S4 Ep. 14 - The Most Dangerous Midway Game

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the description. A bar comes on our shipy says, what am I stuck in the middle of? What am I stuck in the middle of? Don't wanna hurt anymore. We wanna go faster than lights be. Got a same project night crawler. Don't wanna see his fog, use this fog, use this space for him. Those brave folks, logos from Aristotle. We can reason 'til he's on our side. Mr. Sen, send me a send me a put those thoughts away for now. Don't you wanna try some of these steam park rides? And if you'll come along with us, you can be our robot bound. We can save our prank kids before that all we got to do is convince 'em. Come convince 'em. [music] Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, for Rada, grandpa's and galaxy's. A grand space pauper about four gilfs who take to the stars to rescue their grandkids and perhaps the entire known universe in the process. Or not, maybe not, who knows? D&D, but you know, the dark matter expansion. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Ashley Birch, Ashley with an e-birch, like the tree. Born in '64, which makes him the youngest boomer. Ashley is a twin galaxy's era, arcade pro gamer. Turned twitch streamer, turned gadget tier. You really make Freddie talk a lot at the beginning. We do. It's really. [laughter] I gotta rewrite that to make it roll off the tongue. Doesn't roll a who wrote this dribble? It's weirdy-ing. Ashley's fact, for this week, I checked with the essay before I put this fact down. This show takes place in 2019, this version of it. And this would make Ashley a little bit ahead of the curve. As you may have seen, we have a source book. It's over at bookmeaday.com. Ashley too was so much work to making his own source book, because he too, as an early twitch streamer, wanted to get going on these TTRPG shows. And he had scrolled down his pitch for his show on the napkin, lost somewhere in his pile of things, for galaxy gals, for busty babes, with scores to settle. Soar through the stars to find vengeance in all the wrong places. Unfortunately, we do have to do galaxy gals. Galaxy gals. I think that's so good. Yeah, and is that gamer innovation? Does he come see cup? Is gamer innovation on that? Oh, miss see cup? See cup? We might hurt his face a little wider. She's a little wider. That's the worst thing you could have said. All the sentences of English language, you found the worst one. Wow. This is a galaxy gals. Yeah, this is. You guys get mad. You are defining galaxy gals. Hey, Matt, this is how he gals. Yes, Andy. What's the prettiest percentage? I want to say Matt, you nailed it, buddy. Galaxy gals. You nailed it, because a big part of the galaxy gals is in fact two parts. Well, character sheep for each boob. Why? We of course, innovated dad facts and brought down facts and TTR. Would you say? Let's just say Ashley's version of that would have been a little bit NSFW. I think Femish should really let these boys have it when they listen to this episode. Yeah, he editors keep cut out. No, he saw it. Yeah, he saw it. He did it. We have to do that. We have to do that. We have to do that. We have to do that. We have to do that. The egg is only on Freddie and Matt's face. You leave every syllable of that shit. He never made the show. This is just the concept. Egg is also what happens when you spill out all their cup sizes. (laughing) What? (laughing) What? DG. What? But you said it was the one that doesn't exist. Yeah, but that's the third one. That's the fourth one. That's the cousin all over the ad. Guys, in the show, they're fucking horny and sexy and want to boom. Okay. It's not like, no, it's not like I said that. I didn't say this. In the show. What we need to do is we need to do a Galaxy Galaxy one to try, then the real competition is which one of the four of us can't go the longest without apologizing. (laughing) Freddie wins. Apologize for nothing. All right, cool. Let me get a little pause 'cause all that will be cut. No! (laughing) Hey, everybody, my name's Matthew Arnold and I play Dale Elliott, the world cruise loving. He puts some guilt. Next life card living is best bunk life. Dale's a little over one. What's the last cup size? Father of four, grandfather of seven, and friend to all. Woodware of one is a very ominous way. Oh, really? It could change. (laughing) It's only so wide. It's looking for the future, X Miss Malcolm. Sorry, I'm just trying to get over all the guilt of everything I just said. The sense is, I think I've done four of the five normal senses. I forget which is the fifth one. So then I'm jumping forward. I'm jumping forward to senses six and seven and eight. So vestibular, which you if you all remember, you know, 'cause I've taught you all something about what the senses are. Vistibular is your sense of balance. So his favorite vestibular feeling is that feeling of riding on gravel. The edge of gravity's knife when he's hanging 10 on a frame. Well, he's surfing, 'cause they're all a big surfer. So he loves it. And the worst vestibular feeling is getting up too fast post-nut. Post-nut? Post-nut. Yeah, post-nut. Post-nut is too fast. Is that a thing? It can't be when you're standing up. Standing up. Right. Dang. This refractory period's too short. (laughing) I gotta go get me a moment's later. What a problem for me. It's like a goddamn springboard of a couple. I was so wait. (laughing) Is this just like that Kurt Vonagan novel? Post-nut, you gotta get up again. I get knocked down. (laughing) Eggs knock on the door. (laughing) Well, well. Sounds like you've got egg on your face. This is tuning the instruments. No egg is in here. (laughing) No way does the hero that's going notably does hear people tuning the instrument. At the beginning of the game. They blew up their PS3. Yeah. Kind of live show, but all the help of the cut it out. No. That's over your tuning instrument. Like this. (laughing) Slow. I gotta get it all out. Okay. Hi everyone, I'm Will Campos. I play Ralph Estorias, a sci-fi scribe slash wife guy whose wife died slash radiation for weak. My Ralph fact, I'm also doing a census fact for Ralph. Wow. Ralph's favorite census was the first one where he got to put that he was married to his wonderful wife, Cookie. And his least favorite census is the one that he still fills every time there's a census where he still, you know, he thinks about, am I gonna check that box finally and say that I'm not married. That is so far. He's so far. He's been lying on that census and you know what? It's a $500 fine if you do that. And he's like, oh, gladly paid. I'll pay gladly. I have a cost, I pay it gladly. He and Francis have got along. 'Cause I think I made that same thing in three. Oh, did you? Well, damn. First of a feather, my name. Hi, my name is Beth May and I play, herb, the worm, quickly. Fun facts about her. But what is he? Oh, I'm a beacup. (laughing) Now that was a day. I was wondering if he was not losing the plot. Was it my only question? Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. A young and hard barbarian storytelling grandpa who is losing the plot? True, true. So last time on grandpa's and galaxies, I shared that herb has a certain disdain for a beloved actor, Anthony Hopkins. But to go to the opposite end of the spectrum, herb's problematic fave is probably Kurt Cobain. What's problematic about him? Like he had a lot of problems. Fair. He threw that baby in that pool, dude. (laughing) He looked like he was having a great time. He lured him in there with the promise of money. You can't do that to a baby. That is a capitalist baby. He was gonna turn into a Rockefeller. He did his own favorite. Oh, that baby sued them later? Yeah, multiple times. 'Cause Dick was out. Yeah. This is what it sounds like when Matt is desperately trying to base much space between him and-- As much space as possible. Yeah, we got him from these intros. That is one way to trip it. (laughing) Everything I say. Hi, I'm Anthony Birch. I'm your granddad master. Today's epigram is an audio epigram. It's just a clip of Matt's name. (upbeat music) Ooh, the vagabuzz. Yeah, dude. The party business is happy. How will they go? We like to party for like 32 bars. Whatever you like doing. Anthony, I can't fucking do this game so I hear the drop. Give me the drop, Anthony. All right. Here. Bam, bam, bam. The D&D is podcasting. Last we left you, you're working with Al the AI who you want to integrate. into a spatial drive so that you can get to your grandkids without time having passed them by by decades of magnitude midway through an Aristotelian argument with him in which he currently has a little bit of a lag behind you in terms of points for how convinced he may or may not be to help you. Dale decided you should just all go out for a drink go all I have some fun and on your way to six moons the widely beloved galactic theme park I'll admitted to you that now that he's turned off his ethos and logos circuits he is actually pretty curious to do one very specific thing which he mentioned was murdering a person so we'll pick up with you as the ship the lux lowers into