Rory Scovel

- My guest today is, he's very funny. - You know what I was thinking about you? I don't think I've ever seen you bomb. Now I haven't seen that many of your sets, but I can't, and I'm sure you bomb plenty. - I do. - But you don't bomb without a fight. Meaning you're not, you don't get smaller. - Yeah. - You don't feel defeated. You just, I'm doing this. - Well to me, that just means that's the show. - Bombing. - That I'm like, that you're bombing. - Yes, but it gets hard sometimes. - But I think it gets turned into or perceived as, oh the show, oh he's not doing well. And so he's bombing, but the reality is, it's, yeah the show isn't going the way everyone wanted, but it still is the show. And so you can make the bombing show. - It's a whole different premise. - And I gotta say, when you're bombing, and there's comics in the back, and you play for them, you sometimes leave going, I thought of two new jokes. - I got more out of it than if my crush. - One hundred percent. - Right. - His name's Horoscope, but that's, you knew that. You clicked on it. It is. (laughing) But what he does is, he'll quit comedy. He'll focus on his acting. He likes acting. - Are you still talking to me? - He's great at it, but you know, dogs can do it. And dogs and children can do it. (dramatic music) - So why are we giving it more? - But dogs don't know they're doing it. - So what? That's what? - If you're good at acting, you shouldn't. - You shouldn't know you're doing it. - That's the most sin. - Yeah. - The only thing Lewis doesn't know it. He thinks he's, in a movie right now, vibes. - I've abandoned my child! - And he's, but then he tore. And then he'll say he's quitting. Then I'll, next time I see he's on tour, and he's talking about how much he loves the audience. (laughing) - So I don't know what's going on, but he's, he also has one of my funniest things that I can think of in terms of what you did one time in Montreal. He started, he was doing fine, and he started flicking coins at the audience and saying here, Canadians take some of your stupid fake money. (laughing) - But it was so great in hostile. And it went back and realized that could have hurt a lot of people. - Into the dark, they can't see it. - No, it's not good, you're lucky to. You're lucky there wasn't a class action lawsuit. - It's Rory Scoville, you were on a, what was the name of the physical? - I was on physical. - Can you believe I pulled that? - Apple TV, I'm actually really impressed by that. - I'm not gonna do our part. - Apple TV, which is, it's a practice for being on other networks. No one will see the thing. (laughing) - If you're on TV. - So, and Shrenke, if Brett Goldstein is involved, who's the listener of the podcast? - Yeah. - People are gonna see it. - Yeah. - Or Bill Lawrence. - Yeah. - Otherwise. - They don't push it. - I mean, what are they gonna do? - It's so funny now that Rose was nominated for an Oscar. - That's Rose. - I saw these like, Rose Byrne, Rose Byrne. - They saw these articles coming out of like, Rose was on this show called Physical You Probably Missed. - The best show you're not watching. - This show you probably missed was very nice. Definitely missed was more accurate. But, yeah, they don't push it, I guess. But, I love that show. - But you get paid, they pay it, they pay it. - It's a drill. - Yeah. - It's a drill for, if showbiz actually comes back. - For me, it was an incredible. 'Cause I got to work with Rose Byrne. And so, for me, it was like, during COVID and no job. Finally, I landed that, got a job, had money, and got to learn acting, watching Rose Byrne do it. And so I was like, oh man, during COVID, I got to kinda go through this, which was amazing. - Made bread, and really got into their conspiracies. - Yeah. - Really found their groove. - Yeah. - A lot of people. - Yeah. - That was a flourishing. - Yeah. - There was a coronavirus in their spirit, and it, it was a spike protein of paranoia and podcasting. - Yeah. - I'm actually more impressed, you pulled spike protein. - I mean, you bring out, oh yeah, spike protein. - Yeah, remember the level of fucking useless things that we all were like all the science we started are really man. - Man. - Okay, here's what else I know about you. Married, I'm not gonna say you married young. - Yeah, no, I don't think so. - You married, well, you married LA young. - Yeah. - Were you from North Carolina? - South Carolina. - South Carolina. - South Carolina, middle age. - Yeah, you married. - Oh yeah. - South Carolina standards, 'cause I got married at 35. So by South Carolina standards, it's like, what's going on? - Son, that's second grade. - What's wrong? - Yeah. - He came back from the city. - Yeah. - They don't look gay stuff, didn't he? - Yeah. (laughing) - And, and you have a, how old your daughter now? - Going on 11. - I was gonna guess it, but it seemed creepy. - Yeah. - Yeah, I would know. - I know. - But it's also always very like shocking when you find out someone's kid's age because you're like, I can't believe that much time has passed. - I feel like it was a shock. - Adult when I met her. I think I met her maybe 10 years ago. - My kid is a, I feel like old soul kind of vibe. - Did you do a joke about that? - No. - Somebody did. - Well, you would have loved it. - I'll take it. - Okay, and you moved. You also moved out of LA. - Colorado. - Which I love. - Yeah. - Did you, did it feel hostile? You don't have a, your sense of like what you should do is seems completely liberated across the board. - I think my antenna is either working great or not functioning the way it's supposed to, but I do feel that. I want it out, I want it out of LA for a while. And then when COVID happened, all the auditions became putting yourself on tape and then going to Zoom and not in person. And so I was like, what am I doing here that I can't do somewhere else for maybe a little cheaper. And yeah, so we got out and I absolutely love it. I need that. I don't like being in this business all the time. Some people really love it. I like not doing it. I like not doing stand up for a while. Like not acting for a while. I like not thinking about it. I like getting into other stuff like painting or trying to write or reading more books. Now it's kind of new to me. But I don't like just going, yeah it's actually liking it and doing it is new. I was so ADHD growing up that when we got assigned reading in school, I was fascinated that people in my class like read the book and finished it. 'Cause I was just like, you know, you don't read one page five times over and over and then I thought we all were like me. - Yeah. - And then for other people to be like, well, no, I just read each page one time and I'm like, I don't even know how to do that at all. Like I can't focus. If you start giving me too many characters too quick, it's not even that I'm fully past this. If I read a script, that's like happening. I'm like, someone's got it just to describe to me. - You know what you should try? - Read a book with Chinese names in it. - Why does that work? - No, no, no. - It doesn't work well. It's, you just go like, what? You think I'm gonna remember? - There's a book called Wild Swans that my lady loves, right? And she's like, you have to read it and I read it. And I'm like, who is who? (laughing) - Any of these Chinese women starting in 1890? Like what do you, and I can't, I've never seen these names before. - Right, yeah, yeah. - And I have a really racist. - And the racism gets in the way. - I mean, some people think it's the biggest problem. - Yeah. - I don't. - I think it's Mike. - You think it's a strength. (laughing) - I think it's my greatest strength in hope. - Yeah, so I was just not really capable of doing it. And I never saw the joy in it 'cause it always was like such a hurdle that I never got into it. And then, truly last year, you know, Anthony Jezzel and I read so many books and he does his book club. And I always used to watch his end of year, top 10. And then I would buy some of those books as gifts for people around like Christmas and act like, and I would just be like, hey, this guy is a comic. Maybe you watch him, know him, maybe you love him. Anyways, he reads these books and I think his opinion on him is probably pretty good and so here you guys should read him. And his opinion on them is great. I decided finally, I was like, you know what, I'm coming to New York, I'm gonna be here for like two weeks. I'm gonna go buy one of these books and just read it. And I did and I fell in love with it and it just jump started the whole thing where I was like, to the next book, to the next book. And I was like, oh my God, whatever it is, maybe age or something in my brain clicked. And I was like, I get it now. So now I love going to book stores. I'm like, lit up by it. I love getting a new book. I love asking anyone for recommendations of any kind of book. And people are like, what is your favorite kind of book? I'm like, I don't really know. I just keep going book to book of what someone told me they recently read that they loved. And so I just buy that and read that. And it's been great. - The only other book, it's like anything. If you do it, you want to do it more. - Yeah. - It's like eating sugar. - Of course. - If you eat sugar, you're gonna want it next day. But if you introduce good shit, you'll be like, and also now all these fights, my tour is coming to an end. And I've been on all these fights and just opening a book. I'm like, oh, not only do I want to read the book, but the flight is just so much faster now, reading the book, you know. - That's been like, you sound like the first person has ever read a book. truly feel like. that though I feel almost ridiculous that I'm 45 and I'm like just now coming to this place but my brain would not let me into this place until until now so DMT if they wouldn't yeah if I only gave me a little bit of the juice okay what okay the thing that I think about with you is you are incredibly free you're free on stage you you improvise tours you do a different hour every night sometimes do you go hey Murray there's you know there's more secure ways to have a career I you have to support your family yeah yeah do you do is that wouldn't move in a Denver was about as you were like I got it I need to need less income but do you know what I'm saying like like you you it's such a date you're like fucking am I gonna make a living next year I hope how yeah I hope I go on stage and I hope I think of something it's no you mean just with like sort of the improvise in terms