S18 E5 - Entering the Desert

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Every core course is open to people of all experience levels, whether you're an experienced backpacker or someone who's never spent a night in a tent, you'll be welcomed, challenged, and supported every step of the way. From celebrating mass on a mountaintop to embracing physical challenge to journeying alongside others who share your faith in the stunning beauty of creation, Core offers a powerful encounter with God in the wilderness. This summer, step into adventure, step into renewal, come experience Core. Listers of abiding together, use discount code abide 10 for 10% off any one US-based course. To learn more, visit www.corexpeditions.org/upcoming-trips. We hope you enjoy this episode. - Hello and welcome to season 18 of the Abiding Together podcast. The Abiding Together podcast is a place where you can find connection, rest, encouragement, and strength on your journey with Jesus Christ. My name is Sister Miriam James Hydland, and every week I'm joined by two of my very dearest friends, Heather Kim and Michelle Benzinger. And we talk about life, we talk about Jesus, we talk about our joyful, sorrowful, glorious, luminous mysteries, we talk about everything. And you are most welcome to join us on the journey. Whatever you're facing in your life, whatever you're fears, whatever your desires, the Lord is with you. So please, grab a cup of coffee, settle in, and welcome home. - Well, hello friends, I would say good morning, but you might be listening to this in the afternoon. Who knows when you're listening to this? But hello and welcome to the Abiding Together podcast on this Monday before Ash Wednesday, before the season of Lent, before complete until the restoration of the heart, y'all. Are you ready? You guys are doing great. - I prefer saying that because that sounds like a really nice introduction to Lent from what it might feel like for some of us. - Oh my God. Lent is kind of earlier this year. I was looking at the calendar. I guess Easter can't be before March 22nd or after something April 25th is 'cause it's a lunar. It gets a lunar celebration. It's like the first Sunday after the pastoral moon or something like that, isn't that fascinating? - It is. It is. I was comforted by, as I was away class night in the middle of the night for many hours. I'm just like, wow, I am just so I have got to get my mind off of what it's on. So I hop on Instagram and there's Father Gregory Pine and somebody says to him, how do you feel about Lent? And he goes, I don't like it. And I was like, thank you. Father Gregory, thank you so much. And he was like, I don't like it. I try to avoid it. I try to not have to give something up because I try to convince myself that life is already too hard. And I was like, dude, why are you speaking right, do we right now? Well, it's actually really comforting. - That's true. Michelle, please, we love you. Say something. (laughing) - Oh, it's hard to hear, Lister. I'm actually, I think this is the first time I've ever done it in 18 seasons. I am recording my pajamas and I just have a signature. (laughing) Because we're recording really early, so we're at the three of our schedules can align. And I am not fully caffeinated or really fully functioning. So, but I'm here. So, good morning. How are you? Good to see you. (laughing) - It's kind of like one of those things where you just kind of start warming up and jogging. So, I mean, by the end of Michelle, you'll be like fully caffeinated. - I'll be ready to go. - You're gonna go, I'm off. - We'll give you a long on ramp here. - Thank you, friend. Thank you, friend. - Good morning. - So, friends, as you know, or if you don't know, we are going to walk through Father Jacques Fleebe's book, The Way of Trust and Love, or Lent. But this is just like an episode to introduce us to Lent. I really wanted to us to talk about Pope Leo's letter for Lent. The Pope usually releases a letter, but as of now, by recording, he hasn't released it yet. So, I would just keep an eye out for that. It's a free, like it'll be produced on the Vatican, and just like the Holy Father's heart for Lent. But what we're gonna do is we're just gonna talk about the leading into the desert by the Holy Spirit. So, the quote that we're gonna use for our time together from Catherine Dordy. And she says, "Lent is a time of going very deeply into ourselves. What is it that stands between us and God, between us and our brothers and sisters, between us and life, the life of the Spirit, whatever it is, let us relentlessly tear it out without a moment's hesitation." And from the Gospel of Luke, Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness, where for 40 days, he was tested by the devil. So, on that light note, Heather, what are you doing? You wanna start us off? What's stirring in your heart today? - Yeah, I just wanna harken back to our conversation with John Eldridge, where the majority of what we were talking about and everything was about union with God. And I think that really, that's the lens that we have to look at, Lent through, instead of it just being like, okay, this is six weeks where it couldn't be so hard, and I'm not gonna like it, or I am gonna like it because I'm just like tough, and I just wanna barrel through