S1E002- Alexis

Welcome to the local voices collective. Each week I sit across from someone for a conversation of a coffee. No script, no rush. Just two people sharing a table, an exciting thought, and seeing where the conversation takes us. I try to listen more than I talk, giving space for their voice while still sharing my own. It's not about big moments, it's about the everyday experiences, the perspectives, and the stories that come out naturally when two people sit down and just talk. I'm roughfile your host. My goal in this is to share these conversations exactly as they happened. Unedited and unfiltered. I find that it is in these honest everyday exchanges that we find connection and more importantly, understanding. So settle in and let's step right into today's conversation. I wanted to talk to you because I feel like every time we've sat down we've had really good conversations. And I mean, you're like you're my barber. So like, yeah, what? Yeah, it was in the past. You did it, not me. But we've always had really good conversations. And being in your position as a barber, I feel like that sometimes means that you're like. Sometimes you're the person that somebody gets to like share everything. From a therapist. From life to a therapist. You're probably somebody's friend who like they'll consider you their friend or like their person. Especially with man, you know. I love my clients. I feel like honestly it's more of. you've probably heard it before that a client will become a friend quicker than a friend will become a client. And I think that is very true, to be honest. I think that's why I love it so much. It's more like the conversation. At first it was very difficult because I'm very shy in awkward. But I'm learning how to like talk to you for one stuff. And like you learn to listen more than you do to talk. But I've even told you this before, like whenever you come in you better have nothing after because it's gonna be a minute. If you ever need a quick haircut, you need to sit down as a person, you need to tell me. Because once it starts, it just can't start to roll in from there. I think I've tried not with you but in past with like barbers. Like I've always wanted to be that person that doesn't speak or that doesn't take very long. So I'm like let me get my haircut and get out of here. And with you it was never that case. I would command it. I'd be like I'm tired. I guess me saying I'm tired was the keyword. I'm very chatting today and we would still end up in some way somehow. One for my conversation. That speaks to you and your craft. But I'm kind of curious to like how was that development from like not being shy like you label yourself to like. I honestly I think it's still there. I still struggle with it a lot. It depends on the client. Sometimes you don't click with people. It's not there. And I feel like that's it's still something I struggle with as a barber and I honestly struggle to get. I feel like people coming back sometimes and it's not necessarily I have to learn. It's not necessarily the haircut. It's the conversation. And sometimes it just doesn't flow. Like you talk to people and it's just blunt. Like they don't want to talk or. If this doesn't flow like it's like almost like a friendship like a connection. You know. And I think that's just it. You think people don't come back because they don't feel that flow themselves to you or. I think it could be a mixture of things. I think it could be either the barber shop. Some people don't like the barber shop. Whether it's it could be down to even the music. Like oh there was a curse word or oh there was this or whatever. It could be just because I'm a female barber. You know there are men named Alexis. So they book with me probably thinking that I am a dude and I'm not and they're like oh I don't want to grow. Do that. Clients don't like like their girlfriends or wives don't like a girl cutting their hair. Which I get honestly if I wasn't a barber. Not that it's going to. Now that I know if I can see it. It's like a barber like well I'll be cutting their hair and then a client will bring their significant other. And then the girlfriend will be explaining the haircut and like just be overly touchy. You have had a client one time. His girlfriend was like by his side basically holding the girl's hand. It was a long time when I first started. It was awkward. It was weird. It definitely feels like you're more of like the mom than you are a girlfriend. Yeah. I'm just cutting hair. That's like so interesting way of like somebody showing their insecurity in a sense. Yeah and I mean it's just it's very awkward because you can fill it you know and you know it's going to be a fight with them later. And it's every you did it you're the barber you did the. I know I'm like I'm just I'm just trying to cut here. Yeah that's that's tense. Yeah you see a lot of things as a barber you hear a lot of things too. So how does that impact you like this? Well I think the hardest one was I had a client come in he's an older gentleman and he actually cut his hair for free now. But he came in saying he thinks he's done and meaning as in like with life. I was like I said he was older and we were talking and stuff. And I was kind of giving him free haircuts after that and then he recently came in. Really with his daughter and or wife I don't remember like I said he's very older so his kids he look he doesn't look old like that old you know. So I don't know if this is his wife or his. It's about her that sounds bad but you know. But she sat him down and she was like he's been out of the hospital recently like just got out and he just out of it. He's you're probably not going to understand what he's telling you and he doesn't know what's going on. And I had just talked about him and was like dang like maybe this guy was trying to get free hair because I don't see look healthy. He looked fine and then after he left I cried because I realized like dang like I personally never had a client die. So that was tough. So you passed away? I don't know. I haven't seen him since leaving the barber shop. I won't name it but I don't know and I hope he didn't but I feel like that's also kind of selfish of somebody not to want. That person to go because the first time he sat down in my chair he said I'm ready you know. What do you think led him to kind of like sharing that with you? I don't know. I don't remember how it came up. I think we were just talking and I asked him like what does he do or you know he said I'm retired and said I think I'm done though. I think this is going to be my last haircut and I was like why do you say that? I'm thinking he's like done with me. I'm like what I do. And he was like I think I'm just I'm done maybe one more. That's so heavy. Yeah. It was tough. Yeah and I just wanted him to have something to look forward to every time he came in. Yeah. So it's hard. It makes you like almost like one-half the haircut just be extra long just. Yeah and I mean that's why I kind of did it for free because I wanted him to come in more often to have somebody to talk to you. You know all the people don't have people to talk to you. I would take care of him and that. I would talk to him. I feel like as you get older it's harder to make connection with people. It is. Yeah. I was having a conversation with somebody while