Sam Morril's Guide to NYC!

Stop the presses gang the American garbage special is out on YouTube right now numbers are cooking We thank everybody for their support keep sharing it. Keep telling everybody about it. We love you Yeah, and if you like what you saw we are on tour right now We're gonna be in Appleton, Wisconsin soon. Who's a San Diego Tacoma at Landa Philly? Hello Springfield Fort Wayne Connecticut hours of Phoenix, Arizona Timonio Merrill and Milwaukee Chicago Cincinnati Columbus all tickets available at regarbage.com. If you got a garbage question come out and see the boy Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcasts. This is are you garbage? Oh, yeah, a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're good to be classy Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash trash trash. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here with Toddy's in a new edition. She's in the garage doing some chin-ups, okay? Not the pull-ups like last time, but the chin-ups. She's really getting in there. Okay, okay Guys repurposed it got that one my coach coming in from right next to me. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He's an international businessman. Thank God my best pal know Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody. Hey, buddy. What's up, pal? How are you? You really you're really not a late-on-thick there, Hank guys. First of all, thanks for tuning in as always Just make sure you're ready to use the travel night. It's full video available on YouTube full video available over there on Spotify The boys are coming to freaking shorts top 25 Oh, you know that obviously the greatest website of all time or top 10 on that www.patrion.com Sasha are you garbage go over there? Get all that bonus content gang. Yes, sir And gang we couldn't be more excited of our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guest back with again today He's basically family at this point. Yeah, you know what I mean? We do his pods. He does our pods. We hang out We talk we talk comedy. He's one of the best one of the best standard community. It's working today He can hear me a week on his amazing podcast. We might be drunk. He has a brand new Netflix special out this Tuesday entitled incorrect Truly one of the best joke writers out there. Give it up for Sam Marillard Holy shit, huh and you nailed every every point of that with him. That was heavy. It out of the gate. Uh-huh. It's beautiful coming in baby That's about it. That's about it. He didn't throw it in the first control for a little while We just replace him with AI for the rest of the show. It's just me and you are you worried about AI? No, what? Not at all Well, first of all, he's got bigger promise He's got fucking this after new promise. This is a start doing coke and getting this cool It's I have no trouble with the gentleman at all. You're worried about HF You're not a no AI man. I'm fucking I'm getting there. What do you mean like wiping us out? That's what they're saying Well, yeah, it's gonna wipe us out. Well, they said 10% chance of when I said that a few people said 10% Arty was junior man on the account and then we're gonna cut let's cut to an ad break here and drop it. This is brought to you by clawed by flock Cam no 10% is is fucking high though, dude, and it's like, you know, like if you told me I had a 10% chance of banging Sydney, Swini I'd be like, that's pretty good dude. I bet that's on that So if you tell me 10% chance of extinction. I don't love it. Yeah, that's a good point. How does it make us extinct? Huh? They band together. I think To the servers again, nooks probably the new sauce. Do you see that one they were interviewing it? It was like a you know, it was like a woman and then midway through speaking English and midway through it switched to Chinese Did it really get AI? Yeah, it was like a robot or whatever doing it. I've had that happen with my friends who are drunk Yeah, midway through it started speaking Chinese. That could also be AI. I don't know. There could be a glitch Yeah, but I don't want to switch into Mandarin. That's fucking that ain't good for I think I'm for the boys in the fucking forward. Every kind of well They all say it's like right now AI needs us, but it's gonna be a point where it's like super intelligence and we're and we're in trouble But it's still just a little computer grid. How's it going to get out? I was no one's asking you He always does there's like, wow, here the helicopter lands mr. Foley were from the Pentagon. We need you right away I'll be right there. We need you to fuck this thing up Hey, go talk to AI and have it kill itself after an hour. I got chopped on the way. Is that okay? Everybody Ryan D. We had a good run. Yeah, but I heard too a lot of this and this could be I just could all be spanned We're gonna be in the spin zone right now. This is political as we get by the way. I'm already out of my element I heard it's all to drum up buzz so they can pass good Strict legislation. That'd be great. That's what I ended up on or somebody came out said that again. I'm making something. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking That's what he did. He made something nice on that damn mandami. I do blame on dummy for most of us The rents to god damn mine Yeah, that's the last thing I gotta worry about But I see what you're saying. Yeah, but I always say if If we're all gonna go we'll go together and maybe it'll maybe we become cool with China over there Shit, yeah, we all have to worry about you know what us fighting an AI war us and China fighting an AI war against AI Avengers endgame and it's like when Loki had to work with everyone else, but who do we shoot net if we went to war He seems gotta go. What are you cooking it? Get that? I don't know. I don't think sir. It's getting him like he's actually got the hits. No, I Was I was I loved it, dude Copenhagen oh Stockholm Copenhagen's beautiful. I I did a bunch of bits there, dude. I did a joke about making fun of Pedophiles and it got like zero and I come off stage I see the promoter. I was like what the hell was that and he goes the age of consent here is 15 So and I was like that's fucking insane. He goes yeah, and they're trying to make it younger like who's they? One guy one guy Billy over one of these meetings. Yeah someone showing up like we can't wait till 9th grade Shit no Copenhagen beautiful place though And lax and lax is hell. Yeah. Hey, what happens in Copenhagen? It's the Copenhagen, please that's the day you're leaving like what the fuck I can't change my flight. Yeah, no great city stock home great city man. I was all over Europe. It was awesome It does this thing very good new spech new spec Netflix incorrect. I'm working on it. Yeah working on the new man It's you know the guys constantly where you're one of those guys like you'll bump into with a seller and you're like you're in like Sign phone always kind of says you're in like You're going to work with your fucking tool bot like you're like you're not just like what's up? Avenue you're like I'm sure at the end and after the but you're like you can you see you're in a real Concert mode you gotta build you gotta build the new act you gotta have something to take on the road You know I only feel good if I leave with a new bit so I need some and it's like it's like laying bricks Man, just like one at a time. You finally you got your thing, but I love it. I love it I still I still get really excited when a new joke works that's the it's a drug that keeps you coming back baby Yeah, I can't only drug folly no more drugs. How much do you say me? I'm stuck in hagan. What's their go palsy there? What speaking of tour? What's on the rider? What's on the current rider? I had anything I don't have a good rider because Vitor Gary Vitor opens for me and he really helps with the rider Because he's the one who's like got this he's got the palette where he's like we have to hit this place We have to go to this restaurant. So it's a lot of stuff. I don't like actually Just stuff Gary's taking it. I need papers for the kids Baby life's two tips three pacifiers. It's Like mixed nuts and dried mangoes, which I don't like because because you get on stage It's like in your teeth. Yeah, so I don't like it the mango in the mixed dried in no, no, no the packs like the back I do I do like those a lot they make you gassy though. What dried mangoes? Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about they're from Trader Joe's hasn't loved the chili ones dude the chili ones Yeah, so those are in there it used it's got my whiskey in there. I got my own whiskey in there. I got vermouth. I got The cherries and some bitters to make them and hadn't very nice Always do it or you pass on some this weekend. I didn't really do it But if I'm doing like a long tool. Yeah, first few days you're good and then you're just like you're like all right Let's start drinking, you know, it goes from like one to two and then by the end you're like I'm fucking I'm hammered So It builds. