(upbeat music) What? (upbeat music) Hey y'all, welcome back. Got another new gameplay. We're excited. Oh shit, the music is musicin'. (upbeat music) Vampire Therapist. I just saw this yesterday on Instagram, and I was like, that is a good idea. Like I, I don't know, I'm still back, new back into gaming from being a child of the 90s in gaming in 2000s, but when I saw this premise, I thought this was like a coolest idea. Like you are giving therapy to vampires that have lived centuries. If anybody is therapy, is they bitch ass? (laughs) 'Cause I'm pretty sure the majority of them are horrible individuals, and now they're finally reconciling with a horriblenessness. All right, so let's see. I don't know what all this is. Okay, so my Joyce is not working. This is on my steam deck, and it says it's playable. So we gonna see the blood of Troy, Spanish knights, fathoms below. Oh Lord, the DLC has couples therapy. I may have to buy that, 'cause that's pretty fucking cool. Okay, so let's see. I don't know if I wanna, click on one of these hanging panels. Well, let's go into a new game, and we'll come back to that later. (upbeat music) Vampire therapists' explorers are touches on sensitive topics, such as war, abuse, addiction, sexual oppression, suicidal ideation, religion, and of course death. These may be uncomfortable or unsettling for some readers. We recommend that readers with a history of trauma related to any of these topics approach this game with caution. Naturally, a game about vampires will also involve blood and sexual themes. Strong language is also present. Vampire therapists was developed in consultation with a licensed therapist, but it should not be considered a substitute for therapy unless you're a vampire. Oh, I love that, I love that opening. That's a pretty classy trigger warning. Okay, okay. - My name is Sam Walls, and I'm a dead man. Well, kinda dead at least. See, I'm a vampire. Now, if you think that means all that Dracula, who he like hissing, wearing skin-tight leather, and hunting mortals for sport, I wouldn't blame you one bit. That's exactly the sort of thing I did in my younger years with my former gang. And let me tell you, a vampire who's good with a gun can be a real terror. - It's kinda overkill, too, because you got too busy. Though, I met some kind mortals who saw beyond my fangs. They taught me my letters and showed me how my thinking was keeping me from finding any kind of peace. - Hmm. After they passed on, I roamed America's majestic wilderness for nine or nine years, figuring out myself and what it means to be a vampire. And I found revelation. What I realized was it ain't fangs that make us monsters. It's the self-defeating ways we think. - And I'm sorry, if I can hear my neighbor's dogs barking in the backyard. - As the world started getting smaller, my old vampire gang tracked me down. Then being my kin, I wanted to help them see the world like I did, but they still have the same monster mindset I used to have. Good thing I'm a quick draw. But I got hooked up with this newfangled internet thing, and found a vampire who's helping my kin find their way. Philaname, banjo macos. Supposed to be 3,000 years old. - Okay. - He invited me to come out to Europe to learn from him. I figure someone older than time has got to have the answers. I'm going on a trip, I guess. This feels like my opportunity to do some good in the world. I've been looking, and now it's time to give back. - Okay. Vampires ain't monsters. Or at least, they don't have to be. And come handle some water. I'm gonna prove it to him. - All right, let's get into it. What's his name, Will, Sam? - Let's see. - I think this is the address. Number 27, clean, flitter, mouse, string. That's exactly what I was thinking. - Sure as a hell of a lot of ruckus for this time of night. People stay up late here. - And is fooling change his clothes since the gold rush? What the hell? - Wait a minute. These poker vampires. Better watch myself. Good nubbin, folks. Spring and see English. - Yeah, hello, all time. Are you here to potty with us at the hottest club? - Reinhold. Tell them you're here to party. Ask about the dress code. Ask about and draw macos. Ask about the club. Ask them about, 'cause I already forgot what they were talking about with Andrew Macho's. I don't know if those, ask no type of questions, if they're gonna give me trouble. So I'm gonna just say, tell them I'm here to party. - I'm looking for Andrew macos. - Damn it. Did my finger touch the wrong thing? - You mean to club on, huh? Yeah, that's his vibe. Yeah, yeah. If you're lucky, he will invite us to the private party at the end of the night. - Well, what happens there? - I think maybe it's just too kinky for Americans to hear. - Oh, you would be surprised, both people. Okay, I'm gonna try to