of creating a product in terms of creating a product in terms of like it's like it would be like if someone opened a small business and they go what do you say only go we don't know we don't know yet we don't know yet yeah come come by yeah well I think that it it to me it it is happening because to me uh five it's worked well I think to I think it's because my outlook is that I am the product and so I want people to just be like oh I just want to see him and I'm like this with it and there's people I love where I'm like that where the people could go on stage and have I think I think most I think whether people know what or not that's most comedian yeah they don't they just alike like uh it's here what jessleneck or yeah millennia but it's about whatever it's to me it's and and I like that where we're at in stand-up comedy now because stand-up comedy now is bigger now at least just in the world of we have friends multiple friends who are touring the friends where you go oh that's never been ever anytime ever with bad shows yes yes um but the fact that people are clamoring to stand-up so much that they're willing to pay that and also go see it in a venue that and look this is coming from someone who who doesn't play those venues and gladly would for my bank account but that isn't a great venue necessarily to go see stand-up which is more like jazz which should be in these smaller venues there's some comedy clubs that are little too cavernous right like we need we need it like it's supposed to be compact and I think that uh we're in such a space now that people audiences now know the venues where they can see the type of comedy they want and they also can understand oh Neil Brennan just put out a special and so I want to go see him because I'm such a comedy fan I actually want to see step one of the process so I'll go to the tiny place where he's just throwing shit at the wall to see what it is and so to me it's like I like that so that kind of fan is who I like to play too yeah fan goes yeah jokes are jokes but I like Neil so I just want to watch Neil talk you know that's clear yeah did you ever like go ah I don't know man like this is working well none of it's working is it uh is it a uh a good choice for a guy with a wife and daughter sure yeah like maybe I mean I don't know that that's my my thinking it's like fuck man I because I'm so linear yeah Mike no we're gonna and then we'll have an hour then we'll tour it and then hit and it that's the show yeah I there there's a lot of direction I could go with this answer I mean there's a part of me that is I like what we do across the board across all mediums of what it means to be a comedic but also I I love the idea of being an artist I like that I like that our job occupational title is artist and then it's into the nitty gritty of comedian actor writer producer director then it's all those things but at the at at its core it's being an artist and to me that means constant discovery and evolution of process and that is what to me that's where the drug is for us because what a lot of people listening to this are watching this don't know is that shooting the special and editing it is kind of the shittiest worst part of this job it kind of fucking sucks speak for I hate it not because it's like oh I made a thing and I'll put it out and I'll get paid to do that but because it's it is the end of that but for me the drug is doing the show and discovering how to do the show so to your point of saying your way of saying it is linear in terms of going all right now I'll do this this and this I'm in that same headspace I just keep changing it um and it isn't by choice it's well that's because of the ADHD okay well that's exactly what I do like I am I am I have some whatever before the test man which could be brought upon my whatever or I start with a grid yeah yeah like the the chicken wire of what a show should be yeah obviously I'm artistic or I'm a I just see myself as like a writer yeah and a structural architect whatever so it's not like I I don't go like sex joke here well of course start related you go insane yeah but I but I do love the yeah I'm an artist but I do it by myself yes and then I go is and then I go to them I go is this art yeah yeah yeah yeah but I love that I mean I would I don't know that I'd always want to do that but I would love to the fact that you sit and write scripts or the fact that you go and see a live taping of whatever and someone wants you there to like try to quickly punch up jokes or hand you a script and go what can you do with this yeah it fascinates me because it is what I want to be able to do I just my brain will not get me there my brain will not turn on until my back is against the wall and it has to happen right now and that's when my brain goes here's and now here's everything you need and only then does it give it to me it won't give it to me in that total I think you think I'm funny I think you're really funny so it's like and it's to completely different like I hear that and I go what I know yeah like yeah we ordered cameras yeah yeah there's 50 people here that we're paying right yeah yeah and you're like oh well no I know yeah I can you build the pressure up on me and then hopefully and then and then it'll pop yeah yeah I mean that's I feel when you say that you outline it that I'm just as blown away because I want to do that but yeah I can't I can't even pretend as though I'm capable of of visualizing that so even be able to do it you know the more the older I get the more I kind of learn about this ADHD is that yeah I truly when someone's like there's times people like you should try to write your own script and see what that's like even just to do it and I'll go to do it and I'll already know from all of my friends that the first draft is just shit anyway so putting pressure on yourself just get it out and even still the moment I have to name a character or a location or anything as I'm writing I then stop and it's over and my brain will not let me go any further and it's not even it's a non-committal choice that is meaningless and yet my brain name them trying has to see everything it honestly could be the cure to this issue but my brain has to like see so much of it to go well then that's how we'll do it and my brain can't which is why someone like yourself is like oh I can see so much of it as I start to lay the bricks I'm like I can't see the house to know where to lay the bricks until they say the house has to get built today the homeowners are coming home yeah then I can build the house and you're like the homeowners yes right the people who bought the house they paid $40 it really is like it's a kind of going back your first block is ADHD just 100% yeah 100 but I you know that's why I kind of have this obsession with process and I just have this kind of faith in it for it to work and be like I do have to you know I I won't lie I mean there's a lot of weight and responsibility of knowing that in my home I am the sole breadwinner and so I do need to like provide but I also have a job that doesn't have security and so I have to live or die by these choices and you know I was at a point in my career stand up wise where you know not even that long ago maybe a year year and a half ago even after an HBO special coming out where I was like okay here we go and I started going back to do some clubs and we were having to cancel one maybe two out of five shows because no one was buying tickets. And I was saying to my agent and my team, I was just like, I go this kind of crazy to me. I go, I'm further along that I've ever been. I think my standup is sharper than it's ever been. I love the special. I just put out, I don't know what is happening to where people aren't coming out to the shows. And I kind of was getting to a place where I go, you know what? Maybe this is just as far as I get at plateaus here. And I keep doing it. And I do X amount of numbers in X amount of cities. And I'll just start logging what that money is so I can start knowing what is my potential take of the year and just stand up. And then a guy who's now become a close friend asked if he could take over my social media stuff saying that that the whole problem is that I don't know how to market and promote. And I said, you absolutely can because I have no clue how to do it. I don't want to do it. I know how to do the thing. You couldn't, you froze up when they said, what do you want your screen name to be 1 million percent. And they're like, it should be your name. And I go, that's a great see, this is why you're good. It should be my name. And it, I got to say it, it changed absolutely everything. Having someone market and promote because the whole game is now on our phones in this social media. Not that that's where the product solely lives, but that's where everyone finds out what's going on. And I just wasn't, yeah, I wasn't putting my name in the hat to even have a chance. And so, uh, yeah, I got to say it was, it was, I was in a space, not that long ago, going, is this like I made a mistake. It's sort of been more locked up. Lenny should have been more like exactly. Well, or I was in a place going, well, I don't know how to do that. What do I do? And so I, I'm constantly in a space of, all right, do we just try to get cast on a show and see if that stays on for a while? That's my income or whether I even like the show or not, or do I keep pushing stand up just to do it every now and then and put out a special just because that's a little bit of a money grab I can do. And like, you know, I start just thinking all this stuff, thinking that the audiences weren't finding me or that they just didn't like what I was doing. And then now having someone really push my stuff on social media, I'm like, oh, people do love it. They just, they didn't even know I existed. And so it, it almost feels, it feels incredible. But that's a long answer to your process question. 