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, I remember you told me your fam. Yeah, that's it. It's why that we have two saying they called them loudmouth soup and To to punch in your cousin To's not enough in threes too many and there's never been such a specific. Oh, yeah Let's just say about martinis and like tits, you know What one's not enough threes too many you want to but I love Yeah, love them in hand. So he is that in there and then it's just like celters and shit. It's pretty boring Okay, I think what I think Vita threw a fruit plate in there. So there's some fruit guys getting an after it on the road. Yeah, it's boring The falls coming up anything folly that you like like that you're into the fall I mean yeah New York and the fall is fucking I'm not talking about strolling through our writers wrong talking about Eating the eating the caramel dip with a spoon out of the Ooh, like things to do when you're in the fall. No, like trashy Fall flavors. Oh, I mean pumpkins. Are you a pumpkin spice guy? No, a coffee shop god no, but I love it. That's definitely yes. That's a what no No, I don't know. I don't like sweet Coffee drinks. I like I don't I think sweetening your coffee is weird. Are you are I think a coffee drinker who's sweet like milk is fine But once you put in sugar and they're like what the fuck you don't really great. I like this I think I think black or a little bit of milk in coffee sweeten it. You don't like coffee get a fucking you who you know Like what are you doing? I agree. Okay, so what your coffee drinker? What's the do you are you making it at home? If so how you making it? You're buying it out you buying it local. What do you what's the I'll make it? I'll deal I like the ritual of making your own coffee, but yeah, I'll grab a coffee on the street too I guess yeah, you got a curing. What are you doing at the house? I got like a it's like a Quizanard thing. It's like grind and brew so it just slides in it's not that expensive. It's pretty good Yeah, are you in the same spot you've been for a while? Yeah, you move somewhat recently I moved in my building just on a higher floor Yeah, I'm going to have my tail lanes in the in the old one So he's in my neighbor's bottom. He's my bottom. I should I'm a tail my gay name dude. Okay One bedroom to bedroom. It's a three It's weirdly shaped though, so it's not like a real three, but it's like it's it's nice a good spot You don't use it in your work. I own it Good for you. You own a piece of rock. Yeah, the main head and kid. I yeah, I love I love where I live That's great read bedroom. Yeah, that's a very New York kid paper if you grow up in New York You're like I love you that is a New Yorker. You have to love where you like you when you find a place that you love You're like this is it's your whole identity because it's so hard to find a place you love I'm obsessed that was like the main thing like that's the thing I care about is like having a place and not even know because you know You're on the road so much that when you're like I just want to place I can like enjoy when I'm home But then you know some people you see fall in the trap. They like they're home too much that they're like I feel like I work the hardest when I Hate it where I live sure sure We don't like and you're just like oh, I don't want to go there She's getting hammered at the seller to like four a.m. And I guess I'll go home now But yeah, when you when you like home it makes you I remember Ali Wong like way back in the day said to me I was a super young comic and she said don't get a girlfriend and I'll say what what do you mean? She's like you're gonna be tempted to do like Netflix and sweatpants, you know, and I get it. I get that you know And then she got the horse I guess I don't know but yeah, yeah, but she's a machine. She's always putting out new stuff You know so you're gonna be there for a while Yeah, I don't see moving anytime soon. No very nice. I like all see at the house What's in the on the kitchen what appliances are out all what what appliances live on the counter toaster for sure Got to make a good sandwich you do toaster oven or proper toaster like the pop out the old school one You got a two or four the two You hear that Netflix What else what's the countertop by the way what's on it? Yeah, what is it what's it made of I actually don't even know Gran it. I don't know. I don't know what it's made. I can't picture it right now. Is that weird? No, yeah, it's a little Maybe it is maybe it's great. I don't know. Okay, granite's not for my case. It's not wood. It's not wood. No, no Yeah, I guess it's granite. It's an earthly stone. It's a it's a stone. Yeah, if I crack my head And it'd be trouble. I'd be bad. It's where he goes. So yeah, I'm sure I think what else is on there. I got a coffee maker What else I that might be it coffee maker toaster their bones. Okay, you have under lighting underneath the cabinets like that shine on the I think there's a little yeah, it's a little under lighting recess lighting very nice You guys know my place better than I do I think a lot of we go on to do the podcast there. Yeah, huh? Okay, you got a pepper grinder a regular pepper shaker. It is a regular nothing automatic Yeah, what's the ice situation in the house? I have like the whiskey cubes. I put those in like anything selta I respect to a big cube Yeah, although you know what I really like I like those. I like the little cubes I like the little cubes like the crunchy ones like the ones you get it like oh like not quite a slushy But like right I love sure I want to figure that out. Yeah, you can oh no the sonic does it you can get the sonic ice as like Who was it? Heather McMahon has the stand alone. That's so funny. She said she DMed us afterwards She's like of all the pods and appearances and things I've done. I've never received more DMs or comments or messages about my ice maker that sits on the camera. Yeah, I just do the whiskey I take a couple hundred bucks. I think you can get on Amazon. Yeah, even the little tiny balls that you can get Nah, there's always that there was a little like not quite a shape and I don't I never did it right when I was a kid I got a like it was wasn't a Spencer's but it was something like that where you got and I Stray that was little footballs a little that's pretty fun cool. I do like that. It's so cool. Damn You're I mean I was a natural we can do the fucking birds travel. Yeah, they travel like I've never seen Dude, I watched it's so funny to bring that up. I saw I saw a video of a dad talking to his son. He's like why we're not gonna be home for the game on Saturday I can time for some reason. Yeah, I know and the kid was like, you know what upset and he's like because we're gonna be And the kids are like you're going to fucking it's kind of a regular season game. It's great. I was talking a little kid I know but it just like the city goes the only people that travel as well as the Eagles fans are the Packers fans But I this is how well the Eagles fans travel. I had a joke where I say I was I was about to sleep with the girl she takes her top off and there's an eagle tattooed in her chest and I say oh boy He slept with my mom I said oh boy, and she said what I was like I didn't know I was gonna fuck Connor McGregor tonight It's a joke, but I do that joke in Nashville and someone yells out in the middle go birds I'm like I'm like all right. I didn't it happened like three shows You don't expect that shit to happen in Nashville. Yeah, three for three. Yeah. Yeah, that's uh, but they yeah No, they travel man. There's a very dirt-back thing of you know You say it happens even like if I'm in the city here and I'm like I'm from Philly or something like on stage someone Gay birds or like they try to g check it like where from what street like I do we can do this afterwards, you know Huh Sammy watch TV with the closed captioning zone sometimes if it's a if it's like a If it's a British show or an Irish show, you better believe I do okay you got to I can't like I'm not gonna watch Peaky blinders without that shit on and I'll be honest with you. Is that class you're trashy? I don't know Kevin I don't know you're asking the question. I never I gotta be honest You never really understood I do the captions. I sometimes I don't do it if I'm trying to go to bed Cuz then you're too engaged. Yeah, I think it's well. I think it's the they're looking at the screen reading. Yeah It's like yeah too much. It stays on my wife English is their second language, so it stays on male You got a TV in the bedroom. I do nice big have like a big guy not too crazy king size bed. Yeah Sammy's doing all right. How many bathrooms are this giant two two and a half two and a half? Yeah, is there a tub and a shower? Yeah, very nice, but my but my showers think sucks like a shitty ass curtain that like keeps coming on hook That don't like it. Yeah, yeah, we're gonna fix that up Of course, that's what you do. I've never gone to a high school reunion. No, would you now? Would you come to mine? I'm do a family foley's date and sim. What was the last time you were on a boat? Oh That's a good question. I did a ferry. I think Whoa, okay, I did I did a private and core food. Where's It's in an island in Greece. Whoa, you in a private. Yeah, I bomb so hard. They flew out there. It was crazy Yeah, they flew me out. This was whoa a lush green Greek islands It's blown sea. Well, I've never flown so far to do so badly It was I was bombing so hard at this guy's private event that my I brought my girlfriend with me and she's at the bar like she's panicking seeing how hard I'm bombing so she starts She starts going She's laughing and like fake laughing to try to give me momentum But she's not giving me my them. They're just looking at her like who the fuck is this crazy lady laughing on but yeah I bomb so hard, but yeah, we wall was there the next day after I'm bombing I'm thinking like we got to do something to get the stench of that set off me So yeah, I rented like a little boat and it was it was dirt cheap to run and you just drive it just drove it around It was nice you drove. Yeah, well, how many people around something like that? How many people were in the audience? 