S1 Ep2: Ep 2: In the Bedroom . . .

Welcome back to Girls Next Level episode two. Last episode where we left off was I had just gone to my first Playboy party and I just found out that I didn't get Millennium Playmate. I mean, or any playmate for that matter. Do you want to talk about your picture popping up? Yes. So I learned that I didn't get it. I mean, I was absolutely devastated. I mean, I can't even tell you how upset I was. So I just focused on school at that time. I was going and working on my master's degree. So I was just focused on that. And then all of a sudden we get a call from like a friend of a friend who said, oh, I saw Bridget in the magazine in Playboy. And you're like, what? I was like, what? No, I was not in Playboy. I didn't get it. And they're like, no, seriously, I have the magazine. I can drop it by because obviously this was before the cell phones where you just take a picture of it and prove it to me that you saw it. So I was just like, I have no idea what this person's talking about. And so they brought it by. They dropped off the issue. And it was one of these, what do you call them? The flats or the special editions? Because Playboy would put out these other issues that weren't like a monthly version of the magazine. It was just like a sub brand of Playboy. And it would be called like lingerie, book of lingerie or something, but really nude. And they would just put all these other extra pictures of naked women in it. Yeah. Well, this was the Playboy's Playmate 2000 or something like that. Oh, so it was everybody from the surf. It was people from the search. See, that's what I was scared of. That's why I freaked out when I tried out and was like, but don't use the picture if I don't make it. Yeah. Because it's such an odd thing that people, like if posing nude is outside of somebody's boundaries or wheelhouse, they might not understand. But like for us, we really wanted to pose as a playmates. It was kind of like this prestigious thing. You know, they're gonna make you look beautiful. But to have a naked picture randomly pop up somewhere with no context and without the money and without the things that you think is gonna come along with it is like, wait, no, that's super embarrassing. Yeah. Well, this was a few pictures. One of them was the Polaroid from the very first thing I ever did in San Francisco. And then there was like a full page of my part of my pictorial. And I think there might have even been another, there might have been two pages of it. I had to look again to see. But I was just like, part of me was like super excited. And another part of me was like, oh my god, they totally use this without like asking me, telling me, paying me anything. Like what the heck? Like I didn't even know that that was possible. Yeah, it's a big deal. Because like you'd never pose nude before or done anything like that. No, definitely not. Yeah, at the time, Playboy just really had like a proprietary view of anyone who wants to pose nude for us or even try to pose nude for us. We own everything. Yeah. It's rude in my opinion. It's rude to at least not tell me. Hey, we have this new special edition coming out and we're including your photos in it. Look, look for it or here's a copy of it or anything. Yeah. So I was like freaking out. Like I went to all the newsstands and I was like trying to buy up as many of them as I could. And like I said, it was mixed bag. I was part really excited because technically I'm in Playboy now. But but I also am not and I'm not a playmate and I'm not getting paid and I really didn't have any say in this. And like I mentioned before too, this wasn't really the look that I was like hoping. Yeah. It wasn't really me. I didn't feel like but whatever you can't choose those things. But it definitely put a fire under me that like, okay, fine, if they think I'm good enough for this, I'm pushing this. Like what's the next thing I can do? Like I didn't want to just take no for an answer. And did you already have a feel like, okay, I'm already out there nude. So I might as well get the big prize that I came for. I did think that for a little while. I mean, it wasn't that I necessarily thought I could get it but I just thought, you know what, so many people I've heard in my life say don't take no for an answer. Like if it's something you really want, you have to push for it. And I I was ready to give up after that. But I would wake up in the middle of the night. I was having panic attacks. Like I felt like there was something more I should be doing. And I wasn't doing it. And the only thing I could think of was the whole Playboy stuff. And I mean, this would happen all the time. That's weird that you say that because I did that a lot like as a teenager. I would panic and feel like there's something I'm not accomplishing and I need to be doing in my life. And I don't know what like I'm going to school. I'm doing my cheerleading. I'm doing all the things. What else? But it was like I knew there was something else out there I had to do. Yeah. And somebody I think it was on my my paranormal podcast was saying, you can't ignore the calling. When you hear the calling like it'll if you just ignore it, it'll just get stronger. And honestly like I feel like that's what I was feeling. There was something that just kept pulling me saying like I felt like it was like waking me up going, you need to be doing something else. And like you said, like what else could I be doing? I'm getting my master's degree. Which makes you panic more because you're like, I but I am doing everything. What's the other thing? But you know, it's out there. How is this not enough? But then but I knew that I wasn't fulfilled, fulfilled yet too. So I kind of knew and I knew what direction it was pulling me. Yeah, it's so interesting. But I have to you were talking about the mid-summer dream party. Mid-summer night dream party from 2000. And I have to tell you my story about how I got into that because it's so weird. That's so weird that you were there. I know. I mean not weird that you were there and we didn't meet because the parties are about like a thousand people. So they feel pretty big. Aren't the mid-summer's even more than that or is that what they are? No, I think it was a thousand. I mean it got like after we left and they started like selling tickets to the parties. It turned into a mess. That was more. Well, so my sister-in-law at the time went to go see this doctor to get Botox. And I was like, "Oh, I want to go with you." I'd never done anything like that yet. But I was interested in see what it was like for her. And her doctor was like, "Oh, guess where I'm going this weekend?" And we're like, "Where are you?" And he's like, "I'm going to the Playboy." Or not this weekend. Guess where I'm going at the end of the month. And we're like, "Where are you going?" And he's like, "I'm got invited to the Playboy Mansion party." And we're like, "What?" Both of us were like freaky now. And so we had to tell my whole story about testing for playmate and that I'd been to the mansion and stuff. And he was like, "Oh, really? You should go to this party then." As if I could just show up on the board. But yeah. And I was like, "Oh, I don't know how." And he was like, "Well, you just have to call and get yourself put on the list. If you've tested for a playmate, you're probably on the list." And I was just like, "Wait, what? I'm on the list." And then I was thinking back to that Halloween party that I felt like I could have gone to but didn't go to. And I'm still kicking myself to this day for not going to the Halloween party. But so I was like, "Really? I don't even know who or where to call or what." And he was like, "I'll get you the information." And he was going because he was friends with some playmate who got him on the list. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I have no idea. And so anyway, today got me the phone number and I called Jenny. Now we know it does all of the list for the Playboy staff. And I told her I had tested and I was really interested in coming to the mid-summer party. My sister-in-law really wanted to come too. So we both submitted. She said, "Okay, well, it's been a while since you were here. You guys have to submit pictures." So we both submitted pictures. And I got the call that I was invited but she wasn't. How awkward. It's so bad. I mean, she's a lot older than me. Yeah. Probably like 12 years or so older than me. So it kind of made sense sort of that she wouldn't get on the list. But how do you tell somebody that? Exactly. It's awkward. And it's just weird to think about the people in a position of making the guest list. What's she got? They have their criteria and stuff. But they know that you guys want to come together and they're like, "What only one of you can come?" Who wants to go to the party by themselves? That's intimidating, especially if you've never been. You had been for testing but you'd never been to one of the parties. Never. And I was so scared. But I was like, "I can't miss this opportunity then." I have to go. So went to LA, got a hotel room. I had no idea what to wear. No clue. But I ended up getting. I went to Hollywood Boulevard where they have all those stores. Yeah. And I got this pink, baby pink and white corset and this little satin pink panty. And then I got one of those white kind of velvety robes with like the Maribu pink Maribu on the wrist and on the bottom. And I found this little cute bunny-shaped purse. That's what I wore. And I remember pulling it to the shuttle because you don't get to like drive up to the mansion. You have to like park it. The UCLA parking lot. And in your lingerie. The Lamar. Yeah. And walk out in this cement parking lot in your lingerie. It felt so awkward. It was so weird. And then you check in at this bed. They take a polaroid of you to make sure you're worthy of being invited back. Yep. They took polaroids. They checked my ID. They checked me in. I got a wristband and like a hand stamp. The whole works and got on this shuttle and went up and we got in. I got into the party. I was so scared to walk in. Like you said, it's so beautiful. Like I had never seen anything so beautiful and amazing as far as parties and theming goes. Yeah. I was just like in awe. And I did of course see Heff and his girlfriends. But I just, there was no way I was gonna go up and like say hi or anything, anything like that. Why was I so - I'm so balzy. - I don't know. I was just like, there was no way. Like, I'm even gonna go near that. And I just, I didn't know anybody, anybody at all. And I, all of a sudden, I was staying at this table and this guy came up to me and he was super nice and he was older. He said he was one of his hefs good friends and we just like talked all night long and we really hit it off. Not like, not like making out hit it off. Like, we were talking, he is a manager in LA and he did like Pam Anderson and Jenny McCarthy and Vanna White. And I was just like, this is amazing. - He's like a star maker. - Yeah, and we just talked all night and I had told him how I had tested and, I mean, we hit it off so well that after the party at like four in the morning. - Oh wow. - And he introduced me to Doc. - Oh yeah. - And other people, but not have, 'cause I don't know, I don't know why. I think he had already gone up. Oh, you know what? For sure he had. He'd already gone up. So, I mean, have doesn't stay down there till four in the morning. - And also as we know now, like, I guess he wasn't having fun that night. - I guess not, yeah. And so then we went out to Denny's to breakfast afterwards in our PJs or a lingerie or whatever you call it. - I love that juxtaposition. - Yeah. - And nothing happened. We just remained good friends. And after I left that party and went back home, we stayed in contact and it was him that encouraged me to come, that you know what, you could be doing these parties and other events and I could be getting you other kinds of things, but you have to be in LA, like, sometimes I don't know about stuff till last minute and stuff. - Yeah. - And I was just like, oh, I don't know how I'm gonna get to LA. Like, when did you finally move to LA? - What was the date? - December of 2001. I found this amazing apartment in the Miracle Mile area, which is really close to the Grove, if you're familiar with LA. It also, it was great, but they weren't finished yet. They weren't gonna be done till December. So I was like, okay, well, that's perfect because I'll just like wait and move here in December. Little did I know December is a terrible time to move to LA. - No. (laughs) Well, while you were doing that, I started getting invited to the pool parties at the mansion every Sunday. Every Sunday, when it was like spring or summer anyway. They would have pool parties called Fun in the Sun, and they were pretty intimate events. Like, how many girls would you say were invited every Sunday? Less than 20. - Oh, yeah, 'cause I was gonna say 15 maybe. - Yeah, and like a handful of half-sfriends would be there. Some of the guys would be playing tennis, half would be playing batgammon with a couple of his friends, and my roommate and I, the same roommate that went to the party, got invited, and we would go almost every Sunday. And it was interesting because while I was going to these parties, the mansion started to feel like my social life in LA. Like, I wasn't going up on Sunday thinking somebody was gonna look at me and be like, "Oh my God, you should be a playmate." Like, I would love that. That would have been nice, but it wasn't even like that. Like, I started going to the parties because they were the cool parties to go to in town. And then I started going to the pool parties, and it just started to feel like that was my social life. Like, everybody who went to the mansion was so nice, so welcoming, they always seemed really happy to see you. And I was just like a random nobody. Like, people remembered your name. And I loved it. And I didn't have a lot of other friends. You know, I had a few friends from work. I didn't really socialize at school. And that kind of became my social life. And it got to the point where I made friends with Ashley, who also was going up there. And, you know, we would just go to the parties. Like, they used to have a Valentine's Day party, which later became the Marty Girl party. And I remember going to that and just wearing like a backstreet voice t-shirt and these like leather pants. Like, I didn't even like get dressed. I don't even think I wore makeup. Oh, wow. Well, I'm like barely any makeup and just looking like trash. And, you know, like, it wasn't-- I think people, you know, like haters like to talk, like I was going to these parties, like trying to be a girlfriend or trying to be noticed. And don't get me wrong, I would have loved to have been like plucked out of nowhere and made a playmate. But I didn't even think that was going to happen from the parties at that point. I was just like, oh my god, I get to go to like the coolest place that everybody in LA wants to go to. I get to go to these intimate parties on Sunday that are really nice. Everybody's so nice here. Like, it started to feel like a community I was a part of. Yeah. I know what you mean. Well, before I even moved there, but after that party, I started getting invited to the parties then. And of course, I would fly out just to go to the parties because I don't want to miss any opportunities. And then that manager guy would take me sometimes to fun in the sun or at least dinner in a movie at the mansion or different events like that. And so I would come out for some things. But eventually it just got like crazy where it's like, you have to move here or there's just not really longevity in all of that. And he even, he introduced me to Mary. This was way before I even moved into the mansion. And I go to Mary's house and play cards with her. Yeah, when I was going up to the pool parties, I didn't really talk to half. He would come over and be like, hi, Darlin, and give me the kiss on the cheek that he gives to everybody. I didn't really talk to half. But I kind of almost felt like I got to know him in a way, just because there's kind of this cult atmosphere around there because all his friends are so worshipful of him. And I'm not trying to fault these people because they do see a side of him that was great. And I saw that side too when I was new and first coming around there. So I'm not faulting anybody. But when you put it all together, it all adds up to this culty thing where everybody is so worshipful of one person. Like nobody would ever say like the tiniest bad thing about him. So when you're seeing it from that perspective, you start to see him as this really great person. And I remember seeing, I would see like his roster of girlfriends change as I was going to the parties. And it just kind of looked like a chaotic mess. And that's nothing against any of the women individually. But it went from being half with these two twins who are so gorgeous and put together to like kind of this random revolving door of like seven girlfriends now. And every week it seemed to be a different cast of characters kind of and nobody really. And I don't mean this in a mean way, but I mean nobody could look-- when I say nobody looked put together, it's just like nobody could look as put together as the twins did. Like they really created an impression. So it was never really something I wanted to do from that perspective. And I was invited to go out with them a few times. So I always knew it kind of could be an option, but I was just never really interested. Yeah. Well, when I started-- so I moved to LA. And I was coming-- I started coming to the mansion. First, it was just kind of buffet dinners and a movie because it was winter and stuff. And so there wasn't really any fun in the sun. And I would just kind of come to those and go. But a few times, I remember seeing the girls line up to get ready to go. And I would stick around and just sort of watch that sometimes. And it was interesting. And I thought, oh, it looks like they're having fun. But