S4 EP10 | Truths Shared w/Survivor, Leinani of Healing through Art 808

We don't ask for pity. We don't like to be looked down on. And that is why it's so important that we didn't get together. Because our education, our lived experience, is going to help to pull those others out. Those other people that are struggling to get out of the game or those other people who are struggling to find meaning in their life. Those other people who think, you know what? Being trafficked is all I know. And if I try to get out, there's no other way. This is us saying, yes, there is a way. And that's what we're trying to do. We're trying to give people a choice. Instead of forcing them or making them feel as if they have to do it. We want them to know that it is your choice. And if you're ready to, we're here with OpenRM saying, let me help you. That's what I believe at ShowaE is all about. Open, letting you know that there's always. There's always one of us survivors here saying, we got you through it all, we got you. Hey listeners, welcome to Unseen, the Traffic Truth Podcast. I'm your host, Victoria Rowland. You're going to get to hear true, sex trafficking crime stories. These are stories that maybe never made to headlines. Maybe they weren't believes. And you're going to get to hear from survivors themselves. Tell the truth of sex trafficking. Join us and remember, listener discretion is advised. We understand the greatness about our community. And we know the struggles of our community. And I think that that is something to be excited for when we can come together and share stories like gauars and be a voice for those who need us. You are worthy, you know, and you are. You precious, you know, you're beautiful. And inside of what you're going through, of what you've gone through, it does not determine who you are going to be in the future. It's just being able to tell my story to that one person who can relate or that one person who believes me. All that mess you went through, there's a message in there and there's a message of hope and transparency and freedom for somebody else. There's no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. Your freedom is in your mouth and it's the key to somebody else's chains. You matter and your story matters always. You're taking the voices of the unheard and you're letting them be heard in a very safe space. I'm just going to start with a whole little different intro. I have firstly been out of the podcast recording for a hot minute and that's because I've been working on a couple of things. One of them is the healing portion of my journey, which is with Project Koi Yoga, which I co-founded. And then it's with a survivor, lived experience, support group, or not even a support group. We're in the making, we're in the process of a lot of things because there's a big need for this. So we're dabbling in between a couple of things, whether we're going to be this big organization with employees that's sustaining for the island or we're going to be just kind of small and serving our community the best way we can. So with that being said, I've been gone a couple of months and this episode is really important to me because this organization that I'm talking about, this agency that we're forming is called CACS Hawaii and it is community against exploitation because y'all know there's different forms of exploitation. It's not all sex trafficking, it's not all labor trafficking and there's so much in between that y'all understand and know. And we don't have a lived experience, specific type of organization here that's doing the similar thing, anything similar. Hawaii is small, we have neighbor islands, but even on a neighbor island, there's nothing quite like this. So it's lead and centered on lived experience, expects for lived experience, experts, for survivors. And we just work together as a community really fighting all the different types of exploitation. So I have a special guest, this is going to be like my 50th episode and her name is Layna and she is also a member of CACS on her previous episode, y'all heard from Ashley Maha and she's also a member of CACS Hawaii. And with Layna coming on today, it's just so important because she'll talk to you about why she's a member of CACS Hawaii, why we're developing and forming this to be something huge and major for Hawaii. And you know, kind of like the unseen story that she holds that's been in her journey, whether it's through what looks like a TV, what could have looked like needing other types of assistance, how she's worked, not really worked, but how she's traveled through her journey, a different past because we know it's not all straight, we know it's not all linear, to get to where she is right now, where she is working amongst other folks in the community as a who we, I don't know, what do we call, what do we call us when we kind of feel like we made it like overcomers, drivers, lived experience experts, survivors, I'll let her introduce herself. I think all of the above. Yeah, all of the above. I don't really know any. So yeah, can you introduce yourself to everybody? Yeah. I'll let everybody, my name is Layna Nyahiko. And I like to call myself a survivor, although that word is played out a lot for me. It means so much. It has linked to it. And the reason it has linked is because I survived a near death experience due to the human trafficking and domestic violence. So for me, it has so much more meaning. But to go ahead and go back to Kat, to what he. I needed this group of women just as much as I believe we all need each other. And the reason I'm going to say that is because we are in a place right now where there is very few survivors who has actually gone through the experience, took the time to educate ourselves so we