60 I'd say three crack the smile so 60 people. Yeah, so this kid did what it was a Probably a guy's a guy's sixty six-year-old birthday party his kids were fans not him got so they booked me and The kids were dying during my set the three kids, but everyone else was like what the fuck is this and I'm doing and I'm like I had to be like a certain point like I'm aware this isn't go I had all these jokes in my head like ready to roast the guy And I had to just not do any of those because it was going so like you got to have some good will To roast where they American invocationing there Russians, they were but they were like interesting Russians where it was like They're like not allowed back in Russia. I don't think I know I grow up Like they they you know criticize the government so yeah, no kidding. It was a weird gig Wow, so that was the last time I was on a boat Jesus Christ, and then I'm trying to think of any yeah I'm not a I'm not a huge boat guy, but yeah, if you're in a fucking place like that You got it. You got to give it a take it for a space like going to Copenhagen and not never mind never mind What's the last time you had a trivia night trivia night. I can't I mean maybe like college or something very good I've no idea what you do karaoke. What's your social? I mean obviously you're Very oaky like a night off. I'm I'm a bad if I do karaoke. I last made a karaoke was at a funeral I did in Lisbon. I did I did I did I did everybody knows by Leonard Cone I'm like this is what I can hit this is this is my vocal range. This is great. Okay. I was hammer doing a Everybody knows that the deal is rotten. I can't do it. Yeah, no, it's a pretty bad. I got you wow, okay No, yeah trivia. I can't I yeah, no, I have no idea Can't but talk about butcher box Butch it back and yeah, I love butcher. Who don't love butcher box? You ever stay in there? You look inside the refrigerator when I had a refrigerator Look inside the refrigerator. There's nothing. Uh-huh. You know, you could do butcher but you're a butcher box talking about a hundred percent Grass-fed beef talking about again chicken wild caught seafood and a lot more you get a chip over you can curate your box You can let them pick it. Throw it in a freezer. Keep it fresh. Cook it throughout the week. What are you doing? Yeah I'm going to the grocery store you're getting that whatever they got over there who knows that mystery meat Do it right do butcher box holidays are coming up falls coming up you want to get to get to get the freezer stock? Yeah, everyone's gonna happen He don't want to be eating chicken that does creatine or whatever. I'm talking organic chickies. Let's go Listen butcher box is nice enough to let the boys wet their beak on a subscription and I got to be honest with you Me and my wife. I mean my wife's my wife loves it. She's she's the main cook at a house I don't know what I'm doing, but she goes it brings us together It's gonna me. We got the wife. We got the little guy in here dogs waiting for the scraps It brings us get it brings us together. I don't do porcelain with that But the ground beef I got to be honest with you pop notch ground beef That's the first time I ever saw like classy ground beef. Yeah, I can't even those square That's just a butcher box. Uh-huh telling you makes you feel like it makes you feel like the guy you're not yes Take that to the bank take that to the butcher box If you're looking for an easier way to get great meals on the table Which give butcher box to try go to butcherbox.com slash garbage You get $20 off your first box plus your choice of free rib-bite New York strip Filament yarn in every box for a year. I'm gonna say that one more time. You get free rib-bite New York strip or filament yarn in every box for a year with free shipping Always that's put your box.com slash garbage one more time butcher box.com slash garbage Be sure to use the link so they know we sent it do it do it Cabots fill them in on fabletics No, no, I know my biggest problem is I'm gonna match stuff up. I am fabletics They kind of like pick stuff. They you're pointing the right direction how to make things look good they give you the fits The fits they put it together because listen Listen, this is my part of my problem. I say yeah, I'm working out more. I'm going to gym I'm doing this kind of I'm running and I look like I look like I got dressed in a lost and found sure It's a tough look and that makes listen. This is a me problem makes me not feel confident I feel like I look like a bozo. I feel like everybody's judging me But fabletics gives you gives me the nice outfit the trip the tailored the I my pants the tailor joggers the shorts I look good and they go this guy at least knows what he's doing. It doesn't look like he's running from a crime You know, you know the truth is what you did a good. I know I got fabletics. Now I got fabletics straight me out Not even that they got First of all, you get when you sign up for the new when you become a new VIP you sign up you get 70 to 80 percent off Your first order unlock incredible savings the moment you sign up It's one stop shop. 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Kevin was asking a night off a movie a movie or a game like watching the game or watching a movie watching a movie at the house Going out to a movie either. I like watching a movie at home, but yeah, I'll go out, but Like the old time you theaters like popping in like an IFC or film form scene like there's throwing like you know IFC just had to thief plan fucking badass James Conn movie like there's something like that up there I'll give it a I'll take that. It's a very New York experience, but yeah, I like I'll watch the game you know baseball basketball football usually the ones I like what does this something you would do by yourself or with with Somebody either either I don't mind watching a movie alone I love it. I feel like I can just zone I like things where I can get rid of the phone like put the phone down and just be engaged in something and if it's good You're gonna, you know, you get lost for a couple hours. I like I like escaping. I think about that time This is years ago. I think we're in the green room at New York comedy club. So this may have been pre-pandell like pre-AYG I was talking to you and you're like, yeah, I started swimming. I'm like, oh wow Yeah, you're like you got to put the phone down. I can't be on the phone the pool and I was like wow I went to the rec center for years rec center is one of the best deals you can do it's like a hundred and fifty bucks for the whole year It's crazy and you got an old medicine ball a pool. It's amazing. It's really a great I don't know why everyone doesn't do it. I'm glad they don't because I would I'll do it on tour like I'll pop into a rec center and just Play pick a ball with the randos there or just swim. Like YMCA you mean? Yeah. Yeah. I love them. Huh you can get a day pass Okay, I get a lot of emails. I get a lot of emails you have to give me your email so I'm like I'm like Toronto again What the hell? But yeah, I love of some of these are like nicer than a fucking equinox. You're just like this is free Mm-hmm. It's all city run stuff. It's great. Yeah We belong to equinox and we stop going we belong to the one around the corner All the time now Dominique the fucking trainer. I want to get him from the great joke You know, it's I've had easier times walking off street the gangs. Yeah I'm gonna have an equinox that's true. Yeah, huh. Okay So you're out at a restaurant. Also, do you have one restaurant recommendation in New York? Oh, okay, I have a few but I love our tours on house in the pizza place sure that's a great, but I just like the the vibe of it I just like that it's like do go