S1E26 Hello, Goobye - Part II

[MUSIC] Welcome to Just Critic Around, the live play, Fined Edition's Dungeons and Dragons Campaigns. Set in the Forgotten Realms. I am your Dungeon Master, Brian Dukes. We are done here at the end of it, gang. Final chapters of this series. We couldn't be happier to no longer have to work with the Riverside. Just kidding. Are I am I? And? No, we're not. Rock Riverside. The blood service is shit. We're starting off strong. No, it's been a great adventure. We thank you for listening and for putting up with all of our shenanigans. And speaking of shenanigans, we couldn't have shenanigans. We didn't have people to shenanigan. Let me go. [MUSIC] Hey guys, it's Erin. I play Lerora Jimvele, the team's faithful, wonderful, Eldridge Blasting, half elf Warlock. Fun fact about Lerora, she does enjoy the shenanigans. She'll shenan once and she will shenanigan. [LAUGH] What happens if she can't shenanigan't? Ooh, she doesn't like that kind of negativity. She's a shenanigan kind of girl. There you go. [LAUGH] I like your shenanigan attitude. [LAUGH] Jesus. Well, hi, my name is Brandon and I play Whalen Pickle Fist. I am a monk and I like pickles. And let's see if I can improvise a fun fact about Whalen, because I didn't come prepared with one. [LAUGH] Did you know that once as a child, he prepared a full set of battle armor out of nothing but pickles. This is very, yeah, it was quite the impressive get up. He would kind of chew out the pickles to form around the wrist and the bicep. And really everything. And then he found out that it was extremely ineffective, hot, sticky. He did like the smell though. So what I want to know is, would you slice the pickles so that they're little circles and then do ring mail with that? Or would you slice it longitudinally and do like split mail? So I had split mail in my mind, but the bread and butter pickle mail sounds pretty good to me. I like that. I'm gonna go the drawing board on this. [LAUGH] This is good. Well, maybe our resident artist up to draw some up. I feel like Whalen, I'm gonna draw Whalen with little pickle pasties on his nipples. Do it. [LAUGH] Do it. Coincidentally, the pasties were the first piece of armor that he made. Do it. [LAUGH] All right, moving on. All right, well, my name is D.B. Dishon, whatever is easier in my character is wanderer. And he's a war-forged ranger who loves Debbie Gibson. Don't you forget it. And here's an interesting fact about wanderer. He gets a little uncomfortable if other races and beings call him a machine because he's always believed that's his word. So only him and Max can say that, but no one else. So I don't, so just be careful out there. Don't just be thrown around the inward. Like you're cool like that, okay? [LAUGH] >> Which is right, Williams. They're living constructs. Don't get it twisted. >> Yeah. Our word, we took it back. [LAUGH] >> Thank God no one from Riverside is actually listening. >> [LAUGH] >> They are. They understand what it is. >> They understand what it is. >> Yeah. >> This is where we're going to get introduced to a Steven Seagull powered by Riverside. >> Go, bring it on. [LAUGH] >> My captain is Steven Seagull. >> Is he going to fake flip us? Is he going to pay us to flip over as we run out of him? >> Hey, and I'm not roding, guys. I'm just killing everybody. I don't care. I'm Steven Seagull. [LAUGH] >> Unlike other larger podcasts, Steven Seagull actually could sue ours. [LAUGH] >> If he gave a shit. [LAUGH] >> I mean, please, two of us have money, so I'm not really sure what he's going to gain from this. I think if he sue us, he would be like, I have to hang out with you guys now. He would force us to hang out with him. >> I would run the team. >> I'm not gonna do that. >> Just take money. >> Yeah, really. Take money, no, I'm your friend now. [LAUGH] >> I can offer him some hot toys to get rid of him. [LAUGH] >> What a real piece of trash. Hi everybody, I'm Jay. I play Max Horse Power, our friendly neighborhood Warforage to Druid. And fun fact about Max. In previous episodes, we've discussed the wide array of licensed products which are available from Max's corporate partners. But in today's economy, everybody needs a side hustle. While diversified consumer sales are a great source of income, now a day's the big money is in the marketplace of ideas. Content is king, and Max Horse Power is the king of content. Presenting Max Reacts, the channel where Max gives you his unfiltered reactions to everything you can imagine. >> Yeah. >> Ever wondered how Max felt the first time he heard "Enter Sandman"? What are his thoughts on "Band of Brothers"? Which of the literally dozens of flavors of international KitKat bars is his favorite? Sadly, none of those things exist in the forgotten realms, so you'll just have to keep wondering. But to hear Max's views on all the fantasy goings on in "Favorune", like, follow, subscribe, favorite, pin, dig, retweet, share, bookmark, and don't forget to ring that notification bell. The bell that notifies the local town's folk that there's an enormous fire rock spraying white hot flaming destruction everywhere. >> [LAUGH] >> I just-- >> I just-- >> My favorite episode. >> Can we just do that show? Let's just start doing this show and do that show. >> I was going to say my favorite episode is the one with JoJo Siwa on there. And now she's a siege creature in "Favorune", by the way. So. >> [LAUGH] >> JoJo Siwa? >> Yeah, yeah. [LAUGH] >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> [LAUGH] >> I hope our audience really appreciates the trouble that Jay goes through for these facts. >> Let me tell you, the only professional. >> I mean, truly the last professional. >> What are you talking about? Everyone in my facts have been great. >> Yes, your movie recaps have been phenomenal. >> Right, right. >> Those are accurate. I do the research. [LAUGH] So I get the right every time. >> I read out a funny tickle facts like six months ago. So. >> Jo. >> Take a sound, go. >> Huh? Oh, yeah. Okay. Hi, I'm Jo, play Grogon. So fun fact about Grogon, it's really fitting that he turned into a big ass dragon at the end, because his parents always told him, one day you're just going to end up chasing the dragon. And now he gets the rubbin in their face and make somebody chase his dragon. So, ha ha, take that fellow favorite nurse. >> [LAUGH] >> What? >> I'm using, I'm using a board tonight. My, my, my die sport is you can, you can hear it click the back in the background there. It has pictures of snarf on it. So, yeah. >> Aw, that's smart. >> Nice. >> I'm ready to rock him. >> I would have rather that's been your fact. >> There really is. >> First kick some ass, snarf, snarf. >> So say, we want some chasing your dragon for a year now. >> It was way less than not going to get the dragon. He got a friend zone three episodes back. >> [SOUND] >> Did he get friends zone or did he do the friend zoning? Let's replay that tape. >> [LAUGH] >> Let's go back to the tape. Anyway, let's do this. >> All right, thank you, Kang. We pick it up now with episode 26, 27, 28, God knows which one, it doesn't matter. >> A final episode. >> A final episode. >> A title, hello, goodbye, part two. And electric Boo-G-Loo. >> Electric Boo-G-Loo. >> Yes. >> Drop that theme song. >> This time it's personal. >> I wasn't ready for the theme song. >> God damn it. >> [MUSIC] >> [MUSIC] >> Rogan's off in an hour. >> [MUSIC] >> Well, it loves that sour food. >> [MUSIC] >> [MUSIC] >> [MUSIC] >> [MUSIC] >> [MUSIC] >> What I want the audience to know is the theme song is playing Brian was doing some very odd things with his penis. >> Yeah. [LAUGH] that was we can see you. Yeah. Every time that. He's clearly had to either work on my pantomime. That wasn't what I was pantomime. He was doing that. He was doing that every time though. I believe that was what was it? The dukes the dukes hammer. What was the? Yeah. The dukes hammer. That's a throwback right there. That was a deep cut sketch. Yeah, the STD sketch we did with Mr. T. Yeah. It was like the Duke's drill hammer or whatever. That's right. He was going to be in the next move. So I remember that. Oh my gosh. Deep cut. Beautiful days. Beautiful days. Deep cuts. All right. So in our previous episode, the town was under attack by the order of the sacred flames and all of their bandit lackeys with bib rib. And you had this giant fire rock in the sky raining down fiery death and destruction and the town of Daggerford just inflames panic chaos, panemonium and our and trumpet band of heroes trying to save lives, trying to take the fight to the enemy. And we pick up as broken has used the dragon's tooth necklace that was around his neck the whole time and stabbed it into a skin and transform into a crystal dragon. And with wanderer jumping, jumping jumping on top of the now transformed to grogan to take to the skies to stop this fire rock from killing everything. And the rest of you are down below. So let's pick it up with a grogan and wanderer. What are you doing? Okay. I'm writing writing grogan and high. What else are you doing? I'm pitching my screenplay idea for hello goodbyes. We were good jumping. And to Sean, I mean, tell me how hot or cold I am here. In my mind, wanderer is singing party rock. Yep. This is all happening. I can see it. That's exactly what is happening. It's all the way down. The fire rock has turned and is making another is beginning to make another past east to west to try to finish off bombarding the town. It sees you shining and glistening as you are a crystal dragon. And it sees the small figure of wanderer trying to hang on to your back. And before it can start another bombardment run, the two or three of you will get into somewhat of a kaiju battle. So before we start that, is there anything that two of you want to try to do or communicate to one another before the battle starts? I want to go ahead and can I cast a spell? Yeah. Cast what? So I have a spell called speak with animals so I can talk to Grogon. I'm like, hey bud, this is cool. You doing good? Wait, am I an animal now? Can I not speak? Can I not speak? I mean, let's let's let's let's let to Sean have it. He didn't need to cast it, but it wanders mind your animal and so cast a spell to be able to be there. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of offensive. So Grogon's like, yeah, I'm good. How are you doing back there, man? Can I do anything to make your flight more comfortable? Like, what are we good? Honestly. We have to angle my shoulders before more of a seat for you. Now we're good. We need to eliminate the sucker as fast as possible. So I want you to get me as close as we can. And I'm going to find the weakness for you. All right, you find the weakness and I'll distract him so that he can't attack you. But once we kill the sucker, we got to get down there and help our friends on the ground because the things are not looking great down there. Are you ready? I'm ready. Let's do this. Awesome. The two of you speed off towards the fiery rock down below outside of the clerks temple. I believe actually, Wailen, you were booking it up along the wall, right? I'm on the ballista. Remember? I shot at what's his nuts and we had that intense stare down from across the battlefield. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Awesome. All right, so then the DM's keeping track of, you know, I stopped trying to get you to go. What does not name Brian? What was it? What's your keeping track? The mighty bib rib. That's right. Oh, yeah, I remember the NPCs that I'm going to use to kill you. All right. So you're on the ballista. Leah, what are you doing and Max? What are you doing? I am trying to seek shelter at the temple. I am extremely hurt and I am just, I'm waiting to see if I can either get into the temple or to see if my summoning for master Bego Sheds, Healey Feeleys is going to work for me. Sure. I am taking off after Leah as fast as I can. We need to regroup. Because both her and I are hurting pretty bad. All right, the two of you make a beeline for the temple, which is now starting to fill with wounded and panicked towns people and the two of you see each other and you're able to meet up like under part of the covered provided by the temple under like an awning of stone. What are you doing? Max! Max, are you okay? I've seen better days. You don't look like you're barely standing up. Yeah, it's just a scratch, little flush wound here and there. Let's get inside. Max is going to cast healing spirit, which creates a spirit in a five foot cube between us that looks like a transparent horse. If Leah and I touch it, then it restores 1d6 hit points per. Oh, and since I'm doing it the second level spell, it'll be 2d6 hit points for each time we touch it and it can be touched four times. We'll touch that horse. That's 46 of healing for each of us. You've touched the four times. I hope both of you lay hands on that horse. And it goes there. Paladins, no. All right, so go ahead and roll your healing and add that to your hit points so know you're both looking pretty hurt there. While you're doing that, we cut back to the ballista and we have Whalen loaded up there. The town guard and the militia are actively fighting back, throwing volleys trying to load up the few. They're not generally expecting a siege. This ballista and another catapult further up the wall is really kind of it on this half of the town's defense. It's all they need. All right, what are you doing? So last I fired the arrow, which was extremely accurate, might I add. I saw it splinter on a force field of sorts. So now I'm squinting to try and see if I can find what the source of said force field is. You see, oh, you know what, make a perception jack for me. Let's see what you see. I was hoping you give it to me. Brian sure you would. I rule the 10. I would. 10 Brian. Uh, there's just too much smoke and fire and shadow and noise. It's too distracting for you to kind of see, see what you're looking for. But you can assume that there are probably some maybe magic type users in the mix of the bandits and the sacred flames. Okay, I want to see if I can see a magic user close to vibrant. Make another perception check. 17. Hey, there you go. Brian sure enough, there is what looks to be kind of a sh*t. Sean had asked a magic user who is actively, you know, making the semantic and verbal, you know, signs of of spell casting like this weaving some kind of perhaps invisible protective layer. All right, well, I am going to fire my ballista at them. All right. Yeah, I know it's your way. All right. Yeah, roll the 20 and add your dexterity modifier. Okay, let me just do it. It's real. Because you are not proficient in seed reference. Oh, that was a, that was a plus. That was a, yeah, there we go. That's what I want. God damn it. Five. No. A big old. Oh, man. Mind you, it's a five and my modifier is plus three. So like it's, I rolled it too. All right, great. With a two, the weapon fires and sends the bolts just wide of your target. But roll the D12 for me. Nine. Hey, there you go. You do manage to do severe. lethal damage to nine members of the sacred flames like that are standing in the background advancing as your shot misses your intended target but because there's so many of these enemy troops you managed to take out nine of them with your current shot. Dynasty Warriors-esque battle. Yeah, we got going on. There we go. That's my game. This quickly become apparent to you that you do not have long before the advancing forces breach the walls. So I want to I want to shout focus on the mages. Focus on the mages. All right, let's have you make a persuasion check. Always a check with you just. Oh, I'm sorry. Is there not a is that a framework of rules for this game? It's a sick Brian. I hope you're happy. I am giving me one. Your misery is my happiness. Have you not learned this? Well, you really stretched out over a year. Haven't you Brian? Oh, I'm a lich baby. I need a lifetime of your misery. No, no, no, no, no. The later release. Sick. You're sick. All right. So it's just again, it's too loud, too chaotic. All of the militia and city guards and troops, everyone. They're just they're scared out of their mind. They don't have your stout heart and lust for pickles and adventure and life threatening dangers. So you can try to like a pickle fist. Yeah, another one's built like a pickle fist. So you can try to rally them on your next go, but we are going to cut back to Max and Leah, who have now healed up from this wonderful spirit. As the kind of translucent green horse spirit starts to fade away, you are now imbued with this extra life essence. I will say that because you have been traveling with Whalen and you know his panicked, screaming, screeching voice so well that you do hear him yelling, "Fuck, I'm going to get the mages!" Because that's what it sounds like in my head. I feel like one, you're wrong and it's a gross mischaracterization. It should have sounded more like, "Pocus on the mages!" Your character, your choice, I apologize for this. The thing is, I'm here in it and it's just not sounding very persuasive. So can I roll to not hear him say that? So maybe I might actually attack the mages. You want to make an unperception check? That's what I want to do. Okay, I want you to make a perception check, but instead of trying to roll high, you're trying to roll low. Okay. Do I have every time we work together? What is happening? What is happening? Do I subtract? Do I subtract? Do I subtract? Do I subtract my close? No, no, no, you still got to, you're trying to. Okay, that's a 15. A 15, unfortunately, for you, you do hear. I hear that unperceasive argument. Okay, I get. I suppose that we might want to attack the mages, but I don't know how I feel about that really. Oh, what happened to you? What happened to you, man? You were my friend. You were the best of us. Maxi, the darkness. I was going to say this is the friend. It's supposed to bring water to the force. I was going to say, is this the pregnancy kicking in or something? Yeah, I forgot, he's got a pregnancy hormones. Is he possessed or pregnant? What's wrong? He got. He got. D-Cut. Wow. D-Cut. Wow. This episode is brought to you by. The horrible folks comedy show. Right. What? It's no longer there. The defunding. Rest of peace. Can't be hardhouse kicker every other Saturday. Every Saturday. Every other Saturday in 2012. Yeah, great. Not the Saturday, but next Saturday, be there at 11pm for horrible folks comedy show. I'm going to say. It's a funny joke. Romeo Theater. Don't tell me you don't know what Carolina is doing. No one's there. It was the best day of the show. Rest of peace. We've never prayed. We've never prayed. We've all prayed for this trick to work. All right. Leah, what are you doing? You know, that voice did kind of sound kind of weird, but. It sounded masculine and assertive. It had too much bass in its voice, so it couldn't have been wailin. So. Let's go. Thank you for the heels. Hopefully, Big Oshed the libers later. We're going to need it. And I pull my staff out of the backpack. Let's do this, Max. Leah. Leah. And