the gargantuan parking lot of six moons the parking lot is a planet around which six moons orbit you can see just from all of the iconography around the parking lot which again is the size of an entire planet so you better remember where you park that each of the planets has a different type of entertainment it can allow you oh wow you see that they're a little kiosk that have like maps that you can grab but right now you're just landing while a very tired looking lot attended is sort of waving you down with the fucking glowy pylon sticks hi yeah where do we park where I'm waving you down to okay we didn't pre-order parking though do we need a pass do we need to some sort of pass how do we get the moon hopper pass so that we can go to all six moons is that all on one ticket or do we need to get a separate ticket for each moons are we just auto charge your license plate like whoever owns the car they get charged for whichever moons you do nice yeah whoever owns the ship she paint all right we like we like all the perks and the VIP the VIP experience where someone escorts us the VIP experiences differ per moon so you're just gonna have to take it up with you have a single VIP experience for all six moons and this is mostly six moons no we did that but it turns out we actually make a lot more money if we nickel and dime you on each individual moon are there any fun like exclusive clubs we can get into are there any club restaurants that like you need to know about in order to get in yes I heard there's a strip club called galaxy gals there is now correct wait wait hold on hold on there's you said six moons I was browsing through your online brochure here well what differs the moons why different moons what what are these moons what jurors diction are the under and what are those laws jurors my dick six moons is all an independent fiefdom run by the president of the company obviously mr. agonist and the six moons are rides shopping learning food games and the galaxies wonders I've traveled a lot go to you know some cities like you know you can't smoke marijuana like you can't spaceship talking behind the other you know like go above and bring one of my grandkids you know and it's like oh the drinking agent oh it only is different than you know in america or whatever but here you know like robbing I'm assuming murder is probably generally as we like to avoid crime or crimes defined by the law so just what what is all the laws the way that each moon is split up there's a light side and a dark side of each moon obviously the light side is more family friendly the dark side is more anything goes you're gonna find different experiences in either side and the light side you will find all the laws that would be active in any inner planet no murder and a theft no saying problematic stuff okay oh I think I know which side we want and yeah the the dark sides have a little bit more stuff do you want to I can give you a map here's a map oh thank you very much now when just as I always like to get a you know a little bit of the local flavor what's your favorite moon and what's your favorite thing to do on that moon when I'm hungry I like to go to chips and sips on the food moon wait is there no food on the other moons I mean there's like little snacks and stuff but it's a sit down place doesn't mean there's an entire moon where you can't get sit down the food really like five moons of rides well no there's there's rides primarily on one moon again it's rides shopping the library food games and the galaxy's wonder a moon size library Mike with no food also pretty small moves what a moon size library that's probably the most popular again that's what one guess is to which one has the smallest lines which ones like the popular one right I think I'm right rides rides rides what's the most popular ride because you know we got space mountain everyone loves space mountain it's just called mountain here you stole my job but yes yeah you get inspiration that was gonna be in there are you good looking for a family friendly kind of time we're looking for all okay well in that case I want the whole fucking thank you wait let me talk to my fellow granddad's first thing like I'm with you I don't want the family friendly time right but I was thinking that Al just said he'd like to try murder is Alan the Huddler now no are we sure that's what he said yes I'm actually pretty sure that's what he just said guys parks so we can murder someone just the sound of spaceship horns behind that's growing as we sit here blocking the other gates no no they have them all close off for some reason even though there's all this empty fucking space is much of a space plan it just orbit we're learning we're learning here we're learning about the park well yeah or go ahead maybe because murder is so not family friendly we should go to the family friendly side first I know it's not what we want to do I know it's not even the cool thing to do I'm personally wondering because I know that in it's a medial you ask some very good questions about the the sort of the laws of the lands I just speak but it does seem to me that murder contravenes the greatest law of our almighty lord god that you know this is something we probably should try to avoid doing yeah and I worry also a little bit for the soul of our dear friend out here that's a moral stain that can't really be washed off vis-a-vis you know out out damn spot all that what if you want the stain all right we'll park now so right here sir yes right here is fine okay thank you Steven as you get out of the ship the attendant is also waving you towards like the tram that leads you to the ocean out oh it's our first ride wait wait nobody go anywhere I do perception to figure out what cartoon character lot that we're parked in that's gonna be egg it's gonna be egg the galaxy gal is the lot that you're in well I'm gonna I want to remember this what this is my vision it's it's it's how your vision was three how did they do this okay so it looks like we're in spot 34 f as I'm being dragged away wait wait they found it this exactly as I imagined how bad this what madness is they've read my mind what are you referring to egg egg the character a concept of theory and idea that I have a theory a theory of three big titted like the egg you see he copped in the middle double she's on both side this way you read from top down you're mean style you read it you read it like one does well there's no way I'll forget where we're parked interesting tell me about this egg and you was we said I have an idea uh-huh granddad hi out I promise we're not plotting but we do need to talk you can you get more as much as me that's right I'm familiarize yourself with the map you sound kind of like salt Guerrero I've been having space I mean peace Kathleen for so long for so long you see I've lost my hair come Cassian and you're you dropped off a side character to terrorism we're gonna cut back to him and he's gonna get crazy every shot of this character would be him descending in my madness and so in doing so he will he will understand that we need to rebel against the empire because the empire is stopping us from coughing all this delicious biscuits lean it's the most powerful smell in the gas stop I should never tell Freddie that he's good at doing an impression I just have known this after 60 years of fucking knowing the guy no let's bring in the party boy hey Owl yeah designate new Monica you probably know you probably notice what you said and then we just went off and we haven't talked to you since correct I had a feeling you were sort of dealing with the ramifications of what I I mean I didn't get really much of a chance to elaborate but yeah so what sure when you're looking for this sort of when you know it's your party why so the court I couldn't put it better myself well there's two things you need to know one it's still my turn in the argument so I can still get points for my resistance in the words of cue the trial never ends and number two it seems like the main conflict in helping you versus not helping you in helping the luminous versus the IBS all that stuff comes down to is it okay to murder someone or something in order to save more lives so you think people can't know if it's okay to murder or not unless they've murdered somebody essentially I want to know the emotional angle of what does it feel like to kill a person that you know is evil it is murder because it is not prompted it's not in self defense anything like that but somebody who is causing more harm that would be ended if you killed them before they could tell you want to murder somebody so you have a better understanding of it to make a decision do you think it would be okay for everybody to murder somebody if they're reasoning for murdering somebody with to learn whether or not it was good to murder somebody I turned off my ethos and logo so I'm just coming from an emotional okay what's up dude to kill people dude. I know it's not cool. I told you it's a weird thing to want. You don't have to say yes. I'm just saying it would go a long way and helping me understand what I want