and house in a write-off. Yeah, it's right by there and it's like really good pizza and Really like like a nice vibe like the people who run it are really cool and it's like old New York and it looks old and They'll make it you know make you a good cocktail. I went there with Mateo Lane once and he just I don't know how but he somehow Take so they have a piano player, so I'm like he just started singing for flying me to the moon And to the light that is getting applause from people I'm like we can't we can't go to a normal dinner Yeah, it was great, man. Yeah, he's he's amazing and then I love Arturos. I love In the talent spot. I love called Lortuzzi Lortuzzi really really good. It's uh guys like West 11th or something. It's really good And I love strip house if it's like a special occasion like a good steak Very nice. Those are probably those are three. I'll throw you very good Well, you point at the menu when you're ordering. Well, you do like I'll do the Clams casino. I've done that for sure. Yeah, if it's if it's like a if it's a Chinese place or something like if it's hard to pronounce Yeah, I'll do a little point. How do you feel about people at the table order in the same thing and why not or do what you feel like? Okay, I think sometimes it's just like this looks like the thing will split something else But I like splitting the thing. Okay. I like giving it. I haven't tried new things. I was watching something the other day It was in New York. I believe the chef was like I don't like he goes this thing where we order seven different things and everybody splits I hate why he's like it's crazy. Uh, he goes. That's not how the that's not how the meal is intended I don't like people taking control. Yeah, I'm trying to curate your experience. I'm a fan my only critique of that is I do We do much when you do the family style thing, but it's you know, so when you're on tour and you know, sometimes you want to have a good night Like you want to have a like I've been fortunate to open for people who really take care of your Ed Sheeran People no, sometimes you go on tour with people The ones you open for people and they really like all this is a good morale I remember I've been out with Adam Sandler a bunch and the way he takes everyone out is like you know, obviously Certain people can afford to do it differently than other like Adam, but he's so generous and it's like a steakhouse every night And it's like a bunch of sides and it's like a good vibe and you see how it just lifts everyone on the tour Yeah, have that nice thing so yeah, I think meals are important to me very much so you try to do so I'll have like a crew Usually with me and we try to have an idea. Yeah, we do the same thing It's when we can when you can get a later ret will like yeah, so you know, let's see what if you don't have a late show Whatever like when what's the latest res we can get it? It's at a solid enough spot where you can get something and it's it's just good Man we focus on work so much. It's good to just like all right. Let's have like a real proper sit down Yeah, there's too many good things in the menu these days to fucking only get one thing You're still hung up on this and I'm with you. I'm with you. I want to try stuff. I do underside get that But I understand that like you know this goes back to like the kind of I guess like the queasy cooking aspect of it If like the chef makes something It the dish to be intended that way to be like oh, I'm gonna watch the first 15 minutes of your set then go watch something out Like your set is here's my set. Here is the show. They're going the fucking whatever this dish is the show If it's a place I've been new before and I just like love the entree then I'll just maybe get that but if it's you know If you're like dabble and of course. Yeah, I want a dabble and I like to split some stuff. It's fun. Yeah Yeah, I'm in the splitting Jamie let me hop back into the apartment for a second. Sure any exercise equipment in the home a pull-up bar a pull-up bar But it's like a piece of shit thing that I just throw up and down. Okay, you take it all like it. A starve was over once and he goes that But you don't even use that thing. And I was like, I'll fucking, I'll show you some pull ups. I don't like when someone challenged me. - Yeah. - How many can you do? - Couple. - I like 10. - And what is it hanging in between which door, which bedroom? - The one I never used, 'cause I don't use it. - Okay. - And what is in the other two bedrooms? You have ones in office, I assume? - Yeah. - And then a guest bedroom? - No, I'd have like a couch in there. People could sleep on if they come by. But yeah, I don't, what do I have? - Okay, the other one's barely, it's very small. It's a sauna. - Nice. - Nice. - It's like an infrared sauna. It's a very small room, it couldn't really fit much more. - Really? - Okay, not big. - So that's why I say it's not a real three bedroom. But yeah, I got the sauna in there. - I respect that. Use that every day? - I use it a lot. - Okay. - I like a sauna, man. - Yeah, it's good, good for you. - Do you have an ironing, ironing and ironing board in your hands? - I don't. - Do you know how to do that? - Yeah. - You know how to iron? - I do have an ironing board I've just never used. I use a steamer usually. - Okay, steamers. - Do you do, you're a New York guy. How are you doing the, first of all do you have washer, dryer in unit? - No, it's in the building. - In the building. - Do you do that or do you drop out the fluff and fold? - I usually drop it off, but I'm just not here enough, but if I have a day I'll do it. I don't mind. I like a task where you shut your brain off, you throw in an audio book or a podcast and you just do shit like that, so I don't mind that. - I get that. There's nothing better than the drop off. If I like, you know, say we're going on the road on Thursday, I'll drop off Tuesday, pick up Wednesday night and to have all of my, I'll drop off almost all my clothes to have all this stuff ready perfectly packaged. - I love it. - Then to put right perfectly into a suitcase, it's like my OCD, I'm like I'm showing up, everything's done perfectly, I get to choose. - She even OCD, it's just your busy man, dude. - He gets me, the same as I get it. - I've been doing that a little trashier. I bring my luggage to the laundry man. - He is moving different, fully is moving different. - I'll bring my luggage there with all dirty clothes. I'll wash it and then put them in the luggage and I'm packed ready to go. - I like that. - Yeah. - I just stink. - Thank you. (laughing) - That's just nice to be recognized. - Everybody? - Let's see, will you swim in a hotel pool? - I love it. - Yeah. - Anytime, I'll swim in any fucking pool. I love it. - I love some laps, man. That's a great way to hang over to you. Just get in there, you belt out a few laps, I'm getting ready to go. - I remember, I think that when we did the Route 66, we stated in loss, my favorite pool day was Vegas, it was outside the outdoor pool. It was trashy hotel, 'cause we had to put up 15 of us, 'cause we had the documentary crew too. - It's like spring break, guys. - Yeah, and dude, we were just like, Keaters in the pool. - Lot of leg tattoos. - Yeah, it was a great time. - I love, yeah, dude. - It was like a barbecue vibe going on. - I used to, oh, man, I'll swim in a rec center, I'll swim fucking anyway, dude. - Good for you. - Do you have to make an appointment to swim in a rec center? Like, if that place is doing yoga or anything in there? - Oh yeah, you might have to look at the schedule, yeah. Yeah, it's kiddie time or something, yeah. I got you. - It's just kind of kids, what the fuck? - Well, no, they have like the kids play. - Yeah, no, I got you, I got you. - You have 15 in yoga. (laughing) - Well, you send food back in a restaurant. - He can't do it. - No, it's weird, I'd rather just take my L, yeah. - Respect it. - I've seen people do it night, they just look shitty when they do it. - I know. - Unless they bring you like the wrong thing. - It's tough. - But if it's like, if it's my friend did it the other day, but he also, I don't respect anything about his ordering where they lay it on us. - Well, we got steaks and he gets his fucking medium well, which already you've lost my fear and all over it. (laughing) - It's not Gary. - Okay. - Gary's a man of taste, he goes medium rare like I do. - Gentlemen. - Yeah, I think anything beyond medium rare. - That's crazy. - It's a little weird, you know, and he got medium well and he was like, it's fucking, it's too under-exually sent back to be cooked more. So I was like. - He sent it back to be cooked more? - Yeah, yeah. Well, you paying for dinner? I think I was, I don't know, I don't remember. - Yeah, I think grenade you got to jump on, even if you know. - Yeah, I didn't love it. - Yeah. - But he, you know, if it's him and not me, I'm like, yeah, that's him. How many, will you apologize for like, I, sorry about that. Will you throw in a sorry? Did