start walking out of the temple. As you walk out, the words that reverberate in your head are focus on the mages. Focus on the mages. Because it was very assertive and persuasive. And masculine. I listen to no man. Oh, there we go. All right. So, Max and Leah, you start heading out of the temple. The sound came from the walls and you saw wailin run towards the walls not too much earlier. So you kind of look up there and see him, of course, mounting a trebuchet. Where is the fire rock? The fire rock, if you plant up, is in this kind of twirling ball of like a dog fight with grogan, and how it transforms crystal dragon. Have you ever seen mortal combat annihilation? It's like the monster fight at the end of that with equally bad. Why would you go there? That's all we can afford on this budget. That's right. That's what we can do. Best we could do, buddy. Oh, man. We spent all our money trying to make your voice on masculine and assertive. And then we had a lot of money. And we had a lot of money trying to make your voice on the wall. And then we had a lot of money trying to make your voice on the wall. So we will start in the skies with our Taiju battle. And as the fire rock and the crystal dragon are now kind of like in effective range of each other. I would like to roll initiative please. Oh, ready. I know we're hoping for doing the rock Johnson joke. I mean, because he's wall is the most likely to fall in the year. 21. Oh, yeah. Damn. I like the Joe went for like a deep cut and then Brian went for an even deeper. That was good. Yeah, I went biblical. All right. 19. So that is higher than what the fire rock. 21. 21. So the, uh, so Joe you'll go first and then wanderer. And then fire rock and then we cut over to the battle on the walls. And we'll have you guys roll up some initiative here in a second. Uh, so. So Joe, Grogon is transformed. What are you doing? - All right, so I believe I'm going to start this attack off using multi-attack, which is my dragon makes one bite attack and two claw attacks. And before I do that, I'm going to tell, I'm going to tell, but who is it? - Wanderer. - Wanderer, thank you. I was like, you know this guy. (laughing) I knew I knew I was the shot. I just forgot his character's name. I didn't want to call a machine, good god. - Oh. - Anyway. (laughing) - Yes, I, I prepped for attack. I whipped my claws out and I'm like, all right, I'm going in for the kill. Are you ready to find his weakness? - Yes. - All right, all right, let's do this. Go get him my machine and fucking crow. (laughing) - These are like, boom. (laughing) All right, so yeah, so it's a multi-attack is what I'm going for. - All right, awesome. Wanderer, you will have disadvantage on whatever you do on your next turn because you're internally so pissed at someone else. (laughing) - Oh, damn. - All right, so go ahead and roll your multi-attack. - 15. - All right, a 15 hits, Roy damage? - Two. - All right. - So you put a nice little scratch in this rock. (laughing) - Now the multi-attack is one bite attack and then the two, the claws. So you roll, roll the strike again. - All right, wait, what am I rolling? Am I rolling a D? - Jesus Christ, Joe. - Roll a D20. - It's a bit of you. - I still have 110. - Don't change him. - Yeah, thank you. - All right, that is another. - Try to get the friends on. - You try to get out of the friends on. You ulter your motive, fucker. (laughing) - What was your second roll? - It was a 15 this time. - That hits as well. Roy, you're tuning a little damage mortal. - Good. (humming) - Three. All right, you're pecking and scratching at this rock. It does not seem very effective against it, but it definitely, you have definitely landed your hits. Wanderer, it is now your turn at this advantage. - All right, so first up, 100 cents. It's time for me to find out what we got here. So I know any damage, immunities, resistances, or vulnerabilities for that creature. So. - Awesome, awesome. All right, so that will be your turn as to cast that. - Mm-hmm. - Okay, awesome. Then I will tell you that Wanderer, you discover that the creature has no damage, immunities, or resistances, or vulnerabilities. It's just a big ol' fiery bird. - Okay. So. - Cool. (laughing) - And it is now its turn. So the creature is going to go for the dragon because it is the most threatening thing in the sky, and it's going to, it also has multi-attack. And with its beak, it lashes out. Grogan, as your new form, you should have a new armor class. It should be on the sheet that I gave you. Does the 18 hit you? - It does. - All right, so the creature's beak just kind of trumps and just like breaks off some crystal as it does 10 points of beaky piercing damage. And then it is also going to follow up with two talon attacks. And that is a 19 that will also hit, and that will do 12 points of damage. - Yay. - As just thing just kind of tears into you. All right, we cut over to the wall. Let me get some initiative rolls from the group on the wall. - I got a 14, 18. - And Leo? - 18. - All right, wonderful. So between Leo and Max, whoever has the higher dexterity modifier, you'll go first. - Mine is zero. - Plus two. - Okay, so it'll be Leo and then Max and then Whalen, as our invading army collectively rolled lower than that. So what do we do? - Doesn't Leo in her head hear something about spellcasters just like echoing repeatedly like in a mask? - No, you didn't cast a magic spell to do that effect. All the year annoying repeating of it is remembering it. - Like memory, there's no magic here. This is just like what happens when you hear a masculine assertive voice. - Ew. (laughing) - That is pretty good. - Maybe if I just listen to this voice, it'll just go away. - Okay, go for the mages, go for the spellcasters. Okay, let's do this. - So how far away are these baddies approaching? - They're not too too far as they've been steadily advancing. What is the range on your elders' blast? - You know 120 feet. - 120? - You know what, we'll say you're just outside of that. So you'll be at disadvantage on the attack. - I'd like to look out and see if I can figure out which ones are the spellcasters. - Sure, make a perceptional. - That is a 12. - All right, with a 12, there's still a bunch of clatter and clang. There's too much distraction going on. You kind of see some folks that look maybe slightly less heavily armoured, but that doesn't necessarily mean that their spellcasters a couple of them are like maybe wielding quarterstabs, but they could be more of a monk type fighter. You get an idea, but you're not exactly sure. - Okay, I'm gonna hone in on somebody close up that less armor. - Okay. - And I am going to cast Eldridge Blast. - Actually, I'm going to cast a double beam of agonizing blast, 'cause I want this guy out of the way. - Okay, Kelly. - Well, that one wasn't 18 and that one was a 17. - And that's with disadvantage? - That's with disadvantage. - Wonderful. So the blasts go whipping in and then you see this kind of translucent shield appear at the last second as they are deflected and the blasts are do not hit home. - Ah! - But now, like dozens upon dozens of eyes are now looking in your direction as your very colourful rainbow glittered themed Eldridge Blasts have drawn the attention of the army. - Guys, duck! (laughs) - Max, what are you doing? - Did Max see the target of Leah's dual beam Eldridge Blast? - I mean, unless you're not looking in that direction, you can't help but see where she shot. - Okay, so does Max perceive what the mages would look like? - I mean, you need to make a perception check. - Okay. Well, here's a question for you. Is there grass under the feet of the attacking group of bad guys? - Yeah, we'll say that there's plenty of grass out there. Now, a lot of it has been scorched and burned from the fire rocks previous bombardment and just kind of like the wind that's kind of whipping up and blowing shards, so there's some, sure, for sure. - Okay, well, Max is gonna try and concentrate on the area where fewer of the defenders are and most of the invading army are and cast plant growth, which is a brand new third level spell. So all normal plants in a 100 foot radius centered on that point become thick and overgrown. A creature moving through the area must spend four feet of movement for every one feet it moves. So, and it does not state how long it lasts. It's as duration instantaneous. So, yeah, my hope is to delay and sort of crowd control the invaders, give our guys some home field advantage. - Gotcha, gotcha. - Yeah, so yeah, you cast it and what, what undamaged plant life that is already there starts to grow very magically and suddenly and you have this kind of like these splotchy areas where it's not gonna be as effective as you would ideally optimally want because of the fire. But yeah, absolutely, you've got some, you've got some hedgeros popping up. - Awesome, now we go to Wailin, what are you doing? - So I'm still, still sitting in the ballista and you know I'm feeling the effects of battle. I'm only at 13 HP and I'm just feeling worn out and I reach into my pockets and I pull out my apple ear buds and I start hearing this. [Music] You mean for this? I don't think you can afford this. For the last episode I don't care. Fair use, I'm sure. It's under 30 seconds. Yeah, feeling completely reinvigorated and back to Max HP. [Laughter] That's a bold move, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off. I focus back in this ballista on that magic caster and I want to let loose and fire. I'm going to try a physical die