(upbeat music) - What's up, y'all? - Hi, Guy McComme. - Hi, everyone. - Rick. - Thank you, nice to meet you. - Thank you? - Yeah, thank you, Jennifer. That's what you get. This is Alvin. - Are you okay with Doggy? He's he'll probably be with us. Me most of the time. But are you okay if he runs up to you? - Okay. - Are you guys cool with really funny comics talking into microphones? 'Cause otherwise we could just get out of here. (laughing) Yeah, well. - Hold on, Alvin. Hold on, bud. - I take my shoes off still, right? - No, no, not in the studio. Oh, shit, all right. Okay, 'cause that's your home, that's why. - That's right, is this stage two? - Mm-hm, it's a full serve. What's the dog in here again? - Love it. - You want one of these? - Yeah. - A plastic bottle of water, business not doing good Melrose podcast studio. (laughing) - This feels different, dude. This is gonna be a different vibe. - Yeah, because we're not in a living room. - Yo, your vibe is all like, this is my apartment? - Yeah. - So this is, look at this dog. - This is the sleepover series, man. - This dog, dude. - Do y'all have headphones or is that a pay in the ass? - Aww. - Do you have a gun? - No, I guess not. - I like it. How do you feel about it, I'm indifferent. I've never been indifferent in my life. (laughing) Sam Morrell, it's glad to finally get you on the pod. - Good to. - I am halfway through your special. I don't want to be rude. - Okay. - You ready, rude. - But I'm gonna finish it. - Okay. Something always happens when we travel. We just did a gig in Rochester, New York. - Oh, this is a good day, which is a 45. - But it's a good day, so let's wrap it up. - Yeah. - Wrap it up. - Yeah. - I was your opener, but I won't spoil it, but the opener involves not wrapping it up. - I know. Great special. I'm 30 minutes in. - Great, dude. I would have finished the thing with the next joke's eight minutes. - Yeah. - You'll finish, it's good. - What's the name of your special? I just got a Venmo link, 'cause it's not even out yet. - Incorrect. - It's out now. Probably by the time this is out, it's out, right? - You sent it on Venmo, didn't you? - Oh, Venmo. - Venmo. - So what's it called? - Incorrect. - Oh, I thought you were talking about me calling it Venmo. You guys, I don't think I need my magic mind. I'm hot right now. If this is hot, we're in trouble. - Oh no. - This is the hot episode for you. - Wait a minute. - The podcast is dipped significantly. - Wait a minute. Have my standards of what's hot just gone down? Have I been doing poorly? - No, no. - You're always good. - Incorrect. Netflix. - All right, you know what I'm just realizing? I'm getting high off of seeing you and having friends. All the time, but I don't mean weed guy. - You're a weed guy? Oh my gosh, yeah, I didn't know that about you. Yeah. You just seem like athletic and stuff. I didn't think of you as a weed guy. - Hey, check them all. ♪ I play every Tuesday night and phenomenal ♪ ♪ I play every Friday night ♪ ♪ I play every Saturday afternoon ♪ ♪ And then other times too I am phenomenal ♪ ♪ I got big balls ♪ ♪ I got a cool guy, haircut ♪ ♪ He never missed a shot, never even got black ♪ ♪ Got a big ass cop ♪ - Yeah. - Thank you. - Yeah. - Yes, I know, Alvin. - Yeah, I can't believe you. One of those people that brings your dogs around. I kind of like it. What should I do? Leave him, leave him. - No, it's nice, but if you go on stage, you look at the open and you watch Alvin, right? - No. - Also, when I go on stage, before I go on stage, the person that goes before me, I don't look at him as my opener. I look at him as a comedian who happens to be doing some time before me. - Yeah, that's beautiful. - Yeah, you look at people as your opener? - Yeah. - Yeah, dude. - Incorrect, sorry. - No, it's very correct. - Do they refer to themselves as your opener? - I heard you, who told me this story. Someone told me this story that David Tell asked to go, or someone was like, "Oh, David Tell's next." And you're like, "I have to go next." And then it was like, "It's David Tell." Just let David go on and then Dave said to you, "Oh, no, it's fine." And you're like, "No, I can't." And Dave just left 'cause you made 'em. - Yeah, that's, yeah. I told you that story from the perspective of-- - Oh. - So what you're saying is incorrect? - Yeah. - What I'm saying is-- - I'm Netflix, right now. - What I'm saying is-- - Incorrect, same rule. - I was up, David Tell was supposed to go next. And I did not know Dave, no, it wasn't David Tell. - Yes, it was David Tell. - I knew you're off to a bad start again. - Am I? - Yeah, you said David Tell? You said, "Wasn't David Tell?" - Yeah, because I did. - Because this is a courtroom, you'd be in trouble. - You know, it'd be interesting. - Cross-examine me about me getting the name, David Tell. Was it, oh yeah, it was. Call me out to make me look like a liar and let me tell you what I would say. - Okay, I thought you said it was David Tell. - It is David Tell. I wanted to make sure that I got everything right. Instead of just saying something and then like moving forward, I was actually trying to visualize it to make sure I take my time with I-- - But it's just a name. - David Cross for a moment. They're nothing alike. They have the same first name. But that's, are you like Rick Ross? - You know, Drod Carmichael told me recently that he texted Rick Ross instead of me 'cause he just had Rick in there or something. And I said-- - Are you still on the stand right now? Is this trying to? - Yeah, I'm sure about you up. And I thought to myself, I bet you that's never, how many people know both Rick Ross and me? - And then still got confused. - It's probably just Drod. Yeah, well, you want to put him up on the stand? I believe him. - Really? - Yeah. - I'm believe him too. - So David Tell, Dave, incorrect. He is by the comedy store, the back door in the main room, and I'm coming out and he goes, "Hey, Dave wants to go up next, is that okay?" Now first of all, I'm gonna want to watch Dave. - Of course. - Okay, I don't care. - I know. - I go. - No, it sounded like a misunderstood. - And I go, not gonna happen, dude. I'm next. And then Dave Tell, who knows I'm joking, goes, "All right, dude, you better be great. "Joking back from my perspective." And then I go, you're gonna want to watch this. (laughing) And then, you know, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And then I go, I don't care, do whatever you want, you know? And then comes up and he goes, "Hey, man, why would you say that?" I'm like, dude, I was joking. He doesn't know you were joking. I go, I think he knows I was joking. No, no, no, no. And I go, okay. And then I walk outside. Dave is now bright by that door. You can picture the main room, that back door. That says open, and he's smoking a cigarette. And I go out there, "Hey, David, I was just joking." You go, and he goes, "No, too late, man. "You got to do it. "You better do great." And you go, blah, blah, blah, whatever. - This is not the version I heard at all. - Yeah. And I go, blah, blah, blah, please, please. I really don't care. I'm not in a rush. I would watch you anyway. So if I go up first, I'm still staying. I do not care. I'm like, overrelease. You're buttering him up. And none of this matters. In my world. And he goes, "No, no, no." And he's like, "I went on stage." And then David didn't leave. David went up after me. And then whatever, man. And he brought me up, or are you talking? You're such a liar that Alvin just came to me. Does Alvin go, leave me when I'm a liar? - Yeah, dude. - All right, how about this? Hey, Alvin, I got a really small penis. - Nope. - You were holding him. - Turns out he's like, "Was I holding him? "Was I holding him?" - He wasn't holding him. Fuck. Dicks little. Oh, you must love me when I lie. Watch this. It was, actually, you know what? No, I was gonna say we get animated, but I would throw. Like if I got a boner and flew him up. Anyway, then Dave went up after me. - Easy cash, Patel. - And we, topical. - Topical. So yes, some people see the world differently. I see it differently. He sees it differently. Who's right? - Dave didn't leave and we joked around. So you tell me. Anyway, how are you? It's good to see, I'm good. How's your family? - No family. - Yeah. - How about you, family? - I'm trying. Me too. - Are you? - No. - 'Cause according to your special, you're not. Unless you filmed that a while ago? - I did. I filmed it in February, but yeah, there's some updates, but yeah, there's a, you know, what? You okay? Yeah, I'm good, I'm good. Are you good? - Yeah. - Yeah? - I think so. - I am not good. - I'm lonely. - Really? - Yeah. - Call me, dude. - You never call. There was a period yet, we talk a little bit on the phone. I feel like that kind of, yeah. - What happened to that? - Ran out of minutes. - We'll be right back. - It's some liquor. - You get some liquor, she said? - Well, 'cause my mouth is dry. I won't chew it, loud. - Alvin took it. - Come on, come on, you can come back, you can come back. (laughing) You're so cute. - Mark, you're fat and bald and have ED, right? - Yes. - Well, I got some good news for you. Ready to regrow your hair? Start your free online visit today at hims.com/tyso. - The TriFecta. - Personalized care. From hair to ED to weight loss and more. The TriFecta. That's hyms.com/tyso. Hyms.com/tyso. - Air ED weight loss. Do it. - This episode is sponsored by PricePix. Now listen, I want to say first and foremost, if this is something that you feel like you cannot control, don't even listen to the rest of that. But I grew up with boys who love talking about sports Thank you.
