S3E12 - The hidden costs behind your wedding!

(upbeat music) - Hey there, my name is Evans. Welcome back to everybody's Bad With Money. I am your host, your budget mom, a jake shiner, and we're gonna dive back into weddings. But we're gonna talk about the cost unseen. We're gonna navigate them without losing your mind or your savings. And we're gonna have Leah, our amazing financial coach on who is in the trenches of getting married about these unforeseen expenses that you might wanna be saving for from laser hair removal to the perfect wedding dress. We have the Insights Scoop on managing those other wedding costs. So let's dive in, but before we do, let's give a massive shout out to the man behind the scenes, Eric, who not only is the editor of this podcast, but actually made me the world's greatest mix for my wedding that I can't even begin to express how unbelievable it is. It still brings tears to my eyes. My husband and I have very different taste in music. And we wanted a first dance song that represented us and he made us the most incredible mix. Celine Dion meets Radiohead, Madonna meets Grateful Dead. It is unbelievable. If you wanna hear it, go ahead and shoot me a message at hello at BeyondTheGreenCoaching.com and I'm happy to share it with you. All right, let's dive into the episode. (upbeat music) This series is all about wedding budgets. We're like right in the time. We also should do, oh my God, we have to do an episode on like guest wedding budgets, like not just wedding, but this is for the bride specifically. Also the groom, if they have things that they wanna save up for leading up to the wedding. But I wanna call this like the other cost of a wedding that have nothing to do with the wedding. Yes. For me, I had a lot of things that I wanted to have, I wanted to do leading up to my wedding that had nothing to do with my wedding, but would make me feel like amazing for my wedding. The highest ticket item up front, highest ticket item was laser hair removal. Never thought of that. Yeah, oh yeah, that was like a non-negotiable for me because like the, I'm gonna get real real guys. The last thing I wanted to do on my wedding day was shape my face. As with laser hair removal, you have to shave, you don't get, you can't wax or pluck. So like the last thing I wanted to do on my wedding day was like have to shape my face. And I didn't want any shadows under my arms. So I did my face and my arm pits. It's so funny, I've like literally never told Brett this. Yes. I'm sharing it with the world, the world. But it was a huge investment. It was like $1,400 and they didn't offer a payment plan. And I remember like pulling that from my wedding fund, i.e. my emergency fund, which was a mistake, but it was because I put my wedding fund emergency fund together, which I don't recommend doing, but I did. And, but it felt so good. It felt so good that I could afford to do that. I love that. Just knowing you're doing something for yourself, that's gonna make you feel the most beautiful on your wedding day, right? Besides just the typical makeup hair wedding dress, like you're doing something that you want. 100%. So another thing that I started doing pretty much, like almost like 10 months before my wedding, as I started getting monthly facials, that was like $130 a month with tip. I signed up for a membership and I went every single month. And my skin looking good was such a high value for me at my wedding because I've always been, I've had acne since I was literally in fourth grade. So I just was like, this is the last, again, this is the last thing I want to worry about on my wedding is having bad skin. And my skin truly was the most beautiful it ever, ever had been. And other things that I did, it wasn't just the facial, like so I bought a gouache, I gouache, twice a day, pretty much for like 10 months. If I didn't gouache twice a day, I gouache once a day. - Wow. - Yeah, I was like, I took it very seriously, because it was such a, I would have felt so disappointed if like once I started seeing results that the facial seabuckthorn oil that I learned about from Ngoia skin and doing the gouache was having such a dramatic impact on my skin, I was like, this is really just comes down to me. Like I'm either gonna like take care of my skin or I'm not and it's gonna look horrible at my wedding and I'm gonna be so upset. Like I didn't wanna feel insecure at my wedding. - Oh, snap. - I think that was like the main feeling. I knew so many other emotions would happen and I didn't wanna feel like I didn't try hard enough. Another, so then another big expense that I had per month was solid core. I really struggled to self-motivate to work out and I knew solid core would whip me into shape and it did and it was $270 a month and $35 if you missed a class. And let me tell you, that last month leading up to the wedding when I was like crazy stress, I missed so many classes. It was not great for the budget, but it was already planned for. You know, like I just was like, this is where that money is going and I have this budget for fitness. Again, I still continued solid core until I became pregnant. It was such an added value to my life. It was amazing. I miss it so much, but that was like a non-negotiable for me. So like what got cut? I didn't spend any money on like clothing outside of wedding clothing. Like I didn't book concerts. I didn't like go do huge dinners. Like I made cuts in