here. And I get Nate. Yeah! Eight! Okay. Do a great! I'm having fun! I'm having fun! [Laughter] Doing great, Roll Daddy! A really good time that I'm having! Here, now with you all! Love it. Okay, Roll a D12 for me. [Music] Roll the 12! Roll the 12! All right. All right, so again your shot misses the mark, but just because of the sheer swarms of numbers that you see, your Aaron shot does damage and hurts 12 other 12 other troops that are advancing. You also do see that in different little splotchy areas you have this wild plant growth kind of springing up and the enemy troops are having to move around stuff or start pushing through. So the columns have now kind of broken up and like this, this center area, but like the flanks are still being able to advance rather unimpeded. Even though the plank growth radius is significant, that's just how large an area of enemy forces that you have. All right, so now it is the bad guys turn and what I'm going to do is kind of make some mass rolls here. They're also listening to the same song to get pumped up. Yeah. They are. It's kind of a big deal right now. Kate Bush is getting a say royalties off of that army. She's made like $5 million. Good for her. I'm happy for her, but I stick to the song. I'm not. Well, that's great for you. I'm happy for you. And then we're like the song. Be running up that bib. Be running up that rib. Be running up that bib rib. That's the only version that bib rib has allowed them to listen to. And it's on repeat. In fact, they have they have trumpeters who are just trumpeting it through their formation. Puppets the whole lot of them in bib rib is the master of the pop. Oh, bib rib standing on top of an RV. He's got his axe. He's sweating. Shredding. Well, that's not going to play metallic. A large Ulrich will come after us. He's listening. Yeah. His metallic is senseless tangling. And he's like, I must tune into Riverside from which he has full dominion over. And he has like this matrix neo moment where he's just like zooming through all the channels. This suddenly a new user appears in our fucking lobby. Like what the hell? You think it's the best me. I defeated. I defeated Napster. Favorite side has nothing on me. He's dressed as bib rib. He becomes art. I would love Lars Ulrich to fucking voice bib rib for me. That'd be amazing. Awesome. Awesome. All right. So a giant volley of incoming arrows just start to pen cushioning the walls. A couple of militia and city guard are taken out. And I need the three of you on the wall currently to make a dexterity saving throws. And you have advantage on these saving throws. 18. Oh, nice. 21. Nice. 15. Nice. All right. So, you're, the three of you are able to kind of get behind the cover of the wall. And then you hear how the callus aids as these arrows kind of smash into the wall. Some of them are really starting to do some damage to different sections of the wall. And then you hear in goblin. If you speak goblin, let me know if not you hear what is a lot loud screeching kind of barking. And you see streaking from the different casters in the field. The unmistakable spell of fireball. Kind of arching over. Only one of them is in your, yes, fireball, fireball. Only one of them is heading in your direction. So I do need the three of you to make a another dexterity saving throw. And again, you have advantage on this. So I'm going to use the same thing as the other one. All right, hang on to your butt! And I fucking just die as fast as possible. (groaning) So the creature is going to bite at you and does a 15 hit. That is what my armor class is. All right, it bites at you and it does 13 points of bite damage as it just kind of tears a chunk of crystal from your hind quarter. (laughing) - Wow! - As you start to zoom away and you start just, (groaning) wanderer, what are you doing? - Okay, so I'm trying to hold on for dear life. But then I turn through, I'm like, we gotta try to do some a little bit of damage to this thing. So I stand on Grogon, like, about how close is the, nope, can't do that. - Well, no, you do what you want, buddy. (laughing) Grogon is now a dragon made of crystal who didn't have a saddle to begin with. - Yeah. - So feel free to try to stand up and fall to your death. I'll give you a chance to balance. I hope you have it. Take an acrobatics check. - Okay, yeah, yeah. Can I do that now? (laughing) Jesus Christ. You better pray. - Yeah, but I'm not gonna do that now. - Yeah, this is how wanderer dies. - I am not gonna do that. - You can just turn in your seat and you have a seat, but you can just turn. - Okay, I'm returning in the seat. So what I want to do now is cast protection from evil and good. And hopefully this can retain some ability for Grogon here so he doesn't get too hurt. - Okay, so you cast protection from evil and good and you cast that on Grogon. - Yeah. - I'm assuming, okay. - Yes. - All right, so Grogon now has some benefits against certain types of creatures, aberrations, celestial, elemental, faith, themes and undead. Cool, awesome. All right, and now I need you to make a acrobatics check to make sure that when Grogon tells you to hang onto your butt, you are actually able to hang onto your butt. Or hang on by your butt. - You got 20. - Clinch hard. - Clinch real hard. - Yeah, that's a hard clinch with a 20. - Oh, I got 20. (laughing) - Cling tenaciously to my buttocks. - Oh, pop. - This little peak of crystal just got it up. (laughing) You just made yourself an ass that'll awesome. Back to the walls. (laughing) - We have the gang that's just been fired upon. You guys see off to your right at the catapult. You see Giddle Arkham. Looks like he is loading. - Been drinking bourbon. - Oh man, you can smell the bourbon across the battlefield. - I'm gonna have to try violent heart. - And you see that he is loading some barrels into the catapult and he's also taken like a crossbow bolt to his left shoulder. And you can see the blood kind of dripping down. And he kind of spies you guys across the way. And he starts yelling something, but between all the noise and clatter, you're not able to hear him. - How far has he been from us? - So you guys are all along the West wall here. But he is almost in the northwest corner of the fortifications there. And you guys are kind of closer to the southwest because of where the temple was situated. - The measure of gistens would be. - Oh, like 500 feet of easy. - Unfortunately. - Okay. - So I believe Max, no, I'm sorry, Leah, you had first turn and as you are all kind of seeing what Arkham's doing, you see him loose the catapult and these barrels go, (laughing) and there's the tumble of three barrels heading towards the army on what would be the right flank. What are you doing? - Leah is thinking and strategizing quickly. And she's going to try to cast Eldridge Blast right behind the barrels. - So you wanna miss the barrels? - Miss the barrels to hit individuals who the barrels are being launched at. - So you're trying to hit someone on the far right side? - Yes. - Okay, that'll be with disadvantage. We'll go ahead and roll. - 27 versus 19. - 27 with disadvantage? - No, 27 and then a 19. - Oh, I see. - All right. - That with disadvantage. - All right, yeah, roll your damage. - 16. - All right, you do 16 points of damage to your targets. They look annoyed at the take of Scott's shot. Anything else you're gonna do? I'm gonna duck back down. - All right, Max, you're up and then wail in your own deck. - Okay, well I'm going to cast Spirit Totem. And let's see, we're up on the wall and down, down a little we fire, which is on fire. Is there fire between us and Arkham? - I mean, there's like a 500, yes. Yeah, like the whole West wall has been bartered by fireballs and then the rock. So like there are many sections of the walkway from here to there that are also afloy. - Okay. Well, I'm gonna cast Spirit Totem and try and drop it down where it can, it's got a 30 foot radius. And so it'll be 30 feet away from us down in the middle of fight, so that we catch as many good guys in the aura as I can. And so that is going to allow anybody that I heal within that aura, everybody else in the aura also gets healed. So I'm gonna do that. - Oak, oak, anything else? - Let's see, that is a bonus action. So I can also cast a spell, right? - So yeah, you can cast a spell after that. - Okay. - Right on. So I have to cast a healing spell that uses a spell slot. So it'll be healing word. So, which Spirit did you summon by the way? - The unicorn Spirit. - Got it. - Already. - Because it's horsey and because that's the one that heals other people. - Yep. - So Leah should be inside the aura of the spell. So I'm gonna cast Healing Word Level 1 on Leah. So that'll be 1D4 plus 3 health for her. - Shake it up. - And every, you're welcome. And every allied defender who is inside that aura will also get 1D4 plus 3 health. - Bless you, Max. Bless you. - Be healed. - Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. Okay. How much healing did you do, Leah? - That was seven points. - Well normally you let the person who cast a spell roll that. - Oh, that's okay. We'll take seven. Seven's fine. - Bless you, DM. Bless you. - Awesome. So, Whalen, Matt, Matt, was there anything else? - Matt should do it. - Okay, awesome. Whalen, you see that Arkham is fired off this barrage o barrels. What would you like to try and do? - Yes. So my bliss is destroyed, looking around me in all this mayhem. Are there any bows, crossbows, ranged weapons that any of the tower guards have dropped in my vicinity? - Oh, tons, take your pick. - Okay, I wanna pick up a crossbow, dip it in the fire and shoot a flaming bolt at those barrels that Arkham just launched into the air. - Perfect. Love it. Fire away. - Ooh, 16 plus 3, 19. - Ooh! - Let's go. - That's gonna hit. - Yeah. - All right. So, you fire off the crossbow and you see that as it's kind of speeding through, the flame that you lit it with is starting to slowly flicker out because there wasn't anything to keep the, like the no oil or pitch or anything to keep the flame on it. But just as the flame is about to die, it strikes the barrels and a tremendous explosion happens. You have a flashback of your time, Whalen, that you spent with our good friend, Arkham. And you recall in his little pocket dimension home that there were stacks and stacks of alchemical agents. - Oh, I remember them well. - Yes. Lots of experiments had been, he had been doing, make a, make a nature check or investigation, whatever it is. higher for you. 13. With a 13, you do recall that there were all of the fixings and trappings you would need to make essentially what is napalm. Oh, that smells great in the morning. Smells great in the morning. Pickles this. And now I want you to roll. I want you to roll 3d 100 please. It's the biggest roll I've ever asked anyone. Yeah, what's going to say? Make them good, buddy. 