have any like cartoons or anything that's like uh and everything you're saying is irrespective of genre does not matter if he was going to see a horror movie he would want all of this if he was going to see a rom-com he would want all of this okay what's the best movie of the past five years movie oh he did invite us up there uh invite he hated the movie air now you remember the movie air about michael jordan but he hated it because there was no love scene i mean a man loved the shoes and the money there was yeah i mean it was it was there was a soul focus and that was the entire yeah soul that's so good you don't even know how good that was s-o-l-e redemption song what's your favorite movie of all time yeah what are your 10 out of 10s uh i have three favorite movies jerry mcguire the truman show and uh you're such a basic bit up in the air yeah i mean those are good movies well the first two were good up in the air is good it's good it's not you love airports you literally an hour ago you said your favorite thing is to be at airports i said to eat at airports he was eating a lot of eating in that are you thinking of the air up there yeah was that what you're thinking of george clooney up in the air right that's what you're thinking no i just told you what what up in the air no no he's like the tall guy they find him in africa right that's that's the air up there with kevin that's what i'm like you don't like yeah no i do like that movie yeah in colorado they had an initiative where we all got to see the air up there like they took us out of class to go see it in movie theaters because matumbo's that was oh that was his people so yeah it was like a big cultural exchange for rural colorado schools go see a movie make a statue of matumbo dude wagging the finger put that in front of ball arena hey you have some you know matumbo right yeah that's who i got to do a saint contact he is an angel on earth he spent all his money on the hospital he's dead what is well yeah he was really lovely and he gave him the most heartfelt he looks like he looks like yeah or diego maradona is that belichick diego maradona right before he died yeah yeah for the last right after he died jay what were you gonna say just there i saw your face i know the jay face well i had a question that won't be well received okay good i'm happy i asked you you won't be it's a denver specific question okay is there cheese in a denver denver omelet i thought there was and then i went to a place that didn't have cheese yeah western omelet traditionally has cheddar cheese ham why would i not like that question i mean onions and green bell question sucks objective are you offended by that question not at all it's like it's like a it's a nothing burger you think that the city of denver or like as a voting populace came together and voted what goes in a denver omelet denver omelets are delicious oh they're fantastic and you know the key is a half and half a little splash of half and half in oh that doesn't seem right yeah man i'm telling you i put it in my scrambled eggs yeah yeah makes a big difference i think it's like a yeah like a dust bowl remnant that he held on to but yeah yeah denver omelets are real solid order i western omelet i think it's you got everything you want about breakfast right there yeah you guys ever had a shredded canadian breakfast ham no it's like a fucking country ham but pulled pork style dude sounds amazing and they like fry it in maple oh my god i was in winnipeg this weekend it was delightful are you using that to cover up like eggs and stuff or are you covering up hash browns you know what they put it on like it was like a classic like english breakfast but instead of sausages they put the the maple ham on there and it was lights out i'll be just look at that bingo man yeah it looks like uh afterbirth but still delightful you fry it up in maple syrup and make sure you make that noise every time oh i i like asked a bunch of questions about it and the lady was like it's ham oh okay thank you yeah please i'll have the ham yeah any other denver specific questions jay is there a denver staple cuisine yeah green chili okay green chili we stole it from new mexico okay green chili is ours but we put pork in it they had it was more of a condiment for them but we brought it up put pork and now it's like our staple okay but yeah we stole it from the good people never been to colorado what the hell's going this weekend yeah what are you doing you just got back from it right no i was in cali where's the wedding in the mountains somewhere yeah somewhere in the mountains i don't know one of those mountain weddings you know you know the time i mean i usually mount after the wedding my man cleveland hilarities five shows this week yeah where were you doing chin-ups what the hell yeah i saw sage he's he looks yoked out yeah sage's got in your head he had really did yeah i could tell you had cock ingestions injections ingestions all over three months seems absurd yeah that seems like not true three months maybe he's just committed to it it looks like he could be doing like a competition that's how he like maybe he's doing that or his wife left or his wife left yeah yeah that's wife left body divorce body she's probably coming back now though i'd be crawling back on a leash but i'd say no you don't get this body anymore because you have that one um all right everyone go buy brute oh yeah i'm gonna start please buy brute sam is the man i always love having you on i love coming you guys are so nice to me yeah sam i can take this yeah it's for you man everyone has a book yeah good it's about a hitman in paris killing people with guns and hatchets it's uh it's explosive it's propulsive i'm very proud of it the way you describe the meals in the book had me hungry i love paris dude yeah so it's like it's my love letter yeah but if you like hatchet murder please that too yeah how about the last 30 pages bro i'm so proud of that man i don't want to i know but like that like i did a book event last night book event tonight at barnes and noble on state tomorrow at go bananas uh bloomington on the 30th at morgan stearns and then indianapolis and st louis for shows but my wife was like what's your favorite part of the book and i was like the end the end like when he just makes the decision and goes for it yeah i'm very proud of it get it and also if you can order it now stulies that'd be great because i really want to be a bestseller and yeah you guys buy merch it's not a waste of time your girlfriends will be impressed and then you can talk to me about it at shows stulies have come out more than most uh and i'm so stoked that they give a shit about my comedy yeah they're legit good feeling great cover and also they don't spit their zins in the fucking urinal like i'll say this i get a lot of guys in white hats come to the shows who tell me they're from barstool from the yak specifically and anus the indian skies are fun too all right um yeah they usually have like sunglasses on inside and they're wearing a trench coat those are our guys yeah they're dressed like the undertaker like are you lemon party no we're anus oh okay uh but yeah thank you stulies come out midwest yeah get the book but get the book buy the book the book right now buy the book 24 on amazon it'll be there tomorrow buy the book you guys all work in like tech or finance just or slush fund barstool you guys need to get some gifts for uh your corporate clients this year what also for dudes this is cool on a coffee table this this looks like something that looks even if you're not reading it carry it around right yeah it'll get accessorized with it will get you laid it's a tough object you can put it in a pillowcase and you know beat a skunk to death with it jay whatever you need matte finish it smells good all right spin the wheel tj thank you sam thank you guys always have you stop by hopefully you have some chicago shows coming up not any on the book get them on there i know dry all right see everyone tomorrow thank you i love when i buy the book buy the book it's the act , it's the act, yeah it's time to talk shop, we're doing yankee slob, it's the act, it's the act love you guys see you tomorrow watch the after dark stream bye