a whole bunch of things that are bothering me, that it really is an invitation to deeper union. And for the Lord to reveal to us the places in our life, especially maybe where our identity is being attacked and where we need to come back into a loving embrace of the Father to hear him speak again to us. And that's the reason why we chose the Scripture. It says, Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, and he was led by the Spirit into the wilderness. And I think often we think about Lent, like, okay, it's just happening to me, instead of like an invitation, like maybe the Holy Spirit, not well, not maybe. The Holy Spirit is inviting us through the church, through this beautiful season, to have an encounter with God again. And why did the Holy Spirit lead Jesus out there? I think these are the questions that we wanna sort of ponder today, Michelle, what are some of your thoughts? - Yeah, when I was thinking about it, Lent also means springtime. And yeah, I'm ready for some springtime. But what is it that needs to come to life? And one of the scriptures that's been like swirling around my head is a wake-o sleeper. And I'm thinking where are the areas that are aligned dormant from the winter that need to come to bloom? Like where are the areas of my heart that are really lied dormant? Or were the areas of my heart that are deadened? Or just more, so probably numb. Like where are the areas of my heart that are numb? That the Lord just really needs to put his healing springtime touch on. But I love what you said, Heather, like we can't do this without the Holy Spirit. So where is the Holy Spirit leading us? You know, one of my favorite quotes I've mentioned on the podcast a couple of times is, you know, Saint Faustina, and following the inspiration to the Holy Spirit is one of the quickest routes to holiness. So the Lord is gonna lead each of us, the Holy Spirit in different ways. So what one person's Lent looks like is not what another person's like. So it really means allowing the Holy Spirit to be the master of our interior life and saying, where do I need to be? Where does springtime need to come in my own personal life? 'Cause we can do all the things and we can make all the Lent and Lists, you know? And I mean, I can talk a big game at the beginning of Lent. But where is the Holy Spirit inviting me to? Because if he's inviting to, he's gonna walk alongside us intimately in that place. And that's where it's gonna bring transformation. So yeah, this what I was thinking about for Lent. What about you, sister? - I really appreciate what you guys are sharing here. And I think more and more, the more I grow as a person, the more important it is to follow the inspirations of the Holy Spirit. Otherwise, Lent becomes our little project. And it's my thing and it's what I'm doing. And then it goes back to ungodly self-reliance. Then it's me trying to fast, or it's me trying to pray. And then we get frustrated, or then I'm frustrated that you're not doing what I want you to do. It's like, so I think turning back to the Holy Spirit and asking the Holy Spirit. And even if you're listening right now and you have some ideas of professing and almost giving, which are the traditional methods of healing in our church, in our tradition. Even if you have some ideas, I would turn that back to the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is just really what you're asking. And write it down and share it with somebody. So it doesn't remain a private thing 'cause it's important for us to be able to share and trust its circles of like, here's what I think God is asking of me. And to continue to turn that back to the Holy Spirit because the Lord is a Holy, like the Catechism says, "The Holy Spirit is the only one that can fathom the human heart and know it fully." You and I cannot fathom our hearts and know it fully. We have a certain amount of self-knowledge given by our intellect. But the Holy Spirit is the only one that can reveal to us the truth of who God is and who we are and what's happening. So I think it's so important for us right away to understand that is not our own project. It's a journey led by the Holy Spirit for transformation, for union, for communion. That's a good word. That's good. I think we're done. (laughing) And so, minutes and 26 seconds in, we are finished. Yeah, really, I mean, what should be happening in our heart as we experience maybe that stinging part of whatever we give up if it's something difficult that the Lord has invited us to give up because those things might be causing, I mean, they might be the thing that is taking up space that the Lord is like, "I actually want to take up that space." Like, would it be okay if I take up that space instead of this thing? Or maybe it's just going to create like a hunger for God. It's going to make us keenly aware of like, "Oh, I depend on a lot of other things." For comfort. And so if the prayer our heart through whatever that it might be a stinging sensation or maybe it's like, "Oh, yep, this is a little bit hard, this one. The prayer really should be Jesus, I love you. I love you. That's what should be coming out of our heart instead of the focus on just the thing that we're giving up or whether it be how well we're doing with giving up that thing or how hard it is about