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[email protected]. Send us your videos. No, but ran out of minutes. Yeah, you got to talk to Ryan Reynolds. He's got that mint mobile thing, dude. It's fucking cooking. Didn't he sell that for a lot of money? I don't know. I'm fucking, I'm alone too. I don't know. So your special, your special is out when this comes out. Yeah. And this came out. September 29th is when the special comes out. It just came out. A Netflix. Yeah. You're going LA to do a pod run, right? I was and everyone's out of town. Absolutely. I was like, I'll do Rick, Santino, Bobby, Bill Burr, Pete Holmes, everyone's fucking guy. I might still be able to do a couple of them, but it's, yeah, everyone's doing you in New York. Yeah, it's weird, man. I came here because I wasn't going to be in LA when you didn't come in. Yeah, I didn't. You didn't come here for me. Yes, I did. No, you didn't. Albin goes over to you. Who else is coming on? That's just you. No, I was in Philadelphia. Nice. McCone came. We filmed a little BTS. We normally don't do that, but just seeing like the fun stuff. Yeah. And then what kind of fun stuff? I don't know. We're seeing. But like, McCone was in the, the meet and greet lines. And I was feeling like really insecure because McCone, because it looks great, has a, does a very wide lens. And sometimes someone would be saying something and McCone would be like, like, right up to the people. Nobody cared. But every time it happened, I got a little taken away. I don't like them. So then what because you're just filming, I don't know what they can send. No, no, not without the crusade. At the end of my show, I said, hey, Fred McCone's here. Everyone's like, yeah, McCone. And I go, uh, uh, we're filming stuff. Just like what I said to you, I don't know what we're doing with this. Oh, but like, if anybody doesn't want to be on camera, just say we'll put it down. We'll, I have a question for you. Yes. When, when women come over, is McCone there? Yeah, I mean, it's pretty much all women. Damn, dude, you got a fucking set up. Dude, it's crazy. How many, isn't this true? How many women came up to me and they were so nervous and like, I'm into your apartment. What was that? They want to suck you. They say that. They say that in the mean green line. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I got a message. I got a message from a woman who said, um, hey, my, my, uh, we were at your show last night. My boyfriend wants me to fuck you brotherly love or whatever. Are you single? Yes. Are you having fun in the road? Like sleeping with boy, men's girlfriends. Are you, are you, are you cucking people, dude? No. You're not cucking, dude? No. Would you? If she, okay, you open that picture and she's Margot Robbie. I would be like, that PA wants me to fuck you. Is that, is she mad somebody? No. No, I, um, shaded her fucking marriage, I guess. No, I just remember that was big headlines. What is it? Like Margot Robbie's dating a pee or something. It's like, like, like, as if she should only be dating a guy. I was just using her look. It doesn't have to be her. I'm saying a woman that looks like that. Oh, yeah. So if a woman that looked like that was, was interested in me versus a woman that looked like who's ugly that you're allowed to say is ugly. Uh, but, uh, yeah, it would be, like you and you're special. In part of me, we could bleep this. Sure. Uh, you talked about being hit on by somebody that you wouldn't be attracted to normally, but it makes you feel like you're back. Oh, is it gay guy? You said it. Yeah. What's wrong with that? Nothing. It does feel good for a man. But then you're like, but then you have to deal with the whole time. I was just like, uh, yeah, you have to deal with it. But, uh, but what I'm saying is flattering. What I'm saying is it's flattering either way if somebody's attracted to you. But if you're also attracted to them, it does give it a little bit more. Huh. It doesn't mean you're going to do anything. Why not? You're single. Just because you're seeing the boyfriend thing is weird to me. I had a woman in open relationship. Come on. We once and I was like, Hey, so you guys like, you're going to tell them about this? And she goes, yeah, I'm like, and you're just going to like over coffee. You're just going to talk about it. And they both, he knew who I was. Right. And I was like, she was weird. So what did you guys do together? We talked. That's it. I don't think I don't like it. Um, uh, it's a, it's a way of life that it's, it's whatever. But it's for, it's not for me. It's strange. I understand. There is something kind of hot, not specifically about like my boyfriend once or whatever, but I'm saying just like stranger on the road and blah, blah, blah. Like that's hot. And I get that. Um, I am, I'm 30 now. And well, you look like shit. Oh, thanks. Oh, you look fucking bad. No, I don't. You're 30. Why do I look bad? I think, are you fucking whatever? No, I mean, I was too busy watching your special. And I guess that made you look older. I don't understand. Oh, you do shower. You look younger. You do your hair. You shave. Anyway, uh, my point was I'm being more intentional being more. I've been, I'm a bit intentional with like, oh, he's still on you. Okay. Maybe you're 30. I didn't. Who I sleep with. I'm pretty intentional with the way. You're intentional. Yeah. I'm accidental. Yeah. I like to just like trip on a vagina. And we're both at the same place. Yeah. It's weird. No, I'm seeing someone now. On purpose. On purpose. That's what I'm talking about. It's weird. Yeah. But I was just in Europe. And you're like, oh, that's a test. He walking around Stockholm and you're like, some hot chicks here. Where do you see somebody? And then, and, and then you go like, you, I mean, what does that mean? No, but you're like, I would be nice to try. Did you try? No, a minute. Oh, you're in the relationship. Yeah. Yeah. But I was like, I was picking fights with her because I was mad. There were so many hot women there. Right. So I was like, if you look, if you want to go on a two day break, it's understandable. But would you really be fine with that? Like getting out of a relationship and within a day or two, sleeping with somebody and then getting back with the person I was joking. I think it would be strange. Yeah. Actually, I probably would be okay with it. The idea of sex with people is is is much hotter to me than having sex with people because, of course, you get to write the story of who they are. Yeah. That's not who they are. You think she's like, you're like, oh, she'll be this. And then you actually sleep with her and you're like, she's a clit ring. What the hell? Wait, we're on the, I thought we were on the same page. No, we are, dude. You and I have vibing right now. Definitely vibing. But I didn't mean that, oh, I didn't know she had, I thought she didn't have a clit ring. I just went like, oh, this isn't my wife. No, no, I know. I just feel like fine. No, I just think the fantasy is just like, you know, the fantasy is for men is up until you come, and then you come and you're like, I don't know you at all. This is crazy. The fantasy for me is, this is going to be a romantic, hot, awesome thing. And this is my wife. So after I come, it doesn't mean it's not my wife. But you're single. You don't have a wife. That's what I'm saying about being intentional. So you want a wife. I want a wife. You're getting old. Did you 30? I know. Yeah. So like sleeping with random people's girlfriends. It's not leading you on that. It's trying to break, like if this was therapy, I'd say you need to break the cycle of cucking man. No, I was saying I'm not doing it. No, I'm saying that's exactly. Sure. We're saying the same thing. I would imagine if I was if going this long, you're not finding my person in the therapist, but I'd say maybe you should start having a meaningful, meaningless sex and see if that changes things. That's a good idea. Maybe sometimes you have a meaningless thing and it can lead into something good, though, you don't know. So it's not meaningless. Well, you think it's meaningless, but you're having sex with somebody who's in a relationship with somebody else. What's the meaning? That's a weird way to meet your wife. Flush, maybe she has a clip ring. I was just trying to be able to say a page with you. Is a clip ring a turn off to you? It's just not what I picture. It's a surprise. I am always shocked what I fuck a woman who doesn't have a clip ring. Really? Mark that. Who are you? Where are you meeting women? The clip ring store. There's a store? Yeah. Wow. I didn't know. Yeah. What's the store called? What else do they sell at just clip rings? No, they do regular earrings, too, but they
Do the new cock rings? - What is a cock ring? Where do you pierce the cock? - I don't think it's a piercing. I think it's like you put it at the bottom. - But people do have their penises. - I think it's called a Prince Albert. - Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Let him out. That's all I know about Prince Albert. Prince Albert, great prince. All I know about him is that he had pierced penis. - Wait, is Prince Albert? - I'm sorry. We'll change the subject. - I'm sorry, guys. I just looked over and she went, - Really? - Quit ring. - Did you're in trouble? - Jesus. So, you were in Europe and there were a lot of people, and you wanted to cheat on your girlfriend. I'm sorry. - That's not what I said. - No, I did a little Euro run of just places I haven't been. Some places I had been, but then mostly places I haven't been. Just to be like, I've never been a Vienna. I've never been a-- - What did Vienna look like? - A lot of gold. - Was she nice? - It was a fucking place, Rick. - All right, buddy, buddy. I just, I like-- - What's your next question? Did Vienna have a clippering? - It's all you talk about. It's all you fucking talk about now. Vienna was cool. The building's a lot of gold, which is weird, you know? Well, I'm sure you weren't just at the White House? - I didn't know this was a political show now. - Fairy. - I just didn't know. - Yeah. - Pete Hegseth. - Whoa, you had him on? - No, I'm just talking about politics. There was a woman who saw Alaska from her house or Russia. - Yeah. - That was a while ago. It's all a circle, man. - Whoa. - Do you remember when that porn star did porn and pretended that she was that woman who stole me Daniels? - No. Who's the woman that saw Russia? - Sarah Palin. - Yeah, and then who's the porn star that was Sarah Palin and was a big controversy? - That was a controversy? - Yeah, that was back when Tan Suits was a problem. There was a, she was, yeah, someone like was her and like did porn as her and they're like, you can't do that. - I remember when Stormy Daniels was doing comedy clubs. - Really? - I remember when she, after the whole Trump Fiasco, she's on every news, and she's like, I got to parlay this into something. And she would just be, I'd be like Spokane comedy club and they'd be like, come in next week and stormy Daniels. - Is that funny? - That's her rock bottom. She was sucking dick and now she's just like, guess comedy's the next drop off. Stand up is the only thing that when people get a sense of celebrity, they're like, well, I want to find some way to monetize that. People will watch me do this. - Exactly. - Like, it's like digging a hole. - Yeah. (laughs) - All right, well, that's all I had prepared. (laughs) - Yeah, well, you know, Europe Cool also was in like, Budapest, beautiful place. - Isn't that the guy that is into Hinduism and also, and also John Liguzamo? - What? - If I had more time. - Oh, Budap, I got it. (laughs) - First time, first time. - For what you're doing now? - Yeah, man, it's been great. - God damn it, Ray. You guys ever noticed in Budapest, it's kind of like when John Liguzamo gets into Hinduism? (laughs) Girls are like, "Fuck, I just like, fuck my girlfriend." You guys ever noticed that Budapest is kind of like when John Liguzamo gets into Buddhism? (laughs) (audience laughing) (audience cheering) - What? - It's not that boyfriend. - Oh, whoa. - He just pulled a camera back at me blowing my head off after that joke. Can we animate that? Oh, like hold on one second. Hold on. - Not on the sleepover series, man. - This is just kind of laid back. - Oh, damn, this is the low budget. - Yeah. - This is, all right, yeah. - This is like when the first movie does well, but it's like not well enough, so the sequel that's like other things. - Yes. Kind of like this new special. (laughs) - Fuck. - Yeah, you know, these people, you know, people like his whiskey, we should give him another shot. (laughs) Pun intended. - What's your whiskey called again? - It's called none of your fucking business, dude. - Okay. - Yeah. - Four walls? - Yeah. - That's it. - Four walls is some of the best whiskey I've ever had. - Really, I like it. - I