Ryan Sickler Has Been Through Some SH*T | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome back to whiskey ginger a wave series presented by Fandall with ginger fans. I am going to be in Mesa, Arizona October 18th. That's my birthday weekend opening for Dave Chappelle at Sloan Park with a Chicago Cubs spring train. Come out and see me. Mesa, Arizona, Fedex, Metro area. Come out and see your boy open for Dave Chappelle. October 18th. Go to Andrew Santino.com for those tickets. Andrew Santino.com. Oh, that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy ginger like that has the ginger gene is cut. Ginger is a fugitive. You only five downers for the whiskey. 75 downers for the horse. Ginger's our hell now. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like ginger. You're an adidas man. You should get an adidas contract. I mean, if they fuck. I don't know why they don't sign you. You've always been an adidas. I have. Thank you for you know you never deviate. I never see you. I have. I've just recently seriously in the past two years bought a couple pairs of Nike's because my feet are fucked. It's not the shoes. What do you mean? What's wrong with your feet? Well, I got a disease in my leg. So my feet are like crazy high arches and shit. And adidas have a natural kind of high arch in them. Do they? But also it comes from playing soccer all those years where soccer shoes are adidas, puma, deadora. You know, so I wore those shoes for a while. And then they started developing it. Also, you had the the shell toes and then they started developing the running shoes and all that. Yeah. So adidas has just been solid. You heard it adidas. Sponsored sickler. Oh, yeah. In Germany. Have you heard of this Ryan sickler? We're thinking about sponsoring him. He's a little bit tanners and we like, but he's got a little bit more melanin than we prefer for athletes whenever I see you. What about your brother puma? Yeah. What about your brother over a puma? Why don't you call puma? They really like a little bit of this color. You know, I believe it's true. One one brother did puma like they split. Yeah, because I got an argument. Yeah. That's so brotherly too. I'll open up my own shoe company. brotherly and then it's good. Yeah, I mean, it's good. But it's funny because puma did do well. You think your brother, you'd be like, yeah, good luck. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see. You go start all new brand. No one's ever heard of it. But still with a cat adidas is the king. Oh, no doubt. You can't find it. Yeah, I'm tan, bro. I like you. So tan. I walk. I walk out in the sun. I like the walk in the sun. I got a son like a little Japanese girl using a brother. It's a cheese. It's my cheap way to get a tan is my son just walking. Just kiss the sun. Sunroof. Yeah, a little smooch. He got mad at me because I talked about his car. I need to introduce ladies and gentlemen, welcome back with you to my guest. Today's one of favorite people on earth. I said for all my guests, but anyway, once again, today it's the return of Ryan Sickler, the tan god. The tan god is here. The tan god. That's so funny. It was someone asked me once. I'm not like, oh, have you ever had a convertible? You live in California. How's like, dude, this is not convertible skin. Blow up in dust. Convertible. Convertible to me? No. Did you ever have a cheaper anything top off? Dude, brother. Even in Chicago. Most cars I ever owned didn't even have sunroofs. I was scared of that. Yeah. I don't even need the reflective glass up there. I need full coverage. You know what? No fucking around. You see this red spot on my neck right here? Yeah. All right, it's new-ish. Uh-oh. And after all that hospital bullshit, I had to get on new medications. And one day I noticed it and I'm like, I wonder if that's a side effect of like one of these medications. So I go to the dermatologist to get my, you know, melanoma checkup. And I go, what is this? Is that from medication? She just smiling at me. She goes, you know what, that's from? I go, what? And she goes driving. I go, nah, she goes, that's the sun. Oh, you're left side. Yeah, that's funny. I said, she goes so many people don't even realize it. And I was like, just from all these years of driving. Yeah. She's like, sitting in the car, beating right through the fucking window on your neck. And I was like, how about that? Wow. I don't like to do the, the check down. I do the check out all the time. I go to the dermal time. And then you stand there naked and they always have like a, uh, what do they call them? Not an intern, but like someone that's going through the, that's trying to get their residency, you know? They're, they're nephews. They're always taking notes. Yeah. It's just somebody's friend. I'm babysitting. Can you come in? Yeah. And they're just taking notes the whole time silently. You go get melanoma. I get full body scans from a dermatologist. You do? You do? Look, look, look at me. I'm, that's great. I go every year. I have to go. I had never done it. Um, I didn't know we were supposed to, well, that's not true. I, I didn't know we were supposed to go yearly. So this little guy on my cheek right here. This is non-cancerous, but it's like, I forget what she said. It is almost like a barnacle that just grows on skin when you get older and shit. It's really, it's really, it's really fun. It's fun. You've been out in the sea too long. And I've seen it from a year ago on video. And I'm like, oh, it's gotten a little bigger. And she's like, if you want to come in, we can just burn it and blah, blah, blah. I mean, we'll, we'll fun. See, maybe we'll grow some hair over it. But my brother's brother-in-law. Okay. His wife's husband, yeah. In November. No, his wife's brother. His wife's brother. What do I say? His wife's husband? Yeah. You got it right. wife's brother is driving on the freeway. And all the sudden loses like full control of his body. And he's able to like get himself to the shoulder. And he said he sat for about 10 minutes and his body sort of just reset. So he starts driving again. And almost immediately it happens again. He can barely get to the shoulder. He's able to call 911 in the car. They take him to the hospital. And they tell him, unfortunately, you've got melanoma. And it is spread. And you've got like, not long at all. What? And I said, what do you, I said, what, when did he realize? And he said, well, he had a thought he had a pimple on his back for like years. And I said, who thinks they have a pimple for years and doesn't go get a check? And that's what I said to my dermatologist. And not no shade on the guy or anything, but she said you'd be surprised. Everyone's so fucking busy. Yeah, people don't go. And they don't go. And I didn't know. I didn't know we were supposed to go yearly. That's what made me go. And she saw two on me. She didn't like. She told me what she looked for. Like different colors. Cut some off. Sends them way. I'm good. But what I didn't fucking know. And I was about to ask you because I was like, am I getting clowned right now? She's like, I have to check your rectum. Yeah. And I'm like, wait, what? Like that's, we call that the spot where the sun doesn't shy. Why the fuck do you need to look up my asshole? It's just going to be quick. I go, and I'm smiling at her. She knows I do comedy stuff. I go, come on right. And there is. There's a lady in the room. The lady in the room with an open. And I'm like, for real? She's like, you got to get up with it. I'm like, come on. She's like, I'm, I'm not joking. And I go, all right. And she's like, okay. And I was like, that was, but if you are supposed to check, was that a good check? Like I'm thinking, get in there. You know what I mean? But did you know that? That we can get. I'll be honest with you. I'd never, never, never, never, never, never check. I never, never, never, never, never. No, I do full body. And they've never checked. No, it's never spread your cheek. No problem. I thought I was going to fucking intake it down into fucking twin towers downtown. They were spreading me over there. No, they never checked. For real? She's asked me, do you have any unusual bumps or lumps in your groin or genital region? She says that. Do you have unusual bumps? Who can fucking see their undercarriage? Well, you, I think it's if you can feel something when you're washing in my asshole, like I would have to bend over, take photos or call someone in. What? It says rectal and anorectal melanoma are exceptionally rare. But what? You had a, you had a very thorough, thorough no doubt. It's just a rare. There's a level of rareness. It's exception. It says exceptionally rare. Do you ever, you ever sung your peridium? That's what it is. You're going to lay over the head in the front yard? I don't know. Get a little sun in there. I mean, I would honestly love to lay naked in privacy. I get my legs back over my, the other day, a dude said he did it wrong. I go, you went on all fours, huh? Because yeah, how would you do it? I was like, I'm flake over the head. I'm rolling it back. I'm getting all the ball bag. My fucking tank, my whole, I think they do say it feels good. They say it's good for you. It's good for you. But having it like microwaved for a little bit, I've never had that heat it up. I've never put a flame to my, you know what I mean? No, never. No, but I do think they say to look up sunning your perineum. I suppose perineum or whatever. It's supposed to be okay for you. It's supposed to be okay. It's supposed to be all right. You get a little vitamin D in there. No way. Cook and your fucking balls is healthy. Perineum sunning is a viral wellness practice that involves exposing the perineum direct sunlight. Proponents claim it boosts energy and regulates hormone. But medical professionals strongly advise against wrongly. Imagine we put in suntan lotion in my ass hole before I go out. I have to SPF my ass hole. And then you hear that and then it's exceptionally, exceptionally rare. So if I'm roll, maybe it's a thing out here in L.A. You have an exceptionally good doctor. That is a level. We got an exceptionally weird experience for you. You've had the other side of doctor where they don't, you know what they just bet. They're like, I think that's fine. I had a guy. Fair enough. I've told this story. I have people just dismiss me telling them I have medical issues. Don't worry about it. Kill me. And this lady's like, just gonna check your butthole real quick. Shout out to her. I was like, hey. The doctor butthole knows what she's doing. I didn't feel like this lady was lying to me. No, no, no, no. It's not for her. She doesn't want to do that. You think she's getting a kick out of it? No. That's what I'm saying, too. When I used to, our friend used to joke like, I would be a guy in a college or something. No, no. You're not seeing the best of the best, bro. You're seeing the worst at its worst. They're there for help. Yeah, you don't. What is this? Uh, all right. Let me just go with the note pad. Come here and see what it is. You know, she's going to do this check instead of me. She's going to do that. But I've had a doctor, I had a doctor in college. I found a lump on my testicle. I told the story and I got scared. I went to, I called my parents. I was scared. I told my dad, I said, you know, I found a lump. It's really, it's legit. This has been like a week now. It's not like, oh, you know, something I thought I felt. I felt it every day. So my dad was in a business trip and like made his way to Arizona. He said, we'll go to the doctor together. It's going to be all right. We'll figure it out. We go to the doctor. We go to like a rag tag, ASU doctor. I, my hand to God, my father's my proof. He's like, this could be anything. Could be a buildup of semen behind your ball. You could have, could you have a hot tub or access to a hot tub? I said, I mean, I do. We have a community hot tub in my apartment complex. He's like, oh, fill up your tub if you have a tub at home and masturbate a few times in the hot water with your testicles below the line of water. I'm not kidding. It's with a doctor. My dad hurt all this. He bagged your ball. See, bagged your nuts. Keep the dick above the water. And I said that's too low. And he said masturbate in the tub and see if this helps him get some movement back there. So then, of course, my dad's like, we need a second opinion. He's like, go do that, but we need a second. We go to another doctor. They check it out. They're like, oh, dad. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I promise. I found the fucking lump. I'm good. So I'm good. I've already been doing that. And then we go to another doctor and the doctor said, it's a cyst, but it's a, you know, they, they, um, what's the name? Why can't I think of it? The ultrasound of it. And they were like, no, no, this is a benign, as long as there's no growth for the rest of your life, it can be that cysts come and go. So it gave me relief. But I told the doctor. He said, you know what the other doctor said? And the doctor was like, can you give me the name of this person? I was like, well, they're going to get what is it called? Like not, not barred. That's the bar. But that's whatever that is for the medical fucking. For sure. And I was like, I'll tell you the office. I was like, get that guy fired for sure. He was telling people it's just jizz. I was like, I don't know. And how can I specifically go in your tub and jack it out? Yeah. He goes just get some movement going. We have the same. I have the same thing. I had the same thing in my bowl. You understand? Yeah. I still have it. Which one? Right or left? Left. See, I'm a righty. And I felt it. This is probably like 2000-ish. Scared the shit out. I was walking on Melrose back when that was a thing. Remember that? Yeah. Johnny Rock. Oh, I just love Melrose. Melrose was in 2000. It was a spot on Sunday to go walk, shop, whatever, right? Yeah. And I feel this pain in my bowl. I'm like, oh, fuck, it hurt physically. And that felt a lump. So I go to my doctor. And he's like, yeah, I don't know. It's definitely something that I don't know what it is. I go get an ultrasound also. Yeah. I will never forget. It was the dumbest thing I could have said. I'm just laying there. And she's, she like, I don't know how it worked for you. But she was very gentle with me. She folded a towel. Yeah. She gently lifted my penis up, set it on there, squirted the fucking cold, fucking cold gel on. Or my ball bags. She's rubbing it. And then she puts the ultrasound on it. And I'm like, oh, my God. And I'm thinking, like, don't get, don't get hard here. Right. Because it is soft. It does feel nice. And then you put that wand on it and you're rubbing it and shit. I'm like, I'm. You suddenly hear a heartbeat. You're like, wait, what? What's going on over there? And I go, what's that? And I see a monitor over here. But I'm not looking. I go, what's that over there? Is that my testicles? She goes, yeah. I fucking look over that shit, Santina. I start gagging. I'm seeing my ball roll around. Well, I'm feeling, oh, it was the worst show. Gross. I could have ever fucking done. And she's making me squeeze to see it. Because it would light up red in there and stuff. And I was like, oh, I can't. I was like, turn the monitor, turn the fucking monitor. But it ended up being a water like sack or something had just formed. And it's in there. And I said, and then I listen, I was scared, dude. I went and got, I'm not even kidding you. Six. Six. Two I was out. I was like, I got the one I wanted. As long as I got the one I liked, I was like, I've got another one at the top. So this one was at the bottom. Then I felt another one. I'm like, well, if it's not a problem, why is there another one? So I went and got, and then finally got to a point where my doctor's like, I actually have a specialist here. And she came in. And what was it? She said, God, she said, even if my kids with, oh, whatever the, the, the cancer was, had this, I wouldn't be worried about. I'm like, this could be that. She's like, no, no, you're okay. So I'm like, well, do I need surgery? And my doctor, I love my doctor. He's like, you could. But listen, there's millions of nerve endings in there. Okay. If you can just take ibuprofen and deal with it until it gets better, I would. Because you could fuck up, they could fuck up your testicle. You could lose it ultimately. Well, thanks. You can make it worse. I'm like, we're good. We're good. No thanks. So now I'm into like the pain in there. And I fucking, that's what I get. You like it? That's what I use to fuck and get that extra torque, bro. I should've drove my shoulder. 53 years old. That feels that fire. I hit that W and that whiskey ginger right there. No problem. Long as you crank on it. Don't push too hard. I'm down there doing it myself. I'm not even kidding. I vice grip that left foot. I'm trying to get the right one involved too. But like the right one I laugh because it's like it's like if you even graze him, it's over for me. This motherfucker, you can just curb stop this motherfucker. So I'm trying to invite this guy to the party. I'm trying to get him included. But if you just accidentally even hit him, it's it's over. It's over nights over. But the left one, you can fuck me up all day long. You're right. Not as like a sense of the friendly. He's like to get on my long guy. And the party kids are living next to him over there. Like, keep it down. You got to get a keeper down. But he's curious. He's looking in the windows. He wants to see what he wants to come over. Yeah, exactly. Keep it down. I know he wants to come over. I know he does. That changed me. That got my brain into it. Because I knew a couple of, I knew two guys growing up. Who had to get one removed? Two. Two. Two guys. One removed. Two. They could have made a new human with it. They each in their balls. What age? I knew one guy we're, yeah, one guy we're in high school. And one guy after college. And I know another guy, a mutual friend of ours, that's out here. But I won't say his name because it's not anybody's business. But I know another adult who had it done. You know, you know, you know very well. I may even know that. Yeah, you know, you know, people put on the puck as they've said it. Yeah, you know him well. But it's a fun. I wonder like if they put a nextical in it or something. This is my first question to our friend. He did not put a, he did, they can do like a, they do like a prosthetic or something. He decided not to. He was like, nah, I don't fucking know. And he's like, no woman has ever given a shit. It's never, he's like, at first, my ego was like a, a girl's gonna say something. And he's like, no woman would ever care. Or if they did know, they still wouldn't give a fuck. It would never change their, do you know what I mean? Yeah. They'd never be like, well, I don't like to play that looks. I love everything about you. Guys got half a ball. Half a ball. For me, everything about you, man. Except you got half a ball. I would want to put, I, I'd want to put a fake. You would. Yeah, just for balance. I would just want to move the one to the center. Cyclops it. Just give him all the room. Like, what do we do? Well, it would be nice if it's, it's just, it's right below the shaft. Well, the fucking wall out. Let's fucking open the kitchen up. It's an open concept ball sack. The concept ball sack with indoor outdoor flow. It's a one shaft, one ball. It's a pretty good square footage. As you can see, they've renovated. Yeah, all right. But I had a, um, a two week, what, two weeks ago. A couple weeks ago, I had a, uh, on my leg. I'd had it for years and they carve it out. The only bum were the carve out. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't really hurt, but it leaves a crazy scar. I mean, they dig deep into your leg. Yeah, and she said it to. She was like, I'm just letting you know this one's pretty deep. And I was like, oh, it's okay, but they freeze it. You don't feel it. And then weeks later, you look at it in the mirror. Like, now I look at it, it sucks. 'Cause it's a big, it's a gap, it's a big gap. It looks like you could have done it. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like I did it. Every time I see it, I'm like, do you do that yourself? Like, in the butter knife? What the fuck are you doing? Like, I scooped it out with an ice cream scoop. But also, they, I put all that shit on it. You know, you remember when, yeah, what's, um, Maderma, you know, to smooth scars? It's never worked once. No, it doesn't do shit. It's a great scam. 'Cause I've used it. And it's still, at some point, I quit using it. 'Cause I was like a scars scar. But the only call you want is when they call you and they go, you're fine. It's fine, it's good. You just, now you keep checking for stuff around the area, but you're fine. You used to maybe remember this, uh, one time in high school at a buddy named George Wilkins. And he was the, he was like the, he was the kid that stole his parents' car and seventh grade and then picked up other kids in the neighborhood who enjoy ride. I love that guy. Not fucking kidding you. Was he a, uh, only child? No, he had a sister. Just two of them. Okay. And she was, uh, year two older than us. And she was just as crazy on the feminine side on her crew. Right. So every now and then, we will cross paths at a party and it will be, it'll be on and popping. Uh-huh. And she looked after all of us. We were two years younger, but she was like, you know, you guys are like my little brothers too. So our crew was pretty awesome. But he also would do shit. Like he, my brother, him and a few other guys, they drove every car like it was a fucking Ferrari. If it was a Toyota, they're fucking jumping it and everything else. Right. Which I got into a little bit. George would do shit like on a three lane highway. There would be a car and a left lane, a car and a middle lane. Right lanes wide open. George splits the two cars. No. Santino. I would be screaming. Screaming. We were driving back from, so we were getting fights. We played soccer everywhere across Maryland. We got in fights and every fucking league we were in. Indoor. We getting fights. So now we're playing in a league in Baltimore City at midnight. at midnight, okay? And fucking do burns arena Clarence do burns arena and we're coming back at I don't know like one 15 120 in the morning. We're you know games an hour so freeways not packed right He split those I'm he's telling me he's gonna do it. I'm in the back. He's got other people in the car I am screaming. I'm scared at that after that. I was like I'm never riding with you again I think that was probably two years. I was like I'm up to this day. I never got Where's he at now. He's still alive. He's kicking it. Yeah, he's kicking it. He was insane. We have we all have I had my buddy my buddy My buddy Baldeno shout out to Baldeno one of my favorite people Unbelievable with cars talent though. What I mean he he he professionally rode Motorcross like he was incredible. He would do you know he jumped 50 feet in the air and do flips and shoot He was but didn't even bother him. You know what I mean like that was nothing so doing wild shit in a car We're freaking out. Yeah, he's seeing he's seeing it like it's the fucking matrix. Yeah, George loved it Oh, he wasn't sweating like a long eyes white knuckle at all. I'm pretty sure he was like this Just like this in the back on hand me that stuff being ridiculous. Yeah, I'm in that in the back there Terrified. No, thanks. Terrified. No, no, that freaks me out You know what I did yesterday that I always noticed about California. We were driving we drove down to San Diego I see the motorcycles in my rear view. I always give them more room, you know And they do this thing. They do that. Yeah, they always they always give you like a thank you and for some reason It's like an ego stroke for me. I'm like you got a brother as if I'm part of the like I'm part of the group or something It's so funny because I always go with far. I'll go into the shoulder. It's code, bro It is a good been recognized. Yeah, but when they do this when they throw that peace sign down below I go Yeah, it's turn of music a little bit like it's some of my boys I love it. Wait if you ever had this is the other thing too like a lot of people don't know when you live here