could help others. So linking up as one made us so much stronger. I believe that with one person, you're strong. Two people, you're stronger. Now three, you're forced to be reckoned with. That's because now you have three people backing you. And so far, that's how we look right now. As Victoria was explaining, we're in the process of building everything up. And that's exactly how I believe we needed to farm everything, right? Where we're all part of this. And the reason I'm saying that is because it's different ideas. It's different views. The way I was trafficked is not the same as how Victoria was trafficked. We're actually trafficked. And that's going to help us to reach more people. Fortunately, we live in a world where we're either judged and looked down on. Or we're pitted. And I'm sure Victoria will agree with me. We don't like that. And that is why it's so important that we did get together. Because our education, our lived experience is going to help to pull those others out. And if you're ready to, we're here with open arm saying, let me help you. That's what I believe. To what he is all about. Help me letting you know that. There's always. One of our survivors here saying, we got you through it all. We got you. So I wanted to kind of back up a little. If that's okay with you, Victoria. So I know I spoke about being a survivor and why it meant so much about. Like why being a survivor means so much to me. The reason why it means so much to me is because I still remember looking down on my arm. After I. I was injected with something that I don't know what it was. Then I remember looking at my veins on my legs as I fell repeatedly, thinking to myself what's going on, my heart's racing, I can't breathe. I feel like the world is spinning. I knew I was poison because of how my body reacted. I didn't know what was gonna happen. I was scared. I was terrified. And at that time in my life, I remember thinking, I should have just shut my mouth. I should have just shut my mouth and not made a complaint about a certain person that came over that night. I should have just shut my mouth and been completely into it so it wouldn't have looked like this. But I should have, I could have, it hurt me to get out of that mindset. It's not easy. It's really not easy. As a survivor, I believe it was surviving everything, the physical, the mental, the emotional, it's literally surviving it all. I mean, there was times where I would lock myself in the room, in the bathroom and cry myself to sleep on the bathroom floor because that was the only place that I could. He thought that I was using a bathroom. It was the only place that I had peace. I remember even looking up at the toilet and crying, just crying myself to sleep. And every time I would cry, I would always think, Jesus, please help me. And you know, for those people who has other beliefs, cling onto that. Whatever it is, cling onto that, manifestation, anything, cling onto that positivity, cling onto that hope because that was my hope. There's different hopes for everybody. And that was what helped me hope. Every single time where I felt there was no hope. I would force myself to believe there was hope. And it's so crazy looking back at everything because the abuse, the trauma that I've gone through, I mean, I still have burns on my body because of the abuse. But I'm sure everybody can agree with me when I say, I honestly would rather take the physical abuse over the mental abuse because that is something that still haunts me today. And unfortunately, in our field, the professionalism that we deal with would want us to say that we are over it and we are healed. But the truth is you live your life every day healing one bit at a time. This is not something that you're gonna heal one night two nights a year. It might stay with you for the rest of your life. And that's why it's so important for us women to be there for you folks because it's in those moments where you feel as if there's no hope that we can come back and say, hey, there's hope. You know, I don't wanna say, oh, I was there before, but more so, I understand, I don't understand completely, but if you're willing to, I'm willing to listen. Because believe it or not, that's actually the best feeling when someone just listens. No judgment, just listens. 'Cause society likes to believe that we want it to be traffic. Society likes to believe that, well, these women, they use their sexuality to get what they wanted. Therefore, they wanted it. It's a little complicated and more in depth than that. Before you get into that part in your life, you're actually mentally abused. This kind of thing does not happen overnight. It takes time and you become so broken that you feel that's the only thing that you have power over. I know it sounds so weird, but in that moment, in that actual act of giving myself or being forced to give myself, I had power. I had complete power and that was something that nobody could take from you. Yes, afterwards, I would have to pay for it, but knowing that I had power over that moment. And that is so sad that I got to that place where that was the only power I felt I had. And so much women feel that they feel that it's that same way. They're going through it right now as we speak where they feel empowered at that moment because nobody can tell them anything. They have full control for their customer. The customer is completely into them at that moment and they will the atmosphere. Now as soon as that's over, that power is gone and the reality hits and you realize you never really had power and you realize the person who is in charge and puppeteering everything ultimately has the full power. But to survive, you tell yourself at least in that moment, it was mine. So I appreciate everything