80, did you ever medicate for ADHD? Yeah, I, this was 1995 or 96. And I was on Ritalin to start. And it fucked up my appetite so bad we had to get off of it. And now here was Adderall, which was like, I guess, the newer thing at the time in the 90s. And went on Adderall and immediately became an incredible student was finishing my homework in class. High honors. And I went to a new school high honors at that school and crushing it. And I was like, Oh, yeah, I just, that gets me completely clued in. And now here I am. And I, I think I was on it for like two or three years. And I could tell I would finish my work and my brain wouldn't turn off. And I was kind of spiraling into like a little bit of a overthinking depression. And I took myself off of Adderall. I was like, I'm going to go into college. And I'm going to complete it. And I'm not using this to get me there. And so I got off Adderall completely. And that was just my own choice of pulling back and doing it. And you tell what do you, how did you overthinking depression to term I've never heard? What a, what was, what was it? I mean, just the constant of asking too many questions or thinking too deeply and sort of an existential way. I was raised religious Catholic and I would just sit in my room. I'd finish my homework or, you know, whatever studying. And then I would just sit there and be like, you know, like, well, what is God? What am I, what have been taught that God is? But what do I think it is? What do I, how do I think we any of us God here? Like, okay, we say big bang. But what does that even mean? And what was before that? And they're like, you know, stuff that's like fun to, to sort of think about because you create a philosophy of your interpretation of reality and what you think life is. But I think there's some of that that sometimes when I think maybe it's drug fueled, it can, you can go a little too far of asking too many questions or it's like, what the end of the day? There's no answers to these questions. So are you really going to obsess over questions that just don't have answers? And I kind of was. And it was depressing to commit so much of my mental energy towards that, you know, well, it's funny. When you say that words, it is like, I think Catholicism and any of these religions, any of the big four you are there. It's like, yeah, think about it, but not that much. Yeah, exactly. Because if you do, it's quickly, if you start asking too many questions, it's the whole thing falls apart. It's too much. Yeah. Yeah. And I was just in that because I was raised in it. And I went to school. I went to a private Catholic school. I went to a private Episcopalian high school. And then finally, I went to a public school halfway through high school. And yeah, it, it, it, it's, it's such a central part of where even my jokes come from or even, yeah, you have a lot of good gay Christian jokes. That's my whole, yeah. One time my daughter asked me what happens when you die. And I was like, I don't know. And neither does anyone else. And anyone who tells you they know is lying to you. My wife was like, hey, why don't we pull it back a little bit? But like, and you have a big one, don't you have one? I mean, like, but just stuff about Christianity finds its way into my mind. I know I do. I haven't seen me all the time. Where I'm like, somebody, some philosopher said, like, you can like, Sartre or somebody said, like, if you're raised Christian or Catholic, you're never getting rid of it. Yes. You are absolutely never. I realized looking back on my life, I'm like, this whole thing was colored by that. Yeah. Yeah. Like ethics and morals and, yeah, castigating people and the word castigate. Like certain one, like, exactly. It's for real. Like, it's a, it's a kind of a prison. Yeah. I, I, I, I think it. And I'm, you know, I even in my stand up, I'm always like, God, I really do talk about this a lot. But it's there. And if I think it's funny, I'm like, well, I'm not, if I think it's funny, I'm not gonna ever go. I've covered that topic. I'll always put it back in if I think it's funny. But my brain just always goes to it. So. Yeah. I know when it's, you're like enough. But what are you gonna put in? I know. But the people are on their way. Yeah. You sold a house, think of something. You're like, ah, fuck, we need these bricks. These are the bricks. Jesus. Grief. Yeah. There's certain advertisers that when they're not advertising, I'm like, what, what's your problem? One of them is here. And it's Tushy. Again, you've been, I've been evangelizing about this. I did a joke about it in the blocks. Comedy special. And that came out in 2022. That's how long I've been advocating. I've been talking about all podcasts. I've been, I've been out front on this issue, guys. If I were a politician, I'd say, guys, I've been out front on this issue. My father worked in a bidet mine. Look, I'm in a new place and I'm getting ready to install a new Tushy. And by the way, I just directed a commercial for a big box store and did I give bidets away at lunch? I did. Okay. So here's the thing. 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I don't like the word splurge in this context, but it feels gross. It's a cheap shot. And it was accidental. Hey, you know guys, here's a call to action air conditioning stops at your waistband. So, but you can stay fresh all day with Tushy for a limited time. Our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when you use code NEAL at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet order at HelloTushy.com with promo code Niel. 10% off your first bidet. Get more and get to 10% off your first bidet order at HelloTushy.com, promo code Niel. I'm telling you dude. Yep, you know, fam, you rock in that quince? You're rockin' that quince right now? Look, I've been rockin' the quince. And I've been rockin' it. I got a nice linen shirt. Real nice. You see me in the the linen shirt in the summer, that soft kind of magic hour light hitting me, billowing quince shirt, forget it, forget it, literally, literally forget it. I got a bunch of quince underwear, it's great, soft, smooth, firm, makes you feel like you're being cupped and held, saying no more, I'll leave it at that. And I got a bunch of quince t-shirts, my lady likes me a black t-shirt, don't know why. And whenever I put on the quince, she literally goes like, "Mmm, so, you know, I guess it form fits?" Everything at quince is priced 50-80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middle man, so you're paying for exceptional quality, not brand markup. Like I said last time I talked about this, I went on their site and I was like, "Oh, they wouldn't be doing a sale." They're not. This is what they're, they're actually like this, call to action. Make your summer wardrobe easier, go to quinceqinc.com/neal for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, now available on Canada 2, that's quinceqinc.com/neal for free shipping and 365 day returns, quinceqinc.com/neal, legit good man, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. My grief, yeah, as a, as a, as a major part of my life, my mother passed away on my first birthday of cancer. And so I was kind of born into grief in the sense that, you know, probably instinctually as a kid. First birthday, you don't remember. Yeah, as a kid, when that connection you have with your mother, that people talk about that, you know, solidifies a relationship with them for good or, for better or for worse, I unknowingly wasn't experiencing that and maybe it was experiencing some kind of, you know, subconscious trauma that was happening in me. But I was kind of born into a family that was dealing with a massive amount of life-changing grief across the board of my mom's entire side, my dad's entire side, that this was such a massive landscape changing earthquake for our family that I'm just a kid coming to learn that this is what is happening. And you know, kids are incredible, they absorb information and trauma and stuff that they don't even under, they're just trying to, their brains are downloading everything to make any kind of sense of what anything is. And that, I was born into that, not that I was, how many brothers and sisters? So at the time it was just me and my older sister and my dad was 25, my dad was 25, going on 26 and a couple months later, two and a half. And so my dad was 25 left with a two and a half year old and a one year old and my aunt moved in to take care of us and so, you know, I kind of came into a world of getting passed around a lot, but my aunt ultimately moved into our house and, you know, for a long period of my life, that was my motherly figure. Even if you were explaining to me who she was, it didn't mean that my, like, emotional side understood that. It was like, "This woman, this, this is my hair." Oh, so she said, "My aunt's all temper, my love and care." And it's like, "Well, what does that word mean to me? What does the word mom even really mean?" Yeah. And just going off instincts. Yeah. And so, yeah, so she lived with us for five or six years. When you say you got passed around, what is that? What do you. I just, there's a lot of family. Like, you're conscious of? Well, a lot of family that was helping out, so, you know. But I'm saying, not that I'm conscious of, no. Okay. I mean, I will meet people not so much anymore, but in my teens and maybe early 20s, I would meet family members that, or friends of family members who I didn't really know who would be like, "Oh, I used to watch you every Tuesday." And I would just be like, "Oh, that's crazy." And I'd be like, "Oh, you don't remember doing this, and, you know, you don't because you're a kid." But that would just be what informed me now of being like, "Oh, okay, yeah, for sure. Like, my dad worked and, you know, people would have to pitch in and the family to help out if my aunt had to go do something, you know, she had her life, too." So it was not in a bad way, kind of in a great way, getting, like, passed around, like, that and experiencing other people, but it's not like something I remember. And grief as, like, a theme, does it feel like you were, the family was morose. There was just a patina of sadness, like, I think there was that. I mean, I think I was also told of who my dad used to be before she passed away versus who my dad then was after. And by whom? Just family members. You know, my dad started drinking, for sure. My dad became a big drinker. And so people would be like, "Oh, your dad didn't even drink anything before your mom passed away." Like, he didn't even, that was no interest of him to him at all. And so that is like a shock where you're like, "Oh, really? Because it seems like he's, like, he's super into it." He seems like a big fan of me, he's got the merch, he's got the schedule. I got to say, like, you know, as a kid, you're, you see that and you go, "Wow, man, he drinks like this." And then, and then you get married and you have a kid and you go, "Fuck, I would probably have killed myself, so good for him only becoming an alcoholic." Yeah. Wildly impressive. Yeah. You know, you start to see things at a different angle when you