other areas of my life because like those three things were such a high priority to me. Another huge one for me is a couple of my best friends came dress shopping with me, being able to provide lunch and dinner for them, covering all transportation if we had to take cabs from one place to another. Just like little things like that. I'm like very, if I'm asking you to come and like be there for me, I'm gonna, I'm gonna wanna feed you and I'm gonna wanna make sure that like I'm taking care of those things. So weren't like, yeah, go away. - Yeah, I mean, people, fake people, those are the things that go, those are the things that people don't account for when they're looking at their budget, right? And it's like, okay, you're in that excitement. You just got your wedding dress, do your wedding dress shopping, you're with the people who love and care about you so much. And they're there for you and you're on this high. And you're like, oh my goodness, of course I'm gonna get them lunch in a bottle of wine or whatever and you pay for the cabs and treat them to all these things and you get home and you add it up. You're like, oh shoot, that definitely wants it in my budget. So I think the fact that you, that's so, I love that you included that because as I just finalized the weekend that I'm going wedding dress shopping, I didn't even think about that piece of it of how I wanna treat my best friend's sister and my aunt who are making the journey out. And that's such a nice way, but to include it is so important. - Yeah, I get goosebumps thinking about it. Like it, I remember like paying the bills and being like, no, this is my honor. Like thank you so much for coming here. Like I had a friend like have to come in from the Hamptons into the city which is like could be anywhere from like two hours to three hours just to come and help me go dress shopping. And I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna get your meal and like get you coffee and all of that for my wedding day, I mean, I'm like a very Jewish mother feeder. Like I, you will always be fed at my house. Like we will have too much food. We will never have not enough food. So for the wedding day, like I was like, it's high priority that we have like a full smorgasbord spread of everything. And then I got like a little neurotic and I was like, we need to buy ice because we know that like Richard and this person they love ice in their water. And he was like, all right, you've taken it too far. Like we don't need to buy ice. Like we're okay. Like they can use ice from the refrigerator. Like we're good. But yes, so yeah, that was a really high value for me. And then I also leading up to the wedding. I got like a lot of massages because I was stressed to shit. (laughs) And I wanted my shoulders to be down at my wedding. Like just, and so I prioritize. I think I got one like, you know, leading up to the wedding. I think I got one like every three weeks just to like keep me in alignment and looking good and like moving all the weight I was losing and like, you know, just like, it just, it felt like such a needed added value to my life. And it's something that, again, people just don't account for it. I think people get into a lot of debt leading up to their wedding because they want to do all these things. And for me, it was like, how do I want to feel at my wedding? And, What is within my control that I can do? I had no idea that like my people pleaser, part of my personality was gonna come out in like such a dramatic way. I couldn't foresee that, but I could foresee looking in the mirror and it's like, did I do everything in my power to feel beautiful? And that might feel really like, not a high priority for other people, but it was for me. Like, I'm like, I've never spent $4,000 getting like someone taking photos of me. Let alone paying for someone to do my hair and makeup and then for me to feel ugly. Like how many times have you been in a wedding party and like they just do such a horrible job on your hair and makeup? Or they do an amazing job on your hair and makeup but you're feeling insecure. I mean, that's definitely happened where like I didn't feel like in my best body and I actually get beautiful hair and makeup, but I don't feel great. And I was like, this is the one day where like, that's not acceptable. I will not accept it. Well, not acceptable. (soft music) All right, we've talked about the costs. You never saw coming those facial fitness classes and all the small touches that make your day special. It's not just about the I do. It's also about feeling your best. Insert our new budget we're creating that gets you to I do. This new budget is going to be stacked with literally every scenario possible to help you stay on track and ditch financial burnout when it comes to your big day. Join the wait lists with a link in our bio. Let's dive back into the episode and see how Leah's been juggling these expenses with savvy and style. (soft music) I mean, I think that's such a huge part of when we talk about weddings, we always mention values, right? That's such a big piece to it, especially when it comes to your budget because there's ultimately, if you don't want to be going into debt, there are some things that you're going to have to say, no, what you're going to have to de-prioritize and maybe not spend as much as you originally had planned. But the important piece is how you want to feel. And I