S4 Ep. 15 - Alien vs Spredditor

Dungeons and Addies are rowdy, horny, violent podcasts for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of Citizen Birch live on Twitch. I'm your regular host, Ashley Birch. And if you've never seen Citizen Birch live before, well that doesn't matter because we're doing something real different today. We are going back to our roots, back to the Halcyon days of 2017, 2018, and a little show I used to do called Happy Hour Tabletop, where we invite players into my little pod, and we play some tabletop games. We are bringing that back and doing that today in celebration of the launch of the Galaxy Gals Kickstarter campaign, which is live as of last week. And let's take a look here where we at. We're at 2% funded. Ain't no problem, so let's wrap up our one shot in the Galaxy Gals system with three lovely gals. See that at the table next to me. Say hi everyone. No? Okay, G Cup, you are up in the initiative. It's your turn. Are you talking to me or her? Go ahead and make a roll with the D20 there, and see if you can make the AI join your worthy cause by letting it kill a guy. One. Hold on, let me just make sure you're reading that. Okay, one. At this point, we're at time, guys. Alright, fair enough. We lost. Wow. That's your show. Wrap it up. Thanks for watching, guys. What do you think of Galaxy Gals? Good time. I enjoyed it. The mechanics, the immersion. It was good. Yeah, ladies, would you say goodbye? No, okay. And you know, this is what we're looking to ship. So get on the Galaxy Gals Kickstarter. If you're not already, help us out. Bang on the pipes. Keep sending those pledges in. Those pledges are essential. You can see it. Super proud of the Galaxy Gals source book here. And you know, it's, it's, it's, it's help us get this out. Help us get this out so that you can have the same experience that we had today. Thanks. [Music] Welcome to Dungeons & Datties! Welcome to Dungeons & Datties! My name is Freddie Wong. I play Ashley Birch. Ashley with an e-Berch like the tree. Ashley Birch was born in 1964. Which makes him the youngest Boomer alive. Like in children and men. Yeah. He's a twin galaxy. There are gadgets here. Baby Diego. Baby Diego. Arcade Pro Gamer. Turn Twitch streamer. And this week's Graham Papp Facts. Paps Meer, if you will. No. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty bad. That's pretty good. Step in the stirrup. Because there's a separate Graham Papp smear. Ashley believes thanks to Robert Space Industries creators of Star System Little Thing called Imprint Technology. You see an Imprint is a holistic bioscan of an individual that not only records the DNA, memories, personality, thoughts. All of that gets encoded in there. Also for some, some lore reason only one copy of an Imprint can exist at the same time. I guess so that you can't just not take. I thought an Imprint was when you're aware of when you love a baby. No. An Imprint allows you to regenerate. So you're saying he still thinks that Tim is alive? Well, Tim was be smart enough to back himself up somewhere. I see. So you think somewhere there's a $10,000 JPEG of his soul. Oh, he's saying. Ashley's point of view. It's like, whoa. Well, all this sci-fi shit. Okay. There's no way they got this far without doing imprints and regeneration and shit. Then why was he so upset? I guess we'll find out. Does he think the only one Imprint can exist at any given time? Oh, well, that's just lore reasons, dude. Okay. He doesn't believe in lore. No. Neither do we hear it. I'm just a daddy's HQ. Hey, everybody, my name's Matthew Arnold. And I play Dale Elliott, the world cruise-loving ex-life guard living his best monk life. Dale's a widower of one, father of four, grandfather of seven, a friend of all. Tell me more. Tell me more. So Dale's favorite smell is the tie between the smell of Zelda's hair when he wakes up in the morning. And his own fart. (laughing) I'm so fucking serious. You asked him to be staying in drop-damp. You were staying in drop-damp, though. Because I almost did. I was going back and forth while they're not his own fart. So it's going to be his favorite summer. I love your own supply, baby. Perfect teaky bar. The smell of the perfect teaky bar is the correct answer, everybody. No, no. He got a perfect teaky. Yes, the perfect teaky bar. The perfect teaky bar. The perfect combination. It's just the cigarette smoke. It's the suntan lotion. It's suntan lotion. It's a little sweat. People coming in from off the beach. It's just his environment. It's way less than much. It's still like cash. It's cash-only. That's how you know it's good. His least favorite smell is the smell of bullshit. Because Dale likes to keep it honest. That's it. Shut the fuck up. Hi, I'm Will Campos. I play Ralph at Storiasis. I five-scribe slash wife guy. Who's wife died? Slash radiation. EHR-E-A-K. Wow. He's fucking with the phone. That's right. That's what that is. Ralph's fact this week is that Ralph has one tattoo and it's a small tattoo on his arm that says bureau. Because he's very bad at spelling the word bureau. And it always screws up. And it was sort of a running joke between him and his wife. And she was like, "If you misspelled that one more time, you got to get a tattooed." Oh, okay. That's like a sick hipster cool tattoo. Yeah. I have to tattoo like I would get. He also got a mustache finger tattoo. 2015. I'm going to wait until I'm like 57. And then I'm going to get a mustache finger tattoo. There you go. Good for you. My name is Beth May and I play Herb the Warm, Quigley, a young at heart barbarian storytelling grandpa who was losing the plot, fun fact about Herb. Herb's grandson Oliver told her that there was the scam going around where scammers will call you, pretending to be your grandchild in order to get money off of you. And so Oliver warned Herb about this just to give him a heads up so that he wouldn't fall victim to this scam. Well, Herb happily fell for it and lost $15,000 just approved Oliver that he would do anything for. Aw. You know sweet. Nice. That's a pretty virtue of your granddaddy master. Today's epigram is the abundance of gone things. It'll bury you. That is from Alden Bell, the reapers are the angels. I have some constructive criticism. Anthony, I was wondering if you could do some epigrams that like will is not the only one that can get them. And you want them to be guessable. I want them to be guessable for me. I just feel like also the epigraphs. Epigraphs are kind of like, you know, a neutral norm of top 100 literary books. I just notice a certain gender and it's great. I'm just saying, I'd be nice if there's just a little bit of, just a few. Just a couple. I'm just saying that I think other people have had good ideas too. I think there are good ideas come from all around the world. I'd be nice to hear a couple of this. It's what's really funny is I had a quote here by a woman who was like, that one's too long. When we last left you, the sculptor had taken your ship, the Lux among with all the AI. Where are we? There's still a Disney line. You're a fox. You're a fox. You're a parking lot of six moons having just watched your ship. Disappear at not night crawler speed, but you know, certainly something pretty intense. You did take the evidence. He took the crime. Also, that's nice. Well, there's no crime because he turned into the guy. Did I peep was part of the room of this? Yes. Here's my idea. What? When we rented that ship. Yeah. We got the Deluxe package. Did we not? Yeah, we did. Yeah. Look at that. Thanks her for that. Her, do you have the big terms and conditions sheet? Probably on the ship, dude. It's on the ship. Oh, it's on the ship. But I just remember reading a part. We got full coverage for like theft, accident liability. Okay. We just got to call it in. Okay. We don't care about the ship. Yeah. I mean, the whole universe is going to build up. Whatever. What? He just lost Tim, man. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right. I'm sorry. No, you're right. That imprint of Tim knowing Tim. You're right. You already lost Tim. And he probably has imprint scattered throughout. We've just got to keep our eyes open. Beautiful. He imprinted himself on the ship. all of our hearts, so he's not really gone. - Let's call the cops. - The space cops? - Space cops, excuse me, sir. I go up to your parking attendant. - That could be a school. - Oh, that's true guy. - Well, we'll approach with caution. Excuse me, sir. - Yeah, are you a sculptor? - Are you the luminous? - What? - I'm a poker. - No, I'm not a surrogate. - Just my finger get all gooey in him. - Why poke him? - Ow, stop. - Okay, our ship was just stolen. - Yeah, okay, that's what that was. - Can we move from former to the cops? - Space police. - Okay, yeah, I can. I mean, it's not gonna, I don't know how it works on your planet, but when your car gets stolen, they don't like a rush out to go find it. - Oh, you have any security on this planet? You don't have, but what happens if there's a crime? What if someone, there's a bunch of people in the parking lot? - Well, A, they get put in the death gauntlet that you guys came from. - Oh, where are the guys who put the people in the death gauntlet? - They are in the ground. Do you want me to summon them? - Yes. - And he's a ground. - Okay, he hits a red button on his console. And what you thought was a seamless asphalt road actually folds outward. And kind of like the droid troopers from pantaminas like racks of these robotic sentinels basically come out and one of them unfolds and stands in front of you goes, "What's the problem?" - Our ship has been stolen. We'd like to report a stolen also. We want to turn on the tracker. - Do you have the license plate of the car or the maintenance model? - Yeah, look at that. - Do you have a tracker in your vehicle and you call somebody in your vehicle? - No, no, no, no, no, no. - I have a morbid suggestion. They have those. - Yeah, yeah, I know. - You're at the car. - Usually the Disney police. (laughing) - Put me in trouble. - Disney police do not have a license to kill. - What's Disney Gestion for? - You fucking tomorrow, man, they do. - First of all, okay, gentlemen, big red robots. Can you help us get our ship back? - We can log the fat and the direction of the ship that jettisoned away as well as give you surveillance footage of whoever went inside and potentially stole it. - Okay, that's better than nothing. I know two things strike me. - How are you guys made? - What? - What are you? - This is irrelevant. - No, no, no, listen, at this point, anybody who we know 100% is not luminous is good to know. I'm just saying, like, as the time goes on, I'm mostly concerned about anybody we can talk to is luminous, which means that we're just sitting here talking to the back guy who just took our grandkids. - We need to test our robot. - So like, robots are luminous, right? 'Cause they're robots. Like, and these are like summoned from the earth or they're definitely not, then it's like, I don't know. We could grow an arm, but maybe it's too much a grown arm man. - Let's just think of the head big picture because like the picture got pretty big. - How would you rate the health that you've received in terms of your stolen stuff? - Zero. - Zero. - I can't. - I'm not a hard day for you, count. - I like all the footage and evidence that you have. - Do you have your deck? You know, your tech thing. - You tech deck? - My tech deck. - It puts a fist forward and whips out the fucking Robocop data spike and stab over. (laughing) - This interface is with your prostate, the powerhouse of the human body. - My prostate's so smart. He jams the data spike into your deck and you get basically a bunch of information that you frankly already knew. You see the footage of yourself caring when it looks to be a dead body into your ship and then you see all of you running off. - Yeah, I don't know what that was man. You skip ahead here, this time important. - Yeah, what you did did not have any effect on the bottom line of six moons. So you don't have to explain yourself to me. - The ship takes off and goes away. Why don't you roll a perception for me? - Yeah, dude. - Perceive this dog. Seven. - Yeah, 13. - I also got 13. - How about what they'll say five, five, five? - To see if Dale has rolled percent, five, five. - All right, so the two of you who did see it, there looks to be like a blinking icon on Ashley's deck that would seem to imply like new message or update or call or something. - You got a notification, man. - How do I clear notification? - No, I think you gotta read it, man. - What's on there? - Turn off all notifications. - No, you gotta read the message. That's probably why no everyone has a tough time getting hold of you, Freddie. I mean, Ashley. (all laughing) Oh, how do I do? Okay. - I finger this screen until something happens. - If you're just fingering it randomly, give me a D20 roll. - Got you, man. - One. - Really? - Yeah, one. - All right, you close it and you don't even see whatever it is. - Holy God, damn it. - No, I got three. (all laughing) - No, you just gotta find another way to get us this information. - Ralph, what was the more that I did, man? - Well, my ice is a little, but if he still has an ability to maybe there's some part of it, the scrapped wreckage of his robot grandson on the ship somewhere and we could track it. - Oh. - And then at least we know where the ship is going. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But that's my AI companionship. - If we knew where the ship is going, what would we do? - That's part one. - Part two is we're stuck in a parking lot without a car. - But sometimes I wanna know where part two is before you start part one. - No, I get it, man. My thoughts are all over the place. Like, how are we gonna get out of here? We have a gonna get a grandkids back. Oh, we have a gonna find an enemy who could be anyone and anywhere. I just don't get it. I don't get what is happening. - You're right, this is a fucking disaster. I'm freaking out. (laughing) - Oh my god, he's right. Our grandkids are out there and there's no way to find them. Herbs kids are probably dead already. - Can we just take a moment? - Can I just share where I'm coming from right now? - Please, please, yeah. - Yeah, sure, sure, sure. - I think we've talked about my life's been pretty good. - Okay. - It's been really good. - Okay. Nothing bad happened in my life. - What is your point? - Well, that happened 'cause I was just being me. And then since we started doing this, I've been trying to do things. It's all gone bad. (laughing) So I'm wondering what was my fault? This crazy. I'm just, I'm only taking from my experience. What if we just, you know? - What if we what? - You know. - What if we what? - Just fucking chill. (laughing) 'Cause like when I chill, everything went good. Now what I try, everything's going bad. So why the whole thing is just, yes. - Dale. - Yes. - Look at my eyes. - I'm looking at your eyes. - You're absolutely fucking right. - Everything's going horribly right now. And it's at least partially your fault. - Yes. - So, exactly. - Herbs right, we're all screwed. You're right, it's your fault. - Yes. - And I'm just freaking out here. - I think we're cursed. - Just Freddie Roll. - There's a lot of rides we haven't tried. - Oh my God. - Just Freddie Roll perception with disadvantage. - Five. (laughing) - Why did you, this is advantage. - Why? - Because you got a one last time. (laughing) - He still missed it. - Why was getting shot at? - Oh my God. - Yeah, what was that about? - I don't know. - I figured she was home clearing. I don't know, it's like she's in the back of the mask with all her nails. - Oh, take her 10 years out. I don't understand how this time working. - I don't know. Anything can happen at any time. Because they got, we built the Legos and we gave the finished product right to the bad guy. (sighs) - Now to be fair, we did come across a finished product very easily because we have very smart. - Easily, we came to the robot on a trip to kill somebody. - Also, it occurs to you in this particular moment that scrap and wreckage, assuming you were in the car that took off, are also missing. - Oh no, scrap and wreckage. Boy, I need a second and Ralph stairs at this tattoo and says, B-U-R-E-A-U. - Bureau. - Bureau. - Mm-hmm. - Bureau. Okay, I'm coming down. This is my coming. - Okay, Bureau. - Now we can chill. - And I need a tattoo right now. - I can't chill. - You just, you need to give yourself a hard problem to focus on like how to spell Bureau. I also have a tattoo of the word mayonnaise, but I'm pretty sure I screwed it up. - I have an idea. - You have an idea. - I mean, I don't, but. - Okay. - That's the vibe I'm going for now. It's just going for whatever the idea is. - Okay. - Because there's just, it's been, is there so much, if you had told me, there was a theme park with six planets. Hey, excuse me, sir. - Yeah. - Do you have a time machine? - No. - Okay. That's all I got. (laughing) - You also just grabbed the nearest person. Wasn't any of the people you were talking to before? It was another guy going to his car. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - Figure there was a chance. - What car is he going towards? - It looks like he's going towards sort of the acura of spaceships. It's like a press of enough, not gonna turn any heads. You know, kind of the thing that Ryan Gosling would drive at the beginning of your drive. Nobody's gonna be looking at you. - Should we beat that guy up and take this? - I'm just surrounding you are all different types of cars. And if you wish, you can spend a little bit of time searching the car lot for any particular type of car that you wish. - Can we just, can we all circle up here and clarify our goal? - That's what I was thinking. - We need to talk to IBS. - Yes, because they're already in the war. - Bureau. - Yes, Bureau of Science. - See? - Yes. - Yes. - Yes, see. - You just chillin' and you figure it out. - Okay, yeah. What are you going to do? What are you going to say? - What are you going to say? - Well, they're already in the war. - Yes. - So they know more presumably about the luminists than we do. - Tell me more than this guy doesn't know anything. I was just going to my car. - And all he did was ask you ahead of time or she has said no. - They have resources. And until recently they had our grandkids. At least a couple of them was workin' for 'em. - Weren't there recruitment offices? - You, next, you. - Yeah, he's opening the door to his space car. - Yeah, what, you still could be mad at me? - He's not know. - No, he's your recruitment office here for IBS. - Yeah. - Which planet? - It's probably on the food planet, the mall shopping planet. - Okay. - The moon. - The mall shopping moon. - 'Cause I was thinking, we need help. We need to ask somebody who would know the most about, I mean, whatever this is and the only other person that knows besides the luminists is IBS. - So here's just a surprise. I love this. It feels like it makes sense. I just want to zoom out for a second. It strikes me that they have our ship on the ship is our friend Owl who has installed the gravity drive. Now they, in theory, have everything they need to get to the spark except that we know Owl doesn't like doing anything. He's a big pain in the butt, right? So that's at least the problem they have is that they're gonna have to figure out how to get Owl to cooperate. Otherwise, they're gonna just turn into little tiny gluenos or neutrinos or what have you. Like T1 Eminus friends did. - Owl didn't like killing that guy. So he's on our side. - And they need Owl to pilot the ship. - Yes. - You've got however much time that takes. So yes, what we need to do is find a way to move around as fast as they can. But you're right, let's go time for the ISP. - We've got leverage because we know-- know this, right? - Yes. - So, IBS doesn't know that they're big enemy, just got the bingo to solve this thing and maybe win the war. - So you're saying we should keep it under our hats? - Nah, I think we should. - Okay, all right. - I think we should down the, we're in big problems, big trouble. - I think we keep anything under our hats. I think we embrace the vibes here. Everybody get on their hats and I give you back your hats. - Well, I bought you guys novelty, the 60th hats. It's like a Mickey happen at 60 years. - This is the best, this is the best idea and the best thing we've had is because we relaxed. So now let's go talk to IBS. - I'm gonna try to keep relaxing. I'm gonna think of some hard words to spell, just in case we need them so that you guys can focus on spelling hard words. - Yeah, I'm gonna try to relax, man. - Give me one, I wanna try. - All right, here we go, here we go. Are you ready? - Yeah, we're walking towards the train. - Onomatopoeia. - Fuck. - Dude, this song's wrong. - I can't be. - No, no, urban, it's okay. What do you do to relax? - I don't know, man. - I normally take something. - Relax. - No, the words, those spell it, relax. - Aw. - Yeah, he got it. - E, L, A. - And then just that last one, just, yeah, exhale. I'm not one, relax. - How are you feeling, Herb? - Wow. - Okay. - You know, I feel like, I feel like we should all be freaked out a lot more. - All right, I got these right. - No. - Get on the tram. - Get on the tram, everybody. - Well, I had the food plant on the tram. - Great, 45 minutes later, you are on the shopping and food planet. - We spend a lot of time in malls. - You know what's that? - Space is mostly malls. - I don't understand what that is. - I never wanna stop it. - Space malls. - It's a lot like the middle of the country. You kind of like, the more the space, the more the mall. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Can you guys move your blocking the way off the tram? - Oh yeah, yeah. - Sorry. - Hey. - Hey, excuse me. - Hey, are you part of a luminous, why are you giving us attitude like that, huh? Shut up. - You've just been standing, my kids are here. Please don't tell me to shut up. - Hey, shut your kids up too. - Well, hey. - Wow. - I don't know, playing. They're like, oh, I love you, brother. - Yeah. I have two beautiful boys and they love each other very much. - Yeah, that's awful. - I'm a single that. I'm trying my best to make this work. - I'm a fan, man. - You're standing in the doorway, stopping me from coming out. - I lean into that. - And I have to fight you. - No, I lean as that guy. I lean into him. I go, hey, they're having a hard time. Just walk up. It's okay. - I wanna walk up. You're blocking the door. - Hey, let me help you out. Hey, take my hat, you have a good rest of the day. Let's go. Thank you. - Danny, why did that man give you his hat? - Because he fucking emasculated me in front of you and he's trying to make up for it. This is not good enough. - Is it okay for us to say the F-word back 'cause you said it? - Yeah. - Can you guys roll the way, please, now? (laughing) (upbeat music) - You see signs heading towards the local IBS recruitment office. - Quick vibe check. Let us remember what happened before we walk into IBS. - Yes, let's get our story straight. - What happened, like, what is their relationship to us now? We should know what we're coming into and what we can offer. - Last, we heard from the IBS. They were trying to use this as bait to lure out your granddaughter and then she then rescued us. And I think they're into the relationship. We did, you know, the last mall we were at, we had a big shootout and a couple of them on the side after they tried to kill us. - That's small potatoes. - But that was, like, probably 20, 30 years ago now and so now we gotta go talk to these guys. - That's enough time to build a statue of limitation. - Yeah. - I think it's statue. - Yeah. - No, it's a statue of limitation. - Yeah, like the statue of liberty, that ended it. - Yeah, okay, well, me, that is a main. - Before we walk in, I was just thinking this, let's not give up all the information 'cause that might be the only leverage we have is that we know their enemy has something, right? - Yeah. - Why do you take the lead? - Oh, okay. - You're the chillest, you know? - And you're right. - Hey, whatever you want, bud, I walk in. - Cool. - This is cool. - A very spiky, almost porcupine-esque-looking woman. - You're a prickly little person. (laughing) - Whoa. - Whoa. - Hey. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. - I like your vibe. - Whoa. - What's up? - Other than your obvious speciesism against people, like me with the fog. - Oh, I'm sorry, man. - That's the same thing to say to somebody. - Oh, excuse me. - You're looking pretty white. - Okay, I should get some tan. - Yeah, I know, I'm not working out as much as I used to. - See, that's how you're supposed to take it. - Whoa. (laughing) - Well, it gave me chill, like, our friend Dale. - No, no. Okay, let's, let's stop. - Fuck it, I quit. She throws down her helmet, walks out. - Aw, man, I'm sorry. - All right, kids, we have the computer. (laughing) - I closed the door behind you. - That second guy comes out from the back room. (laughing) - Really? - Two people at the office? - Yeah. - You'll be more at the first office, you want to remember? - What you want to look like does he have anything I can comment on? (laughing) - What are you doing, man? - This guy basically looks humanoid, except for he's got like a bunch of, they almost look like jellyfish tentacles instead of a mouth, it's kind of just like, it's like he's got ramen in front of his face, and he bit into ramen, but then bite it all the way through, and it's dangling out of his mouth, and when he talks that vibrates in his eyes or black, and he goes, where's Melanie? - She went home, man. - She wasn't feeling well. - Oh, okay, are you here for the recruitment? - Yeah. - Well, no, no, we're here, 'cause we have very valuable information about the luminous. We found