don't even like whiskey, but four walls is great, dude. - Well, that's our whiskey. So, go dig a cat. - Yeah. - I know four walls is Glen Howard-Tins, right? - Yes. - Oh, he's sunny, guys. - Yeah, man. - Something you should give a try. - What's going on with you, man? Why are you being so angry? - I'm dark. - Yeah, man. - No. - Yeah. - This is sunny me, dude. It's always sunny. - That's me. - I was just in Philadelphia. - Yeah. - She told me. - Yeah. - You were trying to fuck some guy's girlfriend. - No. - That's all you were talking about. - That was all you were talking about. - There's no joke, it's got nothing on your Budapest material. That was quality. - Come on. - Give it back. - Now I'm keeping it. - I can't keep my arm up like this. - Okay, fine. Do you know they sell these at the Clit Ring factory? - Samarrel. We used to talk all the time. - We do. - Now I'm remembering why we don't. - Oh man. - I gotta bother you, she's so freaking out. - That's my fault. - No, I miss you, buddy. - Yeah. - You're one of the people that I would be closer with if we lived in the same city. - I think so, yeah, I think so. But I try to see when I'm out west usually. - Yes, yes. - There's not a lot of people I try to see. I remember one time you hit me up. I think I was like, "Brayer, can I come do a guest set?" And I was like, "Yeah, yeah, sure." And you're like, "It's got to be 15 minutes." And I was like, "You asked me." Why are we negotiating now? What is this? - I said no. - I think I did. I think I see you do 10. - Yeah, I think I didn't go that. - You didn't? - Yeah. - I think it was, I had you another time. No, I've had you other times. - Yeah, I think it did 15. - You did. - I think it's why I had to do 10 this time. - I don't think that's the case, though. - You opened with the Budapest chunk. It didn't work. - You told it was second time. - It comes with it. (audience laughing) - I remember that set. It was one of the few I taped. (laughing) - What's the hell? - You hit the stage declar. - And you slapped them in the face. - Yeah. - That was pretty good. - Yeah, I took that one down. That one went viral immediately. And I took it down because it was, I think it was right before October 7th, 2025. And no, it was right before October 7th. And it was me manufacturing an anti-Semitic thing, not to poke fun at anti-Semitism or a reaction to it. But just like that's an e, at the time, that was clearly something that was bad. - I tell you lost your gig opening for Ed Sheeran, right? - I got a lot of messages about that. - Really? - Yeah, the fact that why aren't you opening for him anymore? - Oh, I think you're making, you know I'm opening for him now. - Oh, you are? - You were making, I know you were making a joke 'cause I've everything to say. - Congrats. - But no one wants to open for him. And I'm like, I will. - Sure. - Yeah, and then the boot-up stuff must crush for that. - So boot-up-ass then shape of you. It's a perfect opening. You send him up well. - In music, there's no wrong note, but there is in comedy. There's a lot of wrong words. - And I'll tell you one that isn't. - Cockroach. - Jolly Kuzamo. - Oh, okay. - In boot-up-ass. - Yeah, that worked. - What? What the fuck is wrong with it? Back to the episode. - You take over. - Yeah, I didn't have my magic mind this morning. - You didn't? - No. - What's your magic mind? Is that like an ADD pill? - It's what I drink now instead of coffee and I take it before like every podcast and I forgot it in the hotel. - What does it do? - It's caffeine. - Why instead of coffee? - Coffee sometimes makes me anxious and then like there's a calm down. - Yeah. - And then magic mind free plug. It does it. It's got like alphanine and the other stuff. Whatever it is, it's just, it just gives me enough. - You are like L-A-M-E. - Tell me why. - I mean, magic mind. - What's the New York version of magic mind that is you? - Coffee. - Oh, sure. - Funny. - Can I have that? - No. - Fuck. - That's my joke. - Dad, have you ever do it again? Everyone's not three, two, one. Three, two, one, sat. Three, two, one. Mark, how'd you sleep last night? - I slept awesome. We had a great night sleep. - Sleepy. - Oh, you know what? I slept by myself, but I dreamt I was with two other women. - You know, it's funny that you did that. - That's because he was on a Helix mattress, excuse me. - Well, I was gonna say, the reason he didn't sleep with two other women is because he's so philanthropic. He likes to take from the rich and give to the poor. We call him Mark of Locke Sleep. - And he's dressed for it. - So you are sleeping on a Helix, by the way. - Yeah, you didn't know that. - Oh yeah, I do know that now I sleep eight hours. It's awesome. - Did you wake up a lot and a lumpy mattress and it was cold or hot? It was, I went to bed. I was asleep in minutes and slept the whole night. - You go to helixleep.com, you take their sleep quiz, it takes like a minute. Are you a back sleeper? Are you a backer side sleeper? - Side. - Same. - Funny you ask, okay, 'cause I used to be a side sleeper on my life, but the last three weeks, both my sides hurt. I forced to sleep on my back and I never could and I'm doing it.
doing it now. And the only reason I'm doing it now is because I'm on a Helix mattress. Also, I've told you about this. Are you putting a pillow under your legs? No. I'm telling you, Dad. Put pillows under your legs. It puts pressure off your lower back. I love Helix mattress. They will mail the mattress to you. If you're in a mattress, skip along. If you do want one, Aunt Lauren has one. Right. Teddy got one. Teddy got one. We got one here and the guest room. People are loving their Helix. Mark, if you want to try one at your place, you get 120-day money back guarantee, which means you could get one for three months and then just send it back. I'm not saying to do it, but it does help the podcast out. Go to helixleap.com/tyso for 20% off-site-wide. That's 20% set-site-wide. That's helixleap.com/tyso for 20% off-site-wide. You know what I mean. What's the site? Helixleap.com/tyso for 20% off-site. Hi, my name is Mark Wayne. I'm a father. I'm a husband. I'm a businessman. 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That's hymns.com/tyso. Do it. Football is heating up and everyone's pulling up because price picks as all your picks in one place. We brought in a ringer for this one and we're going to have Mark give you a starting line up for this week's coming NFL schedule. All right. Pick your team or player. Pick a quarterback. Lamar Jackson is playing against the Browns. I'm from Cleveland and Cleveland sucks with the Sean Watson and Lamar Jackson. He's had a number three years. Price picks app up. Pick your nose. Price picks also has an improved search functionality and live box scores to track your picks without having to leave the app. Don't use any of this unless you're okay with it. You don't only spend money that you're willing to get rid of if you don't spend money and you're not okay with it. Don't do it. Lamar Jackson, you heard it from him. Me on the other hand, I'm going for what's the kid from Green Bay? Who gives a shit? Double the up today and news go. Tyso to get $150 instantly in line ups. If you win your first $5 lineup, download the app today and use code. If you win your first $5 lineup, price picks. Run your game. Run your lineup. Do it. If you go to helixleap.com, you take their sleep quiz. It takes like a minute. Are you a backer side sleeper side? Same. Funny you ask, okay? Because I used to be a side sleeper on my life. But the last three weeks, both my sides hurt. I force the sleep on my back and I never could and I'm doing it now. Also I've told you about this. No. I'm telling you dad put pillows under your legs. And Lauren has one. Right. Teddy got one. Teddy got one. We got one here and in the guest room. Mark, if you want to try one at your place, you get a 120 day money back guarantee. Go to helixleap.com slash TISO for 20% off site. Why that's 20% set site. Why that's helix sleep debt slash TISO helixleap.com slash TISO for 20% off site. Why you know what I mean? What's the site? Do it. Helixleap.com slash TISO for 20% off the site. Yeah. So I think the braia thing, I remember, I don't remember what it was back to which one. Yeah. Because I remember like because it's a one of his magic mind this morning. Am I right? It's great. It's going back to this shit. It's like, it's like. It shows like your comedy. I think that's a, I like to, I want to have that conversation because I think that's a microcosm of more serious things. Cool. Save it for the Ed Sheeran shows, dude. We were talking, you were going to be in braia. I don't remember what it was. You know, yeah, it's fun to do, to do comedy with friends. It's also a schlep to get to braia. But like I wanted to see you, I don't remember exact orders, but I do remember the asking that. And it's like, and I'm like, Hey, if I were to do a guest at how long, like you want to do 10 minutes, it's like, no, no. Like I want it. I don't. I don't, but if I could do 15 and you're like, no, and I wasn't bothered. Okay. Good. Oh, yeah. Then maybe not. Like, hey, could I, I wasn't bothered either. Can I get the spaghetti and meatballs? Absolutely. Are the meatballs all beef? No, pork and veal. No, I'll just get this, you know, I don't get your L.A. And I don't want to eat veal. Yeah. Do you know how they make veal? Yeah, they beat the shit out of the little babies, right? They make the bones nice and soft. I don't know. That's why it's so tasty. I don't think they beat them up. I think they, they let them, yeah, they let them not move. Yeah, they, they strive up by their. Yeah. I've been trying to eat less meat, but I really have been trying hard enough. No. I go, I go days, like I'll, I don't eat meat every day. I'm trying to do less and less. Yeah. What's the point of that? It like, I'll, I'll see a cow on Instagram and love the cow and cows are an Instagram man. Yeah. You follow cows? I follow counts that post cows. Hmm. Are you thinking about a burger? Hmm. I like the burger. Yeah, same. You know, Ben Schwartz, who's told me numerous times where I ran into yesterday on the street. And then I'm telling you the name of the restaurant. He's telling numerous times where it's tough to get in. But I got to go to four Charles Primes. Famous. Get a burger. I went there once. It's good. It's, but you know what? I don't need like a 40 something dollar burger. It's ridiculous. Bodeca cat not doing well. Tell me, Bodeca cats are doing well without telling me Bodeca cats not doing well. Yeah, dude, we're fucking struggling. You are like New York people. I'm over there doing great. Um, it's good. I like men out of taverns, really good burger and other, it's not a pricey burger, but it's good. But then you get like, she get cheap ones like Paul's burger, join around here really good. A lot of good burger spots. It's a fucking burger. The burger, bruh. Come on. All right, we not supposed to eat burger, a ground beef for a little bit. If it comes from Argentina, or you don't care about that stuff. Sorry. I'm not checking the labels at the local fucking burger store. Do you go to a farmer's market? Yeah. How little farmer's markets? Do you talk to them about their cattle? No. Do you have any Instagram? No. You're having conversations about the cattle. I have conversations about a lot of things. Yeah. I'm sure you're working out that fucking Budapest joke at every farmer's market. You go to and they give you a weird look and you're like, you don't fucking get it, man. I'll fucking alternative LA comedian. Am I alternative? Yeah, dude. You've never even seen my act. I've seen your fucking act. The puppet. Is that alternative? It's not main. Is Jeff Dunham alternative? He's one of the highest selling grossing comics of all time. He's your inspiration. You've told me many times. He's, I'm inspired by him. I got my inspiration. Yeah. You like the racist puppet, right? Yeah, it's funny. Yeah. The white puppet that's a racist white guy. Yeah. Are you saying him doing a puppet and he's racist? I thought you just like the racism. You like the jokes? Yeah. Oh, good for you. No, I don't. I don't like the racist. You don't? No. You're sucking my dick, but it's my dick. Your story checks out. Do you ever see somebody do a joke that you hate so much that when you're talking to them, you're like that fucking joke suck the way you've just have been treating me about Budapest? Or do you actually like that joke because it seems like you you're using it for comedy. You see the comedy in it. I'm really asking if I hate someone's joke so much that every time I see my think of that joke and you just keep like the way you've been bringing up the Budapest to me three times now. It's obviously for the interview. You watch half the special. I feel like I've got to carry this. I have to keep going back.