back and they were kind of telling me it's like once you get to a certain age it's kind of like it's very hard to teach in old dog metrics. And like if you haven't made certain connections and you haven't made certain friends it just becomes like this very hard thing to like add more people to your circle. Yeah. So like it's tough to be in like you're in one of those positions and in those fields like probably like nurses are probably like chaplains are barbers are like just as influential. And to just have that on you at the end of the day and go home and deal with that. Yeah. I mean it's it's tough. You also hear stuff about people like getting divorced or even like other clients like that aren't yours but go to the barbershop to somebody else like a different barber. You hear like one guy his brother actually passed away and he would come in and out of the barbershop but he never acted like anything was wrong. So you cut people who are going to funerals who are getting married who are getting divorced like different kind of stuff. Do you actually cut a guy on one time she served his divorce papers to him while he was getting haircut. She served him. Yeah. Oh my god. She served the client which was her I guess has been at the time the divorce papers while he was getting haircut. He can't run away at the end of everybody. I mean you can't leave in the middle of the circuit. That's so tragic. Yeah. I mean if there's one way to do it like that. I mean if you know the routine. Man. Yeah. I don't know. You hear a lot of stories it is tough but there's a lot of beauty in it too. How so? So like you cut people who are getting married. I mean there's still a lot of pressure as a barber. You know cutting somebody who's getting married or in a wedding. Graduations. Some kids who are graduating high school or going off to college that can be hard too because like dang. First impressions. Yeah. So yeah there's a lot of beauty in it too. First haircuts. I love them. Even if the kids scream and crying I think it's a good time. It's nice to see the mom. Yeah. You know, milestones. Little by little. Yeah. You see the big things. Yeah. When you're at home and you're like now you have more time to kind of think about things. Yeah. Which spectrum comes to you more? Like which of the two? The pros are the cons. Which spectrum of the two? Like the great moments, the tough moments. Which one settle when you're the heaviest? Oh. I think right now, probably the tough ones, because I'm thinking about leaving the barber industry. Like I said, they're almost like my friends, so it's like a breakup. You know where the fear of losing them, like, oh, they won't come back. No pressure. But it is hard, because if you leave for a little bit, people like consistency. So if you're gone for a little bit, they're going to think you're not consistent, you're not professional, and that's something on you. So I almost was like, I'm not just breaking up with barbering, but I'm breaking up with the little clients that I do have. With your friends? With your friends, yeah. Totally. So it is tough. So right now, the negative parts. The negative parts. Because I'm like, dang, I'm not going to be able to cut a little Eric, Grace versus a school. He was a conforor to it, or, you know, different stuff like that. So that's hard, especially with the back to school. Yeah. Even though I'm not a big fan, I'm cutting kids. But I'm not, but it is tough seeing stuff like that. I don't think I've ever met a barber who was like, yeah, I love cutting kids. I mean, I love kids, but I don't like cutting them. They're not always, they don't always behave. Yeah. I guess so. So how long did you do, did you do barbraying for? Since 2019. So seven years? Six years. Going on seven. So for the past six years, like, that's been your identity. That's what? That's been your identity. Yeah. So that's why I think it's also hard. Yeah, you've been like, you've been a Lexus the barber everywhere you get. Yeah. It's how people recognize you. I'm asking you all these questions and I'm like, in my head, I'm like, man, I don't want to like, yeah, make you feel some sort of way, but I'm like, how do you, how do you feel now that you have, that title that you've been for such a long time? And then, a part of you, like, you're going to this transitioning zone. And your life's now. I don't know. To be honest, it's, I guess, mixed emotions. The part of it's like, okay, that's not all that I am. But another part is kind of like, that's all I want to be, you know what I'm saying? Like, I never really thought of doing anything else besides the military, which isn't, I feel like an option anymore because I feel like I'm having a quarter-life crisis of like, I'm still so young, but I'm still getting too old for certain shit. Sorry. But you can curse at someone. It's kind of like, people don't really talk about this age, you know, the age being 25. Because that's when I'm turning 25 in September. So, people always talk about having a mid-life crisis or whenever you're young and going off to college. But people don't talk about, what if I want to start over at my mid-20s, then what? Like, do I go back to school or am I going to decide to stay home when I have kids? How soon am I having kids? When am I even going to get married? You know, stuff like that. Yeah. So it's a big, I know a lot of beauty and change, but it's still tough because it's changed. Feels heavy because you probably feel like you've done so much to get to where you're right now, and you're like, it's a too soon to want change. Yeah. Do I have enough time to make it? Like, do I wait it out? Do I try again? But I feel like that's all I've been doing with it. It's kind of trying. And like I said, earlier, a barbering just isn't the same. It's changed so much. It's not just coming in and doing what you love to do. You know, now it's so much of pressure of social media and everybody's a barber now. You don't even have to be licensed anymore to work out barbershops. People do that under the table. So it's a tough time. So I'm kind of like, "Uh, do I give up? Do I keep going?" Maybe I'll love something else, fall in love with something else. But barbering, like you said, was my whole identity. So, yeah, stuff. Who are you now without it? Stay home, girlfriend. I'm proud of it. I know. It's nice because I saw this. It's funny. It was a TikTok. It wasn't even a quote. This girl, I guess, she has roommates. And she captioned it, like, finding out what being rich really is. And all her roommates were going to work. And she was like, "I'm gonna go sit by the pool." She was like, "Bye. Have a good day." And it's true. Like, you can enjoy things. Go see family. Like, my, like, a center of brother is getting married. So I went with my sister. I'm all gonna pick up some wedding stuff. It's been time with my niece. And it was nice. Not having to worry about something somebody can have the day off. You know? Yeah. And we've talked about that before. Having to ask somebody for a day off is such a crazy thing. It is. It is such a crazy thing. Yeah, hate it. So. There's a freedom in like, like, we feel like we've point of fives being rich or being, like, wealthy with this, like, monetary thing. Yeah, many times. But like, it's always like, like, oh, this person's important because they're, they have this amount