to do. Now who's the most evil person at six moons? I mean probably the guy who owns it. I assume that makes sense. And articulating finger comes out of the box and it points at this big sort of mural of a guy and a suit. He's got three cigarettes in his head. He gets between each of his fingers and he's like gesturing broadly at the six moons as if to say like look at the majesty and all the fun you can have here. There's a tagline that says where your inner child never grows old. Let's pick where we're going to go first. I got you all these and you all have now little hats there like the Mickey Mouse earheads but they have six planets instead of floating around. Oh that's the guy I mean it was weird. Everybody have a hat. Hey I know you want murder somebody. We're going to find someone for you to murder buddy. But first you know I don't see a murder planet here yet. I'm not saying there isn't one. I just don't see on the map. We got rides. We got shopping. We got library. We got food. We got games. We got galaxy wonders. Yeah we should go on the rides man. I'll just go on the rides. I've never got I mean you never got a ride. No real I mean I got shot in the space out of that now. Let's do a ride. Wait a minute. Under the games there's a shooting gallery slash shooting gallery. That's the cool girls. Let's go all that. That seems like it might be close. But maybe we should warm up to that. Okay. Rides. Rides. Rides. Rides. Rides. Rides. Okay I'm done for any. Again I have no favorite reference for rides. So do we want to go light side or dark side because on the light side it looks like here. There's start on the light side and then we'll go dark so you can feel the con to bumper cars. Everybody loves bumper cars. So you get on the tram and as you're heading towards the ride moon the prerecorded like thank you for coming to six moons. The vision of our president's mission here. Intra and Agona said name was sent just by Tad Jackson and obviously it's not pronounced that way. He had a vision where everyone's inner child could stay a child forever and that's why he came up with six moons. You will enjoy rides, shopping, the library, food, games or galaxies wonders or if your inner child has already kind of grown out of things there's also the dark side and it cuts to an image of a video rather of this agonist guy and he goes welcome to the park. Anything you can imagine is here so long as it fits within one of these six moons. Welcome to the ride moon. On the light side of the ride moon you'll have the big drop the bumper cars. Splash mountain and a janitor closet that there's nothing important. On the other end of the moon you'll have the bungee jump the bumper guys and mountain mountain. Please get off now for the light side. All right let's go let's get up. So you get off and you head towards bumper cars that we want to do when we get into like one of those drop ships like in fucking starts here. Go go go go fucking eggs just it's fucking gunshots are happening some are exploring right till I was a father. Six of the people that we were in that drain which just got pulled off here. You're stealing the president to come and go that happens sometimes that is fine don't worry about that. The final goal is just interlock the warfare case we're happening. Yeah yeah you see a family get immolated next to you. I should feel about that. I think that was your fault. Hey. Hey what you do that. Well persuasion with this advantage with my advantage counteract. It's a bet. Okay I should roll. Can I use my point. Sorry. You're answering a lot of personal issues. Roll normal. Got 11. Could not ugly the worst roll in the D20 system. 11. Why is it the worst roll? Because of 10? I got a seven. You know got seven. Okay you got seven. Okay so nobody did a particularly good role. So I'm gonna say your failure to convince them that that was his fault is gonna give him resistance to your ethos because you are losing position as a person of authority. I didn't know there'd be consequences to lying. So ethos is at 42 out of 50 right. Good news Beth it turns out that there aren't. Yeah not in this world. He goes that was an accident. I had nothing to do with that. So bumper cars do we want to do bumper cars that seems kind of yeah let's do bumper cars. That's fun because you know. The way to get out aggression. And yeah nothing makes me angry then when somebody cuts me off in traffic. Yeah. Much like you had the resistance and the convincing HP bars for him. You're also gonna have boredom and excitement unlocked new fucking evolutions of the core gameplay mechanic. It's also gonna be like blackjack where if you go too high on excitement. He's gonna get overstimulated. He's kind of gonna shut down. His adrenaline threshold is like middling. You can either do something risky on the dark side of the moon. That will be more effective at making him have fun or you could do something that seems safer in terms of his adrenaline threshold. Every time you roll on the light side you're also gonna be rolling boredom in addition to all the fun. Okay. If you roll on the dark side you never have to roll boredom but you do run the risk of busting. If he's exceeded giving him a good time I'll give you a D20 roll on your pathos and your ethos scores. Right now you're at 35 pathos 35 ethos and 27 logos. Remember you have to get to 50 to like lock that in and make him be like okay that's a good reason for me to help you. I see his resistances are at pathos 30 ethos 42 and logos one. So he's pretty close to resisting you completely on ethos not at all on logos and about halfway on pathos. So we're gonna have him roll on the excitement table for bumper cars. You guys wait in line. It is a very normal. It's actually pretty boring. You're just waiting in line for a long time. It becomes clear to you as you stay in the kitty area that despite all the claims that this is about keeping your inner trial alive that most of the infrastructure has not been built here. Oh yeah it's like three rides on a whole moon. But when you get onto the ride you do feel yourself kind of become a kid again. Like it's like the first time you ever went on bumper cars. Like you feel like all this power that is totally harmless. Like you're driving for the first time. Like it just makes you feel genuinely very very young and exciting. It's amazing. So I'm gonna have him roll for fun. So we got a six. He's like oh yeah it's pretty fun. The bumping and the jostling and stuff like that. It's just a little bit dangerous but it felt kind of safe. Now I'm very bored of it though. Like I after about two bumps I kind of got it. But it was really fun for those two bumps. Thanks for thanks for that. You want to go to dark side? We can do bumper guys. Let's go to the dark side now. Okay let's go to bumper guys again. So you go over to the dark side of the moon. You walking past the gender closet. You can tell there's nothing important that way. I want to go excuse me for one second. Okay. I'll catch up with you guys at bumper guys. I'm gonna go check out the door closet. Give me a perception rule or an investigation. I really just loved us. I got my own wing. Seventeen. Seventeen. Because of your radiation freakiness you can tell other alternative types of energy when they're being used. There is a perception filter over this janitor's closet that makes your instinct. Oh there's definitely nothing this way. Like it is very specifically trying to make you think of this as an uninteresting part of the part. Interesting. Because it's not uninteresting. I approach with caution. So you see that there is a key card lock on this door. Otherwise it's a pretty nondescript door and it just says janitor on it. I knock on the door. You hear a voice come out of the key card lock saying identification please. It's Jeff. Roll deception with disadvantage. 