I only watched any of the special because I knew to ask you if I'm able to see it because it's not I thought to ask is there a trailer or something I could see because it's not out yet. And then late last night. Charlie fucking rose. He wants to watch a trailer everybody. I wanted to see anything that was available. Thank you. You're welcome. Most people, most people I bet when you go on the podcast runs not only did they not watch your special they're actually leaving town just because you're coming there. I came to New York, watched half your special laughed out loud a lot of it. I appreciate you, man. And then wanted to listen to the rest of it, but you're like, no, my jokes are too long. It's just that one joke. I have two stories in it and at the end, oh, my jokes are so long, dude. Are they? Yeah. Yeah. Remember you sent me a seller tape one style edition and it opened. You didn't open out a joke. You opened on being like, look at this fucking asshole. You're correct. I don't talk like that. I don't do that. You said something really weird like that out of the gate. I don't remember. I was like, I would open on material. I only do material. Really? Yeah. You did something. I don't post clips. Really? You don't want to post material? No. Not until I put my special out. When are you going to put your special out? I want to film it next year. I've never put a special out. I've been working on this for about two years now and I'm like, I'm getting there. Really? I'm not there yet. That's cool. I'm trying to figure out this Budapest thing. I'm being serious. That's my opener. Well, I'm proud of you, man. It took a lot of work that joke. Hey, will you send this tape? Yeah. Sure. Hey, you fucking fucking freak. You did something like that. You don't know what you're talking about. You said something like, look at this fucking. I'm not mean to people in the front. I don't do that kind of stuff. It wasn't in a mean way. It was like this fucking guy. It was more like, I swear sometimes, but not in that way. I can't imagine what it was. All I remember is, I'm like, hey, sell you like, hey, yeah, it's on the tape. I'm like, five minute tape. I'm like, I don't have any. I don't have any. I'll show it to him. I can't show anything. I don't have anything that's five minutes. Really? I don't think so. Yeah. Everything's long-winded. That's a mean way of saying it, but yeah, long. That's better. Okay. I think it's a longer bit. There's a lot of, I'm an alternative comic. Yeah. There's a lot of, like, you don't play by the club's rules. Before I get to the second floor, I really want to build a strong foundation. And if I'm going to have a basement, let me furnish it, you know, it doesn't have to have a ceiling. It could be like a Chipotle, but I want it to be nice. Totally. It's a strange analogy. You're building a home? That's how I look at it. Yeah. Your act is like building a home. I think jokes are bricks, and I used to just, I used to, there's infinite bricks. So I never really- Yeah. With your act, it's all bricks, I've heard. Funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. See what else. No, you're really funny. When you did set it in Irvine. All right. All right. All right. You. In Irvine. When you came down, you were hilarious. You were. Thanks. Seriously. You were. Just like, like, that's the equivalent of, at a roast, be like, but all jokes aside, he's a great guy. You know, the word for it. I love jokes aside. Hey, I love this guy. Seriously, like, I called him a **** for 12 minutes, but all jokes aside, he's one of the good guys. P****s are big right now into, into, into, into the news and into people like, like saying that, like, that stuff's what's going on. And, and I think that the Epstein file stuff has really kind of, oh, here we go, made people realize, oh, I don't think we like pedophiles, because I don't think people think about it too much. And then you think people didn't realize it. I think people don't think about it. You don't like, you don't like when people, you know, punch you in the knee, but, you know, I think it about it. I think it's been frowned upon telling you what I'm saying is it wasn't as talked about as it was. Yeah. It's a major news story. But I think in the, I think in like the 90s, people were like, this is the point. Also the missing the point. No, I'm just a boy. You, you acting like a, like a Budapest, you're missing the point. You have eight minutes on P**** in your special. Do you understand? I'm saying minutes. Yeah. I felt like it. I felt like it. You do two jokes back to back and you can go, oh, two back to back, P******* jokes. Because they were rolling. They were both good jokes. Yeah. Right. That's not eight minutes. I'm not like you and my jokes don't take eight minutes to tell mine are quick and concise. Yeah. Just like you're opening joke on your special. How quick do you go? You like that? You brag about that. I did. You brag about finishing things very quickly. Yeah. I brag about being intentional with who I fucking having a foundation. Yeah. I guess you are. You're York me. Yeah. You're a great guy. A New York men at party. You, you, I'm an L.A. I'm going to dandy about. I'm going to go to the fucking traffic traffic. Yeah. That's what your fucking act feels like traffic. I thought it was bricks, bricks, traffic, a lot of all jokes inside, look at the watch. But seriously, dude, you're a great friend. You're always there for me. Yeah. You're fucking. I love those posts. He's a limb dick, fucking **** out, applause, break, then put seriously. He's my best friend. Anyway, Epstein files blah, blah, blah, people are up in arms. Nope. But we, nobody cares anymore. Right. They pretend to care. I care. And that's why I actually want you to care you're in the files. I would care too. If my name popped up like a hundred times, didn't you email with them back and forth? Who's them? The Jelaine and the, didn't you ask her to help get when you're illegitimate kids in the college or something? I was literally two years old when that stuff was happening. Doesn't mean you couldn't type. Is it us? You always brag like how advanced you are? How to typing. What's your wham? My wham? Yeah. The **** is a wham. Word's a minute. Word's a minute. I'm pretty quick. I heard. Sorry, I meant efficient. Incorrect. Now. Correct. Why do you call you special incorrect? If you finished the **** special, you'd know there's a big joke about it. I would love to finish, but it was taking too long. Yeah. Not my problem. Okay, it's my problem. Damn it, Rick. Sometimes I prematurely ejaculate. Yeah. You're special when you talk about **** premature or the ejaculating and stuff. It's deep. But I will say that it's deep. It's deep. Your joke about, and can I say your joke? Sure. Where you talk about what's her name? What's the girl who's four syllables and starts with the J? Chalissa. Three syllables. Chalissa. I make everything longer. You do. LA. It's boring. You said that you messaged her and asked her permission, which is there any truth in that? Yeah, I did. Because is that really her name? Her name is slightly different. She was furious. I was using her real name at one point. And I said, okay, well, can you help me come up with an alternative? And she did. Was her real name four syllables? No. It's three syllables and with a J. I'll see you. It was close. Okay. With what I went with. I think if you're going to do a bit that that's specific, then you're like, you owe it to get the person's. Is this person in your life? No. But we were friendly after that one night stand. We like joked around about it. Got it. Yeah. Have you ever talked about stuff in your act where you don't talk to that person anymore, but you want to talk about it. So you do it without asking, but you change more details? Yeah. I'm sure I've done that. But if the name's different, you know? But you asked consent just so you could keep the name. Was that the main reason? Because it was close to the name. Yeah. I like that. I do. I like because I like that there's truth in it. And there's a lot of stuff I'm sure it's not true. Like, I think the whole special is pretty much true. You really only lasted five seconds with that? No, a little longer than that. But it was short. It was a short episode. Yeah. It was quick. Yeah. To the point. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's like a slice of pizza. You get it. The condom if I'm not mistaken. I didn't. Right. You wanted to, but she didn't want to. Yeah. She insisted on no condom. And who am I to object? You know, it's important to believe women and listen to women when they say things. Yeah, man. Did you get tested after that? I did. Yeah. Well, what's your wham? How soon after having unprotected sex with somebody that you're not in monogamous relationship with, do you wait until you get tested? Oh, I'll get tested before, yeah. Before. Before we do anything. No, I'm not doing anything with you. That's not what I'm asking. You're not trying to fuck me? No. I thought that's why you told me to come in this podcast. Oh, no. Oh, because I have a girlfriend. I thought you, you want a cuckoo, don't you? You don't. That's what you do, dude. You're the fucking cuck guy. That's your brand. I have a reputation, I guess. You're agent when he messaged me to do this podcast. By agent? Yeah. He was like ricks to cuck guy now. That's what that chair is for, isn't it over there? That's the cuckshare. You make the dude watch over there. I don't know, man. I don't know what you want from me. I just want to know how long it took you to get tested. Okay, Stern. I don't know. We're going to be all these hard-hitting questions today. Jesus. How long did it take me to get tested? I do it quickly. Yeah. It's an urgent care right by my house. Twenty seconds. And then I apologize for being so quick. You have to wait two weeks to make sure that all the tests come back and it's been enough time for it to show up on the test. Clearly you've been tested a lot, my friend. You're testing me right now. I'll tell you that. I get tested a lot. Do you? Yeah. I have stuff going on with my hormones. Do you dog a lot of women? No. No, no, no, no. That's specifically STD checks. I just go, I get my hormones checked at least four times a year because you're transitioning. I mean, I am.
