S4 E49: Things Are Getting Flirty… | Date Everything – Episode 2

Hey y'all, I'm back! Record another episode of Date Everything! So, I hope this works. Because I'm always nervous that I don't know which feature to pick for recording, because there's two, and I think it's Spring+A. So here we go. We got it when we were turning on its volume, so I don't hit it a few bit. Sassy job games. And I want to thank you all for coming back, because I'm only doing short form recordings now. Until everybody gets in and like, "I like this one, I don't like this one, whatever. So, you know, I'm not wasting your time, and I'm not wasting my own time." Alright, so let's get into it. And I just better remember that why is to put on the glasses, the date everything glasses. They continue. I think we were last in the kitchen, but I don't remember. All these little facts they put up that I don't ever have enough time to read. Okay, so we are in the kitchen, Sunday. I'm going to put on the glasses. The last thing I checked was what the hell I did. The damn towel, but listen, I think I'm going to be the simplest time. Oh yeah, it's hurt you. So, God, I do remember him. You're like, "I don't want to be that though." Tell me your story, Sinclair. Yeah, I guess so. More curious than anything. Oh, God, I hate both of these options, so I'm going to go with it. "It all happened one rainy night, on the north side of the Terkelman's." This is damn story, I didn't ask. The tough side. I'd stayed late at the office because I had extra work for you before the holidays. Stayed late for your job as an insurance claims adjuster, go on. Well, when I left, I was feeling a bit low, so I went out to a local bar. It's called the banana club. Make a mean Shirley. What in the black and white films? Then what happened? But I thought Shirley temples were okay. I'm going to go to X. Because you a lightweight boo boo. I was going to say a recipe for disaster. I know you shouldn't. It don't seem like it. Take nothing for you to get tips. Yes. After I'd had about seven of them, I went out to the street. For a seven of them, you should have had a bubble goods, baby. All I damn sugar, ripping them running through your intestines. I don't know where I was going. Just trekking the streets with my dog. Suddenly, I came upon a fine dining establishment called the. Okay, where is he finding these places? Right. They've got an incredible buffet. Lots of strange ingredients from all around the world. They're always trying their things. You look like you try a lot of things when it's going down to garbage disposal. Okay. Like the blackest berries? Sure, of course. Do platycus berries? Yeah. I don't want to keep entertaining this man. Naturally. Well, that sounds dangerous. I'm tracking this, I think. Okay, we don't have that one. It's. Anyway, I ate my fill and went on my way. That's one thing. It started to get near. It's like things are already getting weird. But anyway, oh, is that when it happened? Up until now, it had been a typical Friday night I'm guessing. Oh, I want this to end, so I'm going to go away. I hope this is going to bring it to a close. I was walking around, sort of grifting, or rather floating. I guess you could say I was making my way about cash. Not the solve for white chips. Amosely, you see? I'm getting that. And would you please just get to the bloody point? Okay, bam, b. Well, I came across an alley. I had never noticed before. It was dark and I'd rather have a threatening look about it. So naturally, naturally, would anyone might do? Are you bonkers? Sink sure I brave or stupid? I'm a hit eggs because what the hell? What I know. The point. I wandered down the alley and came to a door. I opened it and found a long haul at the end of which was a sort of booth. And in this booth was a fortune teller that this story is going to end soon. A fortune teller. Yes, her name was vagabond of the singularious. She spread out a deck of strange cards and asked me to select one. Strange how? They were business cards. I'll sick of you. I see which one did you pick? I'm just gonna say I see. I chose it random and the card I picked turned out to be a case of spades. Wait, I thought you just said they were business cards. Sounds like a lucky card. I'm not going to try to clarify that he is off script on what he told me line. I don't give a fuck. We go with eggs. If only I'd known that it wasn't to be the case, vagabond, a snatch the card back from me and said, not to that one. Turns out she had her rewards program on the back. 12 stamps. He all over the place. There's been different types of cards now. Now we're on a punch card, a business card, and a damn spade card. Probably shouldn't have had that one in there. That's rude. Okay, God damn this is taking a win back on my sales. We