S2 EP1: how to stop chasing & start attracting | detachment, energy, self-worth

Hi there, and welcome back to Self Obsessed. This is the start of season two. I have missed you guys so, so much, and I can't wait to spill so much tea in all of these new episodes on how you can become self-obsessed. I hope you guys have been doing all of your homeworks and action in your new mindsets in the season break, but I have been seeing all of your DMs on Instagram, and I'm honestly so proud of all of the progress that you've been making, and I love that you share it with me because it truly keeps me going. Also, if you didn't hear in this season break, I announced my first work, which is coming out this August and is now available to pre-order on Amazon. It should be linked in my description, and in the description of this podcast episode, so that you can pre-order it and get it straight away on the publication day on the 15th of August. So, we are starting this season with a bang. How to stop chasing others. Because this is one of the foundational steps to becoming self-obsessed. In this episode, we're not only going to be discussing how to stop chasing other people, which is important, but it's so widely discussed. In this episode, we're going to talk about how to stop chasing accomplishments and jobs and opportunities and ideas, emotions, a version of yourself that you think you should be. Setting goals is amazing, but this energy of chasing can actually be very, very damaging. Casing is ingrained in us, but all it does is actually kill your vibration and push your manifestations away. It's such a low form of energy. It kills your confidence, and we are not about that life because on this side of the internet, we are trying to be the best versions of ourselves. So, in this episode, we are going to learn how to reset our mindset to go from chasing to chilling. Let's get into it with chapter number one, the dangers of chasing in every area of your life. So, fact number one, it interferes with your manifestes. When you engage in the act of chasing literally anything, you are giving desperation and attachment. You are basically telling the universe that you are unsure of yourself by thinking and acting in this way towards whatever goal you are trying to pursue. You aren't relaxed about it, you feel that you need to strategise about it, and the universe only matches what you believe because of something called the law of assumption. You are going to receive whatever you believe, and your chasing is representative of insecure beliefs about your capabilities. Fact number two, chasing lowers your vibration. It lowers your vibration down to fear. So, if you are familiar with the vibrational char of emotional frequencies, fear is in the five lowest emotional states of consciousness. The top five being emotions like enlightenment, peace, joy, love, reason, but when you chase, you're down with fear, shame, guilt, etc. So, this basically means that you are living voluntarily in one of the lowest states of consciousness you could, meaning you are therefore limiting yourself in every other area of your life. The action of chasing signifies fear in who you currently are, and when you fear what's in your present or who you are before you've achieved the thing, you throw away all of the opportunities and blessings that are with you right now because you've essentially made yourself blind to it through chasing all of the time and hard bring that energy. And there's also a links into the fact that chasing removes you from living in the moment and keeps you in a place of attaching satisfaction or happiness or love or gratitude in another time or place. So basically in the future, a time, a place, a concept that doesn't even exist to you yet. And this is so bad for your mental health, for your wellness, for your gratitude, for yourself, love, especially. The next fact as to why chasing is so dangerous is that chasing conditions and creates a certain set of self beliefs, which then impacts your confidence and what you think you're worthy of. So if you're just dating as an example, someone who is confident in their value and in their prospects would never think to try and beg someone to stay or prove their worth or think about what time they should take someone back or what they should reply to have that person like them or wait to see when he's going to see your story. Someone who chases is doing so from a place of neediness and tactic to get something they believe is not able to come to them effortlessly, which then reflects a lack of confidence. The more times you engage in this behaviour, the more times you are telling yourself that being as you are is not good enough. And that's why I feel I must be perfect or extraordinary or go above and beyond for others just to be accepted or liked. And your behaviour of chasing solidifies that belief over and over and over. Of course, that is very icky for us girls who are trying to grow our self love. And then linking onto this, we know that you receive what you believe because of the lower of attraction. The way others treat you are based on your energy and action. Detachment is the only thing that's attractive to others that is the only way you're going to attract the right people into your life. And when you chase, you are overly attached, you have this sense of neediness. And you are essentially putting other people on a pedestal and they can see you doing this and they will then treat you as such. So like at networking events or when you're making friends at school, when you are waiting for someone to like you back, when you're altering your personality, when you are trying to impress them, they can see that you have placed someone at pedestal above you. And that then shows them that you don't think you're worthy enough, meaning why would they believe that you would be a good friend because you don't even believe it yourself. And therefore you push everyone away from you that you will so desperately trying to chase. Chapter two, mindset shifts to go from chasing to chilling. Okay, so now that we have all of the facts and motivation on why chasing is never cute in literally any context, unless it's a mind rightfully quoting a woman of, let's now start shifting our mindset from chasing to chilling. Okay, step one. Now let's link back to manifestations for a second. Thatching from what you desire is about embodying the energy that you would