of money. You know, like, we're rich or we're, whatever, because we have this amount of money. And it's like, I think we're getting to the age now. And we're close to the age where it's like, how much freedom do I have? Yeah. Like, that's how, like, that's how I feel free. It's like, can I just go and I can relax and like, not stress about whatever. Like, that's true freedom. But it's hard to do whenever we're like, you have a job, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, it's not fun. I mean, there's beauty and everything, right? And I'm blessed to say that I love my job. But like I said, it just changed so much. And the main reason I kind of lean towards barbering is because I wanted the freedom to take vacations and to do all those things. I'm like, you have to build your clients out first before you're able to do those things. But it's so if you're working under somebody else, you can't have the same freedom. So the only option is to work for yourself, whether that's having a sweet or making your own barbershop. But then with that comes more responsibility and with your business, you have to be there. So it's like, pick your poison, you know? Yeah. So, there's that. I think there's a freedom, there's definitely a freedom that comes with like being your own boss. But like, there's definitely an enslavement of it too. Yeah. People don't talk about that either. No, I mean- Especially the first two years. It's tough. It's a lot of work. Have you done it before? Like- No. Well, I mean- Yeah, no. I wouldn't count Blu-Shrin as that. My first year of barboring, I did Blu-Shrin. And it was a little bit easier, but I'm also the type of person I feel feel bad whenever I'm in somebody else's business. And I'm- Even though I'm paying you or you're getting a percentage, me taking time off or like- going to a doctor's appointment, I feel guilty. I mean, I'll say it and I may take it, but I still feel it. Like you're inconvenient to sing them in some way? Yes. I definitely am a people pleaser, so- Yeah. What does that mean? Like, I don't like to tell people no. I don't like to do things for myself. I feel guilty, like- I don't know, just like- Even going to a doctor's office, I feel like they won't believe me. I'm the type person to bring a doctor's no at the age of 25 being a barber. Like, here you go. And they're like, go throw it away and I'm like, no, like take it, take a picture of it if you have to because I'm not a liar. Yeah. Why do you think that is? Like, why do you think- I think a part of it is the way that barboring is now. Like it's- Like they want you there 24/7. And I get that. I do, but at the same time- You know, I'm an epileptic. I have- If I need my medication, it's either I'm sneezing on the floor or I take a day off to go- To go get it. So- No. I remember you telling me, like, dealing with that and I was like- That's incredible that you- That you've been able to do so much and overcome so much because like I've heard like porous stories and that sounds like- Yeah, I mean, it's- It was definitely tough. Especially the first few years, but I feel like you just learned to live with it. It's not something that's curable. So you kind of just got to learn to adapt. The hardest part is seeing the way it affects other people. Because I can't get on certain rides at six flags and people feel bad. And I'm like, no, you go ahead. I can't be that- Seriously, and how are your epilepsy like- -affects the people around you close to you? -Yes. Comes with that guilt thing again. Yeah. Wait, so that again? It comes with the guilt thing again. So like- You're dealing with the condition and then you're still feeling guilty of the fact that you're dealing with it. Like- Yes. It should be the other way around. Like people should be like more- Mmm. More than pet, like- I feel like everybody should just- relax. Like it's okay. Like it's literally okay. I'm not that type of person being like, "Oh, boo-hoo, I can't do this." I could do it, but there's a risk to it. And it's just not worth the risk. Do you think that people around you have gone used to or are they still like walking on eggshells? We go to the- I think it depends on who. So some people they've never seen this evening. So they're like- Like she's fine. Like I've never seen her have one. Like it's fine. And then other people I have. So like my parents- Um- So like a lot of things that people don't talk about with epilepsy is- Sometimes it can be like hormonal. So whenever you change, um- So like let's say you're going through puberty, you can have more seizures or that's whenever you can start developing seizures. You go. So if I get- I can't get pregnant whenever I want. I think if I do, there's a risk of me having a seizure and then what kind of having a seizure? I could die. I could get injured. I could fleece the baby. So that's gonna be like proper planning? Yes. So that's the whole thing too about it. I never knew though. Yeah. Well. And also growing up too, I got it- Started having seizures at like around 13. And then around like- I was very sheltered as a kid. So around like maybe 15, 16, my doctor, the medication I was on at the time Was like hey, and don't get pregnant. And I also go- and it could talk like children's hospital. - You're like 15, you're like, what do you mean? - You're like bro, what? It means like don't you pregnant. If you're on this medication and you get pregnant, your baby will be born with birth defects. And at the age of like 15, I'm like bro, I'm having seizures right now, I'm not even doing that. - Why are you telling me this? - Like why are you telling me this? And then I remember my mom telling me, she was like, well they have to. And then there is kids you're used to doing that, you know? So. - So that made you grow up way quicker? - Oh yeah, yeah, I had to learn about a bunch of stuff. - Were the birds in the bees a little early? - Yeah. - I mean, I already knew about it, but I was just like bro, what? Like I'm gonna be your season every other night. (laughing) - You think that's what I'm worried about. - Yeah, wow. - So, except like that, but you know, you gotta work it out. You, some people, depending on the medication you're on, and you decide that you do, when I have a kid you have to switch the medication 'cause you can't get pregnant on it. We can, but you know, maybe we can be born with certain defects or can affect you. - Medicine is like that, kind of like that's really. - Wow. - Yeah, that's tough. - How was that experience? Like do you remember when you were 13 and you had like your first user? - Oh, so I don't remember them. Like that's the weird part. Like I, there's certain times I've had seizures and I don't remember the whole day. So my first seizure, they swear we went to six flags. I don't remember that. I don't remember going to six flags. I don't remember a lot. The last thing I remember was we were at my pretty much baptism or something. I don't remember and it was like a party and we were jumping on a trampoline. And then I went to sleep and then I wake up in a hospital getting my blood drawn. So that was weird and that's all I remember. I remember, you know, in movies, whenever like a trauma patient comes in and like the patients that go in and out, black and out, kind of like that, that's how I feel and coming back from a seizure. So yeah. - So