you were saying, Lennonny, about just everyone's journey and what stood out to me, the most was when you kind of mentioned, I don't know if you said we or they, but either one I'd like to talk about because you were like, we want it to be trafficking is uniquely said too and I could see that. And then I also heard you maybe have said they want it to be trafficking because with CACS Hawaii, it's important because like you said, everybody's exploitation is different and you could be exploited and still be stripping. You could be exploited on the farms. You could be exploited. Like I said in the strip club, you could be exploited. You think you're just being semi-sacrific baby and my journey is different than yours. Your journey is different than Ashley's. We get that. But you know what's unique is that when you said, they want it to be trafficking because all these services are tailored towards this trafficking piece and even we want it to be trafficking sometimes because sometimes like you said, DV and sex assault isn't necessarily trafficking. Sometimes it's the entry point or sometimes we think even ourselves and the community think it has to be one or the other. You could be a whole trafficked woman and get beat the fuck up and be still a DV victim. Like it doesn't have to be totally separate and you could be involved in domestic violence and your husband is you know, pimping you or I don't like to say pimping but exploiting you, you know what I mean. I've had, everybody's journey is so different. So when you kind of meant that and said that. No, that's exactly what I meant. Is this kind of what you were meaning to? Especially because that's more. That's how they treated me. I mean, at first they thought that my whole situation was just a domestic violence where I was caught in my, I'm sorry, in my court documents, it said that I was a swinger. That's what it said. Yes, I, so I kept every single court. What? It said that I was a swinger. I only received the help for the trafficking when the detectives put two and two together and they found out that my abuser was trying to purchase other women because that's what they were, that's what he would do. Evidently, my story lined up with what he was doing and they knew that I was traffic. But the first initial feeling that I had was there judging me. And. They more so they want it more. And that's why I said that. They expected more so they want you to be traffic because it's easier for them. It's easier for them to deal with it. It's easier for them to put you in a category. But you you spoke the Zaferi. You know that. It's it's so many different avenues. Go ahead. Yeah. So did. It could be so many different things. So did they even see, you know, domestic violence. And. They even see that. I mean, it's I'm sorry we're laughing because it's. You don't have to be in this, you know, labeling. But I mean, if they at least saw this quote unquote swinging. Did they didn't did they even see the damn. Like, I mean, like what what was that about was, were you recognize at least as a victim in at what point were you recognized as a freaking victim first of all because swinging way that victim. I wasn't seen as a victim. I was seen as a perpetrator at first. And that is that is why I am such. I am such. An adamant advocate. I do not stop. And the reason I don't stop is because I remember feeling these feelings that I couldn't explain. And I didn't know why I felt them. And it's because they judge me. They put a label on me and they wanted me to be that label. But I wasn't. It was out of the label. And I was in all different types of labels. And it was hard for them to make sense of things. It was hard for them to make sense of things. If it wasn't for. Honestly. My views are getting caught. They would have never put me in the other categories because they would have been too hard for them. But because he got caught. And I was in no choice. They knew that's where they knew that I wasn't going to just fit in one category. Because I was married to my abuser for almost 20 years. And it didn't just happen. It happened because of drugs. It wasn't like everybody else. It started off where. You know what? And it has been once to do this. No matter how much times you tell him, no, you end up saying yes. And when you tell him to stop, he doesn't stop. I didn't know I was traffic. And that's why it was hard for them. I didn't know. I had no idea I was traffic because after a while, it was just like, you don't sleep with these people. You're going to get licked. It's going to be bad. And as I explained in the beginning, I shot up with something. I don't even know what it was. I remember looking the other way every time I got shot up, shot up. I didn't know every time what it was. I was told it was one thing. But the reaction that I got during that time, it was different. I don't know what he used. I don't know what he used to say. They couldn't just put me in the category they wanted me to be in. You know, they want you to just be traffic. They want you to just. Okay, this is the person that was so precise. Or she was forced to do things sexually. Much more than that exploitation is a vast, huge explanation in itself. So why would they sum it up to just categories here and there? It shouldn't be in one category. And that's why a catch quite is so important. Because we don't do that. We're not going to stamp you and say, you belong here. It's a lot convenient. It's more convenient for us. No. No. Yep. And when we say community, you know, we want to be aligned. We want to be with people who are aligned with our same. With that same mindset, you know, because we can't push people into certain areas. We can't force anyone to exit. We can't name or label anyone and make them understand