this was the first glimpse I was really getting of Heffin's girlfriends. Or the first real-- any thoughts that I'd ever put into Heffin's lifestyle or Heffin's girlfriends or Heffet all, really. Yeah. I was like, oh, they look like they're having fun. That's great. I thought it just looked great. Everybody did look like they were having fun. That's one thing I'll say. Because when I finally did get to a point where I wanted to move in, I didn't think I was doing anything wrong by making that choice. Like, I feel like there's people who try to villainize me as if I'm out to take advantage of a poor, hunched-over old man in a nursing home or something like that. But it's not like that. He looked like he was so happy with everything that was going on. And like I said, I'd been going to these parties for like a year and kind of seeing from the perspective of like his friend circle, what was going on in his love life. And yeah, there was a revolving door. It didn't look like anyone stayed very long. Like, people seemed to stick around about a year or two years or whatever. But it seemed like he liked that. Like, I thought that's what he wanted. I thought he wanted this constant revolving door of women because he wasn't looking for a commitment. And he was putting almost all of his girlfriends in the magazine. So they were leaving happy and he was happy. And they would still come back and visit. And they were friends. Like, you could see that even from a distance. So I didn't ever think there was anything negative or bad about making the decision to want to move in or be a girlfriend. Like, I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong to anybody. I accept maybe maybe hurting myself, but you know? Yeah. Well, at this point, I was still anti being a girlfriend or anything like that. I mean, I don't even know if anti is the right word, but I was not even-- not even on my radar. Like, I was not-- all I was thinking is, playmate. I just want to get noticed for playmate. And at this-- and I didn't just go to LA just for playmate. I also went there to pursue a career in the entertainment industry. So I had an agent. I had that hooked up before I even came to LA. And I was going on auditions. And I actually was in a couple of movies before even going to the mansion. Like, some big ones too, like confidence and intolerable cruelty. And so I got some good things. I mean, they weren't great. They weren't like huge parts or anything like that. But I was getting some stuff. And I told myself I'm going to get six months. I had like-- I took my savings. And I had six months I felt like to like see [BLANK_AUDIO] was going to happen or not, whether it was Playboy or just like entertainment industry or whatever. So I was, I was hustling. And when I finally decided I wanted to move in, it was only because everything else in my life had fallen apart very suddenly. Like I had made the decision to take some time off from school because like I said, I was kind of trying to do too much at once and kind of failing at all of it because I'm trying to keep my grades good and trying to make money and trying to audition and all the things. So I thought, you know what, I want to do this kind of like whatever in the entertainment industry, whether it's glamour modeling or whatever. And I need to do that when I'm young. I can always go back to school and do whatever else I'm interested in after. So I decided to take some time off school and right around that time, like my friends that I was close to from Hooters that kind of all decided to move back home because things weren't working out for them in LA. And I was living with another girl and her brother and right when our lease was up, I thought we were going to sign the lease again. And she was like, oh no, my parents are going to get us a place like at the last minute. And it's just going to be me and my brother and we can't have another roommate. And it reminded me of that scene from Bridesmaids where Rebel Wilson and her brother in the movie kick out Kristen Wigg and she's like screwed and has nowhere to go because to rent a place in LA you have to have good credit and you have to have first and last month's rent, which I didn't have either. Like I was living paycheck to paycheck, they knew that and they were still like, sorry, you're out of luck. So I was like, holy shit, I don't know what I'm going to do. Like as far as I know, nobody at work is looking for a roommate. Like, what am I going to do? I don't even know how to get money for first and last month's rent together plus my credit sucks. And I went up to the mansion party on Sunday and the staff was talking about how one of the girlfriends had just been kicked out and I thought, well, I think this is time to give it a try. Like it just seemed like everything lined up. Yeah. And I would have never been bold enough to like make that jump or say, hey, I'd love to go out with you guys this week. You know, I would have never been bold enough to do that if I hadn't been completely desperate. Yeah. So you had never even gone out? No. I'd been invited a couple times. So I always thought, you know, I probably could be a girlfriend if I wanted to and don't get me wrong. There were things about it that looked appealing. Like, and I remember one of the girls who was living there at the time, like asked me and Ashley to go up to a room to grab something and it was room four, which is this really cute cozy room with like a little window seat. And she had like the pink striped sheets from Victoria's secret and she had like all they'd just been to Disneyland and like gone on a shopping spray. So she had all this Disney merch, which is totally my vibe. And I just remember looking at the room and thinking, oh, which is this was my room right now kind of. But so there had been like little things that had looked appealing, but it wasn't until I was completely desperate that I was like, okay, yeah, can I come out with you guys this week? Cause I knew there was a spot open. Yeah. Well, for me, I, like I said, did not have that on my radar at all. I was just coming up for fun in the sun, going on auditions, living in my apartment. LA was super lonely for me though. Like I'm very much with, you know, my, I'm very close to my family. And I was here by myself and I just, and it was the holidays and little did I know there were any auditions really during the holidays, like entertainment. Oh, yeah, it shut down for like two months around the holidays. Like if you guys aren't in the entertainment industry at all January and like the first half of, I mean, sorry, December and the first half of January, like you're screwed. Like there's nothing to do. There's nothing like nobody wants to even take a meeting and I had no idea. So I come here in December, early December. And there's just nothing going on. And I'm away from my family and I didn't want to leave for a minute because literally auditions come in like the morning of like, I don't know why they don't know in advance. Yeah. But they'll be like, oh yeah, can you come over here, you know, at two today. So I didn't, wasn't comfortable leaving LA and I was just so sad and so lonely. And yeah, I think that's another thing too is LA can be a really lonely place if you don't already have a community. And I think that's part of why I just resonated with like the circle of half's friends so much. Like I kind of just felt like not that I had any like deep friendships with any of them, but it just felt like that was kind of like my little family here in LA. Yeah. And the manager friend that I had met, like yeah, he was great and everything, but it's not like we were dating or anything. And so he had no obligation to like take me away for Christmas or that or invite me with this family or anything like we, you know, and he's busy with his own life and dating and all that kind of stuff too. So I didn't even have that like I had to try and like find people. I mean, I eventually found like a couple of people doing different things. And so like you said, the mansion starts to become this family. You start going there and then so then the holidays are over and then it turns to fun in the sun and then get invited to that. And that was early. That was like March. They started to be fun in the sun. Like you're in a sweatshirt sitting by the pool. Yeah, whatever. So I was coming up for that. And one of the girls. So we're going to talk about a girl in our story and we're going to call her the recruiter because we're not using real names with some people. Okay. So I was coming up to fun in the sun and the recruiter came up to me and she was one of half's girlfriends. Yeah. She was, yeah, she was one of half's girlfriends. And we call her the recruiter because she felt like she won favor with half by bringing more girls into the group. Yeah. I didn't know this at the time. I just knew she was a girlfriend but she really befriended me and she was really nice and she just seemed really fun. She invited me up to her room one time. I mean, her room. I was blown away by her