hit the age of where you can now fantasize. Well, what would I do? Hearing the story, he's 26. Yeah. He's a guy in North Carolina. South Carolina. South Carolina. You were used to accept it. I, you got to get up. You got to get up. You got to check it out. You got to get to Ashford. Oh. You especially do. Have your social guy do a, do a, do a, do a, do a, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, direct ad. You can select the region. Tourism app. No, no, no. No, you can just go. Oh, geodark. You don't actually don't worry. You're ADD. Yeah. ADHC little head about it. Plan this, write it, send it to my guy. Then I'll, I'll know what to say on that show. But okay. And do you, is your dad still alive? No. My dad passed away in June of 2020. And so kind of, COVID or not? No. He had a heart attack. Um, brought on by the, by the fear of by, by Dr. Fauci. But because Fauci did that. Yeah. And that's my family's belief, um, yes, I, you know, grief being that I was born into it. And then, uh, you know, my, then when my dad passed away in 2020, it was like, um, the most intense amount of grief, I've lost people in my life, my grandparents, but losing my dad was like, oh, I thought because I never knew my mom that I understood grief, but I only understood this version of grief where you don't know what you've lost. Right. And now that I've lost my grandparents, which is obviously sad, but you also have to accept at some point that they're, you know, you get older and you die. So you go, what's sad? But that's what happens to lose someone unexpectedly like your dad. It was like, oh, now I'm experiencing this version of grief. I had just also two years before that lost my best friend, uh, from college. And, you know, that was a grief that was so shocking because he had cancer for a few years that I don't, I didn't even know how to fully register it and start to even break it down. And then when my dad died, I was like, oh, man, I haven't even touched that version of grief and now we're onto the Mount Everest of it. And so yeah, it's been, it's been an insane six years of, uh, getting, you know, COVID starting, stand up, falling apart, which I didn't think was possible. And then going, oh, shit, things can shut down and go away. Um, and then getting back on stage and climbing back into it. And then this hour that I put out, uh, was probably the first sort of version of me post my dad dying. My special I put out in 2024 were all the jokes I was gonna put out in 2020. Yeah. In fact, you know, it wasn't jokes where it's like, oh, he's been through this. Yeah. You know, this hour was like, oh, here is this version. Are you, are you talking about it? I do. I do talk about it very minimally, but it's something I'm waiting into. I talk about it a little bit at the end of my special and, uh, now I'm like dipping into it more. So once you had your daughter, so how did you feel about your dad before you had a kid? Um, you know, it, he, my dad was great, but there was also times where my dad wasn't great. And it would really bother me or like how our relationship, no, I mean, I can be, but I, I had a relationship with him. I was like, I wish we like, I wish we talked more had this relationship and I kind of just in the back of my head always kind of put it on him to foster that and to start that. And then when I had my kid, not right away, but now that my kid is going on 11 years old, I realized like, oh, it isn't totally, I can't, I can't keep living this life of expecting other people. who want to have a relationship with me to build that relationship, or not take responsibility for me not doing it. So now that my dad's gone, that's one of those regrettable sort of things you look back at and go, "Oh, I could have been there more. I could have done these things." I will say how he's sort of had in the back of my head like, "One of these days, my dad's going to see me finally really accomplish something in this job and I'm going to go there. See? I could do that." My back all the time, it wasn't like some sort of, "I'll show him." But I remember reading Steve Martin's born standing up book and he had a thing about his dad and what their relationship was like. And in that book, he even so directly was like, "You know, it's worth it to go and resolve these things now and have this relationship. Don't wait." Now you could tell he was writing kind of that from a regretful place. And I read that and I was like, "That is for me." And I did not, he'd had advice even slightly because you have any issue. You're not a good writer. I forgot to read it. I read it just before you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're good at reading. It's a mad house. I mean, fuck if you read it. It's a mad house. I mean. Okay. So, first of all, how quick did you go to empathy once you had your daughter, like once you got married and had a kid and you were like, "If I can't remember your wife's name." Jordan. Yeah. If Jordan died. What? Yeah. Do you then, like, pretty immediately call your dad and be like, "I actually, my girl's kid and I'm like very involved and I call my mom an apologizer." I was like, "I know. I know." In these revelations. What did you say? You have these revelations. Yeah. Were you like. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like several different memes. Yeah. Like, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think. And also, it's, you know, I'm curious, like, you know, I'm not curious and I'm glad that I'm not experiencing this. But in an event like that that's so tragic, like, you know, I think that my dad would step up and be like, like, here's, you know, I can guide you through this. Right. No, but I'm saying you must have been like any problems you had with them. Yeah. I'm not saying they all are empathized with the minute you have a kid. Yeah. I would think 80% of them were like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." Because that's the interesting thing about having a kid is just like an entire ideology just like, in like three hours, like, "Oh, I'm never gonna think that again." Yes, exactly. I can't even get into that mindset. Yeah. Yeah. And did you. So did you. Did it change relation with them? I want to like leave the impression that my dad and I didn't get along or love each other and have some sort of weird relationship. I just. I wish my dad would have called me more. I wish I would have called him more. And I wish that the thing I wanted was us to be friends. I wish I would have worked harder and more forcefully at making that happen because I think I could have, especially as my dad was getting older. But. And it's not like you're busy writing. And I'm not writing. We're doing anything. So you had a lot of time. I had so much. And Jordan's not working. So she's tinkering back. And she kept trying to hand me the phone. I was like, "It's not a good day. This isn't the week." This isn't the week to do it. Yeah. Do. Okay. And. Well, somebody said something great. I don't know if I may cut. I don't know if it was on the podcast. I don't know. What's great about podcasts is you don't know if you said it, heard it on a podcast, your grandfather told you, like it's all a mishmash at this point, that his, their kid was complaining about their parenting and he's like, "Okay, so can I complain about you now?" Right. And that's kind of like the situation where you're like, "I wish he'd called me more. I should have called him more. You've forgiven yourself." Yeah, yeah, yeah. For not calling him. But you're still like, "No. I know." It's a bit of it. It's kind of your responsibility. I mean, the situations you want to have, because you think, "Oh, the one day we're going to have it out." Yeah. Or one day we're going to have a great conversation. Or one day we'll go do this, or we'll have these moments. And then you sort of realize that time is in constant motion. Whatever you think right now is the thing that you're going to do. It's the universe kind of telling you that now is, I'm telling you to go do this thing. Yeah. I had a thought. Yeah. I should call my mom just to thank her. But it was like night, like nine, something, like, I don't want to, maybe I should leave a boy's memo, "Neil." Wake up. Thank you. For what? What? What? Not now. Fuck you. I'm sleeping. You know how fucking hard it is to sleep at my age? But and then something, I saw someone read it. Yeah. Boop. Yeah. Need to, Neil, call your mom, yeah, for today. And you'll be glad that you did. But yeah, I think it's in terms of like that's something I've been working through is finally coming to terms with what grief is and how to experience it and accept it and allow the vulnerability that comes with it and comes with this job and with family and aging and getting away from perception of what you think you are, who you think you are, what other people think of you and letting that inform you of who you think you are. Life has been the bedrock of that, I have been my whole life guy who didn't have a mom and I will be that. That's just what I am. But you start to go, well, is that really how I'll just see myself forever or will I just come like, you know, or will I finally let the tears flow and just scream when I need to scream to get that out, whatever that even is and then move on from it. And I think my dad's passing away, which was six years ago, I was, I'm still wasn't even immediately there. I'm just now really coming into that space of it and starting to realize that grief is not a, someone died, but don't worry, next year you'll be back on your feet. It's like someone died. There is no like next year, it's only that this is now, it's permanent. You can't go back. You don't recover from it. You just start to live the life where you now are the person who's lost these people. And that's what changes you. Well, do you, do you think that that is definitional meaning? I didn't know you lost your mom. Yeah. Right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't, even the thing of like the things I know, but I thought I know about you, I thought I knew you. And it turns out you were betraying me and holding. I've texted you a lot of my monstead, hey, just, hey, Neil, I'll be there soon. My mom's dead. And I'll write like, did you mean to send us, you'll be like, all cap, yes. Did you mean to send this to a different Neil? No. I'm A-L. Remember, I'm A-L. Yeah. Thank you. But you're like, I don't see you as self-pityer. I don't see you as very angry. I don't see you as like, you don't seem aggrieved in any way. So