145. I actually read about average. I think. Yeah, yeah, it's smack dab in the middle. Right, smack dab in the middle. Okay. All right. So with the damage that a lot of these guys on that Eastern flank had taken, coupled now with this explosive Ikeb bombardment, with that attack, you have wiped out like 30, 30 sub-ad guys just incinerated. And then the napalm kind of spreads a little bit further in the splash damage. And you've now set like an additional, let's have your role. Well, you already just did like an additional like 145 people on that whole side. So basically with this one attack, you have fucked up that whole Eastern, that whole Eastern flank of their advancing army is now either dead, dying or on fire, desperately trying to put themselves out, but it's napalm and it's awful. In that moment, I make eye contact with Arkham and I give him a little nod. And then I turn on my heel and I run toward the catapult out of the fire that is on our section of the law. Awesome. You start hauling ass and that is your turn. All right. So the back in the air, the Khaju battle rages as now. The fire rock is just full power dive screaming as you're flying lower all Millennium Falcon style. It is, it is like this close to you wander. It is so close. It's going to try to make a bite attack at you as it is right on your tail, but it rolls a one. Oh, this thing has a plus 13 to hit. And as a plus 13 to hit and it rolls a one. How would you like to describe what happens? Okay. So it's coming in that I just hear here the beast behind turn my head and it goes for the huge bite. It just like gets right to the wanderers nose and he just kind of dashes to the side. They're like, huh? Sweet bear will write that moment also. Yeah. No, that's all that's all that's all one or his moment. Yeah. It just avoids the face of like, huh? Bitch. And then look down. Then we keep going. All right. That's better than a nice nice. All right. So yeah, the Khaju misses its attacks as you guys are in this death dive. Yeah. We flash back to the western front of this attacking army. And once one third of it is collapsed, one third of it is tangled up in in bushes and hedges and shit. And you see that that they are now employing like fire magics to try to burn off that brush. The the final third of the advance, however, is now engaging at the gates. So Whalen as you were kind of running over what's happening, you see that behind you where you left your your companions, they are now actively in like melee combat just with the with the town with the town militia. And they because of all of this chaos, they can't like two thirds of the army can't effectively target you guys. The other third, however, is going to. So I'm going to make a mass roll here to see if they get any shots off and they rolled horribly. So all of the arrows just kind of soar either above you or wide of you as you're running past Whalen. Leah and Max, they're just kind of you know, hitting into the wall as you're behind cover. And because their casters on that third had now been retashed to trying to battle the fucking forest that you grew in front of them. No fireballs are arc and towards you. Great rounds gang. So now we get to back to grogan. Grogan, you are like whatever you're going to do, you better do it now because this thing is is right hot on your tail. All right, so I want and I don't know if I'll have to like roll acrobatics or something, but I basically want to to just do a hard like, you know, like get as close to the ground as possible to where the the fire rock won't have time to outmaneuver it. And then I want to like swoop back up and then come to like a stop or like turn around and face it whenever it hits the ground. Hopefully it hits the ground. So that is that is my that is my goal right now. Okay, are you going to try to nose dive it into the enemy army you said or no? Yes. Yeah. Because if I can nose dive it into the enemy army and if I still have a turn left after that, I want to turn and hit it and everything in front of me with scintillating blast. Okay, so this is this is how we're going to do this. You are going to have to make a an acrobatics check and I'll give you a I'll give you advantage on that role since you're in this this body of a crystal dragon and it's a really badass idea. So roll that with a D20 and use your acrobatics skillfully. So you use my acrobatics from my original card or the dragon card. Whichever is higher? That would be a 14. A 14. All right, awesome. Yeah, you managed to pull this maneuver off by the skin of your teeth as you just kind of pull up at the at the last possible second. This beast is right on you. It's mind filled with hatred. It's masters are distracted. All it wants to do is destroy wanderer for calling it a bitch and it doesn't it doesn't understand what's happening as you are pulling up the last second. Now it is going to try to it's going to try to to see at the last moment if it can nope it rolled real Jesus it rolled real shitty. So, I am this thing just wipes into that that western parts of the unhindered and just boof bodies go flying everywhere. It's mass chaos it's this gargantuan monstrosity has now crashed into its own troops. Now that I'll consider that as like your movement. So if you wanted to get into position to now unleash your blast you absolutely can. All right, so I got I got no funny quips no bullshit. I just turn and hit them with since leading blast. So and that describe what that looks like for us. So so the the fire rock is just crashed bodies have been flying everywhere and and as I'm as I'm like flapping my wings downward I do a full you know turn back to face this thing and spread my my big crystal wings out as far as I can and I inhale and just exhale this massive colorful crystal blast of death and just ah it's fucking awesome it's the coolest thing I've ever done. Nice roll a roll a D-100 for me. All right roll 2d 2 roll 2d 10 and just add the numbers up. Okay 80 wow. All right between the the fire rocks collision and then you're scintillating blast another 80 troops have been killed maimed permanently scarred for life. Tra-tra-traumatically damaged. Effectively removed and one fell swoop from the from the from the offense. Wanderer what what are you what are you doing? I'm like holy shit but that's awesome. Roy and I kind of hold my wing back so you can high five it. Yeah. Yes. And I'm like all right I'm feeling I'm feeling antsy get me close so I can grab a weapon of some sort. Well he well technically uh grogan can't move anymore because they're okay they're all there moving so you can try to to jump off if you want. Yeah that's what I'm going to try to do. All right just make an acrobatics check for me. All right 16. All right yeah you you land with a the nice solid impact you you kind of squish one of the enemy because this is frigging yeah war forged Yeah. Sentient. life made of stone and metal and no black widow black widow pose. Oh God you black widow pose black widow pose all the way. You just pancake them. Yeah. You just pancake them and kill them in your pose. All right so they drop their weapon and it will say is a long sword per sake of argument. Let's go. Awesome. So you pick it up and now there are enemies all around you. Many of whom are wounded already. So what would you like to do? You know I'm going to attack because I'm bold. All right. Roll your text please. All right. All right. It's eight and then with two bludgeoning damage. All right so eight. We'll say you have advantage on this because of the surprise factors or roll attack a second time please. Okay. Eighteen. Oh there you go. That definitely hits and roll your damage. Okay. Two. Did you add your strength bonus to that? I don't think I did. Yeah. Sorry. He said two strength. Yeah. If you have a if you got it make sure to add it. Yeah. One. It's one strength damage. So that'd be three. All right so not a ton of damage but enough. All right. So yeah you you just clip a guy and he just goes down. He's not dead but he's effectively out of the fight because he's so hurt. Then I can attack a second time because yeah make it another attack. All right. This one is eight and again another three bludgeoning damage. All right so that eight's