room. She had so much stuff in her room. Did she have like a stripper pole and like a carousel horse and like stuff like that? I don't know if she had those things but it fits the image in my mind. Like it was. I think X-S. Like if Hello Kitty like came into her room and vomited and then had diarrhea, that's what it would look like. Well, I guess I like Hello Kitty vomit and diarrhea because I was like, oh my god, her room is amazing. No, it was like campy fun. Yeah, everything was so cute. And then another girl that I became friends with was named Stacey and we were going to, that's her real, well, her real. Stacey, we love Stacey. Yeah. And we're still friends today, by the way. We have to get Stacey on the pod because her story is wild. Yeah, oh, for sure. We do. I think she'll do it. Yeah. Yeah, so I became friends with Stacey and she was the most relatable to me. I felt like she was the friendliest and just like fun and nice and so we really hit it off. And so I felt like I was kind of getting some friends at the mansion and stuff. And like you said, all of the people that work there and come there too that are heaps friends and stuff are also very welcoming and nice. So you start to feel like you have kind of a family around you. And then one day I was at my apartment and I got this phone call and it looked like a mansion number but I didn't answer it because I didn't recognize it and then I listened to the message and it was heath. Yeah, getting your first phone call from heath is jarring. Yeah, because even though I was spending a lot of time at the mansion and obviously I know him, like I never thought I would get a phone call from. Yeah, because he doesn't really talk to people. Like he'll come up and like I said say hi, darling and like give you a kiss on the cheek and like maybe say two words but that's about it. Yeah. And so I was like, oh my god, he was calling me and he was like, oh hi. So you know, a couple of my girlfriends said that you're really fun and that they'd like to, we were thinking about inviting you out, which I knew the two girls that he's the girls that he's talking about had to be the recruiter and stacey and because I wasn't really close to anybody else. And he was like, we thought it would be really fun to have you come out with us and I was just like freaking out. Like what do I do? Yeah, so what did you tell him? So I call him back and I was like, you know, I really appreciate your offer and I think that's really sweet and I'm sure it would be like tons of fun to go out with you guys or anything but I've heard stories about like what happens when you guys go out and I What did you hear? Because I'm curious. I heard that it got really wild and I heard that there were drugs involved. I heard there was lots of sex involved. Really? Yeah and that it was just like wild. Because I hadn't heard anything before I actually went out with them and like I'm not dumb. I know something goes on. I didn't know what like I didn't know if he had sex with all the girls. I didn't know if it was just girls hooking up and he watched. I didn't know if it was like him maybe hooking up with one person a night and everybody else doing stuff like I didn't know what it was. Oh, I had no idea what it was. All I could think of in my mind were just these wild crazy orgies and drugs and like alcohol like I just I had these wild crazy visions but everyone's very tight lips. So you never really know. There's so tight lipped and there's a lot of plausible deniability too because no one talks about it. Like the girls will not admit to having sex with him back then. Like they like after I moved in the recruiter told me don't ever say you have sex with him. We don't say that and if we do we just blame it on Tina because Tina was the main girlfriend at the time so they would just throw Portina under the bus to make their story sound more believable but back then no one admitted to it and there was one girl friend Katie Lohman who went on Howard Stern and full on said she didn't have sex with that and half was not happy. And he's, you know, he was mad about that. But-- And they believed her? I feel like they would tell her no way. No, they believed her. They were just like, oh, I remember Robin was like, oh, yeah. It's just like a kind of a dirty old man thing. Like, she's like, yeah, we walk around naked in front of him. Because I feel like back then too, a lot of people didn't buy it. They thought the whole multiple girlfriend thing was a publicity stunt. And there's no way a 75 year old man is having sex with all these girls. Well, I feel like even when we were there, not to jump ahead, but just to say really quick, if I said, yeah, we all have sex, or yeah, we have sex with him, people would be like, no, you don't. There's no way. There's no way he's 80, or he's 70, whatever, whatever the interview was. And so there's no way. They wouldn't believe me. And then if I said, no, nobody has sex with them. People would be like, there's no way he's letting you girls stay there. You're not having sex with a boyfriend. Yeah, it really went both ways. Like, nobody really knew what was going on. And there was no way of finding out, at least I felt before I actually went up stairs, because no one would talk about it. Yeah. Well, so back to my phone call with him. I said, you know, I think it's really sweet. Thank you for the invite. But I've heard stories about what goes on when you guys go out. And I just don't really think that's what I'm here for. And technically, I'm still married. And what I really am here for is play me. And so if an opportunity like that is to come up, please keep me in mind. But not really interested in going out. But thank you. Thank you. It was like very sweet about it. Yeah, he was very nice about it. So I guess now we have to talk about actually going out with Hath and what happened that night. And I was so nervous to do this episode because you guys Bridget and I went deep into the research to get our timeline right for these prequel episodes. Like, we looked into our scrapbooks. Like, we looked up things that other girls from that era had said. And it was like, I'm glad we did it for the podcast. But it was so stressful. Like, I feel like I've had random little health problems since we've done that just because I was so stressed out by it because it put me back into that time period. It put me back into it too and Nick, who's my fiance at the time at this time, was like, why are you reading that shift? It's going to put you in such a bad mood. And if it's going to like upset you so much, like, I was having PTSD for me too 100%. Because what you guys have to understand is that during the years we lived there, where when we filmed girls next door, we had some good opportunities and some fun times. But I always say I lived there during the best of times and the worst of times. Because if you look at all the eras that have had girlfriends, I think in a way we had it the best because we got a TV show. And like, we got to be on the cover four times and like, all these things during the girls next door. But when we lived there for like three or four years before, it was a nightmare. Yeah. It was an absolute nightmare. It was just horrible. Like, the other girls were impossible to get along with. There was constant backstabbing. I just felt like I was living in constant fight or flight. Like, oh my god, I'm either going to be out on the street homeless or I have to put up with this shit. It was horrible. So it's been a stressful couple of weeks just going over all that stuff. Yeah. So you moved in a few months before I did, or like six months before I did something like that? I moved in at the end of August of 2001. Wait, so you moved in like-- Oh, wait, 2001. Like nine months before you moved in? Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. So I was told that-- so when I told half, you know, I'd love to go out with you guys this week. And he's like, oh, yeah, I'll have the secretary give you a call. So I got a call. I don't even remember who called me if it was Mary or Jenny or who it was. But they said meet in the great hall at this certain time. And I was panicked just scrambling, trying to find something appropriate to wear. You know? And I went up there. And nobody was down in the great hall at the specified time. Everybody was late. And there was one other girl down there who wasn't a girlfriend. And she was like, oh, hi. This is your first time going out. And I'm like, yeah, I should have like, I already went out with them. And I was like, oh, shit, I have competition. Because I thought one spot had opened. And I was going to come in and take that spot. And I was like, oh, no, there's competition. And I remember right before everybody came down, she goes, see you know, like after everybody kind of like hops and a bed, right? And instead of doing the smart thing and asking for the details and how it went down, I was so intimidated by the fact I had competition that I was like, oh, yeah. [LAUGHTER] Which looking back, that is so dumb. I should have like mentally prepared myself and tried to get some information if she would have even given it to me. But at the time, I was just like, oh, yeah. Like, no, I feel like she would have told you stuff if she's going to say that much. I feel like she would have told you more. Maybe, but I kind of got the feeling. And I don't know if this is where she was coming from. Oh, wait, when she just turned to scare you off before you even did it? That's what I thought. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if that was really her intention. Maybe she was being nice and trying to warn me. Maybe she was like, oh, my god, who is this hick from the stick she's out of her league. But at the time, I thought she was kind of trying to scare me off. Because I thought, oh, this is my competition. Yeah. So I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, sure. So then everybody comes downstairs. We get in the limo. We go out like-- I mean, one thing about the recruiter girl is she was super friendly. And she did make me feel really at ease. Yeah. But of course, there's a reason for that. So we went out to a club. And I just remember drinking so many vodka cranberries all night because I was so nervous. And we went to Las Palmas, which at the time was the hottest club in Hollywood. And I'm not kidding you. You could go to Las Palmas and see all the biggest celebrities at the time. Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake would be at one booth. And the Christina Eguillero would be across the room. And then in sync, everybody was there. It was crazy. Yeah. So it was really like novel to me to have that access to be able to sit in the VIP. But I was so nervous and I was just drinking. And I remember at one point I was sitting next to half. And he leans over to Ward-Me. And he offers me a Kueh-Lude. He's like, would you like a Kueh-Lude? And I honestly thought I was being tested because I had seen one of the documentaries he'd shown about himself when I was up there for a buffet. And in the documentary, it told a story about one of his employees from the '70s Bobby Arnstein who had killed herself because she was caught up in a drug investigation. Like I guess the authorities were trying to like get half on drug charges. And they caught her with cocaine or something. I don't know the details of the story. So sorry if I got that wrong. But they were pressuring her to testify and she ended up killing herself. And then the documentary, when they talked about that, they would talk about how ever since then Huff never had drugs at the mansion. Because, which later I would find I was a complete lie. But in the documentary, they're like, Huff never had drugs at the mansion because he always feels like people are out to get him. So I thought he's testing me. Like he wants to make sure that he's not inviting someone to live in his home that would do drugs or bring drugs in. Because I bought the shit. Like why would I not? Like I sat there and watched the documentary with everybody else who nobody's objecting to it. You bought into the story. Absolutely. So I said, no, I don't really do drugs, which is true. And he was like, oh, OK, you know, I really don't either. But you know, in the '70s, we used to call these thigh openers. Oh. And I was like, OK. Yeah. So when we went back to the room, I have a hard time even remembering it because I was that wasted. Like I had been downing drinks all night. Why would you think you drank so much? Was it just because you were having such a good time or was it because you were so nervous about being there or nervous about what was to come? Nervous. It was like a compulsive thing. Like when you're compulsive eating or compulsive drinking, I was so nervous. And I was having fun too. Like don't get me wrong. Like some of the girls were nice and-- or seemed like they were nice at the time. And going to that club was really cool. But I was super nervous because I was like, this was like, maker break. Right. So I got really wasted, went upstairs, like somebody ran a bath in his bathroom, and everybody was like supposed to get in the bath. But nobody really did. I think it was just me and one other person. I just remember kind of putting my feet in the bath. And I remember after a long night of dancing and high heels, that felt really good. Yeah. I was excited to put my foot in the hot bath. It's probably just you and the other new girl. I think so. Like I don't remember who it was. But they were just like one other person. Because I think at this point, everybody else was living there was just so over the routine. And just wanted to get it in and done with as soon as possible. Nobody wanted to waste their time with a fucking bath. So I go over to the bed. The other new girl is already laying there. There's like vibrators laid out for everybody. I'd never used a vibrator in my life. So I'm laying there waiting for everybody else. And I don't even remember everybody else walking in. I just remember laying down. And then all of a sudden, everybody else is there. And the first thing that happens is the recruiter says, daddy-- I'm gagging as I've seen this-- but everybody's called daddy in the bedroom, which is so gross. So she'd be like, daddy, do you want to get the new girl? And I shit you not. Next thing I know, he's on top of me. And I was like, OK, so-- He was on top of me. Yes, I was laying at the end of the bed. Because later on, things would get so routine. He wouldn't move. He would be like a bump on the log in the middle of the bed. But also, I wasn't getting up. So I guess if he thought I was the first one, he was going to have sex with. He had to get up because I was so fucking wasted. So I just hear her going, daddy, do you want to get the new girl? And next thing I know, he's on top of me. And I'm like, OK, so that happened. And then I don't even remember what else happened the rest of the night. The next thing I remember was that hef was telling the recruiter Get her a pair of. of pink pajamas and she'll stay in your room tonight. And then I just stumbled out of there and she handed me a pair of pink pajamas because he had in his closet like rows and rows of like different pajamas that he would wear during the day and then he had blue flannel pajamas that he would wear at night and then he had like a huge set of pink flannel pajamas for the girls and it's funny because I think his wife Kimberly started that like I think the pajamas were ordered for Kimberly so how weird for her to know that all his random girlfriends and like one night stands are all like wearing those pajamas that she started. Like that's so weird to me. But not to change the subject or it's not changing the subject but not to interrupt that other story you're telling but I just want to say about those pink pajamas are still to this day like the best pajamas I've ever worn and I wish I still had a pair so bad. They were so comfortable. They were like super big and baggy and how like drawstring waist. I love them. I want a pair. Yeah. So the recruiter like took me down to a room and I remember we even stayed up after that and like ordered food and stuff and I just remember thinking okay well I need to move in now. Like now that that happened and I've had people ask me before well if you didn't like the sex or if it freaked you out why didn't you just leave but you have to understand like if I were to just leave I'm going back to my problems of not having a place to live plus I just had sex with this guy which to me is like a big deal like I'm not a big like one night standard like I'm not that liberated amazing if you are but I just had sex with this guy and the only community I feel like I'm a part of in LA I feel like everybody in that community is going to know I had sex with him randomly like how embarrassing like I better move in and be a girlfriend. Yeah. Like it would there was no other option for me at that point in my mind. So the next morning I found him and I was like hey I heard you have a space open do you think I could move in and see how it goes I'm kind of in between places to live and he goes and he's kind of taken a back like I don't think he's used to people being like that up front or right away like I don't think people ever move in that quickly. Yeah. But he was like oh yeah yeah sure we'll see how it goes. So then within two days I was moved in and then he took me aside in the hall after a couple days and said I think this is going really well. Nice. Nice but I mean I'm glad I got to. Yeah. I mean done it out of it. Yeah. That was wanted. Exactly. And it was fast. Yeah. But I think that whole experience was kind of traumatic to me and I know people you know would debate like well you know you went up there obviously knowing some sex was going to happen. Yeah. But I didn't know what I thought I would have a chance to kind of see what's going on. See if I was comfortable with it and I never in a million years thought that I would be the first person he tried to have sex with. Because I was new. Yeah. I thought I would have a chance to