S1E05 // i also have so many questions

Now that the U.S. and Canada have been eliminated from the World Cup, I feel like there's no reason for people who aren't fans of soccer in those countries to continue to follow the tournament. But then I remember that Switzerland is still in it. That's a big plus. I was walking down the street this morning while I was suddenly hit by a violin, a clarinet, a French horn. I think it was an orchestrated attack. I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy. I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing. Accepted a funeral. Dogs can bark up to 500 times a day. That's just a rough estimate. After you die, what part of your body is the last to stop working? You are pupils. They die late. On a date with a cannibal, I mentioned to her that I came from a blended family. She lit up and said, "I love smoothies." My balloon elephant wouldn't fit in the back seat of my car. So I had to pop it in the trunk. I have this incredible ability to predict what's inside a wrapped prison. It's a gift. What is a highlighter's favorite twist to position? Knee on yellow. I have a group of friends who like to dress up as German philosophers. They are pretty Nietzsche crowd. Stay tuned for more dad jokes after this short intermission. When I feel lonely, I buy some shares at the stock market. It's nice to have some company. Tried making a volcano-themed cake. It was a recipe for disaster. Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? They are making a lot of headlines. I never planned on becoming a professional grieve digger. I sort of just fell into it. What's the difference between a hippo and zippo? One's big and heavy. The other is a little lighter. I'm Montgomery Jones. Make sure to listen for the bonus joke at the end of the episode. You're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide, so please share one of these jokes with your family and friends today. Hey listeners, we have another podcast called Daily Shower Thoughts, Show Casing Random, Amusing and Mind Bending Epiphanies. Search for Daily Shower Thoughts in your podcast player or check the show notes page for more info. Your mind will be blown. The Daily Dad Jokes Podcast is produced by Classic Studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looks surprised.