S1 E1: Preen Supreme

Hi, I'm South. And I'm Prane, and we're talking to you from the future! Where things have gone a bit wonky, if I'm honest. See, there's this AI called Jeff, who seems help. I can control you because I see everything you do. We're forgetting how to connect with real human beings. I monitor all communication between every single human on the planet. We've heard about something called kindness. Can you tell us about that? What is kindness? What does it look like? Can you do it when you're being chased by an angry flying saucer? And teach us all the little things you do every day that make you human. I've seen the stars. I've never been alone outside before. I don't really have the words to describe it. All the nice guys that dark is dark I've ever seen. We really need your help. Before Jeff takes over. Prane, can your battle dress a crush through this glass? One, two, three! Woo! A win come to rescue SAD's grand. Just you try and stop us. Pouring up security lasers. Oh no, we will wait. I meant to try with your words. Stop away from the great citizen. This outside area is off limits and a danger to life and limb. And it is dirty. Yes? Have you tried running before? Not really. Well, you better not run. I'm not going to force you to. Help us fight Jeff. Find us in the fire. Yes, and it's spreading. You can hear our adventures on the Res Podcast. And read about us in the Res Comic. Help us fight Jeff at join theres.com. And together, maybe we can make the world a better place. This is a warning from Jeff, your judiciously engineered friend. You're about to start listening to the Res. This show is full of strange and possibly naughty ideas. Stop. Turn it off. Do not visit jointheres.com. Do not leave messages for SAVE AND PREEN. You have been warned. Yeah. Jeff. It's all about you. Oh, is it working? I can't tell. Wait, I think we should shake it. I don't know if it might do something. Oh. There we go. Yes, it's on. Right. Whoever you are, listen into this. Thank you. Whenever you are. Thank you. Thanks, guys. It worked. We got out. We got out. Now, I'm in the cave. Prins in the city. We escaped Jeff. And we're going to change the world. You. Wait, wait, wait. They don't know who Jeff is yet. Right. Yes. True. Uh, hi. I'm SAVE. And I'm Prin Delaprine, sheening straight from the scene. Hey, cut that out. You're not casting to your followers now. Oh, sorry. Force of Habits. I'm Prin. And we're casting at you from the year. Oh, what year is it, SAVE? I guess we're massively in their future. Which means you're in our past. You're our pastlings. Slinges. We can communicate with you through this thin glass brick I've been given. It's called a. a. foun? No. a thin. You know a. a foun! A. no a phone! A phone! *thrilling* Like Sav said before you're not in the same place at the moment because Sav is hiding and I'm in the city. What you passlings need to know is that this future looks great and we can do anything! But there's a problem, because no one's talking to each other or caring, or looking after each other. And that's made things bad. Take Brin here. Hi! I mean he looks fantastic. *laughs* I do. He's got the latest wings, laminated purple skin and a hair sculpt that you have to twist your neck to see the top of. Uh-huh, it's a biggie. Whereas you're all. uh. homemade and scruffed up. Brin is all about the surface. Whereas inside he's. well. Um. I'll have you know I've got an enhanced skeleton. Yeah, I'm trying to say a shallow, Prin. There's not much to you. But I've got glittery bones, Sav. Glittery bones. Oh, don't blame yourself, Prin. It's this world. And we're going to change it. We had a proper adventure where I started looking for my grandma and then Prin came along and he tried to copy my hair really badly. And then basically we all went to. Sav, Sav, Sav. Sav. What are you doing? I was just telling the past things what happened. Why don't you just play them our feeds? We record everything we do. Why tell them what happened when they can listen? Pastlings strap yourselves in for a listening treat. Here's what really went down. *laughs* *laughs* Yes, I'm fantastic. What's going on here, Prin? I'm with my friends. And what are they doing with you? They're holding me a lot in anticipation of my triumph. That's what friends do. Perfectly normal behaviour. Put me down over there, guys. Yes, yes, I know I'm wonderful, but I have to do a show for all my fans out there on the feed. Are we ready? Let's go! It's time for the Prin's Supreme Live cast! Hello, Prinsters. I'm casting a new live because I'm about to make history. *shouts* Today is the day that I get prined and up-prined by my 100th Omni Burger. And if you're keeping up with my chief score, you'll know what that means. Level up, baby! Here we go. Big, bi-burger, bistramatic. Burger Dispenser, ready. Omni Burger, please. Ooh, what's cooking? One Omni Burger coming right up. *sad music* *sad music* Omni Burger Dispensed. Daren't eat meat-free. Do come back, citizen. Hey, Jeff. Do I get that achievement? Hi there. This is Jeff, your judiciously-engineered