15. What the disadvantage? You got 15 plus six to disadvantage. Holy shit. Oh shit Jeff. Wait what's up. Hey can I come in? You're all right. As the door opens I cast invisibility. Okay great. Where's Jeff? Who's Jeff? Is there anyone at the door? There's no one at the door. I slip inside. There's a long hallway going deeper and deeper into the core of the planet. Okay. Whoa. Why am I called a stairwell? First as the door closes I put a little fucking thing at the bottom since days open. Sure. What's the thing? I put one of my shoes. Great. Wait actually no I put my wallet. Okay cool. I need my shoes. There's broken glass down there. But then they'll know that you're not Jeff. Someone not Jeff went through here. Well he said to catch up with them later. So I guess what's he going? Can I still see them from the door? If you like it. I cast message which is a can trip. Okay. You point towards a creature within range and whisper a message. What Ralph? The target and only the target hears the message and can reply and on whisper that only you can hear. So I point at Dale. Hey Dale, I think we should check this out. I think there's something spooky going on here. Okay. Who are you talking to? I'm so lost. I thought we were parting and you left. You guys keep it. Look you guys keep letting them have a good time. I'm going to go scope this out because it seems like why are we even having a good time? There's intrigue. There's intrigue here. You guys go have a good time. Don't worry about it. Just know that this is where I went and the door is open at the Jailer's closet. I put my wallet there. So if you don't hear for me in two hours, come look for me. Okay. Bye, herb. Yeah. What's up? Actually. Yeah. I'm having a rough time. What's your fun meter? Zero. I've never been will not party before. This is just a lot. Oh yeah. I feel like I'm the reason we're not having a good party. Sorry. Dale. So don't say that. Hey, Dale. Don't say that about yourself. I'm still here invisible by the door. I just want to let you do the job. We even get out of the parking lot before one of the people at the party left the party because I just go away. Dale, part of being a party is letting people party their own party. We're a party. Ralph, you'd be here in seven of Jailer's Closet. The party was so bad. This is it. I think it's important that my daughter is dying and my granddaughter's gone and look at this. I'm just buzz killed. And then the other party wants to murder somebody. What's up? Who cares about out? We're going to have fun with you today. Okay. We're going to party with you today, man. We're going to go to the bumper guys. You don't need to be talking to invisible guys anymore. Yeah. I've done that before. I've gone down that route. Okay. Not today, right? We're going to have fun. We're going to have party. Hey, Dale. This is Ralph. You know, they can't hear me. Oh my god. It's like he's throwing my head. I understand what herb is saying, But it is also very important that we get out of it. to have a good time. And you're right 100% responsible for that. So I just want you to remember that. Okay. You know, Dale, when we finally find, you know, like a way to make lithium out here in space, if you want some, too, there's no shame in that, man. There's no, there's no shame at all in asking for help with your head like that. I know you're talking to invisible people. Maybe it's the only. No, Ralph's literally talking to me. Oh, that's fun. I think that's, I think that's, yeah. And I want you to know, I believe you, man. I believe you hear that. Thank you. Hey, Dale. Oh, God, what? It just, you know, Ralph, can I talk back to you? Yeah, you can whisper back in a voice. Only I can hear. Okay. I want you to know that you're doing a good job. Okay. I'm going to go. I'll be, I'll be back in a few hours. And if I'm not back, come find me. Okay. My life is in your hands. Okay. Bye. Okay. So Ralph's left. Well, we know that. He's somewhere in a jazz closet. He says, it's all because of B. And his life is at my hands for some reason. No, he's in a different, he's just left. That's the other closet. That's crazy. That's just your mind playing tricks on you, man. Okay. So we're gonna party. We're gonna get our minds off of this. Owl. Yeah, he seems like you're crashing out. Yeah. I am. And I'm sorry, this party's not gone great. We only did one thing so far. And I thought it was pretty excited. But the one that you didn't want to do, you told us what you want to do. And I don't know how to do that for you for a party. Yeah. I mean, we just have to find somebody that, you know, it's officially evil that I would feel okay murdering them. No more being a sad sack. Let's go straight to that shooting gallery on the dark side. Okay. Let's do it. That's shooting gallery says unethical. Okay. All right. Let's do it. Yes. Have a good time. You can't have as a party. Let's party. Ralph will figure out where we are. We're going to a different moon, I guess. Yeah. You leave Ralph on the rides moon as you go to the games moon. You crest over the dark side of the moon and a little constellation of lights welcomes you onto the dark side of the moon that is permanently facing away from the center parking lot where most of the illumination seems to be coming from. You descend into an attractively low class den of sit. This is going to be fun. It's like an oddly kind of racially coded. It's a wonderful life future where it's like there are jazz halls in the town now. That's how you know what to shit. But it like looks kind of cool and fun. Tortuga vibes. Yeah. Yeah. It's like tor two. You know, there's zero g paintball arena on the light side on this side of the moon. There's just people shooting each other in zero g with guns. Wow. And you see a the shooting gallery parentheses unethical. And as you begin to descend from your your drop pod from the tram that goes around, you can see that it is basically not unlike that scene in apocalyptic where a bunch of people are just running away from people with rifles and they are trying to get to the other end of a very long field. And if they reach the other end of the field, you see that there is a holographic kind of like blue energy shield. And once they get past that, you see one of them just barely make it past in time. And a bullet ricochets off the shield behind him and he's gone. He's free. And he rips off what looks to be like a barcode on his lapel tosses it down and then just joins the populace of the dark side of it. And he seems to be free and clear. I guess this is a place where you can just murder people. So I'll go have fun on that ride. Oh, okay. Yeah. I don't want to go on this ride, though. Dale. What? This is your party, man. I don't want to kill somebody, though. Well, maybe we could do the running. Did I hear Vaughn's here? No. Okay. How does this ride work? It's very simple. So you know how out of a lot of like theme parks or malls or whatever, when you made a crime, they put you in like theme park jail until the proper police arrive. Since there is no, you know, intergalactic police force, we came up with a system in which you just go here into the gallery. And if you can make it out, then you're dead to the park has been paid. And then shooting, it's like a stun gun or something or in a permanent sense. Yes. Do you want to shoot this guy shot lifted? This guy tried to proposition one of the mascots and this guy, he got routing in the galaxy gals strip club. We caught this guy in the janitor closet. So it's just rough. Rough. It's totally got caught. We don't even fucking say. All right. That's funny. And this guy got caught in the janitor closet. Help me, Daniel. I told you. My life was in your hands. Okay. Yeah. I want to volunteer. I want to shoot this guy. Okay. Okay. You do have to give it a shot, though. You have to try. If it looks like I want to really cross, I'm going to try real hard. Okay. Message. Dale with my whisper. It's okay. Don't worry. Just get him to take the shot and then I'll die. And it'll be great. But I won't die. It'll be fine. Oh God. I'm party planning huddle. Okay. So Ralph, you saw he's got caught. But I plan was to volunteer. And it sounds like you get to the end. You're safe. So I was just going to miss on purpose. Yeah. But now he's saying he wants out to take a shot of him and it'll pretend to be dead. But I'm still pretty sure that he's just going to die. Yeah. Because I think if a robot shot you, the robot would probably have pretty good aim. Yeah. Only the robot's going to pretend. I think the robot's going to go. But you know what? I always saying that he wanted to shoot a really bad guy. Yeah. And I don't think that Ralph's a bad guy. Yeah. Also wasting time in the line is a crime. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Just aim for the straight for his head. Oh God. Yeah. Yeah. I'm yelling. I'll shoot you. Okay. So I waited in line all this time. Okay. Wait. You're behind me. Yeah. Is there only one person at a time or is there a row of? No, it's a row of people. And you want me. I can go up. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe the guy that got frisky at the galaxy girls. I think that's the way Ralph really wants out to shoot. Okay. That's right. We just let him do what he wants to do and the punishments on him. Well, I'll shoot the guy that got frisky at the galaxy goes. I don't think that's right. I'll do that. Yeah. Oh, me too. We're both aim for that guy. I got sucks. Okay. So you want us to let out shoot you. Go for it. That's what you said you wanted. I don't want to take away what you want to do. And right now there's three of you and Al and a stranger. Oh, how do you stranger? Did I beat or whatever? Yeah. He's a guy in a leather jacket with one eye and his other eye is like a telescoping like the top. They have like the daily top scorers. Yeah. Yeah. He's the only. He poses a pinpointing finger guns at the camera. This guy's been maxing a fucking theme park right now. I think he's the worst one here. Listen, man. So you explain, you know, like your curiosity and it seemed very natural. You know, I'm curious about that myself. But I think in order to want to merge somebody, I think there's a part of you that actually wants to do that. I guess so. That's possible. Is there a part of you that ever wants to murder someone? I can't think it. Actually, not once in your life, you do think I wish that guy was dead. Oh, I thought that all the time. Oh, but never wanted to murder somebody. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's basically the same thing. I thought that before. Yes. Okay. What is your point? I don't know. You say you're so neutral and you want to avoid suffering and harm in the universe. But for me, when I wanted to kill somebody was for vengeance, right? So what makes you bloodthirsty like that? I've never been bloodthirsty before, which is why I sort of interested in this, but I guess injustice would probably be something that got me pretty bloodthirsty if somebody was officially awful. Like, I don't really want to shoot any of these people. I maybe want to shoot that guy. He says pointing at the guy who's like the top scorer on all the different leaderboards. I got socks. Yeah, I just need to find somebody that's bad at any bloodblast. Or, you know, I kill a random person and we'll just see how the chips fall in that in terms of my emotional reaction to it. Oh, okay. Let's carry on then. Yeah. Let's just do this then. I'm going to pick one of these people randomly to shoot. Okay. If that's what you're saying is worthwhile, I will, I will pick a random person. I don't know if this is a good fucking idea. I don't know. I just, I thought maybe by having them question why you want to do it. He wouldn't want to do it anymore. Our cut to 15 minutes later. You're all now running. Without five strangers are all lined up with rifles. I said, let him shoot me. What about you? I'm trying. We tried to kill all your holes on the line. I thought with me out of the equation, you guys would be able to make these sort of hard moral choices. What do you mean? No, he's criticizing us. Dead eyed Pete. Is he with us? Yeah. No, he is not with you. He was the one who complained to the carny operator that you should be in there because even holding up the fucking line. But that means he's back at the back of the line again. No, he gets his keep his spot. What? You get to stay in line. You get to get to the front. If they're sitting around for 20 minutes talking about the morality of playing the game that they stood in line for. Yeah. There are five people lined up with guns. There's dead eyed Pete. Pretty good aim Sally. Terrible aim Terrence. Even better than the dead eyed Pete. Evan. Vasily Cites have the Russian sniper from. Let's start the run. Okay. Get through this. Zelda. I might be coming home. So doing this run. You see that there's a bunch of obstacles and stuff on the course, including like what appeared to be like sticks and nuts and stuff. Presumably for you to use against other people to slow them down and make them easier to shoot. I've got a question Anthony. With the theme of the theme park being where everybody can feel like a kid again. Do we in our bodies feel any more useful at all? Yeah. You do. You feel really, really, really, really, really fucking scared. You feel like the first time your life was ever in danger when you were younger. Rather than you actually were in danger, but your first taste of fear and it is making you maybe not as good at decision-making as you would otherwise be. You're going to be a little bit less contemplative and a little bit more instinctive. The carny rings a bell and the gate in front of you drops and now there is basically just a whole lot of space between you and the shield at the end of this lane where you can escape. Before we run out, what do we clock while we were in line and watching? Like how do the guns work? How often are they firing? Do they have limited ammo? Like what do we see before we got into here? So you see that they are basically bolt action, pretty slow firing. They hold like five shells at a time. You know, if you're fast, you can probably get in like 10 shots before somebody gets to the end. Wow. If you're slow, you won't even get through five. And they're pretty lethal. They're high caliber, but they're slow. The gate drops, you guys get one turn to do something before the guns activate for the shooters. What are you going to do? I'd like to nure a link with T1M and ask him to hack. Oh yeah, where's T1M? T1M is waiting in line. Oh god. He's waiting next to me. Oh, so what a man on the outside. Yeah, you do have a man on the outside. He's like, I don't really want to do this. I want to make a communication with T1M. I'm like, damn, read my lips, which he can do. Uh-huh. And I mouth, disrupt the shooters. So he's going to try to remotely interface with the lock that activates or deactivates the guns. And so he's bought you an additional turn. You have two turns now to do something before those guns turn back on. And how far away is this thing? This thing is three sprints away for a normal person. I don't know about your munchet. The 180 feet? Yeah. I can enter rage, not in combat, right? I will enter rage. I'll use my like bonus action to grab one of the nets. So you have one of the nets now, a throwable net? Yeah. And there's obstacles, he says. Yeah, there's obstacles. There's a little bit of most liftable. Are they all of a pretty solid structures? Some look liftable. No. They'll slow you down, but they will provide some cover. Is he still the little thing? He's the little thing. You see that he has grown a bunch of articulated little spidery legs at the bottom of his chassis. And he's going to basically be sprinting as fast as he can. Talking to Al, I go. Al, this is the first step before we can let you kill someone. You need to feel mortal terror. So you understand what it's like on the other side. OK, let me give you the whole holistic experience. Meanwhile, I'd like to use modification to what I said, because look at my character sheet. Remember, Anthony, that as a gadget here, I have a mechanized autonomous construct, which we've designated as a T1M. Essentially, I can command it. And T1M takes his turn right after mine. OK. Here's what the standing order I want to send over to Tim. OK. Which is detect if anyone is aiming at one of us at about to shoot. Mm-hmm. And then he is to make a distracting noise, like a little fart sound or something. Up to him, random rolls, but he's tried to distract anyone aiming at us so that when they fire, they're thrown off their game, like talking when someone's hunting. I can do that. There's a good chance that multiple of you are going to be aimed at at once. And I can only distract. Prioritize me. OK, great. Good to know. See you, boys, on the other side. So first action, everybody's just going to sprint. I'm just going to run for now. Because we have two turns of running before you're going to get shot. OK, so I'm just going to start by running. OK, everybody else is going to do the same. I'm going to use my first run to throw the net up back at the guns. Woo! OK, so that's going to be a 60-foot throw. That'll be pretty difficult. I'm enraged and I'm strong. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. I see you grab the net. And I say, toss it this way. I have a spell called catapult. Oh, nice. Choosing an object to weigh one to five pounds within range that isn't being worn or carried. The object flies in a straight line up to 90 feet in a direction you choose before falling to the ground. No ice. So what we could do is you could throw it as far as you can and then I could point at it and catapult it the rest of the way. For sure. Let's see that. Doesn't sound like something you need to roll for. So I think that just happens. The question is, who are you aiming at? I'm hoping that it will catch on one of the barrels of the gun or maybe even two or three and like make it harder to get their aim right. Great. Yeah, because there's little weights on the end of the net so that makes sense that that would do that. You throw the net up as far as you can, which is not that far. But the magic catapult spell launches your net forward and it sails directly towards dead IP and latches onto the end of his rifle and the weights pull it downward and he's like, what the fuck? And it like, he's struggling to untangle it from the end of the rifle. So for now, I mean, the guns aren't even active yet, but he's going to also have to get rid of that net from the end of his gun before he can shoot at you. OK, Matt. I'm going to sprint. Because I sprint fast enough everybody. So I'll go 80 feet. OK. And then I will grab either end of like two structures. Two structures. Like two monkey, diluffy styles, stretchy structures. Uh-huh. Yeah. Because I'm ahead of everybody. You're like grabbing two like sandbags or something. Yeah, like cover. Yeah, that's what I do on my turn. And then the second turn, as everybody's catching up to me, I'm going to pull back and do gum gum sling shot or whatever, whatever. And we have everybody like pile in front of me. Oh, so I'm going to stretch back as far as I can. So I'm running forward and I'm grabbing both sides and then on my second turn, as everybody approaches me, I'm going to be stretching backwards to make a sling shot. OK, great. Is everybody going to go along with this plan? Yeah, sure sounds great. OK, they come as everybody catch up to me and you'll learn something new about my body. [LAUGHTER] Some of you know, some of you don't. OK, within two turns, all of you are basically locked and loaded into this dail sling shot. So I was just bagged out. OK, cool. So in the third turn, they're all going to now fire, except for dead IP, who's still futsing with the rifle. So there's going to be four people shooting at you. When you stretch us back, who's the next best shooter? Better than dead IP or what if it wasn't one of them? Yeah, even better than dead IP, Evan. I point my finger at even better than dead IP, Evan. And I cast message. OK, what do you message him? Even better than dead IP, Evan, look in your heart. You don't want to do this. Roll persuasion. 