mouse. Okay, the mouse is working. Okay, tell them you're here to party. Ask about the club. Now, this time I won't ask them about the damn party. - I can cut loose. What kind of party is this? - It's a kind of a dance all night and it's sexy. - Okay, count me in, where's my invitation? - Oh, where are they? I'm kind of vampires. - My kind of vampires. (laughs) - Ah, so there are better things to suck in blood, don't you? - Hmm, I'm freaking naked. - Or so we have to get past the balancer first. If we do not, I'm thinking our knight is ruined. - I'll wait a second. Some about what she just said, I can feel it. - Yeah, 'cause you got just bitey since tingling, bro. - It reminds me of one of my revelations about the funny patterns on the way we vampire slink. - Hmm, well, let's see. One type of thinking I noticed I called hot branded. That's when we brand ourselves with names we can't get rid of. Hmm, there's high nude mind. That's when we treat a situation like it's a do or die showdown. - Okay, are these powers that I have that I'm accruing at the bottom of the screen? - And there's saloon thinking. - That's when we act either helpless or invincible. Like we've just drunk a pint of moonshine. - Okay. - I can always check my journal if I need examples. I kept all my notes about the funny ways we vampires thinkin' there. - I have no idea what that button is on my steam deck. (humming) But we'll figure it out. - I think I know which one of them funny ways they're thinkin' in though. - With that hot branded. - Hold on, Compadres. You seem like the kind who can make their own fun. - They do. - I don't want to have my own fun. Even art is the only place to be on Friday night. - Now why can I go, oh, I gotta pick one of these. Okay, so let's see. I'm gonna just say hot brand because I already forget what they were. - Hey, what's this damn? Let's see, collected notes from Sam Walls, private property do not read, rewarded, found.
[email protected]. Oh, okay. I found this old notebook and figured I'd take it with me to Europe. I figured it'll help me organize my thoughts. I'll separate it into sections so I can jump to 'em, right, right quick. That way, when I need to get to a particular section of my notes, all I gotta do is hop over to that section. Easy as falling off a horse or falling off a horse. If all, and if falling off a horse is really easy. Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Trying to figure out my buttons. Close the journal. (humming) Okay, let us think. Okay, so I don't remember what these do. I'm gonna say hot blood. - What do you say? - What do you say? - She's acting like this is all or nothing. Do or die, what I call that again?
- Maybe I oughta check my turner. - Ciao. Which button is this? Okay. Cognitive distortions. My clients, my ramblings. He sure got a lot of shit in here. The funny ways we think. I realize we vampires can think in a funny way sometimes. Like reality is right in front of us. And we just can't see it. Heck, pretty sure it's all humans who do that. Not just vampires. We do think funny thinking in particular ways. So I figured I'd write 'em down so I don't forget 'em. I'll include examples so I remember how they work. High noon mind. Sometimes things can seem black and white. Winter loose, famine or feasts, live or die. Like everything's a big showdown. It can feel like I've got only two options. Winning the day or ending up with a stake in the heart. That's high noon mind. It's thinking in extremes and ignoring all the in-between. We stress ourselves out when stakes are high. Examples. If I can't get the best saddle, my butt's gonna break. Ain't no doubt. Either I show up ready to win the rodeo or I'd better just not show up. The fate of the Wild West is hanging on my gun fight. Okay. So high noon is like extreme thinking, got it. Saloon thinking a lot of us bloodsuckers have a habit either of feeling responsibility or soul control or of feeling completely hopeless. Not, what's that? Thing is, usually neither is true. Feeling hopeless don't mean we're powerless and feeling untouchable don't mean we're invincible. That's saloon thinking either way. Our real capabilities are somewhere in between. Examples are with my dark powers, vampires shall dominate the mortal world. If a mortal discovers our secret, it's entirely my responsibility to deal with it. I can't deal with the bureaucracy of international travel with my coffin. I'm stuck in the USA forever. Chat okay, so high noon mind and saloon thinking sound about the same. Hmm. I guess I figured I had a, how to, oh Jesus. Yeah, 'cause that seemed kind of the same to me. Okay, let's see, hot branding. We vampires sometimes call ourselves awful names. I'm a failure, I'm unlikable. It's like burning ourselves with a big old brand and iron. Every time we look at