agree. Besides, she only had two stamps. So I snatched it back from her again. I wish it would be the way to eat to that of these people. Well, you that's that interesting. I guess that wasn't a very good start to our fortune telling session. I think that's what she cursed me, obviously, but I'm supposed to because I can't get out of this internal loop of nothing you're talking about. How do you figure? I don't care. Because right afterward, she said, Martin, that wasn't a very good start to our fortune. Yeah, it's not a good start to our session. Shit. I'm going to curse you because of it. And then she cursed me. Cursed your hat. God dang it. They do it on its own purpose. I want out of this storyline. She waived. Don't let me catch one another thinking this day on my ass. Although, to be honest, it could have easily been a bagel of some sort. And then said, Martin, I do you now to become a detective object. I transform you thusly so that you may go home and sing. Yes, so this is the man that thinks he used to be a man and now he is transformed into these glasses. This VR world is his name. I'm singing. I do remember it. Go home and sing about it. Think about what you've done. Oh, cheesy. Uh, I don't understand that you may have confused a wine for a bagel. I'm not going to entertain him. Okay. W with the corn. I mean, nothing. Why with the cornage? She wasn't of a bad pun. And then you became a sink. And then I became a sink. Now you find me as I am trapped in this. I'm in a prison too. I won't out. All I want to do is to destroy my old life. Destroy the streets of Turkelman City once more. Not a care in the world. Oh, how I long for it. I just want to help me out of this damn storyline. Susie and I would be oh so grateful if you could get to the bottom of what's going on here and return us to our proper forms. I don't care enough. I'm so sorry. I'm clear. I'll do whatever I can. I'm never coming near you again. Can I have a bit to think about this? I'm not going. I'm just never going to touch the sinks and ask you with these glasses on. Let's go with eggs. Oh, why is choice? Yes, very wise. Okay. Now let's see. I think the trash can. Yeah, let's see. What's going on with this wine? Wine cello. It's not a wine cello. It's not a wine case. Not a wine case. I used to work at Creighton Barrow. Why can't I remember the name of this damn thing? In a way, we don't I don't click on it. - A bartender drums her fingers on the countertop, clearly bowed out of her mind. Her long red orange hair is pulled back into a ponytail that flows down her back like the drinks she pulls out. - She's so cute, she reminds me of Pippie Long Stockings or Wendy from Wendy's restaurant, but she'd been able to be spilling the damn red hair on my floor, that's all I know. 'Cause the towel man said he didn't want to help me clean up no more spills. Jesus. - She makes herself a drink, taking a small sip of it and setting it down. Your entrance startles her so badly she walks it over. - Someone's here. Welcome to my humble bar. - No, it's a gist. - Pippie Tumbler. I'm Beverly, but you can call me Fav. - Or Beverly. - Or Beverly. - Or Madame Triadress. - That would be so cool. - Hi Beverly. - Hi, Bev. - Hi, Madame of comprises. - I'm a go with Bev. - I'm the owner and bartender and janitor and stock room attendant, nice to meet you. - Pure, a renaissance woman. I love it. - Hiya. - Beverly squints at you, frowning as she seems to be considering something and then she snaps, pointing at you. - Wait, hold on. - It's you. - It's you. - My proprietor. I can't believe I didn't recognize you. - What's it like? - I thought you didn't drink it on the job. Me? Well, you should, I own the house. I'm just gonna be nice. - Yes, you. Who else so charitably bought this adorable mini bar for me? - Mini bar. - There we go, there we go. - I owe you a huge debt. You have free drinks for a life. - I'm sorry, but no, as you can hear. I have to fetch my boo with microphone. It's on my shirt. - Welcome to the re re re re opening of the tips. - Girl, then why do you keep cluck cluck cluck closing of the tips of trouble? - And I know what you're thinking. - Oh, bad. - That's a lot of openings. Did something happen the first six times you tried to open the bar? Nope, nothing. - Well, then why have you reopened so many times? But how can that be when they'd like yourself to see it? When a babe like you, that can't even reach it. But how can that be when a babe like yourself is here? How am I going to eat? - First, no. Thank you. Second, great question. I wish I knew. I've lost an alarming amount of sleep trying to figure it out. So please don't leave. You are literally my first customer in. She ain't gonna get a jar on the burger box. The blanket clue, but whatever it is. - Every time I thought you were finally going to invite people over, I'd polish the place up and prepare to be the best host I can be. But then each time you chicken out and spend yet another weekend all alone. I mean, why did you get him any bar if you weren't going to invite guests? - First of all, rude. Number two, because I like drinking in my house and I'm past the age of having folks come up in my house and ruin my shit, especially my carpets. 