You can split the lane on a fucking motorcycle. It says right on your license. It's not recommended But it is legal, but but at your own risk you correct if you if an accident happens and even though you're not at fault You do assume risk. So if they split lanes and someone illegally changes lanes still on the motorcycle Yes, but the lane it's bad. You want to do it. You can do it. I freaks me out The way they're and I have my motorcycle license So I'm been guilty of it a couple times where I'm creeping a little too close to the line or whatever Have you ever had one on beat down the side of your car? No, I've never had that. I get away from it I've had it twice where I don't see it and they as they're going by boom boom boom they hit your car with their hand when they're going Because traffic slow enough out here sometimes. Yeah, it scares the I didn't know what the fuck I thought we're getting shot I don't know what the fuck it was and I saw him go by and I was fine I was like that's my bad to right there. Yeah, but I was like what is going I don't get anywhere near well still you can look this up I don't know if this is true, but my whole life as a kid all my uncles that had motorcycles Nobody wore a helmet. Yeah, and in Chicago see if it's still illegal You don't have to have a helmet well with scottons of a lawless state That's not even a real place. You can have you know there's no limit to DIYs out there You can have me Wisconsin has no no three no street Strike law. No, look at a hill. It'll tell you. I swear to God dude. There was a woman There was a new story a woman in Wisconsin had like 20 of them It's crazy and they were like come on and you can keep driving. Oh, yeah, brother You get to spend you just pay you get points and suspensions and then you they'll give it to you back here if you get three You never drive again ever in California. Keep getting fines because fines or you could get locked up to it first defences You know civil interaction and the second and third are misdemeanors and they're all felonies But you can get up to fun, but you they don't there's no room license What is it say in Illinois kids is it still legal to ride a motorcycle without a helmet? Is that Chicago wearing a helmet is generally not required by law for adults crazy bro And then I just want to have only three states without any universal motorcycle helmet Three what are the other two the whole lot let's guess Arizona. I was just gonna say Arizona or and Wisconsin Well, I would say no, no, no, no. I'm gonna go like a Montana Is Florida. Do you think Florida Florida seem because Texas mr. I'm free Texas Texas seems like it should be this haven't said it yet Oh, it's got to be it's got to be either decodas It did surprise Montana no Washington Surprising you said surprising DC DC in the limits of DC. I don't want anybody to have to wear a helmet when they're in DC One Midwest and one to England Indiana nope Vermont. Oh, hi, oh, Connecticut. Nope Maine New Hampshire New Hampshire's one new Hampshire. Well, what is their phrases live for your diet? That's right. They're your diet. Wait, so one of the forgotten states of the Midwest Kansas Indiana Mm-hmm naming all the Missouri no Nebraska no Minnesota no no I don't count Oklahoma's the Midwest. No Wait, it's either Indiana, Ohio, Illinois Kansas Kentucky. No, they're barely it. They kind of kiss the other. Yeah, it is but but Ohio you said we said Ohio We said them all hold on Michigan. No hold on wait Illinois, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, Nebraska, Missouri, Kansas. Uh-huh. You're forgetting one Minnesota no god damn it's not Kentucky. Tennessee touches us Indiana, Ohio That's it dude hot guys Iowa It's a forgotten state. It's the one I literally forgot. I even named tertiary states. I name Kentucky touches us and their tertiary I'm like, yeah, Western Kentucky is kind of Southern Illinois and so is Tennessee. That's crazy. Iowa Illinois and New Hampshire. Yeah, no helmets in here We pour whistle. Welcome to your most rewarding season ever only on Fandall how rewarding are we talking more rewarding than a touch Down with time expiring more rewarding than an 18 point comeback even more Rewarding than an O lineman catching a touchdown shocks everywhere. I mean, come on Everybody loves a big man touchdown in this NFL season that feeling doesn't stop on the field Look out for the all new fan dual rewards club exclusive offers surprises and more so every week Check the fan dual app to see what's waiting for you more rewarding and watching a kicker make a game-saving tackle shout out Pat McAfee Okay That one is close. All right, it's close make this your most rewarding season ever with Fandall Visit fandall.com slash whiskey to get started today 21 plus elect states for Kansas and affiliation with Kansas star casino 18 plus DC WY gambling problem call 1-800 gambler 1-800 my reset call 1-888-789-777-777 Visit ccpg.org slash chat Connecticut visit md gambling help dot org Maryland visit gambling helpline ma dot org Call 800 3-2-7-50-50 Massachusetts call 1-8-7-7-8 hope NY Tex hope NY New York call 1-8-7-7-7-0-7-8-67-7 Louisiana There's something about this time of year it makes me want to get my life together again a new routine better habits Actually eating like an adult fall is coming ladies and germs Temple's been the easiest part of that reset by the way two minutes And I've got a meal no skip lunches no falling back into old habits of running through to drive through Tempo is incredible. 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If you've ever done the length of Texas. I sure have it brother Nothing son come up and go down and come up again in Texas I was like get the fuck out of this guy insane. You drove through Europe twice. Yeah, it's insane Yeah, I can't know I but growing up I my uncles did a bunch of them didn't work didn't wear helmets and then they did I think I think a couple of them started to but they just didn't care. It was never a thing and I remember When I moved out West I you only saw people with helmets and I thought it's weird I wonder why people have to why people wear helmets out here. It's like well when I first to good idea the first time Was 94 for college and I think it was just around then when they were making your wear helmet It wasn't you think this shit would be around since the 80s. Yes, right, right. It's not well seat belt laws I'm sure we talked about this one time we talked about the the guy who's to pick me up from school when I did year the way Back we just talked about that yesterday the guy picked me up for school. We would just sit in that was an old couple It was an old couple to have children right who lived in your building or neighborhood. Yeah, we're just gonna take random kids the school And while they did they ate full of milk. He deals from Boston market. I'll never fucking forget it, dude. - And my mom was like, they were nice people. I'm like, who the fuck were they? - Yeah, my mother has no idea. - Yeah, right, I'm saying. - Just an old couple from the neighborhood. And my mom put a nice sheen on it. She was like, he was retired. He worked for the building and it was with his wife. It's not weird if he's with his wife. I'm like, she could be his partner in crime. - That's Elaine. - You think? - Just 'cause she. - That's Elaine. - That's Elaine's mom about, bro. - I am a galeno over there, I was fucking old couple. - Now you can't take off your clothes back there. Get comfortable. - 'Cause we were in the back of the station wagon. We'd be sitting in the open back. It was insane. - And they're eating fucking mac and cheese and cornbread and shit. Not giving anyone anything. - Didn't give a fuck. Those are weird times. Well, also, my family was bad for a long time with seat belts. I remember often people not wearing seat belts and then finally, being like, guys, you have to put it on. It's like a thing now. Where like culturally it became a thing. But I remember as a kid, I don't remember adults putting their seat belts on or yelling at us. - No, it was just get in the car. - It was just piling the copilot. - Just get in, yeah, piling the copilot. - Get in, there's eight of us in here. All the way to the back. You're finally in the hatch. - It's insane. - It's 20 minutes, you're fine. - And you know what? - No one ever died. - No one ever died. - I wouldn't say no one. (laughing) - I know some people. - It happened. Wait, wait, hold on, before we deep down. - No one ever died. - No one ever died. - They just made us have seat belts laws. - Yeah, no one died. - No one ever died. - No one ever died. Buffalo, give me Buffalo before we start. - Wait, I want to say this. I'm going to give you the Buffalo stories. - 'Cause I need it here. - But I want to tell you this one. So my mother was just, long story short, my mother was a terrible mom. Like split from the family, cheat on my dad, just physically, mentally, emotionally, abusive. - Beat you guys. - Beat the fuck out of it. Just, and then abandoned us. Even after he died, she's like, yeah, whatever. - Yeah. - So just a shit person. So. - Sorry, I'm sorry to laugh. - That's good, bro. - And at the time, this one day, we're probably 10 at the time. So she's still in the family. She's taking a girlfriend of hers and her two kids, and then me and my two brothers. So we got five kids, two adults, in a two-door Ford S-court. - A beige. - I've been in that. - I've been in almost that exact same car. - And we're going, we live in Maryland, and the outlets back in the day were a big deal, you say, money at the outlets. And we're going to the Hanover, Pennsylvania outlets. It's probably maybe an hour of stride. - Do you got a Tommy Hilfiger over there? - Okay. - Not back then, bro. Tommy Hilfiger wasn't even out there. (laughing) - That's all in outlet is now. All I see is, when I pass an outlet, it's Tommy Hilfiger. - Say shit. - That's all it is. - That's crazy. - So you got two adults up front. You've got me, my brother, her older son, who's like a year younger than I was put bigger. The three across the back, and then there's two in the well. It's not a real fucking, there's no seat. They're laying down back there. (laughing) Okay, we're going against the window. And one of them's complaining that it's, you know, they're banging around. So my mother's like fine. Then squeeze up here into this seat. And I'm like I want to put my seatbelt on. She goes off on me about what a selfless piece of shit I am for wanting to secure myself safely in this vehicle. - Ride your pussy. - When we got to put four people across the seat now. - Mm-hmm. - So I don't buckle up. We're heading, we're heading out. We're just almost there, Andrew Santino. We're going west. This little boy comes out of a laundromat right here. He's probably 10 years off. We're going west. He comes out here. He looks west. He looks the direction we're headed. - Mm-hmm. - Doesn't swivel that head to the left. Steps right out from my mother's car. My mother hits this kid, runs over. (laughing) - No. Holy shit. - Killed him in front of everybody. - No, just joking. You didn't die. - Oh my god. - Just joking, you didn't die. Runs him over. But the boy comes out again. Looks the direction we're heading. Doesn't swivel to the left. But as a driver, you're supposed to be prepared for shit like this. And he goes to run across the street and my mother hits him, runs over him, right? - Shut up. - Slams on the brakes. She's screaming, her friend's screaming. The mother runs out of the laundromat. Now what had happened was she told her son - Don't get me cigarettes. - 100% wrong. - I know it. - 100%. - I know it. - That's exactly what it was. - Don't get me cigarettes. - And then he didn't look both ways. She saw it the whole way from inside the laundromat comes out and starts beating his ass. 