ourselves, we'll keep seeing those names. Hot branding is just calling ourselves names that do no good. Example, I miss that shot. I'm such a butter fingers. Crying over a horse. Your sappy is hailed. That fella doesn't like wearing leather. He's only a vampire wannabe. Okay, my client notes. When I started getting therapy clients, I put my notes about them here. I'll update after every session. I figure I can see how they're doing over time. That is if Andrew Macho decides I'm ready for the whole therapist's business. Crossing my fingers, my journal. Just writing my ramblings while I'm on this big trip, not my official notes. Okay, I'm not finna read all this. I'm in it. Okay, so it's just their page. March 14, 2024. It's been about a week since I boarded the, what's it say, monster of the sea's cruise ship. And I gotta say, I feel finer than frog here. People here are eating and screwing like there's no tomorrow on account of the fact that we're all in the middle of the ocean. I've drank from what they say. I've drank from Mordenix in the last week that I could count. And since the ships open all night, I wrote a water slide for the first time in my own life. People were laughing at me for saying, yeah, hall. But what else do you say to experience, to an experience like that? Okay, March 22, 2024. Landed in Rotterdam the other day in Amsterdam. Now a ranging transportation for my coffin. Did some, did some vampire sightseeing? Apparently, this place has been accepting of heathens like us for a long time. I went to a vampire coffin shop. They funnel in the, what is that? Stoners from upstairs to a secret club. And everyone has themselves a grand old time. Gave me the munchies, something fierce. I could go up, what to say? I could go for some blood chips. What the hell is that? Extra sodium if you please. Okay, disgusting. All right, close that journal. Ain't nothing more to read. Okay, now what am I doing? Going back to check in this? I don't want to have my own fun. Even after this, it only plays to be on Friday night. Okay, so that was called. hot noon in mind, right? I mean, who's your putting too much weight on this thing? I did it! It's a club, not a high noon showdown. The night's full possibilities. Exactly, girl. I don't know what this means, but I like the way it's a sexy American talks. Okay, am I that there? Okay, so the cowboy is going to be the therapist, got it? You make us think that maybe it's better if you haven't gotten into the club because we are now meeting you. Okay, I think they're going to give me an invitation for her or he's some. Who got the pineapples? Who put the pineapples out? Hey, if me and me makes you're not better, I'm glad we met. I really got a fine Andromaco, though. Do you have to get past the bouncer? He decides who gets in and who doesn't. And he hasn't looked out the way all night. Oh, he, the bouncer boosts you like that? Maybe I'll have a little word with him. Excuse me, friend. I hear you're the man to talk to around these parts. Okay, so I'm liking everything, but the face because he is chopped. I don't know if somebody said it may turn some people on, but he had a body's body in. Okay, so now I'm back home because I like their graph. (laughs) Oh, I'm here to see Andromaco's. Mm-hmm, deep in my ear drum. That's so much. Oh, wait, he like the cut of my jam. Hey, thanks, amigo. You have yourself a fine night, you hear? Cowboy, what's about us? Oh, shit, did they run up and mess my chances up? Bring them joy, dash their hopes. I wanna bring them joy, they was pretty cool. They talked to me. Yeah, sure, they're friends of mine. Okay, let's hope this didn't mess up my chances. I'm fine, mate. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Well, come on, you two, we ain't got all night, y'all. Okay, so I'm all back in, even though he chopped. I'm all back in because he was the nicest bouncer. I have a mate in IRL. Oh, shit, oh, shit. Okay, I'm very bladish. Bang, awful out of here. Oh, my ears, it gets popping. ♪ Come on my liver, dodge with us. ♪ Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoo, this is the Euro-Balkybeats. Okay. Okay, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, yeah. - You kids have fun, I'll catch up with you later. (upbeat music) - To our nation, not rather, you were a go-for-given burden list. - Well, you don't know what you're missing, and that sounds disgusting. (laughs) Look, look, look, go for a bird. - I better talk to whoever's slinging drinks in this year's slew. Lay out, I don't know where Andrew, I'll go see his. - Andrew, my coat's okay, 'cause I've been saying, Andrew, my coat's apart in me, ma'am. - Okay, she said, man, listen, she gonna be sexy! - She gonna be spicy! - Well, baby. - Hey. - Hey, you. We get a lot of 80s fashion in here, but not usually