kind of go up there see what it was all about. I didn't even know if I would have to have sex on that first night. Yeah. I thought maybe I'll want to you know throw myself in there if I want to make a good impression. But you know that was all just in my head like well maybe this is what will happen. Like I never thought I would be the first person to have sex or that would happen that quickly. So people can debate you know how much I should have been prepared for but what people can't debate is how it made me feel. And I just remember feeling so gross and so used like I felt like this girl was being so nice to me and so welcoming. But really I was just like another piece of meat for her to throw under him so she looks better and she wins points. And I'm like fuck this I'm not going to be used this way I'm going to get what I came here for. Yeah. Absolutely. And I just wonder like how many girls over the years like went out with us and like went upstairs and maybe they took the Kueh loot because they didn't know what a Kueh loot was like this was back before like wolf of Wall Street where we had any like cultural touchstones to even tell us what a Kueh loot was. Yeah. I only knew about it because I remember like looking the word up because I came across it in a book a long time ago like Kueh loot weren't commonly in use in the 2000s and nobody was really talking about them at all. So I can only imagine like how many girls took the Kueh loot did something they would totally not usually do and just woke up the next morning feeling like shit. Yeah. I think a lot of people because I remember there would be girls that would be invited out upstairs with us one night and he would like call and like ask that girl out again and she would just disappear. Yeah. Well, I mean it definitely brings about certain feelings like sometimes I think you think you're experimenting or you think you know this is just a fun night thing but then there's a lot of emotion involved and a lot of guilt sometimes and yeah. It's not for everybody. Yeah. And just feeling like anytime you feel like you're pushed in before you're ready it sucks. Yeah. Especially when you're pushed in by somebody specific you just feel like oh wow I've just been fucking used and my only way of standing up for myself was being like well I'm going to get what I came here for. Right. Yeah. So I think you know looking back I think that situation was pretty traumatic for me. I didn't even realize how traumatic it was until I was talking because I always hated talking about it. Like I felt like when I wrote my book I felt like I had to talk about it because you're missing a big part of the story if you don't say what goes on in the bedroom. But honestly the only reason I was even like Kendra had already talked about it in her book and like other girlfriends that come out and talked about it and usually when they would talk about it they would do the same thing that the other girls used to do with Tina who was the main girlfriend then they would throw me under the bus and be like oh well I only had sex with them once and then I never had sex and it was always just Holly. And I'm like that's bullshit. Oh my fuck off. But I never wanted to talk about it. I was never comfortable talking about it. I was just breaking down and I felt like a Westworld robot. I would just shut off. Like even the director would refer to it as me coming offline and going offline and going back online. Maybe I was just so traumatized by the suddenness of it and I was so wasted that I just kind of shut off. Yeah. I definitely had like a mental break that night. Yeah. Like I said I told them no I didn't want to go out and then a few months went by and I just thought you know what? What do I have to lose? Like nobody's going to make me do anything I don't want to do. So I thought. So you thought? Yeah it doesn't kind of feel like like one of the reasons I rationalized it and thought you know what I could be a girlfriend because like I was 22. I had just you know got out of college. I thought this is my crazy college story like I had never been like a part year in college or like done anything really crazy. Yeah. I thought this is going to be like I'm going to be here for like a year maybe two years and it's going to be like that crazy thing I did back in my college days that I tell stories about when I'm older. Little did I know I would be telling as much of a story about it as I am now. Yeah. Right. But wasn't kind of that feeling like oh it's just like for sure. For sure. I mean I had just graduated with my master's degree it was like a make or break time for me I either have to like get a career now or like try this crazy entertainment industry in LA and the playboy thing and stuff and I felt like that was really what was pulling. I knew I always had that education to fall back on. So you know when I came to LA and I was doing all of this stuff and I got that phone call from HIF and I said no but then after a couple of months I was really thinking about it and I thought you know what I'm turning down that's like a really cool opportunity and I don't even know what I'm missing out on. And no one's going to make me do anything I don't want to do like no he's going to make me do drugs no he's going to make me have sex if I don't want to and then I thought you know what maybe it's like little little like maybe I'd never really been wild sexually or anything like that like I had been married in the past and married young. So like that I'd never done anything like that and I just thought you know what maybe I just need to live a little and do something more and so a couple months later it was actually sinko to my out and for whatever reason I dressed up like Karma Miranda and I know that's not sinko to my out but I just did it anyway and I brought all of these little shots of like tequila and jack Daniels for half. I'd met you in passing when you would come up with your manager friend you know for dinner and stuff but I didn't recognize you because you were dressed up in this costume and you came up and you said oh do you want do you want happy sinko to my out and like pass me a thing and I thought oh my god she's so cute and I assumed you were like hired to work at like maybe a promo party that was going on at the other side of the property or something. Well I mean this was a real deal Karma Miranda like it had all the fruit on the head. I mean it was really cute and and then in in Hefsl little package that I had given him with the jack Daniels and stuff in it it had a note for me and it said if the offer is still open I would love to come out with you guys sometime and he got up and he let gave me the big laugh and a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and said we'd love to have you with do a picture we took a picture in the outfit so it was a Sunday and I literally got called on Monday to go out with them on Wednesday and same with you be there at 10 o'clock like me in the great hall and it was just like panic what am I gonna wear everybody like I'd seen all the girls me all look so cute and had all these crazy fun boots and big hair styles and like I didn't even know where to begin with anything like that and so I just had some black lagging pants and like a black half shirt and like a little star glitter belt and I was like you know no like whatever and I went to the mansion like that yeah I felt I felt underdressed and not not good good enough really to be there. But whatever I was there and I was excited and nervous, very nervous but also excited and I just had it in my head. Nobody's gonna make me do anything I don't wanna do. I'm just gonna, if any point I feel pressured or don't wanna do something, my car is here. I can get a taxi home 'cause it's before Uber too. (laughing) I can walk home if I have to. Like, I'm just not gonna do anything I don't wanna do. And we get in the limo and we're driving to the club and it's really fun. I mean, they have like the recruiter gets this mix CD that she makes ahead of time. She puts it in and it had all this fun music and it had all this dance in and they're popping champagne and I mean, it was just so much fun. The limo is packed with like goodies, like cookies and candy and chips and the champagne and vodka and everything's on ice and we're like pouring champagne for everybody and toasting and then he did ask if I wanted a quailude in the limo. And I was like, no. And then later the recruiter, actually, I don't even know if it was just the recruiter but it could have been a couple of girls told me, don't tell him, no, just take it. And you don't have to actually take it but just take it or also quit giving them to us. And why do you think the other girls wanted him to keep giving them? Do you think they were selling them or like keeping them and taking them recreationally on their own time? - I had absolutely no idea but I just assumed they were taking them and they said, if I said no, then if they said just stick it in your purse or whatever because they were afraid that he would stop