between having a podcast that I was enduring and one that I'm not. But I, while I go, even if I haven't slept with somebody else, while they're taking my blood, I'm like, just check the STD stuff. 'Cause you're trying to get blown by the nurse. To show you clean, right? Yes. How'd that feel? Was it worth it? (laughing) - No, it wasn't worth it. - I took a risk. Why don't you take a risk? Why don't you fucking watch my act? - Now show me, do the Budapest thing, where, and if I remember to do this, I'm gonna age myself down by having like a rosy cheeks and a big lollipop or something, you'd love that. And then, and then it'll say 10 years earlier, when I was 20, when rosy cheeks and a pops in the lollipop. And like the joke just didn't work yet, but now it works. Nah. (laughing) Put a lot of work in this podcast, Rick. I respect that. Thanks, man. That's awesome. Put all jokes aside, you put a lot of work in this podcast, man. I think you're funny, man. - I think you're a good dude. - Yeah, you're a good guy. You're one of the good ones. - You're one of the guys that is, you know, like, when, when, when something's going on, like I know that I could call you, like that's the thing. Like in this business, there's, there's people that, that show up when you're at your top and then there's people that show up when you need help, when you need lifting. - Yeah. - And what I- - I'm always lifting, dude. Fucking, that's why I pick you up. - Thanks, man. - Yeah, dude. - You said nothing but mean things to me today. - You think so? - Yeah. - This is crazy. - Swipe to a montage. - Small penis, bad listener. You're not a thoughtful person. That dog of yours, enough. We get it, you're a fucking good guy. What's up with that hat? - When you have a paper boy, you're on your paper route? - Oh, cool glasses, dude. You're so fucking artsy. - Frames, I'm fucking, I'm at the coffee house. - Man, what's up with that mustache? What's up with the bracelet there? - You have eight? - What do you think? - Let me do that again, huh? - I really don't like, because my people, you're watching this and I have that thing. You're making fun of that. - I'm making fun of eight. - What sounds like you are? - You really think I am? - My uncle fucking died of eights, dude. - Is that true? - Yes. - Are you being serious? - I'm being dead serious. - Yeah, is that funny? - No, but comedy is making jokes of anything. - No, comedy is making things funny from perspectives that other people might not have seen. - Oh, tell me more of Intriloquist, comedian. When you break fucking funny down to me, saying shocking things isn't funny, and I know you know that. - I know that. - Yeah. - Eights, eights, eights. - Yeah, okay. (laughing) - Keep it all in, don't montage it. - Start it as a montage for the first two, and then. (laughing) - All right, well, I think we get a good banter, though, don't you think? - I don't know, I think I'm funny. - I know you think you're funny. - Thank you. You got a high self-esteem, my friend. - I do, really. - Overmothers? - I don't think so. - No. (laughing) - Not at all. - Good. - When my mom asks how the shows were if I was funny, I say, I don't say I was funny. If I thought I was funny, I say I felt funny. - Oh, okay. - That's how I answer things. - Yeah, it's a very LA answer. I feel like I was funny tonight. - Did you get fucked by someone in LA who's broken her heart? - I did. - Like I'm a valley girl, surfer? - I was born in Cleveland, dude. - I know. - You're a fucking man's man, dude. - I was born in Cleveland, brother. - I've always said that about you. - I'm a fucking man's man, dude. - In between the city and Amish country. - Yeah, dude. You pumping that milk. - No, dude. - Hey, dude. - No, I don't. - Hey, dude. - No, I've seen it. - Hey, you have. - Hey, dude. - I'm the little man. - You pumped that milk, buddy. Why do you just drink it like that? - That's what athletes do. - You can tell somebody played sports because they share water bottles and they go like this. - Yeah, but they don't stick it in their mouth. They hold it higher. - Yeah, man. I didn't do it right. - You didn't? - I played it a little bit. - Yeah, clearly. (laughing) - You're so mean and funny. Why don't you, as a joke, why don't you try being nice? - Oh, you're so LA. Why don't you be so fucking human? - You're a friend, dude. - You're my friend. - Yeah. - Is someone telling you you need a magic mind or not telling me you need a magic mind? - I don't drink that shit, dude. - Yeah, I could tell. - Magic mind. - You guys are blinded by advertising. - Oh, man, of a magic mind. I'm a fucking genius advertising. In your act, you talk about the dick sucking machine that you are advertising. - Did I didn't use if you watched the special? But you advertised for them. - I didn't. - Really? Then why are you giving their name on the special? Did you ask them for consent? - I burned you. - I feel like you're dancing, dude. - Yeah. - You're dancing. - Go to Vegas, go join Magic Mike. That's what you really wanted to do, isn't it? Be a dancer. (upbeat music) - That's good. - Yeah. - I don't want to be a dancer. I am a dancer. I just didn't choose to make it a profession. - Yeah. - Good for you, dude. You're a man of many talents. - Well, man of talents. I'm about many. - Many, many. - In order. You're good at making things uncomfortable. You're good at making me feel bad. You're good at making me feel bad with number two. Both of them, or about how I'm in control of your feelings because you're a fucking bully. - I was trying to speak your language, your little therapy language. - Is it mine? - Yeah. - Or is it LAs? - You're in therapy, aren't you? - Yeah. - Where? Where? - Oh, are you making another (beep) a joke? No, I was just doing a profession of you crying because you're unloading more shit in therapy. - Oh, is that me in therapy? - Yeah. - Cut to me in therapy. (laughing) It just, just me getting my cock sucked by a whole bunch of fucking hot women. - Come back, come back to me. That's, that's one. - Oh, you're giving me one. - Nope. - Nope. - No, come back to me, come back to me. - No, come back to me. - Really? What are you saying? - John Michael, Cameron says on me. (laughing) - You look like the kid. You look like the kid. - Cameron says on me. - No, no, Cameron's on me. - You look like the kid going up who's got the toy and won't share the toy. (laughing) - Okay, hold on. You know, Rick, that wasn't therapy, that was. - Boo! - We're not using it, dude. (laughing) - I'm gonna happen, friend. (laughing) - So New York, man. - Sorry, dude. - I'm working on it. I'm in therapy, too. - Yeah. - You had dude, I get my deck sucked. - So I'm doing any deck sucked, but the girl is the woman who's sucking his dick is, I'm just gonna say it. I know this is tacky, ugly. Hold on, we haven't come back yet. You can't come and you're crying. And then she takes her glasses off and takes out her ponytail and now she's hot. Now you come. Just in case the sound doesn't work, you can hear what it sounds like when you come. - Aw. (laughing) - This is such a guy podcast, dude. - When we come here, she's like, "Fuck a clit rig." You go like this. It's like the third biggest hell of a guy podcast. - This is a guy podcast. You're directing this whole thing. - Yeah, man. - You're making jaws and you're like, "This has too many sharks in it." This is your thing. - You think that you burned me on that. But the truth is, if jaws showed the shark early, it wouldn't be suspenseful. - Jaws never shows the shark. - Yeah. - Tell me you've seen, never seen jaws. If you've never seen jaws. - Oh Jesus, I'll let you try that again. - I use your fucking little burn against you. Now, I refuse to speak your language, but you just use your-- - Have you seen jaws? - Yeah. Then why do you think they show the shark? Because you see the shark. - Barely. - Exactly. - Yeah. You know what? - We're saying the same thing. I think we might need a bigger boat. - We might. - That's not from shot. - Do you know that's not from Jaws? A lot of people think it's from Jaws. - It's from Titanic. - It's from Titanic. - It's from Titanic. - It was from James Cameron when he was talking to the people developing the set. - Wow. You wanna hear an interesting tidbit about the movie Titanic? - I'd love to. - So, at the beginning when they're walking onto the boat, when Leo, when the poker game they're going up there and the guy who played Luigi in the Mario Brothers movie. - Oh, yeah, yeah. John LaWizama. - No, racist. - He played fucking, I'm right, is it? Then I'm thinking of another guy that played a photographer in a movie that's Italian. I don't think, sometimes Google's good. What is the Italian? No, it's not John LaWizama. I think I'm right. Bob Hoskins was Mario. I just fucking destroyed this guy at his own fucking game. Who is the actor that played the guy that went on the boat with Leonardo DiCaprio in the movie Titanic? Billy Zane. No, Billy Zane was the bad guy in it. - Oh, the guy who went on the boat. - Danny Nookie. This guy, right? Anyway, when they're going on the boat, the boat cost more money to build that set than the actual Titanic, the boat. And they only built one side of it. - Also made more money. - Yes, probably. - Yeah. - They only built one side of it. And that's the side that they were entering is different than the side that was hit. And then you need to do the right side, the proper side for it. So on this side, so it would look like it was the opposite end [BLANK_AUDIO]
would be the same thing. They mirrored the camera, so they did everything, and when they put it, they mirrored it. So everyone's outfits. All this stuff was backwards. The hands they were using was all backwards. Isn't that cool? - Yes, it's all right. Okay. That was cool. - I'm glad I took my fucking ADD medication this morning. I'll tell you that, laugh track. (audience applauding) - Still going. Still going. Take it, we'll even do it. - No, we need to be close. Calm them down. (audience applauding) - You always want a two takes. Two takes Sam. - Come on, I got it. You cracked me up, what can I say? All right. - That was it? - That was the high five. - Oh my god. - I mean, it stopped already. Okay, I haven't keep going until then. Keep coming. Hold on, wait, wait, wait. (audience applauding) - Look like you were fingering two tall girls. - I've done it a bunch, sure. - Prove it. - That's why I'm getting in the therapist's office. - Yeah. - No. - You're just trying to get fine to a poor now. - Are we kind of like as sex or people. - Do you want a little bit of laugh love? - Yeah. - Yeah, thank you. - My love, sorry. - Yeah, thank you. - I'm sorry about my little testicle. - Who's Lily Phillips? - Buddy, you need to read a book. - Who is it? - She was a guest on my podcast recently and during the podcast, we actually hooked up. - What? - Is this a joke? - Damn, how is that? You'll have to ask her. She's probably still icing. - I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it. Don't stop. - Damn, you hit her that hard? - No. - No, you're so New York. I bent her over and I fucked her so much that I stretched her (bleep) dude, grow up. (laughing) - What else, what else? (laughing) I want to ask one of those AIs to summarize what this episode is about. - I don't know. - And say, but just keep in the stuff that's appropriate. - It'll be a two minute podcast. - Yeah. - As long as you've ever laughed at it. (audience cheering) - Or as you would say, hold on, let me try that again. (audience cheering) Yeah, 'cause I'm ready to fuck that quickly. (audience cheering) - I'm thinking she told you that. (audience cheering) - One of them was a little taller. (audience cheering) - The clitoris got sensitive so that he was just patting it. - Yeah. - Tell God I finger, bro. - She's the man. - Yeah! (laughing) - He's a fucking man, Sam. (laughing) - Hey, were you guys laugh? Oh, good girl. Like, you know. - This has got to be in contention from one of the worst podcasts ever. - I don't think I've ever done a podcast where everyone wasn't cracking up. You know what? I think it's you. - Oh, shit, really? - No, I was just trying to burn you. Like the way you've been burning me. It doesn't feel good, it doesn't. - No, it doesn't. - Truce. - What's Truce, dude? - All right, one, two, three, Truce. All jokes aside, man. I love podcasting with you. - You too, man. - Thanks, man. Sorry, hold on one second. I was just playing sports. - Oh, whoa. - You too, I like a champ. Let me have some of my not magic mind. Do it the way I did it. - If we were on a first date, if we were on a first date, what? If we were on a first date, whom? - Whom what? If we were on a first date, and then this was our banter, I would be like, does he wanna kiss me? I know, I wouldn't know. - 'Cause we kinda, we kinda neg each other a little bit. - I said, neg. I know. I was just saying we shouldn't be doing it that much. - Let's cool it. We said Truce. - The Truce is on. - You're just gonna throw this empty bottle of water in one take and knock over your full bottle of water from how far away, from here. Let's see, I bet you could do it. Thanks. - I believed in you. - Will you do me a favor, keep it on me. Will you put it so it lands proper bottle lands like this, but drop it just like this, like flip it over? - No, no, no, give it to me, like, like that. Yeah, so it lands like that on the floor, but have it land like that on, just, but you can drop it. Go down to it, so that happens. No. - Here? - Yeah. - I'll let you. - Never mind. To take Sam, dude. I was gonna have to make