the 1880s. - Yeah, that's what I'd say, this is not the 80s, and she is cute, she's fine, she's dead enough! Hey, I like this shame hit. - What can I get you, cowboy? The specials Red Bull and Vodka, you down? - That is disgusting. Never had it, it just sound disgusting. - I never drink, Red Bull. - I know that's right. - I'm actually looking for the owner. - Do you hear 'round tonight? - Might be. What do you say your name was? - I didn't, pretty thing. (laughing) - You're saying walls, big in your party. - Hmm, Sam walls, huh? - Can you get up in these walls? - Hey! - I don't think I know anything about a Sam walls. After all, I'm just to know nothing bartender. - Hmm. - Now, why she gotta say she's a no-noon? It gets my go when vampires bring themselves like that. - I think I'll say something. - Okay, I see they're drippin' hints. I know what it is. - Well hold on, what you just created? - I said, I don't know any Sam walls. I'm just to know nothing bartender. - Okay, she had her wish. - For when I'm standing, I see someone with style and confidence, not just a dream machine. - Don't go branding yourself like that's all you are. - Mm-hmm. - Don't you go worrying about me, cowboy? The man upstairs warned me you were coming. I was just testing to see if you are who you are.
say you are okay tasty tasty tell you what let me give you something from our special reserve I don't think you're looking for boos hmm yeah but you are up in this club you got to be looking for something else but yeah I'm here for the boos girl oh thank you kindly ma'am I was wondering where the blood was I met some vampires outside so I figured this was a vampire club you met some gods hunting and they're here to dance and have fun oh I thought they were vampires so they they uh they faking a fun they want to be with the Colin things and blades familiar yes they want to be familiar so all these people are mortals that's crazy how do you think the head vampire gets his blood they can't wait to share it with him it's a special experience also there's some phantasia shit if y'all ever seen true blood okay all right they want to feed the gods in this bitch he's the only real vampire here well ammon bird oh she met a vampire okay bird you met him already bird she'll fall on over here is it the bastard this nigger named birds it better be Bartholomew love the destroyers this one's here to see the big guy show him upstairs okay and as I he knows a grunt and a half on me you know what that's all I need he's a simple man I can I can change him good luck up there cowboy hope you find what you're looking for hey okay the encouragement this uh uh uh crimson it was nice talking to you uh howdy it's same walls to see you sir the guy who's been sending you all them females yes I know you are semi wall walls you have come here because you believe you can help our king yes oh his voice deep in his shadows his eyes is glowing yellow look at them shoulders I can stand on them shoulders anyway the question is are you first able to help yourself I'm that's what I'm trying to do with you I can help myself I can't help myself I'm gonna say I can help myself I've been fixing myself for more than a century now I don't think I need help then you must prepare to learn a most difficult lesson oh he's not wrong that's right you if you're living you always learning or should be we all need help Samuel I am pleased that you've come to receive mine so it's he the therapist I'm so confused but oh my god look at that job look at the gray look at the sudden couple look at the streaks this man is super duper fine thank you scared the heck out of me you must allow an ancient vampire his games he will play them regardless mm-hmm because what you gonna do about it please see done and let me just say this art style is amazing it's like it's fluid it's like it's not solid but solid it's kind of dreamy and the the flame in the background and the dark overtones it's it's beautiful I'm loving it what an absolute pleasure it is to meet you at last I found your message is most intriguing mm-hmm I can't get over this man voice whoever this voice actor is is putting it on I'm just alone some cowboy looking for answers mm-hmm you know I receive emails every day from vampires seeking my help you are the very first to seek my aid in helping others this alone makes you intriguing okay well dang I think you're gonna be sorely disappointed when you get to talking to me I'm just honored you're giving me the time of night mm-hmm I need you to time at night I have unlimited time Samuel I am pleased to share some of it with you our kind can be rather set in their ways it is inspiring to see someone so young and eager to learn so okay I'm off topic but I'm trying to figure out is he the owner of a vampire club that has a side business