it get you? - Yeah. - Yeah. - I don't like to be difficult in any way. I don't want to be noticed. - Out of the same way. - I don't want to, I don't want in any way for someone to notice me being a part of anything annoying. - I think we're, we're talking about this recently. Like if you're, or if you're getting an order, what, how many chain, and I get that it's, how you want it, the whole thing, I get that. Like, how many, I guess how many alterations are you okay with on a dish? - I mean, substitutions. - I don't make a lot. - Yeah. - If it's like a build your own omelet than whatever, but if it's like, but if it's like, I want this sandwich, but with none of this, you just set a different sandwich. - Yeah. - And I feel annoying doing that. I don't really do that. - Okay. - He's a gentleman. - He is, I don't, I don't, I don't. - But then I also get annoyed when places are, I won't do it, but then I also get annoyed when the like, the chef doesn't make substitutions. I'm like, all right, don't take yourself to the fucking series. So both annoy me, you know, changes annoy me, but no change is also annoy me. - You're gonna show me the option. - I want to be invited to the wedding, even if I don't want to go to your wedding. - I'm sure. - Yeah. - I love how, that can click and you were like, don't tell me I can't have substitutions. I also still want, I might want them. - It feels pretentious. - I agree with that. - But then to ask for all these changes feels annoyed, but if it's a die, I don't really have any, I don't have any allergic things. - Or you can go, give me the meat bowl. - No, I meant a dietary thing. - Oh, got it. - I'm allergic to some shit that I, you know. - Nobody ever is though. It's all lying. They're all lying. - Yeah, I agree. - I get it, they're all annoyed and someone's allergic to stuff. - We can't take risks. - I hate, I hate to even asking any dietary things. - I know you can be lady. - It's like, I'm swelling up right now. Is that a peanut over there? Yeah, it just seems very, I will say this. It only happens at the pretentious places that I go to. - True. - I mean, I'm going to go to fucking Orion Diner. They're not going anything I need to be worried about. And there's everything I got everything in a kitchen, by the way. - Do you tell them you allergic to apple skins? Or whatever you're allergic to? - That doesn't bully. - You allergic to apples? - I'm allergic to, uh, yes. The skin, we just went over this. - The skin of an apple. - The skin of produce, uh, some produce. - If it's vaporized, only if it's vaporized. - It's so funny, it was giving me shit the other day. Some guy, some one guy DM me and he's like, "Hey, man, it's a real condition, okay?" He's like, "Nobody respects me." - He was, he was, uh, scraping carrots or something like that. Just what's the cause? - No one's ever going to care, but because no one's going to make this a cause. So no one's ever going to care about it. - Yeah, I've never, it's just, it's not it. - No one's going to be like, "We need more representation now." - Yeah, this isn't a hill I've ever died in. - I just didn't know if you told them when you went in a restaurant. - Hey, if anybody's vaporizing carrots or apples back there, might be an issue. - Yeah. - You can blow it all up right now. - Okay, I'm getting up here. - Luke, Luke hit the button. No, yes, they have to be cooked. - Yeah, all right. - It's weird, you have to cook, I listen to the thing. - It's all up here. - I feel like, I feel like, so the things are I'm trying to explain myself. And it sounds even gayer. No, if you cooked the carrots, it's okay. - Yeah, there's a girl I'm seeing, she's got a son and he's getting bullied by a kid with a peanut allergy and I was like, "This motherfucker, do you know how easy we could wipe this fuck off the other planet?" And he's bullying one Reese's Pieces. - One, yeah, he'd better bring his fucking Epi pen. - He's being bullied by a kid? - Yeah, he's only five years old. - What's he doing to the kid? - I think it went, it was like a day camp thing. So I think it's over, but yeah, for a minute, I was kinda like, dude, we could fucking put a PB and J in a zip lock. He can lift up his shirt like it's a gun in the sopranos. We could wipe him out. - It's kinda brutal here in that one. - I didn't like that. - I didn't like hearing it. - Yeah. - We never told anybody. - We were getting bullied. - That was hard. - She pulled it out of him. He didn't want to say anything. - Yeah, then he got mad. - And then he got mad. He pulled a little tantrum because she stood in front of me and he wants to be cool in front of me. So I was like, "Don't fucking dig." He doesn't want to tell you. He'll figure it out. He's a young boy. He'll figure it out. - He told him that over here. - He told him it was okay. - Yeah, I gave him a gun to take the school and so they sorted it out, you know? - Yeah, after that, we'll go to Copenhagen. - Kim, this is Wayfair. - Wayfair. - This big Wayfair been a part of my household for a long time now. - I don't have the household anymore. But when I did, couches, cabinets, everything we got from Wayfair. - Yeah. - Got it all. - Yeah, we offended a lot of the studio using Wayfair. - Yes, we did. - Because listen, Wayfair's got a lot of options and they get it to you quickly. They know what they're doing. - Hey, boom, by the way, Wayfair, it's very affordable. Like a lot of different, not variations. What's the levels of what you can go higher in? You can go more affordable. You can go in the middle. They got a lot of options for a lot of different. - How about this, you ready? - Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value and trusted reviews. - Listen, I gotta catch up back. - I gotta catch up there. You've been sleeping on for a week on that couch. - Listen, and this isn't a personal shot. You're a bigger guy. - A bigger guy. - You're sitting on that couch. - That's real life. - That's that's that's that's that's that is real deal. Bug man tested right there. - Bug man tested. - Take that to the bank. Right now you can transform your space with pieces that hold up to real life. Join Wayfair rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase at the wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. That's Wayfair, w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com. Do it. - Yeah. - Wayfair every style, every home. - Gang, what do you know about Square? - Ooh, love that square. Q-Ball, what do you know about Square? (laughing) - I know. - You use Square. - We use Square. - Yeah, we are a square company. - We are a square family. If you're ever going to a place and you check that, and you're like, "Oh my God, that was fast, that was easy." What was it? It was square. - It ain't circle. - We got a lot of guys out there trying to start business. We got a lot of guys out there with businesses. - Uh-huh. - Square will help. - And ladies will come in. - Beautiful girls, you can get about it. Do yourself a favor. You square, it's the absolute best. - Yeah, squares are a platform behind the scenes of so many business you've already love and use. If you've been to a juice shop, a coffee shop, it's a lot of it squared. It's not just the point of sale. - No point of sale. It also includes the hardware that works in person and on the go. We use it on the road. - We don't. - If you come to the meet and greet you by a t-shirt, boom. Diesel's got you squared up, dog. It isn't just fast. It's smart, transparent, and built for the way people actually run their businesses. Takes a lot of the guesswork, a lot of the tracking. It's all in one place with square, except every major payment method, tap chip, apple pay, online, lets you see the sales in inventory and real time across every channel. If you've got multiple places, multiple businesses, multiple products, squares you up. If you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tool square, helps you sell, manage, and grow without slowing down. Right now, you can get up to $200 off square hardware at square.com/go/garbage. That's square.com/go/garbage. Run your business smarter with square. Get started today. - Do it. - What is one thing you do? It could be something you buy, something you use that makes you feel classy. And it doesn't even need to be expensive, or it could just be like, oh, I got this nice mug I use, it could be the, like, for me, it's like valet. Whenever I valet somewhere, I'm like, this makes me feel more important or nicer than I-- - Like a gentleman. - I just, I mean, I think like a good cocktail, or a good, or like a, if I get like a cappuccino. - Those are like the two things. I'm like, I don't-- - It's a cappuccino's the answer. - 'Cause I'm not making a cappuccino. - You go, this is nice. - Mateo will make them. - He has like a amazing system there. But I don't, yeah, I don't make those. So when I go out and get one, I'm like, oh, this feels nice. I feel like a prop. - Feel like a prop. - I feel like a proper adult. - Well, you order