what? - I think most people don't really know a lot about epilepsy. Even though it's like everybody that probably knows the name, but like most of them don't know what, like what in the tail is all of that. - And there's so many different types. There's so many different triggers, different medications. It's a lot. - No. I'm like not very educated in it. So like in my mind, usually it's like no flashing lights. So like, - Yeah, so mine aren't triggered by that. Mine are weird. It's like a sleep walk and then I have them. - Also. - So a lot of the times they happen at night, I think I've had one or two that happened in the day and that was a year. Earlier this year, I had it while I was awake, I believe, a year or two ago. I can't remember. And that was, I feel like scarier 'cause I was so used to them happening at night. So I would literally just go to sleep and my brother saw a lot of it. I would like literally just go in his room, like walk in and he just could tell. And my eyes would just start to roll back and he'd be like, oh, here we go. - So like, it's not just like falling the floor and seizing. It could also be like sleep walking and kind of. - So my cousin, he has silent seizures and he will just stare and those are his. And my cousin, Harry's just happened kind of randomly if she forgets a pill or something and mine are at night, I'll just start to sleep walk. I can talk normal, like nothing's happening and all of a sudden my eyes would just roll back. - Well, yeah. - So. - It's kind of trippy. - I'm sure he is. - And it's scary. Imagine being my brother at the age of like 16 witnessing men, he's just scarier, chillist. - I'm sure. How has it been like with your boyfriend adjusting to like that? - He's been great. He's been really good. And I think that's how I knew that he was the one getting all lovey-dovey. But yeah. - It's always like whenever, when the hardest thing that we deal with, when we find somebody who can be gentle in those parts that it's like, you're like, okay. - Yeah, 'cause they're not pretty. There's filming of the mouth, there's all of that. So. - You're loving me through this. - Yeah, I do this thing. - I do this thing. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's very special. - Yeah. - There's always like, I think every single person has like these parts of themselves. They're like, they feel like they have tucked away in a corner. And they're like, oh man, if somebody saw this, they probably wouldn't like care for me in the way. - You know, I was never really like that. - No. - I'm like, I am who I am. Take it or leave it. That's the first thing I tell people, like, hey, I'm a like, an epileptic by the way. - That's so healthy. - Yeah. You just gotta own it. - Yeah. - It's kinda like what that can't be ashamed of it. I can't control it. So. - Yeah. Definitely. That's a very like brave and strong way of going about it. - Oh. - Brave. I don't know. Sounds like a cancer patient or something. - No, but it is. It's like, there's some of these things that it's like, I feel like at least in our world, there's some of these things that we can have that, some people could use as a crutch for them to be victims in this world. - Oh yeah. - And like, at least from you and how I've known you, it's like, you're like, oh, this is the thing that I deal with, but like, it's not a crutch. This is just part of my soul. - Yeah. - Part of who you are and like, you're moving forward with it. So like, it's brave in the fact that it's like, you've chosen through your path to overcome instead of like, you know, letting it defeat you, which is very different. - Yeah. - It's very different. I think, it's tough. - I think it's also stubbornness too, 'cause growing up my dad would always say, you can't, you're sick, you're sick. And I would always look at him and be like, I don't have cancer and I'm not dying, I'm not sick. And I would still want to go do what everybody else is doing. - So you wanted to prove him? - Yeah, that I was still able and that I wasn't sick, 'cause I'm not sick. So I'll have to. - And you're right. - Yeah. - You want? - Yeah. So, I moved out on my own and that was scary too, but you learned. - Yes. Was that a big driving factor for you? Like, you know, like, just because I have this doesn't mean that I'm gonna like, I can still overcome. - Yeah, because with that blood, so you like, I said you can die. So I didn't want to act like I was sick and then die and then be that girl. You know, I was like, ah, she was sick. Most people would be like, oh, she was up love, take what? - Yeah. Honestly, like, when I, I try not to tell, speak too much on like what I think of people, whenever I'm around them. I think I kind of told you, it's like the, the electron slit experiment where it's like, you don't want to like, your observation changes things. But it's like, when I think about you, like, that's not one of the things that I think about. Like, I think about you being a great barber and like, being funny sometimes. - Sometimes. - But like, those are the things I think about, like, you and all the qualities that you are. So like, yeah. - That's good. We want that. Not a victim. - Definitely not a victim. You think that's different than like, how most people are? - What do you mean? Like, most people like victimize themselves? - Yeah. - Absolutely. Especially in this generation. - What? - I don't know, but it's annoying and they got to get up. Like, like, and I think I told this to my boyfriend before because I can't remember what he was complaining about one time. And I think it was just probably like a rough day or something, I can't even remember if it was. My boyfriend could have been my brother or anybody. But I'm just like, dude, like, you're healthy. You're alive. Like, this is gonna pass. There's always people who are gonna have it better and there's always people who are gonna have it worse. It doesn't matter what you're going through. It's been more than five minutes worried about it. You gotta get up. - Yeah. We get to choose which one we look at. Do we look at like, who's better? Do we look at who's worse? I'm like, - What do you mean? Like, people, - Like, you can either choose to be like, oh man, like, you can either look at who's better than your situation and like, feel like I want that or feel jealousy for that. Or like, get somebody who's worse than you and be like, oh, I see myself in those shoes or be like, at least I'm not that. - Yeah. - And like, not in a negative way, but it's like, there's two spectrums on each other, you know? - No, for sure. And I think, not even people who have like medical conditions, like people who, you know, I feel like you see it especially with race. You know, people are like, well, I didn't grow up. Like, why? I grew up Hispanic and in a small town in Texas. And I'm like, well, yeah, but just because this person never experienced what you did doesn't mean that they didn't go through a different struggle. Not saying that certain things are okay, and yes, they're different, but it's not an excuse to, that, oh, well, that's why I'm this way. I've met so many people like that. And it, I'm like, I get it. It sucks, but just because that person's white doesn't mean that they don't have stuff going on. - So do you think they're using the race identity thing as like a way to, feel like a victim or