'Cause she's also scared, you know the whole thing. Everyone's going, a cop fucking comes up. And the boy, when I look back the back window, I see him crawling, crawling back to the sidewalk. So what happened was his head. His head hits the right quarter panel. She had a dent there. We used to always walk up. We used to walk outside to the car and look at my mom. Just put her head right there. - Shut up. - Shut up. - I was there with our head and the dent that that boy's the child's head. That child's skull made when she ran over. So his head hits like this. And luckily, it throws him back. But it throws him back on his back and then my mom runs over his legs. So he's, you know, a fucking army crawling back to the curb crying and shit. His mother comes out and starts beating the shit out of him. She's probably needed a cigarette too. He didn't make it to get the fucking cigarette. So now a cop comes and take the report. And the mom is just like, it's not this lady's fault. My son, you know, she's going on and on and on. - Protecting your mom. - Protecting the mom. - Yeah. - When she clearly could have fucking used a lawsuit from the state farm insurance, easy. - Uh-huh. - So it's everyone's shook, you know, and my brother, I had dicks. We were laughing 'cause the kids find out like, oh, we're crawling like, oh, you did the zoo ball. So the cop comes over and he's like, all right, he starts taking a report. He's like, was everybody back here wearing their seatbelt? And I said, actually, no, we weren't. I said, I wanted to put my seatbelt on, but my mom said that we had to get four across. And I was selfish for wanting to secure myself and he's just looking at my mom. Just looking at her, doing like the-- - Taking notes. - He's like, man, every once she's like, I know, I know. She's all fucking pissed. And then I think he just broke a leg and had to-- - That's it. - Yeah, it's it. He got lucky, broke one leg and had it like his-- yeah, stitches in a concussion, but he got fucking lucky. But we ran right over a kid, packed car ran over his head. - That's so terrible. I mean, hey, what was he doing in the road, man? - His mom was setting him to get-- - Go get me some smokes. - Back when a child could go in a store and get just cigarettes. - I bought my dad Winston's. I bought him multiple times. I go to the gas station. - That's a cigarette. I don't even know if they make Winston anymore. - Looked that up. I don't know. That's all he smoked was Winston's. - Well, remember, that was back when NASCAR was allowed to have tobacco sponsors. - Oh, yeah. - That's all cars and Winston cars. - You don't have it, shit. - No, what is it? - It's still made, huh? - Is it Winston cup still a thing? Or did they change the name of that too for some pussy shit? - For some bitch shit. - For some liquid alcohol. - My uncle smoked, no. - Unfiltered palmalls. - Yeah, dude. - Palmalls, that was a cigarette of a veteran. It's almost like you had to be in the military to be able to get palmalls. Because I think there were military-issued cigarettes. Isn't that what they gave them, palmalls? - That was just palmalls. - I don't know why, but it was like, if you were a veteran, you smoked palmalls, but he smoked unfiltered, which I thought was wild. And then for years, you know you love cigarettes when you're rolling your own. - Oh, they were just, they were a staple in military rations, along with camel lucky strikes and Chester Fields. - Camel. - Chester Fields. - Chester Fields. - Chester Fields. - Chester Fields. killer, but they know they need to eat breakfast well because they might not eat again for a long time. That's my good last meal. Every breakfast is your last meal. Well, what do you say? What do you said? It was what? I was just saying that Winston Cubs stopped in 2003. 1971 to 2003. Well, it's cancer spike. It was probably also because of economics. I'm sure Winston lost a lot of the market share. I think that was probably tough for them. Growing up on the East Coast, it was if you smoked, it was basically Marborough either reds or lights. There was camels. They used to have the camel cash back then. Oh, yeah. And Marborough did like miles. We could like it and had a fucking, you know, bag filled. Yeah, and you could get duffel bags and luggage and shit. Jackets. I had a Jack Marborough jacket. Yeah, I wish I still kept that as a kid. What are the other ones everybody would smoke? American spirits floated in for a second. No, enough for me. Parliaments was big. Parliament became a thing. Yeah. In Chicago. Yeah, parliaments. I know a lot of guys that smoke parliaments. I'd never even heard a parliaments or psalm till I got out here. It's really a very West Coast. No, in Chicago, people loved them. The why? Do you know why? Oh, the little cocaine alley there. The little cocaine filter. So I dated this black girl out here and she would only smoke when she was drinking. And then one night, I see her like, what did she just do over there? And she's like, oh, and it says right on the the package recessed filter recess filter. Yeah, and she's just doing a little bump. And I was like, that's why her body smokes. Yeah, I had a little bump to go. Do you ever seen that? Do you know about that? Parliaments had a recess filter. The filter didn't go to the end of the cigarette. It was kind of like ducked in by like an eighth of an inch or something. So there was a little bit of room. I got a pack in my car right now for an audition that I'm using. I was going to say, you don't smoke. I'll show it to you when we get out of here. Yeah, yeah, show tell him. What do you do? Your audition to be a guy who smokes. Well, I'm not auditioned to be a guy who smokes. They just say, "In there, I smoke." So I got to pack a parliaments. And then I went and bought some joints 'cause I don't smoke cigarettes. I went and bought some joints that look like a cigarette. And I pulled maybe five of the parliaments out. So I'm gonna light what looks like a cigarette. - That's a dube. - That's a dube instead of a fucking. - You know, I switch. I'm not smoking much anymore. I'm only consuming. Eating and drinking. I like it. I think it's better. It's making my cardio better again. Like, when I do, I like to row. And when I do the rowing, I was like, "Man, I think I probably should stop smoking." Smoking. So now I'm eating and drinking. But the drinks I love, drinks are probably my favorite. Like, after I work out in the morning or whatever and if I have a drink like after breakfast, they're great, man. - Maybe I saw a little. - You coast for a. - I feel like you coast for a little bit. - Yeah. - You get a nice even. - Yeah, I don't want to be fucking. Like, I'm not. I don't dab. Because you do dab. I'm not. - Cut it out. - Wait, that's. - No. - We're too old for that. - I just want my shoulders to drop down. - Yeah. - I just want to let my hair down a little bit. - I want the octave in my voice to just chill out a little bit. - All right, let me tell you a buffalo. - Oh yeah, tell me a little bit. - All right, so I was at buffalo. - I've been a buffalo in a minute. - Mm-hmm. - I had never. It's my first time. I had never even been up the buffalo for a while before. So I get up there. And I'm telling a story in my set now about drivers, the drivers that will pick us up. And Sagoora and I will trade these stories because of all the people in comedy. And I mean all of them from managers, bookers, club owners, sound guys, comedians themselves. For whatever reason, those fucking drivers seem to be the wildest wild cards of all. And they've got crazy stories. - Crazy stories, yeah. - And once they know they're getting you and that you're a comedian, they love the fucking. They love to talk. - So this is such an inside basement. It's so true. They're all like that. - Oh God. They love it. I was picking me up at the airport in Kansas City at the time. And it's a long story I won't get into here. But the point of it is, I didn't realize it was a 45-minute ride to the fucking club from their airport. And during the ride he starts telling me that he had robbed banks and that he robbed 12 banks with a crew and he did 10 years and he's out now and this is what he does. - Wow. And I'm like, Jesus fucking crazy. So right away in my mind, I'm like, all right, well there's a gun on him. One somewhere in the car. - 100%. - No doubt. There's a bank robber. - Absolutely. - Definitely a fucking two guns are in this car and one of them is on his person. - Right. One's underneath you. - That's where my mind's at. He hit problem. - Grab that gun underneath you real fast. - Yeah, he hit a case. I need to help him. - Yeah. - There might be three. One here or one here for him and back there in case. - Right. Do me a favor. Grab that gun underneath. - There's a nine underneath this seat. Bro, it's loaded. Save these off. - Get a video on the trigger. It's sweet. Just squeeze. - Aim and pull. Aim and pull. Just randomly, I'm like, has anybody in here ever been to prison? And I hear this voice over in the corner and go, I have. And I just started laughing and before I could see who it was or whatever, I've talked about this with Stovey before too, where like I think the Baltimore accent is the first non-binary accent because you could hear this, "Hey, hun. Cross the street and get me some cigarettes and a scratch off." That could be Uncle Jack or Aunt Janice. And I said, "You don't fucking know who it is until you put eyes on that person." Right. And I hear that accent. I'm like, "This could go either way over here." And I'm like, "Where are you?" She goes, "I'm over here." And I go, "What's your name?" She's like, "Linda." I'm like, "Are you, Linda?" And I say that about the Baltimore accent. And I go, "You went to prison." I go, "Not jail. I'm not talking about a couple damn. Talk about prison shoes." I go, "What happened? What'd you go for?" She goes, "A salt and robbery." I go, "Damn you, a salt and robbery. I go, "What happened?" She goes, "I was drinking one night in this bar. I was real fucked up." And I walk out to my truck. I get in my truck and I decide, "Fucking, I'm driving home." I start driving home. I'm about five minutes in my ride out of nowhere. This man pops up out of my back seat. And this is every woman's nightmare. Yeah. And I'm like, "A dude is in the truck." She goes, "Yup, he pops up." And she goes, "I start screaming." And he starts screaming. She goes, "Next thing I know, he's grabbing my neck. I'm fucking, I'm punching him. I'm beating the shit." I'm like, "You're winning." And she goes, "I'm winning." I'm like, "Ah, ah, ah, ah." And she's like, "Still driving straight home together." Beat the shit out of this guy. He's losing. She goes, "I pull over." And it's funny because I go, "Where?" And she goes, "On the 33." And I was like, "Don't fucking talk to me." Like, "I drive these roads up here every goddamn day." And, but the next morning, I'm going to the airport. And it's the 33. It's a highway, bro. She pulls over on the highway and she fucking kicks the guy out. What the fuck? On the fucking street. Shoulder of the fucking highway. And then she hauls ass home. I go, "What the fuck happened?" She goes, "Well, 15 minutes later, the police are knocking at my door." I go, "Why?" She goes, "Turns out, that wasn't my truck." I said, "What are you fucking talking about?" She said, "She said my truck looked just like his." And I got in his truck, I go, "But how?" How did it unlock? How did it start? She goes, "It's all newer and it's push start." And I had my keys on me. So I just assumed when I touched it, it unlocked. I got in, it fucking started. Or it was unlocked, she got in, and it started. Sure, 'cause he's in the car with the keys. She starts driving. This poor guy is shit faced. Doing the right thing. - Taking a nap. - He's sleeping it off in the back of his truck. She gets in. I go, "So you're drinking a drive of both of you?" She goes, "Yeah." And she said, "He wakes up and starts screaming." 'Cause in his mind, he's like, "Who is this bitch?" - It's driving me. - And she's like, "Who's this little thing?" They both start duking it out, and he lost it. He lost it a lady, dude. And she shoved it out of the car on the highway. And I go, "What's the robbery?" 