gonna miss but but you're there in the thick of it with your buddies and everything is chaos. Everything is insane and you hear this screeching voice as Bibrib is trying to hold order and Whalen you are technically closest to Bibrib at this time and you can tell that it is Bibrib's fortitude of will alone that is keeping his forces in line from breaking and running and it becomes very obvious to you that if you can take him out there's good chance that the rest will flee. I've had that little fun hole in my sights this whole fight. All right so Bibrib is gonna use his turn. He's now part of the initiative. He's gonna use his turn to keep his troops in line but he does kind of glance huge. You're running across the ramparts there. I'm making eye contact with him as I'm running. Your head just keeps turning as your body is. All right awesome so we'll actually reverse the order of things because now the action is all on the ground. So Whalen you fly across and you get to the catapult. They're still fighting it's the battle's not turned yet but the opportunity to turn the tide is there. You make it to Arco. What are you doing? I am helping him line up the catapult to aim directly at Bibrib. We I was gonna say as you get there like he's just like you have to like walk through the clouds of bourbon as you're getting to him. Let me worth it. Now I say Arco we have to take out Bibrib. He is the glue that is holding them together. We take out Bibrib we take out the army. Go ahead. I say and we swing the catapult around. He starts pushing the catapult around and he says that's fine. I've got something that that works great on glue and he got a sh- with a shaky hand. He takes up his flask and takes another drink of bourbon and then he kind of offers you some. I'm good. Thanks. It's an expect. Hey did I throw one barrel of three because I saw three. I believe it was three. Okay good. I'm fine. He puts the flask away and you two get the catapult turned and I want you to roll the D4 for me please. Four. Oh there are one two three four barrels of day palm left. Oh yeah we put them all in. All right. You see that as he's lifting him he's kind of staggering like. Hey let me let me let me do this. I got it. You got something out in your shoulder. Where you take care of that. I'll take care of this. Okay. You pointed out to him and for like the first time he seems to notice it and he's like oh and then he just like passes out just passes out. You know what that might be for the best. Might be for the best. All right. So you're there with your with his help you're able to load it and kind of get it turned but it's going to be on you to take the shots. Oh yeah yeah I lose this thing. I just let it go. Okay. I want you to choose which attribute you want to use to help you with this. Oh I mean it's got to be dexterity. Okay. Right because I I aimed it up and there's a lot of like finesse and in math and all that that went into it. So you know dexterity. Yeah. Gotcha. Gotcha. All right. Roll this up. I rolled a one. No way no way. No way. Okay. I rolled a one. Okay. You know what? I am going to have Aaron. I want you to tell me what happens on this natural one. Making as good or as bad as you want. So his fate is in your hands. Leah looks over and she sees this and she sees Wayland loading up the last of the barrels and he goes to pull the string and to to launch it or pull the lever to launch it and you just you see the catapult kind of go up and it's just too heavy so the entire catapult flips with all four barrels down onto the crown below. This is crazy. Wow. Physics. Physics. Holy crap. All right. So there you have it. The overloaded catapult flips, tumbles and I will say that as it rolls kind of down the down the side and down the ramparts because there are larger wider more structurally sound stairwells over on this side made of stone where you could roll the damn thing up to the top to begin with which I'm sure our historian listeners are going to be like well actually they want to put their trebuchet and catapult on the walls. That would have made them easy targets. Dagger Ferd is full of dummies. I'm sure we have a lot of historians to listen to this program. Yes, besides myself. So it rolls but it does a complete and it lands catapult up. So it is still fireable. But the barrels. With all the barrels in it. Please tell me all the barrels are still in it. No, the barrels have fallen out but they haven't exploded but you'll just have to reload it. So if you want to use the rest of your turn now to run your ass down there. Yeah, I'm going to follow it down. I can't wait. What else am I going to do? I jump over a ledge to follow that thing down. I have raked there with it. Okay. Now you can I'll let you reload it and take a quick shot with disadvantage or you can spend time carefully reloading it trying to re-aim it and then on your next turn you can fire it with no pin. I'm going to carefully reload it. All right, cool. That's what you are doing. We cut next to Leah and then Max. Leah, you see this thing go over the edge and then you see Whalen just dive. Yeah, I have to try to get it reloaded. Max and then you're up. That was unfortunate. Line back up at the at the enemy targets and I'm shooting a double beam of agonizing blast. All right, make your tackle. One is a nat 20 and for the second blast that was a 10. All right, the second blast misses but your first blast just annihilates somebody. If you want to describe how you destroy them please too. This beam is perfectly lined up. Leah hears some fantastic music in the background. She won't go into describing what it is. Might have to do with something about running up a hill. No. Sorry, what was that? The beam shoots out and you just see glitter and sparkle and it glistens past, you know, if Grogan in his crystal dragon form could see the colors just reflect off of his glistening crystal skin and it pierces straight through a mage who looked like he was lining up to do some shady shit and just beat like shoots straight into him and he just kind of has a moment of realization like damn it. And you see the blasts just go off. - Wonderful, wonderful. Anything else on your turn, Leah? - No, no, thanks, she's good. She's gonna go back to putting her attention on Wayland to make sure he can load this thing properly. - I imagine that can be exploded like that character in the boys who got exploded from his dick. - Oh, God. - Did you just look at that? - Yeah. Except there's glitter and rainbow guts everywhere. Max, what are you doing? And then Grogan will be your turn next. - The wall that we're standing on, it's not that tall, is it how high is this wall? - I mean, these walls are like 30 feet high. - Okay, and you said that there were stairs that lead down? - Yeah, those are the stairs you ran up to get here. - Okay, are there stairs on the external side of the wall? - No, that would be silly. Why would you put stairs on the outside of your wall? - Like a ziggurat. - I don't know. - Sure, that was the key to the wall. - That escalation Sumerians. - I will, I will, I will do that. I will do that. That's my other podcast idea. Dammit. Ask a Sumerian. - All right. Well, I feel like we need to get closer to the fight. - Well, the fight is bright below you now because that Western section of the enemy are now actively fighting the guys that have rushed out from the town and also like firing down. - Okay. Is there a way to get out of, like if I were to leave where we're at and go down to the town, is there an open gate to go out or everything is all slam-shut? - I mean, there is an open gate just north of you that Whalen ran over, but it would take all of your movement and the dash action to get to it. - Okay. - Well, rats. - Or you could just hop over. - It's 30 feet. All right, Max is gonna say, he's gonna shout to Leah and he's gonna say, we need to focus our attacks. I feel like we need to get closer to the fight. - All these men just telling Leah to focus. Not a good luck. - Do you trust me? - I trust you, but would you like to explain to me how I should trust you? - There's no time for that. There's no time. So, Max, do where you don't. - Fine, no Max planning. - So Max, God. - So Max, God. So Max, Max's G-O'd, I starts to glow a bright rainbow of colors and he goes, by the power of Max and Max, and Max transforms via wildness. And then he builds a wild shape into a war horse with the wood and metal, sinewy wooden muscles, but in the size and demeanor of a war horse. - And-- - And-- - Clumps over to Leah and like ducks down to allow her to climb up if she chooses. (laughing) - Grab what it like to sin you near the, where the main would be? - Oh, gross. - Let's ride. - All right, you've got Leah, I take it, you're gonna haul ass to the gate. - Yes. - Cool, well, that's what you're doing. Grogon. - If it wasn't so high, then I was gonna jump down, but it's too far to jump. - No, I swear, that's fair. - Grogon, what are you doing? - All right, so Grogon's been serving in the battlefield. Has he been able to spot Bibrib anywhere? Can he see him from his, from his-- - I mean, you haven't really been looking for him. You kinda, you can hear his screechy voice coming somewhere off to your left. - Okay. - How far away is he? - But also like the fire rock is not dead. Like it, it's scrambling up to get back, you know, back off of its ass. - I get that, I get that, but, where's Bibrib at? (laughing) What is it? - Make a perception check. - I've got some unfinished business with this guy. That is a, god damn, I like