giving up that thing, that it really isn't about the thing. I think we so often can just stop right there and maybe miss some of the greatest fruit of what Lent has to offer because when the Spirit leads us into the wilderness, I think we're exposed a little bit. That might be uncomfortable, but it might be the thing that we need to really encounter real parts of our heart that might get hidden by all of these things we pile on them during the other seasons. I love what you were saying. The scripture there, the Spirit led Jesus in the desert and the his ability in the desert we were talking about this earlier was to really confirm and affirm his identity and to test his identity. I almost wonder thinking about us, the journey that we've been on and abouting together podcasts, what would look like for each of us personally, but even for our dear listeners, what is the Holy Spirit, whether you said expose or I would say illuminate about each of our identities, about daughter, about bride, about mother, about sister. What is he really want to speak over that we're beloved? Yes, but what does he want to go deeper in because we're always going deeper in our identity? I feel like I've never will exhaust my identity as daughter or bride or mother. Just when I think that I've conquered this frontier, but because it's not something to conquer, it's something to be illuminated. It's something to be in union with. It always goes back to what we were talking about with John and the great mystics in our whole Catholic traditions, union. What is he want to illuminate about our identities? Where does he want to go deeper? Where does he want to go where we're not rooted in this certain identity? I think that's the question. So there will be testing and there will be stretching because I would love to say that we just don't grow without it. I would love to say we do, but I don't know. I just don't grow unless I'm stretched or pushed or uncomfortable or anything. Yeah. So what about you, sister? That's so true. Maybe we can put this in the show notes. Heather, you prepared the notes for today and I love what you say here. You say one of the reasons for the incarnation is for Jesus to be our model of holiness. The desert reveals and secures the identity of Jesus. Every temptation was an assault on the identity of Jesus. Notice the tempter's words. If you are the Son of God, the wilderness becomes the place where identity is challenged. It's interesting. This has been a theme for our podcast since we've started. We've talked about this several times in different formats. I think the Holy Spirit highlighting something in our own lives. My spiritual director was talking to me about something in my life that was really painful. He said, "Sister Rimm, just remember, this is not about the current thing." The current thing is certainly a thing that needs to be brought into communion, but it's revealing places in your heart where you're not abiding in the Lord. So he said, "Turn your face back to the Lord and come into a reconciliation with the Lord and say, Lord, what are you? What are you doing here?" Because it's so easy, isn't it, to get stuck with the current thing and make it all about the thing or the person who's hurting us or whatever is happening? That's just the Lord meets us there, but He's always about going to the core because it's highlighting places in my own insecurity and the Lord is inviting me to the truth of my identity. I think in times of rupture, in times of struggle, what's challenges our identity? Who am I? Then what's happening? Who am I? Who do I belong to? Where do I go? The Lord is like, "I don't know. You come here and we can move through all the difficult things, but we're going to move through them in communion, not you trying to figure it out and protect from the pain or stop it from happening, but moving in communion with Christ." And I think that's the way of Jesus. That's a very different way of relating than I think most of us are used to. It is interesting to note that Jesus was just baptized. The Father just spoke these beautiful words over him. This is my beloved Son. Who am I? Well, please. That is his deepest identity is beloved Son. This is for us too. In our baptism, this is our deepest identity as beloved children of God, sons and daughters of God. When Jesus goes into the desert, that's specifically what the enemy just keeps challenging. And Jesus doesn't have anything else. It's like, either He's going to lean into the voice of the Father or He's going to believe the voice of the enemy who's coming to Him. And so I think when we step back and maybe look at things in our life and go, "Wow, what is the Father wanting to speak that I just haven't been listening to because I've really just been consumed with the voice of the enemy." And maybe I haven't even realized it. And Lent sort of gives us that time of everything being stripped away, hopefully, so that we can experience that illumination you were talking about, Michelle, so that we can see, so that we can hear again. I think just some of the things that Jesus is modeling for us is dependence versus performance or trust versus control or security versus grasping and obedience versus pride. And I'm like, "Okay, when I look at those, I'm like, okay, we got a lot of growing to do