giving it to them. - Oh, interesting. - Like he was saying that we weren't interested and Marcel was like, oh, okay, so I won't say no. - Well, I'm probably, I can only imagine where these Kuehludes came from. Like I don't know if they were like backstock from the '70s because we know from the secrets of Playboy documentary that he was constantly getting like multiple prescriptions filled with like using other people's names to get like the stash of Kuehludes. - Wait, he was? - Yeah, no, I forgot, you didn't watch it. Okay, so one of his secretaries from the '70s said that he would use her name, that secretary who was a 19 year old at the time. Sandra's name, his 19 year old girlfriend, to get a prescription of Kuehludes, Mario Conner's name, his own name, like all these names, and he uses the names of people who are dependent on him, whether they're people who depend on him for their job and their income or the 19 year old girlfriend who's so in love with him, like he uses those people's names to get Kuehludes' prescriptions filled every month. So he would just have this giant stock of Kuehludes. - Oh, I did not know how he got him because I thought, I thought, I didn't know if they were actually Kuehludes. I mean, still to this day, I don't know if they were really Kuehludes, like-- - I think it's safe to say they probably were. - Yeah, or if they were just something Kuehludes like, you know. - Like a giant horse pill sedative. - I don't know, because I actually don't even really know what a Kuehludes does or what it would make you feel like, like other than Wolf of Wall Street, which they took a whole bunch of 'em. - It's supposed to like really loosen you up and just like make everything feel good, and that in turn leads you to do like a lot of sexual things you wouldn't ordinarily do necessarily. - Yeah, just kind of lower your inhibitions and-- - Yeah, and it's interesting that the established girlfriend's thought that if the new girls were turning down the Kuehludes, he wouldn't hand them out to anybody at all, which to me tells me he had more interest in handing out Kuehludes to like the new girls. - Right. - To break 'em in. - That's creepy. - That's true. I never even thought that through, but I, so I would just collect 'em. In fact, I had a little stock pile of these, like little broken half pills, and I would just put in this little jewelry box, and it was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do with these. I feel like I'm gonna run into those, 'cause I don't think I were through them away. So I feel like at some point, I'm gonna like go through my stuff and start-- - You have to post them. - Post on the girl's next level pod Instagram. (laughing) - Okay, but Lira, okay, so I'm in the limo. He offers that, I say no, I get kind of reprimanded, and I'm like, okay, sorry, I didn't know. But the limo was really fun. We get to the club, and it's like so surreal. I mean, the crowds just par and zaki, nobody checks ID, nobody's like-- - That's another thing too, is nobody checked any of our IDs when we went into these clubs in LA. So theoretically, he could be bringing, like, underage people in and no one would care. - Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong, I was definitely not underage, but yeah. (laughing) It's still weird to like just walk into a club, and just like be security is just pulling you through, and the C's par, or these crowded, like really popular clubs in Hollywood, and then there's this roped-off area, and you could just sit in and then just felt so cool, and so amazing, and everyone's staring at you. And it was just sort of fun. We all sat down and ordered drinks, plus they bring bottle service to the table, and it was just really, I thought really fun, and dancing, which I love all night, and then we got back into the car. So we got back in the car, and I was super nervous, and I was trying to think of an escape plan, okay, so when we get back to the mansion, my car's parked there, I know I've been drinking, but all I have to do is just get off the property, so I'm just gonna say good night, and thank him for the evening, and get in my car, and go from there. So I had that in my head, and then Stacy asked, if I was spending the night, if I was gonna stick around, and I said, I don't know, I'm not sure what happens, and she was very vague, didn't give me very much specifics on it. It's interesting, the culture of silence among the girlfriends, because Stacy is a very blunt person, and she's not prudy, so the fact that Stacy didn't even feel comfortable giving you details of, oh, this is how it goes down. - Yeah, so I was still very unclear, like what would happen when we got back, and so then the limo is just really fun, though, on the way back, so the music is blasting, we're already all buzzed, girls are getting crazy. Girls were kind of making out with each other, and it was just fun, and I felt like it really lowered my inhibitions. I was like, this is fun. I'm having a great time, and everyone was just being crazy, and drunk crazy, but fun crazy, and sort of sexy, but nothing like I felt uncomfortable with, and I thought, maybe I am okay with it. I don't know, and then I still thought, you know what, I can always come back and do this again, like it doesn't have to be tonight, so we get to the mansion, and they get out of the limo, and I'm planning to go to my car, and then the recruiter says, are you coming upstairs with us? And I said, well, I really don't want to, I don't know what's gonna happen in seven, and she said, well, I can tell you that if you don't come up tonight, you probably won't be invited back. And I was like, oh really? And she's like, yeah, and I was like, okay, well, I guess I could just see, you know, like what happens up there? Again, I don't have to do anything I don't wanna do. And then, he came up to me, and he said, you're coming upstairs, right? And I was like, yeah, yeah. And so I went upstairs, and I think, I think it was stacey that kind of guided me, 'cause everyone else kind of scattered, like you said, like just disappeared. - Yeah. - Like cockroaches. And we go into the master bathroom, and I had been upstairs that one time and saw the recruiter's room, but I had never really even been upstairs at the mansion, so I was like, oh my god, this is so weird. Going up these stairs, and Hess looks like right behind us, and we go in through the vanity and into the bathroom, and you were already in there starting the bath, and Stacey's like, okay, so we take a bath, and then you can grab some pink pajamas, and head into the room, and I was like, okay, and so I was so, I was so weirded out to get undressed, and getting that bath tub, like I just felt so self-conscious, and but I just did, and Stacey was already doing it, and then it was like, oh, it goes no big deal, and I got in there, and they just kind of washed a little bit, and then I was like, okay, I guess that's all I knew as to, and I got up, and I put on like the, just the top of the pajamas I think we had on, and then walked in, I was, and all of this is brand new to me, like I've never seen Hess's room or anything. We walk in, and it is just a disaster in there. - Oh, it's hoarder style. And the lights were out, were off, but the TVs, there's two giant TV screens in there that were playing like porn. So that's the only light I have, and I'm literally following this little path through the room. - That's carved out through all the junk. - Yeah, 'cause there's just so much. - Imagine thinking you're like this big player, and you're bringing all these girls home, and your room looks like shit. It's like the weird eccentric millionaire version of like the guy with the mattress on his floor and like a pulp fiction poster. You know what I mean? - Well, at least I felt like all of the stuff, at least later on, I look back on this now, and all of the stuff meant something to him. It was all like gifts from people, or things people thought he would want, or a lot of it was recording, like videos of some sort that he had. So I feel like it's, you know, like sometimes hoarder people have like just like newspapers and like weird stuff, like straws, and I feel like with that huge staff he had, he could have had somebody on staff who was like, okay, Mr. Heffner, like where do you want your gifts to go? - Go 100%. - Where do you want this to go? Like I eventually, like after I became his girlfriend, like fucking cleaned up the room for him, 'cause I couldn't stand it anymore. - Yeah. - And that took a week. - I was shocked at how messy it was, and then we get in there and like you say, said there's vibrators all over the bed. I never used a vibrator. I was just like, I don't even know. This is weird. And then you're with all these other people. And then like the recruiter comes and she starts blasting all this music, which was fun. And everyone's like kind of like dancing around and seven. Then she calls down and she orders up all these drinks. Like it's everyone's drink order and she ordered up all this food. And I was like, oh