this frickin' snarf board. It's like imbued with good energy. That's a 16. - Good luck. - Snarf, snarf. - All right, with a 16, yeah. You can see kind of in the middle area, just like the Bibrib and he's got his group of commanders with him. - All right. - What are you doing? - I see him and I'm like, (gasping) - Bitch ribs. - I've got a bone to pick with you. So I wanna attack him. - Okay, it'll take all of your movements to get over to him. So you wouldn't be able to, you have to take the dash action to get over there. - Okay. - So you can start moving in that direction for sure. - All right. Wanderer, you still blow me like what's going on there? - Yeah, he's down below. So you get up and are you starting to head out or are you gonna call out to Wanderer real quick? - Oh, I'm assuming that Wanderer's close to the fire rot, so I don't wanna, - Wanderer is literally just, he just hopped down and then started hacking dudes. - Oh, okay. All right, ah, shit. All right, I guess I'm gonna dash towards Bibrib. - All right. I wander, you see Grogon flap his crystal wings and start heading off towards the left as he leaves you to deal with the troops that you are surrounded by. And also the fire rock is starting to get off of its ass. So what are you doing, Wanderer? - I guess I'm in the middle of some badass action. How many, how many do I have around me currently? - Oh, I mean, you're in the middle of an army. - Yeah. - Okay, that's what I thought. (laughing) So in this case, I'm going to try to do another attack on whoever's nearest, - Sure. - Go down, swinging buddy. - Oh, thank God, it's 22. (laughing) - Might, that hits where your damage? - All right, it's six slashing damage. - All right, make your other attack. - Okay, let's do it again. This one's nine. - That'll miss. - Oh, damn it, that was 11. - All right, all right. You wanna try to run or you're gonna stay put? - Well, you've already attacked, so we'll say that you just stay put for this round. - Okay, cool, cool, cool. - Cool, awesome. All right, so the bad guys around you are gathering their shit together and they're going to make some attacks against you. Does a 17 hit you? - Oh, Wanderer? - Yeah, I am a class 17. - Okay, they do, let's see. Collectively, we'll say that two or three guys got in a couple hits on you and they do 12 points of damage overall between the three of them. The fire rock is now up and it tees the dragon flying away from it and it is also going to flap up and give chase once again towards the crystal, crystal dragon. And in an instant, it is like right on your tail and it's going to try to take a chunk out of you does a 15 hit, Joe. That's my armor class, so no. That does hit. So this thing takes a 20 point damage chunk of that yummy, yummy crystal dragon hide. Chops on you and then let's see, Max and Leah, you're behind the cover of the walls. Wailin, you're also behind the cover of the walls. So we'll have some more melee action going on. So we go back to Wailin, you see that you have righted the catapult, you've got it reloaded. You were now carefully positioning it to try to take another shot. I feel like I've been careful enough that maybe if I take another shot, it has advantage. Well, you're behind the wall and you can't see what you're aiming at, so no. But I've been super careful. Oh, you've been super careful of my apologies. Super super super. Roll 18 plus three. 21. Nice, nice, nice. All right. I want you to roll four D 100s. 116. Oh, so low. I got I got a natural one on one of them. Wow. Oh, man. All right. So, you you fling this up and just as and then let's see, Leah and Max, you can kind of see in the distance that Wailin has let loose with another volley from the catapult as you were kind of hidden in that direction anyways. Wanderer, you're just kind of in the middle of like fending off all these attacks and trying to protect yourself. Grogan, you're the only one who sees this clearly as you are flying towards the direction of Vibrib. You see these four barrels kind of arched. their way towards bibrib's direction. Is there anything you want to do or is it too soon for me to use Centrelating Breath again? Well roll a D6. That's a 6. Holy shit. Ah, that's exactly what you needed. Oh my god, are you serious? Yes, you needed a 6 to be able to recharge your breath weapon. So yeah, you feel the power within you as the Centrelating charge. You now have a chance to use it. What do you want to do? All right, so I see the the barrels flying and I see the proximity of bibrib and I want to unleash my blast to try to take out the barrels or explode the barrels and also cause fire to rain down all over the enemies. Awesome, I need you to roll 4d100 or if you want to outsource that to your team, you can have them roll it. How about I do 2 and somebody else does 2? Awesome. Well, have you do 2d100 and then Leah and wanderer will have you roll the other 2. All right, okay. All right, the first one is a 40. Second one is a 90. All right, so that's 49 and then what do we got from the other 2, Leah and wanderer. I have a 7. A 7 and 16. That's a 16 and 49. All right, and then did you roll just just a 7 or did you roll a second D10? I didn't roll a second D10. Yeah, oh, roll a second one then. Okay, 96. Okay, all right, so this is what happens. Yeah, a dog, a dog barks twice and a car with loud base barrels. These barrels come arcing in and you line up your breath weapon and you wait to the last possible second as you see bibrib pointing up and you see like this swell of energy from the mages and commanders around him and you fire striking true with your scintillating blast which just in gulfs the area in fire and flame and napalm and magical energies and there is this bright flash of light that wailin Leah max you guys can see the flash of light from above the ramparts is how bright it is and it kind of like is bright as the sun for a second and wanderer even though it's happening off to your left it's like it's like you see like a nuke go off your and your for a vision just that kind of but actually it's a little closer to that closer than that and there is this tremendous release of force and energy and fire and flame and the shock waves of it ripple out flattening anybody who's on the on the ground in the immediate area wanderer you're just far enough that that it doesn't knock you over but you definitely feel the the weight of it in the air Joe I do need grogan to make a acrobatics check for me okay 16 nice you maintain control as the shock wave kind of ripples through you you were kind of expecting it because you were the one who kind of shot fired the fire rock however that's right on your tail it does not make it maintain control and it kind of falls out of the air just kind of like splats to the ground with a with a thud it like it doesn't break like an egg but it is definitely taking damage from the abrupt fall and when the smoke and dust clears there is this crater in like a hundred foot radius of just scorched earth and dust and ash and the forest that the new plant growth that you had brought to life max is now all dead oh gone there is no there is no trace evidence what so ever that anyone named bibrib ever existed because you wiped him off of the planet yeah that's a rabble bibrib this just between the the the blast and the light and the energy and the heat there is just a silence that kind of fills the vacuum and then from the ramparts you hear arkham has kind of stumbled back and he just takes a long drink it's what the fuck and suddenly like that renews that renew vigor like gets the town guard the the jump the militia gets the jump on the the fighting and they start routing the enemy as there is no central command to keep everyone in line and the the fire rock is kind of shaking its head as if some hold over it has been broken and it kind of starts to stumble and then it just it loses all sense of whose side it was on and it just like starts chalping and clawing at anybody nearby and then it just kind of like starts trying to take off and it is just bedlam and chaos and mayhem is there anything narratively the group of you would like to do as the enemy as broken and as fleeing and the battle is over grogan just wants to to see if he sees his friends and he's got a big smile on his face like I did it he's like max max is gonna come galloping through the gate with lia writing above and uh and just emerge out into the the waste of destruction that's been wrought out there in front of the gate and so yes yes grogan we see you wanderer ronda who is flagging down like hey bud come put me up let's go lia shot like a non lethal eldritch blast in the air so that you get a little bit of glitter just kind of going up in the air like yeah get out of here fireworks fireworks max that's a little horse dancing that little sideways walk that's not very impressive except that it's a horse doing it Brandon do you have a do you have a god's a little sound effect in there by any chance not on i want i want to get it for this i want to rear back and roar into the sky try out there i have something i want to know what pickle fishes do with though this is the closest thing i got powered by riverside wailin collapses on the on the side of the uh uh the catapult and he pulls a pick lap and he bites it and he's somewhat relieved and then he's a little disappointed because these are still the storebot wonderful wonderful all right so the battle over the party reunited uh we now go into a series of vignettes as the town rallies they start rebuilding uh armies of the lords