as a way of like saying, you know, this, like, is that your kind of point or? - Yes or no, because I get it, because I grew up in a small town in Texas being Hispanic. So I get it, but at the same time, it's kind of like, it goes back into that thing of like, you know, boo-hoo, get up. Because nobody's gonna sit here and baby you. Maybe you look at the most successful people in life where they ever babyed, no. They were basically treated poorly until they were Oprah or until they were whoever and maybe. So. - That's a big thing though. I think nowadays and like the current, I don't know, atmosphere that we're in. It's such a thing to be like, oh, like, you're a Latina girl in Texas. - Yeah. - In life. you're like, "You're in Texas, the world is gonna treat you this way." Or, you're like this in this location or that. It's like, your identity is just the outside. - Yeah. - This is a serious thing. - I mean, yeah, but I feel like, I don't know, it's such a tough topic, 'cause you know, I feel like people are like, "Well, you're brown, how can you see that? You're Hispanic, what's everything going on? How could you see that?" And I'm like, "I get it." But, y'all, some people just need to open their eyes to like, you're playing victim in something that, you know, just get up, prove 'em wrong, you know, so. - It's the whole identity thing. It's like, the thing that we identify either brings us up or it brings us down. - Yeah. - And stuff, it's stuff because I think the easy thing is to grab and hold on to something as like the race identity or the religious identity or the political identities, like this huge one. So it's like, it's very easy to hold on to these things and that's the thing that everybody like swears to. Like, I'm Hispanic or I'm white or I'm Christian, I'm Muslim, this is the thing that, no matter what, like that's what I am. Like, I've talked to so many people when I, and like, just me thinking of myself, I'm like, usually that's not the first identity I think about when I think of myself. - I feel like it is mine. - It is? - Yeah, I think, 'cause I'm very proud to be Hispanic, I'm very proud of where I came from. But I guess it's also the way I was raised. Like, my parents were always the type of people to be like, well, prove 'em wrong, you know? Show them different, show them that the brown girl can do it and she will do it. But you're grabbing and you're making it a positive. - Yeah, and also kind of goes back to the stubborn thing, like I'm stubborn the more you say I can't do it, the more I'm gonna wanna prove you wrong. - For your parents like that? Or do you think they've kind of-- - And my mom definitely was. I feel like she definitely is, she's kind of that first and he's like, okay, shut up, watch this. Yeah. - She was like, let's go. Like, at first. - Yeah. - Yeah, my mom, she's even said it, I wish I didn't raise her to be so tough 'cause now I created a monster in a way. - She said that? - Yeah, I don't think she meant it in like a negative way, but it's just kind of like, she doesn't, like I don't take it from anybody, you know what? I'm so quick to like get up and leave certain situations or to change paths or not. I'm scared, but definitely not regret any decision I've ever made in my life. - Yeah. - So. - That's. - That there is a beautiful thing. To be able to say, like, I've lived 25, right? - Yeah. - 25 years. And not regret anything is like, that's a very beautiful thing. 'Cause like, life is very complicated. It's like, you know, it's all the emotions. - Yeah. - Like, one made you have that realization that it was like, you know, like, I'm proud of all this, I'm proud of my story. - I think you just kind of have to realize it's never that serious and then also my face. I feel like God wouldn't put me in certain position if I wasn't supposed to be there, you know? I'm not trying to be like, oh, like this big Catholic girl who's like, I gotta, like, God speaks to me, but I think everything's for a reason. And I don't, I think that's why I don't regret it. You know, whenever I see things that I've been through, the way I've gone about things, I think it's made me who I am now and why I handle things so much better than I may have used to, you know? 'Cause I used to kind of be a crash out and like, everything sucked. And I'm kind of like, hmm, what now? Moving on. - When did that switch happen? - I don't know. I think maybe recently, I, maybe 22 at the age of 22. So it's still fairly recent. My eyes, I definitely used to be that person who was like, why me? For a short period of time. When everything's gonna go my way, especially being young, female, in the barber industry, I was like, dang, why can't I get a job anywhere? Why can't I just move to the city already whenever I was 21 looking to live over here? So it was the victim mentality, you know? Like why me instead of like, you know what, if you want it, go get it. - What switched that, you know? - I think just getting so much rejection in the beginning of trying to find barber shops out here. 'Cause I would have people straight up tell me, hey, your cuts just aren't good enough. It's not good enough, yeah. And whenever, and me being a perfectionist on the way that I am, I was like, damn. What do you mean they're not good enough? - That's a stomach point. - Yeah, it is, I mean, there's so many different ways to go about it and to say it, but I'm glad that they set it that way. So, change perspective. - So just the rejection constantly, you're like, it could have gone either way. It's a 50/50 toss up, which direction you go. - Yeah, so, decided to kind of just take the leap and invest a lot of time and money into myself. And that way, now I can, if I get rejected, I know it has nothing to do with me. - 'Cause you put your best foot forward. - Yes, and also because I am good. And I can say that confidently. - Yeah. - And I'm good at what I do. - I'm happy with it, so. - What's nice? - Now I'm rejecting barbershops. Now, I'm rose up float. - Once you get into that confidence and once you can put it in there on a time, you know? - Yeah. - What does your faith mean to you? 'Cause I can kind of like see you reflecting in like, a lot of like, how you speak and-- - My faith? - Yeah, I'm like. - I feel like it's everything. Like it's everything to me, to be honest. - How so? - I don't know, I just don't know where I would be if I didn't have my faith. I think that's what's gotten me so far. It's helped a lot, you know? My grandmother was a big influence on that. - Did you grow up with your faith or was there a coming to? - I did. I did grow up with my faith. I grew up going to the Catholic church. My mom didn't grow up going to a church. So it was very important to her that we had something. She's not the type person be like, "Oh, you have to be a Christian or you have to be a Catholic." She's like, "I want you to believe in God and I want you to find your way in the faith." I want you to have the opportunity that I didn't have. It was basically what she wanted. So once she met my dad, my dad was Catholic and my grandmother is very religious. She was like grandma who, whenever you came in, she would pray for you, whenever you left, she'd pray for you, you know, that whole thing. - It's very traditional in life. - Yeah. So she definitely, I feel like, led me in why I was so strong in my faith going up. And then even after I finished the whole Catholic thing of baptism and all that, there's so many things, so many basic, like graduations, basically, in the Catholic church. - Like all the studies, yeah. And even after I finished, I volunteered at the church for a little bit too. Then I grew up in, I mean, not saying that I've always had the strongest dreams that comes with, if you have to kind of fall away, not always, but, you know, my personal experience, I kind of fell away from the church for a little bit and then came back. And I think that was whenever my grandmother died, 'cause I was like, what kind of God would do that? And it's not that I didn't believe in him. I just didn't like him at the time. - Yeah, who would let that happen, yeah? - Yeah. 