is your, I read you as silly. Is that a defend, is that like, hey, don't look over here. I'm gonna make up a song. Yeah. I don't think it's that I don't want someone to look or you don't want to look over there. Or you're aware of it and you're doing it. It's a little bit of that, but I think it's also that I've, I've, I have constantly been the person who is like, oh man, I grew up without a mom and I, and I grew up in this trauma. And then I see like, you know, you think it was trauma because that one even really a whirlwind. Well, now, you know, the end of my 20s and 30s, I start to understand what that even means. Not that I accepted that I had it or had some, yeah, it was affected by it. But I, I think I, I was like that, but then it kind of taught me to really see other people and, and see that they are also going through their version of this thing, even if it's someone I disagree with across the board or even like kind of hate to really see that this sort of thing is universal, the good and bad of things is universal. And yeah, I don't think I ever saw it as like this definition of who I am, but I do think it was a massive motivator that I was like, man, it, things are sad, but you know, it's really fun. It's like knowing that other people are sad too. And I think I naturally have something in me that can kind of help that. And when I am making someone laugh, you know, just kind of go, yeah, that's sad, but what if you laugh at this thing over here, not to say let's ignore that and never deal with it. But what if you laugh about this and I laugh about it, you know, as you know, I'm getting the drug too. A lot of people are like, oh, you were up there and you're funny. And you're like, yeah, well, when you laugh, I'm getting, I'm saying the thing that's giving you the drug, but your response to that drug is my drug and we're both getting something out of it. And I think it just kind of, it steered me towards wanting that like when someone smiled or laughed or who knows, it could be deeply seated and wanting acceptance by not having a mom. What I did with it was Because what I did with it was turning into this where I go, you know, I like this. This makes me feel better about stuff, which is why-- - It seems not neurotic. That's what I find interesting. And then I'm like, oh, I didn't know that. And then I go thinking what I know by you. I'm like, I don't, it doesn't seem like from the ashes. - Right, no. - Rory Scoville doing stand-up at the same time on stage. I'm Conan with John Jordan. - Right, yeah. - Look at this crowd. - Unbelievable, you guys, thank you so much. - I should be fine, that's-- - Yeah, I don't feel that either. - Silly experiment. Yeah, I think it's just 'cause I've kind of committed to that. Like this is more fun. And as I've aged, have I only started to realize that, you know, there's probably a lot more growth in my life if I start dealing with this grief and accepting it as opposed to never looking in that direction of it, you know? And I'm also realizing that it feeds my comedy and my stand-up in such a better, deeper, more fulfilling way. And so I'm kind of realizing, oh, this vulnerability and this honesty is kind of my favorite version of the shit to start writing jokes about. - Oh, that's cool. - And you're improvising a lot, still? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Great. - If only I could figure out social media. So I could-- - That's the whole thing. - That's the whole thing. - The grief thing is really interesting to me. - Stick. - Yeah, well, I'm just interested in you appreciating it, appreciating it as a, don't stay there too long. That's what I'll say. I stay there like 20, 25 years. - Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't love it. But I, yeah. - I made it my whole idea. Like, meaning, yeah, I made it a big part of me and it's just like, and then a bunch of stuff happened, but it was just like, oh, oh, I gotta stop that. - Yeah. - But you came to that place. - I didn't wanna do it anymore. - But that was great as that, you're like, oh, I got there. - Yeah. - 'Cause that's what I think, yeah. - No, it's great, I think even being like, you know, I think those are realizing, like, I also don't wanna stay stuck there and I also don't wanna become this thing that becomes, you know, the definition of me in some way, but I think I am realizing like, to the way I was saying it earlier, that like, oh, this grief and dealing with it is kind of the lifelong journey. I hate that mine started so young, but I'm coming to realize like, oh, my dad died. It's like, you and I have mutual friends who die every year and you go, oh, this is unending. - And we're only getting older. - This is how, this is how much I think about it. Literally last night, I chatched eb tiered Deep Seek, the Chinese one, 'cause you know me. - Yeah, yeah. - 'Cause I think they're not gonna track me. God, I was just trying to wouldn't do that. How many Americans die peacefully surrounded by their loved ones, one a year? - Well, you know, so 'cause I was just thinking about death, I was looking, it's like, you cry. It's just like, there's death everywhere all the time. - Invicious version. - I mean, so that's why I was like, what's the good for, how much does it look like? - Yeah, what are the odds? You're gonna get the good way out. - Yes, yes, the good version. - Yeah. - What did it say? - It was, like the read back was actually really funny. They were like, peaceful subjective. - Yeah. - Right? And they go, they go, surrounded. They go, we don't track surrounded. And I was like, well, then you're not serious. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You're not gonna track how many people are surrounded when they die? - Yeah. - It was like, surrounded is subjective. - No, no, that, I mean, it was that, the surrounded part made me laugh out. Literally made me laugh out loud. There were a lot of, it was more people were going to hospice. - Per the CDC, per AI, in 2000, fewer than one in four Medicare deaths involved hospice. In 2024, it was more than half, 53%, and it's gone up three years running. - And then a lot of people are dying at home via hospice. - Yeah. - Hospital deaths fell from 48.0% in 2000 to 35.1% in 2018. Home deaths rose from 22.7% to 31.4% over that same period. 26.8% of people died in hospice or a nursing home in 2018. Home became the most common place of death from natural causes for the first time since the early 20th century, right around 2019. Hospitals had dominated since the 1960s. Surrounded by and peacefully are still subjective. Jackass. - The big eye opener was, and I don't, I should look this up more, but it was four percent of people are unclaimed. - What does that mean? - That no one, they don't know one like-- - Like they could, they just disappeared. - Well, no, they die, but they have no friends or family. - Oh, okay. - An estimated two to four percent of Americans who die each year up to 114,000 people go unclaimed. And these usually aren't mysteries. We know exactly who they are. There's just no one to claim them. - Can I ask two questions that are maybe dumb or maybe a lot of people are thinking it? One, is hospice always cancer or is it kind of anything? - I believe it's anything. - Okay. - And it's, you're being like, it's just, it's a, I think it's mostly just like drugs. - So that, drugs and drugs and nurses. - The second question was, is it like, most of my sexual fantasies? - Is it always the way of morphine? - That's probably what it mostly is, right? - Yeah, I think that's probably-- - You're in so much pain as well. - Sure, okay. That's, again, that's based on one deep seek search. That's my advice. - That's all I need is one deep seek and I'll take it. They will never track you. - Yeah. - So I think about, my thinking was just that we're supposed to be fine with it. - Yes. - And because there's no other alternative. - Well, that's, you know, not that this is right on what I was saying about the overthinking depression. But that's another version of it where you go, "Oh, I'm so obsessed with death, "whether you've had it people in your life die or not, "that you become so obsessed with, "well, how am I going to die? "That it starts to affect every decision "and it affects your life negatively "in a depressive way." And that's like a version of the overthinking. - No, when you said overthinking depression, I mean, I highly it up. - You're like that. - I should have gotten the ding and the problem. It was one of my, but I mean, I didn't even know that was a, I never put it together. - Yeah, so, but yeah, it's just a crazy thing that we're supposed to, but what's the alternative? The alternative is, you don't do, yeah, it's a overthinking depression. You can eat your own tail, you can do drugs, you can just go, "Ah, yeah, yeah, I don't, how do you?" - You know, there is that sort of like, - I can't stop taking I don't know. - Yeah. - There is that sort of like, if someone could tell you right now, when you will die and how you will die, would you want to know it, or would you go, "No, no, no, no, I don't tell me that." Like, there is that sort of like, it's not a riddle, but I mean, you know, that sort of philosophical like, which is a better, more peaceful life, knowing or not knowing. - Not knowing, not knowing, not knowing, of course. - But that's when people obsess over it. You pose that question to be like, "Well, then you just secure you in any way." - My first thing would be like, who is this genie who offered this? - Who the fuck was that guy? (laughing) He seemed, he seemed, I thought he was born again, I don't know what he was, and no, my thing would be like, "Can I, is there a loophole?" How do they know? Like, I gotta, I'm gonna hack it. - That's 'cause you're a comedian. You have to be a good head. - I don't know. (laughing) - And then once they tell you the loophole, you're like, "Right, and then you go, "Is that funny?" - You don't know, but is that the over, is that overthinking depression? - Yes. - Is that, yes. - And is that what makes me a comedian also? - Yes, yes, most of us, I've been looking for one. - Yeah. - Okay. - Guys, hi, Neil Brennan here. - I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm move. I've been moving around a little bit. This city, that city, et cetera, et cetera. And I'm also at an age where I'm like, a little more doctor, curious, a little more like, I need some, I need, I need to get, like, okay. I'm not, let's cut to the chase. Last week, I've been to the allergist, got some good drops