it look like, don't worry about it. Sorry, it was such a fucking artistic idea you had there, Rick. - Well, I love a foundation. - Yeah. - Do you have something in your eye? - Yeah, I'm sad. - Lonely. - Yeah. - Are you? - Yeah. - You take somebody. - Yeah, it's going all right. - Sounds like it's not going great. - It's going pretty well. - Sounds a little better. - Yeah, it's great. How long have you guys been together? By the time this comes out, like six months or something? - Yeah. - Hey, could you throw me that? Please. - Yeah. - Switch. - You want me to do it? - Yeah. - Oh! The already only people are probably like, man, these guys have huge dicks. We're also, yeah, we do have the. - Biggest dicks of, oh, go ahead. - We do have the energy of a weird first date, for sure. - Thanks, man. - But then I like to just call it a first date. - Yeah. - Are you a good first date? - I'm really good at finding out if we're compatible on a first date. It doesn't make it a good first date. It makes it an efficient first date. And yes, to like a New York first date, that's cool. So what do you, yeah, how do you find out it's good? - The first date? - Yeah, like what's good for you? Similar frequency, good communication. Then, physical attraction and laughing together. Huge. Those two things are very important, but without those first, that first group of things, of just like the frequency and the communication. I, because you might not be on the same frequency and communication will be good, but you could maybe calibrate and get there. I don't want to judge the next thing until I've seen if we could do this. And if we're already on it from the beginning, that's where it's like holy shit, like right away it's a good connection. That's for friendships, too. But like if not like, hey, like I noticed that, could we figure out, like I'm sorry, it kind of get, oh, oh, oh, okay, you know what I'm saying? And then now we're on the same page. Now let's see what's going on. I want to get on the same page first. And that's good. - That's healthy. - And you could do that on a first date by being in touch with how you're feeling and being willing to communicate it. I noticed that when I stared at your tits that you caught me, I want to acknowledge that I didn't even realize I did. I didn't even know I had tits, but yeah, that's hurtful, man. I just listened. You stared at my tits? - Yes. - I don't understand. - Are you horny? - I don't anymore, but I could be again. Can I look at your boobs? - Yeah. - And then I'll go. - Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then they usually, I don't get it. I don't know, man. You could keep this all in, but the last three minutes is just, like Alvin would say, rough. - Yeah. - You're rough with your dog? - Michael Vic. - All right, good. It makes me easier when you bomb, too. - Yeah. - Yeah, we both had some bombs this episode. Well, call me Andre 3000. All right, we're back. Anyway, will you take control of the podcast? - I'll take control. - Sometimes when you're on the, we might be drunk podcast, which I truly think is the worst podcast of all the comedy podcasts. - Really? - It's just the way you guys are together. - Why? - I'm joking. - 'Cause I feel good, doesn't it? - No, it was actually intrigued. I'm in a constructive criticism. It feels like, oh, why are we bad? - Same. - Yeah. You sit, what's up with the mustache? Why do you, how long is it feel like a movie or something? - Yes. - What movie? - I haven't booked one yet, but. - No, you know what? My friend Amir Cade, you know Amir? - Yeah. - He is a joke. - Am you making a Weston where you're the accountant or something? - He is a joke where he says. - 'Cause you wouldn't be one of the tough guys. You're a fucking bitch. Tell me why. - I don't know your face. - I'm up for constructive criticism. How could I be better? (laughing) Amir, years ago you would do, you would go, "Grow my hair out for a movie."
I didn't book anything. I'm just watching Godfather and this was years ago. And I just always like to do it. It's just but also like his energy. He's he delivers it like he's doing that kind of joke. And I like it. So when I see him a lot of the times, and we're around other people, I'll be like, I'm here. Are you going to hair off or something? He goes, yeah, I booked a movie and he'll just do that to them like, you know, like we're a two man act or something. So when you said the musket, will you say that that inspired the Budapest joke? No, but I think that it made me think of that when I said the mustache, when you said a movie, I said, yes, I'm like, even though it was an organic thing, I'm like, it made me think of a mirrors thing and I just want to call that out. Okay. It's cool. That's cool. You called it out. Give you, give your buddy a shout out. A lot of people who watch comedy podcasts don't know who a mirror is because he doesn't do a lot of podcasts. I just think he's such a funny comedian. And people know he is and people love him. He was great. But blah, blah, blah. But like in this world, if you don't know who he is, you know, we have a lot of funny friends. And sometimes they don't know. You don't people know people and shout out to a mirror, put his Instagram handle up. Very funny. I heard he's, he's gone his hair off for a movie. I'm excited to see what's going on. I wonder. Yeah. I know it was going to book. Yeah. We'll see. We'll see. Anyway, you're saying my face, something about my face. I just, it was a quick burn. I don't know why we're going back to it. Oh, I feel you like two takes at everything. Yeah. I'd like another take and another fucking crack your fucking face. Yeah, I think, no, I think you're a handsome guy. Oh, thanks. I didn't know that's what we're talking about. Yeah, you're handsome guy. You know, you're the second person today, or not today. It's a lot of you. But recently you lied to your face to say that you're not a track to face. You fucking Narcissus. You're the funniest guy in town, man. I, who's like, what's going on with that mustache? How long you had it? It's like an interesting question. Like I don't say, oh, you got a five o'clock shadow. You got how long you've been doing like little scruff. Like, I don't know. It's just what do you do? No, but this was an act. Scruff is like laziness. This is an act. Scruff is not laziness. You shaved your neck. No, I know because I don't like how I look and shave him. Right. So it's not an act of laziness. It's an intentional choice. I'm trying to act more intentionally. Yeah. Why don't you try to be whatever it is that you could be and then find the intention. So why the mustache though? I like it. Me too. Fucking like it. Yeah, it's I'm sick of paying for all these girls at Ubers. So I just give them a mustache right instead. If they'll be my wife or if I'm in therapy, you're in therapy though. I'm saying in the therapist's office, sometimes like you get some poo in therapy. The last four girlfriends I've met in the waiting room of my therapist's office. Are you serious? You've met women in the therapy. Who are you fucking Tony Soprano? You've met women in the therapist's office. No. I mean, yes, but never any that I dated. But you hooked up with them. Never. One of my Tony Soprano. That was like the amuricating. You just stole my joke. No, I was giving you a second take. No, you won. And I was picturing. I was actually picturing the Soprano's when I said it. Me too. But if I need another alternative, I could say, what do you bond, Jovey? I feel like you're always halfway there to a decent joke. Funny. Yeah. Funny. Yeah. I could tell the difference. So like you're special, you like you really worked on it. I mean that. Yeah, you got to get it funny because like in like just doing this, I would be shocked to find out that you actually do this for a living. Really? I mean that. Why is that? It's just you're trying in a way that I find unattractive. Like it's like, oh, like, oh, you just got into comedy. Then why do you keep staring at my tits? Okay. See funny. Try it again. So why do you keep staring at my tits? Just the applause guy who just knows I don't want to be doing it. This is how I've been sitting. This is my posture. I don't have good posture. I have really bad posture. I told you. I hate this haircut too. I'm really really pissed about it. Yeah. I was going to say you look really bad. I feel like you feel that way. No, I think you look good. Your jaw looks strong. Really? Yeah, your attitude is shitty. You got a fun shirt. It was good. Yeah. That shirt's fun. Yeah. I hate this haircut, but it's like Barack Obama just texted me. Do you know Barack? I do. Cool. Not that one. I want the president. Did you know that once you're president and then you're not a president anymore? I always call the president. Yes. Everyone fucking knows that Rick. He's serious. I'm setting that up for something else. Okay. What's the next thing? But everything else? Something about magic mind. It's all you fucking talk about. His Barack Obama and magic mind. Wow. Sam, I'm really excited about this special. It's coming out. What makes you? Well, how does this one feel different than the other ones? Hold on. I just got a text from Melania Trump. Sorry. I'll text you later. Okay. How does this feel? No, it's not that one. It's Trump's wife. They got taller or they're political. Did you laugh? He laughed. He's good. Yeah. First time he laughed. Anything else funny that we did? Most of it was really funny. All right. Anything funny that Sam said? Don't worry about it. Yes. Yeah. All jokes aside. We're really glad that you're here. All jokes aside. It's great to see you. All jokes aside should be the name of your next special. So special first date incorrect. Yes. It's feeling good, dude. I think people going to like this. I know people are going to like it. If they watch it and that's the thing. Yeah. There's so much out there. Will they watch it? If you want to laugh. Thank you. Let me finish. I assume it's going to be praise upon my special. Oh, sure. I'll do it that way. Okay. If you want to laugh and you should watch Sam special. Thank you. That's the nicest thing you ever said to me. Thank you. Yeah, man. I'm laughing out loud on the way over for real. Thanks, dude. It's one of those specials that I'm like, even though we already did this now, so I don't have to watch it. I'm still going to pretend that I watched the last half hour. Feel like I kind of brought it. Yeah, you definitely brought it. That was a good one. That was a good one. I can tell when I rush it a little bit and I didn't rush this one. Yeah. Based on rushing meaning during the set or Russian, like you filmed it too soon. I think sometimes you filmed it a little earlier than you need to and I was kind of glad none of the venues I wanted were available until February because I was like, all right, that's longer than I wanted, but then I was kind of like, you never, as long as you don't really overcook it, it's good. Why did you pick Florida? Cause it's just very different jokes. I've never done one. I've never done one. I've never done one and like outside of like, you want to have your mask off. Yeah, you've got it outside. Well, it's always like New York, Chicago, Boston. It's always like, it feels like kind of, I don't know, obvious. I feel like no one really taped specials in Tampa. I'm being serious. Like based on that logic, I can't imagine I'm like, I really want to watch the specials because it was filmed in Tampa. No, for me, it's not. And also I just thought the theater was beautiful and it's pretty. Whenever I'm on tour, I just feel like clock a theater I really like and I'm like, maybe I'll tape here one day. You know, it's just so I was there a couple of years earlier and I was like, I'll tape it special here at some point. Cause I like this place. I like the theater. I thought it was really cool. I like the vibe of it and I don't know. I always, people were always like, really good in Tampa. My crowds are always really good there for some reason. I've never played Tampa. Great club. They're called size flitters too, but yeah, I always, I hated Naples. I always hated Naples Florida. But then for some reason, Tampa was cool. Like some, Florida is a weird state. Like some cities are great to perform in summer, just the worst night of your life. Isn't that the case in a lot of places? Yeah, but it's like really Florida and really Ohio. I feel like they're like two states here. Like wow, where do you like performing in Ohio? I love Cleveland. I love Columbus. Toledo can be rough. You know, we're like, I've done it. I probably think we're. Do you think Toledo's rough for all comedians or just what your stuff is? I just feel like I never did great there, but I'd go back. I give it another shot. What do you think Toledo? You want to give Sam a second try? He's really good on the second time. I've been there many times more than two. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but it was in the early years. So maybe it'd be better now. Oh, you know, I'm 40. I just turned 40. Happy birthday. Thanks, man. Did you do anything? No, I went to Europe with a friend. So yes, but it was for work. I was doing gigs. I just said a Europe UK little tour myself. How was it? Unbelievable. Yeah. Yeah. I did. The French festival. Well, that's, I've never been there. I took one of the few places. I've never been old enough. Yeah. I heard it's tough. I heard it's a tough. That's what they say. But you brought these? Well, I had to. Yeah. I mean, they came to see me perform. What was I going to do? Not?