out some crazy stuff. I think we could be a big help, and we also need some help, and we think IBS are the people who are best here to help us. - It's today's steak day. - Steak day is always steak day. - He presses a button and the bright light that you saw before when you were scanned on the IBS Space Station goes off in front of you, and you feel your whole body has been, or you don't feel it, but you see it on a monitor that your bodies have been scanned, and you see words on the screen saying, searching database and a progress bar that's slowly raising up. - Oh, cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel, we don't consent, we don't consent with body scans, we don't. - Yeah, we're gonna opt out. - I'd like to use, as they're doing that, I'd like to use Mejans to poke around on the computer. - Did it escape 12 times? - It's like fucking stealthily, like try to alt-tab the computer. - If you might tell me what button you would press to stop this immediately. - So I assume that there is like, in an old-timey Western saloon, a big mirror behind him, that allows me to see and reverse what's on the thing. So I'm just gonna go ahead and hit the escape button. - That does not work, unfortunately. There is one particular button that you can press that we have established earlier in the series, that would end it. - Having the keyboard? - Yeah, size of this one. - They were established earlier? - Yeah, it was on the keyboard in the IBS facility at the beginning. - It's the Windows key. - The Windows key. I pressed the Windows key. - No, there was a key that said no. - I pressed. - But that's fine. - I pressed all of them. - Okay, so you just reach over and just and fucking drag your hand back and forth across the thing. - Like an old-timey piano player doing a glissando. - Give me a dexterity roll for a speed. Slide of hand if you want. - 14. - 14? - Okay, so I'll have him roll post. - By the way, let me see if I got some monk shit. - That was a sneak attack. - Let me see if I got some monk shit. - Yeah, he definitely wasn't expecting that. - He was a monkey delupi shit. - Oh, yeah, 'cause you could stretch. - You should have stretched your hand under the desk and then you could have come up behind him and fucking get some duped-duped-duped-duped-duped-duped-duped. - Did he tap him on the shoulder or on the other shoulder? He goes like, oh, he looks like-- - So he rolled for shit. - I did a three, so that's the thing I could go back and explain the cool thing I did, though. - Okay, my hand did stretch over. And then my hand turned into like a big flat, like the size of the keyboard. So I put all the buttons at once. - Right, right, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so much like what happens when a cat walks across your keyboard, A, you seem to have minimized or closed, whatever it was up. - And you send a new to somebody. And you're like, oh my god, sorry, my cat, my cat did that, oh my god. I used to press buttons to get them back up, but you seem to have moved the keyboard into like a different mode somehow, so his keys don't do what they're supposed to be doing. - You shifted the layer. - Yeah, you shifted the layer. He goes, well, geez, Louie, stop, stop. And he tries to slap your hand away. And is like, now tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. - He tries to slap it, and my hand just morphs around him. - Yeah, he's like, oh my god, you're the luminous. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Actually, I think that you are. - He's going to step away from the keyboard, his eyes widening in fear, and his mouth tentacles quivering in fear as well. - Grab his tentacles. - He's going to look around and you see that there is a red sort of fire alarm. - No, listen to me, listen to me real quick. - It's like he's paused his arm like a gunslinger before he draws. Like you get a feeling he's going to go for it, but he doesn't know if he can get to it before you stop him. - I'm going to grab him. - I'll grab him. - I'll grab him. - Okay, so you're going to grab him, so he's across a little desk, you're going to leap over and just try to tackle him to the ground. - Yeah. - Go ahead and give me an acrobatics role to leap over the desk. - Eleven. - Okay, so you make it over the desk, don't give me a speed role, a dexterity role, to see if you can do it before he gets to the thing. - Ten. - Okay, I'll have him role-opposed. - Two. - Wow. - Okay, so yeah, you managed to grapple him, you have him in whatever hold you wish. And he goes, "Oh, no, no, don't turn me into one of you." - No, no, no, no, no, I'm not the luminous, but this brings up a very, very, very interesting idea. - IBS has been at the war with luminous for a long, long time, right? And it seems if you are fighting an enemy that has a hive mind and could be technically anybody at once, then the luminous has almost surely already infiltrated the IBS. - It starts crying, it goes, "I work at the food court, basically. I thought, cleared to make these decisions." - What do you want from me? What do you want? - You know that's a good question. - Son, you failed this security audit. - Okay, why? - We need to talk to you. - Surrender your badge. - Roll a deception. - It says a number in your reach. - Eight. - Okay, so we go-- - Fucking hell. - He goes, "No, no, wait, you're gonna kill me, I don't want to kill you." - Son, I'm not gonna kill you, we just wait, look, I don't know what happened here, we just need to speak to someone. - And what? - Hey, hey, look away from-- - Oh, I just work here and then like, "Oh, you're speaking to me now, are you important or aren't you?" I take my two hands. I stretch them. So I make almost like a recording booth around him. So just me and him looking I go I go Ignore ignore all the noise just take hey, just take a breath You're safe And I start slowly opening my hands a little bit so it's the last concept. I like you're safe. Take a breath Relax, man. Roll persuasion. I'm not spell the hardest word. You can think of 17 plus one. Oh, okay You did not mean to ruin your day. Oh, I know. Clearly you're not the person you talk to POE. Yes. There you go Who could we talk to? Above you so that you can go about your day if we have some very important information for the IBS that is all I can connect you to the tip line No, no, we want to talk somebody we talk back People man the tip line. Is there anybody else here? No, this is just the Okay, so I don't like that because back home where I'm front we got like FBI tip lines for missing kids and stuff like that This psychics calling all the time. Just giving psychic information and the police are like Oh, thank you very much for the information But when I call because I really got a psychic image of where the kid is they're like, oh, thank you very much We'll take this into consideration and they never they never tell me they found the kid or not we got psychics in space So what what was your name? My name is Razakhan. Razakhan. That name was sent to us by Alex and Lexi Monahan Thank you Alex and Lexi. We don't need a tip line. Who would we call? That's your boss at one we could tell you're doing a fine job And you can call the branch manager of this Caller give this kid a break let them take a break in the food court. Yeah, yeah Yeah, you call go on take take you 15. Give us the number. You don't have to be here Give us the number and you go take a break at the food court. I There's a button to call her It's right there. It's the one that's this emellarian. Okay, great. Here's a little cash back on us. We didn't have branch managers. We had trees You can go don't say anything. I may know Wait, let me see that money He needs all that just for lunch. How much do you want for lunch? What you're gonna give me? The deal hey, he really runs out of the real I could retire. Hey guys before we call Just a practical pewter. Just why I say something that I like that you're embracing my chill vibes But kind of like the weakest link like a group is only as chill as the least chill person Well, who would happy? Yeah, I'm not saying I'm saying that we all kind of have to, you know, you know I don't know may wish go around and vote and vote secretly who we think the least chill person is and then we'll see we'll get a Consensus based on our secret votes that would do Right each other's backs is if there's anybody who's not chill. Of course a verb. I do have to vote for you right now Staying which seems like the most chill thing to do. That's pretty chill Actually, I'm chill. I'm cool. I'm cool. I'm Herb who do you vote for? I don't know I'm not participating. Okay It's gonna be okay