and some good sprays. I'm going to the osteopath today. And what else have I been to? And I gotta go to another guy. I need to go to a general person. So anyway, how did I do it? Well, I did it with Zockdock. Discussed before, I didn't know what Zockdock was until they started, came on as a sponsor. It's a great way to find out about a company. Basically, it's a better version of, it's a less intimidated version of most doctor interfaces, most like websites, insurance, like it's just, it's all intimidating. And Zockdock makes it real simple. You just put in your type of insurance, you put in where you are and what you want, and they will get you connected with the doctor and you can make appointments sometimes same day. At least, you know, in the next few days, times, forms like, everything's right there. You don't have to fill stuff out seven times. It's fantastic. It's time. how I found the alleges. She gave me the nice draft for the nice sprays. Okay, listen to me. Zachtock lets you search and compare local in network doctors, which I already said. They have more than 150,000 providers within 200 plus specialties across all 50 states. The website has tons of reviews from real patients and detailed doctor profiles to help you choose the right one. That was actually helpful because, you know, people are crazy, you go on the other, yeah, let's call it say Yelp, little crazy. People be like one star. They didn't validate my parking. Lady, this is about medicine. Also, Zachtock, free to use. Guys, here's the call to action. Stop what you're doing, bird. Your health matters and taking care of yourselves shouldn't be complicated. Fine and book the right doctor with Zachtock head to zachtock.com/anyal to get started. And check that appointment off your to-do list that zocduc.com/anyal. zocduc.com/anyal. Zachtock. (upbeat music) Can you tell my outside right now? You're gonna hear a bird, at least one. Have you heard one yet? I mean, I can hear. Anyway, even though I'm a pale, I'm a day walker. Is that what they call them? I've been doing a little more barbecue and my lady is, she's sort of coming to us and then I do the thing where I'm like a cleanup a little bit afterwards. And the thing that is the most aggravating is stuff sticking to the grill. That's like kind of the worst part. It's just like, and you don't know what, and then you're gonna eat it later. You're gonna eat a week's, I don't wanna know. And that's why we've been using a new thing, the Hexclad barbecue collection. Hexclads bringing their hybrid technologies outdoors with product specifically designed to make grilling easier, especially when you're cooking foods that normally don't cooperate on a traditional grill. Guys, the Hexclad barbecue grill pan combines the searing power of stainless steel, the durability of cast iron, and the convenience of non-stick, all in one versatile grilling pan. I can attest to the taste, delicious. Maybe give my lady credit, maybe give Hexclad credit, and I can attest to the non-stick because it's as good as you could want non-stick to be. It's not sticking. They got a perforated design. Let's heat and smoke flow through vegetable seafood, fish, kabobs, tofu, and satan and tempeh, pointing two thumbs to this guy. We did a bunch of veggies. She did fish for the little guy. She had some tofu for me. It was legitimately good. So if you're planning on spending time behind the grill this summer, don't make it harder than it needs to be. Stop losing food through the great stop fighting cleanup and upgrade your backyard cooking setup with Hexclad's barbecue collection. For a limited time only, our listeners get 10% off your order with our exclusive link. Just head to Hexclad. That's H-E-X-C-L-A-D dot com. Good name, Hexclad dot com slash NEAL. 10% off. Support our show and check them out at Hexclad-H-E-X-C-L-A-D dot com forward slash NEAL. Make sure you let them know that we sent you. [MUSIC PLAYING] Parenting. Yeah. We've touched on it. But-- Daughter's name? Elliot. Raising Elliot. Do you, by the way, one of my favorite indie movies that you did raising Elliot? Yeah. I love it. There was a point in-- There was a point in the culture where every week there was a blanking blank movie. Yeah. "Losing Isaiah," "Chasing Liberty," "Finding Forestore," "Saving Private Ryan," "Killing Zoe," "Being Julia," "Driving Miss Daisy," et cetera. We were fine. We loved it. Oh, or the best. Did you-- did it make you think back-- obviously, you think back on your childhood. Yeah. And did it make you appreciate the people that, like, chipped in? Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did it make you-- knowing you, I'm sure you didn't call them. But-- But-- Oh, who were they? But, like, what did it shine light on you? Did it shine light on your childhood? And did it make you think differently of yourself? Yes, 100%. Before you have a kid, you have this fantasy in your mind of what kind of dad or parent in general. That you're going to be. Because you think you're going to be the one that you wanted. Or you think you're going to be the way you wish your parents were to you. And it's not true. Because you can't just imagine it. And then that's what it's going to be. That's what you are. Yeah, you're going to be affected by the reality of the-- You're awful personality. Yeah. You're going to be affected by the adversity. You're going to be affected by big decisions that you weren't privy to because you were a kid. You're going to be affected by your sort of feelings about aging and where you are. And you're going to have different answers to the questions than you might have had as a kid when you were like, I wish my parents would stay the way and let me do all this stuff. But then you have a kid and you go, oh, I'm actually glad my parents didn't do that. Because you're kind of what we're saying. We want to call and say, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for-- I should give you. And I hope you forgive me. I'd be like, wow. You kind of get like that with having a kid. You immediately realize that there's times I've reacted to my child in a way where I'm like, oh, I hated when my dad reacted that way. And then I just did it because I guess maybe I'm informed of that or whatever. But to me, the growth is realizing you don't want to be that way and starting to change. And so that's kind of what it's been for me, the challenge. How do you change, though? Because you do go-- It's like, I want to be in shape. I want to be ripped. Yes. OK. Yeah. Cool. Everybody wants to be ripped. Everybody wants to be a perfect parent. Yes. What do you do when you do snap? And you're like, oh, I know. It's-- Oh, well, you just think like I think-- because my dad did snap snap at me. We all have. This is our common bond all of a sudden. Pins are really-- They're tough. They're really irrational. Yes. Some of our most irrational people. Yes. Yes. I would-- I look at it and be like, well, what-- OK, that happened. So what would I want my dad to do now? And then I go, well, then that's what I'll do. And that will be the growth. And that will be the evolution. That'll be the change. Because if I was spanked as a kid-- and I don't look at anyone in my family who spanked me as though they're like psychopaths about it. Because I know they were spanked. Did you think-- did you a little bit before you had Jordan? Or before you had-- Oh, yeah. That what-- Oh, about-- They were psychopaths? About spanking me? Yeah. No, I kind of was like, yeah, you know, that's how you rear a child. But then also Catholic. Yeah. Spare the wrong spoiled child. And there's so many like bars about beating children in the Bible exactly. Yes. Folly is bound up in the heart of a child. But the rod of discipline will drive it far away. Proverbs 22, 15. Bars. Discipline your children, and they will give you rest. They will give delight to your heart. Proverbs 29, 17. Bars. Do not withhold discipline from your children. If you beat them with a rod, they will not die. If you beat them with the rod, you will save their lives from sheol. Proverbs 23, 13 to 14. Bars. I love saying that about the Bible. There's so many bars in the book. I knew that we weren't going to spank our child. I knew that going into it. And we never have. And it's been incredible. Because to me, that is the positive evolution. To me, that is the breaking the cycle is changing and actually doing it. And so even in moments where I, you know, maybe get, you know, loud at my kid or like, if I'm being unreasonable, we're in an argument. And I'm like, God, why am I so, like why am I, why do I care so much about this argument I'm having? You know, I then go and apologize. Or I say, you know, hey, the way I reacted is not okay. And people shouldn't respond. The way I responded, I got heated quickly. And you know, I think when you start to verbalize that to your kid, it means the world to them. Because they go, okay, because for a second, I thought you were a psycho. But the fact that you came in here and apologized informed me, you're not a psycho that you made a mistake. And it's all, we only ended up there because I apologized. And so I started realizing how you've had that, not verbatim conversation, but like versions of it. Sure, of course. Yeah. I mean, all the time. I don't know. When Elliot was very young, I would like blow up about stuff. And my wife would have to be like, well, you know, like this is a toddler. This is how a toddler behaves. And like, I'm a psycho. No, she's testing me literally. No, yeah, you joke, but that's what I would tell myself. I get, trust me. I get the, the, I don't know if it's masculine or I don't know what it is, but you go, it's like, no, he, you become like, this is a test. like they're in Alcata and you're a tracker. - 100%. like no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Trust me, this guy's, I know what they're up to. - He sent me a message. (laughs) - Yes, yeah. But that would happen. I would, you know, blow up. And it wasn't like I would apologize then. I look back and I wish I would have reacted differently to some things or choices I made, or like seen my kid in a different light. But to me, the best you can do is recognize it. And I'm not saying anything new here, but like you recognize it and then you actively change. Like for instance, when you say we all say, we wanna go work out and be ripped and look great. It's not impossible. It's just a matter of actually doing it and realizing the changes you have to make to get there. And that's, it's fucking hard to do. And it's the same with parenting. It's hard to, it's hard to do it. In our line of work, it's difficult. I'm gone a lot, I'm on the road a lot. And my kid's brain is growing so rapidly that only through the absolute pieces of shit that work at Apple who make our phones feed us a montage every day of tear field, filled memories. Only then am I really seeing. Oh my God, like so much time has gone by. Oh my God, I remember that version of my kid, this version of my kid, this version of my kid. And you start to go, oh, that kid is still in my kid, but my God, I wish I could go back and talk to that version. - Well, yeah, well that version thing, Sam Harris talks about that a lot, like the thing you never come back. Do you feel, is it unfair to be like my son? - I remember people doing that to me, like you used to be so cute and being like. - Oh, fair to call them that they do. - Yeah, like to, and I was cute. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But like, yeah, but I don't, I don't, I wouldn't do that. - I wouldn't do that. I mean, even though it is, it is a cute, Sam Harris being parlor and being like, mm-hmm. - Yeah. - Remember who he used to be? - But I see it as I go, oh, it's so fun knowing that that kid is still in there. And when you say kind of it applies to your own childhood, or you think about your own childhood and stuff, you know, there is strange, as I watch my child grow up, I do realize like, oh, all of those versions of my youth are still a part of my psyche. And as a younger version of me would have thought, it's so cheesy and stupid to say to yourself, your inner child, your younger self, like, it's okay. Like, I usually think like, oh, that's gone. But I kind of now I'm like, oh, there's some health in that, whether you really believe that you're connecting with some younger version of you or not, it's kind of great to out loud verbally be like, you went through some hard shit, but we're still standing and I got you and we're good. And, you know, I've now seen the benefit in that. And I also see the benefit in communicating to your kid, you know, hey, it's okay to kind of watch out for yourself and make sure you communicate with yourself. We're on the same team here, let's not beat ourselves up, let's not be negative to ourselves, like, all that kind of stuff that I thought was so stupid and just like had no part of reality. I now see it as, oh, it's really important. And that's, you know, going back to the, how do you break the cycle, how do you evolve and change? It's like, we'll start to accept these things that maybe society and some people think is like, you know, kind of childish or stupid and be like, why don't and I actually think it has a good, positive impact. - Your act is really childish and I don't say they hate that. - No, I love that, I want it to be. - It's really playful. - Yeah, I want that. - Especially for me, somebody who plans every word and you're very serious. You're always shocked when people laugh. You're like, that's not what this is about. I mean, you're not entirely wrong. I look, I mean, you probably don't, but I'll watch video and go, how did that get a laugh? - Yeah, how did anyone, yeah. - The connections, yeah. - Yeah, like, what, yeah. - Aging. - Yeah. - How do you love it? Do you love it? - I do and I don't. It's just sped up so much now that it's, it's been sort of accepted, just a thing where you go, well, you just accept it, you can't fucking, there's nothing you can do. But it is tough, it is tough in our line of work. Where you think everyone is attracted to youth and we all are, but you think, oh, everyone's attracted to the younger perspective or someone who's the fresh thing. - Right. - And even though I don't entirely think that's true and there's so much evidence to the contrary. - Yeah. - But there's also like, so much evidence to the contrary. But yet still, I think we always think it because when we go into this business, we are so young that we kind of think that, well, that's why I need to stay in that sort of head space and that physical space in order to really get to where I fantasized about getting to. It hasn't been so difficult, like I said, I don't hate it, but there is acceptance of it. I mean, I do feel older and I am. - What's also interesting when you look at older crowd and it's like old and you're like, no, we should be, aren't you guys getting off your job at a coffee shop and coming here and they're like, no, man. - Yeah, no. - Yeah, like a lot of kids and like, the fact that I'm here all the time. - And the only reason I'm here is because I went to see you once when I worked at a coffee shop and you remind me of that time. - Yeah, you're nostalgic for me. - Yeah, you're the Rolling Stones anyway. - Yeah, exactly. - Kind of. - Yeah. - And then you go, well, I want 23 year old fans. - Yeah. - I don't know what to tell you. Why would they like you? - I think there's an acceptance of that time that has come and gone and seeing the positive and the fun and what you have now. It's just difficult to do, but I do like it. I think stand up, I think if you are a really good stand up, this aging thing is great for it. It becomes so much richer and thicker and better because you really have done a lot now as opposed to your 20s where it, not to say that people in their 20s can't be like that. I mean, Bo Burnham is maybe the oldest soul to ever do entertainment. It's fascinating to me. But me in my 20s, I didn't fucking understand anything. So I probably, you know, went on stage and 90% of my act was talking about pot because that's what I, I smelled pot and things were weird. That's just what I said. But now it's like, I'm so far removed from these things because I'm now excited. - Now I do, and it's weird. - And now I'm digesting it differently. - Yeah. And so now I'm 20% and I talk about taxes and mortgages. And I finally grew up. But yeah, I think it's an acceptance of that, which has I think, that's been a tough hurdle for me for a while because even with acting, you think, why do you need to look a certain way? Or certain roles can only happen for a certain person, and I have a joke that's pretty good about it. The one battle after another is the first time to Caprio has played a parent. - Oh, that's interesting. - 'Cause I think he was like, I'm not a, I don't, yeah, I'm like a kid. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm fucking having a kid and loving him. - Yeah. Like, and he's like, oh, yeah. He has a child that he's like parenting in them, he's not, he doesn't parent. - That's a, he's on boats. - That's true. - And so you, and you realize like, oh, people that I used to see in commercials as like the teenager are now playing like old judges. - Yes, yes. - Like what's, yeah. - What's happening? - And it messes with you. - It messes with you because you're immediate, exactly, and your immediate interpretation is like, it's so negative or bad, when really it's not even good or bad. In fact, if anything, you should be like, oh, good, they still get, we still get to work. - Oh, okay, 'cause I'm sorry, I took it as, hey, you're gonna die soon. - Well, as we said, there's no way around it. And you know you won't be surrounded. - I, well, or present, I hope to get claimed. - Yeah, I mean, for claimed. - You'll get claimed. You'll get claimed. - I think that's the, I think that's, I think that's a reasonable expectation. Someone will claim. - Someone will claim you, that's correct. Yeah, yeah. But I think it's just one of those aging in general. I think it's difficult for absolutely everybody. I know I just personally, as I feel like I'm moving away from it, have added just that extra bit of anxiety to it because of our job and this somewhat illusion that we need to stay young to be able to be entertainers. And it's not true. But it still is sort of a garage. - The younger, the more appealing. - Kind of, there's, there's a truth too. - It's kind of true. - Yes, yeah, yeah. It's not entirely true. - No, it's not entirely true. But it is like, they prefer it. - Yeah, there's, I mean, we all want fresher. - Yeah. - It's just funny that, and I see that across the board and a lot of things. Sure, it's just funny that in standup, the fresher take that you might be more attracted to is like wine. It's like the aged wine might taste better than this other one because, We've lived more a more fuller life. We might have more interesting more relatable takes on things that are Potentially deeper I again, I'm not saying younger people can't have that. I just know for me I didn't think about any of this stuff and now at 45. I'm like, oh, I kind of like going on stage and diving deeper into life as a and and finding the jokes in the real shit as opposed to just having jokes That are always just silly and funny. I still want those, but I also want to talk about you know grief and love and Depression and and parenting and joy and all these like Things that I'm like, well, how do I point that out and remind the audience? We're all experiencing that together, too I'm embarrassed by aging and I'm gonna fight it every step of the way. Okay You listen to me. You sit down. I'm sitting. It's embarrassing. Are we are we rolling? Yeah, it's embarrassing It's humiliating. It's worse and It ends badly. I like your take Like your take on it ends badly. It ends really badly. Yeah So more than likely yeah, every 100% of time deep seeks pretty sure it's gonna I mean, yeah, I didn't look up how many people died, but I think it's It's a number. It's got to be wrong. It's a number. It's a definitely it's a number. We're doing a number. Yeah Okay, being an available husband. Yeah, go. It's difficult. It's difficult on the road. It's difficult When you sort of live two lives the life of an entertainer who is in some ways married to their career and the people who Are invested in you as in someone who entertains them and Then the person who is married and available to your husband you the second portion you're talking about the audience? Yeah, but I mean, I'm talking ultimately about my wife right being available But you're kind of having to live two lives and so to be available to that person. You're married to it's not so easy To do and I don't know that maybe emotionally. I'm super great at it. I wish I was I see some friends who I think are amazing partners But it's something I it that how does Jordan feel about it in terms of is it what she thought it was gonna be do you think? Marriage or what well marriage to you meaning yeah like Yeah, buddy mine one time said