have if you already had the thing that you're trying to pursue. When you no longer feel the need to chase something, it's because you are aligning with the mindset of a person who already has those things. Therefore, speeding up your manifestations faster because you're more aligned to the version of yourself who has those things or is confident enough to know that they're already on their way. So anytime I've ever felt like I need this thing or I want it right now or what if I don't get it, I immediately recognize that and I replace it with a thought that shows, okay, but how would I think I've already had the thing? So for example, when I was chasing financial abundance, instead of thinking, oh my god, I don't have enough money and oh my god, when am I going to make it and how am I going to make it and what if this doesn't work blah blah blah blah, which is what literally 99% of the population does naturally, of course you would. Instead, what you need to do is replace it by building gratitude for the money you already have, which then helps you to release the low vibrations of fear and anxiety you have around the thing that you're trying to attract, like think about it, you're trying to pursue something and you're so stressed about how it's going to come about and how much you lack whatever it is in your life already, which is why you feel the need to chase it, that you fear it in a way. So how are you ever going to attract it into your life? So this way, the karma and the more secure I felt about money, the more I could attract it into my life, which then got rid of the need for me to chase it in the first place. Mindset shift number two, you cannot get anything you want from the external world. Not the confidence, not love, not approval, not success because it all comes from within and it all starts with your mind. And the things that you think you are getting from the way other people will speak to you or the things that you achieved are actually just dependent feelings. So you haven't got that happiness or confidence from that person being a friend or falling in love or winning that award. That is just a temporary feeling dependent on a certain factor being present in your life. And the second the factor gets taken away, so does the initial feeling that you desired? When you break up with that person, when you lose that friend, when you get fired from your job or rejected from an opportunity, when you realize this, chasing then becomes futile. So necessary. What is there to chase please? Because anything I need from you, I can simply give to myself and I'm going to give a deeper example of this mindset shift in the live self chapter. So stay tuned. Three, my relaxation is simply a result of my gratitude. Every single day I pick things to love so I eradicate the need to think that I am not good enough or oh my god am I working hard enough, do they like me enough? No, I'm here thinking about how far I've come. How I survived all of the things I thought I once wouldn't. How the uncertainty in every day is the most magical part of it because anything unexpectedly good could happen to you at any moment in time. When you chase, you're so focused on the next moment, on the future, on what you're missing right now, on all of this scarcity and you're therefore missing out on the abundance that's right in front of you. And that's what self obsession is all about. Like yes, I'm all about goal setting and self development but that doesn't mean who you are now without that stuff is unlovable or isn't good enough. There is nothing to worry about and there is no need to chase because there is nothing inherently wrong with you. There never has been. And when you chase an idea of what you're missing out on, you're missing out on the next beauty for example, so let's say I want to be skinny or I want to dress like that, you are escaping who you are. So setting those goals isn't bad if you want to do this way, if you want to change the way you dress, that's completely fine, you are allowed to want to change. But the chasing stops and the chilling, the chill like pursuit starts when you finally accept who you are without having the thing. So for example, I would think, yeah, you know what, it would be cool if I started changing up my style and experimented with my appearance a little bit. And that's all it is. That's what it is. It would just be cool to just experiment with my appearance. Appearance, meaning it isn't appearance, it's not me, it doesn't define me. The chasing is this energy of, oh my god, I need to change my style because oh my god, I'm so ugly, I'm so uncool, I'm un-stylish, I don't fit in. You see the difference? It goes from not chasing something because it's taking away from your worth of who you are right now. It's just, oh, you know what, I'd like that little addition into my life. And then you have this really relaxed energy around it because you're also so content with who you already are and you know that you're deserving and worthy of getting that thing and it will come to you for you will always get what's meant for you. That's it. It's literally as simple as that. And as soon as you ingrain this reminder into your head life gets so much easier. You just get to float through life and be so happy because at the end of the day the things that align with you and the things that align with your life path will find you. And that's why detachment makes life so easy because you put such trust in the universe in the world and the fact that life isn't up to get you. No one's trying to make your life harder. Okay, life when you get adversity thrown at you and challenges and obstacles, life isn't punishing you, life is teaching you and bad things happening to you does not get rid of the possibility of good things happening to you. It's this duality in life which makes us grow as human beings. It's so necessary. It's not a punishment. It doesn't mean that this is what your life is going to look like for the next few decades just because a few bad things have happened recently. I have so many goals and you guys know this and I put in the work to it but I cannot remember the last time I thought what if I don't make it? What's the point in thinking that? Because if I don't make it that thing simply wasn't meant for me. That's how much trust I have in the universe. Okay, because also this is my first time living life and I don't have all the knowledge. I'm only 