that that's. That's what it is. They have to be where they are. At that time. And that's why it's such a process because we need to make sure this the right community folks are aligned with us. And much like other programs that we see on the mainland and maybe even them being smaller. And we're going to start very small because we have to understand exactly what you're talking about right now. This has to click and connect with the right people. Understanding what we're saying right now because we might have listeners right now that are just like, yo, what is Lane, and Vic talking about like I don't understand because that's part of my whole. That's my whole journey to of this podcast is like really leading up to. Cacks because it's getting stories because they've been labeled trafficking has been labeled a certain way. So it's bringing awareness to the different stories and it's making people that might have not really known. How they could help want to help or how they can, you know, I'll use the word refer. I don't really like refer. I have quotation marks really actually right now. I'll say connect. You know, so that people can connect. So like someone might say, you know, this might not be something as severe. I'll just say severe right now. This might not be something as severe as needing help to get out right now. But maybe this person needs to just talk to another survivor or lived experience expert or somebody who they can connect because they just want to like talk story a little bit and know what's out here to. You know, maybe get a real estate license or something like that, you know, and they don't want to like join a program or they want to do an outreach event where they know other women have been in the same predicament or they want to link up with someone who's been in the industry and can tell them like, you know, this is how I got out of that situation when I knew that the time was right. You might get another mom. That says, you know, I'm ready to get out. And or I've been out for a while and I just never really talked to my kids about it, you know, so that kind of comes along with like your journey into like you have your healing through art and you have your journey into why you wanted to be here. And how you are professionally working in a different form of advocacy, not necessarily trafficking. So, but you're you're definitely working in the community. So we talked about how taxes led by us, us survivors of us lived experts experts. So what do we have as expectations for the community? What do we expect from the community to be a part of. And exploitation. I think for me, I because I think we all have different expectations as women as survivors. I just expect them the community to put down that whole judge you. To put down the categories. To stop labeling us stop labeling everybody else. Exploitation. Should not be labeled as just trafficking. And I expect as a community that we act as if we are a community and band together. It's in numbers that you find your strength. So that's my expectation. And as a canaka as a Hawaiian. That's a little different from me. I expect my fellow canaka's to stand up with me because our history was strong and deep. We were always always one. That's why you watch when there's a movement with the moon on other things. Everybody comes together. And that's why that I expect that. I expect it because that's who we are as a people. And many of us we have different nationalities that believes the same things. So it's just about unifying. And having together the fight, the cause greater than ourselves. I appreciate that. Yes. That is exactly what I. Have as what I'm thinking for expectations to and I think after. behind that as well. And I think I asked Ashley this and I think I've talked about it through other episodes with other folks that primarily were on the mainland. I had some I had a I think two that were in Canada, but I think I was like, like you're mentioning, you know, being canaka and just being and knowing what community feels like and what that has always been. Is there something or anything, I guess, along your journey that you can mention that you really want to see from your community that you really didn't get perhaps because I know we haven't been perfect as a community that doesn't mean I'm just talking about Hawaii or on the mainland, if you're in your own network, you know, I mean like as this movement quote unquote moves along, because it's been about 10 12 years, everybody's been talking about trafficking and exploitation. But what along your journey, do you want to discuss that really was it maybe met as an expectation or you were surprised to not experience that you really hope we can we can get with cats. I hope being a part of cats helps to make changes in our art systems because as I mentioned, it's one thing to live through what we've lived through, but it's another thing to sit in a courtroom and be told that you're a swinger and you're a perpetrator when you had no control over what was going on and it followed me. I had to fight to get my first job as an advocate because that tarnished my reputation. I will I almost didn't get my job because of that so I want to see changes I want to see changes where a worker is not just going to categorize you and say this is where you belong because it makes sense to me know it doesn't always make sense exploitation does not always make sense. So to drop that and to understand that everybody's story is different is something that I really want to see. Yeah, I couldn't agree more and I know I can definitely back that up and and expound on it because I really hope that we can be like similar to some of the other kind of community groups with led, you know, which is led by survivors