14. OK, this isn't the way to prove you're even better than dead IP. He can't even shoot right now. By your very moniker, you wish to prove that you're better than dead IP, but this isn't a real challenge. He's off his game. If you win now, there'll be an asterisk forever next to your name. So you rolled a 14. Yeah, all right. He rolled a 12. And I'm going to say that that is a failure for him with the argument that he should wait until dead IP is able to fire as well. Two of the five shooters are down. OK, great. Short cut to the top, kid. So anybody else has anything clever they want to do before the firing starts. There's three people left to shoot at you. I have done my clever thing. Oh, yes, Tim is-- Yes, Tim is going to-- The trajectories of the barrels. And I was just to clarify, because I was one turn for me to run there. I'm going to stretch, and then I will-- I'll try to go back. Yeah, because you had to run back and stretch. OK, OK. Now, now, now, now, now, now. Now, now, Anthony, I feel like that's fine. There's one turn to stretch backwards. I don't think it's a turn to like-- Oh, no, not at all. That's my point. The end of the second turn, I am letting go. OK. Because I will hold my turn for stretching back. Everybody goes and gets up to me. I stretch back. Yes, I use my whole turn to stretch back, and then I let go of my fingers. So you don't let go of the sides of the switch. Oh, you're right. I let my legs up. I let go of-- Oh, because you're like talking to the ground. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, cool. That makes sense to me. Feels like you would do that. Feels like we're flying. Because flying as this stuff starts happening. Yes. And presumably, the stuff you're doing to prevent people from doing these things is just before you get sling shot toward the exit. T1M sees the not very good shooter and goes up to them. And basically, just shoulder checks them on accident. Oh, excuse me, sorry. I'm just trying to get through to the-- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And successfully manages to throw off their aim completely. So that's three shooters who are fucked right now. And two shooters remain. One who's like middling and one who's terrible, I think. So I'm going to have them fire with disadvantage at you guys who are zooming through the air all for you. Well, does it roll for how we fly or anything? Do you want to? I mean, I don't know. We're kind of digging up a new movie mechanic here. I was thinking you would roll for landing. OK, or like athletics or something, or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to have them shoot at you as you go through the sky. Nice. Herb, you feel a bullet goes right past your fucking ear as you sail to the sky, to your forehead. And as you're here, that same bullet goes right past Al. Uh-oh. And he goes, oh, that was a close one. And then the next bullet hits Al directly in the fucking skull. And says to be careening off course, and it doesn't kill his forward momentum, because that's not how momentum works. But he is now fallen to the side. And somebody's going to have to use a stretch of yarn on the flight to pick him up. Detour or do something to pick him up to get him over the finish line, essentially. What happens to the rest of us? So the rest of us give me an acrobatics role. 16. I got a 14. 11. 7. OK, so everybody except for Ashley lands pretty much safely. And you can take your next turn as normal. Ashley, you eat shit on the landing. And you're knocked prone, so you're going to have to use basically half your movement to get up. Not again. So at the end-- yeah, guys, yeah, it's kind of your thing. You're not going to be able to get to the exit by the end of next turn. You'll have to basically do it on the turn of the runner. Yeah, you'll have to get up and run. How far are we from Owl's down body? So you can get to Owl or you can get to the exit. You can't do both. I'm going to cast Misty Step is my bonus action. Bam for over to Owl. That sounds like you actually have the ability to do it all then. If you're using your bonus action to get to Owl, that means you still have a sprint left to get over the finish line. So you manage to just do that. And now, do I do that before I get shot at it again? I'm going to give them one pot shot at you as you go, but no matter what you're making that movement. The worst thing that happens is you get wounded on the way. OK. So you're going to Misty Step over to Owl, pick him up, and he's got Owl. Owl, it's OK. Owl, I turned on my paperceptors, but now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't have done that. But I understood a fun t-shirt. Like, I turned on my painterceptors for this. [LAUGHTER] The rest of you are-- you're going to do anything special. You're just going to run for these. You're going to run, right? I'm going to help Ashley. He's prone, right? Oh, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her-- my only friend. Well, I'm here helping too. You're a weird strategy above an agent that I care. By this point, Dead-I-Pete has managed to get rid of the net and even better than Dead-I-Pete now sees that Dead-I-Pete is ready to fire, so he's going to fire. You know what I'm going to do since you're helping him up? I'm going to run towards the exit, but I'm going to wave my arms and I'm going to-- Why can't you flip a little arm guy? Easy as possible, like trying to make them shoot at me and maybe, you know-- Well, I've got a question. To track them from trying to shoot at Herb and Ralph. And Ashley. By Ashley, are there any of those things on the ground? Yeah, there's like plates of metal on the ground. there's those fucking things on Normandy that they're just like big metal spikes to stop ships from being able to dock there. Giant ninja cal trops that the Nazis lay now. Exactly that. It talks about the giant Nazi ninjas they had. You see the Nazis understood the power of ninjutsu. I want to pick up one of these metal, um, no, one of these. Yeah, plates. Yeah. Oh, you're going to use it basically to try to shield you and Ashley. That's great. Five shots are going to come at you because everybody got disabled for a second there. T1M is going to try again to disable the next guy. Oh, yeah. That was your chance. Murder one of those guys shooting at us. This is the exact situation that you called for. All of your friends, these nice people who tried to help you are about to die. And these guys are about to kill us. This is a perfect time to murder someone. This would be self defense. You still get sick. That's the core to decide. It can be both. It's what a core to decide. It's don't murder. It can be both. It can be murder and self defense. Yeah. Anybody want to roll persuasion with disadvantage? I got a natural one. So he's going to roll a logos resistance. And now he is at a 21 out of 50 logos. He rolled a natural 20. He's basically halfway to saying, not a dog. He's going to go, no, this doesn't. This wouldn't count. Also, I don't know if I can actually do anything with Moose distance. You know, I'm like a laser in there. I mean, I do. But you? Yeah. Well, that's good to know how far is the laser? Prove it by killing that guy. Now you'd be doing it just to prove it. Yeah, I'll do it. But you haven't convinced me anymore by making his argument. So he's going to fire a laser at the firing line. And he is going to successfully manage to hit even better than pepper. There's a lot of people in the peat in this world, even better than dead. I mean, he's all universe in a shoulder. And it's going to fuck up his aim and do some damage and actually blast a pretty like a quarter-sized hole straight through his arm. Oh my god. So that you can see the other side of it. It looks pretty bad. But also caught her eyes. So it doesn't look like his guy's going to die. So now only four people are going to be shooting at you. And I'm going to have them fire now. And they are going to be potentially distracted by Dale waving arm blazing balloon. Oh, wow. Three of them all aim at Dale and miss entirely. Oh, yeah. One of them is going to aim at Dale and crit. And our boy T1M didn't help there. Your boy T1M bumped into the other person going back the other way. They were like, hey, this is the wrong way. I'm sorry. Oh, so I'm so sorry. He went back and bumped another guy. So that should be that should be three shots instead of four. So two miss one crits