'Cause it's his car, she goes, "Yeah, 'cause this is." But I go, "How long did you do for that?" She goes, "Less than you think." I go, "Well, what was it?" She goes, "Three years." - Three years? - That's what I said. And she goes, "Well, I did have like four or five DUIs." - Oh, okay. - I just wasn't her first girl. - All right, yeah. - I could be honest with me. - How similar were these trucks? And she goes, "My mom was red and his was blue." (laughing) - I said, "What is your buffalo bill?" Oh, never in my life. This fucking bitch got in this poor guy's. He's trying to do the right thing. - He's sleeping off. - She's drinking a drive. - Imagine getting a car. - Beat in your own car. - And buy a woman. - And your own car. - And your ship phase and your losing too. - You're at home. - That's your home pace. (laughing) - You should have a weapon or something. Anything. - That's amazing. - That's fucking great, dude. - Shout out Linda. We're around that fucking drunk. - I'm the fucking drunk. - I'm drinking a drive and did three years. (laughing) - Do you do that bit on stage about the Baltimore accent? - Yeah. - Really? - I've started it now because of that. - Well, because as you said it, I was thinking, yeah, it's kind of, it's such a distinct-- - And it's also just, is it-- - But it's you guys. What's funny about Baltimore is everything around Baltimore. It doesn't sound anything like Baltimore. Where like even when you go to-- - But even Stavian, I put that accent on too. Like when he does Ronnie, I used to do Ronnie years ago too. All the radios to, like it's a known thing. - But it's a real accent. - But it's here. - 100% or whatever. - Yeah, but that's what I'm saying is like-- - I took Larson one time and he turned around and looked at me and goes, "Is he speaking English?" - I was like, "So are he, bro." He says, "You what you wanted to fucking eat." - But like all of New England kind of sounds like that Boston thing, like Larson-y. But you guys don't sound like anybody anywhere near you. Like even when I go up to, even Buffalo sounds like the Midwest. They have a little bit of Northern Midwest in them. But what's funny about Baltimore, when I know when I'm in that area, you can just tell right away someone's from Baltimore. It's so strange. I mean, I don't know what that is or what the-- - Philly and Baltimore. The Philly's got a bit of the same accent too. - Philly a little bit, but Philly-- - That mid-Atlantic, I looked it up. It's a whole thing about the English coming over and their cockney accent. It just gets raped and beaten down over time and turns into something like this. - Like this. - Like this. - There's no TH. - Like this. - He's always yelling at us about this and that. (laughing) - Here's another one. One of my favorites, it's silent. You don't hear it a lot. People will put a K on the end of a word like everything. My friend Shad and one time told my cousin, he goes, she told our grandmother on something we did and he goes, "You tell on everything we do." - It's burned in my head and my buddy Kevin, I go, "Why do you fucking put the K on the end of everything?" He goes, "What do you mean?" I go, "You don't hear it, do you?" He goes, "No," and he doesn't. He goes, "What do you guys, what do you think about everything?" And I'm like, "You don't hear the K, you're hitting the clothes in an hour." - Everything going on. - Yeah. Well, it's an easy throw. Yeah, maybe it's just like a K. - Well, it's like, "What did I do a bit now about that Boston news story that I heard when I left my hotel?" And Boston adds like an R, like calmer. It was calmer, beat him into a calmer, beat him into a calmer. And I was like a calmer. And it was like such as faint throw away R, but they put it on stuff. It was very strange. I was like, "Shit calmer?" By the way, it really made light of a calmer. I mean, the story was horrific. And I say in the bit, the newscast is like, I don't know, I sure, the house was robbed. - Jesus. - And they beat him into a calmer. And then they were like, Celtic start up drafting next week. I mean, it was right to sports. It was like sports. right away. They didn't even skip a beat. There was no transition. It went right to sports. There's a guy going into a coma and then right to the Celtics. It was insane. That's, you know, that's the one thing I miss about back home is characters. Oh, you really do me characters. Here you meet characters, but they're always wack. You know what the characters are here? That guy that said every fucking Laker game. You know that weirdo. Look up old man at every Laker game. You know, who is that? I don't know, but that's like he's about the melt in his fuck. He looks like he's going to sleep. Who brings him to that? James Goldstein. Yes, exactly. Right. Goldstein. I hear it. Who is he though? But everyone at home knows if you've seen this guy, he's been on. We'll show up a photo. Joe. Yeah, but I mean, who say his name again. He looks like to do from Poltergeist. Jimmy Goldstein. That's right. Was he using music margol or some shit? But this is the kind of guy that's it. That's the character. I think he owns the house. Hey, I think he owns the house from Big Lebowski the. Oh, they're like that mansion. Yes, why can't I think of the name of the where the rug tied the room together? No, no, no, no, no, Jackie Treehorn's house. I think that was his. You remember Jackie Treehorn's house? Yeah, in Malibu. I think, but it wasn't in Malibu. I think it's his house. That might be incorrect. Yes, the residents has been featured in many TV shows. Charlie Zangel, the Big Lebowski. Right. So Jackie Treehorn's house wasn't in Malibu. It was actually that house, which I think is in the Hollywood Hills. But this guy, if I'm not wrong, I heard as a was a music mogul or started a what do he do? But right, that's the characters you meet on the West Coast. They're like these kind of strange. I never met that guy. You met him? No, but you know what I mean? Like that's who our characters are. Yeah. We're on the East Coast. It's like, you know, his dad owned his dad on a factory and then his family. And it's like, he's old stories like, yeah, his grandfather was in the Mafia, and he gave it to his buddy. His brother got shot in a face in front of it. And you have all these, this guy is just a what? It's interesting. He's from Wisconsin. And then he was involved with the Milwaukee Hawks. He refused to disclose his net worth or how he made his fortune. They speculate he made billions in real estate, notably in Central Century City. But it was noted in Hollywood reporter that he made his money in mobile home parks by packaging gross of properties and investment vehicles and then suing municipalities. Oh, so she's suing the city. Just throwing his own clays in the air and hitting them. I wonder you don't want to tell you how much he's done. City Attorney for City coming after that, Bob. They refer to his tactics as litigation terrorism and accuse him of building his fortune on the backs of the most vulnerable people in society. And that's the reason we got millions to fight litigation terrorism. So he sued the city, set him up to take him down. Meanwhile, making his fortune off of people that live in mobile homes. Yes. Really nice guy. Really solid. I grew up working in my friend's dad's junkyard, and those were characters. Like the guys I missed like that. There was a guy named Richard, but we called him Turbo Lips. And listen, he talked like Twista wrapped. Remember Twista from Chicago's finest. That's how he would talk. He's gonna say to make it. Yeah, come on man. I mean, you'd squint. Like what the fuck's he said? And we would whenever they'd say he was coming into the yard to get a part of something, we'd all go sit and just he'd just be in their bullshit with our friends to have for 30 minutes. We'd be dying. Talking to million miles a minute. So fast. Like an auctioneer. And we'd be like, Richard, how the fuck do you? How does your tongue do that, bro? With another guy named, his name was John. And this is when I learned what cocaine was and what it did to you. So we're probably in like middle school. This guy comes in and Shannon's dad had been telling us like he's he's kind of a fuck up. But again, when he says fuck up, like you're a real fuck up because we're not like a junkyard where all these guys are maybe seventh eighth grade graduates tops. Max. They've all done time, but not for violent shit like grand theft. He's all automotive shit. They've gone to jail, prison, whatever. And they're all older now and they can't get job. So they just they're just part pullers, you know. And we're an eighth grade watching these grown men in there. They're they don't have any fucking filters. They don't give a fuck. Right. This guy would drink all night. So he'd come in, hung over and he'd come in late. But he was such a good salesman that they just would not fire. They're like, can't he'll be here for three hours and oh, fucking make it up. He will. They couldn't get rid of him. But he would come in and he'd be like, hey guys, just like this. And then he'd go in his little trailer because we had trailers for offices. Yeah, the main one here. And then yet this one was the miniature all foreign they called it. So he so John just dealt with your dot Sins and Toyotas. He didn't deal with any of the American shit just the foreign shit. And he would go in that trailer and five minutes later. He would I mean, he would kick that fucking door. And we were like, God damn. And he told us about cocaine. And we're like, that's what the fuck he would fucking come out. Like social cars. We're not selling cars direct. You dumbass. We're selling parts. But he would sell the shit out of those fucking parts high on cocaine, like a motherfucker. Yeah, it could probably smooth. It was so like I love the criminal element. It was so crooked there. It was so fucking cool. But that's what junkyards are, right? Isn't that what the whole thing is? Well, you know, you'll take your fucking Porsche out there to a dealer. And if they don't have that fucking mirror, that's where they're going. There's some people will call it and Maryland. I don't know if you have this exit. Everybody called a mirror. A mirror. No, I don't. A mirror. A minnow, but a mirror. You got a nice mirror. I was looking at myself in a mirror over there. And they they'll fish at the yard. They will come in. Yeah. And they would. So we didn't have computers, right? Didn't need it. What they have was an old school phone, desktop phone. But it was like a super walkie talkie. And you'd pick it up. And it would be, yeah, the other people had to have them, okay? Sure. So from Baltimore, we were able to contact Virginia, West Virginia, Pennsylvania. So what you would do is you would get on the fucking literally on a horn. And be like, I'm looking for an 85 chavette from bumper age. Five chavette from bumper 85 chavette from bumper. I'm looking for you. You just keep saying it. And then soon or later. So I'm like, I got one. Where are you? I'm down in Rhino. Ryan, get the truck, go down to Rhino, get that bumper and bring it back up here. And I'm 17 at the time. Yep. I'm just driving. What do you know the markups? Did they tell you how much money they were making crazy money? Crazy. And so the dealers coming in, they'll paint it, you know, it's a used part that they'll paint make it look nice. But I mean, we're selling it fucking to them for like $100. You're paying what? $800 and shit. It's stupid. But the crooked shit. I used to suck. Oh, God. It was awesome. I miss it. I wish I could go back in time and do one of these runs one day because now I know what's going on. Yeah. But we would have these Guatemalan dudes come in. And we had friends of ours that their car would just get stolen. And I would and I'd be like, why is your like the third guy? It's got his car. Your parents had their car stolen this week. What I realized is they're sending it to the junkyard. junkyard's paying them for it. junkyard's going to part it out, crush it completely. You ever see those drugs drive their own. So my brother runs a salvage yard where he does that. Flatten them. Flatten them. Then they take those and they put them in this fucking dumpster of lava. It's crazy. I wish see if I can get a video of it. It is literal lava and it melts it all down and then it spits them out into pallets, aluminum pallets. When it cools, you got stacks of aluminum pallets and they go fucking sell those pallets and we pay $40 for razors