in this little heart of mine." But once again, it's not like a daunting thing that I have to do myself. It's an invitation into really listening to the love of the Father that is being spoken over me that allows me to just go, "I don't need any of that anymore. It's freedom." You know, like when we really are being rooted in the voice of the Father over us. And it takes the posture of what it says in Hosea. You know, he leads her into the wilderness of the desert to speak tenderly to us. I'm working through a song of songs again and I'm doing a really great study right now. I love it. It's a big area beginning. They were talking about how Yahweh and Arabic means impassioned one. And I love that title of him. But it was interesting. This actually made me cry. We've had snow here. As you guys can see, this Florida girl is adjusting to whatever. But our mass schedule at our parish has been really crazy because they don't have infrastructure here. They can't plow roads. Yada, yada, yada. Anyway, so the other day, it was the feast of the presentation. And I was like, I have to get to mass. And the roads weren't clear in whatever. But I was like, I have to get to mass today. It was just like this deep desire. I needed to see. But I was taking the approach. I just needed to see him, which was beautiful. But I got to mass. And this makes me cry. I'm like, I'm here. I just wanted to see you. And he's like, no, I wanted to see you. It was like his language. And I was mixed with Christ thinking, his unrequited love is so much deeper than my love for him. His delight and desire for me. It was just one of those times where he experienced like, oh my gosh, his desire for union with me is so much greater than my desire for him. And that is such a beautiful starting place because it leads us into the place of abiding. It leads us into the base of like just leaning on him and falling into his arms. And it is not this like to-do list and it is not this striving. It's just this falling into his arms, you know, and he's impassioned for us. And really just to all of a so focusing on the delight of the Father. Like when I got to mass, I looked up and I was thinking like, the Father just like, there's our girl, you know, that kind of, it was just like, oh man, this is like the dance of the Trinity where they're like so excited to see like, come sit at the table. Tell us everything. Come sit at the table. We got your heart. We got your girl. And that's the invitation of Lent to come back into the truest form of who we are and come back to receive the fullness of love. And everything else is second. Yeah, sister, what are your thoughts? Well, thank you for sharing that, Michelle. And that's just true. It's any, like the cataclysm says any any response on our part is just that it's a response. And I just think as you share that I'm like, I just think of the kindness of God's love of how often we don't return, I mean, we just don't return his love or just creatures and how the Lord doesn't go off into a corner and pout or like be passive aggressive against it. Like you're like, let me remind you that he just loves. Like he just his identity is secure. God is who he is. Like he is the great I am. And from that security of who God is, he just gives back love. And how beautiful. Don't we all want to be the love? I want to love like that too, just be able to stand in the truth of love. And yeah, there's something so incredible about that of the healing power of consistent steadfast love over time, over eternity. Right. That brings us into communion and and that like you're sharing, that's the greatest thing. The greatest, the greatest of these is love. And that's so true. Yeah, just I'm curious on a practical level. And maybe we could just talk through for a moment. Like how do we discern? How do we each of us discern what we do during the time of the land of the three things that we're being invited into? Because I know for some people they're like, you know, it's like they have 800 things that are on their like, which one? Which one do I choose? So how do we discern? So I'll just start. Like for me, I think the first place that I start is I just sit down and quiet in prayer and I say, Lord, will you just help me see? Is there something that is standing in the way of me drawing closer to you? And I just wait and listen, you know, and that might be not just in that moment, but like for a couple days, I'm just like, we're a few days. I'm just listening. I'm just listening to the Lord. I have that question on my heart. Is there something that I'm going through my day? And I'm just noticing how I'm interacting with various things in my life. You know, whether I'm feeling like a particularly strong attachment to something, you know, whether it be food or media or, you know, whatever it might be. How is my day going? Like what are the things that are taking up the majority of the time? Like what's happening in my thoughts, you know, as I'm going through my day? So usually that's how I discern like what is the thing that I'm being invited to give up. So that's one for me. Michelle, how about you? I don't know. I don't know how I'm actually going to discern it this year. I think I was thinking about it last night. We were talking about doing the subject and I was like, all right, how like