of therapeutic services for vampires so you can get your freak on get your dance on and get your therapy on at the same time is that what I'm getting mm-hmm yeah well I wasn't much for learning when I was alive just making it for a long time I guess mm-hmm okay no time like the present you ain't dead it sounds as though you have been handling your on life better than most I was particularly intrigued by these revelations you had while walking in nature he better stop chuckling into my ears because his is getting deep down in my ear hole oh yeah them well I give walking the credit nothing sorts my thoughts out better after a few decades I started seeing patterns in the way we vampires think mm-hmm you better learn something along the way you've been alive forever can you explain some of these patterns please uh one more again because I'm still tripping on the likeness of high noon mind and salone thinking I've tried to explain them to other vampires but it ain't never gone well I could try though see we tend to assume certain things just because we've been believing them since we were alive mm-hmm and it is transferred over it it matters she was all powerful and immortal or we decide the world's against us just because we're hungry or tired or something and when we start tackling problems that ain't real we ain't fixing our real problems that make any kind of sense mm-hmm fascinating Samuel these revelations that you had in the woods mortal psychologists have a term for them they are called cognitive distortions cognitive who's it would now you know with the hair he said it's especially that sweet soul's reverse cognitive distortions they are exactly as you describe them I will explain in a moment please tell me about these specific revelations you had explain high noon mind explain salone thinking explain hot branding okay we'll just start the time well I noticed how we stress ourselves out by making everything a battle of do or die absolutes high noon mind I call it like that feeling you get right before a big shoot out I must confess I have no experience with this feeling I engaged in mortal combat long before the age of gunpowder exactly he just run upon you and slit your throat okay but the sentiment to describe mirrors the words of my old friend marki or alias he used to say that the magnitude of life's challenges often turn us into our worst selves mm-hmm you mean markis or alias the Roman emperor oh this the 3000 euro of emperor got it of course his name was markis marki was a bedroom name hey okay a pillow talk you mean you and the emperor were smashing it was ancient Rome penetration was similar to a handshake damn like that uh now I'm with you Sam my apologies I somehow forgot you were American but let us discuss this high noon mind I believe we can broaden your definition mortal psychologists call this phenomenon of binary thought polarized thinking but I like to call it noose faratu thinking okay then let's look at the notebook they scribbled something okay sometimes things can seem black and white winter loose okay so we saw that the nice faratu thinking is thinking in extremes or ignored all the in between we stress ourselves out when stakes are high okay so they just change the name in the oh they changed it at the bottom too okay cool cool cool now let's go back okay noose faratu thinking it means you are thinking in black and white got it that simple I get it that's pretty funny I believe it encompasses the breadth of the distortion one is not flatly weak or strong good or evil smart or stupid a success or a failure the truth is far more complex and colorful not every high noon gunfight ends in oblivion correct yeah that's true uh getting shot still ain't fun but it ain't dead neither you know and I also like the audio because I have my heads it's on why I'm shooting this so I don't record a river but they have a binorial effect so Sam is in my left ear and uh actual what's his name andro majo andro macho is in my right ear so I like that back and forth play a perfect example Samuel now try to catch me using noose faratu thinking okay I will give you a series of statements and one of them will contain noose faratu thinking I will repeat them if you miss it okay and I didn't know there will be tests okay go here if I do not drink blood I will surely die oh that's definitely not faratu thinking is that knows faratu thinking no Samuel in this case I am not arguing with reality if we do not drink blood we die this is a fact of being a vampire okay but it is true because you can always find a neck so people