23 so I might sometimes go and pursue a goal but how am I supposed to know if that's in my best interest? We go after what we think we want not what we know we want because we don't know that we haven't lived our entire lives yet. We don't even know who we're becoming every single day is a new day every single day is an opportunity for self discovery and I feel like the universe is protecting us always in knowing where we're supposed to end up. If I don't get something it's simply was meant for me and there was no other explanation I'm going to entertain around that because listen, why would I keep running down a path that keeps getting longer and longer because the thing I thought I wanted was never actually good for me? What's the point? I have chased boys and I have chased friends in school and obviously I never got them and I look back and I'm like oh thank god thank god I didn't like they were never meant for me they would never align with the version of me now and I look back and I think I wasn't a lot of the time not even looking at who they were and if they were good additions to my life I was chasing them out of this lack and out of this idea of people and yeah every person in my life right now came out of the blue when I wasn't looking and they did that because they had to be there. I didn't have to do a thing they just came into my life I just effortlessly attracted them and so I just take that I'm going to take that into the rest of my life now whenever I fail whenever I get rejected wasn't meant for me and that's it and the things that are meant for me I have to stress about how it's going to come to fruition and what I need to do because it will always find me. I feel like chasing as well is rooted in following your heart over your head and it's got a lot to do with fixating on dopamine spikes which is why let me chase the idea of people or we chase what we think will make us more desirable. So you chase because you know you might get addicted to the highs and lows of being with someone or because your ego is involved and those two things will forever lead you down the wrong path. And finally chapter three lifestyle shifts that you can do to action this new mindset that you've just learned so that you can actually keep it consistent. So feeling the need to chase can be a result of your subconscious mind. So your subconscious mind is made up of beliefs that stem from core past memories, attachment styles, relationships that you've experienced, trauma you've been through and it can also be things you picked up as a child that have stayed with you and are a part of your programming in how you perceive yourself and everything else that you perceive on a daily basis. Chasing others can stem from a damaged self perception and a particular subconscious wiring and so the only way to rewire it to your liking is through the repetition of new thoughts and behaviors. So for example, doing your affirmations every single morning or the action here is putting yourself in triggering situations where you would initially chase and now instead forcing yourself to act in the way that you want to act and in the way that you want to think to get rid of that chasing habit until it then becomes a natural part of you on autopilot. And then for the next action, I'm going to reference that mindset shift point that I spoke to you guys about about becoming the energy that's more aligned to the thing that you want to chase and realizing there's nothing to chase. Okay, all that is to be done is simply a shift in energy. So I'll give you guys an example. I used to chase friendship a lot and I was in the really bad habit where I would feel to my personality a bit to seem more likable. I would give and give to prove my worth to a friend. I'd let them dominate every single conversation. I'd be who they wanted me to be. I'd always try to make a good impression which then kept me from my authenticity because I was in a state of doing literally anything to get friendship. Why? Because I felt I liked it. Over time, obviously there's just a track to the wrong people into my life. But most of all, I realized the issue that lies here is my own insecurity about my value and my worth to be accepted as who I am authentically in somebody else's life. I don't appreciate myself. So when I chase others, I am trying to create acceptance by becoming a version of myself that I think would suit them. And so the only way to get rid of this scarcity is to give that friendship to myself. This is what I'm talking about. There was never anything to chase because if I just finally gave what I thought I lacked so deeply and what I was so insecure about to myself, I wouldn't feel the need to chase. And so guess what? I solidated. I spent a lot of time alone. I cut out so many friends out of my life. I lived according to that realization I had. I aligned my actions to it. And so the more that I lived like my own friends, so doing fun things alone, going to the cinema, getting dinner, getting to know myself. So like actually learning what that is to love about myself, what I bring in a good company and friendship. Then the less I felt the need to chase because I was so hyper aware of my worth and my value all of a sudden. In fact, I became so completely detached. And when I finally reached that state, friendship flowed effortless to me because my energy was matching the kind of person who would think, of course, people would want to be friends with me. Of course, I would make a great friend. There's no insecurity there. And that's all because I simply became what I was seeking. And this works because you can only attract like energy into your life in that way it links back to manifestation. The next lifestyle shift is something that actually links into a personal goal of mine that I've been working on recently and it links back to vibrational frequencies as well. So my current goal in my life is that I am working on getting rid of all of my fears because I had this epiphany the other day. I was like, why the F should I be scared of anything? I should love myself so much to the point that I can throw myself into literally any situation and be so confident about it. Like what the F? Why would I let things or strangers scare me? What? So how do I do this? I'm working on it by saying yes to anything I'm offered and then just thinking about it later. Then I can't back out. The more scary things you do, the less