her who wants to take that press the button. I got let me see if I can learn from the chill master So after a couple of rhythmic beeps you hear a click and then you hear a voice say yes, I'm some happen. That's a pretty voice Who is this? Oh, this is this is your good friend Ralph esterayus. How are you today, sir? Ma'am? Could you put Razakhan on the phone? Razakhan is in the food court. He's doing a great job that young man. He's a straight shooter I love his dangly mouth really wiggles them tentacles in a way that I assume that's how he vocalizes and he does a good job Yeah, could I hear from him right now? He as I said is getting some kind of space burrito at the food court But he told us to talk to you because we have some very important information for Your organization I'm just gonna. Yeah, just give me one second nervous. Just yeah, just give me one second I can I put you on hold is that okay? Ask into question asshole. Don't you go don't you press any other button don't you pray? I'm not gonna give you disadvantage the checks just gonna be pretty high. It's gonna have to be a 16 at least I got 10 so she's yeah, I'm just gonna put you on hold real quick. Yeah, okay. I will be right back All right. Well, I look forward to speaking with you on the other side of this hole. I don't believe a man I don't believe what you said that you said you hear the space version of the girl from Ipanema You know what you're right somebody gonna show up here and we're all gonna be we're only caught Remember what our good friend Dale said. It's just time to cheat a lot. We'll come out of the wash I'm really good underneath this comic exterior my heart is palpitating. I'm quite nervous But I am choosing to embrace the attitude that our friend Dale here because Lord knows everything I've been trying up to this point hasn't been working so I say we just go with the flow baby No, it goes to the flow a tidal wave man. We're under a wall of water. I don't even realize it for that title wave without hanging 10 my man Okay, I'm back. Hi, yes, you should see in the back of the building that there is a little sort of a cage for a couple people for shoplifters for Why don't we've been in there before great? Could you get back in there real quick? Okay, Austin, thank you so much if you could just stay there. That would be great. Okay, can you stay on the line with us though? Yeah, sure so as we were saying we have and we're we're getting in now people and I give a Depp in their wing to my fellow granddad. We're getting in just like last time just like last time. Yes, totally secure It's cold man. It's cold and I'm secure. That was the door Who what so we are for space adventures and we have as we said some important information for the IBS So who would be the best person to give that information to that would typically be the tip line But I can definitely run it up the chain to my CEO What's your information so we happen to know that the luminous have come into possession of an extremely powerful device That you maybe heard If you just just just name drop the word project night crawler up this chain and see if that rings any bells And then you'll know that we know what we're talking about ma'am. I will do that. You have a lovely voice Did I mention that you did and it kind of threw me off if you could just just one second You may get sci-fi. It's a girl from epanima 12 Okay, you hear sirens in the sky and the distance getting closer during all this I want to be hacking their computer because the computer appears to be linked up with like their database of the guy and the guy's gone Perfect go ahead and roll hacking. Just get a database of local high schoolers who they convinced to join the IBS Call them be really mean with it to hang up on them. Yeah, my guys were mean to be a shit Just because I said no and hung up before they were a sentence in bullet fucking dodged for them. I'm sorry I would have fragged somebody real bad. Okay, hacking I roll 15. Okay, so the 15 you have access to the admittedly limited But still you know not bad databases on the internet and then also it appears he left his browser open on the internet for the IBS Login system so you can access razzacans profile and email and some basic informational sites quick scan the emails What are we what what what's all rad can't look at that? He's mainly getting a lot of really passive aggressive emails from his branch manager Saying that he needs to be more assertive. He needs to subcrying on the job Thinking about all the people dying in the war and all the people that he's gonna be recruiting and stuff that Ultimately recruiting people to this cause is going to be a net gain so he needs to stop worrying about whether or not anybody He has recruited has died and then you see a bunch of responses from like deep search businesses that are like Yeah, we searched for exactly what happened to that guy that you said that you recruited he definitely died He died directly because of that payment can be done in installments team That kid over there in debt and guilty. We might be able to recruit them on our side. Okay, we've already proved that he's pretty recruitable Do you think we should just get caught? I guess we just either trust. I'm just saying I'm really gonna base. What do we want to know oh find the phone number of the person above this person? Oh, yeah, yeah, we accompany directory. I want the person passed on because you told them the code word, right? Yeah, I don't think they're not even I don't think they're on the pay scale. They don't even know that code word Yeah, all right. Who's the person above? Oh, check into just send a message to everybody through the system Organization let me find the high off. Let me find the reply email that I can reply all to get black whatever it's called Wednesday again project man crawler project night crawler just put out project night crawler I want to type in the email to everyone and I say we edit it says we are at six moons food court We have information on project night crawler call off the hounds and yes Okay, we open project night crawler and know where it is call off the hell don't leave don't leave We open project night crawler and nowhere it is call off the hounds or we won't talk Wait, yeah, yeah, yeah, let me think about this. That's good. What did they torture it out of us? Don't torture us. Don't torture us. Yeah, this will be in the room with them. Yeah, don't torture us. Please Oh, oh, and also also I also want to reply all this email. Let's add some more addresses. What are various reputable news organization? So that that way something happens to us. I think we want it. We could times New York times, Ezra Klein at New York Times dot com. Ezra will get to the bottom of this in a very sort of half-assed both sides. He kind of, I think personally he'd do it in a very thoughtful and nuanced way. That's right. I think who else can we email Ross Douthit, New York time. Oh, he's at CBS now. Well, he not yet because it's 2019. Ross Ross is good. Who else is good? Those are just pundits that talk about things already happened. They don't break news. That's the problem with go ahead. Just say it to all the podcasts. They can tell you what two sides think about what's happening to us. That's all we need. No, I'm sorry. I thought that Dale was the calm one. Hey, I slipped. Sorry, bud. Well, we have access to the internet. You can search for, you know, if you want to do, we don't need to talk to journalists. I'm just saying that we, but what if we, they'll know they can't do any funny business on us. If the journalists know that we're in here is what he said. Yeah, I just don't think they care. You have access to the internet. Well, some kind of space internet. Google search. Okay. Better project night crawler alternatives. Okay. Yeah, no, that was a good idea. The project night crawler alternative reddit. Yes. That's how you know it's a real person responding to it. Not AI. I execute the search. Okay. Oh, but before you execute the search, why don't you send me email? I'll send the email. Execute search. Okay, so you send the email and open up a new email that you get a bunch of like Damon email, restricted, you know, like you do in whenever you email large group of people once. And then the search returns project night crawlers, the name of a Ecosim created by blah, blah, blah pictures or whatever. It doesn't seem to know what project night crawler is because project night crawler seek. What about we send messages. Space the computer explore. No, it doesn't. You know it. You know, I guess. No, you've been asked and then immediately finishes with pasted is