Don't talk extreme like they, okay, go ahead, Andrew, my coach. Let us continue. Death eventually comes for us all. Okay, so what am I supposed to choose? If it's not. Chao, I'm gonna hit this saloon, thank you. We are only trying to identify noses without we thinking right now. Okay. I'm gonna repeat myself. Okay. Mortals will always fear our kind. Did you miss my nose for our two thinking? Let me start over. Oh my god, this is hard. If I do not drink blood, I will surely die. Okay, that's not it. Okay, that's not it. The two will always fear our kind. I guess that could be it. That's nose for our two thinking right there. Okay, I've met mortals and you know who I was and weren't scared. Exactly, exactly. Very good Samuel. And even if you hadn't, to say mortals will always fear us ends any hope that they might not. Always is such a terminal word. Is it not? Would you like to discuss more of your revelations with me? Sure. Still not, thank you. I realize that it's vampires. We can get the feeling of the power that comes with immortality and strength. But then we get hopeless and aimless over time. 'Cause like what you don't have, you really don't feel like you have a purpose, like it's like, it possibilities that endless. And you just like, well, shit, if I can do it, I'll why I do anything. Yeah, I don't know. It's kind of like the fellow you see in the saloon at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey. Neither he thinks he can fight everyone or he's crying into them last drops 'cause he thinks life's hopeless. Mm-hmm. It's saloon thinking, two extremes that probably ain't true. See, and that's what throw me off about the nice for our two thinking. But let's go here. A fascinating observation, Samuel. Your saloon thinking was described in my time as the battle between hubris and Nemesis, between excesses of arrogance and self-pity. Okay. Oh man, it made me wish I'd gotten some schooling. Maybe I would've figured this stuff out earlier. You live forever, my friend. There is no rush. What you have identified is a phenomenon where individuals perceive either an illusion of control or a lack of control. Mm-hmm. More than likeologists call this phenomenon you have described a control fallacy. Okay, now let's see what they put in the notebook. Okay, okay, we read that part. That's control fallacy either way. Got it. Okay, I'm probably gonna mess this up. Let me read these examples. Are they still the same? With my dark powers, manpower should dominate the mortal world. If a mortal discovers our secret it's entirely my responsibility to deal with it. I can't deal with the bureaucracy. Okay, we do see all of this. So that stayed the same. I guess I had to play his word again just to make it stick. Rarely do we have complete power over our situations or no power at all. But we create this illusion that stops us from attempting to change our perceived situations. Okay. Yeah, you're right about that. I used to think I'd never get away from my gang. Maybe that's what made me stick with them for so long. Mm-hmm, people do that all the time. Yes, you see how cognitive distortions keep us from facing reality. Whatever that reality may be. Of course, I am so old and powerful that I am always in control. Okay, now like they hear that. Hey, hey, hey, okay, that you always in control. Is he putting on? Let me see. I mean, yeah, this test. I get you. That's a control fallacy right there. Mm-hmm. So to bless, let me not get it right. Well done, Samuel. I am indeed very powerful. But the cosmos holds no awareness of Andromahose. Of course, as you expertly pointed out with your analogy about the man at the bottom of a whiskey bottle, a control fallacy can be positive or negative. Listen to my next few statements and try to find the control fallacy. Simply let me continue if you do not detect one. Okay, this son will eventually burn out. I will roam a cold dead earth and there is lethal I can do about it. That is definitely a control fallacy. Well, that sounds like one of control fallacies with all eternity heck. I think you could do something to save the son. I applaud your optimism and ambition, Samuel. But some things we must be prepared to accept and the death of the son is one of them. But let us continue. Okay, so I get that get up. My kitty cat died. I shall be lonely forever. See, that's what I say. I get confused between if there's a nice for right to thinking or control fallacy. I'm a skipper here. I shall never feel the warm sun upon my skin again. Oh, Jesus Christ. Is it? Well, that's a control fallacy ain't it? I mean, you could feel the sun if you really, really wanted to. And that, I don't know. That is a significant difference between enjoying the warm sun and being burnt into ash. Yeah. It is not a distortion to acknowledge indisputable sources of harm. Let us try again. Okay. You didn't catch my control fallacy. Let's try once more. Okay. The sun will eventually burn out. I will roam a cold dead earth and there is little I can do about it. My kitty cat died. Okay, I