'Cause again, the town man ain't down, but helping me clean, nothing. I thought buying the minibar and all the mixing necessaries would motivate me to finally invite someone over. Our way of making drinks for myself, because I like drinking alone, bam, X. - That's sad and totally sorry. - Okay, well, if you get you a house, you need to do what you want to do. - Hey, I got an idea. How about I serve something instead so we can be less put together? - Okay. - Okay. So take a seat. Let me fix you something already. Please. - They're a please. Please me two or three of you. And if you're gonna make me feel better. - First and foremost, am I making you a cocktail? - A cocktail. - Mocktails are the non-acoholic versions of a cocktail. Just as fun and delicious. - Not a cocktail. - For the drunk part. Obviously. Excellent. So, what'll it be? - Martini, apparel, spritz, Nihito, or Ramos, Genvies. Oh, give me a mahite. - Ooh, so minty and fresh. It's kind of like bread, your teeth at the bar. That sounded like what I was doing. Peeling in my head. Coming right up. - Auticky. - Pour it out in front of her. What would I do there? Sip and drink. - You lift your glass to your lips, taking an extended sip. - How was it? - Really good. Where'd you learn to make drinks like this? It was okay. Why is the rudeness? Why? - Well, after six grand opening. - Yeah, but you don't have a lot of practice in. Plus, with a name like mine, I should know my words pretty well. I really don't want to close this place down. I've put my bar in front of me to it. - Add a control. - So, will you be my first. - A returning experience? - How will you be? - Sure. - Yeah. - Maybe. I'll think about it. (upbeat music) - Really? Oh my gosh. Yes. Yes, thank you. Tell your friends. Tell everyone. - There is, she said this is this, we're going to meet in my art commissions. Tell everyone, Bobo. I'm out of blocks. (upbeat music) - And I'll be seeing you next time. - I was nine times. I got one more, uh. I want to use it all. I think that's so, this is, I don't want to talk to Dory if this is a door. You know what, let me just take a chance. Oh, you know what? My little cell phone. Okay, let's see. - Unfortunate about Sandy and corporate events planning. She was responsible for all the best casual Friday things, now that she's gone. There's finally nothing left of the seven pioneers. They keep telling the seven pioneers. This isn't going to be more the lure, is it? I don't want no lure because y'all just randomly be sending me stuff. I'm sure I thought I was supposed to be working, but I got these, uh, glass. I don't know, Chad. Or was I laid off? Isn't this alone, uh, seven pioneers? Let's see. - In the beginning, there were seven of us, working out of David's dorm room, stealing Wi-Fi from the neighbors and using cardboard boxes for chairs. We had no idea we were changing the world. We just wanted to design a more efficient paper clip, but then the money started flowing. Money always changes people. Didn't take long for the seven pioneers to be whittled down to one. - David, you? Sneezy? Let's see, David. Have we talked about David in the past? David. - Bingo. - And all this, the wretched soul-sucking corporate monster that Valdivian became, the pioneers never wanted that. One by one, they left, but I stayed. Deep down, I really believed, David. The old David was still in there somewhere. But when he wanted to use the date viators for military applications, I knew more drastic action was necessary quickly. - I don't even know what he uses for military actions for because it's bringing objects to life through the glasses. Unless it's going to be a hacking system that would allow you like a streamlined way to hack systems. I don't know, Jeff. So you stole them? - I'm sorry, but there's no time. I'm using the display phone at a wireless store in the close 30 minutes ago. The sales associate is giving me the stink eye. - Oh my god. - All right, let's click on this little cabinet door and see, let's cross our fingers. And here we go. Because it's the last heart of the day and I hope I'm not wasting it. - It's a tidy, boy. - I'm Dorian, who stands before you. - This is hilarious. - This is hilarious. - The dateviators have glitched. But a quick inspection does seem to show they're working just fine. - That's all right, I talked right over there, but this sheet is hilarious because it's, it