that is to be scared about. It takes one time of doing something to become numb to it and then prove your limiting beliefs wrong. We chase success because we fear we're not capable of it right now. That's why we feel the need to so desperately chase it and run after it. But if you just replace that with, let me celebrate all the small wins that I have now. You can then achieve that life that you want because you're already matching the frequency of success. You know, you don't have to make a million pounds. You don't have to open the business. You need to treat yourself now how you would treat yourself if you already had the thing. So for example, go to an hour working event. Speak on stage. Start a little side hustle. Sell your first product. Do something out of your comfort zone. Take a mentorship class. Read financial literacy books because you know that that abundance is coming to you anyway and you are going to educate yourself in what you're going to do when you get all of that money. The next lifestyle shift. So my top tip for everything is always journeying because listen. You are your worst enemy. Okay. You don't chase because or well that person's hot and cold with me or they're rejecting me or they're giving me next signals no you are chasing because that are parts of yourself that you haven't neglected to heal and they are acting up in this way which is causing you to chase there is a root cause and a root belief to everything you do and the second you discover it the faster you can cut it out and reframe it to what you want it to be so let's say you get your journal and you're gonna write out the phrase I chase blank lifestyle or whatever goal you feel like you're very just anxiously awaiting and then you're gonna answer a series of questions why do I panic about getting this why don't I feel calm in pursuit of it what is my biggest fear around this journey where does the desire to have this thing come from how will I feel if I don't get it why doesn't my present self and life deserve appreciation etc I literally made up those questions on the spot you can obviously Google shadow work prompts or I think what you should do is make them up on the spot for yourself because it's gonna be more aligned to you in your personal situation and then the last tip the last action that you can do is identify your trigger and replace it for example when you post a story and you keep checking to see if that guy that you really like has seen it no that's your trigger right that's when you start the whole chasing cycle start overly thinking about him wondering when he's gonna like you back so now that we've identified the trigger we're gonna replace it by whenever you want to post your story you're gonna leave your phone upstairs you're gonna go and you're gonna go watch a movie with your family with your siblings whatever or you're gonna FaceTime your friend you are gonna go out on a solid day or spend time with your friends you're gonna go on a walk and put your phone on do not disturb and you're gonna have this self discipline that even if your phone is with you you are not gonna do that because you were changing your action from being so available to continuously refreshing to then keeping your hands keeping your life keeping your body busy with something that actually benefits you your mental health your wellness your happiness your self love we chase because we have so much free time on our hands to be obsessively thinking about someone else and hey listen I'm not judging I did it for years and years and years I used to be the girl that used to check if the guides in my story if you're scared like to if you'd like my Instagram post and it's exhausting and I look back down I'm like how mean was I to myself that I was spending the limited time I have on this earth doing that over someone who's not even being clear in that communication towards me like if you like me then act like it and then I wouldn't have to chase I wouldn't have to see if you viewed my Instagram story and satisfy my like of you in that way we have such limited time you are never gonna be this age again you're never gonna get this day again that is not the way you want to spend it you want to focus on your growth and if you're not into your growth which come on you definitely are you listen to the self-obsessed podcast then focus on your happiness that is good enough I just I go into every single day now and my main thing is how can I make this day an amazing one and it just completely moves my mind from away from this place of anxiety and fear and what ifs to life is so good as it is and I have so much to be grateful for and see and just fall in love with we don't have the time on our hands to obsessively think about somebody else because we're out here trying to be obsessed with ourselves so why you're not living like that okay we are so busy looking after our mental health with a special morning routine that's aligned to our needs we are so busy self educating or making memories for our future self working hard spending quality time with our loved ones stepping outside of our comfort zones to improve our confidence moving our body doing our shadow work creating relaxing doing self care I am so booked and busy in creating the best possible version of me for me you think I got time to wonder who's even watch my IG story who likes me no that's an ik because the only person I would ever obsessively think about is myself and what is in my best interest so that I can love myself better and that brings us to the end of the first episode of season two of self-obsessed I hope you guys enjoyed it thank you so much for just being here I know so many of you listen to everything what episode of season one and I appreciate you so much don't forget that I have a main YouTube channel with lots of more advice over there so you can actually watch me as well as a second YouTube channel what I vlog my daily life I'm actually vlogging as we speak right now so you can kind of see the behind the scenes of what it takes to create this content don't forget also to pre-order my book because the link will be in the description of all of my socials and check out my snap and tick-tock if you want to be friends if you want to see what I get up to on a daily basis I love and I appreciate you guys so so much remember to stay self-obsessed and I will see you same time next week on Wednesday for a brand new episode bye