and shit. Right? Yeah. So they're bringing these cars in and every now you can't now the serial numbers are everywhere in those fun cars. But we knew where all I'm wearing pop off that it was a little plate. Popped that plate off so now serial numbers gone. It gets crushed. It goes to the Guatemalans. What happens after that? I hate my business. I hate my fucking business. So we had friends, parents, you know, filing insurance claims like, hey, my car was stolen and then they go get a nice new car and shit. I didn't put that together till later. I'm like, oh, and then one day his name is Mr. Roy. He's still alive too. I just saw him recently. He would he'd be crying. Come with me and we would drive together a few miles. We'd go to this Walmart parking lot or Kmart, whatever the fuck it was back then. And he'd be like, see that Toyota over there. I go, yeah, he goes, keys are in it. Just drive it back to the yard and then he would leave and go back to the yard and I would drive a car back to the yard. And about the fifth or sixth time doing that. I'm like, why the fuck are these cars always in the lot? Fucking keys are right here in the sun visor every fucking time to drop right into my lap. And then I realize, I'm driving stolen car driving a shitload of stolen cars. They've already been reported stolen. And I'm driving them back to have those disappear. And I was like, oh, that's what's going on. All right, all right. But I like just involving kids without knowing anything. Yeah, he didn't know. He didn't know anything. I was 16 years old, telling a kid to go get in that car and drive it. You do it. I couldn't wait to drive it. Yeah. Well, I don't know. And I love the drive all different things. I learned how to do a three on the tree and stuff. I loved it. Oh, fucking loved it. So it was crooked. Eating in a bedding though. It was 100%. You're in. We also had this guy. I talked about this in my special lefty son. Lefty so much special live and alive. Live and alive is my newer one, but lefty son, I talk about this guy. He was a specialist. His name's Mesa. He's this old fucking black dude. And he would come up like maybe twice a year. Okay, he come up for a one full day and he was a fucking savant on rolling back odometer. Okay, he could roll back. Remember early digital ones that look like the alarm clock and those like Chevy's and they used to use the drill bits to do that when they flipped them. No, this guy, I'm tell you this is, it was awesome. We're in Mount Erie, Maryland, which is good hour or so from the city. Okay, where the where the yard was and he's like go down and get me so and bring him up here. So I'm going like nine o'clock in the morning. I'm going into fucking Baltimore where real Baltimore. This color, this tan right here, and he tan on Baltimore. This is not tan enough for that fucking neighborhood. Okay, and I got to sit and wait for him in the car, right? One time I'm waiting, I go in this mall called Mondama mall. I walk, I swear to God, I walk in. The first guy I pass, I hear a white boy. I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I'm gonna sit the street car. I'm waiting for him outside. This old dude comes out. And he's got the fucking kangle hat on. And he's got an old school leather. Remember those doctor bags when they would make house calls and a tight alligator bag, that's what this guy's got. Good looking bag. That's what he had, that's it. We get in the car and we drive out. We talk a little bit or whatever. I'm asking him how he does all this shit and stuff. He's telling me or whatever. So I drop him off at the yard and then I go about my day. And at the end of the day, I take him back. And I'll tell you, this is exactly what he fucking said too. This is fucking so ridiculous. So he's a skinny black dude and he's rolling him all back. I mean, you know, again, you think you're buying an engine with 25,000 miles on it. That shit had a hundred. I said at 142,000. (laughing) It's a cleaned up machine, you know what I mean? A lot of that going on, a lot of you're making so much more money off that low mileage motor, man, that's low mileage. How's this yard have all these low mileage motors? We specialize in low mileage motors. That's what we do. That's what we do. When they crash them early, we jump on. We ambulance chase. So he's telling me how he does it with like the little screws and like how he'll get in there. And just almost like a fucking watch guy. You know what I'm talking about? The way those little pieces are, they're so intricate. So intricate. And back then, digital's new. So he even figured out how to go and reset those. That was probably easier in that day. Maybe. 'Cause it's brand new. And I just casually say, man, that's something. And then he does this. This is a whole bit about Old Black man wisdom. And he just goes, I don't know. This guy already goes, that ain't shit. You guys wanna know what something is? And I go, yeah. Like anytime an Old Black dude wants to tell me anything. I'm wisdom. I'm fucking wisdom. Yeah. I'm always wisdom. You wanna hear what something is? I was like, yeah. Him right on me. He goes, he goes, put your dick in your left hand. I was like, what? He goes, put your dick in your left hand. I was just looking at him. And he goes, and you put your right one over it. And if you got anything still sticking out of the top, that's something. (laughing) And then he got on the car. And I never saw me, so I got in front of the restaurant. That's a true story. That's so good. You know Dan, well, I went home. I pulled all of my ass, pulled all of my skin back. Give me a little, is that something? That's something. That's something. I might got a little problem in there. What's his name? What's his name again? Me, so. That's me, that's so, bro. He's probably a long guy. I hope he's around. Was he old then? Yeah, he's probably in his like 60s or so then. This is a good thing. I missed the days when there was scam and like, I mean, there's different scams now. Like, do you remember Black Boxes? The Black Cable rip off? God, I love Black Box. Do you even know what that was? God, it was incredible. When you knew guys that could get you Black Boxes. We had a science typical Atlanta. Yeah. And my dad came home one time. He's like, we'll try this new thing out. The guy's at work says it's this thing in the paper where the guy's got one. I'm like, what is he's like? It's a scrambler. And then we got the Black Box, but you would get every channel. Everything was scrambled. And then it would reset. Yeah. Okay, listen, just, this is whatever, you know. I got, my money started coming in recently. Okay. Not that long ago when I was doing the crab feast podcast, I had illegal cable, I had illegal direct TV. This dude came to set the direct TV up and he goes, he starts talking to me and I go, what's the pitch? And he goes, every fucking channel. I go, but what happens when they scrambled? He goes, you call me? I give you a new code. I go, get the fuck out of here. For two years. No shit. For two years. I had it. I paid him one time. Me fucking. And then it was so funny because it would go out, but it last six months. Then it would go out, be a minute far, get a hold of him, like a week. They give you a new code. Yeah. Every time. And then one time he goes, your box is broke. I go, all right. He goes, come meet me. I give you a new one. I go, where you want to meet? And he's trying to tell me, like, where to meet around LAX. And then I go, any chance you're right near to Wild Goose, he goes, how do you know the Wild Goose? You remember that? There was a strip bar over there. The Wild Goose 2, actually, as I know it was. And a friend of mine took me there at one time and he, I'll never forget this is a mother and daughter team. I was like, I ain't coming back. So one, two punch kids. I ain't coming back to this fucking place. And he goes, how do you know the Wild Goose? I'm like, don't worry about how I know the Wild Goose. You want to meet at the Wild Goose? I meet him at the, just to park a lot, you know, he has me to box up. But for two years, I had it. He got you good. We had the black box. We also had, um, what was the other one we would get to the, where you could scramble or descramble, like, spice TV, remember, spice? Oh, yeah. Spice channel was called. Spice channel. Yeah. Yeah. You could descramble that, too, was something. I forget what that was. Like, radio shack, shit. Right, right. Yeah. I never got anything at radio shack, but that's where you could go to get the, like, that kind of shit. God bless nerds. That's what it was. Yes, nerds were like, definitely figuring it out. Once things went tech, nerds were like, you want to have, you want to see porn? Mm-hmm. Like, yeah. Like, we found a way to get you as much as you need. Yeah. It was incredible. Watching the, watching the TV rotate through, sometimes that would get a little unscrambled to get real close. Oh, when it would stick for like four seconds, you could see. Unbelievable. Right there. Like, here we go. It's what we're all doing here. I always thought somebody was like at a data center somewhere. Just talking to people. Kids are going to love this for a minute. Yeah. Just for two minutes. You know, we had a scientific Atlanta box, and then there was another one, Comcast, we had to. And, but if you lived in that area, that's the cable you got. You got Comcast. So we all had the same box, like, you go to your buddy's house, the same box, same controller. Mm-hmm. So one night, we're in middle school, and we just start going and running around on a neighborhood, and we take our controller, and we just start going to other people's houses. And we're sitting, you know, East Coast Midwest, you got a basement window that's right here in the basement. Yeah, the sun. But the windows right here. I love it. We're just laying right there. We are changing this guy's TV. He is going nuts. He is. We are like seventh grade out there fucking pissing ourself, but he's like, what the fuck? He's throwing a controller. God damn it. Murdering. This is so good. He's trying to sign it down the fence. Because they're all universal robots. You take them anywhere. It was the same thing anywhere you go. It was ever changed or was fucked. You know what the funny thing was? This is how you know this is a time period. You would go over to somebody's house, and they'd have nine fucking remotes. No doubt. Nine of them. Yeah. It would be the cable, the TV, the sound system, if they had an audio system too. VCR. VCR. The DVD player. Yeah. And they'd go, not that. No, no, no. We'll take the batteries out of the fucking VCR when they put them in the DVDs. Should be labeled. Why don't I have it out time to get in trouble with it? Remember they sold a controller cat? Yeah. Someone came up with a controller catty. There was somebody. Too many fucking controllers. It was like a meal kit. It was so many. Mesa should have carried him in that little bag. Yeah. I got your controller. Right here, man. What do you want to operate? The Mesa, the year of the Mesa, you need to write a story of that. I want to get one of those bags. You need to write a book about the year of the Mesa. I could. But just the junkyard. The criminal out. The junkyard alone is great, but also here's one of the best things about it. We're again, we are children. Yeah. Everyone's under age. You're high school kids. We're severely under. Not even high school. We start in seventh grade. We start. It's great. In ninth grade. Yeah. We're driving cars. Yeah. But off-road. So it was a big lot. Acres and acres. And it was all dirt roads. It was owned by one family. Just yup. I'm Mr. Roy Patterson. And he was like an idiot, Savon. It's so funny to me that everyone's like, oh, you might be on the spectrum. Listen, we're all on the spectrum for something. If you're a baseball guy and you know all your stats, you can fuck it on the spectrum with that. Yeah. He's definitely a car guy where he can tell you the fucking fender that it'll be, oh, it's good for 78 to 82. Like, they'll know it. That's wild to me. And then he would say, Ryan, just you come in. and you want to fucking you know a deck lid off the back of this