autocomplete. Yeah. Google search. Ready foolproof way for IBS to defeat luminous question mark. Okay. So you get a thread for space reddit. Spread it. No, it's not that and it's not spread it. It is very much not spread spread it. I thought that was the first time ever didn't say it out. I knew it tells website spread it dot com. All right, it's spread it. You find it spread it thread. Let's start spread it, but it is space reddit. Yeah, I would be amazing. That's not already a subreddit. We're basically a bunch of people are sort of arguing back and forth about like strategically, what could the IBS do to win this war. And there are obviously, you know, many varied opinions, but the majority of them seem to be that they need to develop some sort of tech to find out who the luminous are and then basically start exterminating them. There are a bunch of comments beneath them saying this is bar bag blah, blah, blah, blah. That's probably probably one of those guys probably luminous. That's probably a bar. Yeah. You see them. The post is like, edit. I know a lot of you guys. Wow, I'm voting me for just having. That's really isn't echo chamber one of the top voting comments. I got the shitposts on okay buddy luminous. Well, yeah, what does it look like on the on the snark subreddit? I IBS circle jerk. So the first thing you see before you go to IBS circle jerk is you see there's a comment from somebody going to get the real question is who the fuck started this? Who is this sculptor person? And a bunch of people being like, oh, conspiracy guy, conspiracy guy, and then IBS circle jerk. There's a bunch of minds. I know I know I lock in and I start answering with everything I know. Fucking right. Yeah. Well, we're waiting 14 year old for a sculptor. I mean, there's like, it's like everybody right? If you get otter, we got a mat and I tell the whole journey of everything we've done so far. So you get auto banned by the mod, uh, who thinks that you're politically incendiary. Not enough karma. You have too low karma to be posting. You got to like some post first. All right. We like some post. We'll solve your reddit. Okay. You like it up, folks. You get a little pop up that says, Hey, congratulations. You are now a pro karma spread it user. Wait, before he posts, make sure you read the sub spread. It's rules before you post. You also got make friends with the mods. I respond to the mind like, Hey, I told you, I didn't, you're doing a great job moderating. I didn't understand the rules. I'm glad you stopped sloped like that from coming out of them. Uh, this is an automated mod system. If you want to speak to one of the mods, please, uh, message our spreading spread user and our, we got to cover first. I think we got a post and ask spread it. What's a subtle sign that someone is an unhappy person. Somebody post. Hey, this isn't nothing. It's pretty. Holy shit. 4,000. I've just googled it into actual reddit and 7.6,000, uh, like, 7.9,000 comments. Jesus. Do you want to know what the top one? Yeah, I do. Yeah, what is it? Not answering emails and texts is a warning sign for me. I shut procrastinating about personal correspondence when I'm on my way to a bad depressive episode. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, sorry, sorry, wait, wait, wait. Wait, sorry, I need to clap. I need to clap on this comments are really quick. Yeah, I knew in my heart that it wasn't going to be somebody talking about somebody else. It was going to be somebody being like, my life is really hard. It also sounds like they're laying foundation for somebody else to like see it and be like, "Oh, that's why he's not responding myself." That's why my friend says that. That's why my friend says that. I should reach out to them. Yeah. Okay, well, the top one that is not about myself is a list of three. Not finding pleasure. We start by controversial here. Controversial. I like to hear other opinions. Controversial. This is so stupid. Controversial. They're wearing a wedding ring. No one. A comedian from 1995 got under Reddit. I don't agree with it, but it's their take. So I'm going to upvote it, because it's not about what you disagree with. It's about is the comment a good one. I think what they were going for is good for them. Do we have enough comment opposed? It's a circle, jerk, sub-rack. Yeah, the car is just a clarify. We did send before we're doing this, but I think our big message is like. I know you did. You haven't mentioned checking the email yet. Do you want to check the email? No. No, no. Okay. Go. Wait, yes. You have enough comment opposed in the IBS server. I want perception though to see. In the aluminum circle. If I can tell that we don't hear sirens anymore, like they got pulled back or something. Yeah, you can hear they're getting closer. Okay. All right. Well. Actually, you've been spending a lot of time liking posts and stuff. You actually. You look at the front door and there's already a bunch of like IBS cars, with like, people pointing at the, I slam my hand against it, I make like a skin screen against the door. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, let me do this. Let me do this. Let me do this. Let me do this. Let me do this. Let me do this. Let me do this. Let me do this. I'm posting in our and spread it slash movies and I'm saying, did you know that in Django on chain, Leonardo really, he caught his hand in his hand was bloody. Wait, really? He really did that. Yeah. Okay, let's switch swastin dot TV. You can start streaming on swastin dot TV. That's you for, you know, what's the area in which you are streaming so people can find you. We're on six moons live live from six moons, lifestyle stream. Okay, right now saving the universe, saving the universe. That will get people to watch. Okay, you are alive. One up space fan. No, he's watching. Hold on. What up space fan? Look outside. I turn the webcam and then pulling outside. Oh, here's what we should do. Now that we have karma, now that everyone knows on space Reddit that we're cool. Yeah, we should do a post with the link to the switch. Yeah, exactly. So that the people from the space are going, we can say, like, hey, this guy's telling the truth and it seems like the IBS is about to silence him. Silence him for telling the truth. Live stream, you got to be like, I can't believe he said that big drama. That's good. Sometimes something humble kind of like live stream up thought this community might like it. And I'll post a painting that I made, but I'll put my cute picture of myself in there with the painting. So they're upvoting me too. That's nice. Yeah, does anyone appreciate real art anymore? This is a post about a cat. They need to see my cat, though. All right. So what are you going with? All of those. I think we're going to now that we have clout on the circle drink sub one of me. We're going to post the link to the stream. Okay. What's the direction? What are you selling? I got to go with her on this one. I think controversy sells. Yeah. All right. So what is it her can't believe you said that big drama stands for a live stream is a choice. And it can't believe he's saying. Anybody give me a persuasion role with advantage because that's very good persuasion advantage. Okay. I'm going to use that advantage. Oh, you can do like is he okay? Like something fast on the stream that he got cook on it. I got it 12. You got a 12. Can we all go? What's the video? No. You're only post making one post. Oh, man. I will have spread it as a whole role twice. I don't know why we need anybody watching this. It's to protect ourselves. We're getting tortured to death. Man. Okay. So - So you get about 30 viewers. - Hey, hey. - Look outside. - Hey Chad. - They're trying to silence us. They're trying to silence us. I put the camera and I pointed outside. Open, oh, spread your fingers a little bit. - Okay. - What? - 'Cause I got a skin door. - Oh. - Which is already, hey Chad, you probably already are looking, that's pretty cool. What are you seeing right now? - Never seen this before, huh? All right, check it out. Point outside. - In the chat you see, "Oh cool, crime stream." And another one saying, "Oh cool, luminous crime stream." Skinny, weird flesh hands, cool. - All right. - All right. - Glad they're watching. You're donating? - Yeah. - Any donation? - You gotta tell them what they get for it. - Ice cream's so good. (laughing) - Actually, actually, as they were spotted to the message you sent. - Oh yeah, they're great. I all tapped to the email. - All right. - Immediately after you sent it, you got an email in response from the manager of the tip line. And he says, "Hi, this is really