think it was the first time I missed it. You didn't catch my control fellacy. Let's try once more. Okay. Wait a minute. Okay, so it must be the kitty cat. Damn it. My kitty cat died. I'm sorry about your sweet kitty, but you could always pick up a new one. Or there's lots of them just waiting for 11 homes. So you don't need to be lonely. You think so? It was just an example, Samuel. Will spotted, but I do speak from experience. I felt this way once when a Pharaoh I was dating had our cat mummified. Oh, so is he, is he by? Or is he, I don't know 'cause you know, we've been living a long time. Everybody in kitty, let me see. I went into a murderous depression that nearly decimated the continent, but I had the power to help myself all along by adopting a new friend in need of a home. Oh dang, don't let me get on your bed, sad. I doubt you shall see it, Samuel. Did you have more revelations to tell me about? One more. See, I used to be in a gang. They were my whole existence. If you asked me who I was, I would have said, no, I'm a murder-in-bastard. Once I got away, I realized how small-minded that was. I was Sam before I was a murder-in-bastard, but that's how I was choosing to brand myself. My old gang's still around and they're still braining themselves like that. They can't see themselves as anything but killers. The prettiest looks, Samuel. I favor the clinical term, however, which is labeling. Okay, let's see what they wrote in the book. I think they just changed the name and everything stays the same, but I just want to make sure. Okay, yeah, so that's it. So why do they give us them first terms? I'm glad they didn't stick in my brain because that would have messed me up. You correctly discovered that labeling is a reductive act. When we call ourselves names, even if we find them accurate, we create prophecies we are doomed to fulfill. For millennia, I thought of myself as a killer. It was not untrue that killing was how I made my way in the world. I was an unstoppable warrior and assassin, but with this label, I limited myself for ages. I did not only kill people. I also killed potential aspirations I might have had. See whether you can catch me doing some labeling in my next few statements. Okay, I feel like this one be easier. I am so old, I am ancient. Oh, I think that can be one. Oh cool. I don't not know you've been kicking around a long time, but don't go labeling yourself as ancient. I mean, 'cause he is though, that's not a label. That's just a fact. But according to definition, I am ancient. It is not a label, but the specific classification of my age. Right. Well, you look pretty good for being an ancient then. A 100%. The secret is moisturizer, but let us continue. Okay. Call me whatever you like, but don't call me late for dinner. That's whack. Okay, so that's it. Well, that's about as clear labeling as it gets. Yeah, we vampires tend to do a lot of killing, but reducing ourselves to killers ain't doing us any favors. Excellent, Samuel. You are correct. Labels can be cages that we lock ourselves in. I was a mere murderer.
for most of my existence, because that is how I labeled myself. And that's because that's actually what she was doing, but go ahead and cook. Yeah, I did the same thing. Sand walls, the murderer, reprobating, good for nothing. Those are not how I would describe the sand walls I see before me. I think that's all of them, or at least the ones that were the most obvious to me. That you recognize the concept of cognitive distortions at all is most impressive, Samuel. What took me nearly three millennia to understand took you merely two centuries? Hmm, oh come on, you're just flattering me. I'm just a dope stumbling his way through one life. Okay, there he go, labeling. Are you now? Tell me, Samuel. What kind of cognitive distortion are you exhibiting when you call yourself a dope? Yeah, I'm doing some labeling. I've got to watch myself, huh? As long as we retain any humanity, we will have cognitive distortions. What we are aiming for is not to become perfect beings, but to understand and accept ourselves. As long as we can recognize cognitive distortions, we can address our real challenges. Exactly, and that's all of these people don't want to recognize their behaviors and take accountability for fixing them. One cannot drink blood from a straw man after all. I ain't never heard that one before, but I like it. If it helps solidify the concept in your mind, then I am well satisfied. Yeah, me too, me too. I know you came to learn from me, so I will do my best to honor your good intentions. Let us ensure that you understand the concepts of labeling, control fantasies, and nurse for our two thinking. Okay, if you'd like to test me, I'm telling you that control and that's for our two going get me every time, but here we go. I