going back to my word of the year, harmony, how is the Lord inviting me to intentionally live into that in a deeper way and to look at it that way? And like when Jesus went to desert, He was also free of a lot of distraction. So what is it? What do I need to put in place to be able to hear the voice of the Lord to hear the voice that I'm the beloved for him to speak into place? So what distractions do I need to get rid of? But like we said before, like really taking it to the Holy Spirit, say, all right, Holy Spirit, I think for me, the key is to keep it simple and not do which is how I'll be like, oh, squirrel, and this, and this, and this, you know, and also for us, like to be able to do it personally, but also how do we journey as a family and a couple until then? Like what is it? The Lord calling our whole family into this lens? Because it's easier when you have a whole group of people to journey alongside with you also. So yeah, that's what I would say. That's a great question. Yeah, I think a lot of that's going to vary on our state and life also. So God's not going to ask us to do anything outside of our state of life, even if it looks really holy. So what is your state of life? What are you being asked to do? Are you in a season where you have little kids? That's very different than having grandchildren or being a religious sister priest or single person. So I think understanding like God's not going to ask us to do anything outside of our state of life. So it's going to be congruent and it's going to affirm our vocation and our identity in our state of life. I think, you know, for me for a long time, as even as a religious sister, I never actually turned to the Lord and said, Lord, what are you asking? I'm like, oh, here's Lent, I'm going to do this thing. But now after, you know, being corrected by the Lord, that's like it's amazing how I think it's just my temperament. I'm thinking of this a long way off. I'm like, all right, Lord, Lent's coming. What is this? And I'll sense movements in my heart, like almost like you're saying, Heather of, wow, here's an attachment or here's something that would be really beneficial. So I'm looking at the lens of healing because prayer fasting and alms giving heal is, you know, prayer heals our relationship with God, fasting heals our relationship with ourselves and alms giving heals our relationship with other people. So my end goal is not just to survive the thing. The end goal is like, is this going to bring about transformation and healing? And is it something that really is an offering? And then I'll just keep giving it back to the Lord. So something will come to me like, all right, Lord, is this you? I'll talk to my spiritual doctor about it. Like, is this you? Is this congruent with my state of life where I'm at? And then to be able to, to move into that and to share it with somebody. So we often share our Lent and resolutions with each other because not only for accountability, but also for communion and yeah, and so the Lord can move there. And yeah, that's kind of what I, yeah, as I pondered that this morning, that's kind of what comes to me. Yeah. And with alms giving, it can be as simple as just looking around you within your community. Like, who's in need right now? Like, is it somebody that just had a baby, you know, and part of what I'm going to give is just like, I'm going to be making meals like that's part of it. Or maybe there's someone like in our community, there's someone who has a son that's suffering. There's a ton of medical bills, you know, like it's just like, what a round you? Where are the people right around you? And of course, you're we're all welcome to give to these beautiful charities like Mary's meals and things like that that are doing things in foreign places. But that might be one place to start. Is there anybody in need just right around me in my community? The prayer part, one of the things that I love, our friend Father Justin has said to me several times before, like he talks about prayer as a prescription. And I love that in light of what you're talking about sister like for healing. So if I'm going to add prayer into my Lent, like, and I think about it like a prescription, what is going to be the remedy for certain things that I'm struggling with, you know, whether it be like, oh, like I really need to spend more time in worship because I can't see God clearly. I'm doubting who he is. So I'm going to really just be singing songs throughout Lent that are declaring the promises of God, declaring who who really is allowing that to just like soak my heart in those truths or whatever it might be. So those are usually just I don't know, just maybe some little tools for people if they're having a hard time with that. But again, I think we could just say as we wrap up here, really the goal is union with God. And so how is the Lord inviting us into that? Amen. One thing I did want to say is that one of the best ways we can give alms is to give the gift of our time. Like where we spend our time and where we spend our money, you're very precious to us. And I think for some of us, it's going to be as simple as putting the phone down and giving somebody our undivided complete and total attention. And that is harder than it seems. It really is to give somebody a total