a cappuccino after dinner. - Now. - Well, you order a cappuccino in the morning? - Afternoon usually. I like an afternoon cap. - Go out by yourself, just for a cappuccino? - I love it. - Yeah, really? - Yeah, like a cappuccino's nice, yeah. - Okay. - Oh, kick in the pants. I get that. - I want some caffeine. - I get that, I do, I do a black coffee all the time, my wife will get a quartato or what I shall do. - I like those too. - Dude, you have a sip of it and I go, this is, why am I denying myself this? It's sweet. - Oh, you think it's, oh, quartato's aren't sweet. There's no sugar in it. - But it's sweeter than black coffee. Like the steamed milk. It's like, it's so much more of a. - It's nice. - A treat. - Why am I not doing this every day? - I love the taste of black coffee, but I have to limit it now because I've just fucked my stomach up beyond repair. Like I've had all these stomach lining issues of it multiple ulcers, so you kind of have to. - Hey, you'll figure out the bit, relax. (laughing) - So I'm just kind of like, I'm like, oh, got it, got it. So it's almost like a treat now. - Sure. - I get that, I get that. - Well, you make your sandwich at the home. - Yeah, I love making sandwiches. - Yeah, you go out, you get the cold cuts, all that stuff. - I love, yeah, I love like a turkey Swiss. Yeah, that's like probably my favorite. - Is there groceries in the house right now? If we came over, would we be all right? - Probably not 'cause I haven't been home and forever, but yeah, I had a friend stay at my place while I was gone and yeah, there was stuff in there. - Okay. - Yeah. - I have a lot of Greek yogurt, make eggs a lot. - How many eggs you're doing, three? - Four. - You do four eggs? - I respect that. I'm a four egg man myself. - Just eggs? - Yeah, I put some salt and pepper on there and then maybe make a couple of things that couple of slices of toast. - Really, four eggs. - Two at a time, he makes them. - Yeah, two at a time. Yeah, I like, I'm a big egg. - Scrambled. - I don't care much about lunch, but breakfast and dinner, I fucking love, so. - Okay. - I can't remember if you were classier trash, you wouldn't know when we had you originally. And I tell you, you're really coming into your own. - Thank you. - Appreciate it. - I mean, he's like, and toast, we're like, whoa. (laughing) - What is the toast? - Yeah, what kind of toast? - I'll mix it up, man. I love, I mean, sourdose, my favorite. - Sourdose, hot, yeah. - Sourdose, great, rye. I like rye. Keep it, I'm some. - She was guy from Manhattan. You gotta love a nice rye. - Are you getting that rye from the grocery store? Are you one of those guys that'll go to like the neighborhood place and get this? - If I pass, if there's a farmer's market on Union Square and if I pass it, I'll pick up whatever they get a horrible rye. - You're not going up to Z-bars or anything like that for? - No, fuck that. - I mean, I love Z-bars just a short way up town. It's great for the institution, don't you think? - Mr. Z-Bar, I apologize for my bad friend. - Oh, Mr. Murrell, good to see you again. - Goes up a west side spot. It's like, we don't play Barney Greengrass. - Of course. - The best. - You guys do this on what you're gonna call it on. We might be drunk, but product-wise, if you could recommend one product, it could be like a luggage, something for travel, something for the house. - For travel, I got a great one for you. - What is, what do you call it? - Packing cubes. - Whoa. - They're like 20 bucks on Amazon. And I just, I have like one for my underwear, one for my shirts, one for my pants. So it's just, there's order. - Yeah. - We live in disorder, I want some order. So you have it here, you have it there. And by the way, I can pack so much more. Like I looked, how am I fucking girlfriend packs? - It's all this stuff. I'm like, what do you, this is chaos. This is chaos. And then. - That's a good one. - It's, dude, they're $20. - And you get like seven cubes. You get your socks, you get everything. It's great. - Good. - It's a great wreck. - Yeah, I'm so, this is how stupid I am. I bought a new bag and it came with like a packing, one packing, you know what I'm saying? No, I've been using it and I'm like, this is great. And I'm like, I can use fucking four more of these. - Dude, they're great. - I just stop at the one. I couldn't get paid. - I gifted them the people and they're like, that's amazing. - That's it. - Because it's a game chain. If you travel every week, you have to have some order. - It's the digging. - I'll give you another thing I use. - For travel, sleep and mask, like a one that's decent. Everyone's face is different. But for whatever reason, that blue, temper-peedic one, just mushers, I do it. I can sleep, 'cause I was in Nashville over the weekend and I'm on fucking, it was like the birds weren't town and it's parents' weekend for the colleges so there's no hotels available. The only place I could get was this like second floor on Broadway, dude. Talk about sirens all night. I'm like, dude, thank God, I put headphones in, put the fan on, sleep and mask. I slept like a baby. - Wait, what's fan? - The white noise app. - You okay. - I got a fan on the white noise app. - Nice. - Great, all great travel stuff. If you don't travel, this is probably the most boring shit you've ever heard about, but if you travel, we're talking packing you. - They're fighting, it's a game changer. - No, you're not wrong. You're not wrong. - I'm picturing myself on the other queen bed in the room like digging through my stuff and being like, cubes, it's all gotta be cute. - Dude, you're not a robe guy, are you? - Now, robes are, I mean, I have one, I got one during COVID and I was like, what if I become? - You know, I don't like it. - Sure. - So yeah, I think a robe can be nice. I like a waffle robe if we're gonna do it. - Really? - What's a waffle robe? - It's the fabric. - Yeah, well, it's like you dry up a little more quickly. - Oh, I know what you're talking about. - But I was just richy shit. - I would never throw on like a hotel robe. I think it's weird. - Huh. - What about pajamas? - Nah. - Never, I could see you in like a nice pair of pajamas. - Yeah, I think they're, it's just another thing to wash. - True. - I just want like, just give me some underwear, I'm fine. - You got slippers? - Yeah, I like slippers. (laughing) - What kind? - They're uggs. - I got 'em like 10 years ago on "Fallon" as a gift. And I've had 'em ever since, and they're great. - And they gave you slippers? - Yeah, I was like in the gift bag, but I gifted that to a bunch of people. I love, a good pair of slippers goes a long way. - Gentlemen. - It says, I'm home and I'm here to stay a little while. (laughing) - You don't wear them. Are you wearing them like in the house or if you're wearing- - Of course. - Well, you're wearing that when you get to paper or something like that with them. - Yeah, yeah. - I don't know, just anything in the house. I don't know. I'm barefoot in the house. - I don't like, I like a little fuzzy slippers. - I got you. - Or some socks. I love, here's another great, Breck. Get some fucking marina wool socks. - We're just talking. - The winters coming, baby. Get those wool socks. I have bad circulation. I feel great in those. I'll sleep in those. - I like a wool sock, too. - I love a wool sock. I love a heavy sock. - I like a wool sock and a sneaker. I don't know why. - I'd meet two, man. - Yeah, I feel like an old man. It feels comfortable. - I love a thick sock. - A hard one. - Yeah, holy shit, Foley was living a different life a few months ago. (laughing) Tell him, I'm like, you know what's nice? - A sock. - Only one. (laughing) - Please, I'm driving. - I'm driving. - Yeah. - I don't feel about this Savannah bananas. - I think they're fun. - Okay. - I love the go. - I like, I like, look, I like regular baseball, but also like, it's like an and one, but for baseball. - It's fun, man. - That's a great way to play it. - I think, I think and one, I like-- - I think and one was a little more dangerous. (laughing) - They're not doing a Savannah banana game at the rocker park. - But you know what they should. - Yeah, I get to rehearse the game. - You don't catch this flip catch. You get fucking killed. - Trying shaking your ass out there. - I like, yeah, I like it. I think it's fun and it's like, I got to do batting practice at one of those things. - Really? - Yeah, I'm birch tour, they did a thing there and it was so fun, man. Yeah, it was great, so love it. But I love regular baseball too. - Will you sleep on the couch overnight? - I have, if I say the wrong thing. (laughing) - But yeah, no, I'll sleep on the couch. I'll, I'll do those off. - You'll nod out, stand overnight? - I, I wouldn't, I wouldn't like to. It's always an accident, but yes. - Eventually, you'll get up and go to bed? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, huh. - I like bed. - I like bed. - Bed's great, but I only use the bed for bed. I don't understand these people that just are like, in bed all day. The bed's not special if you're using it all day. - Wait, really, you won't lay in bed all day? - No. (laughing) - Winner, you'll get up and go to the couch. - Oh, yeah. - He might not lay all day. - You're the one who wants a kid. - You can't live in a world where someone's not layin' around. - Those people who just use their bed as like an office, too, they're just like layin' bed, like. - Yeah. - All right, all right, with my friend Mike Lawrence, we work on a show and Mike will just be in bed, writing with me. - Like on Zoom? - Yeah. - I thought he comes over to your house, gets in here. I'm like, it's in your bed under the covers. - He's like, he's like, I like to work in bed, I'm like, whatever, but I can't do that. - I'm there with you. - I like to sleep in a bed. - It's her. - Yeah, it's either you're laying, then I'm like, I'm like, laying laying, or it's like, you're like, propped up, and that's not comfortable. - It's not special. - It's not special. - So you never just took a day and like, been in and out of bed. - Well, if I'm sick, yeah, I'm like, laying bed, but yeah, I'm not sick. - No, I'm not sick. - Really? - If I'm at full strength, I feel like a veg, yeah, it makes me crazy. - Wow. - I wanna be doing stuff. - I wish I had a little bit of that. (laughing) - I wish I had a little bit of a lot of stuff. (laughing) - Do you watch short tank? And do you have a favorite shark? - I've never really seen it. - Okay. - Probably Cuban. - Probably Cuban and have basketball guy. - I like when you used to start some shit as the Mav's owner, so yeah, probably Cuban, but yeah, I never really got it. I never was never my thing. - Gotcha. - You mentioned it earlier, someone asked. Do you have a favorite old school British sitcom? - I mean, two. I would say the British office, for sure. - Okay. - Because that's old school. And Peep Show is brilliant. I think Peep Show's one of the best shows ever made. That's like my comfort show. I think those guys are-- - The creative guy, New Guy Luke's girlfriend's dad. - I think it's incredible. It's like, I can rewatch that show. It's like, you know when you're on the road and you just need something familiar, it's like either Peep Show, old Simpsons of the Sopranos. That's like my comfort zone. - I like that. - I go first 48. - Really? - Yeah, I don't know why. - Crazy. - I need someone dying. (laughs) - Not my comfort zone. - I need someone, and it's like-- - But Sopranos is crazy violent. Like you watch it, I can take a golf club to the face. - Sure. - I'm gonna go to bed now, I guess. - But a lot of times we're in the city or we're just in the city that they shoot first 48 in 'cause it's never like, they're not the one I'm in New York. - Sure. - We're on my side in Jacksonville. - It's a lot of Oklahoma City, a lot of Tulsa, a lot of Miami. - Wow, yeah. - I feel connected though, you know what I mean? - Yeah, those are, yeah, Peep Show is unreal. - Bacon or sausage? - Change for his apartment right now. - Bacon or sausage, I go bacon. - Okay. - But I like sausage too, but bacon takes that. We own the bacon. - What's the, what's the, like you've been doing like a breakfast sandwich bagel order somewhere? What is it? - Honestly, egg cheddar avocado on a wrap, probably. - Or, or I like just like a bagel with cream cheese, scallion cream cheese, everything bagel. - Okay. - What is the last time you shoot your pants? Kindergarten. - Really? - I was on the bus and your card. - That's crazy. - No, actually I take a bag, it was first grade. - Wow. - I was on the bus and-- - That doesn't change much. - We were looking for like March. - No, no, no, I was on the bus and we were stuck in Midtown traffic. - Sand. - That's crazy. - And I couldn't, I couldn't make it. I just couldn't make it. And I went, oh, and I said, I shit my pants and someone said, no way. And then someone else padded my butt and he goes, he ain't fakin. - That's really cool. - You know what a city bus or a school bus? - Yeah, school bus. - Oh, school bus. - Yeah, it's not a city bus. - No, no, no, it's a school bus. - It would've been the third guy that day to shoot himself on a city bus. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - School bus is tough to bounce back. - I just pretty sure it was like something like Trish and that patty on the ass. Like, yeah, he lied. - And then I had to play it at a kid's place and he had like his parents work. So he had like a nanny there and she had to clean me. And I just remember her cleaning me and like cursing me. Like as she's cleaning me, she goes, dirty, dirty boy. Very dirty boy. And I was like, ah, sorry. I felt horrible, I felt so much shame. - Jesus. - I just picture you with devilish star about that. (laughing) I felt horrible, you know what's funny about shooting your paint, you got five minutes on it. - That's why. - It was bad. - What did you like, do you have to walk in there and tell her, hey, I shit my pants? - Yeah. - That's not real quick before. - Well, she smelled it, for sure, but yeah. - Yeah, yeah, I had to break the news, I'm safe. - I mean, what's wrong with you? - I felt so bad. - Damn. - Yeah, a lot of shame. - You still made the play date, that's crazy. - Oh, what are you gonna do? - Go home. - There were no phones. It was like, I had to kind of go where I was going. - Oh, yeah. - And also, who has a cell phone in first grade? - Yeah, I love that. I mean, they probably have them now, yeah. - Jesus, that day, first grade, man, that's really good. - Yeah. - Sam Morel. - Didn't feel good. - Who's cutting your hair? - You just go to a barber here? - I just went to a guy in the West Village. - Karing? - Salon or a barber? - He's a barber. - Huh, West Village Barber is gonna be crazy. - This place isn't that bad, but yeah, I mean, for the area, but oh, I hate this haircut, dude. I don't like it when they go this short on the sides. I fucking hate, I have to do it, I make it a movie and I've one scene left to shoot. - Let's go. - And for continuity, I need this. I need this look. So I got a shitty haircut once, and then I need to get the same haircut for like a year and a half, 'cause the movies kept changing. And so I, oh, I fucking hate when they do this. It's like, I used to do a joke, beware whatever music they're playing in the barber shop. That's the haircut you're gonna get. - That's correct. - Communion hip-hop. (laughing) But, no, I mean, it's like in your hair on fire. I hate when they go, like, super in. I like when it's a little more, I just feel like a balance. - I look like a piece of cauliflower, I hate it. - Gotcha, gotcha. - Oh, it's good. - I think. - It's not good. - I understand when you say it. You don't like a lot of definition. - I hate it, but I had to get it this way because it's a movie, so. - Okay, anyone in your family ever renew their vows? - No. - I didn't think so. - I don't think we've really ran into anybody that has none. - It's a weird thing to do. - To me, it only happens in movies, you know what I mean? - Yeah, I think you either leave or you stay. - Anybody in your family ever alope? - I thought you heard it right away and got married? - No. - Do you have a nice bathing suit? - No. - No. - I'd like one. - What are you using now? Just something you guys are like basketball shorts? - No, I have a bathing suit, because it's not good. It's not a good quality bathing suit. It's like board shorts. - You know what I don't like? There's no like separator. There's no like, I like the fuzzy stuff in the middle that kind of comes. - The netting? - You like the netting? - I like it, 'cause it's separate. Like, what if I want to pop into the gym real quick? Then it's like your balls are basically hanging out. - No, he can't see. - I don't. - I'm not thin. - Go pop into the gym. - Really? - I don't go swimming. - He flew when a bathing suit the other day. Don't take any inspiration. - I like a bathing suit though, yeah. - Huh. - I should get, you know what? I'm gonna get one. I'm gonna treat myself to a nice, do they? - Yeah. - They make nice shit, don't they? - They do. - Oh my god. - Have you ever been to the reading of a will? - No. - Do you know the acronym Bogo? - Bogo? - Yeah. - Is this like mag, is this mag up at the left? I don't know, what is Bogo? - Buy one, get one. - Oh, that makes sense, yeah. - Yeah, they're both Bogo. - I was thinking like Bolo, be on the lookout. You ever heard that and like, cop stuff? - You went way cooler than a one. - Put out a Bolo on this guy. - Are there any powder drink mixes in your house? - Yeah, of course. - Like what? - Electro lights. - Have you been out like iced tea or lemonade? - No, but I used to love iced tea grown up. I used to love powdered iced tea. - Sure. - Love that. - Sure. - Sure. - Huh. - Love, I mean dude, who's gonna not love an Arnold palm or two? I mean, fuck. - Yeah, there's something about me that that's even classy. - Really? - 'Cause it's like a golfer, it's a mix of two things. - We were like a very one. - You