'Cause whenever you see the person who's had nothing about faith through the hardest time, and I mean, my grandmother, she lost one of her legs. She wasn't supposed to be revived at one point, and then they didn't like read that paperwork and she ended up getting revived. And I just didn't understand why she had to go through so much pain and I felt like, what kind of God would do that to one of his biggest believers, you know, and kind of fall away at that point? - Did you ever find an answer to why? - I didn't, no. But I think I don't have to understand everything and I don't have to question everything. - That's a huge. Like, people who don't have faith, it's very hard to say those words. It's very hard to say it and like, not dwell on the things that you can't really understand. Like usually those other things that keep people up, you know? I'm not a big believer in closure. I think it's a lie. - You keep closing your eyes. - No, I think it's an excuse for your people. - Why? - I don't know why, I just don't believe in it. Like, just walk away, you know? - Just walk away. - Okay, you don't have to understand everything. - You don't have to understand everything. - Yeah. - But you want to? - Yeah, part of you, like a part of me still wants to know, but I mean, I don't know, just kind of got to move on. Like if I always have that in the back of my head, well, why, well, why, then how am I gonna grow in my faith, you know? How am I gonna be able to move on? You know, I just leave it to God and I say, listen, if that's, I don't understand it, I don't get it. I guess one day I will and then I'll just wait for that one day instead of thinking about it every day, you know? It's that faith. I believe it was for a reason. That in a sense is kind of closure. Yeah, I mean it kind of is, yeah. How do you align your faith now with the steps you've been taking recently? How do I align it? I don't know. I think I'm kind of just like. There's a faithful steps in a sense. Yeah, I kind of just like, if you don't want me to do it any. But before I left, I kind of jokingly did say that for it because I was having a conversation with Dennis, my boyfriend, and I was like, you know, maybe this just isn't for me anymore. I was like, and I think I'm gonna quit. I don't want to say quit because I hate that word, but I think I'm gonna move on and start something else. You know, I was talking to him, I'm like, well, if I go back to school and I decide we decide to get married and have kids and stuff, then what's the point of me going to school and wasting money and. I was like, dang, I was having this conversation, it's kind of just getting real, and I kind of looked up and I was like, you know, God, like, you better stop playing with me and if you want me to quit, then you got to make it a sign, but you got to make it really clear because I'm a little dumb. You made that prayer. Yeah. But jokingly, but God doesn't play. It wasn't a joke. Yeah, God does not play, and then whenever you pray certain things, you will answer it and like, kind of the most. It's not very like a clear, like, yes or no. So I think even now, I'm kind of just like, I'm confused because I don't know if that was maybe his thing of saying, it's still for you and you're still meant to be doing barbering, but not just here, because you can't grow here. So we need to put you somewhere where you can grow. So is that opening up your own suite? Is that opening up your own barbershop? Is that going to the barbershop down the street? Or I don't know if that is it, or if it's just this is your sign that I'm telling you you're not going to leave this because you love it, so I'm going to take it away from you. So how do you process which direction I go? I said, do you just take the will? Straight up. I was just like, I don't know. I'm confused. Like I said, I'm a little dumb. You got to make it clear. And I don't know. It feels like at times like whenever you give up on that give up, but whenever you kind of like let the hands off the wheel of the thing that you've been driving so hard for, and once you like go, it's like, oh, it all kind of starts falling into place. It does. I've read so many stories. I've heard so many people with so much wisdom and it's like the moment you choose to go, the thing happens. Whatever that thing is, it just comes to be. Yeah. That's, you know, like I like to use the word magic, even though I'm like religion, that's like a bad word, but it's like the magic happens, the blessing happens. But it feels like the hardest part is letting go. I'm kind of learning that right now myself. Honestly, I'm a big believer in like be the main character in your story. Yeah. To a certain degree. Like be the main character in your story. Like be the person who acts. Yeah. Be the person who takes an initiative and like the good things of your life and like similar to you, like not letting yourself be a victim. Like be the main character, like mood forward, aim forward, think forward. Yeah. That only takes you so much. So like you go down the path and like you only take somebody steps before you realize that it's like man, like the main character in the hotel. Yeah. It gave me a hard, I mean, there's been breakdowns, you know, there's been like, well gosh, like what now? Because I'm not that type of person where I don't like to just like kind of sit for too long, but also don't like to jump into things because I'm uncomfortable. So that's kind of where I'm at. I just don't want to start somewhere just because it's convenient, you know, or because I don't want to start somewhere because I'm afraid of losing clients. Thinking of going on like little side quest right now, like maybe try this, maybe try that. What's the side quest? I don't know. I was thinking maybe lashing, maybe like waxing, like eyebrows or something, but then I'm just like, you know, nothing hits like being a barber, you know? I don't see myself doing anything else besides being a mom, other than barbering. This might be a mom. Being a mom. That's big right now, for you. Yeah, it is, but I definitely with time, like I can definitely take my time with that. My niece is to. But it's growing in your heart a lot. Do what? But it's growing in your heart a lot right now. Yeah, I mean it's been since I was young. I always thought I would be like that young mom, you know? That doctor did too? Yeah, apparently. Yeah. Like maybe like married by 18 kids by like 19. So it's traditional. Yeah, that's how I saw things, but now I'm learning to just. What time? Not to rush things. Yeah. So. Do you think of how