car Ryan go go up to the main aisle make a right it's it's about halfway down on your left he remembers where it is new where all of it was yeah never had any inventory never had just all here that's beautiful and his son now has a junkyard in Baltimore where I just shot that little junkyard series I did with my brother and my friends and that and he's in the digital age I will again I say everything has got to be scanned and beeped and got carried for and no doubt so no scam and going on there he's letting us drive we all had a yard car and a yard car was anything that would run no matter how beat up it was and again you're 14 you don't give a fuck if that door is missing you like it yeah yes I had a Delta 88 I had a fucking Nissan Pathfinder I had all kinds of cars they were barely holding on these cars they're they're getting their yard cars they're just meant to go around the yard and you know pick up parts and then come down a guy needs a seat I'm going up and getting it but every now and then these fucking red next way I'll go up with you I'm like okay and I laugh at it now like there's no fucking what like my age getting in a car the eighth grader and he's taking me up on the fucking hill yeah dude I would drive grown ass men that had kids older than me to go get these parts and the things so we all start driving like that and learn how to drive so by the time we were 16 we've been driving up there for years were you doing stick were you learn stick out in the yard that's how you learn stick stick what was the first car you learn stick on do you remember my first car truly learn learn on no the the our cars were automatics all of them yeah it was too hard to drive for us you know those old dudes could do it we weren't ready yet I didn't really have my friction point fucking mastered yeah you know I'm talking about my clutch game now tons I did too much coming there to talk to built up my dad had a Honda Civic 89 so my brother I have a twin brother you know so we both took our test in that car in March with snow on the ground and it's four speed holy shit and to this day I wish my father was alive even my brother admits it that motherfucker he Hollywood had that stop sign then he rolled through it he slowly rolled through a stop sign I'm standing next to my dad because I'm going next he's doing the course now I get to go next my dad goes he failed he rolled that stop sign I said he sure did guy comes out and past and my dad goes he rolled the stop sign snitching on my brother even's like I did roll that fuck stop like how the fuck did this guy pass you so I go I only lost two points I still passed but my points on I remember him vividly I parallel park no problems my little reverse no no cameras this I joke about that in my other special how like my core and everything so much softer yeah now you step down hard here and push back you know now just look at the camera but I didn't signal to pull out of my parking space to enter the flow of traffic right and as I did because the snow is on the ground I said I peel wheels a little bit on the ice this rear wheel drive I bet right front oh it was front but that's whatever yeah whatever there's my two points I had rear wheel and I slipped everywhere in Chicago would call when you when you when you have rear wheel drive in the snow you will hit stuff oh you hit stuff all the fucking time it was impossible to control when I was a FedEx driver they were all rear wheel it's a fucking you were FedEx driver and Minnesota in the winter yeah so I worked at UPS shot at the UPS bomber huh primer I want you have no less drivers help or I started UPS that's what's gonna tell you like the criminal element UPS is I could I could go I could do a I could do a podcast series on how awesome that fucking shit was it was so fucking crooked like I started as a drivers help or during the holidays okay and I've told this I've never told you this story so there's a Christmas you know it gets packed yeah and Baltimore is house after house after house it's not the suburbs where it's like a row home we are this dude I have no job I can't get a job for the life of me I'd move back from here after the earthquake how old are you what in your 20 22 yeah after North Ridge quick is there yeah I came out because I got accepted to North Ridge in the morning I woke up to drive out here I'm staying at Shannon's place and his mom's shaking me awake and she's like I think I'm dreaming there's a TV she's got the TV on she's I'm downstairs in her basement like Ryan you don't have a school anymore Ryan and I'm you know I'm thinking I'm dreaming and I wake up and I'm like what the fuck and I'm leaving that morning to drive to that school that just got destroyed and I go anyway and I end up finishing a semester there and when I come back it's just you know enrollment has tripled I'm considered out of state they won't give me priority so they're like we'll give you a loan to live here I'm like no fucking taking a college loan just to live here so I went back finished up and then came back out and when I went back I got a job at you pit I couldn't get a fucking job I go downtown to the unemployment office okay they put me in this room there are I'm not exaggerating 80 people in there I'm the white person person one white person everyone looks at you and everyone's looking at me and it's a little thing where you know these companies are coming in like the Fed whatever well you PS guys come in and I was like oh fuck yeah I could I could do a driver's helper you know I'll be running and just keep me in shape whatever I'll do something to do so it turns out that the guy that normally had my route for years and years his name was Mike he had gotten injured so they got this new driver who's a younger dude older than me but he's probably in his 30s you know and they go we're gonna have you work with him I go great and I go here's the best part he does his next day heirs from 9 to 10 AM right after that he's gonna pick you up at your house because he goes right by your house you're gonna run your neighborhood I was like oh oh my god so I just walk out my brown outfit he beeped the horn I roll out of my house to go start the day and you're going I mean I don't know what FedEx would do but they would let you do we'd work till 9 10 o'clock at night during the just during the holidays just so many packages yeah and they had a rule in Baltimore if you would knock if they're not home you were to place the package out of sight out of weather okay so you could put it under their deck or whatever um so we're doing that we're doing that we're doing that and then one day I go to this house and the rule the the rule we had set up was he runs packages on the driver's side it's on my side I'm running this side right if there's a hundred of them today tough luck for me so I go up to this door and I'm knocking on the door and I can hear people they don't answer and you know he's we're hustling he's like let's go I go they're in there I can hear him he goes go around back try and if they're not there just leave it I said okay so I go around the back door I beat on the back door and I can hear someone in there doing shit like they're there and then I just say fuck it and I leave the package out of sight out of weather that night we get back to the the hub and the supervisor comes over because you know how about that crazy guy and you're out there and I'm like what we're out for 12 hours what fucking crazy guy there's a hundred of them out there he goes the guy that killed people and we're like what you can look this up I told this on stobby's probably looked it up it's a true fucking story the the house I'm knocking on the package I'm delivering while I'm knocking on the door the shit I'm hearing going on inside is a guy bearing two bodies in his basement shut the fuck I'm at your package I'm going to front end the second I'm about to be the next fucking dead one I'm going around the bag of the house and I'm like what are you talking about and it turns out the story is that this guy at that house I guess he owed some people some money told them to meet him in a park called Patapsco Park out where I lived at the time what used to before I worked there Carol County and when these two guys meet him he kills him brings him back to his house tries to bury him in his basement what happened was the one of the guys had just had a baby with his girlfriend and they had the baby in the car so the reason the baby was fine okay I always had to say that yeah but the reason the police even got called was because the mother was like where's my baby where's my baby this guy's not fucking answering like what the fuck's going on and I'm like are we gonna have to go to fucking court he's like not this is textbook like that girl's like well here's the two people he went to meet this is where they went to meet that's where that guy fucking lives damn so they go to the house it's all in the paper this piece of shit tries to dig up his basement to bury him but he hits a water pipe and it floods the basement now the body is just laying on their float and shit for real he's also the type of piece of shit that had like three cars on the law yard and again I come from a junkyard that that car might not work that door's good hood's good chunks good we'll give you three hundred dollars for that right now he could have easily sold those cars made that money I'm telling you what they tell you what the number was in there it's an embarrassing low amount of money to kill two people you got it and the murders were reportedly linked to a twelve hundred dollar drug debt 12 thousand two hundred just pay him on three shitty car he could have easily got money for that right or at least payment chunks give a couple hundred dollars is not 12 thousand dollars 12 thousand two bodies I get it you gotta go You got to go, man. We're over 10,000. So, you got to go 1200 paid off the charter's ridiculous. That's crazy. December 15th, 1994, 1994. And then what did he start doing? This guy's probably still in, you know what? No, he's out by now. No, he's probably a double murder. He's in for life. But it took a long time for it to like actually get sentenced. It took him a while. Yeah, he did get 2000 or something. Well, he was convicted in April of 1996. Couple of years later, just two years later, you got from two years, a long time. So, he gets time served and how long did he serve? What does it say? How about you? I bet you they gave him 12 years. For a double murder? I'm bearing. I'm telling you. I use here some of these times that for murder, they get like 10 to 15 years. You give a Coke charge. They give him eight. You know what? What? It doesn't say how long. No. He was sentenced to life imprisonment without the possibility of parole. Oh, good. Consecutive term of 20 years imprisonment. Mad Joe Green versus the state of Maryland. Wait, wait. 20 years? It was life plus 20. Yes. Everything amazing. It's always funny when they talk like that. You get like, what do you talk about? Life's not a reason. Life's not a reason. Life's 20 usually. Yeah. It's not a real thing. Yeah. So, I knew a guy at UPS, also, this is one of my favorite. You talk about characters. This was full of characters. The theft. Again, the theft. Oh. So, going back to that real quick. So, we're out doing our Christmas runs. Yeah. The supervisors were like, hey, man, you guys are missing a lot of packages. I'm like, no, we're not. Back then, they had a scanner called a dyad. It was brand new. It was almost as big as a fucking tablet, big. And I was the only driver's helper in the whole fucking district that did one. My guy's doing one, I'm doing one. So, that's how I eventually, they're like, you're not like anybody else. They bring me in. I start as an unloader. I go to sorting. I drive the e-reg train with all the black dudes. There's four black guys in me doing the e-reg. I got an eight-cart, orange airport cart, snaking through that, to train me how to do it. If you fuck up, you jam up, then you jam the whole thing up. And you're doing it in front of everybody. And they're like, there he is, white boy, fucking an all out of them. Shut the fuck up, Greg Bankett. They