that him and his wife looked at each other and we're like you'll get used to it. Yeah Like mutually. Yeah. All right. You'll get used to it. That's great. I mean if there's a real hostility to it But but they both said it which but they both said it the exact same thing. No, but but there is something about like I Don't know that Jordan. I think what's good about this career and this job with Jordan is that Jordan is also an actor and an incredible one and Does understand my job in the sense that it's not so foreign to her. She's participated in it But got to know me as my career was really starting so has been on the ride the whole time right so at no point Hasn't celebrated any you know growth or big achievements has been like Like an angel investor is like great awesome. Yeah, and so is in and loves it But I think she sometimes Jordan wishes when you're home Can you be here can this be the space that you're in and that is the space I want to be in but it is very difficult to turn off this Version of my life and this side of my brain to fully be the guy over here who's ready to focus and work on us It's hard to do that. It's hard to shift back to that It's definitely hard in the middle of a tour when you're coming and going constantly. You're sort of not really fully present or absent in either You're just sort of like in a weird. Yeah sort of spin. Um, I would say it's people when you see somebody that's on tour You're talking to them and they're basically on a conveyor belt. Yeah, it's like hey, man. How are you doing good to see you? Yeah, I don't take care and then they're gone. Yeah, and then they're gone. Yeah, so they're not even yeah It's like and you they sense it and you sense it and their eye contact is here a lot of time. Yes. Hey, Neil How's it going? Yeah, and they're like looking for the bus or the flight or whatever behind you because it's or waiting for the handler to come up and go Yeah, we got to go guys. We got to go. Yeah Yeah, it's it's I would say mine's not that level of extreme. It's just it is like that though in the sense that You know, you get weighed down by a lot of airports a lot of ubers a lot of cabs a lot of TSA pre-check a lot of We're now boarding the plane a lot of now flight delay a lot of hotels a lot of pre-show sound check light check But what's your now for an hour now? Does it make you selfish doesn't make you like? I mean, I think it just invariably makes you selfish There's a selfishness to it that is a shed when you get home because out there You're on your own time in your own schedule and if someone's like sitting this green room. You're like Yeah, all right. What time am I on you know? Okay, so the show starts at 8 and I'll probably up at 8 30 like okay And then you're just in the brain of all right Well if I thought about dinner if I thought about in my hydrate. I did I do vocal warm-ups Did I do this before I get out there and then when you get home? It's like hey all that stuff that you focused on for yourself like now you kind of need to take that brain and Not completely eliminate yourself, but you need to apply it to focus on the family like what is your kid's schedule? Do we have practice today is there a thing after school? Did we say we were going out for dinner with our friends? Do we have a thing are am I in charge of dinner? Do I you know that you get into that thing where you go? Oh? Okay out here it was me and the focus was me and now here it's not me and it's great It's a great. Well, it is okay Can we entertain the idea of it not being great because I think a lot of people don't think it's great Oh, there's my come back coming back home Well, or with some people don't like parenting sure here sure and And or if you're the center of attention and then you come home and you're basically a soldier yeah for Your wife and child or husband and child. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a lot of times when people Announce some new tour dates We've seen that we've seen a lot. Yeah, but and I get it But but yeah, but that is is there The Catholic kicks in for me where you like you just I'm sure there's bars Bible has bars about this husbands Love your wives and do not be harsh with them Colossians 319 about like the husband and the honoring and the and it but it is like Again could be can could be interpreted as worse. Yeah, then the other show. Oh, well, it's I don't sound mean and I don't mean this in and I don't want to sound mean I know I love being home and I love I I prefer to be home. I really want to be home. Yeah, but I can totally understand why someone would say that's worse. I mean think about it by comparison over here If it's your tour. Yeah, you're a king. Yeah, even in its worst version. Yes, you still get to be the king Yep, even if everyone's not really bowing down to you You're still the show. Yes, and so that's great and you're making some money and you're like oh my god I got to a clock into my job for an hour and it's fucking fun. Yeah, most people can't say that. Yeah, and you have that So when you go home, you're like oh, I'm not getting paid for any of this and I'm not the king No, it's like you're paying for yeah, I would say that I've that the sort of being That hurdle that we're talking about the block if you will of Being an available husband is it's it is tough for me to get out of I'm the most important into My family is the most important. I do feel that but it isn't that we can always act the way that we feel And then some people mean they think well if you act that way, I mean, you don't feel this way It's not always true a lot of people can't sink those two things up But my feeling is I would stop Everything to be at home. I prefer I'm lonely so much. I would prefer to be At home with my family all the time. I I love them. I love it I love that space. I love what that space does for me, but When I'm transitioning over here, it's hard to act like I'm the guy who's now ready to sit down and get into some vulnerable vulnerable space and eye contact and really go Hey, I'm your husband and I'm here and I'm your partner and let's what do we argue about? Let's talk about it like I'm just not great right now at being that guy I want to be and I think I'm such a better partner than I Used to be because I was my level of selfishness and Narcissism about me and my career and my success has Faded so much in a great way. Yeah But it's still something to work on and it's still a tough It's a tough hurdle, you know, for sure diet and exercise. - I think that's what it is. - And it sounds like-- - I mean, no, it is like-- - For everybody out there who's exercising and you're like, I just can't lose weight. You need to understand, you have to actually stop drinking. And I know you're like, no, no, no, I have a little but-- - I'll try. - Stop it. Stop drinking any booze. Stop it. And see if that works. Try that for a month, see if that works. - Also, if we're doing this, we are going deep seek, say what, how will I die? - Well, will I be claimed? It's 80% diet. Any weight loss or fitness is 80, 80, I'm sorry to tell you. - I know. - It's 80% diet. - So you can-- - People are like, I'm not going to run this off. - It doesn't matter. - It doesn't matter. - It does not matter. I don't know why we got here, but I'm so glad we did because we need it. - But you will feel better with the diet. You could stop the working out and change your diet. - What is the diet and exercise of being a better partner? - Probably better communication. Probably-- - It's saying probably 'cause I don't want to fully admit it. When we all know it's definitely-- - But is communication, can that be, I resent this? Can it be negative communication? - I think that's important. - Do you think that helps? - I think it's just as important. Because that gives the other person some data they can work with. They can have some information. I don't open up all the time. I keep a lot of stuff in. If I get upset about something, even if it's wildly trivial, I don't want to talk about it. And I think I hold some power by us not resolving the problem yet. And even in those moments, I'm fully aware how fucking stupid I am about it. And my brain's like, stay on this. Don't you give in, don't you let her win. And in my head, I'm like, this is not good for anybody. Like that, I think it's accepting some of these changes and actually implementing them. For instance, the going and apologizing to your kid. Like that is a massive moment for them and you, and it's, you know, it's the kind of thing you have to also be willing to step into with your partner. And again, I think I have improved massively in that field and that field in that regard. But I still could go so much further in it. - It's the change a lot of things. You can't believe that you're ever going to get crazy again. - Yeah. - You go, well, no, I'm never going to have the wrong idea and really rev it, yeah, yeah, in front of the house. - I'm never going to, I'm never going to do it. - My wife's never going to do it. My kid will do it because they're irrational. - Yeah. - The adults, we're never going to do it. And we do it every day, a couple times a day. - Yes. - You, the wrong idea, and you can't, you cannot get out of it. - I know. - And it's, and I don't want to believe that it's going to keep happening. - Yeah. 'Cause what does it say about me? - 'Cause you think you're growing. - Yes, and you go, why have I changed? But if you keep acknowledging it and you keep at it, that's better than accepting it and just going, yeah, I'm a piece of shit, or maybe, maybe you can change, maybe eventually it fully kicks in. So, we'll see. - We'll see. - This was Rory Scova. I've really, really liked it. Didn't know much about him. I made all that up. You still don't know anything. Cards close to the chest. - He did it intentionally. (laughing) - I'm not married. I don't have a kid. - I don't even do stand. - Who am I married? - I'm hilarious guy. Go follow him on social media. He doesn't understand. It doesn't mean you don't have to, and go see him alive. 'Cause he really is like, I don't want to say like, he's one of the best of it. - Say it. - Say it. - Say it. - There's a good for my numbers. - He is really one of the best live comics I've ever seen. I genuinely mean that. Like, you're gonna get, you're gonna get some, originality, almost two original. - I agree. - And next time I'm on the show, that's my first block. - I'm too good at stand-up. (laughing) - Worst going guy. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)