interesting. And thank you for reaching out. Are you currently surrounded by a bunch of IBS troops?" - Oh yes, they're doing positive emails too. So yes, whoever's watching, we're currently surrounded by IBS troops. - And we're not gonna tell you how many unless we get some more super chats. - And we know a lot about Project Night Crawler. - Everyone's been talking about, we don't want to talk about, we only want to talk about with the important people who need to know. - That's our VIP club. And you can join by donating, every donation in the chat gets access to our VIP club. Or we tell you all about Project Night Crawler. - So a user in your swastin.tv chat, the name is tip line manager. And it says, "Please check your email again." (laughing) And there is a link to what? - A spoon. - A spoon? - A spoon link. - A spoon. - I just click out whenever I click out. - Space turn. - Careful, careful. - Do I trust the link? - No, but I'll click. (laughing) - That's the most grandparent thing possible. - That's the most grandparent thing. - By default, we should click. - Absolutely shattered all illusion that were grandparents by fucking knowing how red it works. - That's true. - I know how red it works. I'm online, I'm with the kids. - That's true. - I know how red it works 'cause I'm always sock puppeting in the teen sects. - That's true. You probably have a better insight. - Yeah, we're learning how spread it works. It's very different. - You get the zoom link, you click on the zoom link, and you see what looks to be a man in a very well-cut suit. It's so fucking toyed. - Well-cut, man, huh? - Yeah, he's very handsome. - Well-cut, man, well-cut suit. - And he says, "Hi, so what's going on?" - Call off the hounds or we'll, "Hey, you're live, motherfucker!" "Hey, guess what, everyone, we're live." I share screen. - Could you turn the stream up, please? 'Cause if what we're talking about is a matter of like galactic safety, it would be good. - Call off the hounds and we'll call off the stream. - Yeah, that's good. We don't want to be in danger and then we'll talk to you. - Okay, yeah, I'll tell them to type in it right now. - And he types out a message, and you see that the cops outside put their guns down. They're still looking at you. - I don't believe this sacred food court. (laughing) - I'm bringing us some fries. - Okay, I'm not gonna do that 'cause it's hard. - I'm gonna stick. - A long stick. No funny games. - Oh, man, we can get everybody who's watching the stream to raid the lumens. - Yes, 30 people. (laughing) - We need the lumens. - It's water. - There's a good chance about half of them are luminous also. - That's fair, I didn't think about that. - So let me explain this from my perspective. You know of a thing that you shouldn't know, and one of you is clearly with the luminous because they have the ability to manipulate if they're flesh in a way that only luminous tend to. - No, but I'm not luminous. - Oh, he's got a different element. - I'm just stretchy, I can't change who I am. I'm just stretchy now. - Here's the deal that I will offer you. And also presumably you've done something on savory to get access to an IBS recruitment office's computer system. - No, you've been abusing this poor intern working here. - Is it on savory to kidnap grandchildren trying to save the universe? I think just giving a guy some money for lunch and then calling up people to help them. You know, sure, I guess alone savory, but I'm trying to save the galaxy, but. - I still to a voce aside to my chat, like, it's getting pretty spicy now, my chat. - Well, you do it into the mic that you're also using, but I see. - Yeah. - Look, sign of trust, okay? And I look at the chat's like, hey, Dale, out of here, things were spending an hour with us. We gotta take a break. We'll be back in streaming in about 30 minutes. - Mom's put up some ads. - Yeah, have a good one. And I hang up the stream, okay. So look, I'm not luminous. Yes, we don't just know, night crawler, we're in it. We fixed it. And we know what's going on with it. There it's headed, and we need help. And I think that we need, as it seems to help you need, which is the luminous knot, ending the universe. Is that right? They're doing that, Ralph, you got better. So that's what's up. - So while you've been talking, the handsome man is throwing his brow and moving to type something you tell, he's like half listening to you as he types something in. - Are you streaming? - No, I'm not. Oh, so that means the one at the computer, are you Ashley Birch? - Who's asking? - And then there's Ralphister Reyes, and then is Herb- - Oh, oh, oh. - Is it really there? - No, my name's Herb. - I press the little filter that changes your faces to like little kitty faces. - Yeah, I have a rabbit face now. - Okay, we are merely an anonymous group of concerned citizens. - Yes. - And don't ask us to put our hands in front of our faces. (laughing) - This is actually good. We've been wanting to actually communicate with you and reach out to you. We do sort of need your assistance. - Well, yeah, we need yours. - We know. - The whole galaxy needs yours too. - Okay, so then we are gonna, okay, I turn the filter off. I don't know what you want. (laughing) Talk to you, let's talk to you. - We can get you a fast ship very soon. And we can get you-- - We want a fast ship. - Yeah, I knew that was coming. (laughing) - And we can get you a blanket pardon. - Oh. - You just have to go to the planet Avia for us. - Avia, which planet is that, is that the sixth one? - No, that's the one that all the bird people come from. It's where your grandson, Oliver, is currently being held. - Oh, that's good. - I mean I do. - Where has he been held for? - Help by the, help by the luminous. - No, he's held by the avian government that have basically made themselves independent in this whole squabble. But he belongs to the IBS. He's a very successful pilot in the IBS. - He doesn't belong to anybody. - Oh, sure, he works for the IBS. He is a very well-decorated fighter pilot for the IBS. - Yeah. - He was abducted by them following some details that I don't need to get into right now. And they're holding him, and the IBS can't make a move on them without essentially starting a second war against Avia. And obviously, that's not in our interest. But Oliver is very useful to our war effort. - And they're not gonna allow him go into a Reagan becomes president. - Yeah, exactly. - I swear. - Got him. Got his ass. - I am. - Look, deep cut. - Fucking got his ass. - That's the only way. - You got any Ollie North Joe? - Or Jimmy Carter. - Was it his fault? - One is what? - Was it a joke just an observation? (laughing) - I gotta give it this peanut farm. - The way the law works on Avia, you are actually the only ones who can get to Oliver right now. - What do you mean? - Also. - Okay. - Avia as a planet, when it comes to other species, they defer to members of that species and oftentimes family members of that species. So Oliver is in holding before his trial, and they need to find a human from Earth to judge him. - Well, that's bad news because we just. - Well, yeah, one, his trial, but two, we have reason to believe that a member of the luminous is within killing, strike, distance of him right now. - That is entirely likely, yes. We don't have any eyes on Avia. So that's the favor you'll be doing us. Going into Avia and getting Oliver out of it. - Okay, that's good. - Yes. - Well, we want to do that. But what about, but with the luminous have project night crawler? - Fuck. - Where is project night crawler? Right now. - Oh wow. - We did just. - Headed toward the sky. - Okay, I see that you've rented a flash stole a luxury limo a couple decades ago. - No, it was in that. - It was in that? - Yeah. - I got to try one. - I want to car, leave your site. - Yes. - Where it is at now. - That's where this is. (both laughing) - I don't know where it is anymore. - Ralph just achieved enlightenment from contemplating that co-on. He's like, "My god, where is it now?" - Yeah. - You're right, yeah. - The reason I ask is because we can track whether or not, I mean, I guess the fact that we're also here means that the night crawler hasn't turned around. - That's true. - So old buddy Al must be a whole lot of them. - Yes, I can track the last known heading of that ship of the Luxe and it's headed potentially towards Avia as well. - Oh, well that works out. - That is odd. - But at a pretty high speed and they've been going for a bit now, so you might want to get a move on. - All right, okay, well then, yeah, we'll go. - Yeah, we'll go. - We have to survive. - I'm gonna have them give you one of