wait, this is like a slumber party style and kind of fun. And I remember all this like bean dip and cheese dip and chips and cheese blocks and like, I'm like a whole like chakuterie thing comes up and everybody's cocktails and it's like kind of like a fun party. And then have like, um, lit a joint. And I didn't even smoke pop. And I just thought this is so fun. Like every time it's like chillin. And still it's like an after party sort of. Only we're scantily, even more scantily clad than before. So I was like digging it at first. But then like he's like naked and his shirt comes off and like he's passing around the joint and people then are like kind of congregating on the bed and things started. And I was just like, I don't even know what's about to happen right now. Like I was hoping that I could just observe and not participate. I was seriously like hoping that because I was not definitely not ready. And didn't want to. Yeah. And I didn't know how that was all going to go down. And then the recruiter came out to me and said, you're going to go, right? And because like each girl was just kind of like having sex for like, I mean, a minute maybe in the-- Oh yeah. Everybody wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. Like none of the females were into it. Like sorry to burst the bubble, but none of us were into it. We thought of it as a chore that we had to do or else we'll get kicked out of the house and everybody just wanted to make it go by as quickly as possible. Well, sometimes there were some girls that were into it. I think girls were like more into like other girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I mean, some girls were like into-- Oh yeah, that's what I mean. And so I was like, I don't know. I don't think I'm ready to do this. Yeah. And the recruiter said to me, if you don't do this, you probably won't be invited back. And I was like, um, OK. And I was just like trying to weigh in my head as you have alcohol in your system. And you're also tired and wasted. You're tired. And you're watching everybody else do it. And I was like, is this like-- I wasn't thinking YOLO at the time, because that wasn't anything yet, but sort of, you know? Yeah. Just thinking, do is this something I want to do? And I just-- you just have to make a game time decision. And I was just like, you know what? I'm just going to do it. And I did it. And it was disappointing. And embarrassing. Yeah. So embarrassing. Like, I can't explain to you guys how embarrassing that whole routine was, especially as we got later down the road when there would be like a lot of conflict with the other girls, because you're literally sitting there naked having sex in front of a group of people who hate you and talk shit about you while you're having sex, and you can hear it. Yeah. It was just like hell. But for this first night, like, you're naked and having sex with somebody that you don't even necessarily want to have sex with. And you don't even know the other girls, really. Yeah. I was friends with like two of them ish, but not like-- I didn't know anybody super well. And-- but I was just like, it's barely anything. Like, they're just like barely doing anything. And there's definitely not really romance involved in this. They're just sort of doing it. Do I want my whole-- everything with Playboy just to end right here right now? Or do I just going to do this? And I mean, I just did it. And then afterwards, Wimpat got the rest of the pink pajamas. And collected my stuff, went back to room three with Stacy. And Stacy told me she had to get up really early in the morning, so she probably wouldn't be there when I got up. And I remember when I woke up the next morning, I felt really weird. I had never done anything like that before. Not just with like, heft, but like anybody. I had not had one nightstands. Yeah. I grew up sex. Or grew up sex with Shurna. And I felt really icky. And I feel like icky is the best way to describe it, because I just felt yuck all around. And I felt crazy lonely. Like, I felt like I was the only one in that home mansion. And I had no idea where anybody else was, or if anybody was up, or do they-- how late do they sleep in? Do we have breakfast together? Yeah. I had no idea what happens now. Do I just go home? Do I say goodbye? I don't even know what to do. And I just felt gross. Like, I wanted to throw up. And I felt like it wasn't my character. And that maybe I shouldn't have done it. And part of me said, if you didn't do it, maybe you would regret it. But and then part of me was saying, but now I did do it. Now I feel like I regret it. And I just was so conflicted. And I ended up just getting dressed and getting in my car and going home. And I just wasn't sure how I felt about it. And then no sooner did I get home that I got a call from the mansion staff, from one of the social secretaries, inviting me out the next night, because they-- to go be on the Craig Killborn show with Heff. And so-- So-- --is like random. Oh my god. Go on beyond the show with him. What? Like, well, not even beyond the show with him. It wasn't beyond the show with Go to the show with him. He's going to be on the show, not me. And I was like, oh my god, really? And that kind of diffused how it was feeling, because now I've said it's sort of exciting again. And maybe I shouldn't feel so guilty. And then I was beating myself up for feeling guilty about it, because why am I feeling guilty? I'm not like this crazy person who does all these wild things and stuff. And this is just life experience. And why do I feel so bad about myself for doing that? And this could be fun. And it doesn't-- why am I just beating myself up over it? And so next day, we're going to meet everybody in the great hall. We go do the Craig Killborn show. And they do this skit at the beginning, where they come in and put the camera in each of our faces. And each of us have to say, hi, I'm Bridget. And I'm Hugh Hefner's girlfriend. And then we'll go to the next person. Hi, I'm the recruiter. Yeah. Hi, I'm Holly. Each of us did that. And there was like-- I swear there was like 12 of us that. Yeah. It's funny how getting that call after the first night kind of like reels you back in. Because I remember even though I'd already talked to him about moving in, like I got-- I had left and driven back to my old apartment and it's like pack up my stuff. And he called me and made sure like I knew to be back by Friday night and that they were going out again. And he said, I love you at the end. Whoa. Which clearly doesn't mean anything. And I remember thinking it was funny. Like, oh, he must say that to everybody. But it was just like a love bombing preview. And definitely like weird. Yeah. Because I don't know if I remember the first time have told me that he loved me. But I always felt like he loved me in a way that wasn't like my girlfriend. Like I love you. Like a family member kind of thing. Yeah. Well, when I decided I wanted to be a girlfriend, I felt like the relationship with Hef was going to be like almost like a friendship. And like, yeah, I was sure he probably had sex with the girls. But I also thought it would be more like a friendship. You know, I never thought that there would be any like love bombing or like any like emotional expectations because that wasn't what I saw from the outside. Like from the outside, I didn't see anybody who was looking for love. And I don't think he was. I think when it came to me, it was just like a manipulation point. But I never expected that. I thought it would be more like friends. Like when you see in the world of playboy, like him hugging Brandy Roderick at Playmate of the Year, even though she moved out six months ago, it's like that friendship. Like that's what I thought it would be like. And also before we get into more of our experience after moving in, I want to ask you, what did you think your relationship with the other girlfriends was going to be like? I thought that we were going to be like BFS. And it was going to be so much fun. And I thought that it was going to be like total slumber parties and like hanging out in each other's rooms and borrowing clothes and just like really fun. Yeah, I thought everybody was going to have each other's back, which seems so naive looking back. But it would turn out not to be that way. And we will tell you guys about that next week. Yeah. The Mean Girls era. It was rough. Hey guys, hope you enjoyed this second episode of Girls Next Level. Next week, we are going to be talking. We already give you a pre-group. Yeah. We're going to be talking about the Mean Girls era, like all the drama that went down. And if you guys have any questions about anything coming up, whether it's from like the first season of Girls Next Door, ask us a question on either one of our Instagram posts. We'll see it or check out the Girls Next Level pod Instagram and ask us a question under one of the photos there. And we'll try to get around to it. Also, leave us a five star rating and review. Subscribe. 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