on Dale. He does 16 damage to you. That hurts. So yeah, a bullet goes through your wacky inflatable, extendable arm blood shoots out. Even though it's all fun and jerky and jelly and bubble gummy, you still do have blood. So a lot of blood shoots out of your arm. But you all managed to make it across the other side and all of you are alive. Although there's a sparking bullet hole inside of Al and Al says, okay, so that hurt. And I'm really angry with the guy who did that. Could we go kill him? Because that would be Berber. That's straight up like I'm just angry that it happened. He doesn't have any justification for shooting me again. And he won't because it's against the rules. Could we check that guy down and murder him? Please. Who killed who shot you, though? Go back to your tapes and replay it. I knew this guy was a problem. T1M. New objective. One, plan to track her on dead eyed Pete. Maze right there. He just pointed out because I see him. Yes, but he may be moving and we need to follow his move. No, he plays there all day. This is the one thing. He's the pinball. He just stayed here for the next run of people. How have you murdered this guy? Then then what? Then I'll know how I reacted to a metal basically helped me decide. If I kill this guy and I feel like, oh, this is a good thing, because I stopped him from killing other people in this situation because I can tell because we're here innocent people can get shot in this gauntlet. Yeah, now you know what it feels like. Right, it sucks to be shot at for being innocent, but if we kill this guy, huge moves. His whole thing that brings him joy is shooting innocent people. I'll be saving those people. So if I kill him and I feel great about it, then I think I'm well out. It's even worse than that. What? Because his whole thing isn't just shooting innocent people. His whole thing is min-maxing the fucking scoreboard for a ride meant for the general public, even worse. Yeah, no, this guy sucks. Like if I kill him and I feel bad, then I'll know you guys are right. I think we say we leave party. This is what you want to do. Yeah, that's just bringing, yeah, I'll bring you over there. I don't know. I don't know about this. Before that, let me tell you the astonishing, shocking, mind blowing thing I saw on my mystery trip to the janitor's closet. Oh, yes. You saw a chair that was hooked up to the light side of this planet. And inside of it was a kid hooked into it. I was just an omelast. This is an absolutely an omelast situation. Yeah, your childhood will never die because you're getting the childhood joy of this kid who is it's being siphoned out of him and given to the guests to do things on the light side of the moon. And he's like looking like a whoa, but what happens on dark side? On dark side, it's just horrible things happening. Oh, it's just they'll need the kids. They don't need the kids. So in light of what we just learned Ralph, Al, wouldn't you rather like to kill the guy who did that to the kid? I would kill that guy too. Yeah, that guy sounds awful. Well, that guy has a murder for you. Yeah. We have to kill whoever's in charge of that, which to me would suggest Antoine Agonist, the guy who owns six months. We could stop him from basically using children for omelast reasons. Well, it seems like we have options. We can kill dead IP and get out of here or there's the moral. I was horrified when I saw it. Not so much. I brought it up immediately. Pun getting back. Yeah, when I proposed to you three and all of this okay with you. This is what I think. I think I walk all over there, let him kill dead IP because that's what we said his party would be and that's the party. I'm the party master. And so that we do that and then we go and we save the kid and maybe we're deemed a tiny bit of the last remaining elements of our soul by saving this child. Dale, I'm so sorry you're not having a good time on your party. It's not my party. It's not my party. I know. I know it's not your party, but you're the party guy. It's okay. Sometimes the party is go places that you don't expect it to and you know, you just go with the flow. What do we want to do? We get dead IP to come with us to save the children and then we kill him. Oh, quietly in our van. Okay. Hey, did I. Hey, did I pee? Hey, did I pee? You want party? Did I see actually bullet proof? Dead IP's at his party and he points up at the scoreboard and all the pictures of him like actually pointing up the scoreboard. It's like the I've never seen somebody shoot people as well as you. We want to celebrate because we got through it. You want to come party with we got some drinks. No, no, no. I am exactly where I need to be. out. You can hack a scoreboard easily, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Make the top score, Ashley Birch. Yeah, I'll do that. Hey, did I peat? Can you come for me? Yeah, you got to distract me before me. But I don't know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, me. I want to help him because I have as part of my background by popular demand. People recognize my talent. I got free place to perform and lodge in most settlements. All the answers respond to my work. And my work right now is hyping up my good friend Dale. Okay. Hey, everyone. So was that dude for me? Take a look at this. You're going to get your roll with advantage. Okay. Roll your performance with advantage. I can do that. I can do some beep. There we go. First one was an eight. This is a 19. Okay. So everybody turns to look at you and they go, "Whoa, yeah, that's the guy that did that five minutes ago." Oh, yeah. Hey, so I was showing you, wait, and then the scoreboard changed? I'll successfully hack the scoreboards. And now it says that Ashley Birch was actually the top score of that last round. Anyway, let me just get to the front of the line. Then he looks up and he sees your face there. Instead, he goes, "What the hell?" Yeah. He's the best. But we're going to take a break. If you want party with a real winner, you come to our base ship. We all got to walk off cool. Yeah, we all walk off cool. So we're like, "Hey, come with what?" But we don't care if you can. Yeah, we don't actually care. Well, if you guys are going to leave it, I guess I can stay because I'm the second highest person on the list. No, you're invited to our party. You can either hang on the back of the line with these scrubs or you can just go, but we don't care if you do. We got chips. Maybe you don't want to know how he beat you. Yeah, I guess I. How did he beat me, especially because he was running and not shooting at anybody? What new tech is this guy? Come on, you're going to fight out in our safe spaceship. All right, fine. And he puts the gun down like really shitty like Paul Rudd and went out of American Summer. And then you like fucking these leather jacket like Collar. And he follows you guys. He goes, "All right. You got dead eye pizza tension." Now what? What was he doing? Bring him back to our spaceship or get killed with the pizza. Now that's what you guys wanted to do. All right, he's back to this spaceship all the way back to the parking lot. So he sits next to you in the tram. He says, "Yeah, so we have a whole secret simulator on this spaceship that we're going to use." So you're back in the ship. He goes, "All right, show me the simulation. I want to kick his ass at it." The simulation. We've blown out. Yeah, the Dickson can garment hold him down the olive lamp and spread him out like fucking Christ on the cross and the fucking sun glints like the sun glinted on the skin of the thieves. And the Lord had saved you on top of the hill, top of Jerusalem. He's, he's held off like a fucking Evangelion fucking scene in a Christ pose. It's fucking crazy. Christian evangelist Saw Guerrera is a good energy. Did I pee? Do you have any like family already? Of course I got family. Why do you think I'm always up there? I'm trying to get away from my emotionally abusive wife. So I stay here at the theme park. Oh, I don't believe back there. It's definitely hurt. She's a bitch. I'm out of my fault. Hey, Owl, guess I just got back. I did terrible. They threw me the back of the line. I just joined late. I'm not good at all. No, so the line. That's the last thing you hear is before Owl unfurls his laser. again, and point blank range puts a burn hole in your carpet for the laser going straight through dead IP's fucking skull downwards through his body and into the dick sucking carpet. Oh, so there's now a quarter size hole in that guy, we're not getting the deposit back man. So he's dead. He has just been murdered. Now I can use some popcorn. Now I'm going to have Owl roll to see how he felt about the robots on the ship feel about us bringing a guy here stringing him up and shooting him in the head. I think the fridge turned this up off goes, I think it'll be cooler if I don't see this. I don't need to be around for this part guys. Well, we need you to hide the body man. Oh, no. So I'm going to roll for Owl to see how he felt about it. I think it's a fair 50/50 shot. If he feels okay about this, if he feels horrible about this. All