their ships. - Nice. - And we need guarantee of safe passage and guns. - We need a couple of upgrades on this ship. - Roll persuasion. - You get used to certain quality of life issues when it comes to newer ships. - Yeah, let's just say. - Let's just say, you get used to a certain level of luxury. - I know what you're getting at. Those did get outlawed like a decade ago. - What do you mean outlawed? - You make the law. (laughing) - I make it, man. - I got a five. - A five, okay. - You want the suit to pass me out? - No, you got it, you got it, you got it! - No, you're a cop. - You want, take sucking carpets. At our spaceship, and we're gonna save you first. (laughing) - If we get back, save us out. - I don't want that to pay any tax. (laughing) - He took you to the right. - I hate it. (laughing) - Is that a deal? No more taxes. - We're not. - Sure, again, like a pardon for, yeah, sure, whatever. - Yeah, so as I'll legal, we get like a pardon. - Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You don't have to pay taxes, congratulations. - And the car, the car, the car, it's not happening. - I just say, if you put the car in the car, it's not happening. - It'd be cool, no big deal, but I think it'd be cool. - There have been accidents and deaths. You don't want the car, but. - Yeah, well guess what? - No, I don't. Those carpets have saved our lives more times than we could count. Yeah, I don't want the carpet or anything, as you said, it'd be nice to hit. I kind of need it, actually. Okay, well, unfortunately, you did roll a five. So he says, uh, could be a no deal on that one. Where's the other way for that to happen? Mima, I want a Google warning. We have a black mark. I live 70 years now, it digs like a carpet. I never wasn't, I think I wasn't getting enough, right? So we can move on. We get, we're okay. I want a black mark. All tap. Yeah, you sell them without a smart phone now. Yeah, I want, if they want all tap and search on spread it, like who are the best black market carpet? Like, you know, because like, people like you, you know, like in California, a super dark window tint is illegal too. But you can still get a window tint. You know what I mean? There is a guy who tends to do them. He brings the carpet to you. I mean, that guy's like, you're not going to this guy. He's not going to have carpets. He's not going to have, he's just the perfect. He points themselves at this. I'm the carpet and he comes at you. Like those guys who are like, you're modding them. And then there is a reply to that review like, we're so sorry that you have a chance at the digs on carpet. Please contact Mr. Dick Carpets to get this sorted out. The account Mr. Dick Carpets says, yes, I can meet you. Where are you? I think you're right. You're right. We got it. I mean, you have to go to, I mean, you have to go to Ava. He's so perfect. The plan is to be to sell her going there. Whether or not he does, that's something. Yeah, we're going to see how it develops. We'll see how it develops. Is this okay when will you be there? We're going there right now. It's right now in a fashion. Oh, so it won't be like a decade. That was last. It's really fashion, man. You want this deal or not? You want sale or not? I just wanted to know what I'm going to be there. I'm not going to be there waiting for 10 years where you can show up so I can sell you your Dick Sucking Carpets. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if this is going to work then, man. I'll be waiting for you. In 10 years, I or one of my associates or descendants will be there. So Dick Sucking Carpets for you, okay? Let's get a move on. The one-trend father prophesied this year. If you exit or remove your hand from the doorbell, I'll remove my hand. You see that all of the ships have gone, except for one that has a single IBS trooper holding a pretty big laser shotgun standing next to it. And he says, I'm your driver. Is the guy still on the stream? Yeah. Oh, what was your name, bud? You don't really need to know my name. You don't think we're friends now? I don't think we know her. We're working together. No, we're friends now. We're actually friends now, dude. We're friends now. My name is John. All right, John. I'll never forget you. Wherever you want to be called, I'll call you, John. And then you call me John. All right, John, thanks a lot. And who's, what's your name, bud? Who's this? Who's this guy on the ship? The guy on the ship. The guy on the ship. For the first time we don't have an AI on this ship. We have another person. It's just a guy. That's good. We should make improvements now, luminous, though. Oh. I don't know, Pocken. I asked John before we go. Hey, John, is it like a test we can do to see if people-- Do you have like luminous goggles that we can wear? Do you see which people are luminous or not? Do you have a test? Even if it's only got-- do you know what I mean? No, if we did, this probably would have been over a long time ago. Yeah, it feels like we need to race this guy then. How about this guy? Yeah, I mean, everybody who joins the IBS goes through a fair amount of standing. No, no, we don't trust anybody but ourselves. Tell your guy, thanks for the car, and we're going to go. Look at this from my perspective. Am I going to give people that have a history of killing IBS troops and breaking into their recruitment offices, a car with weapons on it, and a free pass to go wherever they want whenever they want? I don't think I am. Hopefully. I think if you really do want to go to Avia, you can get you there. I see. We really do. It's my grandson. Of course, we want to go. We're not going to do any fun stuff. They'll get you to Avia, and you'll be able to tell very quickly if he's not. Hey, John, your friends, I trust you. OK, I gave him a little thumbs up. OK, OK, I'm going to log off now. All right, John. Hey, John, you're on mute. We can't hear you. Hey, are you married? OK, I'm logging off now. Hey, what's up? And the trooper with the shotgun points at his name tag, and it says palax are on it. He goes, the name is Mortemus palax are. And that name was sent to us by Connor Flynn. What a good site for us name. Sorry, are you like our assistant? I'm your chaperone. OK, could you just from us say it's from us. Just get John something nice. I say thank you for the ship to who you want me to tell you that. John, send it to John. You want me to send you? No, at present. Let's go. I'll slam down Mortemur. There may be some up great Mortemus. We may have some upgrades on the way. Just be ready. We have some aftermarket modifications that we've ordered up. They'll go straight. Is there a hot time on the ship? No, it's a military ship. Is there a top? Does it look like a cool like halo gunboat kind of thing? It looks like the dropship in Alien. That's right, guys, last time we were at IBS. We almost got killed this time. We just walked in. Hey, you're on the way to the computer. You're right. And what we got right now. We got a ship. We got a ship. We ride to our grandkids. We just chill. We know where our grandkids is. We got help. We got weapons. And we're all OK. That's right, man. Hey, maybe there's something to this chill, I think. That's going to drive me crazy, man. That's crazy that we chilled and everything went according to plan. I can't believe it. I'm a freaking out, man. So yes, your hot tub list, Alien's dropship, ass spaceship with a shotgun wielding chaperone hits light speed. And you are just behind your previous lux heading towards the planet of Alien. Hey, Mornimus. What the floor made out of? Metal. What the fuck was that? There's a place in your mind that you could go to anytime you want. And regret the days you didn't do. What a time to be alive when the whole entire world has got you feeling like there's something you should do. Just keep moving, moving, and out. You could have been anyone, you could have been anyone. You could have been anyone, but you wouldn't listen. You could have been someone, but you wouldn't listen. Thanks for listening. And thanks to the over 17,000 of you who backed Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM source book on our backer kit. Thank you so much. 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You can support us directly on Patreon at patreon.com/Dungeons and Dads. Find merch and more at Dungeons and Daddies.com. And our next episodes coming at you September 8th. We'll see you then. [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] Everyone says Gibson was this visionary sci-fi author, but he didn't envision jacking the net through your prostate. The sun was the color of a pro-lapse day. (laughing) Oh no.