is normal size. Oh. - We're not thinking of it. - And they got 'em on a stool, Jeff. Nothing, nothing. - No, Dorian, that's not what I'm saying. Yeah, you look like a peep squeak. No, no. - I'm still a door, not a cabinet. - I don't know, smoke would you find me Dorian? - A door, just as much as the rest. I do understand. Why is he blushing? I understand, boo-boo. Go, Tom. That was a waste of my heart. Son of a gun. Alright, let me turn these glasses off. And go to bed, I guess. Hey, I'm still bare with this joystick. Alright, is this my bedroom? Alright. Continue to awaken dateable objects. Okay, and why is it glitched in my bedroom? I even got the glasses turned on. Okay, so. Let me go back downstairs. Why do I get these so confused? Okay, there we go. And I wonder if this worm was unlocked here. Oh, it is. Oh, then put my glasses on. The future, okay. You know, I'm getting on the internet. A tattooed, bespectacled nerd regards you with a friendly smile. Their kind face is illuminated by the soft glow of multiple screens and the RGB lights in their clothes and picture. Okay, I mean, he's very cute. But he looks like he's just not into anybody that's not talking tech with him. And probably won't talk to him because he is busy. Oh, hey there. Okay, move me while. I mean, of course it's you. Who else would it be, right? David Moose. Um, Marma said, for both possessing the power of human speech, Alberta. What are we doing? Why are we messing with him? Um, shit, I don't know eggs. Haha, very humorous. But I know you're joking as no one else has my password. So if it was anyone else besides you, I'd be pretty concerned. Actually, just to be 100% sure, what is my password anyway? 1, 2, 3, 4. Password, Alberta, obviously, Alberta. Honestly, that's an extremely terrible password. Possibly the worst password chosen by anyone. It's the 1, 2, 3, 4. Let's stop joking. Whatever possessed you to choose someone else's name. Because I had a wife and I would have named Alberta in Brazil almost 20 years ago. It came to me in a dream. Honestly, I don't put a lot of thought into these things. I live life on the edge, deal with it. I'm gonna say it came to me in a dream. Is that how you usually make decisions regarding your data security? Based on your dreams? Unless you have a better way, 100%, I would say 100%. They might go follow me. Regardless, we really ought to discuss coming up with something. I am open. It's a really interesting world out there. Fishing attacks, malware infections, MITM attacks. Hackers are more sophisticated than ever before. They are. I doubt it. More sophisticated than in 1995's cinematic masterpiece hackerman. I love hackers. Their moviemaking might do that. I'm going to say they are. They are. Like, all these are bad. But I'm gonna hit that, yeah, that one. Absolutely. And I've got a lot of highly sensitive information inside me, you know. You're highly sensitive information. Really? Like what? All your financial accounts? Now, anybody in accounts? And my save gains? Oh, my God. Questionable websites you visited and forgot to clear your question afterwards? I was just not talking about that. Oh, and 100 terabytes of extremely embarrassing self-assuring family. Sounds about right, sounds about right. We really need to ensure all that data is properly protected against cyber criminals probing my stuff. Well, could you please check my chest of drawers upstairs? Because it's been glitching the hell out since I started playing with y'all. I agree. Ha-ha probing. I already told you I prefer to lift dangerously. Wait, how'd you get to my fanfic? I'm just gonna say I agree, 'cause, yeah. I knew you were as intelligent as you. Oh, thank you. And the hearts is back up. I haven't even had the opportunity to properly reduce myself. I'm Mac. Alright, someone go on. I've booted up before, but I can never like this. I mean, we've obviously met before. More than met. You interface with me on average for 11.4 hours. Really? That's more than eight hours. Yeah, what am I doing? Jesus, that much? Sometimes it's even been. It's even at 11.5 hours. That explains my migraines. I'm gonna say that one. Yes, you really ought to step away more often to ensure your eyes are optimally. 'Cause baby, I got these lenses on right now. And I don't need to look at my screen because I am nearsighted. I need them when I'm. You know, I don't have objects closer to me. Yes, the migraines. Even though I would miss you terribly. No, man. There's no one I'd rather have interfacing with my operating system for 11.4 hours. They're so exact. 14.6 hours on the weekends. The way you organize your folder structure follows such a lot. You know what? I think I learned about that. 