perform? Good for you. Yeah. He didn't buckle under the bright lights of Scotland. I love Scotland. I want to go back. Yeah, it's very fair to like, right? I had no idea that would be a place that I want to go back. I felt that way about Zagreb in Croatia. I was just like, this is freaking beautiful. I hear Croatia's gorgeous, gorgeous. Good people, man. Who's your friend that you took with you to Europe? Just a childhood friend. He came my last year at a tour and just like, it's just fun to have a friend. Did you pay for him? I paid for some stuff. He's successful. Did you pay for anything? Yeah, I'll pay for like a dinner here and there. What does he do for a living? He runs women's health treatments, like for. I can get up. No, it's like I'm trying to find the right word and it's like for eating disorders. He runs clinics for that. That's correct. Yeah, that's good. Body eating disorders out there. Oh my God. And they're never going to go away. Well, not. How do you mean it sounds ominous there? That are lack of, that our government is saying. It has been because of like Instagram and like bodies and self-esteem and stuff. You saw Facebook at the pay like $18 billion. I don't know the number but I saw that. I thought that was great. Crazy. You know how bad it must have been if they didn't want to go to trial? They're like, we'll settle for $18 billion. Zoom in on my face. Hold on. So big. Wow. Yeah, dude. Yeah, man, it's a bummer. Yeah. Do you have any of those issues? Do you have any like self-esteem stuff? Do you have like body just more for you at all? It doesn't affect, like I have insecure about things. Yeah. But it does it, I don't know if I have a huge sense of shame around it or the will to change it. I'm insecure about my little butt. I'm not a little bit on it. Yeah. Well, technically I don't have a butt, but you would call it a little butt. Why does that bother you? I just, like, I just think it like when I have sex with somebody and I come all over them. Yeah. That's, you know, this is why your bits are so long. This buildup is crazy. And I go in and get a top. Like if I ejaculate it on them, do you? If you ejaculate in some, I feel like when you ejaculate in a woman, she goes to the bathroom first. The cream pie, when you ejaculate on a woman, you go to the bathroom first, isn't that right? Well, you want to get her stuff to, because she did it. Sure. So when I pour my come on her, pour. Yeah. Okay. I, oh, this is somebody that I would want to mate with. Oh, this would be one of come. He poured all over my face in my tits. Can I say that? I'm not sure. What do you have to say? The way my come ejaculate in our face and tits? Shot shot on her face and tits, poured, poured on her face and tits. I'll go to the bathroom and I'll talk. I think you're going to swipe it. You just holding a bucket. I'm trying to be serious with you, man. Oh, my mistake. When I walk to the bathroom to get the towel. Yeah. I'll talk to her as I'm walking back. So she doesn't have to see my little ass and could instead see my backwards walk. Yeah. That's more embarrassed about you seeing my butt than my feet. That's probably building your backside because you're doing the back walking. That's part. It's silver lining. Why don't you work those glutes or something? I walk out my pepe toes. Yeah. Yeah. And I go like this. But you're looking athlete. I thought I thought you're like a you still know, but really? Even when I was working out a lot, there's some things that like my arms and my shoulders would get developed in my back. My chest and my legs wouldn't and I would work out my chest and my legs a lot. I'll try it. I'm not a bodybuilder. I feel like straight guys don't really work their lower body that much. Young straight guys. Maybe not. The truth is working out your lower body. What it does for blood flow and what it does for you for like your overall health. That easy, Rogan. Jesus. Now you're right. You're definitely right. Thanks. Yeah. Did I ever tell you that I did Rogan two years ago when they never posted it? What? Yeah. Oh, no. I'm doing it next week. Oh, awesome. Wait. Why did why they never post it? I didn't get a real answer. Well, clearly it didn't. I think the vibe wasn't right. I guess. What did they didn't say anything to you about it? They said that they had other stuff that they needed to get out and then they stopped just answering me. Wow. It was four hours. Four hours. He was like, we got to find something here. I don't know. Four hours? Yeah. That's really long. I mean, this feels like four hours, but to do actually four hours. Okay. That's, I mean, serious. That's so strange. Well, I got there. I got there and I left. Yes, it was three, it was closer four hours. Like I was there for four hours. Do you feel, will you fucking want them or something? I think he thought I was. There's just who you are. I guess. It's funny. Sometimes, I mean, it is like a first date podcast. I feel like the first time we really talked was on a podcast. Yeah. And you're feeling the other person out and sometimes it goes well and sometimes it doesn't. You know, I thought it, I thought it went really well. Weird. I'm sorry, that happened. That doesn't feel good. Sorry. I think Ari Shafir did that to me once. Yeah, I think he did. I don't think I was very good on it though. It was like a weird one. Yeah, or just mute this. Mute this for real. Oh, that's funny. Thanks, back. Thanks, man. Yeah, weird. Yeah. Well, you'll get back on some day. I'm sure. Hey, man, my job is to show up for myself, my community. Really? And if it trickles down anywhere else, what a luxury. But I could only be the best version of myself, which might not be as good as somebody else. But if I pretend to be them, I'm just, you know what I mean? What does that matter if you have a small bud? What's your butt look like? It's fairly pretty small. Let me see it. We'll blur it. Take your pants off. I'm serious. We'll blur it. Yeah, lift your shirt up. Like this? Yeah, lift your shirt. You got a butt? Yeah, it's a pimples on it, but you got a butt. Do you want really? Yeah. Yeah, you have a, I didn't have an idea of what your butt was. Yeah. But having you say it's a small button, you show me that's like, that's, that's, it's, it hangs. Yeah. Thanks. I wouldn't say that like, you got to check out Sam's ass. Okay. But I would be like, yeah, Sam's, Sam's got, yeah. Okay. I don't, I don't do any. Let me see your penis. No, we're done. We're done. We're done here. What is going on? We'll go to wrap this up soon. Or I guess you don't like doing that. Hey, tell me the truth. What? Get out of this out. It's Mark Norman. Is he? I see him. You know, what? You know, what? No, no, no, he's straight. Okay. I just added a lot of a's. I guess that joke is he? Mark Norman, Sam or Al, two people that are some of the comics and show business. That's factual that people associate with one another because they have a podcast together. But if they didn't have a podcast together, would they still associate them because they're a couple of white guys with black hair that are in New York that go like. Would you think so? Because you guys have a similar thing. Still we? Yeah. I'm a captain now, motherfucker. Look at that. Yeah. I guess I was lying for the first time. You guys know, you are different. You and Sam, are you in Sam closer? No, because I mean, like do you say you and Sam close? Yeah, I'm talking to Alvin. Are you and Mark Norman? Do you guys not spend that much time with each other outside of the podcast because you spend so much time on the podcast? No, we're just never here. So yeah, we are close. So yeah, where are you? Where are we? Toledo? Yeah, I love Toledo. Tell me my favorite city. Yeah. Toledo, Ohio. Fucking beautiful. Are you two? Are you two? City of Glass. That's where they manufacture all the glass. Yeah. I heard you get a small glass. Just show us reaction, please. Now show us reaction after I say this. Watch this. Yeah, what have you fucking loser? Let me see your ass. Check out inconceivable Netflix incorrect. What is it then? Hey, Sam, what other podcasts are you going to do to promote your special other than Joe Rogan.