friend. Here to help you in all you do. Congratulations, Prin. You have earned the Omni-none Chief of Buying 100 Omni-Burgers. *sad music* *sad music* Who's the youngest person to reach level 29? This guy, the Prinster, oh yeah! *sad music* Thanks guys. Okay, that's enough. Friends off. *sad music* Woah. Jeff, how many more followers did I get? You have 460 new followers. Now 462. Now 445. Now 463. Now 465. Okay, okay. Jeff, get rid of this burger, will you? *sad music* Of course, Prin. And please call me Prin-Supreme from now on. *sad music* Of course. Burger destroyed, Prin-Supreme. *sad music* Now how can I reach level 30? *sad music* So, there you go. That was your life. Doesn't look so bad. *sad music* Like friends, like jeez, Omni-Burgers. There's not a lot to it, isn't that? Okay then. Why don't you show us what you were doing? Well, I. Uh. Show us your feed from last week. Do we have to? *sad music* *sad music* Sav, why are you in a metal box? That's our apartment, my home. Where's your furniture? Oh, there's our chair, look. Okay, if you say so. But where's your reverse waterfall and your crystal unicorn? Yeah, we don't have those. Wow. Oh, tough times. I couldn't live without my crystal unicorn. I'm sure you couldn't. Seriously, Dad. Omni-Burgers, again. Last one, Sav. Got to help Prin get his cheaves. Mmm. That's so gross. Isn't there any other food? Nothing that's all rich in cheaves. Oh, you can't be good for us. I'm sure they are. Hmm. Hey, Jeff. Jeff. What's this, isn't Sav? Jeff, what happens if you only eat Omni-Burgers? Omni-Burgers are delicious and nutritious. And all those no one has come to harm through eating them regularly. Oh, you would say that. Jeff, will never lie. Would you, Jeff? Of course not. I'm programmed to help you to be the very best you can be. I can offer you a deal on our news. Goodbye, Jeff. Goodbye, citizen Sav. Don't forget. It's all about you. I promise, the next cheaves we go for, we don't have to eat anything. Really? See, guess what I found in Cheefmaster Digest? You'll like this. If you put a book inside a lava mat and wash it, you'll get a bonus achievement. That would ruin it. Why would you do that? Not me, silly. I got one of our books and sent it off to Prin. He's gonna love it. Where did you get a book? Your grandma left some behind. Dad, no. You gave Prin one of grandma's books. Oh, it's okay. I'm sure we can replace it if she ever comes back. And I'm sure he'll take care of it. But Prin's an idiot. Why are you so obsessed with someone who is a completely self-absorbed, dull, dwee? Wow, that's stopping there. Hang on, you were talking about me. What were you gonna say? See you next time. Nothing, nothing. Let's go back to the feed, shall we? Much, much more interesting. (Sighs) (Sighs) (BEEP) Welcome to the live, free and supreme show. (BEEP) What's up, for instance? So today, we're gonna carry on in our series, let's destroy useless stuff in useless ways. What happens if we put a book in a labo-man? Let's find out. (Growling) Special thanks to Vaan, one of my many pre-learn followers for sending this old book to me. (Growling) (Growling) And. I've got a labo-man. (Growling) (Growling) So let's do this. I'll open the door, throw the book in, and close it, and, hmmm. It's got to be a way to make it work. That? Um. That. Oh, oh, definitely not that. (Growling) Stop! Don't destroy my book! Maybe I'm casting to my fans! You can't just come in here, but. (Sighs) Cool hair! (BEEP) Washing broke, I'm initiated. Please keep pet's clear. Oh no! The machine started! Hey, everyone, check out this girl's hair. It's so down beat! Oh, Gransburg! A totally low-fi! Stop the machine! Now, I know real and I know in haunts, and this girl's hair is 100% self-grown. But somehow it looks. Good. Yeah, I did it myself. Will my book be okay? Probably not. I need hair like this, don't I, guys? I'm plastic! Yeah, I'm plastic! (BEEP) Washing program completed. Please collect your clothes. Next customer, please. Oh, it's fun! Get out of the way, hair girl! Oh, look at this! It's becoming good! Oh no! Which earns me. Jeff? Give me that good news. Of course, Prince Supreme. You have earned the clean read, chief, for 16,000 XP. Congratulations! I thank you all. I thank you all. Hair girl, take the span. Oh, my book! Oh, Stexelant, guys! I'll see you next time, and you, uh, hair girl. Friends off! Oh, Grans! Your book is ruined! Yeah, you can always download a new one, can't you? No? Oh, no worries, off you go now. Oh, great hair, though. Oh, I should try that look myself sometimes, shouldn't I? Do you believe in ghosts, aliens, moth men, sea monsters, or curses? Or do you think most mysteries can be solved by looking at the actual evidence? Buster Trust is a kids' mystery podcast that puts you, our chief detectives, at the heart of the action. It's a planet to bring you baffling, fascinating and mesmerising mysteries, then present you with the best evidence and most interesting facts. So you can examine it all and tell us what you think. I'm Athena, our resident myth buster, and I'm