attention. And it's the alms of our time, which is precious, right? Like how we spend our time is precious. And so maybe that is, maybe it's after dinner, there's no phone time in the family. It's just it's one-on-one conversations or it's when we go out to lunch. It's just stuff like that where we could like you're both saying we get easily distracted. And then the intimacy is Rob, whether it's in the chapel with the Lord or with some other people. So is maybe that's part of it too, is God asking me to give an alms of my time and my attention because the Lord's always giving us his undivided attention. So that's so good. Yeah, it's awesome. All right, my loves. Do you want to talk about our one thing for the week, Michelle? Are you fully caffeinated? Do you have a couple one things you want to offer to us? I'm good. My have one one thing is actually what's the sponsor for our podcast? I don't know if they have sponsored us yet, but are they will? Depending when this is hitting is Nazareth organics. I absolutely love their skincare and all their stuff. I love their sleep bomb, but I got their antioxidant serum. I love it, especially I can the winner when your skin is dry. But for some reason, ever since I've hit Pyriam and a Paul's, like I cannot, one, I use mostly non-toxic things anyway, but even skincare, like I'll make my skin break out. This stuff does not make my skin break out and I absolutely love it. So Nazareth organics is definitely my one thing. And so what about you Heather? Well, my one thing as it usually is as we begin, is the lent playlist that's on Spotify. So I'm going to put the link. Good girl go. Yep, speaking of worship, if people are like, hmm, I just need to surround myself with like some songs for the desert time. You can find that in our show notes. Yeah. Are you updating it or you got some new stuff in there? Or is it the time to show? Yeah, I always, I mean, there's always things that kind of stay in there. And then I always add some new ones that are kind of fresh, fresh, or old ones. We'll bring it back. Bring it back. So it's called Lant Songs in the Desert. And that's on Spotify. So sister, how about you? I think for me, mine is also a song. And it's a song that came up in my Spotify, like algorithms, that I haven't listened to in a long time. But I heard it and I was like, oh, I needed to hear that. It's the song by Jen. Is it Jen Johnson and Bethel? You're going to be okay. Like, yeah, you're going to be okay. Just, yes, put one foot in front of the other. It's going to be, you're going to be okay. Like God is with you. And I'm like, I wasn't those rushing my teeth. I'm like, I need to hear that. I'm going to be okay. Jen Johnson, thank you. So you know what? You just might need to know on this Monday, before I swine, stay before the season of Lant, that you're going to be okay. And the Lord is with you. And he hasn't left you and he's not going anywhere. And you're going to be okay. All, all she'll be well. I'm going to pop that on the web playlist too. Oh, there you go. Oh, look at you Heather. You're so amazing. It's now a collab with Sister Mary on playlist. There you go. I go, put my little face on. Hey, I drew it into this one. Is there anything our listeners need to know? I'm looking at my bookshelf right now for the way of trust and love. Is there anything people need to know before we start next Monday about our? Yeah, that's a great question. So people have been asking, do I need to read before I listen to the podcast and you know, all that stuff. I would recommend that you do read. It's very short. The way of trust and love is very short. It's so easy to read. It's not like big homework. It's not every day. It's not anything like that. So you can read it and you don't have to listen to the podcast on Monday when it comes out. It does come out on Monday, but you have all week to listen to it. And if you don't get to the reading, that's fine. This list of the podcast, you know, we're not going to hold anybody into feeling like you failed at the beginning of when I mean, just look at the book title. You know, it's the way of trust and love. We're we invited just yeah, into relationships. So yeah, that's it. So they can find everything on our website. We have a web web page, especially for this book. It has the reading guide. That's also posted on our Instagram and Facebook and all of that stuff. So oh, also, chapter, the publisher is getting in more books because people have been like, oh no, they're sold out. They're supposed to be coming in that first week and being shipped out, they're hoping everybody will get them by Ash Wednesday. So sorry, we're doing our best. We can't help it that everybody just rushed and bought that. It's right off the shelf. Yep. It's a great problem to have isn't it? Yeah. Well, dear friends, here we go. We we love you and you do not travel this journey alone. So we're going to be with you every step of the way this lint in season and we're praying for a complete transformation. Untagoree. So until next week, we will buy a button together. God bless you. Have a great week. Happy Ash Wednesday. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode. If you liked it, would you please share it with a friend and leave us a review? 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