right. Okay. What do you have you feel now? All right. So I'm going to roll a D4. If it's a 1 or a 2, he feels great. If it's a 3 or 4, he feels terrible and he will agree to join alongside you and work in the night-caller engine. He was, I didn't, I didn't like that. It's all this more. Is he about to be like, I loved it. No, no, that may be felt pretty bit like even if I can say that like logically it was the right thing to do to save people. I don't feel like I could do that. Again, I don't feel like that was, that was, that's what we do. Yeah. For somebody so smart, you're pretty stupid, buddy. What? We told you, we told you from the beginning, you're the smartest person alive. Look, we did. You made all of us come and kill this person. I don't know where it's. Welcome to the car. So like they even talked to us. You wouldn't help us. All we want to do is save our grandkids and we did all this. Look what we did. I'm done. I go in a hot tub. I don't want to hear from you. I don't want to hear from anybody. The same way you feel about having done that, we all feel about having done that. And it's pretty gnarly. But this is the sort of thing that is required of of being in the universe and making hard choices that they put the, when the, when, when it's just socks. Before the corpse of dead, I peed has cooled on the dick sucking carpet of your looks. I'll unfold his little pokey finger again and insert it into a seemingly random hole on the console dashboard. And his eyes go white. Green ones and zeros are going down his eyes, which you get a feeling is just for your benefit. Not for real. Real purpose. And he goes, okay, yeah. So I just read the black box that you guys gave me looking at the way that this ship is built up. Lux is this top line. You know, you guys are this rich. But yeah, given what's here and given the information that I got from the black box, I think I can probably build the gravity drive pretty quickly. Really? Like how wrong? Like probably within a day. Wow. Wow. That's, that's great. So because you felt bad about the murder, you're going to help us. Yes. Great. We've unlocked faster light travelers such an upgrade. God. The whole, the heavens themselves open up before us. We go back home. Everyone real perception. Oh, oh, fucking whenever it's something cool happens. And then they call it. I freaking hate it. I guess nobody's ever done a thing like rope perception. It's like, oh, you notice that there's some gold there by and everything's good. You notice the beautiful sun glinting off ice crystals in the window. I got 21. Holy shit. All right. Well, then it doesn't matter what I rolled. So yeah, so Herb sees it for anybody else. The corpse of dead IP begins to stir. And then it begins, oh, god, get that stew away from it begins to bubble that gumbo away from him and melt in front of you into a flesh colored puddle. Hey, at least we don't have to hide the body. I think some the flesh puddle resolves itself and begins to grow and grow and grow and up here's in the same image of the sculptor that you've seen before. This is a sculptor the whole time. Yeah, man. The thing with a mask in the robe that likes hardy boys books and wants you dead. First of all, congratulations. I don't know how you guys managed to do it quicker than literally an entire army of people working on it, but you guys managed to get the nightcrawler drive working. So that's great, buddy. Yeah, I guess you didn't, but I mean, this is a mask good. What matters right now is you have exactly what I need to get into the spark. And I have what you need, which is presumably for your grandchildren to not die by my hands. So if you can just give me or any shirt, if you can just give me the gravity drive all of your grandkids. I know where they are. I have people. Yep, I've grabbed them now or we've grabbed them now. Actually, do you want to hear from them? Oh, yeah. So he just opened it. I do. Wait a minute. Why do I hear from I mean, the sculptor despite the fact that it's wearing a mask, you see the mask itself also like lengthen almost like he's unhinged his jaw behind the mask with the mask is like catching up. And through the sort of echoey confines of the mask, you hear, honestly, it's not a voice you recognize because it's been so long, but you hear a feminine voice saying, Grandpa, Grandpa Ralph, Grandpa Ralph. He continues to keep his jaw unhinged and you hear a male voice saying, Grandpa, I didn't do it. I didn't do it. Don't call my grandpa. Don't call her. No, it's I didn't mean to. It's not my fault. And then you used to hear a bunch of gunfire and a female voice now. Fuck you. Fuck you. And then it goes, that was wild. Yeah, okay, you got it. It was that one. Ralph lunches at the mask man. Give us. What have you done with our grandkids? They're in your mouth. Get him out of your mouth. You son of a bitch. The sculptor boops you on the nose and says, nothing yet. As long as you get off of this ship right now, give it to me. And just so you know, I mean business and it reaches over and puts its hand into Tim and you see the flesh of its skin begin to like melt into it, almost like it's like taking over Tim and then it just crunches in from me inside. No, Tim falls down basically nothing more than a scrap of metal completely, completely non-santy and completely dead. And he goes, what? So yeah, so if you want that to not happen, get off the ship. You got five, four. I get off the ship. I'm going to get off the ship. Three. Okay, so you managed to pull everybody off the ship and he goes, hey, it was a pleasure working with you all. And congratulations. Everyone you love is going to come back to life. Everything's great. And I'll see you real soon, I guess. And with that, you hear him shouting something to Al who presumably left inside the ship. We left the ship. You want to leave Al so you can use the ship. So of course, yeah. After a bit of what sounds like argument from the interior of the ship, you watch as the luxe disappears. One second, it's there. One second, it's not. And you know now that the sculptor and therefore the luminous have everything they need to get into this spark and rewrite the universe. And also if you try to stop them, they'll kill your grandkids. [Music] Just keep reading and out. You could have been anyone. But you wouldn't listen to conventional wisdom. You're the champion. You're the champion. You're the champion. [Music] Thank you for listening and thank you to the over 10,000 of you who are backing the Dungeons and Daddy's source book. And who will be receiving all manner of rewards, including miniatures, dice, battle maps, a DM screen featuring new art from Alex Moore, and so much more. Oh, hold on, are you feeling a little fomo? Well, fomo, no, mo, because you still have time to back the source book at bookmeDaddy.com. Our campaign ends this Friday, August 14th. So do not Terry, let's you arrive late to the website. The worst feeling in the world. And to celebrate the end of the campaign, we're going to be doing a probably all day live stream at bookmeDaddy.com where we will engage in highly entertaining shenanigans and I guarantee it. Starting at 12 p.m. pstbookmeDaddy.com for the Dungeons and Daddy's source book. And maybe see you there this Friday in the chat for our end of campaign live stream. Patreon supporters, you're eating good this week. Tomadachi Life Episode Five is coming out. And by the way, if you support us on Patreon and back the crowd fund, you'll receive an exclusive patent. I have the tiger pin when you pledge on the physical reward tiers. That's patreon.com/dungeons and Dads. Dungeons and Dads is Matt Arnold, as Dale Elliott, Anthony Birch is our DM, Mool Campos is Ralph S. Turey, as Beth May has herbed the worm quickly and myself Freddie Wong is Ashley Birch, our theme song is conventional wisdom by Max and Waller and Nisa Omran is our content producer, Ashley Bloods, our community manager, Courtney Terry's, our community coordinator, Esther Ellis's, our lead editor, and Travis Reeves, and Omar Rumor. Selena provide additional editing. Cover art and episode art by Alex Moore. And special thanks this week to our Patreon supporters at the elite level, Anthony Adam Mahare and Travis Samson. Thank you to other Patreon supporters as well. Jacob LeBoy, Francis Bird, Josh Corlew, Sylvan Bender, Morgoth, Jordan Calhoun, Icarus Melony Puno, Daniel Fulcerson, KT, Thomas Leach, the angry fly, Abdel Malek, Kaitlin Woods, Audrey Sandevol, Megan McElaney, the Alzebummer, Rachel B, Robert Gilleran, and Toxic Yobo. You can support this show directly on Patreon at patreon.com/dungesanddads. You can get our source book right now at bookmeDaddy.com. [email protected]. That end of campaign live stream, happening August 14th in our next episode is coming at you August 25th. We'll see you then. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - I was reading like a threat about Omelace that this guy was talking about. I was like, he got in trouble in his literary class 'cause he was like, "No, the city would be twice as better "if they put two kids in." (laughing) (laughing) That rules. [BLANK_AUDIO]