either get your iced tea or you get your fucking lemonade. - Yeah, I mean, I love both, honestly. But I never, I don't drink them that much. - Well, you order iced tea when you go out. Like I'll do the unsweetened iced tea. - I've done it before, but it's like, so yeah, it's usually coffee or like, you know. - You'll do that sometimes. Now I have-- - You can do the unsweetened iced tea and I would do it right. - That was always, you might as well been from another planet, order an unsweetened iced tea. - It tastes good though. - I know, it just doesn't get it, huh? - I like to make it, you get some, I get some Habiscus packets. - Really? - Yeah, you make it hot, then you put all the bags in and then you got yourself a nice little iced tea. It's nice. - Your fridge open like this, you have two doors that open like that? - One door. - Really? - Is the freezer on the bottom like that? - Very nice. - Is it? - Yes. - Well. - Big fridge? - I wish it was a little bigger. - Okay. - You have a dishwasher at the house? - I do. - And no washer and dryer in the unit. - Nah, it's an old building. They don't allow it. - Yeah, no they don't allow it. - I would love it, I would love one. - I used to work for like a property management and that was the number one thing that buildings hated. - A washer dryer. - And this is for like really, really super wealthy people. Wash your dryer, always leaked, and then it leaks into five different units. - That makes sense. - And it's just insurance companies fighting each other. - Oh no, old buildings in New York or you know, a lot of cities just have old-ass buildings. You just, it's not just the water, it's fucked up. It's like the air conditioning is all like one thing. So like they're like, we're only letting out a little air today and I'm like, it's a fucking heat wave. But like yeah, but we love too much air. The air goes down completely. So, you know. - Really? - Yeah, throttle it, put a governor on it. - They're hitting you with that kind of shit in your building? - It's annoying, yeah. - That's crazy. - Yeah. - Wouldn't you own? - It's annoying. - Damn. - Yeah. - Shit. - Hey. - I'm fucking losing. - Hey, just, you know, man, it's one of-- - I'm just saying, I don't want to make noise, you know what I mean? - I don't want to make noise, I don't want to make noise. I don't want to make noise. I don't want to make noise, I don't want to make noise. - I put a window unit in, I was like, come on, I put two in. - Yeah, very good. - Very nice. - Did you do it? Did you have someone do it? - I had someone do it. - Yeah. - I'm not doing that. - No, I did it. - Because I did it once myself way back in the day and it was janky and I lived in a five thing. I was just, I was so scared it was going to fall out and kill somebody. - I don't worry. - I was so scared. It was like, I also put like cardboard to finish the end of it. - Who else could you possibly blame? Who put this in? - Me. - Who's air conditioner, me? Who's a blame it on that guy over there? - I think the building's got to take the wrap on. - Yeah, take a little wrap. - Because the building takes it. - It's all bad. - I didn't know from out of town. - Yeah, it's all blood, I didn't know the sky. - Copenhagen, you know what I'm saying? - It was always very, I always face the back of the building so I didn't care, so I did it all myself. Now I face the front of the building and it's like, I can't fucking take out a dog, you know, that would be brutal, a dog. - That's your biggest fear. - Well the person had it coming, it's probably a dickhead if I'm being honest with you. - On the road, you old duty fast food, right? I've done it, but it's not like, it's not my choice. I wouldn't, I wouldn't love it, but yeah, like we all have a soft spot for like McDonald's and shit. - Sure. - This time's you want it, but yeah. - Once the last time you were in a drive-through. McDonald's. - Recently. - It was probably a couple of years ago. We had a flight delay, a land in the wrong city and we ended up having to be a fuck this connection. We just rented a car and drove back and we, yeah, we picked the McDonald's on the way. Maybe it was like a year and a half, wasn't that long ago? - That's when a bull, that is like the proper usage of that. - Yeah, I love, I mean, you know, as a kid, I was one of those fucking McDonald's monopoly kids. I thought I was gonna win that cool mill so. - I never did. - Shit, my pants whenever I want, yeah. They really had, I mean, I got fat thinking I was gonna make the money. - Sure. - I became a chubby kid being like, if I only get boardwalked, dude, I got five park places. - Come on. - I think I just got one more and it's a bit of, you know, you're a pretty good guy when it comes to decorum. - When someone else you're out at dinner, someone else is paying, you know, how much of a, are you sure about that? Let me, where do you just go? - Oh, great, thank you. - And humbly. - Depends on who it is. - And what sense? If it was us, we're out and we just get like burgers or something, I'm guy got it. Are you doing like, nah, come on. - I'm not gonna fight someone. I think if someone's aggressive about it, you're insulting that. - It's a little weird, yeah. - Yeah, like I don't like when there's a weird back and forth, but like I'm always like, I'll just get the next one. You know what, yeah, I like to try to pay you really, but if someone beats me to it, I'm like, all right, whatever, you know. I don't like it turning into a thing. - I agree. - I think it's weird when there's like a fucking standoff over a taco. - It's like, it is oddly in a sense of like, what do you think I can't pick this up? Like someone's going, I feel offended that you don't think I have $40. - Or whatever. If someone tries to be aggressive with me about it, I just say, you'll get the next one. That's my quick out of it and they're always like, okay, no one ever really fights on that. So let's say this, now not somebody like Sandler, 'cause you know, it's just an endless supply of money, but like, you're out with somebody who, somebody should pick Adam Sandler. - Well, he just said, he just said he had to do it. - I'm just saying it's fun. I've never known, has that actually been the case? - But it could be true. - Somebody, an older statesman to comedy, a little older than you, does better than you, right? You know he's, you're, he's picking up to check. - Yeah. - Will you monitor what day order in order a little less, or are you not thinking about that at all? - Do you get what I'm saying? - If I know they're gonna try to pay. - You know that. - Maybe, maybe I'll get a little less. - Okay. - If I know they're not gonna let me, yeah. - Right. - Like, you're certain guys who like, yeah, I just, - You're not, you're not gonna let me get three appetizers. I wanna try this, the bang bang shrimp, whatever. - If I know they're not gonna let me pay you. - I'll pay you. - I'll pay you. - I'll pay you. - Sam or L, this kid, just clays. - Clays, he got clays, clays, keeps to himself not a flashy haircut. - I fucking, I'm so bummed about this haircut. - I feel like a pooh. - Hold on to it again, you bring me in pedophile. (laughing) - Four eggs, he likes to sourdough toasts. - I love it. - I mean, come on. - He got the two banger when it comes to the toasts. - Yes. - Sharp operator, Sam, I'll tell you that right now. Gang, the new special incorrect is out on Netflix. This Tuesday, do yourself a favor, make sure you check it out, check him out, and we might be drunk in his tour. Sam, what do you got coming up? - San Diego, I got Phoenix, I got, Sha, can you pull on my website? I don't know the fuck that. - Yeah, I gotcha. - We gotcha. San Diego. - Pulling off the website. - That's a first, I like it. - I gotcha right here, let me plug Sammy's date. - I don't know the fuck I'm gonna be. - We got Manchester, Connecticut at the funny bus. - No, that's way down the line. - That's what's populating because I'm here. All right, we got the Hollywood improv. We got San Diego. We got Phoenix, Arizona, November. We got Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh improv. - Very nice. - Got Cleveland, Ohio. Shout out to Holarides coming up in December. Comedy on state in December as well. That's a good weekend to get my friend. - Don't get my friend, baby. - McGubby's in Timonium, Maryland. You might know it as. - West Palm, Miami, all that stuff. Yeah, it's on my website. So yeah, I'll be on the road building back up new material. So yeah, I'll see you out there. It's getting, it's coming there. - Hey, good love it. It's coming around. - I love he's not even over his song. It's saying it's hot, baby, it's good. It's getting there. - Congrats on a new special. - Thank you, man. - We love you. We think you're one of the followers. - Thank you. - Okay, thank you now. - Gang, we're on tour as well. And check out the smash. - Yes. - American garbage on our YouTube page. - Love you. - Can't be getting else for 'em. - Love you, it's gay. - See you next week. Peace.