know for me, me and my fiance, we want to feel like the best we've ever felt but our main goal and value of our wedding, like I'm sure this is so cliche. But just to have so much fun and have it be a big party, but that's such a big priority for us. And I know those standing up there, I want to look around and see my dream day and think to myself, wow, we are not in debt. We've just collected so much credit card points to use for our honeymoon, but we've paid off the credit cards and we did it because we did it together and we did it because we budgeted. And that's, I know, a feeling that I want to have is like looking around and being like, we are not in debt because I think so many people, maybe not on that day, but I think afterwards, a week later, a month later when those credit card statements are coming in or you're getting the last bills like that feeling of like, how are you gonna afford this now? I know for sure that's how I thought I was going to be, right before I got my finances in order and knowing now that that's not what it's gonna feel like. I like bring tears to my eyes because I just think that's so important. And you can do it. You can do it if you just sit down and write out the numbers and write out your wants and write out what you need to do in order to feel that way. You mentioned all the things that I already have planned in my mind of like, okay, I definitely want massages. I definitely want to at least do six months of fatials. Another big one for me is like the hair extensions, just 'cause I'm very insecure with how thin my hair is and I've never looked my hair. So I just want my hair to be like, you know, nothing crazy. I'm not gonna go from, no, I'm like, having thin hair to like this huge maid. But I know it's such a difference. I had extensions. I literally have never felt more beautiful in my entire life than having my extension. And I ward them to like three other weddings, two other weddings. Oh, I just feel like a goddess. Like I love them so much. Like my hair was amazing. I told my hair stylist, I was like, I need to be the poster child of your entire website. Like I was so confident that I was beautiful hair for a wedding ever. Yeah. And you mean looking at your photos you did, you look so stunning. Yucky, you were glowing and it shows. It shows that you took the time. It really does. And like I'm not like, I'm really fucking proud of the way that I looked at my wedding. And I'm not talking about like, I was fit. Like look at my face. Like I'm happy. I'm feeling confident. Like and there's, and there's so many emotions. You just cannot anticipate having it your wedding. That like finding the things. Like if you have time that like make also like, I think taking time to be respectful of your, the people around you who are also paying a lot of money was a really, really high value for me. So like letting the bridesmaid knows, letting the bridesmaids know as early as possible what the color scheme was. So that they had time to find a dress so they didn't have to rush last minute and get something really expensive. Just letting people know as early as possible about booking the hotel, booking Airbnb's, like getting people like, I was like, how do I help people save as much as possible? And then, I mean, this is a whole other conversation, but it's like then once they were there, it's like beating them, drinking them, making sure that like they didn't have to do much else outside of arriving because we knew we were having, we were doing a big ass because we got married on the 4th of July on the North Forkum, Long Island. And that's not cheap. - Yeah, yeah. No, I love that. I love that you brought that up because, you know, we're getting married in California. And we're both from these coast. And so a lot of people are in a way, we're like, oh, should we really be doing this? Like, it's is kind of like a destination wedding, but talking about it and, you know, we're gonna be a year out at the end of April, so about a month away, a year out. And I think for everyone that we know is traveling, we've, you know, we haven't sent out the official save of the date. We've told people like, this is the date, start preparing because that's so true because it's, you don't want, you wanna make sure that people are in a place where they are happy. And they feel like they can afford to do it and not have this rush of, oh, shoot, I have to buy a plane ticket and the tickets are now $1,000 to fly across the country. - Exactly. If you had to give advice to someone who is getting married and, you know, six months to a year about not the wedding, but like the prep to the wedding, what would you say? - Ooh, this is a good question. I have to think about it. In regards to budgeting or just in regards to? - I think in general, okay, I'll share what mine is. (laughs) 'Cause I already know, 'cause I've already had this conversation with a friend, like a million times. It's your fucking wedding. If this is something that you wanted your whole life, like I did, no shade, not, you know, this is just the reality. I did wanna get married my whole life and I've dreamt about my wedding my whole life. Like, do what you gotta do to feel great at your wedding. Like, do the work because if it's something that is such a high value to you that you dreamt about it and you hope, hey, if you're a person, never thought about getting married in your life, don't really care, are gonna show up and address, like off the rack, Nordstroms, like, that's fine. - Yeah. - That's freaking awesome. I've been to all the wedding gamets, of like, and the same levels of fun, it doesn't matter. If that's what you, it comes down to what do you value? And if you're telling me that you value feeling your best and looking your best and then you're not prioritizing it month to month, it's not gonna happen two weeks before your wedding. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Like, I don't care how nervous you, you know, people say, oh, you lose, you lose five pounds, like, you know, two weeks before your wedding 'cause you're so nervous, you don't need them, like, I hate, like, wasn't that good? - It's gonna get to the good sound fun. - Also, like, you're not gonna, like, what's gonna happen in like, two weeks, like, you need to set the foundation for months in order to like achieve the goal. I mean, this goes back to every area of what we work on with clients, but that would be my advice, like, just do it. Like, figure out a way to make it work. It's such a momentary period of your life and like, you're already spending so much money on it. Like, for you not to feel great, feels like such a waste to me. - Yeah. No, I love that. It's, that's perfect, beautiful answer, AJ. - Oh, yeah. - You're just the best. - No, I totally agree. - I'm just getting a thousand percent agree. I think, yeah, the more time you have, like, plan it out. Like, if you really think about it, people, what's the guideline? You get engaged and the first thing you have to do is get the venue, because that's obviously the number one thing and you have to have, you know, you need to get that out of the van because they book up. Yeah, la, la, la, you all know this feel. It's get your venue in the minute. make a list of the things that you want to do for yourself that are gonna make you feel awesome on your wedding day. Like make it a priority. Don't just like exactly you just said, oh, I'll get to it, I'll get to it, I'll get to it. Something else that came to mind while you're talking that I think would be my advice so far because I actually am in a time of my life where I have, let's see. I think three, is it three? Yeah, three of my friends are engaged. Like so many people I know in my little inner circles or just life are engaged getting married. This year, next year, that's so exciting and I think I'm finally in that stage where it's like wedding, wedding, wedding. So what, I'm saving for other people's weddings too. That's not podcast. But don't compare yourself. I think the comparisons, like I've gotten definitely sucked into some conversations recently, which were great conversations. Not that I left being like, oh, this is, that was hard. But when you talk about your wedding with friends, it's hard not to be like, oh, should I actually change how much I am valuing my DJ? Should I actually change? Should I get a wedding cake? Even though I said I wasn't going to get a wedding cake for like a people going to judge me 'cause I don't have a wedding cake 'cause we need my fiancee want to have donuts. And so I found myself kind of taking those moments and taking a step back and be like, no, exactly what you, to end how you started, it's your wedding day. Like it's your day and do what feels best for you. No, that's really great advice. I really struggled with comparison. Like really, really struggled. What are they wearing? How do they find all these outfits? How do I find all these outfits? Like why do they look so good? Oh my god, they've lost so much weight. Like I need to lose that much, like just drove myself up a wall with comparison. So that's perfect advice. Yeah, this is your day come back to your values, come back to what you can afford and make it happen because you only get one shot at this, hopefully. Yes, yeah, but yeah. Disporkast it out. Really write everything down. And there's going to be things that you probably recognize, oh shoot, maybe I can't get six facials. Maybe I have to do it four months before. OK, but at least you're doing it four months before. Like you're giving yourself options versus like, all the throw it on a credit card, I'll go into debt, or I'm not going to do it at all. Like that's not, it doesn't have to be black and white. You can find, you can make it work. That's the perfect way to end this. Thanks, Leah. We'll be back for more wedding budget tips. Sounds good. Thanks for having me. That's a wrap for today's wedding wisdom. Huge thanks to Leah for her incredible insights and real life experiences. And remember, it's your day, your way, whether it's laser hair removal or feeding your squad, make account, make it you. And don't forget, if you are a bride to be sign up for our wedding budget curated and specialized just for you. So before we say goodbye, quick shout out to Raisin, transforming your savings game with high interest savings accounts up to 5.3% and 5-1 CDs of 5.6. Imagine turning pennies into hundreds like our client who switched from most of our go to Raisin. Check those links in the show notes and watch your savings soar. And hey, let us know when your interest hits your account. We love celebrating your wins. Stay empowered, stay informed, and keep tuning into everybody's bad with money. Here's to making your wedding dreams a reality without compromising your financial piece. Until next time, keep those finances flourishing.