you'd be as a mom? Yeah, all the time. Tell me about that. I don't know. I think I'd be definitely probably that loud mom, for sure. But also maybe that scary mom. I don't know. We talk about it a lot. Like how do you think this will work? How do you think that would work? And it's. I don't know. I think I'd be pretty good at it. I mean nobody's a perfect mom, but I think I'd be pretty good at it. Yeah. Close to perfect. It's kind of a good way to start though. Yeah. Yeah. The biggest. For people who want to be parents, I feel like the biggest thing is wanting to be parents. It kind of puts you in the mindset of like, "I want to encourage Disney and Life. I want to encourage Disney and Adventure." I mean it's not just with parents, but with any sort of like. huge endeavor that like we take is like people. Having kids is like. It's tough. And I mean for a long time I didn't want them because I was afraid to pass down, you know, the epilepsy. So for a long time I thought I was selfish and you don't want them. And I didn't think it was fair. You know. So now being at a spot where I'm like confident that I would know how to navigate that and be there for them. I think. It makes it easier. It's very thoughtful of you to kind of like. A lot of people don't think about the things that they kind of bring forward when they're bringing in new life, you know. Yeah. You've given a lot of thought. Yeah, I have. Yeah. A lot of people don't like. A lot of people don't think about that kind of stuff. Well. Or maybe they do. A lot of people don't. A lot of people say I want kids and I want a husband. And that's the first side of the fly. You have to want to be a mom. You have to want to be a wife. And that's what a lot of people especially in this new generation don't understand. I have three brothers and you know I've seen them date and. I've had these girls now. Oh. It's tough. They want to be. They want to have a husband but they don't want to be a wife. And I'm not saying that about my sister and mom. So if they hear this, I love my sister and mom. You know, I've witnessed some things as far as seeing my brother's date. And you know, me and my mom are very traditional in a sense. And we talk about it and we just know right off the bat. Thank girls not going to work. But we're not going to be wanting to tell them in disrespect or say anything. But you know, my brothers wouldn't find out the hard way. And you know, they would leave. It's a different generation. It is and it's. God these girls are crazy. And it's always the girls who are like, you know, miniature men now suck. Men want to be women and I'm like, "Hmm. Woman want to be men now. Woman want to be dominant. Woman want to act a certain type of way and be a type of way and you just can't." Yeah. If you wanted traditional man, you had to be a traditional woman. That's a very tough pill swaddle for like. And they don't want to hear it. They don't. But it's. The truth. There's a fluid coin to that as well. What do you mean? Guys aren't. What guys used to be also. Oh yeah, no. It's like dating now is. It's so wreck. It's so. It's a wreck. It's tough. I don't get it. I don't know. I'm glad I'm not in that boat anymore. I'm blessed. Yeah. You think about better things like being a mother in the coming future? Yeah. But I mean. With Dennis, I feel like that was my first green flag with him was on our first date we had that conversation. Where I told him, like, "Listen, I don't. I don't. Date just today. You know, I want to be a wife and I want to be a mom and I'm not going to be a girlfriend for five, seven years. I'm not doing that. If you don't know that you want it, then by all means this can be the first and last date. That's a strong conversation on first date. It was tough. But the way he responded to that and he said, "No, we're dating and I date for a marriage and this isn't something that's like that." Those aren't my intentions. I think it's an amazing one that you laid out. Like, this is what I want. Like no pressure, but. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I think there's too much ambiguity nowadays where it's. Yeah. Nobody wants to have the tough conversations. Yeah. I mean, just doing what we're doing now. Nobody wants to sit down and. Have a conversation anywhere? Just talk. Talk real topics. Mm-hmm. Not just. Like. the flimsy cool stuff. - Yeah. - So, and I think it's tougher whenever it's tougher to have those conversations when you're letting people into your life in the beginning, which kind of makes things a lot, a lot tougher. Part of what I wanna do this project is just the fact that it's like, how many people are we sitting down with and like talking about these things? - Yeah, actually talking to them. - Just asking, like, these tough things, and it's like even like bringing it back to dating, even like going on a first date, it's like, are people having real tough conversations like they want you bringing up? - What does it look like? - Yeah. I mean, I don't know what it's like as I'd feel like the conversations I have, and that's, it's like you said, it's kind of wild out there, you know? - Yeah. - Do you feel like it's like people, what's it called that imposter syndrome, where you can tell that people are kind of putting it on if I saw it. - Yeah. - In the beginning, do you see that a lot? - Yeah. - Yeah. - I think people aren't trying. - So like, be themselves or to date? - They're just not trying. I think there's a word that you have been thrown around a lot. It's like nonchalant. - Oh, you're just boring. Like when people say, oh, I'm not chalant, you're just boring. Like you don't have a personality. - Most people just aren't trying anymore. They're not like, they're not trying to find any sort of interest in the other person. At least that's my point of view from like-- - The dating. - Like dating and like just very surface a little like connections with people. But I think to have a conversation like the one we're having and it's like one, we both have to make time out of our day to be like, hey, we're gonna sit down for an hour. - Yeah. - And like, that means, if I'm taking time out of my schedule, it means that like, hey, I value you, I value you in respect to you as a person, enough to like just sit down and chat. And like just that itself, like most people can't really commit to. - Yeah. - But it's just kind of the world we're living in where everything's just so fast paced, everything so quick, dopamine, quick, sex, you know? - Yeah. I don't know, I agree. I feel like even with like friendships now, it's hard. Like you said, a lot of people don't want to take time out of their day and out of their schedule. Yeah, and I honestly feel like people don't, I agree with that, that they don't talk anymore, it's all. I don't know, yeah. I've never really thought about it until you said it. And then yeah, I agree with it. - Yeah, I want to encourage in a way for people to just sit down and talk. - Yeah. - I mean, like I said, this is what this project is. It's like, hey, can I buy you a cup of coffee and I wanna hear your story. I wanna ask you as many wise I can until you make me stop asking why. - Yeah. - Or like, wow, or like whatever, you know, let me understand your point of view and like your way of life. And I know that I'll grow from the interaction and I know that like with me