will give you a series of statements, and each one will contain the cognitive distortion for you to identify. Okay. Okay. If I invite over my vampire friends, I know I'm going to have to deal with Guano all over the place when they turn into bats at the end of the night. Okay. That is nice for our two thinking. Well, that ain't right. He's acting powerless, like a man clinging to the whiskey bottle. What Andrew Maccos say that distortion was? Okay. So, control, fantasy. He don't have control over what his friends are going to do. That's it. There's a control, fantasy, sir. You're acting like you've got no control, but you could lay down some ground rules for guests over some newspaper. Or express concern to my friends that they have not been toilet trained. Very good, Samuel. Let me try another. Okay. I am Andrew Maccos, the ancient darkness, the scourge of the Mediterranean, the mortal's pain. Okay. That's a super labeling. Well, that's definitely some intense labeling. There's some hard names to get over. You are not wrong. Those names followed me for millennia. It was most stifling. Let me try another then. Okay. And I'm sorry if you can hear the howling in the background, maybe go with the atmosphere. But I'm sorry. That's my neighbor's dogs. If my club's revenue is do not significantly increase, I will end up living on the street. Is that control, fantasy? Or is that not? See, that's what I'm saying. Okay. Because he has. Oh, child. I don't know. I'm just going to say nice for our two thinking that there's got to be no for our two thinking. There's a huge space between making a ton of profit and living on the street. Okay. So that was why I was thinking, but I didn't know how to verbalize indeed. You are correct. I run my club at a considerable loss, but 3000 years of banking interest means that money is not really an object to me anyway. Yeah. He's just doing a foot of fine. Of it. Now I am not only intrigued by you, but also impressed. I would like to teach you my ways, but I must demand something of you first. Okay. Where do you want me to work and I put my clothes and shoes then? Anything. I'm here to learn. You must receive therapy yourself. I will not have you seeing clients without a commitment to your own mental health. Okay, bit. Oh, now hold on just a minute. I don't know that I need therapy. I'm feeling pretty good about myself these days. Sam, don't turn down the therapy, boo-boo. Samuel, we all need therapy to live in this world. You have been speaking in cognitive distortions since the moment you walked into my office. Exactly. I have. I didn't even notice. Yes, a part of you being. They are most insidious, but I am here to help you identify and challenge them. You have walked alone for too long, Samuel. Allow me to share my experience with you. Exactly, oh, I'm going way over on this therapy session, we 44 minutes in, but let's go here. We're going to try to finish this out. Well, all right. If you say so. I appreciate you taking the time to work on this old cowpoke. No. We have all the time in the world, Samuel. But for now, you must be eager for something fresh. Please, dance, drink your fill. We will begin tomorrow. Okay, then. Okay, then. Well, sir, it's been an honor. It really has been. You don't have to call me, sir, you know. I'd like to call you, sir. All right, then. Andrew Macos. Who? That was super country. Put a K on that thing. And drama horse. And drama horse. We out there. I both of us have been pronouncing around. Andrew Macos, Andrew Macos. Just call me Andy. Okay, Andy. All right, Andy. I'll see you tomorrow then. But I don't like the plan down your name just because the white man can't pronounce it. Okay. Okay. Is it going to save for me? I'm just going to save just in case. Dang. Look at all the immortals, sweating, blood pumping. I am thirsty. There ain't no power on this earth. That'll give me out of dance floor. Okay. All right, child. Let me see. How to get up by this thing. Okay. Who's going to save? Okay. What the hell? Yes. Okay, then. Let's do this one. All right, child. That has been our time with vampire therapist. I think I'm going to like this game a lot because I am really into mental health and awareness of mental health and taking accountability of your own mental health. So yeah, I think it's really going to be good. I may purchase this DLC for couples therapy because that is very intriguing as well. One of these days, I may go into the blood of Troy, Spanish Knights, and Fathoms below. I'm not really sure what that is. So yeah, thank you for spending time with me. Again, if this is your first time here, welcome. If this is you come back, welcome back. But as for now, I will see y'all later and y'all have a great rest of your day. [Music]
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