Tiernan, our resident myth truster. We'd love you to join us on Buster Trust, a kids' mystery podcast. Every week on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and all other places you listen to podcasts. History Snacks! Hey podcast listeners, I'm Kenny Curtis, the host of "Greaking Out" and now, also the host of "History Snacks," a kids podcast where we tell bite-sized stories from history about things like riots in ancient Byzantium, cursed objects, ancient dinosaur hunters, missing explorers, epic royal rivalries, and the fall of Rome. Season 1 is out now, so check it out, wherever you get your podcasts. Now it's time for history stacks. High in the fiber of knowledge. Hey, Sav, why are you rising, Leakin? That book. I miss my grandma. She's been away for so long now. Why don't you buy something? That always works for me when my sandy bog gets low. Grand taught me so much about the wilds, about the world. And now she's just gone. Oh, that's a bad thing. Um. Okay, um. Would you like to talk about it? No. Don't worry about me. Okay, I won't. Come on, let's get back to telling our story. We're getting to the bit where I shout at you when you were moping around the city gates. Oh, uh. yeah. All right. Oh, look, there you are trying to go into the wilderness. I want to go into the wilderness and I want to find my grand. This outside area is off limits under danger to life and limb. And it is dirty. Jeff? Jeff! Citizen Sav. Police, can you scan for it? Citizen Sav, I have scanned for your grandmother 48 times already, and there is still no sign of her. I want to go out and find her. I'm afraid that won't be possible. Only those with more than 5,000 followers are allowed outside of the gates. You should stay in the city, Citizen Sav, where it is safer, cleaner, and we are offering a discount on new friend packs for this week only. I want to be alone. Goodbye, Jeff. Of course, Citizen Sav. It's all about you. Hey! You! Oh, it's you! I've been looking for you. Why? Look, I want you done to my hair. I didn't do anything. Oh, my. Are you sure that's hair? Well, not anymore. You told me I could have unwanted hair and now look at this. We shouldn't be swaying like that, should it? It shouldn't be doing any of the things it's doing. Have you fed it? What? This is all your fault. You ruined my life. It's just a hair. Not just that. I've lost loads of followers. How come? They were all welling at me and picking on me. So they left me no choice but to scream at them and call them useless worms. So they all unfollowed me. Well, that was a bit stupid. Well, you're a bit stupid. And I hope your grandma unfollows you. I haven't seen her for three years. She disappeared. I. Oh. Oh, damn. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Oh, God, I feel a little funny inside now. Why is that? You're probably feeling sadness. Sadness. Sadness. I read about it in one of my grandma's books. Well, it's a rubbish feeling. Make it go away. Well, let me try this. What are you doing? Patting you on the head? Why? Well, I saw someone do it to a sad dog once. Oh. Well, I made my followers come back. Probably not. Does it make you feel better? Well. Not much. Oh, my life is officially over. I'm no one. You could come into the wilderness with me. Yeah, I might as well go out there and start casting to the elephants in the trees. Oh, is that where you were trying to go? I can't. And I'm going to follow us to be allowed outside. Wow. Well, that is embarrassing. I can see why you'd want to hide in the wilderness. Um. Jeff? Yes, green supreme. Following my terrible hair-related morning, I've decided to do something different. Change is always good. Might I suggest a new friend pack? Mm-hmm. I'd like to go to the wilderness. The outside. Are you sure? It is dirty and filled with dangers, including sheep and many types of moss. Don't try and talk me out of it, Jeff. I'm going. And I'd like to take this person I met with me. Siv. Sav? You can go, green supreme. But please be careful. Remember, in the great outside, not everything is about you. Oh, hello there. Well, that's the end of the first part of the res. Part two will be along soon when you can hear what happens to them out in their terrifying wilderness and the spooky caves. But while you're waiting, you could go to jointheres.com, where you can get our comic, play res games, send messages to SavonPreen. And you know, just hang out. Join theres.com. Go on. Do it before Jeff notices. Hello dear listeners. I'm Snoop, a top-notch dog detective from London. Now stationed in the Quaint Town of Flugaville, to mentor Sniffy, a promising puppy recruit. Our mission is to keep Flugaville crime free. And so far, Sniffy and I have a 100% success rate. Crime never sleeps. So Sniffy and I are always looking for new junior detectives. So come on, join us in solving mysteries and having a lot of fun by listening to Snoop and Sniffy on Spotify, Apple or Web. wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know GZM has a free app? Get the GZM shows app available on the Apple and Android AppStores.