asking you questions, like, well, both grow ultimately, you know? And just seem like the humanity in each other and it's on to which I think, I think that's what people are forgetting. Everybody that you bump into is like, this isn't like a, I think everything's an interaction of like money. Like it's an exchange of goods. And it's like, no, it's like, you can just, you know, bump into somebody and have a quick conversation and like really cherish that connection that you just made and not want it to be transactional. - I think we've talked about that before too, where I'm like the type of person that kind of just keep it pushing and when people like, even in a store kind of pull me over and like, oh, like blah, blah, blah. I'm like, what do you want? We've talked about that. - Yeah, a little bit. - I'm like straight to it, like what do they want? They want something for me. - Yeah, I think we, like the magic that we talked about earlier, like using that word, I think we lose the magic. Like, man, I bumped into some people that like, just talking to them for like three or four minutes, out on a trail or out on the city. It's like, I talked to them and I was like, man, I was like, I felt like my grandma just hugged me. - Yeah. - Like I felt like my mom just hugged me, just like that quick conversation. And it's like, if I'm so close to mine did like wanting to get from point A to point B that I don't allow myself to like have conversations like this or like bump into that person, then it's like, I don't get to feel that. I don't get to feel like that person's humanity. I don't get to feel their connection. I don't get to feel like the influence that they've carried with them that has now passed over to me. - Do you feel like you've noticed like, those conversations more like in the middle of the day and more towards the end of the day? The reason why I ask you to, I went to Target the other day and I've never really had people stop and talk to me. I can't remember what I was in Target for. And two girls like stopped and like spoke to me and we like had a conversation. Because like, oh this is nice. I feel like, you know, like they're my friends in a way. Like I made a friend and I remember telling my, I'm like, I made a friend. He was like, what were you over there for selling? I made a friend. - What do I feel? - Yeah, it felt weird but good. Because I was like, dang, and I remember telling him, I'm gonna come at Target every day at this time, especially since I'm a stay at home girlfriend now. - Because it feels good to make more friends. - Yeah. And it was weird because I wasn't, I was taken back whenever this girl, she literally asked me, just just washed me out and it was like a shirt. And I was like, what the hell? And then I was like, no. - You know, like, why is this girl asking you this? - Yeah, I'm like, what does she want, you know? But it's like, what does she want? Like, she's probably gonna try to sell me something. - Yeah, and I know. - And that's completely natural. Like, that's how the world used to be 15, 20 years ago. - Because like you said, fast pay. So that's why I ask, like, was it, do you think it's more people who are kind of slowing down and are like maybe stay at homes or have the day off so they have the time? Or do you notice them more like, when you're walking your dog at like 7 p.m. - I'll answer this the long way. - Okay. - Do you remember when you first got the vehicle that you drive now? And you don't have to tell me what view will you have? - The first vehicle that I've ever heard. - Like the vehicle that you have now. Do you remember the first time that you rode it? Like whenever you bought it? - Yeah, I did. - Did you by any chance once you got your vehicle start seeing more of that vehicle around everywhere? - Yes. - Go. - I think that's how it is with like finding the magic. - Okay. - Finding those good moments in life, like those serious moments, it's like the moment that you allow yourself to open your eyes to the fact that it can happen. And you allow yourself to be like a magnet for those events, I think it starts happening. Because like one, you kind of become an initiator slowly of it. So like, I think you allow yourself to relax to the experience. Like your body feels more like, I don't know, like I think I have a resting bitch face at times like if I'm very relaxed, I feel like I don't. And like I go out and probably like and it's easy for you to put an interact with me. So if we allow ourselves to get in this mindset of like, you know, like something great is gonna happen to me today. Where I'm gonna bump into somebody, like I'm gonna give somebody a compliment today. - Yeah. - Somebody might give you a compliment because you're in like that mindset of like, - Yeah, manifest. - Not a big fan of the word, but yeah, I think of like whatever, if you put yourself in that mindset, it will just happen. - Yeah, I kind of, yeah, I agree with that. - So. - Let's see that. - And just seeing the good in the like, in people, like most people don't, I tried this exercise recently where I was like, I'm gonna go out for a week and every day I'm gonna give a compliment to somebody. And that is so awkward. - Yeah. - And it's so awkward to just like give a compliment to somebody you've never met. - I don't think so. I don't think so. - Try doing it. - Okay. - I'm just talking about how weird it was for like, to talk to that girl you never met. - Yeah. - So like try going to a person and like, that you never met, same sex, opposite sex, and like giving a compliment. And it's like, man, like, people think when you're seeing the compliment that you want something from them. Like they think that it's the exchange. And that's like. - Okay. I guess not just a compliment. - And it gets easier once you kind of like realize that it's like, I'm just giving the compliment. I don't want anything out of it. Like it, it becomes different for both of you. But once I started doing it with like, one saying that and it was like, it doesn't matter what they say. Like, I've done my part. I think both people in the end of the interaction left off with something better. - Yeah. I don't know if I could make it better if you just like walk and pass each other real quick. Like, oh, I like your shoes. I'm like, you walk in, it makes it better. Don't do it if you're sending in Lano Walmart. It might be a little awkward. - Yeah. - You're going to a coffee shop and be like, man, the way your hair is today is amazing. But you need a new barber. (laughing) - You should. Here's my card. - Yeah. But it's a smaller moment. I'm like just chasing the magic. - Yeah. - I think I need a little more creative and use different words than magic. But I think that's what it is. - I think it fits. I see what you're saying. - Yeah. - I encourage you to go find the magic. Sometimes this week it's hard to get or something. - I got time. So. - Thank you for joining me for this cup of coffee on the local voices collective. If today's conversation spoke to you, follow the podcast and share it with someone who might connect with it too. I'm Rafael and until the next time. Keep listening, keep connecting. Maybe share a cup of coffee and a real conversation of your own. Tell about finding meaningful connections. Tell about listening. That's all about being better for our community. Have a good day.