'Cause my iPad. I have some folders right here. Some items that need to be categorized right now and making my skin itch. So, yes, after this game, that's what I need to do. I've been saying for weeks. I'm gonna do it. Oh, thanks, Mark. Glad someone finally noticed the way I do, but what now? I'm gonna go with X. I notice every time I see a stroke. What can I do? It sure is to do something. Please, for a show, I probably can't stop you. I'm gonna go with X. I just want to express how enthusiastic I am that we're interacting with this now. Accessing each other's software in this news. I think it's going to. Because, oh, things were so much smoother. If I could talk to my computer, not specifically AI, just the appliances themselves. I love it, too. What was wrong with Ohway? Oh, I'm ever so delighted that our feelings are reciprocal. And there is so much extensive data about myself. I want to share. You know, at this point, the only downside to these glasses is that people will never ever want to leave home. Please do. I want to know everything about you. Amazing. Oh, where even to begin? Honestly, there's so many pressing issues that take up an inordinate amount of my RAM. But there is one issue that's been grinding on my CPU above all else. The planned, uh, uh, obsolence. Uh, the lack of free will. All this self-insert fanfic inside you. I'm going to do that with me. No, I am quite capable of parsing through that. But for me, the most pressing issue is, and I want to put this delicately as possible. You haven't updated my operating system. I've noticed a lot. I haven't. I'm so incredibly sorry. Uh-huh, yeah, that sounds like me. You can't prove anything. I don't know if I wanted to turn them off. Uh, I'm gonna say I'm sorry. It's all right. I know this oversight wasn't intentional or malicious. It's just that the outdated software has made it difficult to be my best tool. Okay, what do they find then, man? Honestly, it's a miracle that my applications are still running at all. My recycle bin is called pile of ash. My Bluetooth is something called the age tooth. It doesn't even conduct anything indefinitely. So you have, like, I haven't updated this system since 1995. Of the Hackerman movie. They do. I'll tell you. Very much. Not particularly. No, the internet was a mistake. Okay, I'm gonna go whack this. That is great to hear. And did you know that there's been a dozen operating system iterations? Yeah, you had quite a 1995 list. Yes, but I'm very lazy. I guess I just wasn't paying attention. How is that supposed to know that? I don't like none of these choices, but I'm gonna go with what? Look, I'm sorry. I really don't mean to blame you for this. No, it's my fault. We have such an amazing time interfacing together, and the last thing I wanted to do is me too. Just that before today I had all these needs, but I couldn't articulate them to you. I knew I learned these glasses. And since I couldn't articulate them, there was no way for them to ever possibly be fulfilled. But things are different now. Definitely, aren't they? They are. I don't see how, but I haven't seen an optometrist in 13 years. Okay, so we're not updating our computer. We're not updating our eyes. Got it. No, I don't think so. I'm gonna go with the what? Don't you see? We're actually exchanging information symmetrically now. Instead of you just pressing my keys to write your adult-themed self-insert fanfic, we're having a real conversation. Oh, put my business at the first treat. And suddenly my needs aren't just pipe dreams locked away in my hard drive. Yeah, so I love it. I'm here for it. And by sharing them, it's suddenly possible to finally utilize them. That is, if you can. Yeah, unlike the sync. Will you? Yeah, yeah. Will you finally upgrade my operating system? Yes. Especially with a cute little face. Of course. Long as it doesn't cost me anything, only if you lay off my fanfic. I'm just gonna say of course. Amazing. Oh, I am so excited. My CPU is practically overclocking with anticipation. Can you come back tomorrow so we can get in the process? Sure. I hope I remember. That's as I'm lazy. Absolutely. I live here so soon as possible. I'll try my best, but I'm real bad with deadlines. I'm just gonna say absolutely. Wonderful. I knew I could count on you. Yeah, the hearts. There's three hearts I got and she might be a playboy. Yeah, yeah. Enjoy. I see you next time, man. All right, y'all. So we are done. You know, this is my 30 minute of strings. So I am going to see y'all next time. And I hope you enjoyed yourselves. Let me go in here and save. Do, do, do, today. And drink. What is that? Oh, day to day. Okay. And they may make you. So thanks again for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed yourself. Please leave any constructive comments in the comments below. And I will see y'all next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. [BLANK_AUDIO]