did it all the time. But I rose through the ranks quickly, became a supervisor. All right. So, we're like, we're hitting every fucking package. And what ended up happening, so then they sent lost prevention out to follow us. And what happened was, these criminals, they're so good. There's a guy following us, six, seven stops behind us. He's stealing everything. Smart. And lost prevention's three, four behind him, catching him, do that. So they get him. Other guys would do the thing where, like, if you were the guy that packed the brown truck that's going to go out to the neighborhoods, they would go over to the truck that would go to their neighborhood. You with me, and tape a package in the wheel well that they wanted. So you might be loading a studio city truck, but let's say you live in Van Ayes, you go over to the Van Ayes, but they're all right there. He goes over to the Van Ayes package car. You stick that fucking package up in the wheel well tomorrow morning when that truck parks in the neighborhood. And the guy gets out and he's dialing right out of that wheel well and now you've got your fucking package. Genius. Nonstop with this shit. They called them sweepers and they would have these people. So when a box comes through and it breaks open or whatever, we'll tape it back up. If it can be, they have people that sit there in the cage and it's usually expensive shit, TVs and stuff. And there was this one lady. It's always because they just get one greedy, one extra time. She had been sending shit to her sister, $20,000 with the electronics and got two greedy on one thing and they got her. My favorite was, I'm a supervisor at this point. You got to wear a tie, shirt and tie, you're down there yelling at everybody and you get paid once a month. That was the thing. Try being 20 fucking three, getting paid once a month. It sucks. Yeah. Well, it was also in the heyday of the, you know, 10 DVDs for a penny and all that bullshit or CDs for a penny and shit. Those were getting stolen left and right. So they put the fucking purple dye packs in there. It's summer in those trucks. It's already a 90 degrees outside in that truck, 110, 115. These two black dudes have a system going and eight, but lost prevention knows it. They set them up, pulled those boxes open to steal the boom, it explodes all over them. Purple fucking like paint all over them. And the worst part of it, you don't know is that you naturally want to wipe it and the more you wipe the worse it gets. The worse it spreads. So I'm in the office upstairs before I'm about to start my shift. These two black dudes come and cover it in purple. I start laughing. It's like, fuck you man, ain't funny. Hockey. I'm like, it's ridiculous. You guys just lost your jobs for some CDs and you're purple right now. You're painting purple. You got to go into that office and sit down and have a conversation while you're covered in purple. Yeah. These dudes would do shit. So now I'm a supervisor, so I go in, driver's helper, then I go in and I do unload, just unload and box this boom, boom, boom. Then they pay you a buck more if you can sort packages. So I'm like, I'm going to learn to sort to this day. I still know zip codes in Maryland and California, 199 in Delaware, yellow belt, California's orange belt, Buffalo's blue belt. I knew all the belts. You had to know your zip. But I didn't know Andrew Santino back in 1995, was that there was an Ontario, California. I don't ever heard of Ontario can, and I got a truckload of boxes, big, heavy boxes, hundreds of them, all going to Ontario, CA. Your boys pumping them down to international belt pump them on me bag. C-A-N, C-A-N, all the conveyor belt shut down, the whole fucking warehouse shuts down. Holy shit. Who the fuck's throwing California down to international belt, I'm knowing ain't me. I know they ain't talking to me. Who the fuck's throwing Ontario, California, I said, I came out of my trousers like, there's an Ontario, California, like God damn it. Ask me bro, they had to pull a whole nother tractor trailer, get other people to go now. Unload the mistake, bring it back through for me to put through, shit like that. But these guys, they would, so when your truck backs up to the wall, when you're unloading, naturally some packages fall out of the bay, and it's your job, after you're done unloading your trailer to go outside, you take one of those, like you've seen the post office bins and those cardboard things, and you get the loose package, you throw them in there and you put them on the rollers and you send them over, but that's when they would steal. So loss prevention would come to me all the time, like, this guy's stealing, I'm like man, I like him. He's like, watch what he's doing, and you would see him, they liked the package, and he would set it off to the side, and they'd unload, unload, and eventually kick it up to the front a little bit more, a little bit more, and then, oops, that package fell out. Now it's outside, 15 minutes later we'll get that package, unload, unload, unload. The guy goes outside, comes back in, new boots on, brand new Timberlake. He was just in that trailer, in some raggedy ass boots. He went outside to clean up packages, came back, he's got a brand new pair, and listen, when I tell you, these are black dudes, these are baby blue Timbs, okay? They're not fucking just regular content. You went out with some busted up black boots, and came in with some brand new baby blue Timbs, and they would last so their shoes, and they would throw them up on the roof. So the loss prevention guy would show me all the shoes up on the fucking roof, and like, hit the fuck out. But he got off the property. And the rule is, once you're off the property, it's theirs. So Timberlake would fucking call and say, hey, we got a box of old fucking shoes in here. What the fuck is this? Or our box is empty, like, what the fuck? And they would go right to that trailer because it's all tracked. We know Andrew Santino was in there during this time, and then they watched the video, they see you do it all, right? But he called a guy in the fire, and this motherfucker came in the Timbs, and he wore my ass very good. He put his feet up on the desk. He came right in with him, no problem, and they're like, this motherfucker is wearing the Timbs. Because he couldn't do anything. It was his now. Right. Shit like that nonstop. He had a pen. And the first time I ever seen a camera pen, he put it right here in the pole. You couldn't tell. And he'd be watching all the fucking trails. The loss prevention guy? He'd go out in a package car, you know his metal package car in February, it'd be like three degrees, and he would sit in there, freeze, just watching him steal. He loved it. He loved it. He loved it. There was such a good criminal fucking mind there. Now, I've never said this anywhere, so I'm going to give you an exclusive here. I stole someone. I was a supervisor. Let's go. We, and I mean, I'm, again, I've got no parents. This is my job. I'm putting myself through school. They know I'm going to California. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. All the time. You ain't going to know we're going to be stuck here like us. I'm like, no, I'm not Greg Baggins. I'm getting the fuck outta here, you'll see. So we, on the East Coast, UPS at the time was like the official shipper for MLB NFL. We get Buffalo Bills. You get a lot of East Coast team shits coming up. Well, 1990 fucking, I think it was five. I was breaking the streak, and they're using a special ball at the stadium that night. It's got orange stitch. is and it's 2131 on it. It's got cows number on it and you're going to just be used for that fucking game only. Okay. Coward can junior for people that aren't up on it. Yeah, Coward can junior. He's breaking the streak 2131. It's going to be that night. And a fucking box of these balls breaks open. How did break open? Generally this box broke open. How broke open? I don't know. It broke open. But I was also a sweeper at the time too. I mean, before I was a supervisor, sweepers are like, if there's any irregular package, is there anything you could tear the belt up? So if you're going to send a transmission or something, you put it on this metal slide and then I come by in my orange cart train, pull it off and I take it over to the truck. It's supposed to go to so it doesn't rip the conveyor belts. Package is only on the belts. Anything with a wood thing around it's got to go down the metal slide and the cart's got to take it around. So you would go trail or trail and there would be naturally just the truth is if you really want to know Santino, a lot of the loaders are lazy and they build a beautiful fake wall about three quarters back and then they throw everything else over that fucking wall. Okay. That's what they do. They don't pack that truck like it's supposed to be all the way. They build a false wall that looks immaculate and then they throw shit out just dumb. Yeah. So naturally shit gets busted, heavier box is fall and it falls on this box and the balls are laying out there and I'm just like and then I go outside and there's one outside on the ground and it's probably about 3 a.m. We're about to shut everything down and I'm like and I put it in my pocket and I keep thinking about it. I know homeboy's not out there and I got it in my fucking pocket and I'm like shit but I also know that when I go through that guard shack that the black dude out there is gonna be on the phone like this and he's gonna have his metal wand and he's gonna be talking to his homies and when you walk through he's he's doing shit. He's not wanting anybody. He also got caught. He was also letting people take shit out too. Sure. He won't want. Yeah. But I was like you know get there's nothing in this ball that's gonna set a wand off. So I fucking stole it. I fucking stole it. I come believe. Where is it? I've never admitted this. Wait to hear what happened with it. I have it. Is that the studio? This is what Carm was all about. So I steal it. I have this ball forever. I used to I still whenever the audience would come to Anaheim I would go to the games. I'd at least go to one of the three and Kyle was very good about giving his autograph because he didn't want it to be worth a lot. He didn't want autographed people fucking people over for this thing. So he would stand early in sign and then after the game and sign a good hour. So I knew that. So I got there for batting practice. You know early as fuck I'm out in Anaheim. I'm I take a girl I'm seeing at the time she wanted to go. So the two of us are I'm like I want to get Kyle to sign this ball. I've had it for years now maybe. I don't know what good chunky years. I'm finally going to get Kyle to sign this ball. And we're next. This little kid in front of him gives him his pen. Kyle signs that he moves off. And I give him my ball and the kid forgot his pen. But I got mine. And Kyle goes, you want me to just use this pen? I go, sure. You fucking dies. Fucking dies. And he goes, oh man. It died. Do you want me to sign it at different spot? Or just I guess over it just over it. So I got the ball at the studio and you can see Cal over Cal to get it. It was shit. That's what you get. That's what I fucking get. You beautiful creature. I could talk to you for about 10 hours. Yeah. Plug what you want to plug my prints. Go watch my special live in a live. Watch the honey do the way back. Start with Santino. So good. They're fucked. One of the most fun podcasts I've ever done. Thank you. Come back. I won't be done at once. Welcome back back. And go check my website. Ryan sickle.com. Come see me on it. Go to Ryan sickle.com. Please go watch a special. We'll put the link in the description down below. And we end the show the same way. You look into that camera. Say one word or one phrase to end the episode. Word of wisdom or just something quick. One word or one phrase. That's something. In here we pour whisk whisk whisk whisk whisk whisk. With that creature in the ginger beer. Sturdy ginger. Like badass. The ginger gene is good. You only five dollars for the whisky. 75 dollars for the whore. Swisky juice. Excellent. Ginger. I like ginger.