alliance have now rallied to the cause seeing the true threats that the cult possesses and what it can do and though it's immediate leadership has been uh you know hurt very badly you remember from your earlier investigations that the cult had a presence on every consonant and so they are now going about the hard work of trying to dig this cult out one more time at the root the town has come to name you its heroes and protectors and they have started building stone statues in your honor in whatever pose you see fit i'll come to you in a second um and uh sure enough like archum sober's up and uh and starts to you know take a more active role in revitalizing the town and taking a you know more sobering presence um and even uh uh you know um the destroyer gertrude like she comes around and uh and starts helping out so this process takes a couple weeks we'll say a month has gone by you guys have healed up you've helped the town is still you know after a month it still you know needs some some rebuilding of course uh and there's you know all these services to remember and honor those whose livers lost defending the town and uh to ensure you know confidence and stability in the region and the lords alliance you know takes their turns uh speaking and uh individually uh you were all honored with these statues and you're each offered you know your choice of reward in terms of if you need gold or items like if uh if if they have it in their possession though they'll they'll grant it to you uh many people ask you to stay on in Daggerford to maybe settle down and have a life here. Or if you know now that you've been able to defeat the army here, maybe your help is needed elsewhere, I will leave that up to you momentarily. But I would like to go around the room here and we'll start with Grogon and you tell me what Grogon decides to do after the end of this month. And how you finish your story in this campaign. So Grogon being very surprised that he lived realizes that he actually really enjoys living and has really enjoyed the friendships that he's made. And he's started to enjoy the fact that people around him smile and laugh and don't run away in fear. And he's become less of a shrek and more of the opposite of Shrek. So he opens up a rec center and teaches young children how to play basketball because he's so tall. So what is the name of this center, Grogon? What is the name of this center? It's called Grogon's Globetrotters. And I like to imagine during that montage you were talking about it's like the end of a Transformers movie where Lincoln Park is playing and everything's in slow motion and the sun is glistening right behind us. Yes, exactly. So awesome. Yeah. But Grogon Grogon leaves the children with a special message. It's never okay. It's never okay because you don't want to give up. But live. It's all good. Just live and play love and basketball. Just love and basketball. They put that exact quote on the walls and people still many years from now are like, did he have a stutter? I don't. Okay, I mean it's inspiring words. Awesome. Now does Grogon continue his life as an adventurer or do you stay here in Daggerford? No, he does. He does. He has a manager that he hired to take care of the Rec Center and he becomes more of a corporate chill. But he goes to adventure when he's not doing paperwork and managing people. Cool. Yeah. All right, wanderer. How does your story end in this campaign? It's a little bit of sweet. The wanderer or wanderer know the decides to finally hit up Gertrude especially for that sword that he's been owed all this time. But the only downside to this is now he is forever in debt to her and he must be forever in her service. He does still remember the good times with his friends and they're able to come and visit him anytime. And him and Gertrude have kind of made an agreement because wanderer still has some people. He's going to hunt down in other dimensions of worlds. So it's good to have a magical being on his side. But wherever trouble is a mess and people need help, the wanderer is still there singing his Debbie Gibson and killing people. Nice. So Gertrude forges this incredible weapon for you and says when you have taken a thousand lives you are out of my service. Yes. And he names the sword poppy. Rest of peace poppy. And honor the kids forever. Nice. Awesome. Leah, how does your story end in this campaign? Well, Leah is still very much in service to her patron. So she's going to continue to adventure. But in Roland Daggerford, she happens to have like get a following. She still plays her dulcimer and come to find out Glenda Town Cryer. Well, I mean, Cryer is his day job. He's really a bar at heart. So he he travels along with Leah on her mini conquest and sings songs of her like sings songs of her adventures as she goes about and continues to serve Queen Oothea and continue to try to help the efforts to in the order of the sacred flame. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Max, how does your story in this campaign end? Max travels back to the Druid Grove, which was his point of entry into Feirune. And with the help of the spirits of the forest that overloaded him with horse power in the first place, he plants the seeds from his chassis and builds a war forged diaspora center in Feirune. So it has lodgings and support group for war forged in Feirune that are unable to make it back home and gives them a little bit of their normal flora of their homeland so they can feel welcome in on these new shores. It has a McDonald's too. That is beautiful. It's true. And there's a gift shop where they have all of the all of Max's license products. You know why? I mean, come on. Like this touchy-feely crap. It's not going to pay the bills. The other question. Is there a pickle presence in this gift shop? There absolutely is. There are tiny statuettes of a monk who is holding nunchucks made of actual baby dills. And so you can you can have it as like a little toy. And also if you need to eat the pickles, you can have a little snack. Love it. Love it. And finally, Whalen, how does your story come to its conclusion in this campaign? So Whalen stayed in Daggerford. He decided that that was where he was going to settle down and make his roots. And he opened up a pickle form right outside the gates. And when Grogon left him alone to go continue his travels, Whalen realized that love had been right there in front of him. That's true love. And he got married to one inspector, Arkham. Yes. Let me tell you, it was beautiful. The power of love. They together tend to this pickle farm. There was some rehabilitation for rampant alcoholism. But they were a strong couple. They made it through. And they send pickles off to the Max's gift shop. And they make sure that Grogon's rec center is always stocked with pickle juice for the athletes and pickles at the sporting events and things of that nature. But really booming business, he actually tanked his father's pickle company. Really Ravenloft now does not have a pickle in that entire region. It's a whole thing. But great success. Huge success. Our mascot for the rec center is actually a giant pickle man. Like it's just a big like, yeah, just just a guy in a pickle cost. What Grogon doesn't know is that the guy in that pickle costume is Whalen. Wonderful. Wonderful. As the camera pulls back and we see that over the years, Daggerford has now become this cultural epicenter, this trade route, powerhouse, and a shining beacon of the resistance that started the Lord's Alliance finally rooting out the cult once and for all. We see that in the distance as we get further and further away, we see that there is a bright shining flash of light as this mages tower reappears in Liam's hold. And we hear a voice that of later Lady Mallory Frostheart who says what? How do I? Did anyone say my skeleton key? Roll credits. I want to thank all of you for tuning in and listening and we hope that you have enjoyed this fun frivolous adventure with all of our friends in Feyrune. And I want to thank all of you, our cast, our wonderful cast of improvisers and performers and talented folks behind the scenes who have also done a lot of engineering and editing and making this sound way, way, way better than we deserve perhaps. And thank you, Brian. Thank you, Brian, for writing such an incredible story and for holding our hand through this through this whole process. Yeah. And really making it fun for everybody. And we would never show without your awesome, awesome story telling. Thank you to Brandon. Thank you to Brandon for getting this idea going and really coming, getting this together. Great time. And I love every minute of it. So thank you guys. Can I say everybody's theme song real quick? Just all at once. Please. Let's do it. Horsepower, Leah, Leah, grow. good. Pickle fist. (laughter) - What was that? - That was a top and that. - That's it. - Goodbye everybody. - Awesome. - Bye, friends. - Thanks for checking it out. - You know what to do. Just play it. Just play us off, buddy. - Oh yeah. - Powered by Riverside FM. - Yes! - I thought you were going to play the title song. (laughter) - One more time, the theme song. There it is. - Sing along if you know the words at home. ♪ Rulers, I'm thinking about ♪ ♪ A very weird little stuff ♪ ♪ That's a real fool ♪ ♪ He makes sure that 'cause the most good is the heart of folks of a favorite ♪ ♪ Wonder what this 'cause his house folks do ♪ ♪ Back to the weird little horse and two ♪ ♪ Now they'll be frostbars, Canada, clue ♪ ♪ With a horrible folks house in heaven ♪