and lived experience experts that are in the community. I think it's a country or even on the mainland or international that build their people up in their communities building them up like you, you know, you would have somebody at the table that's like, oh, no, I want to hire her or you know we can have somebody that's like, hey, call me when you have anybody that wants to start their LLC. You know what I mean call me when you all want to do this fundraiser and need a donation like I know it's hard to get that because there's so many competing nonprofits I understand that but there's billions of dollars in trafficking anti trafficking movements. You know, so we can pay folks that are, you know, making the laws, we can pay folks that are being the advocates, we can pay the folks that are in these programs, but guess what we're not putting money behind survivors that are really exiting and getting out of the trade. We're not putting money behind the survivors who are like I got to go back and finish my batches degree or I got to get this car like I got to buy this car and I'm able and they will to go to work. Yeah, I might forget real apps I might, you know, need to call you freaking two years from now because I got smokes, you know, I got a customer, but damn I'm not a criminal, you know what I mean, I feel like people don't think that we are real like, you know, people bought sex from us. Oh my gosh, that makes us aliens like I don't understand how we're so different from everybody else like you don't look at the buyer like that right you don't look at that boss who was buying sex from everybody and workers, you know what I'm saying you to look at him like a damn entrepreneur. Like hello, it shouldn't be that different so I just kind of wanted to extend that of what you mentioned to kind of mentioned that and I know actually talked about it too because her area of being in the industry in the club scene and the. You know some of the online exploitation that I didn't really experience and you didn't experience plays very important to how somebody might outreach to us and be like oh I don't know if this you know I can do this anymore you know but what is the what is the other. What is the end goal can I get something temporarily so you know we try to fight for different like commit connections in the community with people who like recently we tried to pass the law for $2,000 guaranteed income it's not a lot it's not everything is probably pennies to a lot of the folks but guess what we tried to do something I mean if you want to leave and you have no income and like you said you tried to get actual like. You know job in your field you know where you have the expertise where we don't see a lot of folks and the requirements are different right so they're like oh you need you need this you need that you need this user experience we need three we need maybe even five references as opposed to three or or whatever we need those barriers eliminated like there's programs that will help fix your credit me actually we're talking about that the other day Polaris project has something to fix survivors credit. Or put a hold on it or something like these are the kind of things that we want to send messaging to to like survivors even still like those still in the game like hello in order to like finally try to get out you still need to make these steps you know we need to get over these steps and what are the steps would probably be like I got no damn savings credits shot. And I'm you know I'll do a couple of these things before I can get out get out so or stop what I'm doing so we hope to kind of have those conversations and connect with the right people so let it be heard what me and I'm not you're talking about shoot. Yeah I appreciate that that's what I'm kind of mentioned and I mean this is a good point to kind of ask you is there anything you wanted to make sure we are reaching out to the community for and this extends to the lived experience community that survivor community. And the community of folks that want to help. And I think we said everything that needed to be said. Yeah, here it will appreciate that my nanny you have been more than amazing trying to get a message out about not just cacks so I you know. You you kind of put a uplifting message in there for other you know maybe there's someone else that wants to do something similar and they only have two other survivors that or lived experience experts that want to join and push through in their own community. So thank you for helping me talk through it and get this out this is my last episode y'all because I got I take a whole long pause because you because we got to go I got to go like you know 100% with cacks so I appreciate you being on my last episode after a whole long pause girl you don't even know but I think my awareness has reached who I wanted to reach and the episodes are still out. I was part of the podcast pandemic so I think there's a lot of people who they ain't podcasts and no more because we had to go back to work but yeah thank you for joining me today and joining all of you for how the listeners I think I think I'm almost at like 50,000 downloads which I never had a goal but I really had intention to spread some words so thank you. Hey it's Victoria thank you for joining us for another episode of Unseen the Traffic Truth Podcast. Thank you for being a part of hearing and listening to voices that were often unheard, underrepresented and feeling as though their stories were seen, heard or boned. And I hope that you stay tuned for another episode of survival stories, controversial conversations and coverage of stories that never really make it to headlines. And if you haven't yet check out season one. Unseen the Traffic Truth Podcast.