So, so people know that like they don't need to see it, they've already seen this. Um, I'm doing all you garbage after this. Oh, those guys are funny. They are. I love them. Those guys are really funny. I love them. Yeah. You should hang out with them more, pick up some of the stuff because they bust balls but like, but they do it well. You're funny. Yeah. Who else? I'm sure you've heard that a lot. Um, what else, uh, Cristina P, I think I'm doing your mom's house with Cristina P. Sometimes it's Cristina sometimes the time, right? Yeah. Yeah. I think I landed Cristina's week. Um, I don't know what else. I'm pushing them to in plenty of, uh, oh, a spade and, uh, Dana Carvey, who are you going in or zooming? I think they only zoom. Yeah. I see zoom stuff. Like guys, what are we doing here? I don't watch a lot of the clip. I love them. And I don't watch a lot of them. I go away sometimes. It's like, I don't know what it is. Oh, I see a zoom thing. I might do COVID. No, even, I mean, no. I remember during COVID when people are doing that and I was just like, I get wanting to distance yourself. If that's your fear, I'm not taking a stance on that. I mean, I literally had people on my balcony, but I had people over, like try. And I do think there is a little, like, it's hard to connect on zoom. I agree. I agree. They're, they're like those are those are, that's Dana Carvey and David spade. I mean, that's, I think I'm doing a couple of others on zoom too, which is like, they're like, that's all they do. I say no. Really? All right. Big shot. Sorry. I would have had Barack on, but he's not that one. But he would only do zoom. I get you when you went, you went to Marin's garage, you won't take your shoes off in my living room. Barack? Yeah. And he goes, all right. I'll do it. No. I'll do it. But that was good. That was good. Wait for something. I'm promoting. That's a great impression. I didn't know you had that. He's the worst president that ever lived. He's terrible, oh Jewish guy. Was that Eli Wallach? Do you want me to do an impression with Eli Wallach? Not gone dead. That was fucking good. Not gone dead. Okay. What is your butt? Wait, just pan over to me again. You want to try that again? What was that? Oh, this dog's so sweet. I know. Alfin. He's almost done talking, buddy. It's good energy. I like that. I like that. Makes me think of Ronnie Dangerfield and Caddy Shack. Looks good on you, though. I love when he's just singing everyone in the room, but she was something before electricity. I'll tell you. Why don't you get more of this stuff in your act, more Rodney? Isn't that great? This is what it's all about. You go out. You tell your jokes, be it. Come home to this. I know. I wouldn't mind coming home to that and in a woman and a partner. Yeah, but the problem is your personality. You're a handsome guy, but you're very hard to be around. I think my personality is way better than my looks. I'm on a podcast right now and I'm just playing around, but like in real life, I'm like, do you think it's funny? Do you want me to get you another cup of coffee? Are you feeling okay? Oh. That kind of guy. Cool. Do you want me to leave you alone? I'm cool. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want me to go down on you? We turn to the dog. What? Oh, Sam. Got him. There's one thing that I can always count on with Sam Arrell. A good joke. If it exists. I'll find it. It just seems like when I remember around you, no good jokes exist. Oh. That's weird. Do you want to try something funny? Yeah. Great. I'd love to start on this podcast. Yeah. Let's try. Oh. What do you got? All jokes aside, Sam. You know how much I love podcasting with you. Oh, you're the best. I think you're so funny. And I recently hired a team of bookers. Okay. And they've been helping me out with some people. Yeah. It was like Rick's gone a little Hollywood on me. I'm talking to some other guy. They reached out. They said, I didn't know that you had a special coming up. Do you have any trailers? That's what I'm trying to say. I didn't know. They told me that you were trying to do podcasts. I don't know if you have somebody reaching out to people. Yeah. I don't want to hear who says no. That's why I do that. Well, I wouldn't say no to you. Okay. And that's why you saw him disorganized. Is that why you don't ask consent? I have her ask. The public. No. No. I've got to show up on the date. The public. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. And I have a team of bookers. The greatest bookers. You've ever seen. I'm glad you find yourself funny. I'm glad you left. I'm glad you left. I was laughing at you laughing at yourself. You pay him to laugh. You bring a guy into pay to laugh and even a guy. What do you mean? A guy. Because he's black. What do you mean? A guy. I assumed he was a man. Can I tell you something about racial relations in comedy? You tell me. I think too many people have seen clips of people referencing race and sexuality. And it opened the door for them to do it without craft. And that's a real opinion I have. And I think that you have to want to buy Robert Kraft. Oh, funny because of because of sheeran. But I think that people are less divided today yet have more hateful rhetoric. What's your take? I don't. You're turning to a social commentator now. You use a fucking ventriloquist on X, you use a ventriloquist in your act. Shut the fuck up, Rick. Have you ever seen what I do with the puppet? That's great. Do you understand it's a metaphor for how we all have something up our ass telling us what we're supposed to say? Yeah. It's fucking heavy. It's very. It is. I'm making a silly thing. cartoons could teach you about, you know, like how to how to parent. Yeah. Like you talk, do you remember how teachers used to do wraps to tell you about the periodic table of elements? No. I don't. Do you remember how the animaniacs used to do songs to teach you about all of the countries? Sure. I don't remember. I don't think it was teachers. I think it was episode of Fresh Prince. All right. Anything you want to plug? Yeah. You're mouth after talking you for a fucking hour. You stink. Oh. Oh. Am I special? San Morel? Incorrect. September 29th. On Netflix. I don't. I'm looking at the other camera. But now we're going to have to go to the wide. Here's what I'm going to make. No, you weren't. I swear. Yeah. My bad. You have trust issues. I just want you to have a second take. I want to have a second take, too. Let me do them. What time? All right. You know, let me do it. San Morel. On Netflix. Incorrect. New comedy special. It's really funny. You heard it here first. Rick Glassman says it's the best special he's ever seen. He came twice in his pants while watching it and his dog was sitting on his lap while he did it. John Michael, make sure that we use McCone's camera for that last take. Funny. Is there anything else you want to plug? Is there any charities that you'd like to work with? I'm being serious. Sure. Lots of charities. City Harvest is a great charity in New York. What do you like about them? I like that they help feed homeless people. What's the workflow? Like, would you donate money? Do you not eat food? Yeah. If so many people on the train giving out sandwiches, I mean, they do a lot of different things. Like if people find out more. How do they, they're good, the educational lines, the good charity, my dad's pretty involved with them. Say how do people find out more? I guess there's Google it. Yeah. Google it. Great. How do people find that about anything? Are you familiar with ePath? People are sitting homeless. Oh. I'm familiar with people are sitting at homeless. I don't know what ePath is. It's an organization. Each path.org where they take families and not only try to help them find them a home, but also a job and pays for the rent for the first year and you get a group of people together and you have like a day and you go in and you help move them in. Someone will bring stuff for the pantries and like if you have like, oh, I have like this bed frame that I'm getting rid of, like, oh, let's talk to ePath and like you kind of assemble the stuff to build it and you go in and you spend a day with these people and like you get to know them and it feels like, oh, I'm not just putting my hand with you for half a day and they're like, I'd rather be homeless. That's what happens, right? I mean, there are people that hang out with me that feel that like, thanks for the help, but maybe. Dial a back. Dial a back. You're a lot. Yes. What I like about that organization is I go, I then I go like, but like, I'm here for the day. I'm helping out. Yeah. Can I just run some jokes about you? You're like patched atoms if they were like, could you just not come in? Yes. Aren't they like that? The patched atoms though? He fought the system, but you don't have the guts for something like that. Yes, I do. No. I'm like any young man. No. No, I'm not a system. Lenny Bruce. Lenny Bruce or any young man has a joke. I used to do a joke a while ago and my brother always loved the joke and I think it's funny because the joke didn't go really well, but I mean, it's a throwaway joke. But I would say, take my wife, for example, and then I would say something. And I don't know if people didn't know the joke or just didn't think it was funny, but like, that was early. I don't know. I was doing stand up, but that structure was something. It's a comedy joke because you're making fun of a joke. Yeah, I'm not making fun of a joke, but I get the perspective. Totally. I've always thought that like, when you know you're turning left, a left turn isn't valuable anymore. So I sometimes think going straight is the turn. I could see how that could be it that. But that style of joke I was chasing for probably 10 years. Like, I think the reason I don't have a special out right now is because I was chasing things for a while that I think are funny, but I
I didn't know how to have other people see it that way. And for better and for worse, I'm glad I took that journey. - Yeah. - For example. - Sure. - Really? - Yeah. - Anyway, I was just telling you a little inside baseball. - Take that part out of the podcast, please. - Laughter, I got his booze on mine. Sam, thanks for coming over, man. You're one of my favorite people to podcast with. And I'm really excited about checking out the back half of your special on my walk back to my hotel. - Thanks, dude. You need a bigger, big half. So maybe you'll like the second half. - You need a bigger, what? - Big, so behind. So I fucked up the joke. Fuck, I almost landed the dismount. I didn't fucking land it, dude. I don't think you almost landed it. - No, I didn't. - I didn't. - Don't be so hard on yourself. - Okay. - And speaking of heart on, if you want to check out a great special, check out inconceivable by Sam Morrell. Out on Netflix. - Incorrect. - Where is, I guess it's on Amazon Prime? - It's called incorrect. It's on Netflix. - Oh yes. - Yeah. - Check it out on Netflix. And if you want to check out any of his older stuff that's not as good, agreed. This is the best question to go. But out, agreed. - It's one of my favorite ones. - Yeah. - It's one of my second favorite ones. - What's your favorite one? - I like I got this on YouTube a lot. - I didn't, really? - I didn't like that one. - Wow, okay. - Yeah. - But inconceivable is hilarious. Check it out on Netflix. Incorrect on Netflix. - Are you correcting it because you feel like people don't know what it is now? Or are you doing it to play with me? - A little both. - Right. So you think that people are gonna Google inconceivable after we've made that joke eight times? - I'm just going off with yours. I don't know. - Don't watch the special. Wow. Don't watch it. Instead, donate to the homeless. - Sam has enough. - Yeah. - Oh, you need five million people to watch you go like, "Oh, you know, silver fox, silver fox, fucking." - That's a good bit. - Great bit. - That laughed out loud. Thank you, man. - Tough topic to make you all too, 'cause I really don't like that. It's just, you know, it's a bit like, "Wow, I mean, I really know how to land it." - Great. - I did. I landed that fucking plan. I'm like, "Sully, dude." - Yeah. - And you did it twice. - I did. - Yeah, you also had the plan. - Sully did it. - You also had the plan. - I just realized. - You landed it. - You absolutely landed it. - Okay. - You made the best of a situation. - It's just like you me, I'm gonna come on the fuck out of you, Jacks. - Jacks. - Jacks. - Jacks. - Jacks. - Jacks. - You don't just do two back to back. - You're a fucking Jack off. - Jack off. - Jack off. What's your obsession with the (beep) here? But you know what? We'll talk about it next time, you're on. My name's Rick Glassman, and as I always say, Samuel's special inconceivable is out now. Make sure to check it out. (laughs) - That was funny. - Yeah, I was. (laughs) (upbeat music) - All right, thank you guys so much. - Do you want to answer? Oh, sorry, yeah. Yeah. Thank you. - You're right, but I'm gonna go ahead. Yeah, I didn't really get the other guy. - What do you, oh, thank you. Thanks for you. Thank you guys so much. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)
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